The Derpy I Know and Love

For the most part, all went well. Most ponies were happy for the couple. But there were a few ponies who weren’t comfortable with the situation and were dubious on claims of female/female procreation.

Unfortunately there were issues the innocent had to face.

Scootaloo, Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle and Dinky were knocking around a ball, and just having fun the way little girls are suppose to. The ball went wide and stopped in front of Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon.

“Hey Diamond! Kick that ball over here,” called Scootaloo.

“Get it yourselves, losers!”

Diamond and Silver laughed as if they had said something incredibly witty.

The Cutie Mark Crusaders walked over to retrieve the ball. Just as they reached there, Diamond put her hoof on it to show it wasn’t going to be that easy to retrieve it.

“Hey losers, it was bad enough when you blank flanks were hanging out together, but now you’re with a bigger loser.”

Laughs from Diamond and Silver again.

“Who’re you calling loser?” Said Apple Bloom, “you take that back! Say you’re sorry!”

Dinky was starting to get upset.

“Oh, I’m sorry alright. Sorry I have to put up with the likes of you and this one,” pointing at Dinky.

I guess none of you paid any attention to the lecture Miss Cheerilee gave on babies and where foals come from. She said to have a foal, there must be a colt and a mare. My mom told me all about how it’s done. So there’s no way Dinky’s mom is having a foal with Twilight Sparkle. Twilight is a strange pony but come on!”

“Hey Diamond, don’t you think...”

“Hush Silver Spoon. I know what I’m talking about. My dad said it was bad enough when Bon-Bon and Lyra made a spectacle of things. But it’s now just getting worse!”

“I think you’d better shut your mouth talking about my moms like that before you go too far.” Said Dinky working up nerve.

“What are you going to do... Dinky? You know what I’m talking about. You see it all the time and yet you’ve the guts to come to school around normal ponies.”

“Diamond! Dinky’s right, that’s enough!” said Silver Spoon uncharacteristically speaking against Diamond.

“If you can’t face the truth, then you’re as bad as them!” Said Diamond, pushing Silver down.

Silver started to cry and ran back to the school.

“Listen looser,” said Diamond, looking at Dinky. “it’s bad enough your mother is married to a mare. But to claim to have a foal from a mare, that’s nothing but a crock of lies.”

Diamond was so into her tirade that she paid no attention that all three of Dinky’s friends were getting flush with anger.

“You want the truth? Here is the truth, your mother can’t be faithful to Twilight if she’s with foal. She has to be going out on Twilight and seeing stallions on the side.”

“Stop saying that!” yelled Dinky.

“What? Can’t take the truth that your mom is a big whore?”

Diamond realized too late when she drove off Silver Spoon, she’d abandoned any backup she might’ve had. She didn’t have time to do anything before all four Cutie Mark Crusaders were on her. They were holding down Diamond.

“Go get a rope off the swing set,” said Apple Bloom.

Diamond had heard that line from old cowpony movies, and it didn’t bode well for the victim. Her eyes went wide in fear.

Miss Cheerilee and Silver Spoon came running up to see Diamond Tiara hog-tied hanging by her legs from the swing set. Her Tiara stuffed in her mouth and tears streaming from her eyes.

“What’s going on here?” asked Miss Cheerilee. “Why is Diamond Tiara tied up, why is her tiara in her mouth?”

“Oh hi Miss Cheerilee, her tiara is in her mouth because we couldn’t get it to stay in the other end.” Said Scootaloo, “Diamond Tiara is so full of sweetness today we figured we’d play piñata with her. Can we get a ball bat?”

Miss Cheerilee sat at her desk. Across from her were Candy Mane from the Children's Home, Rarity, Applejack, Muffins, Twilight and Filthy Rich.

“I’ve interviewed all involved with this, by themselves so I could get the truth. Apparently some very unkind things were said to Dinky by Diamond Tiara.

Very unkind things.

And what bothers me is from what I gathered Mr. Rich, Diamond was repeating things heard at home.

I’ll not tolerate violence in my school. It solves nothing. I know they were all sticking up for their friend but I’ve got to make sure they know what they did was wrong. So Dinky, Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo are suspended from school for two weeks, they’ll receive their assignments by volunteer students and they’ll keep up on their studies.”

“As for Diamond Tiara,” said Cheerilee looking at Filthy Rich, “What happened to her was uncalled for. But it wasn’t like she was innocent. I have word from several uninvolved bystanders who all reported the same thing.

Bigotry and intolerance are contrary to the charters of Ponyville and Equestria. They’ll not be tolerated here. Such sentiments have started some very nasty wars in the past and therefore not to be put up with.

Therefore, Diamond Tiara is expelled from school for the rest of the year and will have to repeat the grade next year.”

Filthy Rich stood up and addressed the ponies there.

“If I may say something; my daughter may’ve been out of line with the unkind name calling. And she'll be made to apologize to Dinky and Muffins Sparkle. But to be expelled for speaking the truth,” said Filthy Rich scowling at Twilight and Muffins. “Trying to clear some lie that’s being perpetrated on Ponyville. The whole of Ponyville is falling apart with all the mare-lovers getting married as if it were normal.

But to try and make us believe two mares can produce a foal. Don’t make me laugh!

It’s just a way to hide some sick and un-natural relationships and shove them down everypony’s throat as if there was nothing wrong.

Well I’ve had enough and I won’t stand for it anymore! I’ll make sure ponies know the truth!”

Filthy sat back down, it was clear from where Diamond Tiara got her arrogance.

“Miss Cheerilee, may I reply to that?” Asked Twilight.

“Go ahead Mrs. Sparkle, but remember this is just a school and we’re deciding the wellbeing of the students.”

“I will Miss Cheerilee,” said Twilight.

Twilight stood looking at Filthy Rich.

Filthy was looking smug as if he knew that he’d called Twilight’s bluff. He was sure he could debunk any lame excuse Twilight Sparkle would come up with.

He was about to learn differently.

“You’ve said some serious things, Mr. Rich. As if your narrow mind decides what’s right and what’s wrong. Your version of the ‘truth’ is all you can wrap your narrow mind around. And so you on pass your so-called knowledge to an innocent filly who, out of respect, takes what her father says as how things really are. You belittle and pass judgment on ponies without even really knowing anything about their lives or who they really are.

So stop and think a moment. You condemn my wife and me but do you really know who I am?

Have you ever considered why I’m Celestia’s Apprentice?

I don’t like to brag but Princess Celestia has officially declared that I am the most powerful Unicorn in Equestria, perhaps the most powerful in centuries, if not longer.

Twilight cocked her head and gave Filthy the most unnerving glare:

“How about a little demonstration of extreme magic.”

Twilight’s horn glowed, Filthy disappeared in a flash. There was a pause then her horn glowed again. Filthy reappeared gasping for air.

“That’s a taste of deep space, unprotected. Without life support, you can hold your breath about a minute before freezing, suffocating and your blood boiling,” said Twilight.

There was another glow and a flash, Filthy was gone again. When he reappeared he was soaking wet and coughing.

“And that’s about as deep in the sea as you can go without being instantly crushed.” Said Twilight.

“But look at you,” said Twilight in mock compassion, “you’re cold and wet. Let’s dry you off.”

There was another flash and Filthy was gone.

“Twilight please,” said Cheerilee, there was fear in her eyes.

“I’m just making a point,” said Twilight with a smile. “I wouldn’t really hurt him. At least not permanently.”

There was another flash and Filthy was back, he was dry, smelling slightly singed and the smell of brimstone could be detected. his eyes showed unadulterated fear.

“And that was the flames of Tartarus,” said Twilight. "Keep going the way you've been going and you'll definitely visit there again, ad infinitum!"

Twilight paused to let the previous lessons sink in. Then she continued;

"But I don’t have to use those powers. There are more mundane powers at my disposal.

My position as Celestia’s Apprentice gives me wide ranging authority. I’ve access to the rulers of Equestria at anytime, as does my wife and my daughters.”

Twilight let that sink in a moment, she noticed that Filthy’s look changed from fear to concerned.

“Think about this Mr. Ritch, I could revoke your business license for no other reason than I feel like it.

I could condemn your property and take it in the name of the Crown, on a whim.

I could have you and your family held in the dungeon at Canterlot Castle without trial or charges, just because I wanted to.

Are you following me? I have the trust and approval of the Crown, and by extension;

I WIELD THAT SAME POWER (POWER, POWER, POWER)."

That last part was delivered in a loud hollow and echoing voice. Just to add a little drama.

Filthy was starting to sweat. Twilight’s companions had never heard Twilight speak this way or use her power to this extent. They were only now understanding what ‘Lady Twilight Sparkle’ was capable of.

Twilight stopped again to let it sink in.

“But for me to do any of these things, things I know would be wrong of me to do, it would set a bad example for my daughters.

So instead, for the first and I hope the last time, I’m going to exercise that power and authority.”

Then Twilight turned to Miss Cheerilee.

“I’m sorry Cheerilee, but as Celestia’s Apprentice and the authority that comes with it, I must countermand your punishment of,” she paused....

“Diamond Tiara.”

Filthy Rich flinched, he looked startled and worried. What greater shame or horror was about to happen? He was imagining his poor little daughter screaming as she was engulfed in the flames of Tartarus.

“Diamond was acting out of ignorance from what had been projected on her by her father. So in the name of Celestia Rex, I decree she’s suspended for two weeks, like all the others involved.”

Miss Cheerilee smiled, as Twilight sat back down and held Muffins’ hoof.

“This is the tolerance I spoke of, Mr. Rich. Twilight could’ve lashed out in anger and imprisoned you or banished you and your family to your ruin, or worse. But instead, she had compassion on your daughter. A daughter who wronged her family. I’d go home and think of what transpired here.”

“Your girls are waiting outside.” Cheerilee said getting up and walking out.

Filthy Rich had a confused look on his face. He knew he wouldn’t have shown any mercy if somepony had berated him, his ideas and his family.

He got up to leave, then passing in front of Applejack;

“Zap Apples should be coming soon,” said AJ “Stop by Sweet Apple Acres and we can talk about your usual order.”

Filthy was more confused and wasn’t sure what, if anything Applejack was hinting at. Before he reached the door. Twilight spoke up.

“Oh and Mr. Rich,” a document appeared in front of his face, “this is a proclamation by Princesses Celestia and Luna attesting to the magical and miraculous conception of our foal. If you’ve any more doubts, please feel free to see the princesses, I can get you an appointment.”

After Filthy left, the five broke out laughing.

“Did you really send him to Tartarus Darling?” asked Rarity.

“I needed to put the fear of Celestia into him,” said Twilight with a smile.

“And fear of Twilight Sparkle,” laughed Candy Mane.

“Remind me never to piss you off Twi!” laughed AJ.