Sunset lay on her bed, lounging as she scrolled through her recent messages again. So far the only one who hadn't responded to her saying they were busy this evening was Rainbow, but she usually took an absurdly long time to respond to messages.
“Work. Busy. God knows what the fuck. Absolutely getting high. And no response.” Sunset groused as she kept going through her recent history.
It was a warm early summer evening, shortly after graduation, and Sunset was bored out of her mind. A delicate breeze blew in from the open window, dancing across her skin. Suddenly, her phone went off.
Finally, something to do!
Sunset stood from her bed, grabbed her nearest comfy pair of jeans and put them on. She stood in front of the mirror, debating how she looked before deciding to just toss a light jacket over her tank top. Before long she was headed downstairs, grabbing her keys and a cell phone charger off the counter in the kitchen and stuffed them into her bag. She quickly poked her head into the living room where her roommates were engaged in some over the top video game.
“Hey Roach, Bear. I’m heading out with Rainbow for a while. I’ll call if anything comes up.”
“Uh huh. Oh BULLSHIT HIDDEN MOVEMENT MY ASS”
“Yeah, yeah. We’ll see you later, don’t do anything we wouldn’t do.”
Sunset just looked at the two grown men now yelling at a television filled with tiny men and aliens. She shook her head and headed out the front door, where she was greeted by Rainbow Dash leaning against her still running Mustang. She was wearing a ribbed tank top and a pair of baggy camouflage shorts.
“Finally! Felicity has all new speakers and got bored out. Let’s see what she can do!”
“I’m almost excited, but really, just terrified. Let’s not burn anything this time, I think the other girls are busy and won’t be able to bail us out.”
“Yeah” Rainbow scratched the back of her head, “Flutters is hanging out with Tree Hugger tonight so…I’m pretty sure she’s going on a little trip”
Sunset briefly mulled the concept of a hallucinating Fluttershy and quickly concluded that was something she definitely did not want to deal with that evening. Fluttershy’s friendship with the local stoner contingent was a gift and a curse; while she was a tiny bit more outgoing, things did have a tendency to become interesting to say the least.
“So, the usual? River Road, see what it can do, loud music, let the night find us?”
“Pretty much, hopefully someone is doing something cool.”
No sooner had they gotten in the car did Rainbow peel out of the complex her little condo-townhome-apartment was in. Sunset knew the usual route they would take, wandered many nights with practiced ease. She fumbled with the connection between her phone and the new stereo system, flashing brightly in the dark cabin of the trundling beast. With only minor difficulty, she found her way to her music and the exact track she wanted.
“Seriously? Thirty-three again?”
“Oh just shut up, I like it. I’ll let you pick the song for River Road this time, fair?”
“Fine, but you can’t complain when it’s hardcore or something again”
“Okay, so it’ll be post-hardcore screamo shit while you keep trying to convince me you're too cool to have feelings, while probably secretly having all of the feelings. Got it.”
Rainbow just grumbled under her breath and kept driving. Before long, they were headed over the bridge towards their semi-private vehicular playground, passing the fishermen and crabbers setting out their traps off the bridge. The pathway up to the road was a steep climb, from the base of it one could see the massive cliffside mansions that dotted the twisting course of River Road. Though dark and lacking in many streetlights, the road was fairly lit from the opulent lanterns and portico lighting that adorned the gates to the lavish driveways. At the top of the hill, they rolled to a stop and Rainbow took control of the music once again.
“No, no, no… hm. Ooh, haven’t heard this in ages!”
The stereo blasted out a rapid drum intro, while Rainbow mashed the accelerator to the floor and her left foot into the clutch, swinging her right arm forward into first gear as the car’s wheels spun and smoked as the back end swerved a little before launch, right as the guitars on the track kicked in. With an immense lurch, the car was off and running. Right off the first uphill, Rainbow kicked her left foot down hard on the clutch and spun the wheel into the turn, sending the car sideways through the corner, coming out straight on the road when traction reasserted control. They barreled down the road as Sunset gripped the overhead handle in Rainbows car, which had affectionately been named the "oh-shit" handle, as they slid sideways around another turn on the winding cliffside road. The windows were down, and though normally the area would smell of fresh dew and grass clippings, all that you could smell was tiresmoke. They continued down the twisting road like that, radio blasting and tires squealing until the road more or less leveled out by the golf course.
"WHOOO HAHAHA! Oh shit, I thought you were gonna lose it on that turn! Okay but seriously dash, if you could have a real mutant superpower, what would it be?"
Sunset asked as she rolled the window up a little, in order to light a cigarette which she passed off to Dash, before lighting her own.
Rainbow Dash took a drag and thought for a moment before responding "Definitely weather control"
Sunset gaped at her best friend. "Really? Not something, I don't know, 'cooler'? Like magnetism or a metal skeleton, or literally anything else ?"
"No way, it'd be awesome! Throwing lightning bolts like some old god, make myself fly with a tornado, freezing shit. It's like a super power sampler!"
Sunset simply shook her head and took a drag. "Whatever. I was good with pyromancy back home so that'd be boring. I'd go with metal bones. Or a rapid healing ability. Probably both."
"Aw come on, that'd kinda suck for doin' it. Can't be on top, cause you weigh 800 pounds. I never really asked but I doubt you're a bottom."
"Yeah, that would suck. Crush a dudes pelvis or the breath out of some girl? Then probably telepathy, that'd be fun. Fun for all sorts of reasons." she finished wistfully as she ashed her cigarette out the car window.
"And on the topic of romance!" Sunset wheeled on her friend like a predatory animal "Rarity's infamously loose-yet-tight lips let it go that you are really into someone! So, why does she know yet I do not?"
"Not a big thing, you just don't know her. That's all." Rainbow responded, without taking her eyes from the road.
"Okay so it's definitely someone I know. Oh no, you're not going after Lyra or Bon-Bon are you? Those two basically JUST got together."
"What? No, not those two. She's way hotter"
"Mmhmm Mmhmm keep going. I could see you going for a really girly type. Maybe really into fashion, and herself."
Rainbow dash choked mid drag and sputtered "Rarity? Are you fucking kidding me?"
"What, it's perfectly legitimate! It makes sense to me at least."
"Yeah, well, hell would have to freeze over and we'd have to be facing the end of the world for that to happen."
"Ugh, fine. You're not being fun about this. So, next dumb question, T-Rex or zombie; which would you rather have to deal with?"
“No, really, why do you think I’d go for someone like her? She’s not my type at all.”
“Then what is your type, hotshot? I doubt it could be any more butch than you.”
Before Rainbow could begin to answer, Sunset's phone went off.
"Hello? What? Whoa slow down, what's going on? Okay, sparky, deep breath. What? Whoa, wait...you're? Okay? Just like that? Alright, Rainbow and I are coming to pick you up. Just sit tight and fill me in on some details... Hello?"
Rainbow looked over briefly before rounding the next corner on the road.
“That didn’t sound good. Like, no good at all. Who’s in trouble and who’s ass do I have to kick?”
“Ugh, no one yet. And it was Twilight. Or rather, this reality’s native version of Twilight.”
“Ah. Coulda just said Sci-Twi. Would have saved a lot of words I didn’t care about.”
“She is her own person, I don’t want her to suddenly live in the shadow of a version of herself that she shouldn’t even know about!” Sunset snapped back.
“Whoa, calm down there. Sorry, just kinda need shorthand to keep the two straight on my head. So she’s in trouble, where to?”
“It’s not far. 2015 Riverside Avenue, basically at the end of the road we cross over Thirty Five and it’s on the left. She said she’d be waiting by the curb…”
“I thought she lived on the other side of town. You know, the really nice one.”
“She does. That’s her girlfriend's house. Or, I guess ex now.”
“Oh, shit. This night is just gonna be full of surprises, isn’t it?”
Author's Note
As always, I'd like to thank Cynewulf for his continued support and odd harassment.
As such he is excluded from the "Get all of the song references, win a 3D Printed Thing" contest!
The road they were looking for wasn’t far off. The duo barreled down the suburban street until they saw their mark at the head of the cul-de-sac. Sitting alone on the curb was Twilight Sparkle. The blue cocktail dress she was wearing was dirty and had numerous large stains on the front already. Not only was she alone but seemed to be taking long pulls from a silver bag with a spout. She sat with her knees spread in the most unladylike fashion possible. She was, in a word Rarity reserved for the worst of situations (even as judged by a normal person), a hot mess. As the car pulled closer, it became apparent that mascara was running down her cheeks and what was once carefully styled hair had become an absolute bird’s nest.
Rainbow pulled the Mustang’s passenger side along the curb where the shambles of their friend sat.
“Girl, you know this comes from love but… You look like shit.” Sunset said as she got out of the car, folding the seat forward.
Twilight responded only by holding her right hand out with her index finger raised as she took another long chug from the bag of liquid. Once she had finished, she finally responded.
“Yeah? Well, screw it. If I’m going to be called a monster, I might as well act the part!” she said, flailing a bit and obviously somewhat intoxicated.
“So… What’s in the bag, sparky? Gallon size Capri Sun?”
“No, this is my date for the evening. Girls, meet Mister Franzia!”
“Aw fuck, how long has she been chugging box wine?” Rainbow interjected from inside the car.
“I’m guessing a half hour. Now, real question is why are you drinking like a bum?” Sunset asked gently as she knelt down to her level.
“By the way, nice panties there Twi!”
“Not helpful!” Sunset barked over her shoulder “But yeah, let’s adjust for modesty. Somehow your natural state of being is illegal here…”
“s’all that stupid bitch’s fault! Her parents finally go out of town, she's been beating around the bush because she” Twilight leaned towards the house they were in front of and started screaming “is a gigantic coward and won’t come out to her parents! And somehow what I did at the games made her afraid of me!”
Twilight heaved a sob as she leaned into Sunset for support “I didn’t mean to be a monster. I’m a good girl! But now that’s all anyone will ever see!”
Sunset gingerly lifted Twilight’s chin so she would meet her gaze, and in the most reassuring voice she could manage said “If there is anyone on this, or any of the infinite earths, who understands what you’re going through; it’s me. Okay? I’m here for you. Now, let’s get you into the car…no, Mr. Franzia has to stay here…”
Sunset shepherded her into the backseat of the Mustang with all the grace one would expect from a drunk teenage girl. She gracelessly flailed about, fighting with the seat belt an embarrassing amount. Once settled in, Sunset swung the seat back and got in.
“Alright, enough drama, let's blow out of here!” Rainbow said, with too much enthusiasm for someone about to do something reasonable.
“Don't you dare do a burnout from this neighborhood!”
“Pffft. Fine.”
Rainbow then laid the hammer down on the throttle, throwing the car into first gear and cutting the wheel sharply. The sound of squealing tires and scent of tiresmoke filled the air as she did donut after donut, finally speeding out of the cul-de-sac.
“Son of a bitch, that was even worse!” Sunset yelled, grabbing onto the overhead bar once more, as Twilight bounced around a bit in the backseat.
“Oh wah wah. We're on the road again, but what do you do with a drunken Twilight Sparkle? Drop her at her house and say 'Good luck with that!'?”
“’s not a good idea. You don’t know the…” Twilight’s eyes closed as she fished for the words “gate code, and I can’t climb it in this dress. Speaking of, how did I get wine on my dress?”
“I have so many questions now.” Rainbow stated flatly as she drummed her fingers on the wheel.
“Well, we can’t have her looking like a trainwreck and smelling like cheap wine in the car. And I doubt she could wear your clothes, what with the flat-chested-butch thing going on here… So I guess it’s back to my place!”
“You keep bashing on about how I look. You, uh…like what you see there?”
Sunset rolled her eyes and simply said “Yeah, absolutely. You caught me, I flirt like a 5 year old.”
“You do, you’re bad at feelings.”
“You're one to talk”
“You love my personality”
Suddenly a choked, wracked sob came from the back seat. Sunset turned around to see Twilight doing her level best to hold back tears. Her hand was clasped over her mouth, looking forlorn at the two girls in the front.
“I'm sorry. I am so sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt your date, and I don’t want to ruin your night. You guys are so cute together, I just wish I could have what you guys have.”
A very confused Sunset exchanged glances with Rainbow. Rainbow had visibly stiffened at the insinuation that they were a couple.
“Oh, no no… Sweetie, calm down. We’re not dating, you didn’t interrupt, and we could never leave you alone like this.” Sunset said as she leaned into the back seat awkwardly, before snapping back and pleading with Rainbow in an irritated whisper, “Dude, help. She’s crying, I don’t know how to fix this! Usually I’m the cause of this type of thing!”
“I mean, at least you admit it now. So hey, progress!” Rainbow replied with far too much enthusiasm.
“Oh so now’s the time for digs?” Sunset asked with a dangerously pointed barb.
“First step to recovery and all that shit. I’m just sayin’.”
“Fuck it, you’re not helping.” Sunset said as she gave an exasperated rake through her thick hair.
“I try not to, it makes people think you'll do shit for them” Rainbow replied with a shrug.
“Okay, Twi. Fill us in a little more here. So, you and Moondancer?” Sunset plied gently.
Twilight sniffled in the back and finally found her voice,
“Yeah, 6 months. At first hiding from her parents was fun, like an adventure, you know? But it wore on me, like I wasn't being honest with who I was to myself. And then she'd freak out whenever I brought up the idea of her coming out to her parents. We argued about a lot of stuff like that, really. She's just stubborn and has her plan for doing things and nothing on earth could convince her otherwise. We had a lot of fun together, I really thought we had something there. I guess I was blinded and delusional, yet again.” Twilight finished with a mirthless laugh.
Sunset was taken back by the fairly lengthy explanation. She bit her lower lip slightly and though about all her failed relationships and the scattered trainwrecks she left in her path.
“I...I really wish I knew what to tell you here, Sparky. I don't have much experience dating anyone for reasons beyond my personal gain in either world so I couldn't tell you if you made the right call on walking out of there or not. But I will say, don't be upset too long. There's only one thing the universe abhors more than a paradox, and it's a sad Twilight Sparkle.”
“Oh my god, that was the sappiest thing I’ve ever heard.”
“Again with the not helping!” Sunset snapped at the driver next to her.
“No, it was really sweet but…yeah. Overdone. I mean, what, does every universe revolve around me? That’s dumb. I…uh, think I’m taking a nap here…wake me whenever.” Twilight slurred as she laid down as best she could in the back seat.
“…just drive slow, and don’t wake her. She needs to sleep it off a little.”
“Low and slow, got it.”
Just then, there was a sound of thunder approaching. There was a car approaching rapidly, sticking to the curves of the winding road like a silk dress in a rain storm. It was hard to see what the make was, but it was built for speed. The vague profile in Rainbow’s rear view mirror wad low, wide, and obviously fast. It came right up and flashed it’s high beams until it was inches from her bumper. Just when she thought that this monster machine would ram her, it peeled off and veered into the oncoming lane and pulled alongside the Mustang.
And then shit got weird.
Both coherent members of the Mustang beheld the most surreal sight of the evening. The car was a red Ferrari Testarossa, in mint conditioning, 12 cylinders of fury barking alongside them. But the most peculiar aspects were it’s occupants. Both were bedecked in the finest tuxedos Sunset or Rainbow had ever seen, down to the white gloves. It blasted electronica over the roar of the motor. But both wore masks. The driver, a little slimmer and taller, wore a creepy white unicorn mask. The muzzle flopped wildly as the driver rolled the windows down. The passenger had a similar mask, but that of a pink horse. The driver circled their fingers in the air, which Rainbow knew meant they wanted to race. The white unicorn held three fingers up and counted down and revved the engine.
“Dude we can not race that thing. This whole situation is weird, even for me. Plus, Sparky kinda blacked out.”
“Normally I’d agree. But that’s a Ferrari I’ve wanted since I was 3. I’m going to race it. My pride is on the line!”
Sunset looked back to make sure their intoxicated charge was belted in securely and then leaned back forward and grabbed her “Oh Shit” handle once more and braced.
Rainbow revved her engine and received a dignified nod from the white unicorn wearing a tuxedo and they were off. The Ferrari had the advantage in acceleration and in the corners but the straightaways and corners Rainbow had memorized on how to slide let her keep up with the hulking red perfection. They continued until an intersection by the Bay Bridge, the Ferrari just barely toeing past the stop sign before the Mustang, close enough to call it a draw. They rolled to a stop, where the Ferrari windows came down. A loud rapping on the side of the Ferrari broke Rainbow’s celebration. The driver gave a dainty wave, blew a kiss, and peeled out towards the south side of the city.
“That. Was. AWESOME!”
“That. Was. Dumb as fuck! You just ran a road race against two freaks dressed like fancy horses! Honestly I think it was to offend me, but whatever. They could have killed us! Or been ACTUAL horse things drawn to the magic here that we’d have to fight, or let my roommates deal with! Do you ever think before you act?!”
“Nah, I just kinda go with the flow. It’s more fun that way.”
“Absolute asshole. I wouldn’t be so mad if it was just us but Sparky here isn’t used to that shit. Look, she’s probably…”
The word “terrified” died on her lips as she saw Twilight still passed out in the back.
“Dude. She is a fucking lightweight. I mean, wow. How did she sleep through that!” Rainbow noted as she had turned around herself.
“I have no idea. Let’s just get her cleaned up, and back to my place.”
“Alright, fine. Just keep her on her side…that’s how Hendrix died.”
The trio set out for central Canterlot over Bay Bridge, and rolled slowly through the suburban maze. Cigarette smoke filled the air once more, and Sunset nervously checked on Twilight every few minutes.
Rainbow took a drag on her cigarette, “Dude, what is up with the mother hen shit? She’s drunk, she’ll be fine.”
“It’s not that, I think there’s more to the story here. I think she’s really fucked up after everything at the games.” Sunset paused to take a drag of her own cigarette.
“I know I had some really intense nightmares after my episode. Didn’t sleep for a week after one of them.”
“Fuck, how bad could they be?”
“Imagine you’re alone. Not just like, alone somewhere, but alone in a nothing. That’s when the itching starts. Everywhere. Pretty soon, you feel like every nerve ending is on fire. That’s when the scratching begins, which turns to tearing, which turns to breaking. Your whole body is torn to bits, and you’re aware of it for every second. And then it gets worse.”
“How the FUCK does it get worse? Oh god!”
“That’s when your soul starts to rip. Your entire being, your sense of you, gets mulched and you’re just a bunch of dimly aware aggregates of personality.”
“Fuck. So that’s why you looked so haggard after your shit. We just thought you were homeless. Why didn’t you tell us, though?”
“Told my one roommate, Wanda. She’s good with that stuff. It was apparently in lieu of actually imprisoning me, the universe did that to me. For 3 months. “
“No shit.”
“Yeah, which is why I don’t want that to happen to her. She’s…I dunno, vulnerable? Delicate? I was already a hard bitch by the time I crossed into this reality, and I did my own fair share of shady deeds back home. Though, I guess anything is permitted in service of a desperate crown…”
“Dude, that got stupid cryptic and shit, and we need to revisit some shit later such as “did you fucking murder someone?” but we’re here.”
Sunset reached into the backseat and gently shook Twilight awake.
“Come on, sleepy head. Let’s get you cleaned up.”
“Nnnhh. Football practice.”
“…what.” A wide eyed Rainbow questioned.
With some undignified fighting, they got Twilight to the door and went in. In the living room, her roommates Roach and Bear were still playing a strategy game on the main TV.
“Hey, guys! We uh…well, it’s me and Rainbow, but we have company.”
A hulking beast of a man stood up, wearing a black T-shirt and military issue cargo pants.
“Guest? What guest…” but the question died when he saw a drunk Twilight Sparkle. “Okay, new question. What the fuck is going on right now? How is she here, and THIS drunk!?”
“Uh, we picked her up chugging box wine after she broke up with her closet case girlfriend?”
“No. How did Princess Twilight get out of the townhouse without us seeing?”
“Why would Princess be here?” Sunset questioned warily.
At that moment, from the last door in the hallway facing the door, appeared Princess Twilight Sparkle. She was securing a cross body bag of books from Sunset’s room, as she secured it she said “Thanks for letting me in, Bear. I just really needed to cross reference a lot of material from this dimensional vector. It’ll make my life…”
And then, Twilight saw Twilight. Who was drunk.
And had just vomited all over the front of her dress.
“Oh horseapples. This is…not fortunate. Eheh!”
“You’re stealing my books.”
“Actually it’s a tax collection, since this is officially an ambassadorial residence and thus embassy of the Kingdom of Equestria in right, and further, Equestrian territory.”
“Did you take my AP Chemistry book?”
“I needed it to check electron clouds here vs home”
“THEY BANNED ME FROM THE SENIOR PICTURE FOR NOT TURNING IT IN!”
“You’re an illegal alien anyway! Better off!” Roach chimed in from the couch.
Sunset stormed off to her room, and returned a moment later with some clothes. She took the drunk Twilight by the hand and looked Princess Twilight dead in the eyes.
“One week. Library lending rules. You bring that shit back when we do coffee next, are we clear?”
“Crystal.”
“Good. Now go, and say hi to everypony for me.” And gave her a half hug while she held Twilight’s doppelganger upright. “I’m gonna attend to this.”
After brief pleasantries were exchanged and a further promise of a full transuniversal lunch date, Princess Twilight Sparkle departed. Rainbow jumped into the guy’s game as a third player, while Sunset got Twilight Sparkle into the bathroom.
“Man you are still pretty drunk. I can’t decide if the princess helping you clean up and shower would be less or more awkward.”
A still drunk and sleepy Twilight started undressing right in front of Sunset. The destroyed dress dropped to the floor in a heap, revealing a surprisingly toned back in clear view, the structured dress rendering a bra almost pointless. Sunset gazed lower, no longer in control of he wandering eyes, to be greeted to totally purple lace panties. Twilight gave a stretch and craned her neck around to catch Sunset’s gaze.
“See something you like? You know, I might not be able to shower alone…”
“Buh…no. I’m good, you just shower up there! Towels are in the closet on the left! Be out with Rainbow if you need me!”
Sunset sprinted down the hall to the living room and came to a stop next to Rainbow.
“Dude. We have to get this girl sober. She threw me off just now.”
“Wait, like off your game? Flirted with you?”
“Hardcore. And I’m not going into that type of shit tonight.”
Rainbow gripped the controller a bit harder than strictly necessary.
“Campus grease trucks?”
Sunset knew the local cure for intoxication and hang overs were Canterlot University’s famous grease trucks and legendary fat sandwiches. Having no alternative, a plan was set.
“Grease trucks.”
Author's Note
Today's weather has been The Legion of Doom - Devil in a Blue Dress
Now with 100% more youtubes!
