Red and Black 2

For a time, Royal Court sat in silence after Cyril's rather unruly departure, and all looked at the doors as if waiting for them to do something they weren't supposed to do. It took a while before anypony even made an utterance, and it was one that summed the whole event up rather nicely. "Well, that escalated quickly…" Charlotte muttered, her voice managing to pierce the fog of the silence that had settled in, carrying over to all four corners of the room.

"Indeed it did," Filthy agreed with an apprehensive nod. He turned to the Princesses and trotted up to them before awkwardly clearing his throat, staring at them for a few seconds.

"Permission to speak granted, Mister Rich, as you still have the floor. We haven't all day," Luna remarked with an encouraging nod and a soothing tone of voice, indicating quite plainly that Filthy should continue.

Filthy nodded back and began, his confidence bolstered, "Well, I propose that we should have a bit of an educational reform to all of the provinces outside of Equestria's main cities, but still within her borders. Most schools, including Ponyville, are tragically behind on up-to-date textbooks and such other requisites most major cities have in bulk. That way, all of the students get up-to-date with the times, and get a quality education that could help them later in life."

"Provided, of course, those provinces have the bits for it," somepony snarked from one row to Luna's left.

Filthy zeroed in on the source, seeing a pony with a frog and heart cutie mark standing as rigidly to attention as the royal guards standing at the doors. "That's why, of course, provinces are provided the necessary bits via a singular stimulus package," Filthy stated, shaking his head at the pony. “This should get them off their hooves by the bootstraps, at least, and onto their whole legs proper.”

The heart-marked pony rolled his eyes. "Aren't you a delirious one? Giving the poor a stimulus will only enable them to rely upon federal assistance more often, and thus, give them no incentive to maintain themselves; may I draw your attention to some of our welfare queens, Mr. Filthy? Oh wait, you are one!” The heart-marked noble chuckled loudly, but soon his fit died when Charlotte rose and stamped her hoof before scraping it, drawing his attention.

"Oh, how much revenue do you generate with your vassal estates? Your plantations? Your mines? Your towns? Or should I ask, how much revenue do you pocket from those holdings? Those poor ponies you so scorn, who toil away without praise nor respect?” Charlotte hissed, eyes turning red at the very fringes. Her horn flashed dangerously once, its magic aura brilliant red. "Unless you want the Task Force, or Gods forbid, the Surgeons, to ruin your homestead and pilfer your vault, I would recommend you bite down on your tongue this instant. I could even send the Valkyrie Brigade, if you truly desire the complete annihilation of all your pockets of wealth!"

Patient looked at Charlotte, his eyes wide and a tiny chuckle vibrating from his throat and slightly open mouth. “Ho-ho-holy fuck…” he whispered.

The frog-marked noble raised just one brow, and sharply at that. “You wouldn’t dare!” the noble hissed.

Charlotte's horn flashed again, and she conjured a spellbook with a flash of light. She opened it, and managed to extricate a radio from between the pages. "Try me," she challenged.

Just to add to the effect, Patient averted his gaze back to Charlotte and spoke. “Send us in, we’ll fuck the place up harder than the Valkyries ever would,” he faux-requested quietly.

Charlotte rolled her eyes dismissively, letting her gaze fall on Patient. "Oh, please, you wouldn't be able to level Yakyakistan within the course of three hours," she stated curtly.

“That a challenge?” Patient asked with a hopeful smirk.

"If it were… there'd be no contest," Charlotte replied simply, bringing the radio to her muzzle as though actually about to contact somebody in the Brigade to sic on the frog-marked noble.

The noble flinched, his ears folding back at the implications. He blanched when he saw Princess Luna conjure a popcorn bowl out of the corner of his eye with her magic.

Patient chimed in for real, “I mean, you’d probably prefer the Valkyries to come to your neck of the woods, because I don’t think you want your topiary bushes to be filled with the entrails of your guards. Soooo… I’d suggest you stop talking.” The noble promptly sat down, quivering like a storm-rattled leaf. Silence held the Court again for a few minutes, and when she was certain nobody would make any more insane remarks, Charlotte put the radio into the book and made it vanish in a flash of light. She then sat down herself and relaxed a little.

“I’d like to make a statement regarding the proposed stimulus packages,” another noble, this one a bit pale in his face himself, said as he stood up with legs that were a wee bit on the wobbly side. "And of the browbeating by the hit squad...members presently among us." As that last part left his mouth, he looked pointedly at Patient and Charlotte with a steely gaze, trying his utter damnedest not to be cowed by their presence.

"I only condone the browbeating in question, as they are not actually partaking in violent behavior… currently…” Luna paused to take in a mouthful of popcorn before finishing, "But once hooves start flying, I will have them removed and suspended from Court for a period of up to six months, depending on how severe the damage becomes. Possibly a decade, unless red and black alicorns are involved. Am I perfectly clear?"

Patient and Charlotte nodded in response. The noble who was brave enough to actually call them out on said browbeating relaxed a little, and turned to address Filthy. "While I do agree with your proposed stimulus package, I still have some concerns over how you are going to implement them, and of the potential danger of said provinces should they become welfare states," he began smoothly. "We've seen what became of Griffonstone; before its Idol was lost, it fell into the welfare trap."

“My initial plan was to have a single stimulus package, to have the provincial educational systems use at their own discretion;and only one, as government handouts should be rare and only given under dire circumstances,” Filthy responded.

"Yes, you told us that," the brave noble stated curtly. "But the question would be how, since this is a very large project you have proposed that not everypony in this room has enough bits to donate to."

For a moment, Filthy was stone silent. “Perhaps the treasury may have the funds we require? I understand it’s a massive risk, but the long-term payoff has immense potential to it...and, well, think of our children. This would better the whole of Equestria fifty years down the road,” he said.

The brave noble glumly shook his head, but only once. "How about we only fund one city as a bit of an experiment, for twenty years minimum to study the long-term effects?" he proposed. "I hear Hollow Shades is in dire need of an educational reform from the ground up; they have standardized testing. This whole lowest-common-denominator nonsense has severely crippled its infrastructure lately."

“That is a sound idea. All I ask is for us to try.” Filthy nodded.

The noble nodded again. "Very well. We shall discuss this in private at a later date," he concurred. With that he sat down, and Filthy Rich trotted over to sit next to him. The trip he took to reach the spot earned him several leery glares from the more unscrupulous nobles, already plotting to undermine them if the glint in their eyes were an indication. One such pony then hopped to center stage, and right up to Princess Luna with such confidence Patient wondered if he was faking it or taking lessons from somepony else.

“I think we should rescind the castle doctrine!” the noble who waltzed up to Luna proclaimed in a pompous, arrogant voice that Patient was quick to recognize. He groaned upon hearing the voice of the bureaucrat Rekka aggravated to no end yesterday, and his stomach clenched so hard it did not know which way to backflip.

"That is a very bold proclamation to make, my little pony…" Celestia noted, tilting her head. She turned to Luna. "Sister, do you have anything to say about this?"

Luna pursed her lips and furrowed her brow for a few seconds, contemplating and weighing the bureaucrat's words carefully. "Most perplexing… even more so than the eccentricities Discord has partaken in as of late. Do enlighten us as to why you would wish such a thing," she said, carefully.

"I’m not saying that we should revoke weapon ownership across Equestria, but my research has concluded that we will have less unnecessary deaths due to home invasion. Preventing untimely deaths is a just cause, is it not? Unless, of course, one were to refer to the red and black menace the world is plagued with at this time.”

“I can… understand your logic. It is very sound," Celestia noted rather hesitantly, slowly nodding her head.

“But with the mutant alicorns running around, the same alicorns that don’t care much for our laws and livelihoods, then how will anypony be able to defend themselves if one or a dozen decide to break into their homes if the doctrine is taken away?” Patient piped up with a quizzical look on his face, rather than with a snarky threat.

The bureaucrat swished his tail once. "That is what the hit squads and guard units are there for. So the citizens don't have to engage in such needless bloodshed," he stated.

“While I understand not wanting to engage in violence, as I have plenty of friends who are like that,” Patient heard a few chuckles from the crowd of nobles as he said those words. He laughed as well, but his chuckles were mirthless. “It’s true! My fiance is one of those kinds. Wouldn’t it give a lot more power to the guards and hit squads? The same powers that may or may not be susceptible to corruption?"

"My sentiments exactly. Wouldn't that make Equestria a more militaristic state? Who's to say we won't fall to that should we go down that road, just as the corrupted alicorns have?" Charlotte piped up, her utterance causing a few murmurs to sweep through the gathered nobles still sitting down.

The bureaucrat shook his head. "Coming from a hit squad yourself, Miss Tome…" he began, without even bothering to look at Charlotte, "you should know that 'corruption' should not even be in your lengthy vocabulary."

Charlotte's ears folded back. "But what if one of us dabbles in dark magic? What would you do then?" she shot back.

Patient interjected, “What if the guards and hit squads staged a coup and managed to throw every one of the Princesses into Tartarus or, Gods forbid, establish ourselves as Equestria's de facto leaders? We have all the guns and weapons, and the magics. What would you do if we started murdering foals for our sick amusement while we had that kind of power, theoretically?" That caused another wave of murmurs, this one more hushed and frantic, to sweep the crowd.

“Keep talking like that, Mr. Care, and I’ll push for taking weapons away from hit squads…” the bureaucrat threatened, this time turning to glare at Patient from his spot.

"I only meant theoretically. What would you do then?" Patient extrapolated, his voice filled with exasperation.

“Like I said, the civilians will still be able to keep their own weapons! They can rise up and defeat their oppressors!” the bureaucrat explained, giving Patient a sly grin.

“We can take their weapons away if we’ve got the bigger guns, dude,” Patient deadpanned.

"But then you'd feed a vicious cycle. The Brigade would surely come in and grind Equestria into dust at that point," the bureaucrat shot back, causing Patient to flinch.

"My, my," a child-like voice cooed, very young and feminine in tone. "Isn't that coming from the local prison warden?" The bureaucrat jumped and looked around before his eyes fell onto a young foal of all things, no older than eleven, as she strode down to him with the air of honed arrogance. Her magenta coat glittered faintly, contrasted sharply by a silvery mane and red eyes. Her tufted ears, curved horn, and black bat-like wings only further served to set her apart.

The bureaucrat frowned at the foal. "Aren't you one of those abominations? H-how…" he stammered.

The foal held up a hoof and waved dismissively. "Oh, I have a red-bodied friend who encouraged me to change my ways. Last I heard of her, she trotted back to the Changeling Lands," she answered, giving the bureaucrat a toothy smile that revealed canines sharpened to a point. Behind her, a mare stepped down, this one a blue unicorn with a silver mane and ice cold eyes decked out in a maid suit.

“Who the hell let her in?” Patient groused in a mildly amused tone, looking at the foal curiously. "And the maid?"

Charlotte smacked her face with her good hoof. "Oh goody…" she mumbled under her breath.

"Oh, I am a dignitary," the foal replied with a chuckle, her wings twitching as she craned her neck to stare at Patient. She turned back to the bureaucrat and grinned wickedly at him. "Tell me… I wonder what the influx of prisoners would do to your revenue… especially those who were incarcerated defending themselves from the mutant alicorns?" she mused darkly.

The bureaucrat did not falter in the slightest. "Now, bear in mind this is merely a suggested experiment. It has yet to be implemented, and—"

The foal held up a hoof and waved him off again, this time tilting her head. "Oh, don't start that poppycock with me," she scoffed. "I could not have an easier time seeing through your lies even if they came with an instruction manual."

“That… That doesn’t sound like a thing that, like… an eleven year old would say. Like, at all,” Patient said to himself.

"She's five hundred years old," Charlotte hissed under her breath.

“The fuck?” Patient whispered back.

"She's an old vampire from another dimension. Trust me," Charlotte muttered in reply.

"I can hear you two bickering from the surface of the moon," the foal stated, not bothering to look at the two whispering ponies. "You'd best not test my patience."

Patient said nothing in response, but rolled his eyes. He decided to ask the mysterious filly and her maid questions later, and resigned himself to watching the fireworks start.

"Sakuya?" the foal asked, turning to the maid.

"Yes?" the maid asked, perking up.

"Stand by Miss Tome and Mister Care, would you?" the foal asked. "Perhaps provide them with food and drink just to keep them occupied?"

The maid nodded at once. "Your will is done, Miss Remilia," she answered. With a flash of her horn, she vanished in a flash of blue light, leaving Remilia to turn her attention back to the bureaucrat.

"So… Mr. Bar, how would you rescind the castle doctrine?" Remilia asked, still giving the bureaucrat a toothy smile. "Nevermind the why. I'd like to know the how."

“We’ll simply charge the one who acted in self defense with ponyslaughter,” Mr. Bar replied.

Remilia didn't look all that convinced. If anything, her brow arched sharply. "... ponyslaughter?" she asked, her tone dangerously level for somepony who looked like a prepubescent foal. "Are you trying to tear my cutie mark away?"

“Yes. We’ll charge them with ponyslaughter, maybe illegal ownership of lethal weapons,” Mr. Bar replied, sweating a teensy bit as Remilia continued to stare incredulously at him.

At that moment the maid chose to reappear in another flash of light next to Patient, this time carrying a plate of spring roll sushi and a water pitcher expertly atop her left fetlock. "I see you two have seen far better days," she noted.

"Had a bit of… several problems," Charlotte groused, turning to watch the spectacle and silently wondering when the fireworks would really go off.

“Yeah, you can say that.” Patient blew air from his nose before stuffing his face with sushi in an uncouth display. Charlotte followed suit, albeit in one dainty bite before stuffing it into one cheek.

The maid nodded and handed them the pitcher and the platter. "Feel free to drain that at your leisure," she stated, turning to watch Remilia as Mr. Bar went a little red in the face. "But not immediately," she advised. "I've a feeling a spectacle will grace us shortly."

“It’s not as if nearly every settlement in Equestria and its colonies are completely crime ridden, or are in dire need of weapons! Even our holdings in the Mild West have been relatively calm as of late, since we gave the stampeding grounds back to the Buffalo,” Mr. Bar attempted to justify himself. Unfortunately, this did nothing to dissuade Remilia from boring into his soul with her stare.

"Really? Why don't you take that exact argument to whatever leaders Griffonstone has accrued? I'm certain they wouldn't see things much differently than you do," Remilia scoffed, her tone still level and her gaze entirely fixed on Mr. Bar.

Mr. Bar shrugged. “They didn’t implement the system correctly.”

Remilia's eyes widened at that, and her ears twitched. "They didn't… what sort of ludicrous statement is that?!" she questioned, her tone now a mildly miffed sort.

“That is precisely it. It wasn’t implemented correctly. They also took away all weapons from the populace, or anything that could be considered a weapon, like kitchen knives, tools, what have you. In my policy, I say we allow our citizens to keep their weaponry,” Mr. Bar responded, smiling smugly once he saw he'd caught Remilia blindsided.

His smile fell, though, when her gaze leveled again. "You sound less and less sane the more you blather on. It's almost as though your train of thought was being derailed every second, by the second," she hissed. "What next, will you stipulate that Equestria wage war with the Valkyries on top of the one we already have with the seemingly endless alicorn menace?"

“Well, at that point, we may as well institute some kind of Trotsky level communitarianism. Let the state give everybody exactly what they need. Then, crime would go down once everybody was on equal footi—” Mr. Bar stopped rambling when Remilia trotted up to him, spread one of her wings, and backhanded him with it. She did so swiftly and mercilessly, knocking Mr. Bar to the ground and leaving three long gashes in his cheek as the clawed tips of her wing-digits scraped him on their way past.

"Miss Scarlet? May you come here tomorrow, whence you have calmed down?" Luna suggested, prompting Remilia to close her wing and nod slowly.

"Yes… but on the condition that somepony look into Mr. Bar's motives," Remilia stated, her voice now ice cold. When Luna nodded back, she turned to take her leave and started trotting for the door, pausing only to look at her maid. "Sakuya, bring Tome and Care with us... "

Sakuya nodded, and yanked Patient and Charlotte into the air with her magic. Then she trotted until she was behind Remilia, who then proceeded to finish exiting the room. It wasn't until they were several halls away from the Court in two hours' time did Sakuya ask the two levitating charges a question, "By the way… have you seen Patchouli around these parts? My mistress has been looking for her ever since she vanished."