Rough beginnings

Chapters

Chapter 2: True colors
Chapter 4: Broken
Chapter 5: The breaking point
Chapter 6: Help me!
Chapter 7: Surrounded by friends
Chapter 8: Comforting
Chapter 9: Fake smile
Chapter 10: Aunties and nursery rhymes
Chapter 11: Why is mama sad?
Chapter 12: Dinky the explorer
Chapter 13: Acceptance
Chapter 1: Shooting Star
Chapter 3: Deeper and deeper

Chapter 2: True colors

The morning after she mated with Shooting Star she woke up alone. At first she wasn’t sure whether the previous night was a dream, but as she moved around and her lower region seared it all came back to her. She had really done it. She had given herself away to a stallion, the best stallion there was.

She had no regrets about it, even though her body was a little sore. She had to be careful in the way she walked, but she knew that pain would pass in a day or two. However, the night they shared would last for eternity. Just like her, he would never forget it either.

She found a note on her desk from him, telling her that he couldn’t stay because her dad would probably kill him if he saw the two of them in bed together. She gulped. There was no doubt about that. How could she expect her dad to understand the love and passion they had shared?

She looked at their prom photo, and her head began to swim with the lovely memories. She sighed dreamily, her head on her hooves as she stared at it for several minutes. Life was so wonderful. It was such a grand day to be alive.

When she felt ready she went to the kitchen to greet her parents. They didn’t fail to notice the odd way she was walking, but she passed it off as being from too much dancing. She told them all about prom as they ate breakfast, but left out inviting Shooting in. She made it seem like he had only taken her home and then left.

At school she looked for Shooting, but it seemed she kept barely missing him in the halls. She waited outside after the final bell, spotting him leaving. She ran up to him, nearly knocking him over as she hugged him. “Hey there, stud!”

“Don’t do that,” he said gruffly, pushing her legs off him.

His lukewarm response took her by surprise. He had never acted like that before. “What’s wrong, honey? Bad day?”

He kept walking without a word. Derpy watched him, confused more than hurt. She caught up to him and then matched pace with him. “What’s wrong, baby? This isn’t like you. Someone must have really upset you.” She saw a flash of irritation.

He came to a stop, turning to her. “Look, Derpy, I think it’s for the best if we split up for a while.”

She could almost feel her heart deflating. He had been a cork in the dam holding back all the bad things. What would she do without him? “W-what? How could you say that, Shooting? After all we’ve been through.” Tears began coming down her eyes. “A-after prom and… what happened afterward.”

“Yeah, that’s exactly the point. Where do we go from here? Doing it every day? Things are moving way too fast and heating up. I think we both need some time to cool off. You’re still pretty young for us to be going that far.”

Derpy took a deep breath. Although she didn’t like to admit it he was right. “W-well… okay… then.” She wiped her face. “So let’s break up for a little while. I guess I do need some perspective.”

“Right.” He nodded, and then took off again without so much as a goodbye.

She returned home alone, still wishing Shooting was beside her. He gave her courage to face the world. Things felt a lot scarier without her living security blanket.

She went to her room, laying on her bed, thinking about the past and how it had led up to her giving herself to him. She wasn’t just a filly anymore but… she wasn’t quite a mare either. She was in the transitional phase between childhood and adulthood.

Should she have mated with Shooting? She had done what she did on the spur of the moment, because her love and affection had ratcheted up so high it only felt like the natural thing to do. Wasn’t that what lovers did? She loved him, and he loved her. They were a perfect fit. What did it matter if they grew a little bit closer? It would only make their love even more special. No matter what happened, he could always look back and know that he was her first. They would always have a special connection together, no matter how much time passed.

She spent a lot of time thinking. Every time she tried to do something else her mind just returned to the issue Shooting raised up. In the end she decided that she didn’t regret what she did with Shooting, but he also had a point that things were maybe going along at an uncomfortable pace. She didn’t know if she wanted to mate again, and it wasn’t just because of the pain. It was more about not wanting it to become common and cheap. She wanted it to stand out.

So, she decided, she would continue on without Shooting for a while. The both of them would take some time off to understand what had happened between them, and then they’d come back together stronger than ever.

She’d spot Shooting in the halls of the school, and she’d ignore him like he ignored her. She didn’t bother him, and he didn’t bother her. They needed this time off. Although she didn’t like the lack of dates and communication she didn’t let it bother her overmuch. She knew it was only temporary. That gave her the strength to endure.

One day she woke up ill. She felt like she was going to puke. She ran to the bathroom, nausea consuming her. The spell passed after some time, but she wondered if she had caught a bug.

When it became a continuous issue she grew worried, heading to the doctor. She answered questions, they took some blood, and in the meantime he prescribed her some medication.

A few days later she returned to get the results of her exam, and she was floored.

“C-come again?” she said.

“I said you’re pregnant.”

The doctor’s office felt like it disappeared. Her body went cold and numb, her mind went blank, and her eyes became little dots. She thought of Shooting and their little tryst together, and she had no doubt about what led to it.

Stupid! She had been so stupid! In the weeks they had been apart how had she not once considered the possibility he may have gotten her pregnant?

“Derpy?”

She heard the voice from far away, and reluctantly pulled herself back into the present. “Y-yes?”

“When you came in for your problem you didn’t mention anything about a stallion.”

She flushed deeply. “W-well, it was prom, and my date took me home, and then one thing led to another and…”

“I see.” He scribbled on her file for a short while. “Well, you’re not the first one to have a prom night baby. These things always crop up.”

“Hey! Don’t get me wrong. The two of us are in love. We’re special to one another.”

“Of course,” he said, unperturbed. “I wasn’t making any assumptions about your character, but if you wanted the best possible diagnosis then you should have been upfront with the facts. I could have told you the most likely cause of your nausea had I known about your partner.”

“W-well… I didn’t think it had anything to do with anything. It’s been a few weeks and this just started a few days ago.”

“Mmm-hmm.”

He instructed her on the best ways to manage her morning sickness, but she was only half-listening. A dull chill was coursing through her veins, threatening to turn into full blown panic.

As soon as she was able she left, heading up into the sky and doing laps, trying to burn off some of the anxious energy burning within her.

She was pregnant! She was going to have a child. She was only in her sophomore year of school. She wasn’t ready to be a mother. She wasn’t ready for that responsibility. What would her parents say? What would Shooting say? What would her friends and classmates think of her?

Things were turning into a complete disaster. She felt like she couldn’t breathe. She lay on a cloud panting for breath. This couldn’t be happening to her. It couldn’t! She was too weak to handle this by herself, but she wasn’t ready to tell her parents yet.

A modicum of calm settled her emotions slightly. Shooting felt they needed some time apart to reevaluate their relationship and think about how far they both wanted to go with it. It had been over a month. Hadn’t it been long enough?

She had to tell Shooting. He would know what to do. He was her knight. He’d give her the courage and strength to confront her parents. They wouldn’t be happy, but if the two of them pledged themselves to each other and showed they were serious her parents would accept it. They had to. Shooting was the father of her child. They couldn’t go back now. They wouldn’t want to keep him away from his own child, especially if she told them she had initiated things.

Her troubled breathing slowed down to almost normal levels. That was right. Shooting had promised to always protect her. He probably wasn’t ready to be a father either, but he would be great at it. He was compassionate but stern and a hard worker at whatever he devoted himself to. He would be the central pillar of her life, like he had been for so long.

She went to his house, but she was told he was away in another town playing a game and wouldn’t be back until late that night. It wasn’t what she wanted to hear, but she couldn’t do anything about it.

She was a ball of nerves as she went home. She went to her room, taking out her prom photo and staring at it, a habit she had gotten into since they had split up. It wasn’t as good as the real thing, but so long as she had the photo she always had a piece of Shooting Star with her to comfort her when he wasn’t there.

It managed to sturdy her, helping her through the day. The next day she barely paid attention in school. She had seen Shooting around, but she knew she couldn’t go having such a big discussion during school hours.

Slowly, agonizingly, the time passed until the final bell rang and they were free. Now that she was free to move as fast as she wanted she found herself going slower than ever. She spotted Shooting heading toward home, following him from afar, unsure of how to open the conversation.

As he reached the gate of his father’s mansion he seemed to finally get the feeling he was being followed, and turned toward her. The two of them met eyes. “Oh, it’s you. Stalking me now?”

Derpy took a few steps toward him and then ran full out until she was in front of him. “Shooting, I need to talk to you. It’s important.”

“Really?” he muttered. “Just how important?”

“I’m… I’m…” She had trouble getting oxygen in her lungs, but she knew she had to say it. He had to know. “Shooting, I’m… pregnant.” She put a hoof on her stomach, giving it a quick rub.

“Pregnant?” came his neutral reply.

“Yes!” said Derpy, tears pouring down her eyes. “I’m feeling so lost! I don’t know what to do. Shooting! Shooting!” She ran over and hugged him. “W-what should we do?”

“We?” he said disinterestedly. “That’s YOUR problem.”

“Wha-what?” she said disbelievingly as she looked up at him.

He pushed her away from him. “Look, babe. It was a fun six months with you, but I got what I wanted so now I’ve lost interest in you.”

Derpy blinked repeatedly. This wasn’t like him. He had never acted like this toward her before “What are you saying, Shooting?”

He rolled his eyes. “Tch. Do I need to spell it out for you? Remember what happened after the prom? That was my end goal all along.

“I was being serious when I said I needed a break from all the idiots who surrounded me, but I already had a mare lined up who’s more my speed for a while now. She’s someone also of wealth and prominence who fits more into my social class than a rube like you. No offense, of course.” The sarcasm was clear.

Tears began forming in her eyes. “So I… I was just a fling for you?”

“Ding ding ding!” he said, looking down at her smugly. “But do you really have the right to complain? After all, because of me all your bullies have gone by the wayside, you’ve made a bunch of friends, and you had the honor of having me as your first.”

“Of course, you’re always free to go around and talk about what a jerk I am,” he said without a trace of fear. “But, really, who’s gonna listen to you? You’ve seen how much authority I command first hoof. The only thing you’ll get in return for starting a hate campaign against me is losing every one of the perks you got from being my girl. You should be grateful for that much.

“I had my fun, but there’s no more entertainment to be had here. So, I wish you luck with the brat.” He tapped her head dismissively and continued to his house, leaving her alone.

Derpy stood there, a stone statue, trying to process things. Shooting Star, her hero, her lover, her savior, her friend, her confidant, the one that had protected her and cared for her for so long… he was a big phony. He had played her like a fiddle for all she was worth, and then kicked her away when the song was over. She was only a fling for him. He hadn’t actually cared about her. He was just using her to keep the other mares away while he looked for another mare behind her back.

Her breath caught, and she began to pant. How could it be true? Shooting wouldn’t do that to her. Never! That wasn’t Shooting.

Her legs felt weak, and her body tensed. She had been deceived. Her heart burned. She had given the most special gift she had to him. It was supposed to be a symbol of their eternal bond to each other, but it meant nothing to him. It hadn’t connected them at all. She had given him what he wanted, and he thought nothing of it.

She thought of the baby in her stomach, and panic overtook her. She turned and ran, unfurling her wings and taking to the air as she rushed to the hospital, feeling like she was going to pass out. She felt like she was just an observer in her own body. Her legs seemed to move without her making them. Her mouth spoke words without her forming them. She signed paperwork, her hooves shaking like mad as she fought a nervous breakdown.

She was too weak to handle this. She couldn’t do it alone. Shooting was supposed to be by her side to help her. Without him she was nothing. She had only been cool because of his name. Now that he had left her everything would go back to the way it was. She would just be a loser again. Everyone would make fun of her.

It would be better for her child not to have to deal with all of that. It was for her own good. Things would just turn into a huge mess if things continued the way they did.

The time that passed felt like an eternity until they took her in. Derpy was continually trembling, holding her hooves together in front of her as the doctor talked to her. Every second that passed made her feel worse. She just wanted it to be over.

Eons seemed to pass before he finally stopped talking. She was so relieved when he took out the needle that would put her to sleep, that would let her escape into a blissful nothingness.

Time still felt warped. She could see the needle in the air, seeming to approach millimeters at a time. She turned away from it, unable to stand the endless wait. Her eyes focused, and it felt like her heart stopped.

There was a poster for vaccinations. “A healthy baby is a happy baby.” Underneath was a mother holding a giggling baby.

Her mind broke free of the haze of panic clouding her mind, her thoughts becoming crystal clear. What was she doing?

“STOP!” she yelled, making the doctor jump as she knocked away the needle. She hopped off the table, shivering like a leaf. “I changed my mind. I don’t want to do this!”

She didn’t wait for his response. She didn’t know if he called after her as she nearly ripped the door off its hinges in her rush to get out. She employed only the slightest caution to avoid hitting other patients as she ran full out toward the exit.

The second she was outside she took to the air, heading for home, her heart too full of emotions to think. She burst inside, taking a quick look around, relieved that she was alone. She rushed to her room, lying down on her bed.

She closed her eyes. Now that she had stopped her emotions took her over, and she began bawling as she rubbed her stomach, unable to get the picture of the mother and child out of her mind.

“I-I-I… I-I’m s-s-sorry!” she cried out, holding her stomach. “I-I’m so s-sorry!”

What was wrong with her? How could she have even thought of getting an abortion? What had her child done? Had it done anything to deserve having its life snuffed out before it even had the chance to take its first breath? Had it made the terrible mistake? Had it given its heart away to the wrong stallion? Had it done anything at all, besides existing? It didn’t deserve to die, not when it had committed no crime, not when it wasn’t to blame for anything. It had been her stupidity, her immaturity, which had gotten them into this mess.

She spent hours sitting there, blasting herself for her foolishness. No matter what had happened, she should never have resorted to that as her first decision. It wasn’t too late, though. She could make up for it.

She knew she was weak, pathetic, and worthless, but… she had enough strength for this. She rubbed her tummy over and over. No matter what may come, no matter how bad things got… she wanted this baby. She wanted to keep it, raise it, and love it. Things certainly weren’t going to get any easier in the months to come, but that was absolute.

She felt an outpouring of affection that brought tears to her eyes. A smile pulled at her lips. “I love you,” she cooed. “I’ll always protect you. I promise I won’t ever make you suffer for my mistakes.”

Was it just her imagination, or had the baby kicked in response? Was it telling her that it forgave her? That it believed and trusted her?

A measure of comfort entered her. “Thank you,” she said warmly, settling down for a nap.

When she awoke some of her memories resurfaced, and a surge of guilt rushed through her. She couldn’t take back her night with Shooting, and she refused to take it back by harming her baby and denying it the right to live, so the only thing she could do was keep moving forward.

Although she desperately wanted to avoid it, she knew there was no way to hide it forever. She had to tell her parents.

When he heard the word pregnant her dad left the room. Her dad could be very stern, but he recognized when he was going to blow his stack and be nasty rather than helpful.

Her mother was more levelheaded, but her discontent was clear. “Derpy, did you really think it was a wise decision to have a boy over when you knew no one else was home?”

She shook her head. “It was just such a lovely night that I lost my head.”

Her mother closed her eyes as she sighed. “I think I should go check on your father. I have no idea what I feel right now either.”

Her original meeting with them went well enough, but once they settled down they sat her down and gave her the mother of all lectures about responsibility and choices. They brought up Shooting Star at one point and she felt panicked she would have to speak about him, but they didn’t press her, for which she was grateful.

They made it clear they still loved her, but they were very disappointed with her decision. She was grounded and barred from any dating for a while. It suited her just fine. She didn’t have anyone to date anymore anyway, and she still needed some time herself to think.

When she was set free she went to her room. “Shooting…” She looked out the window, seeing ponies walking by, playing in the sun. When a couple passed by she felt the smoldering flames burst into life inside her, her body taut as she snorted.

She sat down at her desk, her head on her hooves. She pulled open the drawer slowly, her breath catching a little as her rage turned to sadness.

She took a shuddering breath, pulling out the photo of the two of them at the prom. Tears dripped onto it as she stared at them. She had been so happy then. It was the happiest she had been in her life. She had felt like someone special; someone valuable. She had been on stage in front of everyone getting crowned, something she had never imagined. How had things come to this?

Her eyes turned to Shooting, and she shook as she bent over her desk, quietly crying. “Shooting!” How could he have done this to her? It didn’t feel real. It couldn’t be real. That wasn’t the Shooting she knew and loved. He protected the weak, like her. He had made her feel special and did so much for her. The Shooting she knew would never be looking for another mare while dating her. He wouldn’t be so cold and heartless. He wouldn’t leave her alone and scared.

So how? How had things turned out this way?

A light flicked on in her mind. Of course! It was so obvious. She sat back up, looking down at the photo again. There was no way that Shooting was that callous. She rubbed her belly in slow circles. Of course that had scared him off.

If he really didn’t care about her then why wait to reveal the deception? Why not just dump her the day after prom? He had specifically told her that he just wanted a break because he felt their relationship was going too far too fast. So what had changed? Her pregnancy.

Shooting was a young athlete with a desire for all the finer things in life. She had thought she was just a loser, but he had done his best to show her she was really a diamond in the rough. The thought of having to settle down, to not be able to go out and play all his games… well, naturally he didn’t want such restrictions. So he pushed her away. He told her horrible lies to escape it. He may have a ton of money, but wealth alone didn’t make one a good parent. He wasn’t emotionally mature enough to deal with the thought of being a father.

He had to be terrified. That was quite a bombshell she had dropped on him. As she looked down at him her heart swelled with compassion. “Poor Shooting. He had to have been just as surprised as me by the news.”

She stared at Shooting, feeling like she understood him again. She’d leave him be for now. He would come around. She believed that with all her heart. But if she discarded the photo? Why, she might forget what life could be if she only believed in herself. She needed it, so she could always remember. She thought of the memories they had shared together, her heart filling with love. Things would turn out just fine.

Derpy spent a lot of time staring at that photo, making her wish stronger and stronger with each passing day. There had been no word from Shooting, but she figured he would need a long time to come to terms that he had gotten her pregnant accidentally. He was probably ashamed of the way he had acted and wasn’t sure how to approach her.

She wasn’t a monster. She made big mistakes too. What relationship didn’t have some rough patches, especially when a huge unexpected event happened? Didn’t he understand that their bond ran deep in the wake of her giving herself to him? Didn’t he understand how much she needed him now? Didn’t he understand that she would forgive him, if he only came back and apologized?

When she wasn’t staring at the photo she spent a lot of time holding or rubbing her stomach, thinking of the life growing within her. She hadn’t quite forgiven herself for her rash decision, even if she decided against it in the end, but she focused on her promise to keep her going. She wasn’t ready to be a parent either, but it was too late to change that. She could only move forward, and try to be the best parent she could be. She took to reading the parenting books her mother still kept.

Summer vacation came and went, and as her junior year approached she grew more anxious. Looking at herself in the mirror she could see her belly had grown, sticking out a bit. What would the other students say when they saw her? Could see pass it off as just being fat?

She shook her head at the thought. Either she’d be teased for being fat, or she’d be teased for being pregnant. It felt like a lose-lose situation. Shooting still hadn’t come to make amends. Without him she didn’t know how she was going to handle it. His protection had kept her going through the rough times by keeping the bullies off her back.

She tried begging her parents to home-school her or have a home study program, but they wouldn’t hear of it.

“You made your choice, now you have to deal with the consequences! We’re not going to let your education suffer just because you’re embarrassed.”

That was that. The subject was closed.

She went to her closet, feeling a familiar pang as she saw her prom dress hanging up. She looked over the few items she had. Maybe she could hide it by wearing some loose fitting clothes. Eventually she would be too big for that to work, but wouldn’t it be better to put it off?

She sank to the floor, a wave of despair threatening to envelop her. Maybe she should just run away. Go live in Cloudsdale, where no one would know her. She already knew it wouldn’t work. She didn’t have the money for that.

She went to her bed, running circles over her belly. “My dear little child,” she said gently. “You’re so lucky. You have a big, beautiful life ahead of you. You won’t have all the stigma’s I do. I love you. I love you.”

It was a habit she had gotten into, that always helped to cheer her up when she was down. All she needed was daddy Shooting Star and things would be perfect. Her picture perfect family would be complete.

Time seemed to rush by, and she found herself slowly plodding to school. She elected to not wear anything. She felt it would only draw more attention to it.

As she walked through the familiar halls she felt more than heard the whispers. She might have just been imagining them, expecting them as she was. She kept her head straight and just walked until she reached her first class.

To her immense relief the day passed without incident. No one seemed to notice yet or, if they had, they didn’t make a scene. A few ponies were rude to her, but overall it was a good day.

It was about two weeks later when things became complicated. Her child went through a growth spurt, and she had a significant bulge now. The whispers were louder now as she walked through the halls. She kept hearing Shooting’s name as she passed by students, no doubt wondering what was going on between them. She did her best to ignore them, though she could feel her ears going red.

One day shortly after that she got a surprise as school ended.

She had just closed her locker, and jumped as she saw Shooting resting up against the one next to it. “Hey there.”

She didn’t know what to say. Months had gone by without a word, and now he was in front of her again. Hurt, rage, happiness… she didn’t know which to feel.

He gestured with his head. “Come on. There’s an empty classroom right there. I think the two of us need to have a little chat.”

Her heart began to beat a little faster. She was trying to keep her thoughts neutral, but her mind couldn’t help but turn to their photo together and her wish for Shooting to see reason as she followed him, wondering what he had to say.

Chapter 4: Broken

Derpy spent hours talking to the photo, staring into Shooting’s face and imagining she was in the halls. Every so often her head would grow consumed with their memories together, and she would begin to cry.

“Knock it off, you idiot!” she’d say when she did this. “Stop crying! Now let’s try it again.” When she couldn’t stand it anymore she put the photo away, figuring she’d have to try again the next day.

She continually ran her hooves across her stomach, occasionally feeling a pressure meeting her hooves. This was the most precious gift he had given to her. Even if she could make herself discard the photo there was no way to get rid of this present. No way that she would accept, in any case. She would live to see her baby. She only had to endure another six or seven months. It was such a small amount of time, but it felt so far away.

If Shooting was actually going to keep his word then the rest of the school year would be quiet. No one would bother her, but she wouldn’t have him either. She didn’t know which was worse.

At school the next day she could hear the whispering and gossip, only making out an occasional word. Shooting was right about that part, at least. Already she could feel a weight threatening to crush her, the fragile pillar of her heart crumbling. She didn’t want to go back to that world. She wouldn’t.

Her fear gave her a sense of clarity. Her baby’s survival was dependent on her survival. She couldn’t afford to snap.

And so when she spotted Shooting Star in the halls in-between classes she found she didn’t want to wait another day. She hadn’t perfected her act yet, but if she appeared distressed he’d question her to find out who had upset her. He wanted to keep things appearing normal between them.

With some effort she forced a smile on her face. “Hey, Shooting Star!” she said brightly.

His head turned to her, and for a split-second she saw his smug grin before he too met her with a smile. “Hey, Bright Eyes! How are things going?”

She dropped her smile, allowing some of her real feelings to show. “Not so good.” She put a hoof on her face. “Some ponies are saying nasty things behind my back.”

“What?” he said flatly, sounding outraged.

“I heard them accusing me of being unfaithful to you. How could they say such a thing? Don’t they know how dedicated I am to you?”

He put his legs out, pulling her into a hug. “There, there,” he said soothingly. “Don’t let them get you down.”

Shamefully she found she enjoyed his touch now, even though she knew it was completely fake. She noticed ponies staring at the two of them.

He pulled her back, looking her in the eyes. “Now then. Who was it that was saying such hurtful things? I’ve already made it plain that anyone who messes with you has to answer to me.”

Derpy could practically feel the shudder go through the hallway. “I… I don’t remember. I only heard them.”

“That’s too bad. I’d teach them a lesson.” Shooting turned to look behind him, all the ponies who were watching their conversation turning away. “Well?” he said sharply. “Does anyone feel like saying anything now? I’m right here, cowards.”

No one moved as Shooting swept his head around. “Well, I guess you’re lucky Derpy doesn’t know who was opening their big fat mouth. I’d better not hear anything else from her about accusations of disloyalty. She would never consider cheating on me.”

“That’s right,” she replied, knowing the response she was supposed to give. “I know better that nobody betrays you. You’re far too strong and powerful to turn against.”

He turned back to her. “You did very good, coming to me like this.” He gave her a peck on her snout. “I’ll see you around. You make sure to come tell me if anyone else tries to pick on you. I’ll ensure they don’t do so again. Okay?”

She nodded. “Okay,” she muttered, her voice quivering ever so slightly as he walked away.

Though he was gone his influence remained. When she turned everyone in that direction seemed to shake in fright, no one daring to look at her. There was no satisfaction in it. She hated the bullying done to her, but renewing the fear ponies had of her just made her feel like a bully herself. She just wanted to be seen as a normal pony. Nothing more, and nothing less. She wanted to be seen as an equal, that she was more than just her eyes.

She skipped her next class, going to the bathroom. She hid in a stall, holding herself, sick and ashamed. She lowered her hooves to her belly, and her emotions settled slightly. “This is all for you,” she whispered. “No matter what it takes, no matter how much it hurts, I’ll do anything just to see you safely born. Even if I feel thoroughly disgusted with myself. Even if I hate what I have to stoop to.”

Shooting Star was capturing her thoughts again. His soothing voice, promising security; the feel of his legs around her, providing comfort. She knew it was fake. She knew he was only pretending just as she had been. She KNEW it! He had told her quite plainly that he didn’t love her. Even still she didn’t want to accept it. She still felt there had to be a reason behind his behavior.

Shooting was from a wealthy, high-class family and a sports star rapidly growing in popularity and skill. What would happen to his reputation for both if it got out he had gotten her pregnant? While they were dating he had told her that he never brought her to his house because his father wouldn’t approve of his choice of mares. He wanted his son to have a mare that was rich as well. The only exception was when he showed her the dress he had gotten her.

That could be it. He had to break her heart. He didn’t have a choice in the matter. He couldn’t disobey his father with so much at stake. He knew his time was limited with her, so he ensured she would always have something to remember him by. She believed that he hadn’t intended to get her pregnant, but that was also a precious gift from him, wasn’t it?

She rubbed her tummy, starting to find peace. She found understanding for Shooting again. He couldn’t afford to be associated with being the father of her baby. He had to keep up appearances, but she believed that deep down he had a love for her too. One day he would return. If he could get away from his father and dump the mare forced on him to live his life the way he wanted, then they could be together as they were meant to.

She just had to last a little longer. Just a little bit longer. Every day she told herself the same thing. She pushed through day after day and month after month as her belly grew more and more pronounced. Once a week she’d put on a show of having a friendly chat with Shooting. Believing she understood his true motivations her meetings with him weren’t nearly as forced as the first one had been.

She missed him more with each passing day, but she pushed on, determined more than ever to bring her child into the world. If anything happened to his baby she felt it would ruin any chance they had of getting back together. Maybe when her baby was born it would wake him up. When he saw that she was no longer pregnant, when he knew the child they had bore together had come into the world, surely that would be enough to make him reconsider things. Wouldn’t it?

Finally the day came. Her contractions began, and she knew her baby was on the way. Her parents rushed her to the hospital and she was admitted to the delivery room.

At first she was putting all her efforts into listening to the doctor’s instructions, bearing the pain as she pushed. She completely lost her focus at a comment from her father.

“I’m surprised you were in such a hurry to get here. I’d have thought you’d want Shooting Star by your side.”

It took the wind right out of her sails, heaviness fogging her mind. “H-he… he’s not here,” she muttered, trying to stop the tears before despair overwhelmed her. “He’s away in another town to beat down another team at hoofball.”

“Ah, that’s a shame. I’m sure he’s gonna regret not being here to see his first-born.”

Her body clenched, the tears beginning to stream down her cheeks. The pain in her lower body made it nearly impossible for her to keep up the charade.

Thankfully her mother noticed. “Don’t rub it in! You’re ruining her concentration.”

“Oops! Sorry!”

She tried to get her mind back on track, but she wasn’t able to. The memory of him engulfed her, as it had so often in the past, making it hard to focus on anything else. Even the pain diminished. She half-heartedly followed along with the instructions, but a bigger part of her could care less. She just wanted to lose herself in the happy memories of the past. It was the only time when life had felt perfect and truly right. Why couldn’t she have that again?

If she could have one or the other would she choose a life with no bullies or a life without Shooting Star? It was a silly question. Even if Shooting lost his wealth and influence but was still there for her he’d stick up for her. His support would carry her through, his love outweighing the taunts and insults, making her heart complete again.

Occasionally she’d get jerked back to the real world, the doctor snapping at her to focus. She’d comply for a time, lapsing back into the past when she thought it was safe.

It was Shooting’s baby that was about to come out of her. It was his. Wouldn’t that be enough to get through to him? Maybe they could share memories and make new ones.

The hours seemed to pass by at a snail’s pace, but also take no time at all. She didn’t know which was more likely.

Finally, with one last push, she let out one more yell and fell limp, the pressure fading as the sound of crying echoed around the room.

“It’s a girl!” the doctor announced.

Derpy lifted her head slightly, trying to see her. The nurse cut the umbilical cord as they took the baby away for cleaning. She had never felt lonelier in her life. Shooting should have been at her side for this, not just her parents. That was the way things were supposed to go. That he wasn’t there to share the birth of the child they had created together was devastating. Her baby had been with her, growing every day, a reminder of the special event that had created her. Now it was no longer with her, one of the last things connecting her with Shooting Star.

She was alone. All alone in a dark hole. The ache from her loins throbbed. Her mind was growing hazy, the words from the others growing slurred. Her vision was blurring. She couldn’t muster up the will to fight. She felt tired. So tired.

She’d accomplished what she meant to, hadn’t she? Her baby had been born. She’d protected it. Now it wasn’t reliant on her any more. She just wanted to rest in the blackness, her eyes growing so heavy.

The device attached to her began beeping faster as her vitals slowed. She heard garbled words and talking, sounding so quiet although in her dim vision she could see they had to have been shouting.

Why couldn’t they just leave her be? Couldn’t they see she wanted to sleep, to escape into the darkness of her soul?

In desperation a nurse pushed a bundle into her hooves, a head sticking out of it.

Derpy strained her eyes, the blurry foal beginning to come into focus. As the two met eyes Derpy felt a rush of love and affection flooding her body, tears running down her face. She was now a mother! She didn’t want to leave her baby so soon. She wanted to live just a bit longer, to keep seeing the magic of what she had wrought. The beeping of the monitor slowed as Derpy regained her senses, the world coming into focus again. Even the ache in her loins was fading.

Derpy looked over her child: the yellow mane and yellow eyes, much like her; a horn like Shooting Star; her coat was lighter than her own gray, but close to hers. Much to her relief her baby’s eyes were straight. That was what was most important to her.

“She’s so tiny,” Derpy said in wonder, gently rubbing her hoof through the filly’s mane. “So beautiful.”

“Are you alright, Derpy?” asked the doctor. “You gave us a scare.”

She nodded. “Yeah. I’m not going anywhere. My baby needs me.”

“That’s good. So what about a name?”

Derpy once more stared into her baby’s eyes, love flowing through her again. “Dinky,” she said firmly, the name coming to her as easily as if she had always known it. “My sweet baby Dinky.”

Taking the foal out of her wrapping she held Dinky on top of her, fur to fur. She nuzzled her baby, tears of joy still coming down her eyes. “Hello, my sweet little baby. My little Dinky. You’re so cute.” She ran her hooves over Dinky’s back in gentle circles as she kept speaking to her newborn.

Dinky was still too young to smile, but Derpy could just feel that Dinky was enjoying the attention, her efforts to help her child feel loved and accepted succeeding.

Soon enough Dinky let out a yawn, falling asleep. For a time she just kept her legs in a protective position around Dinky’s back, a tender feeling growing stronger and stronger from the warmth of her child against her, and seeing her moving up and down as she breathed.

Shortly after that fatigue set in. She was happy her baby was safe, but she could use some rest herself. The nurse lifted the baby up, wrapping her back up in the blanket and moving her to the newborn room.

She was moved to her own room as well. She sank gratefully into her bed, straining to keep her eyes open as she looked over at her parents, pride in their eyes.

“Our first grandchild!” her mother cried out.

Derpy forced a grin, her eyes closing for a few seconds.

Her father chuckled. “Well, I guess we can save the celebrations for later.” He gave her stomach a quick rub. “Get some sleep, honey. We’ll wake you up if there’s anything you need to know.”

She was only too happy to comply. She was exhausted. She didn’t know it was that painful to give birth.

A few days later, after checking Dinky over and assuring she was healthy, they all went home.

Motherhood was certainly a new experience for her. On occasion she had foalsat to earn some extra money, but nothing compared to actually having her own baby.

She took a few weeks off of school to recover and bond with her child. Bon Bon and Lyra stopped by to drop off her homework. It gave them a convenient excuse to see Dinky, and they gushed and ooh’d and aah’d over her, and Derpy couldn’t help but feel pride.

She was more or less content, but something was gnawing at her. Sometimes as she looked into Dinky’s face she’d see the parts of her she inherited from Shooting Star. Sometimes when she noticed it she’d be filled with joy, hoping that her dream would come true, hoping that the knowledge he had a child would move him to do the right thing.

But other times she’d grow sad and feel sick inside, wanting to cry. It was the part of her that was afraid that things would never be the same, and neither would her life.

Even through those negative feelings Derpy felt no anger toward Dinky for evoking those emotions. She was just an innocent baby, after all. She bore no responsibility for what had happened between her and Shooting Star.

She deflected questions about him, claiming she wanted to keep Dinky to herself for the time being, as she didn’t want her baby to get overwhelmed with too many new things at once.

When she returned to school she got plenty of stares. Her long absence and the reduction of her tummy had to make it obvious what had happened. Even though she knew what was expected of her she was terrified. She knew she had to go see him and put on another performance, but this time she didn’t think she’d be able to handle it.

Before when they had put on their act she had had no expectations. She had buried her emotions to keep herself going for the sake of her unborn child. Now Dinky was born, and she didn’t want to raise her child alone. She wanted Dinky to have both a mother and a father figure in her life. There wasn’t anyone else she was interested in.

On the other hoof she didn’t want to get her hopes up. She’d been hurt so many times for not being able to give up her feelings. Hadn’t he made it perfectly plain that he didn’t love her? That he had another mare he felt was more worthy of him?

Even so, she didn’t want to give up her desire. Even if he didn’t love her, wouldn’t it be enough to just have him close? To know that her child was well taken care of? He could spoil her and teach her to be confident like he was. She’d temper that with empathy so Dinky wouldn’t become arrogant. They could give her the best of both worlds.

She put her head up against a locker, her emotions threatening to explode right there in the hall. Hot tears were already streaming down her cheeks. Why did things have to be so difficult? She had made a mistake. How long was she going to be punished for it?

“Derpy.”

A chill went down her spine. It was the last pony in the world she wanted to see. She turned to see Shooting Star there, a neutral expression on his face. Not concerned, but not smug either.

That hot, sticky feeling of shame burned in her stomach. She stared down at the floor, wiping her eyes. “What is it, Shooting?” she said emotionlessly.

“You’ve been gone for quite a while. I wondered if something happened to you. I was a little worried.”

Her face flushed red, sure he didn’t mean it. “Well… now you know something didn’t.”

“Sure it did. You had a baby.”

“And?”

“How is the little rodent?”

She saw red for a moment at the belittling title, but she didn’t lose control. “She’s doing fine.”

“Glad to hear it. And you?”

“The same. There were no complications. We’re both healthy.”

“I see. Well, that’s all I wanted to know. Just because I don’t love you that doesn’t mean I want to see my little puppy get hurt. Take good care of the kid, won’t you?”

With that he continued on his way.

Derpy looked after his retreating back. She wanted to just let him go, but her hooves moved like she was being controlled by someone else.

She stopped in front of him. “Wait!” she cried out.

His hoof rose for a second like he was going to just walk around her, but then it went back down. He said nothing, his face a mask.

“Please! Isn’t there anything I can do?” she cried out, tears once more running down her face. “I want you back! I’ve never wanted anything more in my life.”

His eyebrow went up. “I feel I’ve been perfectly clear on the subject. There’s nothing more to discuss.”

As he went to move around her she grabbed him. “I know that! I know what you said. But I don’t care! I don’t care if all you do is use me for my body. I don’t want to raise our child alone!”

She slid off him onto the floor, staring up at him, shaking and desperate. “Please…”

Shooting put a hoof through his hair, shaking his head. “Honestly, now. This is getting pathetic. Offering up your body just to get me to spend some time with you is just sad. Have at least SOME pride in yourself, won’t you?

“As hard as it is to settle for second best, there are other stallions beside me in school. Go find someone more on your level.”

Derpy curled up into a ball on her side, squeezing herself. “But I don’t want someone else.”

His horn glowed, lifting her up in the air and putting her back on her hooves. “I’ve been perfectly blunt, so why can’t you seem to understand?”

Derpy stood on shaky hooves, and likely would have fallen back down if Shooting wasn’t still holding her up. “So why bother checking up on me at all? Don’t you care at all?”

“Of course. I’m not a monster. It’s not just you. I wouldn’t want a baby even with my new girl. I’m slowly on my way to the top. I’ve got a great career as a hoofball player ahead, and if all goes well with her she’ll talk her dad into agreeing to the merger of our companies. My name and stardom is gonna go through the roof, and I don’t need a little rodent underhoof getting in the way.

“I checked up on you, so I’ve done all I’m willing to do for you. Of course if you want some money to help care for that thing then by all means all you have to do is ask. Besides that, I’m done.”

He picked her up in the air, taking her to an empty classroom like before.

Derpy let out a squeak, but she was quickly set down on the teacher’s desk.

He got right up in her face. “Now, for the last time, stop bugging me. I’m not going to say it again. I have absolutely no interest in you or that thing that came out of your womb. Be a good little pup and obey your master.” He rubbed her head, chuckling. “Okay, Bright Eyes?”

He left the room, closing the door behind him.

Derpy gulped, her eyes glazed over. She held herself, silently crying.

She knew she shouldn’t have done it. Why hadn’t she just let things go? Why hadn’t she just let him be?

Hopping off the desk she headed for home, a weight on her heart. She went right to her room, not answering the call of her dad.

Rage ripped through her, obliterating her sadness. Didn’t she deserve to be treated better than that? She wasn’t a dog. He wasn’t her master. She didn’t have to take it.

He was going to be there whether he wanted to be or not. He loved his reputation too much to let it go. What if she accused him of abandoning the family he helped create? A deep sense of satisfaction began to overtake her anger. She had a card that his power and money wouldn’t be able to overturn. She could ruin him as completely as he ruined her.

All it would take is a simple DNA test. She could tell his father and let Shooting take the backlash for his deplorable behavior, or for mating with such a “low-class rube.” She could tell the tale around school. Little by little she could destroy everything he valued. Once everyone turned against him and public opinion shifted he would be left with no other options but to return to her.

A twisted grin crossed her features at the thought of both revenge and getting what she wanted. Her eye twitched a bit. They didn’t have to love one another, but he was going to be there for his kid. She laughed, a hysterical, high-pitched mix of all her mixed feelings.

All that remained was to sever one of the final ties to him. She sat at her desk, pulling out their photo. She put her hooves on the top of it, a smug grin on her face as she prepared to rip it in half, her eye still twitching.

Her emotions shifted again, this time to fear. He had called her by his nickname for her and offered her money. He had also scolded her for offering her body to him for his time. Wasn’t he still looking out for her? Did she really want to risk making him hate her just for some personal satisfaction? Maybe he would come around. He just needed more time.

Her hooves began to shake. Time passed, but still the photo remained unharmed as she stared at their happy faces. She wanted so badly to be back at that time. She held the photo to her chest, her emotions flowing free again. “Shooting!”

Derpy felt like she had entered another world. She tried her best to keep her mind off of Shooting as the months went on, but it was difficult, especially when she looked at her daughter. Dinky was the only thing that she still lived for. When she felt like giving up, when she felt like it wasn’t worth it to get up, when life felt overwhelming… there was Dinky. She was such a precious little thing, a being of pure love just looking for a target to unleash it on. Hugs and kisses and babbles and cuddles and laughs. Everything Dinky did filled her with purpose, the desire to simply see one more smile, to hear one more laugh, to make sure her daughter grew up feeling loved.

On the other side of things, though, was fear and guilt. Dinky was a gem and wasn’t much trouble, but her relationship with her parents suffered. She stayed in school because she wanted to set a good example for her child, but that meant leaving Dinky with her parents most of the day so she could go to class and finish up homework and other projects.

She felt so scared and offended when Dinky called her mother “mama.” She felt betrayed. She couldn’t blame Dinky. She was too young to understand. It was her own fault for not spending enough time with her child.

She made more of an effort to connect with her daughter, with the result that she only wound up more exhausted every day as she tried to keep Dinky near her and away from her mother. A part of her was angry at her mother for not correcting Dinky. Her daughter was one of the few things that kept her going every day. Didn’t her mother understand that?

That anger only made her feel guilty. Of course her mother didn’t know that. Her parents thought that everything was great. She had wondered sometimes how Shooting had completely fooled her for so long. Now she understood.

It made her sick to her stomach how fluent she became in lying to their faces, making up all sorts of excuses for why they never saw Shooting Star anymore. She’d go out, taking Dinky with her, claiming she’d been to see him.

She felt so fragile, like a strong breeze would snap her in half. Every time she saw Shooting Star in the halls she longed to touch him, to hold him, to make up some story of someone being mean to her so he’d hold her again for just a short time, even if he didn’t mean it.

She felt diseased, like there was something inside of her that was inherently wrong, that kept her from other ponies. The more lies she told the deeper the sensation grew. She felt so depressed, and she had no one to turn to. There wasn’t anyone she could tell about what Shooting had done to her. She had seen too well while they were dating that it was too dangerous to confront him, and she doubted any of her friends or family would be able to hold themselves back once they learned the truth.

She didn’t really want revenge. That wasn’t important to her. It was becoming increasingly clear that Shooting had no intention of returning to her, and she had only herself to blame for how things had turned out. All that she could really do was continue to help Dinky in her maturation.

She still couldn’t bring herself to throw away the prom photo, but she moved it from her dresser to a box in her closet so it wasn’t so easy to get to, with the end result that she looked at it far less.

The happier she grew with Dinky the more she felt guilty towards her parents. Despite all their help she moved out as soon as she was able, partly because she didn’t want them monopolizing time with her daughter and partly out of pride. She didn’t want to ask Shooting for help, even if he would throw her money to care for Dinky. She wanted to prove him wrong, that she wasn’t just a dog.

She also grew increasingly fearful as Dinky grew. Her first year was a roller-coaster ride, but Derpy felt she was getting the hang of motherhood. Dinky was starting to move beyond just one or two little words at a time. She was beginning to form sentences. Her memory was getting better as well.

Ordinarily those things would be a cause for celebration, to know that her daughter was growing up normal. However, there was a darker aspect to things. Eventually Dinky would spill the beans and break the illusion she had carefully crafted. Her parents would ask Dinky about how her day with Shooting had gone, and Dinky would have no clue what they were talking about. Eventually the truth would come out.

She kept putting it off, hoping for just one more day of peace, that her daughter didn’t grow too fast, but in the end it wasn’t a secret that could be kept forever. And when she was forced to own up to all her lies… what then?

Maybe… maybe she could just tell the truth. She could insist that she didn’t want to pursue vengeance, and that she was simply happy with having her little girl. They’d be disappointed in her, but they would most likely focus more on Shooting’s actions than hers. Not that she thought she deserved to escape the consequences, but she was growing tired. Oh so tired. Even Dinky, as wonderful and cuddly as she was, couldn’t nullify the pain she was suppressing forever.

She was growing sick of lying, of telling tall tales and betraying the trust of everyone that cared for her. She was in a constant state of anxiety, forced to smile and pretend everything was alright when inside she was screaming and crying and wanting to ask for help, as well as knowing any day Dinky would tell her parents that she had no idea who her father was.

It would be a huge weight off her shoulders if she could just come clean. Then her parents would be more supportive of her, as they would know Shooting wasn’t going to be there to take care of her. But days passed and still she didn’t tell them. It always felt like the wrong time. She was tired, or they were in too good a mood, or Dinky was being particularly fussy, or they weren’t home. Once she realized that she was prolonging things with more endless excuses and lying to herself she just felt more disgust for what she was.

One afternoon she told herself NO MORE! Her parents were out on a date. She was sitting in the couch facing the front door. Dinky was having a nap in her room. She was going to wait there until they returned, and she wouldn’t accept any more postponements. She waited and waited and waited, but they didn’t return, long past the time they had said they would be back.

And then life showed that it wasn’t done toying with her yet. There finally came a knock at the door. She hopped up out of her seat. Maybe they had forgotten their key, or they had gotten delayed.

She opened the door, seeing a pony in a blue suit, a somber look on his face as he twirled a hat in small circles with his magic.

“Hello?” she said to the stallion. She had seen him around town, but she didn’t remember his name.

“Derpy, there’s been an accident… your parents are dead.”

Her eyes became little dots as all feeling left her body.

Chapter 5: The breaking point

Dead… her parents were dead. She heard it, but she didn’t want to accept it. She didn’t want to think that she had lost her biggest supporters.

Her mind fogged over, and she barely heard the stallion explaining the details. She wasn’t taking in a word he was saying, and she put her hoof to his mouth. “Please… just… don’t say any more.” Her hoof was shaking. “I… I need some time alone.”

“Of course,” he responded, bowing his head. “I’m sorry.”

She closed the door and turned around, heading toward the kitchen. She fell flat on her face, and she didn’t feel a thing. She didn’t know whether it was worth the expenditure of energy to rise. She curled up into a ball, crying quietly. What was she supposed to do now? She was alone now. She had no other family members to help her out. Dinky was the only thing she had left. She had already felt like she was about to break before from having to keep up an act for so long. Now she would never be able to reconcile with her parents and tell them the truth. She squeezed herself hard, wishing that it was her parent’s legs around her, wishing that she had given them one more hug, one more kiss. She wished she had told them she loved them more. She wished she hadn’t held in her secret for so long and lied to them because she couldn’t give up Shooting Star.

Her heart was searing with shame and guilt and loss that slowly turned into anger, giving her the strength to get up. She trotted to the kitchen, the tears burning her eyes. “THIS ISN’T FAIR!” she yelled out, grabbing a plate and throwing it against the wall, smashing it into pieces. “WHY… DO THESE THINGS… KEEP HAPPENING TO ME?” She grabbed more stuff with each pause. She flipped the kitchen table, screaming. “I’m sick of it! I’m so sick of it! I’ve had it! I’m done! No more! No more…” Her voice grew quiet at the end, tears still pouring down her face.

She slowly shook her head. “No more. No more! NO MORE!” She went to a drawer, furiously pulling it out. The drawer went flying out of her hooves, slamming into a wall as its contents spilled all over the floor. She stomped towards the drawer, grabbing a knife as she sat by the kitchen table. Her jaw was set, her body shaking as she lifted the knife toward her throat. Just one little slash, and everything would be over. She could finally rest in peace. She could escape all the pain and the drama and all the mistakes of her miserable life. She could get away from her life of failure and uselessness.

She slowly lifted it closer and closer to her neck, her shaking getting worse, panting like she had just run a marathon. Some part of her was fighting, struggling to divert her from her decision. She was slowly subduing it, looking at the sweet release on the other side, if she could only work up the courage.

Things would be so much better without her around, wouldn’t it? The world would be better off without her. She had never contributed anything meaningful to life, so it was only fitting that she end it by her own hooves.

Her heart was racing like a locomotive, as if to get all its beats out now while it was still functioning. Her breathing was heavy and husky as she felt the cold metal of the knife touch her skin. Seconds ticked by, and she accidentally nicked herself from her constant tremors. It didn’t hurt too bad, so what was a longer cut? Her hooves were shaking so bad she kept almost dropping the knife. She still couldn’t catch her breath, but she steeled herself, shutting her eyes tight and getting a tighter grip on the knife. She wanted it to be quick.

“Mama!” came the happy voice, like the sweetest song of innocence and joy. Dinky came running into the room, holding a piece of paper in her mouth. Excitedly she climbed the chair next to Derpy.

Derpy opened an eye, hearing her precious daughter.

“Mama, mama!” Dinky said again, pulling the paper out of her mouth. “I made you a present!”

Seeing her daughters bright spirit she found her hooves slowly lowering. ‘Not… not in front of Dinky,’ she thought. ‘I can’t do that to her. She’d never get over it.’

Dinky put her hooves out, proudly showing off the drawing she had made, her eyes twinkling.

Derpy wiped her eyes, slowly taking the paper. On it was a picture that was a mess of scribbles that resembled a pony, which she assumed was her, with another smaller pony, the two of them touching heads.

Derpy’s vision blurred from the new tears flowing down her face. She put a leg over her eyes, and began sobbing, sinking to the ground and hugging herself.

‘Huh?” Concern crossed Dinky’s face, and she jumped down from the chair, crying as well. “Mama! Mama! Waz wrong?”

Derpy felt Dinky batting at her legs, and she looked up at her daughter, seeing her worry, and opened her front legs to capture her daughter and hold her close.

Dinky threw her hooves around her mother, squeezing with all her two year old strength. “Is okay, Mama,” she said comfortingly. “No cry.”

Derpy kept crying regardless, happy to have her child with her.

When Derpy began to settle down and her grip loosened Dinky began to kiss her face. First her snout, then her mouth, and then her closed eyes. “Kissy kissy kissy. Kissies to feel bettah.” She put a hoof gently on Derpy’s eye, then threw it in the air. “Sadness, fwy away! Sadness… fwy away!”

Dinky was mirroring her, doing the things she did to cheer her child up. And it was delightful. She just kept her eyes closed and let her do what she wanted.

A sudden sharp intake of breath made Derpy open her eyes, seeing Dinky’s face full of worry. “Oh, no! You bleeding.”

Derpy put a hoof to her injury. “It’s… it’s nothing, Dinky.”

But Dinky wasn’t having any of it. She pulled out of Derpy’s hold, running from the room, her body levitating and racing off.

No matter how many times she saw it she still couldn’t get over the magic surges babies were capable of.

Dinky returned shortly, holding the first aid kit she kept in the closet. “You stay stiw now,” she said firmly, opening the case.

Derpy complied, not wanting to fight. Dinky looked so determined as she wiped down the wound and put a bandaid over it.

“There we go! All bettah!” And for good measure she placed a kiss on it.

Derpy put a hoof to her neck, tears once more streaming down her cheeks. “Thank you, Dinky,” she said quietly, her heart starting to burn again.

Dinky pouted. She could tell her mom was really upset, but she didn’t know why. She thought about the other things her mom did for her when she was upset. Her mom was a whole lot bigger than her, so she couldn’t pick her up and rock her, but she could do the other part of the equation.

“Mama, Mama!” Dinky said brightly.

Derpy glanced toward Dinky, trying not to break down again.

“I’m gonna sing you a luluby.”

“Lullaby,” she corrected automatically.

Dinky cleared her throat. “Farts and poops in the potty soon, poopin’ and poopin’ all day long, I’ll flush the potty and go take a poop again!”

Derpy just stared at Dinky like she had three heads as Dinky giggled like mad. She had certainly devised some “interesting” alternate lyrics to her nighttime lullaby. Dinky was fond of toilet humor at her age.

Derpy let out a pained laugh as she put her hoof to her face. And once she started she found it hard to stop. She began to laugh harder and harder until she couldn’t breathe. She was panting for breath, but she still kept laughing every time she got some oxygen in her system.

Dinky was smiling widely, and threw her hooves around her mother’s neck and joined in with her laughter. She had helped her mama all by herself.

When her laughter finally settled down she wiped away the tears on her face and gave Dinky a loving squeeze. “Aww, Muffin, you’re so funny.”

Dinky closed her eyes, feeling so close to her mom. “I love you, Mama!”

“I love you too, Dinky.”

She maneuvered a little bit, unfurling her wings and hovering over to Dinky’s room, sitting in the rocking chair and beginning a back and forth motion.

She kept her eyes closed as she rubbed Dinky’s back, trying not to think.

Dinky let out a content sigh as she nuzzled into her mother’s fur.

The two of them sat there, rocking for the longest time, neither saying a word.

Dinky was the one who broke the silence. “Mama?”

“Yes?” Derpy replied.

“Sing!” she requested.

“Alright, Muffin.” She moved Dinky onto her back, rocking her in her legs as she began to sing. “Stars and moons and air balloons…”

Dinky loved the sound of her mother’s voice, letting it wash over her like a cool river on a summer day. She lost herself in the words, the rhythms, the crescendos, the melody, and felt so relaxed.

When she finished Dinky immediately cried out, “Again, again!” There was a bit of a rasp in her voice, showing she was growing sleepy.

Derpy complied, not wanting to make Dinky upset. She wound up singing it a third time before Dinky conked out.

As she finished up and there was silence in the room but for the sound of breathing Derpy didn’t have to keep up the act anymore. She took a shaky breath, twin trails of tears coming down her face. She stopped her rocking, getting up and flying to Dinky’s bed, setting her down. She went into the closet and took out Dinky’s carrier.

Returning to the bed she gently picked up Dinky, placing her inside and strapping her in, her face a mask.

She went to her room, scribbling a note and taking it with her. She grabbed Dinky and left the house, taking to the air.

It was a warm night, so she wasn’t worried about Dinky waking up. On particularly fussy nights she had found that the up and down nature of flight could get her daughter to fall asleep like nothing else would.

After a few minutes she arrived at Bon Bon and Lyra’s house. Setting down gently on the grass she sat down in front of the door, her back against it. She could faintly make out conversation and music coming from inside. She wondered if the two of them were dancing together. She looked up into the darkened sky, gazing at the moon.

She stared at it for a while. “Princess Luna was trapped in there for a thousand years. I couldn’t imagine it. Having to last that long. It would drive me crazy.”

Despite the warmth of the evening a chill was spreading through her body like someone had injected ice in her veins. “I did my very best, but in the end it just wasn’t enough. I just can’t take it anymore. And now… now she’ll finally have ponies that are worthy.”

She took out the paper, stuffing it inside the carrier.

“I’m sorry, Dinky.” She gave the foal one last kiss. “I hope you can forgive me someday.”

She let out a light snicker as she thought of Dinky’s creative lyrics again. She rubbed Dinky’s head lovingly. “Thank you, Muffin, for one last laugh.”

She lifted her head, a tear falling onto Dinky’s face. She forced herself to turn away, starting a slow walk towards home. She refused to turn around. She didn’t deserve to look at something as pure as her daughter. Not a miserable wretch like her…

***

“Woohoo!” Lyra shouted. “Go, Berry!”

Berry Punch was wearing a lampshade on her head, zealously shaking her body to the music and giggling.

“Does anyone want some more cider?” Bon Bon asked, bringing in a serving dish.

“I’ll pass,” said Shoeshine. “I don’t want to miss work tomorrow.”

“Did someone say cider?” Berry said, lifting up the lampshade.

Lyra turned up the music a little louder. “This is a great party.”

“I’ll toast to that,” said Doctor Hooves as he picked up a glass of cider, toasting to Lyra as they both downed their glass.

“Not quite,” said Bon Bon.

“Whatcha mean?” Berry asked, hiccupping. “Waz missing?”

“We should grab Derpy too. She’s always staying in, watching her baby. She needs a nice night out.”

“I hear that!” Lyra replied, nodding. “We’re gonna drag her out if we have to take her kicking and screaming.”

“Yeah, go grab the silly filly!” Berry agreed heartily.

The pair headed to the front door, opening it. “Hold down the fort for us while we’re gone,” said Bon Bon. “Don’t do anything we wouldn’t-WHOA!” She let out a yelp as she tripped over something, landing on her back.

Before she could even regain her senses a loud, crisp cry rent the air, following the object rolling away from them.

Lyra headed toward the crying with confusion as it came to a stop. She turned it over. “Huh? Dinky?” she said with surprise. She looked around, seeing no sign of Derpy. “What are you doing here, little one?” She undid the straps holding her in, holding onto the toddler. “There, there,” she said soothingly. “It’s okay.”

At first Dinky was so distraught at her abrupt return to consciousness that she didn’t object, but she quickly began to pull away. “Not Mama!” she cried out.

“I know, I know. I’m sorry.”

“Where Mama?” she demanded, still sobbing.

“I don’t know, sweetheart.”

That only made Dinky cry harder. “Mama! M-m-mamaaaaaa!”

Bon Bon watched Lyra trying to sooth Dinky, when a piece of paper rustling along the ground caught her attention. She picked it up, moving toward the light of her house to see it better.

Maybe Derpy had an emergency situation and needed someone to watch her. Didn’t explain why she couldn’t at least knock and let them know. The poor thing could have been outside for hours.

Her eyes scanned the paper, and her mouth went dry. Her heart began hammering, and she felt more scared than she had ever been.

“Lyra!” she called out, her voice cracking. “Come here and look at this.”

“A little busy at the moment,” she responded, still trying to get Dinky to settle down.

“Now!” she said harshly.

“Alright, alright.” She walked towards the house. “What’s so impor-” Her voice faded out, her mouth hanging open. “No! No! This… this isn’t… is it?”

“‘I’m sorry. Please take care of Dinky.’ Can it mean anything else?”

“Mamaaaa!” Dinky cried out again. “Where are you?”

The two of them looked at Dinky, pleading for her mother, and their hearts began to break at the implication.

“Come on, Lyra!”

“Right,” she replied.

The two of them went inside, knowing they had little time.

“Hey, that waz quick,” Berry said, letting out another hiccup. When she heard the crying baby she let out a drunken giggle. “Hey, you brought the wrong one.”

“Quiet!” Lyra shouted, turning off the radio.

“What’s wrong?” asked Doctor Hooves.

“We found Dinky outside our doorstep, with Derpy nowhere to be found. We also found this note.” As she read it the bright spirit of the room instantly went dead.

“Why?” Shoeshine cried out. “What happened?”

“We don’t know! What’s important right now is to find her. Me and Bon Bon are going to try her house. Doctor Hooves, please look after Dinky. The rest of you try the park or around town.”

“Right!” came the unanimous response.

Lyra and Bon Bon ran full out towards Derpy’s house as soon as they handed Dinky over. “Please be okay!” Lyra said.

Chapter 6: Help me!

Derpy was sitting on a small round table, a blank expression on her face. A rope was around her neck, tied to the ceiling fan above her. She’d been sitting there for the past few minutes, neither moving to knock the table over nor removing the rope.

She had always been a loser. That was an inescapable fact. She was the bottom rung of the social ladder, and everyone had treated her like dirt. Shooting had changed things, holding back the others through fear of his wrath, but in the end he was as bad as the rest of them.

The only thing she had done right was not to abort her child. Dinky was the only thing she had never regretted about her life. Dinky was like a bright light in a dark tunnel, the only thing that had kept her going on despite what Shooting had done to her. She had thought that the bad times were over, that things were finally looking up, but obviously that wasn’t the case. She was like a cosmic joke, a plaything of the universe; given beautiful things only to snatch them away.

Things were never going to get any better. They would only grow continuously worse. That much was clear to her. Tears began coming down her face.

Just a few steps. That was all it would take. Her weight would force the table over. The only reason she hadn’t done it yet was thoughts of Dinky. One day her daughter would learn the truth, and she’d be justifiably angry and upset. Dinky might even hate her.

“But would that be a bad thing?” she said out loud. “Everything I touch seems to turn to ruin. I can’t seem to do anything right. Why should I expect motherhood to be any different? Wouldn’t Dinky be better off without me, growing up with a loving pair of friends like Lyra and Bon Bon? She wouldn’t have to suffer my curse.”

She put her hoof to her heart. “It will hurt. It will hurt a lot, but in the end… Dinky deserves better. Better than me.” Her eyes clenched shut, her body aching at the thought. “And… and so… s-s-so…” She slowly stood up, her breathing getting heavier, even as her head felt lighter and lighter.

She lifted a hoof, keeping it in the air, hesitating again. Why? Why couldn’t she take the step?

Her head turned as she heard some frantic banging coming from another room, but her attention rapidly waned. She made herself take the first step, wondering how many steps it would take to knock the table over.

A squeak, and the sound of hooves; a gasp as they halted.

“Derpy, stop!” Bon Bon cried out.

“Don’t do this!” Lyra pleaded.

Derpy ignored them for a few moments before slowly turning her head. “What do you want?” she said dispassionately.

“What do you think we want, you idiot? We came here to stop you.”

Derpy let out a mirthless laugh, an odd smile coming to her lips. “Yeah. That’s right. I am an idiot, aren’t I?”

Lyra threw her hooves over her mouth. “I-I didn’t mean that. You know that!”

“What happened, Derpy?” Bon Bon asked.

“It doesn’t matter.” Her smile was gone as she looked back down at the floor. “Nothing matters anymore. I know that now.”

“Derpy, please! Something had to have happened. You wouldn’t just make a decision like this out of the blue!” She took a few steps forward.

“Stay back!” she yelled, taking a big step toward the edge, small tremors running through her body. “Don’t come any closer. I’ll do it! I’ll do it! I swear I will!”

Bon Bon immediately backed up, gently waving a hoof up and down. “Okay, there. I’m back. I’m back. Don’t do anything rash.”

Derpy considered them for a few moments before backing up a little too. Tears began coming down her eyes as she threw a hoof over her face, the pain washing over her like a tidal wave.

“What happened, Derpy?” Bon Bon asked again in a soothing voice, but this time she didn’t try to approach, even though she longed to.

“DEATH!” she yelled, shaking her head, her face still covered. “I-I-I got word that my parents were in an ac-accident.”

Bon Bon and Lyra looked at each other, sorrow in their eyes. Now things made sense. Both of them wanted nothing more than to go up to her and give her the biggest hug in the world, but they didn’t dare get any closer with Derpy on the edge. They didn’t want to risk forcing her into submission, as one slip could lead to her succeeding in her plan. They had no choice but to talk her down for now. So long as she stood still and was willing to talk with them they would wait as long as they had to for Derpy to calm down.

“Derpy, I’m so sorry to hear that, but this isn’t the solution.”

“That’s right!” Lyra agreed. “Do you think your parents want you to die?”

“I don’t care anymore,” Derpy responded blankly. “It just doesn’t matter. I’m all alone now. It’s too much to handle.”

“What do you mean ‘alone?’ You have Shooting Star to-”

“SHUT UP!” Derpy was blazing now, her body red hot. “SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UUUUPPP! Don’t you mention his name! I hate him! I hate him with every fiber of my being!”

“What are you talking about? You tell us all the time-”

“Because you’re as dense as rocks!” She turned her body toward them, shaking in rage. “You don’t understand a thing! Shooting Star is the biggest scum in Equestria. He used me for my body then threw me away, blackmailing me to keep quiet about what he did by threatening to take away his protection that’s kept all my bullies from picking on me again.”

Both Lyra and Bon Bon were staring at her wide-eyed and open-mouthed.

Derpy finally processed their expressions, and her anger was again replaced by sadness. Her head sunk as she began sobbing again. “Well, now you know just how pathetic I really am.” She turned away from them. “I’ve been lying to you all this time so you wouldn’t know the truth. I kept thinking that maybe there was a trick… some reason that he did what he did, but there was nothing.

"I kept hoping that he would apologize and admit he was wrong. I kept attempting to rekindle our relationship, growing more pathetic all the while, even offering myself to him whenever he wanted if he would just be my coltfriend again.” Her head drooped even lower. “I’m so ashamed of who and what I am, what I stooped to in order to preserve things despite the mounting evidence that it was never going to come to pass.

“I’m tired… so tired… I have nothing left. I lost Shooting Star. I lost my only family. I can’t raise a child all by myself.” She put a hoof to her face, wiping away some tears.

Lyra and Bon Bon were now crying right along with her. They had had no idea how much she had been suffering. “Derpy,” Lyra said gently, “please don’t do this. Ponyville just lost two ponies today. We don’t need to lose a third.”

“Why does it matter? Whether I’m here or not life will go on. I’m not like Celestia, loved and adored by everyone and more powerful than any other pony.” She sniffed. “My disappearance won’t mean a thing.”

“How can you say that?” She took a step closer. “You’re one of our best friends. Of course it will mean something.”

Derpy said nothing.

Bon Bon took a few steps forward, her face set in a glare.

Derpy pulled on the rope. “I told you to stay away!”

“Maybe that’s all fine for you, but what about your daughter?”

“Dinky was the sole spot of light in a dark life, but even she can’t help me now.”

“So you say!” She halved the distance between them again.

“Stay away!” Derpy cried out, taking a step toward the edge of table.

“Go ahead and do it if you’re going to!”

Lyra gasped. “Bon Bon!”

Derpy finally turned to look at her again, mild interest in her eyes.

“Maybe you’re right,” Bon Bon said. “Me and Lyra have a lot of friends, and we have a deep relationship with each other. It would be hard, but in time we could get over you.”

“What are you-”

Bon Bon shoved a hoof in Lyra’s face to shut her up. “But Dinky is another story. Sure, we could provide a home and loving care and raise her, but no matter what we did we could never replace her mother. We could never be what you were to her.”

Closing the distance she continued on. “Do you know what happened before, when we discovered Dinky?”

Derpy opened her mouth, but nothing came out.

“The only thing she did was ask for YOU!”

Derpy averted her eyes, trembling.

“‘Where’s Mama? I want Mama!’ ‘Mama, where are you?’ Mama, Mama, Mama, Mama, Mama! You are her mother, and she’s naturally going to be the most attached to you. How are we supposed to answer her when she someday asks why you’re not around? Why we raised her instead of her own mother?”

Bon Bon was in front of the table now, and still Derpy offered no further protests. “You’re in pain right now because you just lost YOUR mother. Is that what you want to put Dinky though?”

Derpy’s whole body clenched, and she shook her head. “Of course not! I… I just don’t know what else to do. I have no one else to ask for help. I can’t raise Dinky alone. I’m barely able to make ends meet right now. Now I don’t even have my parents. It hurts so bad I can’t stand it. I’m not going to be able to raise a child like this.”

Lyra came up to the table as well. “Derpy, you silly head. Of course you’re not alone. All of us are here for you too. We’re your friends. We’re happy to provide assistance, but you have to be willing to ask for help.”

The last word seemed to ring through her body, echoing in her head. “Help?” she said in a dazed voice. She looked at the two of them. They hadn’t given up on her. They still believed in her. They didn’t hold it against her for lying.

And the word burst out of her, the one she’d wanted to say for so long. “Help… help… help! Help me! Help me! Oh Celestia, please help me!” The word grew more and more hysterical until it was incomprehensible and she was bawling her eyes out, squeezing herself for support.

Lyra rubbed her side. “That’s it, Derpy. Just let it all out.”

Derpy was venting her powerful emotions, but it wasn’t enough. She needed more. She wanted to be by her friends. Getting a little control over herself she rubbed her eyes and asked in a child-like voice, “Can I have a hug?”

The two of them grew teary-eyed. “Of course you can!” Bon Bon said with a big nod, putting her hooves out and smiling.

A hint of a smile fluttered across Derpy’s face, so grateful to have such good friends. She went to jump down to them.

There was a split-second of realization that all three of them shared that she hadn’t taken the noose off her neck before it pulled tight and yanked her backward. She let out a choked sound as her flailing legs knocked over the table beneath her, knocking away her only source of support.

All three of them used their skills to try to aid her right as gravity made the noose pull tight, cutting off her oxygen. Derpy flapped her wings, Lyra used her horn to help lift her up, and Bon Bon rushed underneath her, giving her a hoofhold to stand on.

Derpy fumbled at the rope around her, but couldn’t get herself any breathing room.

“Lyra, get a knife from the kitchen!” Bon Bon said desperately, hearing Derpy gasping for breath.

“Right!” she said, running toward the kitchen. She found a knife rack and pulled out the biggest one she could find.

She returned back to see Derpy was starting to turn blue, and she rapidly sawed at the rope, severing it one strand at a time. Her heart was racing a mile a minute. She was terrified Derpy was going to fall.

Derpy felt like she was in another world. There was pain, but it felt detached from her the longer she was stuck. Lyra was slashing away at the rope holding her prisoner, but she was barely aware of it. Spots were popping up in front of her eyes, and she felt she might pass out at any moment.

In that moment, when the peace of oblivion felt so close, came the image of her daughter. Dinky was so little, so precious.

She could hear her daughter’s voice, saying the words Bon Bon had told her before. ‘Mama, Mama. Where’s Mama?’ Dinky was looking for her. She couldn’t afford to go yet. She didn’t want to put her daughter through what she was suffering right now. She had promised Dinky that she wouldn’t let her suffer for her own stupid mistakes. She didn’t want to break that for anything.

Her eyes closed halfway as she lost strength in her limbs. Was she too late? ‘Dinky… I’m sorry…’ Her thoughts blurred as time slowed, falling towards the floor. She waited for the pull of the rope to finish the job, unable to stay up any more.

“Hah!” Lyra cried out as she gave one last slash to the rope, severing it just as Derpy collapsed.

Derpy was barely conscious of landing on the ground.

Lyra quickly moved the knife to Derpy’s neck, sawing away at the rope.

Bon Bon tapped Derpy’s face, terrified at the blank expression on her face. “W-why didn’t you do that first?” she asked harshly. “She’s going to suffocate!”

“I-I’m sorry!” she said, tears dripping down. “I-I didn’t want to risk cutting her!”

Bon Bon saw the knife shaking violently, and she silently berated herself for distracting her friend. “No, I’m sorry! I shouldn’t have said that. I’m… I’m scared too. But you can save her. Believe in yourself.”

She moved her head down to the knife handle, taking it in her mouth to help steady it as they moved it back and forth.

Derpy felt like she floating on a bed of water, separate from her body. Her surroundings had turned white. Was this what death was like? So peaceful… so tranquil. She could accept this as her end.

Just as she began to think that, memories flashed before her eyes. So many precious memories she got to share with her daughter that filled her heart with joy and kept her going.

She wouldn’t ever forget Dinky’s first smile. She was exhausted, having been up most of the night trying to get Dinky to go to sleep. Her mane was a mess and she was growing frustrated as she lost her patience. Just as she was about to lose her temper and just throw Dinky in her crib and let her cry herself to sleep her daughter did it: Dinky looked right into her eyes and smiled past her pacifier.

Instantly her anger faded, and she could only smile back as tears came down her eyes.

When she brought up her issue with getting Dinky to sleep her mother suggested singing her a lullaby, and that was the beginning of a special ritual between the two of them. Dinky seemed to adore her singing, and would usually conk out pretty easy when she did it.

Dinky had just begun her life, and she had so much potential inside of her. She was going to be someone great. However, she wouldn’t reach that spot without a proper upbringing. She needed loving ponies in her life to teach her how to be her best.

If there was only herself to consider she wouldn’t mind this escape… but there wasn’t only herself. If Dinky was crying out for her, if her daughter was suffering, if she needed her mother’s love… then she would be there. She couldn’t abandon her daughter to the world’s cruelties. Not so long as she was there to care for her.

Even it meant more pain, more bruises, more hardship… she couldn’t leave Dinky behind. The white began to fade to blackness as her will to live flared up. ‘I want to live,’ she said in her mind. ‘I WANT TO LIVE!’

“Just… one… last… cut… and…!” Lyra muttered between the back and forth motion. “Got it!”

Derpy gasped in oxygen as the last strand of the rope snapped, and she fully returned to herself. Her neck was burning as she forced herself up to a sitting position.

“Easy, Derpy!” Bon Bon said cautiously, using her hoof to pull off the remains of the rope. She threw her hooves around her friend. “You idiot! I thought we’d lost you.”

Lyra closed the distance as well, joining Bon Bon as the two of them cried.

Derpy put a hoof to her neck, rubbing it. She had come so close to death twice that night, both times by her own hoof. And what had stopped her both times was the love others had for her. First her daughter, then her best friends.

“Thank… you….” Her voice was hoarse and it was a struggle to get the words out. “Thank you!” She lifted her own front hooves and put them around her friends as she joined in on the crying.

The two of them only held her tighter in response as they let their emotions go.

After only a short time she pulled away from her friends. “Dinky,” she rasped out, walking toward the front door. She only got a few steps before growing dizzy and tripping.

“Derpy, stop!’ Lyra called out.

She lifted herself up. “I can’t! I… I have to see Dinky.” Spots flew before her eyes and she collapsed back to the floor. “Dinky… have to see… Dinky.”

Lyra used her magic to lift Derpy on Bon Bon’s back, keeping her spell active to keep Derpy from falling off. “Just relax, Derpy. We’ll take you to her right now.”

Derpy closed her eyes, not wanting to see anything else except her daughter. “Fine,” she muttered out.

Derpy didn’t make any fuss as they walked back to Lyra and Bon Bon’s house.

When they arrived Shoeshine and Berry Punch were waiting outside. Shoeshine gasped when she saw the trio, running over with Berry not far behind. “Oh my gosh!” she said. “She’s…. she’s not…”

Lyra shook her head. “No. She’s alive. Just a little tired.”

Derpy opened her eyes, lifting her head a little.

“Oh, I’m so glad you’re-” Berry started.

“Quiet! Please be quiet!” Derpy cried out. Her friends were all right in front of her, but it was the tiny sound that captured her full attention. Even though they were apart, the noise was almost deafening to her. She hopped off Bon Bon’s back, feeling strength like she’d never felt coursing through her veins, wiping away all her pain as she ran toward the house. She stumbled slightly at first, but she managed to stay upright, ignoring everything else.

Doctor Hooves was doing his best to comfort Dinky, but she refused to be consoled.

“Maaammaaaaaa!” Dinky cried out. “Where’s… my… mamaaaaa!”

“Dinky!” Derpy cried out.

“Mama?” Dinky’s sobbing stopped almost instantly as her head whipped around toward the familiar voice. “Mama!” Her face broke out in a smile.

Derpy’s eyes began to overflow with tender tears. “Come here, my little Muffin!” She put her legs out.

Dinky hopped right off Doctor Hooves. She started out running, but midway there her horn began to glow and she flew into the air right toward her mother.

Derpy caught her, hugging her close and nuzzling and snuggling her, just as Dinky did to her.

“Mama, Mama, Mama, Muffin, Mama, Mama, Muffin!” Dinky babbled joyfully, holding as tight as she could.

Dinky’s feelings washed over her. Hearing the way her daughter was so upset without her around she was glad she had survived her near-death experience. She never wanted to put Dinky through such a traumatic experience.

She had nearly broken her vow, but she renewed it right then and there in her mind. She promised that her daughter would always come first, no matter what. She couldn’t afford to die. And while she couldn’t control fate, she could at least not aim to end her own life. Because there was a little girl right in front of her who desperately needed her and couldn’t imagine life without her.

“I love you, Muffin!” she said tenderly.

“I loves you’s too, Mama!” Dinky replied, giving her a kiss.

Chapter 7: Surrounded by friends

Derpy kept a tight hold on Dinky, her love for her daughter filling her up. She wished it was that easy, that Dinky could wash away everything that made her sad, but she was also scared. In the span of an hour she had almost killed herself twice, which would force Dinky to grow up without a mother. As Bon Bon had bluntly put out she had nearly caused her child as much suffering as she was going through.

Now that she had asked for help she was going to accept it, and pride be damned. She refused to let Dinky bear the weight of her problems. It was what she had promised long ago, when she had decided to forgo getting an abortion and taking the easy way out of her problems. If she didn’t accept help now she knew she would get overwhelmed again, much like a short time ago.

Keeping a grip on Dinky, Derpy flew towards an armchair, rocking Dinky much like before. “Everyone, I need to talk to you once Dinky goes back to sleep.”

Though the others were curious, minus Bon Bon and Lyra, they accepted that, knowing it wouldn’t be good to get onto an emotional topic with her baby so near.

Derpy settled Dinky down using the same method as before. Once Dinky conked out Derpy placed her in her carrier and put her in Bon Bon and Lyra’s room, leaving the door open a crack.

As she returned to the living room her self-restraint failed her much like before, and her eyes filled with tears. “I’m so sorry, everyone! I never meant for this to happen!

“I… I need a hug! Please!”

At once all of them gathered around her, joining in a big group hug. Derpy let herself go, bawling her eyes out as she kept apologizing for what she had nearly put them through. Through reassurances from them, as well as the comfort of their legs around her, she began to settle down.

When she had gotten herself under control she gently pushed them away, standing in front of them. “Bon Bon and Lyra already know this, but I… I tried to… to k-k-kill… myself… because I just found out I’ve lost my parents.”

Like with her other friends their eyes grew misty and their hearts grew heavy at the news.

“Oh, Derpy,” said Shoeshine. “I’m so sorry.”

“So,” began Doctor Hooves, “this was just a result of shock and being temporarily overwhelmed. The worst is over, right?”

Derpy shook her head. “No. No!” She hugged herself. “I’m scared! I’m more scared than I’ve ever been. I don’t trust myself. A part of me still feels like I’m going to go over the edge at the next bit of bad news.” She squeezed tighter. “And I can’t do that. I… I have to be there for Dinky! She needs me! I might not be the best parent, but the way she was wailing and calling out for me while I was off being stupid is all the proof I need.

“I need help! Now that I’ve lost my parents I’m not in a position to care for Dinky on my own.”

“On your own?” asked Berry Punch. “Don’t you have your lover boy?”

Bon Bon and Lyra gave a look to each other as Derpy twitched. They knew that Derpy only revealed the truth because she was at her most vulnerable and in the heat of the moment. She had stated how ashamed she was of things. They knew she wouldn't want to tell the others about being used and thrown away.

Lyra moved to one side of Derpy. “Well, the thing about that is that he broke up with her out of nerves, because he didn’t expect things to go that far and he wasn’t ready to be a parent.”

Bon Bon moved to the other side. “She pretended like they were still together because she didn’t want the rest of us to hold a grudge if he came back.”

Derpy looked back and forth between the two of them, and managed a tender smile, silently thanking them for not blowing the secret.

“Well, that’s pretty crummy,” Berry responded.

“Well,” Derpy said quietly, “even though we’re not together any more he does still help me by threatening the bullies to leave me alone. He does at least that much for me.

“But I don’t want to talk about him anymore. Tonight’s been bad enough without more sad memories.”

“Right,” said Shoeshine.

Doctor Hooves shook his head. “School drama. So glad I’m through that.” He leaned back in his seat and took a deep breath. “But as you say let’s forget about the past.” Leaning forward now he asked, “So how can we help you, Derpy?”

Derpy’s eyes fluttered as a wave of fatigue washed over her, and she would have fallen to the floor if Bon Bon wasn’t still next to her. “I don’t know! I don’t know!” She put a hoof to her head. “I don’t know anything anymore! My brain is scrambled and I can’t think.”

Lyra and Bon Bon helped her onto the couch. “Derpy,” Lyra started, “I have a suggestion that may help.” She whispered in Bon Bon’s ear, and she nodded.

“What is it?” she murmured, still feeling like she was going to pass out or freak out any second.

Putting a hoof on Derpy’s shoulder she said, “The two of us think you should move in with us for a while, until you can get back on your hooves.”

Derpy blinked, the words worming their way through the fog of her consciousness. When she processed them a host of excuses ran through her brain, but they felt so weak compared to how it felt usually. She had asked for help, and she was going to take it. Dinky needed her, alive and well, and if she refused their aid she feared for both of their well-beings.

“O-okay,” she said in a quivering voice, tears slowly dripping down her face. “T-thank you.”

“Of course,” said Bon Bon. “We only want what’s best for you. We don’t want to lose one of our closest friends.”

Derpy’s eyes closed for a few seconds, growing half-lidded. “I need some sleep,” she said in a croaky voice. “I… I can’t do any more tonight.”

“Okay.”

Lyra turned to Shoeshine, Berry Punch and Doctor Hooves. “Would you three mind spending the night as well? Derpy could use all the support she can get.”

All three of them gave their assent. “Of course I will!” Doctor Hooves responded. “I’d never forgive myself if we lost Derpy now that we’ve got her right here.”

“Alright, then. I’ll go get some supplies for all of us.”

As Lyra left Bon Bon began to walk away too. “And of course there’s one other thing we can’t forget.”

Bon Bon walked into her room, seeing Dinky still sound asleep inside her carrier. Undoing the snaps she reached in and pulled out the resting filly.

Dinky began to fuss, whining quietly and crying.

“Shhh,” she said quietly. “It’s okay.”

Dinky turned her eyes toward the voice, unable to make out who was making it in the dark. “M-Mama?” came the timid voice.

“No, baby. It’s not.”

The confirmation that it wasn’t her mother made Dinky pull away. “No, no, no, no! Mama! Mamaaaa!” she called out.

“Yes, that’s who we’re going to see.”

Dinky paused in her squirming. “See Mama?”

“Yes, sweetheart.” Pulling Dinky a little closer she asked, “Do you love your Mama?”

Dinky nodded. “Yes! I love Mama!”

“Good. Your mother is sad right now, and she could use a big hug from you. Can you do that?”

Dinky’s lower lip began trembling. “M-Mama sad?”

Bon Bon nodded. “Come on. Let’s go.”

Dinky climbed on top of Bon Bon, holding her by the neck. “Come on! Mama, Mama!”

Bon Bon trotted back to the living room. Derpy looked dead to the world. Her eyes were open but clearly not seeing. Helping Dinky down she said, “Go on. Give her the biggest hug you can.”

Dinky ran as fast as her legs would carry her, jumping into Derpy’s lap. “Mama!” she cried out, throwing her legs around her. “No be sad!”

Derpy’s eyes cleared as she looked down towards her most precious gift, seeing Dinky holding back tears for the sake of helping her. A measure of strength returned to her, and she held her daughter close. “I love you, Dinky,” she said tenderly, rubbing her back. “I love you so much.”

“I loves you too!” she replied.

“Dinky?”

“Hmm?”

Her eyes closed again. “Mommy is really tired. Will you sleep with me tonight?”

Dinky nodded vigorously. “Yay! I loves sleeping wif you!” She squeezed tighter, moving her head side to side in Derpy’s fur.

Derpy couldn’t help but smile to see how joyful Dinky was at her question. Despite how bad things were, Dinky was still wholly innocent. She intended to keep things that way. As was shown several times to her that night, the purest happiness Dinky experienced was simply being around and cared for by her. She never wanted to take that away from her child.

Lyra returned, levitating a number of sheets and pillows. “I’m back,” she called out, laying them down. “Pick the one you like best and let’s have a good night’s sleep.”

Derpy nodded, her limbs fighting her as she tried to pick up Dinky. She was at her limit. Seeing her struggling Shoeshine helped Dinky down.

Dinky protested at first, thinking Shoeshine was trying to take her away from her mother. She quieted down when she was only set on the floor.

Derpy scooted forward until she could let gravity do the work. She grabbed a pillow at random, collapsing on top of it.

Dinky pouted, looking like she was about to start crying, She said they were going to sleep together.

Lyra leaned over to her. “Your mommy picked out a pillow. Now you get to choose the blanket you want. She’s waiting for you.”

Dinky looked inquiringly at her, her face clearing. She was at an age where she wanted to make her own choices and assert her independence, so being told to make a decision suited her just fine.

Dinky trotted around, all smiles again as she looked over each of the blankets before she picked a pink one. “I want dis one!” she said jubilantly, holding it up.

“Oh! Good choice!” Bon Bon replied, clapping her hooves. “It’s very pretty.”

Dinky looked very pleased with herself, rubbing her head bashfully. She pulled the blanket over to Derpy. “Mama, Mama! Look! I gots us a blanket.”

Derpy was already half-asleep, exhaustion shutting down her brain functions. She didn’t want to leave the nice space she was entering, but when Dinky cried out her name with more urgency and a touch of sadness she opened her eyes a little bit, lifting her head a smidge. “It’s cute, just like you,” she said in a hoarse voice. “Come on, Muffin. Let’s go to sleep.” Her head sank back onto the pillow.

Dinky nodded, draping the blanket over her. She got a questioning look on her face when it only covered a small part of her body before uncovering her hooves. She pulled it down, but only had the same problem with the shoulders and neck.

Dinky let out a sound of frustration, trying to figure out why it wasn’t working. She whined softly, her face starting to grow red.

Seeing she was having trouble Lyra walked over to lend her a hoof. “Don’t get upset, Dinky. You just have it sideways.” Her horn glowed as she lifted the blanket and shifted it longways, laying it down over Derpy.

Dinky’s mouth fell open in shock, before her face grew steamy. “No no no!” she said, frustrated, using her hooves to pull the blanket off. She turned to Lyra, pointing an accusing hoof. “Bad! You bad!”

Lyra’s head tilted. “I’m bad? Why?”

Dinky pointed to herself. “That MY Mama! Me do it! Me!” She slapped her hoof to her chest. “Not you!”

Lyra stifled a smile. “Oh, right. I’m so sorry.”

Dinky let out a huff as she grabbed the blanket again, pulling it up to Derpy’s neck. “There we go. Much bettah!” Lifting the blanket a little she got underneath it. “Mama. Mama!” She poked Derpy. “Hode me, hode me!”

Derpy used the last of her strength to turn over onto her side, grabbing Dinky and holding her close. She shook a bit, sniffing.

“What wrong, Mama?” Dinky asked with concern.

Derpy just squeezed tighter, saying, “I love you, Dinky. I just love you so much. I’m so sorry I left you here before. You were so upset, calling out for me. It must have hurt so much.” Tears streamed down her face. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry!”

Dinky smiled. “I forgives you!” She held Derpy back, snuggling into her fur. “I loves you too very much. No cry, Mama.”

Derpy took a deep breath, settling down a little. Dinky had forgiven her so easily, and bore no grudges. She nuzzled Dinky’s mane. “Thank you, Dinky. I… I needed to hear that.”

“You is welcomes!”

Turning over onto her back she gave Dinky a kiss. “Let’s sleep now, okay?”

Dinky nodded, yawning. “Okays, Mama.” She set her head on Derpy’s chest, grinning as she stared into her mother’s eyes. She gave Derpy a kiss back before saying, “Nighty-nights, Mama!”

“Nighty-night, Dinky,” she replied, letting her head slump onto the pillow, but still keeping her protective hold.

“Awww,” Bon Bon said quietly. “You two are so adorable together.”

Derpy ignored her, closing her eyes and hoping this time she could get to sleep.

While Derpy and Dinky were talking the rest of them had set up their blankets and pillows in a circle around them.

Derpy mustered one last bit of energy. “Thank you… everyone, for stopping me… and for reuniting me with my little Dinky.”

Dinky piped up, “Tank you’s!”

“You’re very welcome, Derpy,” said Lyra.

“That’s right,” said Berry Punch. “You’re our friend, so we’ll always help you when you need us.”

“I know…” Derpy’s voice quivered a little. “I know that tomorrow I’ll have to… to face the truth… but not now. I’m not ready yet.”

“We understand,” said Bon Bon.

Dinky sighed contentedly, rubbing her face in her mom’s fur and closing her eyes.

Derpy focused on Dinky’s face, so calm and peaceful, letting her painful thoughts drift away until she was ready to deal with them. Dinky was happy. That was enough for now. She closed her own eyes, drifting off to the sound of Dinky’s snoring.

Author's Note

Dinky is so adorable. :derpytongue2:

Chapter 8: Comforting

Clop… clop… clop…

Derpy’s hooves echoed off the floor as she walked toward home. Though the environment around her was largely black and faded, her path and her house were brightly lit.

She entered her house, calling out, “Mom! Dad!”

Out of the other room came her mother and father. “There you are.” Derpy smiled.

The two of them didn’t smile back. “What do you want?” asked her father.

“What do I want?” she responded, confused.

Her mother turned her head away. “Here to tell us more lies, are you?”

“L-lies?”

“Yes! Lies!” Her mother’s head snapped back, pointing an accusing hoof. “You hid the truth from us all this time. Didn’t you trust us? Did you think we couldn’t handle it?”

Derpy shrank back, looking at the floor. “I… I’m sorry. I… it’s just… I…”

“No excuses!” her father said sternly. “We thought you were doing so well. We would have done anything for you, but you hid everything from us. You’re disgusting.”

Derpy shrank even more, quivering. “No! Please… don’t say that!”

“If you had only been honest from the start we could have helped you. We could have done so much more! You’re a terrible daughter. It’s YOUR fault what happened to us!”

Derpy winced, tears coming down her eyes. “Stop… p-please stop.”

“What’s wrong?” asked her mother. “Can’t handle the truth? You don’t deserve to be a mother. Dinky would be better off without you!”

Derpy began shivering. “No! That’s not true! Dinky loves me! She needs me!”

“Until you get her killed too with your negligence.”

“You’re incompetent!” said her father.

“Liar!”

“Traitor!

“Liar… traitor!” The words echoed around her, growing overwhelming. Her breath grew short, and she felt like was going to suffocate. A rope appeared around her neck, and she found herself suspended over a table.

“Go on, then! End all your troubles. It’s so easy, isn’t it?”

“We hate you, you wretch of a child!”

Derpy was bawling her eyes out, the pain spiraling out of control. Her eyes grew dim as she took a step toward the edge.

As she began to fall a voice called out to her, small and panicked and worried. “Mamaaaa!”

Derpy gasped as she woke up, her body covered in sweat, her breathing short. It was a dream… only a terrible dream.

Dinky was still sleeping on her belly, letting out little breaths.

Derpy put her legs around Dinky, carefully turning onto her side and slowly lowering Dinky onto the pillow. She waited a few seconds, but Dinky didn’t stir, her breathing still consistent.

Sitting up she got to her hooves, looking around at all her sleeping friends. All of them surrounding her gave her comfort, but she still ached deep inside.

She carefully tip-toed across the floor to avoid stepping on her friends, sitting on the couch. She leaned over, her head on her hooves, the weight of the news making her feel so heavy. She felt like she was going to break down. She needed some support, but she didn’t want to wake everyone up.

“Derpy.”

Her heart skipped a beat as she jumped. She saw a shadowy figure getting up from the armchair. As he approached she saw it was only Doctor Hooves.

“Don’t scare me like that!” she whispered.

“Sorry,” he replied, gesturing with his head.

Derpy followed him to the guest room where they both sat on the bed. “What are you doing up?” she asked.

“Well, after the scare you gave us we weren’t sure it was safe to just leave you be, so we agreed to take watches just in case.”

For a moment Derpy felt irritation that they didn’t have enough faith in her to trust she wasn’t going to off herself. It quickly faded, her eyes swimming with tears as she buried her head in his chest and began sobbing.

Doctor Hooves put his legs around her, letting her vent her feelings. “That’s right, Derpy. Just let it all out.”

“I… I never t-t-thought it would be this h-hard!”

“Life is hard. There’s no getting around it. That’s what friends are for, to share the weight of your burdens so they don’t seem so overwhelming.” He began to rub her back.

She shook in his hooves. “I d-don’t know wh-wh-what to do now! I’m scared! I’m so lonely! I don’t have any other family! I don’t feel safe being alone! I don’t want Dinky t-to lose me!” She filled him in on the nightmare she had right before she completely lost herself in her emotions.

He didn’t answer, simply letting her express her emotions until she began to come down off her high. Only then did he say, “Derpy, we’re all here for you. That’s why we all slept over tonight. That’s why we agreed to take watches through the night, just in case you got out of control or needed someone to talk to. You’re not alone!”

Derpy looked up at him with teary eyes. “I… I wasn’t ready to be a mother. I never meant for things to go as far as they did. It just felt right what the two of us did. But when I got pregnant, after some panic, I knew I wanted to keep the baby. I knew I wanted to raise her and love her and care for her. Sometimes I wonder if I’m really cut out for it.

“Dinky looks to me for strength, and I always put on a brave face for her, but sometimes it hurts so bad I can’t stand it.”

“Of course it hurt. You were keeping a terrible secret, lying to hide the shame you felt. We thought everything was great between the two of you, but it had to come at the cost of knowing you were deceiving everyone close to you.

“But what you heard was not your true parents. It was simply a reflection of your fears and nothing more. Your parents were lovely ponies. They would have gotten mad at the news you were keeping, but that’s only because they loved you enough to care about your well-being.”

Derpy’s eyes clenched shut. “It did come at a great price. I had reached the end of my emotional rope. I wanted to tell my parents the truth tonight. Now I’ll never have the chance.”

Doctor Hooves closed his eyes as well, holding her tighter. “You might not have got to tell your parents, but we all know what you went through now. We’re going to be there for you during this rough time, no matter how long it takes to get through.”

In a childish voice she said, “I’m scared…”

“Scared of what?” he asked.

“I feel so broken… I don’t have any strength left. Everything I see and think of feels like a weapon. I know there are plenty of knives in the kitchen. I could go the bathroom and down all the medicine there. I could grab a pillow and smother myself. Even though I want to live for Dinky’s sake… I’m scared I’m going to make a big mistake.”

He squeezed even tighter. “I won’t let you! You hear me?” he said strongly. “I won’t let you go. If you don’t have any strength to resist the urges going through you than I’ll lend you some of mine. Me and Shoeshine and Berry and Lyra and Bon Bon will all share our hearts with you, to help patch up that black hole inside you until you come to your senses.”

She moved her head, looking up into his eyes. She lost herself in his kind gaze, feeling so grateful for his warmth and affection. Her eyes filled up with tears, and she began to sob again, holding on for dear life.

Once more he just let her burn out her emotions before talking. “Derpy… it’s going to be okay. I promise that. Not today or tomorrow or maybe even this year, but eventually you’ll get your strength back and go back to being a great mother and a great mare.”

“Do you… really think I’m that special?”

“Of course. You’re amazing, taking on so much. But now it’s time for you to rest and let us take over.”

Her head slumped a little as she began nuzzling him. “Thank you. T-thank you! Thank you!”

Doctor Hooves felt so powerless. Derpy was spiraling off on another round of crying, and all he could do was hug her. He wished he could do more to alleviate her suffering, but he couldn’t bring the dead back to life.

As she started to come down again he got an idea. “Well, I don’t claim to be an expert, but I hope I at least don’t make you wish you were deaf.”

“Huh?” she muttered. “Wha-?” He lifted her up so she was sitting sideways on his lap, placing his hooves around her again.

“How did it go?” In a lilting voice he began to sing as he bobbed back and forth. “Stars and moons and air balloons, fluffy clouds to the horizon…”

Derpy rocked back and forth with him, closing her eyes as she focused all her attention on his voice.

He got through the first verse fine, but couldn’t remember the words after that. “Well, how was it?”

“Lovely,” she said, more relaxed in his grip. “Sing it again, would you?”

“Of course,” he replied, smiling at the change in her tone.

Derpy continued to bob throughout, joining in with him after the first line.

She let out a contented sigh when they finished, once more nuzzling his chest. “My parents used to sing that lullaby to me every night. It was a sure-fire way of getting me to calm down when I was being fussy. They just had the most amazing voices.

“When my mother suggested to me to try singing to Dinky to help her when she was fussy, there was only one thing that came to mind. A song about joy and happiness, being surrounded by such lovely, relaxing things… it was such a marvelous mental image that I couldn’t help but appreciate it.”

She nuzzled him again. “Thank you for being here for me. It means a lot to me.”

“Of course, Derpy. What are friends for?”

Her smile began to fade. She maneuvered herself so she was facing him and grabbed him again. “Please hold me close. Please don’t let go. I need to know you’re here. I… I need to know that you’re not going to disappear too. Protect me! Please! Please! Please…” She put her head on his neck, softly crying.

He complied, rubbing her back. “I’m not going anywhere, Derpy. That’s my promise to you. I’ll be here as long as you need me.”

“T-thank you.”

She sniffed, occasionally letting out a little sob or shake, or a sudden hard squeeze.

He didn’t know how long he held onto her, her head on his neck, but eventually her body went limp as she fell back asleep.

Although he wanted to let her sleep he knew that wouldn’t end well. “Wake up,” he said, gently shaking her.

She resisted his call, moaning sleepily.

“Come on, Derpy. You can’t go to sleep now. You know how Dinky gets. If she wakes up and you’re not there she’s going to freak out.”

Derpy groaned again. She knew that, but she felt too weak to stand. “Can,” she said in a croaky voice, “can you bring her to me?”

“I can’t leave you alone,” he said firmly. “I suppose the others will simply have to deal.”

She didn’t have the strength to argue. She let herself drift back off to sleep.

Doctor Hooves kept watch over her all night. He felt wide awake. Derpy was a dear friend. He wasn’t going to let her lose herself to despair. He wasn't going to let her end her life. He would protect her from herself, no matter what it took. That was for certain.

Author's Note

:derpytongue2: I think this is a decent setup for their future relationship in the main story, hmm? :heart:

Chapter 9: Fake smile

In the morning Dinky was the first one to wake up. She stretched and yawned before sitting up. She saw the sleeping ponies around her, knowing to try to keep quiet. “Good morning, Mama!” she said softly, but when she turned to look her smile faded. Her mother wasn’t there!

Her eyes filled with tears as her lip began trembling. She ran over to Lyra and began shaking her.

“Lyly, Lyly!”

Lyra stirred, groaning sleepily as she felt the small hooves on her. “Mmmm… Dinky?” she muttered, blinking in the light. “What’s wrong?”

“Lyly, where Mama?”

“Hmm?”

“Mama, Mama! She gone!” Dinky cried out. “She sleepin’ wif me but then she gone!” Tears streamed down her eyes. “I scared! I w-want my M-m-m-m-mamaaaaaa!”

Lyra sat up as Dinky began sobbing. She looked around. Everyone else had been sleeping, but Dinky’s wailing was waking them up. The only one missing was Doctor Hooves, and she trusted he was with her.

Lyra picked Dinky up, holding her close. Dinky was too distraught to fight it. “Come on, Dinky. Let’s go find your mama. Maybe she just went to the bathroom.”

“A-a-alwight,” Dinky replied, settling down slightly.

After searching a few rooms she found Derpy and Doctor Hooves in the guest bedroom. Derpy was still sleeping on his lap.

Lyra’s eyebrow went up a bit. “Had an exciting night?” she asked with a bit of a smirk.

Doctor Hooves turned to her, scowling. “Really, Lyra? Derpy just lost her parents. Can we save the bawdy jokes?”

Lyra’s grin faded. “Right,” she said, contrite, setting Dinky on the floor.

“Help me here, would you?” he asked as he started to lift Derpy.

Lyra’s horn lit up as she assisted him in moving her onto the bed.

Derpy stirred as Dinky ran over and jumped on the bed. “Mama!” she called out.

“Hi, Dinky,” said Derpy as she opened her eyes halfway.

Dinky had a fierce frown, glaring at her mother. “Why you leave me? You say we sleep together, but then you go sleeps wif Docah Hoofs.”

Derpy sat up, trying to hug Dinky to her, but Dinky backed up from her, crossing her hooves.

Derpy gently snickered. “I’m sorry, Dinky. I didn’t mean to leave you behind. I just had a nightmare, and I needed someone to hold me and make it feel better.”

Dinky’s eyes only grew narrower. “I do that! Dinky can hold you and make you feel bettah!”

“Yes, that’s true. But Doctor Hooves was still awake, while you were sleeping. I didn’t want to wake you up out of a good sleep if there was someone else already there to hold me.”

Dinky sucked on her cheek, considering the words. Finally she unclenched her body and stomped over, sitting on her mom’s lap and hugging her.

Derpy could tell Dinky was still a little sore at her. As she went to apologize again Dinky looked up at her, tears brimming in her eyes.

“I… I scared when you not there. Y-you scared me. I wake up and you not there, like yesserday.”

Derpy closed her eyes, starting to cry herself. “I… I know. I’m sorry.” She hugged Dinky close. “I’m sorry. Please don’t cry.” Her stomach began to burn with guilt. Doctor Hooves had tried to remind her how Dinky would react if she woke up to find herself alone. She was just too tired to really acknowledge it. She had been in a state of emotional exhaustion.

Though her own suffering was great she knew she wasn’t the only one involved in this. Dinky was so young and vulnerable. She was the central pillar in her daughter’s life. If she crumbled Dinky would too. Even if Dinky survived it she would carry those scars the rest of her life.

It all went back to what she said to Doctor Hooves: though everything was a potential weapon she could use on herself, she didn’t want to go that route, not when Dinky was so reliant on her for support and love. Bon Bon’s words were relevant too. The rest of her friends were grown, with their own lives. Given time they could get past it if she was gone. Dinky couldn’t. She was too young to understand. All she knew was she loved her mommy, and couldn’t stand the thought of being too far from her.

Lyra and Doctor Hooves were both watching them. She noticed when his head slumped a bit, and turned to him. “We were supposed to take watches, remember? You didn’t have to stay up all night.”

He turned to her. “I couldn’t help it. I was feeling wide awake until now. I was too afraid to fall asleep, being the only one awake. I didn’t want to leave her alone, even for a moment. Not when she was freaking out over that nightmare she had.”

“I can only guess what happened there. You’ve been up long enough. I’ll take over from here.”

“Thank you.” He nodded sleepily, getting up and leaving the room.

Lyra sat down next to the pair, letting them deal with their issues for the time being.

Without warning Derpy spoke up. “My parents… they accused me of being at fault for what happened to them.” She squeezed Dinky a little tighter. “They said I was a liar, and a traitor to them. And… that I wasn’t worthy of taking care of my daughter.

“I… I found myself in the same place you and Bon Bon found me yesterday, but unlike you they encouraged me to go through with it.”

Lyra winced, inhaling sharply. No wonder Doctor Hooves didn’t want to leave her alone. That would be horrible for anyone to endure, dream or not.

Lyra put a leg around her. “It was only a dream, Derpy. You know that. Your parents would never encourage you to do that. If they really thought you were an unfit mother they wouldn’t have let you live alone with Dinky. Nightmares and fears crumble when you confront them with facts.”

“Maybe you’re right… but I also lied to them. I lied to all of you for so long. Maybe… if I’d had the courage to be honest…”

“Yeah!” Lyra said sharply. “If you live in a world of maybe’s then anything is possible. MAYBE if you had told them you might have gone out with them and you and Dinky would be dead too. MAYBE it would have led to them dying sooner. If you play the maybe game anytime something bad happens you can always say things would have been different, but you can never know for sure. It only amounts to you taking responsibility for something you’re not responsible for in the first place!”

Derpy didn’t respond. Her face was heavy with a mix of negative emotions. She picked Dinky up, moving her so she was on her stomach, and began to rub her back.

Dinky smiled at the attention.

Lyra watched her, unsure of what was going through Derpy’s head.

Derpy focused all her attention on Dinky, moving her hooves further up and down, putting more pressure on her, still with a deadpan expression.

Silence reigned throughout the room, with the exception of Dinky’s coos of enjoyment. “Funeral,” she said suddenly.

“Huh?”

“Funeral. There has to be a funeral. I know it sounds horrible, but I don’t want to go.” A tear slowly made its way down her cheek. “A funeral is supposed to be about remembering and letting go. Memories are too painful to recall right now. Letting go?” Her body clenched. “How am I supposed to let go?” Her voice began to quiver. “I couldn’t even let go of Shooting Star, despite how horrible he’s been to me.”

Dinky whimpered. Her mother was pushing way too hard on her back now. Beyond that, though, she could also feel the changes in the way her mother was acting; the shakiness of her voice, the slight trembling of her body. Her mother was in pain.

“Mamaaaa!” she cried out. “You hurting me!”

“Wha-oh!” Derpy shook her head, trying to focus on the present. “Sorry, Dinky!” she said cheerfully. Dinky turned her head, staring into Derpy’s eyes. “What’s with that look, Muffin? I said I was sorry.”

Dinky didn’t know the words to say to express what she was feeling, and it frustrated her. The feelings vanished as Derpy grabbed her and lifted her up, blowing a raspberry on her belly, making her squeal and squirm with laughter.

“S-s-stoppit!” Dinky said through her giggles.

“Never!” Derpy said evilly, blowing on her belly some more until Dinky was panting for breath.

Dinky was feeling giddy as she was placed back on the bed, little chuckles still coming from her as she came down from the emotional high.

Bon Bon popped in. “Morning, everyone! I hear the giggle express going on in here.”

“Morning, Bon Bon,” Derpy replied.

“Doctor Hooves told me about your night together.”

Derpy cringed. “Did you have to say it like that?”

“Sorry. He’s exhausted, after spending all night awake looking after you, so I put him to bed in our room so he won’t be disturbed. I’m making some pancakes for everyone. I’m sure you could use some breakfast.”

Derpy nodded half-heartedly.

“Pancapes?” Dinky said, hopping up. “I love pancapes!” She hopped off the bed, running out of the room. “Come on, Mama!”

Lyra snickered. “That’s a filly that knows what she wants.” She stood up as well. “Come on, Derpy.” She turned to Derpy, and her heart sank. Derpy’s cheerful demeanor had vanished, her face heavy and nearly devoid of expression.

Lyra put on her serious face, putting a hoof on Derpy’s shoulder. “Hey, are you okay?” She shook her head. “Stupid question, I know. I know you’re not okay. I guess I thought you were doing a bit better the way you were acting when you started playing with Dinky.”

Derpy slid off the bed, a tear coming down her eye. “Of course it seemed that way. I already proved I was a skilled actor before, didn’t I? Good enough to deceive everyone important to me.”

“Derpy…”

“Please… don’t…” Derpy turned back to her with a plastic smile. “It’s fine if the rest of you know how I’m really feeling, but Dinky doesn’t deserve to suffer, so she doesn’t need to know how I feel like I’m dying inside. So long as Dinky is happy that’s all I care about.” With that she left the room.

Tears came down Lyra’s eyes. The casual way Derpy said those words, along with her over-wide smile, made her stomach twist in knots. She was scared for Derpy’s sanity. Just the previous day she had seen one of her long-time friends on the brink of committing suicide. And it was clear that Derpy was still on the brink. They couldn’t afford to leave her alone. She knew deep-down that Derpy wanted to live, but was overwhelmed by her feelings.

For now, all she could do was offer her unwavering support. She could understand why Doctor Hooves stayed up all night instead of asking one of them to take over. She didn’t think she’d be able to go to sleep either if Derpy had expressed the sentiments she just did the previous night.

She wasn’t going to lose her friend. She knew that for certain. They had saved her from herself once. They could do it again.

Her resolve hardening, she followed after Derpy towards the kitchen. Her stomach clenched painfully as she saw Derpy at the table, once more a different mare. She was laughing away as she tried to keep Dinky’s pancakes away from her mouth, Dinky getting annoyed but laughing at the same time. She seemed perfectly normal, but Lyra knew it was just an act for Dinky’s sake.

“Oh, Derpy,” she whispered under her breath, putting a hoof over her heart.

Chapter 10: Aunties and nursery rhymes

Time felt like it was out of whack. Days passed by and Derpy couldn’t remember anything about them. Her body went to the service for her parents, but her mind did not. Her friends offered her consolations, the preacher said last words, and the bodies were buried. What was said, though, she had no idea. Her mind was a blank hole, completely devoid of thoughts and emotions.

All she wanted to do was sleep; anything to get away from the crushing weight threatening to engulf her. Lyra and Bon Bon continued to watch over her. Berry Punch, Doctor Hooves, and Shoeshine came over frequently to help support her.

Dinky could hardly fail to notice the change in her mother’s behavior, of how she spent most of her time not talking and laying down and sleeping.

Derpy passed it off as being sick, which wasn’t entirely untrue. She was sick… sick with loss; sick with hurt.

Dinky knew how it felt to be sick. She also knew whenever she wasn’t feeling well her mother always cared for her and held her and gave her medicine. She did the same for Derpy, in her own little way.

Derpy could tell all of them were working hard for her, to help her out. She just lacked the emotional capacity to really thank them for it.

They took care of all the big responsibilities, so the only thing Derpy had to do was play with Dinky. In some ways Derpy loved this, as she didn’t think she could muster the energy to do anything else besides eat and sleep. In other ways she hated it. She tired of putting on a smile and pretending things were fine when Dinky was around, when she just wanted to be left alone.

Dinky was too clingy to her, so she decided the best way to mitigate things was to get her daughter to become comfortable with her friends. She began to referring to them as Dinky’s aunts and uncle.

Derpy didn’t want to overwhelm Dinky with too much at once, so she decided to have Dinky warm up to one of them at a time. She started with Lyra.

“Dinky!” Derpy said brightly as they sat on a chair in the guest room, flashing the familiar hollow smile.

“Yes, Mama?” she responded.

“Auntie Lyra wants to show you something.” She took Dinky over to the bed, setting her down and going back to sit down.

Lyra set up a few stuffed animals on her bed. “This is something funny my momma taught me when I was about your age. You ready?”

Dinky looked at her, unsure. She turned her head to Derpy, to make sure she was still there to protect her, then turned back and nodded.

“Okay. Here we go.” She used her magic to levitate the five stuffed animals, making them bounce up and down. She then began to sing.

“Five little ponies, jumping on the bed. One fell off and bumped her head.” She threw one of the toys on the floor. “Mama called the doctor and the doctor said, ‘No more ponies jumping on the bed!”

Dinky giggled at the silly voice.

“FOUR little ponies, jumping on the bed. One fell off and bumped her head. Mama called the doctor and the doctor said, “NO MORE PONIES jumping on the bed!”

Dinky giggled some more, smiling wide as another toy flew to the floor.

“Three little ponies, jumping on the bed.”

“One fell off and bump her head!” Dinky sang, using her own magic to throw another toy on the floor.

Lyra’s heart warmed, seeing Dinky joining in. “Mama called the doctor and the doctor said-”

“NO MORE PONY jumpin’ on da bed!” Dinky squealed with laughter. “More, more!”

“Two little ponies-”

“-jumpin’ on da bed-” Dinky stood up, jumping up and down herself now.

“-one fell off-“

“-and bump her head-“ She throw yet another toy on the floor, still bouncing.

“Mama called the doctor-”

“-and the doctor said-”

“NO MORE PONIES jumping on the bed!” They finished in unison.

“More, more!” Dinky cried out. “We do together!”

“Alright, then. Ready?” Dinky nodded

“One little pony, jumping on the bed, one fell off and bumped her head. Mama called the doctor and the doctor said, ‘NO MORE PONIES JUMPING ON THE BED!”

Lyra finished up in a normal manner, but Dinky practically shouted the ending. Dinky fell to the bed on her back, clutching her stomach and kicking her back legs as she laughed hysterically.

Derpy watched them with a half-smile. Her daughter’s joy was her joy, but she couldn’t deny a piece of her felt jealous for sharing. She knew that was terrible, but she had lost both of her largest supports. Dinky was the only family she had left that she knew of.

“Again!” Dinky said, her cheeks flushed red with joy. Her horn glowed as she lifted the stuffed animals and made them start bouncing. “Five little ponies, jumpin’ on da bed-”

The two of them went through the song again, Dinky grinning like mad all the while. When they finished up the second time Dinky walked over to Lyra and gave her a hug. “I like you, Annie Lyly.”

Lyra hugged her back. “Aww, thank you, Dinky. I like you too.”

“Hey! Who’s running the laugh train in here?” Bon Bon asked as she came in. “Oh, my. You’ve gained Dinky’s approval.”

Dinky pulled herself free of Lyra’s hug, levitating herself over to her mother and hugging her.

Derpy could see Bon Bon looked a bit put out. “Don’t be scared, Dinky. Auntie Bon Bon is just as fun and nice as Auntie Lyra.” Pulling Dinky away she turned her around so she was facing Bon Bon. “Why don’t you tell her about the fun thing you and Lyra were doing?”

Dinky looked uncertain, but as the memory hit her she began to giggle. “Little ponies were jumpin’ on the bed, but all of them fall off and bump their heads.”

“Oh, my!” Bon Bon put her hoof to her mouth. “And what did their mama do?”

“Mama called the docor and the docor said, ‘NO MORE PONIES JUMPIN’ ON DA BED!’” Dinky snickered, putting her hoof to her mouth as she laughed.

“That is a fun game, but I have a fun one too. Would you like to play?”

Dinky looked up at her mother. “You stay here?”

Derpy nodded. “I’ll be right here if you need me.”

With that Derpy let go and Dinky hopped onto the floor, following Bon Bon back onto the bed. She stared at the mare expectantly.

“Well, Lyra is not the only one who can do silly voices.”

She set up three of the stuffed animals on their own, along with a few boxes, which she asked Dinky to help color, which she was happy to do.

Seeing the images on the boxes Lyra knew what story she was going for.

When the boxes were set up Bon Bon cut a rectangle shape into it that could swing back and forth, then separated the three of them across the room.

Dinky looked at each of the boxes, one colored yellow, one brown, and one red, and wondered what was next.

Bon Bon cleared her throat, then said, “Help me out here with the magic, Lyra.”

Lyra nodded. “Gotcha.” She gathered 3 of the stuffed animals together, making them move around a bit.

Bon Bon grabbed another stuffed animal, moving it toward the others as she started talking. “Once upon a time three were three little ponies.”

“Were they jumpin’ on da bed?” asked Dinky.

Bon Bon shook her head. “No. Not this time. These ponies were out playing.”

Lyra made some voices of laughter and enjoyment.

“Then, all of a sudden, a TIMBERWOLF came out of the bushes!” Bon Bon pounced in front of the 3 ponies.

Dinky squeaked. “Oh, no!”

“Little ponies,” Bon Bon said in a deeper, menacing voice, “I’m going to eat you!”

“Eeeeek!” Lyra screamed. The three stuffed animals ran towards the three boxes around the room, slamming the doors.

“The big bad timberwolf went to the first ponies house, who had a house that was only made of straw. And then he said, “Little pony, little pony, let me in!”

“Not by the hair of my chinny chin chin!” Lyra said.

“Little pony, little pony, LET ME IN!”

“Not by the hair of my chinny chin chin!”

Dinky was smiling and laughing again, her eyes twinkling.

“Then I’ll huff, and I’ll puff, and I’ll blow your house in.” She took in a deep breath and let it out several times, each time Lyra made the box move a little more, until it went flying into the wall.

Dinky squealed. “OH, NO!” she said again.

“The little pony ran to her sister’s house, and the wolf came chasing after her.”

Lyra followed the story, slamming the door before the wolf in the house of sticks.

“The big bad timberwolf knocked on the door.”

“Lit’l pony, lit’l pony, let me in!” Dinky said, roaring as she jumped off the bed.

Bon Bon gave Dinky the “timberwolf” stuffed animal, pulling Lyra over to her as they said together, “Not by the hair of my chinny-chin-chin!”

“Lit’l pony, lit’l pony, let me in!”

“Not by the hair of my chinny-chin-chin!”

“Then I huff and I puff and I blow you house in!” She took a deep breath, blowing hard, Lyra making the box fly away.

Dinky roared again, shaking the timberwolf. “I gonna eats you’s.”

“Oh, no!” they screamed, running over to the last box.

“Derpy,” Lyra whispered loudly. “We need a third little pony.”

Derpy sighed. She wanted to refuse, but she was somewhat amused by their antics, and Dinky was having a great time. She didn’t want to ruin the blossoming relationship Dinky was forming with Lyra and Bon Bon by being a spoilsport and distracting Dinky by not playing along.

She got up, going to the last box.

Dinky let out another roar as she knocked on the brick house. “Lit’l pony, lit’l pony, let me in!”

All three of them responded, “Not by the hair of my chinny-chin-chin!”

“Lit’l pony, lit’l pony, let me in!”

“Not by the hair of my chinny-chin-chin!”

“Then I huff and I puff and I blow you house in!” She sucked in a breath and let it out hard, again and again.

Bon Bon narrated again. “The big bad timberwolf huffed, and he puffed, and he huffed, and he puffed, but the brick house was much stronger than straw or sticks. No matter how much he huffed and puffed he couldn’t blow the house down. Eventually he got tired, and he had to give up. He went home hungry.”

Dinky stopped huffing and puffing, panting for breath. She grabbed the timberwolf. “Oh, no. I gots nothings to eats. I so hungry.” She fell to the floor on her back, closing her eyes. “I thinks someone should feed me some cookies!” She opened an eye, looking towards the three adults slyly.

“Well, if we give you some cookies, do you promise not to eat us?” Bon Bon said in her high pitched pony voice.

Dinky rolled right over, grinning ear to ear, and nodded hard.

“Okay, then.”

A few minutes later Dinky was happily chowing down on a plate of milk and cookies.

“Mmmmmmm!” Dinky patted her belly. “Okays. I no eats you. I all full now.”

“Whew! That’s a relief,” said Lyra, wiping cookie crumbs off her face. “Would you like to play some more?”

Dinky nodded again. “You funny.”

“Oh, am I?” She lifted Dinky in the air with her magic. “Would you like to walk on the ceiling?”

“Yeah, yeah!” she said excitedly. “Go up high!”

“Alright, then! Here we go!”

Dinky flew up slowly until she was near the ceiling before Lyra flipped her so she was upside-down. When she touched the top she began to run around, looking up towards the floor. Everything looked so weird upside-down. “Annie Bonnie!” Dinky cried out.

“Yes?” she called from the kitchen.

“Come look!”

“Okay. I’m coming.” She walked into the room, seeing no one but Derpy and Lyra. “Hello?”

“BOO!” Dinky yelled, making Bon Bon jump for real as she looked around for the voice. She laughed hard at her successful scare.

Bon Bon was panting, trying to catch her breath. “You silly filly. You almost scared the life out of me.”

Lyra lowered her to Bon Bon’s level.

Dinky held out her hooves toward Bon Bon, and Bon Bon scooped her up. “I gots you!” She booped her nose.

“You sure did.” She set Dinky on the floor, tickling her tummy.

Derpy could tell Dinky was having a great time. Again she felt conflicted. Dinky was laughing away. She had accomplished what she had intended to do. Dinky clearly had started a friendship with Lyra and Bon Bon. But… what did that mean for her? When she was about to give up it was her friends who reminded her that she was still a mother. They had told her that Dinky was wailing away, screaming for her repeatedly. Dinky was overjoyed when they had been reunited.

But now Dinky was playing with her friends, clearly enjoying herself. She found herself growing afraid. What if she had been right the whole time? What if she really wasn’t needed? What if Bon Bon and Lyra really could take care of Dinky better than she ever could?

Her body began to tighten, all her muscles going tense. And before she could stop herself she stood up, her wings outstretched, and yelled, “I GUESS I’LL JUST SIT HERE ALL ALONE, THEN!” Her eyes narrowed, tears coming down her eyes. “You clearly don’t need me here anymore! I guess I’ll just go home and let you keep Dinky!”

The air in the room grew tense, all the joy and fun draining out of it instantly. Dinky turned to her with teary eyes before running toward her, saying, “I’m sooooowwwwyyy!”

Derpy regretted blowing up as soon as she saw the look on Dinky’s face. With just a few sentences she had destroyed all the progress Dinky had made in interacting with others.

Dinky was more clingy than ever the rest of the day. She looked terrified that Derpy really was just going to abandon her.

For the first time in days Derpy finally felt something, and it burned in her stomach like acid in her veins. She wanted to tell Dinky that she hadn’t done anything wrong. She wanted to tell Dinky that it was fine to play with Lyra and Bon Bon. She even wanted to insist Dinky do so. But the words just wouldn’t come. She couldn’t stand the thought of Dinky playing with others right now. She knew she was being irrational and stupid, and she hated it. She hated the way she made Dinky hurt, but… she felt like she was hanging on by a thread, and Dinky was that thread.

No matter how much she hurt inside Dinky needed her, and it was enough to make her slog on through the dark swamp obscuring her vision, choking the life out of her. She believed that she was walking through a dark tunnel at the moment, and if she held on long enough she’d see the light again one day, but until then she needed to feel needed. She wanted to feel wanted. If she felt unnecessary, if she thought Dinky really would be just as happy without her, then the last piece of her resolve would crumble away, taking her with it.

Bon Bon and Lyra hadn’t said anything about her actions. They understood. They knew she wasn’t in her right mind.

She wanted to talk to them too, to tell them she wasn’t actually mad at them, but just like with Dinky the words just wouldn’t come. It felt like there was a cork in her throat, stopping her from talking.

Everyone was in a down mood. Derpy felt miserable. Dinky was scared. Lyra and Bon Bon were anxious. The room felt so thick with tension it was almost suffocating.

Dinky was the one to finally break the silence. “Mama?” she said solemnly, her eyes already misting. “I-I sowwy. I sowwy I no ask you to play too. I no mean to-to make you jeawous.”

Derpy’s eyes clenched shut, Dinky’s words only making her feel worse. “You don’t have to apologize, Dinky!” Dinky recoiled a bit, shrinking away. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to yell. I’m not mad at you. I promise. I’m… I’m just a little upset. I didn’t mean to take it out on you.”

She opened her eyes to look at Dinky. Her daughter’s eyes seemed so penetrating, like every secret of her heart was being laid bare just through her gaze. She turned away, unable to take the feeling.

“You huwt my feewings!” Dinky said, a little mad.

“I’m sorry. It wasn’t right of me to say what I did. Can you forgive me?”

Dinky hugged her, which felt like a yes, but she could just feel that Dinky was still upset with her.

It was a relief when Shoeshine came over to visit. It finally broke some of the atmosphere as everyone rushed to appear happy. Derpy insisted on helping make dinner, if for no other reason than as a silent apology for flying off the handle.

Dinky was a sourpuss during the process, and ate her dinner in silence. Since they had no high chair in the house they had to grab a couple of large books for her to sit on to get her at the right height.

Derpy felt Dinky had every right to be mad at her. She had encouraged her daughter to interact with her friends then yelled at her for it. But knowing that didn’t make her feel any better. She had to force every bite of food.

She barely got a quarter way through her meal before she felt full and sick to her stomach. Dinky’s occasional two second glares toward her before going back to her meal made her stomach feel like it was going to burst.

She couldn’t stop shaking. She didn’t want Dinky to be angry with her, but she didn’t want to deprive Dinky of her natural feelings. Things weren’t always going to be perfect between them, and she wanted Dinky to know she had the right to get mad when her mother made mistakes, just like she got mad when Dinky did the same.

Her friends were chatting away, and she once more felt invisible, and unwanted. She hugged herself, silently crying, wondering whether the pain was ever going to go away.

When Dinky next looked towards her mother her anger vanished. Tears were pouring down her mother’s eyes, soaking the tablecloth below. Now it was Dinky who felt guilty. Her mother had apologized, hadn’t she? She had said sorry, hadn’t she? But she had still felt mad. And now… now her mother was in pain again.

With a glow of her horn Dinky levitated toward her mother, taking the mare by surprise as Dinky poked her.

Derpy looked up at her daughter, seeing teary eyes and guilt reflecting back at her.

Dinky held out her hooves, anxiously hoping her mother would take them.

Derpy moved her legs, pulling Dinky close to her.

“I sowwy!” Dinky said, sniffling. “I sowwy I no forgive you and makes you sad.”

Derpy squeezed a little tighter. “It’s okay, Muffin. I promise. We all make mistakes.”

Dinky looked up at her, her face clenched up. “D-d-do you st-still l-love me?”

“Of course, Dinky!” Derpy said thickly. “I’ll always love you until the end of time!

“I shouldn’t have yelled at you. I’m… I’m just a little worn out and I got cranky. It wasn’t your fault.”

“O-okay,” she said quietly, burying her head in Derpy’s chest.

Derpy felt so relieved. Dinky didn’t want to lose her, and she didn’t want to lose Dinky. They were two halves of the same whole, needing each other to survive.

She couldn’t stand any more sadness for today. She nuzzled Dinky’s forehead, saying quietly, “Who’s a little pony?”

“Me?” Dinky responded, whispering too though she didn’t know why.

“That’s right. And what do little ponies do on the bed?”

Dinky’s face brightened instantly. She pulled out of her mother’s grip, running toward the bedroom. “Come on! Come on, Mama!”

Derpy followed after her, seeing Dinky already on the bed.

Dinky was giggling like mad and bouncing up and down. “One little Dinky, jumping on the bed…”

Derpy smiled her first real smile in what felt like forever.

Chapter 11: Why is mama sad?

The next morning Dinky awoke, her mother still sleeping. Her stomach was rumbling a little, so she decided to go to the kitchen and see if anyone else was awake.

Bon Bon was sitting at the table, reading the newspaper.

“Good mornin’, Annie Bonnie.” said Dinky.

Bon Bon turned to her. “Good morning to you too, Dinky. You sleep well?”

Dinky nodded. “I hungwy! Can you make me some bekfast?”

“Oh, sure.” Getting up, she went to the counter. “Would you like some cereal?”

“Okays.”

Bon Bon took out a bowl and spoon, pouring Dinky some cereal and milk before helping her up onto the seat.

Dinky eagerly devoured her food before lifting the bowl and drinking the rest of the milk. “Mmm! That was good.”

“I’m glad you enjoyed it.” She took the bowl and spoon, depositing them in the sink before returning to her seat. “Do you need help getting down?”

Dinky shook her head. She bit her lip. There was something nagging at her. It had been bothering her for a while.

“Annie Bonnie?” Dinky called out, looking over at Bon Bon.

“Yes, Dinky? What’s wrong?”

“I gots a question. A ‘portant question.”

“I see. And what’s your question?” Dinky lifted her legs, and Bon Bon leaned over, picking Dinky up and setting her on her lap. A few days ago Dinky never would have been comfortable with being on her lap. It seemed Dinky was growing accustomed to them already. “Okay, sweetheart. What’s your question?”

“Annie Bonnie… why is Mama sad?”

The question made her sigh, her heart growing heavy. No matter how much any of them hurt at Derpy’s plight, it was obvious that Dinky would feel it ten times more. Derpy was fine showing her true feelings to the rest of them now, but to Dinky she tried to only show her daughter her best side and be all smiles. Of course she couldn’t always manage it. The day before was a fine example.

What was she supposed to say? Was it really her place to try to explain a topic as heavy as death to a filly who probably couldn’t comprehend it in the first place?

Dinky was staring deep into her eyes, waiting for the answer to her question. Bon Bon knew she had to tell her something. She decided to feel Dinky out first.

“What do you mean, Dinky?”

Dinky’s face scrunched up a bit. “Mama… mama really sad. She say she sick, but she no cough or throw up or sneeze or anything. She just sleep a lot. An… an when she awake… um… um…” She struggled for the right words to say. She didn’t know quite how to explain things. She felt she lacked the right words to say. She could just feel things were different. She pouted, frustrated at her lack of vocabulary.

Bon Bon rubbed her hoof through Dinky’s mane. “Don’t get discouraged. Don’t worry so much about making sense. Just say whatever makes sense to you.”

Dinky looked down. “Well… Mama… she smiles but she don’t smile. She gives me hugs, but they don’t feel like huggies.” She looked up again, tears brimming her eyes as she put her hoof over her chest. “Mama… Mama’s heart hurting a lot.”

A solitary tear came down Bon Bon’s face. She understood exactly what Dinky meant. Derpy had tried to always fake being happy when she could, to try and spare Dinky’s feelings, but it was obvious that Dinky was seeing right through the ruse. If that was the case she felt it was alright to speak.

She put a hoof on Dinky’s shoulder. “Well… let me put it this way,” she started. “Do you remember when you first came here, when your mom dropped you off at our house while you were asleep? You were real upset because you woke up without her, and you kept calling out her name. You were really sad because she wasn’t there, and the whole time we were looking for her you were crying because you really missed her.”

“Mmm-hmm, mmm-hmm!” Dinky nodded vigorously, paying close attention.

“Well, something like that happened to her. Her mother and father have… gone away, and she misses them a lot because they’re not there.”

“Ooooohhhhh,” Dinky responded slowly. “She miss her mama and papa?”

“That’s right.”

“And that’s why she so sad?”

“Yes.”

“Hmm…” Dinky looked contemplative, sliding off Bon Bon’s lap and sitting on the floor. She knew how it felt to miss her mother. She hated for them to be separated for long.

She thought and thought and thought, trying to think of something that she could do, small as she was. However, nothing came to the filly. She wanted to cheer her mother up, but she didn’t know how to go about contacting her grandparents to tell them to come home.

Auntie Bonnie had told her that her mother needed lots of hugs, but she wanted to do something more! She knew her mama enjoyed her hugs, but she could also feel it that her mother was really unhappy. Her smiles didn’t feel warm like they did in the past, and her hugs weren’t as comforting.

That she couldn’t find a solution only made her feel sad as well. She went to the guest bedroom, seeing her mother in bed like usual. Her mama had been sleeping a lot lately. She crawled up onto the bed, looking at her mother’s face. Derpy’s eyes were closed. As Dinky watched a tear came down her mother’s cheek, making her start crying as well.

Derpy had been imagining her parents, half-asleep. She hadn’t felt Dinky come up, but she heard the quiet whining. As she opened her eyes she saw Dinky looking down at her, her eyes shimmering with tears. She felt more awake knowing that Dinky needed her. She put a hoof on Dinky’s head, rubbing it. “What’s wrong, my little Muffin?”

Dinky closed the distance and hugged her, crying louder now that she didn’t have to try to be quiet.

Derpy stayed on her side, pulling Dinky to her, kissing her face. “It’s okay, Dinky. I’m here for you.” She opened her free wing, draping it over her. “I love you, Muffin.”

That would ordinarily be enough for Dinky to settle down, but not this time. She felt like her mother needed comforting as much as she did, and it hurt that she couldn’t think of how to help. She wanted to see her mother smile and laugh like before.

She started to bawl, and Derpy wasn’t sure what was troubling her daughter. For now all she could do was hold her close and wait.

Derpy looked up at a knock on the door, and saw Bon Bon standing there.

Bon Bon walked into the room, sitting down on the bed. Raising her voice to be heard over Dinky’s crying she said, “Dinky came to talk to me before. She asked why you were so sad. She knows that you’re hurting, no matter how much you force your smiles.

“I… I told her that you’re sad because your parents aren’t here and you miss them, but I didn’t know how much I could say. I didn’t think it was my place to explain.”

Derpy felt a jolt in her stomach. She had been so wrapped up in her own pain that she hadn’t even taken the time to consider Dinky’s feelings. It was no wonder Dinky was confused.

Derpy had lost her parents, but Dinky had lost her grandparents. And all of a sudden they were sleeping in a new house. What had to be going through Dinky’s mind about the sudden changes in their life? Dinky hadn’t said anything about it. She knew that all Dinky really needed was her to be happy, but things had been so hectic in her mind she hadn’t explained what was going on. Dinky had been fine just because they were together, but she was growing unhappy because her mother was unhappy too.

Derpy knew she had to rectify things. She sat up, pulling Dinky onto her lap. “I’m sorry, Dinky. I should have explained things to you before.”

Dinky was coming down from her emotional high, sniffing and breathing hard, staring at her with miserable eyes.

“Grandma and Grandpa were in an accident. They got hurt really bad. That’s why I’ve been so upset lately. It just really hurts that they’re not around anymore.”

Dinky sniffed again, giving a small nod. Her mom got worried whenever she got hurt, so she could understand feeling the same if her parents were hurt. “So-so they at the hoscipal?”

Derpy took a deep breath. “No, Dinky. They’re not coming home. They’re gone… for good.”

Dinky rubbed her eye. “B-but why? We can go visit. G-give hugs and kissies and say ‘get bettah soon!’”

“Dinky, your grandparents are dead.”

Dinky cocked her head slightly. “What ‘dead’ mean?”

Derpy tensed up. Dinky just didn’t understand. “Well… usually at night we go to sleep, and then we wake up in the morning. But when a pony is hurt really, really bad, then they don’t wake up anymore. That’s what death is.”

Dinky was trying to follow along, but she couldn’t quite connect the dots. “Why they don’t wake up? I got hurts lots and I always wake up.”

Derpy’s eyes closed halfway. She was starting to feel a pounding in her head, and an all too familiar fatigue. She hadn’t even processed her parent’s death herself. Trying to drum what death was into Dinky’s head was far too exhausting a prospect.

Dinky could feel the shift in her mother’s mood. A short while ago she had been in teaching mode, but now she had that sad look again. Dinky’s stomach churned, and her eyes brimmed with tears. “I sowwy! Don’t get sad, Mama!”

Derpy let out a huff, pulling Dinky closer to her.

Bon Bon scooted closer. “Let’s put it this way: your grandparents have gone somewhere we can’t talk to them, and they can’t talk to us. They’ve gone far, far away, and they aren’t coming back.”

Dinky nodded, but she wasn’t really listening. She still didn’t understand, but she did know her questions were causing her mother pain. Her curiosity had gone away now. She didn’t need to understand… not if it was going to make her mother wear that face.

Things changed for Dinky after that. Now she knew the reason why her mother had been acting so different. Her mother was sad because she missed her parents. She knew the feeling of missing her mother. It hurt so much just to be away from her for a short while. What would it feel like if she could never see her mama again? The thought made her shiver.

Derpy noticed the change in Dinky’s behavior. She didn’t seem overly upset, but she was clearly troubled. She seemed to be spending a lot of time in her own world, thinking. She wasn’t sure how to feel about things. On the one hand, it was a relief that Dinky knew the truth, and she didn’t have to force her smiles so much. On the other, she missed Dinky’s bright, cheery demeanor.

Just like when Dinky was mad at her she knew she had to let Dinky experience her emotions. Dinky didn’t quite understand death, but she did understand missing someone she loved. She knew that Dinky was grieving, in her own childish way.

She discovered her wording of death was poor the following morning. Dinky had slept with her as usual. Her daughter left her alone to go have breakfast, still thinking about what she had been told.

All of a sudden she was jerked out of sleep by a forceful shaking. Dinky was screaming, “Wake up, wake up, wake up!” over and over.

She opened her eyes, and she saw Dinky’s terror shift to relief before her daughter buried herself in her chest and started crying hysterically.

It took a while for Dinky to settle down enough to get any words out. When she seemed to be coming down Derpy asked, “What’s wrong, Dinky? What scared you so much?” She was thrown for a loop by her response.

Dinky was shivering hard as she looked up into her mother’s eyes. “I-I-I t-though you was dead!”

Derpy blinked in surprise. She ran a hoof through Dinky’s mane. “Why did you think that, Muffin?”

“C-c-cuz y-you-you s-said that… that…” She sniffed several times, looking on the verge of a new round of tears. She put a hoof over her heart. “Y-you heart hurtin’ really bad cuz you miss you mama and papa. And y-you said that you die and no wake up when you hurt r-really badly.”

Derpy’s eyes went wide. In a way she felt she should have seen this coming. Of course Dinky would come to her own conclusion of how someone could die.

She put her forehead against Dinky’s so their eyes were right in front of each other. “Listen to me, Muffin. You are right. I did say that yesterday, that when you get hurt really badly that you die and don’t wake up anymore. However, that only applies to physical wounds, like…” She drifted off. She didn’t want another misunderstanding. If she compared it to something like scraping a knee for physical pain Dinky might assume the worst every time she got a scratch.

“Let me put it this way. There is emotional pain, and there is physical pain. Emotional pain is like when you get mad at someone for taking your stuff, or you get upset and start crying because someone yelled at you. Its stuff you feel on the INSIDE.” She put her hoof over Dinky’s heart.

“Physical pain, on the other hoof, is stuff you feel on the outside. Like when you touch the bath water when it’s too hot, or when you’re going too fast and fall on the floor.”

Dinky gave a little nod, waiting for the end of the explanation.

“So, basically, emotional pain does hurt a lot, but it won’t kill you. It’s only physical pain that would kill you.”

“You promise?” she asked pleadingly.

“I promise,” she responded.

Derpy could feel tension melting out of Dinky’s body as she sank into her hold. “You feeling better now, Muffin?”

“Mm-hmm,” Dinky responded. “I need huggies. Big huggies!”

“Alright, Dinky. One big huggie it is.” She squeezed tightly, and Dinky sighed.

“I love you, Mama!”

“And I love you too, Dinky.”

A few days passed, and things were largely the same. Dinky still spent a lot of time just thinking about things. She so badly wanted to do something to cheer her mother up, but she knew only one thing would do that.

And then… it came to her. She had an idea. It wouldn’t be exactly what her mother wanted, but it might at least make her smile.

She went to Bon Bon in the living room. “Annie Bonnie!” she called out.

“Yes, Dinky?” she responded, setting her book down. “How can I help you?"

“Pitcher! I need a pitcher!”

“A pitcher? Isn’t that a bit much?” Dinky shook her head. “Oh, did you want to share with your mama?” Dinky nodded enthusiastically. “Alright, then.” She got up, heading towards the kitchen.

“So what would you like?” she asked, taking out some cups. “Lemonade or iced tea?”

Dinky frowned, confused. “I no want lemelade or ice tay.”

Now Bon Bon was frowning. “Hmm? Well, then what do you want?”

“Pitcher!”

“A pitcher of what? That’s the only two drinks I can make, unless you want some milk.”

“I need a pitcher!” she repeated, obviously getting frustrated. “PIT-CHER!”

“I’m sorry, Dinky, but I don’t understand what you’re asking me for. I’m not as experienced as your mom in understanding toddler talk.”

Dinky growled, her face puffing up, before she turned around and stomped out the room. She’d go to Auntie Lyra instead.

She walked to the bedroom, seeing Lyra writing something. “Annie Lyly!”

Lyra turned around, lifting Dinky up in her magic and levitating her over in front of her. She nuzzled Dinky’s nose. “Hey there, squirt. What’s up?”

“Annie Lyly, I need a pitcher for Mama!”

“A pitcher, huh? I guess your mom must be really thirsty if she wants that much.

“I’m busy writing out some sheet music for my new lyre song, so why don’t you ask Bon Bon to help you?”

Dinky’s face fell when she was placed on the ground. She left the room, feeling defeated. She flopped to the floor in the middle of the hall.

Why did everyone think she was asking for a drink? It would be like asking for a cupcake and someone gave you a rock. Should she just give up?

Derpy’s face floated in front of her eye’s, heartbroken and sad.

NO! She couldn’t give up! She wouldn’t give up! Even if she had to do it alone, she was going to cheer her mother up.

She got up on her hooves, feeling inspired. She ran to the front door. The living room was still empty. She guessed Bon Bon was still in the kitchen, which was fine with her. Bon Bon was no help.

Opening the door with her magic she closed it behind her as she kept running. “Howd on, Mama! Dinky’s gonna make you smile!”

Chapter 12: Dinky the explorer

Dinky felt strange. She had never been out all alone. She had always had her mother not far behind. She certainly felt scared not to have any adults by her side, but she was also excited enough to keep going.

It took her a few minutes of running to realize she didn’t know if she was even going in the right direction. She had just been running around aimlessly. She looked up towards the sky, turning slowly in a circle. “Aha!” she called out as she spotted what she was looking for. She had been a little off, but she was going in the general direction.

A brown stallion was walking along, watching the bustling life of Ponyville, even as early as it was. There were adults and foals, likely on the way to school. The pegasi occasionally flew overhead, preparing the days weather. All in all, it was a typical day. But then something caught his attention. A foal, looking no more than three or four, passed by him. Ordinarily that wouldn’t be anything strange, but this one seemed to be all alone. No mare or stallion was following after her. She kept looking skyward every so often as she walked, making him do the same. At the moment the sky was empty of pegasi, so he was curious about that as well.

It might be nothing, he might be overreacting, but he wanted to be sure the foal was okay. He trotted a bit to catch up to her, and said, “Hello, there!”

The foal stopped and turned to him, replying, “Hello!” She seemed to be in a good mood, a big smile splayed across her face.

“What’s your name, little lady? I’m Gold Medal.”

“I Dinky!”

“If you don’t mind me asking, where are you going?”

“I going to town hall.”

The stallion’s eyebrow went up. What business would a toddler possibly have at town hall? He supposed a family member could work there, but that didn’t change the pressing matter of if she had a guardian looking out for her.

“So where is your mommy? Are you out here all alone?”

The foal nodded. “Uh-huh. My mama sleeping.”

“I see…” His stomach clenched in worry. “And why are you going to town hall?”

“So I can go home.”

“What do you mean?”

Dinky pointed up with her hoof. “See? Up there. The big twiangle.”

Gold looked up towards where she was pointing. He did indeed see the big triangle shape of town hall in the distance. That had to be what she had been looking at when she looked upward before. “So… your house is right by town hall?”

Dinky shook her head. “No. Well, not that close. It right by Sugahcoob Cornah.”

“Sugarcube Corner is that sweet shop that looks like a gingerbread house, right?”

“Mmm-hmm!” She rubbed her tummy. “They have great ice cweam.”

“I bet.”

“Mama taught me how to get home. Town hall, Sugahcoob Cornah, home. Town hall, Sugahcoob Cornah, home.

“To get home is right by Sugahcoob Cornah, but is really small so it hard to find.”

Gold was catching on. “So you start by going to town hall because it’s really big and you can see it from most anywhere in Ponyville.”

Dinky nodded a few times.

Gold had some questions that needed answering, and he felt it best to get them directly from the mother. Town hall was quite a ways away from where they were. Where had this foal been, and had she really been allowed to just wander halfway across town, just because she could find her way home by some landmarks? He didn’t want to jump to conclusions, but he had a bad feeling about Dinky’s level of care. He sure hoped the foal wasn’t being neglected.

“I tell you what,” said Gold. “Why don’t I help you get home? I’m sure your mama doesn’t wanna see you get hurt, so if anything happens to you at least you’ll have an adult around to help you out. How does that sound?”

Dinky didn’t feel she needed any help. She had been taught well, but she also knew how sad her mother had been recently, and didn’t want to add to it. With a nod, she climbed up onto his back.

As he took off he decided to ask some questions to pass the time. “So how old are you, Dinky?”

“I two!” she said, leaning over and hugging him around the neck.

“Two, huh? You’re getting to be a big girl, huh?”

“Yeah!”

“I see you have a horn. Is your mother a unicorn too?”

“Nuh-uh. She has wings and goes WHOOSH WHOOSH WHOOSH in da sky!”

They continued making small talk along the way. At first Dinky watched the slowly approaching triangle in the sky, but along the way she remembered all the effort her mother put in to make sure she would be okay if she got lost.

***

“Okay, Dinky!” Derpy said brightly, setting Dinky down on the grass. “Today is going to be an important day, because you’re going to learn about your address.

“What is an address? It’s where you live. It’s your house, where we eat and sleep and play.”

Dinky nodded. “Mmm-hmm!”

“Now, you’re still young, so even if I told you what our address was I don’t know that you’d remember it. However, there is another way to help you find our home. You see, Dinky, sometimes accidents happen. And if we ever get separated and you can’t find me, you need to be able to get back home.”

Dinky nodded again. “Okay, Mama!”

“Now,” she said, pointing behind her. “This big building here is town hall. It’s really tall, it’s round, it has a ramp with some stairs, plenty of windows, and that big triangle shaped cone at the top. So it really stands out. This is the building you want to start with because it’s the easiest to find. From most places in Ponyville all you need to do is look up and you’ll see it because of how big it is.”

“Yeah! Really big!” She clapped her hooves together.

“Okay, then. Come with me, Dinky.”

***

“Dinky?” came the stallion’s voice, pulling her from her memories.

“Yeah?”

“We’re here.”

“Oh!” Dinky looked it up and down. Lots of windows, the big triangle top, the ramped stairs. It was all exactly as she was told. This was the place.

“You said that next we had to go to Sugarcube Corner, right?”

Dinky nodded. “Yeah.”

So off they went towards their next destination.

***

“Come with me, Dinky,” said Derpy, walking up the stairs.

Dinky followed right behind her.

“Now turn around.” When she did Derpy asked, “Do you see anything special?”

Dinky saw a few houses, but that was about it. “No, Mama.” She shook her head.

“Okay. Keep walking.” They went halfway around the circle and stopped. “Okay. Look out there again. Now do you see anything special?”

Dinky looked again. There were more houses, but off in the distance she could see something that got her attention and made her mouth water instantly. It was a house that looked to be mostly made of sweets. There was a cupcake sign hanging up. Not only that, but the top looked like a giant cupcake with candles on top. The whole roof looked like chocolate frosted with vanilla icing. On one side of the roof was a pony outline holding a candy cane. The two poles right next to the front door looked like candy canes as well.

“Yummy!” Dinky said with a giggle. “I wanna house made of candy too!”

Derpy giggled. “Sorry, Muffin. I hate to disappoint you but that house isn’t made of candy. It just looks like it is.”

“Awwww!” she replied, disappointed.

“Well, that is Sugarcube Corner, and even though the house isn’t made of sweets, it’s what they sell, like cakes and cookies and ice cream. Would you like some of that?”

Dinky nodded vigorously. “Yeah, yeah, yeah!”

They both walked to Sugarcube Corner. Dinky was about to head in when Derpy stopped her. “Hold on, Muffin. You’ll get all the sweets you want, but only after you show you’ve been paying attention.”

“What you mean?”

“Well, first we have to finish making it home. If you look over there-” she pointed her hoof to the left “-you’ll see our house. Do you recognize which one it is?”

“Ummm…” At the moment Dinky really didn’t care where their house was or what it looked like. She wanted ice cream! But she knew she had to try or she wasn’t going to get any. She looked at the eight or so houses along the ground. They all looked pretty similar to her. Her mother had always taken her home when they went out, so she never really paid attention to the outside of the house.

She shook her head. “No, Mama.” Her face drooped. “We still get ice cweam?”

Derpy hugged her daughter. “Don’t get upset, Dinky. This is exactly the reason why I’m doing this. I need you to know what our house looks like.

“Okay! Follow me!”

They walked along, passing six houses, before stopping in front of one. “This is our house, Dinky.”

Dinky looked up and down the house, really taking it in for the first time. She then looked left, and looked right, and her head tilted in confusion. There were some differences between them, sure, but she didn’t think she would really remember which house was specifically hers if she went to look for it.

Derpy saw Dinky look up at her wordlessly, and Dinky didn’t even have to speak. She knew what Dinky was asking. “I understand, Muffin. There are several houses that look a bit like ours. We like to put plants outside our window, or hang curtains, or have shutters. So I think this calls for a little creativity. We need to do something to make our house stand out just like Sugarcube Corner.”

“How we do that?” asked Dinky, intrigued.

“A little bit of paint should do the job. There’s still some left over from when I painted the cabinets.”

The two of them went inside. Derpy went to the basement, coming up with a tub of paint and a brush. “Here we go. Come on, Dinky!”

“Comin’!” she said with a giggle as they went back outside, closing the front door behind them.

Derpy popped the top of the paint can off, dipping the brush into the brown paint. She moved the brush around as Dinky watched. After a few minutes she pulled back. “There we go. How’s that?”

Dinky pointed at it, saying, “Muffin! Like me! ‘cept you don’t eat Dinky.”

Derpy laughed. “No, I certainly would never eat you. Not my favorite muffin.”

Dinky put her hoof out. “Me do? Me do too?”

“Sure, Dinky.” Derpy gave her the paintbrush.

Dinky clapped her hooves together. She loved painting. She hummed to herself as she put brush to door and began to work, knowing exactly what she wanted to make.

Derpy held back, watching Dinky paint. She didn’t even bother to offer any hints. She wanted their door to stick out as much as possible and she knew if Dinky helped out it would strengthen her memory of it.

“I done!” Dinky said triumphantly.

Derpy studied the painting. She was getting better at deciphering Dinky’s speech and drawings, and what she saw looked vaguely pony-shaped. Or at least animal shaped. It had four legs and a tail. She was a little lost at the face. It looked gigantic.

“What is it, Muffin?”

Dinky looked at her curiously. “You no know? That YOU!”

“Me?”

She nodded. “Uh-huh. You have weally, weally big mouf, so you can eat the whole muffin in one bite.”

Derpy looked at the painting again. Now she could kinda see it. She looked back down at Dinky. “Okay, Dinky. Now comes the test. While the paint dries let’s see if you remember what to do.”

She picked Dinky up, unfurling her wings and taking to the air. She flew in circles for a bit, then headed off in a random direction and landed.

“Whoa!” Dinky said, her head going in small circles. “I dizzy.”

When Dinky settled down Derpy set Dinky on her back. “Okay, Muffin. Where do we go first in order to get home?”

Dinky thought for a bit. “Um… uh… tow… town… hall?”

“That’s right. And how do we get to town hall?”

“We fly! And then we get ice cweam!”

Derpy snickered, shaking her head. “No way, Muffin. We’re staying on the ground.”

Dinky looked around. She didn’t see it anywhere. “It not here. We lost!”

“We’re not lost, Dinky. What was important about town hall?”

“Uh… it has stairs?”

“Yes. And?”

“It… it… uh… it round.”

“Mmm-hmmm.”

“And… it really big.”

“That’s right. It’s really big. That’s why I’m telling you to look for that first instead of Sugarcube Corner. It’s easier to find.”

Dinky didn’t feel sure. She looked around again more towards the sky. “Oh!” she said, her eyes lighting up. She pointed left with her hoof. “Twiangle! Twiangle!”

“You spotted the top?”

“Yeah, yeah! Ice cweam!”

Derpy let out a good-natured sigh. She was going to have to get her some, or Dinky would never let her hear the end of it.

She followed Dinky’s directions until they had reached town hall. “Great job, Dinky! You found it all by yourself.”

Dinky giggled, blushing a little at the praise. “Me did it! Hooray!”

“So now where to next?”

Dinky threw both legs in the air. “Sugahcooooooob Cornaaaaaah! Ice cweam, ice cweam, ice cweam!”

“And where is it?”

Dinky looked rapidly around, not seeing it down the blocks in her vision. “Not heah! Keep walking around.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

She walked until Dinky said, “Stop!”

“There, there!” Dinky said, pointing several times with her hoof. “I see it!”

The two of them went towards Sugarcube Corner, Dinky rushing her to go faster.

When they arrived they went inside. Dinky rushed toward the counter. Several ponies were sitting down enjoying a snack, but none were at the register.

“Hello!” Dinky cried out as she levitated herself up to the counter, greeting a blue-coated pony.

“Hello there, little one!” came the jovial voice. “What can I get you?”

“Ice cweam!”

“What flavor, sweetheart?”

“Chocwate!”

“Sounds delicious!”

“Mm-hmm, mm-hmm!” Dinky nodded hard in agreement.

“Would you like some sprinkles too?”

Dinky nodded, her cheeks flushed with excitement.

Cup Cake returned with a bowl and a spoon. “Here you go, sweetheart.”

“Tank you!”

“You’re welcome.”

Derpy took Dinky to a table, getting a high chair for her to sit in, before going back to order something for herself.

She smiled when she saw Dinky happily chowing down. “Is it good, Muffin?”

Dinky nodded. “Yummy!” She dipped her spoon in, then held it out to her mother. “Try some!”

Derpy bent over, slurping up the spoonful. “That is good.” She dipped a spoon into her own strawberry bowl and offered it to Dinky, who ate it up.

“Mmm. Is good, but I like chocwate bettah.”

“That’s fine. More for me, then!” She dipped her spoon back in, taking a big mouthful. “Mmm!”

“Mmmmmmm!” Dinky agreed.

Once they finished their treats the pair left. “One last thing left, Dinky. We went to town hall, and then we went to Sugarcube Corner. Now where do we go?”

“Home!” Dinky said.

“Right. And where is it?”

Dinky looked around, left and right, until she spotted the painting. “There! There!” She took off running.

“Very good, Dinky,” she said, hugging her daughter when they arrived at their front door.

“So remember: town hall, Sugarcube Corner, home. Town hall, Sugarcube Corner, then home. Town hall, Sugarcube Corner, then home.”

Derpy practiced this routine with Dinky once a week to ensure it stayed stuck in her head. And with Dinky getting ice cream for her efforts she made every effort to remember.

***

As they arrived at Sugarcube Corner Dinky’s stomach tingled. She wished they could stop in for ice cream, just like before. But she was on a mission, for something far more important than even ice cream. They all had bad days, her mom included, but she couldn’t forget how full of life her mother used to be.

Whenever they played together her mom always had the biggest smiles on her face, always laughing and willing to spend time with her. But now things were different. Her mother still smiled, but it didn’t feel real. Her face always looked sad. At first Dinky didn’t know why that was, but now she knew. And now that she knew she was determined to do something about it.

She looked left, searching for the painting the two of them had drawn. She spotted it almost instantly. She hopped off the stallion’s back, going running. Gold medal followed behind her.

Dinky stopped in front of the door, putting her hoof on the painting of her mother. “No worry, Mama. I gonna help you smile!”

“So this is it, then?” Gold Medal asked. “This is your house?”

“Yep!” Dinky replied.

“You’re sure of that?”

“Uh-huh. See?” She pointed to the door. “Me and Mama painted the front door. Here is Mama about to eat a giant muffin!”

Gold laughed. “I see. I guess it’s hard to forget your house with that on your front door.” He knocked on the door several times.

Dinky focused her desire, and with a glow from her horn the door opened.

Gold looked at the toddler with shock. “Handy,” he said to himself.

Dinky went inside, humming to herself.

Gold entered the house too. Dinky was home now, but he wouldn’t feel right about leaving until he had seen her mother and made sure she knew her child had been out alone. “Hello!” he called out. “Anybody home?”

He got no response. The house felt deserted. He would have to search for her himself.

Dinky paid him no mind as he began to look around the house. He checked the ground floor, the basement, the second floor, calling out all the while. Every room was empty.

When he returned to the living room he saw that Dinky was now wearing a saddlebag. “Hey there, Dinky. I looked all around and I didn’t see any sign of your mother.” He waited for her expression to sour and was ready to provide comforting, but Dinky was unfazed.

“I know Mama not here. She at Annie Bonnie and Annie Lyly’s house.”

Now he was even more confused. “Wait. Didn’t you tell me she was sleeping?”

“Yeah, but not here.”

He had to guess that their house was where she initially started from, which explained why she was so far from home when he saw her. “So you knew your mother was sleeping at your aunt’s house?”

“Yes. Now I gotta go back.”

Eyeing the saddle bag he asked, “What was so important that you had to come all the way out here for it? I know your mom was sleeping, and maybe you didn’t want to wake her up, but couldn’t you have asked one of your aunt’s for help?”

Dinky shook her head. “No. They no understand. I tell them what I want, and they think I asking for a dwink.”

Gold shook his head. “Maybe they didn’t understand what you were asking for, but you still shouldn’t have come out here all alone.”

“I no alone. You came with me.”

Gold sucked on his cheek, momentarily stymied. She wasn’t exactly wrong. “That’s true, Dinky, but if I hadn’t noticed you then you would have been all alone. And you don’t even know me. Bad things can happen to children who go places with strangers. I’m a nice stallion, so I would never hurt you, but other ponies might not be so kind.”

Dinky just stared at him blankly, clearly not understanding. He guessed he shouldn’t be surprised. She was still a baby. The concept of a bad pony probably was beyond her mental capabilities. He decided to try another route.

“This is your house, right? What would have happened if you were all alone, and you fell down the stairs? Or you got a drink and you choked? There would be no one here that could have taken you to the doctor. If someone didn’t hear you then you could have gotten seriously hurt. You love your mother a lot, I bet. Do you really want to make her sad?”

That got through to her. Dinky pictured her mother’s crying face. She certainly did not want to cause her mother any more pain. That was why she was on this trip in the first place. “Noooo,” she said quietly. “B-but I HAD to come here.”

“I understand that. You wanted something here, but you still should have made sure that you brought someone with you who could look after you. You only have me because I offered. And since a responsible family wouldn’t have let you just wander around by yourself than I’m guessing none of them know you went out.”

Dinky shook her head. “Nooo.” She rubbed a hoof along the ground, looking guilty.

“How do you think they’re going to feel when they go to look for you and they can’t find you?”

Dinky was reminded of how scared she had been when she woke up and her mother was nowhere to be found. She found out a little later her mother had been with Doctor Hooves, but she had been angry and upset when she didn’t know.

“I sorry!”

“Don’t apologize to me. I’m not your mother or your aunts. Did you get what you came here for?” Dinky nodded. “Then we should go now.”

Dinky nodded again. “Okay.” She ran towards the door, now eager to get back.

Gold followed her out, closing the front door behind him. “Okay, kid. How do we get to your aunt’s house?”

Dinky opened her mouth, lifting her hoof as she went into her memory. Her face furrowed in confusion as her hoof lowered. Her mother had taught her over and over how to get to her house, but they didn’t go to Lyra’s and Bon Bon’s house that often, and she had never been taught how to get there.

“I… I no know!” Her face screwed up in fear as her eyes filled with tears. She had no idea how to get back. She might never see her mother again. “Mamaaaa!” Dinky fell to the ground and began to bawl her eyes out.

Gold let out a heavy breath. Now what should he do?

Author's Note

Chapter title is just for fun. I came up with it because of 3 places format Derpy used to teach Dinky how to get home. :derpytongue2:

Also, I didn't originally intend for the flashback to go on so long, so this chapter ran much longer than I expected. So there's one more chapter and the epilogue still.

Chapter 13: Acceptance

Gold Medal was at a bit of a loss. Dinky was sobbing on the ground, and he wasn’t sure how to help her. He didn’t know where Dinky’s aunt and uncle lived, and neither did she. Still, he had been the one to bring her to her house, and he was committed to staying with her until he knew she was somewhere safe.

The only idea he had was to simply ask the ponies nearby if they knew the address, but given that Dinky pronounced “auntie” as “annie” he had doubts whether “Bonnie” and “Lyly” were the actual names of her aunts.

He stared at the crying filly and tried to think of a better way of going about things. An idea struck. It wasn’t perfect, but it was better than just standing around and hoping something better would present itself.

Leaning over, he picked Dinky up off the ground. “Hey there, kiddo. Stop crying,” he said gently. “I have a great idea on how to get you home and to your mama.”

Dinky’s crying eased up slightly, hiccupping sobs still coming from her. She looked at him with teary eyes, curious on what he could do. “I... I-I-I wanna s-see Mama!”

“Do you remember how you got here? You followed specific directions; Town hall, then Sugarcube Corner, and then home.”

Dinky stared at him, not yet sure where he was going with things.

“So if we take those directions backwards instead, we can head in the direction of your aunts house. We go from here to Sugarcube Corner, then to town hall, and then we head straight out from there.”

Dinky sniffed, shaking her head. “That no help. I no know what their house look like.”

“That’s true. But if your mother or your aunts have noticed you missing then they’ll be outside looking for you and calling out for you, or asking other ponies if they’ve seen you wandering around. So if we head back in the direction we came from before we’ll definitely find your mother or aunts, right?”

Dinky’s eye moved around side to side thoughtfully, and then she smiled a little. She nodded, the tension slowly leaving her body. “Mitter Gold, will you help me find my mama?”

“Of course I will. I’ll stay with you and keep you safe until you’re back in your mother’s hooves.” He pulled her a little closer, giving her a quick nuzzle. “So don’t cry anymore.”

Dinky gave him a quick peck on his snout. “Tank you.”

“You’re very welcome.” Setting her down he laid on the ground so she could climb on his back.

When she got up and held him around the neck he stood up, walking towards town hall. As they passed by a few houses he got curious. “Dinky?”

“Hmm?” she replied.

“You left your house all by yourself. Weren’t you scared of being alone?”

“A li’l bit. Other ponies are scawy. But not alla time. Annie Bonnie and Annie Lyly were kinda scary, but they were a lotta fun. Annie Lyly do li’l ponies jumping on da bed. That was really funny. And Annie Bonnie do three little pony and the big bad timbawoof. And I say, “Little pony, little pony, LET ME IN!” She giggled. “Now they no scawy anymore. You no scawy either. You really nice.”

Gold blushed a bit. “Thank you. It sounds like you have a good family. Do they take good care of you and protect you?”

Dinky’s enthusiasm faded along with the cheerful memory. "My mama always protect me, but she no do that anymore.”

He stopped for a moment, turning his head back to her. He elected to keep going and get more information. “Why doesn’t she protect you anymore?”

“She no feel good.” Dinky gave a little sniff. “Mama so sad. That make Dinky sad. I want to see Mama smile.”

“So your mother is sick? Does she have a disease?”

“No. She sad because her mama and papa die.”

Gold let out a heavy breath. “I see.”

“Mama say when you die we no can see each other anymore. You go to sleep when you hurt weally bad, and then you no wake up.”

“Well, that’s about right.” He let out another heavy breath.

“I gots an idea. I think of way Mama can see Gandma an Granpa, but I had to go back home. I told Annie Bonnie that I wanted a pitcher, but she think I want drink. I ask Annie Lyly, and she think I want drink too.” Dinky squeezed him hard, making it a little hard to breathe for a moment. “I wanted them to help me! But they no unnerstand me!” She let out a big huff before loosening her grip. “If they no help me then I had to go alone. I no want Mama to be sad anymore.”

“So that’s why you went all by yourself? You tried to explain what you wanted to your aunts, but they thought you were talking about something else?”

Dinky nodded. “Yeah! I a big girl, but I still has trouble with words. Mama unnerstan me good, but Annie Lyly and Annie Bonnie don’t sometimes.”

“If that’s the case then why didn’t you just wake up your mother and have her come with you? Mmm. Never mind. I guess you did what you thought was best to make her happy.”

As they reached town hall Gold Medal stopped, looking toward it thoughtfully.

“What wrong?” Dinky asked.

“I’m trying to remember how far around town hall we went before. If we’re trying to follow your steps back in the direction of your aunts house then we have to go the same way we came.”

“Hmm?”

“I’m saying the only way we’re going to go towards the direction of your aunts house is if we retrace your steps. If we go the wrong way then we’re not heading toward your aunts house, but toward a whole other part of Ponyville. If that happens then even if your mother and aunts are outside looking for you we won’t see them because we’re in the wrong place.”

“Oooooh.” Dinky nodded, understanding. She put a hoof to her mouth. “Dinky be quiet,” she said in a whisper.

Gold closed his eyes, thinking. Which direction had he gone around it before? Also, how far had they gone around it? He had expected to be done with Dinky once they got to her house, so he hadn’t seen the need to focus on such an unimportant detail. Still, if he couldn’t remember they were going to go completely off course.

It wasn’t right away that Dinky had told him to change directions towards Sugarcube Corner. He remembered that much. So they had to have gone at least a third of the way around. Maybe even two thirds.

He thought there was another way to find the right path. All he had to do was think about any places that stood out near town hall. He did remember the quills and sofas store, simply because he always found it amusing. What store only sells two things that have nothing in common with one another, and are two completely different sizes?

He began walking around town hall until he spotted the store. He felt confident as they walked the path.

Dinky tapped his head a few times. “Yes, Dinky?”

“Can Dinky talk now?”

“Yes.”

“You find the right way?”

“I believe I did.”

Dinky let out a sigh. “Goods!” In a quieter voice she added, “I miss Mama.”

“Don’t worry, Dinky. I’ll make sure you see her again real soon.”

A tear came down her cheek as she nuzzled his neck. “Tank you!”

“You’re welcome.”

***

Derpy yawned as she got up, shuffling towards the bathroom. She groaned sleepily as she entered, looking at the floor with half-lidded eyes. She would have preferred to stay in bed another few hours, but her bladder was having none of it.

When she finished up she washed her face, staring at herself in the mirror. She had a serious case of bedhead. Splashing water in her mane she combed it into her usual style. When she was satisfied she looked presentable she considered going back to bed, despite that it would ruin the work she had just done, but ultimately decided against it.

She headed toward the kitchen, seeing Bon Bon sitting at the table. “Morning,” she said with another yawn.

“Good morning,” Bon Bon replied, looking up from her paper.

“Doing the crossword again?”

Bon Bon laughed, tapping her pencil on the table. “Just a little hobby of mine.”

She went into the cabinet, getting a bowl and making herself a bowl of cereal. She ate in silence, still drowsy. When she finished she put her bowl and spoon in the sink.

Derpy put her head in her hooves as she sat back down, the only sound coming from the scratching of the pencil Bon Bon was using. After a few minutes she noticed the curious lack of noise. “So where’s Dinky?” she asked.

Bon Bon shrugged, not looking up, concentrating hard. “Can’t say. I think she’s with Lyra.”

“Lyra, huh?”

Bon Bon paused in her writing for a second. She then finished up the clue she was working on and set the pencil down. “That reminds me,” she said, looking towards Derpy. “Maybe you can figure this out.”

“Yes?”

“Dinky came to me and asked me for something. Ultimately I couldn’t figure out what she was asking for, and she got mad and took off. I suggested she go ask Lyra instead, and I haven’t heard from her since, so I guess she was able to figure it out.”

“What was she asking for?"

“She said she wanted a “pitcher” to share with you.”

“A pitcher? Like lemonade?”

She shook her head. “Nope. She specifically told me she wasn’t asking for a drink.”

Derpy put a hoof over her eyes, blocking out the light. “The only other type of pitcher I can think of is in baseball, but I’m pretty sure that isn’t what she wanted to share with me… unless she wants to play catch or something.

“Hmmm… well, if it isn’t a pitcher she was looking for then maybe it’s a word that sounds like it. I can usually decipher her messed up words by the context of the rest of the sentence.”

She mused for a bit, repeating the word pitcher over and over. “Pitcher… pitcher… picture?” That seemed likely. “Could she have been asking for a picture?”

Bon Bon gazed thoughtfully at her. “Picture? Picture, huh? She wanted to share a picture with you? I guess that makes sense, but then what would she need me for? She wouldn’t need my help to show you a picture she made.”

Derpy tapped her hoof on the table a few times. “Maybe… she wanted you to take a picture of her to give to me.”

“I guess so.”

“Well, we can always ask her directly. I’m sure I can figure out what she’s after.”

As Derpy got up Bon Bon looked back and forth between her and her crossword, then stood up as well. She could always go back to her crossword later.

The two of them went to Lyra’s room. She was huddled over her desk, writing up a storm.

Derpy knocked on the door a few times. “Hey, there.”

Lyra turned in her seat. “Hey. What’s up?”

Derpy looked left and right. “Do you have Dinky with you?”

She shook her head. “Nope. She left a while ago. Came in asking me some question, and then got mad when I couldn’t figure out what she wanted and she left.

“Look, I’m really busy trying to write this essay for history, so if there’s nothing else I need to get back to it.”

“She… never came back?”

Lyra shook her head. “Nope. Haven’t seen her since then.”

Derpy’s heart began to speed up. “Bon Bon hasn’t heard a peep out of Dinky either since she also failed to figure out what Dinky wanted. That’s not normal for her.”

Lyra hesitated a moment, then set her pencil down. “No need to panic. Maybe she’s taking a nap. But I’ll help you find her. I doubt I’ll be able to concentrate with you screaming out her name anyway.”

“Thank you.”

The three of them went around the house, calling out Dinky’s name, getting no answer. The lack of response was setting Derpy’s heart into overdrive. What if Dinky was hurt? What if she couldn’t respond?

She began to race around searching every room in a panic. Each empty room only added to her anxiety. Even if Dinky was hurt her body would still be in the house.

Ultimately, their search turned up nothing. Nothing looked disturbed in any of the rooms. It was like she had just disappeared.

Derpy was shaking like a leaf. “W-where is she?” she croaked out. “S-she has to be here.”

Lyra and Bon Bon didn’t know what to say. The air in the room was tense.

“Oh!” Bon Bon cried out.

“WHAT?” Derpy said, running up to her and shaking her. “You know something? You know where she is?”

Lyra gently pulled her away. “Easy, girl. Let her speak.”

“Lyra,” Bon Bon said, turning to her.

“Yes?”

“Answer me something. From the time Dinky first came to see you until we did have you left our room?”

“No. I told you I was writing my report.”

Bon Bon grimaced. “I was afraid of that.”

“Afraid of what? AFRAID OF WHAT?” Derpy yelled, hugging herself.

“Shortly after Dinky came to see me I heard the front door open and close.”

Derpy’s eyes went wide, her irises shrinking to tiny dots. “W-what does that mean? You don’t think she was…” Derpy was gasping for breath. She gulped, not wanting to say the next word. “Y-y-you t-think Dinky w-w-was… was… foalnapped?”

“No. I didn’t hear any other noise before the door opened or closed, and we keep the door locked at night. I think she left voluntarily.”

“WHY?” Tears began streaming down her cheeks. “Why would… why would Dinky leave me?”

“I don’t know. Maybe she saw something that caught her eye outside.”

“My mom died. My dad died. I can’t lose Dinky too.” She squeezed herself tighter. “D-D-Dinky. DINKY!” She began wailing.

Bon Bon and Lyra both got on either side of her, hugging her much like they had before.

“Come on, Derpy!” Bon Bon said over her crying. “We need to go searching for her.”

But Derpy didn’t hear her. She was crying too hard, her thoughts a raging tsunami. Her breathing grew shallow, her head spinning. She became dizzy.

Derpy fell out of their hooves, her body like putty. “Derpy!” Lyra called out, getting low and shaking her.

She curled up into a tiny ball, shaking and rocking back and forth, muttering words under her breath. “Dinky-alone-scared-death.”

Bon Bon and Lyra looked at each other, wondering what their next move should be.

“We need to start searching for her immediately,” said Lyra.

“I agree wholeheartedly,” replied Bon Bon, “but we can’t leave Derpy here alone. Even if one of us stayed behind to look after her I’m scared one pony might not be enough to contain her if she tries to do something… drastic.”

Lyra’s face paled a bit. “I see what you mean. So what are we supposed to do? We can’t just leave Derpy alone, and we can’t just do nothing about Dinky and hope she finds her way back.”

Bon Bon put a hoof to her head. “Ugh. I feel like I’m getting a headache. I’m not sure what the right answer is. Derpy is off in her own world, and Dinky is out there by herself.”

Lyra sighed. “How about this? We spend a few minutes trying to get through to Derpy so the three of us can go looking. If we can’t we can put her in the wagon we have and take her along, that way we can keep an eye on her AND go searching for Dinky.”

Bon Bon let out a sigh of relief. “That sounds like a perfect solution.”

***

Gold was gazing left and right as he walked, feeling confused.

When he came to a stop, still looking around, Dinky asked, “What wrong, Mitter Gold?”

“I’ve been looking around all over for signs of a panicking pony, but I haven’t seen a one. Everything looks completely normal and peaceful. And maybe it’s just me, but I feel like we’ve been walking too long. I think we might have already went by your aunt’s house.”

Dinky’s stomach clenched. “B-but you said Mama would be out looking for me! You lied to me!”

Gold heard the distress in her voice. “I didn’t lie,” he said in a soothing tone. “If we haven’t spotted them, it might just mean they haven’t noticed you’re missing yet. Your mother was sleeping when you left, and your aunts were doing their own thing.”

But Dinky wasn’t having it. There was a flash of light, and his back felt lighter. Dinky was now on the ground.

“Mamaaa!” she called out, running away from him. “Mamaaaaaaa!”

Gold gave chase. “Hold on, Dinky!”

She ignored him. When he got close her horn flashed, and she disappeared again, reappearing about fifty feet ahead.

Try as he might he couldn’t catch her. He didn’t think she was deliberately avoiding him or upset with him, but just that she was too caught up in her emotions to think rationally. Every so often she’d poof away, reappearing in a close-by spot, calling out for her mother all the while.

He was panting heavily by the time she finally stopped poofing around. She collapsed onto the ground, tears in her eyes. “Mama!” she said with a hiccup.

Gold approached her, still catching his breath. He put a hoof on her, but before he could offer words of comfort she began bawling loudly, kicking her hooves on the ground.

Once more he felt at a loss of what to do. There had to be a solution, but what? He believed that Dinky’s family cared for her, based on what little she had told him, so he didn’t think she was abandoned or anything. Did he really just have to wait until he heard a panicking pony?

He could go to the nearby stores and hand off his address. That way they’d come to him. There didn’t seem to be anything else he could do. Neither he nor Dinky knew where to look.

His musings were interrupted by a voice. “Dinky? Is that you?”

Dinky’s face shot up at the familiar voice. Her vision was blurry with her tears, so she wiped her face. She let out a cry of relief as she saw Berry Punch. “Mizz Bewwy!” She picked herself up and with a burst of magic threw herself at the surprised pony.

“Whoa!” Berry said as she quickly sat and raised her hooves to catch the little filly. “Easy there, girl.” She gave Dinky a squeeze. “What’s wrong?”

“I-I-I lost!”

“Lost?” she said, surprised. She looked around. “Where’s your mother?” The question only made Dinky burst out in tears again.

Gold Medal spoke up. “Excuse me?”

“Yes?” she said, looking up at him.

“Are you a family member of hers?”

She shook her head. “No. Just a friend of her mother. Since you were so close to Dinky while she was crying do you know what happened with her?”

“I have one more question, because it would be more prudent to talk while we walk. Do you know where Dinky’s aunts live?”

“Aunts?” she replied in confusion. “Dinky doesn’t have any aunts that I know of. Just a mother.”

“She called them Auntie Lyly and Auntie Bonnie. Does that mean anything to you?”

“Oh!” she replied, understanding now. “That would be Lyra and Bon Bon. Her mother Derpy is staying at their house right now because of a recent tragedy.”

“Yes, Dinky told me. Her parents died.”

“Right.” She closed her eyes for a few moments. “Well, come on, Dinky. Get on my back and I’ll take you home.”

Dinky nodded. “O-okay.”

Gold matched her pace as she turned around and began walking. “Thank goodness you came around. I wasn’t sure what else I could do.”

“So what happened? Why was Dinky out on her own? Given how attached she is to her mother I can’t imagine her ever straying too far from her mother’s side."

Dinky remained quiet as Gold explained the story to Berry. She wasn’t interested in explaining everything a hundred times. She just wanted to see her mother again.

Berry was impressed. “I didn’t realize Derpy thought that far ahead, to give a way for Dinky to get home no matter how far away she was. It’s very clever to use landmarks to guide your way.”

Gold nodded. “Of course, the only failing in that plan was that Dinky didn’t get to go through the same process with her temporary home, so she couldn’t find her way back.”

“But what was so important that she went through so much trouble?”

“I guess we’ll all find out when we get there.”

“I guess. It’s very close now.”

***

Bon Bon and Lyra had had no luck in getting Derpy to respond to them by being gentle and understanding and pleading.

Bon Bon felt it was time for some tough love. They needed all hooves on deck to cover the most ground. If her and Lyra had to stay nearby Derpy to make sure she didn’t break emotionally then it wouldn’t be much help.

She took a deep breath, muttering “Forgive me” before she drew her hoof back and gave Derpy a hard slap across the face.

The impact made her recoil. The explosion of physical pain leeched away her emotional pain, bringing her back into the present.

Lyra let out a soft gasp, understanding the necessity of the action.

“That’s enough!” Bon Bon said sharply, her eyes narrowing. “Is that all you’re going to do? Curl up into a ball and cry about how Dinky is missing? If you really care about her and don’t want her to get hurt then do you job as her mother and help us to locate her!”

Derpy looked up into her eyes, the words cutting like knives. The truthfulness of those words were so heavy she had no retort to them. She had to get up. She had to find Dinky. “L-let’s go.”

As the three were about to reach the front door there was a knock on it. There was a regular sounding knock, but right after that came another, softer knock.

Derpy opened the door, seeing Berry Punch. “We don’t have time for socializing right now. Dinky is missing and we could really use your help locating her.”

Berry let out a snicker, reaching down and picking Dinky up. “No need for the search.”

Derpy almost melted to the floor again. Dinky looked completely unharmed.

“Mama!” Dinky called out, reaching her hooves out.

Derpy instantly put her own out, beginning to wail as she hugged her daughter. “I-I-I was so s-scared! I thought I had lost you forever! J-just like… like… my parents.”

Guilt began bubbling up inside Dinky again. She squeezed extra-hard to try and cheer her mother up. “I sowwy!”

Derpy pulled her back, her eyes shining through her tears. “Why?” she said, her face scrunching up. “Why did you leave?”

Dinky hung her head. “I had to go. I wanted Annie Bonnie to help me, but she no unnerstand.”

Berry spoke up now, pointing to Gold. “According to him Dinky went all the way back to your house."

Derpy gaped as she looked at her friend. “She what?”

Gold took a step forward. “I spotted her walking by herself and found it strange. I was concerned for her safety, so I talked to her and she told me how you taught her to find her way back home through landmarks.”

Derpy remembered that well.

“Now when she told me that you were sleeping I thought she had just been wandering all over town by herself. I didn’t realize until we actually got to your house that she had come from somewhere else. I had probably caught her only a minute or two after she left."

Derpy took a deep breath, setting Dinky on the floor. She put a hoof to her head. “Well? Bon Bon said you wanted something to share with me, so what was at home that you needed?”

Dinky took off her saddle bag and placed it on the floor in front of her. There was a clattering noise as the objects inside pushed against one another.

Derpy eyed the bag before looking back at Dinky, who was still looking down at the floor guiltily. Dinky had gone through so much, so she figured whether to yell at her child for her recklessness could wait until she saw it.

Leaning over she pulled open the latch on the bag, emptying its contents onto the floor with a clatter.

Bon Bon leaned over, curious what the mystery object Dinky was searching for was. It was a whole bunch of picture frames. So Derpy was right that it had been a picture she wanted.

Derpy stared at the picture frames wordlessly. Had that really been it? Had Dinky really just left the house for a few pictures?

“Why?” she said, her voice growing harsher. “What was the point? You scared me half to death for a picture?”

Dinky winced.

“All you had to do was ask. Even if Bon Bon didn’t understand what you wanted you could have just asked her to take you to our house. What if something had happened to you while you were out? You had to rely on a total stranger to help you out, and he might have turned out to be a bad guy!”

Dinky sniffed, looking up at her. “I… I… I just wanted you to smile again,” she said quietly.

Derpy didn’t want to yell at her daughter. In order to distract herself she grabbed the upside-down picture frame on the top of the pile and turned it over.

Her breath caught. It felt like she couldn’t breathe. In her hooves was a picture of her right after she was born. Her mother looked tired but happy as she looked lovingly down at her daughter, while her father had a hoof around her, looking down too.

She reached down and picked up another frame in her other hoof. This was a picture of her at a picnic with her parents.

She set both of them down, going through the entire pile: her dad pushing her on the swing; her mother presenting her a sweater; her birthday party, right before she blew out the candles; her mom placing a blanket over her as she was snoozing; her dad hovering underneath her filly self as she struggled to remain airborne; her as a baby, her dad in much the same position, except he had his hooves underneath her and was holding her up as she giggle with delight.

Every single picture had her and one or both or her parents.

She picked up the last one, and saw it was a family portrait. She was wearing a blue dress, while her mother wore a green one. Her father wore a black suit. The three of them were sitting down. Her eyes were closed, her smile wide and showing off her teeth. Her mom and dad both had a hoof on her shoulders.

Derpy looked up, overwhelmed with memories of the past. She met eyes with Dinky, who was looking up at her with a mixture of apprehension and fear. “D-Dinky… why… why did you...”

Dinky rubbed her hooves together. “You say you mama and papa dead, and that mean we no see them anymore. But if you look at a pitcher you can see them all’a time."

A tear dripped down her eye. “I sowwy I left.” She clutched her stomach, shaking. “You been so sad ever since you mama and papa go away. I no want you to cry. I… I wanna see you smile.”

Derpy felt weak-kneed again. Dinky fully understood her pain, and she sought out a way that she felt would alleviate that pain. Even if it meant she had to go out all alone, and it was scary, she had to do it.

She looked down at the picture of the three of them, her parent’s happy faces. She closed her eyes, reflecting on the picture, and she could almost feel their hooves on her shoulders; the comforting touch of those she loved, that had always been there for her in the past.

They weren’t truly gone, were they? Didn’t a piece of them live on in her? Wouldn’t they live on through Dinky too, once she passed on the values they had taught her? So long as she embraced the things that they had tried to instill in her, they would never truly die.

Her heart began thumping a little harder as she placed a hoof over it. A strange excitement passed through her, like the dark clouds choking the life out of her were turning to light.

The crushing despair that had been weighing her down had lifted, and her thoughts were shifting along with it.

Dinky had been suffering right along with her, and she had been too wrapped up in herself to deal with it, passing her child off on her friends so she could sit around and mope. Even if it was a period of time necessary to mourn, she had still been a crappy mother throughout that time frame.

She had spent enough time angsting and feeling sorry for herself and her fate. She was still alive, and Dinky was still alive too. Dinky loved her with all her heart, and her parents were still looking out for her. Wasn’t it enough to know that?

She opened her eyes, once more seeing Dinky looking at her with that anxious, uncertain expression. Derpy took one last look at the picture, then set it down.

“Dinky?”

“Mmm?” she replied.

With a dreamy smile she put her hooves out. “Thank you so much!” she said contentedly.

“Mamaaa!” She threw herself into those outstretched hooves without hesitation. There it was! The smile she had been waiting for.

She gently moved her body back and forth. “I told you I was sick before, and you brought me the perfect medicine. I really do feel happy.”

Dinky beamed, joyful tears coming down her eyes. It had really worked! She had brought the smile back to her mother.

Bon Bon, Lyra, and Berry all joined in on the hug, all of them crying as well.

Gold Medal wiped a tear from his own eye. He’d done what he set out to do. Dinky was home and safe, in the hooves of her mother and surrounded by love and family. It was enough for him to know that. He probably wasn’t needed anymore. They probably wouldn’t miss him.

He took one last look at the group of happy ponies, and his heart shone as well. With a quiet “Goodbye” he took his leave.

Chapter 1: Shooting Star

“Freak!” “Loser!” “Weirdo!” Words that Derpy heard all the time, cutting remarks that penetrated deep into her heart, deeper and deeper each time she heard them. From elementary school to high school she’d heard it all. She’d been shunned and excluded, shoved and mocked, and treated like less than a pony. Not everyone had gone after her. Her teachers were kind, and she had Lyra and Bon Bon at times to protect her, but they just weren’t enough.

The light slowly dimmed from her eyes until the world felt pitch-black, and it led her to try to commit suicide. As she tied the rope tight and approached the cliff there was a sense of freedom, like there was a prize waiting if she only had the courage to jump. The greatest freedom of all: peace.

She looked down at the ground several thousand feet below, hesitating for a few moments, and then she made the jump…

For a few seconds there was a great sense of relief, even exhilaration. But right after that her head cleared, and she saw the fate she was heading toward. Thoughts of her parents, of her friends, ran through her mind, and she struggled to free herself from the ropes holding her wings shut. Sweat dripped down her face, only to be forced into the air as she descended. She pulled with her hooves and teeth, her heart racing.

She kept glancing down every few seconds, panic giving energy to her limbs. With only seconds to spare she gave one last hard yank and she felt the rope give. She immediately unfurled her wings, flapping them as hard as possible to lower her momentum before gliding and taking back to the air, missing the ground by millimeters.

As she landed back on the ground she stopped to think about what she had just done. The will to live was blazing inside her again. She couldn’t kill herself. The ones she loved would miss her too much. Collecting the rope she returned home, hugging her parents fiercely and telling them she loved them.

She had never told anyone about that incident. She didn’t want them to worry. It wouldn’t happen again, after all.

School didn’t get any easier after that. She fell into clearing her mind when they would start in on her, thinking solely of her parents or friends to bolster herself. And it worked, to an extent.

Things continued on in that manner for a while, and at times she did feel others would be better off without her. She didn’t try to kill herself again, but there were periods she had the strong desire to just die.

She was a loser, a washout, an idiot, a retard, a dope, and that was all she could ever be. At least… until she met HIM. Shooting Star. The most popular stallion in school. Jock of their school sports team.

She remembered that day clearly. It had started with her being mocked while walking down the halls.

“Hey, there! It’s Derpy! What’s she gonna break next? Who knows?”

“Maybe it’s intelligent. We should try to communicate with it. DUH! STU-PID!”

“What a freak! I’ve heard of four-eyes, but never magnet eyes. That’s the only reason I can think of for why they never want to be near each other.”

Tears began to drip down her eyes. She felt like she was about to break down, when suddenly her attention was diverted.

WHAM!

The sound of an impact resonated through the hall, the stallion going flying.

“Hey!” said the stallion, rubbing his eye. “Who in the he-he-he-hello.” He let out a nervous laugh as he saw the pony standing there.

Shooting Star stood there, looking down dispassionately at the bully.

“So,” said Shooting Star, looking around. “You all saw that, right? Poor guy walked right into a doorknob. Riiiight?”

Everyone else quickly nodded.

“Now,” Shooting Star said, pulling the pony up to his hooves, “I think you should apologize to the little lady, or I’ll give you a matching set again.” He lifted his hoof, gently tapping the stallion’s other eye.

“Y-y-yes. Right away!” He bowed his head toward Derpy. “I’m very sorry for my comments. Please forgive me.”

“Does anyone ELSE here want to make fun of her eyes?” He lifted up a hoof. “Maybe I’ll let someone else experience what it’s like to have mismatched eyes for a while.”

A hush went over the crowd, everyone sweating. They all looked at the ground or each other or the ceiling, but no one dared to look at him. “That’s what I thought.”

The other ponies quickly cleared out, leaving only the two of them.

“Umm, thanks,” said Derpy, blushing. “I really appreciate it.”

He smirked, giving one of his confident looks. “No prob. Those guys get swelled heads if you don’t knock them down a peg once in a while.”

Derpy saw him staring at her, and she started feeling self-conscious. She turned her head away, looking at the ground. She let out a little squeak as she felt his hoof on her chin. “W-what are you doing?”

He let out a little snicker as they met eyes again. “So that’s what all the fuss is about? Because your eyes don’t point in the same direction? Sheesh. If you’re going to bully someone you’d think you could at least do it for something of more substance.

“I actually think they’re kinda cute like that. It certainly makes you more unique than all the other ponies I know.”

Derpy’s blush went from a little tinge to covering both her cheeks. Her face felt red hot. This was the first time anyone had ever complimented her eye disorder. She put her hooves on her face with an embarrassed giggle as she turned her head to the side.

“Come on,” he said with a laugh. “Stop turning away. Give me a smile and show them you’re not gonna let them get you down.”

Her face still flushed she forced a smile on her face. It felt like a dream. The most popular stallion in school was talking to her.

“That’s better. Don’t ever lose that smile. Those bums aren’t worth a single frown. I’ll prove that to you. Give me just an hour or two of your time and I promise no one will ever make fun of your eyes again.”

Derpy just blinked a few times, confused. She let out a sigh. “That would be lovely, but I don’t see how you’re gonna do that.”

He put his hoof out. “You wanna go out for a milkshake later?”

Derpy just blinked, sure that she had misheard him. “Excuse me?”

“After school let’s hit up Sugarcube Corner and get some milkshakes. What do you say?”

She heard it a second time, but she still didn’t believe it. In order to distract herself she asked, “Um, but what does that have to do with ponies bullying me?” She was still having a hard time believing the most popular pony wanted anything to do with the least popular pony.

He let out a mischievous laugh. “Once other ponies see you with me they won’t dare open their mouth to say anything bad about you. You just saw what happened a few minutes ago. Every single one of those ponies, including the one I hit, will swear he walked into a door to their dying day.”

Lifting his hoof he pushed a stray strand of hair away from her face. “So what’s your answer?”

Derpy looked at the ground, tears starting to form in her eyes.

“What’s wrong?” Shooting Star asked, a concerned tone in his voice.

“I’m a loser and a washout. I appreciate you sticking up for me, but I just can’t accept that someone like you would want to go on a date with me. I’d only bring your reputation down. And,” she closed her eyes as a few tears dripped down, “I can just see it. I head to Sugarcube Corner and wait at the table, and then you never show up. And you and all your buddies get a laugh at how gullible and stupid I am.”

Shooting Star shook his head. “No way! Not at all. What kinda stallion do you think I am?”

Derpy looked up slightly. “Your dad is rich and you’re an athlete. Surely you can find a better mare than me.”

Shooting Star huffed, letting out a playful sigh. “Do you know why I’m asking you out?”

Derpy just shrugged, wiping away the tears coming down her face.

“Because I’m sick of all the shallow mares that surround me. Every day they gather around me, sucking up to me and hanging on my every word, but there isn’t a real one among them. They’re not actually interested in me as a pony, only for the prestige that comes with being close to me, and the hopes that they can get a life on easy street because of my family’s wealth. To be honest I’m getting fed up with it.

“So really I’m just looking for a change of pace. It’s a win-win scenario for both of us. All those idiots who like to mock you will leave you alone, and I get to know someone who has more on their minds than just what they can get out of me. Besides, once I show that I’m taken most of the phonies should back off. Well, even if I start dating you they’ll be watching like a hawk and hoping you mess up so they can flock to me again. All the talk of the popular ponies and the shallow mares gets really tiresome after a while. It’ll be nice to have a change of pace and really get to know someone who is a little lower on the popularity ladder.”

He lifted his hoof again, gently rubbing her face. “So come on. Stop those tears and give me an answer.”

Derpy looked at him, still feeling a little uncertain. She could still imagine it all being a big joke. She didn’t want to get her hopes up. “So, what if I say no? Are you gonna strike me too?”

He let out a snicker. “Ah, see. This is why I need a mare like you. It’s nice to see someone not falling over themselves to worship me.

“How about this? I’ll meet you after school and we’ll walk to the sweet shop together, then you won’t have to be worried about me not showing up. At least that way the worst that will happen if I let you down is you have to walk home alone, hmm?”

Derpy took a deep breath. “Well… okay. I’d love to, um, go out with you.”

“Sounds great. I’ll meet you near the front entrance after school.”

After school Derpy was pacing restlessly back and forth. A part of her felt like just running home. It had to be a trick. There was something behind it. Maybe he wanted to play a prank on her. Was she about to be humiliated in front of the whole school? Wasn’t she mocked enough already?

Her heart was racing and each second felt like an eternity. She felt out of breath, even though she was barely moving.

Lines of mares and stallions were filing out. Some of them stayed around the school, chatting before heading for home.

Interrupting her thoughts was a derisive voice. “Move it, freak eyes!” A mare shoved her, knocking her to the ground. Derpy was so shocked she couldn’t react at first. Tears began forming in her eyes as the laughter and name-calling started. She really wanted to just crawl into a hole and hide.

As she looked the mare and her group of friends ran over to a stallion, fangirling. She gasped as she saw it was Shooting Star. He didn’t look happy. “Great!” she muttered to herself. “Not only do I look like an idiot in front of everyone else, but now I have to look like an idiot in front of him too.” There was no way he was going to want to lower his reputation in front of a fool like her.

Shooting Star pushed his way through the giggling girls, walking along the path.

Clop clop clop. She heard the sound of his hooves on the pavement as he got closer and closer. Derpy prayed he would just continue walking and not notice her.

When he was right next to her he sat down and used both his hooves to pull her back up. Rounding on the surprised girls he said nastily, “You want to tell me why you think it’s okay to shove a girl and mock her and then expect me to want you by my side?”

The mare looked speechless. “Um, I, um-”

“I’m looking for more than the shallow attention horses like you, so grow up and get a life. From now on anyone who messes with my mare will have to answer to me.” With that he put a hoof around Derpy and pulled her to him.

A hush went over the crowd as every head turned to him.

Derpy’s face felt like it exploded as her face burned at the crowd all looking toward her. The expressions ranged from surprised and shocked, to confused, and, most prevalent of all, outrage from the mares.

“Do-I-make-myself-clear?” He said each word slowly and deliberately.

“Y-y-yes, Shooting Star.”

“Good! Now let’s go, baby.”

It took Derpy a few seconds before his words penetrated her brain. “O-okay. Sure.” She began walking, her legs feeling shaky.

After they had left the school yard behind and were walking along the grass Shooting Star laughed and said, “Man, that felt great!” He looked over at her. “Wouldn’t you agree? Hmm? Are you crying again?”

Derpy wiped her face, bowing her head. “I’m sorry!”

His head tilted a little. “For what?”

“For not believing in you.”

Putting a hoof around her he mussed up her mane a bit. “Come on! I told you I got your back. Just wait until you see how they treat you tomorrow. So long as you got my backing they won’t have the courage to be disrespectful to you anymore. All the idiots who wouldn’t even give you a chance before will want to talk to you now.”

Derpy giggled, gently pushing his hoof away. He had really done it. Publicly, right in front of everyone, he had pledged himself to her. She couldn’t deny it now. He was being truthful. She let out a long breath, feeling like a ton of stress and pain was leaving along with it. He really was being genuine, and that felt like the greatest thing.

The two of them chatted about inconsequential things on the way to the shop. When they arrived they took a corner booth, ordering two shakes. Derpy was a lot more open in talking, leaving behind her shyness and suspicion. She laughed and joked and blushed, feeling like the luckiest mare in the world. Shooting Star was a fascinating pony to her. She certainly never thought she’d be worth more than a passing glance to a star like him, but he actually did value her.

The highlight of her date was seeing another one of her worst bully’s mouth drop when she saw the two of them together. The mare sputtered incoherently for a few seconds, and Derpy just waved hello to her, suppressing the urge to be cocky about it. Shooting Star had said that he wanted to get to know her better because she was different from all the other arrogant mares, so it wouldn’t do to get a swelled head over her position.

At the end of their date he paid for their shakes and walked her home.

“I had a lot of fun today,” Shooting Star said as they stood in front of her front door.

“Same here!” Derpy said in an overly excitable tone, her voice squeaking. She blushed, giving an awkward smile. “I’m sorry. I’m-I just… I-I-I-” She giggled, her cheeks turning a deeper pink. “Oh, I’m sorry. I just didn’t know life could feel this good.”

Shooting Star grinned back at her. “Well, I’m glad you enjoyed it. It’s just like I thought. You’re different. You certainly don’t talk all the same garbage the so-called popular girls do. They’re all just carbon copies of each other.

“You wanna go out again sometime?”

Not trusting herself to speak she simply nodded.

“Great. I’ll see you at school tomorrow.” He gave her a quick peck on the cheek and winked at her before walking away. “See ya.”

Derpy blinked in surprise, putting a hoof to her cheek. She let out a squeal, hurrying inside to her room. “What a day!” she yelled out to the air. She looked at herself in the mirror and saw her cheeks were still flushed. She was used to blushing from embarrassment from all the jerks and bullies who relentlessly berated her. This was the first day that she could recall happy embarrassment. She took out her brush and began combing her mane, happy tears pouring down her eyes.

The rest of the day she was anxious and excited and nervous and joyful and so many other mixes of emotions she couldn’t comprehend them all. She had never felt like this before.

It seemed like this was a day of new firsts. When she went to sleep that night she didn’t dread going to school in the morning. She couldn’t recall the last time she had felt that way.

It had blown her mind. The superstar of the school, interested in her? Taking her out on a date, a perfect gentlecolt the whole while? It was beyond her wildest dreams.

She thought she had to be dreaming. She was sure she’d wake up and find out it had all been a delusion, her last hope for a normal school life. However, it wasn’t.

She woke up in the morning feeling refreshed. Going to school that day was just as glorious as it had been in her dreams. Just like Shooting Star promised not a single pony said a word about her eyes. The ponies who usually made fun of her gave her a wide berth. Everywhere she walked ponies finally treated her like an equal instead of as inferior.

“Hi, Derpy!” a nervous stallion said.

“O-oh, hi.” She waved nervously as she walked down the hallway.

“Hello, Derpy,” said a mare. “How are you today?”

“Um… fine.”

“Hey, Derpy.” “What’s up, Derpy?” Derpy, Derpy, Derpy, Derpy, Derpy.

By the time she’d gotten to her locker she’d been greeted at least twenty times, kindly and respectfully. No one was insulting her. No one was mocking her. It felt so unusual. For the life of her she couldn’t figure out the reason at first, but it came to her with a touch.

“Guess who, sweetness?” Her vision went black as something covered her eyes.

“Shooting Star?” she mumbled.

“Got it in one.” He chuckled as he put his hooves down.

She turned her head to the push of his hoof, and before she could react he kissed her on the lips. It only lasted for a few seconds, but to her they lasted forever. When he pulled away she blushed deeply, her heart soaring.

He shook his head playfully. “Hey, now! Are you gonna start crying every time I see you?”

She laughed too through her tears, wiping her face. “I had the most beautiful morning at school, even though I’ve only been here a few minutes.”

“I guess I’m just one heck of a kisser, then,” he said with a wink.

“It’s not ONLY that. Ponies have been a lot nicer to me today.”

He stood at her side, throwing a leg around her neck. “What did I tell you? Give me a little of your time, and all your bullies will go by the wayside.” He nuzzled her face. “I always keep my promises. So long as I’m with you than you’ve got nothing to fear. I’ll protect you and keep the baddies away.”

Derpy beamed as she nuzzled him back, walking side by side to her first class as other ponies continued to greet her, some of them looking like they were in a blind panic that she would squeal about their behavior to Shooting. She had no desire to make them suffer. As long as she had him and his affection that was enough.

He was everything she needed and wanted. Big, strong, powerful, influential, caring. He was like a warm blanket on a cold night, protecting her. She had nothing to fear.

The following day, amidst the group of ponies greeting her, came another unexpected surprise.

“Um… excuse me?” said a mare, tapping her on the shoulder.

Derpy turned to see a blue-coated mare looking shamefaced. “Yes?”

She bowed her head. “I’m so sorry!”

“For… what?”

“I know that I’ve been terrible to you in the past.”

“You have? Sorry, but… do I know you?”

“No, but I used to join in on the namecalling against you.”

“Oh…” There was a tense silence between them before Derpy said, “Well, I’m not going to rat you out to Shooting if that’s what you’re concerned about.”

As Derpy turned to leave the mare grabbed her. “No, no, no! It’s not that! It’s not that at all!”

Derpy turned back to her. “Then what is it?”

“I never had a problem with you. I don’t care about your eyes. It’s never bothered me. But, well, I’m shy and I don’t have many friends. I joined in, but I never enjoyed it. I just… I just wanted to fit in, and I thought if I stood up for you then I’d wind up picked on just like you. It was wrong, and I’m ashamed of myself.

“I’m so sorry! Can you ever forgive me?”

“Oh.” She was a bit surprised. “Sure.”

“Thank you.”

“So what’s your name?”

“Shoeshine.”

That was how she gained Shoeshine as a friend. She got Berry Punch much the same way. There were others that confessed to going along with the crowd, but the two of them were the only ones she grew to be more than acquaintances with.

Life grew better and better. She felt a little ashamed of herself at the enjoyment she got at the way the tables were turned on her bullies; how they were as scared of her as they were of Shooting. Though she hadn’t changed at all she had been rocketed up the popularity ladder, cool by association.

School became a new experience. She could focus on learning and making friends like all the “normal” ponies did. Without the constant barrage of taunts and insults life felt a lot brighter, and she came out of her shell. She felt confident. She felt beautiful. What did it matter what those other ponies thought of her? She had Shooting Star.

Her parents had always told her not to let the other ponies get her down; that they were only picking on her because of their own insecurities. That, one day, she would find a special somepony that would see the beauty and specialness of her, if she only didn’t give up. She had believed it for a while, but as the years went by it only felt like something they said to try to make her feel better about being a total loser.

But now… now… she finally saw what they were talking about. Shooting had gotten tired of the shallow mares that only sucked up to him for his money. Money wasn’t what drew her to him. It was his actions, the way he came to her rescue when she was in trouble. How he had given her a chance when no one else had. How he had declared for everyone to hear that she was HIS mare, and thus under his protection. And suddenly everyone was looking at her in a new way, with grudging respect or interest, wanting to know just what it was that would cause a stallion like him to want a mare like her.

They continued going on dates once or twice a week, like the time they went on a picnic late at night. They had just finished eating and were in a playful mood.

“I’m gonna get you!” Shooting said, rearing up.

“EEK! NO!” she replied, running away from him.

He was an athlete, so naturally he was faster than her, but he let her stay ahead for a bit.

Just as he was about to grab her she flew up into the air, looking down at him smugly. “Can’t get me up here, huh, tough guy?”

“Oh yeah?” His horn began to glow brightly, and his back similarly began to light up. There was a flash, and what looked like a pair of energy wings appeared. “How about that?”

“Oh, my,” she said. “That’s pretty cool!”

He laughed bashfully, rubbing his head. “They’re just for show. I can’t actually fly with these.”

Derpy busted out laughing, doubling over and holding her stomach. “You goof!” She flew down toward him, tackling him and they rolled over and over until they stopped, her on top. “I got YOU now! You’re at my mercy.”

“Oh no!” he said dramatically. “Whatever shall I do?”

“Just take it like a stallion,” she said toughly, but then her eyes softened and she put her head to his, kissing him.

He responded in turn, and they made out passionately, feeling the warmth of his body on hers as she let herself go.

When they finally broke apart her head was swimming. She nuzzled him a few times before resting her head on him. Her heart was beating with life and vigor.

Shooting put a hoof over her, rubbing her back as he gave her gentle kisses. “Uh-oh! It’s the return of the crying one.”

Derpy let out a choked laugh. “Hush, you!’ She gave him a light smack. “I can’t help it. You have no idea how hard my life has been. You’ve always been popular and on the top. I’ve always been on the bottom. Since you’ve come into my life things have become so great I could never have imagined it. I smile every day, ponies treat me with respect, and life just feels worth living.”

“Glad to hear it.” He stopped rubbing her back and just threw his hooves over her, hugging her tightly. “You have nothing to fear as long as you’re with me. I love you, Derpy! I promise that I’ll always protect you.”

Things continued on in that manner for a while, until one day he invited her over to his house. He told her he had something special to show her.

As she entered his room he levitated a dress in front of him. “Well? What do you think?”

“It’s beautiful and all, but I didn’t know you had such strange hobbies.”

He lowered the dress, confused. Then understanding hit him and he facehoofed, snickering. “It’s not for me, you dolt!”

“Oh, my apologies.” She laughed too, a hoof on her mouth.

He approached her, levitating the dress against her. “This is for you.”

She looked down at the fine material. “Me?” she said, awed. She felt it, rubbing up and down. It was smooth as silk. “That must have cost a lot of money.” Her face went red.

“Oh, pish-tosh. Don’t worry about the money. You’re worth every bit.

“The prom is coming up, and I want you to come with me.”

“Prom?”

“Yes. Now try it on. I want to make sure it fits.”

Derpy hesitated, but after a while she finally took the dress and slipped it on. It was a near perfect fit. It felt so nice against her fur.

Shooting looked her up and down, then let out a seductive purr. “That’s perfect, Bright Eyes. You’ll knock ‘em dead. Of course, seeing as how you’re my girl, if they try to make any moves on you I’LL be the one knocking them dead.” He winked.

She chuckled, but it slowly turned into sobs.

“Oh, no! I made you cry AGAIN! When am I going to stop doing that?”

Derpy flung herself at him, clinging to him. “T-thank you! Thank you, thank you, thank you!”

He put a comforting leg around her. “There, there. So are you going to come with me? I bought that dress specifically for you, to show you just how much you mean to me. I want all the other stallions to be so jealous of me they regret only seeing you for your eyes. They’ll know they could have had you, but they lost their chance by being so superficial.”

She looked up at him, tears still streaming down her eyes, and nodded. “Yes,” she sputtered. “I will.”

The night of prom she was a bundle of nerves, not all of them bad. She was excited. More excited than she had ever been. She didn’t expect to even have a date for prom, let alone someone so popular. He had bought her a fancy dress as a symbol of his devotion. She didn’t want him to regret it. She couldn’t fix her eyes, but she could do all she could to make sure she carried herself as a mare worthy of a stallion of class like Shooting. She spent hours in front of the mirror, trying a ton of different mane styles, putting on makeup, trying on accessories. She had showered three times that day. She just wanted everything to go perfect.

When she heard the knocking of the door her heart hammered, hoping she looked decent. She opened the door, forcing a smile on her face. “H-hello, Shooting.” She was blushing deeply, much like the first date they had.

“Hubba-hubba!” he said, clicking his tongue. “You look beautiful, Derpy.”

Her face burned deeper. “T-thank you, Shooting.”

They spent a short time at her house as he chatted with her parents and promised to take good care of her. She expected to have to walk there, but as he took her around the corner of her house she saw he had hired a carriage.

They got on, and the ponies took off at a leisurely pace. They didn’t go right to their school. The ponies took them for a ride around Ponyville Park.

Derpy felt the breeze on her face, a fresh sensation of being out in the world, seeing the scenery passing them by. The fireflies lighting up for a second, the stars and moon overhead, the beauty of the nature around them, the shimmering reflection of the land around them in the water; it all felt so magical, like she was in her own world. Unconsciously she sat up straighter, holding herself erect. She was like a forest princess, and all around her was her domain. Next to her was her Prince Charming, who had helped her shed her timid skin and start believing in herself, in her own worth. The stallion that taught her that she shouldn’t be ashamed of her eyes.

The illusion didn’t last forever. When they left the park and returned to town she returned back to reality but, given who was still next to her, she didn’t mind it a bit.

As they entered the auditorium she saw it was decked out with decorations, tables, refreshments and food, and packed to the brim with ponies.

She walked with meaning and purpose, not a trace of fear within her. Shooting Star had chosen her, out of all the ponies in school, to be his mare. She wouldn’t disgrace that at such a big event. She wanted to show everyone they had been wrong about her. She wasn’t a loser or an idiot or a fool or anything else they had said. She was tough, confident, and powerful. Shooting Star radiated those qualities, and they had been slowly rubbing off on her, growing stronger with every meeting.

She smiled assuredly at those around her, starting up conversations with whoever she pleased. Sometimes she could feel what Shooting Star talked about, that the stallions were jealous that they had missed out on her because of that focus on her one deformity, and it only made her feel more valued. She could definitely feel the heat of jealousy from the mares, that all felt that THEY should have been there with Shooting Star.

She danced and danced and danced, letting herself go completely. She didn’t care if she was a good dancer. She just cared about being passionate about it. Shooting joined in with her. A spotlight shone upon them, and she didn’t mind a bit. In fact, she was glad of it. She had the eyes of every pony upon her, with the most special stallion in the world, having the time of her life. Where were her critics now? Where were the voices telling her she’d never amount to anything? That all she was in the end was a loser and a retard? What did they think of her now?

She was pretty exhausted by the time they stopped dancing, and she sat down with Shooting and her friends, all of them congratulating her on her spirited performance.

After a rest she got back on the dance floor to a slow song. She leisurely moved around in a circle with him, her feelings changing with the mood of the song. Before it had been about her and her feelings toward her former antagonists. Now, it was all about Shooting, and everyone else might well have disappeared. Soft tears came down her eyes as she reflected on how much he had helped her.

Before the festivities ended the principal announced the winner of prom king and queen: “Derpy Doo and Shooting Star!”

She couldn’t say she was surprised, but since the slower song had played she had gotten her ego under control. She shyly got on stage, bowing slightly as they placed a tiara upon her head, looking out upon the crowd of students applauding. The flash of camera’s blinded her for a few seconds, and she was given a polaroid of the two of them standing together, him with his crown and her with her tiara, smiles upon their faces.

The night came to an end eventually. Shooting was all for taking the carriage again, but she felt like walking. She knew the fun was going to end soon, and she wanted to prolong it as long as possible.

The school cleared of students, some talking and joking. Some of them came up to wish her congratulations.

They took the long way home, detouring around the park. They didn’t exchange many words. Shooting was letting her set the pace now. He was close to her, and that was all that was important. They didn’t need words.

He plucked a flower, putting it in her mane. She took the time to drink in the night scene, hearing the calling of the nocturnal animals as they went about their business. The two of them skipped rocks across the river and sat on a bench, observing the sky.

The whole time she kept reflecting on a question: Was this what life was supposed to feel like? She had been through so much in her life from so many other ponies. She had nearly been driven to suicide. Looking at Shooting she couldn’t imagine that desire anymore. So much pain, so much misfortune, so much bullying. She had forgotten what joy felt like. He had reminded her of the wonders of life.

Didn’t she deserve this happiness? Didn’t she deserve this joy? She had been patient, and now life was finally paying it’s due. She was being rewarded for all her troubles and agony by being delivered from it all by her prince.

When they arrived back at her house she invited him inside for a final drink, once more wanting to prolong the magic of the night just a little bit longer. She called out for her parents, but when she arrived in the kitchen she saw a note telling her that her parents were out on their own special event together and they’d be gone most of the night.

It was only the two of them, and she didn’t mind that a bit. She didn’t know if she wanted to share any of her time with her parents explaining the night, not when their time together was drawing to a close. She invited him to her bedroom to talk a little more.

She slipped off her dress, hanging it up nicely as she sat down on her bed, letting out a sigh. “What a night,” she said dreamily. “My legs hurt from dancing so much, but it’s a good hurt.”

Shooting sat down on a chair next to her desk. “I have to agree with you there.” He stretched a bit. “That was a blast.

“Well… you’re home, and safe, as promised. I guess I should get going.”

As he stood up she shot up, her heart beating a little faster. “Stay?” she said simply.

“Are you sure you want me to?”

“Of course. Why wouldn’t I? The night is still young.”

“And so are we.”

Derpy reached over her desk, picking up the photo of the two of them. “Tonight has been like a fairytale. Just like a unicorn you’ve made everything magical.” She ran her hoof over her face. “Just look at me. I never used to smile like that.”

Shooting walked over, planting a kiss on her lips. “Of course not. Before all this you didn’t have ME. What other reason does a mare have to smile like that?”

She shook her head. “What an ego.” She chuckled.

She met his eyes, and her heart began thumping harder as it filled up with all her love and passion for him. This WAS her reward for what life had put her through. What did it matter if her eyes pointed in different directions, or if she was a little clumsy, so long as she had a stallion like him to protect her, to stand up for her and keep her safe?

The six months they had shared together had been special since day one. He’d never changed or backed down from his duty to her. He had stolen her heart and captured her, body and soul. He had given her everything without reservation. Wasn’t it about time she did the same?

He was so special and brilliant and talented and amazing. Compared to him she didn’t feel very unique. Still, she wanted to do something for him to prove her love and trust. It was something she’d never be able to take back, and that was why she knew it would make a big impression on him.

She slipped off her bed, nuzzling him as she circled around him. As she passed by him one time she ran her tail across his face, hopping back up on her bed.

Shooting could feel a difference in the way she was acting. “Derpy?”

She patted the bed. “Come on up here.”

After a second he joined her.

She continued her circles and nuzzles, not knowing or caring if it was the proper way to get a stallion excited. She moved in front of him, turning her head to him. “Please, Shooting,” she said, in barely a whisper. “Take me.”

He blinked in surprise. “What?”

“Make me your mare! Please. Make me your one and only.”

“Bright Eyes… this is so sudden. Are… are you sure you want this?”

She nodded. “Yes. I’ve never been more sure of something in my life. Please. Make me a real mare.” She fluttered her eyelashes at him. “I want you now.”

He probed her a few more times, and each time Derpy insisted on going through with it. Finally, he stopped fighting her, and gave her what she asked for.

Whether from the intensity of the new experience or from his harsh use of her body she didn’t remember most of it. She thought she must have passed out. The next thing she knew the two of them were under the covers together, and she had no idea how they had gotten there.

“Are you alright, Bright Eyes?” he asked.

Her head was swimming a bit and her lower body had a dull ache, but she saw how satisfied he looked. He looked so very pleased with himself. That was all she needed to see. “Yes, I’m fine,” she said firmly, snuggling up close to him and closing her eyes. He put a leg around her as she put her head on his neck.

He had enjoyed it! He looked content and joyful. Now he knew how very special he was to her. They would only grow closer from here. Maybe in a year or so they could start taking about marriage, and then plan for some kids. She drifted off to the image of the two of them at the altar, their union being immortalized for all to see.

Chapter 3: Deeper and deeper

Derpy felt tense as she sat down at a desk. Shooting stayed standing, slowly pacing around. What could he want from her? Was it good news, the news she’d been hoping for? Was it bad news? He’d already broken up with her. What else could he do to make thing worse?

She waited for him to speak, following his movements with her eyes. After a minute he stopped, turning to face her. Her face felt flushed, and she found she couldn’t meet his eyes, a sense of shame permeating through her.

He walked up to her, saying, “I couldn’t help but notice that you’re growing a belly there.”

Derpy fought the urge to cry. She was getting one because of him. Both of them knew that.

“So have you heard anything recently?”

It took her a few tries to get her voice to work. “A-about what?” she muttered, still looking down at the desk. She stared hard at the wood patterns, trying to lose herself within them.

“Maybe you haven’t heard anything, but word is starting to go around. Of course everyone already knows we’re not seeing each other anymore, but now that you’re getting a belly the rumor mill is starting up.

“Some ponies think you’re a two-timing tramp, and it’s the real reason we broke up.”

Her heart skipped a beat, and she looked up at him at last. “What… do you mean?”

“Well, if you’re pregnant and we’re not together it either means that you slept with someone else and that’s why we broke up, or that I’m the father and dumped you to avoid the responsibility.”

Derpy met his eyes , trying to discern what was in them. Her head grew heavy, and she stared back down at the desk, once more following the contours of the patterns adorned across them. “So that’s why you’re here, then? You want to tell everyone that it’s my fault, and rub it in that I can’t do anything to stop it?”

“It’s the opposite, actually.”

Derpy paused in her observation, becoming still. “What are you saying? You’re going to admit you were wrong?”

“Oh, no. Not that. It would be simple to ruin you by pretending to know nothing and accusing you of cheating on me, but that’s not what I want.”

“So… what then?” Derpy began rubbing her hoof in circles. “Your only other option is to take the blame.”

“Well, I’ve got a plan, but I need you. Derpy.”

She paused again, her heart starting to ache. ‘I need you too!’ she thought. She tried to hold it back, but she began to hope.

“I could ruin your life easily. It wouldn’t cost me anything to spot you in the halls and explode on you, accusing you of cheating on me. That’s not what I want though. I didn’t expect to get you pregnant, so I figure I should do right by you.

“I want to keep you under my protection. If other ponies see that we’re still on good terms with one another they’ll keep their worthless mouths shut. There’s no reason to throw you to the dogs after you were so useful to me.”

Her thoughts grew consumed with their prom picture. She had been putting all her hopes and dreams and wishes into it, day after day, never once allowing herself to forget the magic of that night. Now was the time. She knew it! He’d had time to think. He knew what would happen to her if he didn’t protect her. Now was the time when everything would become right again. She was finding it difficult to breathe.

She hopped out of her seat, unable to contain herself as she threw herself at him, hugging him. She knew he would come around. She knew that wasn’t really him. She looked up at him, tears blurring her vision. “S-Shooting!” She grinned up at him. “Thank you!”

Shooting rubbed her head. “You’re just precious, aren’t you?”

His touch was so soothing after being deprived of it for so long. It ended far too soon for her taste though, especially when he pulled out of her grip. She missed the feel of him already, but he was back with her. That was enough.

“Right, then. So are you game?”

“Game?” she asked, confused.

“I told you. We need to appear to be best buddies in the halls so they get the idea everything is just fine between us.”

“A-appear to be?”

Shooting ran a hoof through his mane. “Oh, it appears you got the totally wrong idea of what’s going on here. Did you think I brought you here to confess my eternal love to you and ask if we could start again where we left off?”

“Y-yes…” Derpy felt the air deflating out of her balloon of happiness.

Shooting shook his head. “I guess I need to make this plain: I… don’t… love… you.” He spoke the words slowly, like he was talking to a toddler.

Each word dug into her heart.

“I already told you before school ended that you were just a source of entertainment for me. I specifically picked you out because you were the most pathetic creature in school and I wanted a worthy challenge. I performed admirably, did I not? I brought you fame and prestige simply by being attached to me. And in return you did your best to learn the lessons I taught you in an effort to be worthy to be by my side. We were both very useful to one another, but there’s nothing left between us. Isn’t it about time you got that through your thick skull? You’re not that stupid, Bright Eyes.”

Derpy was shaking, feeling her hopes and dreams being crushed again. Hadn’t she put enough heart into it? Hadn’t she wished hard enough?

Shooting put a hoof on her chin, making her recoil. “Don’t touch me!” she spat out, knocking his hoof away.

“Hey!” he said sharply, grabbing her head and glaring at her, making her shudder. His face softened into a smirk as he began rubbing her cheek. Now she was too afraid to move. “There’s no need to be so jumpy.” His voice was smooth as silk now, but she could hear the danger in his voice. “I’m doing you a favor here. I see you in the halls, and I greet you, or you greet me. We have a quick conversation, and then we go about our ways. Simple, right?

“That’s all I’m asking of you. In exchange for that I’ll make sure the bullies leave you alone. Let them think what they want about who’s the actual father, but so long as they see we’re still 'good friends' they’ll be afraid to do anything that might make me upset.”

Derpy felt a pit of disgust in her stomach as his hoof kept rubbing her cheek. She desperately wanted to back away, but she was too frightened. She had seen too many times the way he could throw power around. Having it turned around on her was terrifying.

“You were a loyal little puppy, and you know I like to reward loyalty. Of course… if you don’t like that idea and don’t want to play along, then that’s fine. I’m offering it to you because I only intended to get my fill of you and move on, not to knock you up. But so long as the silence between us continues the rumors will only keep circulating, growing worse with each retelling until someone confronts you.”

He dropped his hoof, giving her a slight feeling of relief. She still felt violated. Her breathing was short and sharp.

“Well?” Shooting said, sounding bored. “Those are your choices. I give you my word that I won’t spread lies of you sleeping with someone else either way it goes, because that would be very ungrateful after your valuable service. So you can either play along with the game, or we’ll both keep quiet and ignore each other. Which is it?”

Derpy closed her eyes tightly. She didn’t want anything from him. She didn’t want any favors from him if things were going to be that insincere, but in her heart she knew that pride would serve her no purpose. She didn’t want to fall back into the pit of bullies and harsh words, and if it felt safe to do so she knew they would seek her out much like before. She didn’t want to endure that torture again.

Despite that she was still extremely reluctant to give him the satisfaction, to have to bow at his hooves and beg for a favor. She had a baby growing in her belly, a being that needed her. And nothing else besides the thought of what might happen to it if she grew distraught from teasing and mocking allowed her to proceed.

She felt disconnected from her body, much like after the first time he had broken her heart. It was the same sense of not being in control of herself as she moved on autopilot. Her mouth spoke words accepting his proposal, and his hoof patted her head, calling her a good girl before he departed.

She walked to the bathroom in a daze, nearly stumbling a few times. She used the wall as a support. As it was the end of the day the halls were empty, much like her heart.

No one was in the bathroom when she got there. She locked herself in a stall, letting her emotions free as she cried.

Was she just not meant to be happy? Was she just a cosmic joke, the universe constantly teasing her with promises of a joyful life only to steal it away? It was time to accept the truth. Things were never going to get better. Life was only going to remain hollow and cold, no matter what she did.

She opened the door, heading to the mirror, tears still streaming down her cheeks. The shame, the feeling of being worthless, just an object to be used… she couldn’t take it anymore. It wasn’t worth it to try. It was time to give up. Her life wasn’t worth living anymore. She would only be a burden on everyone else if she remained.

The thought of the sweet release of oblivion sounded so appealing, but something brought her disquiet. She looked down at the swell of her belly, thinking of the life she was carrying. There was a pony inside her, and her life was no longer just hers.

She put a hoof on her stomach, quivering as she inhaled sharply. The pain she was in was excruciating, but she would bear it all and more for the sake of her baby. She would do anything to ensure her baby was safe, no matter what it took. That was the vow she had made to herself back when she almost got the abortion. No matter how terrible her life was, or how much she had to suffer, her baby had to come first. If she couldn’t keep that mindset she would be no better than Shooting Star.

She had made the choice to mate with him, and this baby was a result of her choices. She wouldn’t allow it to suffer, no matter how ashamed and humiliated she felt.

She took some deep breaths, slowly getting herself under control. She had to discard all these useless emotions. Her baby’s survival was the only thing left she had to live for. After her baby was born her life would become superfluous, but at least she could go knowing she had done one worthwhile thing with it. She had created a new life, something her parents would have to remember her by. Wasn’t that enough?

Deadness permeated through her, a muting of her body. The ache of her heart disappeared, her only concern now for her child. She forced a smile on her face, though it felt she might snap at any moment. “Hey there, Shooting Star!” she cried out in an overly happy tone, her voice cracking.

She shook her head. That wouldn’t do. She clutched her stomach. She had to do better for her child. What she did now would determine its safety.

“Hi, Shooting!”

“What’s up, Shooting?”

“Shooting! How are you?”

She kept speaking in the mirror, getting control of her voice, making her smile not so wide and creepy. “Hi there, Shooting.” It came out smooth, almost natural. Her smile barely cracked this time.

She kept at it until someone came in. It was the janitor, there to clean it. She made some excuse and left, returning home.

Her parents were in the living room. “Hi, Mom and Dad!” She greeted them heartily, putting as much spark in as she could. “School was just great today!” After a brief moment of hesitation and a quivering lip she shut out her feelings as she touched her belly. “I got to see Shooting Star! He’s just as dreamy as ever!”

She told complete lies of how she had been late because of things they had done together, proud that they didn’t catch on.

When she returned to her room she felt a wave of nausea. She left her room, going to the closet and taking out a garbage bag. It was over! That was clear. She returned to her room, opening her closet.

She grabbed the expensive dress he had given her and tossed it in the bag. With each item she felt the knot in her stomach pull tighter. Flowers, books, stuffed animals, photos; valuable memories, thrown right into the trash. Wasn’t it just so fitting, the way he had done the same to her gift?

When the bag was full she tied it up and threw it right into the bin outside, feeling a small sense of power. She returned to her room, now a little emptier and colder.

As she had gone about her room grabbing things her mind had avoided the drawer, but now it drew her attention and she couldn’t stop herself from opening it up. She took out the familiar photo. By now she had memorized every detail of it.

Her mind turned to the bag of gifts outside, but she made no move to retrieve them. If Shooting came back to her he could always buy her new gifts to show his dedication. If not… well, then she had already cleaned house.

The photo, though, she couldn’t throw away. It was too powerful of a moment to throw away. It had led to the biggest moment of her life. She wouldn’t give up her hope that things could be like that once again. She saw the happiness between them as they stood on stage, a perfect reminder of the best day of her life.

She clenched her eyes shut. No more of that. She had to get back into the right mindset. Putting on her plastic smile and staring at the photo she began to speak the words again, knowing the disaster that could emerge if she wasn’t able to pull it off right when she came to talk to him for real.

“Hey, Shooting! Hey, Shooting! H-hey… S-S-Shooting!”

As she felt the tears start she scolded herself. Now was not the time. She couldn’t let herself slip. Those emotions would only get in the way now. She put the photo back in the drawer and went to her bed, rubbing her belly.

“Oh, my little baby,” she said thickly. “You’re the only thing left that’s keeping me going now.” She held her stomach tightly, thinking of the helpless thing growing inside her. Her child had to come first, no matter what.

She took a deep breath, taking out the photo again. She’d practice all night if she had to, until she could distance herself from those emotions.

“Hey, Shooting! Hey, Shooting! Hey, Shooting…”