This is the story of an original character living in a world ruled by a long necked canon character. A pony... determined to bring equality, justice and cake for all! In all the Tumblr multiverse no pony has a stronger scene of justice or ridiculousness! A stoic, rugged, handsome- Ok, seriously this is pretty campy, even for a story based on such a silly blog...
"Hey! Stick to the script, come on! I already paid you..."
Not even two paragraphs in and we're already resorting to a fourth wall joke? This is going to be a painful one to suffer though narrating, isn't it? I swear if its littered with speeling errors i am OUT!
"Cut me some slack, its a comedy! Besides this is the only time the story is going to do this. The author was kind of scraping the bottom of the barrel for length at the end."
Ok ok, fine. Ahem...
In a dark room, somewhere in Canterlot palace, a red earth pony laments his limitation. He gazed out the window... perhaps it was time to give it up? He turned his head to his mock cardboard horn and wings. Who else shared THIS level of ambition?
No, his crusade would not end today! "I, Drawmyoc, will be the greatest, most noble ruler this blog has ever seen!! I will right every wrong! I will share all the cake! one percent of ponies have more neck then the ninety-nine percent and this is unacceptable!"
Drawmyoc donned his mock Alicorn gear and kicked the door to his room open. He marched with his head and shoulders high to a room that the guards used to train. The determined earth pony heaved two dumbbells off the ground just as he did the day before and the day before that! He would do whatever it took to become strong! To bring justice! He would not rest until equal cake was restored to ALL ponies!
After a hard workout he wiped the sweat from his forehead and returned to his chambers to look over his latest plan. It was perfect! The tiny red pony worked diligently, following the specifications he had laid out over week, neigh, months of research! "With this powerful industrial super vacuum I will suck up all the cake in the vault so fast that Celestia will never know until all of Equestria is eating her cake!"
Bob, one of Celestia's finest zombie guards. (In fact her only zombie guard) rolled his eyes. One of them fell out. "People with treasonous plans of theft don't usually shout their exact intentions." He called though the door, picking his eye back up before pushing it back into his head. "But you, know whatever works I guess."
Drawmyoc clamped his mouth shut. Bob was right! Bob was also very smelly, like even from here he felt like he might puke. Looking over his blueprints and he smiled. Everything was coming together so very perfectly! Nothing could go wrong! Luna was out at space camp so her bad luck mojo wouldn't be able to stop him this time! Well, ok to be fair maaaaybe last time it was just his plan being... not so good. Ok ok and maybe the time before that was also just because his plan sucked. But the time before that was defiantly Luna's fault!
Meanwhile at space camp Luna hung her head talking to the counselor pony. Her speech was awkward and heavy with the braces she recently had too wear. "Gee I'm sorry, I just saw a bee on the fan so I tried to get it, then it fell over and knocked the table over and it spilled the cider over and then the plug was right there... I'm sorry." He mouth sprayed droplets of saliva as she spoke.
The counselor shook his head among the charred ruins of what used to be space camp. A dozen or so other ponies stood angerily staring at her. She couldn't tell who was who because they were all charred pitch black except their eyes. The last time so much anger and eyes were together was when her sister cast a spell to change everypony's eyes, there were riots for weeks.
"Does this mean I don't get to ride the spinny thing?" A broom was thrust into her hooves and the others walked away. "Oh... well ok." She started sweeping. "Sweep sweep sweep, Sweep sweep sweep, Sweep sweep sweep hey! this IS pretty catch!" Just then the broom cracked in half. "Oh, opps. Well its ok I just have to use a shorter broom now."
Back at the palace, Drawmyoc quickly pulled the long, wide hose to the cake vault. Smiling, he flipped the switch on the giant vacuum cleaner causing it to roar to life! He opened the door and... The vault was empty! "The cake vault is empty!?" He switched his behemoth vacuum machine off.
In the center of the empty room where heeps and mounds of cake had been just days before stood his long necked ruler! The hoarder of cake! The symbol of neck monopoly! "Oh good, you already know." She said sounding pleased.
"Know what? Where's all the cake?" he asked with a bewildered expression.
"Oh, that! I moved it all to a bigger vault and I was just about to have you vacuum up in here, but I see you're already on top of it. Good initiative! Have a cupcake." She said, offering the tiny red pony a pink cupcake with rainbow sprinkles. "Luna somehow got the combination to this vault and kept leaving the door open."
Drawmyoc was blank faced for several long seconds before letting on a huge, wide grin "Mwa ha ha ha! Victory!!"
