The Pinkie Pie Virus

by Nordryd

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Second Person, Original Character, Comedy, Random, Pinkie Pie
Length: 1461

A computer virus summons Pinkie Pie herself onto your computer. Fun, right? No. Not at all.

While doing a virus scan, your software detects a file named PinkiePie.dxz. Suddenly, Pinkie Pie herself rips through your desktop background like paper, and starts talking to you.

Being a brony, you're happy to see her. That is, until she starts going through and messing with your files.

This can't be good.

Written in one hour, totally impromptu. Forgive me if it's a convoluted mess.

**Popular from May 26 – 28, 2016 :raritystarry:

Published 2016-05-26 23:50:02 UTC
Last updated 2016-05-26 23:50:02 UTC

The Pinkie Pie Virus

"Why is my computer running so slow?" you think to yourself as you work on your program for your computer science class.

It's taking forever just to run a simple while loop. It's taking almost a fifteen seconds to compile, and another fifteen seconds to actually run (assuming it compiles).

You can't work like this, especially since your program is due at midnight tonight.

You start to ponder what could be going on. Your computer isn't old by any means. It's a gaming machine, with some damn good components. It didn't use to run this slow.

You realize you haven't run a virus scan on your computer in a while, so you decide to see if anything is lurking in your system folders. You don't recall downloading anything suspicious, but better safe than sorry.

You minimize your program, and run your antivirus software. You click "full scan" in order to get a thorough analysis. It would take longer, but you're willing to sacrifice this work-time for faster speeds later tonight.

After about a minute, some cookies show up in the window, which is nothing serious. It doesn't worry you. But then, something else appears. A detected virus pops up, turning the window red. Immediately, you examine it:

PinkiePie.dxz
C:\Users\MyStuff\Downloads\

".dxz"? You don't recognize this file type. You minimize everything to search this file type, but you notice something strange on your desktop.

In the dead space of the background, you notice cracks. At first, you think it's your monitor cracking. You feel around the monitor screen to feel for cracks... but there's nothing. It's completely smooth. But even so, as you touch the screen around the fissure, it grows larger, as if you just broke it more with your fingers.

Is your computer haunted?

When you take your hand away from the screen, the cracks continue to get bigger. Even weirder, you hear faint cackling coming through the speakers.

You're seriously spooked at this point, and are about to stop your virus scan and shut your computer down, until the virtual fracture in your desktop background gives out, shattering into pieces. It even came complete with a glass-shattering soundbyte.

Did you install an angry spirit on your computer recently?

You're about to pull the plug on your computer (which is not wise to do), until you notice something on the other side of the opening. It looks... pink?

Suddenly, making you nearly jump out of your skin, a head pokes out of the hole.

You can't believe what you're seeing. It was...

"Pinkie Pie?!" you say.

"Huh? Is somepony there?" Pinkie said. She looks directly at you, and smiles as if she can see you. "Oh! Hi there! I'm Pinkie Pie!"

You go completely bug-eyed. "Wait, can you see and hear me?"

Pinkie nodded as she jumped through the hole in the desktop, landing on your taskbar.

"Yes indeedy!" Pinkie said. "Loud and clear!"

Is this the PinkiePie.dxz virus? Is this was that is?

"Um... hi then," you say, trying to process what's happening. "C-Can you hold on for one second?"

"Of course!" Pinkie said, humming to herself, pacing around the taskbar.

You take a deep breath as you open a browser window on your phone to search the ".dxz" file extension.

"Where am I?" Pinkie asked.

"Well, apparently, you're on my desktop," you say.

"Really? This doesn't look like a desk," she said.

"Um, no offense, but how the heck did you get in here?" you ask, waiting for your phone to come up with search results.

"I just came in through the back door," Pinkie said, pacing around the taskbar.

"Back door?" you say. "What back door? There is no back door?"

"Sure there is!" Pinkie said with a smile.

Search results for ".dxz file" come up, and you find a list of malicious file types. You find ".dxz", and it said:

file extension dxz | Trojan backdoor virus file

Oh... there's the backdoor...

Well, maybe this isn't that bad. You are a brony after all, and this is an opportunity to actually interact with one of the ponies. Maybe this virus could be fun.

You look up at your computer screen to see that Pinkie Pie is gone. You wonder for a moment if she just left through the same "back door" she came through, but you're disproven by the sound of cackling from your speakers.

Where the hell did she go?

You see your Recycle Bin shaking onscreen, like it's possessed. Or... like someone is playing in it. Or maybe... somepony...

You immediately double-click the Recycle Bin, and see her playing in the files.

"Hey! Get out of there!" you say.

She doesn't seem to listen, continuing to play in the files like a she's in a ball-pit. She looks around her, and her eyes land on the cursor.

"Ooh!" she says before leaping from the file-pit and lunging towards the cursor, grabbing onto it.

"What the..." you say as you watch her hang from the cursor. You move to the "X" on the Recycle Bin window.

"WHOA!" Pinkie yells, being dragged by the cursor, almost throwing her against the side of the screen.

"Oh, sorry about that," you say, placing her down gently on the taskbar. You close the window, and see that Pinkie is jumping for the cursor again, like a cat with a laser pointer. You try your best to keep it away from her, out of fear of hurting her.

You look down, and see that she's stopped going for the cursor. Instead, you watch as she jumps into the Windows Explorer icon. Immediately, you open it up, and see her walking around the window. With super-Pinkie speed, she jumps into your pictures folder. You chase after her, and see her sifting through your MLP pictures.

"Ooh! We have the same friends!" Pinkie said. Suddenly, a devious look came over her face as she pulled out a black marker, and began drawing mustaches on all your pictures.

"Hey!" you say, but she just ignores you and continues her fun. You close the window, causing her to fall on the taskbar. She landed with such a hard thud that all the icons on your desktop fall to the ground, some of them even shattering into pieces, complete with sound effects.

What kind of voodoo was this?! You feel out of breath just keeping up with his mare, and you haven't moved out of your damn seat!

Pinkie's eyes fall on your school program, and she opens it up.

"Whoa! What's this?" she asked.

do
{

Pony p = new Pony(PonyName);
} while(yes);

You try desperately to close the program to prevent Pinkie from corrupting the file, but your cursor refuses to move. You look down at your mouse, and see a red light on the top, indicating a dead battery. You try hitting Alt+F4, only to see a red light on your keyboard as well, indicating another dead battery.

You're about ready to throw your computer out the window.

"Why does it say 'PonyName'? Why not use an actual pony name?" Pinkie asked. Suddenly, she gasped. "Hold on... I'm about to be brilliant!"

Huh? What is she talking about?

To your shock, she begins rewriting your code.

do
{

Pony p = new Pony(PinkiePie);
} while(yes);

"That's better!" Pinkie said. As you frantically search for replacement batteries, you catch Pinkie heading for the Run Program button.

Oh no...

"Wait! Stop!" you yell.

Too late. With one click, the code compiled, and ran. In your speakers, you hear cackling. It gets progressively louder and louder before an army of Pinkie Pie's burst through the hole in your desktop.

You start to panic as the framerate starts to visibly plummet, jumping frame by frame before-

Author's Note

Beware the Pinkie Pie virus. It will destroy your computer.

I know this was hightly unorthodox for me (for my more loyal readers). This was a completely random idea I had, and I just threw it together in about an hour. I seriously just started writing, and went with whatever came to mind. Totally impromptu. So it might be a convoluted mess. Forgive me if it sucks.

It's also to help with my depression. Did it help? Eh... sort of, but I won't burden you with my problems.

By the way, that Java code will not work if you put it in. I wrote it for the sake of simplicity, not practicality. It's just pseudo-code (sort of).

I also figured something without my OC might be a nice change of pace for some people.

I hope you enjoyed it. Hope it wasn't too cringe-worthy for you.

Peace out.