Confessions of a Madmare: Volume 1

by Truffle Mint

Rating: mature
Tags: Original Character, Adventure, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Alternate Universe
Length: 8644

When your life is a constant chain of tragic events, it can be a challenge to keep your mind from slipping away. When you live on a dying husk of a world, it becomes less of a challenge and more of an inevitability.

When your life is a constant chain of tragic events, it can be a challenge to keep your mind from slipping away. When you live on a dying husk of a world, it becomes less of a challenge and more of an inevitability. Wispy Winds recounts a life of adventure, mystery, and violence to a shamed back-alley psychiatrist in an attempt to find catharsis...

Some months later, Dr. Synapse Fraud was found dead in his office.

Thanks to Cerulean Starlight for editing :heart:

Published 2016-05-31 04:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-05-31 04:00:01 UTC

Foreword

My name is Synapse Fraud. If you are reading this foreword, then I have met my demise. While this is an unfortunate turn of events, it was not unanticipated—as per my instructions, the following records were to be unsealed in exactly such an event, and compiled in a format to be released to the public, as well as other key individuals whom I shall refrain from mentioning at this time.

While this… 'story'… follows the exploits of another pony, I would like to tell you about myself, and how these records came to be, for there will be no further opportunities to do so. Ever since I was a colt, I have had a fascination with the pony mind… a ceaseless drive to find out just what makes us tick. This drive led me to a predictable conclusion… I became a psychologist.

No… I suppose that's not the whole story. There was, of course, no small degree of influence by my parents. My mother was a businessmare who would constantly busy herself with the minutiae of micromanaging some influential prospects that would supposedly revolutionize life in New Ponyville. Shame, I probably should have paid more attention to what it was, exactly, she was doing… but a lifetime of disinterest has dulled me to the details of her escapades. It was fair, after all, that if she were to ignore the very child she gave birth to, then he would ignore the aspects of her life she actually cared about. She only decided to use her clout to get me where I am because she saw me as an asset. I suppose why she did it is unimportant… I got what I wanted out of her, and as per the norm of my life, we barely ever spoke again.

My father was a renowned surgeon that had practiced in Canterlot before its economy collapsed and ushered in their submission to the Empress. It didn't take him long to find a new job in New Ponyville, and barely any time at all before he was on the Board of Medicine. He wanted me to be a surgeon. Like father, like son, as the saying goes. I suppose that he thought that informing me that my skills were lackluster and that I would never have a hope of becoming a surgeon if my hooves kept shaking like a leaf as I dissected whatever animal he would bring me was some form of encouragement. As I reflect on it, I know full-grown adults that would wither under that tutelage.

As it was, I became… rebellious. Why sully these hooves dissecting and reassembling the body when I could do so much more for the mind! His ridiculous claims that surgery was the ultimate path to healing when I heard stories of mothers and fathers beating their foals, the news of murderers on the prowl, brutal crimes against equinity that would send shivers down the spine. There was much for me to do, and much more I could teach the world. I don't think my father ever forgave me for pursuing psychology. Then again, who can argue with a cutie mark that appears when you make your own mother realize her inadequacies as a parent with a few clever words?

When I finally began my studies proper, my progress did not go unnoticed. Prior to receiving my degrees and license to practice, I received endless praise from ponies who believed themselves to be my superiors. Countless scholarships, and endless offers to join private practices in New Ponyville. A few ponies opposed my right to practice. Many of the theses I submitted were cited as being 'brilliant, but disturbing.' Fools.

I earned my doctorate and my license almost effortlessly… and true to my promise, I became one of the single greatest contributors to modern psychology in pony history. I shouldn't have been surprised that my success would draw in hordes of detractors, led by my former instructors. Apparently they found my methods disagreeable. I told them their methods were inefficient and would take countless eons to produce results. For pony's sake, how dare they call me barbaric when they were still drilling holes in ponies heads’ before my research became prevalent?!?

Regardless, after some… timely intervention and greasing of a few hooves, instead of rotting in a cell, I only had years of my career thrown out the window and became discredited despite techniques I’d developed seeing common usage in institutions and practices around Equestria. Cretins.

Alas, this sent me into a self-destructive spiral for some unknowable span of time. Entire years of my life living off my accumulated fortune, washing it away with all manner of decadence and debauchery. There are still consequences that linger to this day… insufferable chemical dependencies plague me, and try as I might to purge them, I never seem to muster the willpower required to fully recover. Unfortunate.

It was a pointless period of my life, one I am thankful to have mostly forgotten. It took a clever pony by the name of Double Deal to drag me out of the hellish pit of self-loathing I had created for myself. She introduced me to a surprisingly robust network of underground practitioners that preferred to be unfettered by so-called standards of practice and had a psychiatrist-sized hole in their ranks. While the distinction between psychologist and psychiatrist appeared to have been lost on this pony, but I was desperate, and she had assured me that there would be plenty of customers that would prefer to keep their business away from prying eyes. Despite my skepticism, I took the job.

It was this decision that led me to what was a fatal error… having my services enlisted by one ‘Wispy Winds’. When she introduced herself, there were dozens of reasons to tell her no… but as it turns out, Double Deal had greatly exaggerated a back-alley psychiatrist's prospects for clientele, which upon further consideration, seemed painfully obvious. Wispy had a veritable stream of wealth that would have turned my head even before my own had wasted away, and despite warning signs, I agreed.

When she first came to me, she opted to inform me that there was already nothing I could do for her. When I asked why, then, she would seek my aid, she claimed to my masked frustration that it was because I was, and I quote, ‘the quackiest quack in the pond.’ She had a fondness for insanities, as I would come to learn… it was this fondness that had led her to me. As… insulting as such a thing was, I could not deny that after she shared only a short portion of her story, my intellectual curiosity got the better of me.

So, I obliged. I obliged, and learned of a whimsical tale of a band of… ‘heroes’… in a doomed world that would ultimately fall apart and fail. Of horrors that would shake a pony to their core, faced as if they were common occurrences with mere steel and horn. Of catastrophic weather and disastrous shifts of the earth itself to lay waste to the unwary pony.

I asked her why she would tell me such an absurd, fictional tale, as I could not help her if she were to spin fabrications. She responded by threatening me with an armament that I had never seen on her person before. As I stared down the stock of a crossbow, she dangerously intoned, ‘I don’t really like it when somepony decides to call me delusional when they don’t have a leg to stand on in that department, Fraud.’

Fraud… she kept calling me that. While it may be my name, I’ve always been adamant that ponies refer to me as Dr. Synapse. She made a point to never respect that. She told me that it was such a delightful thing that any nickname she could come up would never be as insulting as the name I was given. After the crossbow incident, however, I dared not press the point.

I have matched wits against murderers, soldiers, cultists, and worse without so much as flinching. Wispy Winds? She would go on to explain that she was all of these, and more… and she terrified me.

Apparently, doctor–patient confidentiality is important to her. So important, in fact, that she letting the guard know about my illegal practice was only a start. I would have scoffed at such a claim, were it not for the fact that she cut me off from my dealers for a week. Long enough to make me writhe from withdrawal, but not long enough for me to kick the habit. Smart.

I would be concerned that this violation of her privacy would provoke retaliation, but alas, I am already dead. What would she strike at? My reputation? The world beat you to it, dear Wispy. The last laugh will be mine.

So here, now, are all of my files and records pertaining to my patient, Wispy Winds, presumably edited to a digestible format for a more common pony than myself. Wispy, I hope that the innumerous incriminating files will bring the guard down upon you too fast for you to run away and your rotten soul is damned to Tartarus where you belong.

If you dare to read further, you will find the biography of an individual whose crazed recounting of a dead world and of a streak of crimes against equinity in our own dear city of New Ponyville will chill you to the bone. I present to you, dear reader, the confessions of a madmare.

Chapter 1 - A Cutie Mark Story

So you literally want my life story? Jeeze, doc, buy a girl a drink first… but if you insist, here’s everything you need to know about yours truly… Wispy Winds.

Shouting. I was startled from my sleep by shouting… and the sound of rain. I tossed my covers and bolted for the wagon window, nearly tripping over my hooves. I barely caught myself by flaring out my wings for balance. A cold sweat started to form as my hoof reached tentatively for the handle... and stopped. I took a deep breath, before the continued shouting dispelled any hesitation… I threw open the window and took a generous step back.

It took a moment for my eyes to adjust to the faint light of the glowing green moonstones that littered our camp, doing little to beat back the darkness of night. After no small amount of squinting, I finally caught sight of my brothers, Silver Tongue and Twister Tango, and my heart sank. I watched them writhe and twist as the rain poured on them. I think I may have shrieked, because the two of them stopped to stare at me. “What in the hell are you two doing out there?!?” I sputtered. “Get inside!”

“Ha, relax, Wispy!” Silver snickered. My twin brother… and yet somehow he still managed to be a full head taller than me at the time, and had the most infuriatingly perfect straight hair the color of his namesake. Always made me self-conscious about these tangled locks. Hell, if I didn’t know better, I would say that his coat was even a purer shade of white than my own. Eh, at least I’ll have the last laugh when he grows up looking like a mare. “Seriously, you’re overreacting!”

… The world slowly came into focus when the panic subsided. It was raining, yes… but they weren’t agonizing. They were… enjoying themselves? I slowly stuck the tip of my hoof into the rain. It was cool to the touch… I withdrew my hoof and examined the drops of water. “It… doesn’t burn?”

“What, did you really think we were just out here letting ourselves burn to death? Behold, the ritualistic sacrifice of our young for our lord Discord. We bear thy wrath so we may curry thy favor!” Silver laughed. “C’mon, Wispy get out here! See for yourself!”

I looked to Twister, who simply nodded with a little smile. The little evergreen colt was smaller than me and despite his name, so very quiet. My parents always joked about how we should trade names. He fidgeted with his short blue hair and I saw him smile reassuringly. I suppose I should have realized, Twister isn’t quite as dumb as Silver was—there’s no way he’d have been out there if it weren’t safe.

I slowly reached out to the rain again, marveling at the feeling of cool drops of water on my skin. “... Okay. I'll be out in a moment!”

I shut the window and rushed to back to my room. It was a pretty high privilege for a filly to get her own room, considering the premium of space. I think my brothers were jealous, but they knew why: my sisters and I were going to save the family!

I slipped a hoof into the strap of my hairbrush and got to work while regarding the filly in the mirror. My short golden hair wasn't so much curly as it was jagged. I lamented having to tug through knots that reformed on a daily basis, but I was not going to be shown up by Silver’s stupid perfect hair!

I looked over my eyes. Green as the daytime sky, though a little bloodshot from a lack of sleep. Special rain or not, I oughta bop those two over the head for waking me up. Sleep is precious!

After an awful time working the brush, I gave up on the idea of doing my tail, too. I stretched my wings… nope, still tiny. I gave a determined flutter and managed to get a few inches off the ground! … before falling back on my face. Graceful.

I heard something tumble to the ground and gave a little shout as my Discord idol clattered to the ground. The wooden draconequus stared at me with one mischievous ruby eye… great, one of them popped out! That was probably bad luck or something!

As if we had anything but.

I scooped up the figure and the ruby and set it back on the table, uselessly trying to pop it back in the empty socket. Great…

“Wispy, c’mon!” Silver shouted from outside the door.

“I'm not done!” I shouted back. I heard them muttering and giggling, something about girls. “Funny talk coming from the girliest colt in camp!” I shouted at the door… Silver went silent, but Twister continued giggling.

I grabbed my clothes, a white tunic with a leather belt and a number of colorful sashes decorated with tiny faux gold trinkets. As I wiggled my way into them, I knocked over my crossbow in the corner. I glared at the weapon… I’d trained with the thing ever since I was little, and I was starting to finally get my bolts to shoot straight enough to be useful. I considered it for a moment before walking toward the door… it wasn’t like we were leaving camp; what could possibly go wrong?

… I doubled back halfway to the door and slipped the crossbow into one of my sashes and holsted the bolt quiver on my belt. That was a dumb question. Never think that question.

I swung the door open and nearly flattened Silver, who sat on the other side of the door. I gave a snicker as I stepped over him clutching his nose in hooves. “Dammit Wishpy!”

“Shouldn’t be standing outside a lady’s door! They’ll think you’re up to something!” I grinned.

“You are no lady, either in stature nor in composure! Aaugh it hurts! I think you broke my nose!” Whiny. I rolled my eyes and lifted my hoof off his nose. His whimpers made Twister giggle.

“Not yet I haven’t...” That got him quiet. Heh. Always acting so high and mighty, but he knew who was really in charge. As the raindrops fell on my nose, I took a step from under the wagon’s roof. I couldn't help but smile… this wasn't something you saw everyday! “Woah…”

Normally an overcast day like this was cause for alarm… anypony caught in the rain would end up being soaked with acid. At best, it was like getting stung by hundreds of bees. At worst… well, there are worse ways to go, but not many. I had a cousin get trapped out in the rain when a rock fell on his hoof… when we found the body… eeeugh. I couldn’t eat for a day or two.

I suppose that’s not really a problem when there wasn’t anything to eat.

The camp was slowly coming to life… apparently I wasn't the only pony that Silver and Twister had woken up. It probably didn't help that I was dancing about myself after a short time in the rain. I couldn’t help myself; their cheer was infectious.

“Wispy!” a familiar voice rang out from the darkness. I froze up and turned toward the voice with a sheepish grin. My eldest sister, Verdant Melody, trotted into the subtle glow of the moonstones. The emerald green of her coat overpowered the glow. “What in the world are you doing out here?!”

“Oh, don’t worry, the rain… is fine.” I briefly contemplated the fact that my sister was standing in the rain. She raised an eyebrow at me, and I squirmed under her gaze. Good observation, Wispy, maybe now you’ll tell her that it’s pretty wet? “Which… you’ve noticed. Uh. Right.” I was glad blushing isn’t visible in the faint glow.

“I’m disappointed in you Wispy! It’s one thing that your brothers are running around like chickens with their heads cut off, but you’re encouraging them by joining in?!” She snorted at me. What? Why was she mad at me?

“Oh c’mon, it’s not like you’ve never gone out for some night reveling before.” I rolled my eyes. Really, where did she get off? Every so often she'd bring some stallion home and make tons of noise all night… Oh, gross! I just then realized what that was all about! Why did those classes have to ruin my innocent view of the world?! My brothers must have seen my face, because they seemed awfully confused. “It’s… it’s a clan matron thing. Don’t worry about it!”

“Wispy, I want you to think for a moment.” She wasn’t looking at me anymore. I followed her gaze into the murky blackness beyond the camp. “What’s wrong with this picture?”

“Verdant, I can’t see anything.” I admitted. There was a pregnant pause, before it clicked. It was pitch-black. We always had sentries with nightvision charms guarding the camp during the night; leaving the camp unprotected was begging for trouble. The guards always made themselves well hidden, but if you knew they were there, you could spot their softly glowing eyes scanning the camp. “I… can’t see anything!”

“Indeed.” Verdant had a crossbow at the ready now. Seeing her armed, I couldn't help but follow suit and readied my crossbow. I focused on the darkness and squinted… was she looking at something? I aimed my crossbow at the darkness. “They wouldn’t just leave. Something’s happened to them… dammit. We need to find out what happened, now—we’re wide open like this. Keep your crossbow handy, Wispy. You two!” Silver and Twister snapped to attention, all of their joviality vanishing in an instant. “Why the hell are you unarmed? Are you looking to get eaten? Go get your weapons!” She looked us all over, her head tilted to the side a bit. “And wake up Tempo, too. I want somepony with battle experience in case something goes sideways.”

The two colts looked each other, then to me, then back to Verdant, then scampered off back to their wagon. Once they were out of sight, I turned to Verdant. I stood on the tips of my hooves and flapped my wings in an attempt to seem taller. I mustered every bit of childish indignation I could. “Why are you singling me out?!? They started it!”

“Wispy. The clan matrons are leaders to the other ponies of our family.” Verdant sighed as her wet mane began to droop into her eyes. She brushed it aside. “You have to be a good example for everypony, especially your brothers. I know it must be hard since you’re so young, but a lot of ponies are looking to you, especially… an honest-to-goodness twin! You have Discord’s luck, girl! Mom told me it’s been decades since we’ve had a pair of twins actually survive birth in our family! Shame you weren’t both fillies, but…”

I rolled my eyes. Saddled with responsibilities from birth. Yippee. What a joyful idea. “What’s how I was born got to do with anything?”

“Well… you’re something special, Wispy. Some think that with luck like yours, you’re gonna be the one that brings our clan back from the brink.” She chuckled. “On the other hoof, ponies like myself think you’re just a filly who has a lot to learn. That’s why I push you so hard, Wispy. I want to see my little sister succeed. If you just happen to be our savior, well, I won’t complain.” She mussed my mane with a hoof… my mane! Oh how I labored on that tangled mess, and now it was defeated by my sister’s playful ruffling! Why, Verdant, why do you giggle when I protest?!

“Hey. You rang?” My eldest brother, Tumultuous Tempo, lazily strode up to us, The unicorn’s dark grey coat dulled the green glow of the moonstones. I could tell that he had hastily donned his armor, a brigandine cobbled together with old recycled plates—and so did Verdant, because she immediately swooped in to properly finish fastening it. Tempo rolled his eyes and snorted. “Verdant, please… the kids said there was a problem?”

“We have missing ponies. We're gonna go looking for them. Make sure everypony’s ready; I’m going to let our parents know where we’re going.” Verdant started off toward the other half of the camp.

“O… oy… wanna fill us in on where we’re going?” Tempo sighed. “Not to mention, why are we taking the little ones? They’re gonna get hurt or something. Mom and Dad are gonna be pissed if we fuck up.”

“Because, Tempo, we’re not exactly swimming in capable ponies right now. The little ones need training that only real experience can give them,” Verdant snipped.

“If the sounds you make on a typical night are any indication, I’d think swimming in capable ponies is all you really do.” Tempo laughed as Verdant huffed and stamped a hoof indignantly.

“... Oh… OH GROSS!” I yelled as I proceeded to weakly pummel Tempo’s shins. “Stop being nasty!” He just laughed more as a pale green glow surrounded me and moved me away.

“Ahaha, sorry Wispy, I guess you’re that age where they start teaching you how babies are made, huh?” I could see his smirk in the moonglow. “Sorry kid, welcome to the world of adulthood. Ignorance was nice when it lasted, huh? Don’t worry, it’s not as bad as it sounds.” He bit off a chuckle. “It… it’s so much worse. Huge mess.”

“On second thought… looks like you’ll be coming with me to see our parents, Tempo! I’m sure they’ll love to hear what you just told our little sister, huh?” Tempo suddenly looked concerned as Verdant placed a hoof on his shoulder. “Wispy, why don’t you make sure your brothers are prepared... and don’t worry about what Tempo says, he’s full of shit.”

As the two of them trotted away, Silver and Twister looked to me expectantly. “Adults are disgusting.” I stated matter-of-factly. “Ok, everyone got a weapon?” I beamed. I got to be in charge! Twister drew a crossbow that matched my own, and Silver drew a short sword. I gave Silver a concerned look. “Hey… where’s your crossbow?”

“Well… surely no story has ever been written about the hero who hides behind their allies with a crossbow, Wispy. The sword is the favored weapon of the greats, a masterful stroke of steel to fell the beasts who dare cross the path of a stalwart champion. So too shall I write my legend in the blood of my enemies.” Guh. Poets.

“No story was written about anypony who died flailing a sword at something five times their size, dumbass. Go get your crossbow!” I yelled. He snorted and started making his way back to the wagon. “... at least you’ve got some sense, Twister.” He smiled and nodded. I did one last check to make sure we both had everything. “Let’s see… knife, rope… flute? Why are you bringing your flute?”

Twister mumbled something—seriously, would it be too much to ask that the kid live up to his name a little? He pulled out the flute with a wing and played a few notes, then gazed at me expectantly with an eager smile. Part of the training they’d put me through was reading ponies like a book, and I couldn’t make a lick of sense of what that was supposed to mean. I just nodded… he’s a smart enough kid; he wouldn’t play it in the middle of a fight, right?

“Alright, then, flute it is. ’N’ speak up, will ya? You’re too damn quiet sometimes. Never gonna get anywhere if ponies can’t hear you from a foot away.” I ruffled his mane with a hoof… oh no! Did he spend time on that mane? I was turning into Verdant! Twister must have seen my horrible realization all over my face, because he giggled and nudged me with a hoof.

After Silver made a pouty return, crossbow in tow, we trotted toward our parents’ wagon, and watched our mother, Winter Berry, trot out alongside Verdant and Tempo. She was pregnant, as usual… I pushed the recent lessons about reproduction out of my head. After a brief moment of shuddering, I boosted forward and gave my mother a hug, eliciting a giggle out of her. “Hi sweetie! You’re, uh… certainly looking prepared.” She made light of it, but her concern was palpable.

My mother, an earth pony with a coat of white that matched my own, ran a hoof through my mane, presumably to undo the damage Verdant did earlier. I saw her mane, a soft wintergreen with red highlights that I could make out even in the pale light of the moonstones… why did every pony in my family have stupidly perfect hair but me?!

“Matron Berry!” A blue unicorn colt, a distant cousin of mine I think, trotted up to us in a hurry. “M… Matron! He’s gone! Y-y-y-y…”

“What? Who’s gone?” My mother got deadly serious. “Spit it out, Nipper, somepony’s life is on the line.”

“Y… your son, Drum Solo. We did a headcount when we heard that ponies were missing and…” I almost hit the dirt as I stumbled over my hooves to face Nipper.

“They got Solo? Shit… shit, shit!” I spat out a string of expletives that was very unbecoming of a filly my age. Nopony bothered to stop me. “Mom! We gotta… we gotta find him!”

“Dammit…” She gritted her teeth and started back to the door of her wagon. “Hang on, I’ll get equipped, let me just—”

“No! Mom! You know you can’t! You can’t fight like that!” Verdant motioned toward Mom’s belly, who stopped. “If you head out there, who knows what’d happen to you and the baby!”

My mother let out a long defeated sigh. “I can’t just sit here when any number of terrible things could be happening to Drummy... “

“You can, and you will. I know you’re worried sick, but the five of us can handle it. We’ll get Solo back.” Verdant hugged Mom to reassure her. I hope she was right, going out in the middle of the night like this…

“’Sides, the little ones are starting to impress that ol’ fart Razor, an’ you know he doesn’t speak up for anything less than a first-rate job. Wispy’s been doing fine on the crossbow range, and Silver’s apparently a real talent with swordplay.” Where the hay had Tempo heard any of that? Our combat instructor, Razor Edge, had nothing good to say to me and my brother’s faces. The elderly stallion drilled us on combat practice relentlessly, and he did not ease up just because I was a filly. I’m not even supposed to be doing a lot of fighting! “He says Twister here is becoming quite light-hoofed… his aim needs work, but good luck hitting him.” Tempo smiled, but I could see in his eyes he was just as nervous about the prospect of going out into the night as I was, regardless of how skilled any of us were.

“Right. Plus, there’s enough of us to take on anything we come across, or at least watch each other’s back if we need to run,” Verdant agreed. “We’ll get him back, mom. Promise.” After a pause, my mother relented.

“Just… keep yourselves safe. No fooling around out there; it’s quiet out, but this forest has never been particularly forgiving even this time of year.” Our mother finally retreated to her wagon. With luck, we wouldn’t have our father chasing after us after she told him what was happening. He wasn’t exactly known for his level-headedness, but my mother had her ways.

“I can’t believe they got Solo…” I heard Silver mutter. I grimaced. My brothers were a lot closer to each other than I was, thanks to my matron training getting in the way, and the fact that they all slept packed together in a handful of wagons. I hated to admit that Drummy and I only spoke with each other on occasion. Between an age gap and our duties, Tempo and I barely spoke at all. At least I still got to see my sisters all the time.

Twister muttered something solemn in response. Poor kid. He and Drummy were especially close. I hoped he was gonna hold up.

“Alas, we have our duty, and we shall not keep him waiting!” Silver continued. Even under the circumstances, I couldn’t help but roll my eyes at his flowery speech. He returned the gesture in kind. “You’ll learn to appreciate my talent for words one day, Wispy.”

“You gotta have a talent for words first, Silver,” I snickered. He huffed and oversold his indignation by sticking his nose into the air like one of those nobles that attend our shows on rare occasions.

“Quiet! In case you haven’t noticed, we’re trying to save our brother’s life!” Verdant snipped, hushing us both. “Here. Hoofprints. Too many in one place to be our guards… c’mon, they’re still fresh. And whatever you do, do not make a sound. This forest is dangerous enough without anything hearing us. Twister has the right idea.” We nodded in agreement. Yeesh, she wanted quiet? Maybe Tempo was right about not bringing us along—well, Silver and me, at any rate.

We left the soft glow of the caravan’s moonstones, and I couldn’t help but shiver a bit as darkness enshrouded us. I bit off a shriek as a pair of glowing eyes turned to face me. “Here, drink this.” Tempo’s voice said from the eyes, as I was hoofed a glass vial. “It’s not as good as the guard’s amulets, but it’ll get us through the night.” After letting the wave of panic finally leave, I bit off the cork and downed the awful milky substance. Tasted like rancid potatoes with a hint of mint. The world came back into view with a similar dull green light to the moonstones. Night-vision potion. Nice.

As I spent the next minute or so trying to will the taste of the potion out of my mouth, Tempo hoofed Silver and Twister their own potions, and both proceeded to make faces of disgust as they drank that I figured I was wearing myself not to long ago. Oh, hey, now their eyes were glowing, too. Hooray for whatever disconnect in logic that didn’t allow me to put two and two together!

The Whitetail Woods were as ominous as they’ve always been. Withered vines crawled over the black husks of gnarled forest trees. The thorny overgrowth was thick enough to strangle a pony… eugh, that was a thought. I gave the thorns a wide berth. All the while, the normally horrifying patter of rain was actually kind of soothing without the looming threat of burning to death behind it.

I could no longer see the caravan behind us as we followed the muddy tracks. The silence may have well actually been killing me. Who knew that I could be this bored with somepony’s life on the line?! I started whistling…

… and immediately got a hoof to my mouth as my elder brother squatted next to me with a hushing sound. Everypony else stopped in their tracks and scanned the night. “Wispy, are you fucking insane?” Oh. Laid- back Tempo was chastising me? That was a new one.

“Aren’t we supposed to be? By the will of our lord Discord,” I snickered, only to get hushed again.

“Listen here, smartass, it’s cute that you pretend to be crazy and all, but now’s not the time! We’re not saving anypony if we get eaten!” He didn’t shout, but he didn’t need to. The message was loud enough. I shrunk back and stammered an apology. Silver looked like he was about to say something, but thought better of it. We continued walking through the darkness, the rain starting to feel oppressive once more.

I wasn’t really sure how long it’d been since we’d left the caravan anymore… an hour? … two? Every so often we’d have to detour from the path left by my brothers’ captors to avoid some grizzly-looking beast that I could barely make out even with our enhanced vision.

Verdant and Tempo were chatting amongst themselves. Figured, a little whistling and I got shut down, but these two got the right to babble on about whatever… I supposed it was a good opportunity to sharpen my eavesdropping skills. The fact that it was still raining and night-vision wasn’t a great way to read lips meant it might actually be a challenge!

“... they didn’t hide their tracks at all… a trap, maybe? Who would want us to follow them?” Verdant whispered to Tempo, who sighed.

“Who else? It’s them goddamn Tower Sorcerers. Somepony from Ponyville must have tipped them off that we’re in the area… tsk… I’m surprised they found us this quick.” I was surprised how my older brother was like a completely different pony tonight. I suppose I couldn’t blame him, considering the circumstances.

“The Tower has always been more… smash and grab than ‘steal a couple ponies and abscond’ types…” She grimaced. “If it were them, I doubt they’d have had any qualms about slaughtering us in our sleep.”

“They ain’t that tough, Verdant. They rarely send big teams of ponies, and even if a few of them may be tough, they ain’t gonna take on the lot of us and walk away. Probably wanted to avoid a fight, take what they can and get out. Leave a trail for us to follow. It’s pretty smart ’swhat I would do. Just keep an eye out fer anythin’ suspicious, we can avoid an ambush easily ‘nuff if we just watch where we’re—” A sickening squishing noise filled the air as Tempo took a step into a mound of... something. “The fuck…?”

A mound of… half-eaten pony. Oh. That was probably not a good sign. I retched at the sight, Silver looked like he would actually vomit, and Twister was backing away slowly with horror etched on his face. My older siblings, on the other hoof, instantly started to look around scanning for something. I picked up on their sudden concern and also started to search. Something made that corpse.

I didn’t see anything. My eyes quickly darted anywhere I would expect something to hide. I… didn’t find anything. “I… think we’re clear. Whatever did this—” I saw movement in the corner of my eyes. “Oh… wait, hold on.”

I brought my crossbow up in the direction I saw the… whatever it was. I squinted and finally saw the tree that had moved… no, that wasn’t a tree. The beast was huge, standing upright as its antlers created the illusion of tree branches. I realized that its flesh appeared to have been stripped off its body, awful diseased muscle covering it wood-like protrusions. The staglike creature finally slumped over from standing upright, coming down on all fours and glaring at us with hungry eyes. It bared a maw far more massive than its already imposing frame suggested, and rows upon rows of teeth.

“Shit, stag wight! It’s too close! Surround it so it can’t avoid—” The creature lunged forward at Tempo as he was starting to give instruction. It moved with uncanny speed, a blur of motion passing inches in front of my face. My brother attempted to dodge, but this thing was fast! I let out a panicked screech as the thing’s teeth bit down on his left foreleg, and I watched his blood splatter about in the dim night-vision. “A… auuugh! Dammit! Don’t just sit there! Kill it!”

I fumbled my crossbow for a moment before finally letting the fruits of so many combat drills guide my aim. I focused my breathing, tightened my gaze, exhaled…

I felt a little proud of myself as one of the beast’s eyes went up in a mist of pale blood, and with a pained yowl it released my brother’s leg. He immediately brought his own weapon, a spear, to bear, and good thing, too—the thing was already starting to retaliate. Even on only three good legs, Tempo made sure the beast was having a hard time finding a way to get past the spear without getting stabbed. “The rest of you, too, c’mon! Wispy, reload!”

I wanted to kick myself for hesitating and started loading the next bolt as quickly as I could. I had noticed that, indeed, the rest of my siblings had been staring in shock—not even Verdant seemed to be on the ball. Under Tempo’s directions, the three started to surround the beast and plug at it with their crossbows, but I couldn’t help but notice their shots weren’t finding purchase in anything vital. I couldn’t blame them for aiming poorly—what the hell do you aim at with something this big?! Now that it wasn’t standing still, shooting for the head didn’t seem like a great idea… maybe…

Silver tossed his crossbow to the ground and drew his sword, rushing in with the woefully tiny blade to skewer the beast’s back leg. What the hell was that idiot doing?! I would like to say I felt justified when the colt proceeded to be kicked backward into a tree, causing him to inhale sharply and visibly struggle to get back up, but I was worried about what kind of damage that did to him.

We uselessly pelted the creature with bolts, but it cared little for whatever fleeting moments of pain they brought. It continued to gnash at my elder brother, who was starting to lose his ground… crap, what the hell do we do about this?! At this rate, we were going to lose Tempo…

Out of the corner of my eye, I watched Twister run through the beast's legs with his rope in mouth, dodging the rapidly moving limbs as they threatened to trample the tiny colt. He weaved and bobbed under the stag wight, coiling the rope around its limbs… oh! I get it! Okay, let’s keep it distracted—

Then I saw Silver doing something not nearly as bright. With an impressive leap assisted by wing, he proceeded to jab his tiny sword into the beast’s back. Well at least he was okay, I guess. Word was out on how long that’d last. He was definitely making his best effort to stay on top of the beast as it started to buck to try and get Silver off. On the upside, the wight was no longer trying to make lunch out of Tempo. The downside was that we had to dodge flailing hooves every which way and Twister was still under the creature.

“Silver, Twister is under the—” I didn’t get to finish before I received a sharp, meaty hoof directly across the face. As I ate dirt, my bleary vision managed to make Twister out, dodging between the stamping of hooves. Well, at least someone was living up to our trainer’s expectations out here. As I started getting back up on my hooves, careful to not have my head taken off by another flying limb, I watched my blood drip from my face. Fantastic!

I heard some shouting I couldn’t make out, and the beast started to stand up straight on its hind legs, bringing Twister attached by rope as he held on for dear life. I watched Verdant quickly unload a few bolts in the stag and I loaded a bolt into my crossbow, hoping I could get something there myself… and then it began to step backwards. With an agile leap, it cruised backward into a nearby tree, which buckled under the beast’s weight… oh no.

Silver collapsed limply from its back, and I gasped in horror. “Silver!” I shook off as much of the haze as I could as I galloped toward him with reckless abandon. I ducked through the wight’s legs and immediately clutched Silver. “Silver! Say something!”

“... not... dead…” he said through pained coughs. “Just a… little beat up…” I looked at the cracked tree where Silver had hit it. That was hardly a ‘little’ beat up.

“Shit, shit, shit, Silver needs healing, bad—” I turned around to gaze straight into the eyes of the wight, its hot breath covering me in a horrible stench. Twister’s rope had done little to slow it down, and now its massive maw with endless rows of teeth opened impossibly wide, and I could only stare in horror as I anticipated the deadly bite.

The teeth came down as I was shoved out of the way with Silver in my grasp, and I looked back in shock as I briefly saw Twister disappear into the creature’s jaws, as a severed hoof leapt forward toward me. I watched it hit the ground and begin to lazily trail blood as it rolled toward me. “T… Twister…!?? No… no no nooo! Let him go!”

I felt something intermingle with the terror I felt for losing Twister—an electric charge jolted through my body as the command left my lips. As Tempo and Verdant uselessly tried to whittle down the wight with their weapons, the beast turned to me and dropped my brother’s mangled body at my hooves. The thing was listening to me? I didn’t… oh, Twister was still breathing! I gathered my courage and focused on whatever electric sensation I’d felt before. “Um… now… leave us alone! GO!”

The stag beast stood, and my hair stood on end as it leaned toward me and glared at me dead in the eyes… I really felt like I was at a disadvantage here, seeing as its eyes were as big as my head. It snorted with its awful breath and turned away from me, heading toward the forest depths with as much silence as a ten-foot-tall behemoth of a stag could muster. Verdant and Tempo kept their weapons trained on the creature as it left.

I inhaled, set down Silver as gently as I could, and then immediately went to Twister’s side. I’d thought Silver had it bad, but Twister was missing a hoof, and had gashes so deep I could see bone. I felt my eyes starting to burn as I watched Twister squirming in the growing pool of blood underneath him. “Oh… no, no, what do I even… do about this... “ Twister was groaning with pain I couldn’t even imagine. “Hey, hang in there, Twister! You’re gonna be okay!”

The colt coughed up blood in response, and I winced. My other siblings were coming to my side now. Verdant tried to put on a strong face, but her eyes were watering up too. Tempo couldn’t look at Twister, instead turning away a bit and being silent as—being silent. Even Silver had gotten to his hooves and was now resting a leg over my shoulders for support. Who was supporting who, I’m not sure.

“How… how bad is it…? “ Twister could barely speak. I had to lift a hoof as his blood creeped toward me. “I can’t… really see…”

I attempted to force myself to say something else, to lie to him, to tell him he’d be fine. But… I didn’t know. Wounds as bad as these… I looked toward Verdant, who briefly met my gaze before shaking my head and choking back a sob. She had a much better grasp of treating wounds than I did, too...

… I lifted Twister’s head with my forehoof and embraced him, no longer caring about the blood as it soaked my clothing. I fought back my tears with everything I had, and tried to put on as soothing a voice I had. “H… hey, bud… you’re gonna be okay, alright? Just hold tight, we’ll get you back to the camp and they’ll put you back together like nothing happened.”

“Wispy…” A racking cough caused him to shake violently in my forelegs. “You… you were gonna play for me, right? You said you would back at camp…”

“What..?” I suddenly remembered Twister’s vague gesturing with his flute. So that’s what that was. He weakly slid the flute from his belt and held it out to me. “N… now? I don’t know if I can…”

“I… know it’s kind of a bad time, but… I never hear you play anymore… you’re always so focused on your training for matron duties and your combat instruction. But you were always so good, I missed it… please?” I slowly grabbed the flute from his hoof and looked it over: A simple wooden thing, now smeared with blood. I looked to it and back at Twister, who smiled. “Please…?”

I fiddled with the familiar instrument in my hooves, and wondered what I would even play. He was right, it had been ages since I had last picked up a flute. I had spent a lot of time practicing when I was younger, but since I had always had my heart set on becoming a matron, I hadn’t had time to play. I looked at my elder siblings, and Verdant simply nodded while loading a bolt into her crossbow. I suppose a little risk to safety was warranted when you were honoring somepony’s dying wish—

No, no, don’t think like that, Wispy, please, if you start crying now, you’re not going to get anywhere with this.

“Go on, Wisp, I’d love to hear it too.” Silver forced a smile, for Twister’s sake, I’d guess. It didn’t really help,; his face looked like it was about to shatter into a million pieces. I searched myself for the cleanest piece of cloth I still had on me and wiped off the mouthpiece as best I could. I forced myself to breathe until I was steady, and just… played.

I don’t know where it came from, this slow melody. The notes I played came as naturally as if I had never set the flute down. The soothing tune was unlike anything I’d ever heard before, and yet, it was comforting in ways I never knew music could be. I think… I lost myself then. The pain in my face melted away in the gentle caress of wind and the cool patter of rain. Adrift in the sway of the notes I played, the horrors of this past few minutes chased away by the pleasant tones of the flute. The electric jolt from before suddenly hit me, but rather than distract me, it pulled me further into the melody. This song was no longer just Twister’s… it was every bit as much for myself now.

When I opened my eyes after realizing they were closed, I watched as Twister gazed at me, his attentive gaze slowly fluttering shut. It was so peaceful I would have assumed he was simply being lulled to sleep. I continued putting my all into playing this song, because if I stopped now I would have shattered. Verdant lifted the colt’s body into a sleeping bag she had brought with her, and hoisted him over her back. All the while she held a forlorn smile.

I played, and I played, and I played until I wasn’t sure how long I could play before a sudden emptiness finally caught up to my heart. I dropped the flute and nearly collapsed on the ground before sobbing my eyes out. I barely noticed Silver tapping my shoulder to get my attention.

“Wispy… hey. Um. You should see this.” He pointed a hoof at… my flank?

“What? What are—oh no.” Unbelievable. Where there had been nothing before, there was now an image of a river reed with musical notes above it. I teared up again. This? Thiswas how I got my cutie mark? Great, I wasn’t gonna associate that with tragedy for the rest of my life or anything. “Why?! Why now?!?”

Silver embraced me and I sobbed into his neck. He had finally broken down, too. We sat there in the rain, crying together. I barely made out Verdant telling Tempo that she was going to go back to camp with Twister’s body. “ … the rest of you can’t stop here. I… shouldn’t leave, but I can’t just leave Twister here, and the kids can’t go back alone… and M-Mom… she’s gonna be...”

“We’ll take it from here… go back to Mom, she’s gonna need all the s’pport she can get... dammit ta hell, the kid didn’t deserve that…” He kicked a tree in frustration. “If anythin’ else wants a nip at the other two, it’ll be over my dead body.”

“Don’t let it come to that. I don’t want to lose another brother today.” She gave Tempo an awkward hug and turned to us. “Stay safe… please.”

I’m not sure how long Silver and I just sat there before Tempo finally pulled him aside to treat his wounds. I hadn’t even thought about how hurt Silver was until then, and Verdant must have left a while ago even though I didn’t see her go. I picked the flute back up. The blood had started to soak into the wood; there was no way it was getting out at this point. I didn’t care. I stored it in my sash, and couldn’t help but notice the faint taste of blood on my lips from the flute.

I glanced at the hoofprints we were following. The rain was washing them away. They wouldn’t last very long at this rate. I secured my crossbow and started down the path, grabbing the length of rope left behind by Twister. I felt… angry. As a passionate rage built up in my chest, I broke into a full gallop and charged after the tracks. Verdant was right. I refused to lose two brothers today.

Author's Note

Welcome to Confessions of a Madmare, a Ghosts of Ponyville story! I've had this rattling around in my head for the longest time, and when I realized that it was gonna be faaaar too long to do through a comic without skimming through the story, I decided to perform rigourous training and taught myself how to write! That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Hope you all enjoy!