When One Wants A Sandwich
All he wants is a sandwich
Author's Note
Hey guys. This here is just gonna be a two chapter little comedy. I got the idea from StormScar. Link in the description.
All he wants is a sandwich
Anon was mindlessly wandering through his average size home, searching hopelessly for his savior. The Fridge! He was starving, the last time he had eaten being a long, excruciating, tantalizing hour ago. He walked passed his bathroom for the third time in the past 15 minutes before realizing he was going around in circles.
"Damit! This is hopeless." He sighed in defeat, falling over on his couch in frustration. "I mean what time do we live in where a man can't find his own kitchen?"
A very sad one. The narrator thought to himself. Why he is referring to himself in third person we will never know. Anon's stomach rumbled furiously. Being deprived of nourishment for so long. He never was able to figure out what made him get up, whether it was his shear amount of hunger or the little sense of determination he had left. He slowly crawled off of his lazy ass and decided to search one more time for the holy grail called his kitchen. He walked an exhausting five steps before an inter dimensional portal opened in the archway to his bedroom.
"Couldn't hurt." He shrugged his shoulders and inched ever closer to the large, oval shaped, well of yellow light that appeared in his home. I mean what are ya gonna do. Your hungry and a portal that leads to God knows where opens in your house. Seems legit.
----Meanwhile In Canterlot-----
"...And that is why I'm sure this spell will work!" Celestia explained to her sister, the maroon mare in question about to die from boredom.
"Ok, what did you do different from the last twenty seven times?" Luna asked as she rilled her eyes, loathing for this cruel and unusual punishment to be over.
"I'm glad you asked, dear sister." Celestia said with a smile, not picking up the sarcasm. "I realigned the ma-"
She stopped her tongue in its tracks as a large bipedal creature a little taller than her stepped through the archway of golden light. Once Anon made it al the way through he looked around for a moment before his eyes rested on two large ponies. He stared at the white one for a moment with a strait expression on his face before saying.
"This isn't my kitchen." Causing Celestia and Luna to fall over from the stupidity in that statement. They fell like in an anime and the main character does something stupid then then the other main characters or supporting characters fall.
"So you mean to tell me you got here by looking for your kitchen?" Luna asked the creature looking around the room they were in.
"Yep, I was hungry and this portal opened and I thought 'Hey, whats it gonna hurt.'" He explained to them, while they both stood up slowly.
"Looking for your kitchen in another realm?" Celestia asked with a raised eyebrow.
"I'm not a very smart man." He told them, finding a seat on one of the many chairs.
"Well, what are you going to do now?" Luna asked.
"I guess I'm going to keep looking for my kitchen." He said scratching his head. "Or at least a sandwich."
"Oh, if your hungry we can solve that in a jiffy." She used her magic to pick up a little bell on the table across from them, causing a servant to walk into the room with a platter.
"Your sandwich, sir." He said bowing down and taking the lid off of the platter. Underneath was exactly what Anon wanted. Not caring what was inside or how they knew he wanted a sandwich he picked it up and took the biggest bite he could fit in his mouth. His eyes went wide at all the flavors that were dancing on his tast-.
"Euugh!" He forced himself to swallow the foul tasting sandwich. "What is in this!?"
"Hay, why? Is there something wrong with it?" Celestia asked.
"Oh, oh god that tastes horrible. I don't eat hay!" He exclaimed, trying to wash down the taste of grass from his mouth with the glass of cider the servants brought him.
"Well what do you eat?" Luna asked.
"Meat?!" He told them in a sarcastic tone. "What else."
"Meat!?" They both said surprised!
"Yes." He said plainly.
"Like... Like pony meat?" Luna asked.
"No, beef. Pork. Pretty any other type of meat." He told them.
"What kind of creature can eat meat?" Celestia whispered to Luna, not trying to hide her words.
"Hello! Im right here." He said, waving his hand in their face.
"Well I'm just saying." Celestia said.
"Well then I'm just leaving." He said as he walked over to one if the many doors and proceeded out of the room.
"Should we tell him thats a closet?" Luna asked her sister. After that he stepped outside of the closet and gave them an evil glare. Walking to another door. And going out again.
"ANOTHER CLOSET!" Celestia yelled to the human across the room. He walked outside of another closet and kindly asked.
"Where is the nearest fucking door out of this place?"
Luna instinctively pointed to the largest of the many doors in Celestia's bedroom that lead outside. He stormed over to the door and opened it only to find it was another closet.
"How many goddamn closets does one pony fucking need! You don't even fucking wear clothes!" He exclaimed. Causing both Celestia and Luna to burst out in a fit of laughter. "Seriously! What's funny!?"
"Ok. Ok. Ok. I'm done. The door is right over there." Celestia told him, wiping away her tears from the fit of laughter she was recovering from. Anon proceeded to the indicated area, hesitant to turn the knob. He didn't even know how they opened the doors. Having hooves instead of hands. If they used their mouths that would be worse than eating that hay he tasted earlier. All the germs on the knob. But he forced all those thoughts to the back of his head and opened the wooden door. Opening his eyes to see it full of clothes.
"The fuck!" He screamed. "Thats it."
He said, walking over to the nearest window and sitting on the ledge.
"I. Wouldn't do that I were you." Luna suggested
"Well, your not me." He slid out of the window. Celestia, hearing a loud crack, walked over to check it out. Seeing him unconscious at the bottom of a twelve foot drop.
--------To Be Continued-------
