Stuck In Equestria

by VaporingRat

Rating: teen
Tags: Slice of Life, Alternate Universe, Human, Main 6, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 84179

A human travels to Equestria in a DeLorean and causes all sorts of mischief.

In a world where Friendship Is Magic was never aired, one teen is going to have his life turned upside down when he is sent by God to Equestria, and he's not very happy about it.

Armed only with an extensive knowledge of Sci-fi shows, a vintage 80's car, some shopping and his iPhone, he now has to deal with talking ponies, several episode-like adventures and a lack of computer games.

Follow him as he tries to get home, while learning the magic of friendship along with the ponies. Or something like that.

Pre-read and edited by scooterdash.

Cover art commissioned from http://csimadmax.deviantart.com/

Published 2012-07-12 04:24:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-04-26 19:56:40 UTC

Sensible Explanations

I just stare at the two horses, who stare back. The one holding the lamp was big and red and... big. I'd guess the red one was around five feet tall with an orange mane. The other was orange and around a foot shorter, the most noteworthy feature of the smaller one was that it looked somewhat female with blonde hair. What made both of them stand out was the cartoonish design of them, like they belonged in a cartoon.

I don't know how long we stared for, but it had to end. They had freakishly big eyes that seemed to stare into my soul... GAH! STOP LOOKING AT ME!

I started to inch slowly back to the DeLorean, keeping eye contact with the strange horse mutants. That's the most sensible thing I could come up with? Horse mutants? Man am I in trouble...

I slowly raise my arm (forget which side) to touch the raised door of the DeLorean, and start to climb back inside, just able to keep eye contact. Then in one swift motion, I ducked inside the car and lowered the door shut. I started the car and shifted into reverse before reversing out of the barn. I could hear a cry or a yell, but I didn't care as I turned the vehicle around and drove off into the forest.

I didn't stop until I had cleared the trees and had reached the top of a hill. I turned the engine off and got out of the car to get a good look around.

It was night wherever I was, with the stars out shining brightly, and the moon even brighter and bigger than it should be. I did a double take at the moon, as I spotted something unnatural on it's surface. It was a head of some kind, or a face, with a horn or sharp object pointed out from the forehead. Now I ain't an astrologist, but I know for a fact that the moon DOES NOT look like that.

Something was wrong, very wrong. I pull my iPhone out of my trouser pocket and check the signal coverage, only to fing that I had no wireless, no 3G, and no 3 network coverage. Where the hell am I?

I turn slowly to face the DeLorean. Whatever that thing did, it stranded me in this place. There must be a logical reason for this. I must still be on Earth, but why can't I get signal coverage?

Then it made sense to me. I was in Russia, an irradiated part of Russia. Thus explaining the horse mutants and lack of signal coverage. The horses must've mutated over time, and the radiation is blocking all siganls, like in an x-ray theatre you can't get a signal.

But if I'm in Russia, then how on Earth did a DeLorean transport me halfway across Europe? This seems like something out of a poorly written story...

I head back into the DeLorean and decide to wait out the night by checking on the supply situation. I pull out my phone and open the notes app.

This is the list of inventory with me:

1XDeLorean
1XiPhone 4 (91% battery remaining)
2XPlastic carrier bags
1X4 pints of milk
1XCheese and onion quiche
1x250G baby new potatoes
1XCadburys dairy milk chocolate bar, the big one that weighs 500g
1XTescos own wholemeal loaf (I hate wholemeal...)
1XCan of Sprite
House keys
Some pocket lint
Wallet with National Insurance card, debit card and the freedom pass bus pass (Partially sighted, duh)
£12.64 in notes and coins, and...
A snotty three-day-old tissue. Brilliant. I picked the wrong day to empty out my coat pockets before I leave the house.

I sigh as I stare out of the windscreen out at the night sky, content with my theory of me stuck somewhere in Russia. I take my arms out of my coat's sleeves and used it as an extra cushion against the seat, before lying back and looking up at the stars, soaking in all of their mystery and beauty.

"If you're in Russia, then why is the moon so big and different?" someone asked from bend me. Naturally, I shitted myself.

"What the fuck?!" I cry as I turn in surprise to see the guy who gave me the DeLorean sitting next to me, holding the shopping that was on the previously unoccupied seat a moment ago.

"Congratulations on causing such a ruckus back on Earth. I thought that you would've just abandoned the DeLorean there and leave it for the police to find, but you proved me wrong. Kudos on passing the test," the guy said as he smiled at me. I stare stupidly at him, half temped to run away from the car and hang myself from a tree, half tempted to strangle the guy right now.

"Now listen closely, because what I'm going to tell you is very important. You are here because of a mission. I want you to keep the peace here, and make friends. Live the dream world that I wanted Humanity to live, until they proved themselves incapable of handling the power of Eden. And before you say anything, I am God, the Holy Father, the Almighty, blah blah blah..." I continue to stare stupidly at God as he explains some shit that my ears barely register. "So that's it. I'll let you figure the rest out on your own. And to help you, I'll grant you one question. Ask me about anything, anything you want."

To this date, I am the only Human to ever exist to have said the most stupid question when faced with the opportunity to discover the meaning of life, or discover the reason God exists, or learn about the future of the Human race.

"If you're God, then why do you look like Cristopher Eccleston?" I ask.

God just chuckled and slowly faded away, leaving the shopping behind on the passenger seat. I sit there in silence, trying to process what God had told me.

"What the fuck just happened?"

The sun rose slowly over the lush, green land of wherever I am. I long abandoned my theory of being stranded in an radioactive wasteland way back into the night. After a pleasant snooze, I was ready to face the day and find a town or something. Luckily, I spotted a town on the other side of the forest I had drove through the night before, which turned out to be an orchard of apple trees. I hate apple trees...

I pick up my glasses from the dashboard and put them on, before grabbing my baseball cap, or my precious hat, and putting it on my head, and then I started the car.

I decided to take the long route around the orchard towards the town. Maybe there I can find out where I am and what to do. I started the DeLorean and drove off down the hill, near the edge of the orchard. It took several hours to get to the edge of town, but I had arrived. It was around midday, yet there was no one out and about in the streets.

For some reason, I got a weird prickling sensation in the back of my neck, and the other times I've had this was when I was playing through Ravenholm on Half-Life 2. Man, that was a scary part of the game.

I got out and looked around the town, leaving my coat in the car. Everywhere I looked, it was as silent as the grave. I would be lying right now if I said that i wasn't scared. What really bugged me was that everything looked like it was well cared for, there were still fresh fruit on several market stalls and the smell of baked goods lingered in the air. Something must've happened recently to cause an entire town to pack up shop and run for the high heavens, and that something must still be around here, waiting, quietly sneaking up on me, ready to jump me and end my life...

"Hi!" I turned around and came face to face with a pink blob which had just greeted me, and let's just say that I was now scared shit-less. I screamed and jumped several feet in the air in surprise and shock, before backing away from the pink... horse?

I stared at it in complete shock, scared stiff while it stared back with a large grin plastered on it's... face? Muzzle?

"My name's Pinkie Pie, but all my friends call me Pinkie, so you can call me Pinkie because you're my new friend because I haven't seen you before and I know everypony in Ponyville! But you don't look like a pony, *gasp* I've got to throw you a 'welcome to Ponyville' party, and it will be super-duper special because you're new here! Oh, maybe a 'welcome to Equestria' party because I've never seen anypony like you before..." my ears, my beautiful ears... MAKE IT STOP! Please just shut up! I'll do anything!

"...Oh! How silly of me that I don't know your name, as it would be silly indeed if we had a 'welcome to Ponyville' banner and we didn't have your name on it because I didn't ask for your name and-!" I stopped the pink horse-thing's onslaught of words by clamping it's muzzle shut with my right hand.

"My name is Declan, and I'm not from this Equestion place," I say as I glare at the pony, who simply grinned excitedly back with wide eyes and a large smile.

"*GASP!* You're not from Equestria? Well that means that I have to throw you a 'welcome to Equestria' party Decky! And we cam have your name on the 'welcome to Equestria' banner because you told me your name just then and we'll be the best of friends!" The pink horse's barrage of babbling came to an abrupt end when it let out a huge gasp that made it defy physics and float in the air, before dashing off. I remained rooted to the spot, with my brain turned to ice cream that was left outside during a Nevada summer's day and a sudden urge to relieve myself.

Okay, keep calm, deep breaths, don't panic... PANIC! No! Calm, think happy thoughts, think of Minecraft, think of food, think of cute little puppies. Good, so I've just met a pink horse, that can talk, A LOT. There is only one logical explanation: I'm dreaming. None of this is real, just a figment of my imagination. I'm lying in my bed back home, snoozing away, and when I wake up later, it will be Thursday.

Now confident that I am actually dreaming and that all of this is a weird dream, I head back to the DeLorean.

I get inside and close the door, but now I have no idea what to do. Do I stay and wait for that pink horse to return? Or do I leave and try to wake myself up? I don't know, but I really need to pee, and I don't want to ask someone if I can use their toilet or go in the street, so back to the hill for me. I start the DeLorean and turn around, until I'm facing the road to the apple orchard. I press down on the pedal and...

...travel several meters before I run out of fuel.

"Fuuuuu-!" I yell and bang my head on the wheel repeatedly, causing the airbag to make another appearance.

I get out, and head to a house in this town at random, hoping that someone there could point me in the direction of the nearest Texaco. I walk up to the front door and test the lock. Luckily for me, it's unlocked. Unluckily though, the door is designed for people around five foot eight inches, and me being around six foot one, I have to crouch. Brilliant.

I open the door and enter, ducking under the low door frame. The room was dark, and the ceiling height was around an inch or two higher than the door. Who designed a town built for children and midget people?

"Hello? Is anybody home?" I call to see if anyone was home, but the house was eerily silent. Too silent. "I only want some petrol. Is there a gas station nearby? Hello?

I open a door on the right side of the house and discovered a kitchen, but no sign of life. After checking over the empty house, I left. Maybe I should take another look around the town? There has to be a gas station around here, and I really need to go do a piss. And why aren't there any cars here?

Screw it, I can't hold it in anymore. I went back to that house I checked and dashed straight for the bathroom. I opened the door and quickly shut it again. I was about to do what you usually do on the can, but stopped when I saw the toilet. This pretty much sums up my reaction:

After spending the better part of twenty minutes trying to figure out how to use an obviously imported toilet from Germany, I left the house feeling much better. Although the owners won't be when they find out that I broke their toilet...

I Dream Of Ponyville...

I return to the DeLorean and check on the food situation. It is safe to say that the milk is a no-go after being outside of a refrigerated environment for a long time, so I just poured the contents into a sewer grate, well, I THINK it's a sewer grate. Anyways, the can of Sprite is still intact, so I've got that to drink. The quiche should be okay if I eat it now, the chocolate might survive, I hate wholemeal so I threw the bread out onto the street and what am I supposed to do with potatoes?

In the end, I snack on the quiche and drink the Sprite. And for some reason, I feel like I'm in some weird version of the DayZ mod for Arma II. Freaky.

When I finish my breakfast/lunch, I then start the next important task: hide the DeLorean. Why? Because I don't want it to be stolen or vandalized. For all I know, this could be a rough neighborhood. I look around for a good place to hide it, but I couldn't see any.

"S'up," someone said from behind me.

"Yo," I reply, and turn around. Then... "sweet Jesus!" I dive over the bonnet of the DeLorean and land on the other side. I peer over the top of the car and spot the thing that spoke to me. It was another horse, but white with two different shades of blue in it's mane and tail. It was wearing purple tinted glasses that prevented me from seeing it's eyes and it had a tattoo of a musical note on it's rear bumper. It also had a horn or some sharp thing on it's forehead.

"Whoa dude, I ain't gonna bite you," the horse thing said to me.

This is a dream, keep calm. Just act natural.

"Uh, good to know..." I reply hesitantly.

"Nice set of wheels you got there," the horse thing said as it came over to admire the DeLorean. "Never seen anything like it."

"Yeah, it's outta this world," I say as I stand up. The horse didn't seem to mind how tall I was or how I looked, which was a good thng I guess.

"How does it move? I don't see a place for reins or harnesses to be attached," the horse asked, looking at both the front and back of the DeLorean.

"It doesn't run on horsepower. It uses petrol, I think..." I answer vaguely.

"What's 'petrol'?" Okay, so this place doesn't have cars. This might be a problem.

"I have no idea." The secondary school I went to was rubbish, so sue me. The horse chuckled at my answer.

"Uh, where is everyone? A town like this should have several hundred inhabitants at least," I ask, looking around at the quiet and seemingly deserted town.

"Oh, they're hiding somewhere cos there's some monster wandering around in a metal wagon. Apparently, it smashed a barn wall over at Sweet Apple Acres and now it's wandering through town looking for ponies to eat." Woo hoo, I'm a monster that everyone fears, but no sweat. I can handle this. it could be some other Human with a DeLorean. And besides, horse meat is disgusting, but not as bad as squid. Ugh.

"Uh, this might sound a little daft, but where am I and what's the date?" I ask. The white horse gives me an odd look... I think. It's hard to tell with those glasses.

"This is the 1000th Year of Princess Celestia's reign, and you're in Ponyville," the horse answered. Wait, didn't that guy that gave me the DeLorean say that it would take me to Ponyville? And then he returned and said that I had to do some stuff that UN troops do. Okay, there's a small chance that this might be real, but I'm still going with the dream idea for now. I mean, talking horses? Why not talking dogs, or Klingons, or-

"Vinyl!" Another horse came sprinting (galloping?) around a corner of a house and stopped right next to the white one. This new arrival was unusual, to say the least. It had a light grey coat and a dark grey mane and tail, with some sort of musical note tattoo on it's rear, but the most odd detail was the weird collar and pink bow around it's neck.

"Vinyl, what are you doing out here?! The beast might come and-!" The grey pony's stream of words stopped abruptly when it finally noticed me and the DeLorean right in front of it. It's pupils shrunk to the size of a pea as it stared at me in fear.

"I come in peace," I say as I raise my hands in the universal 'don't shoot!' gesture above my head. "My name is Declan."

"Cool name. I'm Vinyl Scratch, and this is my roommate Octavia," Vinyl said as she (I guess I should start calling them by their gender, IF they have similar genders to Humans) raised a hoof and pointed it at the grey horse, now known as Octavia.

Octavia just stared at me with fear, confusion and some other emotion that I couldn't be arsed to identify. If all of this was real, then I'd be in a state of mental shock freaking out inside my own noggin, but this was all a dream, so freaking out would be pointless. Apparently, it wasn't pointless to Octavia.

After the white horse had managed to calm her (I think they're female) grey counterpart down, I explained to them about who I was, where I had come from, and how I got here.

"Heavy dude," Vinyl said after I had finished at the part where I met her. I couldn't help but grin at Vinyl's response.

"I know, and now I need a place to stow the damn thing before someone finds it and takes a road trip to California or something. Know of any convenient hiding places?" I ask the two ponies (they had told me that they called themselves ponies here in this wonderful, colorful land.)

"Nothing springs to mind," Vinyl replied as she entered a moment of deep thought, which I would later on discover that it would be a rare occurrence.

"Uh, if I may...?" Octavia began timidly. Poor horse- I mean pony, she reacted in a way a Human would if they came face to face with talking ponies, and she also had a hard time taking in my explanation. Vinyl just seemed too relaxed and chilled not to be confused by it. I nodded to let her continue. "I know of a place you can stow the, ah..."

"DeLorean."

"Yes, that. There's an old shack near the Everfree Forest. Nopony goes that way, and it will be safe there as none of the beasts of the forest live near it. It's the perfect place," Octavia offered. Vinyl turned to give her friend slightly surprised look, and again it was hard to tell due to those glasses. I want a pair of those badass specks...

"Wow Octy, I didn't know that your 'calming walks' went by the Everfree Forest, but good suggestion!" Vinyl responded with praise. Octavia nodded and... wait, was there a hint of a blush on the grey pony's muzzle?

"Well we'd better get moving before someone does take it and crash a EU conference," I say as I get up, being careful about the low ceiling, and made my way to the door. As soon as I open it, that pink thing from before drags me outside and into back-breaking hug.

"Oh there you are, Decky! I was looking all over Ponyville for you so I can bring you to your special 'welcome to Equestria' party! And I know that you'll love it because it has cakes and muffins and balloons and cupcakes and confetti and punch and..." the pink pony continued to ramble. I turn my head to face Vinyl and Octavia in the doorway to their home and say "help me" silently.

"Don't worry, me and Octy will sort out the DeLauren," Vinyl said reassuringly as the pink one dragged me away to it's torture chamber.

"It's 'DeLorean'!" I correct the white Unicorn (yes, they told me about the different pony types as well.)

The pink pony-horse-monster thing had dragged me to a house that looked like it was made out of sweets, chocolate and other sugary treats. In short, it looked like a gingerbread house. The pony dragged me inside the house, which was dark and had the curtains or blinds closed, then closed the door, plunging the room into complete darkness.

"Hey! Somebody turn on the damn light, I can't see a thing!" I exclaim as I wandered blindly into the centre of the room. Then the lights turn on and I get the biggest shock of my entire life.

"SURPRISE!" About a hundred or so ponies jumped up from every nook and cranny in the room, and my response was to naturally scream like a girl and run for the door.

"The party's not outside, silly!" the pink pony said as she pulled me away from the door by grabbing my shirt in her mouth. I was pulled back into the centre of the room, where the ponies were staring at me with mixtures of fear, surprise, caution and even one of them was looking at me with awe. It was obvious that the ponies here were expecting someone a little... shorter. Maybe walking on all fours?

I look around the silent room. There were the multi-coloured ponies all over the place, as well as tables lined with enough sugary treats and cakes to turn half of the ponies in attendance into diabetics. Balloons and streamers were everywhere, and a large banner at the back with the words 'Welcome to Equestria Declan' printed in different colours.

"Do you like it, Decky? Doyadoyadoya?" the pink one asked as it bounced in front of me, grinning like an idiot.

"It's, um... very nice," I reply as I feel the gazes of the ponies start to burn holes through my body. I'm just glad they don't have lasers shooting out of their eyes otherwise I'd be Swiss cheese right now. The pink pony (I think her name was something beginning with P...) seemed satisfied with my answer and bounced over to a gramophone.

"Let's get this party started!" Pinkie (I'm going to call her that until I catch her name) shouted out before she started the gramophone. Almost immediately, the ponies start to relax and begin the party.

"Wait, what?" I say surprised as I do a double take at the old record player, but before I could investigate, Pinkie came over and started to push me towards a table with enough cupcakes to feed a military platoon.

"Try these, Decky! I made them with my new super-duper secret recipe!" Pinkie explains as she plucks a cupcake from the table with a hoof and shoves it in my mouth just as I was about to say something.

As soon as it breaches my lips and collides with my tongue, my mouth explodes in a nuclear explosion of taste. No description can compare to what I had just tasted, which just have to be the best damn cupcakes I've ever had.

It's also the only cupcake I've ever had. So far.

"Do you like it?" I glance down at the pink one to see her looking up at me with large, round eyes.

"It's very nice..." I answer with half a cupcake in my mouth. Honestly, I want another one so bad I might just commit murder.

"Oh goody! I didn't know if I put enough sugar in, but 20 KG seems to do the trick!" Pinkie exclaims with joy before bouncing off. I start to choke on my cupcake. If I had another one, I'd probably become a type 2 diabetic.

After managing to swallow the cupcake and moving away from the rest. I head over to the punch bowl on the other end of the room, where one of the ponies with wings (Pegasus, right?) was hovering in the air. I couldn't help but stare as it floated several feet off the ground, it's wings flapping to keep it airborne.

"So you're the new guy in town?" the Pegasus asked. It looked female, but the voice was very tomboyish. It was cyan blue and it's mane and tail were in the colours of the rainbow.

"Yeah, who wants to know?" I ask, giving the Pegasus a suspicious look. Normally, people don't go asking me anything unless it involves things, and things usually lead to money and trouble, and not always in that order.

"The name's Rainbow Dash, fastest flyer in all of Equestria!" She said as she struck what would appear to be a dramatic pose, but it's effect slid off my deadpanned face. Seriously? You're name's Rainbow? I'd never have guessed that in a billion years...

"That's great, so what do you want?" I ask as I grab a cup and reach for the ladle in the punch bowl.

"I wanted to as- "

"AUGH! It's got me! Getitoffgetitoffgetitoff!" I scream as something had lunged out of the punch bowl and clamped itself onto my left arm.

"Oh there you are, Gummy! I've been looking all over for you!" Pinkie said as she suddenly appeared out of thin air and removed 'Gummy' from my arm. It turned out that Gummy was a toothless alligator, that happened to be the pink one's pet. It clamped itself onto Pinkie's tail and the pony bounced back into the party.

I had suddenly gone off the idea of having some punch. Muttering a "I'll talk to you later" to Rainbow, I walked away, cautious about everything. The food was lethal, the punch has animals in it, what else could go wrong?

I regret thinking that as another white Unicorn came up to me, but this one had make up on and it's purple mane and tail were coiled in a style that suggested that this pony was civilized.

"Oh my! What in Equestria are you wearing?" the walking marshmallow asked me as she looked around and all over my clothes.

"Uh, clothes?" I reply sarcastically. The pony rolled it's eyes.

"Your outfit is absolutely horrid! The shirt and trousers don't match, the shoes are clashing with your personality, and those pair of glasses are simply vulgar! Hmm, but I can see some practical use... maybe... aha! Idea~! I have just the outfit for you! Please follow me," the pony said as it had examined and made a statement about my dress sense, followed by walking towards the door and beckoning to me to follow her.

...I think she just insulted my glasses... my precious glasses...

Nobody insults my glasses...

Meeting The Locals

So far, things have been pretty weird... who am I kidding? I've gone insane!

I'm currently in a dream about getting a DeLorean that can take me to a town full of colorful ponies by God, then meeting said ponies, and now I'm at a party made for me where all the ponies are having fun, a walking marshmallow may had just insulted the most precious thing in my entire life, and I keep getting attacked by the nefarious traps the pink one sets for me.

I really hate parties...

I look at the pure white Unicorn at the door, and then around the room. Hmm, stay here in a party with some pink monster? Or follow this weird pony to God-knows-where?

"Hey Decky, it's time to play 'pin the tail on the pony'!" The pink one called out from behind me, holding a blindfold in it's mouth.

"What was that about clothes?" I ask loudly as I run for the door. The pink one scares me...

So me and the Unicorn leave the party and make our way across town to a fancy looking building that she calls 'Carousel Boutique'. To be honest, TKMaxx has everything I need for clothes. I'm not one of those people who has to spend money on every nice shirt or cool looking jacket every time they go shopping.

"Wait here while I fetch my measuring tape," the Unicorn said as she trotted(?) upstairs. While I wait, I decide to look around. On one side is access to some private area, maybe a staff room or something. Behind me is the door, the wall opposite has a stage or showroom where there's... a horse mannequin. What?

The sound of something crashing upstairs grabs my attention faster than a comic book nerd grabbing the first ever issue of Batman. Naturally I go to investigate, just in case I'm the cause. When I climb the stairs, which have a low ceiling that I keep hitting my head on (ow, ow, ow), I spot an open door leading into a room that looks like Hurricane Alice just passed by. I hate that hurricane... but that's a story for another day.

In short, my bedroom's cleaner then this room.

"What happened? This place looks like my uncle's living room after Birmingham City won the league," I comment, gazing at the mess that definitely WASN'T my fault.

"Oh, this? This is my inspiration room, but I seem to have lost the measuring tape, and then that cabinet fell down, and all those fabrics have gone everywhere- " the pony began to explain with her voice sounding strained, but I cut her off.

"No sweat. I have a messy way of gaining inspiration myself," I say as I examine the fallen down cabinet.

"This isn't a mess, it's organised chaos!" The pony exclaims as she looks around the room exasperatedly.

"I know a mess when I see one. They don't call me Declan the Destroyer for nothing," I say as I bend down to pick up the cabinet. "Here, I'll hep clean up."

"No, it's perfectly okay. I can do it myself," the pony said as her horn started to glow blue. Then, several rolls of fabric were enveloped in a blue glow and started to rise and float in the air. I stare wide eyed at the display, as the Unicorn moves the rolls of fabric above her head and towards the cabinet, which also was enveloped in a similar glow and lifted back into it's upright position. I just look on in awe as the room is clean in a matter of seconds, with everything put away via the blue glow that has to be telekinesis.

"Epic..." I mutter as the Unicorn picks up the measuring tape with the same glow.

"Here it is~! Now, just stand still please?" I don't need much telling, as I'm still amazed by what I had just saw. But I'm shaken out of my trance when the measuring tape starts to... well, measure. Leg, arm, foot, head, neck, waist, hip, back, height, ribs, and shoulders were all measured with the tape.

"I must say, I've tailored a range of clients but you are the most interesting I've ever met," the Unicorn said as she jotted down some notes with her telekinesis. Which is EPIC.

"Uh, thanks miss..."

"Rarity."

"Ah. Thanks, miss Rarity." Rarity is her name? Well, it's better than some of the others... *cough*Rainbowdash*cough*

"May I ask you something?" Rarity asks as she puts the notes and measuring tape away.

"Sure."

"Why do they call you 'Declan the Destroyer'?"

"Well, Declan's my name, and sometimes when I touch something or do something, it breaks. It's why I'm not allowed to handle anything fragile, like glass," I explain to Rarity, who nods.

"Hey Decky! Come on out so we can get you back to the party!" A voice shouts from outside.

"Shoot, it's the pink one! Hide me!" I plead to Rarity as the front door downstairs opens and Pinkie enters.

"She's not that bad, just a little... eccentric," Rarity says as she glances at the door. A shadow of the pink menace can be seen coming up the stairs.

"Please!" I beg quietly. Rarity sighs and levitates several large sheets of fabric over me, while using her telekinesis to make me crouch and curl up on the floor.

"Hey Rarity, have you seen Decky?" I hear the pink one ask. Please don't rat out on me...

"Uh, no. He just left... out the back door. I think he said something about 'visiting the, uh... library'! Yes, that's it," Rarity replies. I can't see what's going on, so I hope the pink one believes it.

After a few tense seconds, the pink one says "okie dokie lokie" and leaves.

I sigh in relief as Rarity removes the fabric and allowing me to stand up to the best of my ability.

"Thanks, I owe you one," I say as I glance out the window in the room and see the menace bouncing away. Wait, bouncing?

"It's quite alright, I know how... insistent she can be to get one to attend a party. When I first came here, all I wanted to do was unpack and relax, but she insisted that I attended the welcome party she had set up for me," Rarity explained. Ah, so she's like this all the time... great.

"Okay, I'm going to go now, in case she returns," I say as I go downstairs and head for the door.

"Wait!" I turn back round to face the Unicorn, and suddenly my glasses go flying off my nose. "These are absolutely filthy! When did you last clean them?"

"Uhhh... yesterday?" actually, it was FOUR MONTHS AGO but I'm not telling her that. Rarity didn't appeared to have heard me as she took them away and blasted them with some more of her super powers. I think. I can't see squat without them. She then handed them back to me via TK (telekinesis) and I put them back on.

"Wow, they're even cleaner then when I first got them! How did you..." I began as I take them off again and squint, noticing that they were clean, not just ordinary freshly made clean, but clean clean.

"It's simply magic, dear," Rarity replied as I put them on and leave. I didn't realise that she was literal about the magic part.

Now with nothing to do until this bizzaro dream ends, I'll probably look around and do stuff. Maybe there's an Apple store where I can go play on the iPads to kill some time. While I walk aimlessly around the town looking for something interesting, I notice that the ponies are now outside. Either the party has ended, or someone put in a good word for me, although they were giving me odd looks.

I suddenly lose all concentration when I spot one of those Pegasuses (Pegasi?) leading a family of ducks and ducklings through the town towards a nearby river. I instantly did what anybody would do.

"D'awwww." I walk over, making sure to stay low, to the ducks. The Pegasus, which had a yellow coat and pink mane and tail, hadn't noticed me.

"We're almost there, little ones. Just a little further," the Pegasus said in a quiet, soft and soothing voice. The ducks quacked in response as they continued to follow the Pegasus. I watch them as they reach the river, and the ducks and ducklings wading out before swimming away. The Pegasus pony smiles, before turning round, and spotting me.

"Eep!" The pony suddenly freezes, and starts to back away in fear.

"Hey, I'm not going to hurt you. I'm more likely to hurt myself than others," I say soothingly as I slowly approach the shy pony. the pony backed away slightly, trying to hide her face behind her long, pink mane. I don't know why, but I just felt all weird inside, and those eyes...

"What's your name?" I ask. It flinches, and mutters something so quiet I can't even hear it.

Must. Resist. Urge to hug... Not. Resisting. Well...

"Uh, pardon? Could you repeat that, please?" I ask. The pony mutters something slightly louder, but the words are still too quiet. There must be some way I can hear what she's saying...

Luckily, I remembered that I have an iPhone. You can do almost anything with them. I pull it out and start to mess around with a voice recording app, before placing it on the ground between us. The Pegasus shrinks away even more.

"Can you repeat that just one more time, please?" I plead. The pony mutters whatever she's muttering one more time, and then I grab my iPhone and start to mess around. When i'm satisfied with my work, I press the play button.

"Fluttershy." Really? Fluttershy? Well that's original. The recording software had magnified the volume so I could hear it properly, I think. All I know is that the Pegasus' name is Fluttershy and that she is scared of everything.

As soon as the recording of her voice played, she immediately froze up and fainted. At least, I think she fainted. I stand up and look down at the unconsious pony, and nudge her with my foot. She didn't move.

Uh oh...

I walk away, and if anybody asks, it wasn't me. I swear.

Reality's A Kick In The Head

Okay, don't panic. You've just killed one of the ponies, but it's no biggie. It's just a dream. All a dream.

As my mind slowly turns whacko, I continue to walk around, and come across a house built inside a tree. Heh, tree-house, geddit?

...

Geez, tough crowd. The place looks neglected from the outside, with some of the windows white with dust and several others missing panes or shards. The oak looks slightly rotten and the leaves are brown. The door is old and worn, with a rusty doorknob and hinges, and the balcony at the top looks very unstable.

I decide to go inside, because it's getting dark and I need somewhere to stay until this dream ends. As I enter, I note that the ceiling is high enough to let me stand properly, and just in the nick of time as well, my back was starting to seize up from the dwarf houses. Er, pony houses.

Looking around the interior, I notice that I'm in a library, and that the shelves are full of books. There's a door to the side leading into a kitchen, and a staircase elating up to the next floor, as well as a door to the basement. I immediately head to the kitchen to search for food, but returned to the library disappointed after finding nothing. It's clear that no one lives here anymore, and the thick amount of dust around suggests that the library hasn't been used in a very long time.

I head upstairs and note that the upper floor is actually split into two different levels. The lower level has some more bookshelves as well as a balcony and bathroom access while the upper level had a space for a bed, and that's it. I sigh as I look around. It's sad to see a place like this in such disrepair and neglect. But this is a dream, so I'd probably forget everything about it soon enough.

I head downstairs and all of a sudden, I feel tired. Looking through one of the windows, I can see the sun setting over the horizon. Yawning loudly, the day's events start to make themselves known as my body starts to feel heavy. I walk over to a wall and sit down on the floor, leaning against the wall. Soon, this dream will end and everything will be alright...

God I really hate this dream...

I seem to be having an unusual moment in which I experience a second dream after the first one finishes while I sleep. I can be confusing at times, but I know that I'm still dreaming mainly because, I'm standing in complete blackness that has no end, but seems to be lit dimly. The fact that I'm wearing a Star Fleet uniform from The Next Generation might help a little.

Something moves at the very edge of my vision, beyond the rim of my glasses so I can't see it properly. I turn to try and get a better look, but it's gone. Queue spooky music.

"Who's there?" I ask. turning around in a full 360 on the spot. I can hear faint whispering, and more movement just beyond the rim of my glasses again, but as I turn around to face it again, it's gone. "Show yourself."

Something moves in front of me a good twenty feet away, in the form of a sparkly blue mist. It swirls on the spot and it forms a mostly solid form of a four legged being with a horn and wings, with blue armor and a black coat- cripes! It's another one of those horses. This dream just got better.

"Aw what? Again? Why can't you just fuck off you damn horse! And why don't you tell your pony counterparts to do the same as well!" I say to the horse (its around the size of a horse so...), which doesn't seemed fazed at all by my short outburst.

"My return is nearing, soon all of Equestria will be plunged into Eternal Night!" It says very happily as it grins wickedly, showing off a neat set of false fangs that match it's contacts that make it's pupils seem like slits. Waitaminute, they're real...

"That's nice and all, but I'm not the sort to do any actual good deeds that involve talking ponies OR horses, go pester Batman or something," I reply as I turn around to walk away in the opposite direction and come face to face with the black horse thing.

"Nopony can stop me from bringing the Eternal Night, not even YOU," the horse thing says right in front of my face, and I would actually be honestly scared if it wasn't for the fact that someone hadn't brushed their teeth today.

"Geez, your breath stinks. What'd you have for lunch, tuna garlic mayo? Here, have a tic tac," I say as a packet of fresh mint tic tacs appear in my right hand and I offer them to the horse thing. It slaps them out of my hand with an armored hoof. "Geez, rude much?"

"Enough! I will end you here! You will not interfere with my plans any longer!" It snarls at me as it shoves me to the ground with some weird invisible power.

"Wait, what?" I ask, but before I could get another word out, it brings it's front hooves up in the air, before thumping them on my chest very hard, and suddenly pain started to coarse through my body as everything went black.

I slowly wake up from my sleep, not opening my eyes but registering that I'm in a comfy bed that feels like mine and that there's the distinct hum of electrical equipment nearby, which suggests that I'm back in my room. It was all a dream, those ponies, the pink one, the party, the scary-ish second dream, the organized chaos, it was just a large figment of my imagination.

I really have to stop staying up late watching Mindcrack videos on YouTube.

"Ugh, what a dream..." I say sleepily as I fidget under the covers, while I raise a hand to my forehead, and note that my glasses are not on my face. Of course I didn't think anything was wrong, I always take my glasses off before I sleep.

"Oh hey! You're awake. I was wondering when you're gonna wake up. Did you know that you're a heavy sleeper?" Someone says from somewhere in front of me as I lie on my side.

"You should know that by now, mum," I say sleepily as I get more comfortable under the covers.

"I'm not you're mom," the voice says. My brain freezes, and I open my eyes instantly. In front of me is a white unicorn with two different shades of blue as a mane and a pair of purple tinted glasses that were up on her forehead above her eyes, that were a color that I couldn't identify but I know that they're definitely not red.

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING IN MY BEDROOM?!?" I scream loudly as I back away across the other side of the bed and almost falling off the other side.

"This isn't your bedroom, it's mine," the pony replies calmly.

Pony from my dreams, check. Currently saying that I'm not in my bed on Earth but in HER room in Ponyland. Commence mental breakdown.

"But you were a dream... all of you were a dream... ponies can't talk... it's impossible..." I mutter stupidly as my eyes turn vacant.

"Vinyl, is everything alright? I heard somepony shouting," a voice asks from the room's doorway. I turn to look, and spot the brown Earth pony known as Octavia.

"Ponies don't talk... it's all in my head, it's all in my head... I'm still dreaming... it's all in my head..." I mutter quietly to myself as I curl up in the fetal position in the bed.

"I dunno, he just freaked out," Vinyl replied as the two started at me.

I really, really, really hate talking ponies...

Demolition Dec

omegadarknes: European English makes your centre correct
But American English says it's wrong, my browser defaults to an American English dictionary so when I copied your story to my word document it didn't say anything was wrong with them til I pasted it in my browser to send to you. What makes it worse is I'm used to reading and spelling things in European English, that kind of pissed me off.

"Hey! Yer tha fella that gone an damaged our barn!" The orange pony with the cowboy hat exclaimed.

"Does it help if I say 'I'm sorry?'" I ask, as the pony gave me a stern glare.

"That would help, but paying fer what you did would do," the cowpony (geddit?) said as she softened her glare ever so slightly. Drat, paying usually involves money, and I hate parting with money. And something tells me that paying via my debit card isn't such a good idea...

"Uhh, okay... how do I pay you back?" I ask. Please don't say money...

"Well, yer can pay with money..." FUCK!

"-Or you can help out around the farm instead." Hmm, what a difficult choice... hand over some money, or work.

"Work sounds great! When do I start?" I ask almost instantly.

"Great! Name's Applejack, and you can start right now!" The orange cowpony said as she held out a hoof for me to shake... I think.

"Wait, right now? As in right now right now?" I ask.

"Well sure!" Ah.

"Uhh.. can it wait until after I've had something to eat?" I ask. Applejack raised a hoof to her chin (?) and thought for a moment, before grabbing an apple from the stall and hoofing it over to me.

"Here ya go; one apple," Applejack said as I took it and sunk my teeth into it. "Just means that ya have ta work fer that an' all." I choke on the bits of apple in my mouth. The crafty little-!

"We'd best be getting home now," Octavia said as she turned around and started to walk away.

"Yeah, we'd better get the grub back. Have fun Declan!" Vinyl called over to me as she followed the cellist.#

"Uhh, okay. See ya," I call to them as they delve into the marketplace.

As soon as the white unicorn and her normal pony friend had left, Applejack decided to shut up shop and head back to... wherever she heads back to. I don't know, nobody tells me anything these days...

So we're walking back to the farm she works at. I'm just walking while the cowpony pulls the stall, which has wheels. neat.

"So why did y'all crash intah mah barn?" Applejack asked as we walked back to the place where I did some collateral damage.

"Well... it's a long story," I say simply as I admire the scenery, which consists of several fields on either side of the road we're on. Behind us is Ponytown, or whatever it's called, and way off into the distance is some fortress on the side of a mountain. It wasn't really interesting, and I could just make it out with my visual impairment, but who cares?

Applejack looked up at me while we walked and frowned slightly. "The sun ain't high in the sky just yet, so you've got plenty o' time." Geez, I already explained it once already... fine. I'll explain it again, but I'll give the short version.

"Alright. It starts with me doing some shopping, like the ho... ponies back in that town were doing. I was on my way home, when a guy in a DeLorean pulls up and starts talking nonsense. After a brief moment of confusion, he gives me the DeLorean and leaves. Then everything goes crazy and I find myself being chased by police, then BAM! The DeLorean does something whacky, and as a result, I nearly crash into a tree, but I swerved and plowed into your barn instead." It appears that my long short explanation has confused the pony. No big surprise. I'm still struggling to wrap my head around it.

"What in tarnation is a 'DeLauren'?" Applejack asks as she frowns in confusion even more.

"It's pronounced 'DeLorean', and it was the ca- metal wagon that had crashed into the barn," I reply. The orange cowpony decides to keep silent in the end, while shooting the occasional wary glace over at me. We didn't talk for the rest of the journey, until we arrived at our destination.

"Here we are! Sweet Apple Acres!" Applejack said in a proud voice as we stopped outside a wooden gate that led to 'Sweet Apple Acres'.

Sweet Apple Acres, as the name suggests, is a family-run all-natural apple orchard, which also doubles up as a farm. The orchard itself covers A LOT of ground. I'd say at least a hundred acres in radius with the barn-like house as the center. I'm seriously not kidding, it is HUGE. Judging by my calculations of apple growth and yield per tree, (my parents own an apple tree and when we used to live up in Preston, we had two. I'm also good at math), in one year they could harvest enough apples to feed the entire United States of America for a whole 24 hours.

Did I also mention that I really, really, REALLY hate apple trees?

"So... what do I do first?" I ask as I survey my surroundings. It better not be ANYTHING to do with apple picking. If it is, then screw the work, I'll just pay via card.

"Ah've got jus' the thing," Applejack said as she brought the cart up next to the house (that looks like a barn) and ditching it there. She turns to me with a smile that I've seen on my sister's face when she's planning something. Not good.

"Y'all can demolish the rest of the barn." Suffice to say, the pony's comment caught me off guard. Apparently, I damaged the barn, and now I have to pay for it by destroying it...

"I don't understand, aren't I supposed to be working to pay you back for the damage to the barn, but now you want me to destroy it?" I am so confused.

"We were going to get rid of that old thing and replace it, so you damaging it helped us out a great deal on how ta start. If y'all hadn't've skedaddled, we would've paid ya to do the rest," Applejack explained.

SON OF A-!

"Let's get it over with," I sigh as I start to shuffle in the direction of the barn.

"It's tha other way..." Applejack pointed out as she pointed behind me with a hoof.

This is going to be a long day...

I was wrong. Judging by what I've seen, there aren't enough apples to feed the United States for 24 hours. However, there are enough to feed the States for 48 hours. Not joking. This place is unbelievably huge. No wonder the DeLorean ran out of fuel...

Applejack had graciously showed me where the barn was located, and I could survey the damage properly. By the look of things, the wall opposite the door doesn't exist anymore, as there is now a large gaping hole. All the bales of hay are gone, and since I'm looking at it during daylight, I can see that the barn is definitely in need of being torn down. The wood is old, the paint is peeling, and parts of the ceiling beams have become rotten.

"This is all I have to do?" I ask the orange apple harvester for confirmation as I turn to look down at the pony.

"Yep," she replied as she placed the toolbox that she was carrying in her mouth on the ground. "All tha tools ya need are in there. I'll be back to check on ya at noon." And as simply and as quickly as that, she was gone. leaving me alone in a old and rotting barn with some tools with the solitary task of destroying the structure.

"Easy," I say to myself as I crouch down on the floor and open the toolbox. Inside, there's a hammer, a screwdriver, a wrench, a set of pliers, superglue, duct tape, a bag of screws and a bag of nuts. I grab the hammer and stand up, looking around for a good place to start. Located near the center of the barn are two parallel lines of wooden supports, all going from the ground to the ceiling.

I walk over to the nearest one and raise the hammer, bringing it back, before swinging it with all the strength I can muster, (which isn't a lot), at the nearest wooden beam. It splinters easily as the hammer makes contact. I then go on to repeat the process until I reach the last one. I bring the hammer back, then swing it. Like the others, the beam shatters instantly, but this time at a cost.

I look around to admire my handiwork, but an ominous groaning sound that wood makes when it's under a great deal of stress makes me look up, just in time to see the ceiling of the barn about to collapse.

Bugger.

I immediately vacate the structure in the nick of time, before the entire roof comes falling down to the ground with a sickening crash, causing dust (?) to surround the wreck. After it cleared, which was weird by the way, all that was left standing was the walls, with the remains of the roof scattered across the floor.

"Well that was easy," I note as I walk back into the debris-covered floor of the now-roofless barn and fish out the hammer and the toolbox that were buried when I literally brought the roof down. It only took five minutes to finish off all two walls and the doors, and destroying the barn completely was a little over ten minutes.

"So... what now?" I ask myself as I look around for something to do while I wait for that orange cowpony to return. I then remembered that I have my iPhone on me, so I whip that out and decide to do a new tweet. Oh wait... no internet access in a land of talking horses. How about checking emails...? No, can't do that either.

YouTube? No...

Text? Text who though?

Fruit Ninja? No... wait, YES!

I quickly load the Fruit Ninja app on my mobile device and proceed to slice some fruit! For those who don't know what Fruit Ninja is, Google it.

But every time I play a game or watch a video, it eats up my battery life faster than my mum's guide dog Oscar eating his breakfast. And he eats fast too.

So after fifteen minutes of fruit slicing fun, my phone gives me the 20% warning. I ignore it. I'll continue playing till 10%, then I'll charge it. Oh wait...

Okay, 15% left, no biggie, just keep going...

10% left. I'll keep going until 6%. It'll be fine...

4%. Okay, maybe I should stop now...

2%. Okay, I should seriously stop now and turn my phone off- OH WOW I JUST GOT PAST MY HIGH SCORE! LET'S SEE IF I CAN GET IT HIGHER!

1%. As any iPhone 4 owner would know, the damn thing bypasses 1% and jumps straight to 0 from 2 so...

0%. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?!? I THOUGHT WE HAD SOMETHING SPECIAL!

Suffice to say, I am an idiot.

Say Goodbye To Physics!

...
...
... I am so bored.
I have no idea what time it is, but judging by the sun's position in the sky, it's around an hour til noon. So what do I do? I foolishly wasted all the battery life on my phone, and I've completed the work... I could walk back, but this place is HUGE. It's like a forest, or a national park. I'd get lost trying to make my way back to that house (that looks like a barn),and they'd probably won't find me until several weeks later. Plus, I might do something stupid and have to pay for that as well.

So I decide to make myself comfy by sitting in a tree. Looking at the ones surrounding me, I walk to the one with the lowest hanging branches (for the record, their tallest tree has to be 10 foot tall. These things are tiny!), and jump upwards, grabbing hold of a branch. Despite the apple tree's size, it was strong enough to support my weight, but then again I am slightly underweight for a sixteen year old. I pull myself up so I can swing a leg over the branch, before moving along the branch to the tree trunk, which I lean against. I don't know why I'm doing this, I think I saw it in a movie once...

Okay, I'm up in a tree, now what? A quick nap, of course. It's one of the three things you're supposed to do when up in a tree. The other two are building a tree-house and sniping people with a .50 caliber rifle. Not that I actually own a sniper rifle, my mum doesn't even trust me with foam.

I close my eyes and allow my mind to wander as I slowly drift off to sleep.

I seem to be standing in an endless black void, with a endless black floor to boot. For some reason, this place seems oddly familiar...

"Well well, look who returns..." a voice says from behind me. Waitaminute....... I recognize that voice...

"Angela Riddleth?" I ask as I turn around to face the source, but it isn't my old friend (and first crush/girlfriend) from when I used to live in London waaay back. It is, however, the evil horse-thing from my previous dream. "Oh, not you again..."

"Yes, it is me! Your worst NIGHTMARE!" The black horse cries out as she rears up on her hind hooves, with her purple-ish smoke, blue armour and wings still the same.
"No, your not. Nothing could beat that horrible one with the... dentist! UGH!" So I have dentophobia... what of it?

"Oh, but I can become your worst nightmare!" The black horse said devilishly with a large smile on her face, showing her fanged teeth. Creepy.

"Yeah, good luck with that," I say as I glance down at my clothes. Man, I really need to change, and shower, and possibly find a phone charger, or fuel for the damn DeLorean.
The black horse opens it's mouth to speak, but before it could utter a word, the entire void plus ground started to shake. Violently.

"EARTHQUAKE! Duck and cover! Women and Declan first!" I say as I stumble around in a blind panic.

"NO! I was so close!" The black horse curses as I lose my footing and tumble to the ground...

Applejack quickly gave the apple tree another powerful buck, this time causing stuff to fall down, apart from apples. I quickly find myself acquainted with the grass, along with a cyan blue Pegasus, who was also rudely awakened by a big hug from the ground.

"EARTHQUAKE! DON'T PANIC!" I yell as my mind is still in panic mode.

"HELP! ALIENS ARE ATTACKING!" The cyan Pegasus yelps with panic at around the same time, while Applejack gave the both of us a disapproving stare.

"What in tarnation were you two doin' up there?!" Applejack shouted loudly, grabbing our attention and bringing us out of our blind states of panic.

"It wasn't me, honest!" I whimper from the floor, while the cyan Pegasus (who had a rainbow mane and tail- waitaminute...) attempted to fly away, but Applejack managed to chomp down on the Pegasus' tail and drag it out of the sky.

"What were y'all doin' up in that tree?" Applejack asks through a mouthful of rainbow-coloured tail. Uh oh.

"Yeah, what WERE you doing up in that tree?" I turned to ask the Pegasus pony with a suspicious look, who I seem to recognise for some strange reason.

"I was about to ask you the same thing," Rainbow Dash asked as she turned to give me a suspicious look in return.

"Well Ah'm asking y'all what yer were doin' up in that tree," Applejack asked with a hint of irritation in her voice.

"Well I don't know about Feathers McGraw over there," I point over to Rainbow, "but I was checking the tree for... apple theives. Yeah, that's sounds good."

"Apple theives? Really?" Rainbow asks suspiciously.

"Did ya see any of them apple theives? Cos there's some that steal from tha south field," Applejack asks as she gives the trees several wary glances in each direction. Oh wow, that excuse worked! None of my excuses have ever worked before!

"You weren't looking for apple theives, you were sleeping! In my spot!" Rainbow said accusingly. Whelp, it had to happen eventually. Goodbye perfect excuse, we hardly knew ye...

"Dangit... And what, pray tell, were YOU doing in that apple tree?"

"I was uhhh... taking a break!" Rainbow replied unconvincingly.

"Sure you were..." I said sarcastically with accompanying eye-rolls.

"Did y'all do tha jobs yer were supposed ta do?" Applejack asked irritably as she put on a piercing glare that had the strange ability to stop me from lying, and feel guilty at the same time for previous lies. Just like my ma...

"Sure did!" We both said at the same time. Applejack gave us an unamused look, and I quickly decided to report in before someone could get any ideas.

"The barn is no longer a barn, orange cowpony!" I say as I perform a military salute. Applejack turns to look at the spot of air that used to be the barn for confirmation, and gets it when all that remains is just a pile of old wood.

"That'll do, I suppose..." Applejack says as she puts a hoof to her chin (muzzle?) in thought.

"Then you'll be impressed with my job!" Rainbow said proudly as she pointed a hoof up at the sky, not bothering to look up. Applejack and I both look up to see what's so 'impressive'.

"All I see is a bunch of clouds," I say as I stare up at the sky above us, which is half filled with white, fluffy clouds.

"Consarnit Rainbow! Yer were supposed to clear ALL of them clouds!" Applejack said irritably as she turned round to face the Pegasus.

"No sweat, I can have this sky cleared in no time," Rainbow said proudly and confidently. But what really eats at me is HOW someone can clear away clouds? With a hoover? Can you do that? I gotta test that theory.

"You're going to clear these clouds?! Oh, that's hilarious! Good one, talking pony guys. Man, this place is a real crack-up..." I say with several laughs in-between the words.

"But of course I'm going to clear the clouds, it's my job!" Rainbow replied.

"Really? What do you use to clear them? A hoover?" I ask before bursting out with laughter.

Rainbow turned to Applejack and quickly asked silently "what's a hoover?" All she got was a shrug from the orange workhorse.

"I use my hooves," Rainbow deadpanned, as if it was the most obvious thing in the universe.

"Prove it, but you can't. Simply 'touching' the clouds won't make them go away, it's against the laws of nature. And besides, even if you COULD do it, it'll take you a very long time to clear all of the clouds," I explain with a smug smile. Rainbow then rose slightly in the air by beating her blue feathery wings and advancing closer to me.

"I can clear this sky in ten. Seconds. Flat." The blue flying pony stated in a determined tone as her face was now inches in front of me.

"Alright, if you actually DO it in ten seconds, let alone doing it in general, I'll let you... uhhh..." in my attempt to prove this mythical-yet-real creature wrong, I have accidentally set the stage for a bet. As long as I don't agree to anything, I should be fine.

"Let me ride in that metal wagon of yours?" Geez, news spreads quickly here.

"Sure, whatever," I agree, confident in the knowledge that the Pegasus pony has already lost. Nothing can break the laws of physics.

For instance, clouds are simple puffs of water vapour, and as such it is simply gas. In other words, it is non-solid, so anything can pass through it easily, like planes. Simply 'touching' it with your hooves- er, hands, won't cause the cloud to dissipate, but instead they will simply pass through.

"One, two, three...," I begin to count to ten, as the rainbow blur that was a pony had shot off like a rocket up high into the sky, and started to clear the clouds. Waitaminute...

"F-four... five... s-s-six..." my counting falters as I stare in bewilderment as I witness a living being actually clearing away the clouds, by KICKING them. I mentally cringe for the impending fallout of the laws of physics being broken.

Soon, the sky was no longer cloudy, but a clear, crystal sky blue with the sun shining high above us, and all of it was done in just under ten seconds.

"Told ya," Rainbow said proudly as she landed next to an amused Applejack and in front of me.

I don't know what to be more worried about: the fact that I've just watched something break the laws of physics, or that I owe a talking, flying pony a joy ride in a souped-up DeLorean.

"Ah suppose y'all are hungry now?" Applejack asked both me and Rainbow Dash, and both of our stomachs rumbled in response.

"Whatever gave you that idea?" I ask sarcastically as Applejack starts to trot in the direction of the house-that-looks-like-a-barn. We follow her through the trees to our destination and our promise of lunch.

But that Pegasus isn't going to get one over ol' Decky. Not by a long shot.

An Interrupted Meal

So, as I walk back to a house (that looks like a barn), along with two, pastel coloured ponies which can talk (one of them can fly as well, but that ain't important), I try to come up with a plan about what I should do. I had apparently just lost a bet, or something similar, to a talking Pegasus thing, and now I owe it a ride in a DeLorean that just so happens to be in my possession. Also, said DeLorean had somehow leaped from my boring, slightly interesting life on the planet Earth, to this place, a land full of talking ponies called Equestria. And it is out of fuel. And it is hidden. Somewhere...

I won't bore you with the trip back, I'll just skip to the important part. Which was lunch at the house-barn thing.

We arrive back at Applejack's house, and waiting for us are three normal ponies. One of them was the big red guy who was with Applejack when I arrived, the second was a small one, probably a child, with a yellow coat and a red mane and tail. She also had a red bow. The final pony was an old, green one with a white-with-age mane and tail and was wrinkly-er than that piece of paper that you scrunched up and then unfolding it quickly realising it was your school timetable.

They were all standing in front of a wooden table in front of the HTLLAB (House-That-Looks-Like-A-Barn), and on it was food. Me and Rainbow went straight for it, taking a spot at the bottom end, while Apple Jack went to sit with the other normal ponies. Unfortunately, it was standing only room, but I didn't mind.

"Declan, this is mah big brother Big Macintosh," Apple Jack said, gesturing with a hoof to the big red one. He simply nodded at me, and I just awkwardly looked somewhere else. "This is mah little sis, Apple Bloom," a point of the hoof to the young pony.

"Howdy there mister!" Apple Bloom said enthusiastically as she beamed a large, childlike smile up at me. D'aww...

"An' this here is Granny Smith," Applejack finished with a point of the hoof to the old pony, who was sleeping while standing up. She kinda reminds me of my granddad...

"Uh, Granny Smith?" Applejack asked tentatively as she poked the old pony with a hoof, and waking the elderly relative.

"Huh?" Granny Smith said with a start as she left the land of nod.

"This here's Declan," Applejack said to her granny, pointing to me with a hoof. Said granny squinted in my general direction.

"it's nice to meet you, ma'am," I say, determined to leave a good impression, otherwise she might start lobbing cats at me like that crazy cat lady from the Simpsons.

"Is he tha lad that gone an' smashed our barn?" Granny Smith asked as she squinted at me even more. I feel like I'm being scrutinized by the old mother of a beautiful lady who I want to ask on a date. Geez...

"Yes I am," I say truthfully. Lying to old people, or in this case ponies, is never easy. Especially to my Nana. She can tell when I'm lying before I can even open my mouth.

"Well, Ah guess we owe ya some thanks, for doing some of our 'ere work. Mah hip an' back ain't fit fer workin', an' Mah family's been busy with harvestin' apples," Granny Smith rambles slightly.

"It's okay, I'd done if for free anyway," I reply, as I notice Rainbow eyeing up the food.

"You were working fer free..." Applejack said flatly.

"Oh, right. ...I knew that." Applejack rolls her eyes at my response.

"Are we gonna stand here yapping all day or what? I'm starving!" Rainbow says impatiently. Geez...

"Of course not! Let's eat!" Granny Smith said the magic words, and I couldn't be happier to follow them to the tee. I immediately reach my hand out for a slice of apple pie when-

"There you are Decky! I've been looking all over Ponyville for you!" The pink monster from yesterday, or the day before that, or the day after, appeared out of nowhere right in front of me, startling everyone. Somehow, she was standing in between me and the food, her nose right in front of mine, which is saying something since I'm a giant compared to these ponies. Naturally, I respond in a calm and dignified manner.

"GAAH!" I yelp as I topple down to the floor on my back, with the pink pony on top of me.

"You left the party early so we couldn't eat any of the cake I made for you and we couldn't play all the games I'd set up for you and-" make it stop! I'll do anything! "-So I looked and looked and looked! I looked in the library and the town hall and Lyra's house and Vinyl's club and Octavia's place and-" God, if you want me to do something important here, then please spare me the horror of this pony. "-and the boutique, and Derpy's house, and the library again, Sweet Apple Acres, the International Space Station, and-" Wait, what?

"Whoa there, Pinkie!" Applejack said as she dragged the pony off of me by clamping her teeth on Pinkie's tail and pulling.

"So then I came here to find Applejack and ask if she had seen you, and I found you! Isn't that weird?" Not as weird as you...

"What do you want from me?" I ask cautiously.

"To come and have some fun with me! I have a whole list of all the fun things we can do!" Pinkie says happily, pulling a list out of, quite literally, nowhere with her mouth. Ironically, and slightly disturbingly, I notice the name of it says: 'fun things to do with my friend Decklan'. I don't know what's worse, the fact that I now have a talking pony as a 'friend' or the fact that she spelt my name wrong.

"This seems oddly familiar..." I mutter suspiciously as I rub my chin with my right hand. Also, this is happening a little too quick for my taste...

"Oh no, this list is full of fun activities for my bestest friend in all of Equestria!" Pinkie exclaimed as she swept me up into a back-breaking hug.

"I'm not from Equestria..." can't... breathe...

"That makes it even BETTER!" Pinkie squealed in delight as she somehow flipped me into the air and I landed on her back. Once I had 'landed', she started to bounce off away from Apple Jack and the others.

"Oh we're gonna have so much fun! First we'll say hello to everypony in town and then we'll bake some cupcakes and then we'll play pirates and then we'll say hello to everypony in town as pirates and then we'll play pin the tail on the donkey and then we'll throw a party and then we'll-"

... you get the idea.

After what seemed like half an hour of non-stop pink pony talk, we were back in the town called.... Pony-something. It had something in common with those horrid facebook games, but I can't remember it...

Pinkie had not stopped talking since we left the apple place and during all that talking, she had not even took a single breath. I swear she must've broken a world record, but I was too busy trying not to commit murder right now.

"-And I say 'oatmeal? Are you crazy?'" This has to be a brand of torture outlawed in the Geneva Convention. HAS TO BE. Luckily though, I managed to bear through most of it by going into my dream world inside my head. I won't tell you what was going on inside, just the fact that I was brought out of it.

... And yes, I was still on her back. So what? She's a god-damn horse!

"Oh lookie! We're here!" Pinkie said happily as she stopped suddenly in the middle of town, and all the ponies were giving me weird looks. I hastily got off her and was having thoughts of making a run for it.

"Now we can start the list!" She said as she pulled the list from... somewhere? Where'd that come from? These ponies don't have pockets. They don't even wear clothes!

"Okay, let's get this over with..." I groan. Wait for the chance to bolt, aaannndd...

"First, we have to say hi to everypony in town!" Pinkie said as she grabbed my right arm and dragged me away before I could even blink. ACK! It's got me!

She immediately made a beeline to a purplish pony with a pink-ish mane, who was looking pretty scared. "Hi there! This is my new best friend, Decky!" Pinkie greeted the pony while gesturing at me.

"Umm... hi... I'm Berry Punch..." the unfortunate pony muttered nervously to Pinkie.

"Not to me, silly! To Decky!" And with that, I was shoved right into Berry Punch's face.

"H-h-hi..." Berry muttered, obviously unnerved and even a little freaked out by me, or the pink one, or both.

"Great! C'mon Decky!" And then I was being dragged again!

The next pony, who was light blue with a white and dark blue mane and tail, didn't see us coming, and Pinkie was right in front of her face before she could even react.

"Hi there! This is my new best friend, Decky!"

"Uh, hello. I'm Colgate."

"I do not know her. Please call the police," I say in a neutral voice.

"Oh Decky, always the kidder!" Pinkie said with a laugh before hauling me to another doomed soul.

... Which turned out to be a mint green Unicorn with a white and aqua(?) mane and tail. Hang on, I think I've seen her before...

"Hi there! This is my new best friend, Decky!" The Unicorn just stared at me with shock, or was it awe?

"Hello..." the pony muttered as she stared right at me with wide eyes full of... something...

"Uhhh... hi."

"OHMYGOSH!" The Unicorn exclaimed before she swooned. Umm, what?

"Okay, see you later!" Pinkie said to the passed out pony as she dragged me along like a rag doll.

"Y'know, I can, oh I don't know... WALK ON MY OWN, so how about you let go now, please?" I say through gritted teeth as I was dragged to yet another pony, and this time, it was one I have already met AND remembered the name of. That's an achievement right there.

"Hi there! This is my new best friend, Decky!"

"S'up Declan," Vinyl Scratch greeted in her laid back style.

"Hey Vinyl, can you inform the asylum that I found their escaped inmate?" I ask as I point a thumb to the smiling pink thing next to me.

"Heh, it's just Pinkie being-"

"-Pinkie, yeah I kinda got the gist already," I quickly finish the sentence for the DJ pony.

"Oh hey, there's Fluttershy! Let's go say hi!" Pinkie said as she grabbed my coat sleeve and yanked me down the road towards a shy looking winged pony with a yellow coat and a pink and long flowing mane and tail. Waitaminute... isn't that the pony that I tried to talk to before and scared the living begeezus out of her?

OH SNAP, IT IS.

Before I can do anything, Pinkie stopped right in front to the pony in question and deposited me right in front of her.

"Hi there! This is my new best friend, Decky!"

"eep."

Prelude To Harmony

The oh-so-incredibly shy Pegasus pony was cowering before me, thanks to the pink one taking me on a unwanted tour around town saying 'hi', 'howdy' and 'hallelujah' to every Tom, Dick and Jerry she meets so she can introduce me to the local populace.

And I'm missing lunch.

I stand there, not really sure what to say to the timid pony. Said timid pony is currently hiding half of her face behind her flowing pink mane, looking slightly scared.

"Uhh, hi shy pony. Uhhh, I'm sorry for scaring you last time we met. It was mean of me and I shouldn't have disturbed you like that," I attempt to apologise to the shy pony. Damn, she just so darn cute, her cuteness could give me diabetes.

The Pegasus didn't respond. Instead, she just seemed to shrink further away.

"It's just that I saw you with those ducks and, well... ducks. Who doesn't like the furry little dickens?" I continue as images of ducks fill my mind.

"Y-you like ducks?" The shy pony asked- FLUTTERSHY. That's her name! Geez, how could I forget that?!

"Not just ducks, I also like cats, dogs, chickens, birds, fish, goats... all sorts of animals," I say as I list the animals that spring to mind. Also, Fluttershy seemed to perk up a little more with each mention of an animal.

"Oh! I-I like animals too. I take care of a lot of animals at my cottage," Fluttershy responded as she seemed to lose some of her shyness and flicked her mane away to reveal the rest of her face.

"Cool, maybe I'll come over one day and you can show me them." Progress with the shy pony! And it only cost me my lunch! What fun!

"That would be nice..." Fluttershy said as she hid part of her face behind her mane, this time with a slight blush. Waitaminute... ponies, blushing?! HOW?!? They have coats! How can you see them blushing through their coats?!

"Yay! Decky made a new friend!" Pinkie said happily as she bounced around the two of us. Damn, I had completely forgotten about the pink one...

"Oh look! There's the mayor! We should go say hi!" Pinkie said as she pointed at a pony with a cream-ish coat with a grey mane and tail, and she was wearing... glasses? She also had the look of a politician about her. I hate politicians...

"Here I go again," I comment just before Pinkie grabs my arm and yanks me away from Fluttershy. She dragged me right through town straight to a building that looked like a giant merry-go-round, but had a town hall-esque feel about it.

"Hi Mayor Mare! This is Decky!" ... Mayor Mare? REALLY?! Dude, I just, I give up. These ponies are impossible to understand.

"Oh, uh... hello. I'm Mayor Mare, the mare of Ponyville," Mayor Mare said in greeting, despite the fact that she was caught off guard by me and Pinkie arriving in front of her, and that she was intimidated by my height.

"Nice to meet you, Mayor," I greeted back.

"Oh, umm... that's nice to know. Are you enjoying your stay here?" The mayor asks.

To be honest, my stay has been a flurry of weirdness and the downright impossible, and I wanted to leave this place as soon as possible, but I can't say anything mean to the mayor. I could leave a bad impression, and I might be stuck here for a while.

"Yeah, I have. It's been... eventful," I say cautiously. I have a habit of saying something without thinking it through properly. Which usually gets me into huge amounts of trouble.

"I'm glad to hear it. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to make a very important announcement, and after that we'll have more time to talk," Mayor Mare said with a small smile, before walking up to a podium, which I had completely missed.

Where'd that come from?

"Oooh~! The mayor's going to make a very important announcement! I wonder what it is..." Pinkie said as she ponders on what it could be about. I just stand there, slightly out of the way. This better not involve me.

Just as the mayor reaches the podium, which I noticed had a microphone, a bell rang from somewhere in the building that was apparently town hall. Ponies from across town came as one to the front of the podium, looking up at the mayor expectantly and murmuring about what was happening. I slowly slid behind a pillar so that none of the ponies could see me, but I had a clear view of the crowd and the mayor. Once all the ponies had arrived, and I spotted a few that I have met already, the mayor began to talk.

"Fillies and gentlecolts," ... no comment. "I have good news and bad news." Plain and simple. Very smooth."Bad news is that Manehatten will not be holding this year's Summer Sun Celebration." Hold the phone! Did that pony just say Manhattan?!

The crowd groaned and sighed in disappointment, as some of them shared dejected or worried whispers.

"The good news is... that Ponyville has been chosen to host the Summer Sun celebration instead!" The mayor said happily, and the crowd quite literally exploded. It turns out that ponies applaud by stomping their hooves on the ground, and right now, I was tempted to go hide in a doorway as the whole building trembled from the massive applause.

"We have three days to prepare for the Summer Sun Celebration, so I expect everypony to help out to make this the best Summer Sun Celebration ever!" The mayor's words inspired the crowd to cheer and applaud again.

The Pegasus' (Pegasi?) were swooping through the air with joy, the Unicorns were sending sparks flying through the air from their horns, and the normal ponies were stomping the ground like there were a thousand bugs that they were trying to squash.

Right now, I had decided to go with the hide in a doorway plan as the tremor caused by the applauding ponies kicked it up a few on the Richter Scale.

Soon, the crowd was starting to disperse. I spotted Pinkie dashing away with a frightenly huge grin on her face, which scared me a little. I feel sorry for anyone who lives with her. The mayor left the podium and walked towards the doorway which I was in.

"Ah, thank you for holding the door open," the mayor said as she walked through, not noticing my distress. I was shaken by the thunderous applause in which I did momentarily panic, and feared that the whole structure was going to fall on me. I tentatively followed the mayor of Ponyville into the town hall.

Only... it didn't look much like a town hall... it looked more like a conference room. A really big one. With balconies. Did I mention big?

I continued to follow the mayor through to the back of the conference room thingy and to a door which had a gold plaque with the words 'Mayor's Office' engraved onto them. The mayor opened the door, and invited me in.

Have you ever seen a tv show where a person of high authority has their office as something like a storeroom or a janitor's closet? Well, the mayor's office was like that: small, cramped and not much room to manoeuvre. It consisted of a small chair behind an oak wood desk with paper, ink wells and quills scattered all over it. On the other side of the desk was a chair for visitors to sit in, and beside that, there was a filing cabinet. The desk was shoved all the way to the right side wall, allowing a small space for a pony to squeeze through on the left.

Mayor Mare managed to get behind the desk and sit in her chair behind it. I had to duck to get in, and sitting down on the chair was impossible. There was no leg space for me, since I am freakishly tall. Not to mention, the chair was designed for a pony, so it was low down and small.

"Oh... I apologise for the small space..." the mayor said apologetically as she noticed my discomfort.

"It's alright, I've had worse," I say as I manage to squat in front of the desk, not actually sitting on the chair, but not technically standing on it either. "You said that you wanted to talk after the announcement?"

"Yes, about that..." Mayor Mare suddenly looked a little sheepish... "I wish to apologise for our town's behaviour to you when you first arrived. The residents don't take change well..." Mayor Mare explained to me.

"It's alright, no one got hurt, there was a party, it's all cool. Besides, everyone tends to avoid me anyway, due to the fact that I'm wierd and paranoid, but don't believe them," I explain to the mayor. She nods, a little nervously, before plowing on.

"Yes, well... we all thought that you were some hideous monster from the Everfree Forest, and some were even terrified that you would eat us and..." is there a point to this?

".. So I had to send a letter to the Princess for help on the matter." There we go- waitaminute, Princess?

"... I don't follow you. You all thought I was a ravenous monster coming to eat you all and you send a letter to a princess for aid?" I ask. Seriously, I am confused. What Princess? Why send a letter? Emails are faster.

"Well, read this," the mayor said as she pushed forward a piece of paper on her desk towards me, which turned out to be a letter...

I pick it up and read.

Dear Mayor Mare,

Thank you for informing me of this matter. However, I can assure you that the 'monster' means you no harm. He is not from the Everfree, but instead from a faraway land where their customs are vastly different to ours. He may seem a little out of place, but I assure you, he can do no wrong. I recommend that you and the ponies of Ponyville help him learn our customs during his stay here. I also grant him the right to inhabit your local library during his stay in Equestria, so that he may learn about our history from the many books there. Please, welcome him with open hearts as a friend.

Sincerely, Princess Celestia

P.S. I have decided to have the Summer Sun Celebration in Ponyville instead.

P.P.S. Do not show him this letter.

"Uh, oookkkkaaaayyy... why are you showing me this?" I ask. If I'm not supposed to read it, then why am I reading it?

"Look on the back," the mayor said, so I flipped the letter over to see what's on the other side. On it are faint marks that could form words if one squinted. Since being partially sighted, it was harder for me to see, but I managed to make out the words 'show', 'letter', 'him', and 'please'.

"Okay, that's odd," I say as I hand back the paper to the mayor. "So... am I supposed to use that old abandoned library?"

"The one built into a tree? Yes, you are, and it isn't abandoned," Mayor Mare confirms for me. Hang on, someone lives there?

"Really? When I was there, there was no one inside, and the place looked like it wasn't cared for in a long time."

"I'll explain on the way. I need to go tell her that she has to move out anyway," the mayor said as she tried to get through the small gap to the door. I used my common sense for once and exited the room back into the conference room.

So, as it turns out, an old pony going by the name of Paper Cut currently owns, works and lives in that library, and she's been working there for a very long time. Ever since it was built, according to the mayor. Strangest thing about it, was the fact that the old mare has not left the library in over ten years. She hasn't even been seen in over five. I have serious doubts that she's still alive after all this time.

The mayor and I quickly arrive outside the library, staring at it from a long distance away. The dead leaves floating away from the dead branches. The whole thing seemed a lot more unnerving the second time round. Mayor Mare slowly canters up to the door and knocks with a forehoof.

No response.

"Paper Cut? Are you in there?" No response.

The mayor slowly opens the door inside, and we both peer in. The interior was still dark, the books still dusty, the shelves seemed to have started collecting fungi, and there was a suspicious black stain on the floor at the bottom of the stairs going up to the first floor. We went inside.

The mayor carefully trotted into the kitchen while I wandered around the wall of the library proper. We called out her name again, but still no response.

The wall led me straight to the bottom of the stairs and the suspicious stain. As I approached it, I crouched down to get a better look at it, only to be disappointed. It wasn't a stain, it was just a patch of black moss.

"There doesn't seem to be anypony here..." Mayor Mare says as she trotted out of the kitchen and over to me.

"We'll check upstairs though, just in case," I reply as I gingerly step over the moss and climb the stairs. The mayor followed behind me as I approached the door and crouched in order for me to be able to look through it properly. I reached out for the door handle and grasped it. Slowly and carefully, I opened the door.

The room on the other side was split into two levels. the lower level had more books and some personal belongings strewn about, with bookshelves lined up against the wall. The upper level only had a bed, nothing else. Judging by the dust in the room, no one had lived here for quite some time.

"I thought you said that someone used to live here..." I say to the mayor as I give the room a wary look.

"I did... oh! There's a note!" The mayor said as she pointed to a note stuck to one of the bookshelves. I walk over and pluck it from it's resting place, and began to read it. I had to squint though, due to the curtains being drawn across the room, making the room pretty dark.

To anypony who finds this, I have left Ponyville. I cannot stay here and work in a library that nopony visits anymore. My job is essentially useless. I have left for Canterlot in hopes of finding a better job, one that ponies would appreciate.

-Paper Cut

"Well, that explains a lot," I say as I put the note down on the ground. "So, if that Paper Cut pony has left... does that mean that I can take over now?"

"Yes, it does. I'll need to fill in some paperwork, but you can start living here right now," the mayor said as she headed downstairs and to the door, making sure to jump over the black moss.

"Cool! Though, I might need to do a little bit of cleaning first," I reply, more to myself than the mayor. I glance around the bottom floor of the library, and I can't help but feel like that I'm being watched, and it's coming from that black moss...

"Oh! I don't even know your name!" The Mayor cries out in realisation as she turns to face me.

"I'm Declan," I say as I jump the moss at the bottom of the stairs after making my own way down.

"It has been a pleasure to meet you Declan, and welcome to Ponyville," Mayor Mare replied as she left the dilapidated library. I gaze around it, taking it all in. I actually have a proper place to stay, my very own house. granted, it looks like a maid's nightmare, but nothing's perfect.

The black moss behind me sneezed.

After vacating the library in a calm and ordinary fashion, I was reminded by my stomach that I haven't had lunch yet, or afternoon tea, and it would soon be time for dinner. So I wandered around town, asking ponies for directions until I came back at a familiar house.

"Knock knock!" I say rather loudly at the door as I stand in front of it. I could hear a muffled voice asking something from inside, so I knocked again.

"Knock knock!"

Inside, I could hear someone say "I think somepony's knocking at the door..."

"Knock knock!"

The door swung open to reveal a familiar white Unicorn with purple shades and an electric blue and some-other-type-of-blue mane and tail.

"Oh, hey Declan!" Vinyl greeted me as a grin appeared on her face. "Enjoyed your tour of Ponyville?"

"No, not really. I missed lunch, but I did get a free house out of it," I reply.

"Cool. Wanna grab some grub here?"

"Sounds like fun." Vinyl backs away from the door, allowing me to enter the house. I immediately spot Octavia sitting at the kitchen table reading a sheet of paper, and give her a friendly wave, which she notices and returns.

"Also, I was wondering if I could stay here for the night. The place the mayor let me use isn't very sanitary..." I began as I rub the back of my neck, my thought wandering back to the ruined library.

"No probs bro, you can have my bed again," Vinyl nodded to me. I'm starting to think this might be a bad idea... "Hey Tavi! Dec's gonna stay with us again!"

Octavia nodded before returning to the paper, concentration filling her face.
"What's she doing?" I ask the DJ pony.

"Stuff for her assemble."

"It's called an 'ensemble'," Octavia corrected, her eyes never leaving the paper.

"What's an ensemble?" I ask Vinyl as a whisper.

"No idea," was the hushed reply.

I spent the rest of the day at the house Vinyl and Octavia shared. The dinner consisted of some salad, which was very nice and delicious, not like the salad on Earth. We then talked about what the two ponies did for a living. It turns out that both of them are musicians, Vinyl working at night clubs as a disc jockey, and Octavia plays the cello in the Canterlot Ensemble.

Not much else happened after that. Vinyl went upstairs to work on a 'project', and Octavia was doing ensemble stuff. I suddenly became aware of how tiring today had been, and decided that bed was the best option.

I climbed the stairs and approached Vinyl's room, and noted that the door was slightly ajar. I push it open and step inside, to see Vinyl poking around with some giant speaker. Literally, a huge speaker, easily five feet tall.

"Woah, that's the biggest speaker I've ever seen!" I say as I approach Vinyl, who was standing in front of it with her horn glowing.

"The biggest in Ponyville, and soon to be the biggest in Equestria!" Vinyl claimed as she hugged the eardrum-obliterating machine.

"Why soon to be?" I ask. How can this get any bigger? And where is the bigger one hiding?

"’Cause I plan on breaking the world record for the largest speaker, the loudest concert, and the biggest concert!"

"That thing is going to break three world records? Waitaminute, this place has world records?!" Really?

"Of course! Don'tcha have world records where you come from?" Vinyl asked as she stopped hugging the giant speaker and faced me.

"We do, but they tend to be wackier than this sort of thing," I reply. Geez, how can someone hold a world record for having pins stuck to them? "Is it okay that I get some sleep now? I'm tired after today."

"Sure, there's nothing else to do, so I'll turn in too," Vinyl said, using her TK abilities to push the speaker back against the wall. I glance at the bed at the other end of the room, and a thought strikes me like a football to the face. Which hurts, trust me.

"Ah."

"What?"

"I don't have any pyjamas..." I state as I stare from the bed to my body, then the bed again.

"What are those?" Vinyl asks as she follows my gaze.

"You don't have pyjamas?" I ask incredulously, to which Vinyl shakes her head. But of course! They're ponies! They walk around stark naked all the time.

"So... I'll guess I'll sleep with my clothes on," I sigh in resignation as I step towards the bed.

"You're going to sleep with your clothes on?" This time, it was Vinyl's turn to be incredulous. And, to be fair, I have to wear these tomorrow, which means...

"Goddammit..." I curse under my breath, so that Vinyl couldn't hear me. I was about to get undressed, when I realised that there was someone else in the room. "Uh, could you leave please? I need privacy," I ask.

"Why? Have you got some horrible scar under that shirt?"

"No, it's just..." AUGH! How am I supposed to explain this to a pony! A girl pony! GEEZ! "... That Humans need privacy when getting undressed, especially in front of other peo- ponies." Good save Declan, you're learning well.

"... Is it because that you have your reproductive organs on your chest?" Vinyl asks me.

"WHAT?! NO! Why would you say something like that?!" I half retort, half yell at Vinyl, who starts to smile.

"Well, they have to be somewhere, right?" She says as she eyes my chest.

"GEEZ. Can you at least turn around then?" I sigh. Vinyl nods in response and looks the other way. I immediately shed off my shirt, trousers, shoes and socks and dive straight into the small bed, covering myself with the duvet. "Done."

"That was fast," Vinyl noted as she turned back round to look at me. I get stuff done fast when I'm under pressure.

"Night then," I say to Vinyl, expecting her to leave the room, but she stayed. In fact, she started walking towards the bed. "Uhh, where are you sleeping again?" I ask slowly, wary of the answer.

"The bed," the answer I was dreading.

"Aw hell no! I ain't sharing a bed with a pony!" Especially if I don't have my jammies!

"Chillax man! We can do that head to hoof thing. It'd be fun!" ... Since I haven't changed my socks in days, the smell might kill the pony.

"Yeeeaaahhh, no."

"Pwease?" Vinyl pleaded as she removed her purple glasses off from her face and gave me the puppy dog look, which looks far too adorable on ponies.

"... Fine." So I caved in, but I couldn't help it! Those eyes... those damn adorable eyes!

So now I had just reached an all-time low... go me.

I was back in the constant blackness that was my stupid mind when I go to sleep. I glance around cautiously, expecting to see an evil-looking black horse lady thing come charging at me, ready to eat my soul. But, to my surprise, all I saw was a dentist's chair. The sort you sit in when you have a check up.

"Gee, my legs feel tired, I might as well go sit in that chair," I thought aloud as I slowly and stiffly walked to the chair. Waitaminute, I'm not walking, someone else is making me walk! Panic sets in as I fight, and lose the battle for control over my subconscious body. I approach the chair, and slowly sit down in it. As soon as I have gotten slightly comfortable, control of my body comes back to me, but at the same time several wisps of purple smoke coil round and trap my wrists to the chair's arms.

"Well well well, looks like someone forgot to brush today..." a sinister voice echoed throughout the black expanse.

"M-M-Ms. Fidget?!" My old dentist, when I used to live in London. "I-I-I brushed, I swear!"

The source of the voice suddenly appeared right in front of the chair, and I cringed, waiting for the pliers to come and remove my teeth. Luckily, it turned out to be the black horse lady, but instead of her armour, she was wearing what can only be described as a dentist's version of a dentist's outfit. Gloves on her hooves, hairnet on her mane, medical apron and shirt on her torso and a surgical mask over her muzzle.

"Oh thank God! For a minute there, I thought you were my worst nightmare..." I let out a heavy sigh of relief.

"But I AM your worst nightmare!" Nightmare exclaimed as she came closer. I noticed that there was a trolley full of dentist tools right next to the chair. "But today, I am your dentist! Mwahahahahahaha!" Nightmare cackled as she reared up onto her hind legs as lightning flashed and thunder boomed all around us.

"You monster!" I cry out in horror as she enveloped two of the tools, the mirror, and the other, a metal hook-thing, with her TK and levitated them to my mouth.

"Now open wide, so we can begin," Nightmare said with a wicked glint to her draconic eyes.

I found my mouth being forced open by her TK as she put her hooves on the chair's arms, and my arms as well, so that she could peer inside.
"Do you even bother to brush?" She commented as she stared into my open mouth. I couldn't respond with my mouth being held open, so I said nothing. "Oh dear, this does look bad. For you!"

After she poked around inside my mouth with the tools, in which I was mentally scared like hell, she removed the tools and placed them back on the trolley.

"Do you want to know my prognosis?" She asked me. I could tell that she was loving this. Shame I wasn't. She leaned in close to my ear, using her Telekinesis to remove the surgical mask from her muzzle so I could feel her breath on the side of my head. "Your teeth are in such a bad condition..." she leaned forward even more, so that her fanged teeth were just brushing my ear.

"... I'll have to remove them!"

"SCRRREEEAAAAAAMMMM!" I, well... screamed. I flailed around, falling out of the bed and onto the floor.

"That's the coolest scream ever!" Vinyl cheered from the bed.

"Teeth! Horse! Pain! Wait, what?" I stood back up, or at least as far as I could, staring at Vinyl with confusion.

"You screamed the word 'scream'! It was awesome! I didn't know that you can scream the word 'scream'! I have gotta try that!" Well, I did have a bad dream...

"Oh, and I was right. You do have your reproductive organs on your chest!" I looked down in mild surprise at the spot on my torso that Vinyl was pointing at with a hoof. I look back at the white Unicorn with mild confusion and shock.

"That's my belly button!"

Eternal Night: A Nerdy Purple Unicorn Appears! D:

So, quite a lot of stuff happened leading up to the celebration thing. I could go into detail, but there has been so much pointless stuff so I'm going to give a quick account leading up to the library to start off.

First off, after I had woken up and corrected a certain Unicorn, I got dressed and went downstairs for breakfast. You can tell that the day is going to be bad when the only thing for breakfast is toasted brown bread, which I have a strong dislike for. But, despite the fact that I can be childish at times, I do respect others and I can be quite the gentleman when I want to. So I just ate the damn toast and drank lots of milk.

So now I had nothing to do; Octavia had gone to practise her... violin? I can't tell, and I've given up on trying to understand how a pony can play a string instrument. Vinyl had gone upstairs to work on her record breaking project, so I decided that it might be a good idea to look around the town, and maybe do something with the library. I grabbed my coat and left, and as soon as I had left the house of the musical ponies, I almost ran straight into another pony, the one called Rarity. Much like my mum when I forgot to shower for a week, she started to moan about how my clothes are dirty, how I smell bad, and how my hair looked like it hadn't seen some shampoo for months... like good ol' ma.

It was Rarity's moaning about my well maintained hygiene that gave me the idea. She seemed like a total clean freak, so I asked her if I could borrow some cleaning supplies. "Why do you need cleaning supplies?" She had asked. I told her that I wanted to clean the library that doubled as my temporary home while I get things sorted out. End result: she almost died from horror.

Turns out that I was right: she is a clean freak, and a hardcore one too. She hates dirt and grime with a passion and cleaned her shop/house combo regularly, in case the dust ruined her complexion.

So we armed ourselves and went to tackle the library...

"Look at the state of this place!" Rarity complained as she put a hoof into the building that belonged on grimebusters. "It looks like it hasn't been cleaned in ages!" She also entered wearing the equivalent of latex gloves on her hooves, except they covered her hooves and weren't gloves...

"Looks similar to my bedroom in a way, except this place has some serious moss issues," I comment as I duck through the door and into the library.

"Well, a little spot of cleaning and it'll be good as new!" Rarity said enthusiastically as she started hacking at a patch of moss on a bookshelf with a paint scraper, levitating it with her telekinetic powers. I placed down the bucket of hot water and prepared to scrub the floor down with some cloth. We were at it for a good half an hour, but with little success.

"Declan, why are you standing there staring at that patch of grime?" rarity asked as she noticed my lack of activity and came over to look at me.

"Watch this," I say as I point to the patch of grime, a damp cloth in my right hand. I crouch down, and scrub furiously at the grime, which vanishes in an instant.

"I don't see..." Rarity began, but trailed off as she watched the grime grow back.

Reappearing mould: a clean freak's worst nightmare.

What caught me off guard is that Rarity facepalmed- no, facehooved at the grime, before realising she had just put a grime covered latex hoof cover on her face and went into an 'icky' fit that lasted for a minute until she used her powers to blast the grime off of her.

"Oh I know what the problem is!" She said in relief. "The library's magic source has run dry and needs replenishing."

"'Scuse me? Magic source?" I ask in confusion. Is this their way of saying electricity?

"Every building has one. It fills it with light, provides clean water with both hot and cold, and keeps it mostly clean! I remember when the one in the Carousel Boutique ran dry and covered the place in dust. Oh it was dreadful! But a very nice Unicorn came round from the Board of Magical Maintenance in Canterlot to replenish it," Rarity explained to me.

"So, this magic thingy needs your superhero powers to power it again?" I ask in confirmation, hoping I was understanding what she was saying.

"Indeed, but unfortunately, my magic is far too weak to perform such a daunting task. And besides, I just got my horn pampered. I doubt that the BMM would send somepony over with the Summer Sun Celebration so close, so you'll have to find somepony in town who can," Rarity explained even further. I thanked her for the help and she left, saying that she had to make sure that Pinkie didn't ruin the decorations for the Summer Sun Celebration thingie.

So I left the library and started looking for a Unicorn with super powers, and noticed that there were a lot of normal ponies around. Maybe the other types are a minority? Or are they just born weirdly? Anyways, I looked around town for about half an hour, and not one Unicorn was to be seen, but I did get the odd feeling that I was being followed...

And I'm being paranoid again. Moving on!

"Vinyl, can you help me with something please?" I asked the white Unicorn as I entered her room back in the house she owns with Octavia. I had decided that Vinyl could help me, cos she has TK powers. Plus she is the only Unicorn I know so...

"Sure, what's up?" Vinyl answered as she pushed her purple shades up above her eyes with said TK powers and turned away from her project to face me.

"I need your powers to help power the library," I said simply. "That is, if your magic is powerful enough. Not that I'm implying that you're weak and all but-"

"Chillax dude, I'll help. My magic's powerful enough to power something. What do you think I'm using for this beast?" Vinyl tapped the giant speaker with her rear hoof to enforce her point.

With Unicorn in tow, I made the small trip back to the library.

We arrived to find that the interior looked like that me and Rarity hadn't even made a dent in cleaning it. Even worse, the cleaning supplies that were left behind seemed to have vanished.

"Okay, where's the spot I need to zap?" Vinyl asked me as we walked into the centre of the library foyer.

"Zap? Uhh, I don't know. What does it look like?" Hmm, should've asked Rarity that before she left.

"It's some kind of crystal, usually in the basement or something."

"I don't think this place has a basement..." I point out.

"Attic?"

"It's a tree."

"Can't help ya then," she stated simply before turning round and started to walk out...

...Until the floor gave way and she plummeted into the library's basement. I immediately rush over to the hole in the floor and look down to try and spot Vinyl Scratch.

"Are you okay?!" I call down with worry. What if she broke a bone due to the fall? What if she's... dead?!

"That was AWESOME!" Vinyl exclaimed from the pile of rotten wood and dust she was in at the bottom of the hole. Yep, she's fine. I sigh in relief and backed away from the hole.

"Dude, you've got to come down here!" Vinyl called up to me.

"I'm okay, I'll just stay up here," I reply from above. I'm not too keen on going down there, it could be dangerous, and there's no obvious way back up.

"C'mon Dec, it's not that bad," Vinyl tried to reassure me, before adding slyly "or are you a chicken?"

"I'm not a chicken!" I shot back in defiance as I approach the edge of the hole. "Fine, I'm coming down, but if I die down ther- woah!" The floor at the edge gave way and I plummeted down into the library's basement, landing right on top of an unsuspecting Vinyl Scratch, who was just getting out of her own debris pile.

Turns out that ponies are soft. Really soft.

"Ow..." I groan in slight pain. I was lying on my back on top of Vinyl's back, I think. "You okay back there?"

"Yeah, I'm cool," Vinyl said from under me. I attempted to push myself up with my hands, but one of them accidently connected with Vinyl's face. "Hey! Watch the shades!"

"Sorry!" I apologise as we slowly pick ourselves up. We finally got ourselves sorted and started to survey our surroundings, which seemed to be a portion of stone hollowed out under the library, with the tree roots skirting down the walls like veins. In the centre of it though was a small stone pedestal with a grey crystal hovering over it, which what had caught our attention.

"Dude, that's it!" Vinyl said excitedly as she pointed at the crystal.

"That's the thing that powers this whole place?! That's just some silly rock!" How is that dumb rock supposed to provide power and stuff for this tree?!

"I don't really know the brainy stuff behind it, but it needs magic to keep the place alive," Vinyl shrugged. I just stared at her flabbergasted. "All I have to do is just zap it with my awesome magic wubs and you have power!" Vinyl said simply. I continued to stare at her stupidly. "You're not buying this, aren't you?" She asked. I shake my head no. "You were quick to accept that you're not dreaming about this place," she pointed out to me.

"*Sigh*... alright, go do whatever you have to do. I don't even understand anymore..." I say defeated as I flap my hand in the general direction of the crystal. Vinyl nodded in acknowledgement, then lowered her head to point her horn at the crystal on the pedestal, spreading her for legs out slightly to retain some balance.

"This may be bright," Vinyl warned as she slipped her shades over her eyes with a hoof, before powering up her horn. It was enveloped in a pale blue aura, the tip of it starting to emit a small, pulsating orb of pale blue light. I stared in awe as a second layer of light covered the first layer of the pale blue light around her horn, and the flashing orb of light growing in intensity.

Then, with a grunt from Vinyl, a line of bright light shot forwards from her horn directly at the crystal. When the beam hit it, it began to glow in a multitude of colours, getting brighter and brighter. After a few seconds, the beam stopped and the lights on Vinyl's horn dissipated. Finally, the DJ Unicorn collapsed to the ground, clearly exhausted.

Meanwhile, the crystal on the stone pedestal had decided that being grey was boring now, and instead was a mix of different colours that made it looked like a crystallized rainbow. I was at a loss for words, still trying to process what had happened.

The first thought that came to me was that this was some kind of Final Fantasy or Golden Sun reference, but real. Well, real-ish.

"What the hell was that?" I ask Vinyl as I turn to look at her, to find that she had passed out.

Then the whole place started to shake. The tree roots on the walls of the room had strange runes on them which started to glow. The rotten wood that had snapped behind us is now slowly fading out of existence. I look up at the hole in the ceiling, to see that the wood around it is looking brand new, and the hole being sealed up!

Panicking, I did the first thing that came to my mind. I grabbed the unconscious Unicorn around the belly and utilizing all my strength and more, I threw her through the hole and to safety. As the edges of the hole came ever closer to each other, I got into position and prepared myself to jump. Now, I'm not the best jumper, in fact, I'm not even in the normal weight zone for someone my age. So I wasn't expecting much when I jumped upwards, and surprised myself when I actually managed to jump high enough for my head and shoulders to go over the top.

I jumped a second time, this time managing to grab the edge and pull myself out, and just in time too. The hole closed up a split second later.

I collapse onto my stomach, gasping slightly due to the sudden physical exertion, panic and adrenaline boost. After a few seconds, I got up to locate Vinyl, who was on the floor near a bookcase. Speaking of which, the library foyer had changed dramatically. Instead of being old, abandoned and in a general state of ruin, it was now spotlessly clean. The floor was polished to perfection, the room seemed to be a lot more brighter and cheerful, not to mention slightly warmer. There were books of different sizes and colors on the shelves and scattered across the floor. It looked like a completely brand new place.

Wait, where'd the books come from?

About an hour later, me and Vinyl, who had woke up not long after I threw her out of the basement, were rifling through the books. Usually, I wouldn't do something like this, but I had a reason: the damn titles. Do you know what they call 'Handwriting For Dummies' here? 'Hoofwriting For Fillies'. Seriously.

"Listen to this one!" I call to Vinyl who was sitting next to a stack of books with an ice bag held on her forehead with a hoof. I clear my throat and read the title to her.

"'Predictions And Prophecies'? Wow, that's... a surprisingly normal book title. huh." I honestly was expecting something like the title of the last book, 'The Griffin Kingdom, A History Vol. II'.

"Hey, I know that book! It's an old history textbook that they used to use in schools before it was removed because too many ponies believed that the legends and stuff in it were actually legit and were convinced that some ancient evil was returning," Vinyl explained nonchalantly.

"Geez, I never pegged you as someone who went to school," I say, voicing my opinion.

"Majored in musical arts," Vinyl said smugly with a hint of braginess.

"Of course you did..." I roll my eyes before turning back to the book in my hands. It actually seemed interesting enough just to have a sneak peek. Besides, what kind of wacky mumbo jumbo could they have in this damn thing?

I shifted over to Vinyl so she could read it as well. I opened up the book and started to flip through the pages, skimming the titles for anything interesting.

"'Arcanus Jewels And Their Destiny'? Boring. 'Seaponies Taking Over The World'? B-movie rip off. 'The Solaris Blade'? Kingdom Hearts plagiarism." As I flicked through the pages, the titles became more and more ridiculous, until... "'Elements Of Harmony'?" I looked down at the section for it, but all it said was 'see Mare In The Moon'. Vinyl peered at the section, before saying:

"Mare In The Moon? That's just an' old fillies tale. You wouldn't like it," Vinyl said dismissively, deciding to glance at a book title on the stack next to her.

"I like a good story. And besides, it's bound to be stupid." I flick through the pages before reaching a section entitled 'Mare In The Moon'. But just as I was about to read it, the door to the library opened suddenly, startling both me and Vinyl. The culprit in the doorway was a purple Unicorn with a deep blue mane with highlights, and had some strange lump on her back.

"Geez! Would it kill ya to knock?" I said in an annoyed tone at miss purple Unicorn. Her reaction upon seeing me was priceless. First, it was all 'I'm-too-important-for-anything-that-isn't-me' look. Then it changed to a look of shock, then confusion, with a tinge of fear and her mouth hanging open.

"It's a public library..." miss purple Unicorn pointed out to me, still slightly slack-jawed.

"Ah." Should've realised that, but there wasn't a sign saying 'Ponytown Public Library' out front so how was I supposed to know it was public? And yes, there is such a thing as private libraries, but you need to pay for a monthly membership before you take any books out. "I knew that."

"Who are you anyway? I've never seen you in town before," Vinyl asked miss purple Unicorn.

"Oh, I'm Twilight Sparkle, and I'm overseeing the preparations for the Summer Sun Celebration by request of Her Majesty, Princess Celestia," Twilight answered with a smile, but still wary of me.

"The Princess also said that you need to make friends and stop worrying about that silly Nightmare Moon business," the lump on her back added. Wait, what?

"Oh, I forgot! This is Spike, my assistant," Twilight said as she used her Unicorn powers, which were a shade of purple, to lift the lump off her back and onto the floor in front of her. Except it wasn't a lump, but a lizard. Standing on two feet. With a over-sized head. That talked.

"Did that lizard just talk?" I ask the room, wary of the lizard.

"I'm not a lizard, I'm a baby dragon!" Spike corrected.

"Dragons are a type of lizards," I counter.

"Can lizards breathe fire?" Spike asked with a smug look on his face.

"Uh... no."

"Well, I can!"

"Prove it!"

"Both of you stop! We don't have time for this!" Twilight said loudly sounding annoyed slightly. Me and Spike the lizard both turned to look at Twilight.

"Don't have time for what?" Vinyl asked curiously.

"Stopping Nightmare Moon before she returns and plunges Equestria into Eternal Night!" Twilight explained exasperatedly, also sounding slightly panicky.

"Told ya," Vinyl said to me smugly with a knowing smile. I sigh before looking back at Twilight. Then realization punched me in the face.

"Wait, Nightmare Moon as in the section in this book?" I ask as I hold up the book I was reading to Twilight.

"Yes, that's it! We have to use the Elements of Harmony and-!" Twilight started to explain but was interrupted by Vinyl.

"Woah dude! It's just an old fillies tale, nothing to get your mane in a twist." Vinyl tried to reassure Twilight, but the purple Unicorn was having none of it.

"It's not an 'old fillies tale'!" Twilight was obviously getting frustrated with Vinyl and looked pretty stressed out. And I still don't know this stupid story, so I cleared my throat loudly to attract everyone's attention and stand up. Everyone turned to see me stand, and Twilight took a couple of steps back cautiously while Spike looked on with awe. I noticed that the lizard only came up to halfway up my leg.

"Can everyone just be quiet for a minute while I read this story?" I ask the room, and the two Unicorns + lizard nodded. With that, I began to read the passage:

'The Mare In The Moon; myth from olden pony times. A powerful pony who wanted to rule Equestria; defeated by the Elements of Harmony and imprisoned in the moon. Legend has it that on the longest day of the thousandth year, the stars will aid in her escape and she will bring about nighttime eternal...'

"See, a myth. Just chillax," Vinyl said dismissively with a wave of her hoof.

"Wait, there's more," I say as I flip the page to reveal a picture and more text, and nearly drop the book in surprise when I see the picture.

"Blimey! It's that damn horse from my ni- er, dreams!" I state in a shocked voice.

"She's been in your dreams?!" Twilight asked with mild surprise, while Vinyl snatched the book from me with her TK and brought it to her on the floor.

"Is it a bad thing if she is?" I asked, slightly worried now.

"I don't know! All I know is that she's going to return in two days time and take over Equestria!" Ooookkkaaayyy, now I'm thinking that this Twilight pony might just be a tad obsessed with this business. And maybe this 'Nightmare Moon' being in my dreams may just be a coincidence. Besides, some of the details just don't add up.

Speaking of details not adding up...

"Hey! You never said why you're in my library," I realise as I turn round to face Twilight.

"Your library? Princess Celestia had given it to me during my stay here!" Wait, what?

"Uh, no. The Princess gave it to me," I shot at Twilight.

"No, she gave it to me," Twilight countered.

"But why would she...?" We both begin to say at the same time but we trail off as the reason for it all hits us both.

"She wants me to be friends with you?!" Twilight exclaimed at the same time as I exclaimed: "she wants us to share a house?!"

Think about it. She has given us both the same damn library. I had checked upstairs and there's only one bed. It doesn't take a genius to figure it out...

That damn Princess sent one of her goons to stay here too so I have to sleep on the floor! How did she know about my back problems?!

Author's Note

Hey guys, if you were confused about the crystal in the basement, this blog post explains it further and in better detail (I think).

http://www.fimfiction.net/blog/306434/stuck-in-equestria-extra-a-nuclear-reactor-in-every-basement

Eternal Night: Daunting Nightmare

PAIN!

That was the first thought to float in my head when I opened my eyes after an uneventful sleep. At least, I think it was uneventful sleep, I can’t remember much about it. Wait, wasn’t I in pain? Oh, yeah...

PAIN!

God my back hurts! This is what I get for sleeping on the damn floor! GEEZ!

Well, I kinda didn’t have a choice. The only bed here was only big enough for a pony. If I had slept in it, my feet would be hanging over the edge, along with everything else below my kneecaps. So I elected for the floor, while miss purple pony got the bed. And her pet lizard managed to find a basket in a utilities room downstairs to sleep in. My bed was just a pillow, a blanket to lie on and a blanket to lie under. It didn’t help that the blankets were pony sized too...

I stretched my arm out, feeling around for my glasses so I can put them on and try to get up, but my fingers just pushed them further away from me, and straight off the edge of the upper level of the library’s upstairs room that me, Twilight and lizard boy were sleeping on. Why were we sleeping here, you ask? Well apparently, the upper level in the room is the ‘accommodation’ part of the library, as the lower level was a ‘private study area’.

Oh, and that Twilight pony was up half the night reading books on the lower level, so I decided to sleep up top so I wouldn’t get stepped on.

But now it meant that I had to navigate in the early morning light (the sun was just about to rise over the horizon) off the ledge and find my glasses. What a brilliant start to the day.

I threw the blanket off of me and stood up, before stretching and popping the stiff joints in my limbs and spine. Squinting in the dim light, I spotted the blurry outline of the stairs and slowly made my way over to them. But just as I got about a quarter of the way to my goal, I stepped on a book, and it slid along the floor somehow, making me lose my balance and topple backwards onto another book.

“Geez...” I sigh as I wince in pain, before managing to get back onto my feet and continuing my journey. But just as I was walking past Twilight’s bed, my big toe found yet another sodding book on the floor, causing me to hiss in pain.

“Stupid book...” I mutter as I give it a light kick with my injured foot, only to cause more pain in my toes.

“Ow! Stupid book!” I kicked it even harder, causing even more pain.

“OW! Stupid-!” I stopped cursing the book when I noticed that two purple blobs were watching me from the lower level. They look like Twilight and Spike, but I can't make out clear shapes without my glasses. "What?" I ask the blobs.

"I came up here because I heard shouting and find you kicking one of my books!" Twilight said grumpily as she snatched away the book I had kicked with her purple pony powers and brought it close to her. "I need this for research!"

"Research for what?" I ask.

"Research on how to stop Nightmare Moon!" Was the response. Figures.

“Well it’s your fault that you left it there. I can’t see squat without my glasses.”

“Well, I do get a little carried away sometimes when I’m studying...” Twilight admitted sheepishly.

“A little?” Me and Spike the pet lizard say simultaneously, at which Twilight smiled sheepishly in response.

“Ugh, whatever. I’m going to find my glasses and get some food,” I say as I turn round and walk towards the purple blobs.

And promptly walking off the damn ledge.

Unluckily for me, gravity did not decide to sleep in today.

Luckily, there was a pile of books below that ‘softened’ my fall.

“PAIN!” I groan loudly as I struggle from the pile of books I landed on. Fun fact: I have horrible depth perception, which meant I couldn't tell where the ledge ended and air began. Not wearing my glasses as well usually makes it worse.

“Uh, Twilight? I think you were a bit too carried away this time...” lizard boy commented from above.

Later, after I was reunited with my glasses and had made it downstairs without any more injury, I was leaning against a bookshelf eating toast. Due to my current luck today, it was brown bread. Again.

Despite being brown bread, it did taste alright for something that was created out of thin air. Yep, when the doohickey downstairs had revived the place, not only did it stock it full of books, but loaded the kitchen with food. We were wary about it at first, but after using Spike as a test subject for dinner last night, and he hasn’t spontaneously combusted yet, we decided to go ‘whatever’ and just eat the food. Oh, and I slept in my clothes (minus the coat) ‘cause the blankets weren’t enough to keep the cold out.

“So...” I say before taking a bite of buttered toast, chewing, and swallowing. “About those prep thingies for this here celebration...”

“Hmm?” Twilight responded as she chewed on her own toast.

“Do you have plan about doing it or...”

“Ah. I have a schedule for the day listing every part of the celebration we need to check,” Twilight said after she had swallowed and used her TK powers to summon a piece of paper in front of her.

“Go on.”

“Well first, we have to check the banquet preparations done by Sweet Apple acres, then the weather team are supposed to keep the sky clear, then the decorations done by Pinkie Pie, and finally the musical band.” Twilight read from the list.

“But how do we find all of that?” Spike asked his owner.

“I can help. I know where Sweet Apple Acres is, where the pink one has her evil lair and I have a fair guess about where the weather team is,” I offer as I finish my toast and set my plate on the table in the centre of the room (that appeared out of nowhere last night too).

“Alright, lead the way,” Twilight said as she levitated her own plate to the table and started to move to the door. I grabbed my coat from the coat hanger as we departed to the outside world.

I immediately started to walk in the general direction of the apple orchard, with purple Unicorn and lizard in tow.

After half an hour or so of walking, we arrived at the orchard’s entrance. Everything looked just fine since last time. Nothing to worry about.

“This is Sweet Apple Acres!” I proclaim dramatically, which Twilight just rolled her eyes and walked forwards. “Oh hey, there’s that Applejack pony. Hey Applejackie!” I point to the orange normal pony in question and call her over. She stops kicking the trees at the sound of my voice and heads over, a friendly smile on her face.

“*Sigh*... let’s get this over with,” Twilight said glumly before putting on a smile for the orange cowpony.

“Well howdy there Declan! Came back for more work?” Applejack asked me.

“Nope, just showing these two here around,” I reply, gesturing to the pony and lizard.

“Good afternoon, my name is Twilight Sparkle-” Twilight began, but her right hoof was suddenly being shaken vigorously by Applejack’s front hooves.

Okay, so it took us slightly longer than half an hour to get to Sweet Apple Acres. As it turned out, I had led them to the other side of town by accident. Whoops.

“Well howdy do miss Twilight! A pleasure makin’ your acquaintance. Ah’m Applejack (as Declan already said), an’ we here at Sweet Apple Acres sure do like making new friends!” Applejack said happily, much to Twilight’s slight horror.

“F-friends?! Actuall-eeeeee... I-eeeeee...” Twilight tried to say, but the violent hoofshake made speaking a tad awkward.

“So, what can Ah do ya for?” Applejack asked after letting go of Twilight’s hoof, which was still shaking up and down dangerously, before Spike stopped it.

“Well, I am in fact here to supervise preparations for the Summer Sun Celebration. And you’re in charge of the food?” Twilight enquired.

“We sure as sugar are! Would you care to sample some?”

“Yes please!” I butt in excitedly before Twilight could respond, and as such Applejack quickly ran to a hanging triangle and started to ding it.

“SOUP’S ON EVERYPONY!” Applejack called over the dinging of the triangle. What happened next could only be described as a stampede of ponies from all corners of the farm.

“Good lord, they’ve multiplied!” I exclaim in shock as we’re surrounded by the horde of ponies.

“Now, why don’t Ah introduce you y’all to the Apple family?” Applejack began, before she started to list every single pony surrounding us. And with each name, they brought a plate of food.

Delicious smelling food.

I tuned out the names of the ponies and focused all my attention to the rapidly growing pile of food, but was snapped back when Applejack started calling a familiar name rather loudly. Said name turned out to be Granny Smith. I tore my eyes away from the food to watch the elderly pony slowly get out of her rocking chair and make her way towards us, muttering “Ah’ma coming” as she hobbled over.

I turned back to Twilight, and found she had started eating before me! The nerve!

“Why, Ah’d say they’re already part of the family,” Applejack told the rest of her family as she gave Twilight a hefty pat on the back, causing her to spit out the food in her mouth. Wait, did she say that Twilight part of their family? What does that make me, their

“Okay, well, I can see the food situation is handled, so we’ll be on our way,” Twilight said as she turned to go, receiving sad looks from the Apple family.

“We can’t go just yet, what about all of this food?” I ask her pleadingly, while a small pony I knew as Applebloom decided to put on the puppy dog look aimed straight at Twilight.

“Sorry Declan, but we have an awful lot to do...” Twilight responded, and started to walk away, but in one final bid to eat some of the food, I launched myself to land right behind Twilight and grab her leg.

“Please Twilight? I’m ever so hungry...” I beg her as she turned to look back at me, joined with Applebloom who had increased her cuteness factor to eleven, and even added a “pweese?”

“Fine...” Twilight sighed, to which everyone cheered. I let go of her leg, stood up, dusted my front off and immediately started to chow down.

“I think I ate too much pie...” Twilight groaned as we made our way back into Ponyville via the directions Applejack gave us.

“Nonsense. There is no such thing as too much pie. Besides, I was surprised they only had four helpings of everything available,” I say as I pat my stomach while we walked.

“Hmm, it says here that weather is next, and the weather team is led by a Pegasus named Rainbow Dash,” Spike said as he read the list in his hand like claws.

“Rainbow Dash? Hey, I know tha-” I begin,but I was interrupted by a sudden cry and a rainbow streaking past me.

“LOOK OUT!”

WHAM! The cyan Pegasus plowed straight into Twilight and sent them both backwards into a large patch of mud.

“Uh... ‘scuse me?” Rainbow Dash said sheepishly, before bursting out into laughter when she got a good look of Twilight, who was caked in mud. “Here, let me help you,” Rainbow offered, by flying up to a cloud and started to jump on it.

And causing it to rain down upon poor Twilight. WAT.

It cleaned the mud off of her coat, but she was now soaked through. Rainbow gave a small chuckle at the sight.

“Nicely done,” I comment as Twilight shoots the Pegasus a glare.

“Oops. I guess I kinda overdid it, huh?” Rainbow said thoughtfully as she glanced down at the drenched Unicorn. “Uh, how about this?” The rainbow maned Pegasus then proceeded to fly round and round Twilight at fast speeds, causing a striped rainbow tornado that sucked all the mud off of Twilight.

“My very own patented Rainbow-Dry!” She announced as she stopped flying and ended the rainbow tornado. However, Twilight’s mane was now a complete mess, which caused Rainbow and Spike to burst out into laughter when they saw her.

“This is Rainbow Dash by the way,” I inform Twilight, who was not happy at this point.

“The one and only!” Rainbow boasted as she stopped laughing to hover in the air.

“Then you can tell me why the skies aren’t clear yet. I’m Twilight Sparkle by the way, overseeing the Summer Sun Celebration preparations for Princess Celestia,” Twilight informed Rainbow Dash, who had nonchalantly spotted a cloud in the sky above us.

“The weather? That’s easy, I’ll do that in a sec,” Rainbow replied as she flew up to the cloud and decided to get comfortable on it, like she was taking a break. “I’ll do it after I finish practicing.”

“Practicing for what?” I ask.

“The Wonderbolts!” Rainbow answered, pointing at a poster on the side of a house behind us. “They’re performing at the celebration tomorrow and I’m going to show them my moves so they can invite me to join them!” Rainbow said excitedly.

“Wait, we’re talking about the Wonderbolts, right?” Twilight asked for clarification, with a shrewd smile on her face.

“Yep!”

“Wait, who are the Wonderbolts?” I ask the two ponies. I have no idea what they are going on about.

“You don’t know who the Wonderbolts are?!” Rainbow asked me incredulously. I simply roll my eyes.

“Not from around here, remember?” I remind her.

“The Wonderbolts are the most talented flyers in all of Equestria!” Rainbow told me like it was the most obvious thing in the world. And these Wonderbolts remind me of the Red Arrows, a RAF display group that do spectacular flybys during air shows and celebrations.

“And they would never accept a Pegasus who couldn’t keep the sky clear for one measly day,” Twilight added shrewdly, which seemed to irk Rainbow.

“I can clear this sky in ten seconds flat!” Rainbow shot back, to which Twilight’s response was:

“Prove it.”

And just like that, I had a weird feeling of deja vu. Rainbow then proceeded to clear the sky at lightning speed, obliterating the clouds with precise kicks from her legs. Twilight and Spike were both shocked and impressed at the rate Rainbow was going, and had indeed cleared the entire sky from the clouds in just under ten seconds. I’ll be honest, it’s not that impressive the second time around.

“See, what’d I say? Ten seconds flat. I’d never leave Ponyville hanging,” Rainbow informed us when she landed next to us. She had another fit of giggles when she saw Twilight’s face, still frozen in awe. “You should see the look on your face!” She said in between laughs as she started to fly away.

“Next is decorations,” Spike read from the list as we made our way into town.

“Great. Where do we go for the decorations?” Twilight asks.

“Don’t ask me. I have no idea,” I shrug, looking around the street we’re in.

“Well, the celebration would be held in the town hall, so we should try to find that,” Twilight suggested as she scanned the buildings on either side of the street.

“The town hall? That’s actually... behind us. Huh, what a coincidence,” I say as I look behind me, and sure enough, the familiar shape of town hall looms up above us. We turn and start to head inside, but as we approach the door, it was yanked open and an all too familiar pink pony bounced out, followed by a familiar white Unicorn.

“Look, Pinkie dear, as much as I appreciate your choice of... decorations, I think a more regal design is needed, rather than ‘streamers, confetti and balloons,’” Rarity tried explaining to Pinkie Pie, but that pink pony was having none of it.

“But it’s a party for the Princess! And you can’t have a party without party decorations,” Pinkie explained using her own brand of decorating logic, which Rarity didn’t accept.

“Well, this is a special kind of party Pinkie. One that needs more than the usual party decor,” Rarity countered, and surprisingly enough, it worked.

“Oh, why didn’t you say so? I’ll leave it all to you Rarity!” Pinkie said as she turned around and was about to bounce off on her merry little way when she spotted me, Twilight and Spike. Upon seeing us, or rather Twilight, she leaped into the air, let loose a loud and drawn out gasp, before zipping off to do whatever she had decided to do. Rarity meanwhile had headed back inside, closing the door after her.

“That again?” Twilight sighed.

“I take it you met that pink pony then?” I asked, curious.

“She was the first pony I met when I came into town,” Twilight said before walking to the door and opening it with her purple tinted telekinesis. We walked through, and entered into the main room of town hall, to find it caked in streamers, balloons, and other assorted party decorations, including a punch bowl which I suspected that a small green bitey thing may be lurking in it’s 8-inch deep depths.

“Good lord, this place look’s like someone barfed up an entire party store,” I say as I glance around the still cavernous room.

“Oh no! We can’t use these decorations for the celebration tomorrow, they’re too informal!” Twilight said while panicking slightly, starting to go on about how she had failed the Princess and whatnot. However, I stopped paying attention to Twilight when Rarity appeared from behind a pillar, levitating several large bundles of cloth. Twilight’s panic mode had taken her to walk behind a pillar, hiding her from Rarity’s sight, before plopping onto her haunches in a sense of failure.

Rarity meanwhile, started to use her pony powers to systematically rip the cheerful decorations off of their positions around the room, dumping them in a bin located at a corner of the room. She then unfurled a quarter of the bundles, and hung them on hooks lining the walls of the room. They turned out to be banners, both vertical and horizontal, and of different colours, shapes and sizes, and once they were secured, she started to unfurl the rest of the bundles and sent out different types of decorations cover the room. The whole scene lasted no more than a few minutes, and once she had fixed the final piece- a neat little bow that sparkled -onto a pillar, she stepped back to admire her handiwork.

“Hey Twilight,” Spike said, trying to get her attention by poking her, and failing. Twilight was very happy to stare at the floor sadly, ignoring the world around her. “Twilight, come look at the decorations.” No response. But I think I know how to get her moving.

“Oi Twilight, Princess is here,” I say, pointing behind me with a jab of my thumb. This was more than enough to get her moving, as she jumped up at lightning speed and practically teleported from behind the pillar to appear in front of an non-existent Princess.

“Oh Princess Celestia, I’m so sorry! The celebration is ruined because...” she trailed off when she noticed the lack of Princess, and the newly decorated town hall interior. Instantly, her mood picked up at the sight. “Because the decorations are beautiful!” She finished, smiling in relief.

“Yeah, she is...” Spike said dreamily as his eyes started to glaze over while he stared at something.

“Pardon?” Me and Twilight ask simultaneously as we glance down at the apparently lovestruck lizard. Spike just pointed a scaley claw at Rarity, who was still basking in her success. I sigh while Twilight gives him a funny look, before we walked towards the fashionista Unicorn.

“Hey Rarity, nice save with the decorations,” I say in greeting as we get closer, making her turn around in a brief moment of surprise, before she smiled gently.

“Declan dear, I didn’t see you enter. How are you?” Rarity asked me, but her pleasant smile evaporated into horror when she saw Twilight’s mane, which was still an utter mess from the encounter with Rainbow Dash. “My stars! Whatever happened to your coiffure darling? It’s simply dreadful!”

“Oh, my mane? It’s nothing, really. I was here to just check on the decorations then I’ll be out of your hair,” Twilight explained good-naturedly, but Rarity wasn’t giving up.

“Out of my hair? What about your hair? We must get it fixed right away!” And with that, Rarity started to push Twilight out of the town hall, despite her protests, and followed by a lovesick Spike and myself.

We end up at Rarity’s place, and she instantly fixed Twilight’s mane in a heartbeat. Then came the outfits. Rarity had decided that Twilight needed something that matched her personality, and had made her go through practically half of the clothes at the boutique before they had found the perfect one: a saddle lined with pretty jewels.

“You guys have the weirdest fashion sense ever,” I mutter to myself as Rarity asked Twilight where she was from, and at first I thought she had said Camelot, but it turned out to be Canterlot. Geez, these ponies are real creative when it comes to town names.

Rarity then started going off on a tangent, saying how beautiful canterlot was, how she dreamed of living there, and how her and Twilight would become the ‘best of friends’, to which Twilight grimaced when Rarity wasn’t looking.

“Declan dear, what do you think of Twilight’s new look?” Rarity asked me, while Twilight just stared at the mirror unimpressed.

“Uh... well, it’s nice I suppose...” to be honest, the saddle looks like something a horse would wear if the Queen was riding it in the Grand National. “The emerald is a bit too much though,” I add as an afterthought.

“You’re right, what was I thinking? Emeralds clash with her eyes- ohhhh! How about rubies? Yes, they might do...” Rarity trailed off into a mutter as she dashed off to find some rubies.

“Quick! Let’s get out of here while she’s distracted before she dyes my coat a different colour!” Twilight yelped as she made a run for the door.

“Aw come on Twilight, it’s not that bad-” I begin to say, but I get interrupted by a voice from upstairs.

“Oh, and I have some designs that would look marvelous on you Declan dear,” Rarity called from the second floor.

“Wait for me!” I yelp as I follow Twilight, picking up a love induced catatonic Spike on the way.

“That was close,” Twilight panted once we had put a good amount of distance between the Carousel Boutique.

“Geez... I am so unfit...” I wheeze, trying to regain my breath after all that running.

“What’s next on the list Spike?” Twilight asked the lizard.

“Music apparently.”

“And where do we go for that?” Twilight asked, making a point to look at me.

“Don’t look at me, I don’t have a clue,” I answer, shrugging.

“Wait, do you hear that?” Spike asked.

“Hear what?”

“Those birds...” we all became silent as we listened for the birdsong, and sure enough, we could hear a chorus of birds singing a particular tune, originating from not too far away.

We followed the sound, walking over to a dirt path that ran by a lone tree with most of its foliage gone. On the lower branches of the trees, colourful birds of different sizes and plumages sat perched, singing the song we had heard. On the ground below the tree branches, a familiar yellow Pegasus pony, directing the birds in their singing.

"Hey, that's Fluttershy!" I say in a hushed voice to the other two as we watch Fluttershy from a nearby bush.

"Why are you-" Twilight began, but I quickly shushed her to be quiet. "Why are you whispering?" She asked again, this time lowering her voice to a whisper.

"Fluttershy is, er... shy," I whisper back, shrugging. "She gets startled by loud noises very easily," I explain further.

"I think she may be in charge of the music," Spike suggested in a quiet voice to us.

"You could be right Spike. I'll go over and ask her about it," Twilight said quietly, before she walked over towards the timid Pegasus. Fluttershy however was too busy with her singing birds that she didn't notice Twilight approach her from behind, so she was almost scared to death when Twilight had spoken from behind. "Hi there, my name is Twilight Sparkle and I was wondering if you were in charge of the music for the upcoming celebration." Although Twilight said this in her normal voice, it was still enough to startle Fluttershy and cause her birds to fly off in fright.

Fluttershy slowly turned to face the offending purple Unicorn, trying to hide her face behind her long and pink mane timidly. She slowly nodded lightly, so lightly in fact that I could barely notice it.

"Great! I came here to check on the music, and I can tell that it's going to be perfect." Despite Twilight's friendly and reassuring smile, Fluttershy just seemed to shrink even further away. Twilight looked back awkwardly at me and Spike and I got the message. I decided to go over and try to reassure Fluttershy that Twilight wasn't going to eat her.

"Hey Fluttershy," I say softly as I approach the two, and the meek Pegasus in question perked up a little upon seeing me.

"Oh, h-hi Declan..." Fluttershy said quietly, but just loud enough for me to hear.

"It's okay, Twilight is a friend of mine," I say soothingly to her, as I come up next to Fluttershy and crouch down next to her, giving the Pegasus a comforting pat on the back. Fluttershy nodded, still a tad shy of Twilight , but at least she had stopped hiding behind her mane now.

"Oh look, your birds are back. We'll let you continue practising," Twilight said as Fluttershy's birds returned to their branches on the tree. I stand back up and me and Fluttershy exchange goodbyes, before I walked away with Twilight back to the bush where Spike was waiting.

"That went well," I say to the other two once we get back to the bush.

"Alright! That was the last thing to do on the list!" Spike said triumphantly as he rolled up the list.

"Brilliant! Does that mean we can hea-" POW! I get rudely interrupted when something hard and fast plows straight through me, sending me flying ten feet backwards and impacting the ground on my back.

“Oh my, a baby dragon!” I shakily sit up from my position on the floor and look over at the spot I was previously occupying, which was now inhabited by Fluttershy. “I’ve never seen a baby dragon before! He’s so cute!” Fluttershy cooed as she fussed over Spike, who seemed to be enjoying it, while Twilight sighed in exasperation and shot the two a glare that they didn’t notice.

“Ha!” Spike said triumphantly as he jumped into the air and pointed a claw at me. “In your face!”

“This changes nothing...” I respond, giving him a stern glare.

“Oh, I didn’t know dragons could talk! This is so wonderful!” Fluttershy exclaims in joy, her wings fluttering to raise her a few inches in the air and hover there. Then, in a snap decision, Twilight grabbed Spike in her purple glow and half carried half threw him onto her back.

“Well in that case, we’d better be going. Come along Declan,” Twilight said slightly stiffly as she walked away. I get up onto my feet, groaning as I did so, dusted my clothes off, and started to follow the purple Unicorn. Unfortunately, we were being tailed in the form of a meek, yellow Pegasus, who quickly managed to catch up to Twilight and Spike.

“Wait! What’s his name?” Fluttershy tried asking Twilight, but she blanked Fluttershy completely.

“I’m Spike,” Spike answered instead, giving me a smug look. I hate that dragon-lizard thing...

“Hi Spike, I’m Fluttershy. I hope you don’t mind me asking, but what do dragons like to talk about?”

“What do you want to know?”

“Absolutely everything!” Twilight seemed to sag at this, letting out a small groan.

MEANWHILE...

The Moon was as desolate as ever. A barren, dusty, airless ball of rock and craters. Uninhabitable for any creature.

Well... except one.

Or two.

Or possibly three.

A tall, lean and pitch black pony, wearing armour of the deepest midnight blue, accompanied with a long, sharp horn to pierce her enemies; two large and powerful wings, allowing her to fly to great heights and extreme speeds, and an ethereal mane that flowed freely, as if it was caught in a non-existent breeze, sparkling with the starry sky and made of pure blue space, like the endless void above her.

Her attention, however, was focused on the beings in front of her.

They were the size and shape of an normal Earth pony, except they were translucent, as if they were mere spirits visiting from beyond the mortal realm. they also seemed eerie and were coloured the most palest white. These were demons from far beyond the stars, and could send a shiver of fear down even the most powerful of beings’ spines. Nightmare Moon was no exception.

She hated these creatures that fed off of the pure magic that was the life essence of a pony, be they Earth, Unicorn, Pegasus, or even Alicorn. They much preferred Unicorn, as they provided them with the most satisfying meal. But if they managed to find an Alicorn as powerful as Nightmare Moon herself to feed on, they could sustain themselves for millennia. Nightmare Moon counted herself lucky that the deal she had made with them had prevented them from feeding on her five hundred years ago, when they had first visited the lifeless prison that she call ‘home’, and that was stretching it.

“Well well well, is it that time again? I thought the comet wasn’t due for another 18 months,” Nightmare Moon said to the spectral beings, giving them a thin smile that managed to hide her feelings of slight fear and worries about if they were hungry safe inside her mind.

One of the spectral beings opened it’s mouth, and no sound came out. But Nightmare could hear their voices clearly in her mind as they were sent empathically to ber brain.

||We have come early, to ensure that your end of the deal is being upheld. It is the time that the Destroyer of Realms would have arrived and begun the path to our downfall||

“I know, you told me the precise date, but you neglected to tell me WHERE he was supposed to arrive,” Nightmare said in slight frustration, and regretted it instantly.

||Did you find the Destroyer?||

“It wasn’t easy, Equis is a big planet-”

||DID YOU FIND HIM?!||

Nightmare winced as the empathic voice screeched the last message into her mind, causing her to stumble slightly. “Yes! Yes I did find him!”

||Good, has he joined the Keeper of Harmony and the Keys of Harmony?||

“I think so,” Nightmare began, before the voice screeched again.

||WE DO NOT WANT ‘THINK SO’. WE WANT ANSWERS!||

“I-I can only do so much from here! His mind is at it’s weakest during his sleep, but I can only access a few memories at a time, not to mention I have to distract him by giving him bad dreams at the same time, and my magic simply isn’t as powerful as long as I’m stuck here!” Nightmare shouted at the spectral ponies, who continued to wear their emotionless features.

||If your magic is insufficient then we may feast on what little remains||

“No! Please, I can do this! When you help me return to Equestria soon, I shall be at my full strength!” Nightmare said pleadingly, even sinking to her knees in despair.

||Your strength will not be enough. He has proven to survive immense powers that surpass even that of The Light Mistress||

“Then how do I defeat him?”

||His machine, The End of SpaceTime, holds a power that can only be bested by the sacred jewels. Use it against him, then surrender it to us during the next passing||

“Why should I do that?”

||Our reserves will be depleted when we perform the ritual for your return, which in turn means that we will be hungry, VERY HUNGRY. If you do not give us the power from The End of SpaceTime, then we shall feed on all of Equestria||

“Okay, okay! I will do it, just remember our deal, okay? I will return and defeat him,” Nightmare said, trying to be reassuring to the spectral beings, but unbeknownst to her it was mainly to reassure herself that nothing could go wrong.

||We do not want defeat, we want DEATH!||

Author's Note

Hi guys, sorry again for this being late. The next one is halfway done and should be out soon! In the meantime, I'm going to double back and correct some mistakes that you guys have pointed out in the earlier chapters.

Also, this site keeps updating faster than I can type. :/

INTERMISSION: Here Comes Team Shadow!

Duuuuuuuuuhhhhh.

So dis guy, who came to Equestri-whatsit in a DeuxLauren and met pretteh talkin’ ponays, comes back to da libary with Twilight Saga, Pike an’ Fluffyshay an’ Fluffyshay wen’ awayway an’ dis guy, Twilight Saga and Pike go insaide. Then Pink Pi has a partaih an’ dis guy is laike “Fek partaihs” an’ buggeh’s offf upstairs.

Then Twilight Saga comes up da stairs an’ they have a mushy scene an’ stuff beforae Pike ruins it cos he’s stupid.

Then dis guy sleeps and wakes up an’ goes outsaide with da ponays fer da simmer bun celegation. Then Nightie Pony comes and dis guy uses his souperultramegahypah powahs to free Mun Pwincess.

DA ENDE.

...

Play this now, it sets the mood.

“Fate, that was complete and utter manure!” Dark Light, a Unicorn with a pitch black coat and purple mane while wearing a dark coloured cloak to hide his cutie mark, told his mule companion, who was wearing a lopsided grin from telling his tale of wonder.

“I kinda liked it,” Garet, a Griffon with grey feathers and a fur covered body coloured dark brown and also wearing a dark coloured cloak, said neutrally to his two teammates. “Sure it could use some cleaning up, but it has potential.”

“Potential?! We have more potential of scoring it bigtime than that story!” Dark contested, but his feathery friend was having none of it.

“And we have yet to steal anything bigger than an apple, and that even failed!” Garet argued, before grabbing the front of Dark’s cloak and yanking him deeper into the tree they were hiding in, further away from Fate. “Look mate, to be honest, that story was downright awful, but it’s the eve of the Summer Sun Celebration. I know we usually take the mick out of him cos he ain’t that smart, but I think that this time, we should give him some slack.”

“Yeah... maybe you’re right. It is the 1000th Summer Sun Celebration after all,” Dark conceded, sighing, before they turned to look back at Fate, who was having a staring contest with a caterpillar. But a sudden sound from below caught all of their attention.

“Cripes! Somepony’s below us!” Garet whispered to the others.

“Let’s spring ‘em!” Dark whispered with a grin. The other two nodded, and they jumped off the sturdy tree branches.

Right in front of a bunch of Royal Guards pulling a golden chariot, with Princess Celestia riding it.

“Prepare for-Princess Celestia?!?” Dark started to say, but upon seeing who was in the chariot, he froze in horror.

“Make it-Royal Guards!?!” Garet also exclaimed, spotting the two Royal Guards who were giving the trio menacing glares.

“Duuuhh, that’s right!” Fate said happily, despite the dire situation.

“Forget the motto, let’s peg it!” Garet suggested, and Dark nodded hastily. They turned round and started to flee, but Fate remained where he was.

“Dammit Fate, move!” Dark called back to the mule, but he just plopped himself on the ground and stared up at the Princess, who was giving all three of them an amused look.

“But we can do it guys! We can hold Celestia hostage!” Fate turned and said excitedly to his friends.

“Fate, I’m aware that you’re lacking a few in the ol’ brain cells department, but HAVE YOU LOST IT?!?” Garet practically shrieked at him.

“But we can do it guys! We could say the motto, and hold the Princess hostage, and we’ll tell stories and play I Spy and pin the tail on the pony all while we wait for the ransom money!” Fate explained, the smile never leaving his face. Garet and Dark facehooved/clawed at this, and were about to object when the Princess spoke.

“As much as that sounds delightful, I’m afraid my Royal Guards won’t allow it,” Celestia spoke, standing up and towering above everypony with her tall white coat covered body, with her flowing multicolored mane/tail, royal regalia, and gracefully warm and friendly smile. Fate looked disappointed at this, while Garet and Dark’s jaws hit the floor at lightning speed and the Guards wearing smug looks on their faces.

“However...” Celestia started, her smile taking on a new mischievous tone, “I don’t need to really be anywhere at the moment, so I will become your ‘hostage’ for a short time. Guards, please return to Canterlot and say that my kidnappers demand a ransom of one hundred thousand bits at once.” The guards instantly went from smug to scandalized at the speed of a Sonic Rainboom.

“B-but Princess! You’re supposed to be at the Summer Sun Celebration in Ponyville in a couple of hours!” One of the Guards protested, but Celestia stood her ground.

“I’m sure my faithful student and her new friend can manage,” she said, this time with some slight force, despite the smile, and the Guards reluctantly sighed, detached themselves from the chariot’s harness and, with one final look, flew away. “Now, I do believe you have a motto to perform.”

“Buhbuhbuhbuhbuh...” was all Garet and Dark Light could mutter as they stared open mouthed at the scene that had just taken place.

“C’mon guys, this is our big chance!” Fate said earnestly.

“Uhh... we might as well...” Garet said to Dark as he shrugged, and went over to stand next to Fate.

“This is impossible...” Dark muttered to himself, and with a final shake of the head, he trotted over to stand on the other side of Fate.

End the first vid and play this one.

“Well Princess, you’d better prepare for trouble!”

“And make it double!”

“To protect Equestria from devastation!”

“To unite all ponies within it’s nation!”

“To denounce the evils of love and tolerance!”

“To extend our reach to the moon far above!”

“Dark Light!”

"Garet!"

“Team Shadow strikes within the darkness of the night!”

“Surrender now or prepare to fight!”

“Duuuhh, that’s right!”

“Wonderful!” Celestia praised as she smiled at the trio as they struck a dramatic pose at the end of the motto. “Now, I do believe I surrender,” she said, closing her eyes and holding out her gold slipper covered for hooves to the trio in mock surrender.

“This is gonna be one long night...” Dark groaned as they proceeded to make Princess Celestia their hostage.

Author's Note

Told ya it wasn't an April Fools joke! :D

The show never explained where Celestia was when she was supposed to be at the Summer Sun Celebration, so this is the explanation for this story.

Apologies if this is bad, literally wrote it in half an hour. :P

Eternal Night: Waking Nightmare

The moon.

Cold, desolate, dusty, barren. Nopony has ever set hoof on it’s surface before. Despite being raised and lowered by Princess Luna herself, even she didn’t truely know what the surface of the midnight lunar object looked like.

It didn’t take much for her to find out herself.

If anypony was on the moon, they would’ve seen a small dot of bright, rainbow light shine from one of the larger continents on the planet that was suspended in the star filled vacuum thousands of kilometers away.

They would’ve also seen something being thrown at high speeds towards them from the blue and green orb. This something streaked across the nonexistent sky and atmosphere of the moon. It arced around the lunar surface in one complete revolution, until it finally plowed pinto the ground at an angle, causing it to burrow a deep trench across the landscape, kicking up lunar dust as it moved. After what felt like hours, the dust settled, and the something had finally come to a stop.

This something groaned in pain from grievous battle wounds. This something also happened to be Nightmare Moon.

The pitch black Alicorn slowly and shakily tried to rise up from her lying position in the trench, and her legs buckled slightly from both being weak and in pain. She continued though, and managed to succeed in standing up. Her armour was damaged, covered in dents and dings, and some of it’s midnight blue paint had faded, leaving behind the silver colour of steel. Her coat was disheveled, covered in bruises and cuts, some of which were still leaking blood that trickled down her body in small crimson streams. Her wings were in poor shape, with several feathers missing and others poking out in the wrong directions.

She looked around her, confused about where she was. The lunar landscape was alien to her, full of dust that had also managed to cover parts of her body. Various craters and rocks littered the surface, offering no signs of familiar landmarks. Even the stars themselves seemed different, yet familiar at the same time.

Then she looked up above her, and her legs gave out from underneath her, sending Nightmare Moon tumbling to the ground.

Above her was the blue and green orb from before. And she could make out a continent she had only seen from maps, but from her position, it was frightening.

Nightmare Moon gazed awestruck up at the planet above her, and the land of Equestria that was nestled between the oceans on it’s surface.

A solitary tear escaped from her eye and snaked it way down her cheek. She knew exactly where she was, and for the first time, Nightmare Moon was truly scared.

Then her emotions finally burst through her hardened image she had tried to maintain, and she wept. Not out of anger, or because of defeat. Not even pain, but out of sadness, and regret.

She regretted what she did. She regretted what she had tried to do to her own sister, to the whole of Equestria.

I’m a monster... she thought to herself amongst strangled sobs. I can still feel it, the darkness, lingering in the back of mind. Her crying settled down enough for her to look up at her former home, trying hard not to break down again. It’s weak after what Tia... what she did to me. And I deserved it. I should’ve never listened to him and his lies. Because of him, I’m alone again.

This time, I’m alone forever...

MEANWHILE, PRESENT DAY EQUESTRIA...

After one incredibly short and oh so stupendously boring tale of the woes that be a baby dragon’s life later, me, Twilight, Spike and Fluttershy finally arrived back at the library. Thank the Gods!

It was plainly obvious that both me and Twilight were getting closer to strangling the little lizard with each word he said, and I was just about to snap when he finally said: “and that’s the story of my whole entire life - well, up until today. Do you want to hear about today?”

“NO!” Me and Twilight all but shouted at the baby dragon, who seemed slightly taken aback by this.

“Oh, I wouldn’t mind hearing about today,” Fluttershy said, also taken aback by our answer, but still curious enough to press on.

Luckily, Twilight performed a selfless act to save all of Ponyland, by unceremoniously tipping to her right, letting her left legs leave the ground and forcing Spike to slide off and onto the floor. My hero.

“Aww, is Spikey-Wikey sleepy? Does he need his beddy byes?” Twilight said, using baby talk on Spike, who just folded his arms and huffed. Victory at last!

“Aww, the poor thing. You must simply get him to bed,” Fluttershy said as she hovered over to the door and opened it, somehow completely oblivious to what Twilight had done.

Twilight suddenly looked panicked and I realised why. We exchanged a glance before she moved to block fluttershy from entering the library, while I scooped up Spike and had a very strong feeling of throwing him inside.

“Yes, yes. We’ll get right on that. Well, good night!” Twilight said hastily as she all but forced Fluttershy out of the door and slamming it right in her face. I personally wouldn’t want to do it to poor Flutters, but I have the worst headache right now, and I’m sure Twilight has one too.

“Wow, rude much?” Spike huffed from my arms. Oh, that reminds me...

I release my grip on him, letting him fall to the floor and hitting... a cupcake? He stood up, half of it covering his face. “Ugh, who left this here?” He asked.

“Uhh... Twilight...?” I say as I look around the mysteriously pitch black room, now worried about what was about to happen next.

“Wha-” she began, but she never finished it. Instead, the lights suddenly came back on, blinding all three of us.

“SURPRISE!” Voices shouted from all around us, catching us by... well, surprise, and was met by a variety of yelps from all three of us.

“Surprise! Hi. I’m Pinkie Pie, and I threw this party just for you! Were you surprised? Were you, were you? Huh? Huh? Huh?” Pink pony... I knew she had something to do with this...

I decided to do the smart thing and get away from the ‘Welcome Party’ she had undoubtedly prepared for Twilight. “I’ll leave you two to get acquainted,” I say to them as I edge away from the pink pony and the purple Unicorn. As I said before, I don’t do parties, and I am pretty tired from all the walking we did today, so I just snuck away upstairs. None of the ponies seemed to notice me, well except that mint green Unicorn who kept staring at me.

I approach the top of the stairs and enter the dark upstairs room. Though the window, I could see the sun was starting to set over the horizon, as the sky was turning into a dazzling shade of pink, orange and purple. The room was still a mess, with books all over the place, so I had to be careful as I walked across and up the stairs onto the upper level, where my makeshift bed was.

I was bored. Seriously bored. What am I even doing here anyway? I shouldn’t be here helping these racehorses with supernatural powers, I should be getting home! I have friends, family and a life! But the stupid car needs fuel, and I have no idea how I’m supposed to fuel it! I could do it Back-To-The-Future-style by using a train, but I seriously doubt that they’ve invented the steam locomotive yet.

But, they’re alright in the end, those ponies. Twilight’s okay, she’s like me in a small way, and Applejack been kind to me as well. Rarity is... nice. Although she acts like one of the rich upper class snobs,

I shrug off my coat, flick my hat off, kick of my shoes and yank off my socks, before collapsing on the kiddie sized blankets. I am exhausted, and could do with a rest. Just a quick one. I yawn silently as my vision started to fade into black...

...

... Before being rudely brought back into reality by a kick in the stomach.

“Oy!” I choke as the hoof landed with force right on my stomach. Said hoof moved off my stomach and I could feel my innards settling down.
Then another hoof greets my stomach.

“Fucking hell!” I wheeze, winded by the second blow, and causing the perpetrator to squeak in surprise.

“Oh gosh! I’m so sorry Declan, I didn’t see you there!” Twilight quickly apologised as she lifted her hind hoof off of me. I cough for a few moments, before beginning to talk.

“S’alright. What are you doing up here?”

“I don’t do parties,” Twilight replied meekly, and I could sympathize with the purple pony.

“Neither do I. Loud, noisy things full of people. I’d rather spend my time reading, or playing video games” I say, causing Twilight’s ears to perk up.

“You like reading?” She asked, to which i nod in response. We both smiled at each other, before Twilight gasps and runs to the window. “Oh no!”

“What now?” I sigh, as I stand up with some minor difficulty and walk over to Twilight.

“Look up at the stars!”

“So what? They’re stars.”

“But these ones are moving!”

“Which ones?”

“Those four!”

“Those ones?”

“No! The ones by the moon!” I sigh and turn to face Twilight slowly.

“I can’t see them, cos they’re too small,” I explain to her.

“They’re not that small,” was the reply.

“I don’t have the best eyesight back where I come from,” I explain to Twilight, who looks at me in concern before nodding. She lit up her horn and used her fancy purple aura to lift my right hand into the air and pointing at a group of stars.

“Those stars...” she said softly, and I glance down at her, before looking back up.

“Ooooohhhh, those stars! Why didn’t you say so?” I ask lightheartedly, making Twilight groan and face... hoof?

“You are unbelievable!” She groaned, to which I laughed.

“And you are such a nerd!” I reply through my laughter, causing her to smile.

“I prefer the term ‘geek.’”

“Whatever you say, O Geeky One,” I say with a mock bow, causing the Unicorn to giggle. Then came the awkward but lighthearted smiling that could only be shared by two social introverts such as myself and Twilight.

The mood was shot down, however, when Spike suddenly appeared from nowhere on the lower level, a lamp shade littered with confetti covering his head.

“Guys, you’ve got to come down! Pinkie’s starting to play pin the tail on the pony!” Spike called to us, his body still moving to the music emanating from downstairs.

“Dude, do you know what time it is?!” I ask incredulously.

“Uhh... it’s almost 10 o’clock,” Spike replied oblivious. Wow, time really flies when your having fun.

“Exactly! It is late, and I want to get some sleep for tomorrow!” I say to him, but he just frowns.

“But it’s the eve of the Summer Sun celebration, all the ponies stay up or they’ll miss Princess Celestia raise the sun,” Spike explained, but I just shrugged it off.

“Well I ain’t a pony, and I have some pressing matters to attend to tomorrow so I won’t be attending the celebration tomorrow,” I say to him. Spike just shrugged and walked back downstairs, mumbling ‘whatever’ as he went. I turn back to Twilight, who was looking out of the window and up at the stars again, this time sitting on her bed and holding a book next to her, talking to herself softly.

I thought about going over to her, but a silent yawn escaped me and I remembered that I was very tired. I decided that sleep was a good option and just let the ponies have their fun with their weird celebration thingy. I lie back down on my makeshift bedding and feel myself slowly drift off to sleep...

FIVE HUNDRED YEARS AGO...

Nightmare had lost count on the days she had been exiled on the moon. Time seemed to be nonexistent on the lunar surface, but she could tell that time was still flowing. During the first few days, she had held onto the hope that her sister had forgiven her for what she tried to do, and would bring her back, but as time stretched on, that hope slowly faded away until it was nothing. All she had now was the growing insanity in her head, helped by the darkness that resided in the recesses of her brain, and the regret of everything she had done.

She was doing what she had been doing for Faust knows how long: gazing up at the blue and green sphere that was her former home, lying on her side on the lunar surface, allowing it’s dust to settle on her body. Her various injuries had healed, but her form was now thin and her coat pale from malnourishment. Her magic had long since dried up, from her attempts to try and return home, but it was blocked and drained each time.

She was distracted from her mindless gaze when a bright light pierced the blackness from behind her. Slowly and shakily, she rose from her lying position to see the cause, lunar dust drifting off of her form as she did so. Her legs wobbled as she mustered what little strength she had left to maintain her balance and slowly turn around to face the source of the light.

And found herself falling to the ground in shock and surprise at what she had seen.

Ponies. Actual ponies. On the moon. Two of them.

Nightmare looked at them in disbelief. If she could, she would’ve cried there on the spot. They had came for her! She was going home!

Nightmare wanted to call out to them, to talk to them, but her voice got caught in her throat and all that came out was a dry and pitiful coughing fit amongst the soundless vacuum.

But something wasn’t right about the ponies. For starters, they where pure white and translucent, like they were apparitions or false images. Another thing was that these ponies had soulless eyes, lacking pupils and irises.

But at this point Nightmare would do anything for redemption. She extended a hoof weakly towards the spectral ponies, and noticed that more were descending from above. A lot more. She rose her head up to look above her, and saw a large pale comet streaking across space above her. On it’s rocky landscape however, were hundreds, if not thousands, of the spectral ponies. All descending down to her.

The ones that had landed slowly advanced upon the disgraced lunar princess, like a predator stalking it’s prey, about to strike. They suddenly opened their mouths and instead of normal teeth, they had a draconian set of dentures that made Nightmare’s look like a set of old false teeth for an elderly pony. Their tongues were split in two, like a snake but with the split much longer, as if they had two completely separate tongues.

And then they all pounced, swirling into a pure white mist as they swarmed around Nightmare, sucking at her precious life essence. And she screamed into the vacuum of space as they ripped at what was left of her magic and soul.

And then she died.

“Declan, wake up.”

“Ngh...”

“Declan, wake up!”

“Get yer bat’leths away from me yer filthy Klingons...”

“Ugh, don’t make me do this...!”

“No, I don’t want a Tribble...”

“Fine, but it’s your own fault...”

I was suddenly woken up rudely when something cold and wet became my face, and I had the horrifying feeling that I was drowning.

I started to shriek while I flailed my arms around in a blind panic, until they were held in place by a weird but warm tingly sensation. All it did was made me freak out more. “Arrgh! Help!”

“Declan, calm down!” A familiar voice called out to me from above. Was I dead? Did I actually drown? I bet it was that lizard... he never liked me. “I didn’t mean to scare you, I just wanted to wake you up.” The voice was so soothing, like an angel that I could fall in love with.

I open my eyes, which I had kept closed on instinct when the wave of water hit me, and instead of seeing a beautiful angel, I see...

“Oh, it’s you,” I say glumly to Twilight, who was standing above me, her horn glowing.

“Gee, good morning to you too,” she replied, releasing my arms from her pony powers while frowning at me.

“Well you would be in a sour mood if someone tried drowning you,” I say huffily, reaching out an arm to find my glasses, before I remembered that I had forgot to take them off before sleeping. Again.

“I just poured a cup of water over you! That wasn’t nearly enough to kill you!”

“Well use a wet flannel or something next time,” I half say, half yawn as I slowly get up, and groan due to my soaked clothes. “Aw geez! Look at my clothes! They’re soaking wet and these are my only set here!!”

“Sorry!” Twilight hastily replied, backing away and looking downcast, but perking up instantly when an idea hit her. “Oh, I know a spell that can dry you instantly!” She told me happily, smiling.

“A spell? To dry me off? I dunno...” I say, doubtful of what could happen. I know these Unicorn ponies have special powers, but I don’t really know the full extent of them, but the powers I have seen have acted similar to the plasmids from BioShock. In the end, I decide to go for it. These wet clothes are starting to annoy me. "Oh okay. Just don’t evaporate all the liquids inside my body.” Twilight grimaced at this, but only for a second as she powered up her horn and aimed it at me.

And then I was engulfed in flames.

“AAHH! FIRE! IT BUUURRNNSS- hey, waitaminute...” I frown in confusion as the flames cover my entire body, yet it feels no different to the thing she had used on me earlier. Not to mention that the flames were purple. “Heh, this kinda tickles.”

"That should do it," Twilight said as she powered down her horn and the purple flames vanished, leaving me dry and warm.

"Toasty," I comment as I pat my now dry clothes, and noticing that it was still night time through the window. "Wait, what time is it?”

“Around 6 AM, why?”

“You woke me up... at 6 AM...” I said in a deadpanned manner.

"Yeah, the Summer Sun Celebration is about to start, and I was wondering if you had changed your mind about not going?" Twilight asked me, looking up at me hopefully.

"As much as I would like to go and attend this celebration, I would like to go and sort out some stuff today. Maybe even try and get my car to work," I explain to Twilight, who gives me a puzzled frown.

"What's a car?" Oh boy...

"Er, it's a long story. I'll tell you about it some other time," I reply as I put my socks and shoes on before heading downstairs, then going further downstairs to the ground floor. The first thing I notice is the lack of purple dragon-lizard-thing. "Where's Spike?" I ask Twilight, who had followed me downstairs.

"Oh, he's at the celebration already. I stayed because I wanted to see if you still didn't want to go," she explained.

"And I still don't, though I appreciate the thought," I say to her, giving the purple Unicorn an appreciative smile.

"Okay, just be careful, in case Nightmare Moon really does return," she told me, concerned.

"Don't worry, I'll be careful," I told her, and then she walked out of the library, leaving me alone inside the great tree in the early morning night.

After grabbing a slice of bread and butter (blech, wholemeal again!) I grabbed my coat and walked outside into the still dark morning. I found it odd, that at this time of the morning the moon was still high in the sky and there was no sign of sunlight at all from the horizon.

Everything about this seemed wrong, but I just took it in my stride as I closed the door behind me and headed off into town to locate my car.

... And I have no idea where it is. Real smooth.

It doesn’t help that the town is in the middle of a lamp post shortage, making the darkness seem almost completely pitch black.

Aw well, I’ll just use the flashlight app on my iPho- oh wait, that’s a bust too. I really need to start thinking about my plans more thoroughly.

Then the darkness seemed to brighten just a smidgen, making it easier for me to see. Looking up, I could make out the outlines of the clouds that had just recently moved away from blocking the moon. I squint up at it, and I could see four stars that were slightly brighter than usual, slowly moving towards the moon. I shrug before looking around in front of me. Now, if I recall correctly, we passed a particularly large forest yesterday when I was helping Twilight with the celebration prep.

It seemed like a good place to start, so I decide to plod along the roads, hoping I’m going in the right direction.

Meanwhile, the odd image of a Unicorn pony’s head imprinted on the moon vanished.

I am so lost.

Good news is that I have found a forest.

Bad news is that I have no idea where I am. Sigh, I wish my phone had some charge left, so I could use the GPS, but I doubt that these ponies have access to Google Maps. I look up and down the perimeter of the forest, trying my best to spot anything within the darkness.

I can make out what looks like a house or cottage on my left, and nothing but the gloomy treeline to my right. Cottage it is. Maybe someone there can help me look or give directions or something. I start to walk over to the cottage, but the lack of lights on in the windows mean that either the owner is out or their still asleep. Definitely hoping for the latter.

But something strange started to happen next. I was walking, definitely moving my legs to motor on forward, but I wasn’t even moving an inch. It’s like trying to walk on a travelator which is going in the wrong direction, or like a treadmill. I increase my speed slightly, and to my surprise, I start going backwards.

I look down, and see that the ground has been replaced with this weird mist, that sparkles and glitters, and it reminded me of a clear night sky with the stars. I look up and behind my shoulder, and gasp.

That damn black horse known as Nightmare Moon was standing right behind me. She was using her mane, which seemed to have a mind of it’s own, to cover the ground below my feet and was trying to drag me backwards!

I froze up out of shock and fear, making me going backwards much faster as Nightmare continued to pull. Luckily it was too fast. Before she could do anything, I had crashed right into her, sending both of us into the ground. It’s a good thing that miss evil black horse had volunteered to cushion my fall. I recovered quickly and was on my feet and about to peg it outta here, when I get tripped by Nightmare’s damn mane!

I hit the ground hard, extending my hands out instinctively to try and soften my landing. Instead, I just get a searing pain from both palms as they slide across the ground due to momentum, my chest and chin following the descent.

“Well well well, if it isn’t Declan... it’s such a pleasure to meet you in person,” Nightmare purred as she walked over to me, standing over me from my right side as I groan in pain from the earthen floor.

Damn, Twilight was right all along! Although the way she went on about it would definitely make anyone think she had lost her marbles.

I look up at Nightmare Moon in fear and confusion, unable to say a word as my brain went on strike. She started to prowl around me, glaring at me. “Well, aren’t you going to bow before your princess?” She asked me, stopping in front of me and looking down with a murderous glint in her eyes. Then I found my voice.

“T-this is not possible. Y-you should be-”

“Be where? The moon?” She interrupts, intensifying the glare. “Well I have some news for you: I am back and I’m here to do my duty as ruler of Equestria!” Regrettably, I found myself scoffing at this.

“Your ‘duty’? Does that have anything to do with putting this place in perpetual darkness? Cos if it is, then you’re doing a smashing job at it,” I say sarcastically, trying my best to return the glare. Then shit got real.

Her draconic eyes seem to dilate, becoming colder, more evil. Her mane and tail seemed to darken and her horn sparked menacingly.

“Why thank you, We appreciate the compliment,” Nightmare hissed at us, her voice taking o several more layers and changing in pitch, making her sound like some kind of demon. Then she stumbled backwards, wincing. And in a blink of an eye, she changed back to Nightmare Moon variant A.

“No!” She cried out, her entire frame was trembling and her face contorted in pain, as if she was fighting something back inside of her.

“Umm... are you okay...?” I ask timidly, taken aback with the sudden change of the mood.

“Why don’t they shut up?!” She all but screamed, grimacing with more pain as Nightmare’s horn lit up with her evil moon powers.

“... There’s only us two here...” I say slowly and cautiously, throwing her a wary glance. Maybe it’s a good time to go.

With another instant snap, Nightmare was variant B, her soulless eyes opening and looking straight at me. “But surely thou is forgetting Us?”

Yep, going time.

I scramble back onto my feet and start to run in the opposite direction. Behind me, Nightmare lowers her head to aim her horn, and let’s the power surrounding it to build up with a dark aura. But just as she fired a beam of dark energy, her face contorted as it flashed back to normal, throwing her aim off. The beam went streaking past me, whizzing past my ear and striking a silhouetted object in front of me. I couldn’t help but squeal in fear as it whistled past.

“Nopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenope!” I yelp in a panic as I run.

Back behind me, Nightmare powers up her horn again, aiming straight for the back of my head. With a grunt of exertion, she releases another beam of dark energy, and again misses spectaculary. For just as the beam was about to make contact with my head, I stumbled and fell to the ground hard once again. The beam soared above me, sailing through the air, until it smashed into a wooden building that was hidden within the darkness of the night.

Nightmare quickly galloped up to me, slowing down as she noticed the ruined shed, making her eyes widen in wonder and excitement. “So this is where you hid it...” she muttered quietly in wonder, a bright aura surrounding her horn to light up the area. Confused, I pick myself off of the ground and shakily stand up, before gasping.

The DeLorean, it’s silver coloured shell adorned with God-knows-what pieces of machinery, just like the one from the film. And Nightmare Moon was walking slowly towards it.

“H-hey, stay away from it!" I call out to her, taking a few steps forward. She snaps her head round to look back at me, a look of steely determination plastered on her face, before snorting and continuing to walk towards it, stopping next to the side of the car and bowing her head, so her horn touched the roof of the car. I watched as she enveloped the whole car in the same dark aura, which flowed around it like a sheet of water. Then she gasped, and stopped, lifting her head back up which caused the aura to dissipate. Then she moved to the back of the DeLorean, where the plutonium powered the thingie that made the thingie go. Nightmare Moon let her mane reach out and wrapped it around the top of the cylinder which housed the plutonium, and pulled it upwards.

“Don’t pull that out!” I warned, backing away in case it was leaking radiation or something. But Nightmare ignored me as she focused on her mane pulling out the cylinder. But instead of a cylinder full of plutonium, there was a glowing purple crystal in the shape of a three dimensional rhombus. “What the...” I muttered, taken aback at the lack of an atomic element.

Nightmare’s mane then popped the lid off of the cylinder, and levitated out the crystal with her evil powers. Tossing aside the cylinder, she turned to face me with a wicked grin.

“Hey, put that back!” I ordered, but it fell on deaf ears as she lifted the DeLorean up with her magic, levitating the car several feet above her.

Then she threw the DeLorean at me!

I threw my arms up to protect my face and braced for the impact, and felt the metal skin that covered the car smash into me, before everything went black.

FIVE HUNDRED YEARS AGO AGAIN...

Nightmare knew she had died. Those... things, had swarmed her, sucking out her magical essence, essentially devouring her soul.

If that was the case, then why was she still alive? She could still feel her legs and hooves, as well as her wings, and she could still feel the rough and bumpy surface of the moon below her. Maybe this is what it feels like to have no soul...?

She opened her eyes slowly, her vision adjusting to the lunar landscape, revealing the hundreds of spectral monsters, all back in their normal pony form, all looking at her curiously. One of them was standing right next to her, looking down at her with the same curious look. She tried to open her mouth to speak to them, but her voice was too weak to make any sound, especially since she had screamed loudly before, making her even more hoarse.

||We have spared your life||

The ghostlike pony spoke, but it’s mouth didn’t move. It felt like the voice was echoing inside of her head. Nightmare flinched slightly at the sound of the voice in her head, flattening her ears.

||You are weak, with so little magic left||

The spectral pony turned away to look back at it’s fellows.

||Nowhere near enough to feed us after our defeat||

The spectral pony turned back to face Nightmare, seeming to stare into Nightmare’s mind with it’s soulless eyes. Then it opened it’s mouth, and Nightmare cowered in fear of becoming lunch, but instead of having her essence being devoured, a warm tingling feeling started to spread across her body. She opened her eyes, and saw a vibrant orange mist escape from the spectral pony’s mouth and envelop her body. And as it did so, she could feel her strength return to her limbs, and magic started to flow through her horn once more. But as soon as it had started, the spectral pony closed it’s mouth, stopping the orange mist from rejuvenating Nightmare Moon.

||But you may be able to help us. We would like to propose a deal...||

Author's Note

Ahoy hoy! It's been a while. First off, I do not like this chapter. It feels wrong, especially since I have no one to check it for errors now. I think I smoked them out, but if you see any, let me know.

Secondly, this took longer to write, due to writer's block, and it's now drawn out to include an extra chapter. Yay.

Luckily, I finish college very soon (June 7th, my b-day :D) and once that's passed I can put as much time I can into writing without having to worry bout deadlines and assignments til September.

Please leave a comment and give constructive criticism! :)

Eternal Night: Here Comes The Sun

I awoke to the feeling that my body was exploding from pain, followed by the sensation that my body was being crushed by something. I kept my eyes closed, squeezing them shut due to the pain, but tears still managed to leak out and slide down my cheeks. I tried to move my arms, to push what was crushing me off, but my arms failed to respond. In fact, I couldn’t feel them at all. Same with my legs.

My mind started to panic as thoughts of me having my spine broken, being paralyzed forever, started to flood my head, accompanied by vivid images of me in a wheelchair, not being able to play video games, being fed by someone else, having someone w-

“Declan!”

My eyes snapped open at the sound of the familiar voice calling out, as hope started to fill my heart. “HELP!” I cried out, hoping that the voice would come and help me. And then Twilight Sparkle filled my vision, her face full of worry. Her horn then powered up and the crushing feeling from whatever was crushing me disappeared, and I could feel myself breathe easily, which made me worry that I didn’t notice my erratic breathing before.

“Are you okay?” Twilight asked me, levitating me upright and back on my feet, and I couldn’t help but let out a huge sigh of relief as my feet touched the ground and I regained the feeling in my legs, and a wiggle of my fingers confirmed the same for my arms.

“Yeah, I guess so,” I say slowly, looking around. Further back, I could see five familiar ponies looking at me with worry, as well as the DeLorean, which was lying upside down on the ground not too far away. “What’s going on? Why are you all here?”

“We’re here to stop Nightmare Moon using the Elephants of Armoury!” Rainbow Dash said triumphantly, flying up to us and emanating a sense of pride and an oversized ego.

“The Elements of Harmony!” Twilight corrected sharply. “But nevermind that, what happened here?”

“Well, Nightmare Moon showed up and took something from the DeLorean, then she threw it at me... I think. I’m honestly surprised that I’m not dead,” I say, shrugging.

“DeLorean...?” Twilight asked quizzically, giving me a confused look.

“Oh, it’s that old thing,” I say, pointing to the DeLorean nonchalantly. “Now, what’s this about some elements?”

“Ah, yes! The Elements of Harmony are what I’m going to use to stop Nightmare Moon, and are located inside the ancient castle of the royal pony sisters,” Twilight explained, pulling out a book from nowhere and opening it on a page dedicated to the subject.

“Waitaminute, are you saying that you’re going in there to stop that evil horse thing by yourself?” I ask sharply. Twilight seemed to fidget as I locked her in a stern gaze, before nodding. “Now hold on a cotton pickin’ minute there, do you even know where this castle is?”

“Yes I do, it’s supposed to be in the Everfree Forest,” Twilight explained, pointing to the forest beside us with a hoof.

“B-but that’s the Everfree Forest! There’s all sorts of monsters in there and it’s never safe to wander around in the forest during the night...” Fluttershy said meekly, looking terrified that Twilight would even suggest going into the forest.

“Well Ah ain’t lettin’ any friend of mine go into that creepy forest alone,” Applejack said, stepping forward to stand next to Twilight, followed by Pinkie Pie, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, and a reluctant Fluttershy. “We’re stickin’ to you like caramel on a candy apple!”

“*Sigh*... well if everyone’s going then I might as well go too. That stupid thing stole something from the DeLorean, and I want it back!” I said defiantly, moving over to stand next to the ponies.

“Yeah, let’s do this!” Rainbow said, taking the lead into the forest, followed by Pinkie, Rarity, Fluttershy, Applejack, and Twilight, with me taking up the rear. We were only two feet into the dark, sinister and lethal forest when a long, drawn out howl echoed throughout the dense foliage, piercing our ears.

“... Perhaps we should wait til the sun is up...?” I suggest cautiously to the others, freezing in my tracks. The ponies turned round to face me, all with deadpan expressions. “Or now. Now is good...” I mutter, following them as they walked deeper into the forest.

MEANWHILE...

“Blast! That should’ve killed him!” Nightmare Moon cursed as she watched that stupid creature Declan shrug off being rammed with his metal wagon so easily from atop of the trees. “And now these pesky ponies are going to get in the way.” She sighed, and turned into mist, before darting off into the forest, calculating the route they were taking.

“So... they’re headed straight for the Everfree Castle, which would mean that they’re after the Elements of Harmony!” Then she peered down into the darkness of the forest, and spotted several interesting features of the path. “But, they may never get there if they have a little accident now, heh heh heh...” She chuckled, darting down into the forest.

“How far away is this castle?” Fluttershy asked timidly, looking around nervously at their surroundings.

"Only a few miles. We should be there for midday," Twilight explained, then realized her mistake. “If there is a midday in eternal darkness...”

“Has it ever occurred to anyone that the sun may just be late in rising today?” I suggest. The ponies all turn round to look at me. “... What?”

“Princess Celestia ALWAYS raises the sun on time. It’s obvious that Nightmare Moon has done something to her, and it’s our duty as citizens of Equestria to save her,” Twilight said proudly and valiantly, which made me roll my eyes. It’s obvious that this ‘Princess Celestia’ has tricked them all into believing that she controls the sun, like something the Goa’uld would do from Stargate SG-1. I knew there was a catch to this place.

“Right, well...” I say, looking around awkwardly. Best not to bring up that subject again until I have more intel.

After a few minutes of walking in a fear-induced silence, I decide to break it. “So...”

“You guys have never been in here before...?” Twilight asked cautiously, catching on pretty fast to my intentions.

“Oh heavens no!” Rarity exclaimed. “Just look at it, it’s dreadful!”

“And it ain’t natural,” Applejack added, giving the trees on her left a wary glance. “Folks say it don’t work the same as Equestria.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I ask curiously. A forest is a forest, unless you nuke it, then it’s understandable.

“Nopony knows...” Rainbow Dash said ominously, hoving in the air and appearing out from the shadows of the trees to fall in line behind me. “You know why?”

“Rainbow, quit it!” Applejack scolded Rainbow, noticing that the flying pony was making Fluttershy more nervous, but the rainbow Pegasus continued anyway.

“‘Cause everypony who’s ever gone in... has never come...” suddenly, she was in front of me, her face on the same level as mine and staring into my soul with a spooky expression. “OUT!” Just as she shouted the last word to her frightful and short tale, the ground beneath us crumbled and fell away, sending me along with all of the non-Pegasi ponies of our group tumbling down a steep decline that ran off a cliff.

Naturally, we all screamed.

Rainbow and Fluttershy, who instinctively went airborne when the ground said goodbye, dived down after us, with Rainbow grabbing Pinkie by the waist and Fluttershy saving Rarity by chomping on her tail. Applejack also chomped her way to safety in the form of an exposed tree root, which left me and Twilight to tumble down to the cliff edge.

Twilight managed to skid to a halt, with the upper half of her torso pressed flat against the the steep slope, leaving her hind legs to dangle on the side of the cliff. I slid down beside her but instead of stopping, I went straight over the edge. Panicking, my hands went wide to grab something to stop me falling, and by sheer luck, they found something.

That something turned out to be Twilight’s tail, whose owner grunted in pain as my left hand grabbed and pulled on it sharply. To assist my left hand, my right came swinging up to join it in grabbing Twilight’s tail for dear life.

“Sorry!” I called up to the lavender Unicorn, trying hard not to let go.

“Hang on Twi, Ah’m comin’!” Applejack shouted from somewhere above me on the slope, at the same time, my grip on Twilight’s tail was waning. My hands started to slowly slide down, bringing me closer to my doom.

“Twilight... I can’t hold on...!” I grunted with effort, as I continued to lose my grip on Twi’s tail.

“D-don’t let go!” Twilight grunted in response, both from the pain from her tail and the effort of keeping her self hanging on the edge. “Hurry Applejack... we can’t hold on!”

“It’s no good... I’m sorry Twilight...” I say sadly, as my right hand slips off the tip of her tail, followed quickly by my other hand. Twilight cried out as I plummeted down to the ground...

MEANWHILE...

“Yes! Fall to your doom!” Nightmare Moon said excitedly, watching that biped’s fall to the ground. But then...

MEANWHILE MEANWHILE...

“Applejack, what do I do?!” Twilight asked, tears streaking down her face at the loss of a friend.

“... You let go.”

“Are you crazy?!”

“No Ah ain’t, Ah promise you’ll be safe,” Applejack said, calm and honest, all while looking into Twilight’s fearful eyes.

“That’s not true! If it was the case, then Declan would still...” her voice trailed off, unable to finish the sentence out of greif.

“Now listen here,” Applejack said slightly sternly, “what Ah’m sayin’ is the honest truth. Let go, and you’ll be safe.”

Twilight stared into Applejack’s eyes, and was met with nothing but a truthful gaze. Her instincts kicked in, telling her to let go and everything will be fine. With a sigh, Twilight released what little purchase on the cliff edge and allowed herself to fall down to her demise...

… and to be swept out of it by two, long arms with hands that gripped her stomach tightly., stopping her from falling.

“Nice of you to drop in,” Declan told Twilight, a warm smile on his face.

“NO! How did he survive?!” Nightmare cursed, stomping a hoof on the ground, before disappearing into her mist form and zoomed off deeper into the forest.

“Declan! You’re alive! But how...?” Twilight began, happiness and confusion etched all over her face.

“The magic of clichés, dear Twilight. My coat has snagged itself on a tree root conveniently sticking out of the cliff face,” I explained to her in my best Holmes accent.

“But that’s impossible! Our combined weight should be enough to either rip your coat and send us falling!” Twilight said, unaware that she had just jinxed it. And with that, my coat was ‘conveniently’ ripped apart by the root, sending us falling to the ground.

And into the hooves of two airborne Pegasi.

"Phew," Twilight sighed as Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy safely placed us on the ground.

"And that's why you should never question the physics of chichés," I tell Twilight, relieved to be on solid ground again.

"Good heavens Declan, your coat...!" Rarity began, before promptly fainting onto Pinkie's back. Curious, I pull my coat off.

Or rather, both parts.

My precious coat was torn in two, straight down the middle of the back. It was like it now had a zip for the back as well, but the clothes maker forgot to put the zip on. I held both sides in my hands, looking down sadly at the remains of my beloved coat.

“WWWWHHHHYYYYYYY???!!!???” I yell to the night sky, bringing my head back to direct the yell upwards.

We had continued walking. Rainbow was continuously boasting about how she and Fluttershy saved all of us.

All of us except my dear, beloved coat.

I tuned out the conversation, walking along with Rarity, as we both sniffed sadly at the loss of such a fine piece of clothing.

“Maybe I could stitch it back together...?” Rarity suggested, but I shook my head.

“No, it’s time for this one to go. Besides, it’s lived a good long life, the least we can do is give it a proper farewell,” I say, continuing to look down sadly.

“MANTICORE!” The shout startled both me and Rarity and we both looked up to see the ponies running past us in the opposite direction, followed by... a lion?

It had the head and body of a lion, the ears and wings of a bat, and a scorpion’s tail. It was also very pissed off.

The beast swiped at us with a paw. Rarity ducked just in time, but I wasn’t as lucky. It slammed into my side with tremendous force, sending me flying sideways into the treeline and into a patch of thorns.

“Declan, are you okay?!” Twilight called out to me, worried for my well being yet again.

“HOME RUN!”I called out rather loudly and deliriously.

“Why you-! Take this, you ruffian!” Rarity huffed in anger as she pivoted on her front hooves and bucked the manticore right on the snout in a counter-attack, making it recoil.. The manticore roared right in the fashionista Unicorn’s face in a counter-counter-attack, causing her to wrinkle her nose at the smell and her hair to go messy from the force of the wind. “My hair!” Rarity cried out, noticing her styled mane was now a frazzled mess, and promptly running away to try and curl it back into shape.

“Wait!” Fluttershy tried to shout, but it came out quieter than intended.

“Yee haw!” Applejack shouted valiantly, leaping onto the manticore’s back and starting to ride it like a bull. “Get along, little doggie!” But the manticore was having none of it. It tried to buck the orange cowpony off, and succeeding, sending Applejack soaring through the air and past Rainbow Dash.

“All yours, partner!” Applejack called to the hovering Pegasus as she flew by, to which Rainbow Dash saluted in acknowledgement and flew off to face the manticore.

Meanwhile, I was still lying dazed in the thorn bush, looking confused, murmuring the odd line of gibberish.

Back with the action, Rainbow had tried doing a tornado spin on the mismatched beast, but a quick flick of the manticore’s scorpion tail sent her careening into a tree.

Twilight’s shout of concern for the multi-color maned pony startled me slightly, snapping me out of my daze and bringing me back to reality. Looking over to where the intense fighting scene was taking place, I saw five of the six pony group line up and prepare to charge, while the manticore did the same.

But a sudden shout from an unexpected source made everyone stop instantly.

“WWWAAAAAIIITTT!” Fluttershy yelled to the five ponies plus manticore as she dived in the way of the two fighting sides. Coughing and blushing slightly when she noticed that everyone was watching her, she turned and slowly made her way to the manticore, who raised it’s paw in the air in preparation to strike. “Shhh, it’ okay,” she said soothingly to the great beast.

She came closer and sniffed at the paw that was still on the ground. The manticore slowly and cautiously lowered it’s other paw and opened the one on the ground to reveal a nasty looking dark purple thorn. “Oh you poor, poor little baby,” the butter yellow Pegasus cooed at the sight of the thorn.

“Little?!” Rainbow whispered in disbelief to Applejack.

“Now, this might hurt for just a second...” Fluttershy warned as she carefully bit down on the thorn, before pulling it out sharply with a jerk of her head. The mighty beast roared ferociously in her face, making everyone to scream out in alarm, before they saw the manticore start to lick her mane affectionately, purring like an oversized tabby cat.

After everyone breathed a sigh of relief, Twilight rescued me from the thorny patch by lifting me out with her magic, and settled me on the ground. I was generally unscathed, apart from a few bruises and deep cuts across my body, but the real injury was that my trousers and t-shirt had been shredded rather severely. They were still wearable for now, but they were unrepairable. I cried over the loss of my Star Trek t-shirt, before Rarity and Applejack comforted me and ushered me on.

“How did you know about the thorn?” Twilight asked Fluttershy, who both were walking behind me in the rear.

“I didn’t. Sometimes we just have to show a little kindness,” Fluttershy explained with a kind smile.

“Gee, it sure is dark. Let me turn on my light on my Ipho- oh wait, I can’t, because SOME MORON used up all the battery life on it so it’s nothing more than a paperweight now!” I hiss to myself angrily, as we entered a part of the forest that seemed to get darker the further we walked.

“Battery life...?” Twilight asked me curiously as she walked beside me.

“Uhh, I’ll explain later,” I say, shrugging off the question. The Unicorn gave me a suspicious glance, before focusing on the path ahead.

“Ugh, my eyes need a break from all this muck,” Rarity groaned as her hoof found another muddy patch. This part of the forest also seemed to be some kind of marsh or swamp land. “Well, I didn’t mean that literally,” she sighed as the forest went from semi darkness to pitch black at a heartbeat.

“Uhh, guys, I think I felt something slither past my leg...” I say cautiously, as something did indeed slither past my right leg. Twilight felt it too, as she let out a high pitched squeal and leaped right onto my shoulders.

“Don’t let it touch me!” She squealed in fear, looking down fearfully at the ground. I simply rolled my eyes and leaned backwards, making her fall off, while saying "what am I, a snake charmer? Geez..."

“Hang on, Ah stepped in somethin’...” Applejack muttered trying to see what she had stepped it through the darkness. Then Fluttershy let out a high pitched scream of terror. “It’s okay, it’s just mud,” Applejack explained, mistaking Fluttershy’s scream to be directed at her. But when she looked up, she let loose a scream of her own. All the other ponies all screamed as the darkness evaporated, revealing trees which had almost lifelike faces on their trunks, with mouths and jagged teeth, and their eyes were made out of knotted parts of their bark.

The ponies all continued to scream in fear at the sight of the weird faces on the trees.

My reaction to this turn of events.

“... Really? They’re just trees,” I sigh, feeling embarrassed.

“W-w-with scary faces!” Fluttershy whimpered in fright from behind her pink mane. I glance from the ponies, to the trees, to the ponies, and then the trees.

“Rrriiiggghhhttt... you guys don’t get out much, and that’s coming from me,” I sigh again, before turning to face a tree. “I don’t see what the fuss is about, it’s just a dumb old tree.” I kick it to prove my point, and nothing bad whatsoever happened. “See? Just a stupid old tree.” I turn back to the ponies, who all looked on in fear at me. “What?”

Then the tree smacked me upside the head, sending me sprawling to the muddy ground.

“Killer trees!” Rainbow shouted in panic, trying to fly off but the trees moved their branches to block off the sky and the path, trapping us in a dome of wood.

“It’s got me!” I squealed as a branch snagged my leg and hoisted me up high above the ground, right above the mouth of a tree, which was leaning backwards in preparation to devour me whole. Unfortunately, gravity took hold and my hat fell off down into the gnarled tree’s gaping maw. “Hattie, NOOOOOOO!” I cried out with grief, reaching a hand out to my lost headgear.

Then sweet innocent laughter filled out ears, making the trees, who had captured all but one of the ponies, halt in the process of devouring their first meal as carnivores.

“Pinkie, what are you doing?! Run!” Twilight yelled to the pink pony, but she ignored Twilight and continued to bounce around.

“Oh girls, don’t you see?

“When I was a little filly and the sun was going down”

“Tell me she’s not...” I begin.

“The darkness and the shadows, they would always make me frown”

“She is,” Rarity replied with a sigh.

“I’d hide under my pillow from what I thought I saw

But Granny Pie said that wasn’t the way to deal with fears at all”

“Could ya hurry this up? I’m gonna be mulch in a second!” I yell over the singing.

“She said ‘Pinke, you gotta stand up tall, learn to face your fears

You’ll see that they can’t hurt you, just laugh to make them disappear’”

And then Pinkie bounced up to a tree and laughed at it, causing the gnarled face to vanish with a pop. The other trees looked on in fear.

“Sooo, giggle at the ghostly, guffaw at the creepy”

Soon, the ponies were free and began laughing at the trees, making their faces disappear.

“Crack up at the creepy, whoop it up with the weepy

Chortle at the kooky, snortle at the spooky

And tell that big dumb scary face to take a hike and leave you alone

And if he thinks he can scare you then he’s got another think coming-”

At this point, the tree that still had me by the ankle simply shrugged and gave me a look that said “if I’m going down then you’re coming with me, shithead.” And promptly released me to let me fall into it’s open wide jaws.

“FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-!”

“-And the very idea of such a thing just makes you wanna...” Pinkie was unable to finish the song just then as she burst out into a fit of giggles, right next to the tree about to eat me making it’s face disappeared with a pop.

THUNK!

A split second later, my head made contact with solid wood, making me tumble off of the tree trunk and onto the muddy ground.

I vaguely remember Pinkie finishing the song, but I was too busy trying to focus on the Stargates that swam within my vision.

“Declan, are you okay?” Twilight asked me as she came up close to see if I was alright.

“FINLAND.” Was the delirious response.

"Y'know, I'm surprised that I haven't suffered any serious brain damage from hitting that tree head on," I tell Twilight as we take up the rear of the group, with Pinkie leading us.

"And I'm surprised that Nightmare Moon hasn't swooped down and attack us yet," Twilight tells me as we continue walking.

I slowed slightly when I heard a sort of wailing sound, barely audible, coming from the trees around us

“Did anyone hear that?” I ask, straining my ears as I listened out for the sound I had heard.

“Hear what, sugarcube?” Applejack asked me, looking confused.

“I dunno, it sounded like a shout...” I trail off, as the source of the sound remained quiet.

“I heard it too,” Fluttershy added, albeit quietly.

“It came from over here!” Pinkie called to us, and started bouncing in the general direction of where the sound had come from. We quickly followed, and after a few minutes of traversing the dense forest terrain, we stumbled upon a raging river. And by stumbled, I mean we almost fell in.

“Great, now how are we supposed to cross this?” Twilight sighed in exasperation at the sight of the rapids.

“Maybe we could ask him...?” Fluttershy suggested, pointing a hoof gently to a long purple creature. It appeared to be reptilian, with scales across all of it’s body. It also had two arms, which were covering it’s head, but the two most disturbing things about it were that it had bright orange hair on it’s head, and that it was crying loudly.

“Uhh... Twilight, remember what I said about brain damage?”

“Yeah...?”

“I’ve changed my mind.” Sighing, I sit down and lean against a tree. “Geez, I need a rest. All this walking is making me hungry.” Twilight sighed as well, and decided to take the initiative by walking up to the crying snake-lizard thing.

“Excuse me sir, why are you crying?” Twilight asked the great beast, which paused in it’s wailing to turn and look at her.

“Well, I don’t know. I was just sitting here, minding my own business, when this tacky little cloud of purple smoke just whisked past me and tore half of my beloved mustache clean off!” the creature exclaimed, turning his head to show us the side of his face without an orange tuft growing from the side, but with a rather sore looking welt in it’s place. “and now, I look simply horrid!” It wailed, flopping in the water as it cried once more, soaking all six ponies and me with water.

“That’s what the fuss is all about...?” Applejack said in disbelief, shaking droplets of water from her stetson.

“You’ve gotta be kidding me...” Rainbow groaned, also shaking off water droplets, but from her wings.

“Why of course it is! How can you be so insensitive? Oh, just look at him,” Rarity cooed as she shouldered her way past Applejack towards the serpent,while Twilight casted her flame-dry spell on our group. “Such lovely luminescent scales,” she complimented the serpent, nodding to his scales.

“I know!” The serpent sniffed bashfully.

“And your expertly coiffed mane.” Nod to the orange hair on the serpent’s scalp.

“Oh, I know, I know!” The serpent blushed slightly, running a clawed appendage around his styled hair.

“Your fabulous manicure.”

“It’s so true!” The serpent gushed, admiring the claws at the edge of his hands.

“All ruined without your beautiful mustache.”

“It’s true, I’m hideous!” The serpent wailed, flopping to the ground again and started to cry once more. Geez, remind me to never receive consoling advice from Rarity.

“I simply cannot let such a crime against fabulosity go uncorrected!” The white Unicorn stated, walking right up to the serpent, and grabbing one of his scales with her teeth, before swiftly yanking it out.

“Ow! What did you do that for?” The serpent asked, slightly confused and a little irked, rubbing the spot where Rarity had ripped a scale out.

Meanwhile, Rarity had managed to get a better grip on the scale, and with a swift jerk of her head, brought the sharp edge of the scale down upon herself. Everyone gasped, the serpent swooned, and I winced, as we all witnessed Rarity slash her own tail off.

Holding her former tail in the air, she lifted it up to the serpent’s face and with a flash, it had attached itself to the spot where it’s mustache was before. “My mustache! How wonderful!” The serpent cried out in joy, admiring the new addition to his ‘beautiful complextion’.

“You look smashing,” Rarity complemented, dropping the scale and smiling up at the serpent.

“Oh Rarity, your beautiful tail!” Twilight said with concern at the loss of the fashionista’s styled tail.

“Oh... it’s fine, my dear. Short tails are in this season, and besides, it’ll grow back,” Rarity said with a smile that ever so slightly betrayed the sadness of losing her tail, gazing at the spot at her rear where it was before, which is now a stump of purple hair.

“So would the mustache...” Rainbow whispered to Twilight.

“On the plus side, we can cross now,” I say, getting up and walking to the river, which was as calm as a sleeping baby and as smooth as a piece of glass. I stepped down into the cool water, that flowed halfway above my ankle. The others started to follow, but the sea serpent offered them a drier way by hopping across his back. We all made it to the other side, and after a brief cast of the drying spell on my legs and a five minute walk, we finally reached the edge of the expanse of trees to an expanse of misty fog in front of us..

“There it is! There’s the castle!” Twilight cried out, pointing with her hoof to the ruins of a large castle that loomed out of the mist and fog not too far away. She instantly started to run in the direction of the castle, and the rest of us had trouble trying to match her pace.

“Slow down Twilight, wait for us!” Applejack tried to call to Twilight, but she didn’t listen. As we ran closer, the fog parted to reveal the edge of a cliff right in front of us! Luckily, we all stopped in time. Unluckily though, Twilight didn’t. She tried to stop, but went straight over the edge. Thankfully, Rainbow zoomed on past, and grabbed Twilight’s tail in her mouth before it was too late, and managed to drag her back onto solid ground.

“Geez, what is it with you and cliffs today?” Rainbow commented when she had let go of Twilight’s tail.

“So how do we get across?” Twilight asked, looking along the edge of the cliff for a way to cross.

“We can use this bridge!” Pinkie answered, standing next to an old rickety rope bridge.

“I don’t think that bridge is safe to cross,” Fluttershy said with concern. Indeed, the bridge was very old. The ropes were starting to split, and the wood was gnarled and rotten with age. We all looked to the other side, which was shrouded in more mist.

“It’s the only way across,” I say, after a glance either side showed no other way over. “Look, I’ll go over first, to see if it’s safe enough,” I say reassuringly to the others.

“Oh do be careful darling!” Rarity cautioned, as I started my crossing of the bridge.

“Don’t worry, it’s as safe as a house,” I say, continuing to carefully step across the aged planks, holding the ropes for support. But about a quarter of the way across, a plank snapped under the weight of my foot and I suddenly felt my left leg floating in the air. “Shit...” I mutter, pulling my leg out. “Well, it could’ve been worse.”

A loud snapping noise echoed throughout the fog, startling everyone, accompanied a split second later when the entire bridge tilted sharply to the right. I grasped the rope rope on the left firmly with both hands, trying to maintain my footing on the planks. Thankfully, I wasn’t too far away from the start of the bridge.

“Declan!” Twilight called to me worriedly.

“I’m okay, it’s okay. Just need to edge back to you lot..." I say quietly, panic rising as my heart beated faster. "It definitely could've been worse," I sigh as I slowly shuffle back towards the ponies, who were watching on with concern.

Another loud snapping noise echoed throughout the foggy expanse, which was also followed a second later by the bridge falling.

I clung to it desperately as it swung down, smacking off the side of the wall of the ravine, and causing me to lose my grip on the rope. I fell down the fallen bridge for a few seconds before instinct kicked in once again and I reached out with a hand, managing to snag one of the planks of wood within my grasp and saving my life.

Looking up, I noticed that the top of the cliff was obscured by the fog, and a glance below showed that the chasm was so deep, that the bottom was also obscured by the fog. “Hey! A little help please!” I call up, but I received no response. Sighing and looking around worriedly, I decided that hanging around isn’t the best option. And with only the two options of letting go or climbing back up, I went for the latter. Swinging my free hand up, I managed to grab the same plank that was saving my life, before I arched my back and brought my feet up higher and onto another plank. Then, treating the now vertical bridge as a ladder, I began my tedious and cautious ascent.

I had gone about a dozen planks up when a blue blur shot past me, making the bridge sway due to air turbulence and making me hold on for dear life once more. Sighing and having a fair idea who had shot past me at speeds rivaling that sandwich someone dropped off of the Empire State Building that one time way back, I was about to continue my climb of survival when the entire bridge jerked suddenly. Then my stomach lurched at the change of gravity when the bridge started to bend and rise very fast, before it snapped horizontally straight and almost throwing me off.

My brain managed to catch up with what had happened, when I realised that I was lying flat on my stomach. Somehow, the bridge had been lifted up and made horizontal again. I sighed in relief, content to simply lie on the bridge for now.

“Declan, are you alright?” A voice asked me from above, followed by a tingling sensation across my body as I was lifted and tilted 90 degrees until I was standing again, and able to see that Twilight was in front of me.

“Yep, I’m fine...” I sigh, looking around. “Who fixed the bridge?”

“I did!” Rainbow said from beside me hovering in the air and making me jump. “I’d never leave my friends hanging!”

“Funny,” I said, not amused by the pun.

“So are we gonna stand around here all day or are we gonna go grab those element-thingies and kick some evil moon butt?” Rainbow asked us impatiently, glancing down the bridge to where the castle was.

“Oh, of course! We’re so close now!” Twilight said excitedly, and ushered me along the bridge, until we had all reached the other side.

Me, Twilight and the other ponies were now standing in front of and looking at the ruined and clearly ancient castle, whose stone walls were crumbling with decay and age and were covered in moss and other plant life that eroded the stone structure.

“Well come on Twilight, isn’t this what you’ve been waitin’ for?” Applejack asked, nudging Twilight in her side to grab her attention. She nodded, and started to walk, leading us into the castle. We followed Twilight for a few minutes, through a courtyard that was littered with debris and rubble from the castle, as well as a few stone statues of the three different types of ponies, as well as creatures that I have never seen before, that had sadly crumbled and fallen apart with age. Ahead of us was the remains of a large hall, with most of it’s ceiling gone and half of it’s walls lying in pieces. In the centre, was a surprisingly intact and untouched stone pedestal, with five stone arms reaching out and five orbs on circular platforms on each end.

“The Elements of Harmony... we found them!” Twilight cried out excitedly, staring in excited awe at the stone orbs. She quickly told Rainbow and Fluttershy to bring the orbs over while she consulted her book that she had miraculously managed to keep safe throughout the whole journey.

“Hang on, there’s only five of the doohickeys,” I point out, when Rainbow carried the final one over. “Aren’t there supposed to be six of them?”

“There are, but the book says that when five of them are present, a spark will cause the sixth one to appear,” Twilight explained, reading from her book, before putting it to one side and lowering her horn to the orbs. “I’m going to try and induce a magical spark to hopefully ignite them.”

“Shouldn’t we wait until Nightmare Moon’s here so we can use them on her in case it’s one of those one time use only deals?” I suggest, as Twilight’s horn started to glow purple with her fancy powers and tried to use them on the orbs.

“He has a point you know. You wouldn’t want to waste your only chance of stopping me now, would you?” Nightmare Moon said quizzically from beside me, tilting her head in curiosity at Twilight.

“See? Even Nightmare Moon agrees with me!” I say, waving in Nightmare’s general direction to help prove my point, before the penny dropped. “Waitaminute...” I turn slowly to face Nightmare, who was looking at me with a toothy smile, showing off her fanged dentures. “AHHHHHH! SPARK THEM NOW!” I scream, backing away from her quickly out of fear.

Twilight concentrated harder on the orbs, trying to make them do something. Meanwhile, Nightmare swirled herself into her purple mist form and quickly wrapped round me in a tornado, before darting quickly to the Elements, swallowing them and Twilight before disappearing in a white flash, leaving Rainbow, Fluttershy, Rarity, Applejack and Pinkie confused and taken aback at the sudden course of events.

“Ugh... my head hurts... like I’ve drunk a Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster...” I groan frm the floor, which was very comfortable right now. Twilight was nearby, slowly picking herself off of the cracked stone floor, and I followed suit. Looking around, I noticed that our location had changed. We were in a room that still had a ceiling, with intact walls line with windows that still had some shards of glass within their panes. At the far side of the room ahead of us, Nightmare Moon stood on a raised platform, with the five stone orbs surrounding her at her hooves. “Now what do we do?” I ask Twilight.

“I don’t know...” she replied, looking ahead with worry.

“Well now, I’m guessing that you’re wondering why you two are here, hmm?” She asked us, to which we both nodded. Nightmare smiled at our response. “You see, Equestrian lore has painted me as a monster. An evil pony who wants nothing more than the destruction of Equestria via bringing around Eternal Night, and has such degraded over time to become a foal’s bedtime story, and eventually forgotten.” She started to pace around the Elements, giving us the occasional glance out of the corner of her eye. “I am not a monster. Your precious princess has had me written down as a great evil, and I bet you don’t even know why...”

“Is it because that the victors of a battle are the ones who dictate how history shall remember what they did?” I suggest, making Nightmare to look at me with mild surprise.

“Why Declan, you’re smarter than you look,” She said, her smile returning as she continued pacing.

“I’ll take that as a compliment.”

“You should. Dear Princess Celestia has slandered my name, made the world fear me. I am not a bad pony, I just want what is best for Equestria-”

“Liar!” Twilight called out in mild anger, snorting and glaring at the pitch black pony.

“Twilight, don’t insult the powerful goddess with the weapons of mass destruction!” I hiss at her, but she ignores me.

“Princess Celestia would never lie! You were an evil pony a thousand years ago for trying to force Equestria into Eternal Night, and you are an evil pony now!” She said aggressively and accusingly at Nightmare Moon, scraping a hoof at the ground in preparation for a charge. “And I’ll stop you from doing it again!” Then she charged at Nightmare, full speed ahead. Nightmare raised an eyebrow and looked on with a deadpan expression that said “you’re kidding, right?” But when it became clear that Twilight meant it, Nightmare snorted and began her own charge, lowering her horn in preparation to strike.

I cringed, as were seconds from ramming each other. But at the last second, Twilight disappeared in a white flash, and appeared in a similar flash next to the Elements, leaving a dumbfounded Nightmare Moon to stumble to a halt.

“C’mon, just one small spark...” Twilight muttered desperately, trying make the orbs react, but failing. Nightmare turned and snorted in frustration, before using her dark blue aura to grab Twilight by her horn and launched her four feet into the air, while also bringing the Elements up to form a circle around her. I watched with horror as Nightmare’s coat bristled, her mane and tail darkened alarmingly and her blue aura turned pitch black.

“Stupid foal, didst thou honestly think that would work? That thou could stop Us with thine precious Elements?” Nightmare’s black aura surrounding the Elements began suddenly collapsed inward, crushing the five stones. Twilight watched helplessly as Nightmare let the powdery remains fall to the floor. “We have a power even greater than the Elements! And with this power, We shall bring Equestria into the age of darkness from the solar tyrant!” The dark aura holding the petrified Twilight by the horn slowly slid downwards until it had wrapped itself around her neck, before squeezing it. Twilight gasped, her eyes bulging as she tried desperately to breathe. “Pathetic. Thou mortals and thine filthy needs for air and sustenance. Thou makes us sick.” The grip around the lavender Unicorn’s neck constricted even further, making Twilight’s eyes start to roll and her coat around her face to turn blue.

“Stop it.”

“Hmm? Hast thou found the courage to durst me?” Nightmare taunted me, not even bothering to turn and face me.

“I said stop it!”

Nightmare turned and opened her mouth to taunt me again but instead she had found that I was now standing right next to her. With all the strength I could muster and more, I swung my fist in an uppercut movement, right into the bottom of her lower jaw, which was still hanging open, and slammed it shut, forcing her head backwards. She lost her hold on Twilight’s neck and let the Unicorn fall to the ground, as she recovered and turned to face me. She powered up her horn to retaliate, but I launched myself at her, scoring another punch to the side of her head, then grabbing her horn before bringing a knee up and smashing it against her chin.

Nightmare retaliated by igniting her horn with black flames that ensnared my hand, which made me lose my grip and stare in pain and fear at my blackened hand. The pain was unbearable, like someone had chopped off said appendage, but I didn’t have time to focus as something pierced my stomach and drove through straight to the other side. I looked down, and gasped in total horror.

Nightmare Moon had stabbed me with her horn, clean through my torso.

I looked away, unable to believe what had happened. My gaze fell over to Twilight, who was trying to regain her breath, not noticing my predicament. Slowly, Nightmare withdrew her horn from within me. I watched as the the entire horn was pulled out, covered in a crimson red liquid. She raised her head to it’s proper level, the blood dripping onto her coat, and I stared into her eyes. They weren’t the eyes of Nightmare Moon who had thrown the DeLorean at me, nor the Nightmare Moon who had tried to kill Twilight, but instead, they were normal blue pupils, with normal circular irises.

Using her aura, which was now a midnight blue, she lifted me over to the side of the room and leaned me against the wall in a sitting position. I stared at her dumbly, my mouth hanging open as she lowered her blood soaked horn and touched my head. A bright flash of light filled my vision, making me close them. When the flash had receded, I opened them to find myself looking across a grey, dusty landscape, with stars and a familiar looking blue and green orb in the sky above me.

“I’m sorry.” I turned to look at the source of the voice, and found a blue pony looking at me sadly, with wings and a horn, light blue mane and tail that hung limply around her, and a black splotch of fur at her flank, with the crescent moon within the centre, like the tattoos the other ponies had.

I opened my mouth to speak, but no sound came out. I looked at her in despair.

“I’m sorry, but I had to. I didn’t want to kill, I never wanted anypony to die. I just wanted to return home, to be forgiven by my sister, to be loved again.

“I didn’t want to be here, alone, forever. I wanted ponies to appreciate me, to love the night sky I laid for them. But they rejected the night. They slept through it to worship the day. They shunned me, and before I knew it, I was being forgotten, in favor for my sister...” the pony looked down sadly, a single tear slipping from her eye and falling slowly to the ground.

“I tried to talk to her about it, but she ignored me. My dear sister, my flesh and blood, shoved me aside. So I turned to the power of dark magic by his blessing, and it corrupted me. It replaced me, and now it has caused all this..” the pony sighed, before looking back up to me. “I suppose you’re wondering why I’m telling you all this...?”

I nod slowly, the movement feeling sluggish and foreign.

“It’s because that you deserve to know why the corruption has done what it has done. I’m so sorry...” there was a second flash, but this one was more gradual. Once it had passed, I was back in the room, with Nightmare Moon leaning over me. She backed away, her eyes back to her normal draconic look. She moved away, cleaning herself of my blood with her dark magic, before moving back to the raised platform where she had stood when I arrived in this room. I watched, unable to move or speak as the other ponies arrived, and made the powdered remains of the five stone orbs turn into gold necklaces, and after that, the sixth one appeared, in the form of a tiara that rested on Twilight’s head. They used the Elements, launching a beam of light in the colours of the rainbow at Nightmare Moon. It wrapped around her, and with a blinding light, Nightmare Moon was no more.

Twilight and the others fell to the ground, unconscious from using the Elements, and in the spot of where Nightmare Moon had been, there was now a different pony, the same one that connected to me telepathically. However, she was conscious and looked up from her lying position on the floor, first at the six ponies that had defeated Nightmare Moon and had saved the day, then at me. The look she gave me was not one of recognition, but of fear.

For some reason, I knew that I was going to die any time now, my body was feeling cold, and my breathing was slowing. I opened my mouth and tried to speak, I had to tell her before I go.

She noticed my attempt at speaking, pricking her ears up and focusing on me. With one last determined act, I managed to saw the three words that needed to be said.

“I forgive you.” Then I just stopped. My heart stopped, my lungs stopped, the flow of blood from my fatal wound stopped, my senses ceased all function. It’s true, about how your brain remains functioning for up to six hours after you die, because I could still think, knowing that I have died, and it wasn’t even heroic too.

My mother and father, along with the rest of my family, will never know that I’ve died. As far as they’re aware, I have disappeared off of the face of the Earth, never to be seen again. I would never see my mum’s smiling face, never see my friends laugh, never to be able to play Minecraft or watch Star Trek ever again. This was it. I could feel my thoughts fading away. I ceased the last thoughts of my mind as I finally accept death’s open arms.

The end.

...

... Why am I still here?

I should be dead, yet I can feel a warmth around me. Is this truly heaven?

Wait, I can hear a voice. Soft and gentle, like a summer’s breeze, but warm and kind, like the rays of the Sun. It’s talking to me. Maybe it’s an angel, welcoming me to heaven perhaps?

The voice is getting clearer, I can hear what she is saying...

“... Please stay focused, it is not your time to go just yet. Hang on, for me... please...” I blink as my vision returns to me, and see that it is filled with whiteness. As my vision focuses and clears, the whiteness shapes itself into the head of a large pony looking down at me, through large pink eyes that warmed my soul. This pony had a long horn, and had a golden tiara on her head, with a mane of blue, pink green and light purple, which seemed to flow in a non-existent breeze.

With a gasp, the pony looked down at me in surprise, before sweeping me into a gentle and loving hug.

“Welcome back to the living, my dear,” she informed me, as I blinked in confusion. My brain restarted itself, and and began to piece together what was going on with past events to try and make some sense, and formulated a reasonable response.

“Why? Did I go somewhere?” I ask innocently, to which the white pony chuckled lightly, before releasing me. She used her powers, which were golden coloured, to help me stand up on my two slightly unbalanced feet.

“I would like to fill in the gaps, as you are aware about what has mostly taken place, but some ponies would like to see you,” she explained, turning around and nodding at the seven ponies in the room, who were all watching me intently, six of them relieved and the seventh looking on cautiously.

“Thank Celestia you’re alive!” I flinch as I get glomped by a purple blur travelling at warp speed. I blink and slowly pat Twilight on the back as she hugged me tightly, probably afraid to let go in case I snuff it again.

“Y’know, you’re the second person to tell me that,” I say casually, as Twilight eventually released me from her hug and allowed me to stand again.

“I’m sorry, I’m just so happy that you’re alive!” Twilight told me, tears brimming in her eyes as she smiled at me, which I returned with a smile of my own.

“We’re all glad to see that yer still alive and kickin’,” Applejack told me with a small smile of her own.

“Indeed, oh it would be dreadful if the princess hadn’t been able to revive you,” Rarity said, shuddering at the grim thought.

“Hey, Declan’s tough! He fought off Nightmare Moon and won! Death wouldn’t be able to stop him!” Rainbow Dash said as she flew over to me and gave me a light bump on the shoulder.

“Oh, I was so worried when we saw you and you weren’t moving... if the princess hadn’t been here, then...” Fluttershy trailed off with a small squeak, fearful of the possible outcome that never was.

“Don’t worry Fluttershy, I’m still here, and I wouldn’t go without seeing all your cute animal friends first,” I say to her reassuringly, making her smile and blush slightly.

“I’m happy that you didn’t die too Decky! If you had perished, then we wouldn’t have been able to play together or attend parties together or travel the world together or eat food together or travel back in time together or-” Pinkie’s rambling was halted when Applejack put her hoof in the pink party pony’s mouth.

“Ah think he get’s it Pinkie,”Applejack told Pinkie, removing her hoof when the pink pony had calmed down.

“Thanks guys, it means alot to hear it all from you, but who are you though?” I ask the white pony, who I noticed also had a set of large and white feathery wings, with a gold engraved breastplate with a purple jewel encrusted in the centre, accompanied by four golden slippers on her hooves and a tattoo of a sun with wiggly lines as it’s rays of light.

“Declan I’d like to introduce my mentor and ruler of Equestria, Princess Celestia!” Twilight informed me happily, like she was introducing two friends to each other.

“So you’re Princess Celestia?” I ask the white pony in wonder, to which she nodded in confirmation. If she is the same Princess that raises the Sun everyday, and had the power to bring me back from the dead, then that would make her a God...

Or an equivalent of one anyway.

“Then that must make you her sister, if I am right. Luna, is it?” I ask the blue pony from earlier.

“H-how didst thou know...?” She asked me timidly, giving me a wary look.

“Luna is actually you name? Wow, I can’t believed that I randomly guessed that!” I said in astonishment, making b the blue pony known as Luna confused.

“Hey, you know what this call for?” Pinkie asked us all in general, bouncing around excitedly.

“A journey back home?” Applejack ventured.

“A nice hot bath?” Rarity put forward.

“A sing-a-long?” Fluttershy offered.

“Breakfast?” I suggest.

“Nope, none of the above!”

“Aww...” we all sighed sadly, with me adding “I’m ever so hungry...”

“A PARTY!” Pinkie finally said to us, jumping up in the air gleefully, before rambling on and on and on about the party and how it would go down.

“But first, we need to sort out a new set of clothes for you Declan dear,”Rarity said, gesturing to my ruined clothes that were barely hanging on. My t-shirt, trousers and coat were unsalvageable, completely torn apart and soaked with blood, and it was all made worse without my precious hat.

“Actually, that’s a capital idea. It’s getting rather chilly in here...”

The journey back was quick and enjoyable. We were all talking about the adventure we had and I was filled in on how the Elements were summoned, how they woke up to see Princess Celestia and how they had found my... body. It was on that note that Rarity changed the conversation to talk about the new set of clothes she was going to make me, and wanted my opinions, to which I replied “I think I know what I want...” with a sly smile.

Somehow, Pinkie had managed to run ahead and prep the party before we arrived, and when we did, we were treated to a hero’s welcome, even treating Luna as the guest of honour.

It wasn’t until well into the party that things got interesting...

“Hey Twi, why so glum? We came, we kicked butt, we fought death and made it back in time for lunch. Why are you acting like the world’s gonna end?” I ask, slurping from my lemonade cup.

“Well, now that we’ve done all that, I have to go back to Canterlot now to continue my studies...” she said sadly, looking down at her cupcake she didn’t feel like eating.

“Isn’t that a good thing?” I ask curiously.

“Well kinda, but it means leaving you and my other friends here, when I have just discovered the magic of friendship...” she sighed, and I felt a pang of pity for the bookish Unicorn.

“I believe I can fix that,” Princess Celestia said from behind us, making both me and Twilight jump. “Spike, come and take a letter please,” the Princess called over to Spike, who hurried over with a quill and paper.

“I, Princess Celestia, hereby decree that the Unicorn Twilight Sparkle shall take on a new mission for Equestria. She must continue to study the magic of friendship, and must report to me her findings from her new home in Ponyville.” Celestia stated, as Spike wrote word for word. When she had finished, the crowd that had gathered suddenly all cheered, and I glanced over at Twilight so see that she couldn’t be happier.

“Oh thank you Princess Celestia, I’ll study harder than ever before!” Twilight exclaimed happily, sharing a nuzzle with her mentor.

“Whelp, all’s well that ends well...” I say contently, looking around at the ponies enjoying the celebration. Of course, this isn’t the end for me, there’s a lot of work that needs doing, but for now, everything is going to be fine, just fine...

MEANWHILE.....

The pony was confused.

It had not long woken up in a barren wasteland, the skies darkened with a storm that raged far above. There was nothing across the cracked landscape for miles, apart from herself, a weird gem, and a battered blue helm.

However, no matter how hard it tried, it couldn’t recall ever getting here, wherever here is, or anything before waking up here.

But one thought echoed throughout her mind, filling her with warmth and pride.

I am free.

Author's Note

Boy it's been a little while. Apologies for the delay, this was one beefy chapter to punch through. Add end of college work and University woes, and voila!

I've been think about cover art actually, and I think that when this story reaches 200 likes, I'll commission someone, with pay, to create some cover art. Unless someone volunteers to do so, which they will be suitably paid for their efforts.

Remember kiddos: see any problems, and post them in the comments. 96% guarantee I would read them but won't take any action. Can't beat those odds!

Tears Of Moonlight

It had only been an hour and the party was still picking up momentum. Ponies everywhere were happily playing games, eating food, socializing with each other, dancing to the music or just having a generally good time. But after Princess Celestia decreed that Twilight Sparkle was to remain in Ponyville for a long term study assignment, the party seemed to become even more exciting, with everyone in attendance in high spirits.

Well, everyone except one certain pony.

"Hey, Princess Luna? Are you okay? I've been looking all over the place for you. Everyone's worried about you," I asked the light blue Princess, who was sitting alone at a table located a fair distance from the centre of the party. She was staring wistfully at the ponies celebrating and enjoying themselves, a wreath of red and white roses hanging from her neck, occasionally sipping from a plastic cup of water. She seemed to jump slightly at the sound of my voice, but made no other reaction. Realizing I wasn't going to get a response right now, I walked round and took a seat opposite her, placing my tray of assorted food items and my lemonade on the table top. "I don't blame you for sitting out of the party, I'm not too keen on huge social gatherings myself," I say, hoping that my attempt at light conversation would help to make her open up to me.

Luna merely nodded in response, never taking her eyes off of the crowd. I sighed, before switching to phase 2.

"I brought you some food, in case you were hungry. I know I am," I say, nudging the tray of food closer to Luna, who threw a quick glance at the tray before turning back to the crowd.

"We're naught in need of food," she replied quietly, making me sigh once more.

"Princess, please tell me what's wrong. I just want to help," I plead, giving the Princess a concerned and sincere look.

"If thou wants to help, then leave us forthwith," Luna responded curtly, continuing to stare out and not even bothering to glance in my direction.

"Fine, I'll go. I just wanted to see if you were okay and if I could help, but I see that I'm wrong," I huffed annoyed by the Princess's attitude. Picking up my tray of food, I get up and leave, walking away.

"No, wait!" I had barely walked two meters when Princess Luna's voice called out to me. I turn round to look back at the Princess, who's facial expression had gone from worry and deep thought to a pleading look. "We shalt explain, just don't leave..." I sigh yet once more, and head head back to my seat, placing the tray back on the table.

"Well...?" I say, motioning for her to explain.

"It is hard to admit. We are ashamed about it..." Luna said timidly, focusing her gaze on the ground now to avoid all eye contact.

"I'm sure it can't be that bad. For instance, it can't be worse than dying, and I know how that feels," I reply, shaking the hollow thoughts of the afterlife out of my head.

"Ye does not understand, it is pudh!" Luna snapped, her eyes swelling up with tears.

"Pudh...?"

"We trow it means 'horrible."

"Oh. Hey wait a sec, I'm sure it can't be horrible," I say reassuringly, but Luna shrugs it off.

"It is!" Luna said whilst on the verge of crying, trying her best to keep her composure, but failing. "... We have lost our magic..." she admitted quietly and sadly, letting a few tears escape and fall to the ground.

"Oh... well I'm sure it'll be fine-" I begin to say, but I get cut off.

"It is not fine! Losing one's magic is a fate worse than death itself..." she cried, letting more tears drop down. Out of sympathy, I get up and move over to her, kneeling down next to her and wrapping her into a hug, which she accepted. Leaning across her seat (which was essentially a stool), she rested her head against my shoulder, the remainder of her composure crumbling and dissolving into quiet sobs.

"Shh, it'll be alright," I say consolingly, while she silently cried. The sight of the Princess broken made me feel so helpless, I just don't know what to do...

"Luna, there you are. We have be-" both me and Luna looked up in surprise to see Princess Celestia, who had approached us, but stopped, shocked at the sight of seeing her sister crying. "Luna? What's wrong? What happened?" She asked her sister, kneeling down in front of her.

And so Luna told Princess Celestia that she had lost her magic, with some encouragement from me, which prompted Celestia to give her sister a consoling nuzzle, before standing up and motioning me to walk with her a few meters away from the table.

Once I had joined the Princess, who was looking sadly at Luna, she turned to me. "Declan, you may not be aware, but all ponies have an essence of magic in them, one that grants them their special abilities and what keeps them alive. Without that magical essence, a pony would slowly turn into a husk of their former self; still conscious and aware of everything, but unable to move or speak. It is essentially a fate worse than death," she said somberly, and although she continued to maintain her steel hard composure, I noticed that her eyes were starting to water.

"There must be something we can do, right...?" I ask hopefully, but a shake of the head from Celestia made any hope I had sink faster than the Titanic.

"There is nothing we can do. In times before, we were able to restore a pony's magical essence by transferring it from a pony who was near death, but it would only work with the same race of pony. Since Luna is an Alicorn, only I have enough magical power to save her, but in doing so, the same fate would befall me..." Princess Celestia explained resignedly, lowering her head to look at the ground in defeat. "... I just got my sister back, and now... I'm losing her again..."

A single tear fell from Celestia's eye and splashed on the ground below. "If only we had a source of energy powerful enough to restore her..."

Then it hit me like a sack of potatoes.

"Hang on, I have an idea..." I say thoughtfully, making Celestia to look up in surprise.

"If you are going to suggest the Elements of Harmony, then it wouldn't work. The magic used by the Elements is too different."

"No, not those things. I meant the DeLorean's power source," I say, to which Celestia raised an eyebrow in slight confusion. "You see, I came here in a car, called a DeLorean, and to get here, it used a massive amount of power to do so. If I can find that power source, we may be able to transfer it's power into the Princess!" I explain, hope rising again in my chest.

"It is thoughtful of you, but it would not work. It needs to be from a living thing with the same magical properties," Celestia said, shooting my idea down. I sigh, rubbing my forehead with a hand in despair.

"Then what are we supposed to do?"

"That I need to decide. In the mean time, I would appreciate it if you would not mention this to anypony or anyone. It would only cause more stress for Luna," Celestia said, before walking back to her sister, draping a wing around her, and with a dazzling white flash, they vanished.

I sigh, looking at the seat where Luna was at mere seconds ago, before stuffing my hands into my ruined trouser pockets and walking away grimly.

Author's Note

Apologies for the short chapter. This was supposed to be a funny chapter, then it turned sad and it wasn't funny anymore. Now it's too sad to continue writing this one so I'm gonna throw this out like I promised and ~~hope for the best~~ continue this next chapter.

Plus, five internet cookies to the first person who guesses where Luna's magic is correctly.

In Sickness And In Health

I pushed open the door to the library, trudging through it, and closing said door, before slowly walking into the room. It's never nice that you know someone who's going to die, and there's nothing you can do.

Walking into the kitchen, I grabbed a glass and poured myself some water. Taking several gulps, I tipped the rest out and grimaced. For some weird reason, all the food I could eat at the party had tasted horrible, and now the same thing happened with drinking water. Sighing, I made my way upstairs, collapsing on my makeshift bed and staring up at the ceiling.

"I wish there was something I could do..." I mutter sadly to myself. There had to be something we could do. to save the Princess. Maybe combine the essence of all three pony races?

But how did it happen? Nightmare Moon had plenty of essence, why wasn't it carried over to Luna when Nightmare was purged? Did the Elements purge her magic too because it had become corrupt? Can magic even go bad? I still don't really believe in it anyway. I mean come on, freakin' magic.

But it saved me, and stopped Nightmare Moon.

And it has doomed Luna.

I felt the sudden urge to upchuck some chunks. Instead of making a mad dash to the lavatory, I turn on my side and just let it spew out across the floor, somehow avoiding the makeshift bed. Turning onto my back, I continued my staring at the ceiling, wrapping a blanket around me as the room temperature seemed to lower several degrees.

"Wow, what a party!" Twilight said as she and Spike returned to the library. The party had gone on for hours. From mid morning to early evening. Even now, some ponies were still partying, Pinkie included, but it had lost it's fun for Twilight when Princess Celestia had departed to sort out some urgent business.

"Yeah, Pinkie sure knows how to throw a good party!" Spike added, jumping off Twilight's back and heading for the kitchen, while Twilight went upstairs.

"Spike, can you make me a cup of tea while you're in there?" Twilight called from the stairs, pausing momentarily to await the young dragon's response.

"Sure thing Twi," he replied, filling a teapot with water and put it on the stove to boil, while he fetched two tea cups from a cupboard.

A high pitched scream from upstairs caught Spike off guard, making him jump and dropping the tea cups, which fell and smashed against the floor. He ran to the bottom of the stairs, looking up worriedly. "Twilight! Are you okay?" He asked, but got no response. "... Twilight?"

"Spike! Get me some towels and all the books about medical illnesses! Quickly!" Twilight half ordered, half cried from the bedroom above. Spike lept into action, dashing around and grabbing several white towels that were neatly folded, and stacked three thick and heavy books on top, before slowly and carefully made his way upstairs.

When he had arrived in the bedroom, he saw Twilight on the upper level, bent over something and crying quietly. He quickly hurried up the short flight of stairs, and dropped the books and towels in front of him when he saw who Twilight was bent over.

On the floor, next to a pile of vomit, was a pale skinned and unconscious Declan.

"Twilight, what's wrong with him?" Spike asked with worry, as Twilight levitated a towel over to Declan's head, lifting it and slipping the towel under before lowering his head.

"I don't know... I just found him like this. He seemed to be suffering from a fever, but there's too many different symptoms! I need to look it up, try and find a cure..." Twilight grabbed all three books and started to quick read through all of them, scanning the pages as they flipped by.

"Twilight..."

"There's nothing about his condition in these books. Spike, go find some more, and be quick!" She said, throwing the books away and focusing back on Declan.

"But Twilight-"

"Spike, go!" She snapped, before realising what she said. "Oh Spike, I'm sorry for snapping at you, it's just that... something's really wrong with Declan, and I have no idea what it is..." se sniffed, looking down at the baby dragon, who looked at the Unicorn with concern.

"Twilight, maybe we should take him to a hospital..." Spike suggested, putting a claw on her shoulder. Twilight looked over at Declan for a moment in thought, before nodding sadly. Lifting him up with magic, Twilight draped a blanket across his chest, before levitating him along as she and Spike walked through the library and out into Ponyville, in search of a hospital.

Oh God I feel so cold.

I woke up to find that I was no longer in the library, on top of my makeshift bed, but resting on a comfortable mattress, with a white sheet laying across me up to my waist. The room was white all over, and strongly reminded me of a patient's room in a hospital. Looking around, I noticed that my vision was slightly blurred. Reaching up, I felt that I was still wearing my glasses.

Then I noticed the tubes in my arm, connected to an IV drip. Then a rhythmic beeping reached my ears, slightly deafened for some reason. Sitting up slowly, I glanced at the source of the beeping, and noticed that I was hooked to a heart rate monitor. Blinking in confusion, I felt a slight pain in my stomach from sitting up, and I laid back down, worry and confusion spreading throughout my thoughts.

The door opened, and a pony I had never seen before, with a cream coat and brown mane walked ib. He was also wearing glasses and a white lab coat, followed by a familiar purple Unicorn and a much larger white pony.

"Where am I...?" I ask, my voice sounding weak and with less emotion. The lab coat pony walked up to look at something written on the wall behind me, before nodding at the other two and walking out.

"You're in Ponyville General hospital," Twilight answered, walking up to my bedside.

"Why?" I ask in confusion.

"I'm afraid that you are very ill," the pony that I now realised was Princess Celestia said, walking over to the opposite side of the bed to Twilight. "Perhaps fatally so."

"How...? I thought that I wasn't going to die..." I ask, looking at the white Alicorn with worry and confusion.

"It appears that the revival process, among other things, has filled your body with magic, something which it rejects, and as a result, your entire system is shutting down, being killed off by the magic inside you." Celestia looked at me, her gaze never wavering as she explained my condition. Hearing her words only made me more confused.

"Wait, what 'other things'?" I ask, hoping that I wouldn't regret asking this question.

"I do not know how to say this, but it appears that when the Elements were used to stop Nightmare Moon, it transferred some of her power to you, which your body couldn't handle." I close my eyes and sigh, bringing the arm that wasn't tubed up to rub my forehead as I processed this all.

"So, what you're saying is that... Princess Luna's magic or whatever is inside me, and is killing me because it's too powerful and my body is allergic to it?" Celestia nodded solemnly in response. "Whelp, I always said that I was allergic to magic, but I never thought it was true."

"We're trying to figure out a way to transfer Princess Luna's magic out of you and back where it belongs, but we're not making much progress," Twilight said, putting a hoof consolingly on my left arm.

"Speaking of... where is the Princess?" I ask, trying to sit up in bed again, and with some help from twilight and Princess Celestia, I was now sitting up with my back against wall at the head of the bed.

"She is in another room in the hospital. We thought that it would be easier to keep you two close in case we figure out a way to save you both," Celestia answered.

"Can I see her?"

"It would be better if you didn't." I sighed and lay back onto the bed, staring up to the ceiling as Princess Celestia waffled on about why I was bed ridden. The monotonous beeping of the heart monitor echoed through my thoughts as I tuned out of the world around me and stared off into space...

...

beep

...

beep

...

beep

... That heartbeat sensor is really annoying me. The last thing that I need as I lie on my deathbed is this stupid countdown timer telling me if I snuff it or not.

...

beep

I swear to God, one more fucking beep out of that machine...

...

...

...

beep

"Motherfucker...!" I hiss quietly in annoyance, shooting a death glare at it.

beep

"That's it! You're dead!" I snarled, swinging my aching everything off of the bed and standing up on my legs and feet, which wobbled dangerously from lack of use, but did not cave out from under me. Grabbing the mobile IV drip, I wheeled it around so I was now facing the heartbeat sensor. With a warrior-like yell that sounded like a hamster's squeak, I grabbed the sensors on my chest and pulled them off sharply.

Which was a mistake, as the sensation was not unlike having the hair on your legs being ripped off by those wax strips.

Managing to contain the scream of pain into a heavy grunt, I gripped the IV drip harder to maintain my balance. Unfortunately, pulling the sensors off while the machine was on was a mistake also, as it immediately flat-lined once the sensors where removed.

With one last venomous glare at the infernal machine, I raised my hand to he power switch to turn it off, and paused.

"He's dead, Jim," I said with a small, victorious smile as I flicked the switch and the machine died instantly, ceasing the high pitched noise. I turned to the door and made my way towards it, pulling the IV drip along on it's wheels by my right hand. When I got to said door, I grasped the handle and opened it, pulling it inwards and sticking my head out. Looking to the left, I saw nothing but doors down the corridor, and looking to the right yielded the same results, except for the two ponies clad in golden armour and with spears, slumped on the floor either side of a door near mine, fast asleep. Apart from the ever viligant security, there was no one else in the dimly lit corridor.

Sighing, and hazarding a guess that Princess Luna is behind the guarded door, I stepped over the threshold of my room and into the corridor, turning right and began the slow, cautious and hopefully quiet walk towards the guarded door. Now, at some point, I had let go of the IV drip stand, letting it follow by tugging on the line connecting the drip to my arm. somehow, said IV drip stand managed to get it's wheels stuck, making it unable to move forward with me. I had noticed this, and decided to jerk my arm with the line in to get the damn pole moving, which was a terrible mistake.

End result: the IV drip line was pulled viciously out of my arm.

Immense pain shot through my right arm and I had to quickly shove my left hand balled up into a fist to stop the stream of expletives that would have woken up the guards for sure (and warrant the use of the mature tag for this innocent little story).

Cursing silently as tears of pain dribbled down my cheeks, I abandoned the stupid IV drip and made the final steps towards the door. Luckily, both of the pony guards were still fast asleep, and I quietly sneaked round one of them and came to a stop right in front of the door. Grasping the handle with my left hand, which had been removed from my mouth when I was sure I wasn't about to scream in pain, I pulled it down and pushed open the door.

The room was in semi darkness, with no visible light apart from a window with the curtains pulled back to allow a sheen of bright moonlight to filter through and give the room a gentle illuminated glow. A look around showed that this room was almost identical to mine, except for the window on the far wall. It even had a similar heartbeat monitor with the same irritating noise!

I close the door behind me and walk over slowly to a chair in the corner of the room, by the window. Sitting down, I now decided to examine my right arm, and grimace at the sight. There was a good coating of blood across my arm and I could still feel pain so bad it felt like it was on fire.

"Well well, you have been in the thick of it, hmm?" A very familiar voice asked from across the room, making me jump in fright. Looking over at the source of the voice, I could make out a tall Human leaning against the wall by the door. There was a soft click, and the room was bathed in a dim light from a candle the man was holding.

"It's you!" I hiss venomously at 'God', who smirked at me.

"Yes it's me, here to check up on you and see how you are doing," he said whilst smiling, slowly walking towards me with the candle. "And my oh my, you have been busy, I must say."

"What do you want?" I ask, giving him a glare of dislike.

"I just said, I'm here to check up on you. You Humans have always simply loved stating the obvious, you know that?" He commented, stopping in front of me and kneeling down so his eyes were now on the same level as mine. "And besides, why the hostility? I thought we were pals," he added, setting the candle on the floor.

"Why the hostility? Oh, let me think... I'm stranded on an alien world with the only way off out of fuel that is impossible to obtain here, I had to traverse a deadly forest to stop an evil and nigh on unstoppable force from wiping out all life on this world, and lastly, and this is a personal favourite, I DIED." All of this was said with a heavy spoonful of bitter and frustrated sarcasm at the supposed Almighty.

"But you're here right now talking to me, so obviously you didn't," he replied with a smirk, which annoyed me further.

"Only because I was revived with magic, which is killing me right now."

"Oh yes, magic. My fault really, should've warned you about it," God said nonchalantly, glancing out of the window to the pale moon in the sky.

"You knew?!"

"Of course I knew. I'm 'all seeing', remember?" He said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"You are an asshole," I said angrily at him.

"So I've been told. Look, I can't stay for much longer, but since you're doing so well right now, I'll let you ask one more question, and it can be anything at all."

"Can you remove Princess Luna's magic from me and give it back to her, please?" I ask instantly, mentally crossing my fingers, as God stood up, picking up the candle as he did so, and took a few steps back.

"Yes, yes I can do that. Compared to creating the universe, it's child's play," he replied simply, before standing there, doing nothing.

After several minutes of silence, I sighed and asked "what are you waiting for?"

"Waiting for what, exactly?" God asked curiously.

"Waiting for you to give Princess Luna her magic back!" I snapped, my patience wearing thin. But I was shocked when God started to laugh. At first, it was a small chuckle, but it soon escalated into a full blown guffaw, almost dropping the candle. It lasted for a minute, before he recovered his composure within a blink of an eye.

"Oh my boy, you really do say the funniest things," he said with an amused grin. "I said that you can ask me a question, not ask a favour of me," he explained, before blowing out the flame on the candle, making both himself and the candle to vanish.

"Goddammit God," I hissed in anger, accompanied by the desire to throw something at the spot where he once stood.

But my hatred of the Holy Father evaporated when the occupant of the bed groaned. Slowly, I turned to face the bed. The bed covers twitched and shifted, as the bed's occupant moved around, accompanied by more groans.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to disturb you. I, uh... I'll be going," I ramble nervously, standing up and heading to the door.

"Declan...?" I stop and turned to look at the Princess, who was shifting around to prop herself up to look at me.

"Hellloooo...?"

"What are thou doing in here?" The Princess asked, her voice slightly raspy.

"Well, I uh, came in here to talk but you were asleep and I didn't want to bother you so I was just leaving..." I explain, gesturing to the door.

"No, please stay. We would prefer the company..." she pleaded, and I thought it over for the briefest of moments, before trudging back and sitting back down in the room's only chair. We sat in silence for a minute, both of us lost with our own thoughts and thinking about what to say.

“We know that thou hath Our powers,” the Princess said, not turning to look at me.

“Ah. Well, I didn’t mean to. It just sorta... happened,” I shrugged. Princess Luna just grunted and continued to think. “I’m having a hard time understanding all of this. I’m new to the whole magic thing.”

“Thou dost not have nary any magic?” The Princess asked in surprise, turning sharply to stare at me in shock, like I had just proclaimed that the moon was made of cheese.

“Nope, where I came from, it doesn’t exist. Before I came here, most of what I knew of magic was either fake tricks, or completely fictional,” I explain, with Princess Luna paying close attention to my words.

“Whither dost thee cometh from?” She asked in wonder.

“Well... I think I’m from another planet. Or I could be from the very distant past. Or the very distant future. Hell, I don’t know. But I do know that I come from a planet called Earth.” Princess Luna was about to ask another question when the door to the room opened, and Princess Celestia walked in, followed by a grey coated, white maned Earth pony in a white lab coat.

"I had a feeling that I'd find you here," Princess Celestia said as she walked over to Princess Luna's bedside. “We have been discussing with the doctors, and we may have a way to save you both.”

“That’s smashing!” I say happily, sharing a smile with Princess Luna. Princess Celestia turned to look at the pony doctor and nodded, allowing him to explain.

“The procedure we’ll perform will be similar to the ones we perform on other ponies, but instead we’re going to split it and channel one half back into you, Princess,” the doctor explained, looking from Princess Luna to me, then Luna again.

“Whoa there, you’re gonna split it? I thought this stuff was killing me cos my body or whatever can’t adjust to it,” I say, giving the doctor a confused look.

“Well, that was the case at first, but it appears that you’re body is slowly adapting to the Princess’s magic. Of course it’s too much for your body to handle, and thus it has formed a magical cancer of sorts,” the doctor explained again. “But since your body is adapting and copying the Princess’s magical signature, removing it all may kill you,” he added, noticing that I had opened my mouth to ask another question.

“How dost this procedure work?” Princess Luna asked the doctor.

“Well, we’re going to transfer as much magic as we can through a conduit back into you, Princess. Fortunately, Her Majesty Princess Celestia has volunteered to serve as the conduit,” the doctor explained (he sure does a lot of that).

“Whenst canst it be performed?”

“Right now would be the best time, if everypony agrees,” the doctor said, glancing at both Princesses and me.

“I am ready,” Princess Celestia stated.

“So are We,” Princess Luna acknowledged.

“Might as well go through with this I suppose,” I sigh, anxious about the upcoming life-saving magical transfer.

The doctor had rounded up a group of nurses, half of which went about setting up a room for the transfer, while the rest prepared both Princesses and myself. One the room was ready, we were brought in. They laid me and Princess Luna on two beds, with Princess Celestia standing in the middle. The nurses had set up heartbeat monitors and IV drips, the doctor stood at Princess Luna’s other side, holding a clipboard in a hoof, and anesthetic was administered into both me and the Lunar Princess.

“Oh, before we begin, I’d just like to mention that there may be unintentional side effects,” the doctor said to both Luna and me. “Nothing to worry about, I’m sure nothing can go wrong.” Famous last words...

I was about to comment on what the doctor had said, but the anesthetic suddenly kicked in, and I could feel myself slip into the darkness of unconsciousness...

“Whenever you are ready, Your Majesty,” Doctor Scope said once both patients had been rendered unconscious.

“One thing before I start doctor; what do you mean by unintentional side effects?” Princess Celestia asked, frowning slightly.

“Well, because we’re transferring magic from one individual to another to make sure that both of them live, well... it simply hasn’t been done before I’m afraid, Your Majesty. All sorts of things could happen, for instance both may inherit genetic traits from each other, causing potentially horrific mutations; or either one of them may become impregnated and give birth to a hybrid of both species, or-”

“Doctor Scope, I highly doubt that Declan, being a male, can become pregnant, don’t you agree?” Princess Celestia suggested, raising an eyebrow at the doctor, who looked a little embarrassed.

“It’s only a possibility...” he muttered. Princess Celestia sighed and lowered her horn to touch Declan’s forehead.

“Very well, I shall begin,” she said, as a golden glow enveloped her horn, and soon started to spread across the sleeping biped’s forehead. Then, a swirl of deep blue energy mixed in with Celestia’s magic and quickly shot down her horn to the base, causing her to gasp. Her mane, which flowed in an non-existent breeze before, suddenly went as stiff as wood, as bolts of blue energy shot through it, like she had touched a tesla coil with her horn. Her knees buckled as she grunted in the effort, but she continued to stand. After 30 seconds, the white Alicorn started to struggle with all the foreign magic channelling into her.

This should do, now I must break the connection, Celestia thought. She started to pull away, but the connection between her and Declan remained. If anything, it seemed to be growing stronger.

Wha-! Why can’t I stop the connection?! Celestia gathered up her strength and tried to rear up onto her hind legs, the entwined magical energy resisting and slowly peeling off of his forehead like glue. Then, a pulse of white energy had shot out from his forehead, latching onto her horn and shooting down it. Celestia had only enough time to gasp before it reached the base of her horn and her vision was blinded by a bright light...

... before receding, and Celestia could see that she was no longer in Ponyville Hospital, but in the middle of a strange road. Peculiar houses, all compacted and pushed up right against each other, lined each side of the road, with some sort of sidewalk between the dwelling and the road itself. Scattered half on the sidewalk and half on the road were strange carriages of many different colours, with peculiar black and silver wheels, metal bodies and glass windows.

The road was deserted, except for two people walking down the road towards Celestia. She noted that they were of the same species as Declan, but different. one was taller, but not as tall as Celestia herself. the first one seemed to be feminine, judging by her looks. She had black curly hair, and was wearing a coat that went down to below her knees. Holding her hand was a young boy, with short black hair and a snug green coat, which didn’t go past his waist, showing his black trousers. He also was carrying some kind of bag on his back, and was smiling happily.

“Did you enjoy school today?” The mother asked her child.

“I did! Everyone liked my new Thunderbirds bag, they said it was pretty cool!” The child said cheerfully as they continued to walk down the sidewalk.

“That’s nice,” the mother said, also happy. “Did you get any homework today?” She asked, and the child frowned slightly as he tried to recall something.

“Yeah, but it’s only maths, and maths is easy,” he said, his smile returning. “Oh! And I have a letter for you!” He said, his voice now full of excitement.

“Oh yeah? What’s it about?” The mother asked.

“It’s about a trip to the science museum in London! It sounds really amazing! Can I go?” The child asked, looking up at his mother pleadingly.

His mother opened her mouth to speak, but the whole scene suddenly freezed, and a blinding light filled Celestia’s vision, before receding, and she found herself back in the hospital room.

“Stand back!” Doctor Scope shouted, as with one final pull, the magical energy had finally peeled off of Declan’s forehead and snapped onto Celestia’s horn, joining the swirling auras of blue and gold already wrapped around it.

“Are you alright, Your Majesty?” Doctor Scope asked in concern, “there was a magical surge, we thought we had almost lost him,” he said, gesturing with the clipboard-wielding hoof to the still unconscious Declan.

“I am fine,” Princess Celestia replied, managing to turn to face her sister in her bed and lowered her horn, making Luna’s and her own touch. As soon as they did so, a bright light emanated from the point of contact, making the nurses and Doctor Scope shield their eyes. Celestia forced the blue aura of magical energy down onto Luna’s horn, feeling the massive amount of energy flowing out of her and into her sister. Bolts of magical energy sparked down both of their horns, before all of the foreign magic was channelled into Luna’s horn. Once it had all left her, Celestia collapsed backwards, falling to the floor.

She could hear the yells of surprise from the nurses and the doctor, but Celestia didn’t care. She was exhausted, and allowed her mind to drift off into a peaceful rest...

Oh sweet merciful God! I think I have the mother of all hangovers, and I don’t even drink!

Wait, why is my head hurting like someone has hit it with a sledgehammer? Is this the after effect of... that procedure thing.

“Doctor, I think he’s coming round...!” A familiar voice said, although it was faint and seemed to echo a bit. I tried to focus on it, and I could start to make out other voices, but they too were faint and seem to be far away. I tried to open my eyes, but my eyelids were heavy and felt sluggish. It also didn’t help that every time I tried to open then, this insanely bright light appeared and I quickly closed them again. Stupid light sensitive retinas!

I try to raise an arm, and to my surprise it moved upwards first time, despite the fact that it felt like it was made out of solid gold. I raise it up and use my hand to shield my eyes, before opening them. The light was still there (and bright), but it wasn’t as bad or painful with my hand shielding my eyes. Blinking repeatedly, and trying to focus my vision since I wasn’t wearing my glasses, I look around, squinting, and noticing that there were different coloured shapes surrounding my bed.

“Whozzat...?” I ask blearily, my throat feeling oddly dry.

“YOU’RE ALIVE!” A voice screeched in my ear and a pink... thing started to half strangle-hug, half smother me.

“Pinkie, give him some room!” Another voice said, and the pink blob identified as Pinkie retreated, allowing me to continue breathing.

“Where’re me glasses...?” I ask, squinting around for them.

“Here they are,” a voice that I pinpoint as Twilight said, accompanied by a tingling feeling by the hand shielding my eyes, and I close them , grabbing the levitating glasses and slipping them on. I then felt myself being helped to sit upright in the bed by the same tingling feeling. Blinking, I look around at the gathered ponies in front of me.

Starting from the left was a grinning Pinkie Pie, followed by a softly smiling Fluttershy, then a hovering Rainbow Dash, a wild grinning Vinyl Scratch, with a gently smiling Octavia, then Princess Celestia at the foot of the bed. Going from her right, was a smiling Princess Luna, a relieved Applejack, a beaming Twilight Sparkle, with Spike sitting on her back.

“Uhh... hi,” I say, glancing at all of them, before resting my gaze at the white and majestic Alicorn. “Why are all of you gathered here?” I ask cautiously.

“We heard that you were in the hospital recovering, so me and Vinyl hurried over as quickly as we could,” Octavia said, gesturing to her roommate.

“Same with us when we heard the same,” Applejack added, nodding to the other mares that made up the newly formed Elements of Harmony.

“Oh, thanks guys. I really appreciate it that you all took the time to come and see me.” I say appreciatively, returning their smiles. “Hey Princess Luna, you look... different...” I say, staring at the Lunar Princess, who had undergone a significant change in her appearance. Her coat was a much darker shade of blue, and her mane and tail looked similar to Nightmare’s, glittery like it was full of stars, but this mane and tail was flowing in an invisible breeze, similar to Princess Celestia’s, and was a deeper shade of blue than Nightmare’s.

“Indeed, our magic hath been restored!” Princess Luna said excitedly, leaning in and flipping her new mane about for me to get a good look.

“Sweet! Looks like everyone wins! I’m not dying again, Princess Luna is also not dying, and nothing went wrong!” I say happily, smiling broadly.

“Indeed, the procedure was a complete success. Now, I believe that we have overstayed our welcome, my little ponies. Declan needs to rest,” Princess Celestia told the ponies gathered, who bowed and walked out, saying a string of “goodbye!” and “see ya later!” as they left. Soon, it was just me, celestia and Luna left.

“I wouldn’t mind about them staying longer,” I say, already starting to miss their company.

“I know, but you need rest. The procedure was very taxing on you, it almost killed you while Luna’s magic was being transferred,” Celestia explained. “We must return to Canterlot now. I need to introduce, or rather remind, Equestria of their second princess. We shall see each other soon, I hope,” Celestia said, before bowing and walking out. Once she had left, Luna had stepped forward.

“We wish to thank thee for all that thou hath done for us. If not for you, we would have... thank you.” Luna then bowed too, her eyes glistening, before walking out. I blink, alone in my hospital room, and relax into my bed.

“Sheesh, what a month...” I sigh, looking up at the white ceiling.

“Indeed. I’ve never seen such an odd month for a Human.”

“Good God!” I cry out in surprise and shock, sitting bolt upright and ignoring the faint aching feeling across my body. God was casually sitting in the room’s only chair, next to the door at the opposite end of the room.

“Oh you flatter me,” God said bashfully, blushing.

“Ugh, what now?!” I ask God in frustration.

“I just stopped by to wish you well, and to tell you of your new goal, but if you’re gonna take that tone with me, I might as well go...” he said, standing up and heading to the door slowly. He stopped at the door and looked back at me, expectantly.

“*sigh*... what kind of shit do you want me to do?” I ask him in defeat, regretting asking the question.

“I’m glad you asked!” God said happily and leaned back against the door. “You see. you have been doing so remarkably well, that I have decided to test you to see the extent of your abilities,” he explained. “There are seven tests which you must do, each will be worthy of a marvelous prize! Do all seven, and I may even send you back home!” This grabbed my attention, and I leaned in to listen more carefully. “They will start at random times, so the first one could begin ten minutes from now, or even a year!”

“Hang on a tick! I could be stuck here for at least a year?!” I ask incredulously.

“Nah, it’s probably more than that,” he replied, which made my heart sink like a stone and making me fall back onto my pillow. “But trust me, it will be worth it. You are the only one who can prove that Humanity is ready for Eden once again, and the only way to do it is to do the tests.” Then, with a cheerful wave, he leaned back and fazed through the closed door, leaving me well and truly alone.

“Wait! What tests are we talking about? What prizes?!” I ask, but God had already left, leaving my questions unanswered.

Author's Note

What do you guys think? Did something go wrong? Will Declan ever go home? Why is God an asshole? None of these will be answered in the next chapter! Same Dec-time, same Dec-site!

Also, congrats to SirJadan13, SilentGhost and Mekapix for guessing it right.

And before comments about it, yes it's late. Was ready to shift for two weeks but I forgot about it :/

Reality of the Situation

It had been just shy of 24 hours since I woke up after the transfer, and the hospital was ready to throw me out. They had kept me in for observation, but really they just wanted to learn as much as possible I guess.

But before I could leave, I needed clothes, and the ones I was wearing during Nightmare Moon's return had mysteriously disappeared when I was admitted into the hospital.

And I have a feeling that a certain somepony may be responsible. And speaking of which...

I glanced up from my lunch to the room's door, which was opened by a white Unicorn with an expertly styled mane and tail, accompanied by a set of saddlebags.

"Ah hello Rarity! Pleasure to see you," I say in greeting, placing my knife and fork on the table across my bed.

"Likewise darling, but I'm afraid that I'm here on a rather sad note," she said, walking into the room and closing the door behind her with magic, while avoiding eye contact. "I tried my utmost best, but they were sadly unsalvageable."

"What were? What are you going on about?" I ask. Rarity sighed heavily, before using her magic to open up a saddlebag and levitated a bundle of clothing. "Hey, are those my clothes?" I ask, realising my suspicions were correct.

"Yes they are, I took them while you were being treated so I could resow them back at my boutique, but they were too damaged after I cleaned them," she explained, levitating the bundle of clothing over to me, and I plucked it out of her magical grasp. The clothes were even worse since the last time I saw them, although they had been cleaned, it was obvious that the cleaning had caused even more damage, and were now completely unwearable.

“Damn, now what am I gonna wear when the hospital staff kick me out?” I sigh, bundling up the clothes and throwing them into the bin across the room. At this point, Rarity lit up like a christmas tree and opened the other saddlebag with her magic.

“I have just the outfit! Remember when we were walking back through the Everfree Forest, you described to me what your new set of clothes wanted to look like?” I nod, and she continues, “well as soon as I got back, I went straight to work designing and creating that outfit! I wasn’t able to finish the shirt and I’m still waiting for the materials of your new hat to arrive, but I got the trousers and coat all ready to go!” And with that, Rarity lifted two neatly folded pieces of clothing, one was a pair of brown trousers circa 1940 and the other was a leather duster-like coat. They floated over to me and I grabbed them, before pushing away the table bed to the bottom and getting out of the bed, stretching as I did so.

“Ah, it feels good to be out of that darn bed! Thanks Rarity, I’ll pay you back whenever I can,” I say, taking the clothes and heading to the en suite bathroom, and closing the door to get changed. I quickly shed my medical gown, which was a pony version elongated to fit me and came very short. Thankfully, they still allowed me to wear my underwear, although I’m going to need to talk to Rarity about that at some point soon.

“Oh, you don’t have to pay me back Declan. Think of it as a gift for helping us stop Nightmare Moon."

"Aww, that's kind of you but you guys deserve all the credit," I say modestly, pulling the trousers up my legs.

"Don't be so modest. If it weren't for you, that evil wretch would've..." Rarity trailed off, and I heard her take a heavy gulp of air. Making sure that my trousers weren't going to fall down my legs, I opened the door to find Rarity right outside, a horrified look etched across her face. I did the first thing that can me to mind, kneeling down so I was at her level before bringing the Unicorn in for a hug.

"It's alright," I say, holding the pony close. After a moment, Rarity returned the hug.

"T-thank you Declan, I just don't know what came over me..." Rarity said quietly, before we broke apart and I grabbed my coat.

"You look shattered Rarity, when did you last get some sleep?" I ask, noticing for the first time how worn out the fashionista looked.

"I can't recall," she replied, yawning as she did so.

"Come on, let's get you home," I say, to which Rarity nods and we make our way out of the hospital checking out as we did so. Then a thought hit me.

"Hey Rarity, where's the stuff that was in my old clothes pockets?"

I signed myself out of the hospital and accompanied Rarity back home. Once she was inside and resting, I made my way back to the library posthaste. I had been informed that Twilight Sparkle had 'requisitioned' my stuff for 'safe keeping'.

Arriving at the library, I opened the door and entered, ducking as I did so. Upon entering the library, I spotted Twilight pacing around the wooden table in the middle of the room (the circular one with a horrible horsehead bust on, ugh!). On said table was my assorted pocket junk, including yellowing receipts and my iPhone, but since its out of juice, its just a hi-tech brick.

“Hi Twilight,” I say in greeting, making the Unicorn twist her head round to see me so fast I thought she had broken it.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” She asked me in a very serious fashion.

“Tell you what?” I ask in confusion.

“That you are from another world!” Twilight practically shouted, with a mixture of irritation and a hint of excitement.

Ah.

“Who told you?” I ask quzzically.

“Some white Unicorn with purple glasses told me, she said she was a friend of yours.” Goddammit Vinyl! “Why didn’t you tell me? I knew that you were not native to Equestria, Princess Celestia told me so before I left Canterlot, but to actually hail from another world... I could be the first pony to make official first contact with an alien species! The knowledge we could share, the technologies, the possibilities are endless!” She rambled, no longer talking directly at me, but instead going off into her own little world. I sighed and loudly cleared my throat, snapping Twilight out of her reverie and back to my attention.

“Look, I don’t know if I’m from another planet, or from another point in time; in fact, I don’t know much about how I got here, and I would really like some help getting back, but at the moment, I just want my stuff back,” I explain to Twilight, who clung to my every word like a scientist would to the explanation of string theory. She tilted her head to one side in confusion, and in a rather cute way at that, before she understood what I meant.

“Oh! Your belongings are all here,” she said, waving a hoof at the table next to her. I walk over and scrounge through all the items, the only things worth picking up were my house keys, spare change and my iPhone. “By the way, what’s an ‘eye-fone’?” Twilight asked, as I slipped the keys and money into my trouser pocket, before checking my phone, making sure it was okay.

“Oh, I’ll explain it later. Don’t give me that puppy dog look Sparkle. Look, after I check some stuff, I’ll explain everything to you. I promise,” I say, making the Unicorn light up with excitement.

BZZT BZZT.

I almost dropped the phone from surprise, as the screen lit up whilst the device powered itself back online.

“Whoa, what the heck?!” I exclaim, eyeing the screen cautiously as the Apple logo disappeared and was replaced with the lock screen. “How come this thing has power? I thought I drained it playing games long ago.”

“How is it producing light like that? Is it some kind of magic?” Twilight asked, completely intrigued by the device.

“Not magic, it runs on electricity. It should have none left, yet it’s fully charged...” I sigh, seeing that the phone was indeed fully charged in the top right corner of the screen. “Just another mystery I guess,” I say, stuffing it into my other trouser pocket. “You can keep the receipts if you want, it’s all rubbish really,” I tell Twilight, who looked like christmas had come early for her. She practically dived at the receipts, gathering them up and levitating them around her, along with a notebook and quill as she took notes, whilst wearing a mask of wonder not unlike a child’s.

“Well I’m glad your happy. Look, I’ll be back in a bit, I just want to go check on the DeLorean and see if it’s okay,” I say, heading for the door. The sound of a notebook hitting the floor draws my attention back to the lavender Unicorn.

“The thing Nightmare Moon threw at you...?” She asks curiously, to which I nod. “Can I come too?” She asks pleadingly.

It’s going to be one of those days again.

We walk in complete silence under the mid-afternoon sun as we make our way over to the edge of the Everfree Forest. Twilight made several attempts of conversation by asking questions, but I ignored her, as I was busy thinking about things.

For example: DeLorean has no fuel. It needs petrol as fuel. So far, not one single Texaco garage station has been sighted around town, let alone any automobile of any kind. Which most likely means that there is no petrol in Equestria. Come to think of it, I haven’t seen any combustion engines either. No trains, no aircraft. Yet they have technologies like, the toaster, the lightbulb, flushable toilets, fridges, ovens, etc. Its like someone has deliberately halted crucial parts of technological advancement here.

Or maybe since Ponyville is a country town, they don’t have much in the way of cars or stuff like that. It’s worth checking.

“Hey Twilight...” I begin, causing the Unicorn to lose concentration and stumble slightly. Yet she was immediately focused again, with notebook and quill at the ready. “Do you have any cars in Equestria?” She stopped to mull over the question in her head, and I stop as well, turning to look back at her.

“No, what are they?”

“You know what the DeLorean looks like?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s a car.”

“Oh. Then no.” Just as I thought...

“Do you have any combustion engines?”

“Combust-what?” She asks, completely baffled by the word.

“Nevermind...” I sigh, swearing mentally. We continue our walk, leaving the town after a minute or so, and soon coming up to the edge of the gloomy forest. Not far away, is the DeLorean, in all of it’s out of fuel flipped glory.

I jog the rest of the way, coming up to it to see that it’s lying upside down. Visually, it looks fine, for a working model exactly like the one in Back To The Future, but something seems off...

“Could you flip it 180 degrees for me Twilight?” I ask her, to which she complies and lifts the DeLorean with her TK, before turning it round and setting it back on it’s tyres. “Thanks,” I say, moving over to look through the side window. Inside, I can see all the equipment on the dashboard is visually fine, as well as the shopping that followed me here, scattered around the interior. I move to the rear, and me heart sinks faster than the titanic.

“Fuck! That damn bitch stole the plutonium!” I exclaim rather loudly, causing poor Twilight to jump. I smack the side of the car, which doesn’t help my current problem. I look around, and spy the canister lying on the ground a few feet away. I quickly rush over and pick it up, only to find that its “bloody empty!” I throw it in anger, watching as it soars far into the forest. I stare after it for what seems like ages, before turning round and heading back to the DeLorean. My mood instantly changes when I see Twilight standing by the DeLorean, looking at me in shock and, regrettably, fear.

“Oh Twilight, I’m sorry for shouting and swearing, I’m just...” I trail off, as my brain finishes filing all the information.

I’m stuck here.

The DeLorean from the first film needed plutonium or some kind of radioactive fissionable material to produce the amount of energy needed to go through time. If this one uses the same power process as the original, then I used the already inserted plutonium just jumping here. If I can’t find any plutonium in Equestria, then I can’t go home. Include the lack of petrol and I might as well be marooned and out of fuel on the damn moon.

My train of thought is broken when I feel something embrace me in a consoling hug. I then notice that the person hugging me is Twilight, and that I’m kneeling on the ground, as well as crying.

“I can’t go home...” I sob, burying my face into Twilight’s neck, and returning the embrace tightly, wrapping my arms around her and hugging her tightly. Everything seems to wash away around us, as we continue to embrace, whilst tears continue to flow and I break down in her embrace.

When I had been stabbed in the stomach by Nightmare, and was dying, I was scared, afraid, knowing that I could never see my family, my friends, ever again. My life, my world, all gone.

Now I find myself here, alive, scared and afraid, knowing that I’ll never see my family again. My life is gone, everything that made it up simply gone.

This experience truly is a fate worse than death.

Author's Note

Welcome back, VaporingRat here. It has been a while, and I did say to scooterdash that I would get one out before the new year, so here we are! Another sad one, geez! This may turn from the hopeful HiE comedy fic to something spawned from No, I Am NOT A Brony, GET ME OUTTA EQUESTRIA!!! :/

Nonetheless, the next chapter may have some sad parts, but it should have some funny parts and Twilight being adorkable.

Finally, iPhone has power, wtf? Speculate if you feel like it. You guys got a kick out of it when we did this about where Princess Luna's magic had gone, so here we are again.

Also, to Cold Spike, who was concerned about the DeLorean's safety, you can stop worrying now.

Epiphany

“I-I’m sorry Twilight, I didn’t mean- it’s just...” I began, still upset as the odd tear trickled down my cheek. We had broken up from the hug, now resting our backs against the metal side of the DeLorean, looking up at the clear blue sky with only a few wisps of clouds across the horizon. “E-everything that has happened has caught up. Coming here, seeing all you talking horses, encountering Nightmare, dying, meeting the princesses, almost dying again, and now this!” I throw my arms up in the air in frustration, as Twilight looked on in concern. “I can’t go home! I’m stuck here in stupid pony land with you damn horses while my family have no idea where I am!

“They probably think that I’m dead, but can only mourn my name because I am here and not there!” I stand up, looking up at the sun hanging high in the sky. “This is all your fucking fault God!” I shake my fist up at the sky. “Why did you do this to me?!” I started to find it hard to breathe. “Why am I here you bastard?!” My chest is really hurting. “WHY-”

ZAP!

My rant came to an abrupt end as I crumpled like a sack of potatoes, accompanied by the feeling that I have just been clobbered round the head with a truncheon.

I was in some kind of void, similar to the one that Nightmare Moon made me visit, except that this was pure white instead of pure darkness. Blinking, I looked around for any evil Alicorns that may wish to torment me. But I saw nothing.

There was the sound of thunder, then it began to rain. Looking up, I saw a grey storm cloud looming above, depositing its watery contents on me. Lightning flashed amongst the inside of the cloud, briefly illuminating it. Then a bolt of lightning struck the ground, causing a portion of that ground to turn black, which oozed out like it was a puddle. The rain stopped and I looked up, only to see that the cloud was gone.

“This stuff is icky, what do you call it again?” Asked a very familiar voice. I turned sharply to look back at the black puddle, to see Princess Luna standing up to her torso in the black liquid, with splodges of it coating her mane, tail, coat and wings. Princess Celestia stood to the side, watching her sister as she curls her French moustache with a hoof.

“Money, my dear sister,” she said, albeit in a rich, Texan accent. Luna looked skeptical at her sister, as she gave her wings and experimental flap. The black sludge had caused the feathers to stick and clump, making it impossible to fly. Celestia used her magic to pull out from the puddle a gold bar, before devouring it hungrily, whilst Luna struggled to get out of the puddle.

A large storm cloud formed overhead, thundering ominously. Lightning struck the two ponies, and there was a bright flash that forced me to shield my eyes. Looking back, I saw a small scale Ponyville, engulfed by a rising mushroom cloud, which glowed a menacing red.

“Thou hast a most peculiar dream mind,” Princess Luna said from beside me, causing me to jump away in surprise, only to topple backwards off of a ledge, hurtling through the white expanse...

I woke with a start, raising a hand to my aching head. Blinking to clear the spots in my vision, I look around and saw Twilight standing above me, looking very guilty.

“I’m sorry Declan, but you were having a panic attack. I had to calm you down,” she said sadly. I reach a hand up and patted the side of her head.

“You’re forgiven Twilight, because you are a genius!” I said, sitting up sharply and bringing her in for a tight hug. Surprised, she tried to squirm out of my grip until I let her go.

“B-but I knocked you out! I casted a sleep spell to make you relax!” She said in bewilderment, taking a step back as I stood up.

“And I’m glad you did! I had a dream, I think. It was weird. But I understand what I need to do to get back home!” I said excitedly, a smile rapidly growing on my face.

“Then what do you need to do?” She asked.

“Tell me Twilight, have you ever seen Back To The Future?”

A walk back the the library, with the DeLorean levitating with us in Twilight’s magic, later, I had it all planned out with help from Twilight.

The DeLorean in the films required a lot of power in order to make a jump. In the first film, Marty McFly manages to use a bolt of lightning to give the DeLorean enough juice to jump back to 1985. If this DeLorean needs the same amount of power, then lightning should do the trick. All I need is to get Rainbow Dash to find a storm cloud and cause a lightning trick, since that Pegasi here have total control over the weather here in Equestria.

Then came a problem: conventional fuel. Equestria doesn’t have petrol at all as far as I know, but what about oil? Its a good possibility, according to Twilight. And I know just the pony to ask.

We stopped in front of the large tree that was our home. My lavender Unicorn companion slowly lowered the DeLorean to the ground outside of the library. As soon as the tires touched dirt, she released her magical aura and let out a sigh of exhaustion.

“That thing is heavy,” she said, panting from the effort it took to haul it over here. “How much does it weigh?”

“Hell if I know,” I say, shrugging. We both entered the library, where Spike examining the titles of various books on a shelf. He turned at the sound of the door, and smiled.

“Hey Twilight, Declan. Where have you guys been?” He asked, walking over. He noticed that Twilight was looking tired, and frowned. “Are you okay Twilight? You look tired.”

“I’m fine Spike, but I need you to take a letter,” she said, walking over to a chair and sinking down into it, sighing as she relaxed. Spike quickly ran off to find a quill and parchment, before returning, poised to write. Twilight indicated with a nod of her head that I was the one who was going to dictate the letter to Spike, who turned to give me a curious look. I cleared my throat in preparation to speak.

“Dear Princess Celestia, I am Declan from Ponyville. We me-”

“How do you spell ‘Decklan’?” Spike asked, and I sighed.

“I’ll write it, it’ll be easier if I do,” I said. Spike handed over the quill and a new parchment, and I went to the table in the middle of the room to write.

Dear Princess Celestia,

My name is Declan, from Ponyville. We met at the Summer Sun Celebration along with your sister, Princess Luna. I am writing to ask for your help. Right now, I currently have no means of going back to my home, since the machine that brought me here needs a special kind of fuel, called petrol. I have asked your student, Twilight, and she said that petrol does not exist in Equestria. However, petrol is the refined product of oil: a sticky, black substance that is quite flammable. I was curious, since you rule over these lands, if you have ever encountered oil. I understand that you will be busy, and I thank you for taking the time to read this letter.

Yours sincerely,
Declan

I gave the letter to Spike, who rolled it up and took a gulp of air, before unleashing a burst of emerald green flame, which engulfed the letter.

“Hey! That’s my letter you’re burning, matchstick!” I said angrily, as the letter was burnt down to a fine purple ash.

“Spike’s fire doesn’t incinerate like normal fire, it's a magical fire that sends whatever it burns to wherever he wants it to go,” Twilight explained, as Spike opened the front door and the purple mist darted out like grease lightning.

“Oh, cool.” So its not unlike an email then. “How long do you think it would take for the Princess to reply?” I ask.

“Not long, Princess Celestia usually replies to my letters fairly quickly.”

“Do you want some tea, Twilight?” Spike asked, after he had closed the front door and made his way to the side of the chair that Twilight was sitting in.

“Oh yes please Spike, that would be lovely!” Spike nodded and turned to me.

“I’m fine Spike, thanks,” I say before the young dragon could ask. He then made his way to the kitchen to brew the tea. “I’m going to check the DeLorean, see if its alright,” I say, heading to the door.

“Alright, but remember that we’re going talk about where you’re from!” She called to me in excitement as I opened the door and stepped outside. Once outside, I closed it and made my way to the car parked nearby.

Reaching it, I ran my hand across the smooth metal roof of the DeLorean, before opening one of its gull wing doors, and peering inside. The interior hadn’t changed at all, the digital speedometer on the dashboard was there, along with the bag of potatoes lying on the passenger seat. At least, they were potatoes a week ago.

I gingerly grabbed a corner of the bag and quickly threw the ‘potatoes’ out. Looking inside again, I saw a Cadbury’s chocolate bar on the dashboard. I reached for it, only to find that it had melted. Damn.

Throwing that out too, I gave the interior one last look before closing the door and sighing, just as the door to the library swung open. Spike hurried out, followed by Twilight who levitated a cup of tea with her. In Spike’s hand was a rolled up piece of parchment, with a crest that resembled Princess Celestia’s cutie mark.

Spike and Twilight had said something, but I ignored them. I snatched the letter from Spike when he was in range and broke the crest on the letter, unfurling it to read, and notice that there wasn’t just one letter, but two.

Dear Declan,

Both my sister and I are very sorry to hear that you are unable to return home, please accept our condolences. My faithful student Twilight is correct in that ‘petrol’ does not exist in Equestria, nor have I heard of it anywhere else. However, I am pleased to tell you that I am familiar with the substance you called oil. May I be right in assuming that oil can also power your machine? If so, please send us a letter with as much detail about what you need, and we shall try our best to accommodate.

Yours sincerely,
Princess Celestia

Dearest Declan,

This is Princess Luna writing our first letter in millenia! We apologise for our barbaric writing skills, it hath been very long since we last wrote to a correspondant. We received thy letter and art truely sorry to hear of your dire circumstance. We I promise thou that we shalt do everything in ourst power to help thee in your plight.

Princess Luna

Author's Note

So that writing schedule I talked about? Yeah, totally ignored it.

This is short and rushed because I did this in just under two hours listening to the Electric Light Orchestra (ELO) albums 'The Greatest Hits' and 'Out Of The Blue'. Hope you enjoy, I'm off to learn stuff.

EDIT: spelling mistakes fixed. Thanks Paddle Steamer.

Temp Intermission: April Fools 2014

I groaned as I struggled back into the conscious realm. My back was stiff from lying on something slightly warm and hard, like a metal surface. I opened my eyes, blinking and adjusting my sight to compensate for the large bright light above me. I attempted to raise a hand to rub my eyes, but something was holding it down at the wrist. A similar check on all of my other limbs showed the same result, and I attempted to try and look around, to see who put me here, or where I was.

"Ah, you're awake!" A very familiar voice cooed from somewhere beyond my vision in my current position. "I thought I may have put too much tranquilizing agent in your salad, since there was enough there to put Princess Celestia to sleep for hours!"

"Twilight, is that you...? Where am I?" I asked groggily, the tranquilizers not yet completely worn off. "Why can't I move?"

"Oh, you're in the basement of the library. And I had to restrain you, in case you tried to escape before I could finish," she explained matter-of-factly, with a noticeable hint of excitement. "Hang on, let me adjust this just a tad..." Whatever I was pinned to shuddered for a second, before tilting upwards, allowing me to see the purple Unicorn culprit. She was sitting behind some sort of control panel, which looked like it came straight out of Star Trek The Original Series. On her lap was Spike the dragon, who appeared to be in some sort of relaxed bliss as she absentmindedly stroked him like a James Bond villain would with a cat.

"There! Now you can see me, I can see you, and we're all going to be happy. Or at least, I will. And maybe the Princesses, when I give them my report, on everything I have learnt about you, your home planet, and your biology!" She let loose a wicked, evil laugh, and the faint sound of thunder could be heard in the distance. I then noticed that her appearance was... different. Her mane was messy, she had an insane-looking smile that showed all of her teeth, her eyes were bulging out of their sockets all bloodshot and crazy... and she had a French moustache.

"Uhh.... question." ~~Dr. Evil~~ ~~Goldfinger~~ Twilight paused in her evil cackle to look at me in confusion.

"What, what is it?" She snapped.

"Oh, nothing. I just hated you laugh, is all," I shrugged, or at least tried my upmost to do so. Twilight snorted in annoyance, grinding her teeth together.

"And I just hate waiting for test results!" She slammed her free hoof down onto the control panel, causing some kind of metal tube to descend from the ceiling on a robotic arm. "Behold! The Laserinator!" Cue dramatic music.

"Uhh, I'm going to hazard a guess, and feel free to correct me on this, but does it by any chance fire a laser beam?" I ask with no small amount of sarcasm.

"Why yes, yes it does! The Laserinator (dramatic music) fires a laser beam powerful enough to cut through a thick sheet of steel, like scissors and paper!" She pressed another button, and a crimson red beam of light shot out of the Laserinator (dramatic music) and ended right at the bottom of the metal surface I was restrained to, right between my outstretched legs. The beam started to move upwards, cutting through the steel at a quick and steady pace, heading right between my legs.

"Do you expect me to die, Twilight Sparkle?" I ask her, scared for my life, among other things.

"No Mr. Declan, I expect you to talk!" She let loose another evil cackle, as the laser beam moved ever higher towards my body.

"You won't get away with this! The Princesses with stop you!"

"Oh, is that what you think? If that is the case, then where would I get the grant money to build the Laserinator (dramatic music)?" She asked me smugly, one of her eyes twitching.

"The Massachusetts Institute of Technology...?" I suggested. Twilight blinked in confusion, before shaking her head.

"Your Human mind games won't work on me! Tell me everything about Earth, or say goodbye to your manliness!"

"Never, you villain!"

"Then good luck having children for the rest of your life!" The laser quickened its pace, now a few seconds away from making an incision on a precious part of my body, when there was a loud explosion, and part of the ceiling fell down next to me. The dust quickly parted, to reveal Princess Luna, wearing a tight fitting catsuit and night vision goggles.

"Gah! Princess Luna!" Twilight yelped, stand up sharply and sending Spike the ~~cat~~ dragon flying.

"Dr. Sparkle, we meet again..." Luna growled, taking a fighting stance and, using her magic, pulled a 9mm Glock pistol from the holster on her flank.

"How did you get past the pool full of deadly sharks with lasers on their heads?" Luna gave the evil Unicorn a deadpan stare and flapped her wings. "... I knew you had those."

"Don't mean to be a bother but, MY TROUSERS ARE ON FIRE!" I screamed as the laser beam started to incinerate the fabric of the trousers in the groin area. Luna gasped and fired her gun up at the Laserinator (dramatic music), causing it to smoke and short out. I sighed heavily in relief. The night |Princess then used her magic to remove the clamps holding my limbs down and I jumped off the metal table, stretching my aching arms and legs and dusting down my (mostly) intact tuxedo.

"It is over, Dr. Sparkle! Surrender to us or we'll take you in by force," Luna stated, pointing her gun back at the crazed purple Unicorn.

"Oh, I think not, Princess!" Twilight said in defiance, pressing more controls. Panels along the walls opened up to reveal sharp, spiked blades spinning at high speeds, held aloft on robotic limbs, moving towards us. "My saw blades of doom shall chop you up into tiny little pieces of fleshy croutons to feed to Mister Fins and Sharpie!" The blades started to advance towards us, spinning menacingly.

"We're trapped!" Luna grimaced, holstering her pistol as the blades drew closer. "There's no way out!"

"You know, we could just, oh I don't know, teleport out of here?" I say, recoiling close to the Princess as a blade gets too close for comfort.

"Oh, right." Luna channelled magic through her horn, and I hugged her. We teleported in a flash, just as the spinning blades of doom lunged at our previous position.

"WHAT?!" Twilight shouted furiously. "Damn you Dec Bond! This is far from over!"

We rematerialized on a hill overlooking a vast forest. The sky above us was painted in different shades of blue, purple, orange and yellow as the sun slowly set over the horizon. I turned to Princess Luna, who had saved me from a fate worse than death. She looked into my eyes, and we smiled.

"Thanks for saving me," I say, leaning in close to her. I could smell her perfume, which tickled my nose.

"Don't mention it. You did save me from the Evil Enchantress and her band of evil-ninja-thief-assassins last week," Luna replied, leaning in closer too.

"Yeah, well they were pretty easy to defeat. Who know that an evil-ninja-thief-assassin's greatest weakness was rocky road ice cream?" Our noses were almost touching, her breath brushing gently against my skin.

"Probably my sister. Speaking of, I really need to stop her from giving out financial grants to ponies to build weapons of mass destruction."

"Indeed."

"Now kiss me!" I complied, and we smashed our lips together, the both of us embracing each other as we passionately kissed.

"Mwah mwah mwah! 'I love you Deckypoo!' 'I love you too Lunakins!' Mwah mwah mw-!"

*Knock knock*

Princess Celestia froze at the sound of knocking. Slowly, she lowered the figurines of her sister and Declan the Human to the ground, where there was a collection of other models and figures, including Twilight Sparkle. She scooped them all up in her golden magical aura and swiftly shoved them under her large, princess-sized bed in her royal chambers. Making sure her royal regalia was properly in place, and that all the models and figurines were safely hidden, she opened the door.

"Your Majesty, the Elements of Harmony plus guest have arrived. They are awaiting you in the east wing dining hall," a royal guard reported when the large oak doors had open.

"Thank you, my faithful guard. Please make sure their luggage is delivered to their rooms." The guard saluted, before briskly trotting down the corridor to follow out the Princess's orders. Princess Celestia herself made to head out to greet the Elements and their Human companion, when she trod on something on the ground. Recoiling her hoof back, she picked up the offending object with her magic and levitated it up to her. It was an action figurine of a Human, not in a tuxedo, but wearing a brown duster and fedora, as well as a tiny set of glasses perched on his face. Celestia smiled, and lightly kissed the figure on the head, before tossing it onto her bed and walking out of the room, closing the doors behind her.

Author's Note

Don't take this chapter seriously folks. Just something funny that I wrote for no reason, just wanted to flex my imagination a bit and see what happened. I think it went well for the most part, so tell me what you think! Also, I kinda like the spy thing going on in most of the chapter. Might pick up on it later, I dunno. It could be a standalone story maybe, or perhaps a one-shot? Depends if folks want to see more of that.

And don't worry, this chapter has no bearing on the actual story at all. In fact, I will delete this chapter and replace it with the actual one on Saturday April 5th, AFTER I've seen the new Captain America movie. It comes out on the 4th here and I am soooooo excited!:pinkiehappy:

I've Got A Golden Ticket

A week has passed. I explained quite a bit to Twilight, starting with my iPhone, which led to a continuous in depth discussion about computers. She was fascinated, and judging by the letters, so were the princesses. On the fourth day, the mystery of the charged iPhone was solved: apparently Twilight was so focused on examining it, when Spike had disturbed her, she zapped it with some kind of spell that outputted electricity similar to what you expect from a defibrillator. I couldn't really understand it well, since she started talking about the properties of magic and what they can output. It got boring

Rarity had managed to make, during the week, two shirts, an extra pair of trousers, and several pairs of socks and pants, which was a huge relief. I even got my snazzy new hat, which was a beautiful brown fedora, just like Indiana Jones’. And as for the oil front, no new news. However, having so much time on my hands now, I decided to do some odd jobs round town, and I'm getting paid for it too. Speaking of which...

"Ah can't thank y'all enough fer helping out today," Applejack said as we walked through the many trees back to the barn in Sweet Apple Acres. Alongside me and Applejack, was Twilight Sparkle (who had also volunteered to help out today) and Spike (who spent half the morning picking through the apples we picked because he missed out on breakfast. Again.).

"No sweat Applejack, at least I'm getting paid this time," I reply, holding a basket full of apples in each arm. My height plus the lower than normal height of the trees allowed me to reach the fruit easily.

"It's the least we can do for a friend. Isn't that right, Spike?" Twilight asked the young dragon on her back.

"Nope," Spike said as he tossed an apple he had been examining onto the ground.

"I think that's his stomach speaking," I chuckled with Applejack as Twilight gave him a glare. "I'm just glad that we finish at lunch, I'm starving."

"I know, right?" Spike said as he tossed another apple, which bounced off of Twilight's noggin.

"You've been lounging on my back the entire time we've been working!" Twilight told the dragon.

"It's not my fault I missed breakfast!" He replied, tossing a slightly bruised apple away. At the mention of breakfast, both Twilight and my stomachs rumbled hungrily.

"Forget breakfast, lunch sounds real good right now," I say, as the barn appears between the trees.

"I second that," Twilight added.

"Ah would offer ya both some Sweet Apple Acre cuisine, but we needs these apples fer Sweet Apple Acre jam," Applejack said, just as Spike rejoiced upon finding a perfect apple.

"Oh Spike, that looks delicious!" Twilight commented, licking her lips in hunger as she saw the juicy, fresh, bright red apple. But her hopes were dashed as Spike devoured the whole apple in one bite, accidentally spitting apple juice and fragments on Twilight.

"Spike!"

"What?" Me and Applejack chuckle again, but our smiles are quickly wiped off as Spike begins to gag. He opens his mouth, and a torrent of green flames shoot out in the air, before receding, revealing a scroll. I nab it quickly, unrolling it.

"It's a letter from the Princess!" I say, as I skim it. Three golden slips of paper float down to the ground, being picked up from Spike as he jumps off of Twilight's back.

"What does it say?" She asks.

“Hear ye, hear ye. Her Grand Royal Highness, Princess Celestia of Equestria, is pleased to announce the Grand Galloping Gala, to be held in the magnificent capital city of Canterlot on the twenty-first day of May, in the 1001st year of Her Highness's reign. Blah blah dress code blah blah cordially extends an invitation to Twilight Sparkle, myself(?) and one guest.” I finished reading and re-read the part about me being invited. Meanwhile, Twilight and Applejack looked like christmas had come early.

“The Grand Galloping Gala!” They cried together in excitement, jumping around and citing the name again and again.

“I hate to be a bore, but what is the Grand Galloping Gala?” I ask, smashing the excited looks of the two ponies as they stare at me in disbelief.

“It’s only the biggest social gathering in Equestria, hosted at Canterlot Castle every three years!” Twilight said in joyous wonder.

“Well for goodness sakes, keep your voice down! If the pink one hears about this...” I shudder. It ain’t worth thinking about. “So what else is so special about it?”

“It’s hosted by Princess Celestia herself! It’s also full of dancing, talking with the upper class, and just having a good time!” Twilight explained, whilst Spike looked like he was gonna puke.

“Ugh, I can’t believe you’d be interested in going to such a girly frou-frou place,” Spike said with no small amount of disgust.

“Well I’m not, but not for the same reasons.” I pass the letter to Spike before continuing, “May is 10 months away! I don’t plan to be in Equestria for that long.” Hopefully, I added as an afterthought.

“Can I have your ticket then?” Rainbow Dash asked from right next to me.

“Sure, knock yourseeeeaarrrgh!” I scream in fright at the sudden existence of flying pony, stumbling away. Similar reactions were emitted from the other three. “Dash! Where’d you come from?” I ask, putting a hand over my poor beating heart, trying to steady my breathing.

“Uhh, the sky?” She deadpanned, pointing up. I look up, and see a pillow and blanket up on a high branch of a tree that ran above us.

“Rainbow! Were you napping in one of mah trees again?!” Applejack asked accusingly, glaring at the Pegasus.

“Maybe...” the Pegasus shrugged. “So what? I had to be up early to clear the sky!"

"Ah thought you had the day off..." Applejack said, scrutinizing Rainbow. The two started to bicker, whilst I watched. There was a tug on my coat sleeve, and I turned to see Twilight looking up at me expectantly.

"I know May is a long time away, and that you'll be back home by then, but there's nothing stopping you from coming back and attending, right?" She asked, way out of left field. I blinked, thinking of a reply, but I drew a blank. What would really stop me from going back, if I did manage to go home? It's not as if I hate these ponies, they've been nothing but kind and accommodating since I got here.

"No, not really..." I say, taking my ticket from Spike and examining it closely. The paper felt smooth and cool to the touch, the gold slip reflecting the sunlight off of its surface. On one side, in fancy writing, we're the words 'Grand Galloping Gala', and on the other was my name, in the same fancy squiggle. "Oh alright, I'll go to this gala. Besides, the Princess invited me; who am I to deny a free ticket from royalty?" Twilight smiled at my response, as I slipped the golden ticket into a pocket of my leather duster.

"Hey Dash," I call to the nearby Pegasus, who was still bickering with Applejack about Dash's laziness. "I've decided to keep my ticket. Sorry," I say. Dash went slackjawed with shock before flying over to me at warp factor 4.

"You can't do this to me! I have to go!" She demanded, grabbing the front of my duster in her hooves as she used her wings to keep her hovering at eye level.

"Well ah'll be darned! Ah didn't peg ya to beva fan of such a girly event like the gala RD," Applejack said slyly, mad Dash whipped her head round to face the farm pony.

"That's because I'm not! I just want to go cos the Wonderbolts will be there and I can impress them with my moves and skills! I'll be on the team for sure!" Rainbow Dash said in awe, staring off into space as she fantasised about the Wonderbolts, letting go of my duster in the process.

"Ah figured there'd be a reason that benefitted ya," Applejack muttered, loud enough for Rainbow to hear. She snapped out of her reverie and focused on the orange earth pony.

"And what about you, Applejack? I bet your not going just for the heck of it, aren'tcha?" The Pegasus asked accusingly, giving Applejack a scrutinizing look.

"Ya got me there..." Applejack sighed, smiling. "Ah wanted ta go so Ah could sell Sweet Apple Acre homemade food to raise money fer the farm," Applejack explained. "With the money Ah could make, we can replace Big Mac's rusty plough, fix up the old barn real proper..."

"Lies! I demolished the old one two weeks ago!" I whisper to Twilight.

"-Even replace Granny Smith's old hip! And maybe we’ll have some left over fer Applebloom’s college fund!” Applejack too started to stare off into space, dreaming of the Apple family’s potential financial windfall. This lasted for a brief few seconds, however, when Rainbow Dash snapped her out of it.

“Hey AJ, I don’t think you noticed, but Declan’s going after all, and Twilight only has one spare ticket. I think it’s pretty obvious who she’s taking,” Rainbow said in confidence.

“Yeah, me!” Applejack said, moving to procure the third ticket from Spike. But her progress was halted when Rainbow flew in front of her.

“Oh no you don’t! That ticket is mine!”

“We’ll see about that! Ah challenge you to a hoof wrestle fer it!” Applejack demanded, sticking her face close to Rainbow’s. They glared at each other in defiance for a few seconds, before they both quickly moved over to a nearby tree stump and began to duke it out. The hoof wrestling earth pony and Pegasus failed to notice me, Twilight and Spike leave, our baskets of apples left on the floor.

“Good lord, those two were like two nerds fighting over the last ticket for Comic Con,” I say, once we had entered the center of town. Our mission: find lunch. Twilight was taking us to a restaurant that served food that we humans would consider ‘edible’.

“Is Comic Con your version of the Grand Galloping Gala?” Twilight asked, and I couldn’t help but chuckle.

“It’s nothing like it, and its a hundred times better. Comic Con is-” SMACK! Something very fast and very pink collided with me at the speed of light, sending me tumbling to the ground. The pink ballistic projectile continued moving to collide with Twilight, sending her toppling to the ground like a domino, and flinging Spike in the air, only for him to fall on top of me.

“Ugh... did anyone get the number of that car...?” I ask blearily, slowly moving a hand to rub the side of my head, whilst Spike rolled off of me, standing up and dusting himself off. Not too far away, Twilight was just getting back her bearings, whilst Pinkie Pie laid across her back, slightly dazed. Two golden tickets gently floated down from above, to land on her snout.

“AHHHH! Bats!” She screamed, quickly moving off Twiling to run around in a circle to try and get away from the ‘bats’. “Waitaminute...” Pinkie skidded to a halt, before reversing to look at the golden tickets on the floor. “These aren’t... GASP! TICKETS TO THE GRAND GALLOPING GALA!!” She squealed, sweeping the tickets up and holding them close to her chest, and held the pose whilst she stared off into space.

“This seems to be a thing today...” I say, poking the entranced pink pony’s head cautiously, a strand of drool forming at her mouth. Then she broke her pose, dropping the tickets as she began moving to intercept Twilight into a bone crushing hug. The poor purple Unicorn was unable to avoid the second volley of pink ballistic pony as it hit its mark.

“Oh thank you Twilight! Its the most best-est gift anypony could give me ever!”

“PInkie.... can’t.... breathe.....” Twilight wheezed. Pinkie then released her friend and smiled sheepishly.

“GASP!” A familiar voice gasped dramatically, and I quickly tried to hide the two tickets in my duster pocket, but they were plucked from my grasp by a tingly blue magical aura. I tried to grab them back, but the levitated out of my reach and over to Rarity.

“Are these what I think they are?” She asked, as she levitated them close to her so she could get a good look.

“If you mean the tickets, then yes, they are tickets for Comic Con, not the Grand Galloping Gala!” I swipe the tickets out of her aura and quickly stuffed them in my duster pocket, along with the third ticket.

“Oh Decky, always the kidder!” Pinkie said as she bounced over to Rarity. “They’re tickets for the Grand Galloping Gala in Canterlot, and Twilight’s taking me!” Pink pony squealed in excitement.

“The Gala? I design ensembles for the Gala every year, but I’ve never had the opportunity to attend. Oh, the society, the culture, the glamour! It’s where I truly belong, and where I’m destined to meet…him!” Rarity too now started to stare off into space, whilst Pinkie shared a confused look with Twilight.

“Him who?” Twilight asked, echoing Mine, Pinkie’s and Spikes thoughts.

“Him...” Rarity said dreamily, as she began to explain about her dream date for the Gala. I was unable to listen, as a small white rabbit began kicking my foot. I look down at him in bemusement, as the rabbit stared up at me.

“What?” I ask it, as it folds it little paws as if to say that it wants something. I kneel down, getting a better look at the little rabbit. “Heh, you're kinda cute- OW!” The rabbit, upon me calling it ‘cute’, proceeded to jump up and sock me on the nose. Whilst I was distracted, the rabbit made his way into one of my duster pockets, and emerged with the three golden tickets, before booking it. “Hey! Get back here!” I yell, diving after the rabbit, but I miss and hit the ground. The rabbit runs down the street a little ways to a familiar pink maned yellow Pegasus pony.

“Oh Angel, these are tickets for the Grand Galloping Gala! Where did you get these?” Fluttershy asked her pet rabbit, who shrugged after showing his owner the tickets.

“Thanks for stopping that thief Fluttershy,” I say, as I run up to her. “Those tickets belong to Twilight and me.”

“Oh, Angel bunny isn’t a thief, and I’m sure he was going to return them, he just wanted to show me the tickets and they’re for the Grand Galloping Gala and it’s been my dream to attend the Gala and I was wondering just now if the tickets belong to you and Twilight if maybe I could have the third ticket? If that’s okay with you and Twilight though, I wouldn’t want to pressure you over a decision on who to take with you...” As she spoke, the meek Pegasus slowly shrank to the ground wearing a nervous and sheepish smile on her face. I sighed deeply.

“You too huh...?” She nodded meekly. “Okay, look, Twilight hasn’t decided on who to take just yet, and she is going to think about it after lunch. Can I have the tickets back now please?” The rabbit reluctantly gave up the tickets and I slipped them safely into my duster pocket. I turn and head back to Twilight, and see the situation has degraded.

Rainbow Dash and Applejack have now turned up, and along with Rarity and Pinkie, were bickering and arguing about the damn tickets. I felt sorry for Twilight, who was cowering in the centre of the group. The argument got even more heated when fluttershy flew over and said her two cents about the tickets. Naturally this went as well as the sailing of the Titanic (i.e.: IT SINKED).

What’s worse is that the whole scene reminded me of a memory from my childhood, when my parents were having a huge arguement.

“Hey! Stop it guys! HEY!” I shouted and clapped rather loudly, startling the arguing group of ponies into silence.

“And then I said, ‘Oatmeal, are you crazy?!’” Okay, most of them.

“Look, guys,” I began, when Pinkie had stopped talking, “I understand that you are all excited about this, and its a very big deal for you all, but this is no way to decide who wants to go. This is Twilight’s decision, and arguing about it isn’t improving your chances of going.”

“But-” Rarity began but I immediately cut her off.

“Ah! What did I just say?” I gave all five of them daring looks, which none of them met. “Good, now go. Shoo. Vamoosh. Do whatever you were doing today when you aren’t fighting over tickets to Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory.” I made shooing gestures with my hand, and begrudgingly, the ponies retreated. Once they were a suitable distance away, I let out a long, deep sigh.

“Thank you for helping Declan, it was getting a bit too much for me,” Twilight said, as she walked up to me.

“It’s alright Twilight. Let’s just find a place to grab lunch before they return,” I reply, before we, along with Spike, setted off for a place to eat.

“For a land of talking ponies that eat cakes, chocolate, drink coffee, and have breath mints, you sure do love your hay...” I grimace as I read the menu at a restaurant we had chosen as a suitable place for lunch. “I mean look at this! They have ‘hay fries’, but no potato fries? Really?”

“Well, ponykind has always eaten hay during our evolution. Just like your species have always eaten...” she leaned in close so Spike or the other patrons couldn’t hear. “...Meat!” She whispered, shuddering as she did so.

“Yeah, that kinda makes sense. By the way, you never did tell me how the princesses reacted to substances-that-shan't-be-named,” I enquire, causing Twilight to shuffle a bit nervously and Spike to look even more confused.

“What are you guys going on about?” He asked.

“We’ll tell you when you’re older,” Twilight said, around the same time I said “it’s an adult thing.” Spike just huffed and went back to browsing his own menu.

“Well?” I prompted Twilight, who simply mouthed ‘later’ in response. I sigh and go back to edible food hunting, almost immediately striking gold. “Ooooh! They have quiches! I love quiches! Top notch food, they are. Goes down a treat with a bit o’ ketchup.”

“So Twilight, have you thought about who you’re taking yet?” Spike enquired after a moment of awkward silence.

“*sigh*... No Spike, I haven’t. All my friends have very good reasons why they want to go, I thought about giving my ticket to one of them as well, so two could go, but then what about the other two?” Twilight rested her head on the table glumly, as she absentmindedly levitated a flower from the vase on the table and started plucking its petals.

“Woah, wait a sec! Everyone has a good reason to go? Even Fluttershy?!” I asked incredulously, to which Twilight nodded.

“Well spill the beans girl! Why is the shyest thing on the planet going to the biggest social gathering on the planet?”

“She doesn’t want to actually attend the Gala. From what I heard in the argument, she just wants to go so she can see the animals in the garden.”

“Of course she does...” I groan and shake my head in disbelief. A cough from beside our table startled us and we finally took notice of the waiter standing next to it, and he didn’t look like the waiting type.

“May I take your order?” The waiter pony asked, and we pitched our desired choice of meal. Twilight wanted a daisy and daffodil sandwich, Spike (after finding out the restaurant didn’t sell any gems) ordered some hay fries, and I chose the cheese and onion quiche (“-and don’t hold back on the ketchup!”). No matter where you are, there’s always a quiche to save you.

We sit in silence for a few short minutes, admiring the scenery of ponies walking down the street and other ponies selling various wares. Our food eventually came and Spike immediately started to eat his. Twilight gathered up her sandwich in her magic and was looking for a good place to bite into, and I tested the temperature of my quiche, expecting it to be hot.

“Aw what? They serve it cold?!” I checked for cutlery to slice the quiche up, but none was evident. “They didn’t even give me a knife and fork! And I asked for ketchup, but noooooooooooo...” I sigh in frustration, trying to figure out how to eat a cold quiche with no utensils, not noticing the sudden and quick stampede of ponies that darted inside the restaurant. Twilight noticed however, and looked on in confusion.

“Um, madame? Are you going to eat you food in the rain?” The waiter asked from the restaurant doorway.

“It’s not raining,” Twilight said, but a quick look around showed that it was indeed raining. The rain just didn’t fall within a metre of our table.

“Huh. I take it this is not normal weather behaviour?” I ask, glancing up. The reason why we weren’t soaked through right now was that there was a hole in the clouds directly above us. And hovering on the other side of the hole was...

“Rainbow Dash?” I utter in surprise.

“Hi there, best friend forever I’ve ever had! Enjoying the weather?” She called down to us, making all three of us frown.

“Rainbow, what are you doing?” Twilight asked in exasperation, dreading the answer.

“What do you mean? I just saw the smartest, most generous pony about to get rained on, so I thought I’d kick a hole in the clouds to keep her dry so she could dine in peace. That’s all,” she said innocently. Too innocently.

“What do you want, Rainbow?” I ask.

“Me? Nothing!” The penny dropped and I knew what she wanted.

“... This wouldn’t be about a pair of tickets, would it?” I asked innocently but accusingly, giving the Pegasus a pointed stare.

“Wha- no! No no no no! Seriously, I’m just doing a harmless favor for you. I’d do this for anypony,” she said whilst she sweated bullets, causing me and Twi to give her the ‘suspicious eyebrow’ look.

Fig 1: a 'suspicious eyebrow' look, also abbreviated as the 'Spock Face'.

“Close it Dash,” Twilight said firmly. The pegasus sighed in defeat and zipped the gap in the cloud shut.

“Much better,” Twilight said, lifting her sandwich to try and take a bite again, but was stopped this time by the rain suddenly acknowledging our existence.

“I would say that I never saw this coming, but I did,” I say, as we, our food, and my clothes, get drenched from the torrential downpour. “Come on, let's head home and get something to eat there.” Twilight and Spike nodded their affirmation, and we quickly left our table and hurried down the street as the rain continued to pour down all over us.

We had only travelled around 20 meters when a new obstacle made itself known.

“Twilight darling, whatever are you doing out here? Its raining!” Rarity asked, protected from the rain due to an ornate umbrella attached around her midriff, sorta like a saddle. Twilight gave her a deadpan stare.

“No, really?” Twilight replied sarcastically. Rarity wrapped a hoof around Twilight and yanked her along the way we had just come.

“Come with me darling, so we can get you dried off and fix that mane of yours!” Rarity said as she dragged Twilight along towards her boutique, followed by a lovestruck Spike and myself.

“‘Why hello, Rarity! Nice to see you too Rarity! Thanks for inviting me over to your house, Rarity!’ Goddamm ponies. I swear if this is about those damned tickets...” I grumble as I trudge along after the two Unicorns, alongside a lovesick Spike, who only has eyes for the Element of Generosity right now.

Some time later, we were at the Carousel Boutique, and Rarity dished out some towels to dry us off. I checked my pockets to see if the contents had been damaged by the rain, but to my relief my phone still works (surprisingly, after the amount of electrical energy Twilight poured into it in the last week), and to my semi-dismay the tickets were intact.

“Thanks for the help Rarity," Twilight said as she finished drying herself off with a towel and levitated it over to Rarity, who just threw it away whilst giving the purple Unicorn her full attention. I paused in the process of hanging my duster to dry over the head of a pony mannequin to give Rarity a suspicious glance. No one paid attention to Spike, as he hugged his towel close to him (they all had Rarity’s cutie marks on them).

“Oh its no problem Twilight. After all, that’s what friends do. And we are the best of friends, are we not?” I could practically hear Admiral Ackbar scream ‘it’s a trap!’ in my head.

Twilight started to back away, but Rarity moved forward and grabbed her front hooves with her own to prevent escape. “And you know what the best of friends do, don’t you?” She asked, smiling broadly and staring right into Twilight’s eyes, awaiting a response.

“Uhh....”

“Makeovers~!” In a blink of an eye, Rarity summoned a privacy screen over towards them and practically threw Twilight behind it, with the fashionista joining her a second later.

“Ow, Rari-! Hey, watch it back ther-! Ah, that’s my tail!” I cringed at what sounded like Twilight being assaulted by Rarity, which lasted for the most of ten seconds, before the screen was pushed aside with magic and Twilight was revealed, along with her new attire. It was a blue-green saddle trimmed in blue, with yellow tassels where the stirrups would normally hang, and a blue collar/necklace trimmed with a strand of rainbow-colored beads.

“There we go! That saddle is just divine on you dear,” Rarity said as she adjusted one final strap, and levitating a mirror in front of Twilight.

“Wow Rarity... I don’t know what to say...” Twilight said as she looked at her reflection, shifting positions to see the saddle from multiple sides.

“Well Declan, what do you think?” Rarity asked me, and I stammered for an appropriate response.

“I- uhh... well... it looks nice on you. You look really nice...” I said rather awkwardly, trying not to stare at any part of Twilight for too long and shifting my hands in slight agitation.

“Thanks Declan...” Twilight replied in a similar manner of awkwardness, trying to avoid eye contact as a very slight blush started to show on her cheeks. Fortunately for Twi, Only I noticed, since Spike was still fascinated by the towels (he had now acquired a second one), and Rarity was too busy following some ‘master plan’ she obviously had to try and get the third ticket from Twilight.

“And I have the perfect outfit for you too, Spike!” ‘And the moment is ruined...’ I thought as Rarity gently pushed Twilight over towards me and hauled Spike over with her magic, shaking the towels from the baby dragon’s grasp and pulling the screen in front of them.

“You do know this is some elaborate plot to get that Gala ticket, right?” I whisper to Twilight, as the shouts of pain and complaint from Spike waft from above and over the screen.

“Yeah, I figured it out when she made me wear this,” Twilight whispered back, nodding her head at the saddle.

“It still looks kinda nice on you though,” I say, and the awkward moment returns and we both blush slightly, trying to avoid eye contact.

“Oh Spike, you look marvelous!” ‘Annnnnd it’s gone again,’ I sigh mentally as the screen is removed a second time, revealing Spike, who was wearing some kind of outfit + curly blond wig that would be right at home during the renaissance era. Despite his mood that screamed ‘shoot me now’, he looked quite funny. Rarity brought the mirror back and showed Spike his reaction. He promptly freaked out.

“Now you just need a hat!” And as if it was fate, a hat of the same style as his outfit found its place on his head. Me and Twi couldn’t hold it back any more, as we started to laugh. If only I had the sense to took a picture of the dragon, purely for the blackmail material.

“And this is why I hate the Gala! See you back at the library you two,” Spike said to Twilight and me, as he made a run for the door, shredding the clothes off of him with his claws as he did so.

“Oh, who needs him anyway?” Rarity said with a wave of a hoof at the door that Spike had just closed behind him. “This is all about you, Twilight dear-” Rarity grabbed the front of Twilight’s outfit and hauled Celestia’s prized student over to herself and the mirror, forcing Twi in front of it. “-And how fabulous you’ll look at the Grand Galloping Gala!”

This was all the incentive Twilight needed to shout “AHA!”, at the same time I yelled “I KNEW IT!”. Rarity, however, ploughed on like her whole jig wasn’t up.

“And oh, my goodness, what a coincidence. I happen to have an ensemble of my own that matches yours to a T.” She summoned a ponyquin from behind a curtain, which was wearing an exact duplicate of Twilight’s saddle. “We would be the belles of the ball, you and I. Everyone would be clamoring for our attention.” Twilight started to back away, but Rarity threw her hoof around Twi’s neck in a headlock, preventing her prey from escaping. “All eyes would be on us, and then everyone would finally know. The most beautiful, most talented, most sophisticated pony in all of Equestria…” Twilight struggled in the almost-death grip Rarity had her in “…is Rarity the Unicorn!”

Both ponies were startled by the sound of clapping, and turned to face me. “So that’s your evil plan, eh? To grab the Gala ticket for yourself. Well, it almost worked, except that you’ll never get your hooves on that extra ticket.” Rarity narrowed her eyes and glared at me.

“Oh, I beg to differ, darling. I’m going to attend the Grand Galloping Gala, and I’m going to meet my prince charming there, and we’re going to get married and live happily ever after. Or else Twilight here will have to pay the price...” The fashionista paused in her monologue to allow dramatic tension to build.

“...Of her ensemble! Which comes to 2,300 bits for the materials, time spent, and trying it on. And it has to be paid in full in ten minutes, or interest will start adding.” We both gasped at her nefarious scheme, Twilight even going as far to say “you fiend!”.

“But like I said, you’ll never get your hooves on that ticket!” I dashed over to another ponyquin and whipped off the dress on it, holding it up in front of me with both hands.

“No! Not my design for the fall lineup!” She gasped, releasing her hold on Twilight, who promptly collapsed to the floor. She started to move towards me, her horn glowing, and I did the unthinkable to any dressmaker.

I pulled on each side of the dress, creating a rip down the middle. Rarity fell to the floor in some kind of inner pain, giving us the opportunity to get the hell outta here! Twilight rushed to the doors and thrusted them open, as I grabbed my still damp duster and fedora and followed her out. She shut the door behind us and we both sighed in relief, not only that we had escaped from Rarity, but it had also stopped raining.

“Maybe we should return the tickets to Princess Celestia. This damned Gala isn’t worth all this trouble...” I told Twilight, who was about to reply but was interrupted by our next foe.

“Howdy y’all!” Applejack said in greeting, pulling a large cart of food behind her. Red alert klaxons went off in our heads.

“Applejack...” Me and Twi said in suspicious unison, scrutinizing the orange earth pony.

“That’s a mighty fine geddup ya got there Twi! Is that from Rarity?” Applejack asked, and I couldn’t help noticing some slight nervous tension building up within her.

“Yes, it is. She tried to bribe the extra ticket from me with it,” Twilight replied, and Applejack seemed to relax a tad, though she did start to perspire.

“Ya don’t say...” she said nervously, her eyes darting from side to side, as if she was looking for any witnesses. “Hey Twi, ya didn’t happen to have any lunch yet?”

“Not with what’s been happening, so n-”

“Good! ‘cause I have a whole cart of food Ah made from those apples we picked this morning, and Ah know how much ya love Sweet Apple Acre food and all...”

“Hey, I thought you said that those apples were for making jam...” I said, calling her out on her fib.

“Ah did say that, then Ah saw that we had lots of jam already, so Ah baked these treats fer ya ‘cause of all the hard work y’all did today! Yeah...” Applejack was now sweating like a fire sprinkler, whilst trying to maintain a very nervous and way too big a smile.

“Goodbye, Applejack,” Twilight said, as we attempted to sidestep the pony, but she moved to block our path with her cart.

“Ya sure ya don’t want even one apple pie?” She asked, the smell of the baked goods wafting over to us and passing up our noses. Our stomachs decided to take Applejack’s side, as they grumbled loudly. I slowly raised a hand to reach for an apple fritter...

“NO!” Twilight grabbed my offending limb before I could fully turn to the dark side. “I don’t know who I’m giving the ticket to, and these ‘favours’ aren’t helping!” She proceeded to gallop leftwards, away from a stunned Applejack and her food cart, dragging me along by the hand. Me and my stomach wept as the sweet smell of food left us.

After a few minutes of galloping and being dragged along, Twilight finally slowed down, letting my hand go. I fell to the ground, my arm still outstretched from the speedy getaway.

“We could’ve had just a crumb... a wee morsel to stave off the darkness in our tummies that is hunger...” I complained. Twilight sighed, and sat down on her haunches.

“I know, but what Applejack was doing is wrong. I can’t accept favours, or gifts, so that they can get the extra ticket. Then only one of my friends will be happy, and the rest will probably hate me for not choosing them...” Twilight started to cry, as she hung her head low and stared at the ground. I immediately sat up and moved next to her, wrapping an arm around the Unicorn and pulling her close.

“Oh Twilight, it’ll be alright. You know you don’t have to take any of them if you don’t want to. Yes, they are your friends, and it would be nice going with them all, or at least one of them. But they’re not being good friends, badgering and bribing you for the third ticket. Their letting their greed get the better of them, and because of that, they’re being mean,” I said, trying to be comforting. “I think that you should give the ticket back to the Princess. If you can’t choose who to take, then take no one. Its not worth losing all your friends over.” Twilight sniffed, then wrapped her forehooves around me in a hug.

“Thanks Declan, for trying to help,” she said, as I patted her on the head softly.

“No problem, that’s what good friends are for. And we are good friends, aren’t we?” Twilight pushed herself away and fixed me with a ‘I’m not amused’ stare. “Sorry, just slipped out of my mouth.” I shrugged. “You still look nice, by the way.” Twilight looked away awkwardly again, smiling and blushing slightly.

“Let’s just get back to the library, so we can send these tickets back.” We both stood up and began the journey back home.

We both arrived at the library, noting that the curtains were drawn, and the faint sound of singing could be heard from within. We took up positions on either side of the door, Twilight armed with her magic, and me with my iPhone.

Now, I bet you’re wondering why I’m wielding my trusty phone as a weapon. Answer: flashlight. I plan on using the iPhone’s flashlight to startle any ponies I point it at, since when I showed it to Twilight, she freaked out when she looked right at it, saying it was like looking at the sun. I’m hoping it will work on other ponies too, sort of a single use distraction to make a getaway or launch a proper attack.

“Since there’s only two ponies left who know about the tickets, its either Fluttershy or Pinkie in there. And since the curtains are closed and there’s singing, it’s more than likely Pinkie,” Twilight explained in a hushed tone. “If it is, you’ll need to distract her long enough for me to use my magic.”

And if it’s Fluttershy?”

“Just do that clapping thing with your hands. That’ll startle her enough to faint, and we can roll from there.”

“Sounds like a plan, and I love it when a plan comes together.” ‘I wish I had a cigar when I said that...’

Twilight started to count down from three, and straight after one, I kicked the door open and we both darted in, me halting down on one knee, iPhone at the ready, whilst Twilight positioned herself to cast a levitation spell on the target. We looked around for it, but we- oh Gawd its pink its singing its-!

“Fluttershy...” Twilight sighed, and we moved out of our action poses, as I pocketed my iPhone.

“Oh, hello Twilight. I hope you don’t mind me and my animal friends-” she gestured to the various bunnies and birds dusting the place and cleaning any mess “-breaking into your house through your window, but I thought it would be nice if we did some spring cleaning for you.” She smiled kindly to us, but I was having none of it, no matter how cute, and so was Twilight.

“It’s July,” Twilight deadpanned, and I grasped the tickets in my duster pocket, wary of thieving rabbits named ‘Angel’.

“Oh... well better late than never right?” She floated down towards us from where she was cleaning one of the windows. “It was all Angel’s idea.” ‘I bet it was...’ I thought. Angel himself wandered into the foyer from the kitchen, wearing Spike’s chef hat and holding a frying pan with salad in it, sizzling.

“Fluttershy, if this is about the ticket, then you’re wasting your time. We’ve decided not to take anypony with us,” Twilight began, but Fluttershy interrupted her, floating closer and closer to Twilight.

“Oh, are you sure? I mean, it is your choice and all, but I really wanted to go and see all the cute little critters in the royal gardens and sing to them and talk to them and-” Fluttershy jumped three feet high as I clapped loudly, scaring her enough to make her faint. Twilight grabbed the Pegasus in her magic, settling her on the floor gently.

“Something’s not right here. Fluttershy was speaking confidently and she kept getting closer instead of shying away. There’s no way Fluttershy would act like that,” Twilight said, looking down at her friend in worry.

“I agree, I’ll be glad to get rid of these damned tickets. Let’s find Spike and be done with this.” We head for the stairs, but we had to dive out of the way of fried vegetables flung at our faces. Standing in our way at the base of the stairs was Fluttershy’s pet bunny Angel, wielding the hot frying pan.

“It’s that damned rabbit!” I exclaimed, glaring at it as the pint-sized rabbit swung the frying pan around threateningly. I grabbed a book from a shelf and threw it at the rabbit, but it was engulfed in a purple aura and changed direction.

“Don’t use my books as weapons!” Twilight chastised me, and I was about to reply, when the frying pan decided to say hello to my face. I ducked and narrowly dodged the still sizzling and very hot metal projectile as it flew mere inches above me. Twilight grabbed the bunny and sent him out the front door, closing it behind him. We headed upstairs, determined more than ever to get rid of the tickets. Entering the private study area and our bedroom, we found Spike reading a comic book on the upper level. After giving a brief rundown of the crazy stuff going on, we had a letter written and the tickets, mine included, sealed inside a letter for the Princess.

Spike went to the balcony to send it, but Fluttershy’s birds soared in and started pecking anyone who got too close to the windows and the balcony.

“This is getting really weird right now. Its like everyone’s greed for the tickets is making them desperate for them, even the animals,” I said, as another attempt to get past the birds ended up in more pecking.

“We’ll have to go out the front door and do it there,” Twilight said, and together all three of us headed downstairs. We reached the front door, and I opened it, only to be attacked by a barrage of confetti and streamers from the other side, sending me flying backwards.

“SURPRISE!!” Shouted Pinkie, as well as half the town, gathered around the front of the library. Before Twilight could react, Pinkie grabbed her by the front of the saddle she was still wearing and threw her to the crowd, which proceeded to throw Twilight repeatedly in the air and catching her, whilst Pinkie began to sing. But before she could the second verse, I tackled the pink party pony, ending her song. The crowd gasped, and forgot to catch Twilight, letting her fall to the ground.

“What the hay Declan?!” A familiar voice shouted from the crowd, and I turned to see Vinyl Scratch and Octavia at the front of the gathering.

“No time to explain! Gotta send a letter!” I said quickly, standing up.

“You mean this letter?” A mare from the crowd asked, pointing a hoof at the letter in Spike’s hand, who was about to send it to the Princess. But it was snatched from his grasp by a golden aura, and a familiar mint green Unicorn levitated it over to herself. She opened it and gasped.

“They were going to send the tickets back!” She exclaimed, causing the crowd to gasp and then grumble about how selfish me and Twilight were being about sending back the tickets.

“Wait, how do you all know about the tickets?” Twilight asked the crowd.

“We did.” Me, Twilight and Spike turned to see the Elements of Harmony, sans Fluttershy, moving to the front of the crowd, Pinkie joining them. “Someponies overheard our argument in the street about the tickets and asked if it was true, and we said yes. It didn’t feel right keeping it all a secret from them,” Rarity said. “But then you two had to be greedy, holding the tickets for yourselves. Then you had the audacity to send them back! Why, that’s dreadfully selfish of you three!”

“Oooohh, so that’s what all this is about! I thought it was another one of Pinkie’s rad parties,” Vinyl comprehended, causing most of the ponies to give her confused looks, but me, Twi and Spike all felt relieved that there was still someone on our side.

“So you dragged me away from my rehearsal for nothing?” Octavia sighed and facehoofed.

“Hey! Can we get on with it so I an go to the Gala?!” Rainbow Dash called out impatiantly.

“Quite right. This has gone on long enough. You three need to be punished for your greed,” Rarity stated, slowly walking towards us. The crowd followed suit, slowly chanting the word ‘greed’ repeatedly, quickening and increasing the volume with each chant. Soon they had us backed against the wall of the library, slowly closing in on us.

“What the hell is wrong with everyone?!” I shout,but get no response apart from the greed chants. Then Rarity let loose a high pitched scream, and everyone turned to look at her.

“MUD! It’s on me! Get it off!” She screamed, not noticing that the tickets and letter were forced out of her magic and eveloped in a rose coloured one. The distracted crowd was shoved in half to make a path for Vinyl and Octavia, the two remaining sane creatures in this town along side me and my two friends.

“I have no idea what’s going on, but we need to split!” Vinyl said, just as Rainbow noticed the missing tickets.

“Hey! They’re stealing the tickets!” She shouted, flying up into the air, before diving at us.

“Gather round everypony, I know just the spell.” We all drew close to Twilight, as she began channelling magic through her horn. Then my vision was filled with a white flash and a wave of heat washed upon us, along with the sensation that every atom in my body was being ripped to shreds, them crammed back together again. The flash of white faded, and we found ourselves on the other end of town, smouldering lightly.

“What the fuck was that?” I ask, frozen in shock, along with Spike and Octavia. Vinyl just grinned, as Twilight keeled over from exhaustion.

“Yep, just like my first time teleporting...” she said, remembering a fond memory.

“Send the letter...” Twilight said from her spot on the ground, too tired to move. Spike pulled himself back to reality, sealed the letter again, and breathed emerald flames upon it, burning it into a fine, wispy purple cloud, which soared off high into the sky and off to Canterlot Castle, which stood on the side of a mountain visible from Ponyville.

We were all startled by the sound of clapping, and we turned to see another Human, or what looked like a Human, walk towards us.

“Well done! Took you longer than expected to figure it out, had to give you a nudge at the end there, but you did it nonetheless!” The man said as he approached us.

“You guys can see him, right?” I ask the ponies and dragon, who all give their confirmations. “Good, just making sure I'm not completely insane.” I stepped forward and faced the man in front of me. “What are you going on about, God?” I asked the almighty.

“The first test. You passed!.” He smiled at us. “Albeit, you had some help from your friends.” He gestured towards Twilight, who sat there shocked and confused.

“All this was a test!?” Twilight asked, sitting up and facing God.

“Indeed Twilight Sparkle! A test to see if Declan here could overcome the power of greed. Which he did!” A certificate poofed into my hands, and I looked at it.

“So all of the ponies in town acting crazy and wanting the tickets, that was your doing?” I ask, letting the Certificate fall to the floor, only for it to disappear.

“Technically, yes. I just amplified their desire for greed tenfold, to see how you would overcome it. It was quite humorous and touching in some places,” he said, wiping a mock tear from his eye.

“Gee, I’m so glad. Maybe we’ll win an Oscar for best picture,” I said sarcastically causing God to roll his eyes.

“Oh, you Humans and your sarcastic tendencies.” He chuckled slightly. “Listen, I must dash. Gotta observe a whole galaxy be swallowed by a black hole. But first...” he snapped his fingers.” There! All the residents in this town are back to normal. They will still retain their memories, so expect many apologies later. And prepare yourself for the next test, Declan. It may happen tomorrow, or next week, or next month, or even next year...!” God slowly walked backwards, fading from our view, his voice echoing around us. When he finally disappeared, we simply stood there. I looked down at the floor, sighing and grimacing.

Author's Note

Props to the two guys who suggested the fedora and duster as part of Declan's new wardrobe. I don't know where you are, but I'll find you and thank you! Somehow...

Please give me your thoughts on the chapter. It felt bad to me, as usual. But hopefully you folks enjoyed the twist I ran for this adaptation of the episode than the original. Its 2 AM here, and I'm about to zone out, so I'll talk whenever. Bye.

EDIT: last scene was redone to help fit for the next chapter. Extra thanks to scooterdash, who did the redo and find an awesome looking certificate.

Game Plans

“You guys can see him, right?” I ask the ponies and dragon, who all give their confirmations. “Good, just making sure I'm not completely insane.” I stepped forward and faced the man in front of me. “What are you going on about, God?” I asked the almighty.

“The first test. You passed!.” He smiled at us. “Albeit, you had some help from your friends.” He gestured towards towards Twilight who sat there shocked and confused.

“All this was a test!?” Twilight asked, sitting up and facing God.

“Indeed Twilight Sparkle! A test to see if Declan here could overcome the power of greed. Which he did!” A certificate poofed into my hands, and I looked at it.

“So all of the ponies in town acting crazy and wanting the tickets, that was your doing?” I ask, letting the Certificate fall to the floor, only for it to disappear.

“Technically, yes. I just amplified their desire for greed tenfold, to see how you would overcome it. It was quite humorous and touching in some places,” he said, wiping a mock tear from his eye.

“Gee, I’m so glad. Maybe we’ll win an Oscar for best picture,” I said sarcastically causing God to roll his eyes.

“Oh, you Humans and your sarcastic tendencies.” He chuckled slightly. “Listen, I must dash. Gotta observe a whole galaxy be swallowed by a black hole. But first...” he snapped his fingers.” There! All the residents in this town are back to normal. They will still retain their memories, so expect many apologies later. And prepare yourself for the next test, Declan. It may happen tomorrow, or next week, or next month, or even next year...!” God slowly walked backwards, fading from our view, his voice echoing around us. When he finally disappeared, we simply stood there. I looked down at the floor, sighing and grimacing.

“Ooooooh, so that’s God! Huh, he seems more omnipotent than you described,” Vinyl said in comprehension.

“Yeah, he sure does have that effect on people,” I reply, sighing.

“Wait a minute! Who was that? And what did he mean by passing a test?” Twilight asked, looking from Vinyl to myself, obviously still in shock on what just happened.

“I’ll explain it all when we get back to the library. The others will want to know what’s going on,” I say.

“Okay, but we’re walking back. That spell took too much magic to perform,” Twilight said, standing up, her legs wobbling with exhaustion.

It took us five minutes to get back to the library, and the large crowd that had been in front of it before had dispersed. Not a soul was in sight of the house-tree, which was a good thing, since none of us were in the mood to be swamped by the townsfolk. Again. I reached the door first, turning the handle and pushing it open.

POW! I found myself on the ground for the second time that day due to a speeding pink projectile. It continued onwards to tackle Twilight into a death hug, knocking her off her hooves and sending the two down to the ground.

“Oh Twilight I'm so sorry, I don’t know what came over me I just wanted the tickets all to myself so I could go the the greatest party ever but my greed was out of control and I'm reaaaaalllllllllly sorry Twilight, really really really-” Pinkie’s frantic apologising was interrupted as Vinyl and I managed to pull the pink earth pony off of Twilight, allowing the Unicorn to enjoy the wonder that was breathing. Pinkie decided to just stare at the floor, her poofy mane seeming to visibly deflate. Applejack then took the initiative and stepped ~~forward~~ towards Twilight.

“Ah’m real sorry Twilight, we all just kinda lost it there fer awhile. We really didn't mean y’all any harm, honest” Applejack said, taking off her Stetson and holding it to her chest as she looked at Twilight sadly while drawing circles with her hoof. She backed away, allowing Rarity to step forward. How many ponies are in here.. Hasn't Twilight ever heard of locks?

“Twilight, I'm terribly sorry for what I did, I just don't know what came over me! I mean i have always dreamed about going to the Gala, but even that does not justify my actions. Could you ever forgive me?" Rarity said, with a solemn look on her face.

"Of course I forg-"

"Twilight I-I'm so s-sorry!" All of our heads spun to the still open door, "I-I j-just don't know what came over me! I-I just.. I'm so s-sorry!" sobbed the yellow, and usually quiet, pegasus. Her usually neat mane was frizzy and she had dark tear stains surrounding her eyes.

As if on cue, Rainbow Dash flew in and draped a comforting wing over Fluttershys back, earning a flinch from the timid pony. "Sorry Twi, I wasn't acting myself" Could have fooled me. "I mean its just that, well you know how I feel about the Wonderbolts, and a chance to see them, well ye..." she trailed off, releasing the, now calm, pony from her grip.

"I think we can all agree that we got a little, out of control, there" piped in Rarity.

"So, can ya'll forgive us twi?" finished Applejack.

"Of course i can, you're all my friends and something like this isn't going to change that. Plus, it's not entirely your fault anyway." Turning to me, Twilight gave me a knowing smile.

Pinkie’s mane visibly poofed back into its usual form as she dived to glomp Twilight again. Luckily Twilight was quick enough this time to catch the pink rocket in her telekinetic grip, leaving her to swim mid air for a while.

"I think you all learnt a valuable lesson here today."

“GAH!” I jump in surprise as a gentle, warming regal voice spoke right behind me, ellipting gasps from the ponies and dragon. I turn around to see Princess Celestia standing right behind me, with Princess Luna just behind her.

“Princess Celestia?!” Twilight gasped in surprise, as she and all the other ponies and dragon bowed.

“Please arise, we have much to discuss, my faithful student.” All the ponies stood up again, looking up at the princesses with reverence.

“Indeed, we were both concerned regarding the letter thou sent us,” Princess Luna added, using her magical powers to make a letter appear in front of her with a flash. She handed it over to her sister, who took it into her own magical aura and levitated it over to Twilight, who tentatively grasped it with her own.

“But before we delve into that matter, I think introductions are in order,” Princess Celestia said, waving a hoof at Vinyl Scratch and Octavia, who were standing on the other end of the room. Octavia visibly stiffened in surprise when the room’s attention was drawn to her, whilst her Unicorn DJ friend remained relaxed and calm.

“I-i’m Octavia, your highness...” the musical earth pony stammered out nervously, giving a small and nervous bow.

“I’m Vinyl Scratch, your royal highness,” Vinyl said with a nod of her head. It was clear that Octavia didn’t approve of vinyl’s way of introduction, as she shot her friend a warning glare.

“This is my sister, Princess Luna,” Celestia said, lifting a wing in the direction of Luna, who stepped forward to stand beside her sister.

“Salutations,” Luna said in greeting, giving the two musicians a slight incline of her head.

“Greetings your highness,” Octavia managed to nervously sputter out as she went down into a nose scraping bow, sweating bullets.

“Your royal highness,” Vinyl said with another nod, still remaining calm, earning herself another glare from the pony rising from her bow.

“So, about the thing you wanted to talk about...” I say, prompting the conversation forward.

“Ah, yes. We were both concerned about the reason for sending the tickets back,” Princess Celestia began, withdrawing the three golden tickets. “You see, we had initially sent them as a test to see if Twilight’s friendship with her friends was strong enough.” Celestia explained. Me and Twilight shared a glance, before Celestia spoke again. “But we didn’t expect that all your friends were desperate for the tickets. So much so that they went to drastic measures...” The others cringed at this.

“But it wasn’t their fault though, if anything blame God,” I say in my friends’ defense, which causes both princesses to look at me quizzically.

“God? Who is he and what does he have to do with what happened here today?” Celestia asked, thoroughly intrigued. I myself was stumped that someone was actually asking me who ‘God’ was.

“You don’t know God? The one who created life, the universe, and everything?” I ask.

“No, we hath not heard of this creature before,” Luna replies, before asking a question of her own, “doth he come from Earth like thou?”

“Well, yes and no. Mostly no. You see, up until a short time ago, myself and everyone else on my world thought God was just a myth started by our ancestors a very long time ago, which blossomed into multiple religions, each dictating their own version of God, or Gods, all of which describe them as having powers to create, shape or destroy the universe and all life within it. I myself, a man of science and technology, didn’t believe that God existed, and if he did, then he had made my life on Earth hell. Then he turns up one day driving the DeLorean, gives me the car and disappears. Then I uhh, I end up here? I can’t seem to recall much of that... but next thing I know is that I’m dodging trees and end up plowing into Applejack’s barn. Then the rest is history I guess...”

The princesses mulled over what I had said, both sharing occasional looks at each other, as if they were communicating telepathically.

“Hmm, so this God is extremely powerful, from what you said in your explanation, but it still does not explain what he has to do with the events of today,” Celestia said, frowning slightly.

“Ah, yes. You see, me coming here was no accident. God wanted me to come here, he chose me to ‘redeem humanity’. And for me to do this, he at first told me that I was to keep the peace here or something. Then after the summer sun celebration, he told me that he was going to lay out seven tests, and I’m supposed to complete them. I didn’t know what they were until the first test today, which was a test to see how I would fare when everyone got super greedy. So he made everyone in the town want those gala tickets.” The princesses went back to their silent glances and deep thought, before Celestia spoke again.

“Could you tell me what this God looked like? Did his appearance seem... unusual?” She asked me.

“Well, he looks like a human. Wears human clothes, has human limbs, also has a northern accent. And his appearance did seem unusual, because he looks like some guy from my world you’ve never heard of,” I answer, remembering God’s slightly smug face from our last encounter. The princesses then went back to their silent thoughts and glances, which I shall forever dub as ‘Princess Talk’. Ten minutes later, they finally stopped their Princess Talk, as they turned to face me and the ponies in the room.

“We apologise for remaining silent, but Luna and I were communicating telepathically (I KNEW IT. #PRINCESSTALK), and we’ve come up with a plan on how to deal with ‘God’. Luna, if you please?” Princess Luna nodded and continued the explanation.

“We think it would be prudent if we let God continue with these tests of his. When he next makes an appearance, Celestia and I shall confront him and try to resolve this in peace. Do thou knowest when he shall next appear, Declan?”

“No, I don’t. His visits are completely random, so he could turn up tomorrow or ten years from now.” Another brief moment of Princes Talk follows after my statement.

“In that case, we will have to be vigilant and watch for his next appearance. In the mean time, we shall continue to find you a way home Declan. With or without God’s help, we will send you home,” Celestia said firmly, a comforting smile still adoring her face.

“What do you want us to do, Princess?” Twilight asked, with the rest of the Elements of Harmony standing behind her.

“My faithful student, I need you and your friends to assist Declan during these tests. I have a feeling he’s going to need it.” Twilight and the other nodded in confirmation, looks of determination on all of their faces except Fluttershy, who looked like she didn’t want to be a part of this.

“Hey, we’ll lend a hoof too. I bet God can’t stand up against the might of my wubs!” Vinyl proclaimed, whilst Octavia groaned and hid her face behind a foreleg in embarrassment.

“I’m glad that you would offer to help us, my little ponies. Now, we must return to Canterlot. I wish we could stay longer, but there is an urgent matter that we need to deal with upon our return. Farewell Twilight Sparkle, Declan. We will try to help whenever we can.” Celestia nodded to both me and Twilight, before disappearing in a flash of light. Luna however, remained behind.

“Declan, we wish we could stay longer, but sister is right. We must depart.” Luna said, giving me a warm smile. “But we shan’t say no to visits at the castle, so ‘don’t be a stranger’, as the ponies say nowadays.” And with another flash, Princess Luna was gone too.

With the princesses gone, the ponies started to filter out to return to their homes and mull over the day’s events. Well, most of them at least. Vinyl and Octavia were probably heading back to their apartment to argue over Vinyl’s behaviour, and Pinkie would probably throw a Welcome to Ponyville party or something for God. Not that he’d turn up.

Princess Celestia let loose a heavy sigh of relief upon closing the doors to her royal chambers. Upon returning to Canterlot, she had to continue to sort out some feud between two nobles, and dealing with just one angry noble was hard enough. Add to the fact that a being of immense power that has not been seen since the likes of Discord is loose somewhere in Equestria using her little ponies as pawns in his plans for Declan, she just couldn’t take much more. So when the time came to lower the sun, she couldn’t help but feel relieved that the day was over.

Using her magic, she removed her tiara, necklace, gold slippers and drew the curtains closed. Pulling the sheets back with a golden glow, she flopped into bed in a very unprincesslike fashion, ready to fall asleep so she could be ready for what tomorrow might bring. Bringing the covers over herself and closing her eyes, she settled in for a good nights sleep in Luna’s realm.

However, that was not the case. No sooner as she had closed her eyes, her bed, covers and pillows vanished, leaving the solar princess to fall slowly to the ground. A ground that seemed very dusty for a room that was quadruple cleaned every three hours during the day. Opening her eyes, Celestia found that she was no longer in her royal bedchambers, but instead lying on the ground of a grey landscape, dotted with ridges and craters for miles. Above the landscape was a pitch black sky with white dots speckled all over it, much like Luna’s night sky. Standing up, she surveyed her surroundings in slight panic and curiosity, before looking up.

And screamed.

Above her was a blue-green orb hovering in the night sky of the grey landscape. She could make out the continent that Equestria was settled on, as well as the eastern territories, the Griffon Kingdom, and the southern arctic shelf. It then struck her where she was.

She was on the moon.

“Hello Celestia. It’s about time we met.” She turned to face the source of the voice, which turned out to be a human like Declan, but one that looked and sounded different. She tried to think of a response, to say something, but her mind seemed to have been frozen by shock and fear, something she had not felt for a very long time. So she settled for a simple question.

“Are you God?” She asked tentatively, to which the human chuckled softly.

“Yes, I am God. The almighty. The father of man. The creator of life, the universe, and everything.”

“Why did you bring me here?” She asked, trying to muster up some form of courage, but it just seemed to slip away whenever she made eye contact with God.

“I brought you here because I wanted to have a little chat, from one powerful deity to another. Although your power is only a microscopic fraction of mine, we’re still considered gods by our respective civilizations nonetheless.”

“What do you want?”

“I just said, I wanted a little talk, just between us two. And the moon seemed like a fitting place to have it, since there’s no one around to hear us. At least, not anymore... or yet.” he finished flatley, Celestia was puzzled by this, but was too frozen in fear to say something about it.

“You see Celly- can I call you Celly? -I have this big master plan of mine, all revolving around the human race. And I need Declan to help me complete it. But at this time, he’s not ready to face the challenge set out at the end of my plan, and if he remained on Earth, he would never have been ready. This is why I wanted him to come to Equestria, so that he could prepare for the final challenge coming upon the humans.” He started to walk towards Celestia, reaching out a hand to stroke her cheek. “Thus I decided to give him seven tests to complete over a period of time to see if he is truly ready to save Earth and humanity. But alas, I can’t have pesky Alicorns such as yourself, your sister, your niece or even the lost one to meddle with my plans.”

He stopped stroking Celestia’s cheek with his hand, and in a quick flick of the wrist, God wrapped his fingers around Celestia’s throat. “So, I don’t want to dispose of you, since that would ruin my plans and I’d have to fall back on the reserves to see my goal accomplished.” He tightened his grip, causing Celestia to try and gasp for air. “So instead, I’ll give you one little rule, a reason if you will, to keep your snout out of my business.” He tightened his grip even more, crushing the Princess’s throat.

“Don’t fuck with my plans, and I won’t have to wipe you or your precious sister from the face of existence. Do you understand?” He released his grip on Celestia’s throat, allowing her to topple to her side onto the ground struggling for air. He then walked over to her head, where she was gasping desperately drawing air back into her lungs. Raising a foot, he placed it to the side of her head, and started to apply pressure. “I won’t say it again. Do. You. Understand?” He finished, punctuating his question with even more force to the alicorns skull, causing her eyes to bulge.

“Y-y-yes...” Celestia managed to gasp out. God then removed his foot from her face and walked backwards away from her.

“Excellent! Now that’s sorted, I’ve got other things to do. Heaven’s not gonna clean itself now. Oh, and before I go, don’t go mentioning to anyone or anypony that we had this conversation, or you’ll deeply regret it. Toodles!” And with a faint pop, he disappeared, leaving Celestia to lie on the lunar landscape, gasping for air and to process what had just happened, silently sobbing to no one.

Author's Note

Hi guys, long time no chapter.

Few notices. First, give a slow sarcastic clap to Scooterdash, who is now filling in omegadarkness's old shoes as pre-reader. He's been a great help so far so I'm looking forward to see what he can do.

Second, there's a nice surprise on the story's front page. Go check it out.

Lastly, gonna try more frequent updates up unitl September, so that shall be fun. Hope you enjoy.

[REDACTED]

He smiled, watching unseen as the ruler of the land with the horses, who dared to believe it was immortal, thrashed around in its sleep before waking suddenly. He chuckled at Celestia's reaction, seeing the panic and fear radiating from her like a sun. Ah, mortals always have the funniest reactions to a proper show of force.

He watched as she went to a mirror, and almost fell over laughing as He saw her reaction.
The fact that she had believed their ‘conversation’ was just a mere dream made Him laugh even more.

“I have to tell Luna!” Her panicked voice made Him freeze. Apparently, even Celestia the so called ‘Goddess of the Sun’ had the memory of a pitiful human.

She began to channel her magic, attempting to cast a teleportation spell. But a little sprinkle of Divine Intervention™ soon solved that problem, shutting down her magic and cancelling the spell. And since she clearly didn’t understand what was said earlier, He’ll remind her of the bare essentials.

With another thought, the marks where He had touched her burned as if they were on fire, the effects reaching deep under her fur and skin, though to her credit she merely flinched at the pain. What was the real kicker was the words He was casually writing on the mirror, using a special red ‘ink’ to get the point across.

‘Remember my warning, or goodbye Lulu’

She gasped as she saw the message, before it vanished with a wave of an unseen hand. He was surprised that she didn’t recognise the ‘ink’ He had used, especially since he ‘borrowed’ it from her dear loving sister. He was sure Luna wouldn’t mind missing a few drops of blood.

But, as much fun as watching Celestia was, He had other things to do. The scene around Him changed instantly, faster than blinking, showing him the view of the Golden Oak library foyer. And in it was His least- er, MOST favourite human!

And that Unicorn that follows him everywhere was, surprise surprise, following him down the stairs from the room where they ‘sleep’.

Ugh, sleep. What a strange and completely pointless thing for mortals to do. Why they haven’t evolved to make such a useless trait extinct is beyond Him.

He was drawn from his ponderings of why mortals sleep when the two mortals He was watching started to talk.

“This is the problem.” Declan gestured to a wall of the foyer not obscured by a bookcase. Twilight frowned as she looked at it.

“... I don’t see the problem.” Declan sighed, and pointed to a specific part of the wall.

“It’s right there.” She leaned in closer.

“The framed picture?” She asked.

“Look closer.” She leaned in even more, squinting at what was framed on the wall.

“... is that the certificate that God gave you for completing one of his tests?” She asked, moving back to stand by her friend.

“Yep. Try moving it.” Giving Declan a curious glance, she summoned her magic and surrounded the framed certificate, and began to lift it from the wall. To her surprise, it wouldn’t budge. Focusing more magic, she tried to yank it off, only to have the same result.

“I can’t,” she said, glancing up at Declan. “It’s completely resistant to my magic.”

“Figures. I tried to move it, but my fingers couldn’t get any grip at all. They just slipped off.” He sighed, absentmindedly scratching his arm. “That can’t stay there. It has to go.”

“Why? If I got a certificate for passing a test from Princess Celestia, I’d never want it taken down.”

“This thing isn’t from your mentor, it’s from God! I hate him! All this time he has existed, and not once has he cast a ray of divine intervention to help me and my people! He’s left us to die in wars and disasters, and doesn’t even bother to lift a finger to help! This thing is just a reminder, a show of power so we can’t forget what he’s done and what he is going to do for his own selfish needs!” Declan panted, his eyes wide and his throat slightly hoarse (lol equine puns) from his frustrated rant. He jumped when he felt Twilight pat his leg consolingly.

“I’m sorry about that Twilight,” he said as he knelt down to give the Unicorn a hug. “It’s been a stressful few days, and I haven’t been getting much sleep.”

“It’s alright. You just needed to vent some steam.” They separated, and she started towards the kitchen. “I’ve had to do that myself before. Would you like some hot chocolate? That always helps me calm down after I vent.”

“Sure, why not. Say, you wouldn’t happen to have some DIY tools lying around by any chance?” She responded with a look that questioned his asked for such tools and his sanity, as she stepped into the kitchen.

Meanwhile, He was watching the interaction between the two chosen mortals like it was a TV soap drama. He watched as Twilight brought out two steaming mugs of hot chocolate a few minutes later, handing one to Declan, who then proceeded to list various ways they could remove the certificate He had oh so graciously given him, quite a few of which were shot down by his companion with a stern “Declan, no!”, “‘Pinkie did it’ isn’t a valid excuse!”, and “how would we explain to Princess Celestia a valid reason for using the Elements?!”

Soon, they changed topics to discussing the beverage they were drinking, and how such a drink existed in Equestria and on Earth.

“Really?! What do you make your hot chocolates with?!”

“Uhh, chocolate? Hence the name...”

Eventually, they finished their drinks, around the same time as the Unicorn’s lizard pet descended into the room. They greeted him and plans for the day were made, before the lizard- Spike, He believed it was called -went to make food.

Then the fun started.

“This isn’t going to work, but it’s worth a try.” Declan gripped the crowbar tightly in his hands as he approached the frame cautiously, as if it was a deadly opponent in a battle to the death. A thought crossed his mind, and he paused, a blank expression appearing on his face. “I’m not even going to question how a pony uses a crowbar.”

“With magic?” Twilight supplied helpfully as she watched with mild interest from the table.

“Not helping,” Declan muttered. He stopped right in front of the frame, and lifted the crowbar to try to pry it from underneath. But the crowbar couldn’t find a gap to slip in, so it just slid off the frame whenever it was pressed against it. After several attempts, he backed off, huffing in disappointment . “Dammit, this would’ve worked for Freeman...” he muttered, putting the crowbar down on the floor and walking to the table, where Spike was serving breakfast. He had a bowl of gems to crunch whilst Declan and Twilight had two slices of toast each.

He paused in the watching of the three once more, pondering about the need to devour and ingest food to sustain a mortal body. The mere thought disgusted Him.

“I think we need to call in some heavy artillery.” Declan’s comment made Him focus back upon the human and his friends.

“The Princesses?” Twilight asked after a pause to ponder the meaning of the statement.

“Heavier.” Was Declan’s reply. This baffled Twilight, but He knew instantly what Declan meant, and a broad smile started to spread across is unseen face.

Twenty minutes later, Declan walked back into the library, followed by Pinkie Pie.

“Wait, Pinkie is who you meant?!” Twilight asked in bewilderment, mouth agape as Pinkie scrutinized the frame.

“Yep. She’s abnormal. That frame’s abnormal. Either she gets it off, nothing happens, or the moment the two touch each other the universe will come to a sudden and anticlimactic end leaving only you and me together to ponder what an idiot I am.” Twilight, Spike, and their unseen observer all looked at Declan, two of them with concerned faces whilst the third chuckled.

“You talk to Pinkie too much,” Spike said, wandering off to escape the weirdness.

“Hmm... this is a real doozy alright...” Pinkie said as she stared at the frame in thought. Slowly, she turned and walked away, trotting for a few seconds before suddenly spinning around, pulling a cupcake from her mane. Rearing upon her hind legs, she hurled the cupcake in an impressive overarm throw. It smacked against the framed certificate, sending cupcake and icing all over it. Pinkie stared at it, as the cupcake and icing slid off the framed certificate. Once all the contents were on the floor, she ran up and licked the frame, smacking her lips several times and savoring the taste.

“The universe hasn’t ended. So far so good...” Declan muttered , as Pinkie shied away from the frame, hissing like a cat.

“I don’t like it! It tastes of narcissism!” She spat, glaring at the frame. A thought then occurred, and she rushed out. “I’ve got just the thing!” She shouted as she zipped past.

“... I’m starting to regret this idea...” Declan sighed, looking at the open front door. Seconds later, Pinkie reappeared, pushing-

“Is that a cannon?” Twilight asked incredulously as both she and Declan looked on wide eyed.

“Yep! It’s my super awesome party cannon! This’ll solve the issue!” Pinkie replied. That’s when they noticed the cord wrapped around her hoof, which was connected to the rear of the cannon.

“Hit the floor!” Declan shouted, diving behind the table. Twilight tried to move, but was a second too late.

BOOOOOM!

The library shook as the cannon went off. Books were toppled off of shelves, a baby dragon yelped as he was thrown across the room upstairs, and cake mix went everywhere.

Tentatively, Declan peered over the edge of the table, straightening his glasses that had become askew from the dive. The majority of the wall with the framed certificate on it was covered in cake mix, along with the floor around it, half a bookcase, and Twilight Sparkle. Surprisingly, the certificate didn’t have a single dollop of cake mix on it.

“Huh, I could’ve sworn I put confetti in here...” Pinkie muttered.

Mrs. Cake was working hard in the kitchen of Sugarcube Corner. That nice boy, Declan, had politely asked for Pinkie’s help with a problem he had, leaving Mrs. Cake to cover for Pinkie until she returned.

With a oven guard in her mouth, she went to open the oven door to pull out the special cake that was going to be on sale today. Instead, she got a faceful of confetti, surprising the mare and making her fall back on her rump.

[/hr]

“Whelp, I tried my best. You’re on your own,” Pinkie said as she wheeled her cannon out, closing the door behind her. Silence reigned supreme in the library.

“...”

“...”

“... Pinkie did it.” The cake mix that covered Twilight started to cook.

Unseen by all, He laughed uproariously.

Slowly, His laughter died down, replaced with a slight frown. He had sensed something, something strange and... chaotic. Instantly, the scene changed once more, replaced with a garden inhabited by various stone statues. One of which caught his eye.

Peering closely, He examined the stone statue of a mismatched creature. Its appearance alone was unusual and chaotic, and its power was phenomenal. There was a miniscule crack upon one of its arms, where He could see the aura of this creature’s power seeping through. Though, compared to His own, it was fractionally finite. In a way, the creature’s power reminded Him of Himself, in a sort of chaotic way. But how did such a creature end up like this?

A fraction of a second later, He understood. The Elements of Harmony, the very same ones used by the mortals just recently to separate one mortal into two, had caused this. He frowned. If the mortals ever managed to use these artefacts against Him- not that they would ever be close to doing so -He could be in some serious danger.

“Well then...” He said, running a hand across the stone creature’s cheek. “I’ll just have to solve that problem when it arises. If it ever does..”

He chuckled, as the scene vanished around Him.

Author's Note

Please read this: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1GKI4qK8-SDcGFgHTRZGq2MpQRYxTV7YkW9q_dufET_4/edit

Next chapter will be released in 48 hours.

That is all.

The Friendship Dilemmas Of Twilight And Declan

“Uuurrrghh... Twi, I think I’m gonna hurl...” I groan, clutching my stomach as I lay in my bed. I felt like shit, having already puked up last night’s dinner all over the floor just half an hour ago.

“One second! Spike! Where is that bucket?!” Twilight shouted from the lower level of the bedroom.

“Coming Twilight!” Spike called back, running up the stairs with a metal bucket in his claw. Twilight snatched it from his claws with her magic and swiftly brought it up to me, where I leaned over to grab it with my hands, bringing it to my head just in time, as I blew chunks and stomach acid into the bucket’s interior.

Twilight levitated the bucket from my grasp and gave me a cloth, which I used to wipe around my mouth.

"How do you feel?" She asked, using her magic to pull a book from a shelf.

"Like utter shit..." I groaned, giving the cloth back to Twilight. "I feel like I'm about to puke all the time and I feel tired." Twilight nodded, then started to leaf through the book, looking for something.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"Looking through this book of illnesses to see what's wrong with you," she replied, not looking up from the book as she continued to skim the pages.

"Don't bother, I know what I've got." Twilight looked up at me sharply, snapping the book shut.

"Really? Is it some kind of flu, or is it some kind of bodily reaction to something, like what happened when you had too much exposure to magic? Oh! What if it's a disease from Earth? Would it be contagious to ponies? Would magic even effect it? Maybe-"

"Twilight! It's just food poisoning," I interrupt her. She stared at me for a few seconds, looking disappointed at the lack of a rare alien disease.

"But how? All the food is well kept and Spike's always careful to wash his claws..."

----FLASHBACK----

"I'm not sure about this, Twilight," I say, as I stare warily at the sandwich that sat in front of me on the library's kitchen table. "There are a lot of reasons why we Humans don't eat flowers."

"I know you're cautious, but there's not much that you can eat in Equestria, and if this works, then you won't have to be so careful when eating," she explained, giving me a reassuring smile from across the table. "Besides, I've done some research and I've found that some ponies are able to eat meat somehow without any ill effects, so maybe the same logic applied to Humans."

"Oh alright," I sighed. "I'll give it a shot." So with some caution and trepidation, I picked up the flower sandwich and took a sizable bite out of it. I chewed the bread and flora in my mouth slowly, savouring the flavour and the taste.

"Well?" Twilight asked, as I tentatively swallowed.

"A little stringy, slightly sweet as well, but it's alright I guess..."

I give her a groggy, deadpan stare.

“Oh.” Twilight looked away from me when it dawned upon her. “I’m sorry Declan, I should’ve realised this would happen...”

“Hey, Its alright Twi. Its only food poisoning, it isn’t going to kill me,” I say, patting her on the head, which seemed to cheer her up. And seeing her cheer up made me feel better also. That is, until something start travelling upwards. “Bucket.”

“Pardon?”

“Bucket!” Twilight realised what I wanted and brought the bucket back to me for round 2, and just in the nick of time. After I had stopped, she left with the bucket to dispose of its contents, ready for the next volley. She came back after a few minutes, with a clean bucket and a glass of water with a bendy straw floating in her magical grasp.

“Drink this,” she said, levitating the glass of water over to me. I gently took the glass into my hands and took small sips through the straw.

“Thanks,” I say, as she takes the glass away once I’m done.

“Declan, I’m really sorry for all of this. If I knew this was gonna happen, I’d-”

“Stop saying sorry Twi, you sound like a Canadian. Anyway, its not your fault that I ate the darned thing.”

“I know, but I just can’t help but feel responsible, so I’m going to set it right! Spike grab my home nurses guide!” She called to her assistant, “We’ll do everything by the book!” She looked at me with an excited smile.

“Uhh.... I don’t like where this is going...”

“I’m going to take care of you until you’re better! I just need to go out to get some supplies, so I won’t be long!” She gave me a pat on the head before rushing off, shouting for Spike at the top of her lungs.

“Twilight wait!” I tried to call out to her, but it was no use. She had already gone out of shouting range and my voice wasn’t at peak vocal levels right now. Which left me lying in bed, hoping that she wouldn’t inadvertently make things worse.

And wondering where the bucket was...

Not long after Twilight had left me, I had dozed off into a peaceful, dreamless sleep, in which I just floated in a haze of grey. And I also had the feeling of being watched, despite the fact that no one else was there...

I was awoken from my dream when Twilight gently nudged me with a hoof to my side, followed by a “wake up, Declan!”

“Ngh, what’cha want? Was sleeping...” I grumble, reaching for my glasses on the bedside table and putting them on.

“I have more water here. Its important to have something in your stomach, and you need to stay hydrated,” she said, lifting a glass of water over to me so I could drink from it. However, she only let me take a few sips before taking it back. “Have you been sick again?” She asked.

“No, I was just resting until you woke me up.” I groan as I stretch my arms. “Anything interesting outside today?”

“Well, there was a stampede of cows, but Applejack managed to stop them before they could do any harm to the town or themselves. They’re throwing a celebration tomorrow for Applejack saving the town, and I get to give a speech!” She smiled at the thought of giving the whole town an award winning speech, whilst I just rolled my eyes.

“Let me guess, they’re letting Pinkie Pie set the whole thing up.”

“Actually, the mayor wanted it to be a serious and formal occasion, so the town hall is being set up instead.”

“Huh, I bet Pinkie’s already going insane just thinking about someone else setting up a party.” I shift in my bed, trying to find a new comfortable spot. “You know, that rest did me the world of good... maybe I could get out of bed now?” I ask inquisitively, sitting upwards in the bed.

“Nope.” A purple magical field congregated itself on my chest and pushed me back down to the bed gently.

"Why? I feel better!" I protested.

"In cases of food poisoning, it is recommended to wait 24 hours after the vomiting ends, just to play it safe," she replied smugly.

"Geez, you're acting just like my mum..." I groaned, causing Twilight to giggle.

"Well somepony has to look after you," she said, smiling. I smiled back.

"Can Ah at least stretch mah legs Ma? Them purdy beauts are startin' ta ache somethin' fierce," I ask in a very poor imitation of Applejack's accent, making Twilight laugh.

"Okay okay! Just for a minute though.” I flung the covers off of me and leaped out of bed, stretching my arms and legs.

“Hey, do you think I can get something to eat? I am famished,” I ask as I finish stretching and look around the room.

“Sure, a couple of slices of toast shouldn’t hurt. Stay there, I’ll bring them up to you," she said, turning and walking down the stairs from the second floor's ledge. She passed through the door leading to the library foyer below, closing it behind her.

I glance around the room, seeing nothing unusual. Looking out of the window, I could see a beautiful clear blue sky, except for a small cloud in the distance, with a familiar multi-hued tail hanging off the side. Chuckling, I walk around the ledge, mindful of the sudden drop.

'I don't know why, but I feel pretty much back to normal. Usually something like food poisoning lasts for a day or two, but I was barely ill for 12 hours,' I muse, thinking deeply as I walk around, stretching my legs.

-------MEANWHILE-------

Twilight closed the door to the bedroom, and sighed. She slowly trotted down the stairs to the foyer, lost in deep thought.

"How's Declan, Twilight?" Spike's question startled the Unicorn, ripping her from her thoughts.

"Oh, uhh... he's fine. Feeling better," she replied, going back into deep thought once more.

"Are you okay Twi? You seem distant," Spike inquired, snapping Twilight out if her thoughts again.

"I'm fine, Spike. I'm just thinking about something," she said, heading into the kitchen. Using her magic, she levitated two slices of bread over to the toaster, sliding them into the toaster's slots, but paused upon turning it on. She smiled as an idea struck her, bringing a twinkle of excitement to her eyes. Turning the toaster on, she trotted out of the kitchen and headed towards one of the many bookshelves that ran around the walls of the library.

'Maybe there's a book about how I feel...' she mused as she browsed the shelves.

"-But there wasn't a book about what I was feeling. I thought about asking Princess Celestia, but I didn't know what to say..." Twilight explained, as her conversing partner calmly nodded and drank some of her tea.

"You were right to come and see me Twilight, for I know what it is you are feeling," Rarity said, lowering her teacup back onto its saucer. They both sat around a table in the kitchen of Rarity's house and business, a teapot and two pairs of teacups and saucers neatly resting on it's surface, along with a plate of low fat oat biscuits ("it's unladylike to eat fatty foods when one is concerned about their figure" -Rarity).

"Really? What is it?" The purple Unicorn asked, lowering her own teacup and leaning forward across the table to Rarity.

"You're in love, dear." Rarity answered, simply and bluntly, taking Twilight by surprised as she recoiled away from the fashionista.

"What?! That's preposterous! I don't love him!" Twilight exclaimed. Rarity gave her a deadpan look.

"Oh please dear, I've seen how you two behave together. Why, last week when that whole debacle with the Gala tickets was happening, I noticed how you acted when Declan complimented you on your outfit." The memory of that particular moment caused Twilight to blush at the thought of it. Rarity smiled victoriously, saying "And I bet that's not the only time you two have had a... 'moment'." Twilight squirmed under Rarity's statement and her scrutinizing gaze, before seceding.

"No, it isn't..." Twi said with a heavy sigh.

"If I may ask, when did these feelings develop?" Rarity asked, lifting her teacup up once more.

"Back when we were in the castle in the Everfree, he saved my life. He sacrificed himself so we could defeat Nightmare Moon," she said after a heavy sigh. "Then there were things that he would say and do, like help me reshelve the library, or compliment me on my looks, and it would make me feel warm inside..."

Twilight looked down at her teacup, gazing into the liquid inside. After a moment of contemplation, she looked back up at her friend. "I've never really been in love before. What do I do Rarity?"

Rarity gave Twilight a reassuring smile, saying "don't fret darling, I know exactly what to do..."

"Well that was an experience..." a voice grumbled above Twilight's head as they approached the library. They had just come back from the ceremony that honoured Applejack for saving the town, which didn't go exactly as planned.

"It could've gone better..." Twilight sighed, using her magic to open the library's door. They walked through, when a thought struck her. "Declan, where's Spike?"

"Rarity took him, saying she needed his help with something," the Human replied, taking his fedora and duster off and placing them on the hat stand by the door, which Twilight closed.

'Okay Twi, remember what Rarity told you,' she thought, staring at Declan as he trudged into the kitchen, probably in search of food. She followed him into the kitchen, watching as he started to rummage through the cupboards .

"Declan, I was wondering..."

"Hmm?"

"Back on your world, Earth... do you have a special somepony?" He paused his search for food to turn and stare at the Unicorn.

"Do you mean 'special someone', like a girlfriend?" He asked.

"Y-yeah..."

"... Nope. Don't have one. Never had one, actually," he said, pondering the subject.

"You've never been in love?"

"No, not really. Why'd you ask?"

"Uh..."

'Think Twilight, THINK.'

"R-research purposes."

'Real smooth...'

"Ah, well I can't help you about love and relationships and stuff. Sorry," he said, continuing the hunt of food by moving to the fridge, opening it. “Do you want anything to eat? You didn’t have breakfast this morning.”

“Uh, sure...” Declan watched in befuddlement as Twilight absentmindedly wandered out of the kitchen, apparently in deep thought. The Unicorn went over to the table in the centre of the library foyer, plopping her rump on a wooden stool, pondering the results of her enquiries.

‘So he‘s never had a special somepony, or special someone as he put it. So he may be feeling what I’m feeling, but isn’t sure about it. I know Rarity told me to let him know by doing certain things and sending the right signals, but those could mean nothing to him! He is, after all, an alien from another world. Maybe-’

*prod*

“AAAHHHH!”

“Woah! Hey!” Declan recoiled, having poked Twilight in the side of the head. “Sorry about that. I tried speaking to you, but you were completely out of it. I didn’t mean to scare you,” Declan explained, setting down two plates of food on the table, whilst taking a seat next to Twilight. “I brought you lunch by the way.”

“Thanks,” Twilight muttered in slight embarrassment, glancing down at her plate. On it was was a slice of bread, with carrot slices, daisy flowers and diced lettuce scattered haphazardly upon its surface, followed by a messy dribbling of salad cream, and topped with another slice of bread that appeared to have been dropped upon the rest of the meal from the sky. To top it off, it was sliced into two halves, albeit not well co-ordinated. All in all, it nonetheless resembled a sandwich. At least it wasn’t on fire.

“I thought you said you could cook...” Twilight quizzed Declan, who had a plate full of carrot slices and was munching on one.

“I can. I just suck at sandwiches. And bagels. Especially bagels. Don’t ask about those,” he replied, grabbing a handful of carrot slices and shoved them into his mouth, crunching them thoughtfully. After a minute of crunching, and swallowing, he asked “Are you okay? You seem off today.”

“Me? Nope. I’m fine. Perfectly fine.” Her voice increasing in pitch, she added a smile, but it was slightly forced and weak. Declan squinted at her in suspicion, before shrugging and continued to shovel carrots into his mouth.

“Did you see how Applejack was acting today? She was so out of it, like Pinkie on a normal day. And she looked like she hadn’t slept in hours,” he said after he swallowed his last mouthful.

“Maybe she’s got a lot of work to do down at the farm, and its been running her ragged,” Twilight suggested, eating her sandwich absentmindedly.

“Yeah, that could be it. Maybe she could do with some help, since I’ve got nothing on right now.” He stood up from the table, heading over to the hat stand and grabbing his fedora and duster. “I’ll just pop out and see if she’s okay. I promise to take it easy!” He said, opening the door and closing it behind him.

“Goodbye...” Twilight muttered, staring at the door.

I peered around the trunk of a particularly sizeable apple tree, watching Applejack as she worked, kicking the trees with her hind legs and making the apples fall off into the baskets placed below.

“Eh, she seems fine...” I whisper to myself shrugging as she bucked yet another tree. However, I wasn’t too sure about that when she started to wobble, looking like she might doze off at any moment. But she recovered, shaking the obvious signs of sleep from her face and attempted to kick the same tree she had done just a few seconds ago, missing as she did so. She realigned herself ready for another try, but struck one of the apple baskets, scattering the fruit everywhere. I decided to approach.

“Afternoon Applejack,” I called in greeting, walking over to the orange pony.

“Whuh? Oh it’s you Declan. What do ya want, Ah’m busy.” She huffed, moving on to a tree that had apples on it this time. I followed.

“I just wanted to drop by and say hi, and congratz for the trophy. I wasn’t around for the incident with the stampede, but I heard it was amazing how you got all those cows under control.” Applejack stopped right next to the tree, and I stopped behind her.

“...”

“Applejack?” I reach a hand out to touch her back, but retract it sharply when she made a strange whinny-like noise. I relaxed when I realised that the whinnying sound was her snoring.

"Oh for crying out loud... APPLEJACK! WAKE UP!" I shout in her ear, startling the orange pony.

"Wuh?! Whozzat?! Oh, it's jus' you Declan," she sighed, trying to shake the sleep out of her head. "What'cha want? Ah'm busy."

"Yeah, you're totally hard at work," I said sarcastically, rolling my eyes. "What on Earth are you doing, anyway?"

"Ah'm bucking apple trees," Applejack replied deadpan.

"I gathered that, but why though?"

"It's applebuck season," she said as she went back to applebucking trees, starting with one she had done already.

"Okay, what is applebuck season?"

"Time of year when we harvest all the apples from the trees before autumn. Ah'd usually do it with Big Mac, but he's gone an' hurt himself, so it's jus' me." She looked up at the tree, noting it's lack of apples. "Consarnit," she cursed, moving on to a tree that actually had apples.

"Maybe I could lend a hand?" I asked.

"No!" I recoiled sharply from the stern and aggressive response. "Ah don't need no help, ah can do this all by my own."

"I didn't ask if I could help, I asked if I can lend a hand," I replied rather sternly myself. Applejack mused over my reply for a moment, before snorting.

"Still the same thing," she said, successfully bucking a tree with apples on it.

"Gosh, you're more stubborn than Rainbow Dash, you know that?" I sigh in frustration, throwing my arms up in the air.

"Rainbow Dash? Why does that- oh! Ah almost forgot, Ah'm supposed ta meet her in town!" After this sudden realisation, she ran off, darting through the trees.

"Hey! Wait up!" I shout after her, trying to run after the speedy earth pony.

"We'll it's about time!" Rainbow called out impatiently to Applejack, who was walking towards the Pegasus.

"Wait... *huff* up... *puff* dammit..." I wheeze as I trail behind Applejack a little ways, exhausted from trying to keep up with Applejack across the town.

"Oh hey Declan, here to see me create a sonic rainboom?"

"A... *gasp* sonic boom?" I asked as I caught my breath.

"No, a sonic rainboom. Everypony in Equestria knows what a sonic rainboom is, right Applejack?"

"Zzzzzzz...."

We both looked at Applejack, who was standing stock still and fast asleep.

"Hey Applejack!” Rainbow shouted, startling Applejack back into consciousness.

“Ah’m awake!” She said, looking around sharply before turning to look at us.

“Yeah yeah- hey, you ready for this?” Rainbow asked her sleep deprived friend, who nodded somewhat blearily. “Great! Then get on top of the platform will ya? We’re burning daylight!” Rainbow said, pointing up at the top of a thirty-foot wooden structure with a platform on top.

“... How did I not notice this?” I murmur to myself, gazing up at the wooden structure as it reached for the heavens. “So, uh... why did you want Applejack to go up there?” I ask Rainbow.

“So she can give me a boost,” Rainbow replied, gesturing to a large see-saw that sat in front of the wooden platform. “She jumps from up there, and lands on this end, sending myself, standing on the other end, high into the sky with enough speed to help me create a sonic rainboom!” She explained, trying her best to make it sound totally awesome. I was skeptical.

“Doesn’t this seem a little dangerous...?” I ask, looking up worriedly at the top of the structure.

“Nah, its perfectly safe! Besides, what’s life without some risk?” She said, gently bumping me with a hoof.

“Okay! Ready!” Applejack called down from above.

“Thats my cue.” Rainbow quickly darted over to the see-saw, standing on the end farthest from the platform, which lowered itself to the ground as she stood on it. “Alright! Jump AJ!”

“Oh geez...!” I gasp as Applejack jumps off the platform, and starts falling like a stone. I grab my fedora and cover my face with it, to avoid looking at what was gonna happen.

WHUMP!

I cringe at the sound of Applejack hitting something solid from a thirty-foot drop. Slowly, I pull my hat away from my face, and gasp in shock. Applejack had completely missed the platform, instead landing belly down on the ground. What was shocking however, was that Applejack was standing up and shrugging it off like nothing had happened.

“I- but- ger- ah-” I gibber, trying to process the event.

“Dangit AJ you missed! You’ll have to try again.” I whip my head around to face Rainbow so fast it could’ve snapped from sheer force.

“She could’ve died, and you want her to do it again?!” I yell in a mixture of shock and anger.

“Hey, she volunteered for this! And besides, a fall from that height won’t kill her! I’ve fallen from much higher before, and I survived!” Rainbow retorted, waving her front hooves in the air to prove her point.

“Can’t say the same for your brain cells...” I mutter, scowling at her.

“What’d you say about me?!” Rainbow asked aggressively, her wings popping as she prepared to take a threatening stance. However, our argument was interrupted by another WHUMP! as Applejack proved that gravity existed once more. We both looked at the mare, as she got back up, shook her head a little, then smiled. “Don’t worry none, Ah’ll try again,” she said, before heading round the back of the platform to try again.

“See? Perfectly fine.” Rainbow gave me a smug look, and I sighed in frustration, throwing my arms in the air.

“Okay, fine! Kill yourselves, cos I ain’t calling an ambulance if you break something.” I walk over to a nice patch of grass, and sat down on it, getting a good view of the whole trainwreck that was about to happen.

And it went on for some time, with Applejack going up, then down, about half a dozen times, with each botched attempt criticized by Rainbow as she stood impatiently on her end of the see-saw. I winced at each thud against the ground, and at one point I thought Applejack had really snuffed it when she hit the ground head first, but then she got back up, only slightly dazed.

“Alright, this ain’t working!” Applejack called out, as she picked herself up from her last attempt. “Ah have a better idea!” She said, as she began to walk away from the structure, and over towards me.

Oh.

Oh no.

“Hey, don’t get me involved in this. I don’t plan on dying again anytime soon...” I say cautiously, as Applejack advanced. “Heeeey... don’t come any closer! My friend has a fax machine to your princess!” I say threateningly, now backing away. Applejack then began to trot faster, and I turned round to run away. But I barely got a few paces away when something thin wrapped around my chest and tightened, pinning my arms to my side. It went taught, and I was swept off my feet, hitting the ground hard, my hat falling off in the process.

Then I was dragged across the floor over to where the see-saw and the wooden structure was. Rainbow was still on her end of the see-saw, looking bored and examining a hoof whilst lying on her back. Applejack dragged me to the other end, at which point I was frightened that she was gonna toss me over the edge of the platform. Then, with a grunt she slumped me over her head, then shoved me onto the raised end of the see-saw. I fell on my back onto it, lowering it gently until my end lightly touched the ground.

“Yawn...” Rainbow said from the other end, whilst I came to terms with the fact that I was perfectly safe and not dying.

“Oh... maybe not,” Applejack muttered, backing away. “Okay, one more try. Ah’m sure to get it this time!” She said, mostly to herself, as she quickly went around the tower.

“ACK!” Realising what she was about to do, I rolled off the see-saw, sending my end flying up into the air, and sending dash’s end plummeting to the ground. Dash was unprepared for the sudden drop, and subsequent thud with the ground, catching her off guard and causing her to lose balance, making her smack her head against the wooden board.

“Here Ah go!” Applejack shouted from the top of the tower, mere moments before she jumped. I yelped and rolled as fast as I could, whilst Rainbow groggily stood back up. She regained her senses as split second too early, her eyes widening just as Applejack was about to hit the board.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!”

Poor Rainbow was sent flying high into the air, all that could be seen was an arcing streak that vaguely resembled a rainbow.

“You’re welcome!” Applejack shouted after Rainbow, before trotting away at a brisk pace.

“HEY! I’m still tied up here!” I yell in annoyance, but Applejack didn’t hear, leaving me stuck on the ground.

“I’m back...” I sigh as I push open the library door, taking off my coat and hat and hanging them on the coat stand by the door.

“There you are!” Twilight said as she turned to face me with a not so pleased look on her face. I gulp.

“Whatever I did, I didn’t do it,” I said as non-guiltily as possible, as I closed the door.

“I thought you were going to see if Applejack was okay, not to help her in almost killing Rainbow Dash!” Twilight shouted in annoyance.

“Ah, yes... I can explain,” I begin, but pause. “Wait, how’d you find out?”

“Rainbow Dash crashed through the window.” Ah.

“Well, to be fair, it was all AJ’s fault. I couldn’t do much, since she tied me up, then sent Rainbow flying and walked off without freeing me.” Twilight nodded as she listened to my explanation, before frowning.

“How’d you get free?” She asked.

“I used to watch reruns of MacGyver.”

“Pardon?”

“I’ll explain later. When’s dinner? I’m utterly famished.” I walk past Twilight and across the room to peer into the kitchen, seeing it devoid of any activity.

“We were waiting until you got back...” Twilight sighed.

“Excellent! I’ll make some soup then.” I strode into the kitchen, opening cupboards and drawers, grabbing a pot and spoon and various ingredients.

The next day found me alone in the library, whilst Twilight and Spike went off to deal with Applejack. Twilight had left me with a list of things to do, and I set to deal with today’s work. So far, I had dusted the shelves, made sure all the books in the library were in the correct order, swept the floor, made the bed sheets, cleaned the windows (Twilight had used a spell to repair the one broken by Dash), and waited patiently for someone to visit.

As I sat and watched the door, I realised that in the amount of time that I’ve been here, not one single pony had entered the library with the reason to read a book.

“Hey Declan! I need a book!”

“GAH!” I jump in surprise as the door is thrown open, revealing Vinyl Scratch in the doorway. “Oh, its you Vinyl. Sorry, its been a busy day.” Vinyl glanced around the empty library, the only noise being a cricket chirping somewhere.

“I can see that...” she said slowly, presumably raising an eyebrow under her large purple glasses.

“Music section’s over there,” I say, jerking my thumb at a bookshelf behind me. She nodded and trotted to browse the shelf.

“You heard about the baked bads?” Vinyl asked casually, as she peered at the spines of the books.

“Do I even want to know?” I ask cautiously.

“Pinkie made them. Anypony who’s eaten them is struck by food poisoning. Tavi’s one of the victims, so I’m finding a book for her to read while she get’s better.” I was surprised at Vinyl, she wasn’t talking like her normal self. It was calm and somber, and she spoke using actual words instead of slang.

“I’m sorry to hear about Octavia. Wish her well for me,” I say, as Vinyl picks a book from the shelf with magic and moves over to me.

“Will do. I’d like to take this out, please.”

“Sure.” We stand there in silence for several seconds.

“...”

“...”

“... aren’t you supposed to stamp it or something?” She asked.

“No one’s ever checked out a book whilst I’ve been here, so I don’t actually know what to do. Just go and see Tavi, I’ll brave Twilight’s wrath later,” I say, giving the DJ a pat on the head.

“Thanks Declan, I owe you one.” With that, she walked out.

“If you ever want to talk, I’ll be here!” I call out to her just before she closes the door, leaving me alone.

...

Chirrp chirrp.

“.. fucking cricket.”

BAM!

“I’MMA WAKE!” I shout, floundering in my chair after being rudely awoken from resting my eyes when the door was violently thrown open.

“Sure you are...” Spike muttered as he stepped inside. “The Princess sent you a message,” he said, holding up a scroll. This caught my attention, as I leap out of my chair and grab it from the young dragon.

“Cheers Spike, I’ll read this right away!” I start to fumble with the ribbon keeping it together, my hands jittery.

“Before you do, would you like a snack?” He asked, holding up a muffin. I pause, looking at it. It’s appearance was questionable, since it was a sickly green an- is that a worm?!

“Pinkie made it?” I ask cautiously, eyeing the baked ‘good’ warily.

“Yep! They’re delicious!”

“... I’ll pass.” Spike shrugged, and shoved the offered muffin into his mouth, making me cringe slightly, before I return to the letter. Finally ripping apart the ribbon, I unfurl the scroll and read it’s contents.

Dear Declan,

First off, I must apologise for the lack of progress on helping you get home. My little ponies researching how to make ‘petroleum’, as you put it, are not having much success.

The reason for this letter is because we request your presence in Canterlot, as well as your vehicle. A royal guard escort will arrive in three days to take you and your vehicle to Canterlot Castle, where you shall be staying for as long as your visit is necessary . If you wish to stay for longer, then it can be arranged.

No reply to this letter is necessary , but a letter of acknowledgement wouldn’t be amiss.

Yours sincerely,

Princess Celestia

I reread the letter, its contents throwing me for a loop. The Princess wants me to go to Canterlot? With the DeLorean? Why? And why is it mandatory? Puzzling…

I run around the library foyer, finding a quill, ink pot and parchment, before returning to the table and writing a reply acknowledging the ‘request’. Once finished, I turn to see Spike in the doorway still, chowing down on yet another baked bad.

“Send please,” I say, brandishing the rolled up scroll in my hand. He gulped down his mouthful and takes it from me, holding it up and bathing the paper in emerald green fire.

“I’ll let you know if she replies, I’m gonna get more muffins!” Spike said as she rushed off, closing the door behind him.

I sigh, mulling over the letter in my mind as I sit back down.

Why would the Princess want me to go to Canterlot? Is it about getting me home? Can they actually do that? Maybe... maybe the visit is for them to tell me its impossible, at least in regards to making fuel out of oil. Maybe such a task is impossible for them because they’re not advanced yet. Heck, they don’t even have steam trains yet!

...

Thinking about trains is making me hungry. maybe I should rustle up some lunch, or-

Knock knock.

I look at the door in surprise. Who knocks to enter a public library?

Grumbling, I get up and walk over, opening the door. On the other side is Vinyl, still wearing her glasses. “Hi Vinyl, what’s up?” I ask.

“Hey. You said if I ever needed to talk...” she began, but I hold out a hand to silence her.

“Say no more.” I move aside to let her in, closing the door behind her. “Do you want a drink or some food? I was gonna get something to eat.”

“I’d like a bagel,” she replied somberly. I cringe.

“Uhh, are you sure you want a bagel...?” I ask nervously. Vinyl turns to frown at me.

“Not anymore. Why? Can’t you make them?” She asked, raising her glasses to give me a curious look.

“Uhh, its... complicated. Just don’t ask about bagels.” I head into the kitchen. “Is salad alright? The cupboards are a little bare right now.”

“Whatever, salad’s fine with me.” I frown in confusion at Vinyl’s tone.

“I’ll be just a minute!”

Several minutes later, I walk out of the kitchen with a plate of salad in each hand. Setting one down by Vinal and the other by my seat, I sit back down and start to munch on a leaf of lettuce.

“So, about that talk...” I said after I swallowed my mouthful. Vinyl nodded, levitating a lettuce leaf and absentmindedly nibbling on it. We sit in silence for almost a full minute, before Vinyl finally speaks.

“Octavia’s moving out.” I pause, cucumber slice halfway to my mouth. Slowly, I place it back on the plate and give Vinyl a sympathetic look.

“I’m sorry to hear that. When does she leave?”

“When she’s secured her new apartment.”

“Did she mention why?”

“Ye

We sit in silence again for a brief moment, allowing us to eat more of our salad.

“She got a letter from the Equestrian Royal Orchestra. They want her to join up.”

“Ah. Because she plays the cello?”

“Yeah...”

“Something tells me there’s more to this.” She nods.

She sighed. “You see...”

----FLASHBACK----

Vinyl stared open mouthed at her best friend and roommate. Octavia stared back with a determined look in her eyes.

“Woah wait, you wanna move out?!” Vinyl gasped in shock, having processed Octavia’s statement.

“Yes, Vinyl. I do.” Octavia opened the box of muffins that they had bought from Pinkie Pie just minutes ago, taking one out and placing it upon a small plate. “It’s a decision I’ve thought long and hard about, but it is the right one nonetheless.”

“But I don’t understand! I thought you liked it here, living with me...” Vinyl trailed off, looking away downcast. Blinking, Octavia didn’t expect this reaction from her friend. Realising that the direct approach she had chosen had upset Vinyl, she tried to comfort her.

“Oh Vinyl, I do! I love it here in Ponyville living with you, talking to Declan and our other friends. But coming here from Canterlot was your big break! And now you’re a successful DJ with gigs and parties.” Octavia approached Vinyl, lifting her purple glasses to reveal her watering rose coloured eyes. Raising a hoof, she wiped away a tear as it was about to streak.

“Think of this as my big break. Once I earn enough and cement my position, maybe we can buy a house together- a proper house! Out in the country, just you and me.” She smiled sadly, as Vinyl blinked back tears.

“B-b-but what about me? I can’t go to Canterlot with you, I have my DJ career here! Can’t you stay here...?” Vinyl asked pleadingly, but Octavia slowly shook her head.

“I’m can’t Vinyl, travelling to Canterlot every day would take too long. I’d have to live there, but that doesn’t stop me from visiting you whenever I can! Or you could come and visit me! Maybe you could even bring Declan along too, I’d bet his DeLorean thing could get you to Canterlot faster than any old wagon, once its working again.”

“Y-yeah... sorry Tavi. I just... we’ve been friends for so long and we’ve always been together. I just... I don’t wanna be alone.” They embraced in a hug, Octavia patting Vinyl’s back comfortingly.

“I know.” They held each other for a moment, allowing time to stop for their embrace, before Octavia relaxed her arms and backed away, Vinyl reluctantly doing the same.

“Why don’t you eat a muffin? That would cheer you up. Then maybe we could go out for dinner?” Octavia suggested, picking up her own muffin and taking a bite out of it.

“Y-yeah... that sounds... radical.” Turning away so she could wipe her eyes with a hoof to remove the tears, Vinyl lifted her glasses back onto her face, before turning back to face Octavia. “Tavi?” Vinyl asked, seeing the pale face of the fellow musician, before she vomited across the table, followed by collapsing to the floor.

“Octavia!”

“So that’s how you found out about the baked bads...” I mutter thoughtfully.

“Yeah. I took Tavi to the hospital, and they said she’ll be fine in a few days.” She smirked, the first time she had done so in front of me today. “They actually threw me out, by the way.”

“From the hospital?” She nodded. “Why?”

“I brought in one of my speakers to play some of Octavia's fave tracks. Wanna know the best part?” I nod. “She loved it. laughed her head off when the docs shouted at me to turn it off, but the music was too loud.”

“Same.” She shrugged. “I didn’t care. All I cared about was making her smile.” Her own smile faltered as she glanced down. “I’m gonna miss her...”

“I know. But hey, you can still write and visit each other whenever you can!”

“Yeah, and Tavi always moaned that the snobs at Canterlot could hear my wubs when I cranked it up to eleven.” Vinyl smirked, and I chuckled.

“Well, you’re welcome to hang out with me anytime. Especially if I have another slow day like today,” I said, picking up the empty plates.

“Awesome. I’ll bring my subwoofers next time,” Vinyl replied, standing up and smiling her trademark manic smile.

“It’ll be a blast,” I add, depositing the plates in the sink.

“I’ll see you around,” Vinyl said, as she headed to the door. I follow her, moving ahead and opening the door for her.

“Oh hey Twilight. S’up.” Vinyl grinned as she walked out past Twilight, who was about to open the door herself.

“Vinyl...” Twilight said, confused to see the DJ. Turning to Declan, she asked “had a fun day?”

“The funnest of funs,” I reply, as she trotted in with an exhausted (and bloated) Spike. “Woah, what happened to him?”

“He ate too many of the baked bads,” Twilight explained, using her magic to carefully lift him upstairs to his basket.

“He’s not gonna upchuck chunks, is he?” I ask cautiously.

“No, he’s fine. Dragon stomachs are very strong and are able to dissolve crystals. I think he can handle those muffins, even if everypony else can’t.” Twilight smiled, shaking her head slightly. I shrug at her response, accepting her explanation. “You’ll be pleased to know that Applejack won’t be a concern anymore.”

“I take it you got her to stop working and actually sleep?” I ask.

“Something like that. After she caused a stampede of rabbits through town, I took action.”

“You used a sleep spell on her, didn’t you?” I fold my arms and smile knowingly at Twilight, who smiled bashfully.

“Only for an hour. Applejack was fine about it all too when she woke up, and was really sorry for the trouble she had caused. By the way, we’re all going to Sweet Apple Acres tomorrow to help Applejack before Applebuck season ends,” Twilight said, giving me a sly smile.

“Awesome!”

“She offered to pay us, but I turned that down.”

“Dammit...” Twilight chuckled at my reaction.

“There’s free lunch involved.”

“Done deal.”

Twilight then went on to explain her day, telling me about the origin of the baked bads (dodged a bullet there...), the rabbit stampede, and the cleanup afterwards of both events. Turns out half the town was stricken by the muffins, and one pony was in a critical condition after eating a baker’s dozen, but she’s expected to recover. I then divulged the day’s events for me to her, briefly touching on Celestia’s letter, and deciding not to go into detail about Vinyl’s visit. Then something peculiar happened.

“Here’s the letter,” I said, placing the letter Princess Celestia sent me in front of Twilight. Lifting it up with her magic, she began to read it, her eyes moving rapidly.

“This is perfect!” She said, smiling as she set the letter down. “Well, maybe not that perfect, but still! The Princess wants to see you, that can only mean that she has important news about getting you home!” Standing up, she began to pace. “We’ll have to pack immediately, and find someone to look after Spike. Perhaps Fluttershy...?”

“Uhh, Twilight...?”

“Oh! I can take you to my parents’ house! They’d love to meet you.”

“Twilight...”

“I can’t wait to see Princess Celestia again! And perhaps I might be able to see Cadence! Oh, I have so much to tell Cadence!”

“Twilight.” I stepped in front of her, making her walk into me. Backing away, she looked up quizzically, and I could see the wonder and excitement in her eyes. “I think Princess Celestia want me to go. Alone.” Twilight’s smile falters, and her ears droop.

“Oh...” was all she said in response, and I instantly felt bad about how I worded that statement.

“Sorry twilight, but I think this is a serious thing, and whatever the Princess needs to tell me, it might be super personal. But that doesn’t mean we can’t go together on a future visit! I’d bet that my first visit there’s gonna be super boring and stuff.” I kneel down to give her a hug, but she shies away. “Twilight?”

“I’m feeling a little tired, I think I’ll go to bed now.” I watch her as she walks past me, up the stairs, and closes the bedroom door behind her.

What just happened...?

Author's Note

New chapter! I also got it out at the time I said I would! *fist pump*

Expect the next one sometime next weekend.

So A Guy In A DeLorean Pulls Up...

I hate Thursdays. But first things first, my name is Declan. You probably won't know me, but then again almost everyone knows me and the only people I ever talk to outside of my house is my family, a dude from Africa and a guy with Warhammer on the brain. I always wear a coat and hat, I wear glasses, uh... not much else to say about me. Oh! I'm also a video gamer and a fan of sci-fi movies and TV shows. Apparently, my friends tell me that knowing what happens in every episode of Stargate Atlantis isn't healthy.

Where was I? Oh, yes...

I hate Thursdays. Thursday is the day I have to go get some stuff from the shops at the end of our road. It's supposed to be my day off from college, or 'study day' as the college staff call it, but instead of doing something worthwhile, I'm going to get a loaf of bread and four pints of milk. As usual, I walk to the shops in my coat, hat, jeans and trainers. And I decided to wear my Star Trek T-shirt today.

Could be worse I suppose. I find myself at Tescos already (way too convenient for me), and head inside after navigating the car park and glare at several drivers who don't know that they're supposed to STOP at zebra crossings, not plow on through and hope that they don't hit something.

Once inside, I check the list and grab a basket, then I head down the aisles looking for the items on the list. It all goes smoothly, avoiding a suspicious green puddle near the cheese selection, jump over the usual spilled sugar near the eggs, and wrestle with several old ladies over the last cheese and onion quiche. After liberating a carton of twelve eggs (that were miraculously intact for once), I head down towards the tills, and to continue the never-ending war with my 6th most hated thing in the universe: those damn self-checkout monsters.

I manage to scan and pay for everything and leave the place after an epic battle with the dreaded machines from hell, and start to head home. Just another ordinary day of my life.

At least I thought it was, until some guy in a 1980's DeLorean pulled up next to me as I walked and started talking. I hate talking with people.

"Excuse me, do you know the way to Ponyville?" the man asked. I did a double take and stopped to stare at him.

"Pardon?" I ask, confused at what he had asked. He repeated it again, and my brain tried valiantly to process what he was asking. Either:

1- he was looking for some kind of horse club or something.
2- he's off his rocker.
3- it's a code name for some military thing that I shouldn't know about, or...
4- he's doing some kind of joke that would make me look stupid.

I go for 4.

"Yeah, I know where it is. Turn left at the end of Stupid Lane onto Idiot Avenue and continue intil you reach the Moron 11. You can't miss it, jackass," I reply before walking off, pleased that I caught his little prank and turned it against him.

Unfortunately, he wouldn't leave me alone...

"No need to be rude, I was simply asking a simple question," the man said as he followed me down the road in the DeLorean. Dude, go away. Now.

"Well I don't know where it is, so go ask someone else," I reply grumpily, gripping the carrier bags full of shopping tightly as I pick up the pace.

"But I wanted to ask you specifically!" the man called out to me as he matched my pace in the car. WHY WON'T YOU GO AWAY?!

"And besides, I know how to get to Ponyville." What was the point of asking me if you bloody knew, idiot?!

"Why ask me if you know how to get to wherever you want to go?" I reply sharply as my frustration meter started to rise and my idiot-o-sensor went critical.

"I don't want to go there, I want you to go there! I thought that was obvious." Yeah, it is obvious. You're a pedophile, now fuck off before I call the men in blue.

"Well I don't, so go away or I'll call the police," I warn him, but he doesn't care at all. He stops the DeLorean and gets out. Waitaminute, he's getting out of the... uh oh.

"I can take a hint," he says as he pulls something from his trouser pocket. I attempt to turn to run away but I stay rooted to the spot in fear.

It's a gun! Or knife! Or grenade! Well, probably not the last one, but I was panicking! (thank you Halo and Call of Duty for making me paranoid about grenades.)

He throws it at me. I raise my arms to cover my face, which is stupid if it's a knife, and stupid if it's a grenade. It hits the pavement with a jingle. I cringe, waiting for it to blow up or something, but it doesn't.

I slowly lower my arms, the bags of shopping abandoned on the ground, to see a set of car keys in front of my feet. That's when my brain shuts down.

"Wha... huh... eh?" I gibber, as the man just shrugs.

"I was going to take you there, but I can't force you to go with me. So I'm giving you the power to go there on you're own," he explains. "All you have to do is get in, start the car, and drive. When you hit 88 miles per hour, you'll warp through time and space to reach Ponyville, or whatever destination you want. It's important that you go there, preferably some time in the next few weeks."

He's from the nuthouse, he has to be... would a sane and mentally straight person drive up next to you and start babbling about some shit that sounds like he copied it from Back To The Future? Nope.

"Who are you?" I ask him, which was wrong considering that my brain was yelling at me to run away, but I didn't.

"I'm God. Consider going to Ponyville a mission I'm giving to you." Then he walked away, down the street and into a side road. I just stare after him as he walks away. I hate God.

I wanted to just call the police or walk away, or both, but I didn't. I don't know why, but I picked up the bags of shopping and the car keys and approached the open door of the DeLorean. It looked like the time machine version in the Back To The Future trilogy, well not exactly. The outside didn't have the Mr. Fusion doohicky or the hover wheels, but the inside had a similar interior to the one from the movie.

But if this thing could get me to this pony-whatsit place, then why a DeLorean? And why 88 miles per hour? Geez, God has to make things complicated for me. It got worse when a police car pulled up behind the DeLorean and two officers got out and walked over to me.

"Is this you car, sir?" one of them asked. I shake my head slowly.

"No... some guy who called himself God said it was mine and gave me the keys," I reply.

"And what did this guy look like?" the other asked as he flipped open his notebook to take down a statement.

"Uhhh, God-ish?" the officer with the notebook wrote down the accurate description I gave him.

"And where is this guy?" the first officer asked.

"I don't know, he walked down that way," I answer, gesturing down the street with a hand and shopping bag. The one not jotting down everything I say walked down in the direction I pointed and looked around, before returning. The two of them walked a little away and talked to each other about something, before returning back to me.

"Would you accompany us to the station please, sir," one of them said. It sounded like a question to me, but the way the policeman said it made it more of a command or order.

"Why?" I ask, unsure about all of this. Why couldn't I have done the shopping during the weekend?

"We need to ask you a few questions regarding this stolen vehicle," the second replied.

Waitaminute, stolen vehicle? That guy knew it was stolen and gave me the keys, and now I'm going to get arrested for something another guy did. I can't go to jail, I'm sixteen! My mind goes into overdrive as I start to panic.

"Okay, but can you do one thing for me?" I ask the two policemen. They share a look, before nodding.

"Hold this for me!" I cry as I swing the two bags of shopping at the two policemen. The bags catch them in the stomach and chest respectively, sending them to the floor. I grab the bags and dive into the DeLorean, closing the door shut.

Okay, now what? I've just met someone calling themselves God, they gave me a movie prop, police shows up, they think I stole said movie prop, and I've just thrown a bottle of milk, a quiche, some potatoes, a bar of chocolate, some bread and a can of Sprite at them. Do I get out of this car and surrender myself to face charges which are half true, or drive away?

I floored it and drove down the road as fast as I can.

Sirens from behind told me that the police were following, probably fetching back up or something. I swerve down the suburban streets, narrowly avoiding pedestrians and cars alike. After a few minutes I saw a sign for the M42 and followed it, surprised that I could drive considering the last time I drove a car I nearly ran my mum over.

I pulled into the M42 with two or three police cars behind me. That little speed counter that told Marty how fast he was going before time travelling was ticking away on the dashboard, holding around 70 mph. I just passed a coach full of school kids heading somewhere, closely followed by the police.

Then I saw more police cars ahead on the motorway. They had me boxed in.

Normally I wouldn't do this, but for some reason, I just kept on driving. It was a weird feeling that I didn't like.

The gap between the police cars in front of me and myself was closing fast. I had to do something. Then I remembered that the God guy said that something would happen when the DeLorean reached 88. I had no choice but to do it. Well, I could've stopped, but I didn't.

The speed counter ticked to 75 as I pressed down on the acceleration pedal.

I had just passed the last car between me and the police cars in front.

80.

I was probably less than a few tens of meters away.

84.

I could just make out the license plates on the cars (I'm partially sighted, so what?)

86.

The cars were so close, I was tempted to hit the brakes in fear of a collision.

87.

I realised that I've passed the point of no return. I can't stop now.

88.

The front of the DeLorean was starting to push through some kind of barrier that flashed in the colours of the rainbow. I couldn't believe my eyes, this was actually happening! The bumber of one of the police cars was around two meters away. If this thing didn't do it's... thing, then I will be dead, or seriously injured.

Then the scene ahead changed. Instead of a motorway with a police car in front, I was in a forest of trees, heading straight for one. I opened my mouth and screamed a manly scream... who am I kidding? I screamed like a little girl watching a scary movie. I turned the wheel sharply to the left and just avoided it, to head straight for a wooden building.

I screamed some more, followed by the sound a DeLorean makes when it drives into a wooden building a a fast speed. It smashed through the wall and embedded itself in a large pile of hay, which cushioned it enough to stop it completely. Just as it stopped, an airbag inflated suddenly and appeared in my vision as my face decided to hug it a split second later.

After managing to force the airbag back into wherever it belongs (I still don't know how such things can exist), I opened and lifted the driver door of the DeLorean. I stumbled a little, looking around the building I was in. It appeared to be a barn, with nothing but hay in it.

"What. The. Fuck?" I mutter as I stared at the DeLorean, then the barn interior, then back to the car again. This can't be happening... am I in the past? What just happened? Why am I not dead yet?

I was broken out of my mutterings and severely confused state when two voices drifted in from outside. I heard them moving about just outside the barn door, then the sound of a lock being unlocked. The door opened...

...And two horses were framed in the doorway, one holding a lamp in it's mouth.

Fuck.

I'm The Urban Spacepony

Alright, so when I left off, I was freaking out because there were talking ponies. Now I'll tell the truth about how I felt when I woke up and found one of them watching me like a little kid watches a washing machine: I was pretty scared, and confused, and a little hungry. Fortunately though, the two ponies, Vinyl and Octavia (apparently, they're musicians. Go figure), managed to calm me down. It just involved a lot of reassuring words. And slaps to the face with a wet flannel.

So I bring you back to me as I sit at a table in a talking pony's house, waiting for some grub. I get a little emotional when I'm hungry. Also, no one enjoys reading about someone freaking out about talking ponies. They just care for the trolls, popular memes, a slab of romance and an interesting plot twist.

... yeeeaaaahh, keep looking, buster. You ain't finding any of that stuff here.

"So how come this random dude gave you a DeLoraen?" Vinyl asked as she sat opposite me at the table in the house she shared with Octavia. *cough*lesbians*cough*

"Something about me being Humanity's chance of redeeming itself in God's eyes after they got thrown out of Eden or something. I don't know, I wasn't paying attention much," I reply as I squirm on the weird seat. This thing is too damn small! it's like something you'd expect to see two year olds sit on at a day care centre. But of course, don't complain, that's rude.

"So what's the place you come from like?" Vinyl asked as she threw yet another question my way. Dangit, where's the food? I'm starving over here!

"Earth? Meh, it's okay. Could be better I suppose... got some good stuff, and some bad stuff, and some okay stuff. It's not all that interesting really," I explain. Judging by the look of things here, and the look of things here are very colorful, they don't seem to have any sort of graffiti or litter on the streets. Not even a hobo, which leads me to beleive that whatever this place is, it's paradise. But of course, me being paranoid and all, there's always a catch to paradise. Just gotta wait for it...

"Uh, Vinyl, when was the last time you went to the market?" Octavia asked from the kitchen that was adjacent to the little dining room with open access.

"Hmm... I think it was two weeks ago, why?" Vinyl replied with a questioning look, I think. Damn Unicorn's got those cool glasses on. Must get a pair.

"Well, we seem to be out of food," Octavia stated, and my stomach rumbled loudly as if it was saying 'surely not!'

"Are you sure? I thought I saw a packet of crackers in there..." Vinyl said as she went into the kitchen and started her own search for the ellusive food. I could also hear them having a quiet discussion, but in hused whispers. Luckily, I was right next to the kitchen, so I heard every word of it.

"I told you to go and get some from the market! Do you ever listen?!" Octavia asked in a hushed voice as she shot her DJ roommate a glare.

"I did! And I said that I'd do it, okay?"

"But I told you that two weeks ago! And reminded you about it every day since!" Octavia sighed as she raised a hoof to her forehead. "Do you ever listen to what I say?"

"Of course I do Tavi! I always do!" Vinyl replied earnestly.

***FLASHBACK***

Octavia came up the stairs of the studio apartment she shared with Vinyl Scratch. She trotted up to Vinyl's room and knocked once, before entering. Vinyl was lying on her front on her bed, with a large pair of headphones over her ears as she banged her head to the music.

"Vinyl?" Octavia asked slowly. Vinyl nodded a little vigourously to a certain part of the song she was listening to, and the Earth pony cellist mistook this as a sign of acknowledgement.

"I just came to tell you that I have to go out soon to a concert, and I was wondering... would you like to come and watch me? I always attend your... performances, and I thought that you might like to listen to me play and give me feedback. is that okay with you?" Octavia asked, and waited a few tense seconds for Vinyl's reply.

"yeah!" The shout startled Octavia slightly, but she recovered quickly and replaced it with an excited smile.

"Oh thank you so much Vinyl! This means a lot to me!" She cried happily as she skipped from the room. Vinyl used her magic to remove her headphones and looked over at the spot her friend had been a few seconds ago.

"I'm sorry, Octavia. What did you- oh, she's gone. Oh well, back to the wubs!"

***END FLASHBACK***

Octavia gave Vinyl a deadpanned look.

"Okay, that was just the one- two times! Just two- okay, okay, three!" I sighed, and my stomach grumbled in agreement.

"Dudes! Where's the grub?" I call from the table, grabbing the two musical ponies attention.

"We're all out," Vinyl replied.

"Vinyl!" Octavia hissed.

"So... no food?" I ask.

"I'm sure Vinyl can go to the market and get some," Octavia said as she shot her roommate a look.

"Hey, why don't we all go? We can show, uhhh..."

"Declan."

"We can show Declan around Ponyville! What do you say?" Vinyl asked me with a large grin. Hmm, wait here for food, or go walking and find some myself and possibly find something useful at the same time. I need to think on this one...

"When do we leave?"

So we hit the town, or more accurately, the town hit me. I had my glasses, coat, clothes, wallet with money. I was ready.

Sadly, this place is far from normal.

I walked down the street alongside Octavia and Vinyl. Some ponies in the streets still gave me odd looks, but I don't mind. They probably think that I look like Harry Potter. And it's true, I'm the spitting image of the character. It doesn't help that my mum was going to call me Harry when I was born. Thanki God for Ireland.

(Play this for the next part of the story.)

We entered the market, which was full of ponies selling various goods and wares at various stalls. Other ponies came and went from each stall, buying and/or selling various items. It reminded me a lot of the farmer's market back home.

"So where to first?" I ask.

"First, we need carrots," Vinyl said as she levitated a shopping list in front of her via TK. We then set off for a particular stall, which had a wooden sign with a carrot painted on it above the stall. At the stall, there was a light yellow pony with an orange mane and tail, and had a tattoo of a carrot on her rear.

"Hello there Carrot Top, we would like to buy five carrots please," Octavia asked the pony at the stall. Carrot Top? SERIOUSLY?! Geez, these ponies have a surprisingly large lack of imagination.

"Of course," she replied, fetching several carrots and putting them on the counter, while Octavia brought out a bag that jingled from the bags attached to her side, that she had put on shortly before we had left the house. I noticed that she was giving me a cautious look.

"Oh!" Vinyl gasped as she remembered something. "Carrot Top, this is Declan. He's new to Ponyville."

"Greetings," I say as I raise my hand and seperate my fingers into the Vulcan Hand Gesture from Star Trek. Carrot Top was baffled by this, and simply placed the last carrot on the counter.

"How much is that?" Octavia asked as she opened the bag with her mouth.

"It's, um..." I had the sudden urge to clear my throat, and I did so. "Free! Yes, that's it. free..." Carrot Top said quickly after I had cleared my throat before ducking under the counter.

"... Well that was weird..." Vinyl commented as Octavia put the bag of money away.

We moved on to the next stall for the next item, which was some tomatoes and cucumbers. As soon as we approached the stall, the lime green stallion with a red mane, whose name was Green Bean, quickly put several tomatoes and cucumbers out on the counter, for half price.

"That was nice of him," Octavia siad as she put away the money bag again.

"What's next?" I ask.

"Looks like some pastries from Sugarcube Corner and some sweets from Bon-Bon," Vinyl said as she scanned the list. We walked over to Sugarcube Corner... which turned out to be the place where the pink one tried to turn me into a diabetic. I could even see the pink pony behind the counter from the door.

"Oh no. I am NOT going in there!" I say as I back away. I am not going in there with that...'thing' there.

"Why not?" Vinyl asked curiously.

"Have a guess," I reply as I point to the pink pony, which has still yet to spot me.

"What's wrong with Pinkie? She's a riot!"

"EXACTLY. I'm going to see if any of these stalls serve breakfast in the form of a fry up. Oh, and I'll get the sweets for you," I said as I walked away from them. Octavia opened her mouth to protest, but I just waved and walked deeper into the crowd.

"Oh no!" Octavia cried out in realistation just a few seconds later.

"Don't worry, he'll be fine. It's just a market, nothing bad's going to happen," Vinyl said as she started to enter Sugarcube Corner, but Octavia remained rooted to the spot.

"It's not that, I'm more worried by the fact that he hasn't got any money!"

After five minutes of wandering, I gave up looking for a fried egg sandwich. But I did find the sweets stall. It was manned- er, ponied, by a normal pony with a cream coat and a mix of dark blue and pink in her curly mane and tail.

"Uhh, hi. I need some sweets. Do you sell any?" I ask the pony at the stall.

"But of course I do! I'm only the second best sweet maker in Ponyville!" The pony said happily. I noticed that her tattoo was of three sweet wrappers. Let me guess, this one's bound to be called Cadbury, or Hershey, or Nestlé...

"Great. What types do you sell?" I ask again. Roundtree? Shirley Bassett? Dairy Milk?

The cream pony then went into a long explanation of all the sweets she had on sale, which I regretted.

"Hmm, I'll take a dozen of each that you do," I state as I get my wallet out from inside my coat. The pony's face exploded in surprise, before turning into a very happy grin.

"Excellent coice! I'll just get your order now," she said as she ducked underneath the counter. Not long later, she popped back up with several crates in her hooves, and she placed them on the counter.

"Keep the change," I say as I grab a £10 note and put it on the counter, before grabbing he crates and walking off. The pony looked at the money, then to my retreating figure, then the money.

"Okay Bon-Bon, I'm ready to give a helping hoof now," a mint green unicorn with a teal and white mane and tail appeared next to Bon-Bon. "Hey, what's that?" Lyra asked as she lifted up the £10 note via her TK.

"T-that tall, hairless thing just took over half my stock, and left a peice of paper..." Bon-Bon muttered, her brain trying to proccess what had happened.

"You mean that one guy that Pinkie threw a party for yesterday?" Lyra asked, and when Bon-Bon nodded, the Unicorn slipped the British money into her mane.

"I think we've just been roobbed..."

(You can end the song now, or continue listening to it. I did.)

I soon rejoined Vinyl and Octavia outside a stall that had a wide range of cabbages and lettuce.When they saw me though, their faces turned into shock and worry.

"I got the sweets. Not much luck on finding a fryer though," I said as I put the tower of crates down next to them. Octavia looked horrified as she continued to stare at the crates, while Vinyl's face erupted into a large grin.

"How did you get them?!" Octavia asked as she turned to give me a stern glare.

"I walked up to the man- er, pony at the stall, and asked for some sweets. Then I paid and left. Simple," I explained as I foled my arms in front of my chest.

"But we didn't give you any money!" Octavia exclaimed. Wow, this pony is a lot like my sister. Something tells me that i don't want to be on her bad side.

"Chillax, I paid for it. Didn't it occour to you that I had money of my own?" Octavia seemed to calm down as I said this, and I could see that the cellist was carrying a lot of stress and tension.

"Uh, it looks like the only thing left to get is some apples from Applejack. Come on, I think I see her stall," Vinyl said as she trotted off towards a stall piled high with apples. I hate apples...

Me and Octavia followed the white Unicorn over to the stall and it's owner. However, I only spotted the pony at the stall when I was right next to it and when she had come round from the other side. The pony was another plain one, with an orange coat and a blonde mane and tail that was both tied back into a ponytail, accompanied by a brown cowboy hat. Geddit? Pony-tail...

...Why do I even bother...

There was just one problem: I recognised that pony, and that pony recognised me.

"Well howdy there, miss Scratch. What can Ah do fer- " the pony ended it's sentence when it saw me, and I remembered where I've seen her before. The day (or night) the DeLorean had sent me here, I had swerved to avoid crashing into a tree, and crashed into a barn instead. HER barn.

The pony glared at me, and I just withered under her gaze.

"Does it help if I say 'I'm sorry?'"

Correspondence

Okay Declan, this is your subconscious telling you that although there is a real high possibility that you can go home, you don’t have to get all excited. Best prepare for the worst, just in case.

...

WOOO WE’RE GOING HOME!

“Spike! Need paper and quill, stat!” I order, a big grin eating my face. Spike saluted and dashed off inside.

“Good news?” Twilight asked hopefully, and I nodded vigorously.

“Oh yes! Princess Celestia can get us some oil. All we need to do is figure out how to refine it," I reply as Twilight and I head inside the library. Spike returned from upstairs with a new quill and parchment. I took it from him and went to the table, siting cross legged to write the letter.

Dear Princess Celestia,

Thank you for replying so quickly. I appreciate that you took time from your busy schedule to help me.

I should begin by saying that petrol, which I mentioned previously, is a refined product of oil. Unfortunately, I do not know the refining process. However, I am sure that it would be easy, since we could do it with magic. That is really all I need, apart from a lightning cloud, but Twilight will talk to the weather ponies about that.Also, do you know how much oil you can provide? Three drums should be more than plenty. And how soon can you get it here so me and Twilight can look into the refining process? We would like to get started as soon as possible.

Yours sincerely,

Declan

I stopped writing, paused to think for a moment, then grabbed a new sheet of parchment and began to write another letter.

Dear Princess Luna,

Thank you for sending me the letter! I appreciate that you and your sister would try your best to help. Your hand hoofwriting wasn’t that bad, although it wasn’t that good. At least it’s better than mine, as I’m sure you can see! I hope you are settling well back in your role as princess, I look forward to our next visit.

Yours sincerely,

Declan

I rolled up both letters and gave them to Spike, who raised an eyebrow in curiosity, before smothering the rolls of parchment in emerald green fire. We watched the purple wisps fly out of an open window, up high into the sky.

“Now we wait,” I say, lying my back onto the floor and unfolding my legs. We waited for a few minutes in silence, Twilight reading a book and sipping some tea, me lying on my back and gazing up at the ceiling, and Spike left us, doing who-knows-what. The peace, however, did not last very long.

The door was suddenly flung open, revealing Pinkie Pie in the threshold, an unknown brown substance surrounding her muzzle.

“Pinkie, are you okay?” Twilight asked in concern, as Pinkie stood motionless in the doorway, her eyes mere pinpricks.

“I want more,” she said simply, looking right at me, eyes glowing in the shadow of the doorway.

“More what?” I ask in bewilderment, feeling very afraid and uneasy about what was about to happen.

In a flash, she travelled from the door to stand on top of me looking down into my eyes, not displaying the remotest hint of emotion. She then somehow produced something silvery and purple, practically shoving it in my face. I grabbed it from her, and was able to identify that it was a Cadbury’s chocolate wrapper.

Oh.

“I want more.” Pinkie spoke again, her gaze unwavering.

Oh snap.

“I-I only had the one bar...” I say weakly, before cringing for the fallout.

Pinkie somehow grabbed the collar of my duster in her hooves and brought my face closer to hers.

“Where can I get more?”

“You can only get them on Earth, which we are unable to go to right now please don’t hurt me!” Red alert! Batten down the hatches!

“WHAT?!” Pinkie released her grip on my duster, letting my head smack against the wooden floor. “But it’s the most delicious chocolate I’ve ever tasted! There’s literally nothing like it in Equestria! No, the whole planet! I must have more!” Note to self: keep Pinkie away from Hershey bars.

“Oww...” I groan, sitting up and rubbing the back of my head. “It’s just chocolate-” Pinkie sharply turns to give me a phaser death glare set to kill “-that’s totally popular on Earth! No wonder you like it, but I can’t go and get any until I get fuel for the DeLorean, which won’t be for a long time yet,” I explain, whilst crossing my fingers behind my back. Pinkie narrowed her eyes at me.

“Okie dokie lokie!” And with that, and a complete about-face, she hopped out of the library, leaving me, Sparkle and Spike looking on in complete confusion and bewilderment.

“She’s insane. Totally nuts. Bananas. Off her rocker. Two McNuggets short of a happy meal...” I mutter, staring out through the open door at the pink menace as she bounced down the street through town.

“Oookkkaaayyy...” Twilight said, closing the door with her magic, before I flung it open again as I dashed out as fast as I can.

“Oh God I hope she didn’t take those mouldy potatoes!”

Dear Declan,

It is a shame that you don’t know the refining process. That said, I will have the scholars at Canterlot look for a way to perform the refining process. We will try our best to obtain three drums of crude oil, however procuring even one drum would take several weeks. I am sorry to say that it may take a long time for us to gather the oil and refine it, but rest assured, we shall not give up.

Yours sincerely,

Princess Celestia

I sigh, tossing the letter onto the table.

“Well?” Twilight asked, noticing my attempt to remain stoic.

“It’s as I feared, they’re going to try their best, but she said it would take a long time.” I sigh again, nudging the bag of potatoes that Pinkie (thankfully) didn’t take.

“Well, they’re working on it, and that’s what matters. In the meantime, you can continue staying here with me and Spike if you wish,” Twilight offered, trotting over to rest a hoof on my lower arm.

“Cheers Twi, I wouldn’t want it any other way. And besides, I think this place is actually starting to grow on me,” I say, patting her head. “I guess hanging around town wouldn’t be too bad, as long as I steer clear of Pinkie.” Twilight chuckled, before moving to head upstairs.

“It’s a good thing I bought that spare bed then,” she said from the stairs. “It may not be long enough though.”

“It’ll be fine, I sleep curled up anyway,” I say nonchalantly, then sighing. “And, since I have a lot of time waiting on my hands, I might as well get started explaining about Earth, humans and our tech to you.” Twilight froze, before slowly turning with a wide grin plastered on her face. She practically teleported from the stairs to stand right next to me, notebook and quill in hand.

“Oooh, I can’t wait to hear about your culture! Tell me everything!” She said in excitement, looking up at me in rapt attention.

“Well, what do you want to know first?” I ask, as Twilight grabbed a plain wooden stool with her magic and placing it in front of mine, before sitting.]

“There’s so much, I can’t decide!” She fidgeted on the stool in anticipation.

“Okay, uhh... oh! Let’s talk about this,” I say, pulling out my iPhone. Twilight’s gaze instantly snapped to it. “This is an iPhone, generation 4 model. It’s main purpose is to communicate...”

Author's Note

Another shorty, but I felt that if I had put this and the previous one together, it would have seemed too quick in my opinion. Nonetheless, here it is!

Big thanks to scooterdash for helping me out with Pinkie's scene, have an internet cookie.

I probably won't cover the explanation part, but I do have an idea for it if I did. It would involve Declan telling Twilight about the Apollo moon landings. I think you can figure out the rest! :trollestia:

And lastly, I updated the extended synopsis for the story and the characters list at long last.