Flutter Brutter: An Epilogue.
"...I can still crash here for a few days, right?" Zephyr Breeze pleaded with his pushover parents, as he fondly hugged them both in a warm embrace.
Just a little while ago, the prospect of their layabout son returning to the family nest to stay for any length of time would have caused considerable consternation in the couple, not that the meek pair would ever have admitted it. After all, he had a habit of moving their stuff everywhere, breaking personal possessions, putting up obnoxious photos of himself on the walls...
But all that was over now. Zephyr had quit being a freeloader and stopped indulging his short-lived fads, to find his true calling: mane therapy. He'd graduated his class with honours, and when he said he was only staying for a brief period, he meant it.
Even Fluttershy, his sister, and Rainbow Dash, his hopeless crush, seemed convinced that this was one stallion who'd truly turned over a new leaf. So all were ready to agree that he could move back there for a little while, positive that this new and improved Zephyr would remain true to his word...
Suddenly, there was a knock at the door.
Still smiling at the unbelievable turnaround from her notoriously idle sibling, Fluttershy flew over to answer it, and with her eyes still locked on him in a rush of familial pride, she didn't see who it was at first.
A clue came from the surprised reaction of her parents and Dash, not to mention her brother's abrupt mood change from bullish confidence to extreme edginess.
Wondering what all the fuss was about, Fluttershy spun about to face the unexpected guest, and was confronted by the Princess Of Friendship herself, Twilight Sparkle.
Boy, did she look peeved. Not a happy bunny at all. Even less than Angel that day he was separated so tragically from his gnome rabbit friend just when they were about to have dinner.
"Sorry to disturb your little graduation party." Twilight began speaking to her nonplussed audience, with a special glare reserved for a certain stallion. "But I thought one of you might be able to assist me with a small case of criminality that's been reported in Ponyville. A resident had his house invaded while he was away for a few days. The intruder got through an open window, and by the looks of things made themselves quite comfortable. When the owner returned to the property later, he discover all of his food had been eaten, his furniture relocated, his bed slept in..."
"Gosh, that's awful..." Fluttershy put her hoof to her mouth. "Who could do such an terrible thing? It's getting so you can't even let some fresh air into your home now, without somepony taking advantage of it. I'll be more careful from now on, whenever I go out."
"I needn't worry about your cottage, Shy..." Rainbow Dash gave her friend a sly nudge. "With Angel around, no trespasser would last five seconds before being having their sorry flank kicked twenty feet in the air! Do you remember that time you told me you prepared him the wrong meal, and the next thing you knew you'd experienced a close encounter of the mailbox kind..."
"Um, yes... I don't really like to be reminded about that..." Fluttershy cringed, with a slight blush. "Anyway, even though I'm sure Angel can take care of himself, I still don't want to take any chances with my other animals. Hopefully they'll catch this pony sooner rather than later, then we can all sleep soundly again."
"Actually..." Twilight continued, with a sour face. "I have a feeling we'll apprehend the perpetrator quicker than you'd think. In fact, you might say, he's very close by..."
Despite displaying hitherto unseen reserves of courage recently to sort out some family difficulties, Fluttershy still couldn't help but leap into Rainbow's hooves at such an ominous warning.
"R-really?! B-but w-where?!" The yellow pegasus shivered, while her mother and father hugged each other anxiously in the background, and Dash just rolled her eyes at the whole skittish bunch.
"Right... Here!" Twilight's horn flared up just in time to stop a creeping Zephyr Wind from sneaking out, and the stallion soon found himself cast in a lavender glow, before being turned around to face the irate princess directly.
"B-but... B-but..." A noticeably quaking Zephyr stammered. "I-it can't be me! I-I've been working really hard at mane school, to get my degree! Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash taught me a valuable lesson about perseverance, and it did wonders for my morale! I'm making something of myself, princess. I'm much better now! You're looking in the wrong place for the culprit of this atrocity, if you don't mind me saying so..."
"Y-yes, that's right!!" Fluttershy was eager to defend her brother. "We sung him a song all about trying and never giving up, and he transformed that wig all by himself. He showed what he was capable of, when he put his mind to it. Why would he jeopardise all of that?"
" I never thought I'd hear myself say this, but Flutters is right..." Even Rainbow spoke up for her abhorrent admirer. " We both saw what he did, and when we last left him, he seemed really motivated. What reason would he have for breaking into somepony's house, when he'd been speaking so positively about his future?"
"Our son may be a bit of a handful at times..." Zephyr's mother insisted. "But I can't imagine him ever doing something like this."
"Yes, dear I think so too..." His father nodded in agreement. "Princess, I'd like to hear how you came to this conclusion myself, if you don't mind."
Despite all of the glowing testimonies from all around her, and the smirk from Zephyr himself who seemed quite sure he was going to get out of this with ease, Twilight remained unphased. "Well, let's see. Shortly after the property owner returned from finishing his course at mane school, a tall green stallion pegasus with an unshaven face and his hair in a bun was sighted departing the scene. During his escape, he took a little souvenir with him, an item the resident had just dropped off after coming in..."
Twilight then wasted no time in lifting up the collar of Zephyr's gown to reveal the tag underneath, and quite clearly displayed there was the name 'Whinny Sassoon'... Which obviously wasn't his.
Gasps from all around the room. Twilight looking as stoic as ever. Zephyr trying to facehoof, but unable to. Because of, you know, magic.
"H-hang on just a sec..." The stallion of the hour desperately tried to weasel his way out of the situation. "T-there's a perfectly logical explanation for this. I-I just popped around to my good friend Whinny's place shortly after graduation, to see if I could borrow his gown to impress my parents with. You see, mine is in the wash, and his is the only outfit that matches my tall frame. I was in a hurry to get here, and with him being nowhere to be found, I just took the gown, because I was sure he wouldn't mind. This is all just a simple misunderstanding, everypony. If you'd just let me explain..."
"Let's see you 'explain' these, then..." Twilight had heard quite enough of Zephyr's bluster, and reached into a pouch around her neck to fish something out. A second later, dozens of pictures featuring a green stallion were scattered all over the floor, each one more sickening than the last. Casual poses, trout-pouts, kissy faces... They were all there, in a nauseating display of self-gratification that would be almost impossible to top.
"These were found pinned up everywhere in the house you ransacked..." The princess told a shellshocked Zephyr. "I find it very difficult to believe there's another pony out there with as high of an opinion of you as yourself. They say every criminal has a fatal flaw that'll get them caught eventually, and it looks as though yours is vanity. Of course, with all the other evidence weighed against you, I can't see how you'd have avoided justice for long, but as they say, this was the kicker."
"B-but...I-I...W-well...Y-you see..." Zephyr stammered at the variety of expressions around him from those present, which ranged from anger to disappointment, before realising the jig was up. "...Fine. I did it. I lodged at Whinny's place without permission while the course was going on, because location-wise it was quite convenient, but also so he could 'lend' me his gown when he returned. If you thought I'd actually completed the exam, I may have finally got some peace and quiet from you ponies. I mean, have you heard the way you lecture others sometimes? Geez...Take it down a notch."
"Oh, no. Not again..." Zephyr's mother couldn't help but weep into her husband's coat, while he just wore a look of utter dismay.
"I shoulda known... OUCH!!" Rainbow Dash winced at the facehoof she'd just given herself which, unlike Zephyr's earlier attempt, was unrestricted by magic.
"But, why, Zephyr, why?" Fluttershy was the most crestfallen of them all, big tears following down her yellow cheeks. " You were doing so well... only to throw it all away. What happened?"
"Well, I may have done a great job on that wig after your little inspirational ditty..." Zephyr commented. " But it was such hard work to get it looking that good, I got to thinking: Was it worth it? The conclusion I reached at the end of the task, was no. After being so exhausted afterwards I had to take a twelve-hour nap, I decided to quit the hair game for good. It didn't want to disappoint you folks though, which is why I made up that whole story about me graduating with honours from school and why I stole that gown from that sucker Whinny Sassoon. I would have gotten away with it too, if it hadn't been for that meddling princess. But don't I at least deserve some credit, for trying to make you all feel better?"
"No!" Fluttershy was uncharacteristically sharp in her response. "You're a liar, a thief and I-I don't even want to look at you right now!" The yellow pegasus turned her back on her brother, determined to make him see this kind of behaviour was totally unacceptable.
"Oh, fine, have it your way..." Zephyr rolled his eyes at what he saw as his big sister's petulance. "Your cottage was way too small and filled with creatures for me to live my next big passion, anyway... Disco! Mother, father, make my room up again... Your baby boy's coming home! Let's build a dance hall in your lounge! You'll love it!!"
"Son, you know we love you very much..." Zephyr's father spoke for both of the couple, since his wife was still inconsolably sobbing by his side. "But this really is the last straw. You are no longer welcome in this house. Maybe for an occasional visit, but definitely not to stay. I'm converting your room into the new storage space for my cloud collection, anyway. Your mom is using their old glass dome outside for her new greenhouse. We thought, seeing as you were so 'responsible' now, you wouldn't mind. Even though sadly that isn't the case, I see no reason why we should change our plans."
Initially taken aback by his previously doormat parents showing some gumption, Zephyr nevertheless soon recovered his poise. "Huh, so much for being able to rely on family. Oh well, that just leaves you, my sweet Rainbow Dash. Just the two of us alone, in that little house in the clouds. Sounds nice, doesn't it? Who knows where this'll lead! I can have my stuff brought in first thing tomorrow. I know that it's a lot to take in all at once, so I'll give you the rest of the day to prepare for this handsome stallion's arrival..."
Rainbow Dash's reaction to Zephyr's 'generous' offer was not quite what the stallion had anticipated. " BWHAHAHAHA!!" Her laughter was making her do a one-hundred and eighty degree turn in the air. "Are you being serious right now? Haven't you noticed all the totally unsubtle signals I've been giving you since we met, that I'm just not interested? The way I pushed you off the chair, when you tried to get too cuddly? The way I made my excuses and left, the moment you showed up at Fluttershy's that day out of the blue? Most of all, when I zapped you with that storm cloud when you grabbed me in front of Soarin and announced we were a couple?"
"Oh..." Mumbled Zephyr, his face beginning to droop. "I thought that was just an accident."
"Wow..." Dash had now stopped laughing and was genuinely feeling sorry for the sad equine specimen in front of her. "I've never met anypony so blind to the true thoughts and feelings of those around them, as you. You are right about one thing, though. There is 'just the two of us, alone' in my home. That would be: Me and Tank, my pet turtle. Something tells me we won't be making it a trio. So, thanks, but no thanks."
"B-but... You were my last hope." Zephyr was at a loss. His way of life and love-life had all come crashing down around him simultaneously, and he had no idea what to do next. "W-where shall I stay? W-what shall I do?"
"Oh..." Twilight smiled at the stallion, while still holding him rigid in her spell. "I believe I have a few ideas..."
..........................................................................................................................
"Come on, Zephyr! You can plough faster than that!"
"Ow Sis, when I said you were cracking the whip earlier, I didn't think you'd take it so literally!"
"Less talk, more work! If Big Mac can handle this, then I'm sure a 'big, strong' stallion like you should have no problems! He thanks you for giving him the day off, by the way..."
"My neck is sore. How much more have I gotta do before I can quit?"
"Another five fields for today, then you can have a rest. But, don't get too comfortable, because soon you'll have to dye twenty rolls of material at Rarity's boutique, as well as polish every single window of a certain castle. All under my supervision, so don't ask me to 'demonstrate' how to do anything for you, because it won't work. I know you too well."
"B-but that's not fair! I'm doing all of this hard labour, and not even getting paid for it! When I collapse later from pure exhausion, I hope you can live with yourself!"
"Zephyr, you've a lot more stamina than you think, I'm sure you'll be just fine. Oh, and you are getting paid for your endeavours. It's just that all of your bits are going to pay off Whinny Sassoon for all of his food you ate, and to have his gown washed, with added compensation for his inconvenience. Plus, there's the small matter of Applejack's rent to be paid..."
"I can't believe she's charging me so much to live in a barn! Those prices would shame a Manehattanite! No furniture, chilly at night, and I can't even hang my pictures up."
"No, Applejack was very firm about that. She doesn't want to frighten the animals, you see."
"Charming. She sure knows how to make a stallion feel wanted."
"Oh come on, Zephyr. It's not so bad. There's lots of straw for you to sleep on, your very own outhouse, and later on, we're going to a party..."
"What? Are you serious?! Well, I guess that is something to look forward to! I hope there's a buffet... What should I wear... I wonder if they'll be any performers..."
"In answer to all of your questions, yes there will be food there, but it's only for the guests. Your clothes have already been provided, so don't worry about what to put on. As for the performer, I'm looking at him right now."
"What are you talking about, Sis?"
"I mean you. It's your next job, as a clown. 'Sprinkle Pie' is throwing a big birthday celebration for one of the local fillies, and she needed one urgently. I thought, with your hair being the way it is, and your humourous personality, you'd be perfect for the part! All we need after we've got you dressed up, is a bit of mane dye, and a red nose..."
"W-WHAT!! No, absolutely not! I may be a shell of my former self, but I still have some dignity! I refuse to stand around like an idiot at some brat's party to get dribbled on, pushed over and probably even laughed at. No, I'm sorry sis... But this is where I'm putting my hoof down!"
"That's what clowns do, Zephyr. They make ponies laugh. That's why I recommended you in the first place. Also, bear in mind you have a lot of bits to pay off by the end of the month. If you can't meet your quota, than I'm afraid it's jail for you, and you know what happens to stallions with nice hair in there..."
"Aargh!! Okay! Okay! I'll be good! I'll be good! I'll do it!"
"What? I was just going to say, their manes go straight because they don't sell hair spray in jail. What did you think I meant?!"
"E-er, n-nothing. I-I t-think I'd like to work in silence now, sis, if it's all the same to you..."
"That's the spirit, Zephyr! Just remember: "If you fight through it all with your might, you know that you can go oonnnnnn..."
"... Shut up, Sis."
Author's Note
An idea that occurred to me as soon as the ending credits of the latest episode rolled, and one that I had to commit to this site as soon as possible, before my natural inertia kicked in. Hope you liked it.
