Into the Muffin of Madness

“Alright, is everypony here?” Twilight asked as she set down at the large dining table. Her friends had gathered for a late dinner. Twilight was originally planning to use this dinner for a small get together that they held every month but due to recent events, it was now a time for planning.

“Honestly, I don’t see a reason we need to talk about this unpleasantness.” Rarity pointed out as she grab a fork to start eating. “I mean, none of us got hurt and I don’t think the pony behind this is going to be trying to grab us any time soon.”

“I think we are doing this because what if this pony decide to go after some pony who can’t defend themselves.” Rainbow Dash pointed out, picking at a meal in front of her. “ Even if this masked pony is a moron, it only a matter of time before they get lucky.” She put a fork into a beet and pop in her mouth.

“Oh, don’t worry girls,” Pinkie said, shoving as much food into her mouth as possible. She was getting a feeling that she needed as much food as possible, didn’t know why. “I mean it not like the masked pony got shot into the air and landed far away from here. And now the masked pony is on a rampage, heading right for us while arming to the teeth with magical items.” The group looks at Pinkie with raised eyebrows.

“Well, that oddly specific.” Apple Jack said.

(About a mile down the road.)

“Go to Ponyville they said.” Snake Oil mutter to himself. “They're all panicky and will buy anything, they said.” He pulls his cart to the side to the road and sighed. “Except for the fact that have literally have a god to protect them. Now where am I going to sell all these amulets?” He leans on the cart and looks up at the sky as it was starting to turn to dusk. He looks over to see a pony limping down the road, looking tired and pretty beat.

“Hey!” Snake quickly open his cart and pull out his wears. “You know it a dangerous road. Maybe you should take some…” He quickly pulls out an amulet. “A protection charm.” The pony, which Snake realize was a pegasus, rolled her eyes and continue walking down the path. Snake was not losing this sale. “Come on, this one practically makes you invincible!” The pegasi stop and slowly turn around.

“How invincible?” She asked, limping over. Snake smiled and pull out the rest of the amulets.

“Well, this one.” He pulled a golden chain one with a small shield. “It will protect you against all magic. This red one allows you to triple your strength. This green one make any weapon you are hold not to break.” Snake smile as the pegasi hold the items. “This is going to be the best sale ever.” He thought.

“Speaking of weapons, you don’t happen to have any?” the pegasi asked. Snake turn back around and pull out a box that was in the back of the cart.

“Now if your worry about Timber wolves or Manticores, this thing will keep them back.” He opens the box and inside were a bunch of sticks. “I call them Knock out stick. It will render any creature unconscious for about five hours.”

“What about ponies?” The pegasi asked. Snake was a little taken back by this but handed one of the stick to her.

“Concern for the safety of other ponies.” He said. “Well, not to worry. The stick will only knock out another pony on the second hit.”

“Good to know.” The pegasi mutter and before Snake could react, she swung the stick hard. It connect with the side of his face and causing him to fall onto the ground. Snake tried to get back up but with another loud crack and his world was engulf in darkness. “Now, time to finish what I started.”

(Outside of Twilight’s castle)

Muffin let out a sigh as she slips through the front door. She didn’t know if she should be angry that no pony was locking the doors or glad. But she did run into another problem. “Those knockout stick would not be good enough to do the job. Muffin thought. “And there wasn’t anything close to a weapon in here…” just as she was thinking this, she saw a red box with a glass front.

IN CASE OF FIRE, BREAK GLASS. Was printed in bold on the glass. Inside was a fire ax, looking recently sharpen. Muffin stare in shock and then a smile crept on her face. “Well, that’s a freebie.” She said as she broke the glass and pick up the ax. “Now that I got a weapon, I should be able to finally get my revenge on…” She swung open the door and saw a long hallway of doors on each side. “Okay this will take longer then expected.”

***

“We been over this.” Twilight said, slightly annoyed. “No of us know what this masked pony looks likes and was most likely using some kind of potion. Dose any other pony have an idea?” Twilight look across her friends and saw them all look like they were all out of ideas.

“As fun as this is, I’m going to stretch my legs.” Apple Jack said, pushing away from the table. “Hey, Twilight. Where your bathroom again?”

“You want to go down the third hallway on your second left at the fourth door.” Twilight said quickly. She look to see that Apple Jack was still looking at her, with a face of bewilderment. “Jeez, you’re just like Spike. It not like this place is a maze.”
* * *

“This place is a maze!!!” Muffin shouted. She had maybe chop down five door and all they did was lead to closet or some kind of storage room. With each door she broke down, she was getting more and more angry. She ran over to another door and quickly start chopping it down. When she saw a hole large enough to stick her head to see the other side.

“HERE’S DERPY!!!” She shouted, only to see the room empty. She let out a roar of angry and quickly pick up the ax. She bashed a hole into another door and quickly look inside.

“MUFFIN HOOVES!!!” She shouted again but this time a lone unicorn greeted her.

“Hi, Muffin. I’m Starlight.” The unicorn said.

“How many room are in this castle!?!” Muffin shouted. She look up at Starlight. “Hey, I’m a special delivery pizza pony and I’m looking for Twilight Sparkle. Do you know what room she at?”

“Well, she having a meeting with the rest of element at the dining room. That the last door at the end of hall.” Starlight said, not seeing the ax.

“Thank you.” Muffin said and started running down the hall. Starlight turn around and was continuing practicing her spell when she realize something.

“Wait, she didn’t have a pizza.”
* * *

“Look, can you just draw me a map or something?” Apple Jack asked, hoping from hoof to hoof. Twilight was about to just lead her there when a loud crack filled the room. Every pony turn to see an ax breaking through the door. After a few swing, they see Muffin’s head poke while holding a timer.

“I’m Celestia, I’m Luna and I’m also Cadiance. All of this and King Sombra tonight at the Galla in sixty minutes!!!” Muffin shouted. All six pony jump back as Muffin chop down the rest of the door.

“Wait, Muffin!?!” Twilight shouted. “You’re the one behind this? But why?”

“Why? WHY!?!” Muffin started coming closer, holding an ax high above her head. “All I want to do is be important, to have purpose. But every time I get close, one of you six always beat me to it. I tried opening businesses that have purpose but what beats me is fashion shop and sugar filled muffin. Well, NO MORE!” She dive at them. The group spilt and duck under the table while Twilight flew into the air. She shot a spell at Muffin but watch as it bounce off harmlessly.

“Nice try but I did a little shopping. There isn’t a spell you can throw at me.” Muffin shouted and swung at Twilight. Twilight dive to the side and slide under the table as Muffin crashed into a wall.

“Okay, she got something that protect her against spells, so any idea of attack?” Twilight ask as they heard Muffin struggle to pull the ax out of the wall.

“I want to know how she got the ax. No pony sells fire axes unless…” Rainbow Dash started and then turn to Twilight. “You didn’t buy fire insurance, did you?”

“Pinkie said it was important.” Twilight counter. The group groan right before an ax blade burst through the table, allowing Muffin to see them under it. Twilight used a levitating spell and threw the table into the air. Muffin was takin by surprise, allowing the main six to escape into the hallway.

“This castle is made out of stone. It not going to catch on fire!” Rainbow Dash shouted as the turn down a corner.

“More running, less talking!” Apple Jack shouted. But as they almost got to the exit, Muffin slide in front of them, ax raised high.

“There no where you can run.” Muffin said, not even out of breath.

“That it!” Rainbow Dash shouted, jumping into the air. “Magic might not work but how about this!?!” Rainbow dived right at Muffin. Muffin block it and whack Rainbow with the blunt end of the ax like a bat, sending her flying right at the other five. They duck as Rainbow Dash crash right behind them.

“You think I didn’t get something that protects me from physical attacks?” Muffin shouted. “Just face it. There is nothing you can do!!!” A loud crash was made above the group and every pony look up as the ceiling cave in. The large piece of the ceiling landed on top of Muffin before she could react and a bright light descended from the sky. The group look to see Celestia land on top of the rubble.

“Celestia!?! Why are you here?” Twilight asked, still a little shock.

“I’m here because you student send me a letter for help.” Celestia said. “Now what seem to be the…” Before she could finish, a hoof shot out of the rubble and nailed Celestia right in the gut. Celestia’s face contort in pain as she shot into the air and then she drop to the ground right on top of Rainbow Dash. “Right in the Sunspots.” Celestia gasp in pain. The group look to see Muffin crawl out from under the rubble, still holding the ax.

“As I was saying, there is nothing that can…” She was cut off when the wall to her left exploded and cover her again in debris. Luna flew in and look at her sister, who was on the ground.

“SIS!” Luna shouted, clearly shock. “What happen? Who dare strike a royal?”

“It was Muffin.” Celestia moan, still trying not to move. Luna tried to keep a straight face but as soon as she spoke, it was clear she was trying to hold back laughter.

“Muffin?” Luna tried not to laugh, but a snick broke through. “You got taken out by Muffin?”

“She got some kind of spell or something.” Celestia mutter. The rubble rumble and Muffin pop out, face cover in dust and breathing heavily.

“Is there anymore alicorns I should KNOW ABOUT!?!” Muffin shouted. Luna look at this in disbelief.

“This is a joke, right?” Luna said, starting to cast a spell. “You think a small amulet is going to stop my spell?” She fired her spell and it encased Muffin in a large fire ball. “Next time, try bring out you’re A…” She stop, because Muffin emerge, unsinged.

“What? Surprise?” Muffin said, picking up her ax. “Or maybe you should bring you’re A game.” Luna’s eye twitch and with a blast of magic, she summon a large battle ax.

“You really want to fight me? The one who fought Discord and Lord Sombra to defeat? Do you have a death wish?” She said and charge at Muffin. Muffin look a little shock and barely had time to block the first strike. There was a fury of hits as Luna try to land a hit while Muffin quickly block as fast as she could.

“Yes, I have her on the ropes. I can’t believe she was able take out my sister.” Luna thought as she effortlessly swung her ax.

“Celestia here, Luna here, all six of the elements holder are here. This has been one giant mess, just like that changeling incidents. Except now I don’t Lyra here to hide the bodies.” Muffin thought as she dodge a couple more swings. Luna did a large swing, leaving her exposed at the gut. Muffin took the opportunity and brought her back hoof up. She kicked as hard as she could. The hoof made contact and Luna was taken by surprise as the pain rip through her gut. She fell from the air and collapse to the ground.

“She hit me in the gut. Why did she hit me in the gut?” Luna said, moaning in pain.

“Not so funny when it happen to you, ay Luna?” Celestia moan. Rainbow Dash rolled over and was leaning against Celestia.

“Is Luna going to be okay?” Rainbow asked, still daze from being batted across the hall.

“Get your hoof off me!!!” Celestia growled, getting back up, still a little shaken. Muffin started laughing madly as she look down at the group, all of them shaken and some in fear.

“Now, you shall fear the almighty…” Muffin raised the ax over her head when a loud whistle pierce through the air, causing Muffin to drop the ax. They all watch as one of the amulets glow a bright red and project an image of a pony head in the air.

“Thank you for purchasing the trial run of: Protection charm, Magic Warding spell and Triple strength spell. The trial has expired. If you would like to purchase the full version of these charms, simple make payments to: Snake Oil. Thank you and have a wonderful day.” The pony head disappeared and all three amulets broke into dust. Muffin look down in shock and then back at the three alicorns.

“You know, the funny thing about amulets…” Muffin started to say before getting hit by three separate spells. The force of Celestia’s, Luna’s ,and Twilight’s spell hit Muffin with enough force that in shot her through the front door and high into the air.

“We need to follow her.” Twilight said. There was a cracking noise as the final, undamaged wall fell down, leaving the group exposed to the night air. “Let’s prey she doesn’t land somewhere that could cause more trouble.”
* * *

“Years of research and planning have led to this glorious moment.” Doctor Hooves said to himself. He was staying up late to make sure that the time spell he was working on would work. It was going to be his crowning achievement and get him to be the first earth pony to make a time spell work. As long as nothing interfere with the spell. He hit a switch and watch as a large portal started to formed. Doctor Hooves smiled gleefully as he watch the portal getting larger and larger. As it reach it peak, he step back to keep from falling in

“Yes, I did it!” He shouted. He ran to his window and open it wide. “You hear that world! I created a time spell!!!” He look up at the night sky and sighed. He notice at that moment something coming right at him, at amazing speed. “Wait, Rainbow Dash should be aslee… OH SHIT!!!” He duck just in time as an unconscious Muffin shot into his house. He watch as she bounce around the room like a rocket and landed right into the portal. There was a flash of blue light and the portal disappeared with Muffin.

“My work…” Doctor Hooves mutter, a bit broken. “Well, at least I still got my notes.” He turn to the wall where all his note and charts were hanging. A large flash suddenly blinded him and he heard a high pitch whine ring in his ears. When his eye sight return, he saw Celestia, Luna, and Twilight standing right where his wall was. Their lips were moving but all he heard was the high pitch noise.

“I said, have you seen Muffin?” Twilight repeat. Doctor Hooves had a hoof to his left ear and was making a weird noise.

“I think he stunned.” Luna pointed out.

“Who blows up a wall!?!” Doctor Hooves shouted. The three turn to see that he had partly recover. “The door is right there!!!” He pointed right beside them to the right.

“Sorry about that but we need to find Muffin.” Twilight quickly paced the room. “Have you seen her?” Doctor Hooves look annoyed at Twilight and walk over to a scorch mark on the ground.

“Yeah, I saw her. As she flew into my time portal!!!” He shouted. Twilight look at the scorch mark and her jaw drop. “Oh sweet Celestia.”

“Hey!!!” Celestia shouted but was ignored. Twilight look at the scorched marks and back at Doctor Hooves.

“Where did this portal go to?” Twilight asked panicky.

“Well, it was only supposed to go five minutes back.” The doctor explain. “But the increase of magic that was in her from being hit by your spell probably send her back an hour or so.”

“About that.” Luna was rubbing the back of her neck. “What if all three of us hit her with a spell?”

“Well, in that case.” Doctor Hooves said as he turn to the door. “I’m going to pray that she doesn’t step on any butterflies.” And with that he walk out of the room. The three alicorns look at each other confused.

“Well, it not like she can do anymore damage.” Celestia said. A loud bam rock the room and Luna look out the window.

“Hey Twilight.” Luna said, pointing outside. “Your castle is on fire.” Twilight ran to the window and her jaw drop.

“How!?!” She shouted. “It’s made completely out of stone!!!”

“Did you perhaps leave your stove on?” Celestia asked, peeking over the two as the castle burn brightly.

“No.” Twilight moan, letting out groan of frustration. “Dose any pony have it worse then me?”
* * *

(About a week in the past.)

"Now that I have all of the supplies to make my traps, I shall have my revenge!" Muffin rant to no pony, gathering up items. A large cracking noise caused Muffin to turn around as a bright light filled her house. When her eyesight return, she saw a beaten up version of herself sitting in front of her, dazzed. The beaten up version shook her head and look up.

"Are you from the future?" Muffin asked.

"I guess I am." The wearly one moaned.

"Did we get our revenge?" She asked excitly. The future one smacked her over the head.

"Dose it look like we got our revenge!?!" She shouted. Muffin whimper and backed away a bit.

"So I guess we shouldn't try to take out Twilight and her friends?" She asked. The future Muffin shook her head and turn to a window.

"No, what we need to do is..." She was cut off by another flash of white light and the two look to see a third Muffin. this one wearing what look like a burnt sport mask and a large amount of smoke coming off her.

"That won't work." She said, before coughing out some muck. "It seems that their idea of a camping trip is to do it near a dragons lair."

"Alright, well maybe we should..." another flash interupted them and this time, two masked Muffin appeared, both worst for wear. "This is going to be a long night."

(Back at Twilight's Castle.)

Twilight and the gang were sitting by a fire, doing random things when Rarity look up to the window.

"Twilight, was Celestia planning an early sunrise?" Rarity asked, kind of confused. Twilight look up from a book about fire spells.

"No, Rarity." Twilght answer. "why do you ask... what in the name of Equestria?" Twilight jump from her seat and ran over to the window. The whole group look out to see a giant mob of pony holding torches and pitch forks. The strange thing was, they all look like Muffin dress in diffrent costume.

"We did cover the mirror pond, right?" Twilight asked outloud. The whole group nodded. "Okay, just making sure. So, what do we do?" A large roar from the sky allowed them to see a Muffin riding a large dragon with a sword drawn.

"I kinda of want to fight the dragon." Rainbow Dash said, watching as it bellow out a flame. Twilight sighed.

"Let's get to work."