Author's Note
After a frustrating day at the office, I decided to decompress by writing a fun comedy one-shot. If you are looking for something more serious, check out my story Dreams of the Heart.
Everyone is entitled to their opinion. All I ask is if you dislike this story, let me know why. Similarly, if you like it, let me know why. I can't improve my writing without feedback.
Once again, thanks to my editor TheMajorTechie.
Y'all have a good Memorial Day weekend!
Dreadnought
Harmony Death Match
Harmony Death Match or Double, Double Toil and Trouble
It was a lovely summer afternoon in Ponyville. The air was warm, but not hot. Gentle breezes carried the scents of fresh flowers. Birds sang cheerfully in the trees as squirrels and rabbits played happily upon the ground. Celestia’s shining sun slowly descended towards the westerly horizon, teasing at the beautiful sunset that was to come.
Four ponies and a dragon traveled along a dirt road. A purple alicorn led the group with a small dragon trotting next to her. Next came a bouncing pink pony carrying a basket in her mouth. Behind her, a white unicorn with a perfectly coiffed purple mane strolled, levitating several baskets. Finally at the rear of the group walked a yellow pegasus with a pink mane.
“I hope Applejack and Rainbow Dash like this surprise picnic,” said Fluttershy.
“Of course they will dear,” responded Rarity.
“Everypony loves surprises!” chimed Pinkie Pie.
Twilight turned over her shoulder. “Those two have been going at it for several days now. I think it will be a nice break from their competition. At least I could use a break.” Everypony agreed. “It took me hours to rearrange my library after they tried to see who the best organizer was.”
“Well, I for one cannot believe how they ruined my fashion show! I should have known better when they volunteered to be models. Neither of them should be allowed anywhere near a runway ever again!” Rarity thought for a moment. “Still though, it was nice to see Applejack and Rainbow Dash look their best in my fabulous dresses.”
“Applejack and Rainbow Dash wanted to see who could throw the best party. Let’s just say my reputation as Ponyville’s premier party pony is not at risk.”
“Well, I appreciated that they wanted to help me clean the animals. But they tried to see who could do it the fastest. The animals got so frightened they ran away and hid. I’m still trying to coax them out from their hiding places.”
“Well, I think we should convince them to stop competing for a while. It’s not healthy to …”
Twilight trailed off as she saw the scene unfolding to her right. Rainbow Dash dove towards Applejack, ramming her into the ground. Rainbow Dash leaped up and attempted to take off, only to have Applejack grab her by the tail and hurled onto the ground. Before she could follow up, Rainbow flew forward and delivered a powerful punch to Applejack’s head. Rainbow paused to savor the moment, only for Applejack to spin around and buck her in the gut.
“Why is Rainbow Dash fighting Applejack?” asked a stunned Twilight.
“I don’t know, maybe for the same reason Applejack is fighting Rainbow Dash” responded Pinkie.
Twilight turned to Pinkie, “That doesn’t make any –” Twilight stopped as she saw Pinkie was not looking to the right but to the left, where another pair of Applejack and Rainbow Dash were battling.
“EVERYPONY STOP!” yelled Twilight. Instantly Rainbow Dash and Applejack, along with Applejack and Rainbow Dash, were frozen in a purple aura. “Would somepony tell us what’s going on!?”
“Hey Twilight. It's kinda a long story," stated the Rainbow Dash on the right.
“Hey, you don’t get to talk! I’m the real Rainbow Dash!" said the one on the left.
“Well I’m twenty percent cooler!"
“You can’t be cooler than me!"
“Sure I can.”
“No you –” Both Rainbow Dashes found their mouths forcefully shut by Twilight’s magic.
“Ah think ya better explain this mess,” said the Applejack on the left to the one on the right.
“Well, it started like this….”
***
Rainbow Dash studied the board for a long time. She stared and she stared, willing the board to change. How could it have come to this? She was so close to winning, how could victory be denied to her?
“No matter how long ya stare at the board, it’s still a stalemate,” said Applejack.
“No, it can’t be. There’s got to be a way to go on. A stalemate means –”
“A tie.”
“But if we tied, there’s no way we’ll figure out who the most awesome pony is! I knew chess was a bad idea.”
“Well, don’t ya go frettin’. Ya were pretty smart takin’ ma queen and ma rooks and ma bishops.”
“A lot of good it did. Now what?”
“Ah don’t know. Ah think chess was our last chance. We’ve come up even over all of our events.”
“Well, I won the race around Ponyville.”
“And ah won the weightlifting competition.”
“I was awesome in the barrel racing.”
“Ah beat ya in the tug of war.”
“I won in basketball.”
“Well, ah made a sixty yard field goal.”
“I was pretty good in hoof wrestling.”
“Not as good as me with the rope tricks.”
The conversation continued back and forth for several minutes before it suddenly became gloomy.
“Neither of us found the flag the Crusaders hid,” lamented Rainbow Dash.
“Who’da thought we would tie after fifty rounds of rock, paper, scissors?”
“And the soufflés we baked kinda turned out flat.”
“What about organizing Twilight’s library, ah’ve never seen her so mad.”
“Well, you organized the books by size, not topic.”
“It’s practical. Ya can fit more books on a shelf that way. Besides, you put the Daring Dos on the shelf and left the rest of the books in piles on the floor.”
“Daring Do were the only books good enough to go on the shelves!”
“Ah don’t know if Fluttershy will forgive us. We scared those critters somethin’ awful.”
“I don’t know what their problem was. I was scrubbing them as hard and as fast as I could.”
“Maybe that was our problem.”
“What about Pinkie?”
“Ah thought she liked parties.”
“Obviously not ours.”
“Ah still don’t understand what Rarity was so upset about. Sometimes she can be so fussy.”
“Whatever. Rarity needs to chill.”
“Well, ah don’t know if we’ll ever find out who’s the most awesome pony. We’ve done everything short of a battle to the death.” A devilish grin spread across Rainbow Dash’s face. “What?” prodded Applejack.
“We’ll have a death match!”
“RD ya can’t be serious!?”
Rainbow Dash took off into the air. “Meet me in the Everfree Forest!” she called as she headed towards Ponyville, leaving a confused Applejack behind….
***
Applejack pushed her way through the thick vegetation of the Everfree Forest. Massive ancient trees grew in the virgin forest. Green vines hung from the trees while ferns and shrubs littered the ground. Prickly bushes and poison joke warranted extra caution.
“There you are Applejack!” called Rainbow Dash.
“Would ya tell me why we’re in the middle of the Everfree Forest?” replied Applejack.
“Just follow me.” Rainbow Dash took off deeper into the forest.
Applejack fought her way through the dense undergrowth, doing her best to keep up with the pegasus. Across a creek, through a mess of tangled brush and up a hill she traveled. Descending down the other side, amongst a bramble of thickets and thick vines, she saw Rainbow Dash standing next to a large boulder buried in the ground. “Give me a hoof here,” demanded the pegasus.
“Would ya finally tell me what’s goin’ on?” asked Applejack, as she pushed against the boulder. Slowly it began to move, revealing a hole in the ground. Before she could ask again, Rainbow Dash flew down into the cave. Applejack peered down into the darkness. “Rainbow Dash?” she called. No reply came. She descended slowly into the cavern until her hoof slipped and she tumbled down and down, finally landing flat on her face. Looking up, she saw Rainbow Dash sitting next to a pool reading a book.
“There you are Applejack.”
“Rainbow Dash, would you tell me what’s going on?”
“We’re going to have a death match.”
“No we can’t.”
“Yes we can.”
“Well, one of us will be dead and the other one in jail for murder.”
“Not if we use the Mirror Pond.”
“Say what?”
“Gesh Applejack, do I have to explain it all? We’ll use the Mirror Pond to create duplicates. The duplicates will be the ones battling to the death. It will be soooo awesome!”
“Ah don’t know Rainbow Dash. Remember what happened when Pinkie Pie copied herself?”
“We’ll just create one copy each.”
“Ah still don’t know. Is it right to have them fight to the death?”
“Well if you don’t want to do it, you can forfeit.”
“Forfeit!?”
“Yeah, you don’t want to compete. So you forfeit.”
“Ah ain’t forfeiting nothin’!”
“Good, now let’s go to the pond.”
Rainbow Dash eagerly trotted over to the pool. Applejack hesitantly walked over to the water’s edge.
“So how does this work?” asked Applejack.
“Well, we say these words as we stare into the pool, and then our doubles come out.” Rainbow Dash slid the book over to Applejack.
Applejack read the spell and, when ready, nodded to Rainbow Dash. Both gazed into the pool and recited the magic words together:
And into her own reflection she stared
Yearning for one whose reflection she shared
And solemnly sweared not to be scared
At the prospect of being doubly mared.
Out of the pool walked Rainbow Dash’s and Applejack’s clones. For a brief moment Rainbow Dash stared at Rainbow Dash, while Applejack stared at Applejack. Then Rainbow Dash said “This is soooo cool!”
“I know!” replied the duplicate.
“Ah don’t know, it feels kinda awkward,” stated Applejack.
“Ah know what ya mean,” noted her duplicate.
“Well, we better get back to Sweet Apple Acres,” said Rainbow Dash, before flying towards the cave entrance. The clone took off after her.
Applejack looked at her duplicate, and both reluctantly followed the two pegasi. The two ponies carefully climbed up the steep tunnel and out the hole. They looked around for the Rainbow Dashes before spotting them circling in the air. The two pegasi flew towards Sweet Apple Acres, leaving the two ponies to navigate the thick forest. Finally, the two Applejacks emerged from the wilderness and the two Rainbow Dashes landed next to them. All four continued the trek back to Sweet Apple Acres.
A Rainbow Dash trotted up to the lead Applejack. “Are you?” asked Rainbow Dash.
"Eeyup” responded Applejack. "And you?” she queried.
“The one and only!” boasted Rainbow Dash, causing Applejack to roll her eyes. “This is awesome!”
“Well…it’s somethin’,” noted Applejack.
“We’ll have front row seats to the greatest show in Equestria!”
“Yeah” said Applejack half-heartedly.
Finally the four ponies arrived at Sweet Apple Acres. The two originals stood next to each other and addressed the duplicates.
“We have brought you here to help us determine who is the most awesome pony. Me and Applejack have been competing for five days now, and the final event is a battle to the death, which you, as our copies, will be doing.”
The two duplicates looked at each other for a moment. “And what does the winner get?” asked the duplicate Rainbow Dash.
“The satisfaction of winning the competition," said Applejack.
“And does the winning pony get to stay?” asked the duplicate Applejack.
Rainbow Dash said, “Well, we can’t have two Rainbow Dashes flying about –”
“Now wait a cotton-pickin’ minute. Ah could win this death match,” said Applejack.
“Please. This event is just a formality."
“A formality!”
The two original ponies continued to argue. With the originals distracted, the duplicates looked at each other. “No matter what happens, they’re going to get rid of us in the end,” observed the duplicate Rainbow Dash.
“Yeah, it ain’t right,” replied the duplicate Applejack.
“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”
“Sure am.”
“You take Applejack, I’ll take Rainbow Dash,” said the duplicate Rainbow Dash, a devilish grin upon her face.
“Wait. They wanted a death match between the two of us. Let’s give it to them. You take Applejack, I’ll take Rainbow Dash.”
The two ponies nodded in agreement and exchanged a hoof bump. They turned towards the originals and charged….
***
“So let me get this straight. You decided to hold a death match to determine who is the most awesome pony? And you broke into the Cave of the Mirror Pond to make duplicates of yourselves? And your duplicates turned on you?” asked Twilight.
“Eeyup,” said the Applejacks in unison as the two Rainbow Dashes mumbled incomprehensively through their magically-clamped mouths.
“I can’t believe how irresponsible you two have been, not to mention breaking numerous ethical standards. You were going to have your clones battle to the death and suffer just for some silly competition.”
“So now what?” asked Applejack.
“Well first, I’m going to send the duplicates back to the Mirror Pond. Then the three of us are going to Canterlot for a very long talk with Princess Celestia.”
“Now hold on there Twi. You said that it was wrong for them to create us and fight?” asked the duplicate Applejack.
“Well yes. Nopony should have to suffer….”
“Aren’t ya makin’ us suffer by sending us back to the Mirror Pond?”
“Well, uh –”
“In the end, aren’t you killing us?”
“Uh –” Twilight felt a headache come on as she realized she had stepped into a massive ethical dilemma….