Chapters An Embarrasment In Three Acts
As she approached the Ponyville town square, Ditzy glanced up with one eye. The Sun was getting on towards noon. With Corona’s return, most ponies were more careful than ever to be safely indoors when the Tyrant’s Sun reached zenith. Which was why all the mailpony routes were scheduled to put the mailpony in question someplace where they could find shelter (and generally lunch) at noon. In Ditzy’s case, her route would take her by Sugarcube Corner in another few minutes. Good place to wait out the noonday sun and get a lunch muffin or two.
As she pushed open the door, Pinkie waved cheerily at her from behind the counter with one hoof while the other poured batter into a cake pan.
“Hi Ditzy! So glad to see you! I thought you might be stopping by, because my right ear went all twitchy and my knees were achey and that means that a favorite customer is about to show up! Just have to get this in the oven and then I’ll be right with you.” Her rambling was cut off as she grabbed the edge of the cake pan between her teeth, popped open the oven, and slid the pan inside.
Ditzy trotted up to the counter, inhaling the wonderful smell of baking muffins. Pinkie’s head popped up, and Ditzy fished a hoofful of letters from her saddlebags.
“Ok, two letters for you, and a letter and a foal catalog for the Cakes, and I’ll have two carrot muffins.”
“Two carrot muffins coming right up,” said Pinkie cheerfully as she tucked the letters into a niche. “Hey, you going to see the play?”
“What play?” asked Ditzy as Pinkie pulled a pair of carrot muffins out of a display case.
“The one about you, of course!” replied Pinkie, as if it was as obvious as the plate of muffins she was passing to Ditzy.
“What?” Ditzy exclaimed, eyes rolling in opposite directions. “There’s a play about me ?”
“Of course,” replied Pinkie cheerfully. “Bluie told me all about it.” With a wave of one hoof she indicated her coltfriend, who was currently at one of the tables eating what looked to be a plate of scones. “Big new play opening up in Canterlot, about the Elements of Harmony saving the world from the Tyrant Sun. Bluie’s got us tickets!”
“Ok…” Ditzy paid for her muffins, rather distractedly, and trotted over to an open table. Instead of immediately biting into the delicious muffin, she began to dig in her saddlebag for the letter she thought she remembered spotting when she’d loaded the bags that morning. Sure enough, there it was. A letter addressed to her, and according to the return address, it was from La Commedia Della Luna Dinner Theatre, in Canterlot. She generally waited until her shift for the day ended to read her own mail, but she was on lunch break now, and she had to know what Pinkie was talking about. She tore open the envelope and unfurled the letter inside.
Dear Dame Ditzy Doo,
We are pleased to inform you that Longest Night, Longest Day, by Double Dash, will be showing for the first time anywhere at our Canterlot theatre on the 25 th of October. Dinner will be served from 5:45 on, and the play itself shall begin at 7. Please accept the enclosed tickets to the opening night performance with our compliments, and we hope to see you there!
Encore Performance, Manager of La Commedia Della Luna Dinner Theatre.
Enclosed with the letter were a pair of tickets and a small poster. Ditzy carefully unfurled the poster and found that, just as Pinkie had said, it was a picture of the six of them. Well, sort of a picture of the six of them. Raindrops was shown almost the same size as Big Mac, Ditzy herself was wearing Night Guard armor for some reason, and Carrot Top appeared to have gotten one of her long-held wishes and was blowing up a tree with heat vision.
Ditzy tucked the letter back into her saddlebag and took a bite of carrot muffin as she considered the letter. Somepony, it seemed, had written a play about them. Well, she supposed it made a certain amount of sense. Her friends’ attuning to the Elements of Harmony and defeating Corona really did kind of make them the next Founders.
Ditzy snorted as she finished the first muffin. Trixie would be over the moon about this. That mare lived for attention. She quickly rummaged through her saddlebags, and sure enough, the other Elements on her route had similar letters addressed to them. It would be a treat to see Trixie’s reaction to all this.
As she moved on to her second muffin, Ditzy also moved on to a new question. Did she want to go see this play? On the one hoof, she’d actually lived through the events that would be depicted in the play, and she couldn’t imagine that the play would be anywhere near as interesting as the actual adventure had been. On the second hoof, given how that poster made things look it might be more exciting to watch than she’d expect, and it certainly shouldn’t be anywhere near as scary as the real thing had been. On the third hoof, there was no way that anypony short of Luna herself could keep Trixie from going to see the play, and the friendly thing to do would be to go with her. And on the last hoof, it was free.
And what about Dinky? Would she enjoy the play, or would it drag up her memories of being kidnapped by Corona again? If Dinky wanted to see the play, then that would be that. Ditzy certainly would have no objection to going to see the play with her little muffin. And of course if Dinky didn’t want to go and Ditzy decided to go, she’d need to find someone else to bring with that second ticket. Big Mac, maybe?
Her second muffin finished, Ditzy took a glance at the clock. There was still almost half an hour until the sun dropped enough for her to leave. As if summoned by her thoughts, a snow-white unicorn with an elegantly styled amethyst mane sidled up to Dinky’s table.
“So, is there really going to be a play about you and your friends?”
“Apparently so,” replied Ditzy. “I’ve got an invitation, and even a couple of free tickets.”preened . “Don’t you think I’d make a fabulous Element of Magic?”
Ditzy grinned a little. "I don't think there's any other Elements of Harmony lying around, Rarity, but if we find one I'll be sure to let you know. There’s enough limelight to go around, even with Trixie hogging as much as she can get her hooves on.”
As the sun dropped out of zenith, Ditzy trotted out of Sugarcube Corner and resumed her delivery route. It was only a hoofful of houses later that she came to The Official Residency of the Representative of the Night Court of Luna to Ponyville, more commonly known as Trixie’s house. She knocked at the door, and Pokey Pierce opened it.
“Mail’s here,” announced Ditzy, “and I’ve got some news I think Trixie ought to hear.”
“Ah, right this way, then. Sharp ish.” Pokey snickered.
Trixie was working her way through a stack of forms as Ditzy trotted up. Upon seeing Ditzy, the blue unicorn’s face lit up.
“Ditzy! So good to see you! What’s the occasion?”
“I think you’ll want to take a look at this ,” said Ditzy, pulling Trixie’s copy of the theatre letter out and offering it to her. “There’s one for each of us, it looks like.”
Ditzy quickly pulled out the rest of Trixie’s mail and stacked it on the corner of the desk while Trixie opened and read the theater invitation. As the unicorn read, her eyes widened, and then a smile broke out on her face of a size Ditzy had only previously seen on Pinkie Pie.
“The Great And Powerful Trixie cannot believe her eyes! A play about her! To premier upon the stage of La Commedia Della Luna ! This… this is the most wonderful news she has had in weeks!” And she pulled Ditzy into a side-splitting hug.
“Uh, boss, sorry to poke a hole in your bubble, but you’re going third-person again,” pointed out Pokey.
Trixie blushed slightly. “Oops. The… I’m just a bit excited. La Commedia Della Luna is one of the most prestigious and expensive theaters in Canterlot. If this play is showing there, the entire Night Court is going to know about it. And to get free tickets to the opening night performance…” Trixie trailed off, then perked up again. “And all my friends are getting tickets too! This is going to be the best night ever! EEEEE!! ”
Trixie’s squeal of delight was interrupted by a cracking noise. One of Ditzy’s eyes swiveled around, just in time to see Trixie’s window shatter.
Huh, thought Ditzy, I thought that only happened in stories.
“And on that note,” said Ditzy, faux-cheerfully, “I’d better be going. Still lots more letters to deliver.”
The rest of Ditzy’s shift was much less dramatic. Raindrops and the rest of the weather patrol were still hard at work bucking back a thunderstorm that kept trying to drift out of the Everfree Forest into Ponyville, and Lyra had already heard the news (apparently Trixie had run out and told her) and consequently was much more self-possessed when Ditzy came around with the letter. Finally, after a long day’s walking and talking, she’d dropped off her emptied saddlebags in her apartment, and arrived at school to pick up her muffin.
Dinky was in the yard, apparently in the middle of a spirited argument with Pipsqueak. As they drew closer, Ditzy could make out their conversation.
“… tempt me from the salty seas,” continued Pipsqueak in an even stronger accent than normal. “But why do you remain so stubbornly bound to your oaths, Captain? The ponies of the Night Court are worse thieves and brigands than we pirates. Come away with me, and be my Pirate Queen. We shall rule the waves, drink our fill of rum each night, and sleep on beds of silver and samite.”
“Alas, my dashing rogue,” replied Dinky in an equally fake accent, “I cannot deny that my heart yearns to be with you, but I am bound by my oaths. The Night Court may not be worthy of my word, but I must still strive to be worthy of it. If you will not mend your ways, then when next we meet, we must meet as enemies.”
“So be it, then.”
The two ponies glanced up, and Dinky called, “Hi, Mom!” in her normal voice.
“Hi, Dinky,” replied Ditzy as her foal trotted up to join her. She’d have to have a Talk with Dinky soon. From the language used it sounded as though Dinky and Pipsqueak had been covertly reading some of those romance novels of the sort Raindrops liked. She knew better than most how much trouble a young filly could get into filling her head with that sort of nonsense. But that would have to wait until she’d figured out the proper way to go about it.
After a few quick exchanges of goodbyes between Dinky and her various friends, mother and daughter began the trip homewards. “How was school today?”
“We learnt about international trade. Though Pipsqueak couldn’t understand why we couldn’t just build a bunch of pirate ships and plunder the Zaldians, since they have so much stuff we want. I’m not sure I get it either, for that matter.”
“Interesting,” replied Ditzy. She was sure that there was some sound political reason using pirates to loot the Zaldian trade ships wouldn’t work, but she couldn’t think what it was either. Unable to think of anything else to say, she changed the topic. “I got a letter in the mail today. Apparently, someone has written a play about me and the Elements and how we defeated Corona way back when she first returned, and they sent us two free tickets to the opening night performance in Canterlot. Do you want to go see it?”
“There’s a play about you fighting Corona ! Awesome !”
Ditzy smiled. Dinky’s sheer joy made her feel much better. “So I take it you do want to go see the play, then?”
“Of course! I get to see you being awesome on the stage. Or well, not you being awesome, but you know what I mean.”
Ditzy giggled. “Yes, I know what you mean. Well, I guess I’ll tell Trixie and the rest that we’re going.”
Later that evening, the six Elements of Harmony were gathered together in Trixie’s house.
Trixie opened the discussion once Carrot Top, the last of them, arrived. “So it looks like somepony has written a play about the six of us. Now, I checked with the Princess and we are getting royalties on this. Pretty much the standard figure, five percent of the profits split equally among us. Not going to be a fortune or anything, but it should still make a nice little pile of bits for each of us.”
“Ok…” said Raindrops slowly. “So, how come we didn’t know anything about this? Why didn’t Luna warn us?”
“She found out the same time we did. Some Night Court functionary approved the royalties, set the whole thing up using the same information the Court already had from giving us those rewards for driving off Corona. And on the other side, Luna may technically own La Commedia Della Luna , but she has to leave running it to Encore Performance most of the time. The play never got high enough on either side to cross Luna’s radar before the big announcement. Which was this morning.”
There was a moment of silence, then Raindrops spoke up again.
“So are we going to this opening night performance thingy?”
“Of course we’re going!” shrieked Trixie, her eyes wide. “La Commedia Della Luna is one of the oldest and most prestigious theaters in Canterlot! Duchesses and viceroys go there! The actors are the cream of the crop, the sets are superb, and the food is divine! These tickets are worth at least a hundred bits! Each!”
“Trixie’s right,” said Lyra in a more normal voice, “La Commedia Della Luna is the second-oldest theater in Canterlot, and it’s a toss-up whether it or the Royal Canterlot is the most prestigious. This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, and not one I intend to miss.”
“Dinky and I are going,” chipped in Ditzy. “I’m not going to pass up a free trip to the theatre with my muffin, not when she wants to go.”
Cherilee shrugged. “Sounds like fun to me. I’m in.”
Carrot Top piped up, “Well, if everyone else is going, I’ll go with you guys. Besides, it looks like I get heat vision in this play. Be cool to see that. And...” She cut off, voice dropping to a mumble.
“And what?” asked Cherilee with a grin. “Speak up, dear!”
“And… I could take Written Script,” replied Carrot Top with a blush. “That… other me… saw something in him, and he should really enjoy a play.”
Raindrops looked a bit torn, but finally assented. “I’ll go. Be fun to do something new. And Snails will like it.”
“It’s settled, then,” said Trixie. “Now, since we’re all here, anyone for cards?”
An Embarrasment In Three Acts
Becoming a Knight Of The Realm took some getting used to. Carrot Top knew she wasn’t and never again could be just a simple carrot farmer, and she could handle that most of the time. But every now and again, she had one of those moments where it suddenly smacked her in the face just how much her life had changed since the return of the Tyrant Sun.
She had just had one such moment. She had been halfway through her carrot-and-raisin salad (apparently one of La Commedia Della Luna ’s customs was to have the dinner menu be somehow connected to the play, which in this case meant that they were serving, among other things, the carrot-and-raisin salad, carrot muffins, and carrot casserole that Carrot Top had presented for the Great Equestria Farming Competition and that the special drink for the night was the one Trixie had assembled just before upending the Grand Galloping Gala), and had glanced up to see Princess Luna sitting two tables down, gazing out over the theater.
And for some reason, it was at that exact moment that it was born in on her once again just how much her life had changed. Not a year earlier, she had been just a humble carrot farmer, striving desperately to keep her head above water in a town dominated by the titanic Apple Trust. Now she was a Knight of the Realm, someone who had plays written about her, who got the best seats in the theater for free, who sat just two tables down from the Princess Of The Moon.
“You ok, Carrots?” asked Lyra.
“Fine,” said Carrot Top, blinking and shaking her head slightly. “Just reflecting on how weird it feels to be here.”
“I know what you mean,” piped up Written Script.
“You know, dear,” said Bonbon to Lyra, “There’s something I’ve been wondering. Why does one of Canterlot’s top theaters have a Cavallian name?”
Carrot Top’s ears perked up. She’d been wondering the same thing.
“It’s actually pretty simple,” replied Lyra. “La Commedia Della Luna was a present to Luna from Princess Cadenza.”
“Wait, what?” asked Bonbon. “How the buck do you give a theater as a present? Did she carry it up from Cavallia wrapped up in a really big bow?”
Lyra giggled. “Ok, so the original La Commedia , the theater this one is modeled on, is a Cavallian institution, one of the most prestigious theaters in Roam. Dates way back, almost to the beginning of the Lunar Era. Princess Luna’s always appreciated the arts, and whenever she visited Cavallia she would try to take the time to visit La Commedia . So about five hundred years ago, Candenza paid a huge sum for a copy of it to be built up here in Canterlot and staffed by some of the best actors in Roam. And so we got La Commedia Della Luna. ”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Why am I being played by a stallion?” Raindrops asked nopony in particular, gesturing towards her program.
“It’s not actually that uncommon,” replied Cherilee, grateful for a distraction from Sweetie Belle’s adoring gaze. Promising her second ticket to whichever of her foals wrote the best essay that week had seemed like a good idea… until she found out just how much effort Sweetie Belle was putting into winning it. The little filly might not be as over her crush as she’d thought.
“La Commedia Della Luna only has so many actors,” she continued, “and this play has a lot of mare parts and not a lot of stallions. I’m actually surprised that they managed to have five of us be played by mares.”
“Actually,” she continued, glancing down at the program, “It looks like they had to bring in some extra help. Wonder why they picked Cherry Blossom to play me. I used to know her, and she definitely didn’t work in this kind of theatre.” She concealed a blush as she recalled just exactly what kind of theatre that mare had worked in.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Oh, lucky girl,” said Trixie to Ditzy with a grin. “You’ve got Mocking Jay. She’s good .”
“Huh?” asked Ditzy through a mouthful of carrot muffins, not quite sure what Trixie meant.
Trixie flipped her program around and highlighted an image of a pegasus pony with a cobalt-blue coat (one almost the same shade as Princess Luna’s, actually), a glossy black mane, and what looked like a golden songbird in flight emblazoned on her flank.
“The pony playing you,” Trixie continued. “One of the best actors in the business. Her special talent’s impersonating voices.”
“Cool!” chimed in Dinky, as she finished her third carrot muffin of the evening. Her eyes suddenly went wide. “Do you think I can get her autograph! It would be so awesome to have the autograph of the pony that played my Mom.”
As Ditzy took a bite of her salad, she remembered a question she'd had.
"Trixie, what did you say they put in this salad dressing again?"
"Papaya, tomato, molasses, and mayonnaise," replied Trixie, licking her lips. "Delicious, isn't it?"
"Bizarrely enough, it is."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The theater fell dark. Dame Trixie focused on the stage in front of her. From nowhere, a voice spoke.
“Once upon a time, there were two regal sisters who ruled together and created harmony for all the land. To do this, the elder sister used her unicorn powers to raise the sun at dawn. The younger brought out the moon to begin the night. Thus, the two sisters maintained balance for their kingdom and their subjects: all the different types of ponies. Ponykind had no need to fear the sun.” A subtle emphasis was placed on the last sentence, drawing the audience into the impossible vision of a world where the sun meant not fear and fire, but life and light.
“But as time went on, the elder sister grew greedy. Though the ponies relished and played in the day and honored her above her younger sister, she wanted to become queen of both night and day. One fateful day, she turned upon her younger sister. The younger sister tried to reason with her, but the avarice in the elder one’s heart had transformed her into a wicked mare of fire and hate: Corona. She vowed that she would reign forever over day, night, and everything in between.
“Reluctantly, the younger sister harnessed the most powerful magic known to ponydom: the Elements of Harmony! Using the magic of the Elements of Harmony, she defeated her elder sister and banished her into the heart of the sun, there to remain bound for all eternity.”
There was a momentary pause, then the narrator spoke one last line. “And then eternity ended.”
The curtains drew apart to reveal a gorgeously illuminated stage. Trixie stared for a moment, and then buried her head in her hooves. For the background of the scene was unmistakably a gorgeous ice palace, one that the Luna of the play was just putting the finishing touches on.
Beside her the real Luna chuckled.
Trixie raised her head just in time to see… herself come on stage. The fact that her doppelganger was levitating a large, mostly-empty bottle of bourbon was no surprise. Embarrassing, but no surprise. After all, she had been drunk at the time. But… what the buck was she doing cuddling up to Lyra like that?
“Voici, mon amour! Un palais de glace! Mais il est pas aussi beau que vos flancs d'émeraude.”
Trixie’s jaw dropped. She wasn’t sure how much of the audience spoke Prench, but she certainly did. What her doppelganger just said was not the sort of thing one said to a friend. And then… Oh dear Luna, she and Lyra were kissing ! And not just a chaste kiss on the cheek, but full sloppy Prench kisses.
Trixie finally managed to wrench herself away from the spectacle. Her face was burning, her mind racing, and she was suddenly incredibly conscious that Lyra was sitting right there at the next table.
Did Lulamoon really do all that? I could have sworn that I remembered that night better than that. And I don’t think even Lulamoon would get quite that… well, that. Besides, why the buck would Lyra be going along with this? I’ve seen her get drunk before, and she doesn’t go off and throw herself at random mares… Oh Luna, what now?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lyra had thrown one leg over her Bonnie’s withers as soon as she’d spotted “herself” cuddling up to Trixie. For all she loved her, even she couldn’t deny that Bonbon had a temper, one that had on a few previous occasions (most notably a certain incident involving an invisible bear) exploded into violence. It wasn’t as though she could actually hold down her marefriend, of course. Even leaving aside Bonbon’s earth magic, she out-massed and out-muscled Lyra. But the contact seemed to quiet Bonbon, remind her that whatever nonsense might parade on the stage, the real Lyra still loved her and only her.
And then stage Lyra spoke again, and Lyra found that she needed Bonbon’s touch just as much as Bonbon needed hers.
“Allow me to serenade you upon my harp,” said stage Lyra, before beginning to sing.
“My love has eyes like midnight stars Her coat is like the evening sky She shakes her luscious rump at me Behold, I feel like I could fly ”
I could do better than that , thought Lyra indignantly. It hardly even rhymes. And where is this “harp” thing coming from? Does it look like it’s large enough to have to straddle? No I think not! Because it's a LYRE! Lyre! Lyre! Lyre! It’s in my bucking name! Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed Bonbon looking at her weirdly. “Did I say that out loud?” she whispered.
“Say what out loud?” whispered Bonbon back. They were both interrupted by the play.
“Et maintenant, ce feu d'artifice brûlera aussi brillamment que notre amour incandescent,” shouted stage Trixie. And with that, she touched the tip of her horn to the bourbon bottle. There was a hissing noise and a great deal of sparks, and Lyra suddenly knew exactly what was going to happen.
Sure enough, the bottle of bourbon shot across the stage, gushing sparks and fire, to shatter against the ice castle. There was a tremendous boom and a flash of flame and a massive shower of water fell from the rafters, drenching the actors.
“TRIXIE LULAMOON!!!” The Luna of the play actually made a decent shot at the Royal Canterlot Voice. Not quite the same volume or intensity as the real thing, but pretty close.
“YOU HAVE RUINED OUR BEAUTIFUL ICE PALACE! YOU SHALL BE PUNISHED FOR SUCH FOLLY!”
Stage Luna’s mane had gone starless, her eyes were glowing blue-white, and traces of cobalt smoke fumed from her nostrils. Stage Trixie was cowering away from her, and stage Lyra was… throwing herself at Luna’s feet.
“Please, Your Majesty, don’t hurt Trixie! She was just trying to impress me, and I love her! Please, don’t send her to the Sun! Or if you do, at least send me there with her!”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Trixie glanced at the real Luna out of the corner of her eye, part of her wishing that the Princess would banish her to the sun. Surely being imprisoned in Corona’s demesne couldn’t be as bad as having to sit through this with the real Lyra and Bonbon not even ten paces away.
Trixie wasn’t sure whether to be relieved or angry at the note of resigned amusement on the Princess’s face. It was nice that Luna didn’t seem to be taking the absurd play seriously, but Trixie did wish a little that Luna might be inclined to banish Double Dash to the sun for writing such rubbish.
Stage Luna didn’t seem to be paying attention to stage Lyra’s pleas, and was now thinking out loud. “Hmm… we don’t have any vacancies in the Griffon embassies at the moment… Aha, we have it!” She shifted back to the Royal Canterlot Voice. “TRIXIE LULAMOON, THOU SHALT BE BANISHED TO THE TOWN OF PONYVILLE. MAYHAP AFTER A FEW YEARS AS THEIR REPRESENTATIVE, THOU SHALT HAVE LEARNT TO PAY HEED TO WHAT THOU ART DOING!”
“Noooooooooo!!!!” The joint scream of anguish from stage Lyra and stage Trixie went on and on and bored into Trixie’s ears like needles. Then the lights went out and the scenery changed.
The new scene was presumably supposed to be Ponyville. Off on one side of the stage was what could only be The Official Residency of the Representative of the Night Court of Luna. Stage Trixe was holding a piece of paper in her aura.
“A letter from my predecessor,” she announced to stage Lyra. “Hopefully there will be some useful information.”
A stallion’s voice began to speak from nowhere, evidently narrating the letter.
“To Representative Trixie Lulamoon:
I am given to understand that you shall be my successor to the position of Representative of the Night Court of Luna to Ponyville….”
Trixie realized something important. Wait a minute, how’d anypony know what the letter said? I’m not 100% sure, but I think he’s reciting it word-perfect. Did this Double Dash track the letter down and dig it out of the landfill? Or was there another copy of it somewhere? And how could anypony care enough to track down the exact wording of the letter, but not care enough to realize that I’m not and never was and never will be romantically involved with Lyra? Oh wait, he’s wrapping up.
Still, if the tedium becomes too much to bear…”
Stage Trixie began to speak up again. “Our fate is just as dire as we feared, my beloved. Nonetheless, all is not yet lost. We have one chance to get back to Canterlot. Ponyville has been chosen to host the Longest Night festival, and as Representative I will be responsible for arranging the festivities. If the Princess is sufficiently impressed by our work, she may feel that I’ve demonstrated my competence and release me from this exile, or at least shorten its duration.”
“So what do we do first?” asked stage Lyra.
“First, I think we shall investigate the status of the provisioning for the festival. Hmm… according to this map, there is a major Apple Trust strongpoint just outside of town. If we hurry, we should be able to reach this ‘Sweet Apple Acres’ before the noonday is upon us.”
The two of them set out across the stage. They had nearly reached the other side when there was a noise like a thunderclap and a flash of light from offstage. A moment later, a mare with a fire-orange coat and long curly green hair came trotting onto the stage.
“Hello,” she called. “You must be new in town. I’m Carrot Top.”
“Trixie Lulamoon, Representative of the Night Court of Luna to Ponyville” replied stage Trixie. “And this is my marefriend, Lyra.”
“Pleased to meet you,” said stage Carrot Top cheerfully. Abruptly, a flash of light shot from her eyes, and something on the other side of the stage exploded in a puff of smoke.
“Sorry about that,” said Stage Carrot Top, looking slightly embarrassed. “Fluttering Posey’s animal minions keep trying to steal my carrots. I think I might have winged that sun-spawned rabbit this time.”
Trixie felt like she’d swallowed her tongue. Where had that come from? And, oh dear merciful Luna, she’d seen Fragrant Posey in the audience earlier. It was only a few months ago that she’d convinced Fragrant that she wasn’t trying to torment poor Fluttershy. She was never going to believe that Trixie was just as gobsmacked as she was.
On the stage, Carrot Top, Trixie, and Lyra were talking about the Apple Trust’s monopoly on Longest Night concessions, and stage Lyra had just referred to her lyre as a harp again. And Prench kissed stage Trixie. Trixie was beginning to seriously wonder if it was actually possible to die from sheer embarrassment.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dame Ditzy Doo was beginning to get worried. From her position between Trixie and Lyra in the seating, she could clearly see either of them out of whichever eye wasn’t on the stage, and neither appeared to be doing too well. Lyra was clinging to Bonbon and kept mouthing something inaudible over and over again. Bonbon, meanwhile, was literally quivering with anger and looked as if she might go deck the actor if Lyra let go of her. On her other side, Trixie kept alternating between blushes that stained her coat almost to purple and a terror-induced pallor that made her look like she was going to pass out.
After the scene with the Apples, stage Trixie and stage Lyra had left the set and then reappeared from a different angle. Evidently they were supposed to be back in the town square. Stage Trixie addressed Stage Lyra. “I will need to make this next visit on my own, mon am our . There is secret government business involved.”
“Fine with me,” said stage Lyra, taking a seat in the middle of the faux town square. “I’ll practice my harp. Might make a few bits while I’m at it.”
Ditzy winced. She’d seen how Lyra got when someone referred to her lyre as a harp, and this actor had done it at least half a dozen times already.
Stage Trixie disappeared through one of the setting doors. The other side was suddenly illuminated, revealing the actors playing Ditzy and Dinky.
“Greetings,” said stage Trixie, “I am Trixie Lulamoon, Representative of the Night Court of Luna to Ponyville and personal student of the Princess.” She produced a sheaf of papers from under her hat, and showed them to stage Ditzy. It was at about this point that Ditzy noticed that despite having the correct mane and coat color and even the correct cutie mark, Mocking Jay’s glamoured appearance still differed from hers in one particular: her eyes were correctly aligned.
Well, I can’t blame them for that. Probably not possible to make her eyes look like they’re out of alignment without blinding her or something. Trixie’d probably know, but she’s got her own problems to deal with.
Stage Ditzy spoke up. “Dinky, go play upstairs for a bit, ok? Representative Lulamoon and I need to talk about grown-up things.”
Stage Dinky obediently disappeared off the stage. “My little sister, Dinky Doo,” explained stage Ditzy. “Still a bit too young to be told about my… alternate career.”
What?
“So you are the local Shadowbolt agent,” said stage Trixie.
What.
“Yes ma’am,” said stage Ditzy, now speaking with the clipped precision of a trained soldier or watchpony. Trixie was right, Mocking Jay was good at voices . “Nothing of note to report.”
“Very good. I won’t bother you further at this point. Thank you for your service.”
“You’re welcome, ma’am”, replied stage Ditzy as stage Trixie headed back out into the town square.
Ok, where in all Equestria did that come from? A Shadowbolt? Is this some kind of attempt to make me look better? That would explain Dinky, too. Of course the Canterlot audience wouldn’t believe an adulteress could be the Element of Kindness. I didn’t believe it at first. But why bother making me look better when they’re making such a hash of the rest of us?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
By this point, Trixie was starting to feel numb. She’d kissed Lyra and sung love ballads to her, Carrot Top had laser vision, Ditzy was a Shadowbolt, Dinky was Ditzy’s sister, and Lyra kept calling her instrument a harp. What else could this play distort?
As if in answer to her question, a jasmine-hued blur shot onto the stage and slammed into Trixie, knocking her flat and resolving into stage Raindrops.
“What do you think you’re doing?” shrieked stage Lyra.
“Raindrops Smash! ” proclaimed stage Raindrops.
“What?” replied stage Lyra.
“Raindrops Smash. Rainbow Weather Captain say Raindrops smash bad clouds while Rainbow Weather Captain take nap. Rainbow Weather Captain also say tell Blue Night Court Pony that bad clouds be smashed. ”
“And what part of that requires that you knock me flat on the pavement?” asked stage Trixie, picking herself up off the ground.
“Raindrops sorry about that. Raindrops forget to stop sometimes when Raindrops in a hurry .”
And stage Raindrops took to the skies again and flew offstage.
“I am becoming increasingly determined to do whatever is necessary to escape Ponyville,” remarked stage Trixie. “Now, what was next on my checklist? Ah, decorations. I believe a Madam Cherry is in charge of those...”
And at that cue, a new portion of the stage illuminated, revealing a pony clad in a stretchy black catsuit and holding a hoofful of letters.
“Ok, now I have Blueblood’s notes, so there’s nothing to connect me to the Organization. Good. Be nice to go 100% respectable and just be a school teacher, without having to worry about the Representative revealing my… previous careers. Hmm… maybe I’ll treat myself to a nice stallion or two for pulling this off. Maybe Raindrops. That pony’s got nearly as much stamina as an earth pony, and the things a pegasus stallion can do with his wings...”
There was a rapping as Stage Trixie knocked on the door. Stage Cherilee made an odd squeaking noise, hurriedly ripped off the catsuit, and stuffed it and the letters under a nearby chair. Then she went to open the door.
“Hello?” she said breathily.
“Greetings,” replied stage Trixie. “I am Trixie Lulamoon, Representative of the Night Court of Luna to Ponyville. I understand that you have been tasked with handling the decorations for the upcoming Longest Night celebration?”
“Oh, yes,” replied stage Cherilee, “my little ponies have been most enthusiastic in their work. I’ve probably got enough decorations to cover all Ponyville.”
“Wait, ‘your little ponies’?” asked stage Trixie. “I thought you were the schoolteacher.”
“I am,” replied stage Cherilee, looking confused.
“So you had your students make the decorations?”
“Of course! The Princess loves foals, I’m sure she’ll appreciate their artistic skills.”
Stage Trixie stared for a minute and then shook her head and closed the door.
“I’m doomed,” she said to stage Lyra conversationally. “Princess Luna is going to come to the Longest Night Celebration and find six stalls selling only apples, the walls covered with foalish doodles, the weather being run by an idiot who will probably buck a cloudfull of lightning straight into the Princess’s horn, and me there in the middle of it all ripe for the blaming. I will be lucky to be stuck here instead of getting banished to the griffin embassies. Or the sun. What am I going to do, my love?”
Stage Lyra gave stage Trixie a surprisingly tender hug, and for the first time the real Trixie wished it actually was her. She could use a hug like that right about now.
“Come to bed, m’love,” said stage Lyra. “Let’s forget about all our troubles for the night, and just be Trixie and Lyra, two mares in love. You’ll feel better in the morning.”
The curtains closed, and the theater lights came up.
Trixie jolted to her feet, and was unsurprised to see that most of her friends had done so as well.
“Let’s go outside,” said Trixie hurriedly. “Easier to talk out there with fewer other ponies around.”
“I need to use the little filly’s room,” said Dinky.
“Me too,” said Sweetie Belle.
“Go, then,” said Cheerilee, absently.
The small herd of Elements trotted out into the cool night, accompanied by Bonbon, Pokey, and Written Script.
Well, this is going to be awkward…
An Embarrasment In Three Acts
The porch of La Commedia Della Luna was a spacious and well-styled thing. Orbs of enchanted crystal spread a soft silvery illumination through the new-fallen night, and the air was cool without being chilly. A better backdrop for a discussion could not be imagined. And every drop of that beauty and serenity would be needed to counteract the ugly feelings bubbling up in the Elements of Harmony.
The cool air seemed thick with tension, as each of the nine ponies standing in a close herd tried to figure out where to begin. Predictably enough, it was the Element of Honesty that finally broke the awkward pause.
“What was that? ” she spat. “What gave this Double Dash a right to write such lies about us? And why ? What did we ever do to her?”
“Who knows?” replied Trixie bitterly. She waved one hoof at the program she held clutched in her aura. “According to this, Double Dash is a pen name. It could be anypony behind that. Noon, maybe it’s one of the stupider nobles, trying to get revenge on us for dragging their dirty little schemes into the light.”
Ditzy raised a hoof speculatively, but her voice was confident. “The weird thing is, I don’t think she was trying to make us look bad. Or at least not all of us. She made me a Shadowbolt, and even making Dinky my sister was probably supposed to be a good thing. Supposed to make it look like I never seduced somepony else’s stallion.” A faint trace of, not bitterness exactly, but perhaps regret, crept into the last sentence.
Cheerilee winced internally, but couldn’t think of anything to say. While she wished Ditzy would stop beating herself up about a decade-old indiscretion, she did have a point. An illegitimate, and even adulterous, child could be made into a huge scandal, even if Canterlot society generally refrained from doing so for reasons of mutual blackmail. Double Dash could well have been trying to make Ditzy look better, even if her methods of doing so left something to be desired.
“And if you ignore the fact that I’m head over heels in love with my Bonnie Bon Bon,” said Lyra, rubbing the back of the mare in question with one leg, “and that Trixie still turns green when she sees two ponies swapping spit…”
“Did you have to put it that way?” complained Trixie, who did indeed look queasy at the image.
“… then the ‘romance’ between Trixie and me wasn’t that badly done. If it was me and Bon Bon in those scenes instead, we wouldn’t have a problem. Really, Raindrops is the only one that it seemed like he was trying to make look bad. Maybe he has a grudge against you for some reason?”
“Maybe it’s Stormy Squall!” said Cheerilee. “She finally got so angry at our weather team for showing him up that she decided to write a play with the secret agenda of making Raindrops look as foalish as she is!”
There was an explosion of laughter and Cheerilee felt a sense of relief as some of the tension faded.
“So either she’s a devious schemer who’s trying to make us all, and me in particular, look bad for some reason that probably has to do with Night Court politics, or else she’s a well-meaning idiot who has no idea how badly the nonsense she’s writing will hurt us,” summed up Raindrops after the giggles faded. “Either way, is there anything we can do about it?”
“Let me check on something,” said Trixie, who then began to flip through her program. After a moment, she grimaced. “I was afraid of that. There’s a little disclaimer at the bottom here that basically says that Double Dash isn’t actually claiming any of this is true. She’s not saying that this story she’s written is what happened to us, just that it’s based on what’s happened to us. So we can’t get at her for lying about us because she makes it clear she’s not actually claiming to tell the truth.”
Written Script chimed in. “And it still doesn’t prove anything either way, because every writer puts that disclaimer if he’s writing fiction. Double Dash could think we actually were what he made us out to be and stuck the disclaimer in just to be safe, or he could have been trying to make us look better or worse, and there’s no good way to tell which.”
Viscount Prince Blueblood was nervous. He might not know the Elements that well, but he knew enough about them to know that the portrayal of them in the play was rank nonsense. And there was no telling what the Elements would do in response to such folly. The last time the Elements had been provoked to act on the political plane, they had laid a mine that had blown the structure of the Night Court to splinters. Granted it had managed to put itself more or less back together, and Blueblood himself had come out of it with some quite unexpected good fortune, but still…
His train of thought was interrupted by said unexpected good fortune dragging him across the theater to the souvenir desk. Pinkie had been voluminous in her praises of the theater’s special salad dressing, and when she’d heard that it was for sale at the desk, she had practically bounced out of her seat then and there. When the intermission had been announced, he knew that they would be shortly making their way over to the gift shop to stock up on the bizarrely delicious condiment.
“Viscount Blueblood,” said a voice from behind him.
He turned and flinched. “Duchess Posey,” he responded. This was definitely not good. Duchess Fragrant Posey was one of the very few who had just as much reason as the Elements to be offended by this farrago of a play, and judging by the look in her eyes and the spread of her wings, she suspected him of being responsible.
“I don’t suppose you would care to comment on how those lines slandering my niece ended up in the script?” she asked, voice dangerously level.
“I wish I knew,” he responded sincerely. “I’d like to serve up whoever wrote that script on a gold platter, before the Elements decide to upend the Night Court again.”
She snorted. “You really expect me to believe that you had nothing to do with this?”
“Yes!” he said heatedly. “Why the buck would you think that I did have anything to do with this?”
“Aside from the fact that it’s exactly the sort of thing you’d do? And that there aren’t a lot of other ponies who might know that Fluttering is living in Ponyville, know she’s my niece, and have the connections necessary to get a play rewritten?”
“Stop that!” interjected Pinkie Pie, hair frizzing even more spectacularly than usual. “Bluie isn’t a bad pony anymore! He wouldn’t do something mean!”
“Duchess Posey,” said Blueblood, “I swear to Luna I didn’t talk to anypony about the play. I was just as surprised as you were when they mentioned your niece. And, as you might have noticed, it wasn’t exactly kind to my father either. If you don’t believe me, ask the Internal Affairs Bureau to investigate the matter.”
“Perhaps I shall,” said Duchess Posey, before disappearing back into the crowd.
Pinkie wrapped Blueblood in a hug. “Don’t worry Bluie. Everypony will know that you’re a good pony eventually.”
“I hope so,” he replied.
The crowd was dense enough that it wasn’t until the Elements were all the way back to their tables that Trixie spotted Duchess Posey talking to the Princess.
Oh no. How the buck am I going to convince her that I haven’t got any clue where all that nonsense on the stage came from?
“-ve had my own experiences with a play not going where you expected it to go,” said Duchess Posey as Trixie came into earshot. She turned and started slightly as she almost ran into Trixie.
“Duchess,” said Trixie, trying hard to keep her voice level.
“Dames,” replied Duchess Posey.
“Duchess, I swear to Luna I didn’t know they were going to have me say those things about Fluttershy!” blurted out Carrot Top. Trixie was forced to suppress an entirely inappropriate giggle as Luna rolled her eyes at Carrot Top’s turn of phrase. “I haven’t talked to anypony about her and even if I did, I would never ever say anything like that! Fluttershy’s animals don’t even steal my carrots! Well, except Angel Bunny that one time, but it was for a good cause and he paid me back later and-”
Duchess Posey cut Carrot Top off with an upraised wing. “I believe you, Dame Toppington. Fluttering has written a great deal about you, and she is generally a good judge of character. I am certain that the mare she describes in her letters would have prevented this if she had known. And, as I told the Princess, I’ve had my own experiences with a play getting out of hoof. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go find where my...colleague...has wandered off to.”
Trixie sighed as she resumed her seat.
“Take heart, my faithful student. It could be far worse,” said Princess Luna cheerfully. “Have I ever told you about the New Moon incident?”
“Not that I recall…” replied Trixie.
“About two hundred fifty years ago, a six-book series came out. It was called New Moon , after the first book of the six, and purported to be written from the point of view of Zephyr Winds. The gist of the plot, such as it was and what there was of it, was that Zephyr Winds and I were lovers and that Cadence was the product of the purported relationship. It was a Canterlot best-seller for several years, before interest eventually petered out.”
There was a long and palpable silence. Pinkie Pie’s speculation on the etymology of the phrase “salad dressing” skipped off the surface of that silence like a stone as the pink party pony pronked past, paramour port-side. After a couple more breaths of silence, Cherilee finally spoke up. “But… But… Cadence is more than four centuries older than Zephyr Winds! How…?” She trailed off, making grabbing motions with one hoof as though trying to physically snatch the words she wanted out of the air.
“Zephyr Winds?” asked Ditzy.
“Luna’s fifth apprentice,” explained Trixie, “and one of the great mysteries of Equestrian history. Nopony really knows why Luna took him on or what he did as her apprentice. Except Luna herself, of course.” The blue unicorn shot a Look at her princess.
“Hey, where’d Snails get to?” asked Raindrops abruptly.
There was a brief exchange of confused looks. None of them had really been paying attention to Snails when they’d run outside to have their discussion. Dinky and Sweetie had mentioned going to the filly’s room, and had already been and returned, but none of the Elements could remember Snails saying anything as to where he was going.
They had no right to say those things about Raindrops .
Unlike his big sister, Snails didn’t get angry easily. But everypony has, somewhere in them, a button marked “Explode”. For some it is large and easily pressed, for others it is well hidden. But every pony has it, and Double Dash had just pressed Snail’s.
Raindrops hates it when ponies think that her temper is all that there is to her. And now Double Dash has told all these ponies that Raindrops is nothing more than a musclebound idiot. Sun-spawned jerk-plot. Ruining my sister’s life, and not even having the guts to do it to her face. I wonder what he’d think if I sent my friends to ruin his life. But I don’t… wait a minute. I don’t know who he is, so I can’t bug him… Hahaha, “Bug him”… but I could have my friends get rid of this theater.
Snails had already begun to gather his magic when another thought floated into his mind.
This won’t make Raindrops feel any better. She still hasn’t gotten over what she did the last time she got really angry. And if I let my temper loose, even in her defense, she’ll be just as disappointed in me as she would be at herself if she let loose and bucked Double Dash into the sun where he belongs.
“The show will resume in three minutes,” said the announcer, his magically amplified voice cutting through the welter of voices. “The show will resume in three minutes.”
Oops, better get back to my seat. And hope the next act is better than this one.
An Embarrasment In Three Acts
A hush fell over La Commedia Della Luna like a shroud of finest silk. The curtains rose, and the second act of Longest Night, Longest Day was begun.
The scene was, once again, Ponyville. A stylized sun hung on the horizon, wreathed in cobalt light to indicate that it had just been raised. Scattered across the theatrical town, ponies burst into song .
Making friends in Ponyville today! PONYVILLE! Hoof on down to Ponyville, everypony! Check out our store that only sells two things! Get some books from our tree library! Just don't mind the crazy librarian! You should trot on down to see our boutique It's the perfect place to be judgmental! Our weather mare is so freakin' lazy! Who the hay still uses an abacus ? Here's the stuff that got eaten by Parasprites This mare lead them all here from the forest! Ponyville leads Equestria in disasters, But then again, it could always be worse, Because at least we are not Detrot! We're not Detrot!
And with that, the various ponies scattered offstage through an assortment of doors and arches, ostensibly going about their daily business. And as if on cue, stage Trixie and stage Lyra emerged from the Residency.
Oh great , thought Trixie, what will I do now? If this sticks at all closely to the real sequence of events, I’m about to attempt to “fix” the Longest Night festival. But then again, when has this play born any relation to what actually happened so far? And where the buck did that song come from ?
“You were right, mon amour ,” said stage Trixie. “I did just need a good night’s rest and a little snuggling. I will still have to work hard to salvage the festival by tonight, but I can and will get it done. I will not disappoint Princess Luna again.”
Stage Trixie and stage Lyra shared a hug and a kiss. Trixie tried to control her embarrassment.
“So, my love, what are the plans for today?” asked stage Lyra.
“I have much to do if I am to salvage the Longest Night, and little time in which to do it. I will have to make arrangements for more than just apples to be served, talk to the weather manager and ensure that somepony competent is managing the weather for the festival, try and get some proper decorations in place, and get ahold of somepony to do the anthem.”
“Sounds like quite the day. Should I come along for moral support, or do you think you’d look better without your lover tagging along?”
Stage Trixie winced. “I am afraid that might be for the best. I expect I am going to have to strain my authority and ingenuity to the limits to get this to work as is. I am afraid I can’t afford any signs of equinity just now. But I will make it up to you when we return to Canterlot.”
“I understand,” said stage Lyra cheerfully. Then her ears perked up. “Hey, you mentioned you need somepony to play the anthem?”
“Yes?” said stage Trixie curiously.
“Well, why couldn’t I do that? I’ll spend today practicing my harp, and then at least one part of the festival will go right.”
“Thank you, ” stage Trixie exhaled in a sigh of relief, wrapping stage Lyra in a hug.
“Happy to help,” said stage Lyra with a smile.
On the stage, Representative Trixie had just made her way to the weather office. Rainbow Dash was shown sprawled on her desk, with shades over her eyes and loud snores echoing through the theater’s sound amplification spells.
“Ahem,” said stage Trixie. Stage Rainbow Dash continued to snore.
“Ahem!” said stage Trixie, this time a bit louder. Stage Rainbow Dash’s snores continued unabated.
“AHEM!!” bellowed stage Trixie, in a passable echo of the Royal Canterlot Voice. Stage Rainbow Dash leapt up into the air, wings and limbs splayed in every conceivable direction, sunglasses flying off her face to reveal bulging eyes, and said something that sounded vaguely like “Awhatawhata?!?!”
“Ahem,” repeated stage Trixie in a normal tone of voice. “I am Trixie Lulamoon, official representative of the Night Court Of Luna to Ponyville. I am here to discuss the weather scheduling for tonight’s festivities with you.”
“Relax, dudess,” chided stage Rainbow Dash as she got her various appendages under control. “The weather’ll be fine. No need to go waking up decent ponies from their naps.”
“I beg to differ,” said stage Trixie . “I have seen the numbers for Ponyville’s weather service. It’s impossible to control the Everfree weather, and that weather drifts out past the border and hits the town with an unscheduled storm every few weeks. I can see one brewing up out there right now! I would think that you would take this more seriously, if for no other reason than retaining your job. I cannot for the life of me imagine how you’ve retained it thus far, but if one cloud is out of place tonight, I swear on Luna’s horn I will ensure that you go down along with me.”
Stage Rainbow Dash snorted. “I’m gonna let you in on a little secret, sugarcube,” she said, leaning in confidentially. “I’ve got connections . Fluttering Posey and I go way back. As long as I keep her happy, there’s no way that Thunderous Posey is going to kick his little butterfly’s B.F.F.O.A. out into the cold.”
What?!? thought Carrot Top. How in Luna’s name did Double Dash find out about that? Who could have told him? Nopony knows about that except me, Thunderous, Dash, and maybe Fluttershy and Duchess Fragrant. And none of them would have told, I’m sure of that. So how?
On stage, Rainbow Dash was still speaking. “Lemme give you some free advice: Loosen up a tad. Your plothole’s tighter than the locks on old Thunderous’s safe. And there ain’t nopony what likes a tightplot.” She snorted. “You’d think that mint-shake of yours would have loosened you up a bit. Or are you saving yourselves for marriage?”
Across the table from Carrot Top, the real Lyra made a noise that sounded as though somebody had jammed a whole carrot down her throat, and Bon Bon’s chair began to audibly crack under her grip.
Stage Trixie sputtered. “That is none of your business! And you may think you are safe from having to do your job because of your “special relationship” with Fluttering Posey, but in case you missed it, the Princess is coming here tonight. And if she gets rained on or struck by lightning because you were too lazy to pay attention to the weather, I guarantee you that neither Thunderous nor Fluttering is going to stick out their neck for you.”
And with that, she stormed off.
“Anything you wish me to do, Ma’am?” stage Ditzy whispered, the theater’s sound projection spells making the whisper easily audible to the entire theatre.
“Just need a letter delivered,” said Stage Trixie, holding out an envelope in her aura. “Same-day delivery to Cloudsdale.”
“Oh, right, my other job,” said stage Ditzy with a chuckle. Then she glanced at the envelope.
“A weather-for-hire company?”
“Yes,” confirmed stage Trixie. “That storm over the Everfree is getting worse, and the weather captain apparently feels that because she is Fluttering Posey’s “B.F.F.O.A.”, whatever that means, she does not have to actually do her job. I am not about to let Princess Luna get rained on if I can help it.”
“Best Friends Forever Of Anyone,” said stage Ditzy. After a moment’s pause she shrugged her wings “My sister uses the term. Anyway, I can’t argue with your logic, but this is going to be expensive. Are you sure you have the bits for it?”
Stage Trixie shrugged. “I might have to do a bit of grazing to make it to the next stipend, but I will make it work. Somehow.”
Oh, perfect. What in Luna’s mane is going to happen now? Carrot demon attack? Actually, that might be a relief compared to what Double Dash is likely to throw in here.
“Representative Lulamoon,” said stage Carrot Top evenly. “What brings you here?”
“I have a…proposition… of sorts for you,” replied Stage Trixie. “Did you mean what you said yesterday about wanting a shot at some of the Longest Night sales?”
“Most definitely, but you know the mayor will never approve any application to sell at the festival by somepony other than an Apple. They provide too much of the food and jobs here for the mayor to risk going against their wishes.”
“ Ah, but I think I might have a workaround.” Stage Trixie chuckled slightly, tapping the side of her nose with one hoof. “I think you will find,” she said, “that the paperwork is strictly for food that is intended to be sold on the grounds of the festival. But if you were to, say, use my front lawn, which just so happens to border the town center, where the festival will be happening…”
“The Apples still aren’t going to like it. Loophole or no loophole, it’s somepony poaching on their private preserve,” stage Carrot Top warned.
“And why in Luna’s name should the Longest Night be the Trust’s private preserve?” retorted stage Trixie. “You have every bit as much right as any other pony to try and sell your goods. Even if it were not necessary to ensure that there is proper food available on the Longest Night, it is my duty as the Princess’s representative to ensure fair competition here in Ponyville. If the Apple Trust is so fragile that they need a monopoly on the big festivals to survive, then maybe they ought to go down and leave room for some more sturdy businesses to take their place.”
“Fine,” said stage Carrot Top, “but I sure hope you know what you’re doing.”
“So do I,” admitted Stage Trixie.why had been solved when she’d reread the program in more detail and noticed that Blossom was now married. No wonder she had wanted to work at something a little less racy), but there was still a certain level of typecasting when you had a mark talent of sex appeal.
At any rate, there had been quite an extraordinary volume of moans, squeaks, and shouts coming from behind that door before Stage Trixie arrived on the scene and knocked vigorously. These were quickly stifled, and a moment later the door opened and stage Cheerilee’s house was illuminated.
At least two ponies (judging from the number and color of the visible limbs) were protruding from under the blankets of the bed. Stage Cheerilee, meanwhile, was wearing socks on two of her hooves, and had a third sock of a different color still gripped in her mouth. Her mane was mussed and her tail was fluffed.
Oh dear Luna, is that supposed to be Raindrops’s wing poking out there? And who’s the other pony supposed to be? Don’t recognize that color, though I suppose it might help if I had more than a couple of legs to work with.
“Miss Representative,” said stage Cheerilee, “what brings you here?”
“I have come to discuss the decorations for the Longest Night festival.”
“Miss Lulamoon,” stage Cheerilee said, “the students worked hard on their art projects – ”
“You have said that before – ”
“But the mayor, but she gave me final say on all decorations – ”
“Madam Cherry,” stage Trixie said, smiling, “as festival overseer, I have final say over the decorations. And I say that there is going to be a spot set aside for Luna to admire the art projects of the foals, but we are going to have an actual professional make the main decorations.”
“Well , my student,” said Stage Luna. “I’ve heard all about your exploits tonight. The Apples have complained about your overturning Ponyville tradition, the weather manager has objected to your contracting a weather-for-hire team, and Madam Cherry has been haranguing me over your rejection of her submission for the decorations. All of them have asked me to punish you.”
“Um…” said stage Trixie, seemingly at a loss for words.
“But I have no intention of doing so,” continued Stage Luna. “A pony who is buffeted around by the whims of her subjects will never be a suitable noble of my Court. And I am glad you ensured that there was appropriate food and clear weather tonight. Continue as you have begun, and your stay in Ponyville will be brief.”
“Thank you, Your Majesty,” said stage Trixie.
Well, that’s interesting, thought the real Trixie. I guess the idea is to make me look better. I almost wish Double Dash’s Luna had ripped my hide off like the real Luna did, though. It’s a lot harder to stay angry at somepony who’s trying to make you look good, even if he is failing epically at it.
There was a tremendous boom and a flash of light. When Trixie’s eyes recovered, all the theater’s lights had gone off, even the spotlights that usually illumined the stage. The only illumination was the flickering firelight emanated by stage Corona.
Trixie grinned, not for the first time that night, at the quality of the visuals. At least there was one thing about this play she could honestly appreciate. As an illusionist herself, she had a very good idea of just how much magic, skill, and creativity must have gone into the play’s special effects. She made a mental note to convey her compliments to the illusionists once the play was over.
When Stage Corona spoke, her voice proved to have an odd echo to it, as though multiple different ponies were reciting the same lines and their synchronization was just slightly imperfect.
"Rejoice little ponies, I have returned
Stage Luna flared her wings, the halo of magic around her horn seeming almost black in the flickering orange light. “Corona. I don’t know how you escaped, and in truth, I don’t really care. But must we do this again? Can you not remember what once was, what can be again if you give up this madness? The day could be yours again, as it was when you were content to stand equal with me. It will take a generation or two for the fears to fade, but what’s that to us?” Stage Luna’s stance softened by a hair’s breath, her voice becoming quieter and more intimate. “Sister, I miss you. I miss you more than I’d have ever believed possible before… before. Please, come back home.”
Trixie turned her head ever so slightly to cast her glance sideways, and her stomach twisted. For all the expression the real Princess Luna now displayed, she might have been hewn from lapis lazuli. Except for her eyes. Those glistened with tears the Princess could not allow herself to shed.
After all, she’s the Princess! And the Princess can’t have feelings, can’t have doubts or feel pity. It doesn’t matter that Celestia was her sister, that they ruled together for Luna alone knows how long--well, Luna and Celestia and a few other immortals, if you want to get technical about it--, or that Luna still blames herself for not heading off Celestia’s fall into Corona in the first place. No, Corona is a monster, and the heroine doesn’t feel sorry for monsters. She just smites them and trots on, secure in the knowledge that she has Vanquished The Evil.
Wow. I didn’t know my inner monologue was this sarcastic.
Stage Corona snorted and pawed the ground.
“Sister, I tire of thy follies and jests
“So be it, then,” said Stage Luna sadly.
Golden and cobalt auras flashed as the two faux-alicorns leapt into battle. Trixie glanced off to the side again. Flashing flames reflected off unblinking eyes as the Princess watched her doppelganger and that of her sister chase each other back and forth across the stage.
Trixie turned her gaze back to the stage just in time to see stage Ditzy leap out of the crowd and dash at stage Corona. There was a metallic flash, and stage Corona howled as her golden telekinesis sent stage Ditzy flying. In stage Ditzy’s wake, a line of red could be seen on stage Corona’s flank, neatly bisecting her cutie mark.
Stage Corona shouted, “Traitor, thou hast brought thy Queen pain. Thou shan’t get to do that again!”
Stage Corona hurled a blast of golden light at stage Ditzy, but a cobalt flash knocked it aside to splash against a building.
“Run, my Shadow!” yelled stage Luna. “This fight’s beyond you!” Stage Ditzy nodded her head and disappeared offstage.
There were more flashes of light as the two alicorns continued their duel. Trixie allowed her mind to wander a little.
I wonder why they’re dragging it out so long ? Probably trying to flatter Luna a bit, make it look like Corona really had to work to take her down. Or more likely, they’re trying to pretend that Corona isn’t as powerful as she really is. I can certainly understand that. Seeing Corona just overcome Luna so effortlessly was just about the worst moment of my life. Buck, I’m not even sure learning about the Night Court was worse.
And it’s important to keep up morale in any war, and especially in this one. Ponies are afraid, and that fear is one of Corona’s best weapons. We only managed to beat her because we believed we could. If we’d been too afraid to go for the Elements, we’d never have defeated Corona.
Trixie’s musings were interrupted by stage Corona grabbing a foal from the crowd of ponies still crouching in the background of the stage. From behind Trixie, there was a squeak, and Trixie turned to see Dinky staring wide-eyed at the stage. Trixie glanced back, and sure enough, that was stage Dinky in stage Corona’s telekinetic grasp, with a blade of sunfire held to her throat.
Out of the corner of her vision, Trixie could see Ditzy enfolding her filly in a hug, and – Trixie suspected not coincidentally – blocking her view of the stage. Meanwhile, Stage Corona said, “If thou persist in this pointless fight, know that this filly will feel the fire’s bite.”
Stage Luna froze, and in that moment stage Corona’s horn flashed white. The light grew brighter, and brighter, and brighter still. Everypony in the theater had to squint their eyes shut, and then the light peaked, and was gone. Trixie cracked open one eye, and when her optic nerves remained unseared, she opened both eyes. And, of course, stage Luna was gone. Stage Dinky was still held in Corona’s TK, Stage Ditzy was still hiding somewhere, and the rest of the stage Elements could be seen in the crowd.
Stage Corona flared her wings, and her… corona… flared with them, spreading into a dome of flames like a bisected sun.
“My little ponies, listen and pay heed,
At this point, Corona’s field lashed out and she scooped up several more foals to join stage Dinky in her grasp.
So if ye desire your foals to live,
And she turned and departed the stage, hostages in tow.
There was a quick knock on the door. Stage Trixie glanced through a peephole, and then pulled it open. Stage Ditzy, Raindrops, and Cheerilee tumbled in.
“Agent Doo, what are those two doing here?” asked Trixie, surprised.
“I thought they might be useful, ma’am. Raindrops here is strong, and his brother was among those taken by Corona. And if my suspicions about Miss Cherry’s occupation prior to being a teacher are correct, she has skills which might come in handy.”
“Suspicions which were never proven,” insisted stage Cheerilee.
“Alright,” said stage Trixie. “Everypony, we still have one hope to save our nation from Corona. The Elements of Harmony could still stop her, she admitted as much herself. And she was telling the truth about them being in the Everfree. There’s an old castle in there, and the Elements are hidden there. P…Princess Luna showed me once.”
“So we go in, steal the Elements, and use them to sucker-punch Corona?” asked stage Cheerilee.
“That’s the general idea. I won’t lie, this is a long shot. But we’ve all seen what Corona can and will do. If there’s any chance, even the slightest, of stopping her, I have to take it. Are you with me?”
“I’ll follow you wherever you go, my love, you know that,” said Stage Lyra.
“I still have a duty to my Princess,” said stage Ditzy. After a moment’s thought, she added, “And to my sister. She will never be safe as long as Corona has her.”
“I cannot imagine a more terrifying fate than trying to survive under her rule,” said stage Cheerilee.
“Raindrops in, ” said stage Raindrops.
“Then we’d better hurry,” said Stage Trixie.
They trotted out the door and offstage, only to return to a different scene momentarily. This scene showed Golden Harvest Farms, with Carrot Top on her porch staring at Ponyville.
“Where are you going?” she asked.
“We’re going to retrieve the Elements of Harmony and stop Corona,” said stage Lyra cheerfully. Stage Ditzy facewinged.
“Wait, let me come with you,” said stage Carrot Top. “I know the Everfree, I go there sometimes to gather herbs.”
“You’re right, we could use someone who knows the Everfree,” said stage Trixie. “Welcome to the team.”
As if on cue, the six ponies burst into song.
Do you hear the ponies sing From the mountains to the glen It is the music of a people Who will not be slaves again When the beating of your heart Echoes the beating of the drums There is a life about to start When tomorrow comes! Will you join in our crusade? Who will be strong and stand with me? Do you dream of a night Beyond the Solar Tyranny? Then join in the fight For the right to live and be free! When the beating of your heart Echoes the beating of the drums There is a life about to start When tomorrow comes!
The faux-Elements disappeared offstage, and the curtain fell for the second intermission.
Author's Note
Not sure why this chapter has all the songs all of a sudden. Possibly a result of trying to write stage Corona's dialogue.
Thank you to Talon and Thorn and to RainbowDoubleDash for their comments and feedback!
An Embarrasment In Three Acts
For a long moment after the curtain had fallen and the intermission started, the six Elements and their guests just stared at each other awkwardly. Then Dinky poked her head out from under her mother’s wing and asked tentatively, “Uh… Mom?”
“Yes, Dinky?” replied Ditzy curiously.
Dinky’s tone was perfectly balanced between worry and hope. “You’re not actually a Shadowbolt, are you?”
And all thirteen ponies burst into laughter. Two acts of accumulated tension, stress, and bewilderment were converted by some impossible alchemy into mirth, and they laughed until their sides ached and their breath came short.
“I can confirm that she is not, little Dinky,” said Princess Luna, touching off another round of giggles.
“Hey, Raindrops,” said Cheerilee, deliberately pitching her voice in an overdone imitation of seductive. “Mind telling me exactly what a pegasus stallion can do with his wings? Or are you going to leave it to my imagination?”
And after that third round of giggles they made a game of it, one after another poking (and yes, Pokey Pierce pointed out the pun) fun at various features of the play and reveling in each other’s laughter until their mirth was eventually cut short by the announcer proclaiming that the third act of the play was about to begin.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As the curtain rose the stage Elements were trotting through the Everfree, coming up on a stream. And then strange voices began to sing all-too-familiar lyrics.
Come on in, the water’s fine…please oh please, don’t decline…come and dance on the river’s bed…come on in and join the dead…
Five of the stage Elements were now doing their best zompony impressions, but stage Lyra seemed more resistant to the song.
“You shan’t snare me that easily, whatever you are!” she declared. “Now avaunt, you treacherous singer, and trouble my friends no more!” She drew her hoof across her lyre and a burst of cacophony emerged. Notes ground against notes in a teeth-jarring clash that tore at the hypnotic song. Lyra threw her hooves over her ears, though she also made a mental note of the technique. That kind of burst of cacophony might be just the thing the next time she needed to break a spell with her song magic.
What stepped out from behind the trees across the stream were definitely not the sirens the real Lyra had been expecting. Nor, for that matter, were they ponies. To nine of the twelve guests, the three strange creatures now taking center stage were wholly unknown. But for Lyra, Bon Bon, and Trixie, these creatures were only too familiar. Though their oddly shaped dresses concealed something of their forms, these were unmistakably the bizarre creatures known as hominians.
The first of the three had pale blue skin, several shades lighter than Trixie’s coat, and a mane of striped dark and light blue. The second had a mane about the same color as Carrot Top’s coat, and a hide of pale gold. And the third had a striped purple-and-green mane and plum-colored skin.
“Who are you?” asked stage Lyra.
“I am Aria Blaze!” proclaimed the one with the purple-and-green mane.
“I am Adagio Dazzle!” declared the one with the orange mane.
“Hi, I’m Sonata!” said the blue-haired…siren? Hominian? Thingy?, waving one paw cheerfully.
“We are the sirens! Strife is our wine and war our meat!” said Aria.
“Queen Corona has set us to guard the path to the Elements,” said Adagio.
“And promised us lots of tacos!” said Sonata, in a tone that sounded more like Pinkie Pie than a quasi-mythical monster of the Everfree.
“What!?” blurted out stage Lyra, for once perfectly reflecting the real Lyra’s feelings.
“Tacos!” repeated Sonata. “Aren’t they just the most wonderful thing ever! You didn’t have those back when we were last poking around your civilization.”
Aria face…hooved? Facepawed? “Sonata, would you please shut up about the stupid tacos! We have intruders on our hands!”
As one, the three siren-hominians began to glow and rose up off the stage. Shimmering fin-like wings unfurled from their shoulders, and they began to hum in a low monotone. Aria began to sing.
Your will is ours
Shimmering tendrils of light in purple, orange, and pale blue extended from the sirens’ chests, drifting towards the stage Elements. But before they could make contact, stage Lyra came in. Her song merged perfectly into the tune of the siren’s chant, making it seem as though they were singing alternate verses in the same song.
Luna’s my shepherd, I’ll not want
Lyra glanced off to the side, but Princess Luna’s face was conspicuously neutral. Lyra wondered idly how many ponies in La Commedia Della Luna were familiar with the 23rd Lunar Psalm. It had been composed mere decades after Corona’s banishment into the sun, and it had probably been centuries since it had been in common use. Lyra only knew it because she’d spent three years studying ancient songs and ballads, and how anypony who hadn’t spent countless hours digging through the Canterlot Archives had found it was more than she could guess.
As stage Lyra sang, a silver glow formed in the air in front of her. The sirens’ tendrils struck it, and their colors began to bleed into it as Adagio began to sing.
Your thoughts are ours
Lyra took up her song again, and as she sang the colors faded away and the silver began to creep up the tendrils.
My soul she doth restore again,
And then Sonata began to sing. The real Lyra wasn’t sure whether to laugh or scream.
Your tacos are ours
“Sonata,” hissed Aria.
“What?” replied Sonata in a stage whisper. The sirens’ magic sputtered as their song was disrupted, and before they could recover stage Lyra had started into her next verse.
Yeah though I walk neath noonday sun
The silver shimmer in front of stage Lyra shot across the stage and enveloped the sirens in argent energy. Stage Lyra continued to sing, the sirens apparently muffled by the silver shroud.
A table She hath furnished
The sirens seemed to be dissolving into the silvery energy that the Lunar hymn had conjured. Their wings had already faded out, and the edges of their manes and the tips of their paws were beginning to pale. Stage Lyra continued to sing as the siren’s dissolution accelerated.
Goodness and mercy all my life
The sirens were now completely gone, leaving only a silvery shimmer that faded away to nothingness as stage Lyra ended her song. The other five stage Elements blinked and shook their heads as they came out of the trance.
“Mon amour, you saved me!” Stage Trixie galloped across the stage to plant a kiss on Stage Lyra, and the two unicorns embraced. By the real Lyra’s side, her Bon Bon groaned, and Lyra gave her love a reassuring squeeze.
“Where in Luna’s name did this come from?” she whispered to Bon Bon. “I mean, why turn a perfectly respectable set of flesh-eating monsters into these… taco-obsessed dancing bears!”
Bon Bon gave Lyra a quizzical look.
“What?” whispered Lyra. “Look, I’m not saying the sirens weren’t evil, but they weren’t that bad! They weren’t hominians, or obsessed with tacos. Noon, they were actually pretty decent conversationalists, at least until they got tired of talking and tried to sing us into the river.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The stage now showed what Ditzy recognized as the room where the Elements of Harmony had been kept in the Castle of the Two Sisters. And sure enough, the five gray stone orbs of the inert Elements lay in the center of the room, and a hooded and robed figure stood next to them, a staff in one hoof.
The stage Six came trotting onto the stage, and came to a halt facing the mysterious figure.
“Halt and avaunt, ye tresspassers!” The figure threw back its hood, revealing a striped head and mane. “I am Zecora, servant of the Sun! At long last my sorcery has freed Queen Corona from her durance vile, and I shall not permit thee to reverse my workings!”
“In case you missed it,” said stage Trixie, “there’s six of us and only one of you. How exactly do you propose to stop us?”
“Ah, but I am not alone!” proclaimed stage Zecora. “Spike, come forth!”
With a series of thuds, a massive dragon-shaped construct of cloth and, judging from the way it was moving, a wooden frame, lumbered onto the stage.
Ditzy felt her muffin vibrating with glee against her side as her stage doppelganger charged forward. Something sharp and shiny flashed at the ends of her wings as she slashed at stage Zecora, who blocked in a blur of staff-strokes.
Meanwhile, stage Raindrops had taken to the air and, with a bellow of “RAINDROPS SMASH!” bucked stage Spike in the head. The faux-dragon roared and swiped at him, but missed. Then there was a flash as stage Carrot Top shot stage Spike with a blast of laser vision. Stage Spike retaliated with a jet of flame that stage Carrot Top dived out of the way of.
Stage Zecora leapt backwards and intoned “Pegasus Repellus !” A wave of green light shot from her staff and sent stage Ditzy flying back. Before she could recover, stage Zecora struck the ground with her staff and chanted “Creepius Crawlius! ” A half-dozen giant spiders popped into existence, and were almost immediately cut down by stage Ditzy’s wingblades and stage Carrot Top’s laser vision.
The fight continued in much this fashion for some minutes, with stage Ditzy chasing stage Zecora back and forth across the stage while the later shouted out random nonsense spells which summoned everything from jets of green flame to giant bugs. At the same time, stage Spike continued to brawl with stage Raindrops and stage Carrot Top. Eventually, a particularly vicious buck sent him staggering offstage, and stage Zecora was pinned down very shortly thereafter.
“Wait a minute,” asked stage Ditzy, staring at stage Zecora from about a wing’s breadth away. “Why are you smiling?”
“Because I hath won and thou hast lost. I sent a warning unto my Queen before thou entered this room, and…”
The stage vanished in an explosion of light as stage Zecora finished her sentence. “…She hath arrived.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When the flare died down, stage Corona was standing in the center of the stage, wreathed in the crackling fires of her Sun. The six heroes were held pinned down by the Tyrant Sun’s blazing golden field, and stage Zecora stood proudly by stage Corona’s side.
“What madness hath seized thee, traitors and fools?
At that point, Stage Corona raised one hoof and stomped it on the ground. There was a terrible crashing noise, and the Elements shattered, sparks of magic in the various colors of the rainbow rising from their broken forms. Stage Corona continued her speech,
“Thou shalt die first, criminal scum”, she said, indicating stage Cheerilee with one hoof.
“It’s you shall , you throwback.”
For a few moments silence reigned over the theater. Stage Corona’s fiery aura flickered. Trixie was stunned. How in Luna’s name had Double Dash known exactly what Cheerilee had said that day?
“I beg thy miniscule pardon ?” stage Corona demanded, evidently too flustered to speak in rhyme.
“You !” Cheerilee shouted, eyes wide as she stepped forward. “It’s you ! Nopony has used thou or thee or thy for hundreds of years! And it’s shall , no matter the subject! I don’t care if you’ve been locked up in the sun for a thousand years, you said Luna will be able to watch Equestria so I only assume that you could too, how could you not know how to speak Equestrian ?”
Stage Corona’s fires flashed and flared, miniature solar flares lighting up the theater brilliantly. “My command of the tongue far surpasses thy own mangled song!” she declaimed.
Stage Cheerilee laughed. “Command of the tongue …” She licked her lips. “Well, Raindrops here said I’m out of practice, maybe you could show me some of your command…”
Stage Corona’s field winked out, letting the six jump to their hooves. She didn’t seem to have noticed. “I – thou – thou dare ?”
There was an explosion of laughter in every tone and variation of voice imaginable. Pony laughs, the deeper booms of buffalo, the high-pitched shrieks of griffon mirth, even what Lyra was dead certain was supposed to be the barks of an amused Cheeronar, echoed through the theater as sky-blue light enveloped Cheerilee.
“NO!!!”, screamed stage Corona. A blast of golden flame erupted from her horn, stage Lyra dived in front of it, and with a sound like a chord from the world’s biggest lyre the firebolt deflected off the crimson halo that now surrounded stage Lyra.
“WHAT GOING ON?” asked stage Raindrops.
“The Elements are seeking out new vessels!” shouted stage Lyra, above the bell-like chimes that accompanied a purplish halo forming around stage Carrot Top.
“OH,” said stage Raindrops. “RAINDROPS THINK RAINDROPS HONESTY.” And with a noise like the booming of a vast drum, orange energy surrounded stage Raindrops.
“How in Luna’s name are you ending up with Kindness?” asked stage Cheerilee of stage Ditzy.
“Kindness isn’t weakness,” replied stage Ditzy as she was surrounded by emerald light and the piping of flutes. “To bring justice to criminals is to show kindness to all they have or would victimise.”
“Five of the six in truth hath now blest thee,” said stage Corona, evidently attempting to regain control over the situation. “But without Magic, thou cannot withstand me.”
“Magic?” Stage Trixie laughed, as did stage Cheerilee. “The sixth Element is Magic?”
“Of course,” stage Corona proclaimed. “All the other Elements are useless without Magic. It is power. Who but the powerful can afford to be caring or giving? Who but the powerful can expect sincerity or faithfulness from those they surround themselves by? Who but the powerful can waste their days in comfort and joy?”
“You know,” said stage Trixie, “my cutie mark is for magic. But it is not just magic, it is doing magic for others. My destiny, my deepest purpose, is to use magic to bring together and build up ponies. You are wrong, Corona. Power is not magic. Friendship is magic.”
And as if on cue, there was a sound like a blast of trumpets, and a lavender halo formed around stage Trixie. “Corona, The Tyrant Sun, hear now the judgment of Harmony,” boomed a deep voice that didn’t seem to belong to anypony.
“You have embraced delusion in yourself, and fostered it in others.” A beam of orange light shot out from around stage Raindrops to envelop stage Corona, tearing at her fiery aura.
“You have sought not only to hoard what was yours, but to grasp unto yourself what was not.” The orange beam was joined by an indigo from stage Carrot Top.
“You have broken faith with your sister and your people.” Stage Lyra’s red was added to the mix.
“You have brought nought but pain and suffering.” Stage Ditzy flared her wings as her green joined the growing rainbow.
“You have sought to stamp out mirth and joy with your petty laws.” Stage Cheerilee’s blue was added.
“For all these crimes, Harmony judges you guilty.” As stage Trixie’s lavender was added, stage Corona was now wholly invisible inside the rainbow tornado.
“But it is not our place to pass sentence,” continued the impersonal voice while the colors swirled around the now-hidden stage Corona. “No, that right belongs to another. A ruler who has ruled in Honesty and Kindness, who has displayed Loyalty and Generosity towards her people, who has fostered Laughter and Friendship wherever she ruled.” There was a shimmer of prismatic light, and a cobalt-hued alicorn appeared in between the Elements and stage Corona.
“Princess Luna Equestris,” proclaimed what was apparently supposed to be the voice of Harmony, “your sister’s fate is in your hooves.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This night, Trixie had seen La Commedia Della Luna ’s special effects and costuming crews accomplish many feats of legerdermain that even she had to marvel at. But what they had now done was quite possibly the most impressive of all. They’d managed to make Corona, The Tyrant Sun, the mare all Equestria had lived in mortal terror of for a thousand years, look cute .
Their impression of Corona’s depowered form was barely bigger than a filly and sported a candy-pink mane and tail, the former cut into a kind of pixie bob and the latter short and fluffy. She had tiny little baby wings that looked like they couldn’t lift a week-old foal, a stubby little horn, and a round face and somewhat chubby build. The only thing that ruined the impression were her eyes (still the same eerie blank white, though they no longer glowed), and the scowl of hatred on her face.
When she spoke, Trixie noted that her voice had lost its eerie echoes, being reduced to a filly’s squeak.
“I care not what black sorcery aids thee
“Celestia,” said stage Luna, and stage Corona instantly fell silent as though the word had struck her dumb.
“Celestia,” repeated stage Luna, “this is your last chance. You can still turn back, and if you repent and abandon this mad quest to rule everything, you can even get back your Day eventually. It needn’t even take that long, as we reckon time.”
How in Luna’s name did Double Dash think to include this part? wondered Trixie. Most of Equestria still doesn’t realize that Luna is trying to redeem Celestia. Noon, even some of our closest friends don’t get it. How does this pony keep shifting between knowing things that she has no right to know and not knowing the most blindingly obvious facts about us?
Stage Luna took a deep breath and extended one hoof. “Sister, will you accept my friendship?”
““No!” Celestia shouted. “It’s mine! All of it! Everything! Mine! All mine!”
Stage Luna let her head fall for a second, before raising it again. Her horn began to glow dark blue. “Corona,” she proclaimed. “You leave me no choice. You will once more be banished to the heart of the sun. Escape, if you can, but next time, I will be waiting. I will be prepared.”
Blue transmuted to silver-white, but before stage Luna could release her spell, a voice cut across the scene.
“Release Queen Corona immediately, or I shall spill this brat’s life onto these stones!” Stage Zecora stood at the edge of the scene, a knife held to stage Dinky’s throat.
In an eye-blink, silver light flashed across the stage and stage Zecora crumpled to the ground, releasing stage Dinky to sprint across the stage to her “sister.” But in the same instant, stage Corona’s horn flashed gold and she vanished.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The scene was once more the Ponyville town square. The Princess and the Elements were in the center of the scene, with the rest of the townsfolk standing in a close-packed crowd around the edges. Stage Luna was giving a speech to the gathered crowd.
“These six ponies dared the wrath of the Tyrant Sun, risking their lives in order to reach the Elements and free me from Corona’s imprisonment. Had it not been for their courage and friendship, Equestria would even now be under the rule of my mad sister. I wish that I could give them the reward they truly deserve for such heroism, but it was wisely said that the reward for a job well done is another job. Trixie Lulamoon, Carrot Top, Raindrops, Ditzy Doo, Lyra Heartstrings, Blackcherry Lee Punch, kneel.”
The six stage Elements went down on their knees, and Stage Luna flared her wings as she addressed the crowd.
Huh , thought the real Trixie, it looks like Double Dash decided to muddle the timeline a bit. If only Luna really had thought of this so quickly. We might have avoided some of that mess with the Night Court if we’d had a formal and defined role. Then again, if things hadn’t been so bad, we wouldn’t have needed (or dared) to try that sun-addled scheme with Zizanie, and the corruption might still be festering in the court.
“With you now as my witnesses,” stage Luna said, “I declare this: that whomsoever wears one of the Elements of Harmony – if that pony be worthy of it, if they swear to defend Equestria from enemies both domestic and foreign, if they act for the good of Equestria without compromising the ideals upon which this nation was founded, if they display a care for the fate of others, be it the whole of the nation, a city, a town, or even a single pony…then let those ponies hereafter be known throughout Equestria,” she looked back to the six mares who kneeled, “as Knights of the Realm. Let them be awarded all the rights and honors that station guarantees them, and let them further be awarded the Right of Approach. May they forever stand in the good graces of the eyes of the ponies of Equestria.”
“Dame Raindrops, Dame Ditzy, Dame Carrot Top, Dame Lyra, Dame Cheerilee, and Dame Trixie – Rise now as Knights of the Realm.”
The six faux-Elements rose and, as if on cue, burst into song.
My little pony, My little pony
Ahh ahh ahh ahhh...
My little pony
Friendship never meant that much to me
My little pony
But you're all here and now I can see
Stormy weather; Lots to share
A musical bond; With love and care
Teaching laughter; It's an easy feat,
And magic makes it all complete!
You have my little ponies
How'd I ever make so many true friends?
The six faux-Elements took their bows, and the actors began to come forward for their applause.
Author's Note
My thanks to Talon and Thorn and to RainbowDoubleDash for their comments and feedback on this chapter.
An Embarrasment In Three Acts
This was not the single most awkward moment of Ditzy Doo’s life. That dubious honor still firmly fell to the day when her father had dragged her down to Castor Cut’s house, yelled at him in front of his wife and daughter for mounting her, and demanded that Castor pay to support Ditzy’s foal, all while she’d stood there like an overweight, derp-eyed lump.
But even so, being suddenly face to face with the actor that had been playing her in that evening’s embarrassment (still glamoured to look like a straight-eyed version of her, incidentally) had to fall somewhere in the top five. And judging from the look on Mocking Jay’s face, she was finding it just as awkward.
Dinky, on the other hand, seemed to be taking it perfectly in stride. “Miss Jay?” she asked, levitating up her program and a quill. “Can I have your autograph, please?”
Mocking Jay glanced down. “Heh. Sure. Dinky Doo, I presume?”
“Yes ma’am,” replied Dinky, vibrating in place slightly.
Mocking Jay quickly scratched her signature across the program, then returned it to Dinky.
“Thank you for the autograph, and for doing such an awesome job playing my mom!” bubbled Dinky.
“You’re welcome,” said Mocking Jay pleasantly, but her eyes were shooting a look of confusion at Ditzy over Dinky’s head.
“Come on, muffin. I’m sure there’s lots of ponies who want to talk to Miss Jay. And Miss Jay, you really did do a good job tonight. Thank you.”
Ditzy shot a broad and genuine smile at Mocking Jay, hoping that she’d believe her. In the first place, it was just silly to blame Mocking Jay for any of this. She was just an actress playing a role, and doing an incredibly good job of it. And even Double Dash couldn’t really be blamed for the changes to Ditzy’s portrayal, not when it was so clear that she was at least trying to make Ditzy look better. Now, Ditzy’s friends might have more legitimate reason to complain, but again it wasn’t Mocking Jay’s fault that Double Dash had paired Lyra and Trixie, or made Raindrops a stallion.
“That was a very long time ago, Cheers” replied Cherry Blossom with a grin. “I’m a changed mare now. Respectable and everything.”
“Of course you are,” replied Cheerilee. “Still, what are the odds that you’d get drafted to play me , and in a play that I’d come to see, no less?”
“I know, right? You think the Princess had anything to do with this?”
“Who knows? replied Cheerilee with a shrug. “These yours?” she said, gesturing to the two foals tucked up against Cherry Blossom’s flanks.
“Yes,” said Cherry Blossom with a proud smile. With a nod of her head she indicated the one on her left, an earth pony colt with a bright orange coat and a green mane of Pinkie-esque curliness. “This is Squash Blossom, and this one is Rose Blossom,” she continued, indicating the unicorn filly on her right, who indeed had a rose-hued coat and a dark red mane. And also…
“Oh wow, she’s got her mark already!” Cheerilee was fully aware that she was gushing, but she couldn’t really help it. After all, her mark was for seeing people grow and blossom, and finding your talent was always one of the biggest steps along that road.
“So what’s it for?” she asked, gesturing with one hoof towards the half-full wineglass on Rose Blossom’s flank.
“Criticism, essentially,” said Rose Blossom in a surprisingly melodious voice. “When I read a book or see a play or eat a meal, my talent helps me break it down into its individual parts and understand how those parts interact with each other.” She smiled. “Father’s taken to using me as one of his main pre-readers.”
“Yeah, speaking of which, where is Oyster Bay?” asked Cheerilee. “I’d have thought he’d be here to see your debut.”
“Bay Bloom came down with something earlier today. Probably just a really nasty case of feather flu, but Oyster’s staying at home with him just in case.”
“Wait a minute,” interjected Raindrops. “You know Oyster Bay? The Oyster Bay, the novelist?”
“My husband,” said Cherry Blossom with a smirk.
“Ermalu-” Raindrops began to gush, before freezing in mid-exclamation and shooting an embarrassed glance at Princess Luna, who was standing nearby talking to a pony in a formal suit.
“You have got to introduce me!” squealed Raindrops, resuming her gush.
“Hey, I know that guy!” chimed in… Dinky? “He wrote Upon The Wine-Dark Seas , right? Why are you all staring at me like that?”
“Muffin,” said Ditzy in a carefully level tone, both eyes fixed on Ditzy, “Where did you get one of Oyster Bay’s books?”
“Pipsqueak,” replied Ditzy confusedly. “Where else would I get a pirate story?”
Cheerilee stared at Dinky with amazement. Luna’s tail, she’s not being coy. She read one of the steamiest erotic novels on the market without ever realizing that it was an erotic novel, and not just another adventure story like Daring Do or Treasure Island.
Cheerilee began to laugh at the absurdity of the whole situation. A moment later, Ditzy joined in the laughter, comprehension blossoming in her eyes. Then several other ponies began to laugh simply out of desire to join in the laughter. Cheerilee felt a warm tingle in her chest.
This is why we fought Corona. This here. A filly’s innocence, the laughter of friends, this is Harmony.
“Momma?”
“Yes, muffin?” replied Ditzy Doo, with a hint of trepidation. That tone of voice could only mean that the question she’d been dreading all evening was coming up.
“Do you wish I actually was your little sister?”
Ditzy forced her eyes into focus, meeting her filly’s gaze.
“No, not in the slightest. I’ve told you before, you are the best thing to have ever happened to me. You’re sweet, you’re kind, you’re hard-working, you’re smart… you’re my Dinky, and I wouldn’t change that for anything. I wish I hadn’t had to hurt Amethyst Star and May Belle to be your mother, but I’ve never regretted being a mom.”
An internal voice reminded Ditzy that she’d once planned to give up Dinky for adoption and listed out all the times she’d been tired or stressed and wished that Dinky had never come along. The rest of her bucked those thoughts in the barrel and told them to shut up. She was only equine, she was allowed the occasional moment of weakness. And if she was stretching the truth just a tad for her muffin, so what? She was Kindness, not Honesty. She could bend the truth to spare pain.
A smile finally broke out on Dinky’s face. “I’m glad you’re my momma. You’re the best momma in the world.”
And then there was nothing more to be said that could not be better conveyed by a long hug and a good-night kiss.
That was when Bon Bon had woken up. She had just laid in bed for a couple of minutes, holding Lyra close to her, before finally making herself roll out of bed and start about the day’s work. Candy-making had calmed her a bit, slathering her raw nerves with a poultice of molten sugar and chopped nuts, but all that was soon to be shattered. No sooner had Bon Bon flipped the sign to “Open” then a blond unicorn pony trotted into the shop, levitating a sheaf of paper and an acid-green quill that matched the one emblazoned on her flanks.
“Madam Bon Bon?” asked the unicorn in a faux-sincere tone, though her smile was one more usually found on sharks.
“Yes.” replied Bon Bon.
“Pen Prick, with the Equestrian Times . Would you care to comment on the relationship between you and Dames Heartstrings and Lulamoon? Is it a three-way…”
“What?” exploded Bon Bon, cutting across Pen Prick’s questions,
“Has there been a break-up between Dames Heartstrings and Lulamoon? Or you and Dame Heartstrings? Or… did you not know about the relationship?”
Bon Bon’s hoof came down in a stomp. “There is no relationship! Lyra and I are together, and she wouldn’t cheat on me! She’s the Element Of Loyalty , for Luna’s sake! Not to mention that Trixie turns pale as soon as anyone even starts talking about sex! And if you or Double Dash had bothered to do one bucking minute of research, you could have found that out! Now, unless you’re going to buy something, get out !”
Pen Prick raised her eyebrows. “Hmm… very interesting. I see I’ll have to talk to others to get the rest of the story. Now where is Dame Heartstrings, by the way?”
“None of your business.”
“Ah, but it is my business. I’m a reporter. This is my business just as much as candy is yours. And I think I’ll have some sour lemon drops. I like sour lemon drops.”
Bon Bon quickly wrapped up the order and accepted the reporter’s jangles, after which Pen Prick trotted out the door.
Bon Bon let out a long breath. And then the door opened again and a dark blue unicorn stallion with a newspaper cutie mark trotted in, likewise levitating a quill and ink.
Bon Bon groaned.
Trixie looked. It appeared to be an article clipped from a newspaper.
LONGEST NIGHT LONGEST DAY DEBUTS by Jade Vase.
All Canterlot’s highest society, the Knights of Harmony, and even the Princess herself, gathered in eagerness at no less a venue than La Commedia Della Luna last night, to witness the premiere of renowned playwright Double Dash’s much-anticipated latest work, a theatrical interpretation of the defeat of the Tyrant Sun by the Elements of Harmony. Anticipation was feverish and speculation ran rampant. Would Longest Night, Longest Day live up to its creator’s reputation and the deep potential of the subject matter?
We were not to be disappointed. The play began as a side-splitting comedy of errors as Representative Lulamoon, exiled to Ponyville for dumping an ice palace’s worth of meltwater onto Princess Luna, had to struggle with the numerous characters and eccentricities of that locale. Her misadventures had the audience rolling in the aisles with laughter, and the romance between Representative Lulamoon and Dame Heartstrings was enough to warm every heart.
And then Corona entered the scene and the fun and games stopped. Ivory Mask, in her portrayal as the Tyrant Sun, was without a doubt the keystone that held the second half of the play together. The charismatic actress brought her role to life, and reminded us yet again why it is we fear the Sun. The second half of the play was as nerve-wracking as the first half had been side-splitting, and the climactic battle between the Elements and the Tyrant Sun had the audience on the edge of their seats.
Ivory Mask’s performance likewise brought to life the already deep emphasis placed on the shattered bond between Princess Luna and her mad sister. Our readers may recall that it was that same emphasis that saw Octavia Philharmonica’s interpretation of The Symphony For Moon And Sun win Her Majesty’s full endorsement, and Double Dash followed in the Court Musician’s steps in this regard. To see the Princess begging her sister to turn back from her madness, and watch Corona spurn the Princess’s offer of redemption, is something no pony of feeling can experience without tears.
In short, Longest Night Longest Day has proved a worthy continuation of Double Dash’s ouvere, and I can wholeheartedly recommend it to my readers. Other playhouses are already making plans to stage productions of Longest Night Longest Day, both in Canterlot and elsewhere.
“Dear Luna,” said Trixie in amazement. “If this is the tone of the reviews, we’ll never be rid of that play. Not unless Luna sat on it, and she hates doing that sort of thing. Hey, there’s a note too.”
My faithful student,
Please gather your friends together at the Residency this evening. One of me will be coming down just after moonrise to discuss what is to be done about Longest Night, Longest Day. While I have obtained some information, I have as of yet taken no official stance on or recognition of this play.
“It’s me, Ditzy Doo. I come out here almost every day, remember?” she said, making a guess at what the bird wanted.
The two-headed dog, Ditzy thought his name was Schwartz-Liebe, padded up and sniffed her a couple of times.
“Woof?” barked one head.
“Woof,” replied the other firmly.
“Woof,” agreed the first head, bobbing up and down. Schwartz-Liebe addressed a couple of barks to the rest of the animals crowding the field, and then moved out of Ditzy’s way. She trotted up to the cottage, and, after the bear stepped aside from blocking the front door, trotted in.
“Um…” said Ditzy slowly. “Flutters, why are your animal friends acting like the Night Guard?”
“Umm…” said Fluttershy, before taking a deep breath. “Somereporterscamebyandtheywerereallyloudandscaryandsomyfriendsmadethemgoaway!” she said in one prolonged squeak.
“I see…” said Ditzy slowly. Inside she was gritting her teeth. This was going to be bad. Any reporter who would come out here to harass Fluttershy in the first place would certainly have no compunction about castigating her for keeping “dangerous beasts”.
“They didn’t actually hurt anypony, did they?” she asked.
“No, just looked really scary. Except for that one unicorn, Schwartz-Liebe took a bite at her after she hit him.”
“Ok,” said Ditzy. “Look, I’ll go talk to the mayor and tell her what actually happened before those sun-heads get the idea to try and have you arrested for having overprotective animal friends.”
“Thank you,” said Fluttershy, looking relieved.
Ditzy trotted off, unusually worried. She had work to do.
A few hours later, the Elements of Harmony were gathered together in The Official Residency Of The Representative Of The Night Court Of Luna To Ponyville. Just after moonrise, there was a knock on the door. Trixie pulled it open, and a dark blue pegasus stepped through and with a shimmer of magic, turned into Princess Luna.
“Greetings, my Knights,” said the Princess with a small smile, “and thank you all for coming. I presume Trixie has already shown you all Jade Vase’s review of Longest Night, Longest Day ?”
There was a round of confirmations, and Princess Luna continued. “Jade Vase’s is one of the most read, but the other reviews tend to mostly fall along the same lines. There are those who do know enough about you to lambast Double Dash for the inaccuracies, but they are in the minority. And as Trixie explained earlier, Double Dash went to the trouble of making it clear that his play is only based on your exploits, not an actual recounting of them. In short, this play is not going to go away anytime soon, not without… extraordinary measures.”
“Extraordinary measures?” asked Lyra.
Princess Luna looked oddly embarrassed. “I could command La Commedia Della Luna to cancel its performances of Longest Night, Longest Day . I own the theater outright, and I certainly have more than enough bits to refund all the tickets. If I did that, it would kill Longest Night, Longest Day . I don’t think that there is a theater in Equestria that would put on a play I had so publicly condemned, not after what I’ve done to the Night Court.”
Ditzy completed the thought. “But you don’t want to do it. You hate using your power like that.”
“Exactly,” said the Princess. “For myself, I have little to complain of. Jade Vase was right, that play did a better job of capturing the truth about Corona and my relationship than any I’ve seen in a long while. And I’ve learned to accept my subjects’ adoration, even if I do not deserve it. But I know that some of you have more legitimate grounds for complaint, so I felt I ought to ask your opinions on the matter.”
Ditzy spoke up. “I can’t complain about my portrayal either. It would be just silly to complain about Double Dash making Dinky my sister when it was so obviously meant as an attempt to make me look better. Likewise, making me a Shadowbolt was clearly supposed to be an improvement. I can’t complain if Double Dash tried to make me look better, even if I know I don’t deserve it either.”
“Same here,” chimed in Cheerilee. “I can take a joke.”
“As for me,” said Trixie, “the only part of my portrayal that I really objected to was putting me in a romantic relationship with Lyra, and I don’t think killing the play will really help there. The rumor’s already out there, and squelching the play in such an over-the-top fashion will only lend it more credibility, at least among the kind of people who’d believe it in the first place.”
Princess Luna glanced at Lyra, who looked like someone was trying to make her eat one of Honeydew’s creations. “I am afraid that Trixie may very well be right. While nopony would dare put on a play that I have publicly condemned, there are still all too many among high society that would eagerly pass on gossip. And many will take any attempt to suppress the rumors as confirmation of their truth.”
“So there’s no way to get rid of those rumors that I’m cheating on my Bon Bon, or that me and Trixie were a couple and now I’m cheating on Trixie with Bon Bon?” said Lyra. Ditzy winced internally at the resignation in Lyra’s voice.
Luna responded. “The best way to get rid of this sort of rumor is, unfortunately, simply waiting it out. Since there is obviously no actual evidence to back up the rumors they should be eclipsed by some other tidbit of gossip shortly, provided of course that we do nothing to draw attention to them.”
“Same for the rumors about Fluttershy, I suppose,” said Carrot Top, a rare note of bitterness in the carrot farmer’s voice.
Raindrops took several deep breaths before finally speaking. “I don’t like us being misrepresented, but I’m used to dealing with things that annoy me. I’m not going to insist that you throw your weight around just because I’ve got one more thing to be angry about. But thank you very much for the offer, Princess.”
“Sounds like we have an agreement,” summed up Trixie.
“Very well then, my Knights,” said Princess Luna. As she left, she turned and addressed one last remark over her shoulder. “But I think I shall commission somepony to write a more accurate account of these events.”
“Thank you, ” the Elements responded in near-unison.
Author's Note
A big thank you to RainbowDoubleDash and Talon and Thorn for their comments and feedback, which have tremendously improved this story.