Cutie Mark Crusader Salesponies! Yay!

by lavendernoodle

Rating: teen
Tags: Alternate Universe, Comedy, Random, Slice of Life, Crossover
Length: 943

In two seconds, you will have The Office's theme song stuck in your head...

The CMC still need their cutie marks, and there's been an opening at a local mid-range paper supply firm…

As a warning: this is a very random crossover. Marked teen mostly for Michael Scott sexual references.

(Also, the timing is kinda mixed up here. And let's just pretend that Maud and Pinkie aren't sisters.)

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2016-06-04 03:30:02 UTC

An Equestrian Workplace

The Cutie Mark Crusader sat in their favorite booth at Sugarcube Corner. Rain pounded on the window as they sipped their milkshakes. Nopony else wanted a milkshake in the pouring rain.

"I'm all outta ideas, girls," Applebloom sighed.

"Same here," Sweetie Belle said.

"Me too," said Scootaloo.

"We're so old now," Sweetie Belle said, her voice now out of squeaks. "Probably the oldest blank-flanks to ever live."

"Yeah," the others agreed.

After a moment, Applebloom lifted her head back up. "You know, we could get an actual job now. I'm sure someponies have got their cutie marks at a job!"

Scootaloo sat up too. "You're right!"

Sweetie Belle put her hoof in the air, and the others high-fived her. "Let's do it!"

~~~

Derpy crashed through the door. "Soarin's coming back today!" Granny Smith began tapping her hoof to the ground. Applebloom could tell that Granny was quite nervous, though Applebloom didn't know why.

"Where was he?" Sweetie Belle asked.

"A wilderness adventure. Lauren Faust sent him with her daughter Cadence. The counselor said they both grew up...big time," Celestia said, coming out of her office.

Derpy asked, "How were all of your summers? Twilight?"  A grin stretched across her face.

Twilight leaned back in her chair. "Well, I invented a new power drink made of beet run off." Cheese Sandwich rolled his eyes. "But, I also got some disappointing news."

*flashback*

Maud and Twilight were asleep, with Maud resting her head in Twilight's lap. Nurse Redheart came over and nudged them awake. "Miss Sparkle, the results came in. You're not the mother." The nurse looked at Maud. "Well, the other mother."

Maud looked to Twilight. "I told you. It's probably Boulder."

"You can't love him!" Twilight objected. "He's just a rock!"

"Yes, but he is a boy. And I am married to him. Just like I told you, Twilight."

*end of flashback*

"My summer was awesome," Bulk Biceps said before anypony else could say something. "I ran over Tank in the parking lot, but then I fixed him with stuff from around the office. Then, when I was reaching for the glue again, I crushed his shell again! But I rebuilt him even better! But it turned out, Tank was already dead. Probably when I ran over him...the first time."

        "You did what!?" Rainbow Dash screamed.

Scootaloo and Applebloom returned from the annex. "Hey, does anybody know where we throw these out?" Scootaloo asked, holding up a tea bag.

"Oh my gosh. It's called a garbage can," Silverstar mumbled.

Mrs. Cake laughed. "Helpless."

Silverstar said, "They're like the new Cheese, Twi, and Pinkie." He pointed at the CMC. Mrs. Cake laughed again. Twilight turned around to look.

"Oh yes, yes, I see that. Perfect," Granny laughed. Cheese and Twilight made a face at each other.

"Hey, new Cheese," Berry Punch said. "Come sit on my face."

"No thank you," Scoots said with a nod. "My name's Scootaloo."

*interview*

Cheese: No, he is not "the new Cheese." The only thing we have in common is that neither of us want to sit on Berry's face. And if that makes him the new Cheese, then every pony in Equestria is the new Cheese.

*end of interview*

Derpy ran back in the room after looking out a window. "Soarin's here! New Twi, Twi, Soarin's here. New Cheese, Tuna, Soarin's here. Pinkie, he's here."

Soarin' flew through the door. "Hey!" He and Derpy hugged. "Wow. I thought about this place a lot when I was on solo. Three days on a mountain, it will change you. The things we think we need! Clocks, yeah right." He gestured to the clock above Silverstar's head.

"It sounds amazing," Granny said. "Tell us all about it."

Soarin' cocked his head. "What are you still doing here?"

Granny shook her head and smiled. "Wonderful, thanks," she said in a chipper tune."

"You know, I had this really funny dream during outward bound that you died," Soarin' said. The CMC shared looks of confusion.

Soarin' and Granny laughed. "Brilliant," Granny said nervously.

Soarin' said quickly, "See me in my office later." Granny's smile faded. Soarin' pointed at the CMC. "New guys! Alright. It's Sweetie Belle, Applebloom, and um..."

"Scoo---"

"No, I got this, outward bound was all about nicknames. They called me Nice Man." Silverstar rolled his eyes. "You will be called Plop."

"What? Why?" Scoots asked.

"'Cause you're always takin' dumps," Soarin' said.

"No I'm not." Scoots leaned over to Applebloom. "How would he even know? He just got here."

Sweetie leaned in. "It suits you, though." Scoots slapped Sweetie's arm.

Soarin' laughed. "Come on, everypony defecates. Relax Plop." He pointed to Applebloom. "You will be called Fart, 'cause you fart all the time."

Sweetie Belle exploded with laughter. "I love it," Applebloom said.

Celestia interrupted, "Actually Soarin', we call this one Twi Jr."

"You know, I...I prefer Fart."

Soarin' gasped. "No! Twi Jr! Infinitely better! You guys look exactly alike." He pointed to Twi and Applebloom. "Twi, go stand next to her."

Applebloom said, "No, no, you don't have to..."

"This is insane!" Soarin' said.

"I don't see it," Twi mumbled as she walked over to Applebloom.

"Me neither," Applebloom said. "I don't either."

"Woah," Soarin' said, and then did the brain explosion hand-thing. "Mind blown! It's like mother and daughter!"

Applebloom shook her head. Twi looked at Applebloom and smiled in a kind of creepy way. Applebloom sighed and shook her head more.

Soarin' asked. "Twi, you cool if we call her Twi Jr?"

Twi nodded slowly. "Yes. Yes I am."

Maud rolled her eyes.

Twi put her arm around Applebloom. Applebloom shook it off.