It's Always Sunny in Fillydelphia: A Day at the Hoofball Game
6:30 PM
On a Sunday
Ponyville Station
Spike and Big MacIntosh anticipate an incoming train from Fillydelphia, anxious and curious about how the Mane 6’s first trip to that city went.
“They’re supposed to be on the next train in, right?”
“Yeeeup.”
“I still can’t believe they got to go to that game. WE’RE the hoofball fans; it’s not fair that they all got to go … right?”
“Nnnope.”
“Really? You disagree? Well … yeah, those tickets were a gift from Princess Celestia and all. Still, it would’ve been awesome to be there live, right?”
“Yeeeup.”
“To think. The Baltimare Colts versus the Fillydelphia Gryphons. I sure hope the Colts won. You think the Colts won?”
“Nnnope.”
“Yeah, I know, ever the pessimist. I know it’s supposed to be a rebuilding year, but I got faith that … oh, is that their train?”
Seconds later, a train pulls into the station. Various equines begin filling out. Many appear revolted from a particular spectacle on the train.
“Well as I was saying, I got faith that they found a way to pull this one out and … Oh, there you … are?”
Big Mac gasps at the sight, unable to speak. Spike is also taken aback, but is able to utter a simple question:
“Uh … what happened to you ponies?”
* * * *
The Mane 6 vow never to attend a Gryphons game again.
It’s Always Sunny in Fillydelphia: A Day at the Hoofball Game
* * * *
12:55 PM, earlier that day.
The Mane 6 are all in the front row at the 50-yard line. Pinkie Pie has a spot right near the aisle, followed by Applejack, Rarity, Twilight Sparkle, Fluttershy, and Rainbow Dash. The latter is excited about the start of the game.
“Can you believe it? Front row? 50-yard line? For the Colts? This … is … AWESOME!”
Rarity is not so impressed. “I still cannot believe that all of you had such an interest in going to this ‘sporting’ event. Since when have any of you cared so much about hoofball?”
“Well they were a gift from Princess Celestia,” Twilight responds. “I didn’t want to be rude and not accept. Besides, it’s good to experience new things.”
Applejack adds, “Anyway, we ain’t never been to Fillydelphia before. We been to Manehattan lots of times, and Canterlot is practically a second home for us. Why haven’t we visited ‘Filly’ before now?”
Fluttershy answers, “Well, they only recently rebuilt everything back to before the parasprites came by.”
Pinkie adds, “Yeah, it was like only yesterday. Well really a year or two or three or more ago, but it FELT like only yesterday. Good thing Princess Celestia was able to stop those parasprites from doing more damage.”
Twilight concludes the train of thought: “And one of the tokens of appreciation she received taking care of that were lifetime passes to all Fillydelphia events. She thought we’d like to see the Colts play, and they only play each other every four years.”
“And besides, I wouldn’t mind seeing the Fillies play.”
Dash turns to Fluttershy. “… uh, you’re thinking of the wrong sport. Fillydelphia’s hoofball team is the Gryphons.”
“G-R-Y, P-H-O, N, S, GRYPHONS!!!”
All six turn their attention to two male ponies sitting next to Rainbow Dash. They are decked out in Gryphons’ garb. Dash strikes up a conversation.
“So … big fans of the Gryphons, huh?”
The taller of the two responds. “Ever since I was a foal. Name’s Macadamia Nut, and this is Charlie Horse.”
“Colts STINK!” shouts Macadamia’s friend. This slightly irks Dash.
“Hey now, what’s with the attitude?”
“Ah, don’t mind Charlie. He still hasn’t gotten over their last appearance in the championship game.”
“GO BACK TO BALTIMARE, YOU LOSERS!”
Macadamia turns to his friend. “Dude, chill. Why not say ‘Hi’ to these ladies here.”
“Huh? Oh, hey there. Yeah, don’t mind me. I like to get psyched up, you know.”
Rarity whispers to Twilight, “For what, a trip to the funny farm?”
Charlie turns to the group and notices that one of the ponies is wearing a Baltimare Colts jersey. “Hey, pretty filly … you got some courage coming here wearing Colts’ paraphernalia.”
Applejack turns to Rarity. “I been meaning to ask you ‘bout that, Rarity. Since when do YOU own any hoofball jerseys?”
“What, this? I made it myself when I learned we were coming here. Gotta dress the part, right?”
Applejack gives Rarity a quizzical look. “You made a jersey for a single trip? You may never even SEE another game in person.”
“Well, it really wasn’t much. Rather simple, really.”
“And you put your own name on the back,” Charlie interrupts. “Like YOU’RE on the team. What a joke!”
The verbal attack enrages Rainbow Dash. “NOW LOOK HERE!”
“Sorry for my friend. Don’t mind him.” After attempting to diffuse the tension, Macadamia turns to his friend. “Dude, what’s your problem?”
“It’s an unwritten rule, pony! It’s just lame to wear a jersey with your own name, unless you actually played.”
“Well she probably didn’t know that. Be nice, dude. It’s not like we got a lot of female friends, you know.”
“Oh please, I know what YOU want.”
Macadamia gives Charlie an icy glare; the other ponies, preoccupied with the announcements of the starting lineups, fail to notice. Applejack continues her conversation with Rarity.
“Still can’t believe they wouldn’t allow us to bring in all the food we packed.”
“I got enough bits for all of us. Don’t worry about the cost, dear.”
“It’s the principle of the whole thing. Four bits for a can of water? TEN bits for some watered-down cider? It just ain’t right.”
“What really isn’t right is Pinkie Pie thinking she could bring her party cannon into the stadium.”
“Hey, how ELSE are we supposed to party around here? It’s like this city doesn’t even WANT to have fun!”
“You’ll get your cannon back when we leave,” Twilight assures Pinkie. “It shouldn’t be a problem.”
An announcer addresses the crowd over the PA system: “The Gryphons win the coinflip and elect to receive.”
A ball sails into the air, and the game commences.
* * * *
1:50 PM
“At the end of the 1st quarter, it’s the Gryphons 3, Colts 0.”
“Is anypony hungry? I hear this place has the most incredible pretzels.”
Pinkie is quick to accept Rarity’s generosity: “Ooo, ME, ME, ME!”
“Thanks Rarity,” Applejack adds. “Yeah, I’d like to try one of those pretzels. I hear they’re real soft and salty.”
A vendor comes down the aisle with pretzels and other assorted foods. “Pretzels! Nachos! Hot dogs! Ice-cold cider!”
Rarity orders 6 pretzels, and winces slightly at hearing the cost of 30 bits. The transaction is completed, and each pony gets …
“5 bits for this? I done told ya, that ain’t right.”
“That’s quite all right, Applejack. I did say the food is on me. And these do look quite … um … ‘cozy’?”
“Oh I’m sure they make up for it in taste,” Pinkie assures the group as she proceeds to eat her whole pretzel in one bite. When asked how it was, she replies: “Um … very tasty. And, cozy. Yep. Tasty and cozy. Taste-ozy!”
Applejack proceeds to eat her pretzel in one bite as well. “They’re good and all, but not worth 5 bits each. Well, thanks again for paying for all that, Rarity! We owe ya.”
“Oh, it was nothing.” Or pretty much nothing, for five bits each.
“So … Rainbow Dash, right? Where are you ladies from?”
“We’re from Ponyville, Macadamia.”
“Call me ‘Mac’, Rainbow.”
“Oh, sure Mac. Well, I’m originally from Cloudsdale, myself.”
“Oh yeah, Cloudsdale. I remember when they were in the running for hosting the Equestria Games. Man, that was a great memory for me growing up.”
Rainbow Dash remembers the incident a bit more darkly. “Yeah, I’m sure it was.”
Mac continues, “To think, the Equestria Games were held in Fillydelphia. It was just some an awesome time for our city.”
“Yeah … your city.”
Charlie adds, “And don’t forget, we got the hurricane record too. Hey, some towns are just better than others, am I right?”
“Really? You want to go there, too? So tell me Charlie: how’d you like the parasprite invasion?” As the words left her mouth, Rainbow Dash knew she crossed the line. The rest of the Mane 6 turn to her, surprised at the outburst. Macadamia and Charlie stare at her, aghast at the comment. “Oh … uh, sorry. I didn’t mean to … you know, after all that …”
Mac attempts to console Dash. “No, we shouldn’t have brought up the Equestria Games or anything like this. Look, let me make things right. Next refreshments you all get are on us.”
Dash and the others accept the generous gesture, while Charlie just looks at Macadamia with an air of derision. “What?”
“You know ‘what’, dude.”
* * * *
2:45 PM
Halftime is about over, and the 2nd-half kickoff is about to commence. The Colts are now leading 14-3.
The Mane 6 snack on oat-filled hot dogs and cider, courtesy of Macadamia. After some early tension, everypony has enjoyed the game.
A ball sails into the air as the announcer makes the call over the PA system: “… and it’s fielded by Crazy Hooves at the 15. He’s at the 20, the 30, two Gryphons miss tackles … Crazy Hooves is going to take it all the way for a Colts’ touchdown!”
Loud groans spring up all over the stadium, with Charlie booming his frustration in particular. “AW, COME ON ZEBRAS! HOW COULD YOU MISS THAT BLOCK IN THE FLANK?”
“I don’t see any zebras on the field,” Fluttershy innocently responds.
Twilight is about to correct Fluttershy, when Charlie starts in on her. “Really? Are you THAT stupid?”
Rainbow Dash is outraged. “WHAT THEY HAY, CHARLIE?”
Fluttershy attempts to calm Rainbow Dash down, with little success. “It’s OK, Rainbow Dash. No need to get angry with anypony.”
“No, it’s NOT OK. Charlie, you owe my friend an apology.”
“Oh, and Mac doesn’t for giving you pork dogs?” Charlie responds. Fluttershy instinctively spits out her half-eaten hot dog upon hearing this. Macadamia laughs heartily at the spectacle, and the Mane 6 take note of their food.
Twilight is first to speak. “You got us meat-filled hot dogs? WHY?”
Macadamia answers in between fits of laughter. “Come on, that was hilarious! You granola girls really should eat meat now and then.”
Pinkie disagrees: “Hey, WHAT’S WRONG WITH GRANOLA? IT’S ABSOLUTELY DELICIOUS, AND GOOD FOR YOU, TOO!”
Applejack eyes the remains of her food. “Aww, horse-apples. I knew these dogs tasted off.”
Fluttershy is still in shock. “I’ve … been eating … other animals?”
Rarity adds, “Well I think I speak for all of us when I say that joke was in poor taste … pardon the pun … and you two should be ashamed of your behavior today.”
“Oh, get over yourself, ya donkey!” Mac tosses his cider at Rarity, splattering her, Applejack, and Twilight.
“AAAAAH, MY OUTFIT!!!” Rarity turns to Macadamia and Charlie, staring daggers at them. Pinkie and Applejack also glare at the twosome, while Twilight tries to compose herself and the group.
“Girls … let’s just go now. I think we’ve seen enough hoofball for today. We don’t need to stick around any longer.”
Rainbow Dash, though pure will, is able to reign in her emotions. “Yeah, let’s get out of her before we do something they’ll regret … uh, Fluttershy? You OK?”
Fluttershy brushes by Rainbow Dash and confronts Macadamia and Charlie.
“Serve me meat … you get beat!”
Fluttershy proceeds to beat the everliving tar out of the antagonistic male ponies. The rest are too stunned to take action immediately, but soon come together to drag the raging pegasus off the twosome. Mac and Charlie lie in a pile, each with numerous cuts and welts on their faces.
The Mane 6 all just stand there for a moment, before Rainbow Dash comments. “Let’s go. Now.”
Amidst the booing from the crowd and small fights popping up throughout the stadium, the Mane 6 bolt up the aisle and make their way back to the main entrance.
“Gotta say, I never knew you had that in you,” Rainbow Dash states to Fluttershy. “Pretty awesome.”
“NO. NOT awesome,” Twilight counters. “That’s not who we are. We don’t solve problems like this.”
“Can we discuss this once we’re on the train back to Ponyville?” Applejack requests. “At this point, I just want to get home.
“Just gotta get my party cannon before we go.”
Pinkie Pie stops at the coat-check counter. “Describe your coat, miss.”
“It’s not a coat, silly. It’s a cannon. Oh over there! I see it! it’s right there!”
The clerk sighs. “Sign here, please.”
One minute later, Pinkie has her cannon in tow. As she meets up with the others, Macadamia and Charlie come racing through the main aisle towards them. Mac yells out, “GET THEM! THEY NEARLY KILLED US!”
“HEY, YOU BOTH STARTED THIS,” counters Pinkie, who then breaks out a big smile. “BUT I DON’T HOLD GRUDGES. YOU TWO JUST NEED SOMETHING TO PUT SMILES ON YOUR FACES!”
Pinkie lights her cannon, much to Applejack’s terror.
“PINKIE, WAIT! I PUT ALL OUR FOOD IN--”
Before Applejack can finish her sentence, the cannon fires off a messy combination of streamers, confetti, and all the food she hid in Pinkie’s party cannon. The goop covers Macadamia, Charlie, and a dozen other bystanders in smoky, fruity, exploded food parts. Other bystanders block the exit to the stadium and surround the Mane 6, their anger palpable.
Twilight comments to her friends, “Uh, girls? Let’s not tell Princess Celestia what we learned today.”
* * * *
“Wow … well I don’t know, but I’d say you got off easier than you could have.”
Spike’s comments to the Mane 6 … each of which is covered head-to-toe in discarded food scraps and sap … are met with something less than agreement. Rainbow Dash, unable to fly at the present time, takes a subtle approach to a response:
“You call being tied to a wall while the entire stadium lines up to fire garbage from Pinkie’s cannon at us ‘getting off easy’?”
“Well … at least they gave you back the cannon.”
“After they crammed Pinkie head-first into it, yes,” Rarity added. “It took all our strength to get her out of that once we were on the train. Now if everyone will excuse me, I’m going to take a long, soothing bath to wash away the memories of today.”
“I hear ya, Rarity,” Applejack agrees while shaking out the trash from inside her hat. “Ain’t nothin’ to be learned from this experience!”
The other ponies nod in agreement, but Twilight disagrees. “You know what girls? I think there IS a lesson to be learned today.”
“And what lesson would that be? That stadiums in big cities can gouge tourists out of all their bits?”
“That cannons should only fire confetti?” suggests Pinkie.
“That I owe Iron Will some bits?” asks Fluttershy.
“No, no, no. We all went through absolute hay today, but we still stuck together. And that’s what true friends do. They’re there for each other, no matter what happens.”
For the first time in a long time, all the others smile at the thought that, through it all, they still have each other.
“So … do you see yourself heading back to Fillydelphia?”
“ARE YOU CRAZY??? THAT WAS 100 PERCENT AWFUL!”
“There’s no way I’m setting hoof in that deplorable city again!”
“I’d rather spend every weekend rolling in the mud with the pigs. No … thanks.”
“They have NO RESPECT for proper party cannon usage!”
“No. Just … no.”
The others all go their separate ways, leaving Twilight alone with Spike.
“Well … not any time soon, anyway.”