Topsy-Turvy

Chapter 1

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Mr. Stormfeather-

Thank you for applying and taking the time to interview for the Humidity Technician position with the Ponyville Weather Team. We received over seventy-five applications for this role, and as such, there was a great deal of competition for it.

Unfortunately, at this time, we’ve decided to pursue another candidate for this role. We will keep your resume on file should another position open up, and if we think you’d be a good fit, we will contact you via mail.

Feel free to apply again if we advertise for another position that fits your skills. We wish you the best of luck in your job search, as well as your future endeavors.

Regards-

Cloudchaser, Assistant Weather Manager

Ponyville Weather Team

=========================================================

Stormfeather sighed and crumpled up the letter, tossing it over at the wastebin. It didn’t make it in, though, because the bin was overflowing with other, similarly themed letters. “Shit! Shit, shit, shit… shit! Just… shit.”

He flopped onto his couch and stared listlessly at the far wall, a pit in his gut forming that drained away what little energy he had. He’d had a good feeling about that interview, too! Thought he’d actually had a shot this time.

“So much for that,” Stormfeather muttered to the empty apartment. “I’ll bet anything Windfall was the one who got it. Knew I didn’t have much of a chance when I heard he was Thunderlane’s cousin...”

He’d been unemployed for almost a year now. He’d thought the Quills & Sofas gig would last, but he’d thought wrong. Ponyville wasn’t undergoing hard economic times, but for some reason he just couldn’t find a job. It was always the same. All the time, all the effort, everything to try and sell yourself to a company. Only to have it all fall flat, again, and again, and again. Waste of energy. Waste of resources. Waste of Celestia-damned everything.

Stormfeather felt hollow and empty inside. He was so spent doing this over and over again, and now he just felt tired. “I don’t understand. What am I doing wrong here? Is it me? Is it my resume? How I interview? Just bad luck?”

The walls had no answer for him. They just stood as they always had, marking the boundaries of tiny space he called home. His cutie mark may have been a shooting star, but that didn’t mean he was lucky. He held up a hoof and stared at his blue-gray coat, watching the muscles beneath flex back and forth. He was in great shape, but even with that, he couldn’t get any kind of gig. Not even a manual labor one.

His melancholy was making him drowsy. “Whatever... whatever. I’ll figure it out. I just need—yawn—just need to try harder… there’s a job around here I can find. There has to be. I’ll keep hunting in the morning… maybe I missed something in the classifieds. A sixth look couldn’t hurt...”

SLAM!

Stormfeather about felt off the couch. He looked over at the entranceway, hearing the sounds of somepony coming in through the door. There was only one other person with a key to his place besides him.

“Yo!” a male voice yelled. “Storm!”

Oh, ponyfeathers, that’s right. It was Friday, and that meant...

Stormfeather jolted upright. He shook his head vigorously to clear the drowsiness, then cleared his throat and called out.

“In here, Caramel!”

An amber earth pony poked his head around the corner. His brown mane momentarily fell over his eyes, but he blew it out of the way with an annoyed snort. “Oy. Ready to go?”

Stormfeather’s spirits rose a little. He and Caramel always went out to the bar Friday night. It was one of the few things he still enjoyed. “Y-Yeah. Just… uh, gimme a second, alright?"

Caramel gave him a tired look. “You forgot again, didn’t you.”

Stormfeather tensed. “N-No! Of course not! I just got a little sidetracked!” He looked around frantically for an excuse to latch on to. “I was… uh… cleaning! Yeah! S’really dusty in here!”

Caramel raised an eyebrow.

Stormfeather looked away. “...okay, so I forgot. It’s just hard to keep track of the days sometimes, you know? They all seem to blend together when—”

Caramel raised his hoof. “I get it, dude. It’s fine. Just hurry up, alright? I don’t wanna miss happy hour.”

Stormfeather nodded. “Right!” He scrambled off the couch and made for the bathroom. “I’ll just be a second!”

Caramel watched him leave, then glanced around the small apartment. It wasn’t much to speak of, but there wasn’t much his friend really needed at the moment. The place really was dusty, although he was pretty sure Stormfeather didn’t even own a duster. There were some clothes strewn about here and there on chairs and the couch, and the carpet was looking pretty grody, too.

“Wouldn’t kill him to do some actual cleaning,” Caramel muttered.

Spare papers littered the coffee table, all of which he noticed were classifieds of the newspaper going back as far as a month. Casually, Caramel looked through them, seeing that there were jobs here and there were circled with a marker… only to then be crossed out. The overflowing wastepaper caught his eye, and even from where he was standing, he could see that it was filled with crumped up letters.

Caramel exhaled out his nose. “Still no luck, I see...”

Stormfeather hadn’t been in very good shape since he’d lost his job. He’d been fanatically training for the Wonderbolts (to the point that he’d started to miss work) and when he didn’t make the cut, well…he hadn’t taken it well. He’d been trying hard since then to try and find something else, but he hadn’t had much luck, and the repeated rejection was starting to take its toll.

Stormfeather stepped out the bathroom. His blonde mane and tail were brushed, he’d put on a splash of cologne, and he was currently swishing some mouthwash. He smiled at Caramel and gestured for the door, grabbing his keys off the coffee table as he went.

Caramel rolled his eyes. “We’re not in that much of a hurry, dude. Calm down.”

Stormfeather’s ears twitched, but he shrugged. He straightened up some of the classifieds papers on the coffee table and tossed the clothes over in the direction of the bedroom, then went to the kitchen, where Caramel heard the sounds of gargling.

Caramel dragged a hoof along the floor. “Hey, uh, did you sign up for the Running of the Leaves yet? I know you’d said you wanted to participate, and the registration ends tomorrow.”

There was a loud, spitting sound, followed by Stormfeather’s squawk of surprise. “What?! I thought it ended NEXT week!”

Caramel shook his head. “No, it’s ends on the first. Same as every year.”

Stormfeather opened his mouth, but didn’t say anything. Quickly, he looked over at a calendar that was hung up by the coat closet.

“...today’s not the 23rd?”

Caramel winced. Stormfeather didn't just sound pissed, he sounded defeated. “It’s the 30th, Storm.”

Stormfeather groaned. “Oh, for cryingout loud… I can’t even keep track of the days!”

“Just go in tomorrow and sign up,” Caramel said. “No big deal.”

Stormfeather looked down at the floor, fuming at himself. “Yeah, yeah, I suppose you’re right. I’ll get it done tomorrow.”

Caramel gestured towards the door. “C’mon. We need to get you out of here for a bit.”

Stormfeather relented and pushed his thoughts aside for the moment. They’d still be waiting for him when he got back, but right now, it was hang out time. “Right. Let’s go.”

***

It was summer’s end in Ponyville, and autumn was right around the corner. Already, the days were starting to cool off, but the evenings were still pleasantly warm, the ground retaining the heat it’d soaked up all day. As a result, the nights were still rather active with ponies wanting to take advantage of the good weather, and the local bars and nightclubs tended to be a great deal more crowded.

Stormchaser and Caramel sat at their usual corner table of The Tipsy Manticore nursing their drinks. Stormchaser liked lighter beer, preferably ones that came with some kind of fruit as a garnish. Caramel, on the other hoof, had the drink he always ordered—a cucumber gin and tonic. A little bit on the peculiar side, as the bartender liked to say whenever they came in, but not the weirdest thing in the world. No weirder than the drinks that were served on fire, at least.

“Check out those two,” Caramel said, pointing out the mare and the stallion that’d just walked in. “Think they’re together? I’m thinking they are.”

Stormfeather looked. The mare was older, probably in her late thirties, and she looked like she wanted to walk right back out the door. The stallion, however, was younger, and his eyes lit up as he observed the crowded scene. He bodily pulled the reluctant mare into the shifting throng and made straight for the bar.

Stormfeather snickered. “Probably. Though I’m thinking that colt’s not gonna be on that girl’s good side after this.”

Caramel laughed as well. He sipped at his drink and leaned back in his chair, studying his friend with a critical eye. “So, enough beating around the bush. How’d the week go? You look like you just ran a marathon.”

Stormfeather’s ears drooped. “The Weather Team turned me down.” He took another pull of his beer and wiped his mouth. “I’m getting so… SO fucking sick of all these namby-pamby, politely worded rejection letters, Mel. They basically amount to, ‘you’re not good enough to do this job, and even if you were, there’s still somepony who applied that’s better than you.’ Celestia in a handbag, just once, just for fucking once, I’d like a company and just come out and freaking say it! Stop with the passive-aggressive bullshit!”

Caramel chuckled. “You might’ve gotten that if Rainbow Dash was the one in charge of rejection letters.”

Stormfeather rolled his eyes. “I almost wish she was. At least she’d be straight with me.”

Caramel swirled his drink, thinking. “Well, okay, so that didn’t work out. Where else have you tried? There’s gotta be somewhere else around town that’s hiring pegasi.”

Stormfeather gave him a dull look. “Sent out another bunch of apps, but haven’t heard back. Have you seen anything?”

Caramel bit his lip. He’d said he’d help keep an eye out for any jobs, but… no dice. Not even his company was hiring right now.

Stormfeather took the lapse of silence as answer enough. “I don’t know whether I’ve got shitty timing, I’m blacklisted, or something else, but I’m not getting anywhere with this. Everypony’s either not hiring right now, they need someone with skills I don’t have, won’t pay enough to sustain me, or I just wouldn’t be a good fit.”

He let his head fall onto the table with a thud. “I just don’t know anymore, Mel. It feels like nothing’s worked out lately. Not since the Wonderbolts Academy...”

“That’s not true, and you know it,” Caramel said. He jabbed Stormfeather until he sat back up. “Nothing’s worked out?’ How about the unemployment extension you got? How about your landlady being understanding about this whole thing? How about that you only have minimum bills to pay off, or that you had some savings built up to live off of? Hmm? How about all of those things?”

Stormfeather kicked at the table. “Well, yeah but… you know what I mean, don’t you? I mean, for Celestia’s sake, I shouldn’t even have those problems—”

“THERE’S that evil word we talked about,” Caramel said with an accusing hoof. “I ‘should’ this, I ‘should’ that. All you’re doing is making yourself feel like shit with that, Storm! You’re just running yourself into the ground! You think other ponies can’t pick up on that?”

Stormfeather sighed. “I’m not berating myself, I’m just… running out of steam, I guess. You can only hear ‘no’ so many times before it gets to you.”

Caramel sucked on his teeth. “It almost sounds like you’re giving up.”

Stormfeather’s wings hung listlessly at his sides. “I’m just about ready to.”

Caramel stared at him for a few moments in silence. This had been happening more and more lately, and while he wanted to help, he wasn’t sure that he could. “How are you doing on funds?”

Stormfeather’s expression remained neutral. “My... parents are helping me out with rent. Trying to help me not completely use up all my savings, and whatnot. I’m okay otherwise… for a few months, at least.”

Caramel studied him. “How much of your rent?”

“...half of it,” Stormfeather admitted. He looked like somepony had just yanked a tooth. “Please don’t tell anyone.”

“Well, no shit,” Caramel said. “What, you think I’m gonna get up on this table and make a song of it?”

The corners of Stormfeather’s mouth twitched. “I’ve seen you do crazier things. Especially when you’ve had tequila.”

Caramel laughed. “Ah, yes… good ol’ insanity juice. By the way, my offer’s still on the table to loan you some cash if need be. I know you don’t like borrowing money, but I’m not about to have you go hungry, or whatever.”

Stormfeather bowed his head. “I appreciate it. Hopefully, it won’t come to that.”

They fell into a comfortable silence then, just pony-watching and listening to the ambient music. Regulars came and went, chatting amongst themselves while their inhibitions were lowered. A few of them moseyed over and talked with Caramel and Stormfeather, but never for very long, and not about anything substantial.

Caramel watched the retreating form of a pegasus that’d just come over to say hi, one that he knew was from Cloudsdale. “Storm, I hate to say this, but have you considered broadening your search to other towns outside of Ponyville?”

Stormfeather, who’d been in the middle of stretching out one of his wings, took a moment to reply. “I’ve been meaning to, but I keep putting it off. I’d really, really like to avoid moving if I can help it.”

Caramel didn’t like what he was about to say next, but a part of him knew it had to be said. “It might be time to.”

Stormfeather made a disgusted noise. “No. There HAS to be a job here. I’ve seen the openings, I know there are companies hiring. I can do what they need done! I just have to convince them that I’m not a useless piece of trash.”

The words were like acid, and they burned their way into Caramel’s mind, causing him to flinch like he’d been slapped. “Whoa, whoa, whoa. You don’t really think that about yourself, do you?”

“Well, how else am I supposed to feel?!” Stormfeather suddenly burst out. “I’ve been getting shot down, week after week, month after month, for almost a fucking year! It’s hard to stay positive in the face of that! And if I don’t berate myself, then who’s going to? It’s the only thing that gets my sorry ass in gear!”

Caramel frowned. “By destroying your own morale and becoming a self-hating emo?”

Stormfeather scrunched up his face like Caramel had just force-fed him a lemon. “You don’t… that’s not…”

“But that’s what’s happening,” Caramel said. “And it’s starting to make you desperate. It's showing. You need to ditch that line of thinking if you wanna get back on your hooves, Storm. Ditch it like a bad habit, and never look back.”

Stormfeather didn’t reply. A small, quiet part of him knew that Caramel was right, but while that advice was sound, it was easier said than done. One didn’t just have a paradigm shift at the drop of a hat. The idea was there, though, so maybe he could work at it. Build it.

“Look at those two,” Stormfeather abruptly said. He pointed at a pair of unicorns over by the pool tables. “What do you think theirdeal is?”

Caramel looked over to where Stormfeather was indicating. A duo of mares, one green, one white, were taking turns shooting with the same pool cue. They were concentrated mostly on the game, but every time their magic fields touched, they giggled and shot each other playful looks.

“That’s Lyra and Vinyl Scratch,” Caramel said without a thought. “They’re just friends.”

“Friends, eh?” Stormfeather took another swig from his drink. “Coulda fooled me. Almost looks like they’re flirting.”

“Eh, they’ve always been like that.” Caramel motioned towards them. “Although... neither one of them is seeing anypony, least as far as I know. Why don’t we go talk to them?”

Stormfeather actually laughed. “You justsaid I’m likely coming off as desperate in my job interviews. How do you think I’ve been with mares?”

“Then I’ll help you!” Caramel said brightly. “I’ll be your wingpony, and maybe we can even set up a double date or something! It’ll be fun!”

Stormfeather chanced another look at the two unicorns. “They’re really pretty…”

“Yeah!” Caramel made to stand up. “See? We should—”

“Stop.”

Caramel hesitated. “What?”

“Be realistic, Mel.” Stormfeather gestured to himself. “We’re not exactly prime specimens of the pony race. Those two are out of our league. We’d just be making them uncomfortable if we went over.”

“You don’t know that for sure!” Caramel said. “C’mon, it can’t hurt to try!”

“I know when a mare is out of my league, dude,” Stormfeather said tersely. “If it’s obvious I don’t have a chance with them, I’m not going to make it awkward, OR let them take advantage of me. When I’m around mares that pretty, I’ve found that it’s best to feign disinterest, help them out with whatever it is they want, then send them on their merry way. Nopony gets hurt that way.”

Caramel didn’t know what to say. He’d never seen Stormfeather like this, and it was so out-of-character that it was starting to get unsettling.

“Storm…” he began.

Stormfeather idly traced the edge of his mug. “I'm… I’m sorry, Mel, but I’ve gotten turned down enough lately as it is. By jobs, and by the ladies. I’d like to keep what little self-esteem I have left.”

Caramel didn’t like this at all. “Okay, you want to be realistic? Let’s be realistic. What’s the worst that could happen? They say no? Big deal! We just put it behind us, and move on!”

“The worst that could happen is that they say yes.” A shudder ran through Stormfeather’s body. “And then the whole affair becomes an awkward cringe-fest. What do I do when they ask about me, huh? Tell them I didn’t make the cut at the Wonderbolt Academy? That I’ve been unemployed ever since, and that my life is on the verge of collapse? Oh yeah, that’s real good conversation material.”

Caramel ran a hoof down his face. “You don’t lead with things like that… ugh, you realize that this mentality of yours is trapping you in a vicious circle, right?”

Stormfeather made a huffing sound. “I don’t even know what that is.”

Caramel pushed his drink aside for a moment. “Look, I’ll grant that things haven’t been going well for you, so let’s fix that! All you need is something to give you a leg up, something that’ll boost your confidence, and put you back into a positive mindset. I can’t help you with the jobthing, but I might be able to help you get a marefriend if you’ll let me. You’re a good guy, Storm. I’ve seen that in you! You just need to let that shine through!”

“You’re acting like getting a marefriend’s going to be the solution to all my problems,” Stormfeather said coolly. “There’s a very good chance it’s only gonna put more stress on me.”

Caramel raised an eyebrow. “How is getting laid is going to make you more stressed out?”

“A marefriend is a whole lot more involved than that!” Stormfeather snapped. “It’s a huge commitment! Dates are expensive, the time investment is huge, the risk is even moreso, and even if I don’t ‘lead’ with that I’m down on my luck right now, it’s still gonna get out in the open eventually!“

“Why do you only looking at the negatives?” Caramel asked. “There’s so much more you’re refusing to see! You need to stop focusing—”

“I have to, Caramel!” Stormfeather said, his voice becoming a venomous hiss. “You know where focusing on the positive got me?! Right where I am, on the verge of falling in the gutter! I thought if I worked hard and put my best hoof forward, everything would work out in the end! Well, guess what?! I’m running out of money, running out of options, and running out of time! A little bit of stupid-ass self-confidence isn’t going to solve all those problems! The only thing that will is a fucking job!”

Caramel felt like he was bashing his head against a wall. Stormfeather had a lot of steps to take to get back on his hooves, but all he could see was one, giant big one, possibly with spikes. Caramel wanted to help here, really, he did, but even if he led Stormfeather to water, he couldn’t make him drink.

“You need to stopacting like the whole world is against you,” Caramel said quietly. “If you don’t, you’ll never get out of this rut. You’ll just keep digging a hole until it’s so deep, you eventually won’t be able to see out of it.”

Stormfeather’s wings twitched at his sides. “...I’m done.” He drained the last of his drink, threw down some bits, and stood up from the table. “I’m not gonna spend my Friday night arguing and feeling shitty about the things I have to deal with all week. Least of all with you. If this is all you’re gonna talk about, then count me the fuck out. I’ll go and drink somewhere else. Later.”

And with that he trotted off.

Caramel watched him go without protest. He folded his forelegs under his muzzle and stared listlessly out at the crowd, his own mood turned dismal. Thankfully, their little discussion hadn’t drawn much attention, but that didn’t make him feel much better. He was no psychologist, but it was painfully obvious his friend wasn’t in a good place right now.

“Damn it all…” Caramel whispered.

“My, my, my,” drawled a lazy voice to his left. “What a sour grape.”

Caramel jumped. A unicorn he’d never seen before had approached just out of his peripheral vision, looking on with an expression somewhere between amusement and pity. His coat was a grayish-tan, his clipped-short mane was jet black with a snow-white goatee, and his eyes… his eyes were the most unnerving shade of red Caramel had ever seen.

“I dohope that young stallion doesn’t have any enemies,” the stallion continued, his eyes alight with mirth. “Because if that’s the way he treats his friends, well…”

Caramel felt a chill go up his spine. “U-uh, sorry you had to erm… see that, mister…?”

“Apep,” the elder stallion replied smoothly, offering his hoof. “A pleasure. My most sincereapologies, but I couldn’t help but overhear your little spat. He seemed oh-so-terribly bitter.”

Caramel could’ve sworehe’d heard this pony’s voice before. Nothing came to mind, though, so he dismissed it as mere coincidence. “Caramel,” he said, shaking the pony’s hoof. “Erm, you don’t look like you’re from around here. Where are you from?”

Apep chuckled. “Once upon a time, I lived just west of Saddle Arabia. I haven’t been home insome time, though. I just recently moved here to Ponyville after an extended stay in Canterlot, and I’ve found the place has grown on me.”

Something about this guy made Caramel’s skin crawl. Still though, he didn’t want to judge a book by its cover, and he always liked meeting interesting people.

“You don’t say,” Caramel said.

“I do say!” Apep said brightly. “But speaking of things being said, I’m much more interested in the things your friend was on about. That was quite the pessimistic attitude he had.”

Caramel pursed his lips. “Stormfeather’s… usually not like that. He’s got a lot on his mind, and it’s all starting to wear on him. He’ll be alright, though! He just needs to stop feeling sorry for himself.”

“Mmm.” Apep tapped his chin. “Are you sure? He wouldn’t even listen to your advice when you tried to help. And judging by how frustrated you seem, I can’t imagine this is the first time you’ve gone over this with him.”

Caramel’s voice grew quiet. “He’s never snapped at me like that. We’ve been friends ever since grade school, and normally he’s upbeat and chipper. A real fun guy to hang out with! But lately, especially these last few weeks...”

Apep gestured towards Stormfeather’s vacant seat. “May I?”

Caramel shrugged. “Help yourself.”

Gracefully, Apep slid into the seat across from Caramel. He examined Stormfeather’s empty mug for a few seconds, staring at it as if it was going to magically refill itself. Eventually, though, he looked up and spoke in a casual tone.

“Have you ever heard the phrase, ‘Nothing helps a bad mood like spreading it around’?”

That one got a smile out of Caramel. “Pretty sure that’s from an old comic strip.”

“That it is!” Apep said, laughing. “Quite the amusing one, too! I only stumbled upon it recently, and I’ve found it an absolute delight! Pity the artist retired early, but I digress. Comic strip or no, the point still stands. Sometimes, when ponies are hurting, they think the only way to feel better is to take it out on those closest to them. I used to do the same, in fact, did it for a long, long time. It took a very special, patient, and most of all, kind pony to show me the error of my ways.”

Caramel fidgeted in his seat. “Well, I mean… I get that, but like I said, Stormfeather’s usually not like this. He’s normally the exact opposite! Really!”

“All the more reason to be concerned,” Apep said. He sipped at his drink, which looked to be some kind of chocolate milk cocktail. Wait, did he have that before? “If he’s naturally optimistic, then it’s probably taken a lot to turn him into such a downer. I’d wager a Storm is raging in his Feathered head, and let me tell you, once the inner tempest gets going, it’s hard to stop.”

“He’s not a lost cause,” Caramel insisted. He returned to his own drink, which was starting to get warm. “I know he’s not! He only started being like this recently because he’s had a shitty streak of luck. He tried out for the Wonderbolts and didn’t make the cut, then he lost his job and he hasn’t been able to find another one. He’s been trying to save his money, but now he’s starting to feel the pinch, and to top it all off, his love life is non-existent. That’s a lot to deal with!”

Apep said nothing. He just continued to sip his drink, motioning for Caramel to continue.

“I know he can turn it all around, though,” Caramel said fervently. “He really can! He just needs something to get his confidence back, and then everything else will start to fall into place.”

“Your faith is admirable,” Apep said. “Really, it is. It takes a special pony to not give up when a friend gets in the dumps. But faith and words will only get you so far, I’m afraid.  What you need is some action, my boy. Something real! Tangible!”

Caramel straightened up. “Yeah! That’s what I’ve been trying to do! The problem is Storm’s in such a funk, he won’t listen to me. I think it’s because I’m too close to him, or something. I don’t know.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t say that.” Apep leaned forward. “I’ll let you in on a secret: The advice of close friends and family is like a worm—one that slowly digs into your brain and starts eating away at your thoughts. You can ignore it, but it’ll always be there, nagging and persisting… never truly going away. I tell you, it can be almost maddening.”

Caramel grimaced. “Thank you for that lovely visual. Although... I do get what you mean.”

“Well, at least you won’t forget it anytime soon,” Apep said. He swigged his drink and continued in a nonchalant tone. “Now, I did hear you say before that you thought setting him up with somepony might do the trick. Something about a... double date, I believe?”

A blush crept up on Caramel’s cheeks. “Er, yeah… heh-heh…” His throat suddenly felt dry. He downed the rest of his drink in one shot, then suddenly became very interested in the table. “Well, y’see… one of the reasons I said that was because I was... hoping we could support each other on that one, you know? I haven’t had much luck finding a significant other, either, and my nerves get the best of me whenever I try...”

Apep smiled, his grin a touch too large for his face. “Significant other? And what exactly do you mean by that?”

Now it felt like his entire face felt like it was burning. Caramel hunched down in his seat, suddenly feeling very small. It was a long time before he replied to Apep’s question, and when he did, it was in a small, barely audible voice.

“...no comment…”

Apep’s smile turned gentler. “Now, now, I’m not judging. Far from it, in fact. I’m no master on love, but I do know that the nature of it is quite complex. So much so, that it could almost be described as... chaotic. What matters in the end is that you’re happy, right?”

Caramel’s head was starting to buzz. He’d never had this conversation with anypony, least of all a complete stranger! He wasn’t really sure what to think, but at the same time, the approval of an outsider was like a huge weight being lifted off his chest.

“The heart wants what it wants,” he murmured.

“Precisely!” Apep said. “And if I may be so bold, I’m guessing your heart doesn’t care what’s ‘beneath the tail’. Am I right?”

Caramel gave a barely perceptible nod.

“But Stormfeather does?”

Another nod.

“Hmm, an interesting conundrum.” Apep thought for a few moments, his head tilting from side to side. “So If I’m hearing you right, your friend is caught in a downward spiral, and you want to help him out. You think a marefriend will help him snap out of it, but he’s been shot down so often that he just wants to hide and lick his wounds.”

“It doesn’t even have to be a marefriend,” Caramel cut in. “It could just be a one-time thing! Just a nice night out with a girl, y’know? Something to make him stop thinking he’s a loser.”

“Right, right,” Apep said. He then turned to the side, watching Caramel out the corner of his eye. “Too bad you couldn’t be that girl, eh?”

Caramel’s reaction wasn’t what you’d expect. Instead of revulsion, disbelief, or incredulousness, he merely rested his chin on his hoof with a wistful look in his eyes.

“Yeah...”

A mischievous glint appeared in Apep’s eyes. “What if you could be?”

It took a few seconds for that to register with Caramel. “Eh?”

“Oh, come now.” Apep said. He gestured to his horn with a playful wink. “There are a great many possibilities with magic, my friend, and it just so happens I’m quite the capable spellcaster. You’ve felt that tingling in the air by now, haven’t you? Surely you know what that is.”

Caramel cocked his head. Tingling? What tingling? The only thing he’d noticed was this kind of shivery feel when Apep had sat down—

Oh.

It usually wasn’t something Caramel had a lot of experience with, as he was just your normal, everyday guy. But now that it was called to his attention, he realized how much power was emanating from this mysterious unicorn. Likely he was the only one who could feel it at the moment (seeing as nopony was freaking out) but nevertheless, it made Caramel realize that this Apep guy was packing some seriousheat.

Caramel was suddenly a lot more careful with choosing his words. “Who are you, really?”

Apep chuckled. “Oh, I'm many things.” For an instant, his whites of his eyes turned a sickly yellow. “But right now, I’m someone that wants to help you. Er, and I mean, actually help you, help you. As I said before, I’m quitefamiliar the path young Stormfeather has just started down, and let me tell you—it doesn’t lead anywhere nice. I’m hoping you’ll be able to pull him off of it before he really gets stuck in the muck. Think you’re up for the challenge?”

Now that was a question Caramel didn’t know how to answer. Stormfeather was his best friend, his brother from another mother, and they’d been through a lot together. They knew each other’s families, had keys to each other’s apartments, and when it came right down to it, they’d done things for each other most ponies wouldn’t have. Couldn't have. They knew each other backwards and forwards, and if there was anypony he’d be willing to do something like this for…

“And what would you want in return?” Caramel asked.

Apep shook his head. “I’ve been learning a thing or two about kindness lately, and I’m starting to see that good deeds tend to pay off farther down the road. Consider this an act of community service, my little pony. I owe your kind a debt or two, anyways.”

Caramel thought about it for a few more moments, weighing the pros and cons of the bizarre, yet intriguing proposal. A certain dryness, a catch he couldn't quite name, hit his throat. “Would it be, ah... permanent?”

Apep waggled his eyebrows. “Do you want it to be?”

Caramel felt his stomach drop. “Erm, I-I...”

And there was that unsettling grin again, almost as if Apep had too many teeth in his mouth. “As much fun as it would be to force that decision upon you, I think I’ll let you decide that later. For now, I’ll give you an item that’ll transform you whenever you activate it, and you can figure things out from there. Consider it a ‘trial run’, eh?”

Caramel still was a little on the fence. On the one hoof, this sounded like a freaking amazing deal. But on the other hoof, this almost sounded a little too amazing. If fact, if he didn’t know better, he’d swear he was making a deal with the devil!

“There’s gotta be some kind of catch,” Caramel said.

Apep shrugged. “I can certainly add a catch, if you’d like. I’m quite good at exploiting loopholes—”

“No!” Caramel almost yelled. “Er… no, please. I don’t want that. It’s just, well… this really does sound too good to be true.”

Apep’s expression grew solemn. He adjusted himself in his chair and sighed, his face calm as he stared past Caramel.

“I never thought anypony would forgive me for the things I’d done,” he said. “For so long, I was consumed by toxicity, unable to see past my own bitterness. I don’t even know how many friendships I cast aside because of it, and it’s nothing short of a miracle that I came around in the end. It’s good to be skeptical of something like this, Caramel, and I commend you for it. But if I was trying to trick you, there are far, far easier ways to do it. Even you must realize that.”

Okay, so point there. This did seem pretty overly-elaborate for a prank, and while this Apep guy was creepy, he didn’t seem malicious. Maybe it was the booze, maybe it was the moment, or maybe it was something else entirely, but for one reason or another, Caramel decided that despite his trepidation, he’d throw caution to the wind.

“You said ‘transform’,” Caramel said. “So this wouldn’t be an illusion?”

Apep almost looked offended. “Puh-leeze! You think I’d try something as cheap and watered down as that?! Gods, no! This’ll be the real McCoy, all the way through, one hundred percent transfiguration! No assembly required, batteries included! Well, all except your cutie mark, anyways. That will need to be an illusion.”

Caramel nodded. He’d figured as much. “I’m thinking I’m gonna need more than just become a mare to fool Storm. Probably need to look like another pony entirely.”

“Great minds think alike,” Apep said smoothly. “Don’t worry, a new identity will be a cinch! Come up with ‘em all the time.”

“And I wanna be attractive!” Caramel blurted. He realized what he said a moment, and his blush returned full force. “I-I mean, well... you understand why, right? I need to catch Storm’s eye. Otherwise this whole thing’s moot.”

Apep raised his glass for a toast. “My dear boy, I promise, you’ll be the belle of the ball! When I’m done with you, you’ll be beating stallions off with a stick.”

Reluctantly, Caramel raised his own glass—refilled with a flash of Apep’s magic, and clinked it with the softest of taps. He wasn’t entirely sure what he’d just agreed to, but he hoped against hope that he wouldn’t wind up regretting it.

 “Hoo boy...”