Beyond Reach
Quills smiled to himself as he looked over his creation. He felt that this was a night to celebrate. The blue earth pony brushed some of his black mane out of his eyes, and flipped through the pages of his story. He had only just begun, and only created perhaps a few chapters, but he finally got his cutie mark, and he had a story in front of him.
He neatly stacked his papers and set them on the desk, before looking at another blank piece of parchment, so he could begin writing again. He dipped the tip of his quill into the ink bottle, and leaned in to tell the next few words of his story.
In his tale, the hero had fallen in love with a pegasus mare, but she didn’t know, nor did she share the same feelings for him yet. Quills wrote something about how the hero felt, and this made him pause from writing any more.
“My heart aches for her.”
The blue pony stopped, and re-read those lines, over and over and over again. He wanted to continue writing, but these words gave him pause. A pang of sadness washed over him, and he wasn’t sure why, as his eyes glanced over the same five words again and again. With reluctance, he set his quill back into his ink bottle, and stepped back from his desk, shaking his head a bit.
He tore himself away from his work and this train of thought, and was possessed to walk up the stairs to the balcony outside his bedroom, where he looked up into the cloudy sky. There was already a drizzle starting. It had just rained yesterday, so there wasn’t expected to be a storm today, just some mild rain.
This however filled him with an even deeper sadness, as his eyes wandered through the skies above, looking for the one mare that he knew so little, but wanted to see again more than anything.
It could’ve been hours, how long he stood there staring up at the sky, not even bothering to care how much he was getting soaked. He wanted to find her, just see her again. Pangs of misery washed over him, thinking he may never see that mare in the sky today. There was nothing he wanted more than to grow a pair of wings and fly up there to look for her, so he could talk to her, look into her beautiful magenta eyes, hear her voice, watch her perform her daring feats in the sky. Every second he thought about her, the more his last words replayed in his mind.
My heart aches for her.
He hugged himself tightly as he settled onto his haunches, a his eyes continued to scan the horizons, desperately looking for that streak of rainbow, but she was nowhere to be found. Seconds turned into minutes, and minutes eventually crept into hours. But there he remains, wanting to see her again.
The heavy-hearted pony was about to give up his search, when his eyes lit up, seeing the faint sky blue dot in the sky that he knew was the one he was looking for. She seemed to be with a few other pegasi, perhaps coordinating with the weather team.
He reached a hoof up into the air toward her, and even tried to stand up a little, as if attempting to will himself up to her. However, he knew this was foolish and futile, dropping his hoof back on the wooden surface of the balcony, sitting back down, feeling defeated by the gravity that pinned him there.
The blue pony sat there and continued to watch that blue pegasus fly across the sky, until she flew out of sight, probably taking care of another patch of weather in the region. But once she was gone, he felt utterly alone once more, and he couldn’t be able to follow her, no matter how much he wanted to.
The rain began to pick up, and he sat there, hoping she might come back. His eyes continued to wander through the sky, trying desperately to find her, to see that cyan mare again. As the rain fell upon his head, his last words replayed in his mind.
My heart aches for her.
Quills brought a foreleg to his chest, over his heart, and his ears sagged, feeling a great pain inside him, even knowing it wasn’t a physical pain, it felt more painful than a thousand spears plunged into his skin.
Minutes went by. Minutes turned into half hours, and half hours turned into full hours, yet there he remain, looking for the pegasus who consumes his thoughts since the day he met her that day at the café. He was soaked, but couldn’t care. Passerby’s thought he was being silly, trying to catch his death, as they glance up at him, but he was unable to care for them either. He continued to look for her, and waited, hoping to see her fly by again, or move a cloud somewhere, get out from under the rain as she went home… anything… just so he could see her again.
My heart aches for her.
The hours stretched on, and the rain continued to pour, but he would not move. The day was coming to an end, and Luna’s night was ready to take its’ place, but would not move. He waited… and waited…
And waited…
…
…
…
…
…
…and waited.
Darkness had taken over the sky, and he could no longer see the clouds that produced the rain, that continued to fall. He knew it was too dark to see her, but still he would not move, just hoping he might see that brief streak of rainbow. In his mind, he knew he wouldn’t find her, but his heart was reluctant to accept that.
His mind told him that he had a story to write, he was going to catch a cold, and that he didn’t really know that pegasus. They only met once a few weeks ago. He was being irrational, and stupid, and he knew it.
Nevertheless, his heart didn’t care. His heart made him come up to this balcony more than once, and watch for her, just to watch her fly by for the briefest of seconds. He often came up, sometimes with some parchment, and wrote about how he, and in turn, the hero, felt as he watched her flying through the sky.
Until now, he never realized just how much seeing this pegasus meant to him. It was illogical, and she probably forgot about their meeting. Even so, his feelings were as genuine as they come, and he wanted nothing more than to fly up there with her, experience she felt, and what she saw when she flew through the sky, and what it feels like to have that kind of freedom earth ponies like him can’t even begin to imagine.
My heart aches for her…
He had to go back inside. He wouldn’t see that pegasus again tonight. He knew maybe he would see her again tomorrow, or the day after tomorrow. But still, he didn’t want to leave. He wanted to see her one more time…
But he knew this was folly. Darkness would not allow him that which he sought.
His eyes fell upon the wood of the balcony under his hooves, and with reluctance, he dragged his sogging, wet self back into his home. The blue pony shut the door behind him, and made a weak attempt to dry himself off with a towel, but left it on the floor as he returned to his desk, staring at the parchment.
He once again wrote the same sentence that fills him full of a deep, deep sadness.
My heart aches for her.
Another few pages…
My heart aches for her.
A few more pages later…
My heart aches for her…
He dropped his quill.
The walls of his home bore down on him, and suddenly the blue pony never felt more alone in his life. His family lived miles away, he had no friends in this town, and the pegasus, he knew, was something good in his brief life he’ll never be able to reach, a happiness that he can never acquire. In turn, he felt he couldn’t share his feelings with this pegasus, for fear of him being called an obsessed freak, and worse, that she may even hate him. He was an earth pony, he would only hold her back, keep her grounded. He was a writer, she was an athlete and a racer who enjoyed being in the sky, and showing off her talents for her friends.
My heart aches for her.
Quills only knew stories, he did not know love. He never once had a marefriend to call his own back in school, no fillies every talk to him, and he kept to himself, out of his love for books, but also out of fear for making a fool of himself if he tried to talk to others, to make friends.
My heart aches for her.
He never had a crush on anypony. Not like this.
Her mane, her coat color, the way she spoke, the fact she was a pegasus…
Her eyes…
My heart aches for her.
He took all of his hard work, and shoved it off his desk, as well as his ink bottle, and unleashed a pained scream loudly into his home. He screamed in agony, in frustration, in heartache, in loneliness, in hatred at himself and the walls that surround him, and would not relent until he could scream no more, and his voice broke, before he collapsed onto the floor, overcome with sadness.
He could no longer scream, so instead he cried. He had no reason to care of trivialities and such a childish behavior regarding how he felt toward the mare, he wanted nothing more than to cry until the world ended.
The blue pony surrendered to the fact that he is unworthy of such a magnificent pegasus, and hated himself for not having the courage to talk to her again, to see her at the café. He hated himself for being an earth pony that loved stories more than making friends, and hated himself for not having wings to fly through that sky with her. He hated himself for being such a coward.
He hated himself, and hated those words he himself produced, that continued to echo loudly in his mind and soul, and would give him no solace, even as he cried himself to sleep. The naïve words that so perfectly reflected how he felt toward that cyan pegasus with the prismatic mane.
Most importantly, like him, he hated that he, nor the hero he created, who fell in love with a pegasus and wanted to spend the rest of his days with her and live a happily ever after, wouldn't have a happy ending; an ending he didn’t know how to write.
As he cried himself to sleep, these words would not leave him be, as well as the memories he cherished of his meeting with the mare, as they follow him into his slumber.
My heart aches for her…
…
My heart aches for her…
…
…
…
My heart aches for her.
