Rainbooms 101: How (Not) to Make a Sonic Rainboom

by Needling Haystacks

Rating: everyone
Tags: Mystery, Pinkie Pie, Slice of Life, Applejack, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash
Length: 22251

Between the time she was a filly and the famous incident with the unicorn with magic wings, Rainbow Dash tried many times to reproduce a Sonic Rainboom. This is the story of one of those times and the researcher who studied it.

Rainbow Dash tried to reproduce the Sonic Rainboom many times without success. Several of these times were under the watchful eye of curious researchers. She eventually got fed up with them and started turning them away.

Over a year before the Longest Night, Dr. Haystacks decided to ask her himself. He knew it would be an uphill battle, so he would need a strategy.

Most students of Equestrian history will guess that the attempt was unsuccessful, but Dr. Haystacks would insist later that this attempt was part of the path that led to a successful reproduction some years later. And besides, it's not really failure if you've managed to find that something doesn't work.

Published 2016-06-03 22:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-10-15 20:14:35 UTC

Background: Consulting Experts and the Value of Pink Party Planner Ponies

Background: Consulting Experts and the Value of Pink Party Planner Ponies

Between semesters last year, future Dr. Haystacks had a bit of free time and thought to study the Sonic Rainboom. Since only one living pegasus had ever produced one, there was just one place to go: Ponyville. A small town servicing farms on the edge of the treacherous Everfree Forest, it has never been much of a tourist destination.

He had studied the notes of previous researchers, and discovered a few things. First, that her house was the highest flying cloud house in town, which would make it easy to find. She was apparently the local weather mare, with aspirations of joining the Wonder Bolts. Haystacks was not a fan of their shows, personally, but he could understand the appeal to others. Also in the notes were the methods tried by the first five researchers. Two had replicated the original course Ms. Dash had been flying when she did the Rainboom, while the others had stripped it down to combinations of dives and straight-aways. None had been sucessful. There had been three other researchers since then, but Ms. Dash had rebuffed all three. This meant he could not just go straight to her and ask for her cooperation. First, he needed to find a way to convince her.

Haystacks had made the journey from Cloudsdale with two rather full saddle bags. Besides not being certain what equipment would be useful, he had always been an over-packer. No need for clothes at this time of year, but he just did not feel comfortable without a lab coat handy. And maybe a hat. Hats were good.

Landing lightly in the town square, a few heads turned but no one seemed especially interested. From what he had heard, Ponyville's economy had grown from the trading of produce to being a crossroads for all sorts of goods, so strangers in town were likely not an uncommon sight. Just as he was wondering where to start, he became aware of a high-pitched sound behind him. Turning to face the source, he found it was produced by a pink earth pony with distinctly poofy hair.

“Eeeeeeeee” the pony vocalized what he was hoping was not a seizure or something else of the sort. He was not THAT kind of doctor.

“Eeeeh! A new pony! And I mean new new! I know every pony in town, PLUS every pony who's ever been to town, and I'm sure I've never seen YOU before!” she said, talking a mile a minute. Haystacks followed reasonably well: graduate students new to presentations often talked at that speed, though generally not with that much enthusiasm. He had been guilty of that himself, for that matter.

“Er, yes, I'm on vacation and...”

“Oh I looove vacations! I love love love them! You get to go all sorts of new places and meet all sorts of new ponies! But here I am, staying in Ponyville, and I'm meeting a new pony!”

“Sorry, could you slow down a bit?” he said.

“Oh, I'm the one who should be sorry!” she said, “In fact, my friend Rainbow Dash, she's the local weather mare, says...”

“Rainbow Dash?” Haystacks was the one who interrupted this time. He figured that if he only spoke when she paused to take a breath, this conversation would never get anywhere. “She's actually why I'm in town.”

“Oooooh,” the pink pony said, looking the newcomer over, “Do you liiiike her?”

“What?” Haystacks was a bit confused by this turn in the conversation, “I've never even met her.”

“Well that's weird. You should like-like someone you've never even met!”

“I never said I did.” Haystacks was beginning to question the usefulness of this conversation, but she DID claim to be a friend of Rainbow Dash, and he needed information. “I'm a scientist doing research...”

“Oh! My sister Maud is going to be a rocktologist! She researches rocks. And that DOESN'T just mean looking at them. I made THAT mistake! She exaaaamines them,” and here the pink pony made some vague gestures with one of her forehooves, “And learns all kinds of things about them!”

“Right, but not my field,” Haystacks said. That name sounded vaguely familiar, but he could not quite place it. “I'm here to study the Sonic Rainboom, actually. Forgive the delayed introduction. I am Needling Haystacks. Soon to be Dr. Haystacks” He put his hoof to his forehead as if tipping a hat, though he was not wearing one at the moment. He liked the look of the gesture, regardless.

“Oh, I'm Pinkie Pie! Nice to meet you Mr. Needling Haystacks soon to be Dr. Haystacks!” She imitated his gesture, then stuck out her hoof.

“Errr, just Haystacks is fine,” he said, bumping her hoof.

“Well okay Just Haystacks, you can call me Pinkie! All my friends do! And you may not know it yet, but I'm going to be one of your bestest friends ever!”

As Pinkie said this, she put her foreleg around his shoulder. Haystacks was a bit uncomfortable with this, and he was not sure where this conversation was heading. The name Pinkie Pie also rang a bell. He seemed to recall a note in some of the records he had studied. Something like “knowledgeable about the locals, but tends to take up a lot of time.” Based on his observations thus far, that seemed an accurate assessment.

“Thank...you?” he ventured, “Er, so, as a friend, would you be able to tell me about Rainbow Dash?”

“Of course!” Pinkie Pie took out a small doll with a rainbow mane and tail from somewhere and placed it at eye level. “She was born on a dark and stormy night. Though it wasn't dark and it wasn't stormy and it wasn't night. So more like a bright sunny day.”

“Wait!” Haystacks interrupted, “Maybe I should be more specific.” He was peripherally aware that no one was taking particular notice of this odd production. Pinkie must do this sort of thing a lot.

“Rainbow Dash has been approached eight times in the past about researching the Sonic Rainboom,” Haystacks continued, “The first five, she cooperated, but the last three, she rejected outright. Do you know why?”

“Hmmm...” Pinkie put her hoof to her chin in thought. “Weelll, I know she really reallly wanted to do another Sonic Rainboom, but she never said why she turned those last three to come through away. Ooh! But I know!”

Haystacks cocked his head. Where was she going with this?

“We have to have a 'welcome to town to do research' party! Rainbow Dash is sure to be there, and you can ask her yourself!”

Haystacks blinked. “That's...”

“Oh, it's no trouble at all! Lotta planning to do, bye!”

“But you didn't tell me...” Haystacks said just a hair too late, “...where... to... go.” He sighed and shook his head. Best thing to do now was find the local inn, he supposed. It would be nice to set his saddle bags down, and maybe find a bath to relax the kinks his wings had developed on the flight.

“Yeah, I can tells yah where it is,” said a stallion selling fruit in the square, “Sure you don't want to buy a cherry first?”

Haystacks had the distinct impression he was being extorted. Given the small size of the town and the fact that he could fly over it if necessary, it was hardly reasonable for the fruit seller to expect to make a sale in exchange for directions.

“No thank you,” he said firmly.

“Suit yourself,” the fruit seller shrugged, “Right that way, turn left, then it's on the right.”

Haystacks said his thank-yous and trotted on his way. This town had a lot of colorful residents, if nothing else. He smirked to himself at his bad joke.

Once checked in, Haystacks took off his saddle bag harness and stretched his wings. It was such a relief to not be carrying the weight. He opened up the bags and took stock. His personal labcoat was wrinkled, of course, but he felt that a labcoat had to be at least a little disheveled to have any credibility. He wished he had had room for a hat, though. Safety goggles were handy in the outer pocket: essential gear for flying in unfamiliar skies. It would have been impractical to bring a telescope, but he had brought a small sextant, just in case an interesting astrological event happened while he was here. Then of course there was a high-speed camera and attached timer, for use if he could get this experiment together. He wished he had more of those, but a shortage of equipment was one of the drawbacks of doing research on your own time. There was also a clip-board and a pair of notebooks. One contained his notes on previous scientist's attempts, the other was for notes on this trip. Finally, there was a quill and an inkwell. He opened up his notes and looked for the entry on Pinkie Pie. The writing was very difficult to read. He knew some unicorns could write with pretty fine control using magic, but when all one had were wings, needs must.

“Good source of local knowledge, but be prepared to spend a lot of time getting at the relevant information,” he read. That seemed a fair assessment. Snapping the book shut, he prepared for a nice soak.

Some time later, Haystacks asked at the desk where Pinkie Pie would be if she was holding a party without telling the guest of honor where it would be. The mare at the desk chuckled.

“Did that to you, too, huh?” the light green mare said, “That's happened a few times. Pinkie lets those little details slip through the cracks sometimes. 'Least she told you there WAS a party. Sometimes she rushes off without telling the new pony there is one.”

Haystacks could not help but laugh, albeit partly in exasperation. Still, if he was going to get this experiment off the ground, he was going to need an inside line on Rainbow Dash. He soon got directions to a place called Sugarcube Corner and was on his way.

Sugarcube Corner turned out to be a small mom and pop bakery, with living quarters above. According to the hotel clerk, Pinkie Pie worked there. Haystacks did wonder how she found time to do any work if she was constantly planning parties.

"Be right there!" a pleasant female voice said from the next room in response to the bell on the shop door. Not Pinkie Pie's voice, though. Haystacks assumed it was the proprieter.

"Well howdee do!" the mare said, wiping her hooves on her apron as she came in from what was most likely the kitchen. "What can I do for you? Looking for a cake? Because you've found one!"

She giggled at that. Haystacks did not get it, and it must have shown, because she clarified. "That's me, Mrs. Cup Cake."

"Oh, uh, Haystacks. Charmed," Haystacks said, flittering his wings a little. He realized a beat too late that that was not really an appropriate greeting gesture for non-Pegasi and hastily touched his hoof to his forehead. Manners were not his strong suit, especially when it involved cross-tribal interactions.

"I'm not here for cake, anyway," he said, "I was looking for Ms. Pinkie Pie?"

"Oh! So you're the new pony in town?" Mrs. Cake said.

"Errr, just visiting I'm afraid," Haystacks said, "I'm here doing research."

"Well now, that sounds interesting," Mrs. Cake said, "Pinkie just ran in here, said something about needing a cake for a new pony, and rushed off with one. I wonder where she went?"

"Mmf," Haystacks murmured in irritation. Not asking if he even wanted a party was bad enough, but not giving him a way to find it really took the cake, so to speak. "Do you have any idea where she might be holding this party? She neglected to tell me."

He tried very hard to keep the irritation out of his voice, but he did not think he was entirely successful.

"Hmmm," Mrs. Cake said, considering, "I think you're best shot would be to ask around her usual party spots. That's town square, the library, and Sweet Apple Acres."

Haystacks looked at her quizzically. "The library?"

"There's no full-time librarian," she said. Haystacks was not certain that that explained anything, but he let it slide.

"Alright, then, would you mind writing down directions?"

The merchants in the town square had not seen Pinkie Pie since earlier, so the next stop was Golden Oaks Library. Haystacks looked up from Mrs. Cake's crudely drawn map.

"Oh, I get it," he said, seeing that it was built into some sort of oak tree. That really should have killed a normal tree. Magic must have been used to make a tree grow around the space. Why expend that much magic, though? These thoughts ran through his head as he knocked on the door. Getting no answer, he carefully opened the door and looked inside. Seeing nothing, he walked in.

Inside, there was a curved hollow. It made sense with the organic building, but made it harder to store books. There was a partial second floor, where there seemed to be a bed for some reason. Perhaps the intent was for a full-time librarian to live there. A pile of unshelved books sat in one corner. There were little bits of confetti on the floor, probably left over from the last time there was a party here. The part-time librarian must not be here enough to keep those things straight.

There was no sign of a party in the works. Haystacks checked the reference desk just in case there was some sort of note. He found the card catalogue under the desk, but the only note was probably from the librarian. It read "Pinkie: Please be sure to clean up all the confetti next time! -Amethyst Star." The latter must be the part-time librarian.

Before leaving for the next destination, Haystacks looked around at the relatively small library. Despite its size, being out here in a small town, there just might be a few rare gems that no one had noticed before. If he had time later, he would have to come back and browse.

The final destination took a little longer to get through. In comparison to getting from point A to point B in Canterlot, though, it was a down right leisurely trot. The road that ran out of town led to a fence with a wooden archway. Beyond this was a fair-sized clearing with a small plot of corn to one side and buildings elsewhere. Besides the main farmhouse, there was a chicken coup and pig pens. Further back were more fields of corn and wheat as well as orchards on one side, and what looked like a carrot farm on the other.

In the clearing, as hoped, were obvious signs of a party in the making. Streamers hung from and were strung between poles that appeared to have been recently erected, and a similarly makeshift-looking pavillion sat off to one side, towards the pig pen. A banner hung over the pavillion reading "Welcome Just Haystacks!" There were also some haystacks set up around the space. The pink pony he had been looking for was nowhere to be found, but there was a rather young yellow filly carrying feed towards the chicken coop, followed closely by an orange mare.

"Hello there!" Haystacks called out as he trotted over. The pair looked over as the younger was opening the gate... and was swarmed by chickens trying to get at the feed.

"Woah there!" the orange mare said, grabbing the bucket and running into the pen. "Heeeere chickchickchickchickchick."

Haystacks quickened his pace with the vague notion of helping, but the orange mare had managed to lure the birds back into the pen well before he got there.

"Apple Bloom! Get the gate!" the orange mare said as she poured out the feed.

"Right!" said the yellow filly who was apparently named Apple Bloom.

Haystacks was now nearly at the gate and slowed his pace.

"Sorry," he said sheepishly, "I didn't mean to cause a ruckus."

"No harm done," the orange mare said as she emptied the feed bucket, "Just bad timing is all."

"Oh, you must be the new pony Pinkie Pie was talkin' about! Just Haystacks?" the young filly said excitedly. She was quite young: a few years too young to even potentially have her cutie mark yet.

"Y...es," he said hesitantly. Word really got around fast here, "Needling Haystacks, actually. I meant the "Needling" could be dropped, and some other bits she thought were part of my name, but..." he shrugged.

"Heh heh. Yeah, that sounds like Pinkie Pie," the orange mare put in as she slipped out the gate, "I'll see to it the sign is changed. I'm Applejack, and this here is Apple Bloom."

Haystacks nodded to each in turn. "You're a bit early for the party, though," Applejack said, "I'm teachin' Apple Bloom here how to do some of the chores, but feel free to wait wait inside if you want. Granny Smith's in there, and I'm sure she'd appreciate the company."

"Thanks for the offer, but actually I'm here to ask a few questions. I was going to ask Pinkie Pie, but maybe the two of you would know," Haystacks said, "The first would be, when is the party? Pinkie Pie never told me. Never told me where it was for that matter."

"Yeah, she does tend to get a mite carried away and forget these little details," Applejack said with a chuckle, "Well, if I remember correctly, she said we'd start an hour before sunset."

"That means I'll miss most of it," said Apple Bloom forlornly.

"Ah, good, that gives me some time, then," Haystacks said, "For the rest... can I follow along and talk? I'll try to stay out of your way."

Applejack considered this for just a moment. "I reckon that'd be fine. Sloppin' the hogs is next. Apple Bloom, you go get the slop bucket."

"I'm on it!" Apple Bloom said, trotting off towards the farmhouse. The other two trotted over towards the hog pens nearby.

"Well, I'm here to research the Sonic Rainboom. I was hoping to find someone who would know something about it or Rainbow Dash," Haystacks said.

"Well I don't know much about that there Sonic Rainboom," Applejack said, opening and closing the door to the hog pen. It squeeked, which set the pigs on alert. "But Rainbow Dash has lived here in Ponyville for awhile now, and I might have picked up a thing or two. But ifn' yah don't mind my askin', why don't you just ask her directly?"

Apple Bloom made it back at this point, sloshing around the bucket she was carrying. "Sorry, I think I spillled some," she said. That was an understatement: the bucket appeared to be about half empty. Or half full, depending on how you looked at it.

"Well, I reckon that'll be enough. We'll feed 'em any food that's dropped on the ground at the party, so they'll need a light meal now," Applejack said. By this point, the pigs had settled down some, so when the gate squeeked open again, they did not act startled.

"Here's the thing..." Haystacks said, pausing to ponder how to phrase this. "Judging by the notes I have, Rainbow Dash has rather flatly turned down the last three researchers who asked for her help. My guess would be she's frustrated with failing to produce another Sonic Rainboom. So I can't just ask her directly or the same thing will happen. I need some sort of leverage. Like, what does she like? Would there be something she'd accept in exchange for her cooperation?"

Applejack was leaving the hog pen by the time his explanation was done. Apple Bloom responded first.

"Well I know she likes flying fast," Apple Bloom said, "She's always zipping all around Ponyville, showing everyone how fast she can fly."

"She also likes them there Wonderbolts," Applejack said, "So maybe something to do with them? Not sure what'd be enough, though." She took a look at Haystacks as she considered something.

"She's also right competitive," Applejack said, "So maybe you could challenge her to an arial race? Meaning no disrespect, but I don't know that you could win. She really does fly pretty fast."

Haystacks considered this, lost in thought and nearly missing the other two heading for the next destination: one of the orchards. He noticed before one of the Apples thought to say something about it. The pair of mares looked back at him occasionally, but he did not ask anything else and took little notice of what they said and did, operating mostly on auto-pilot. He had the seed of an idea, and he was working it over in his mind. He had read about Rainbow Dash's abilities. Some previous researchers had also made notes about her limitations. So if he did this... and set up this... assuming she would accept those terms of course...

His reverie was broken by a tap on his leg.

"Hey, you alright?" Apple Bloom asked.

"I was just askin' if you had any more question," Applejack said by way of explanation, "But you weren't answerin'."

Haystacks ruffled his wings a little to shake off the remnants of the zone-out he had done.

"Oh, sorry, I was just thinking," he said. Then a grin spread over his face. "I think ya'll have given me a great idea."

"Really?" Applejack asked, "What is it?"

Haystacks shook his head. "Sorry, don't like to say until I've worked it all out," he said, "But if I'm right, you'll find out soon enough! See ya'll tonight."

He took to the skies and waved back at them.

"See you toniiight!" Apple Bloom called after him and waved back.

Haystacks realized as he flew that he had slipped back into his old accent. It happened sometimes when he was around those with similar accents. He filed that thought away and returned to the matter at hand.

Back at the hotel, he cleared off a space on the table, took out a notebook, quill, and ink well, and began to scribble in the fast, virtually illegible style he used when trying to get out an idea before he lost the thread. He had to stop and find some books in the local library at one point. He found them relatively quickly, resisting the urge to stop and skim half the books in their vicinity, and jotted his name on the catalogue cards before returning to his room and continuing the work. It was 5 past the hour before he left for the party, having lost track of time. But everything checked out, as far as he could check it. If Rainbow Dash accepted the challenge, and if everything went right, then he would get his research data.

Author's Note

Minor changes were made as I realized the Maud reference in the next chapter, combined with a rough timeline for "Bedtime Stories" and a planned follow-up require that he not have a doctorate yet at this point.

Methodology I: Appeal to Pride

Methodology I: Appeal to Pride

That evening, Haystacks trotted back to Sweet Apple Acres. He preferred flying, but his legs could probably use the exercise. That, and he did not want to risk seeing Rainbow Dash in the air. He was not sure if she would connect the dots and turn him away before the party, but he would rather not risk it.

It was now the hour during which Celestia slowly lowered the sun. Most of the day it was static, but now it slowly moved across the sky. Soon the sun would be blinding anyone who was facing that direction. As long as everyone at the party faced the other way, though, it would provide atmospheric lighting.

He saw as he approached that the "Just" had been crossed out on the banner. Near the gate, a pink pony was greeting a guest. When she saw Haystacks, she waved enthusiastically.

"Over here!" she called out.

To ward off any unwanted physical contact, Haystacks stuck out his hoof to bump as he approached. Thankfully, Pinkie Pie accepted this.

"Hey everypony!" she exlaimed at the rest of the gathering, "The guest of honor is here!". Haystacks noted that there were less than twenty adult ponies present, plus maybe ten fillies and colts. He suddenly found himself the center of attention of most of the group. He quickly headed off anxiety by thinking of it as a lecture.

"Hello," he said with a wave of both hoof and wing, "I hope everyone's having fun."

"Oh, everyone always has fun at a Pinkie Pie Party!" Pinkie Pie said without much modesty. Several of the other ponies nodded in agreement, though, so it was probably true.

"NOW can we have cake?" one of the colts asked. Pinkie Pie nodded with a grin.

As he walked towards the cake table himself, Haystacks noticed that four telescopes were set up on a little platform a short distance away. Pinkie was doing what looked remarkably like a foals 'potty dance' while waiting for her turn at cake a few places ahead of him in line, so he decided it was best to wait to ask.

"Hello," said a voice behind him. He turned his head and saw a pink unicorn mare, of a darker hue than Pinkie Pie, with a purple mane and tail. "I'm Amethyst Star, I help out at the library."

"Oh, hello. Haystacks," he said, turning about long enough to extend a hoof. After a bump, he turned back around. Talking to someone behind you in line was a skill one never really lost from foalhood.

"What are you a doctor of?" Amethyst Star asked as the line edged forward. "I saw you had been by the library. Do you study aeronautics or maybe biology?"

"Errr, no, I actually specialize in..."

"Astronomy!" Pinkie interrupted in a loud voice as she cut herself a slice of cake about twice as large as the ones that had already been cut and set on plates. Apparently she had good hearing. He stared in her direction for a moment.

"Yes, actually," he said as she trotted over, her mouth full of cake, "But how did you know?"

"We-elll," Pinkie Pie began after swallowing a mouthful of cake, "When I first met you I noticed a telescope sticking out of your bag, and I thought "Why would a pony be carrying around a telescope?" and then I remembered what Maude, that's my sister, told me at one point about the strata under the observatory at Manehattan and I thought 'maybe he works at someplace like that!' but you were here to study the Sonic Rainboom so I wasn't sure but then you just said aero-whatsit wasn't your field so I figured that meant astronomy!" She somehow said everything after the first word all in one breath. That mare could be a good sea diver if she wanted to be.

"Well, Pinkie, I'll admit to being impressed with your deduction. It must run in the family," Haystacks said.

"Huh?" Pinkie said, cocking her head to one side, "Have you met my family?"

"Just the one other member," Haystacks said, "After we talk last I racked my brain trying to remember why the name Maude sounded familiar. I finally did: we took the same creative writing class at one point."

"Really!?" Pinkie exclaimed, "Isn't her poetry just the best?"

"It's interesting, I'll grant you," Haystacks said, grabbing a plate of cake and shifting to the side, "But that's not what I meant. When we had some group exercises, I recall her asking what the dirt on some character's hooves looked like. To show that it was important, she proceeded to deduce where several of us had been based on the dirt on our hooves."

"Yeah, I know, she does that," Pinkie said with a grin, "She's like the best big sister ever!"

"I'll take your word on that," Haystacks said. He took a bite of cake before asking his next question. "So you guessed astronomer and put together a stargazing party based on that, I take it. What if you had been wrong?"

"Then I would have brought out something else," Pinkie said, "I have tons of party games stashed all over Ponyville for just such emergencies! But I just had a feeling I was right."

Haystacks looked around. "Where's Ms. Rainbow Dash?"

"Oh, she's always fashionably late. Actually, that's a better description of Rarity."

Haystacks did not know who she was talking about, but the question was soon answered.

"Oh, there she is. Hey Rarity!" Pinkie Pie said, jumping up and waving.

The pony in question was a white unicorn wearing a rather large white hat, decorated with what appeared to be parsley, or at least something made to look like parsley. It worked surprisingly well.

"Hey everypony! Did I miss anything?" said a voice from above. A blue pegasus flew down and landed with a dramatic flourish.

"Rainbow Dash! You missed the first serving of cake!" Pinkie Pie said. She was, in fact, going back for seconds. Several of the ponies in attendance chuckled.

"I think that's my cue," Haystacks said, carefully maneuvering over without letting go of his plate.

"Oh, hey, you must be the egghead this is all for," Rainbow Dash said, looking him over.

"Yes. Have you heard why I'm here?" he said.

Rainbow Dash shrugged. "Something about vacation? Pinkie was a little vague, but she insisted I come."

Haystacks took a bite of cake to steady his nerves.

"Well, it's about the Sonic Rainboom..."

Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. "This again? You're wasting your time. Like I told the last like, three eggheads, I'm not gonna keep doing the same thing over and over just so they can see nothing happen."

Haystacks smirked here. Perfect. "Well, what if it's not the same thing? What if I understand things just a bit better?"

Rainbow Dash cocked her head. "What, because your a Pegasus? Sorry to break it to you, but so were a few of them."

Haystacks shook his head. "Oh no, not at all. I mean I understand racing."

Rainbow Dash chortled at this. "Pssh, you? What does an egghead know about racing?"

"Well, Fast Clip has an advanced degree," Haystacks said, trying to sound casual about the name-drop.

Rainbow Dash's demeanor changed almost instantly. "The Wonderbolt's trainer?" she said, putting her front hooved to her face with a big smile, effectively fangirling, "You know him?"

Haystacks could not hide a smile, but he tried not to make it too obvious. "Well, we've only met once or twice," he said, "But I do know how to get ahold of him. If you'd help my research, maybe I could get him or some of the Wonderbolts to sign something."

"Omigosh really?" Rainbow Dash said, doing an impromptou aerial loop, "That would be great!" Haystacks noted they were definitely the center of attention right now. He did not know this, but Pinkie Pie was taking the opportunity to eat far more than her share of cake.

Rainbow Dash stopped and once agan her expression changed quickly. Now she looked suspicious. "Well, it's a tempting offer, but that doesn't prove you're any better than the other eggheads."

"I don't know about better," Haystacks said with a shrug. It would have been easier had she taken that bait, but then, it would not have been as much fun. "Just better suited to this. So how abooout this..."

He started pacing a bit and took it slow, almost as if he were making it up on the spot. He had some awareness that it likely was not a completely convincing act, but at the very least it gave him a chance to organize his thoughts.

"Let's have a race," he said, smirking just a bit.

"Pssh, me and you?" Rainbow Dash said, "Ha! I can beat you any time, anywhere."

*Yes!* Haystacks thought to himself. Now to real her in. He could not help smiling again.

"Alright, later this week. Two days from now if I can get some help setting it up," he said. He looked around the crowd. Two or three ponies nodded when he stopped and stared at them, though a bit confusedly.

"So, two days from now at two hours before sundown. I'll have a track built. I assume there's an open field somewhere around here we could use?" Haystacks asked.

"Huh? Field?" Rainbow Dash said, "We're talking about a flying race, right?"

"Yes, it would not really be relevant otherwise," Haystacks said, "But there's a lot of non-Pegasi around here. So, a field?"

"Yeah, I think we got one that's fallow over on the north 40," Applejack said, coming up beside him. "I hope you know what you're doin'" she whispered to him. Haystacks did not respond as he thought it would be too conspicuous.

"Excellent. If I win, you help me with my research. If I lose, I'll do all I can to get whatever you want autographed. Deal?" Haystacks said to Rainbow Dash.

Rainbow Dash crossed her front hooves over her chest as she floated in the air. "Alright, but I really don't see what the point is. What kind of race are we talking?"

"Well, that's the trick, see. You won't find out until you get there," Haystacks said. He very nearly held his breath. Here was yet another point where something could go wrong.

"Mmm," Rainbow Dash pondered, staring up at nothing in particular, "Think you can get an edge that way? Alright, but nothing too tricky, right? Just a straightforward race?"

"Yes, it will be one of the accepted types," Haystacks said with a nod, "Perfect."

"So!" he said, turning a bit and hoping he could break the weird tension he had created. "What do we have planned for this party?"

Pinkie Pie looked up from the cake. She had by this point abandoned all subtlety and had just been eating it directly from the table.

"Om, migh!" she mumbled through a mouthful of cake. She swallowed before continuing. "Well that's the best part! As soon as Princess Celestia finishes lowering the sun, we'll go stargazing! You know how to point the telescopes, right?"

Haystacks was not sure if he should be offended, but he decided to err on the side of caution and did not take offense. "I do, yes."

He made sure to set up a view of Saturn and its ring as well as the moons of Jupiter and the Moon for the young ones. They had to leave not too long after dark, and a few of the adults left with them. The rest soon became more interested in overly loud music and something approximating dancing than the telescopes, by and large. That was not really his thing, so he took to giving mini lectures, and pressing for help on his project the next day, whenever someone came to look through the telescopes. That probably annoyed them, he realized as time went on, but he was not sure what else to do. Besides, it was good practice if he was going to teach.

His personal observations on Pinkie Pie's parties: she had some flexibility in fitting the guest of honor's interests, but was set in her ways on a few points. Whether she thought the typical party music and pseudo-dancing combination would go well with star gazing or just did not think about it, he did not know. He really hope she worked on that. Different ponies like different things, and what some ponies think of as a 'party' is mild torture for others. Case in point, the music was hurting his admittedly-sensitive ears, and was making it hard to explain to the occasional party-goer that did drift over what they were looking at. Eventually, he took to making ancilliary observations for his own work and making notes in his notebook. Without photographic plates, it was not exactly hard data in the modern sense, but it was something to do.

"Hey, thanks for putting this together," Haystacks said a bit later. By this point Applejack had retired (farm work started early, he knew), and the music had been turned down a bit so as not to disturb the Apples. Why that had not applied to Apple Bloom, he was not sure.

"You're welcome!" Pinkie Pie exclaimed, a bit too loudly. She had apparently not adjusted to the new volume. Or something... as he thought about it he realized that did not make much sense.

"Er, yes, well, I usually am up most of the night, but I'm having to adjust my schedule for this trip, so I really should be going," Haystacks said.

"Awww," Pinkie said in a more normal volume, looking disappointed, "Well, remember to take the last of the cake!"

He was surprised to see that a slice of cake was, in fact, sitting untouched.

"What did you, set that aside just for this?" he asked.

"Of course!" Pinkie said, "The guest of honor always gets the last slice of cake!"

He had always heard that as the FIRST slice, but he was not going to argue. He made a few goodbyes to some of the ten or so ponies still hanging around. There was one in particular he felt like egging on a bit.

"Hey, Dash," he said to the blue pegasus, though she had not said he could call her that, "Remember, day after tomorrow, two hours before sundown. Better make sure you're ready."

Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes and crossed her forehooves. "Whatever, just make sure you do your part when you lose."

He gave what he hoped was a cocky grin and touched his forehoof to a strand of his mane, as was his habit, then took to the sky.

Methodology II: Know Thyself, Know Thy Enemy

Methodology II: Know Thyself, Know Thy Enemy

The next day was very busy. Besides getting access to a field from the Apples, Haystacks also had to make sure the surrounding area was reasonably clear, find a supply of 10 meter poles (or poles that could be joined together into 10 m lengths), and recruit ponies to set the whole thing up. He did not bother personally with bleachers for observers, but before she left for Sugarcube Corner, Pinkie Pie said she would take care of it. She was a bit unclear on why he needed long poles, though.

"You'll see," was all Haystacks would say on the matter.

The construction was complicated enough that he wished he had thought of this plan before coming here, or least given more time before the challenge. But then, if this worked he would only have 3 days, working around Rainbow Dash's schedule, to do actual research, so there was little he could do about it. He supposed he could stretch that to 4 on his end, but then he'd lose the prep time he would probably need.

The poles were the biggest problem. A small town did not keep 10 meter long metal poles lying around. Ultimately, some joined piping with wiring mounts for support serviced well enough. Resolving THAT problem took a few hours by itself. Once the problem had been worked out, there was still the task of raising 100 such poles around a multi-kilometer circumference. He had recruited a few ponies the previous night, and a few more curious ponies wandered in that he managed to set to work. He accomplished this largely by the technique one of his advisors used of acting like you know what you are doing when you give ponies instructions. A few drifted in and out, but the total number working remained roughly constant. Thankfully, this town was mostly earth ponies, which meant they had the strength needed to set and hold the poles up, while he and the occasional other pegasus set up the support wires. It was unlikely that word would not filter back to Rainbow Dash with this many ponies working, but he was reasonably confident that they would not get the full scope of his strategy.

In the late afternoon, presumably after her shift at the bakery, Pinkie Pie came back, bringing with her some foldable bleachers and a number of helpers she had recruited. She seemed impressed with what had been accomplished so far.

"Wow! I can't even see where they lead!" she said.

"Well, you could from high up," Haystacks said, before turning to the rest. "Ok everyone, take 5 then we'll reorganize with the new ponies!" he said in a loud voice so that all would here. A few of the ponies sighed and visibly slumped. Okay, so maybe his knowledge of Earth Pony limitations was a bit lacking.

"You know, I bet setting this up would make a really good montage!" Pinkie Pie said, "But what song woudl go with it? Hmmm... 'Raise these poles, raise these poles...'" Pinkie sang a few bars, thought about it for a moment, then shook her head slightly. "No, that doesn't work," she said, "Maybe... 'race track set-up race track set-uuuuup...' No, That doesn't seem right either. Wow, who knew coming up wtih a montage song could be so hard?"

Haystacks blinked deliberately a few times as he listened. He liked singing well enough, he supposed, but they had not been recording this or anything. Did she expect ponies to sing a line then stop for twenty minutes before singing the rest, as if someone were recording them and splicing pieces of the process together?

"I'll... just leave that to you, then," he said, glancing around. "You'll need... what, 2 ponies to help you set up the bleachers?"

"Yeah, yeah," Pinkie said distractedly, waving a hoof, "Hmm... '

He left her to it and got back to directing the other ponies.

The changing group of volunteers had been working essentially all day by the time the sun went down, and had only set up around half of the poles. However, Haystacks considered, they had solved the major problems with how to set things up, so they should be able to finish up and leave him time to rest then warm up before the race.

Haystacks strongly suspected Rainbow Dash had spied on the track construction, or would do so tonight. Then again, maybe not: she was rather prideful. Some of that was show but then, show was important to someone like that.

The night passed, as did the next day, without much incident. It was a little tighter than he would have liked, but they did manage to finish the track set-up about an hour before the race was set to start. Haystacks had to rest at the far end of the newly constructed track and use the flight back as warm-up. He was surprised to find that the stands were apparently filled, and Pinkie Pie had acquired a microphone from somewhere.

"Good evening ponies and gentlecolts!" Pinkie Pie said into the microphone, "We're here at the race of the century! Or at least of the next few days! I'm Pinkie Pie, here with color commentary. There's our green challenger now! Rainbow Dash, the defending champion, is blue with a mane that's all sorts of colors!"

Haystacks decided to let that oddity be and looked for Rainbow Dash, who was doing some wing stretches near Pinkie Pie.

"Well, I'm guessing this'll be some kind of endurance race," Rainbow Dash was saying as Haystacks gently landed, "It's the obvious thing to do."

"Right you are," Haystacks said, drawing her attention, "Ready to hear the challenge?"

Rainbow Dash flexed her wings. "Bring it! I've been working on pacing myself."

Haystacks nodded, then walked up to Pinkie Pie. He gestured with his wing at the microphone.

"Yes, it is a microphone!" Pinkie said.

Haystacks sighed and gently took the microphone with his wing.

"Alright, so the local ponies have constructed this track... let's take a moment to give them a hoof." Haystacks stomped his hooves, provoking a similar reaction from the crowd. Though the reaction was a bit tepid from those who had not helped.

"So staying outside of the poles," Haystacks continued once it had quieted down. He gestured at the nearest pole with his free wing. "We will race continuously for..." he paused here for what he hoped was dramatic effect. "500 laps!" He looked around. The general reaction was confused.

"So yeah, endurance race," Rainbow Dash said, edging closer to the mic, "I figured. I'll admit, I'm not that great on those, but I should be fine. That's an awful lot of laps, though. Why not just cross-country?"

Haystacks could not quite hide a grin. "Well, you've probably done that before," he said with a shrug.

"Huh. Makes sense," Rainbow Dash said. Haystacks handed the microphone back to Pinkie.

"So there you have it, sports fans!" Pinkie Pie said, "The horseshoe has been thrown! And it might be a leaner!"

"I think she lost the metaphor somewhere in there," Haystacks muttered quietly to Rainbow Dash. She chuckled.

"And over here, AppleJack and Big Mac have volunteered to count the contestants' laps!" she said, indicating another table he had not noticed before.

Haystacks slapped his forehead with his hoof. He had completely forgotten about that! Of course they could keep count themselves, but without a third-party observer, she might doubt the results, should he win. He rather hoped they would be impartial.

"Eeeyup," a red stallion who had to have been Big Mac said. Apparently there was another microphone on their table.

"Seeyin' as the finish line is in our fields, it only seemed proper," Applejack said, "'Sides, it's good practice for countin' apples and cider and such."

"Eeyup."

The stallion did not talk much. Haystacks vaguely remembered Applejack mentioning a brother at the party. That must be him.

"On your marks!" Pinkie Pie said, raising a hoof. Haystacks quickly snapped out of his reverie and dashed into position. Rainbow Dash was also clearly caught of guard, but speed and practice put her in position before he was. She crouched down in a good racer's stance. Haystacks tried to do the same, but he was pretty sure he was doing it wrong.

"Get set!" They were already set. Haystacks wondered if he had been supposed to wait for that to be said to actually take a stance.

"Go!" Pinkie said, rendering the previous pondering academic.

Rainbow Dash, naturally, took off in a flash, moving at very nearly the speed of sound. Haystacks was not too much of a slouch on sprinting, but this was not a short race. He took off at a much slower pace, the flying equivalent to a trot.

"And they're neck in neck! No wait, they totally aren't! Rainbow Dash is actually way ahead!" Pinkie Pie announced. Haystacks tried not to pay it too much mind as he adjusted his flight path so as to avoid Rainbow Dash's draft as she passed around, which she did less than a minute into the race.

"And Rainbow Dash laps the challenger!" Pinkie Pie said, continuing her narration, "in fact, he hardly seems to be trying!"

That was certainly not true, but he was carefully pacing himself. Angle just right. Maintain altitude and speed once you hit the sweet spot. Keep breathing. Focus on breathing evenly.

"500 of these?" Applejack said from her mic, "This could take awhile."

"Eeyup."

Applejack turned over another card as Rainbow Dash completed her second lap.

As time went on, the crowd started to dwindle. After an hour, the score was Rainbow Dash: 160 laps, Haystacks: 60 laps.

"And it's not looking good for the challenger! Rainbow Dash is comfortably in the lead... or uncomfortably in the lead, as she seems to be tiring!" Pinkie Pie said by way of narration.

It was true: Rainbow Dash was showing signs of tiring. She was breathing less easily and sweating, neither of which had she been doing before. She was still travelling much faster than Haystacks, but she was slowing down. Another fifteen minutes or so went by like this, and then...

"And what's this? It seems Celestia's started to lower the sun!"

Celestia's usual sun-lowering process took about an hour. Fifteen minutes in, the sun was now positioned such that it blinded the racers on nearly half of the track.

"Gah! What?" Rainbow Dash exclaimed, trying to shield her eyes with her wings. Haystacks gently swooped by below her, many laps behind but apparently not suffering. Rainbow Dash took a minute to see why.

"Wow, what is he doing?" Pinkie Pie announced, "Is he racing with his eyes closed? Well I guess it's not as hard as reading with your eyes closed!"

Rainbow Dash got ahead and flew backwards just long enough to determine that that was what he was doing. What she could not figure out was how he kept close in to the track markers. She decided she could not waste time figuring it out and took off again.

His secret? His wingtips brushing the poles let him keep to the track, keeping his horizontal motion on course. Occasionally he would look down to make sure he was maintaining altitude.

Naturally, on the other side of the track there was no problem, but for nearly 45 minutes, the blinding sun caused Rainbow Dash to struggle to stay on the track, and she tired faster. By this point the score stood at 290 laps for Rainbow Dash and 120 for Haystacks.

"Sun's finally down, and Rainbow Dash is more than halfway done!" Pinkie Pie said, "She's definitely starting to struggle, but can the challenger make up that must lost ground? ...Honestly, I'm starting to get a little bored here. Anyone else bored?"

"Settle down, sugar cube," Applejack said from her table, flipping over another number for Rainbow Dash, "We commited to this job, and we're gonna see it through."

"Eeyup, "said Big Mac. He was flipping over numbers less frequently than his sister, but he did not seem to mind.

Rainbow Dash had noticeably slowed since her initial burst, but she was still moving faster than Haystacks. He, however, continued to glide along without apparent concern. On some level, he was actually a nervous wreck, but he had to focus on maintaing his course and regulating his breathing, so none of it showed. He was getting bored as well, starting to slip a bit, but with his unoccupied brain power he worked through his equations for this race again, making sure everything was on track.

Night fell and still the ponies raced on. One hour passes... two hours... Now most of the audience had gone, and Pinkie Pie had stopped commenting for the most part. She alternated between making random observations about unrelated things and apparently dozing off. Thankfully, the lap counters/judges had kept up their vigil, though Applejack was starting to show signs of annoyance. Choosing them had been a good call. Now the score stood at 435 laps for Rainbow Dash and 240 for Haystacks. But now Rainbow Dash was moving slower than he was, and the gap was slowly narrowing. To top it off, it was approaching the time when Rainbow Dash would be in bed, or at the very least not flying around as best as she could. She found herself struggling to stay awake.

By the end of the fifth hour, Rainbow Dash was barely staying in the air and barely moving forward. It might have benefited her to stop and rest, taking advantage of her lead, but as Haystacks had hoped, her pride would not allow that. The score now stood at 450 laps to 300. Rainbow Dash had covered a mere 15 laps in a whole hour.

Still on they went. Pinkie was fast asleep by a certain point, and the stoic Big Mac had to nudge his sister on the now-rare occasions when Rainbow Dash finished a lap. Finally, in the midst of the 8th hour, the counts matched up. Rainbow Dash had managed to make it to lap 462, partway through 463, when Haystacks caught up in the lap count. But, again as he had hoped, she was too exhausted to notice, and the reticent Big Mac, the only one other than Haystacks close to fully alert, said nothing.

Rainbow Dash collapsed entirely, panting for breath and about to fall asleep on her wings, before completing lap 465. She landed and promptly closed her eyes. At this point, Haystacks had made to to lap 480. The race was nearly won, but he kept going at almost exactly the same pace. Breath, flap, glide. Big Mac had flipped over lap 298 for Haystacks when Rainbow Dash blearily opened her eyes. Suddenly recalling where she was, she frantically looked around. Her wings ached, but she flew up and, as she began to finish this lap, saw the lap count. She put in a last burst of speed, as fast as she could manage in that state. Big Mac nudged Apple Jack awake again.

"Go Rainbow! You can do it!" she yelled. The microphone was still live, and this woke Pinkie Pie up.

"Five more minutes... Oh! We may not have that kind of time! It seems while I was taking a nap, Rainbow Dash was losing!" Pinkie Pie said.

The three sleeping ponies still in the audience woke up themselves, and the two of them gasped.

"Shocking!" one of them said.

"The horror, the horror!" another exclaimed. It was not at all clear what she was referring to. The racers could not hear them anyway.

Rainbow Dash got to lap 470 while Haystacks had one left. He ignored the temptation to put on a burst of speed and kept going at his previous pace. Even Big Mac seemed to be excited. Rainbow Dash pushed herself as hard as she could, but then her wing cramped up on lap 474. She looked around in a bit of a daze and then started going by hoof, finishing up that lap as Haystacks rounded into the home stretch. She managed to cross the finish line ahead of him... but 26 laps behind.

"And it's a photo finish!" Pinkie Pie said, waving a picture she had taken with a camera she apparently had on her. "Well, not really. Looking at the lap count, Rainbow Dash lost by a mile! Actually several miles... How long is this track?"

"About 6 kilometers, "Haystacks said, turning and landing lightly next to the stage. He turned to Big Mac. "You didn't lose count at any point, did you?"

Big Mac thought a moment before responding. "Mmmm... nope."

Rainbow Dash trotted over, nursing her sore wings. "Well, I'm not happy about it," she mumbled, "But you won fair and square... stop by my place tomorrow and I'll help you with your nerd stuff."

Haystacks's eyes widened and he ruffled his wings in shock. "In that state? No way you could make a Sonic Rainboom like that! Rest up tomorrow, go to the spa or something! Day after tomorrow, assuming you're feeling 100% by then, we'll start. I'm here the rest of the week, plus next weekend, so we'll still have two or three days that way. That should be enough." He looked around. "Right now, I think we'd all better go get some sleep."

Every other pony present made some sort of sound of assent to that suggestion.

"Well," Rainbow dash said, the word turning into a yawn, "I guess I can't argue, seeing as I lost and all. But I'll have a thing or two to say about this later." She yawned again. This time it caught on and Haystacks and Pinkie Pie yawned, which spread to the Apples, and from there to the three remaining spectators.

"That is," Rainbow Dash continued, "When I'm not so tired." She started to nod off, then shook her head and fleshed her wings. She winced. "Actually, AJ? Could I stay at your place tonight?"

"Sure thing sugar cube," Applejack said, "Just mosey on in and try not to wake Granny and Apple Bloom."

Haystacks tried to quietly sneak away to his own hotel room, but Pinkie Pie caught him.

"Wow! That was amazing! I didn't think for a second that you could beat Rainbow Dash! I mean, no offense, but she's super amazingly fast, and you're totally not! How did you do it?!"

Haystacks smirked. "Science," he said simply, then flew away to forestall another stream of words.

Author's Note

A more thorough explanation of how this scheme worked will appear in the epilogue.

Results I: Ponyquins, Power Dives, And The Value of A Good Tailor

Results I: Ponyquins, Power Dives, And The Value of A Good Tailor

The next day, Haystacks slept in. He assumed Rainbow Dash did the same. During an early lunch, or late breakfast depending on how you look at it, he worked on some notes for his research. Afterwards, there were a few stops to make.

First was Sugarcube Corner, where he needed and answer from the ever-knowledgable Pinkie Pie. He could have asked Rainbow Dash directly, he supposed, but he did not want to interrupt her recuperation.

"Just a minute!" Pinkie called from down behind the counter as the bell at the door rang. Haystacks looked around at what was on display while he waited.

"Ok, the scones are tucked in!" she said, popping up. What she meant by that was anyone's guess. "Oh, it's you!" she said, "What are you up to while Rainbow Dash is resting? I wouldn't count on her going to the spa, by the way. She really hates that sort of thing."

"I'm getting things ready," he said, "And I was hoping you could help me with that..."

"Wee-eell, I kinda have to work most of the day today to make up for helping out yesterday, but I might could spare a little time," she said.

"Oh, nothing major, I just need information," he said.

"Oh, well, that's no problem then. I know pretty much everything about everyone in Ponyville!"

"So I gathered," Haystacks said just a touch dryly, "So first thing, who is Rainbow Dash's best friend?"

"Hmmm... that's a tough one! I want to say me, but she does have quite a few friends, and I don't know that she plays favorites," Pinkie Pie said.

"Right, bad question," Haystacks said, "Maybe her oldest friend. Wait, I mean the pony who has been her friend for the longest, of those who live in Ponyville."

"Oh, that's easy," Pinkie Pie said with a dismissive wave of her hoof, "Fluttershy! They've been friends for like, ever! I think she may be the oldest of Rainbow Dash's friends, too. I know she's older than me."

Haystacks nodded. "Good. So where does she live?"

"Cottage on the edge of the Everfree Forest. Just go out the door, down forty paces, right twenty paces, then left, left, left, left, right, right..."

"Uh, thanks, I can probably find it from the air," Haystacks said, interrupting. He was pretty sure one segment of those directions would have had him going in a circle. "Also, is there a tailor or department store in town that uses ponyquins and would be willing to give or sell me an old one?"

"Hmmm..." Pinkie Pie thought for a moment. "I'd say your best bet would be Rarity. She runs Carousel Boutique and she uses ponyquins all the time!" Pinkie glanced around furtively, though no one else was in the shop, then whispered to him conspiratorially behind a hoof. "Frankly, I find them creepy."

Haystacks chuckled. "I could see that."

"You will if you go there!" Pinkie Pie said.

"Right. Thanks for your help! If you want to watch, I'm hoping to start the tests tomorrow outside of town."

"Ok! Have fun!" Pinkie Pie said, waving goodbye.

His second question corresponded with the first place he went. He had neglected to get directions, not wanting another nonsensical set of turns, but the building that looked like a carousel was easy enough to find, even from the ground. His wings were pretty sore, so he did not want to try an aerial search.

"Come in!" came a voice in response to his knock. The voice had a noticeable Canterlot accent. A bell jingled when the door opened.

"I'll be just a minute!" said a white unicorn from one corner, "I'm just putting the finishing touches on an ensemble." Except she pronounced the word like "onsombl". Presumably that would be Rarity, the proprieter. He was not sure if that pronunciation was an actual Canterlot or industry standard or if she was putting on airs. Best not to test it.

"No rush," Haystacks said, looking around the room. There were, in fact, several ponyquins around the room, displaying the shop's wares. Clothing was not his strong point. Once you got past hats and lab coats, he was pretty much lost. The fabric certainly looked high-quality, but he could say nothing about the workmanship.

"There," Rarity said, using magic to wipe her brow with a cloth. She was wearing glasses and had some needles stuck strategically in her mane. Whatever she was doing to the clothing she had been working on, she was apparently satisfied with it. The glasses floated onto the top of a nearby basket.

"Now, then," she said, "what can I do for a handsome stallion like you?"

He was a bit taken aback by that. Plenty of words could describe his appearance, but 'handsome' generally was not among them. Perhaps that was just how she talked?

"Um, I was wondering if you had an old ponyquin I could have? I can pay a little, but not enough for a new one,"

"Oh, is that all? Drat, I thought I had an out of town customer. You really should consider a suit, darling. I it would look simply stunning on you."

This time he was pretty sure it was a sales pitch.

"But, I do believe I have something in the back that's past its prime. May I ask what this is for?"

He thought about this for a moment, but there really was no harm in telling. It was not like someone else was likely to attempt a Sonic Rainboom in the next few days.

"Well, I need to dress it up to look like a pony, so that I can drop it off of a cloud for a pegasus to chase after," he said. Rarity was taken aback on hearing this. Now that it said it out loud, it did sound a bit silly. Rarity pulled together quickly.

"Is this for that thing with Rainbow Dash?" she asked, walking towards the door in the back of the display room. Haystacks followed, engaging in his usual nervous habit of looking intently at everything around his path.

"Um, yes, actually. How did you know?" he said.

"Word gets around in a town as small as Ponyville," she said, "That means you must be that astronomer from Cloudsdale." She walked around as she talked, carefully looking over each of the three ponyquins in teh room in turn.

"Actually, I split time between two observatories. The other one is in Canterlot," he said, looking around the room. This room had shelves of cloth, a sewing machine, and various other accoutrements that were presumably used to make clothing.

Rarity perked up at this and whirled round.

"Canterlot!" she said with some excitement, "Oh, how marvelous! You simply must tell me all about it! Have you been down Fashion Avenue?"

"Nnno, I mostly stay close to the observatory," Haystacks said.

"Oh, but the observatory is in the palace, correct?" Rarity said, "Tell me, what are the gardens like. Have you ever met Celestia?"

Haystacks made a 'sort-of' motion with his hoof. "I technically had an audience once but... well, let's just say it's something I'd rather not revisit. The garden is... green, I guess? I mean it's pretty, but I don't know how to describe it."

Rarity gave a little sigh. "I suppose it cannot be helped," she said, "I shall just have to see them for myself some day. Now, would this one do?"

Rarity used her magic to gently remove the in-progress piece from one of the ponyquins. It was a bit scratched up. Haystacks rapped on it with his hoof. It seems sturdy enough.

"Great!" he said, turning back to face her, "How much do you want for it?"

"Oh, no charge, darling, I was going to have to throw it out in a few months anyway," she said, waving a hoof dismissively. Haystacks shifted uncomfortably. It was not proper to ask for a favor and not at least buy something. Which, he reflected, might be the point. Ah well, might as well.

"I feel like I should at least buy something... what do you have in the way of Pegasus hats? You know, ones that won't fall off when flying?"

In her element now, Rarity animatedly showed him what she had in stock.

Haystacks left the Carousel Boutique about forty bits lighter and one flat cap heavier. 'Retro Chic' Rarity had called. He just thought it looked cool. Plus it had a strap to hold it on the head, which was rather important. He did not have a chance to stress-test that, however, as when he attempted to take off...

"Ow!" he said, wincing in pain as he tried to flex his wings for take-off. Yep, not going anywhere by air today. That was going to be annoying. Maybe he should see if there was a physical therapist in town. ...And if there was, that they took walk-ins.

It took a little while to make it to the cottage on the edge of the Everfree Forest on hoof. He tried to gradually flex and stretch his wings into some sort of working condition one the way. It hurt like heck and did not seem to accomplish much. One more stop to make, then. He had to get Fluttershy to go by Rarity's to mock up the dummy. He had explained the idea while trying on hats, and Rarity had offered to put something together. Haystacks had tried to insist that he could do it himself with just a bit of fabric since it just had to look a little like the target person from a distance. Just enough to add that little bit of a psychological edge. But, Rarity had counter-insisted. When he had said he could not pay much, she had offered to do it for the cost of materials. How in Equestria did that mare manage to stay in business? Haystacks had ultimately decided it was not worth arguing about and had given her twenty bits and said to keep any extra. Hopefully that made it pretty clear just how rough a likeness he was planning.

It also had turned out that Rarity knew Fluttershy, so there was no real need for him to head out here. But, Rarity preferred a live model, so she was having him run a message out. Given that he was asking a favor of her, Haystacks could hardly refuse.

Fluttershy's cottage was nearly a quarter hour's trot outside of town, and within sight of the Everfree Forest. As best as he understood, she was officially the ranger in charge of the Everfree Forest, but since most of the forest was officially off-limit to the public, she did not often venture very far into it. As Haystacks approached the cottage, he glimpsed what looked like a chicken coop. Maybe she had to supplement her income somehow.

"Oh, um, come in?" a voice said in response to his knock. Haystacks could not make out what they said, so he knocked again.

"Sorry, coming!" the voice said, slightly louder.

In a moment, a yellow pegasus mare with a pink mane opened the door. Behind her, birds were chirping loudly.

"Sorry, I'm in the middle of feeding the animals," she said softly. Without the door between them, she was now clearly audible, however. "Can I help you?'

"Oh, sorry, did not mean to interrupt," Haystacks began.

"Oh, not at all, I'm sorry to inconvenience you," she said.

"Well..." Haystacks started to counter that he was inconveniencing her far more, but he shook his head as he realized that could go on forever.

"I'm just here to deliver a message from Rarity. She wanted to know if you could come 'round to her place for tea today. She could use your help as a model, and it would kill two birds with one stone that way."

"Oh, those poor birds!" Fluttershy said, a hair louder than previously. Haystacks was startled for a moment, but after a few seconds Fluttershy blushed faintly.

"You meant that metaphorically, didn't you?" she said.

"Um, yes," he said, "So, what's your answer?"

"Yes, that should be fine," she said, "I just have to finish feeding the birds."

A thumping sound came from behind her. Craning his neck, Haystacks could see a rabbit tapping its foot impatiently.

"Oh, and Angel Bunny of course."

Reporting back to Rarity was pretty much the last bit of direct business he had for the day, so all that was left was to try to sort out his wing pain. First, he had to find the doctor. They did not take walk-ins, which it took him thirty minutes to find out as it took that long to actually get to talk to a receptionist. They, however, referred him to the local spa, which had physical therapists on staff. Then, since had did not have an appointment, he had to wait there for a good hour.

They turned out to be big on massage and steam here. He got the first, though it was not his personal preference. Strange ponies touching him was not his idea of relaxing. The latter just seemed odd. Sweat was the body's way of cooling down: why would you want more of it?

Since he was not willing to undergo a massage, the therapist recommended a soak in the hot tub and sleeping with a heating pad between his wings that night. That sounded much more up his alley. And apparently at this point, there was no one else there.

Haystacks sighed as he sunk into a comfortable position. He had not realized just how much pain he had been in until it lessened. He closed his eyes and began idly contemplating various ideas. He only vaguely noted when someone else entered.

"'Scuse me," a voice said, followed by a slight splash. "Hey, it's you! Doctor uh.... Nerdlinger?"

The last bit got just enough of his attention that he opened one eye.

"Oh, hello Ms. Dash," he said, closing his eyes again, "And that wasn't even close. It's Haystacks."

"Ok, then call me Rainbow Dash, " she said, "Feels weird to be called Ms. anything."

Haystacks chuckled and shifted a bit, opening his eyes fully this time. He had a brief flash of embarassment, but it was not like he was any more exposed than when flying overhead.

"So I take it you had the same idea I did?" he said, "Given how much you pushed yourself yesterday, I can only imagine how sore your wings must be."

"Yeah... ow," she said, shifting position, "I tried wing balm but it just wasn't enough."

"Mm," Haystacks murmured a non-answer.

Once Rainbow Dash had settled into a mostly-comfortable position, she asked the burning question.

"So I gotta know, how did you beat me? I mean, I know I'm not good on the endurance flying, but you shouldn't be that good at it either."

Haystacks grinned. He did so love explaining things. "Ah, well, that's the trick, isn't it?" he said, "But, much as I might like to use the same trick again, I suppose it's more professorial to explain it."

Rainbow Dash tilted her head in confusion.

"Oh, I'm thinking of going into teaching," he said by way of explanation, "Well, here's the thing. In a straight line, you're probably right, I would not be enough better at endurance flying to win. But, consider the track. Did you notice anything strange about it?"

Rainbow Dash thought for a moment. "Not really."

"Come on," he prompted, "Think of the tracks you see the Wonderbolts use. What shapre are they?"

"An oval," she said immediately.

"Right. And this one?"

Rainbow thought for a moment. "A circle."

"Good! Now, the thing about an oval is, those long, straight parts mean you aren't constantly turning, as you are with a circle. If you don't know how to pull that maneuver, you wind up exerting yourself constantly trying to keep up. The trick, you see," and at this point, Haystacks started plowing on excitedly, gesturing with his hooves and wings to try to illustrate, "Is that for a given air speed, a particular banking angle will give a particular banking curvature, assuming fixed wing angle of course. So, once you get the knack of it, all you have to do is slowly adjust your banking angle as your speed changes. You need only exert yourself to change altitude and regain speed! You see, as the lift force from the air and your own weight combine to produce a net force vector that points inward at an angle and... you've stopped paying attention, haven't you?"

Rainbow Dash had ducked down so her muzzle was underwater and had started blowing bubbles. Of course, being a hot top, it already had bubbles. Were he not so annoyed at being ignored, Haystacks thought, the child-like gesture might have been indearing.

Rainbow Dash looked only mildly abashed. "Sorry, but it started sounding like 'blah blah blah, nerd stuff, blah blah blah, science."

"Mm," Haystacks grunted in annoyance, "Fine, fine. I suppose a practical demonstration would be more your speed. If we have time after the experiments, alright?"

"Eh, whatevs," Rainbow Dash said with a shrug, though her indifference was clearly feigned.

Haystacks shrugged and half-smiled as he closed his eyes again and went back to mentally working out his plans for the next day.

The next day, Haystacks was up bright and early, which was rare for him. Today, though, he could not afford to waste daylight. First stop was Rainbow Dash's cloud house, which thankfully he could get today without excruciating pain. He was not at 100%, which probably meant Rainbow Dash was not either. That could be problematic, but there was no gaurentee another day's rest would help all that much, and he was running out of time before his vacation time was up.

It took several rounds of loud knocking to produce an audible response. "Uggh, coming! What time is it?"

"Morning," he said loudly through the door. Rainbow Dash, bleary-eyes and mane and wings a mess, opened the door.

"Specifically, a bit past 8," Haystacks finished in a normal volume. "Sorry for the wake-up call, but I'll be ready to start in about an hour. Same field where we raced. I'll have everything set up, so just bring yourself."

"Mmph," Rainbow Dash mumbled sleepily. "Alright," she said, barely intelligibly, as she closed the door. Haystacks stared at the door for a moment. He hoped she actually remembered and did not just fall back asleep. At least he had confirmed that her wings were well enough to close a door.

The reception at Carousel Boutique was not much different, except that there was a doorbell there. Probably the living quarters were on the second floor.

"Darling, really, I need my beauty sleep!" Rarity said. She was, Haystacks noted, wearing an entirely too elaborate dressing gown.

"Just need to pick up that ponyquin," Haystacks said, dipping his head slightly in a gesture of apology.

On the other hand, the Apples had been up for hours.

"Sure, I remember!" Applejack said. He had caught her while she was feeding the animals. "Just remember to clean up after yourself if there's any kind of mess."

By the time an hour had passed from his visit to Rainbow Dash, Haystacks was perched carefully on a cloud with the custom-outfitted ponyquin at the ready. And... nothing. Rainbow Dash did not strike him as the most punctual of ponies, so he kept waiting. And waiting. It was over half an hour later, and he was considering whether to go rouse Rainbow Dash, despite that potentially ruining his initial impression, when he spotted a pegasus flying towards him. With all but their tail and mane blending into the sky, there was little doubt as to who it was, even at a distance.

When she was about the right distance away, a quick shove sent the ponyquin over. Haystacks quickly whipped out the high-speed camera he had gotten permission to use.

As hoped, on seeing the ponyquin dressed up to vaguely resemble her friend Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash metaphorically lept into action. More literally, she dived into action, accelerating at an angle to intercept.

Haystacks eagerly started snapping pictures. There were typical distortions from air disturbances, but nothing like what he was looking for.

Rainbow Dash caught the ponyquin a few feet above the ground, a confused look on her face. Haystacks clicked his tongue in annoyance. He had waited too long to push it off.

"What the hay is this?" Rainbow said, flying up to the cloud observation perch while holding the ponyquin out in front of her.

Haystacks grinned sheepishly. "Well, I thought a little motivation might help, and I wasn't going to use an actual pony, so..." he shrugged.

"That's...!" Rainbow Dash begin angrily, but then she paused. "Pretty clever, actually."

"I know, right?" Haystacks said, taking back the ponyquin, "Now it wasn't ideal, because you were not diving straight down, but I hoped the element of surprise would give you enough adrenaline to make up for it."

Rainbow Dash grimaced. "Didn't work, though."

"Well, the day's young," Haystacks said with a shrug, "Now that you know, it'll take a little imagination on your part, but here's the basic plan. I'll drop this ponyquin off this cloud, and you'll wait to dive after it until the only way to catch it will be to go faster than the speed of magic, thus producing a Sonic Rainboom."

"I've tried diving before... it's never worked," Rainbow Dash said, a hint of embarassment coloring her voice.

"True, but you did not have a specific goal to chase, I suspect" Haystacks said, "I'm hoping that will make a difference. You see, my hypothesis is that as a foal, you lacked the subconscious restraints we all develop as we age. Without those restraints, you accelerated toward the ground at what would have been an unsafe speed. Lucky for you that the Sonic Rainboom apparently allowed on-a-dime turns, or... wait..." A sobering realization dawned on him.

"Blah blah, nerd stuff," Rainbow Dash said, "What's your... what, what's wrong?" She must have noticed his face.

"Errr, well, at an angle was one thing," Haystacks said, sheepishly rubbing the back of his head, "But you see, the idea is to dive at the ground, picturing this ponyquin as your friend, in order to hopefully break down your subconscious restrictions that keep you from hitting the ground. If that part works but the Rainboom doesn't happen, then you will... Well, crash into the ground at high speed and probably crack your head open like a... well, ever see a watermelon dropped from cloud height?"

Rainbow Dash gulped. "If that was supposed to be a pep talk, it's not helping."

"Right, I'm starting to re-think this whole approach...," Haystacks said, his hoof to his chin in thought, "I suppose we could just start from up higher, but then lack of oxygen might become an issue. Hmmm..." Gazing vaguely toward town, hoping for inspiration, a bright pink blob caught his eye. He snapped his pinions as an idea just crazy enough for Pinkie Pie hit him.

"Wait here a minute," he said, keeping the blob in sight and gesturing vaguely at the cloud, "I think I have an idea."

Author's Note

What's sad is, I was sitting on the first half or more of this for weeks...

Results II: Gelatin, Repetition, and Repetition

"Ok," Haystacks said a little later, "Now we have obtained a giant container of gelatin, which for some reason Pinkie Pie had ready to go, and I've pushed the platform cloud up a bit to compensate."

Some distance below the two pegasi, Pinkie Pie bounced up and down next to a container several ponies tall and a few ponies wide, filled most of the way with bright red gelatin.

"Hey there Rainbow Dash!" she yelled up, waving enthusiastically.

"I have to be honest," Haystacks said, peering down at Pinkie Pie as he spoke to Rainbow Dash, "While I thought she might have such a thing, I never expected her to have it ready to go 'for just such emergencies.'" He made air quotes with his wings.

"Yeah, that's Pinkie Pie for you," Rainbow Dash said, stretching her own wings. "The point is, I'm not gonna bust my head open, right?"

"Right," Haystacks said with a nod. Well, he was 99% sure of that. He had only done a rough estimate, and he had made some assumptions that might be wrong, but if she got going faster than his safety margin, it was almost certain that she would be doing a Sonic Rainboom anyway.

"We will need to do a little cloud manipulation between runs to re-gel it," he added, "More of a delay than I'd like, but safety first and all that. To recap, I'll drop this dummy off of the cloud." He gestured to the dressed-up ponyquin he had brought back up after the tub was in place. "I'll time the drop and you'll wait for my signal to go. At that point, try to picture it as your friend and dive after it as fast as you can manage. Don't even worry about pulling up until you hit the gelatin, or you might hold back."

"Yeah, yeah, whistle blows, fly like crazy," Rainbow Dash said, dropping into a race starting position, "I know the drill."

Haystacks glanced askew at her and grimaced, but held his tongue. One hypothesis was that this was unlikely to work if she did not take this seriously. The other was that staying relaxed might help. No way to know without trying.

"On your mark!" he said, trying to get into the spirit of things. Rainbow Dash dropped into a racing stance. "Get set!" At this he shoved the ponyquin off the cloud and raised his hoof. He then counted in his head as he watched it. One Celestia... Two Celestia... And so on.

"Go!" Haystacks said, throwing his hoof down.

Rainbow Dash took off. Or rather, down. She dashed after the falling dummy. Faster... faster... Haystacks leaned further forward in anticipation, wings ready to snap a photo. She was starting to show the tell-tale cone-glow of high speed when... she caught the ponyquin and looped upward, well ahead of the gelatin.

"Tch", Haystacks clicked his tongue. Too soon.

"Pretty good, huh?" Rainbow Dash said, "I mean, it was no Sonic Rainboom, but I caught this thing in plenty of time."

"Yeah, my fault, I told you to go too soon," Haystacks said, his eyes unfocusing as he guesstimated the gap between the grab-point and the gelatin in his head. "I think we also need to be higher."

He looked up and saw Rainbow Dash's decidedly skeptical look.

"Oh, sorry, you were getting close, though. Good job," he said, "Now, help me push this cloud up higher and we'll try again."

The next run, Rainbow Dash got a little faster, the glow-cone narrowing a bit. She still caught the ponyquin before hitting the gelatin, but her pull-up's low point was much closer to it.

"A bit faster, but I think you still need more room," Haystacks said, "Up we go, then."

On the run after, Rainbow Dash got to about the same speed, but caught the dummy at about the same point.

"Drat, I didn't compensate for the added height correctly," Haystacks said after this one, "Let's try that again."

Rainbow Dash was starting to show signs of annoyance, but a bet was a bet. This time, Haystacks waited longer to give her the signal. The speed cone started to show, and started to narrow, and he leaned forward again, nearly falling off the cloud. Then the ponyquin hit the gelatin, and Rainbow Dash pulled up just before hitting it. She then went back down and extracted the ponyquin.

"Mmmm," Haystacks murmured in irritation as he noted the results down. Not that he had any real right to be irritated. He would probably have done the same.

"Waited too long that time, Doc," Rainbow Dash said, brushing some of the gelatin off the dummy.

"No, though maybe we need to be even higher," Haystack replied, "I think you're forgetting why the gelatin is there. Don't pull up UNTIL you hit it. If you try to pull up short of it, you'll be focusing on when to pull up instead of going faster, and you won't be able to reach your fastest possible speed."

"Uh!" Rainbow Dash vocalized indignantly, "You just know everything, don't you?"

Haystacks opened his mouth to answer, then thought better of it and just looked at her blandly.

"Eh," Rainbow Dash said after an uncomfortable moment, "Alright, so you have a point this time. Gelatin's all broken up now, though. What do we do about that?"

"Well now here's where I'm gonna need to call on some of your expertise," Haystacks said.

With a little weather manipulation, the pegasi melted the gelatin just enough close the gaps, then re-chilled it to the right consistency. Haystacks said what they needed to do, temperature-wise, and Rainbow Dash supplied the practical weather knowledge. When that was done, they took the ponyquin back up and pushed the cloud up yet again.

"Alright, I think we're nearly as high as Cloudsdale now," Haystacks said, "We've also confirmed that we can't really be any lower than this for this to work... So just so you know, that's a very important discovery right there."

"Uh huh," Rainbow Dash said without any real enthusiasm, "But it still hasn't worked."

"Point made," Haystacks said with a grimace, "But we've still got a good chunk of the day. Let's try this once more before we break for lunch."

"Alright, lunch! Now that, I can get on board with," Rainbow Dash said. Haystacks shook his head with a slight smile.

"AFTER another run," he said, "Ok, on your mark... get set..." Then some waiting. "Go!"

Rainbow Dash gradually closed in on the ponyquin, now falling at terminal velocity. There went the glow cone... narrower... narrower.

Haystacks took shots with the camera quickly. He did not have time to aim, so he really hoped they came out Sparks had started appearing around Rainbow Dash. Was this it?

The sparks continued for a moment, but nothing further happened. This time, Rainbow Dash slammed into the gelatin just after the ponyquin. So close! Haystacks flew down himself, at a much slower pace.

"Gah! Gelatin everywhere!" Rainbow Dash said as she tried to shake as much of the goop off as possible. She had set the ponyquin down beside her.

"That was awesome!" Haystacks said exitedly.

"Heh, yeah, I know," Rainbow Dash said, posing automatically. She dropped the pose and looked confused. "Wait, diving into gelatin?"

"No, I mean you almost did a Rainboom," Haystacks said, circling her and looking her over, "I saw the magic sparks said to precede it. I wasn't even sure that was real! How do you feel? Did you notice them?"

"Uh... no," Rainbow Dash said, taking a second to think, "I mean, I knew I was going faster than usual, but that's it."

"Hmm, fascinating," Haystacks said, lifting up her wing and examining its underside, "I wonder why? Maybe the flight magic insulates you?"

"I don't... know?" Dash said, pulling her wing away.

"Oh, sorry," Haystacks said, taking a step back, "Well, let's get the gelatin started. If we leave it on a low chill, it should finish while we go eat. Lunch is on me, just don't eat so much you get a cramp later."

"Really? Awesome!" Rainbow Dash said, "Race you to the cafe!"

She dashed (hah!) off without waiting for an answer. Haystacks grinned and shook his head.

"Hey, no fair!" he yelled, flying off after her. He knew he stood no chance, but it was moderately fun and she probably needed the ego boost at this point.

"Wow, you really are bad at short distances," Rainbow Dash said as she hovered in the air near the cafe's outdoor seating. Haystacks, on the other hand, was gasping for breath on the ground.

"Never... said... that," he said between breaths, "If you don't compare... to a top flier... I'm not really that... bad."

"Heh, top flier," Rainbow Dash said, fluttering her wings a bit extra.

"Whew. Right," Haystacks said, catching his breath enough to talk normally. "I believe you suggested this place for lunch?"

Over hayburgers, Haystacks attempted to explain his idea.

"You strike me like more of a visual learner," he said between bites. "Ok, so look at it like this. Suppose this salt shaker is a Pegasus and this burger is a wall."

He held up the two items and had the shaker move towards the burger.

"Now you're flying towards the wall. What do you do?"

"Uhh... stop?" Rainbow Dash said, with a look and tone suggesting she thought that was a dumb question.

"Right, but stay with me... what do you have to do before that?"

"Huh?" Rainbow Dash said, not understanding the point of the question. Haystacks moved the shaker in what he thought was a helpful manner and looked at it meaningfully.

"Slow... down?" she said, sounding confused.

"Exactly! And it's the same whether you're flying straight at a wall or down at the ground. When you see it coming, you slow down. After a certain age, it's pretty much instinctual," he said, putting the shaker down. "But, and I hope you don't mind that I did some research on you before this, I understand you hit that age later than most?"

Rainbow Dash blinked. "What?"

"Oh, sorry. Put simply, I understand your foalhood nickname was Rainbow Crmmf" Haystacks said. Rainbow Dash had quickly covered his mouth with her hoof.

"Shh! Not so loud! You'll ruin my rep. How'd you find out about that anyway?"

When Rainbow Dash took her hoof away, Haystacks grinned abashedly.

"Sorry. I talked to a stallion who knew you back then. H-something. Hoofs? No... What was it?"

"Hoops?" Rainbow Dash supplied.

Haystacks nodded. "Right, Hoops."

"Ok, fine. So how does an embarassing foalhood nickname help in performing a Sonic Rainboom?" she said.

Haystacks grinned again, normally this time. "Well, that's the clever bit," he said, obviously please with himself, "Without that instinct to stop, you can keep accelerating as fast as you can, regardless of what's in the way. Now, usually, that leads to some painful injuried, but if you're fast enough..."

"You do a Sonic Rainboom!" Rainbow Dash said, "I think I get it. But how do I just not slow down when I'm about to hit the ground?"

"Well," Haystacks said, rubbing his chin with his hoof, "The disguised dummy is supposed to help you visualize that something more important than avoiding likely injury is at stake, while the gelatin is to make sure you don't actually get injured and put you at ease. If that doesn't work... Well, I'll come up with something new tomorrow if we don't make progress this afternoon."

That afternoon, they repeated the experiment with the parameters of their last run from the morning. There was some success: on the first run back, the sparks showed up again. They did not last as long as before, though, fizzling out before Rainbow Dash hit the gelatin. The next run, there were no sparks at all. Rainbow Dash was visibly disappointed to learn that. The next time, she seemed to exert herself more, and they appeared again. This time, they appeared later in the run than they had previously, but lasted until she hit the gelatin.

Now that the basic set-up was worked out, they had to re-set the gelatin every time. As a result, progress was slow. Rainbow Dash could consistently create a glow cone, which was something. Haystacks happened to know from his research that only the top ten or so fliers in the world could manage that much. He had read that there had been pegasi who could make sparks appear, though the only living pony's name he had found was Spitfire of the Wonderbolts. Maybe he should pay her a visit when he had the chance. There was another feet Spitfire could also supposedly do, and from his calculations, Rainbow Dash was getting close.

Rainbow Dash make sparks appear most of the time, but throughout the day, they never lasted as long as they had that first time. It was getting late, and Haystacks was about ready to call it a day. Rainbow Dash had reached the point where she was stubbornly pursuing her goal, and insisted for a second time on doing 'one more run'.

"Mm... alright, one more time," Haystacks said, "But then we really should wrap things up for the day. We can pick things back up tomorrow."

"Alright, I'll start on the clouds!" Rainbow Dash replied, flying up to arrange the clouds to focus sunlight and heat up the gelatin for re-setting. Due to loss from Rainbow Dash and the ponyquin getting some of it on them, the overall level had dropped a bit. They really could not keep going much longer without getting more. Haystacks would have to talk to Pinkie Pie about that.

Once the run was set up, Haystacks yawned as he raised his hoof. "On your mark... Get set..." He once again pushed the ponyquin off with his free hand and counted in his head.

"Go!" he said once the appropriate amount of time had passed, lowering his hoof.

Rainbow Dash once again dived down after the dummy, gaining speed as she went. The cone appeared. Haystacks snapped pictures excitedly. The sparks appeared. Then... they fizzled out again. Haystacks sighed. He thought he saw something, though. While she was no longer pulling up before hitting the gelatin, it looked like Rainbow Dash was still slowing down slightly before she hit it.

"Darn! One more time!" Rainbow Dash said as she flew back up with the dummy. This time, though, Haystacks shook his head forcefully.

"No, we need to clean up a bit before we leave, so we'd better stop here for today," he said, "I've gotta look over what we've done today, and you shouldn't overexert yourself."

"Awww," she said, visibly disappointed.

"Besides, I don't think it would help at this point," he said distractedly, staring off into space. "We'll need to try something else tomorrow. Hmmm..."

"Huh?" Rainbow Dash said.

Haystacks shook his head, this time to bring himself back to the moment. "Don't worry about it, I have a sort of inkling I have to think on. Let's say 10 AM tomorrow? I should have something by then."

Rainbow Dash shrugged. "Eh, alright. Now, what are we supposed to do with a giant tub of gelatin and a ponyquin?"

"Eh, just cover them with a tarp, I guess. I'm sure the Apple Family has one around here somewhere," he said, suppressing a chuckle as his apparently juvenile mind came up with a different image.

Author's Note

For the curious, Jell-O(tm) is a registered trademark of Kraft Foods and thus that name is not used here.

Results III: Cloud Phasing, Repetition, and Repetition

Results III: Cloud Phasing, Repetition, and Repetition

The next morning, at the appointed time, Haystacks knocked on Rainbow Dash's door. After waiting a moment and receiving no response, he knocked louder.

"Huhhhg. Coming!" came back a muffled response. Haystacks raised an eyebrow. Did she usually sleep late? It was true that he did, but then, he was generally up most of the night working and then slept during the day.

"Ti-haaa-me already?" Rainbow Dash said with a yawn as she opened the door. Her mane was dissheveled, and for some reason she was wearing a robe.

"Yes?" Haystacks said, making it a question. "I could come back in a little bit, if you need some time."

"No, I'll just grab an oat bar for breakfast. Want one?" Rainbow Dash said, turning back into her house. Haystacks shook his head, then realized that she could not see that.

"No, I already ate. Thanks, though," he said. "Actually, this would be a better place to start today. Before any more tests, I have some special training."

Rainbow Dash perked up a little at this, turning back to face him. "Is it some sort of super-secret training that the Wonderbolts use?" she said excitedly.

"Um... no," he said, dropping his gaze a bit on the last word, "At least not as far as I know. For any maneuver other than pure speed, this would probably hurt more than help. But I've wraked my brains and can't come up with any better ideas."

"Wow, mysterious," Raindow Dash said, before taking a bite out of the oat bar she had found. "Feel like sharing with the class?" she said around a mouthful of food.

"Heh," Haystacks chuckled with a smirk, "You know, I wasn't intended to be mysterious, but since you brought it up, I think I'll build it up a bit more."

Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes in response. "Oh, come on."

"Now," Haystack said, starting to pace as he slipped into 'lecture mode', "This is a trick my uncle taught me when I was a foal. I'll tell you what he told me: this can be dangerous, so don't do it without a spotter."

He looked directly at Rainbow Dash as he paused his pacing. "Speaking of which, that's your job," he said.

"Fine, whatever. Get to the point!" she said impatiently.

"Alright," Haystacks said.

The green pegasus took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and tucked his wings close. Slowly, almost imperceptibly at first, he sank into the clouds. Rainbow Dash's eyes went wide as her temporary trainer sank out of sight entirely.

"Woah, what?!" she exclaimed, rushing over to where he had been. She found no hole in the cloud.

"Guess you'd have made a better spotter had I said what to expect," Haystacks said from behind her. She spun around to find him flapping his wings in a hover.

"Wow! That...was...awesome!" Rainbow Dash said, "How did you even do that? I mean, busting through clouds is easy enough, but to just sink in without leaving a mark?"

Haystacks smirked as he landed. "That was more or less my reaction when my uncle showed me," he said, "Now, before I explain it, do you have a guess?"

"Huh? No! That's why I'm asking you!" Rainbow Dash said.

Haystacks started to sigh, then stifled it. He did not want Dash to think he was frustrated with her. It was his own difficulties with teaching that were the issue.

"Alright, let's walk through this," he said. "What happens when a unicorn or earth pony tries to stand on a cloud?"

"They fall through, obviously," Rainbow Dash said, "Everypony knows that."

"Right, but why don't we?" he asked.

"Because we're pegasi?"

Haystacks rubbed his chin. "Well, yes, but not what I was getting at. You know how sometimes Celestia will provide a spell so that earth ponies and unicorns can visit cloudsdale for big events?"

"Yeah, that sounds familiar," Rainbow Dash said. She had only the vaguest of memories of such an event from fillyhood.

"Well," Haystacks continued, "That spell is essentially replicating the innate magic we pegasi possess. It's the same magic that lets us manipulate the weather."

He paused for just a second and on getting no reaction, pressed on.

"It's something we do mostly without thinking about it. Cloud busting, though, takes a little bit of learning. After trusting clouds as impassable objects for most of our early lives, we have to see them as breakable to properly disperse them." Haystacks noticed here that he was starting to lose her attention. In response, he let his eyes unfocus and sank just a few inches into the cloud before his eyes snapped back into focus. This caught her attention.

"You see, just then, I managed to see the cloud kinda like I would for cloud busting: as something malleable. It's like a mudpit, if you've ever been in one of those. You can move through it, but only sluggishly, as the stuff resists your movement," he said. "My uncle described it like swimming through mollassas. By seeing it as a viscous fluid... errr, like honey," he made a substitution on seeing her look of incomprehension, "You can sink through the cloud. It then will flow back together as you pass through, so you don't leave a mark!" He was starting to hit his groove now and was showing his excitement at the phenomenon. He grinned at Rainbow Dash as he stepped back up to normal cloud level.

"In other words," he said, "By focusing, it's possible to bypass our normal subconscious restrictions on how we use our magic, and use it in other ways! If you can manage that, then you can apply the same principle to flying, and hopefully that will give you the extra boost to cross the magic... or if you prefer, Rainboom, barrier."

"Right, cool, whatever," Rainbow Dash said impatiently, "Why the spotter, though?"

"Weeeell," Haystacks said, prevaricating a bit, "When first learning this, the most common problems is falling through too fast. You're a good enough flier that I don't think that's an issue. Other possible problems include focusing so much on the trick that you don't notice that you've fallen through, and getting stuck in the middle of the cloud."

"Stuck?!" Rainbow Dash said with some trepidation.

"Yeah, but don't worry, it's easy enough for somepony else to pull you out," he said. "Ready to give it a try?"

"Finally!" Rainbow Dash said, "Alright, here I go!"

Rainbow Dash closed her eyes and folded her wings tight, as she had seen Haystacks do. Then... nothing happened. Clearly there was something else she was supposed to do. She screwed her eyes shut tighter and gritted her teeth. Haystacks, watching, shook his head.

"No no, it's not just a matter of generic effort. To start with, focus on how the cloud feels under your hoofs," he said. Rainbow Dash opened her eyes.

"Huh? What's that supposed to mean?" she asked.

Haystacks blinked. "I... don't know how else to say it," he said, "Compare how a cloud you're standing on feels and how a cloud you're busting through feels. Then you just sort of... subsittute the latter for the former."

Rainbow Dash cocked her head sideways in confusion. Haystacks sighed.

"Sorry, I'm not very good at describing it. Maybe... ok, yeah. Let's gather up some other clouds," he said.

Finally, something she understood. "On it!" Rainbow Dash said, dashing off into the air. In about ten seconds flat, she had pushed five small clouds around where Haystacks was standing. He clucked his tongue appreciatively.

"Nice," he said, "Ok, so to start with, just fly through one."

"Piece of cake," she said. She casually swooped up and flew down at speed, dispersing one of the small clouds and stopping on a dime to land on the cloud that was her yard.

"Ok," Haystacks said, nodding, "Now, set one over another. This time, fly down hind-legs first, like you're dropping into a kick."

Rainbow Dash quickly arranged the clouds and kicked down through them.

"Errr, I wasn't finished," Haystacks said.

"Eh heh... oops," Rainbow Dash said sheepishly, rubbing the back of her head with her forehoof.

"Ahem. Yes," Haystacks said, fake-coughing and putting his forehoof in front of his mouth. "As I was saying, fly down like you just did, but only through the top cloud. Without slowing down like you normally would, land on the second cloud. You might want to bounce off of it, actually, or you might hurt your hoof. Assuming you do it right, anyway."

"Huh," Rainbow Dash said, "Doesn't sound too hard."

She repeated her previous action, but this time slowed down drastically just before hitting the second cloud. Not enough, however, as it started to drift apart. She hastily gathered it back together. Haystacks smirked.

"Tricky, isn't it? And don't think I didn't notice you slow down there. Try just bouncing on the cloud first, while I grab some more clouds," Haystacks said.

For the next few hours, Rainbow Dash tried to learn the 'cloud phasing' technique, as Haystacks called it. She managed to fly through one cloud and bounce off the second after only a few tries. Haystacks had her repeated it to be sure she could do so consistently. The next stage involved making the clouds thinner and closer together. This repeated incrementally for a good while, as it took a few trials to first find where she started having trouble again, then several more runs with the same parameters for her to get the hang of it at that point. Rainbow Dash was used to repetitive training, but after a few hours she became to become visibly frustrated.

"Ok, it's about time to break for lunch," Haystacks said, "But first, try something closer to the end result just once. Fly slowly at your patio here, then land on it and slowly sink through it. Think you can manage that?"

"Finally!" Rainbow Dash said, "Here goes nothing!"

She tried the trick this way, flying at low speed into her cloud patio. She did start to sink through it, but stopped about knee-deep. She pulled at her hooves, but they seemed to be stuck.

"Ah!" she exclaimed, panic rising, "I can't get loose!"

Haystacks winced. "Yeah, that'll happen when you're learning," he said, "Hold on..."

Haystacks flew over and under the lip of the cloud. Rainbow Dash stopped struggling and blinked, wondering what was going on. Suddenly, she felt something warm beneath her hooves, sharply contrasting the cold cloud, and she began to rise out of it. Once her hooves were free, she flew up to get a better look. Haystacks slowly rose up out of the cloud and, once free, shook off the few clinging water droplets. He had flown under her to push her up from below.

"See? Spotter," he said with a smile, "Now, lunch break!"

They talked over lunch. Rainbow Dash tried to talk about the Wonderbolts, but Haystacks did not know much about them. He said what little he knew, and explained how he knew one of the advisors on their training from Cloudsdale U, but that was about it. They mostly talked about Cloudsdale and related matters the rest of the time.

After lunch, it was back to work. Now, Rainbow Dash got to practice cloud phasing directly. They switched back to using gathered clouds so as to not accidentally destroy part of Rainbow Dash's house. The first trial, she went through the cloud a bit too fast, overcompensating for getting stuck before, and dispersed the cloud. She managed to disperse it progressively less over the next few trials, but then got stuck again. This time she just broke the cloud to get free.

There were more trials. They even skipped the usual dinner time. It took the rest of the day, but Rainbow Dash managed to cloud phase properly a few time by the end of it.

"Hmmm... well done," Haystacks said, somewhat distractedly. He glanced over at the sinking sun and sighed. "Well, I guess that wraps it up for today. I've only got one more day here, and I've got to leave early the following morning, so tomorrow's all we've got."

"Yeah, and cool as this is, it doesn't seem like we're getting any closer to a Sonic Rainboom," Rainbow Dash said. Haystacks looked askance at her.

"I thought I explained... whatever, just wait until tomorrow. If I'm right, you should see a difference," he said, sounding a bit irritated. He tried to reign it in. He HAD explained it, but Rainbow Dash did not seem to be very good at retaining purely verbal instructions. Hopefully she would get the idea tomorrow.

"Alright, if you say so," Rainbow Dash said skeptically, "Same time tomorrow?"

"Same time," Haystacks said with a nod, "Rest up!"

"Oh, wait, I forgot," Rainbow Dash said, turning back towards Haystacks after she had started to head inside, "I have some weather stuff to do tomorrow. Been slackin', but I better get that done. Won't take someone as awesome as me but a few minutes. So just wait around... what, here or back at AJ's?"

"Oh, right, at the farm," Haystacks said, "I'll set things up while waiting. Just do what you gotta do." Haystacks gave an informal wing-salute then took flight back towards the center of town and his hotel.

Haystacks hoped something happened tomorrow, or he would feel silly about spending all this time on cloud phasing. A nagging part of his mind said that he had only gone down this route so he could show off, but when he examined the logic that led to this course of training, he repeatedly found it sound, so he ignored it. If nothing else, he had managed to teach a pony something new, which was something. In retrospect, it was downright amazing that Rainbow Dash had learned the technique in a single day. She truly was a rare talent. He would have to talk to his Wonderbolts contact about her.

Author's Note

The "cloud phasing" idea presented here goes back to a story my uncle wrote me into when I was a kid. In the story, my character's only superpower was the ability to pass through walls, but only slowly and with concentration. I cannot remember much else about the story. Continuing, since clouds are usually just water and easily moved through (...at least in the downward direction), while pegasi typically treat them as solid matter, a pegasi passing through clouds would, it seems to me, be much the same: like pushing through a thick fluid (molasses usually being the go-to in such metaphors).

Analysis: Repitition, Sonic Non-rainbooms, and Ways That Don't Work

Analysis: Repitition, Sonic Non-rainbooms, and Ways That Don't Work

The next day, Haystacks made it to the site at the original meeting time and went to setting things up. He grabbed the ponyquin from one of the Apple Family's sheds, positioned the gelatin and prepared clouds to set it, then gathered more clouds to use as platforms. He was in the process of working out the positions of the clouds when Rainbow Dash arrived. True to her word, she was only about half an hour past the appointed time. Haystacks hoped she had not done a slap-dash job on her weather duties, but there seemed little point in asking.

"Hey, while I finish up here, how about you practice cloud phasing?" he said as she came into earshot, "That will get you in the right frame of mind."

Rainbow Dash showed a bit of irritation at this. "But we were doing that all yesterday!" she protested. She was eager to get back to the part the actually liked: flying fast.

"Yeah, and you've slept since then, so you need to get back into the groove," Haystacks said in that tone teachers and parents use when they do not want any argument, "Besides, the gelatin hasn't finish setting."

Rainbow Dash grumbled a bit and endeavored to show how she had mastered the technique. This did not go as planned. On her first try, it took her a good minute to start to sink in, and she initially got her hooves stuck.

"Hey!" she said, struggling. Haystacks faught the urge to roll his eyes as he went over to her and used his wings to gently lift one hoof at a time back up to the cloud's 'surface'.

"Huh, and that doesn't hurt?" Rainbow Dash asked on seeing this odd technique.

"Eh, I just treat the cloud as semi-permeable to my wings" he said, "It's basically the same technique." Rainbow Dash looked at him blankly. "Err, so basically not much of your weight was ever on my wing," he said, "I figured you'd have a good enough grasp to not accidentally pinion me, so to speak." He chuckled a little at his bad pun. Rainbow Dash did not laugh, either because she did not follow the pun or because she did not find it funny.

"Ahem," Haystacks said, "Well, let's keep gong, shall we? Let's try doing it together, with you mimicking what I do."

"Like Skyline Says?" Rainbow Dash commented.

"Yeah but without the tricking part," Haystacks said.

On the first try, Rainbow Dash strained to sink in tandem with Haystacks, and did not succeed. He flapped his wings to position himself back on top of the cloud.

"Oh come on!" she said, straining to sink through the cloud, "I did this yesterday!"

"If you try too hard, it won't happen," he said, "To some extent you gotta just relax. Try just focusing on my hooves instead of your own."

"Mmm... fiiine," she said.

This time, Rainbow Dash stared hard at Haystacks' hooves. This caused him to fidget nervously a bit but he took a deep breath and got his head in the game.

"Ok, 3...2...1...sink!" Haystacks said, adding a countdown this time. Now, when Rainbow Dash willed and expected her hooves to sink, she saw Haystacks' doing so... and sank herself. Of course, she could only follow up to the sinking bit for so long, but by then she had more of the feel of it. The two pegasi passed right through the cloud without leaving a mark, then looped around the edge to land back on top. Haystacks put one wing in front of him and bowed with a little flourish and a grin.

"Ha!" Rainbow Dash laughed, "That...was... awesome!"

"Heh, yeah, I never really get tired of it, either" Haystacks said with a chuckle, "Now try it on your own. Once you're back to getting it consistently, we'll go to the speed trials."

So it went on. On her next attempt, Rainbow Dash accidentally dispersed the cloud. She managed it the next time, but then got stuck the time after that. Haystacks, taking a gamble, told her they would start the next phase when she managed to get it right three times in a row. That seemed to provide some motivation. She got it right the next time... but then dispersed the cloud again. She finally met the criteria after a good two hours of trying, at which point they broke for lunch.

After lunch, Haystacks had Rainbow Dash do one more cloud phasing attempt, which she got, to make sure she was still in the right headspace. Then, finally, they went back to Rainbow Dash chasing the ponyquin. Haystacks' notes from the first day gave them a good starting point for height and time delay. On the first try, the light cone appeared and the sparks showed up, but then Rainbow Dash hit the gelatin. That meant a delay waiting for it to regel, during which Rainbow Dash almost casually practiced cloud phasing without being prompted.

"I could get used to this!" Rainbow Dash said, "Hey, can you go through cloud walls this way?"

"Ehhh," Haystacks said, wiggling his hoof, "It kind of depends. The magic used to solidfy walls to prevent pegasi from flying through them also stops phasing most of the time. But sometimes it's weak near corners, or if the building is old, and you can slip through."

"That'd be great for pranks!" Rainbow Dash said, "Imagine jumping out of the wall at people."

"Pranks aren't really my thing," Haystacks said, looking down at the gelatin. Rainbow Dash's mouth fell open.

"How could you not like pranks!" she said. Haystacks heard her tone and looked over his shoulder at her.

"Well, I guess it's like how some ponies don't like carrots," he said. He shrugged as he turned back around. "Ok, I think we're ready for another run."

Prank predilictions aside, the next two runs had the exact same result. That Rainbow Dash was now getting a light cone and sparks consistently was progress, to be sure, but what more could be done?

"Hmmm," Haystacks said, pondering, "What if you start by flying a straight-away, then dive down? That's closer to what you were dong the first time, right?"

"Oh right, so I don't have to warm up on part of the dive," Rainbow Dash said as she flapped her wings and hovered, as was her habit, "I'm game, but how do I know when to start and when to dive?"

"That... will take some time," Haystacks said, glancing at the sun, "And we only have the rest of today... but you're so close and I think this might just do it."

"Alright then," Rainbow Dash said, flying up and over a bit. "Just yell when!" she called out.

It took a few runs to get the timing and height right again, which in turn took a couple of hours. Then one one run, it became pretty clear that they had it right...

"ON YOUR MARK," Haystacks yelled to Rainbow Dash, now hovering some distance away. He shoved the ponyquin off the cloud and started counting. "GET SET!" he yelled right after. 5 Celestia... 6 Celestia.... Once he had reached the appropriate count...

"GO!"

Rainbow Dash took off flying forward at first, then turned as sharply as she could to dive after the ponyquin. This time, a glow appeared and sparks started to fly well before she reached the gelatin. The cone narrowed as she caught up to the doll, and got closer to the gelatin. And narrowed... and...

BOOM!

Not a Sonic Rainboom, but close, at least in theory. A visible pressure wave radiated out from Rainbow Dash, creating a loud noise and a strong wind. But the burst was translucent white: there was no rainbow coloring. There was also no rainbow behind her. It lasted less than a second before Rainbow Dash caught the doll. Without a Rainboom behind her, she could not turn fast enough at that speed and hit the gelatin, which splattered in a wide dispersal pattern. Rainbow Dash popped out at normal speed, ponyquin in tow.

"Was that it?!" Rainbow Dash asked excitedly as she flew back up to the cloud. Then, more hesitantly. "It didn't feel like it. At least I don't think. Did I do a Sonic Rainboom or not?"

"No!" Haystacks said excitedly. Rainbow Dash looked at him askance. "It was what's called a sonic boom," he explained, resuming his professional demeanor, "You exceeded the speed of sound, but not magic. It's still a remarkable feet. I only know of 2 other living ponies who can do that unassisted, and both are on the Wonderbolts. I can't recall the name of one of them, but the other is vice-captain Spitfire."

"Spitfire? You know her?!" Rainbow Dash said excitedly.

"Errr, not personally, no," Haystacks said, "But I caught the routine at the Summer Sun Celebration the year before last. The two fliers did sonic boom dives as part of it, one off to either side of the staging area."

"Awesome!" Rainbow Dash said, though whether about the maneuver or about seeing it was unclear.

The high dispersion caused by the sonic boom impact meant it took much longer to set up the gelatin. They had to get more gelatin from Pinkie Pie, as too much had been dispersed. She happened to have a second tub ready to go 'just in case'. Haystacks hoped that was because they might need one, but he did not want to ask. He did, however, ask something else.

"So... do you have a third ready if we need it?" Haystacks asked.

"Oh no, that would be silly," Pinkie Pie said with a dismissive wave of her hoof, "I mean, who would ever have three tubs of gelatin just sitting around?" Pinkie Pie put her hoof to her chin. "Although..."

Haystacks made a polite exit before that could go any further, picking up one end of the container while Rainbow Dash picked up the other.

With the additional time involved, they had only time for four more runs that day. The next one, Rainbow Dash failed to make a sonic boom. On the plus side, this meant less time to re-set the gelatin. The next two, she succesfully made regular sonic booms, but as best as either of them could tell, neither was any closer to a Sonic Rainboom than the first sonic boom run. Haystacks would have to look at the pictures later to be sure, but it was a pretty safe bet. These latter two runs also both caused large gelatin splashes, which meant more time after them. Seeing the setting sun, he decided the last run should be something fun. Well, fun from an experimental perspective.

"Now that we're starting from even higher," he said, "I want you to see if you can maintain a sonic boom speed while turning to fly horizontally. I don't think you'll be able to do so if you make a sharp turn, so make it a gradual curve."

"Now that I've got the hang of it? No problem!" Rainbow Dash said with her typical confidence.

A few moments later, Haystacks yelled "GO!" for Rainbow Dash to start. Things started as planned, with her making a Sonic Boom. When it came time to turn, however, she waited too long and tried to turn too sharp, and wound up hitting the gelatin at a sharp angle and hitting the wall of the container. The force caused it to tip over, spilling the gelatin and Rainbow Dash out into the field. Oddly, Haystacks burst out laughing.

Rainbow Dash tried to stand up and slipped. "Oof!" she grunted, then opting to just flap her wings and fly up. She noticed Haystacks slowing holding his sides as he slowed his laughing and started regaining his breath. "Hey! Blff," she said, spitting out some gelatin, "It wasn't THAT funny." Then she thought about it and chuckled a little despite herself.

"Sorry, sorry," Haystacks said, reducing to a chuckle, "That just seemed like the perfect ending to this experiment."

"Yeah, well, whatever," Rainbow Dash said, her mood shifting as she landed on the cloud and started trying to get gelatin out of her fur. "I still failed. I didn't make a Sonic Rainboom."

"True," Haystacks said with a grin, "But you got closer than you were getting."

"Mmm... true," Rainbow Dash said with a shrug, "I suppose I am about 20% more awesome than I already was."

"Well, that," Haystacks said in a tone that implied he was not taking a stance on that last statement, "There's also an old saying in science. You haven't failed if you found new ways that don't work."

"Huh? That's a weird thing to say," Rainbow Dash said.

"Hmm... well, how do I put it?" Haystacks said, pondering, "While I could be wrong, I don't know that anymore of this kind of practice will help. If my hypothesis about the hurdle being mental is right, and admittedly that's a big if, then it will take something drastic to break through."

"That... didn't really clear things up," Rainbow Dash said, looking at Haystacks slightly askew. He grimaced.

"Basically, I think you'd have to have an actual life-or-death situation come up where you needed the Rainboom in order to perform one again... at least at first," Haystacks said.

"That's a depressing thought," Rainbow Dash said, "I mean, if someone has to be in danger, I can't exactly show off with it, can I?"

"Heh," Haystacks chuckled lightly, "I suspect if you could do it again just once, regardless of the circumstances, it would probably be a lot easier to do it again, assuming you started working at it right away."

"I guess that's better," Rainbow Dash said, "But it sounds like you're saying I'm stuck where I am until then." Haystacks shrugged.

"Well, it's just a hypothesis," he said, "It's entirely possible you could get it with more practice, but I wouldn't want to get your expectations too high on that."

"Ah, fine," Rainbow Dash said, deciding it was best to put this all out of mind for now and think about it later, "Last one to Pinkie's has to help her clean this up! Readysetgo!" Rainbow Dash dashed off. Haystacks blinked, caught off-guard by this sudden shift. His mind catching up, he set off after her as best he could. "Not a fair race," he grumbled as he did so. Not that it would have mattered, but it was the principle of the thing.

Author's Note

Whew! Finally got back to this. Just one chapter left. Hopefully.

Conclusions: Further Research is Needed

Conclusions: Further Research is Needed

Haystacks naturally wound up cleaning up the gelatin with Pinkie Pie and, in a pleasant surprise, the two older Apple siblings. The next day, after Haystacks packed his saddle bags and checked out of the hotel, he found what appeared to be half the town waiting for him. "Of course, Pinkie Pie," he said to himself.

"Yup!" said the pink pony in question, squeezing her way through what on further observation was only maybe twenty ponies, "I gathered everyone who wasn't busy for your going away party!"

"Umm... you know I just got here a few days ago, right?" Haystacks asked.

"Of course!" Pinkie Pie said. She did not deign to explain further, "Now come on! Party at Sugarcube Corner!"

Haystacks sighed. This was even less his style than the last one. Then again, free food was free food. There were a few more ponies at the shop. He got the impression Pinkie did this sort of thing a lot, which raised the question of how any work got done around Ponyville.

"Sorry things didn't work out, sugarcube," Applejack said. She winced a little. "Also, sorry Pinkie Pie did all this without asking you. She means well. I did convince her not to do this in the town square." Applejack had apparently taken time off from her farmwork to try to rein Pinkie in.

"It's alright," Haystacks said, though with stress in his voice that belied his lack of enthusiasm for the matter. "I don't know that I'd say it didn't work out. I got Rainbow Dash to test my hypothesis, and the results were at least promising, even though she didn't break the barrier."

"Yeah, yeah, nerd stuff," Rainbow Dash said, flying by upside down to give the impression of lounging, "I'll get it eventually."

"Let me know if you do," Haystacks said, glancing up, "I'd very much like to document it."

"Sure," Rainbow Dash said dismissively, flying over to the cake table.

Haystacks talked to a few ponies, but generally stayed out of the way at the party, eating and drinking to fuel up his trip and checking the clock to see how long he had. After about an hour of awkwardness, Haystacks sought out Pinkie Pie to make his excuses.

"Sorry to cut this short," he said quietly. Pinkie did not interpret this correctly.

"HEY EVERYPONY!" she yelled, "HAYSTACKS IS GONNA SAY GOODBYE!" The place suddenly went quiet and all eyes turned there way. Haystacks put his hoof to his face in exasperation. Well, at least this was more like a lecture now. He could do those... or at least would need to get used to doing them.

"Ummm, thanks, everypony," Haystacks said haltingly. "I enjoyed my stay here. Now, I'm afraid I have to get back to Cloudsdale for work tomorrow. If you're in the neighborhood... errr, and can fly... I work nights at the observatory."

"Hey, doesn't that mean you're not working until tomorrow night?" Pinkie asked.

"Errr, yes, technically, but I have to get my sleep cycle realigned. You see, I work late at night, which means I have to sleep for a good part of the day, but while here, I haven't been..." Haystacks explained.

"Oh right. Well here, try this before you go!" Pinkie Pie said, handing him what looked like a cupcake, but completley covered in frosting. Seeing the show was over, the rest of the ponies went back to their conversations.

"What's this?" Haystacks asked, taking it. It was oddly light. Pinkie looked around furtively, then leaned in close.

"It's a frosting cupcake," she said in a loud whisper. Then, in her normal voice, she added, "If you eat it now, you'll have a sugar crash in a few hours. Best way to get to sleep EVER!"

Haystacks blinked in consternation. That made more sense than it had a right to. "Uhh, thanks," he said. He stared at it a moment before eating it in one bite. He made a face at how overly sweet it was.

"Beeetter wash that down with some cider," Pinkie said, dashing almost too fast to follow to the table and back. She now held a mug in her hand. Haystacks grimaced.

"Uhhh, water might be better," he said. Cider after that much sugar would not taste good. Pinkie obligingly dashed again, and the mug of cider was quickly replaced with one of water. This, Haystacks gratefully drank. It also tasted pretty bad after pure frosting, but he doubted he needed more sugar right now.

"Alright, now I really do need to go, or else I'm liable to hit the crash when flying," Haystacks said, handing the mug back.

"Byyye!" Pinkie said with a wave as Haystacks worked his way to the door. "EVERYPONY SAY GOODBYE!" she yelled to the room. "Goodbye!" everypony said with varying amounts of enthusiasm. Rainbow Dash flew over the crowd to meet him outside.

"And hey, next time you're in town, I want a rematch!" she said.

"Eh, that trick only works once," Haystacks said with a grin, "But maaaybe I can come up with a new one."

"Heh. Looking forward to it," Rainbow Dash said. She was still hovering, and remained at the same height as Haystacks took to the air in the general direction of Cloudsdale. That might explain a lot about her flying speed, Haystacks thought as he flew away.

Conclusions:

The subject Rainbow Dash responded with some success to the training methods outlined above. Their intent was to remove psychological barriers which typically act to limt a pegasus's raw flight speed. The increase of speed of the subject was measurable, as outlined in Table 1. However, while the subject was able to reproduce the rare feet of exceeding the speed of sound, they did not create a Sonic Rainboom, nor did they exceed the speed of magic.

We have been unable to rule out either the hypothesis that the Sonic Rainboom requires only that a magic-reliant flyer (such as a pegasus or griffon) exceed the speed of magic, nor that there is some other condition required. Further, while we have provided a new independent verification that reduction or removal of psychological restraints can allow a pegasus to increase their flight speed, we cannot confirm either that this is a necessary prerequisite to creating a Sonic Rainboom, nor the hypothesis, generally considered less likely, that complete removal of such restraints is a sufficient condition for the Rainboom's generation. It is hoped that further work in this direction will yield results, but it is by no means gaurenteed.

It also cannot be ruled out that the Sonic Rainboom requires specifically a foal or yearling (and perhaps specifically a filly of that age). It is possible that the higher energy-to-mass ratio of a young pony, a young pegasus's smaller diving cross-section and resulting smaller air resistance, some other age-dependent factor, or a combination of these are necessary. The historical records certainly strongly suggest that Firefly could perform the Sonic Rainboom as a fully grown pony, but the earliest records on the subject leave enough ambiguity to suggest that she may have been a yearling when performing her last confirmed Rainboom. I leave it to the foalhood development sepecialists to determine whether and in what manner tests on foals might be performed, but I will note that Cloudsdale's flight camp for foals, where subject Rainbow Dash performed a Sonic Rainboom, might be a good place to find subjects.

On a personal note, the subject Rainbow Dash has requested to be left alone regarding the Sonic Rainboom, unless future experimenters can prove that they have a promising new idea. This somewhat limits the possibility of future tests with the subject, but perhaps other subjects known to be fast fliers can achieve the desired result. In addition, as noted by previous researchers, the earth pony known as Pinkie Pie is, indeed, a valuable resource, both for information on the locals of Ponyville and for aquiring any unorthodox materials needed for research.

Author's Note

Yah! I actually finished a longer story! And for me, in record time.

I hope ya'll enjoyed it.