Colors of the Rainbow

by KristenTheKittyKat

Rating: teen
Tags: Romance, Tragedy, Dark, Sad
Length: 4435

Depression is a powerful thing. In the rare case, powerful enough to kill you.

Derpy had never really paid attention to her flashbacks or nightmares. They were never around much, so there wasn't really a need to make a big deal out of it. But a near suicide attempt after an intense encounter with Rainbow Dash causes her demons to come back to haunt her. Psychological warfare turns to physical wounds to bear. Years of suppressed memories are now loose and able to threaten Derpy's life.

Just how long will her happiness last? How far will her friends go to keep her safe?

A DerpyxRainbow Dash story.

(Awful summary, I know. Pay no attention to it…)

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-06-19 02:09:52 UTC

1. Ivory- Confused

Colors of the Rainbow

Chapter 1: Confused

There was a certain thing about mornings that ruined them for Derpy. It wasn't that they weren't pretty- they were gorgeous- or that she just wasn't a morning pony. She always got up early, ready to start her job and determined to get it done before a certain time in the afternoon reserved for her and her best friend to hang out at her place munching on muffins. No, it was how she woke up that spoiled her mornings every day. The gritty sleep in her eyes killed it. What most ponies saw as a nuisance brought her actual pain. She would have to flush it out every morning, cursing the Sandmare once again.

Despite her cruel morning awakenings, she faced the world with upbeat resolve, not letting things mess up her happiness. It usually took alot to make her sad, even more to make her cry- something that irritated her sensitive eyes more than others experienced. But she knew there was one thing that always made her upset, something that she refused to think about because it would make her cry, one way or another, sooner or later. She shook her head, wanting to fling the memories down the drain and chop them up in the garbage disposal. But that was impossible, so she stepped away from the sink, her face dripping with water. She grabbed a towel, wiping her face down and grabbing a bite to eat before making her way to the door to get to work.

Suddenly, Derpy frowned. She remembered her best friend warning her about the day's weather. Because of some reason she couldn't remember, they had to pump up the wind. She sighed and got her special goggles from a drawer before jumping out of her door and taking flight. The goggles kept her eyes from getting harmed in high speeds. If she was planning on flying fast, or the wind was going to be blowing, then she was required from her doctor to wear them to prevent further damage to her fragile eyes.

She smiled as the wind blowed through her mane. Despite the inconvenience her eyes caused, Derpy loved the wind. She loved almost everything, actually. While some called her simple-minded, she just viewed things differently from everypony else. She was a "the glass is half full" type of mare, and didn't think of the downside of things often. When her eyes were injured, she refused to let it mess with her attitude. If anything, it made it better and made her appriciate things others didn't. Like how the sunset was the most beautiful thing in the world, despite the colors blurring together irregularly. And how trees weren't that green anymore, but still pleasant to look at. How the stamps on the letters she delivered were a brilliant ruby red, even though they appeared dark gray. When the damage had been done to her eyes, she found out that she had been struck colorblind. The upside to this, which Derpy found immediately, was that the only colors effected were green and red. That wasn't so bad. She still had her memory, and she could still distinguish the difference since dark gray was usually red and light gray was almost always green. Besides, it could have been worse.

Giggling softly to herself, she barrel rolled just for the fun of it, but soon found herself spinning out of control down to a light gray blob- a bush, she guessed. Her wings flapped helplessly in the wind as she rapidly approached the foilage, and she found out that with the speed she was going, she wouldn't be able to regain control. And that the impact was going to hurt like hell.

She closed her eyes, knowing she was going to live but dreading the injury. Just as she was sure the impact was to occur, she was yanked upwards. She felt strong forearms wrapped around her torso and opened her eyes to examine them. Soft, cyan fur met her golden eyes and she smiled. She knew exactly who had saved her.

Her best friend.

She was set gently on a cloud, and she barely let her hooves touch the plush surface before throwing her arms around the hovering pegasus and burying her muzzle into the silky, familiar rain-smelling mane. "Thanks, Rainbow Dash!"

She heard the tomboy laugh near her ear, and two arms wrapped around her. "No problem, Derpy."

They separated, smiling at each other. Derpy looked to the sky, then at the rainbow-maned mare. "Isn't it too early for you to be up?" she teased.

Rainbow smirked. "I resent that! Besides, I have a meeting to go to about this week's weather."

Oh. Right. It was Monday. Derpy had forgotten that the weekend had just passed, but shrugged it off with a smile. "It's mandatory, isn't it?" she asked, knowing her friend liked to skip those meetimgs if she had the chance.

Rainbow rolled her eyes. "You know me too well. Anyway, you better get going. You don't want to be late."

"Okay!" Derpy chirped. "We still meeting at my place for muffins at five?"

"Wouldn't miss it for the Wonderbolts!" Rainbow shouted, then seemed to rethink playfully. "Weeeellll..."

Derpy shoved her off the cloud, giggling. Rainbow's head popped up near the edge, laughter coming from her. "See ya later, Derp!"

"Bye, Dashie!" Derpy smiled, and they parted, going opposite directions.

Derpy decided against doing anymore tricks, despite how fun they were. Most of them ended in her either crashing or dropping stuff. Or both. But she never gave them a second thought, recognizing her natural clumsiness. She never let that get in her way of having a good time. Besides, they always got a good laugh out of some ponies. She didn't acknowledge if they were pointed at her or with her, but liked to think the latter was the truth.

She arrived at her job sooner than she expected, but, unlike most ponies whose jobs had nothing to do with their cutie marks, she didn't hate her job. She actually enjoyed it. When she first got it when she had moved there from Cloudsdale, it helped her become familiar with the ponies living there and where shops and businesses were. She entered through the back, as all the employees did, and was greeted by her boss with a grunt. He was usually grumpy, but she tried cheering him up every morning- which usually worked.

"Hiya, Bulk!" she shouted, giving him a big smile. "How's your morning?"

Bulk Mail was a big, handsome stallion with a brown envelope for a cutie mark, priding himself on his appearance. He worked out all the time, which helped since he had to lift heavy packages that the mailmares, like Derpy, had trouble with. He liked to help out his workers, not just for a workout but for their benefit as well. He was a friendly stallion when in the right mood, but was intimidating when he was grouchy. Everypony but Derpy stayed away from him on his not-so-rare bad days, since she was the only one he wouldn't snap at for any reason. He had a brown coat with an even darker brown mane and tail. He had green eyes, but Derpy could only see the light gray. She had asked him numerous times what shade of green it was and why each eye was a different shade than the other, but every time he would avoid the question. She knew why- because he was half blind and was ashamed of the shade it was- but she had no idea what blind eyes looked like. She only hoped he never got made fun of, because she knew what it was like to be teased.

Maybe that was why he tolerated her...?

She focused back on him when he sighed. "As good as it's gonna get, I guess." He looked at her with a half smile. "What about you?"

"Oh, it's been great!" she yelled excitedly. "I got to talk to my bestest friend, Rainbow Dash, and she even helped me out of a stunt!"

Bulk laughed, knowing what Derpy meant by "stunt". "Well, ain't that something? But it's time to get to work now. Try your best?"

Derpy nodded and saluted, bringing another grin to Bulk's aging features. She headed off to her mail bag, which was already filled and ready to go. She had the south part of town that day, which was a surprise since she usually got the east side of town. She didn't dwell on it too long, though, and was happy that she would get to talk to some friends she hadn't seen in a while because of the change.

She skipped happily along the road, tripping occasionally but catching herself before she could hit the ground. She made sure none of her cargo got swept away in the wind, even though the bags' lids were closed- it had happened before. She hummed a song by her friend and favorite artist, DJ P0N3, and then became excited when she remembered that the DJ lived in the south part of Ponyville, where her mail route of the day was. She only had a hoof-full of close friends, even though she tried to be friendly to everypony, but only some would stay in contact with her. She knew why, but wouldn't acknowledge the depressing thought. Instead, she pushed it to the back of her head and placed a smile on her muzzle.

The first place she visited was Sweet Apple Acres, just to get it over with. It was a long walk and usually tired her out- since she felt awkward flying with a saddle bag on- so she tried to get there first when she was assigned that part of town. The Apples were some of the friendly ponies, so she didn't dread anything besides the walk. She reached the gate to see Applejack in the fields beside it, bucking away at the trees. She noticed Derpy and gave her a smile.

"Well, howdy there!" she shouted, walking over to the fence. The gray mare met her there, digging through her bag. Businesses, like Sweet Apple Acres, had the right bag, while homes had the left so Derpy wouldn't get confused. Plus, they were alphabetized, ensuring that every letter was delivered. Since they lived on the orchards, she had to search both. They recieved no personal letters, so she handed Applejack the business papers.

"There's your mail, AJ!" Derpy chirped. "Only business today!"

Applejack smiled. "Well, I sure do 'preciate this! Here-" she tossed Derpy an apple, who clumsily caught it with her teeth- "on the house!"

Derpy smiled. She liked it when she got tips, even if they weren't money. "Sanks!" she said, her gratitude muffled by the tip.

Applejack laughed good-heartedly. "Well, you best git goin'. Must be busy if Ah'm the first 'n."

Derpy decided against explaining her methods, knowing the orange mare probably wouldn't understand since she had the apple in her mouth. She waved goodbye with her wing, hearing a "Y'all come back now, ya hear?" in return.

Next stop was the house of two well-known residents, Lyra and Bon Bon. They were nice enough, but Lyra had anger issues and was easy to set off. The only one unable to offend her was Bon Bon, and she did a good job of calming down the mint green unicorn when she had one of her "episodes". She had never snapped at Derpy, but she guessed it was because she had never done anything to give Lyra reason to attack her. With that settling her unease, she munched on her apple, finishing it just as she got to their door. It was quiet, so she knew it would be safe. Once she had interupted Lyra while she was on a rampage, destroying everything she could get her hooves on. Derpy had ran away screaming, and was fearful when she was approached about it later on by the unicorn. But when she was about to spew out apologies, Lyra beat her to it. She told her that she didn't mean to frighten her and offered her free tickets to her show. Derpy accepted them gratefully, and made sure to make her muffins so she could give them to the mare after her performance.

She knocked on the door, and was greeted by Bon Bon's smiling face. "Hello, Derpy! Did you finally get our side of the town?"

"Yep!" she stated cheerfully. She dug into her bag, finding both of their mail. She handed the letters to the pale earth pony. Bon Bon frowned when she saw where they were from.

"Aw, more bills," she frowned.

Derpy frowned, too. She hated when she had to give her friends bad bills. "I'm sorry."

Bon Bon brightened, realizing she was making the blonde pony feel guilty. "Ah, don't sweat it. It's not like it's your fault. You're just doing your job."

Derpy's lips curled upward, assured by the candy maker's words. "Okay! Say hi to Lyra for me!"

"Alright, have a good day!" Bon Bon shouted as Derpy walked away. Derpy wished her a good day also and was back to her routine.

Derpy's day flashed in a blur. She finished her route around three in the afternoon, satisfied at the job-well-done. She was just about to make her way to the post office to drop off her saddle bag when she frowned. She had almost forgotten to check and make sure everypony had gotten their letters. She checked the right one, happy that all the business's had their letters for the day. But as she checked the left one, she noticed a lone envelope sitting in the O pouch. She tilted her head, ears flopping, and grabbed the letter with curiousity. With wide eyes, she realized it belonged to Octavia, Vinyl Scratch's roommate. She hadn't even went to her friend's house that she was so excited to see! Mentally smacking herself- since the last time she had done it in real life, she had a nasty gash on her cheek- she made her way to the two-story house that held the musicians.

When she got there, she heard crashing and muffled voices, the volume suggesting an argument. She bit her lip, but knew she had to give them their mail, so she brought a hoof up and knocked on the wooden door. Everything went silent, and she just about left, but the door opened and revealed an out of breath Octavia. Derpy offered an awkward smile, since the letter was still clutched in her teeth. Octavia smiled in return, but it was more of a tired smile. "Oh, Derpy, it's you. I figured it was somepony else."

Derpy blinked. She looked past the earth pony and saw Vinyl Scratch, aka DJ P0N3, pouting as she lay in a corner with her arms crossed. Her purple goggles were on, and Derpy still didn't know what color her eyes were. She wondered if she would be able to see it, or if it would be the light grey she was used to by looking into Bulk's eyes. She gestured her head to the pouting mare, looking at Octavia questioningly. Octavia followed her gaze, and frowned. "Why is she sitting in the corner?" Derpy nodded. "Oh, she almost ruined my cello-"

"I was trying to help!" Vinyl interrupted, sticking her bottom lip out. "And I'm punished for my good deed!"

"And tell me how trying to cut off the strings would have helped in any possible way," Octavia said, a perfect eyebrow raised.

"I was gonna replace them with new ones!" Vinyl responded.

"By cutting them all at once with scissors?" Octavia cried. "They would have surely snapped! You didn't even loosen them, did you?"

Vinyl looked down sheepishly. "Well... not really..."

"I rest my case," Octavia snorted. "You would have caused more damage than helping."

Vinyl crouched low on her legs as she approached Octavia, tail between her legs. She nuzzled the side of Octavia's expressionless face. "Aw, c'mon Tavi. I didn't mean to."

Octavia hesitated, but then relaxed and nuzzled back with a sigh. "Just be more careful, okay? I'll teach you how to properly change the strings, alright?"

Vinyl grinned. "Deal!"

Derpy hated to interrupt, but she had to get home and start making hers and Rainbow Dash's muffins. She cleared her throat. Vinyl looked at her with a smile while Octavia, remembering she was there, shrank back- embarrassed at showing her affections in front of somepony other than her sweetheart. "Hey, what's up, Derps?"

Derpy smiled and nodded, which was all she could do to indicate she was doing good because of the envelope in her mouth. Vinyl noticed her plight and took the letter from the blonde with her magic.

Vinyl Scratch was one of Derpy's closest friends. When Rainbow Dash had talked Derpy into accompanying her to a night club, they had accidentally gotten separated. The strobe lights hurt her eyes, the music assaulted her ears, depite how pleasant it was, and the smell of alcohol was in the air, making her nauseous. A pack of stallions had found her easy prey and decided to harass her. Before she was too offended- before they even had time to finish their first round of "jokes"- they were thrown back by a field of magic. Vinyl had come to defend her, almost getting into a fight had security not been there. Ever since, they had been good friends. She was even up there next to Rainbow Dash on her list of friends, even though Derpy didn't like picking favorites.

"Mail. About to head home and make muffins for RD," she said, waving a hoof in the air.

Vinyl grinned and winked. "Ohhh, I see. Well, you better get going. I'd hate to keep your date waiting."

Derpy blushed and Octavia scolded the ivory unicorn. Just as Derpy was about to deny it, the door was closed with Vinyl singing, "Have fun!"

Derpy coughed awkwardly, but half-expected the playful teasing from Vinyl. It was the kind that friends kidded around with about each other, not the ruthless ones bullies used. She walked her way back to the post office, but couldn't get Vinyl's words out of her head. Did people really think she and Rainbow Dash were an item? Did they give off that vibe? Did they act like it? Derpy had never been with anypony, let alone a mare. She hadn't even kissed anypony! She knew Rainbow Dash was a bisexual- they told each other everything- but was Derpy? She never really thought about it. She hadn't felt anything for anypony ever, but then again, wouldn't that mean she wouldn't know what she was feeling when she finally felt romantic toward somepony? She knew what she felt toward her friends, but Rainbow Dash? She knew what she felt was different for the mare, even though she wasn't sure what the feelings meant. Did she like her friend like that? And if she did, would Rainbow feel the same?

By the time she reached the entrance of the post office, she was still confused and conflicted. It must have shown on her face, because Bulk immediately noticed. "Hey, anything wrong?"

Derpy looked up at him with a smile, but it wasn't very convincing. "Just sorting stuff out."

It was a very vague answer, but Bulk was one of three ponies (the other two being Rainbow and Vinyl) that could read her like a book. Still, he tried not to guess anything so he wouldn't offend her and joked, "Well, I hope you do it better than you sort out mail."

Derpy smiled, this one real, since she knew the joke was all in good fun. "Yes, sir!"

"Good, now you're good to go!" he smiled. "See you tomorrow!"

Derpy nodded rapidly, hanging her saddle bag on it's hanger on the way out. She stretched her wings before taking flight. She headed to her house, seeing Rainbow snoozing on the welcome mat by the door. Derpy quietly approached her, wishing not to wake her up. Rainbow's face was relaxed as she snored slightly, ears and wings twitching every now and then. Her mane was in it's usual style, mullet-looking, with two strips of her rainbow streaks permanently gray to the blonde. She knew they were vibrant in color, though- just like the other streaks. Derpy's eyes traveled down the cyan body, watching her chest rise and fall steadily. Her tail twitched, bringing her attention to Rainbow's flank. The perfectly toned muscles of the athlete held Rainbow's cutie mark, a cloud with a streak of lightning three different colors coming from it- one being dark gray in the eyes of Derpy. She tore her gaze away from her friend's flank, realizing with a blush that she was starting to stare. To avoid getting caught, she decided it was time to awaken the other pegasus.

From years of experience, she knew there was only one way to wake her up: swiftly and loudly. She sucked in air to yell, but was cut off by Rainbow's own hoof covering her mouth, muffling her scream of surprise. Rainbow's eyes opened, a wonderful shade of pink with dark grey- she knew they were red- specks in them. The pegasus smirked, taking her hoof away from the shocked Derpy. "I wasn't really asleep, Derpy."

Derpy blushed at the thought of Rainbow Dash knowing she was staring, but was settled when she said nothing about it. Derpy smiled and opened her door, asking, "Why didn't you just go inside? It was open."

It was Rainbow's turn to blush. The athlete scratched the back of her head and said unconvincingly, "Heh, I knew that... But the ground was... really- uh soft."

Derpy snickered, but knew better than to try and go against Rainbow's words. "You're a little early."

Rainbow followed Derpy to the kitchen, flying belly-up. "Well, so are you, babe."

Derpy tried to ignore the "babe" comment, but Vinyl had already sent the gears in her head turning, so she blushed. "It's my house, though."

Rainbow floated down and sat on the counter where Derpy was setting the ingredients for the muffins on the counter. "So? Anyway, how was the mail run?"

Derpy smiled. "It was awesome! I got to see Vinyl today! Banana nut or blueberry?"

Rainbow stuck her tongue out in thought. "Banana nut if you're up to it. So you got the south side of Ponyville today? Weird. How is the lovely couple?"

"Arguing," Derpy said, rolling her eyes good-naturedly. "But still in love. 400, please."

Rainbow flew over to heat the oven up, laughing. "Yeah, they always do that. I'm surprised they haven't gotten into a physical fight yet." She thought a moment, then winked at Derpy. "They must have great make-up sex, huh?"

Derpy's wings fluttered shyly. "Rainbow!" she shouted.

Rainbow smirked. "You're blushing."

This, of course, made Derpy blush even harder. "Am not!"

Rainbow flew over and stopped right in front of Derpy's face, closer then a friend should have been, and smirked. "You're cute when you blush, Derps."

The seriousness in her voice made Derpy's stomach churn. Her mind fogged over. She saw Rainbow lean closer, her eyes closing. Before she knew it, she was doing the same. Time slowed and the last thing on Derpy's brain was the muffin mix left untouched on the counter she was pinned up against. Rainbow's warm breath blew across her face, sending shivers down her spine. Inch by inch, their mouths got closer. Rainbow's lips just barely brushed against hers when-

BEEP

They both jumped apart, Rainbow's head hitting multiple pots on a rack. Derpy didn't have better luck, having slammed her back into the counter. She winced and glared at the oven, which had finished heating up and had let out a shrill beep to let them know. She regained her breathing, avoiding Rainbow's intense stare and continuing to mix the batter.

"Can you get me the pan?" Derpy asked, and a second later it appeared on the counter by her with a gust of wind. She gave a smile to Rainbow in thanks, but made the mistake of looking Rainbow in the eyes. They shined in sadness, turmoil, fear- something rarely seen on Rainbow Dash- and regret.

Rainbow sighed. "I-I'm so sorry, Derpy. I just- I don't know what came over me."

Derpy smiled. "Naw, it's okay. I mean, we're friends, right?"

Rainbow let out another sigh. "Right. Friends. Yeah yeah."

They laughed and joked around as the muffins baked, then enjoyed the goods when they were finished. They ate until their stomachs ached, and then Rainbow bid her goodnight. After the cyan pegasus had left, Derpy was alone with her thoughts.

'She kissed me!' she thought as she entered her bedroom, touching her lips with her hoof. She remembered it like it had just happened. The feeling of her body pinned by the other, her breath lingering on her fur, the fire that had been lit in Derpy's body by Rainbow's lips. She was certain this didn't happen unless somepony really, truely loved somepony else.

Suddenly, she was struck with the terrifying possibility that Rainbow may not feel the same way.

But had she not kissed her first? Well, technically not true, since they both connected their lips. But then had it just been a test kiss to see what was between them? Had Rainbow been contemplating the extent of their relationship just as Derpy had? And more importantly, how did Rainbow feel about the kiss? Did she enjoy it just as much as Derpy had? More? Less?

Then she remembered the regret in Rainbow's eyes, and knew the answer to all of her questions.

She squeezed her eyes shut, feeling the salty tears burn her eyes. Her breathing became labored and she flung herself into the safety of her bed, hoping the covers would provide comfort. They didn't.

'It's not fair,' she whispered in her head. 'It's not fair that as soon as I find out I like her that I find out she doesn't feel the same way...'

There was no optimism anymore. Derpy was sure that that Derpy was taken away, stolen by the kiss that was her first. Her best friend had taken away her spirit in that small connection of lips for that split second, never to be seen again.

Optimism was gone.

Pessimism had gotten it's deadly, clawed grip on the beloved Derpy.

And it wasn't letting go.