Why ponies don't take drugs.

by Midnight Nebula

Rating: teen
Tags: Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Other, Random, Derpy Hooves
Length: 935

When Twilight gets bored with Friendship, she turns to cooking Meth. A lot of ponies get high and the general I.Q drops 3 points. You may loose half a brain cell reading this.

3rd time making this damn description. :ajbemused:

Twilight gets sick of all the heebie-jeebie that surrounds friendship and turns to drug dealing.
Twilight has a few screwups and a lot of ponies get high and the general I.Q drops 3 points.
Muffins act as Twilight's drug concealer, but she has to first steal the muffins from Derpy.

You may loose half a brain cell reading this.

By Midnight Nebula

Published 2016-06-05 06:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-06-05 06:30:01 UTC

Derpy's secret (Not so secret) muffin stash (Was stolen on the weekend.)

"Rainbow Dash!!! For the last time, it is NOT! I repeat NOT! A sexy dungeon!!!"

Twilight has been overly persistent on this subject for about two days now, it's starting to worry everyone, she is already super pissed off about it.

"Just admit it. You made a sexy dungeon in your free time!"

Twilight is the Alicorn Princess of Friendship. She has a berry body and a Dark purple mane that has a pink stripe. Her cutie mark is a star with five other smaller stars surrounding it.

Rainbow Dash (Rainbow) is a Pegasus pony with a rainbow mane and a light blue body. She has a rainbow lightning bolt coming out of a cloud as her cutie mark.

They stop next to a conveniently large bush.

"No! It is an absolutely fine dungeon with chains, whips, prodding irons... Ball gags... Latex... Umm... Yeeahh..."

Twilight is rethinking her choice of 'Torture' devices she is using.

"Twiiliight"
Pinkie pie bounds out of the conveniently large bush with a grin that means that she knows that she's about to win an argument. Everyone knows the 'Winning smile'.

Pinkie Pie (Pinkie) is the most cheerful, energy filled pony in all of Equestria. She has a medium pink body and a fuchsia mane.

Pinkie is an earth pony that plans everyone's perfect party in Ponyville. Even with nightmare moon on the loose, she somehow manages to find time for a party.

"You TOTALLY have a sexy dungeon, don't ya?"

"Shut up."

Twilight says, looking defeated. Pinkie rubs it in for a minute, then hops away giggling.

"Now, Le-"

"Don't say another word, unless you want to be like Fluttershy, Tied up-Wait..."

"You did that one all by yourself! Baa hahaha!"

Rainbow Dash goes hysterical, flies up into the sky, gets a cloud and puts it over Twilight's head.

"Aww COME ON!"

Twilight is sick of all the bullshit and just gives up.

"Wait, what did you say about Fluttershy?"

Rainbow Dash hovers next to Twilight as she realises what was said.

"Umm..."
Twilight is frantically looking for an excuse for saying that the shy, yellow pony was tied up.

"I didn't say Fluttershy... I said Buttered Thyme. Yeah, Buttered Thyme."
Twilight pulls a fake smile as the Pegasus looks her up and down.

"Yeah, right."

Rainbow Dash stares down Twilight. She starts to sweat from the pressure that the flying Pegasus is applying from the intense stare.

"Ok, I trust you," Blurts Rainbow Dash. Twilight lets out a little sigh of relief as her friend flys off.

"C'ya tomorrow!"

Rainbow dash bolts off into the distance, leaving Twilight for her shenanigans.

"Oh shit."

Twilight goes into full panic mode and starts talking to herself like the bratty princess she is.

It's almost like that one time she burned two of the most important scrolls in Equestria, but no one knows about it as she pulled some 'Men in Black' shit on all who saw the old books burn.

Twilight then has a brainwave that will forever change the way that ponies live.

"AHA," Twilight blurts out as she thinks the unthinkable.

"I KNOW WHAT TO DO NOW!" Twilight doesn't really know what she will do, but she still sprints for derpy's house at full speed as she thinks of what to do next.
...
"Bingo," Twilight says to herself maliciously.

How she got from dungeons to stealing muffins will never be explained, but it somehow, it did.

It's like saying "I'm going to kill you!" to then saying "Will you marry me?" and the other person says "No" and runs away with her boyfriend.

Two completely different ends of the spectrum, but somehow you can think of a situation where that would happen.

Twilight arrives at derpy's house, exhausted and thirsty from all the running and she somehow forgets that she was going to steal from the derpy pony without her even noticing.

Twilight knocks on Derpy's back door.

"Who is it?"

Twilight barely notices Derpy talking.
"WHAAATTT?"
Twilight thinks that this is the most suitable plan of attack. To sum it up, It wasn't.

The next few minutes was filled with the two ponies screaming to be heard by the other. Then after 3 minutes of yelling, Derpy stops.
...
The faint sound of hoof steps gets closer and louder to Twilight as Derpy walks to her back door.

The back door swings open as Derpy yells "CAN YOU HEAR ME BETTER NOW?!" right next to Twilight's right ear.
"OWW!"
Twilight rubs her ear as Derpy apologises.
"What are you in my backyard anyway?" Derpy questions Twilight.

"I thought this was your front door!"

"No, I keep my mailbox in the backyard. But every morning I have to shoo away this Stallion with a satchel holding letters out of my yard."

"Umm. Derpy?"

"Yes, Twilight?"

"You know that he's the mail pony, right?"

"What's a Mail pony?"
Derpy rubs her chin as she tries to recall her education on 'How to identify is somepony is an Intruder or Mail pony.'

"Nevermind, Can I come in?"

"Oh, yes! I'd love it!" Derpy puts on a huge grin as she lets the Princess into her house.

"Thank you so much for having me inside your house Derpy! I was really tired after walking all that distance to..."

Twilight's face freezes as she realised that she just sat down in front of the owner of the house she was supposed to be robbing.

"Fuck. Can I do ANYTHING right?" Twilight leaves the room in a fit of rage.