You Can Lead a Horse to Logic

by FanOfMostEverything

Rating: everyone
Tags: Applejack, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Rarity
Length: 1790

More went into Applejack's "day" off than she ever realized.

Rarity and Twilight were hardly the only ponies who noticed Applejack's increasingly inefficient methods. They were just the first ones who got her to listen. Getting them into the position to do so took more than a little finesse on the parts of some unsung heroes.

Image credits: Angry Apple Bloom | Apple Bloom's cutie mark

Published 2016-05-30 15:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-05-30 15:40:01 UTC

But You Can't Make Her Think

The sun slowly slid down the western horzion, signalling the end of another productive day's work at Sweet Apple Acres. It was a time for the three Apple siblings to come together from their individual labors, return to the farmhouse, enjoy the grandmother-crafted repast awaiting them...

“Nope.”

“But—“

“Nope.”

“If ya’d jus’ listen—“

“Nope!”

... and argue like Hooffields and McColts along the way.

Apple Bloom frowned up at her sister and huffed, “Yer soundin’ like Big Macintosh.”

“Eeyup,” said the authority on the subject.

Applejack scowled at her siblings. “Aw, hush, you two. I’m tellin’ ya, I ain’t got a problem.”

“You were up two hours before th’ roosters today an’ ya still barely finished yer mornin’ chores in time fer lunch.”

“Eeyup.”

Applejack gritted her teeth. “‘Cause I wanted ‘em done right!”

Apple Bloom snorted. “A few moons ago, you had ‘em licked in half that time!”

“Summer’s a busier season.”

“But—“

By this time, they'd reached the front porch. Applejack hopped onto it, looked down upon her sister, and said, “Apple Bloom, I am a farmer born, raised, and marked. I know what I’m doin’.”

Apple Bloom just stared at her a few seconds, eyes half-lidded. “Seriously?”

“I…" Applejack took a step back, eyes wide and expression aghast. "Shoot, I’m sorry, sugarcube. Got all riled up there." She stepped off the porch and knelt down, putting herself eye-to-eye with Apple Bloom. "Believe me, I am so very proud of you finally findin’ yer purpose and usin’ it to help other ponies. But you gotta understand that there’s a time and place fer yer special talent. It’s something everypony’s gotta learn after they get their cutie marks." Applejack smiled as she straightened, turning to her brother. "Why, jus’ after I came home from Manehattan, Big Mac had t’ drag me in from the orchard by th’ tail near ev'ry night. Remember, Mac?”

“Heh. Yup.” Big Mac’s fond smile shifted to a frown. “But Apple Bloom’s got a point, AJ.”

Applejack groaned. “Listen, the both o’ ya. Me an’ my cutie mark are gettin’ along jus’ fine. End o’ discussion.” With that, she turned and stomped her way into the house.

Apple Bloom fell onto her haunches, threw back her head, and cried, “She is impossible!”

Big Mac twirled the wheat stalk in his mouth as he thought. “Mmmaybe.”

“How d’ya mean?”

“Fer one Crusader, sure,” Mac said, grinning.

Apple Bloom quickly followed suit. “But not fer all of us.”

The next day, the other Crusaders considered Apple Bloom's explanation, complete with visual aids taped to the clubhouse walls.

“Huh," said Scootaloo. "I thought Applejack was better about asking for help.”

Apple Bloom rolled her eyes. “Sure, when she thinks there’s a problem. But she ain’t seein’ it, so far as she’s concerned, it ain’t there.” She scowled and folded her forelegs. “An’ she sure ain’t gonna listen t’ her baby sister or her overprotective big brother, an' Granny says it's Applejack's business.”

Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo exchanged an uneasy look, then turned back to Apple Bloom. Sweetie said, "Uh, did you ever think that you might be overreacting?"

Apple Bloom raised an eyebrow and leaned over her lectern. "How d'ya mean?"

Scootaloo looked away, her wings fidgeting. "Well, when we found you sulking in the dark, Sweetie and I were kinda worried you'd gone full-on Smarty Pants. You know, if you can't find a cutie mark problem..."

"Make a cutie mark problem," finished Sweetie. "And one way to do that is by thinking there's a problem where there isn't one."

"I'm not makin' this up!" Apple Bloom cried, slamming a hoof down.

Sweetie Belle held up her forehooves. "We're not saying you are! Just that Applejack may have developed a few bad habits without realizing it."

"Aw, who even does that?"

Scootaloo gave Apple Bloom a flat look. "First postmark meeting. You wanted us to try to get cutie marks in mountaintop square dancing."

"Oh. Right." Apple Bloom shook her head. "But this is the real thing! Just lookin' at Applejack makes my flanks tingle like I'm gettin' my mark all over again! C'mon, I'll show ya."

The Crusaders left the clubhouse and followed the faint, familiar sounds of hooves on bark and falling apples. At least, they tried to.

"It seems like she's taking a lot more time than usual to buck the trees," said Sweetie.

"Oh yeah. She is. You'll see." After that, a steady stream of low, angry grumbles crept out of Apple Bloom's throat until they found Applejack.

Everything seemed normal. The baskets were in place, the buck was solid, and the apples fell exactly where they were supposed to.

Scootaloo tilted her head. "So what—"

Apple Bloom gave a sharp shake of her head. "Shh!"

The Crusaders kept watching as Applejack eased one of the baskets onto her back, then started walking out of the orchard. They watched until she was out of earshot.

"Where's she going?" said Sweetie.

Apple Bloom turned to face them, looking resigned. "To the apple cellar. A wagon broke two weeks ago. We got it fixed a few days later, but Applejack's still bringin' in the Sunrises one basket at a time." She gave a nod as her friends both twitched. "An' now yer feelin' th' tingle. Still think I'm makin' this up?"

The others shook their heads. Scootaloo said, "So, how do we fix this if Applejack won't listen to her family?"

“What about her friends?” said Sweetie Belle.

Apple Bloom rubbed her chin. “That might work. You got somethin’ in mind?”

Sweetie nodded. “Rarity’s been trying to arrange some spa time with Applejack for moons now.”

“And with Wonderbolt training, Rainbow Dash will want her to have as much time as she can spare for hanging out together.” Scootaloo narrowed her eyes in determination. "Between the two of them, there's no way Applejack will be able to say no!"

“I dunno 'bout that, but it's th' best idea we got. But remember, if Applejack even thinks we set this up, she’s gonna plant her hooves an’ not budge an inch.” The other Crusaders nodded, and Apple Bloom cried, “Cutie Mark Crusader Sister Savers!”

Three hooves came together with a cry of “YEAH!”

Arranging time with Rarity was easy; she was happy to let Sweetie act as a sales assistant to practice her magic. As Sweetie consigned another hat to the discount bin, she asked, ”Have you been able to get in touch with Applejack since last time?”

Rarity sighed as she adjusted one of the display ponnequins. “Sadly, no. She’s still busy as ever. More so, really." After a moment, she turned to her sister. "Why do you ask?”

“Well…” Sweetie Belle looked around the otherwise unoccupied room, crept close, and stage whispered, ”You didn’t hear it from me, but Apple Bloom’s noticed it too.”

Rarity couldn’t help but grin at her little sister’s attempt at intrigue. “You don’t say?” Comprehension broke through the amusement. “Oh my. If Apple Bloom thinks it unusual, then it really must be. She’d know better than I would. I suppose I could lend a hoof.”

Sweetie flinched back. “Uh, you do remember what happened the last time you tried to help her, right?”

“How could I forget?" Rarity smiled as she shook her head. "Not to worry; there’s no stallion at the end of my tunnel vision this time. I’m going to see if I can’t help Applejack my way. And if all else fails…” Rarity’s grin grew. “Well, I suppose I’ll just have to call in the big guns, so to speak. If Twilight just so happened to happen upon Sweet Apple Acres in dire need of organization, I dare say she couldn’t resist. All I need to do is time it right.”

“But remember—“

“Yes, yes, I didn’t hear it from you." Rarity patted Sweetie on the head. "Don’t worry, darling. This will be very subtle, I assure you.”

Rainbow Dash considered the situation from her lounge cloud. ”So, just yelling at her to knock it off is out?”

Scootaloo nodded. “Apple Bloom already tried it.”

“Well, if Rarity’s in on it, she may end up fixing the problem before AJ even notices what’s happening. But just in case she doesn’t…” Dash grinned as she trailed off. “I know exactly what to do.”

"But remember—"

"Trust me, squirt." Dash leaned back, the plan coming together in her mind. "Subtlety is my middle name."

Dash wasn't planning on spreading her wings for this mission, but she still ran through what she thought of as a pre-flight checklist.

Robe? Check.

Magazine? Check.

Tank slippers? Check.

Accomplice?

"And remember, if they ask why I’m here, you say I’ve scheduled the most froufrou thing you can think of.”

In progress.

Lavender Essence double-checked her clipboard and wondered if it was too late to get on a ship back to the old country. “Mees Dash, yü’ve put yürself down for de Pampered Muscle Massage.”

Dash hummed to herself. “Yeah, not quite enough, is it? Say I’ve got a hooficure too. Froufrouiest one you’ve got.”

“De Indulgent package?”

“Perfect.” Dash settled herself on a couch with a perfect view of the spa's entrance.

Lavender's mouth worked silently for a moment before she said, “Mees Dash, if I may ask, why are yü doing dis?”

“Standard Pinkie Pie diversionary tactic. AJ will be laughing too much to think about going back home.” Dash gave a sheepish grin. “And, uh, I could use a little skin thickening.”

Lavender chewed her lip for a moment. Aloe and Lotus had said that Ponyville was a strange town, especially a certain half dozen mares. They had also said it was best to try to go along with the strangeness as best she could. It paid in the end, often mind-bogglingly well. “Very well, Mees Dash.”

“Thanks." Dash cracked her neck. "If this works out, it’ll be worth all the embarrassment in the world.”

Applejack chuckled at the Apples' dinner table that night. ”An’ so, turns out I was makin’ things ten times harder fer mahself than I needed to!”

Apple Bloom smirked. “Ya don’t say?”

Applejack rolled her eyes. “Yeah, yeah, you were right, Bloom. Don’t mean you should rub it in m’ face." She gave another chuckle. "I guess I’m gonna hafta get used t’ you bein’ th’ voice o’ reason. Who’da thought?”

“Hey!” Apple Bloom’s pout only grew when Granny Smith and Big Macintosh joined in, but after a few moments, she followed suit.

Author's Note

Sunrises are a real apple cultivar that are harvested in midsummer. No apple is just an apple to an Apple.

I make no apologies for the umlauts.