My Way or the Highway

-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling ectoBiologist [EB] --

CG: THIS IS YOUR GOD SPEAKING.

CG: IT IS A WRATHFUL GOD WHO DESPISES YOU MORE THAN YOU COULD HAVE POSSIBLY DARED TO FEAR.

CG: I HAVE WATCHED YOUR ENTIRE PATHETIC LIFE UNFOLD.

CG: I HAVE OBSERVED YOU WHILE YOU WOULD QUAKE AND TREMBLE IN PERSONAL PRAYERS OF SHAME.

CG: WHILE YOU PLEADED FORGIVENESS FOR BEING SUCH A WRETCHED DISGUSTING FAILURE ON EVERY CONCEIVABLE LEVEL.

CG: PROSTRATE BEFORE THE STUPID AND FALSE CLOWN GODS YOU HAVE SCRIBBLED ON THE WALLS OF YOUR BLOCK.

CG: BOGUS DEITIES WORSHIPED BY A PRIMITIVE "PARADISE" PLANET.

CG: BUT YOUR PRAYERS WILL NOT BE ANSWERED.

CG: THERE ARE NO MIRACLES IN STORE FOR YOU, HUMAN.

CG: ONLY MY HATE.

CG: IT IS A HATE SO PURE AND HOT IT WOULD CONSUME YOUR SAD UNDERDEVELOPED HUMAN THINK PAN TO EVEN CONTEMPLATE.

CG: IT IS A HATE THAT TO FATHOM MUST BE PUT INTO SONG.

CG: SHRIEKED BY THE TEN THOUSAND ROWDY SHOUT SPHINCTERS PEPPERING THE GRUESOME UNDERBELLY OF THE MOST TRUCULENT GOD THE FURTHEST RING CAN MUSTER.

CG: IT IS A HATE THAT MADE YOU AND WILL SURELY DESTROY YOU.

CG: MY HATE IS THE LIFEBLOOD THAT PULSES THROUGH THE VEINS OF YOUR UNIVERSE.

CG: IT IS MY GIFT TO YOU.

CG: YOU'RE WELCOME FOR THAT.

CG: YOU UNGRATEFUL PIECE OF SHIT.

EB: hi karkat!

CG: WHAT

CG: HOW DO YOU KNOW MY NAME.

EB: oh man.

EB: this is it, isn't it?

EB: i've been looking forward to this!

CG: WHAT IS IT.

CG: ME HATING YOU IS WHAT'S IT.

CG: IF THAT'S WHAT YOU MEAN, YEAH, BINGO.

EB: no, i mean this is the first conversation between us, from your perspective.

EB: right?

CG: YEAH.

CG: ARE YOU SUGGESTING WE'VE SPOKEN BEFORE.

EB: yeah, lots of times!

EB: actually...

EB: i should introduce myself properly.

EB: hi karkat, i am john!

CG: JOHN, WHY WOULD I GIVE A PUNGENT WHIPPING LUMPSQUIRT WHAT YOUR NAME IS.

EB: because we are buddies!

CG: I ADMIT I AM NEW TO HUMAN SOCIAL CONSTRUCTS

CG: BUT I REFUSE TO BELIEVE OUR RELATIONSHIP CAN OR WILL EVER BE DESCRIBED AS "EARTH HUMAN BUDDIES".

EB: yup, we totally are.

EB: we just became earth human buddies in a kind of weird way.

EB: you decide to keep talking to me backwards through my adventure.

EB: and then when you are done with that you come back and talk to me more recently on the timeline for a while.

EB: you talk to my friends a whole bunch too.

EB: you and your alternian troll buddies help me and my earth human buddies hatch a plan!

EB: which we are busy putting into motion right now, as you can see.

CG: THESE ARE LIES.

CG: I KNOW WHEN I AM BEING TROLLED, WHO DO YOU EVEN THINK YOU ARE TALKING TO HERE.

CG: I AM YOUR GOD, REMEMBER.

EB: yeah yeah, i know.

CG: WHY WOULD I TROLL YOU BACKWARDS? THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY FUCKING SENSE.

CG: AND WHY WOULD I HELP YOU AND YOUR IDIOT FRIENDS?

CG: I WOULD JUST BE HELPING YOU BLUNDER DOWN THE PATH THAT ENDS WITH YOU OPENING THE RIFT LIKE A BUNCH OF MORONS.

EB: you mean the scratch?

CG: WHATEVER.

EB: yes! that is the plan.

EB: you yourself said it was the only hope now.

CG: RIDICULOUS.

CG: I DIDN'T WRIGGLE OUT OF A PUDDLE OF SLIME YESTERDAY.

CG: THAT WAS SEVERAL WEEKS AGO, OK?

EB: heheheh.

CG: I DO NOT THINK YOU APPRECIATE THE GRAVITY OF MY ANTIPATHY, JOHN HUMAN.

EB: egbert.

CG: OK, HUMAN EGBERT.

CG: I FUCKING LOATHE YOU, AND I HAVE TUNED INTO YOUR CHANNEL MOMENTS BEFORE THE ERADICATION OF YOUR TIMELINE AND THAT SMUG LOOK ON YOUR FACE, WITH JUST ENOUGH TIME FOR ME TO BASICALLY COMPLETELY FUCKING DESTROY YOU WITH HOSTILE RHETORIC.

CG: THERE IS NO CHANCE I WILL EVER HELP YOU.

CG: YOU CAN'T POSSIBLY UNDERSTAND HOW MUCH I HATE YOU OR WHY I HATE YOU.

CG: I WASN'T JOKING WHEN I SAID I WAS YOUR GOD, LIKE THAT WASN'T JUST A LOT OF BRAVADO AND USELESS PISSING AROUND.

CG: I AM LITERALLY RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR EXISTENCE.

CG: WE BEAT THE GAME YOU ARE PLAYING AND CREATED YOUR UNIVERSE.

CG: WE WERE GOING TO ENTER YOUR UNIVERSE AND RULE OVER IT.

CG: LIKE TYRANTS.

CG: IT WAS TO BE OUR PLAYTHING, JOHN.

CG: YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW SWEET IT WAS GOING TO BE.

CG: BUT THEN WE COULDN'T CLAIM OUR PRIZE BECAUSE OF THAT MONSTROSITY YOU SPRUNG ON US.

EB: man...

EB: i knoooow.

EB: none of this is news to me, karkat!

EB: but to be quite honest, it doesn't sound like your intentions were all that great.

EB: wanting to be tyrants and all.

EB: maybe you got what you deserved, you stutid fuckass!

CG: STUTID?

CG: WOW, YOUR SPECIES REALLY IS BRAINDEAD.

EB: eh, it's an in-joke, never mind.

EB: anyway, hey!

EB: i thought this was supposed to be the conversation where you do all that AMAAAAAZING TROLLING!

EB: come on bro, flame me!

EB: i have been really excited about this.

CG: YOU ACTUALLY WANT ME TO TROLL YOU?

CG: I MEAN

CG: DON'T WORRY, I CAN AND I WILL, AND IT WILL BE A GODDAMN BLOODBATH WHEN I GET STARTED.

CG: IT'S JUST KIND OF WEIRD YOU'RE EXCITED ABOUT IT, IS THAT NORMAL FOR YOUR RACE?

EB: um...

EB: i don't know, probably not.

EB: i just think it's kind of funny when you do it.

CG: THAT'S REALLY CONDESCENDING AND IT'S HARD TO CONVEY HOW MUCH MORE I JUST GOT PISSED OFF THAN I ALREADY WAS.

CG: BUT MAYBE IT MAKES SENSE ACTUALLY

CG: THAT YOU WELCOME MY ACRIMONY SO READILY

CG: ON ACCOUNT OF PROBABLY SOME WEIRD GLAND HUMANS HAVE, LIKE A PUNISHMENT THROBBER OR SOME SILLY SOUNDING THING LIKE THAT.

CG: IT MIGHT MEAN THAT I'M RIGHT ABOUT YOU.

EB: right about what?

CG: I MEAN THAT IT SEEMS LIKE WE ARE CONNECTED IN SOME WAY, DON'T YOU THINK JOHN.

CG: SORT OF COSMICALLY.

CG: LIKE OUR HATE FOR EACH OTHER IS SO STRONG IT MUST HAVE BEEN WRITTEN IN THE STARS.

CG: YOU KNOW, THE ONES I FUCKING MADE FOR YOU.

EB: ha ha, i don't hate you!

CG: HOW CAN YOU POSSIBLY CLAIM TO HAVE TALKED TO ME A LOT ALREADY AND NOT HATE ME, SEE IT DOESN'T ADD UP.

EB: wait...

EB: are you saying that we are kisme-whatevers?

CG: WHAT, NO.

CG: WHAT DO YOU TAKE ME FOR, THAT WOULD BE SUCH A BRAZEN SOLICITATION.

CG: IT'S INSULTING.

CG: I MEAN

CG: OK I'M NOT SAYING I'M RULING OUT THE IDEA OR ANYTHING.

CG: LIKE IF LATER OVER TIME YOU STARTED REALLY HATING ME MORE

CG: LIKE REALLY GOT TO KNOW ME AND FOUND OUT ABOUT HOW MUCH THERE WAS TO HATE

EB: er...

CG: BUT... IN THE PAST I GUESS? I'M JUST SAYING WHO KNOWS WHAT COULD HAPPEN.

CG: OR HAS ALREADY HAPPENED.

EB: uh.

CG: FUCK WHAT AM I BABBLING ABOUT.

CG: THIS IS FUCKING RIDICULOUS, WE JUST MET FOR FUCK'S SAKE.

CG: AND IT'S NOT LIKE WE'RE EVER GOING TO MEET IN PERSON, SO IT'S ALL A MOOT POINT.

CG: SO FORGET I SAID ANYTHING.

CG: GOD, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME.

EB: well...

EB: i just didn't really have any idea that you had any sort of feelings like that, so i am kind of caught off guard.

CG: WHAT FEELINGS, THERE ARE NO FEELINGS, END OF DISCUSSION.

EB: hey, i don't have a problem with your weird sort of alien hate-love thing!

EB: it is just that, uh...

CG: WHAT

EB: i am not a homosexual.

CG: WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?

EB: it is like, when a boy likes another boy.

EB: or i guess hates, in this case.

CG: HUMANS HAVE A WORD FOR THAT?

EB: yes.

CG: HOW IS THAT EVEN A THING?

EB: shrug. it just is.

CG: HUMAN ROMANCE SURE IS WEIRD.

EB: i am just as confused by your troll shenanigans.

EB: so many shenanigans!

EB: anyway, i kind of got the impression that you and terezi were a thing.

CG: WHAT DO YOU MEAN A THING.

EB: like, i dunno.

EB: going on weird fight dates and beating the crap out of each other, and being in hate-love or love-hate.

EB: isn't that how it works?

CG: YOU ARE SUCH AN IGNORAMUS I COULD SHIT MILES OF RAGE SNAKE TO CHOKE YOU TO DEATH.

EB: ew.

CG: WHO HAVE YOU BEEN TALKING TO, WHAT HAVE YOU HEARD ABOUT THAT.

EB: um, i talked to you...

EB: and her...

EB: and some others. i don't know! like i said it's just a sense i got.

EB: sorry!

CG: OK FIRST OF ALL, IF THERE WERE A "THING" WITH HER, AND THAT'S A HUGE IF

CG: IT WOULD BE A TOTALLY DIFFERENT QUADRANT THAN WHAT WE WERE JUST TALKING ABOUT.

EB: oh god, the quadrants...

CG: SECOND, WHETHER SHE AND I HAVE A THING OR DON'T HAVE A THING, OR TOOK A ROMANTIC HOT AIR BALLOON RIDE SUSPENDED IN A GODDAMN FILIAL PAIL TOGETHER

CG: IT'S DEFINITELY NONE OF YOUR FUCKING EARTH BUSINESS, EGBERT HUMAN JOHN.

CG: GOT IT????????

EB: ok, sheesh!

EB: karkat, i am going to be honest...

EB: this first conversation is not going how i thought it would at all!

EB: it is really kind of...

EB: awkward.

CG: YEAH

CG: WOW, IT IS

EB: yeah...

CG: HUH.

EB: well...

EB: um...

CG: OK, LOOK.

CG: LET'S JUST AGREE TO NEVER BRING IT UP AGAIN.

CG: THE STUFF I WAS BABBLING ABOUT EARLIER.

EB: yeah, well we never really talked about it in the past, so i guess we do agree to that.

CG: BUT IF I TALK TO YOU AGAIN

CG: IN YOUR FUTURE, LIMITED THOUGH IT IS

CG: YOU'LL REMEMBER MY EMBARRASSING SHIT

CG: SO I GUESS

CG: I'LL HAVE TO TROLL YOU BACKWARDS?

EB: told you bro!!!!!!!

EB: hahahaha.

CG: YOU REALLY ARE A SMUG NOOK WHIFFER, JOHN EGBERT.

CG: I THINK WE NEED TO GET BACK ON POINT HERE.

CG: WHICH IS ADDRESSING THE MATTER OF WHAT INCOMPREHENSIBLY PUTRID GARBAGE YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS ARE AND HOW MUCH I HATE YOU.

EB: you mean platonic hate?

CG: SHUT THE FUCK UP, WE AREN'T TALKING ABOUT THAT, REMEMBER.

EB: oh yeah.

CG: SO YOU WANTED TO GET TROLLED, WELL YOU GOT IT.

CG: PREPARE TO GET YOUR PUNY HUMAN BULGE FLAMED INTO NUCLEAR HATEBLIVION.

CG: WELCOME TO THE TROLLOCAUST. THE PAINSTAKING GENOCIDE OF YOUR FRAGILE SELF ESTEEM WILL BE MY SWAN SONG.

EB: oh boy, this sounds great.

EB: but...

EB: we're out of time!

EB: i have to go put this plan into motion.

CG: OH I SEE, TAKING THE COWARD'S WAY OUT.

CG: SCAMPERING OFF TO GET ANNIHILATED BY A DEADLY RIFT, HOW CONVENIENT.

CG: WELL FINE, SAYONARA YOU WORTHLESS CROTCHSTAINED BARFPUPPET.

CG: I WILL BID YOU ONE FIRST AND FINAL FUCK YOU.

CG: FUCK YOU, JOHN EGBERT.

CG: FUCK YOU AND FUCK THE JOKE BOOK YOU RODE IN ON.

CG: FUCK.

CG: FUCKING.

CG: YOU.

EB: :D

EB: see you soon!

CG: WAIT

CG: WHAT

-- ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] --

The game was over. It was won. The glow emitting from Karkat's husktop lightly painted his flushed face with a color that shown almost like a tint of sky blue. At least the sky blue Karkat had grown used to in this new universe that he, his old friends, and his new friends had created. John was one of those friends and he had actually managed to grow into Karkat's best friend. It was hard to believe how far they had come. There was something different about him. Sometimes it concerned Karkat. He thought the same thing about Terezi when he first met her and look how things ended up between them. They ended up in a red relationship and nearly ended in a black one. Karkat and John would have practically started in a black relationship if it weren't for John's 'no homo' gimmick. Simply re-reading this old conversation between himself and John made him cringe a bit. Gog, just how stupid was his past self? As if it were John's fault to begin with. And did he really think he would be able to reign like a tyrant on Earth?

Whatever. It didn't matter now. Still. The thought that this conversation even happened to begin with made Karkat's thinkpan hurt. He placed his hands upon his head and let out a soft growl. So stupid. It made him want to contact his past self and ask him what the fuck he was thinking but he had already done that plenty of times before. Besides, in their new universe there was only one timeline. This gave Karkat mixed emotions. It was somewhat of a relief as he only had to deal with one him and... well, one everybody else. The thing that made him nervous was the fact that if shit hit the thresher then there wasn't any redeeming themselves. In any case, they would presumably be fine considering Lord English was out of the way.

Karkat's thoughts were interrupted as the door behind him flung open and crashed into the wall beside it. "KARKAT!"

"GAH!" The raspy voice which practically screeched his name made him jump. His head made contact with the lamp above his computer which was luckily turned off. Otherwise, he would have not only got a bump on his head but also, quite possibly, a burn. Karkat groaned and placed a hand on his forehead which was slowly swelling. He turned around in his chair. "Terezi, what the fuck?...! Did you NOT see the sign on the door which read, 'DO NOT DISTURB'? Er- smelled the sign, I guess, in your case."

"Wow. You know what, Karkles, that really hurt."

Karkat let out a deep sigh. "Sorry."

A hardy chuckle emitted from the teal-blooded troll. "I was just joking with you. You know, the good ol' human 'sarcasm.'"

"Right." Karkat paused for a moment as if to regroup. "Anyway, so..." He looked Terezi up and down before asking why she was in his hive to begin with. "... exactly what the fuck are you wearing?"

"Oh, this?" Terezi looked down at her costume as if she could actually see it. She wore a long, black gown with a white undershirt and red tie beneath it. On top of her head was a curly powdered wig. She giggled lightly and proceeded, "Why, this is none other than my court dress. Otherwise known as a judge's robe. And this..." She pointed to her head. "... is my barrister."

Karkat's eyes focused on the wig resting upon her head. "It looks like a stingbug's nest."

"Karkat, it's very inappropriate to be making fun of a judge's attire."

"Why the fuck do we need a judge anyway? It's not like any of us in this God awful universe are going to go around suddenly picking fights."

"Need I remind you that if we weren't in this 'God awful universe' we'd be dead."

"Pst." Karkat crossed his arms. "I didn't mean it that way. I meant it in a way that I can never get any fucking privacy around here. There's always someone crashing in to bug me or pestering me through Trollian to 'come outside and enjoy the fresh air'! Then there's assholes like Dave who simply annoy me for the sake of annoying me."

"Hmph." Terezi crossed her arms and turned away as if this comment upset her. "So I guess I'm annoying you too then, aren't I?"

"As a matter of fact, yes, you are."

"Ugh. You're always the same. I thought maybe you would change after the game but apparently not. All I wanted to do was to come here and tell you something I was excited about."

"Fine. What is it?"

"Well, I'm not going to tell you now."

"What?...! Why the fuck not?...!" Terezi became silent and scrunched up her nose. "Terezi..." No response. "Terezi." No response. "Terezi...!" No response. "Ugh...! Fine. Whatever, see if I care." Karkat turned back around in his chair so he was facing his computer.

"Fine, I'll tell you." Terezi's usual smile returned to her face. "But it's only because I would most likely burst if I didn't. Okay... are you ready?"

"Go for it."

"Me and John are dating now...!" Karkat's eyes widened. For some reason these words seemed to hit him like a brick. He closed the old conversation he had been reading prior to Terezi's appearance and shut off his husktop. Within a few moments, the main source of light in the room disappeared leaving it up to the sunlight to leave an eerie glow seeping through the windows. Karkat sat back in his chair. "Karkat?"

"That's great, Terezi."

"You don't act like it's great. Come on, don't tell me you still have feelings for me. Is that why you're upset?"

"No, of course not. That would be fucking stupid considering how long it's been since we broke up." For once, he didn't feel like he was lying to himself about saying he was over Terezi. But if that wasn't what was upsetting him... then what was? "Seriously, I'm happy for you." Karkat forced himself to smile ever so slightly in attempts to convince her he wasn't lying. She may not have been able to see his smile but she always had her other senses in which she relied on.

"Well, okay. If you say so. Anyway, I just thought I would let you know. Oh! And one more tiny thing. I just have a little bit of a request." Terezi let out a nervous giggle.

"What is it?"

"Could you possibly tell Dave for me? I would tell him myself but, you know, things are just so awkward between us and... yeah."

"And you think things are less awkward between Dave and I?" Karkat cleared his throat, "Uh, yeah, sure. I can tell him... I guess."

"Thanks so much, Karkles! I owe you one." Terezi gave him a wink and chuckled. "I'll see you later!" She waved and began to exit, only to stop dead in her tracks and turn back around to have one final say. "Oh! Just a side note, the others are right. You should get out more. You know, explore. There's so much to see..." She giggled somewhat devilishly. "... and taste!" With those final, few words she exited Karkat's hive.

Karkat let out a growl and mumbled to himself, "I've already seen enough." With a small sigh, he turned his computer back on. He glanced around the room as if to double check that no one else was there with him. After reassuring himself that he was all alone, he entered his password and logged on to Trollian.

-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG] --

CG: HEY SHITSTAIN

TG: woah look what the cat dragged in

TG: never imagined id be getting a message from karkat

CG: WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT SUPPOSE TO MEAN?

CG: YOU KNOW WHAT NEVER MIND FORGET I ASKED

CG: IM ASSUMING ITS JUST MORE OF YOUR DUMBASS HUMAN SLANG.

CG: ANYWAY LOOK I DIDNT WANT TO MESSAGE YOU IN THE FIRST PLACE BUT TEREZI WANTED ME TO TELL YOU SOMETHING.

TG: alright im all ears

CG: ITS REALLY SIMPLE.

CG: SO FUCKING SIMPLE THAT I *HOPE* SOMEONE WITH EVEN YOUR BRAIN CAPACITY WILL UNDERSTAND.

CG: ALL IT IS IS THAT SHE IS DATING JOHN NOW.

TG: aw shit that sucks

CG: WAIT WHAT

TG: i mean, you and john are pretty good friends

TG: i hate to see that all go down the drain because of one of your temper tantrums

CG: WOAH WOAH HANG ON YOUVE GOT THE WRONG IDEA

CG: I DONT HAVE THOSE TYPES OF FEELINGS TOWARD TEREZI ANYMORE.

TG: sure you dont

CG: NO REALLY.

CG: I AM ACTUALLY GENUINELY FUCKING HAPPY FOR HER

CG: AND JOHN.

CG: I GUESS.

TG: you guess

TG: huh

TG: oh i see whats going on

CG: SEE WHATS GOING ON?

CG: THERE IS NOTHING TO SEE I AM LITERALLY JUST RELAYING A MESSAGE FROM TEREZI TO YOU.

TG: so if you dont have a thing for terezi then you must have a thing for john now

TG: should have seen this coming

TG: you two have been hate snoggin since the day you met some red rom shit was bound to happen

CG: YOU ARROGANT PIECE OF SHIT.

CG: COULD YOU DO ME A FAVOR?

CG: IF YOU FEEL THE NEED TO SAY ANYTHING ELSE THAT IS SMUG JUST SHOVE A FUCKING THROB STALK IN IT.

TG: well youre not denying it

CG: NO.

CG: NO NO NO TO THE FUCKING NO.

CG: I HAVE NO RED FEELINGS AND I NEVER WILL HAVE RED FEELINGS FOR JOHN.

TG: hm

TG: sorry karkat im just not buying it

TG: maybe if you prove to me you dont have red feelings for john then ill let it go

CG: HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSE TO PROVE IT TO YOU.

TG: figure it out

-- turntechGodtech [TG] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] --

Karkat let out a low growl in frustration and reopened a new chat.

-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG] --

CG: DAVE STRIDER I SWEAR TO MOTHER FUCKING GOD IF YOU DO NOT ANSWER MY QUESTION

TG: meet me at the park

TG: ill tell you how you can prove it to me there

CG: YOURE NOT GOING TO BRING THAT GUY COVERED IN LOAD GAPER PAPER ARE YOU.

TG: gaper paper huh

TG: whatever you mean the mayor

CG: SURE IF THATS WHAT YOU CALL IT.

TG: nah

TG: believe it or not the mayors got his own little friends

TG: they look pretty similar to him too

TG: so i dont have to bring him around with me anymore

TG: huh

TG: i wonder if this is how parents feel when they send their kid out to school for the first time

TG: pack your shit junior and make some friends

TG: then the kids says but dad ill be home at three

TG: and the dads like dont forget your gummy vitamins junior

TG: i put them in a bag so you dont have to worry about getting the jar open

TG: but dad

TG: no son just go

TG: be free

TG: live your dreams

TG: and visit your fucking father once in a while

CG: UGH.

CG: ILL BE THERE IN A LITTLE BIT.

-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling turntechGodhead [TG] --

Karkat took a deep breath and sat back in his chair. With a push of the power button, the monitor on his husktop faded into black within a few seconds. He hoisted himself up and walked over to his front door. As he pulled it open, the sun glared at him sending a piercing beam of light directly into his eyes. Karkat squinted and pulled his arm above his eyes to shield them. He still wasn't completely used to the whole 'sunlight' concept. Back on Alternia, he couldn't even go out in the daytime.

"Karkat...! Oh, how wonderful. You have finally come out of your hive for once. You know it's very important for you to come outside a little more often. It's a proven fact that nature can help you relax and it encourages a healthy and positive mindset. Not to say that you don't already have a healthy mindset but..."

"Kankri? What the fuck are you doing here?"

"Uh, #triggerwarning. We've talked about this, Karkat, you need to watch your language." Kankri cleared his throat. "I am simply here because I heard the young Pyrope is now in a relationship with... uh, John, is it?"

"Were you eaves dropping?...!"

"What? No, of course not. Why, Latula told me. You are not upset about that are you?"

"A little bit, actually." Karkat began walking. He wasn't about to let Kankri slow him down or stop him all together.

"I apologize, Karkat..." Kankri began walking along side him. "... but you need to realize that you do not need quadrants anyway. In fact, you'll find that you can live quite the happy life without them. I certainly have. I remember when I first made the bold claim to become celibate. Yes, I was teased a bit but it was nothing too major. Although..."

"What the fuck are you talking about? I didn't mean that I was upset over Terezi getting together with John. I was talking about Latula telling you. And anyhow, really. You're celibate? Pfft. How do you explain Cronus, then?"

A light shade of red flushed across Kankri's cheeks. He crossed his arms and looked away, practically standing in a position that looked as though he was about to start ranting. "Cronus is simply my... b-boyfriend." It was obvious he felt a bit awkward saying such a thing. "To have a boyfriend does not mean to be sexually active with such person. That is simply what celibacy is - avoiding a sexual relationship. When you are in a quadrant it means you are personally saying that you would not mind having sex with your partner. Besides, Cronus is perfectly fine with this. In fact, he was the one that came up with it, what with him being 'human-kin.'"

"'Human-kin'? Ha...! Sounds like some sorry excuse for a desperate asshole to 'hook' up with you." Karkat chuckled lightly at his own joke. "No pun intended."

"Karkat! That is extremely rude. In fact, I'm almost triggered. Human-kin is a completely real yet rare thing. It's almost like the human 'transgender.' A troll feels as though they were born in the wrong body and they want to make a change to that. Therefore they use makeup to change their appearance and use human language and tendencies. For example, instead of saying hive, Cronus would say house or home. Or perhaps you are referring yourself to a moirail in which case Cronus would say that your moirail is instead your best friend. In fact, Cronus has completely eliminated quadrants all together. Now he simply has me, as his boyfriend, and he is willing to open his life to friends or even best friends if he can find those who support him. You'd be surprised on how much I've learned from him and how much effort he is actually putting into this. In addition to all of that, I think we may even be able to take it a step further in this new universe. I never realized how much more civilized humans were and how much they have developed. They can actually undergo surgery with the reassurance that they will wake up. Plus, nowadays they hardly even feel anything as the doctor puts them to sleep for a little while and puts them on pain medication. Now, I haven't done complete research on the medication they use yet, but it sounds fantastic compared to what surgery would be like on Beforus or Alternia."

Karkat slouched over and crossed his arms. He had folded his ears back in attempts to block Kankri out, only to ultimately fail. Suddenly, an idea sprouted to his mind as Kankri continued on with his speech. Karkat looked around and pointed to their left. "Hey look, isn't that Cronus over there?"

"Is it?" Kankri turned to look and before he could say another word, Karkat darted off. This would be his only chance. "I dont see him over..." Kankri's eyes traced back to where Karkat once was. He stopped and looked up, seeing Karkat growing farther and farther away. "... there." He let out a quiet sigh and shook his head.

Meanwhile, Karkat felt he was at a safe distance and returned to his normal walking pace. At least that little run made up for some lost time. Karkat sighed. Kankri's words jumbled up in his head giving him a minor headache. He already had enough on his mind like what was really bugging him about Terezi and John getting together. Maybe Dave actually was right. Could he actually have red feelings for that dimwit? Well, either way whether he did or not it didn't matter. He knew all too well that John wouldn't return those feelings.

It wasn't long before Karkat found himself entering the town park. It was relatively large but he knew where Dave would be. There was a specific tree that he, Dave, and Jade normally had picnics under. The tree didn't really have any significance, but it was one of the larger ones and it had a rock next to it which made for a perfect seat. It wasn't a surprise that Dave was exactly where Karkat expected him to be. He seemed to be leaning against the tree, looking down at his phone. His fingers moved as if he were texting someone or writing down a note. Karkat cupped his hands around his mouth as he was walking up and called out, "Strider!"

Dave looked up in the direction of the call. The sun glistened over his shades and he took a step forward as Karkat came closer to him. "Hey you're finally here. It's about time."

"Yeah, sorry. I got caught up with..." Dave practically silenced Karkat as he wrapped his arms around him. Karkat stood motionless, unsure how to feel. "... w-with something." He shook his head in attempts to regroup. "Hang on." He quickly broke the embrace and pushed Dave away. "What the fuck do you think you're doing?...!"

Dave took a moment to think about his next moves carefully. He had to plan it out, otherwise it could end up bad for him. "Oh, right. My mistake." With swift movements, Dave grabbed Karkat's wrists, turned him around, and backed him against the tree. "You like it rough, don't you?"

"What the fuck?! Get your fucking hands off of me!" Karkat turned his head and whipped around trying to loosen Dave's grip.

"Calm down. I thought you wanted to prove something to me. Otherwise, you wouldn't have come here in the first place, right?"

Karkat growled and turned his head so they were meeting eye to eye. "What game do you think I'm fucking playing here?"

"This is a game? Huh. I couldn't tell."

"Get off of me!"

"Kiss me."

"What?...!"

"You heard me. That's how you can prove it to me."

"No! This is fucking ridiculous!" Karkat squirmed around. "I swear to God once you let me go you are fucking dead!"

"Fine. Guess I won't let you go then."

Karkat stopped. Their faces were just an inch away from each other. His face was red and hot with fury and he was about to go off on Dave, but as he opened his mouth to speak Dave met him in the middle. Their lips touched and Dave pushed against Karkat, savoring each moment he got. Who knew if this would be the last time he would get or simply the first. Dave pulled away leaving Karkat gasping for air. "What... what the fuck is wrong with you?!" Karkat didn't stop there. The words of hatred seemed to flow out of his mouth like a never-ending waterfall.

Dave spoke quietly to himself, "Guess I kissed in the wrong spot." He slowly leaned forward. His lips met Karkat's neck and the troll suddenly melted like putty in his hands.

Karkat's words became a jumbling mess. He bit his bottom lip to stop himself from sounding like a complete fool. Dave didn't cease seeing as this had finally calmed him down enough that his anger seemed to wash away. He was now distracted with other feelings. "F-Fuck..." Letting out a single word was proven difficult for Karkat. His breathing slowed and he crossed his legs trying to relief himself of the tingling feeling between them.

Dave planted a final kiss that could hardly be felt and moved his head back quietly. His voice was soft and surprisingly delicate, "Are you okay?"

Karkat scoffed shakily, "N-Now you ask." Dave gently released Karkat's arms. The troll took a moment to replay everything that just happened in his head. He took a deep breath and shoved Dave heftily without warning, knocking him to the ground. It was a blessing that Dave didn't hit his head on the large rock beside them, but his glasses were knocked off which could be considered just as bad for him. "Don't you ever fucking do that again...!" Dave closed his eyes tightly and shielded them. With his available hand, he made a lousy attempt at searching the ground around him. Karkat scrunched up his nose and stared down at him for a moment. He examined where Dave's glasses were and decided this could just be the perfect time to get a little revenge. Karkat kneeled down and comfortably took a seat on the bottom of Dave's stomach.

Dave's hand paused it's search, "Karkat." His voice had become cold. Karkat allowed a light smirk to form across his face. "Give me my fucking shades. You know where they are."

Karkat grabbed Dave's left arm which was shielding his eyes and attempted pulling it away. "Why don't you show me your eyes, then?" Dave's force pulled against Karkat's but altogether Karkat won and pasted Dave's arm against the ground. Dave quickly made a recovery and covered his eyes with his right arm instead. It wasn't long before Karkat had done the same thing to Dave's right arm as he did to his left. The troll's smirk grew a little wider as he now had both Dave's arms pinned to the ground.

"Karkat, I swear to fucking God. Give me my shades."

"I don't have them."

"Then get them."

"Hm... I don't feel like it."

"Karkat..."

"Hm?"

Dave's eyes flashed open. "I said get my shades."

"Woah..." Karkat quickly released Dave's arms. It was as if a surge of emotion shot through Karkat. His eyes... they were practically mesmerizing. Why would he want to hide them? "His eyes are... red?" Karkat slowly stood up. Dave didn't take his eyes off of Karkat and Karkat didn't take his eyes off of Dave. No matter how hard he tried, he could hardly pull himself to look away. He made his way around Dave and grabbed the abandoned sunglasses that were lying on the ground. He took a final glimpse at his eyes and handed the shades back.

Dave huffed and looked away, putting the shades on as if nothing happened. He tried to regain his cool and push himself up to his feet. He dusted himself off and stood silently for a moment. With one final glance at Karkat, he turned and began walking away. "I'll see you later, Karkat."

"Wait...!" Karkat reached out his hand but Dave didn't stop. It was hard to tell whether Dave was upset, embarrassed, angry, or all three. Karkat always found it hard to tell what he was really thinking. He hid his emotions so well. Plus, it didn't help that everything happened so quickly. With a deep breath, Karkat watched Dave disappear into the distance. He turned around only to be stopped by one of the citizens of the town. It was one of the dark citizens who was only reaching up to Karkat's waist in height. He pointed toward the direction Dave traveled and Karkat followed his finger. "What?" Karkat looked back at the him. The citizen swatted his hands in Dave's direction. "You think I should go after him?" The citizen nodded. "Pst. Fuck that." Karkat walked around the little figure and started on his way. The citizen jumped in surprise and waved his hands trying to regain Karkat's attention. He soon realized that Karkat wasn't going to turn around. It must be hard not being able to speak.