Lyra finds a spell that gives her hands, Bon-Bon freaks the fuck out
Following the triumphant squeal of glee that had escaped the kitchen a few moments prior, Bon-Bon’s ears perked up as she heard the approaching sound of hooves...wait...hold on. 'Clip-thud, clip-thud?' Shouldn’t it be ‘clip-clop, clip-clop’?
Suddenly, there was a smug sort of snickering. Bon-Bon had yet to look up from the magazine she was reading as she sat, relaxed (for the moment, anyhow) on the recliner in the living room.
“Hey. Hey, Bonnie.”
“Hm?” Bon-Bon still didn’t look up.
“Hey.”
“-WHAT?!”
“Check it out.”
“Check what out, Lyr-” As Bon-Bon finally turned around, she saw them - two fleshy, pink-coloured appendages where Lyra’s front hooves used to be.
“Pretty cool, right?”
“Wha-...what the...”
“They’re hands! It’s just like all the stories I’ve read about humans! Aren’t they awesome?”
“You...those...han-?...WHAT.”
“Uh...Bon-Bon? You all right?”
“WHAT. ARE. THOSE.” Bon-Bon managed to exhale these three words through a throat clenched tightly in a rather succinct blend of horror, exasperation, dumb amusement and a sudden urge to assault a certain mint-green unicorn mare.
“Like I said, they’re these things that humans have on the ends of their front legs! Why are you so surprised? I’ve shown you the drawings-”
“DRAWINGS. ARE. ONE THING. THIS!” She gestured frantically with flopping forelimbs towards Lyra’s newly-found extremities. “This is something else ENTIRELY! IS IT- OH SWEET CLOPPING CELESTIA, IS IT FUCKING PERMANENT? WHAT THE SHIT DID YOU DO, LYRA?!”
“Whoa, hey, hey! Relax, relax! I mean, like, it’s probably reversible-"
"PROBABLY?!?"
“Yeah, that’s what I said!”
“HOW FUCKING PROBABLY, LYRA?! EXACTLY HOW FUCKING PROBABLY?”
“I dunno, the book was really old - took forever to translate and stuff...maybe thirty percent?”
Bon-Bon’s left eyelid twitched once. Twice. Then, nearly all of Ponyville heard her belt out:
“I’LL SHOW YOU FUCKING THIRTY PERCENT, YOU CRAZY FUCKING UNICORN!”
Inside the couple’s house, a veritable shitstorm of flying furniture and various detritus tore through the living room, kitchen, and ended in the bedroom - a somewhat comical one-pony hurricane, as it were. Like, seriously. You can’t get this shit ‘cept in like...Tom & Jerry, or some shit anymore.
{imagine that sound effect from law and order. you know the one.
dun dun.}
“I’ll...I’ll fucking...” Bon-Bon panted, standing on her hind legs in a strikingly menacing pose.
“Bon-Bon! Just - just chill out, ok?! Jeez! I’ll-”
“You rusty donut fart!”
“I-...I’m sorry, what?” Lyra felt an unstoppable wave of giggles coming on.
“You-...uh, you heard me! Goddess-damn right you heard me!”
Lyra couldn’t stop it - she was powerless against the veritable giggle holocaust that bubbled forth. “You- bahahahahaha! You actually-” She wheezed, slapping her thigh with a foreleg. “You called me a- a- ahahahaha! What did that even mean?! What did - oh, Goddesses, I’m gonna pee! Bahahaha!”
And she did. Unfortunately, they were out of paper towels.
~fin
