My Little Research & Development: Science is Mayhem

by Vexerfrost

Rating: mature
Tags: Sunset Shimmer, Random, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Human, Princess Luna, Anon, Original Character, Second Person, Science Fiction, Sex
Length: 13161

Anon Convinces Celetia to join her royal R&D team. Lucky for them his degree is a Theoretical theoretic physics degree! Join Anon along his journey to not blow all of Equestria up in a lab related accident.

Anon has finally convinced Celestia to let him join her royal Research and Development team. Little does he know that he is the very inspiration that the team needs to finally get some work done. As human inspiration meets the incredible power of magic, My Little R&D will truly see that Science is mayhem!

As Anon grows as a researcher so too does the threats against the well being of Equestria citizens. Will the R&D team be able to adapt to the ever changing threats that plague Equestria or will the Elements of Harmony be the only go to weapon of peace?

Contains nuts,milk,soy ,animal byproduct and Anon. If you are allergic to any or all of these ingredients please refrain from licking your screen

Additional Characters:
Moon Dancer
Mare Do Well
Gummy
That One Manticore from EVERY HiE fic
You mom
A Mary Sue
Pineapples
Princess Fu.. up Twiight Sparkle

Published 2016-06-01 03:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-07-02 20:01:09 UTC

Whiskey in a Jar-o

My little research and development: Science is mayhem

You had finally done it! You managed to convince Celestia to let you use your theoretical theoretic physics degree to join her research and development team. However before you could get any kind of support for you to join, you had to prove yourself to the celestial sisters by developing a single item that would be beneficial to pony kind. Your time limit was till the evening, while they didn't expect you to come up with the next greatest thine like sliced bread, but something to prove yourself to them that you would be a valuable asset to their team of scientists.

Your trial 'lab' is nothing more than a sitting room that was recently unfurnished, spanning out only five feet by three, not nearly enough room to move about in and once some of the Royal guard was so kind enough to drag in a chalkboard as well as a whiteboard and a large lab table, borrowed from the actual r&d lab, into the rectangular space. Leaving you with only a foot of space on each side in the center and two feet on the outer ends. Each of the boards at each end of the room.

Though well lit not a single window was in the built into the room. The magic lighting provided a equally florescent glow. You sit at the far end if the lab table staring that the resources you had stolen, well, rather you acquired for your research: A Mason jar with a silver lid, a plate of asparagus (your lunch, stupid herbivore ponies), and a gallon of sweet tea,as it was hot as balls in this 'lab' of yours.

Cursing the lack of windows, you spent the last four hours of your twelve hours drawing dicks on the chalkboard. Accompanied by slanderous insults about the weight and with of one princess sunbutt. On the whiteboard proudly stood humanities greatest achievements... No you're lying it was rather large depiction if dickbutt. Yet you were still proud of it none the less as not a single pony that went by the opened door of the 'lab' managed to walk past without a second glance. At one point the Royal guard had to step in and remove one pony's head from another ponies ass as she had stopped so abruptly the stallion following her kept going... Right up her ass, head first.

Silly cartoon physics of this works at its best.

Though as amusing as all the hollering was it was rather distracting to your work. Not a single idea came to you. Well nothing that fell within the guidelines given to you. No weapons of mass destruction, guns, magic reliant items (Though if magic was used but not relied upon it's use it would still count, as it had to be a item that any pony could use). Penicillin was already invented in pony land, and healing magic rendered it all but null and void, utilized in only the most rural areas when unicorns were hard pressed to find. Electricity was relevant in bigger cities that were not stationed along a magic lay line, but still rendered any ideas to improve or change pointless as magic does everything it can't.

Not that you were a electrical engineer either. Nope in reality your real degree was shit posting on the internet also known as IT. Network management was what had done before coming to Equestria. Now it was as useful as the drawing of dickbutt on the whiteboard, amusement purposes only. No way in hell were you gonna be able to invent the internet let alone a computer with the nightmarish hell they call technology. On one hand they had I-Pod like items, but used hot air balloons and steam trains as a means of travel.

This was, in the long run a bet that celestial knew she would win. All you had to your name was a full bladder ,a jar ,and lots of tea. Well at least you had free tea. Well that and the free entertainment outside as the Maretaillion duo were currently getting several guards to remove the two. Luckily for the mare the stallion was not a unicorn or, well ouch word just be a small part of it.

"Listen here you bucking wanka, the next time I find you so close to my plot and you ain't a pimple imma pop you a good one ya mook!"
Well seems at least they managed to separate the stallion and the mare. And she was pissed. Wait. Something she said clicked into your mind. It would be extremely close to one of the rules but if you played it right you just might pull this off.

Two hours later

You had once again stolen,err requisitioned several jars of shapes and sized as well as some magic nullification rings of various sizes. The one that had your most interest was the ones designed to restrain earth ponies natural strength magic. It fit perfectly a round the jars lid yet still keep it sealed. It was perfect.

Now all you had to do was test the strength of the jars. You whole plan word fall apart if they didn't do what you wanted it to do. Anything too thin like balloons risked accidentally breaking on the thrower or simply bouncing off the target. Your first stop was to get a 'pony'quin from the forge. Luck was on your side as a silver and blue stripped unicorn with a silver mane, done up in a zebracan style mohawk, was busily working the forge her silver aura of magic wielding a hammer with practiced ease.

The heat of the forge was intense, making a already sweltering day even worse. Taking a sip from one of your tea jars you wave to the smith, who didn't even flinch. Casually hitting the piece of metal in a steady rhythm. The only sound of steel on raw metal before she puts the soon to be sword piece into a cooling bath.

“What pleasure do I owe to have the court jester pay a visit?” the mare asks.

Unfazed by her comment you shrug. “I need a ponyquin for my test trials into their&D team”.

That causes her to scoff, “Really now? Surely you caught her on a off day, she might have caught that Hayfeavor that was going around to allow something like You around the dangerous magics and Whatnots.”

The smith before him name's was Ghostly Forge, a expert in forging exotic and rare material. Her cutie mark was a eerie looking forge and a pale blue ghost surrounding it. She being of half Zebra and unicorn descendant was the source of her blue stripes on silver fur. Even her family was a rather interesting bunch. Her father hailing from Zibraca traveling tracker who specializes in exotic and rare, yet deadly creatures. His travels brought him to Equerstria where he met Shade Slayer, a unicorn mare whose talent was defeating shades and ghosts.

To put it bluntly her whole family was the living embodiment of a /x/ board, but not as crazy...sort of. The reason you know this personally because it was Ghostly that took you in in your early days of getting to Equestria. Why miss the opportunity of a life time to meet a rare and once thought fantasy creature? Sacrificing her own personal time she showed you around Canterlot and invited you to stay over her place till you could get settled on your own. That night you met her parents and after a rather interesting game of run from the weapon wielding zebra. Just like home! Only with a short zebra instead of a angry china man.

You have been staying with her ever since then, rent was expensive in Canterlot and you knew absolutely no one outside the castle, so leaving Canterlot was not much of a option but neither was staying an option either. Nothing on the princesses, you simple didn't want to freeload off their good graces. So you stuck with Ghostly to have a place to stay. Odd jobs around the castle kept you from being too poor so you payed her a small rent every month. Another reason why you wanted to join the Royal r&d team was to have a real job doing something you truly only dreamed of doing. You relationship with Ghostly is a bit unusual roommates yet at times closer then just that, though neither of you feel that your a couple but more so as best friend.

With a shrug you sip your tea and wave a free hand, ”Well? Make with the ponyquin and I’ll be out of your mane.”

“Fine but you owe me for this one, you have to make dinner tonight and were even.” The smith shoot back, her blueish silver eyes in wavering. This causes you to sigh, seems like there will be no meat for you tonight. That was on problem you had to deal with when roomating with a co-worker that had identical hours. One of you would be stuck making dinner for the other. Part of the deal you both came up with to smooth out any initial awkwardness of sharing a small space with a stranger. Damn vegetarian ponies. cock blocking you from your thick juicy meat.

That evening (The TEST)

The test had been successful and you had exactly three ‘prototype’ jars ready for the demonstration tonight. The ponies that have gathered in the throne room were few, but not entirely unimportant, as it was not going to be public knowledge of your test. Should there be a accident, the collateral damage would easily be contained with out any negative publicity on you or the Princess’s part. In attendance was the two Celestia sisters, the captain of the Guard Shining Armor, there to provide a protective barrier if needed, and for ‘moral’ support, more so to laugh at you when you failed or to cheer should you some how succeed, was Ghostly Forge.

“Anonymous, you are here today to present your invention as part of you Initiation test to join the Royal Research and Development team. Provided you kept within the guidelines you are to present your invention to us. Shining armor is present as both a witness to your trails as well as to provide a barrier should the need arise.” Celestia, having finished her official speech of the test, waves her hooves for you to present your findings and or discoveries.

You place three mason jars on a table that was set in the before the thrones. Three simple jars with bands of silver around the middle and sickly yellow fluid inside. Clearing your throat you proudly announce, “I present to you Jarate. A tool for self defense and a very powerful aggressor deterrent. Simply throw it at the aggressor and on impact the jar will shatter spilling its content on the target,the very contents of the jar will cause immediate deterrent and halt to their attack.”

Celestia and Luna give each other curious looks, before Luna loudly scoffs, “That sounds like utter Foalishness, How can a jar with some strange liquid do such a thing? Clearly even a foal could easily levitate the jar away from themselves!”

You give her the biggest shit eating grin you could muster, this was the moment you were waiting for, “ Why princess why don't you find out yourself?” This causes Luna to pause stopping her mid-rant. “Come prepare to attack me with all your might,” you continue, “and if I am correct, then my invention will stop you immediately, If I am wrong.” You pause dramatically. “Well I KNOW I wont be wrong.”

Celestia remains passive as she quietly observes your actions, Luna however took the bait and was getting rather agitated. Shining Armor simply looked bored as he observed with detached interest, as for Ghostly, she somehow had gotten popcorn, the bitch.

“VERY WELL WE ACCEPT THY CHALLENGE, PREPARE TO FACE THE WRATH OF THE NIGHT!” Well shit, now you fucked up.

Luckily you have your trusty Jarate prototypes with you. As Luna goes Super Alicorn level 5 all glowing eye and shit. You could feel the immense pressure of her magic like a wall of force pressing against your body. However you don't falter nor does the trust you have in the jar that is in your hand. "Shining to demonstrate the power of the New age Jarate please place a one way barrier around Luna so her magic can go through but nothing to go in. If you would kindly.” Shining pauses at your request looking to Celestia for guidance, who simply nods for him to do so. Surrounding Luna now not only a aura of starry blue magic but the soft shimmering of Shining Armors pink shield now protecting Luna, with a smirk you lift the jar. Time seems to slow as the liquid sloshes, Celestia watches you lift the jar raise it above your head, as it apexes, you release it from your grasp, the jar flying in a perfect arc.

“THANKS FOR STANDING STILL YOU WANKER!”

Celestia face drops, realization hits her harder then the now flying jar of piss to Luna's head. You had once told her about some of the quirky things in video games in your first few days in Equestria. You had compared what magic could to versus what you had seen in video games, along the lines you spoke to her of Team fortress two as you observed how many nobles wore silly hats and remarked you wished to one day make millions of making a hat store and in sighting a hat related craze.

Horror fills Celestia's face as the jar passes through Shining's barrier without even slowing down nor changing its trajectory. The nullification ring working its charm and passing through the magic unhindered. As the jar smacks Luna on the face, it shatters, spilling urine all over her face, eyes ,and open mouth. Just as she was about to shout her magical attack out.

Silence fills the room as every face is etched in horror, when Luna’s magic aura stops dead, then she gasps like a fish before screeching like a banshee. The crackling of magic stops, even sound seems to cease to exist as Luna’s eyes widen, then immediately shut.
“OH SWEET MOTHER OF FAUST ITS IN MY MOUTH!!!! I CAN TASTE IT,” Luna begin to heave violently, before screeching out,”ITS IN MY EYES AND IT BUUUUUURRRRNSSSSSS,” finally vomiting out her breakfast all over the royal red carpet. “HURRHGGHHGHG,” and some more all over her throne.

Well, it seems your planed worked, a little too well. A single dose of Jarate could stop a fully powered Alicorn in seconds, and applying the magic nullification ring it enabled it to bypass any and all magical wards as well. Just as you had planned it out. A task well done, even a added bonus as a prank against Luna.

“MY EYES THEY” HURK, more vomit stains the wonderful carpet. As Luna squirms and screams Celestia burst out laughing at her sisters misfortune. “Well, that was most certainly unexpected, Using a magic canceling ring to bypass both barriers as well the hidden wards Luna placed, as well as to prevented telekinesis from stopping the object is quite a interesting concept. Not many ponies would have thought to use them in that manner.”

Turning to Luna who was withering over the floor reeking of artichoke urine, “See Dear sister and you said he wouldn't be able to come up with anything of use, and here he found a way to put even the Princess of the Night down.” Turning to face you, Celestia, smiles and nods,”Welcome Anonymous to The Equestrian Research and Development Team. We can discuss your employment details if you wish, follow me.” She glances over to Shining Armor, ”Be a dear and take care of my sister if you would.”

As you both leave Luna withers along the floor cursing your name and the foul taste in her mouth. Well you figured urine trouble with Luna now.

Later that evening the talks with Celestial about your new job and the official paperwork you had to fill out took much longer the you had anticipated. The majority of the paper work was more political and procedures had to be followed. However the conversation that followed was completely off the record.

“So, you used a jar of piss on my sister, huh?” Shuffling of paper work is the only sound that could be heard on the office.

“Yes, yes I did.” you reply coolly

“You know all you had to do was use a cardboard box and write time machine on it, having shining armor sit in it for five minutes and called it a day, right?” She watches you with her motherly eyes curious of your choices.

“I know, but the box I had Ghostly threw in the forge when i demanded her to give me some of her echo-plasim she was saving for one of her freelance jobs, you know the stuff that really glows nicely in the right light,” She nods, “ and she tells me to piss off and magics it into the fire instead.”

“I see, that explains why you took such drastic measures.”

You chuckle at her, ”Oh drastic measures would have been me kidnapping Luna to make her use the time travel spell and steal the formula to Doughnut Joe's secret recipe and claim it to my own.”

Celestia raises a brow at that, ”Well, that IS rather drastic, but are you sure this is what you want to do? This will very well make the whole situation even worse?” Celestia asked in her motherly tone serious hints of concern laced her voice. “Its gonna happen one way or another. I rather be able to make a difference before it becomes too much if a problem.” You respond, this was something you wanted to do, a forgotten dream of a long gone childhood.

“Very well anon now sign your name along the paperwork here and the we are done," Celestia pauses looking over at you from the other side of her desk, in a more serious tone, "and I mean your real name anon.” You complete the contract with your true name, Making Celestia the only pony to know your true identity, for better or worse.

As Celestia lowers the sun and the moon rises you make you're way down the castle halls. Humming a tune to yourself,the only sound in the empty hall when a soft clopping of hooves fill the air. As you turn your face is assaulted by a jar,on impact the jar shatters its fragments dissolving into harmless gel. The contents once inside now coated your face. The substance was a thick dark blue fluid with glowing specks of white and shards of magically jellied glass. You anticipate a rancid smell and taste but none of that happens. Instead you senses is invaded by the sent of evening storms and the taste of, well, moon pies.

"HUZZAH!" a loud boisterous voice calls out, "We have humiliated thee, how does thou like the taste of maregasim all over your face? We spent all evening pleasing ourselves into that very jar!" Triumphantly she cheers, "ART THOU HUMILIATED?"

Well, much to your surprise it was mildly disturbing that Luna masturbated into a jar for the sole purpose of revenge, but then again it was Luna. "You taste like moon pies." It was Luna's turn to be disturbed, as she sputters, her face blushing furiously she turns and gallops away.

Leaving you alone in the hall covered in oddly luminescent mare juice that even stranger so tasted like moon pies. Over all not a bad start on your fist night as a paid R&D intern. If you proved yourself to Celestia you would be allowed to become a full time member. Now to head home and make Ghostly dinner, maybe if you lucky there would be some left over hydra meat her father left from his most recent mission.

Elsewhere

Somewhere deep within the halls of Canterlot caverns the shadow of a unicorn figure stares deeply into a forgotten mirror, for what she saw was not her reflection but something far more sinister. A tall gangling creature spoke to her in a musical tone through the silvery surface, whispers of dark secrets both wondrous yet terrible.

Author's Note

Yes we will be having quite the SCIENCE happening!

Well here it is a story that is going to be a start of a series. For better or worse. First fic and yadda yadda, I would prefer useful criticism so I can improve as a writer. And let me know what you think of the story.
Have a invention you want anon to make? leave a comment and a description about it, if I feel its feasible in this universe why the hell not?

Meet the Team!

Meet the Team?

All around you was nothingness,a black and empty void. Darkness seeped from every perceivable angle you could glimpse, though it was not a hostile darkness. Not like a nightmare of being buried alive, no this was a peaceful kind of darkness, like a warm blanket surrounding you protectively. Yet you were suspended by unseen force. You shiver, not because you were cold, but for the fact you knew exactly what was going on. You were in the dream world, one made by a particular Alicorn who had unfinished business with you. For the fact you were aware of this dream, it was proof enough that she wanted you to be lucid for this dream. However much to to your surprise it is not the dark alicorn that steps out from the darkness but the princess of the sun instead.

“Greetings Anon,” the motherly princess approaches you,”I'm sure you're wondering why I have brought you here.” The princess trots over to your floating consciousness, observing you as she would an interesting insect that happen upon her sitting room. “Praise the sun? Sunbutt is best butt? Cake flank by Celestia? Do any of these statements ring a bell?”

As you try to respond you find that are unable to.You were trapped in your own dream, unable to move or even respond. If you didn’t suffer from claustrophobia then, you most certainly will now as the princess of the sun watches your floating form. A smirk appears on her face causing a chill to run down your spine. It was one of those ‘I know looks’ one that a mother gives a guilty child after catching them eating a cookie they weren't supposed to have till dinner.

“Don't bother Anon, I know all about you lovely writings you left in my sitting room. In such a hurry to impress us with your witty invention you forgot to clear the boards of your most,” she smirks ever so darkly, “Slanderous words, about my flank, as well as my habit of enjoying cake.” She presses her hoof against your form,right where your mouth would be,”Shhh, Not a word, but do give ghostly my regards” With a wink and a quick flip, she bucks square in the chest, causing the dream to abruptly end.

The force of the kick in the dream world causes you to jolt awake. You open your eyes to a familiar dark ceiling,little magically enchanted plastic stars glow softly on it. They were a gift from a dear friend in your earlier days of Equestria. The stars made up the constellations you remembered from your world, a price of home to help you sleep at night. The tranquility of your room ceiling soon passes as panic sets in as you realize you can’t feel your arms. A familiar numbness of dead limbs plague your mind, until a soft snort off to your right brings your fears crashing down.

Turning your head you see a familiar pony snuggling your trapped arm like a teddy bear, her usually mohawke style mane now let down in long flowing ponytail. Her face held a serene look of peace and happiness, as she held tightly to your limb. It was not unusual for her to sneak into your room at night and cling to you. It happened more often than not, her fear of being alone at night often lead her to your room. At first you were put off by it the first time it happened when accepted her offer as to be her roommate, but over the time you spent here you grew comfortable with it, almost expecting it at times.

To think a mare who’s family deals in with the supernatural and Equestria's most deadliest creatures was afraid of sleeping alone. Then again, you chalked it up to a survival instinct, better to stick together then apart. Your mind slowly pull the cobwebbed of sleep from your tired mind, as you rest your head back on the pillow you try to figure out why your other arm is numb. One mystery of a dead limb was solved as for the other limb, turning to your left was more of a surprise than you expected, a vaguely familiar mare with a fiery orange and yellow mane, clinged just as tightly to your arm as Ghostly was. It took a few moments for your tired mind to place the face of the mare to someone you knew. A quick glancing of her body told you it was a pegasus, then it hit you she was the very captain of the wonderbolts, Spitfire.

You have no idea how this managed to happen, as you try to piece together last night's events after your celebration of getting accepted to the R&D team. After getting moonaided by Luna and suffering from a numb tongue due to that , forcing you to take medicine for it, you showered off at home, where Ghostly and a few close ponies to both you and Ghostly had gone out to celebrate your new job. You remember drinking quite a bit, but not enough to get drunk and have a hangover, after all as careless as you could be sometimes, going to work with a hangover would not be a good impression for your dream job.

Drawing a blank as to why, as you listen to the sounds of their soft breathing,then it hits you, the soft scent of cinnamon and what could be best described as African rains. You realized you have a idea of what might have happened. Tiny lesbian horses now trapped your arms, after they had their romp, they must have came into your room to pest you. However since Luna had you in the dream realm against your own will,l you missed out on what they had planned for you.Though it didn't explain why they were clinging to your arms at all. You just assumed whatever they wanted they must have given up and decided to lay down with you for some unknown horse logic.

That's what you're gonna chalk it up to and call it a day. Once you carefully extract yourself from the two ponies you try to wiggle your fingers, though numb they moved on command. Good you won't need to get your arms amputated due to nerve damage or anything, how ever that worked. Now that you were free, the two ponies in the bed scoot closer closing the gap you had caused, seeking warmth they grasp each other in their hooves. It was a cute site, two ponies snuggling each other one a unicorn the other a pegasus, and as much as you would love to interrupt their moment and continue their party from last night, plus one,but you had to get ready for work.

Canterlot R&D Facility

Just outside the Royal Canterlot Research and Development Facility, deep within the Canterlot Castle, once was the very crystal caverns that held long abandoned mines and the once holding place of Princes Cadence during the changeling invasion, now converted to chambers upon chambers dedicated to the Sciences and development of magic and future technology. The conversion process took countless bits, and endless work hours, all in the name of progress. After the treaty with the changeling queen, which had after several attempts on the personal student of Celestia and a few more failed foalnappings that the Queen swallowing her pride approached Luna, seeking the Princess of night for a truce.

The deal allowed Chrysalis to open, ‘Love Houses’ aka (w)horse houses throughout Equestria. In exchange Changelings were used to supplement the building process as well as to allow them to be seen in a more friendlier light in by ‘Helping Equestria’ in its biggest magic/technology expansion ever. Not even the mage's tower had nearly as much of a expansion since the time of Star Swirl the Bearded.

Thanks to the Treaty construction of the Research and Development labs were finished years ahead of schedule. So much so, that it was currently only staffed with a very few ponies, even fewer researchers. The future of Equestria’s researchers were just that, foals and colts were specifically chosen to become the leaders of the R&D laboratories, however now that the job had been finished well before their education was, it was up to Celestia and Luna to hand select individuals that would fulfill the jobs needed now, and then be used to guide and help the new batch of scientist fit into their roles.

Standing before two massive doors, embossed with the moment of signing if the Treaties, Chrysalis and a swarm of changelings on one side of the doors and Luna and Celestia surrounded by ponies signified the new found peace they created for a better tomorrow.

You just scoff at the door, it's bronzed surface flickered in the torchlight, you felt it was rather excessive in the first place, but then again the Celestia sisters had some kind of history fetish and wanted to put it everywhere you looked. Take the throne room for example, Stainglass of every pivotal point in Equestrian history. Speaking of Celestial beings, the princess of the sun, in flesh this time, trots up to you with a warm smile.

“Good morning Anonymous, did you sleep well?” She coyly asks. You only grunt in response rolling your eyes at her. She damn well knew how you slept, like a rock thanks to her sister’s interference.

“You Damn well KNOW, how I slept last night!” you grumble at her, sipping at your coffee you had snagged from the castle’s kitchens, the last cup too. “I missed out on being in a threesome with not only my roommate, but fucking Spitfire! The captain of the wonderbolts!” You inform her with a disgruntled tone.

The princess simple laughs, a musical tone full of life, but her tone turns to a more cautious one, ”You know Anon, those mares would have very well been the end of you.”

You offer her a uncaring shrug,”So, would have been worth it none the less, anyways moving on from my very well non-existent love life thanks to you and your sister, I'm ready for the tour of the place.”

Celestia chuckled as she magics the door open,”You caused quite a stir last night,you know,” she trots in leading you through the doors into a larger chamber,”I sent the details of your Jarate to the team right after you left my office and the team has been working non-stop all last night to not only recreate your jarate but to further improve and make it something...Far more” she pauses smirking,”Appropriate substance inside, for every royal guard and law officer of Equestria to use.The combination of anti-magic ring upon a common item to override the advantage a unicorn has in creating a barrier as well as bypassing telekinesis will give Earth ponies as well pegasi equal footing to in apprehending criminals. Especially in towns and cities that lack the presence of any unicorn guard,” Celestia continues as you follow her through the doorway, leading you down a well lit hall, with a quick glance you notice they are using a combination of magic and electrical lighting, “Crystal Empire for example has only earth ponies as its defenses.”

As Celestia continues to go on about towns and cities that would greatly benefit from a refined version of your Jarate design, you can't help but look around, everything about this compound, that's the best way to describe such a massive laboratory inside a mountain to call it, screams of Evil Villain's lair. You wonder to yourself if you could requisition a cat and shave your head. Then all you would need to do was sit in a fancy chair while you give orders to the plebeians-err scientists.

“Then I took the whole thing up my ass, it was a sight to see, the Sultan of Saddle Arabia was most greatly pleased, though the yak-yakistans were rather upset for the loss of their yams.”

That brings you back from your wandering thoughts, turning to a cocky grinning Celestia,you could tell Troll mode was fully engaged with her, “Really now? Those poor poor yams, I prefer a squash myself, makes good soup.” You reply trying to pretend you were listening.

That brings a grin to her face,”Yes I bet you do,” under her breath you could swear she said something else closely sounding awfully like ,’like my sisters’, She magics opens the door at the end of the hall your journey had taken you to, “And now here we are Anonymous Welcome to the Research and Development lab, This here is the primary lab: Alpha, our top of the line lab where only ,and our only, Department heads and top developers work together to further the better of Pony, no All citizens and allies of Equestria!” With a grand Flourish of her wings she moves out of the way of the door allowing you to see inside to relatively large lab before you.

When you dreamed of becoming a researcher and being able to create great things to benefit humanity you lacked many things, one was primarily money and skills. You had an immense imagination yet no motivation, yet you dreamed day after day of going to a lab and putting together ideas and dreams together to change the way the world was. Now you are living that dream in another life,in a world of ponies. The sight before you is, well...Something you only would imagine in the most far fetched dreams

Before you were several ponies are running back and forth, papers flying through the air only to be collected up in some ponies magical aura, the layout form what you could see was about six decks lined up in rows of two, facing a glass window that seemed to overlook a deeper portion of the labs. From what you could see in the distance were several crystals and stalactites, jutting from the ceiling. To the left of the room led to a open space where several lab tables full of test tubes beakers and some more arcane looking devices covered them. There was even a cauldron bubbling to a low simmer across from the lab tables. To the right, past some pony filing what seems like endless amount of paperwork was a door, that from what you could see past the small window on the door, and by the sign next to it was Staging Area/Testing Room.

Chalkboards full of illegible equations and diagrams dotted the lab. Overall the lab was large with plenty of room to fit several ponies you estimate at least thirty of them could work in here without a problem, however given that there is currently only six in total in the entire room, making it seem overly spacious, then again Celestia had said it was for the department heads, and lead developers. Due to its overly early completion thanks to changeling efficiently the ponies they had pooled together were the best of the best, or so Celly had said.

The total number of ponies running back and forth was about four ponies, another occupied a desk face deep into several books seeming oblivious to the chaos about the room. In the far corner was another, more regal looking pony, his back turned to the chaos, seemingly working on piles after piles of paperwork continued working without even glancing at your intrusion. The one thing you noticed was every single pony was a unicorn except for one, who was staring rather intently at one of the board which was filled with strange acaric diagrams and equations, in the center of it was something that looked like a muffin. She was the sole pegasus in the entire lab.

“I'm telling you a triangle is the perfect shape!” A blue, minty looking pony said as she runs from one chalkboard to another, closely followed by what would be described as a bacon colored pony who in a more commanding tone,”No Minuette, It's not as aerodynamic as a spherical shape, and that's not even a practical design!”

You look to Celestia and she simply smiles that smile, you know the one she gives ponies when she is up to no good, that trademark ‘Trollestia’ one, before trotting away, “Have fun Anon~”

You look upon the chaos of the room and sigh, you were never good at introducing yourself to others. You were a naturally awkward person, the less exposure to others you had the better, that's why in the long run you took the IT job, you had minimal contact with people and those you did were equally awkward or at least decent enough of a person to understand your awkwardness.

Taking a moment to breath deep you put on your winning smile...well at liest you think it was a winning smile, it more looked like a cringe then anything, and say say hello. The entire room stops what they were doing and stares at you, well except for the book horse and the regal looking pony in the corner. Before a collective gasp fills the room and you're surrounded by ponies, each clamoring for you attention. You wave your hands back and forth feeling rather overwhelmed by all the attention, before the Bacon maned pony clears her throat, and magicking away the mares around you.

Ladies, please, let the human breath, and introduce yourselves in a orderly fashion, no need to overwhelm the newest member of the team now, I for one look forward to finding out his specialties.I always found humans to be” she gives you a coy smile,causing you in turn rub the back of your neck awkwardly,”Intriguing.”

Meet the Team!

Electronics and Lighting Expert:

“Hi I'm Spark Plug! Electrical and lightning specialist,I'm the sole designer of ALL of Equestria's electrical systems!” she giggles lightly, “not that I built it all by myself, it was thanks to Celestia taking notice to my master thesis in Celestia’s School of Gifted unicorns that she picked me to pioneer a new means of energy for cities that were less populated by unicorns and were off the Mana Lay-lines”

The unicorn mare before you was a light purple mare with a violet mane,light streaks of white trail through her mane like bolts of lightning. Her Amber eyes full of excitement watched your every move. Her cutie mark was of a jar containing a spark inside it. She seems awfully friendly if not a little twitchy, occasionally she would make a slight twitch of her ears. Physically speaking she was rather plump, not a fat plump but a mare with fat in the right places. Kinda a Equestria equivalent of a cute curvy girl, only a cute curvy mare instead. She offers you her hoof and you both shake it,”It's a pleasure to meet the newest member of the research and development team, now if you excuse me I have to get back to work on my time machine, now that you're here I can go back to my side project.”

Oddly enough you watch the mare return to her desk and pulls out a cardboard box, ‘Time Machine’ written in what looked like crayon, on it with drawn in valves and readouts. With a quick glance you could swear you see actual computer chips glued to it. That can't be right, Celestia swore that computers were not yet invented, and they were still in the early ages of very basic electronics, with the occasional tech leap from private entrepreneurs like a D.J that made her own Ipod like device.

Muffenologyst:

“Hi! I'm Dr.Ditzy Doo, and have a Doctorate in Muffinology!” she smiles widely, though she was facing your direction one of her eyes seem to wander off on its own direction giving her a cute little cross eyed look. Stupid cute cross eyed ponies and their tiny little doctorates in baked good, gonna give you diabetes on how cute that was. She was a blond maned grey pegasus whose cutie mark was of bubbles, and you noted that she had quite a flank on her, if you didn't say so yourself.

“That is really adorable Dr. Doo, what exactly if muffinology?” you ask trying not to go in diabetic shock

Her smile brightens,”It's the study of muffins and how to improve and make them even better! From discovering new flavors and keeping the warm and moist! I am one of the few who holds a doctorate, only three other ponies have a degree and one of them is a friend in ponyville, the others are in Manehattan and Los Pegasus.”

Well what do you know, in ponyland you can get a doctorate in breakfast goods. After introducing herself to you she returns to her chalkboard staring at the muffin on the board then licking it. Wiping it clear off the board before sticking out her tongue and making a blech sound.
Diabetes is no joke

Sir Gummy:

It's a baby alligator. Wearing a top hat and is in a lab coat. It even has a little I.D. tag that says Sir. Gummy: Partyology Specialist. This leaves you speechless, bad enough you nearly stepped on it, luckily Spark noticed him before you did and moved him out of the way, otherwise you probably would have had a baby gator gnawing on your leg. No one seems to comment on him, and it just stares at you, occasionally blinking one eye then the next. Unable to formulate any kind of logical response you move on to the next member of the R&D team. AS you walk past you hear a party blower go off, and turn to see gator now has a party favor in its mouth and occasionally it would roll out with its breath.

The Time ~~Lord~~ specialist (part time anatomy specialist ):

You find yourself in a chair staring at the ceiling. You begin to wonder to yourself, was the chair you're seated in was design for you or was it the cartoon logic this world ran off of that dictated that you just so happen to have a chair that was properly set for your height. As you stare at the ceiling the moderate sapphire blue eyes of the blue minty pony bobbed in and out of your vision as she was examining your teeth, giving an occasional ‘hmm’ and ‘uh huh’ at your teeth. You would like to say this was only going on for the last five minutes, but it feels like it's been far longer.

“You have quite the dental structure, a mixture of both herbivore flat teeth for grinding as well as carnivore incisors, no cavities either, it seems you maintain your teeth regularly.” the Minty pony relents her magical grasp on you and you rub your tired jaw. You get a better look at the pony before you, another unicorn with a blue coat, her mane was a two toned almost violet blue and a white-ish blue, with a cutie mark of a hourglass.

“I'm Minuette!” she gives you a bright smile as you work the kinks out of your neck, “I specialize heavily in time magic with the occasional dabble in anatomy and dentistry, I tend to find myself with a lot of time when you can manipulate time itself so well.” she chuckles as she offers you her hoof. You shrug and shake it in turn. “I help with time management as well as anything time related in our labs, as well as anything anatomy related”

You point over to Spark Plugs Cardboard time machine,”And what about that?”

Following your finger she shrugs, “Even I don't understand what she is trying to do with that, it's not really a functional time machine it lacks the proper magic to do so. Why with magic I could easily use Star Swirl the Bearded’s time spell and go back in time at any point but why change the past? I prefer to get as much out of my time by going back to experience something new each time, and not bother to change what happens, after all we create our own fates why not enjoy the ride and experience all there is to offer?”

Well that was rather deep,you offer a thank you to her and decide to move on to the next pony, you had a feeling that you would have plenty of time to discuss your thoughts about time and such, even though deep down inside you would get the age old answer: “Big ball of timey wimey stuff”

~~Book horse~~ Magic Spell Specialist:

Before you was a unicorn buried face deep into books, which very well could rival a book fort with the amount of books around her. Her mane done up in a top bun, was brilliant amaranth with moderate purple and grayish violet highlights, while her coat was light yellow gray. Her dark purple eyes were quickly flying quickly from word to word as she skimmed through the book. You awkwardly watch her speed through the book at a rather quick pace. Unsure if you wanted to disturb her as she seemed very busy, the moment you start to move she clears her throat and looks up at you.

“Moon Dancer, Magic spell engineer and personal friend of Princess Twilight. You human have put us under a lot of stress as of late and my personal studies have been put aside for this project,” she scowls at you,”So you very well not buck this project up, this is our one chance to prove to the princess we are not just a waste of resources”

While tempted to point out this ‘project’ they were working on was your idea, you decide to let her have her moment, as the ‘new’ guy you rather not step on any toes at the moment, well hooves as it is. You wanted to be able make a good impression on everyone on the team, after all, if this was gonna be your job having everyone on your side versus being against you would make keeping the job hard, and harder still if everyone hated you it would be hard pressed on Celestia to remove you from the team entirely. No let the book horse have her moment. She had said they were under a lot of stress, which makes you wonder what Celestia had asked of them before you got here. Quietly you leave her to her research and move on to the next pony of the team.

Department Head:

“Anonymous, Welcome to the Research and Development team, I am Sunset Shimmer, Head of the Department, I already read your file and know everything I need to know,” The unicorn mare was brimming with confidence, her vivid crimson and yellow mane seems to glow in the well lit lab, her cyan eyes seem to watch your every move. You didn't even know you had a file about yourself, let alone done anything to warrant one. Though if you had to guess as a foreign entity pop up out of nowhere in your land, taking notes of its actions and behaviours would be a wise idea.

She smiles softly,”Relax, Anonymous I have had personal dealings with humans before,” she pauses,” Well, perhaps human like beings, seeing how you are so similar, yet so far from the ones i have dealt with. I am the department head of the R&D team but I would like for you to treat me like you would a friend, a work environment is far more successful when everyone gets along well then if everyone were to fight against each other. That is why each of the departments are all working together, we are a team, not individual departments vying for funding or fame, but one single entity working for the bettering of Equestria!”

She gives a flourish of magic as she speaks as if to emphasize her point, but more quietly she softly speaks,”I want to be the first to thank you for your idea, it's primitive and highly barbaric, but it has been the most this team has had in months to work with. So thank you Anonymous.”

The Proprietor,Business Head,Prince,PR Rep, Best looking Stallion in all of Equestria, and Council member,Did I mention most Dashing Stallion in all of Equestria?:

“Was all that necessary?” You ask the stallion in the corner doing piles of piles of paperwork.

“Yes, Anon, yes it was, Now that we are in a more formal environment, I am Prince Vladimir Blueblood, founder and funder of these research labs you see before you, funded by my own personal sources, in hopes to one develop a tool that surpasses even the elements of harmony. The very safety of the land should not fall on the reliance of only six mares, it's the responsibility of a leader to provide for their people a means of peace.”

You had met Blueblood previously in your early days of Equestria in less than formal occasions, often running into each other in the halls of the castle on your way to or from work. He had been arrogant and a complete asshole to you, you couldn't help but return his shit attitude right back to him. If there was one thing more in the world that you despised it was stuck up rich bastards with too much money and far too much ego to follow. That night both of you ended up in the castles infirmary. After he had challenged you to a duel it quickly dissolved from a gentleman's duel to a backyard brawl.

It was in that moment the two of you bruised and battered that you met the REAL Blueblood, a strong arrogant, yet scared stallion. Being a prince had its problems, more so then you had imagined, from toadies to gold digging wenches to people expecting him to be able to fix everyone else's mistakes. After the two of you left the next day he offered you his friendship, being the only creature in Equestria to actually stand up against him and actually back up his words. From there he was still a dick but in the end he was also a good friend, somehow.

Now that the introductions to the team was over it was time to get involved in what all the excitement was about. Every one of the ponies had returned to their previous places, with Minuette and Sunset Shimmer were going over basic shapes still, Moondancer buried in books, Spark in her box, Blue filing paperwork and Dr. Doo had redrawn her muffin, but seem to added little circles to simulate blueberries.

“Anonymous, this was originally your invention, why not come over here and let's discuss the new design for the container?” Minuette she waves you over with her hoof, shrugging you join the two mares at the table and look over the designs they had made up so far. Which really could be summed up between triangle or circle.

“If it's gonna be utilized as a throwing device then I would suggest using a more rounder shape like the sphere design here, more aerodynamic and all…”

Two hours later

After discussing and deciding on the shape and what materials to use for the initial casing of the NuJarate, it had taken longer than you had imagined, at one point you had suggested square as a joke and both mares had taken that into account for storage purposes but you managed to get them to stick with a sphere shape in the end. It made more sense to throw a ball then a triangle or square.

What really had your interest was what materials they had proposed to use. Many of them were some kind of enchanted crystal and enchanted woods, but when you reminded them they also had to implement the magic suppression rings the had to go back to the drawing board. Glass was quickly thrown out as not all ponies were as durable as a Alicorn and having the guard hospitalize ponies all over Equestria would not look good at all for the princesses.

Surprisingly Dr. Doo suggested they use a special tree resin that could be molded in any shape and once it was filled with a substance it would be sturdy enough to hold its shape but weak enough to break with just the right force on impact.

You nearly jumped out of your skin when Moon Dancer threw a book onto the table and used her magic to highlight a part of the page. Trotting up to the table she pulls up a chair and waits for you to read what she had highlighted.

This was the part you needed to inform her you can’t read old Equestrian, modern day you could though, as it was plain as English...well it was English. However Old Equestria was pretty much cryptic runes and odd pictures.

“Typical, the point I'm trying to make here is we could utilize changeling secretion for the base of the substance, adding in, more foul smells and taste, would keep the intended effect while still being a strong adhesive like material that can resist basic magic. Its glue like nature would enable easy incapacitation of pegasus as well as quicker moving earth ponies.” Moon Dancer looks to you with an annoyed scowl, “Not that you would have know that, I think we made a breakthrough today, Let's call for lunch and begin drawing up the paperwork for the materials we will need to get a working prototype.”

A number of grumbling agreements on the lunch break fill the lab. You take a moment and reflect on your initial feeling of coming to the labs and after doing some actual work, compare the two. Sure Moondancer was being a bit of a cunt, but on the other hand, you have yet to prove yourself to her either. Given time you know you would feel like a true member of the team, after all with Blue watching your back and Sunset staring at yours...OK, that's a bit creepy, you feel you would fit right in in no time.

“Yeah let's do lunch then we can see if we can't get some test done by tonight!” you say to everyone as you all file out of the labs, I can't help but be excited for this!”

Author's Note

Well here chapter 2 of this nonsense, Took me about almost three days of constant working on and stepping back to get it done. We met the cast of this show now for next time we see how wonderful Science can be with live test! Feel free to leave comments and point out error so I can go in and fix em, and let me know what you think of the cast too!

Tendies in Time

Chapter 3 Tendies in Time

“Alright ladies, mares I know the perfect place to eat lunch and it's nice and quiet so we can discuss the shape conundrum,” you tell the team of mares following you as you lead them through the winding streets of Canterlot. It was one of the best restaurants that served some of the more hard to get foods, like oh so delicious chicken tenders, deep fried to perfection. It was a rare menu item that they only got once a month. One was due to import laws against meat from Griffonia, and the other was due to a lack of interest. Why serve something no one eats, especially when the only customers were ones and only every so often a gryphon from out of town visiting for a wonderbolts show. Which coincidentally is once a month. This was the one day you could get the fried bird meat, which always made you wonder, ‘Was it cannibalism if a gryphon ate chicken?’

A slap on the back of the head from one very annoyed looking Moon Dancer brought you out of your thoughts. “What the hell was that for?” you angrily snatch the newpaper out of her magical grasp

“You were drooling like a ape that you are. You are part of the Royal Research and Development team, as such you need to behave as such.” She leers at you before walking past you. It seems in your daze of wonderous food you led them right to where you wanted to go. What a stroke of luck.

The establishment was simple if not plain, a stark contrast to the gelded and glimmering buildings that surround it. The lack of intricate architecture, golden plated siding or even a elegant if not flamboyant signage made it dull, if not completely plain. Outside seating was available for clear beautiful days with several umbrella shaded tables dotted the fenced in cafe. It reminded you of the cafes you saw in France in those fancy movies. While the inside was lined with booths and a simple diner like counter where two ponies and a gryphon worked. From the corner of your eye you notice the ever faintest flashing of light. When you look around you see nothing, shrugging you step inside the inner courtyard, you have a great feeling today was going to be the greatest.

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Today has been great, you got to examine the human teeth AND make a new friend. Who would have thought you, Minuette, would have gotten the perfect opportunity to examine a alien from another dimension's teeth? It was a once in a life time opportunity, and as a up and coming dentist in the world, a little thing you like to do when you aren't working with some of the more boring stuff. Like expanding Starswirl's library of quantum mechanics and time spells, you worked on getting your degree in dentistry. A little help from your rather proficient talent in time spells you were able to MAKE time to go out to earn your degree, many times in cases where you would never be able to be in two places at once. Half the time it simply meant you would learn the knowledge and pass it on to your past self.

Smiling to your self as you trot along your team through the streets of Canterlot, you can help but thing that Anon seemed pretty cool. A bit new to the whole research and development thing, but he seemed like he was more of the idea colt then a practical building things colt. Which was fine, they had WAY too many build colts in the fabrication labs and not enough thinkers, and you felt that's what your team needed. A fresh mind to the collective. Blueblood was determined to out do the elements of harmony as the go to weapon of friendship and pacification, but he was wrong, friendship IS magical, she witnessed it first hand when Princess Twilight came back and saved Moon Dancer from herself with friendship. Why...wait...no

Before you stood on a empty table in the cafe anon was leading you was a cactus. Not just any cactus, but THE cactus. Mr.BoomBoom. A cold shiver runs through your spine. She can't be here, she was banned from riding on the train, and she had restraining orders placed on her by nearly every noble in Canterlot. She should have all but been banned from coming to Canterlot. Yet here a single piece of evidence, the lone cactus with crudely written words Mr.BoomBoom, the tip glistening in the bright sun, still wet from Celestia knows WHAT orifice it had been in.

You had to get everyone away from here. For their own safety and sanity. Before you know it the whole restaurant explodes. The blast lifts you off your hooves, and send you reeling through the air, before you cast a protective sphere around yourself, just in time before you collide into a building sending you down back to the ground on your hooves. The heat was intense even with a protective bubble around you, a spell Twilight taught you the day you got accepted on the R&D team,as she knew all about lab mishaps. Staring in horror a blazing inferno stood before you where your team and a restaurant once stood.

They were gone.

You feel a sharp pain in your heart, gone...They were dead, all of …

“WEEE THAT WAS FUN!!!”

Expect for her.

“I TURNED UP THE HEAT!”

In the flaming wreckage a sea-foam green unicorn trotted out uncathed, no not unscathed her mane and tail was on fire, yet she casually walked out of the burning inferno. Right up to you somehow now carrying Mr.BoomBoom, which was now just a broken pot and a half eaten cactus.

“MUNETTE YOU SEE BOOM! MR.BOOM BOOM LIKE BOOM! MAKE MOAR BOOM!”

Your eye twitches, Lyler, the unfortunate twin of Lyra. You loved Lyra like a sister, yet her twin...Her twin was an aberration of nature. You cared for her, you couldn't bring yourself to hate her, but she was an anomaly in normal society.

“MY HEAD FUR FEEL FUNNY,BUTT FURR FEEL HOT!”

“Lyler, what did you do?” You grind your teeth, holding back the immense rage and tears that threaten your composure.

“NO TENDIES! THEY SAY NO, I SAY THEY GO!”

“So you burn the place down because of that? Your sister and I discussed with you burning buildings down is bad,” you pause, you know you have to fix this, and you know perfectly well how to. Thankfully you knew the perfect spell to do so. “Lyler, tell me EXACTLY what you were doing before you made boom.”

Looking at Lyler she had the remains of the cactus wedged in her, oh sweet Celestia, it's in her bleeding anus. “MY BUMBUM FEEL FUNNY!”

“J-just focus for five seconds and tell me what you did.”

Lyler stares off into space before proceeding to scoot in circles on her bleeding rear like a dog, somehow her mane and tail is still somehow on fire yet, not harming her. Until she falls over and the fire consumes her like a toilet paper roll in a bonfire.

You have no words, and only face hoof, upon looking down you see that she had scooted out some words. “FIRE COOK TIENDIES FAST.”

BAD END

Right...Time to well go back in time and fix this horrid mistake…

Ten minutes before

You rush ahead of the group and teleport directly into the back of the shop, just in time to catch Lyler lifting up a gryphon chef and shaking him back and forth.

“YOU BIG CHIKUN,U HAVE BIG TENDIES,GIB ME TENDIES!” screeching at the top of her lungs, as the horrified chef shakes and quivers in her hooves, behind him the gas stove was turned on max, yet the pilot wasn’t lit. Concluding that was the cause of the explosion you move quickly to turn the stove off with your magic and carefully approach Lyler.

“Hey, Lyler dear, let the Gryphon down, he's not a chicken, he doesn't have tendies. Let's go get Mr.BoomBoom and have you go back to Ponyville, I'm sure Lyra is missing you right now.”

“TENDIES FOR THE TENDIE GOD!” With a horrific shriek Lyler tosses the the gryphon out of the backdoor of the cafe and charges into the restaurant. The abrupt appearance of the unicorn and her hysterical ravings sending the patrons into a mass hysteria. Chasing after Lyler you watch in horror as Anon opens the door to be trampled to quite presumably to death by fifty panicked equestrians .

“Mother Bucker...Let's try that again.”

Bad End 2

This time you teleport in the kitchen, turn off the stove and barricade the kitchen doors, leaving only the back door as a means of exit. Once again you talk Lyler down and she tosses the gryphon out the door, seeing that there was only one exit Lyler screeches in a high pitch whine and rams her head against the barricade before turning around and running after the gryphon.
The resounding silence was a breath of fresh air, rubbing your ears with your hooves. Not that was taken care off you teleport back with the rest of the team. Only to see Lyler had somehow manages to hijack a taxi carriage and had the gryphon pulling it as it careened down the street you close your eyes, as something warm and wet splashes your face.

Bad End 3

Try number four, This HAS to be the right way to do it. Teleporting to the kitchen grab Lyler throw her out the shop, turn off stove, and send gryphon into the cafe part. Simple. Or so it should have been had Lyler not obtained a bucking chainsaw. How in tartarus did she get it? You can only blame one particular pink mare residing in Ponyville. For Chainsaw related emergencies. But that wasn't the worst part, no not even the flying limbs of poor diners doing their best impressions of the french revolution, no it was the fact she kept spouting witty one liners. “BUZZ OFF”, or “This is gonna cost you a arm and a leg”, or “I'm going out on a limb on this one”, “Heads up”, “YOU ARE DISARMED!” It was more horrifying than the gruesome scene before you. You had no choice but to go back and stop the pink one this time. For the fate of all of Equestria and the proper use of one liners.

Cheesey 80’s Action Movie End

Going back once again you decide you need to do something more drastic this time. Simply having Lyler leave the kitchen or risk her getting killed would only be a problem you did not want to deal with, after all killing your best friends unfortunate twin sister would not weigh well on your conscience. Proceeding to stop the stove, save the gryphon and halt Lyler in your magic you carry her out and set her out in front, ignoring the confused glances from your team mates. You Set Lyler down in front of Mr.BoomBoom.

“MR.BOOMBOOM U ARE HERE! HELP ME GET TENDIES!” Lifting the cactus she starts to suck on the tip of it,”ME PRACTICE FOR PEEPEE!”

“Umm...Minuette, Who is that and why is she sucking on a cactus?” Anon asks you as she and the team gather around Lyler and you.

“Uhh...This...is a no one I know...I uhh, just helped her get here as she was lost…I got to go.”

Awkward End

EVERY single time you try to go back and save that Celestia damned mare, something goes horribly wrong, and you reached your limit. Your mane was frazzled your eye was twitching and you had enough, you thought you had finally figured out just the right pattern to stop this wretched circle of death and destruction, somehow she summons a bucking eldritch horror from a blood sacrifice of Anon. Gripping a stretched out coat hanger you had one last task to do in order to restore order of the world and once again return the timeline to a good end. Using a more forbidden form of time travel magic you find yourself inside a cozy cabin, a mare was peacefully rocking back and forth, Ms. Heartstrings, the soon to be mother of twins, well not anymore.

“You and me have some words to share,” You glare holding up a coat hanger in you magical grip, before the mare before you could react you leap upon her.

Present time

Happily you skip along with your team, earlier that day you spoke to your best friend Lyra, it was a miracle she survived your previous time exploit but lo and behold she had still been born as healthy as could be. You lucked out when you scrambled the right egg so to speak...In front of the cafe was a single cactus with crudely drawn on writing, “Mr.BoomBoom.”

No...That can't be right. You went back to ensure this wouldn't happen, this had to be pure coincidence. Sweating you quickly teleporting into the back from the kitchen.

There she was, alive and well...as well as she could be. “HOW ARE YOU ALIVE? I ABORTED YOU?!?” you can't help but scream at her.

As she stuffs the Gryphon’s head into her crotch she slowly turns her head a full 180 degrees, “I GOT BETTER!”

Then it hit you, it was YOU that made her like that. You didn't need to stop her, you needed to stop yourself. Taking a deep breath and focusing on a far simpler spell. One that would send only your mind back, a form of data transfer through time. When you come to, your once again standing in front of Mrs. Heartstrings, “Take care of them,” and with a sad smile you return back to your timeline.

This Current year

Something was horribly wrong yet again. The once clean streets of canterlot was barren and desolate. Buildings were worn and battered as if abandoned for years. Looking around the streets, not a single pony could be seen. Posters battered and worn bore a image a familiar face.

“TENDIES FOR THE TENDIE GODDESS!” surrounded the image of what looked like Lyler, but as a Princess Alicorn and not a simple unicorn, “Or SUFFER HER WRATH!”

“Oh...no bucking way…” You gallop through the streets trying to find someone or something familiar . Only to find empty lifeless streets. Not a single sign of life for hundreds of miles around. You decide your only hope is to seek out the castle, just maybe one of the royal sisters would still be around for help.

When the ruined castle comes into view you gallop as fast as your tired hooves would carry you. Much like the city the castle was in equal if not in a state far worse of wear then the city ever was. The walls had long fallen to some unknown assailant the gates torn as if they were merely paper and tossed aside. Discarded weapons and armor dotted the open courtyard signs of a battle long lost in time. Vines and hedges over grow the once meticulously maintained gardens, some completely covering parts of the fallen towers.

You were terrified, what exactly happened when you went back in time? Where did you go wrong? One stop at a time your hooves echoed in empty halls, leading to the throne room. Before you stood the doors that once were opened by two guards to allow access to the Royal sisters court. Now there was only crimson stains in the spots they once stood. Shivering with fear you push open the large doors, the hinges screeching loudly in the empty halls.

Before you in the throne once Celestia and her sister once sat, was now occupied by a Seafoam green Alicorn. Her mane was longer than you remembered, flowing gently in a unfelt breeze. Resting on her six hooves upon her broken throne, her cheery simple smile, was nonexistent, instead a broken hearted expression stained her face. She doesn't even look up when you get inches from her, her coat soiled by dirt blood and other unsightly things that would horrify a nobel. Yet when she breaks from her distant trance her eyes fall on you, for the briefest second a glimmer of hope flashes, then fades, giving you a knowing look she flairs out her six wings before speaking:

“My mother did not realize she was having twins. She did not catch the telltale signs of a pregnancy or the complications that would follow. Nor that she would bear twins. Your actions did not change the world, Minuette, it was your words that did. Take care of them. Four little words that altered all of history. Take care of Them, you see, it was not because I was aborted and got better. It was not because I was dropped on my head too many times, it was due to complications at birth I became the pony you once knew, until you forewarned my mother of her pregnancy and of having twins. In the end it saved Lyra and my life, there was no complications, no defects, only two healthy happy unicorn foals.”

She pauses wrapping one of her torn and broken wings over you pulling you in a tight hug, though her stench was putrid, you did not falter in return the hug to your friend. Comforted she lets you go and continues, “Over time I grew up smarter than anypony else so much so that Twilight Sparkle was not the one selected as Celestia’s student, Nightmare Moon would never be freed, discord word forever remain imprisoned and chrysalis would never survive her attack on Canterlot. Without Twilight to ascend I did so in her place as Celestia’s protégé. When the demon came that stole our ponies magic, I was left alone. Celestia gave me her all her magic and hid me from the world until it was safe once again. When the dead walked, I had no pony nor the power to help save those who were left. When I sank into madness demanding the few survivors to bring me breaded meat of a poultry I had no pony to stop me. You created a time where Ponykind has gone extinct.You and I are the only survivors”

Raising from her throne, joints stiff form countless days if not years of sitting creak and groan loudly, stiffly she stumbles off the worn and broken chair, her crown, taken from the former princess herself after her passing, clatters to the ground, a ghostly sound that echos in the empty courtroom. Grimacing in pain Princess Lyler stands tall once more, before a long lost friend.

“But how are you acting,” You pause trying to find the right words, ”Acting so, well normal? I mean you have six wings and six hooves? How is that even plausible?”

Princess Lyler waves her hooves dismissively, "I have moments of clarity in the deep fog of my mind, Traces of Celestia’s magic still guides me when the time is right, like now, I my mind is clear yet soon I will once again be the very being I was condemned to be from the start,so I ask of you not as the sole surviving princess but as a friend, to go back one last time. Stop not yourself and your team from leaving the labs. Save Anonymous when the time comes as he is key to our salvation. I, Princess Lyler, ask this of you and grant you the magic you need to return home and undo what was done. Save pony kind and tell Lyra. Tell her I'm sorry I couldn't be a better sister, that I was a burden to her and her life. Tell her I love her with all my heart. Now Go the darkness draws near lest it takes you and our kind’s last hope.”

With a tears in her eyes Princess Lyler turns to face the courts doors. Prepared to make her final stand in a soon to be dead timeline. “Go now, this time is doomed to fail. If you succeed, all my pain all my failure will be made to nothing, so Go me dear friend, go and change the future for a better tomorrow.”

In a bright flash you catch a glimpse of a tall dark figure bursting through the doors then nothing.

Earlier that morning right after the introduction with anon.

“Hey girls what do you say we go get lunch outside the castle?” Anon cheerfully asks full of excitement for finally being a member of the R & D team.

You rub your hooves against your eyes, it worked you once again returned to the proper timeline.

“I was thinking going to the cafeteria would be better that way we can grab something quick and get right back into the shape dilemma as we eat,” you optimistically pipe in. Several nods of approval greet you much to your relief.

“Very well most efficient if I say so myself,” Moon Dancer adds in leading the team into the corridors that would take them to the castle grounds.

Relief washes over your being as the nightmare was finally over. Yet for some reason you felt this was just the beginning of something far more complex than you could ever imagine.

In another timeline

The dark figure walks toward Princess Lyler, as the magic disperses it reveals a tall human, causing the Princess of Tendies to gasp, “ANERN?!?! YER ALIVE?”

The human smirks, ”Not even Tarturous could hold me, you know that Lyler, I made a promise all those years ago, it's only fair I keep it. Plus I'm good with dogs so Cerberus was no problem at all. Now how about we blow this joint? We hot a population to restore, you, me and some kick ass tendies?”

He reaches over to her and brushes his hand against her muzzle.

She came and started farting

“LOOKS LIKE SQUASH SOUP IS FOR DINNER!”

True end?

Author's Note

I want to first off thank FlutterPriest for looking over this chapter for me. For letting me use his ever so horrifyingly amusing character Lyler as part of the Tendie quest as many writers have Lyler travel through the universes to find chikun tendies.

Second of all I would like to apologize to anyone who read this chapter, and yes, this is actually cannon to the story. All I'm going to say is there was some foreshadowing involved.

I'm not actually sorry, it was too much fun to do to be sorry
I had a blast typing up the chapter and we have only one last chapter till the beginnings arc is over. Stick around because I still have a lot of ground to cover for this story and the world is just unfolding before us.
Thank you all for reading this and for you patients of my ever so slow updates.