The Fault In My Cutie Mark
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It had been a while since they'd finally received their cutie marks, after such a long time full of failures and disappointment. It made having a cutie mark on Scootaloo's flank every morning something that she could never really get used to. A red, white and purple shield-like icon with a Pegasus feather and lightning-bolt within. She knew the meaning of her mark -- it was a symbol of her calling to help others find their own cutie marks. It wasn't something simple like juggling, or dancing, or singing. She felt like she should be grateful for such a meaningful cutie mark, but all that she felt when she looked at it was a sense of failure.
If there's a Pegasus feather in my mark, then why can't I fly? Scootaloo thought to herself. Sweetie Belle had a music note that signified her beautiful singing voice. Apple Bloom had a heart to symbolize her love for others and family. And Scootaloo had a feather with a lightning bolt.
What else could a pegasus feather mean than flying?
Scootaloo walked on a dirt path outside Ponyville, not really having any sort of agenda for the day. She saw Sweetie Belle coming down from the other end of the path.
"Scootaloo!" Sweetie Belle exclaimed. Her voice didn't squeak like it usually did, as it had lowered a tad in the past handful of months. And her singing voice became even more beautiful and mature. It was as smooth as silk, and she was constantly singing or humming to herself.
"Yeah, Sweetie Belle?" Scootaloo replied.
"Me and Apple Bloom are going to the diner for milkshakes, wanna come?"
Scootaloo thought for a moment -- something she never would have done for such an invitation back when they were blank flanks, and a little bit after as well. "Actually, I think I'm going to sit this one out," she replied as she made a small indentation in the dirt with her hoof.
Sweetie Belle frowned a bit. "Why not?'
Well, being around you two is great and all, but every time I hear Apple Bloom talking about her family or you singing with your beautiful voice, I feel like I'm worthless. "I'm just kinda tired is all. I spent all morning doing tricks on my scooter."
Sweetie Belle cocked her head a bit, but shrugged her shoulders. "Alright then, see you tomorrow!"
Sweetie Belle trotted off towards Ponyville, leaving Scootaloo back to herself. She hadn't lied, she really was tired. But it wasn't from practicing tricks. She had spent the greater part of the morning trying to fly for more than a few seconds, with abysmal results. Rainbow Dash had told her in the past that she just needed to have determination and a strong spirit, and she could achieve anything. But she had been doing this most mornings in secret for such a long time already, and the progress she was making seemed to be non-existent.
She was being determined. She did have a strong spirit. There was no doubt about that. Everypony around her believed it, and so did she. She grew up without a real family, she was a flightless Pegasus. Scootaloo knew what it was like to persevere in adversity more than a lot of ponies. But everypony has a limit on their determination, and she was scraping at the bottom of the barrel.
Scootaloo sighed and continued walking down the path, still unsure what exactly she planned to do for the day. That was, until the pony that embodied everything she dreamed of being rocketed down from the skies above, leaving a contrail of rainbow behind her.
"Hey, Scootaloo!" exclaimed Rainbow Dash after landing into the dirt in front of her, sending a flurry of dust in every direction. "How's it going? Any new tricks you wanna show me?"
Rainbow Dash always knew how to cheer her up. It was a rare occurrence for her to actually express her sisterly love with Scootaloo, but she knew it was always there. I'm so proud of you, little buddy. You've taught me a thing or two. Scootaloo thought about what she had said to her on the day they gained their marks. There wasn't another day in her life that she had felt so hopeful. You're you. It just doesn't matter if you can fly or not. She remembered what Rainbow Dash said to her when she felt ashamed of being unable to fly in their performance in the Equestria Games. And then she remembered what she said after. What if my wings never grow? What if I never fly?. Listen, Scootaloo. May'be you'll fly one day, or maybe you won't.
At the time Rainbow Dash told her that, it felt okay. It felt comforting to have her hero and inspiration tell her that it was okay if she never learned to fly, but now things felt different. That was then, and this was now. Now she had her cutie mark, and it felt like she didn't deserve it. I'd be better off markless, Scootaloo thought to herself.
"Hey, Scoot?" Dash asked after several seconds passed. "You in deep thought or something?"
Scootaloo snapped back into attention and let out a small chuckle. "Yeah, heh."
"So do you, or don't you?"
"Do what?"
"Have any new moves to show me," Rainbow Dash repeated. "Hello? Am I getting through, or is your head in the clouds?" Rainbow Dash knocked gently on Scootaloo's forehead and put her ear up against it.
"Yeah," Scootaloo replied hesitantly. "Sure thing."
Rainbow Dash gave her a suspicious look and sighed. "Alright, spill it."
"What?"
"Spill what's on your mind, Scoot. I can tell something's up."
Scootaloo honestly didn't feel like talking about this. Especially not with Rainbow Dash. Every time the subject of her flightlessness came up between them, she could see how Rainbow Dash trotted around the issue or redirected the conversation back to being determined and trying your best anyways. And every time, the conversation always ended with the fact that it's okay if she never learned to fly. Scootaloo didn't wan't to be okay. Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle weren't okay. Rainbow Dash wasn't okay. Scootaloo's only claim to fame was her scootering ability. But she honestly was beginning to grow tired of it. Rolling along on the ground paled in comparison to the smooth, elegant nature of flying hundreds of feet in the air amongst the clouds with the wind rushing by and the feeling of weightlessness.
"Scoot..." said Rainbow Dash. "Come on, tell me what's the matter. You know that anything you say will stay between just us."
Scootaloo felt her emotions rising. "Nothing's wrong," she replied rather un-genuinely.
Dash frowned and contemplated for a few moments, deciding whether or not it would be better to let her deal with this on her own or to prod further. She was, after all, not a little filly anymore.
"Well," replied Dash, "alright then. Let me know if you ever wanna talk."
Rainbow Dash rustled her hair gently and trotted off in the opposite direction. She always did that when she talked to Scootaloo. Most of the time, at least. Scootaloo didn't mind the heart-to-heart talks or the words of motivation she received from Rainbow Dash, but it was the words and actions that were left unsaid, and undone, that hurt her most. It felt like everypony around her had to dance around the subject of flying, or wings, or feathers, or the sky, or anything that had anything remotely to do with flying.
So when Rainbow Dash always trotted away on the ground when saying goodbye to Scootaloo, it just served as another reminder of Scootaloo's inability to fly. Scootaloo spent the rest of the day doing nothing in particular. She went home and tinkered away on her scooter for a couple hours before heading off to bed, hoping that tomorrow would be a better day.
The next morning, Scootaloo skipped her routine of attempting to fly and instead went for a walk. She just couldn't take any more failure, and at least this way she wouldn't be wasting her time. She trotted along the rolling green fields near Sweet Apple Acres, passing by a handful of sparse trees every now and then. She was walking by a tree atop one of the hills until she heard some rustling in the leaves above her.
"Who's there?" said Scootaloo as she looked upwards into the tree.
"Uh...hi," muttered a small colt that she didn't recognize.
"Who are you?" Scootaloo continued as she tried to get an angle of the colt in the tree. "Do you need help?"
"No," the colt replied. A small, deep blue pegasus pony appeared from the leaves at the bottom of the tree. He leapt from the lowest branch and fluttered clumsily down to the ground with a soft thud.
Scootaloo walked up to him. "What were you doing in the tree?" she asked.
"I...uh..." he replied, "I was going to jump from the tallest branch and...glide for a bit."
Scootaloo knew what that felt like. It was the closest she could ever get to flying, but she hadn't done that for a while. She looked at the little Pegasus pony. He seemed so ashamed of himself. Scootaloo couldn't help but see herself in him. "You know," Scootaloo said, "it's okay if you can't fly yet."
The pony seemed a little relieved to hear another pegasus pony tell him that, but it quickly turned into a frown. "But...I've been trying so hard, and I just can't."
Tell me about it. "You've just gotta keep trying, Scoot--"
She caught herself before continuing what she was going to say. It felt like she'd had this conversation dozens of times already, but she was never on this side. "Um," she continued. "You've just gotta keep trying. Before you know it, you'll be flying for sure." She paused for a few moments. "What's your name?"
"Shining Day," the pegasus replied. "Because my coat is like a day without a cloud in the sky."
"That's a nice name," said Scootaloo as she walked up to him.
"What's yours?" he replied.
"Scootaloo," she replied. "You know, I could show you a couple pointers on flying. Not to be harsh or anything, but you don't exactly look like you know what you're doing."
Thankfully, the pegasus reacted with a laugh. Immediately after she said that, she worried she might have hurt his feelings.
"That'd be awesome! I'd love to get some flying pointers from a pegasus pony who can fly."
"Well, um..." Scootaloo stammered. "Yeah, let's get going then! First things first, when you're trying to fly, keep your wings steady and evenly spread. Otherwise, you're going to get lopsided and find yourself on the ground in two seconds flat."
Shining Day rose up from the ground slowly, flapping his wings for a few moments until eventually losing his balance.
"Here, like this," Scootaloo said as she straightened out his wings. "Try it again."
He tried again and stayed in the air for considerably longer.
"Wow, did you see that? I was flying for a few seconds!"
Wow, that's about as long as I've ever flied, thought Scootaloo, and he looks like he's several years younger than me. "That's great," she replied semi-enthusiastically. "Glad to help, but I've gotta run."
"Oh, okay," he replied. "Well, thanks! If you hadn't have found me and given me that pointer, who knows how long I would've been stuck!"
"Heh, yeah. Well, good luck!"
"Thanks!"
Scootaloo walked off away from the Pegasus and looked back after a few moments to see him trying to hover again, lasting much longer than last time. He'd probably be flying fully in just a couple days, and here she was after years of effort and nothing to show for it. But, seeing the Pegasus pony make so much progress with just a small bit of help gave her a small spark of motivation. When she was out of sight, she decided to try one more time.
Scootaloo rose up from the ground and fluttered her wings as hard as possible, all while keeping perfect balance and the proper flapping technique. She knew this because Rainbow Dash had taught her this many times before. But it wasn't working. After just a few short moments, she plummeted to the ground like she always had. It just didn't matter how perfect her technique was, or how unending her determinism was. In the end, her wings just weren't built right, and they'd stopped growing a long time ago.
She got up from the ground in solemn silence, not bothering to try again. But something in the air caught her eye. She almost didn't see it, because it blended in so perfectly with the deep blue skies. It was Shining Day, and he was flying.
"Scootaloo!" he exclaimed with so much excitement in his voice. "Scootaloo, look! I'm flying! Flying!"
The blue Pegasus pony flew high above her and glided down gracefully for a few moments until he lost his balance from all his excitement and crashed into a bush next to her. Not a second later, he popped out from it with a beaming smile on his face. "I was flying!"
Scootaloo couldn't help but have a big smile on her face.
"And I never would have done it without your help," he continued.
"Well, I'm sure you would have eventually--"
"Maybe," he said. "I'd been trying to do that for so long."
"Hover?" Scootaloo inquired. Even she could do that a long time ago.
"Yeah," Shining Day replied. "Every time I tried to hover before, I'd fall flat on my flank in less than a second. But once you helped me, everything clicked!"
"Well, I'm glad I could help," she replied.
"Help? You did so much more than help."
"I just gave a couple pointers is all," Scootaloo replied, feeling embarrassed by being put on such a pedestal.
"Hey, I've got a Pegasus friend who's just like me. She can't fly either. You think you could give her a few pointers sometime?"
Scootaloo cracked a small smile. "Sure thing."
"Awesome!" he replied. "Well, I'll see you around. Bye!"
The blue Pegasus pony leapt up from the ground and hovered for several seconds, then rose up into the air and flew away. Scootaloo watched as his body became smaller in the air until it blended in nearly perfectly with sky. In that moment, Scootaloo didn't care so much about her inability to fly. Watching that little Pegasus learn how to fly with her words of encouragement was enough of a reward in itself. Maybe that's what my cutie mark means, Scootaloo thought. She knew all of the ins and outs about flying, that was for sure. She didn't have the actual ability, but through the years of effort and determination, she had definitely learned all of the ways not to fly.
Scootaloo sighed wistfully and sat against a nearby tree and decided to rest and relax for a little while. She closed her eyes peacefully, day-dreaming about becoming a flight instructor one day, and her cutie mark glimmered in the sunlight.
