Princess Muffins

by GamingZebra

Rating: everyone
Tags: Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Luna, Princess Cadance, Random, Derpy Hooves, Princess Celestia, Twilight Sparkle
Length: 1691

Derpy becomes princess of Equestria. This turns out as well as you'd expect. This story details her brief reign as the monarch of Equestria.

The citizens of Equestria have voted Derpy into power after all of the four reigning princesses decided to take a sudden vacation. How will this work out for Equestria? Derpy knows what will happen that's what. WARNING: CONTAINS Muffins, Cupcakes, Derp Pone

Published 2016-10-11 07:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-10-11 07:20:01 UTC

The Princess Of Muffins

The doors of the throne room were opened by the two unicorn guards standing by them, a mare dressed in a very formal outfit walked through the doors and down the red carpet towards the throne. She bowed before the princess. "Good afternoon, my princess." she said in a respectful and official sounding voice with a posh Canterlot accent.

The princess did not reply, so the mare looked up to see the princess of Equestria looking off at nothing in particular and drooling. The mare coughed in order to get the princess' attention. "Good afternoon, my princess." she repeated.

Derpy looked at the mare and blinked. "Oh, hello there!" she said happily, blushing a little as she was discovered day-dreaming again. This had become quite a regular occurrence, somepony would begin talking to the princess only to find her staring off into space day-dreaming about Derpy knows what. This was another thing both the residents of the castle AND the citizens of Equestria had to get used to, saying Derpy instead of Celestia, Luna, Twilight or Cadence. Ever since Celestia, Luna, Cadence and Twilight had gone on that vacation to Mareland, Equestria needed somepony at the helm. As nopony had anticipated something like this happening, citizens could put their name forward for an election. As a joke, Ponyville put Derpy forward as their representative. Eventually she had won over the hearts of most of Equestria and she was voted into power.

"What can I do you for?" the princess asked. Giggling a little at the silly sentence.

"Well you see my princess," the mare began, "in Trottingham we have demolished an old bakery to make way for a new building. The options are either a new primary school or a bank. Both would greatly benefit the city. It is up to you to decide what we build though." The mare explained.

Derpy had managed to pay attention to the whole thing and she thought for a moment. Then, the princess got the most amazing idea ever to be thought by a single pony.

"We make a muffin factory!" the princess proclaimed.

The mare blinked and then made an attempt at a fake chuckle. "Good one princess... But we must really take this seriously, shall we build a school or a bank?"

Derpy gave the mare a blank look. "I'm taking this very seriously. For the benefit of a city in my kingdom, I say that they build a muffin factory! Or maybe just a normal bakery, gotta have diversity in your baked products otherwise some activists might pop up somewhere."

The mare let her head fall into one of her forehooves. "My princess, building either of those would not benefit the city in any way, shape or form."

The princess was in shock. A muffin factory wouldn't benefit anyone?! What blasphemy!

Derpy rose in her throne. "How dare you say that?! Muffins are a great source of... uhm... food! And they're delicious!" Derpy's wings flared out, fluttering a little from her anger.

The mare was gobsmacked, she had nothing much to say for a good minute or two before finally speaking up.

"A-Alright, my princess... W-We shall begin work immediately." And with that, the mare left the throne room.

Derpy smiled to herself. She had just saved over a million stomachs from being empty and tongues from being without great taste.

All of a sudden Derpy's belly emitted a grumble and a groan, Derpy put a hoof to her belly and giggled. I guess it's time to get something to nom on. Derpy thought to herself. Well then tummy, onwards! Lead the way to tasty stuff! And with that, the Princess left the throne room in search of some sustenance... preferably muffins.

Princess Derpy walked into the castle's kitchens and looked around, taking in an attractive whiff of something in the oven... muffins.

Ahh, muffins. The single greatest and tastiest invention a pony has ever made. Derpy loved muffins, and muffins loved Derpy back. How could muffins not love me back? Derpy would ask herself. I'm adorable, I have a great sense of humour, I'm... Oh what's that word...? The really smart one that means smartness... Intelectint? Intellinct... Intelligect... Intelligect will have to do! I'm intelligect, I have a good ponyality. I'm a princess... I'm just super-duper great! she would then tell herself.

One of the cooks spotted the Princess smiling dopily to herself and drooling, her tongue hanging out. A faint blush appeared on his turquoise cheeks and he looked around, seeing all of his colleagues were busy with cooking stuff. He took a deep breath and walked over to the Princess of Equestria. "Uhm... E-Excuse me? Princess Derpy?" he started, "Are you alright?" he asked.

Derpy blinked twice.

The cook bowed a little before her. "F-For what reason have you entered the kitchen, your Highness?" he inquired, looking up at her.

Derpy shook her head quickly, snapping herself back to her senses. "Oh, hello there!" she said, giving him a little wave. The cook waved back a little, highly confused. "I require a muffin cake!" Derpy declared. The cook tilted his head. "A... a muffin cake?" the cook clarified. "Yup!" Derpy confirmed. "So would you kiiindly bake me a muffin cake?" Derpy asked. The stallion nodded. "Y-Yes your Highness..." he said before trotting back to his stove and beginning to attempt to make a muffin cake. He wasn't exactly sure on how he'd make a muffin cake but maybe a generic cake with some muffins stuck in the top would do... Or maybe a giant muffin... Or... Something... He'd figure it out eventually. For now though all he needed to do was focus on baking the start of the cake.

Derpy, meanwhile, kept herself busy by flying around in circles and messing around with the crown on her head, throwing it up in the air and catching it (not without one or two times where she was unable to catch it, which resulted in quite the loud clattering on the floor).

Roughly half an hour later

Derpy was sitting on her throne, she yawned, bored out of her mind. The stallion from the kitchen had told her something about waiting in the throne room for the cake so she decided to make her way there. Once there she remembered that the throne room was even more bland and boring than the kitchen.

So there she sat, waiting and waiting and waiting for the muffin cake she requested. She rested her head on her forehoof, yawning. She let her eye lids flutter a little before closing fully, she had nearly dozed off completely when suddenly the doors of the throne room burst open, and there was the stallion, panting. "Y-Your highness?" he began, "Here is the 'muffin cake'... A-As you requested..." he finished, collapsing in a tired heap on the floor. Running through the maze of identical corridors in Canterlot Castle can do that to you. In came two stallions, pushing a trolly; and on that trolly was the muffin cake, in all its glory, on a silver platter.

The muffin cake was quite the sight. It was twice the height of the average mare, Derpy being just a little bit taller than average due to her royal stance. It was brown with muffins inserted into the ledges between the levels. Derpy gasped and began eating the cake. devouring it happily. She moaned a little at the taste. 'Wow! These royal chefs know how to bake!' she thought. She stopped eting for a moment and licked her lips, getting rid of the crumbs on her muzzle. She looked at the cake and tilted her head as she saw that she had eatn away at half of the base on her side. She looked up to see the cake slowly beginning to fall onto her. She squeezed her eyes tight and held her hooves up to protect herself.

In the blink of an eye there was a flash of purple magic and Derpy was teleported away. "Eeep! Please Mr. Muffin Cake! I didn't mean to eat you! Please don't fall on me!" she wailed. She peeked out to see Twilight Sparkle standing in front of her with a confused look on her face. "Derpy? Are you okay?" she asked the cross-eyes mare. The other three princesss were helping two servants clean up th mess of the fallen cake.

"Oh, yes I'm quite good. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SAVING MY LIFE!" she exclaimed, grabbing the Princess of Friendship and pulling her into a tight hug.

Twilight went wide-eyed and her eyes bulged out of their sockets in cartoon-like fashion. "T-Too tight!" she managed to say as Derpy squeezed her tighter and tighter in the bear hug.

Derpy giggled and blushed, releasing her from the hug. "H-Heh, sorry!" she said.

Luna and Celestia walked to their rooms, discussing their vacation and all sorts as they did. "Well LuLu, see you tomorrow!" Celestia said with a smile as she continued walking on towards her room.

Luna nodded. "Yes, goodbye my sister." she said. Her horn lit up and se opened the door to her room... only for a large wave of muffins to come cascading down on her. Luna screamed and frantically wriggled her way to the top of the sea of muffins.

Seems as though Derpy forgot to mention she used Luna's bedroom as a place to store spare muffins...

Luna growled and shouted, using her loudest Royal Canterlot Voice: "DERPY HOOOOOOOOOOVES!"

Author's Note

Thanks for taking the time to read it the whole way through my first story!:twilightsmile: ~~you better have or I'm gonna screw up your face so bad it'll look like your stupid butt~~
Please do take the time to leave your criticism in the comments if you can, I'd love to improve on my writing and it'd certainly motivate me to write more.
Again, thank you all for reading, I hope you enjoyed it! If not well then... uhm... that's fine I guess...
PS. Forgive me about the description of the muffin cake, I don't know baking terminology lol