Author's Note

Before I start this story, I'm going to put two things out there. One, I'm a huge fan of horror, Thriller and scary genera You will not meet anyone like me when come to the knowledge of the weird. This has a draw back when I became apart of this fandom. A lot of people like the stories like Cherilee's Garden, Rainbow Factory, and Pages of Harmony. Now I'm not going to jump on a soap box and claim these story are horrible, far from it. I enjoy them like I enjoy movies like Red Dawn or any Nightmare on Elm Street movie. (Except the remake, that can go to hell.) They are not perfect but they are beyond entertaining. But something happen when I decided to read Cherilee's Garden recently.

I realize that most of these Grim Dark stories are just retelling of famous stories with ponies plug in. Pages of Harmony and Cherilee's Garden are heavily influence by SAW and Rainbow Factory is really just Soylent Green with Scooterloo as Charlton Heston. Is this a bad thing? No, it just show how we easily adapt these characters are into other stories. But for me, it make the stories easily predictable and the gore not at all disturbing. (I eat Stephen King for Breakfast and crap out Love Craft. I possible need help.) So after I read the first chapter and saw how easily Cherilee got away with it. (Seriously? Is there no such thing as a arson investigator? Two of the pony were melted by ACID!) I decided to write a parody of all the Grim Darks.

The second thing I want to point out is the reason I choose Derpy/Muffins as the one to be trying to kill. It comes down that i can not find a story of her in a Grim Dark. I shall correct this wrong, kind of. So with out anymore delay, I give you Into the Muffin of Madness.

Prologue: Loneliness and muffins are a dangerous mix

The day started like any other day in Ponyville. The sun was shining and birds were singing their happy little song. Almost every pony was either enjoying the beautiful summer day or having fun with each other. Almost every pony, for there was one lock in her house and falling in to a deep depression. Muffin aka Derpy Hooves was looking at a letter from a bank that was station in Canterlot.

“Dear Miss. Hooves,
This letter is to inform you that the Bank of Canterlot is rejecting your request for a loan. The reason for this is due the failed business of Derpy Moving Services and Derpy Printing Press. Due to both of them having a combine debt of 20,000 bits and the payment is five week past due, we regret to inform you that we have to foreclose on Muffin’s Baking and Cooking. We ask that the premise be vacated in the next one to two business weeks. Thank you and have a great day.

With Regards

Bank Management Coin Point”

She look at the letter for a few more minutes than swipe it off the table in angry. She feel rage build in her and with a shout of angry, slam on her small kitchen table with such a great force that a hole was punch right through.

“It not fair!” She shouted, getting up and started to pace. “I work hard and provide a service that every pony needs. What do I get in return? So what if those other two businesses failed. I would have them pay off in a year if they just let me open a shop in Canterlot. But who get approve instead of me. Rarity’s Carousel Boutique. For Celestia’s Sake, most of us don’t wear clothes. I bet if I was one of the “Elements Bearers” I get to get what I want.” She slump down next to her book case and pick up from one of her muffins. It was a berry flavor and one of her favorite one but right now, it taste of ash.

“All six of them get to do what they want and run the rest of us out of business. Pinkie Pie working at Sugar Cube’s Corner has double there profit and kill my business. At least mine’s don’t cause diabetes!” She shouted and threw the half-eaten muffin at the wall. It broke apart and blasted into a million pieces. “Why? Am I curse like my mother said or is this why daddy left us? Because I’m a constant screw up.” With that, she broke down and just wept a while. She laid her head back and bump into the bookcase.

The case rattle for a bit and one of the book drop down right in front of Derpy. She look to see it was a book she bought a while ago. The title, The Most Heinous Crimes of Equestria by R.L. King. She pick it up and open it to a chapter called Murder and how they got away with it. She started to read in great interest.

"It is said that murder is rare in our fair world but it does happen. The famous one was a mask pony by the name of The Puzzler. This pony was identify by a plane white pony mask wearing a long black robe covering the body, making it impossible to identify anything. The only thing known is the pony had a deep voice. The unknown pony was said to target citizens who committed crimes and put them through horrible trials that usually harm or in some extreme cases of, cause death. The Puzzler was never caught and some theorize that she move to a small town or village and now live out their days as a lowly citizen, waiting to strike again."

Derpy read and reread the passage as a thought accord in her head. It was these six who cause her so much problems. Rarity with her store, Pinkie Pie with her constant cupcakes, Rainbow Dash always ragging on her and… well, she’ll find something to hate about the other. Derpy got up and started looking around her house. She knew what she need to do and it was going to take some planning. And she needed a test target to see if she can do this right. Like lightning, it dawn on her who to test it on.