Stupid deaths, stupid deaths
They're funny 'cause they're true.
Stupid deaths, stupid deaths
Hope next time it's not you.
"All right, then. Let's get today's list over with," said the Grim Reaper, walking to his desk. Sitting on both sides of the desk were two female skeletons, and the Grim Reaper was sitting in the center.
"Next!" he called out to the first dead person. Immediately after the call, a bright yellow pony with a long, orange and yellow mane stepped out. She had a cutie mark of a sunset reflected on the sea.
"Name?" he asked the pony.
"Sunburst Wonder," answered the pony. "I was a mother of three, married three times, and I ran a fitness center in Manehattan."
"Ooh, a fitness center, eh?" The Grim Reaper seemed intrigued.
"Yep," the pony replied. "It's important for ponies like me to stay in tip-top shape, even when mothering her kids."
"Mm. Makes sense. Anyway, how did you die?"
"Well, it's a long story. But I'll try to make it short."
Then, the pony launched right into her story.
"Well, when I was alive, I was constantly afraid of superstition. And even more so whenever it was Friday the 13th. So when it was my 36th birthday, I was scared out of my wits, because it was Friday, February 13, 2009. And I was afraid that something—anything—would happen. And in fact, something did happen."
"So what happened?" asked the Grim Reaper.
"Well, when I went out for a walk late at night—because I couldn't sleep—I got shot by someone out on the street. I didn't see who or where it was, because it was dark outside, and I couldn't a gosh darn thing. Then, the bullet reached my neck, and it felt like I got knocked down by a very sharp dart. And then, after five hours, I died."
The Grim Reaper burst out laughing.
"What's so funny?" asked the pony, with an insulted look on her face.
"Didn't you hear the jingle? The lyrics say 'They're funny cause they're true'."
"Death is not funny."
"Whatever. I'll just consult with the judges."
The Grim Reaper first leaned toward the skeleton on his right.
"Uh-huh," said the Grim Reaper to the skeleton on his right.
Then toward the one on his left.
"Oh, shut up, Louie," said the Grim Reaper to the skeleton on his left.
Then, he faced the yellow pony and started talking to her again.
"That's two yeses. You're through to the afterlife."
"Oh, well, thank you very much, sir," said the pony. Then she went through the doorway that lead to the afterlife.
"Sweet and simple, just like those other stupid death stories. You know, I love my job sometimes. I do!"
Then the Grim Reaper grabbed his list, then checked off the first item.
