Proofread by Hunter Steel

Chapter 2: F♠♫k My Life

“Ugh mi fucking head.” {Ugh my fucking head}let me tell you, waking up in a bathtub of ice to find your chest cut open and your organs harvested is not a nice experience. “The bloodclaht!”{The fuck} Yeaaaa, hmm how does it feel you ask? Actually, it surprisingly doesn’t hurt, well not at first the combination of sedatives and a recent shot of adrenalin from seeing your inner wiring tends to mellow you out. “Wa the fuck a gwan”{What the fuck is happening}. Did you know they don’t just take your kidneys, yep, they also take your liver, pancreas, bladder and well anything else they can harvest. Why am I not dead you ask, and how the fuck am I awake?

Well for that I assume because of all these tubes and wires, but who knows, as for me being alive, fuck if I know, maybe they want to keep everything fresh? “Lawd god, lawd god, lawd god no.”{Oh god,Oh god,Oh god no} Ha, and they said this shit never actually happens. “Aright think, think weh mi dey”{Alright think, Think Where am I}. In other news turns out there’s a cure for diabetes, yea, it’s MY FUCKING PANCREAS!!!

“Oi, what a gwan mon.”{Hey, what's up man} I was never a religious person you know, funny how that turned out I would usually do my best to avoid church. “Lovely evening don’t mon”{Lovely evening wouldn't you agree}. Oh and then there’s this guy, He’s my ‘doctor’. “Yu don’t look too good yu know mon, the engine still working, but your filters are gone, a few other things too.”{You don't look too good, Your engine is still working, but your filters are gone, a few other things too}.

“Uhg, who you? Wol on, nu you mi see dis morning, wa di rass yah du.”{Ugh, who are you? hold on you're the guy from this morning! What the hell are you doing!}.

Now you may be saying (wait what, this must be the wrong chapter, how did this story go from the magical world of prismatic equines to some guy being gutted for spare parts) and to that I say shut the fuck up and listen. Anyhow, this all started a few days back.

♫♥♠♦♣♫

Well it’s another standard morning in another standard community in another standard house “Yow Fras, di fuck di house stink a weed su breda, mi nu tell yu fi stop smoke ina di house.” {Hey Fras, why the fuck does the entire house smell like weed, didn't I tell you to stop smoking in the house!}. Well my standard morning anyway.

“Mi open di winda, su mi wah know how yu smell weed an mi nah smell nutn.”{I opened the windows, so I don't know how you're smelling weed When i'm not}. That’s my older brother, and we have this little chat at least once a week.

Well let’s just skip our back and forth, I doubt you want to hear me arguing with my brother about his smoking habit. Anyway like I said perfectly standard morning.

Wake up.
Complain about the weed smell even though I don’t actually mind. Check.
Feed pet fish, Check.
Shower. Check.
Check bag for the essentials for college survival. Check.
Get dressed. Check.
Hide knife in secret compartment of bag. Check.

What, you expect me to face all the shit happening in the world today without some form of self-defence? HA well fuck you. Anyway.
Lunch money. Di fuck!? Just four hundred, guess I’m walking home. And to school. Sigh*

Ugh I'm making checklists now? I've been reading too many fanfics, Twilight would be proud.

♫♥♠♦♣♫

“Why di hell di early morning su god damn hot”{Why the hell is the morning so hot.}

“What yu talking about mon? It’s a bright and beautiful morning to be in Jamaica mon!” {What are you talking about man? It's a bright and beautiful morning in jamaica man.}

“A weh yu come from bossy!?” {Where the hell did you come from Dude!?}

“How yu mean mon, mi just come down from Montego Bay mon.” {What do you mean man, I just came back from Montego Bay man.}

Ok this tourist is trying too hard, maybe he’s lost or something?

“Yu know what I’m talking about mon, proud to be Jamaican yu know mon, I’m just about to go get me some jelly coconut water yu know mon. {You know what i'm talking about man, proud to be Jamaican man, i’m just about to get some jelly coconut water you know man.}

Ok this bitch is just making fun of me now. And now he’s getting too close. “Yow boss man yu know where I can get some weed to buy mon.” {Hey dude, do you know where i can get some weed?} I stopped and finally looked at the guy. I don’t know how to describe him other than your standard tourist, I mean he’s wearing a fucking Hawaiian shirt and shorts. The hell? People actually where that shit, I’m no fashion critic but, no, just, no… well maybe I would wear it if I was in the right mood. as for telling him where to get weed, hell to the fuck no, he’ll probably just get himself shot. Anyway after finally convincing the guy I don’t sell weed he leaves me alone. To be honest I should have been more suspicious of him than I already was. The guy fucking followed me half way to school asking about weed.

After arriving at school a half hour late the school has a surprise search for drugs and weapons. And guess whose knife they find, well go on, fucking guess, yea, fuck my life. Well I’ve been arrested and that is not a police vehicle. Wrong colour plates which by the way has too many numbers, no light, yea this is bullshit. However it seems I’m not the only one to notice this. So I do what any sensible citizen would do and brought this to the attention of everybody within earshot before going silent hoping someone else will... do something?, this subsequently sparks a protest from several bystanders and everyone that's being arrested, intern, earning me a gun but to the chest for my troubles. Though it seems that’s enough to get a reaction out of the rest of the bystanders, and oh look, more police. Alas it doesn’t make a difference in the end. I (and by ‘I’ I mean me and at least twelve other people) still get arrested, and wellll, that’s where things get fuzzy. I can remember being driven around for too much time for us to have been going to any of the police stations in the community, so about thirty minutes which turn to an hour, after which I lose count. Then nothing.

♫♥♠♦♣♫

And that brings me to now. Half dead in a tub of ice being gutted by a homicidal maniac, this is just fucked up. How the hell am I not in agony. I wonder what the hell he could have given me? Huh, so that’s what a rib spreader looks like. How the hell am I talking, shouldn’t my lungs be collapsed or something. This reminds me of cupcakes, fancy that.

“He then secures a mirror above my head to give me a better view of his handiwork after which he used the rib spreader to secure my sternum in a near perfect position to pear in at my beating heart. Huh who knew watching your heart beating could be so mesmerising, at that Tourist frowns at my comment before he returns to removing my-”

“Doctor! Who is narrating your actions, we don’t need to know of your necrophilic tendencies.”

“Came a shrill cry from the hallway.”

“Wha- Dear god.”

“Whispered a bald Englishwoman that looks far too much like Seras Victoria after opening the door to evict the narrator, fuck, yu even have the uniform, someone is a Hellsing fan, yu just need a wig now.”

“Do not call me bald you swine. Do you know what I have had to endure before the doctor saved my life-“

“HA. Lady, tell it to someone yu boss nah gut, fuck you, fuck yu hair, and fuck you tourist.” My little rant was interrupted by a coughing fit, you know, the one where you sound like a barking dog.

“Doctor why is he awake?”

“Mi gave him a experimental drug mi been working on mon, though it look like it affect his personality, but nu worry bout that mon, you’re agitating the patient. Shut the door-” {I gave him an experimental drug i've been working on man, though it seems to have affected his personality, but don't worry about that man, you're agitating the patient. Shut the door-"}

Cough* cough* hack*, hack*. Ok now I’m feeling the pain. AND IT IS FUCKING GLORIOUS, except the complete opposite of that, but the good news, I can move, flutter yay. Oooooo, a scalpel. Tourist is still talking to Seras. I dug the scalpel deep into my neck, which is to say I got like a half inch in… What? The drug just started to wear off, I’m still weak. How the hell am I even still moving, my fucking torso is ripped open. AND WHY DID I JUST STAB MYSELF???. Got the artery though… I think, fuck that’s a lot of blood, yea I got the artery. Ha, the look on her face. Damn, did this ice get colder? Tourist looks pissed, is he blaming her? I can’t hear anymore. Nooooo don’t fire her, she’s a real fuck mothering vampire. Oh well, such is life. Note to self: symptoms of death include loss of hearing; blurred vision; sudden loss of body heat and PAIN. Hmm strange there’s something squeezing my neck. My vision is clearing, how convenient~ and it's gone again, I think I saw tourist, or was that Miss Victoria. Here comes the vision train, yep that’s Seras, or maybe Tourist, the dog and or bitch is trying to strangle me. Well not today villain, Captain Scalpel, awayyyyyy, he will cut out the cancerous hive of villainy that has infected the heart of my- ooooo that’s waaaarrrrmmm, taste like iron, though it's not particularly good, or bad, oh wait, I can’t taste anymore, strange. Victoria, add that to the list of side effects.

♫♥♠♦♣♫

Star log, or would this be a void log?
Void log #1
Date: Irrelevant
Time: Subjective. I think it feels Subjective anyway.

These are the records of the starship void ship??? I’ll think of something later.

Day one, when I thought of death I certainly did not think of… this? That? Sigh* I’m in a cross between SpongeBob’s vomit, an acid trip, and the unholy union of fluffle puff’s rainbow and a strobe light. The only colour I haven’t seen is blue, which I for some reason feel is strange in a normal way. Also I can’t move, is that supposed to happen? All the fanfics I’ve read say maybe.

End log

Void log #2
Date: the place has a 90’s feel to it.
Time: I still think that’s Subjective.

Day...???, I can’t tell time, so I’m going to stop writing the day number. In other news I can move…ish. I won’t say it’s as simple as think what you want to do and it happens. Also why am I so calm? Moving is more complicated, I need to move like energy, that is turn myself into a specific form of energy and get from one place to the other the way the energy would. I can’t really explain it any better, that’s the simplest way I can explain it, and it’s only a fraction of a fraction of the way to completely explaining it. So far I can only move forward. Also I think it’s been more than a day, a whole fucking lot more.

End log

Void log #12
Date: Futuristic is today’s theme.
Time: Beaten into objectivity, don’t ask me how.

I finally named this vessel, i.e. me. Decided to go with Anarchy, why you ask, why not I say. So yea these are the records of the void ship Anarchy Also I think I passed some… thing? One? I couldn’t see anything I just felt like I was close to another consciousness. But it left as soon as I found it. The good thing though I could somehow ‘see’ how it ‘moved’ and tried to copy its movements. AND IT WORKED. I can move now, but I’m still working on the method I was trying to use, the one I copied takes too much effort for my liking.

End log

Void log #1562
Date: now it feels happy. Oookkkk.
Time: Parallel parked after getting a ticket. Don’t ask me how, that’s just how it feels, I’ve stopped trying to figure out this shit.

I mastered or at least I think I mastered moving using both methods a while back. So I went looking for other consciousness. I found one. It tried to eat me. Copied that too. Luckily I was able to escape before I got eaten. I don’t think it even saw when I moved, and to think I was planning to give up on improving my movement a while back, good thing I got bored. So that’s how this shit is, kool, kool, well if you need me I’ll be weaponizing everything I’ve figured out so far.

End log

Void log #5684255
Date: coming to an end.
Time: Running out.

I finally got rid of all the other consciousness. What I originally thought was a few became a number in the millions. Now I can feel my domain, it goes right up to the edges, bastards didn’t stand a chance. I found out a while ago that I'm the only one that used anything other than brute force. It also turns out that every other consciousness that was here eat the ones they killed. That explained why they kept getting stronger. Wish I knew that earlier, I had to scavenge the ones that hadn’t completely faded away. On a side note, why the bloody hell am I ok with this? So I’m the last one left. Or so I thought. Turns out wherever it is I am, is sentient Sigh* great. Just fucking great.

End Log

Void log #5684954
Date: The end is nigh.
Time: Jumping out your windows, snatchin up your people, so Hide your kids, hide your wife, times running out on everybody.
I just realised, how the hell am I remembering all the logs I’ve made? In detail. Usually I would never be able to recall all this. Meh, don’t look a gift Shoggoth in the mouth. You tend to lose your head, and your shoulders. I also can’t move anymore. FUCK, all that effort to become immobile again, FUCKING GREAT.
End log

Void log #5684961
Date: ∞
Time: ∞

I'm feeling lethargic, which is worrying me since I haven’t slept since getting here.

Final Log

Void log #5684962
Date: ∞
Time: ∞

Feeling Depressed

Final Log #2

Void log #5684963
Date: ∞
Time: ∞

Still here.

Final Log #3

Void log #6668666
Date: ∞
Time: ∞

I’ve been here for a while now, but it also feels like it’s only been a few minutes. So damn tired.

Final Log #4

♫♥♠♦♣♫

I fell asleep a while back. Now I feel warm, That's new, also why is it so dark? Am I dead? Wait, right, I was gutted alive by a tourist named Tourist, right I need to repay that guy’s hospitality sometime. Hmm strange…I feel warm and... and like I'm floating in slime. Well there goes the neighbourhood. I think I preferred the void. Moving around doesn't seem to help, Mostly because I can’t move. Wait... I can feel something moving... and now there's a light. That was fast. I thought I would be here for another (insert long-ass amount of time here).

{Come now, keep pushing, the child is almost out}. A masculine voice encouraged.

I could hear a female voice panting in the background. As I took my first breath I realised something. I'm naked.

As I cracked my eyes open and surveyed my surroundings, I found myself in a stone room with no windows. That was all I could gather before I started to slip back into the realm of sleep, that and the slitted eyes of a shaggy pink wolf. Dafaq?

♫♥♠♦♣♫

I’m so confused right now it isn’t funny.
I was staring at an amalgamation of animal parts that I’m pretty sure is trying to get me to say ‘dada’ or something to that effect. Too bad I can’t understand what he’s saying, the language sounds like a cross between English, Arabic, and Russian, with a dash of Japanese, and a pinch of French. It sounds awesome to be honest, I can’t wait to learn it. Of course that means I need to get past my current hurdle. I can’t fully control my tongue. It seems I was re-born. Able to run, turn myself invisible, and climb anything I set my mind to at that. However it seems the only things I can’t do are fly, use what I’ve learned is magic for anything more than sparks, and talk. This tongue is new, alien, an illegal immigrant, and extremely snakelike, like I even think it’s forked, let’s see, it is forked. He’s laughing now? What is he laughing at? Oh right, me. Well let’s see if I can repeat what he says with a minimal amount of butchery. That’s right daddy dearest, laugh now while you still can, I’ll pay you back tenfold for this indignity.

Now you may be saying, how the hell is he so calm? Truth be told, I wasn’t. It has been three weeks since I woke up to find myself being fathered by a draconequus. Needless to say I freaked the fuck out. I didn’t eat, move, or make a sound for... hell I don’t know how long. Eventually I decided I might as well try to live my new life instead of fretting over the one I lost. So, to recap, I discovered first-hand how reincarnation works, freaked out at the appearance of my 'Father', and slept. Rinse, repeat. No, I didn’t forget to mention eating, mostly because I didn’t eat, nor was I hungry. I'm liking my new biology already. Though if anything MLP implies about my new species is true, I’ll be paying a certain medical professional a visit eventually.

♫♥♠♦♣♫

Five years later

I asked Delirium if I could go outside today, you know, just like one of those naïve little children that have never seen the sky, like you see in movies. Anyway daddy dearest told me I’d have to wait until my mother returned. Her name is Genesis if you care. But that brings me to my next point. I’ve been here what, five years now, and the guy hasn’t called me by my name, he didn’t even give me a name. So naturally that was my next question, the follow up question to which was why he wanted me to name myself.

♫♥♠♦♣♫

Life went on; Delirium started teaching me the basics of magic. To say I was enraptured is to say Antarctica is chilly in the winter nights, too bad I'm shit at any magic that requires anything above a moderate amount of energy, turns out I don’t have much of the stuff. Won’t stop me from learning everything I can though, just one problem. Delirium doesn’t know any theory; he only knows two spells, how disappointing. Levitation was easy, the other one was…well the best way to describe it is to say it’s a utility spell. According to Delirium it’s the spell all draconequus use to do pretty much everything, from teleporting, to tearing the sky asunder and pulling down the stars (His words not mine). A spell only our species could use. A spell that both fuels and is fuelled by pure chaos. A spell that made my inner minimalist start tearing out his new found feathers. I could see almost all the energy he used to cast the spell being wasted, which is strange since when I brought this to his attention he told me he didn’t see anything. Gasp* do I have the Sharingan! Oh please let it be so. However my dreams of world domination via planet wide mind control were shot down when I asked him to describe my eyes and he produced a full body mirror for me. I froze up at the sight of my reflection.

My eyes have the dagger like pupils of a predator and piercing blood red iris surrounded by yellow sclera. On my head are two stubby cream coloured waterbuck horns divided by a mane that is black from the base to the top of my neck, at which point it turns lavender and tops off in a Maya blue. Like my father my head and neck most resembles that of a shaggy wolf the difference being my fur is a light brown that stretches down to my shoulders to be replaced by a white silken coat that changes again at my prehensile tail to a soft grey with bands of various colours and end in a luxurious black tassel that fades to an ethereal blue at the tip. My right wing is a dark blue green at the base that fades to black at the tip, while my left wing is a bright blue at the base that fades to purple-pink at the tip. At the base of each of my wing the colour bleeds into my white fur to give the appearance of being hurriedly attached while covered in wet paint. Below my wings are spines of various colours that end a little past the base of my tail. My right hind leg is that of a dark grey goat while the left is from an arctic wolf, and the blue and black tiger leg I have for a forearm is contrasted by the brown sloth arm on the left.

I found my new appearance acceptable. Well except the sloth arm. It only has three digits, luckily it’s not inherently slower than the rest of my body, and not having a thumb doesn’t seem to inhibit my ability to do... thumb, related stuff? I half expected it to be sluggish when I first decided to get better acquainted with my new body. I also discovered that I'm insanely flexible. I can turn my head a full 270° assuming I don’t turn my body. I'm no owl but I'm happy with what I got. After checking out my sexy self, I returned to the lesson. This brings me to practice practice practice. Control is easy for me, my power could use an upgrade though.

♫♥♠♦♣♫

Three Months later

Guess who showed up today.
…

Well don’t just read along actually guess

…

What the hell? No! Why would Son Goku be here? I swear sometimes I worry for your sanity. Genesis came back and she brought company in the form of ice cream. Keep dreaming bitch, bringing ice-cream doesn’t make up for missing out on the first five years of your child’s li- Wait is that rum raisin? Well I guess I can let it slide, I didn't actually care anyway. You must be desperate if your giving you estranged son alcohol. At least Delirium was here, despite the fact our only interactions were superficial. Guy didn’t make any effort to bond with his son. Wait now that I think about it how did I know he was my father? He never said it, and despite never seeing her before I knew Genesis is my mother, hmmmmm. Oh well, one point natural instinct.

Let me give you her description, come to think of it I never described my father did I? Well, she is… simple. One uniform coat colour, yellow, and I mean piss yellow, piss yellow webbed wings, piss yellow ram horns, piss yellow eyes and piss yellow feline paws and the piss yellow slender body of Draconequus the only thing that isn’t piss yellow is her tail, of which there is none just a stump, and a freshly burnt stump at that. Thank god I didn’t inherit her looks. Though that does bring up the question of why she seems so desperate. What? Didn't I mention that? Yea she busted in painting with a look of desperation on her face. Anyhoo. Delirium has a pink wolf head, Red eyes, his right horn is a water buck horn, and the left is a moose horn. He has the same slender body that seems to come standard with all Draconequus. His neck and body are blue, while his fox tail is green with a black tip. Both his rear hooves are white and equine in nature while his ‘hands’ are both chicken fingers… Let me explain, he has chicken feet for hands but his digits are grotesquely human like in shape, it looks fucking freaky.

So yea, I'm just sitting here, eating my ice cream when a bunch of other Draconequus rush in, pin them both down, ramble off something about Genesis being a disgrace to the family and so on. You know the usual spiel. Damn this ice cream is good, it’s been what? Five years three months and however long I was in that void, so what? Aww screw it! I’ve got ice cream, who cares.

♫♥♠♦♣♫

So yea we got raided by the spooks. Now we are in front of who I would assume is the head of the family. I would give you a description of the madness that goes on around me but, I'm lazy. So you’ll just have to settle for what the boss man looks like. The only part of him that isn’t a shade of brown is his Scaly red tail. Everything else is a shade of brown, light brown underside and dark brown back, dark brown feline ‘legs’, dark brown feathered wings, a honestly cool looking Mohawk of a main that runs along his neck with several shades of brown stripes that get lighter the closer it gets to the top of his head, and he’s wearing... a pink bow? Not the strangest thing I’ve seen. Both his horns are like a cross between a deer and moose, generally moose shaped but pointed, but I live in the tropics, so I’m not sure if moose antlers are supposed to be pointed, so I added the deer part. The darkest patch of his fur looks like a fuzzy scarf that wraps around his neck, under his main, and meets at a point in his chest. His arms are you guessed it, brown, light brown to be specific, and they look like that of an Anteater? Aardvark? Whatever I’m not a zoologist.

Anyway I’ll summarise this for you. It turns out mi madre is something of the family failure, and my father… well he’s dead, don’t know how I know, I just do. Natural instincts for the win. I’m not as upset as I should be, I mean yea the guy raised me, but I literally know nothing about him. We were locked in what amounts to a dungeon for five years and the most he spoke to me in one sitting was when he was teaching me magic. One day he got fed-up of me crying and not being able to say what the fuck was wrong, so he thought it was a good idea to directly inject his knowledge of language into my head. Didn’t work out too well though, since I still wasn’t able to use my tongue to talk yet. I did learn a cool new language though, and I manage to ‘see’ and get an idea of how he transferred his knowledge. So yea I'm not too upset… does that make me psychotic?

Anyway, anyone who grew up with a TV should know how this conversation goes down.

You have disgraced our family for the final time.

Just give me one more chance!

I have given you too many chances already.

But I have something that is guaranteed to make you proud.

Oh and what is that.

My son.

What a twist! it was such a twist in fact that I fucking choked on my ice cream. Which isn’t too good, you know, since it got everyone’s attention. After clearing my pipes, I look back up at the guy on the throne, yes throne, and remember that description I skipped out on? Well there isn’t much to say. We are in the middle of a big as fuck library. And the guy is sitting on a toilet to match the theme of the place. Yes my friends, I am in a toilet theme library choking on ice-cream, charming no? I mean for fuck sake the shelf look like those aluminium shower shelves you buy at Bashco for $600 to store your shampoo. The walls are white tile and there are roman style coulombs everywhere, which somehow manage to amplify the bathroom vibe. THE HELL???

And now they're all staring at me. Waiting to see what I do. Judging me with all those eyes. I fake sneezed. I swear it’s like I broke a trance. They turned back to the big guy. He rose a brow at me. I reciprocated. Then he asked a question I had a hunch was coming.

Who is his sire?

His response to the answer did not fill me with confidence. Now you may be saying, ‘but surely it couldn’t be that bad.' and 'what’s the worst he could do.’ And with those hypothetical words hypothetically uttered from your organic audio output device, you sealed my faith. What’s the worst he could do you say. Well he look back to Genesis.

What did you expect? For her to explode? Ha, funny. BECAUSE THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED!!! You couldn’t even tell blood from bone from hair. Everything became a blend of pink mush. It was everywhere, bloody hell it was everywhere.

Upon dropping my ice-cream, the crazy bastard, he turned his line of sight death ray to me. Well I stood there like a man! I did not piss myself! I never curled into a ball of fuzz floating in my own piss! I stood there and told him to go ahead and be the weakling coward that killed a child! Anyone who tells you that I sobbed like a bitch is either a lying piece of shit, or most likely had bits of my mother in their ears.

As for you-

That’s about all I heard, you know, since I didn't pass out curled into a ball.

♫♥♠♦♣♫

I was shocked awake by the feeling of water engulfing my body. After flailing about for a while I calmed down enough to start floating on my back. I was never a strong swimmer, a problem that has now been exacerbated by the fact I have no clue how to swim in this body. After floating for a while I noticed it was way past mid-day. Opting not to sleep in a lake I started trying to make my way to the shore. This I attempted to accomplished by mimicking what I recall of the motion serpentine creatures employ when swimming. Needless to say I failed spectacularly. Guess I'm not tall enough for that yet, pity. Reverting to dog paddling I made my way to the edge of the lake before emerging exhausted and collapsing. Looking back I realise just how huge the lake is. I must have been swimming for hours. For that matter, where am I?

♫♥♠♦♣♫

After passing out, again, I woke up to the unexpected sensation of myself being pleasantly warm and caked in mud. Cracking my eyes open I find I'm still lying by the lake. The moon is high in the sky so I’ve been here for a few hours. Taking in my surroundings my eyes stopped on something that definitely wasn’t there when I arrived. It looked like the illegitimate lovechild of a horse and dolphin. Its body was that of a horse, and the head looked like that of a dolphin’s, not counting the four horns on its head and five tails that look nothing like horse tails, and did I mention that it’s huge? Because it’s fucking huge, though not as huge as it should be. I just keep running into new chimera today now don’t I?

Now, any Naruto fan worth their salt will be able to tell you this guy’s name, address, social security number, mother’s maiden name, and even the shit he gets down to on a Tuesday night. Sorry to say that at the moment my mind was fucking blank. Oh I recognised him, and by extension where I was. Pity I also realised the implications and thus my systems could not properly run, Fan-gasim.exe. Yes boys and girls I’m in the ninja world, dimension? Whatever, and I'm chilling in the mud with Kokuō. Needless to say I blacked out. Again!

♫♥♠♦♣♫

6 years 9 months 2 weeks 3 days 12 hours 35 minutes and 15 seconds later.

“Kokuō look I made a table.” I shouted as I entered to our little hideout.

“Um? Very impressive?”

“You don’t sound impressed?”

“I honestly am not, you tend to master any jutsu you attempt despite not having enough chakra to preform them.

“Yes, but this isn’t a jutsu it’s art.”

“I thought it was a table?”

“Nope it’s an explosion”

…

“I was quoting Deidara.”

…

“The Akatsuki member, the one I told you likes to blow things up and call it art.” I deadpanned.

“So it’s a bomb.”

“Sigh* Yes it’s a table shaped bomb.”

…

…

…

…

…

…

“Have you completed the jutsu you have been working on as of late?”

“Yes, though you don’t seem particularly sad to see me go.”

“Anarchy, believe me when I say that you have become a close friend to me.” I smiled. “But I find you extremely strange and annoying.” And there goes my smile.

“Yes well…”

“Is your jutsu formula ready?”

“Sigh* yes.” I handed him the scroll with the formula I completed.

“Your writing is rather unsightly.”

“Yes, yes, whatever.”

…

…

…

…

“Are you upset?”

I looked at him. “This is quite possibly the last time we will see each other-”

“And you give me an exploding table as a farewell gift”

“That piece of art is going to save your hide just you wait.”

“I am sure. Regardless, I do have something of a parting gift for you.”

“You have my attention.” He didn’t even pause in his study of the scroll I gave him. He just flicked one of his tails in my direction and sent a sword at my head. My six years of ninja-ish training allowed me to easily catch the sword between my eyes.

…

…

…

…

…

…

...

♫♥♠♦♣♫

After releasing my clone jutsu to clean up the blood, and accusing Kokuō of MURDER, we said our farewells and he started to perform the jutsu opening a tear in the fabric of reality, which should theoretically lead to another dimension. I'm dumbing it down for you really. If you just blindly tear a hole in reality and jump in, well I don’t know what would happen, and I don’t want to know. So I needed coordinates that I don’t have. So I designed the jutsu to get that for me. By searching for certain necessities for life, again I'm dumbing this down. Hell I don’t know half of what I’m doing. The spell finds that out for me and compensates for those variables, after which it makes the knowledge available to me. Which reminds me, I need a cheap and easy way to spy I mean gather information without putting myself at risk.

“Well looks like this is goodbye.”

“So it seems my friend.”

…

…

…

“You know I have no clue how to use a sword right?”

“You found time to learn carpentry, I am confident you can find the time to learn the way of the sword?”

“I never thought I would own one. Thank you... so this is goodbye then.”

“I doubt it. That sword is made of my chakra, and will give us a connection to each other. Whether or not the connection will remain once you are wherever you end up is yet to be established, though I have no doubt that if it does not you will find some method to re-establish the connection. There are also several jutsu woven into it, you should be able to modify them to your preference, as well as add more."

I looked down at the only thing I would have of my first friend in this new life. Sensing that I was stalling, Kokuō used his hoof to flick me into the portal. Traveling between dimensions is comparable to being shot out the barrel of a rifle while high on acid, which is to say trippy as hell.

♫♥♠♦♣♫

The portal ended just as suddenly as it started, or maybe it’s been a few years? I don’t rightly know. Time feels irrelevant in the in-between. "Ok that jutsu needs refining." After throwing up my previous meal I surveyed my surroundings.

"No, no, oh god no" My sudden onset of despair was brought on upon my noticing an iconic landmark in the distance. At that moment, I knew I was in deep shit. I also knew I would most likely be hunted down and have my soul consumed.

Falling to my knees and turning my head to the sky, my fears were only compounded by the visage of the moon as it confirmed without a doubt my new location and what would most likely be my faith should I be found.

Author's Note

Many thanks to my proofread Hunter Steel for the editing help as well as enthusiasm and feedback on my ideas.

I'm always open feedback and ideas, wood for the fire and all that fun stuff, though I can’t actually guarantee that I will use any of it in the story. I also welcome constructive criticism.

Draconequus drawn by Lopoddity