The Things We Need

Chapters

The Things We Need to Survive
The Things We Need to Forget
The Things We Need to Remember
The Things We Need to Continue

The Things We Need to Survive

PART I - The Things We Need to Survive

They say that ponies only resort to suicide when they see no other available options. I’d probably agree with them. Colts don’t usually walk to the edge of a cliff when they have a great future planned out ahead of them. Then again, I don’t have that right now, so I don’t really know what else to think. I hate the idea of doing something as cliché as throwing myself into a ravine, but there’s nopony around to judge me anyway. It’s hard to remember what led me to the literal edge, but I try to in those last moments. Maybe there’s something I missed along the way.

My memories begin over a month ago. I didn’t think to count the number of days, but I believe it’s been at least forty or so. I woke up in a forest with absolutely no clue as to how I got there. That startled me, but what scared me to my core was the fact that I didn’t know where to go. I felt like I knew absolutely nothing. I didn’t know where I lived, or even what my name was. The only things I did know were that I was a yellow earth pony with an orange mane, and things were not as they should be. I thought that maybe I could run into a town somewhere and get help. The strange thing about all of this was that I could remember some basic things, like my language and a basic idea of how my life was supposed to be, but any specific details seemed to be gone.

I galloped as fast as I could out of the forest, hoping that there wasn’t anything after me. When I finally emerged, I found myself near the outskirts of a small town. I cried out for help, but nopony answered. As I neared the town, I realized that it was astonishingly quiet. There weren’t any ponies trotting around the streets. No mares stood on the sidewalks chatting with each other about the latest gossip or about how they couldn’t wait for this dreadful heat to be over. No young colts chased fillies around while giggling. Everything was silent.

I went to what looked to be a shop and knocked, but I didn’t get a response. I waited for anything to happen, but it never did. The town remained mute. I gave up on sitting around on my hooves and decided to do something. I went back to the shop and tried the door, which I was extremely surprised to find unlocked. Inside, the room was dim, illuminated only by the light falling in from the large display windows. It was in pristine condition. I guessed that it must have been some sort of dress shop or something to that effect. Hoof-stitched garments hung on mannequins, and large mirrors were set up to one side of the room. What stood out to me the most was that there wasn’t any dust to be found in the entire store.

I tried to figure out why anypony would abandon so much, because they must have made their decision to leave recently. I couldn’t figure anything out, and I didn’t see any reason to stand around looking for answers in pastel-colored dresses. I left the shop and tried to locate any kind of movement in the village. I did see a white cat, and I tried to chase it, though in hindsight I don’t see what that would have done anyway. It got away, and I was left panting and leaning against another building. This one was done up to look like a dessert, and seeing it made me realize how much my body needed food. The excitement of everything had led me to ignore my stomach’s screaming for nourishment, and I was actually starting to feel lightheaded. I entered the sweetshop, this time not as surprised to find that the door wasn’t locked.

There was a case facing the door that contained delicious-looking donuts and cakes, and I started salivating at the sight alone. I rushed behind the display case and started to grab as many pastries as I could. Everything tasted delicious, and it was still fresh too. I tried not to think about my situation so I could focus on the meal, but after a couple of sweets I didn’t feel the need to eat anything more. I didn’t just want to let all of the food go to waste though, so I looked around for something I could carry everything in. I spied a pair of saddlebags hanging on the wall across from me, and I quickly removed them from their hanger and put them on. I loaded myself with as many of the desserts as I could carry, also making sure to grab some bottles of water from the shop’s fridge. That’s when I looked outside and realized that the sun was setting.

That first sunset was surprisingly eerie. It dawned on me right then that I was wholly defenseless at night, and that I had no idea what creatures might come out. I hastily scurried to the shop’s door and bolted it shut, hoping that the measure would be enough to keep me safe overnight. I let out a tentative sigh and walked back to the center of the room. I didn’t have candles or any other form of light, so after the sun fully disappeared over the horizon I was bathed in darkness.

The change from day to night left me with nothing to do but think. This was back before I hated what was in my head, so I was content to sit around and speculate about the nature of my predicament. I hadn’t learned much that day, but I knew that events had come to pass that should not have. I reasoned that the absence of ponies in this town and the absence of memories in my head were not unrelated, and that recovering either of those things would lead to recovering the other. I was still naïve back then. I thought I had the chance to be some sort of hero who could save the land from a terrible situation or something idiotic like that. I thought that the ponies were just missing, and that they could be found if I tried hard enough.

My hopes came crashing down after I fell asleep.

My transition from the real world to the dream one was seamless. I honestly felt like I was still awake. I was standing on top of a building, on top of a roof of some sort, but I didn’t know how or why I was there. This seemed to be the recurring theme for the day, so I didn’t question it. Instead I looked down beneath me, and I saw that there was a mass of ponies. I was excited at first, thinking that I wouldn’t have to be alone anymore. That’s when I noticed their faces.

Everypony looked furious. Colts shouted obscenities and mares angrily chimed in with their own comments. I didn’t know what was going on, so I tried to calm them down. The dream took over and filled my mouth with the words I needed to say.

“This is your redemption day, everypony!” I screamed in a voice that hardly reminded me of my own. I was shocked, because that wasn’t what I had meant to say at all. I tried to stop myself from continuing, but the dream had full possession of me. I commanded them to go away, sounding increasingly delirious as my voice went on. I didn’t know what was happening, and I was scared out of my mind. They were trying to break down the door of the house I was standing on. My dream self had no fear, however. He taunted the mass below him; beckoning for them to try to stop him. I felt my hoof rise up, and when I looked there was a small device in it. It was metal, and the only noticeable aspect of it was raised blue circle on its face.

“You see this button here?” I asked while displaying the artifact in my hand. The demeanor of the crowd changed instantly. They stopped jeering, and now their expressions had changed to shock.

“I’m gonna’ press it,” I yelled. The crowd below screamed in unison, fillies’ and colts’ voices mixing with those of the mares and stallions. I pushed my hoof onto the raised button without thinking.

Immediately my dreamscape became searing red, and the desperate shrieks from below me intensified.

I shot awake, the screaming I had heard just moments before still ringing in my ears. I was drenched with sweat, my coat wet to the touch in many places, and I was gasping for air as well. Light was already showing through the windows of the shop, and I quickly remembered where I was, and that I had surely only been dreaming a few minutes ago. I had a hard time convincing myself of that fact, given the undeniable feeling of reality that the dream had possessed, but eventually I agreed that I was now in the “real” world.

It had felt good knowing that I could remember the day before this one. It certainly was an improvement. The dream had cast a sour mood over the morning, however. I had just begun to read into it, and it was making sense to me in a way. What if there was a reason why this town didn’t have any ponies it? I kept thinking about the button, and what the implication of pressing it was, but I couldn’t make a real connection between it and the red aura that succeeded it.

The growling of my stomach was what eventually brought me fully back to the real world. I went back to the sweetshop’s counter and ate another pastry to serve as my breakfast before putting on my saddlebags and unbolting the store’s door. I turned around to take a final look at my overnight shelter, then I stepped out into the radiance of the day.

Looking around quickly revealed to me that this hadn’t been the town I had dreamt of. The buildings were laid out differently, and it just didn’t have the same feel about it. Regardless, I felt like I had to keep moving. I had known that staying in the town wasn’t going to get me any closer to a resolution, and that if I was ever going to discover anything, it would be in the town that I had seen in my mind’s eye during the night.

Unfortunately, I had no idea where that town was. I didn’t even have an idea of where I was at the time either, so finding a single city with next-to-nothing to go on seemed like a nearly insurmountable task. I felt like I could do it, though. I was inspired to get to the root of everything back then. I was a different pony.

I had set out of town on the main road, not sure where I was headed but hoping that it was in the right direction. I mustn’t have been thinking straight, because I had done absolutely no planning. By the time the sun was beginning its descent to the horizon, I had gone far enough on the path to make a return to the last city improbable, but I also hadn’t reached any sign of civilization. I looked as far as I could into the distance but only assorted trees and plants dotted the landscape.

I was stuck with no options. I had to continue trotting forward on the road and hoping that I would reach somewhere to stay before nightfall or else I’d be roughing it outdoors for the night. I picked up my pace, but it was of no use. The sun was nearly set and no city or town lay ahead. I don’t know why the idea of night scared me so much, but the thought of being out there without anypony else was terrifying. I didn’t have a choice in the matter though, so I looked for somewhere where there were enough trees to keep me covered if it rained during the night. It made perfect sense to me, until I realized that there wouldn’t be any weather if there weren’t any Pegasi to make it.

But that didn’t add up. I had seen clouds throughout the day without making a fuss about it. And, come to think of it, the sun and the moon were still going through their normal cycles. I did remember that the princesses took care of the days and nights, and all of these thoughts joined together in my head to give me hope. I imagined a big group of ponies, all living in one city. The princesses were still there, the Pegasi still made weather, and everything continued on as if nothing had happened. The notion comforted me enough to ease my mind. I fell asleep quickly as I was exhausted from walking all day.

I had the dream again that night. I was more conscious that it was happening this time, but not enough to actually make an attempt to do anything. Everything was the same; eerily so. I spat my insane lines at the same time I had before, and the mob of ponies beneath me reacted in the same way. I knew in the dream that I had seen it all before, but I had no way of stopping it. I frantically looked around for something to help me break the automation, and in looking to my right, I noticed something odd. When I had looked, I saw a word floating in the air, illuminated green.

SEPTEMBER

The sight shocked me. It was so out of place to see the word, and I felt like my mind was trying to tell me something.

I didn’t have time to think about it, though. I felt myself holding the device in my hand with the blue button, and the ponies below had all started screaming again. They were louder this time. Their voices reverberated inside of me, and I felt sick. My dream self pressed the button, and the redness engulfed me again.

When I snapped out of the dream I was vomiting. My stomach and mouth were on fire, and I was coughing and sputtering up bits of cake and fluid. I felt sorry for myself, which was stupid, but I really did. I finished puking and rolled onto my back, holding my stomach tightly with my front hooves.

I felt moisture build up in my eyes as I stared up at the moon hanging high above me, until finally a few drops flowed out and onto my muzzle. That was the first time I cried. The tears came for a number of reasons, mostly because the loneliness had just started to set in. I wanted to talk to somepony about what I was seeing in my mind. I wanted somepony to be there and ask me if I was ok, and I wanted somepony to tell me that I was all right. That wasn’t going to happen though. I had to survive on my own.

I started getting aggravated at myself for actually crying. That just made my eyes water even more. I took my hooves off of my stomach and put them over my eyes, trying to physically hold back any more manifestations of my emotions. I stayed like that for a good while until I gave up and got to my hooves.

I didn’t care what time of night it was; I wanted to keep moving. If I was moving, I didn’t have to think about anything. All I had to do was focus on putting one hoof in front of the other.

That’s how I got to the next city. It was bigger than and just as lifeless as the one that had preceded it. I went throughout the streets yelling for anypony to come out, but there never were any answers. I was able to find another shop, this one dedicated to sandwiches. I was grateful about being able to trade in my desserts for something with more substance, and I quickly refilled my water bottles and swapped out my pastries for sandwiches and bread. The loaves hadn’t gone stale yet, which I thought was a miracle. It only reinforced in my mind how little time had actually passed, though the three days I could remember felt like years.

So I settled down again that night. I didn’t have to sit around and think like the first night, as after two days of nonstop walking, I barely needed an excuse to nod off. I ended up using what seemed to be a schoolhouse as a shelter, and I didn’t feel any need to lock the door.

I had the same dream. It’s always the same. The ponies seemed to be louder this time. Does my voice really sound like that?

Waking up sweating gets tiring after three nights. I was sick of my dreams, and sick of walking around everywhere looking for answers that might not even exist. Why did I need to know why everypony else was gone anyway? I could probably survive by scavenging and live out my days in this one city. It certainly seemed big enough. If everypony really was gone, there was no point in trying to find out why.

I didn’t truly believe that though. I guess my reason for continuing on was to try and get rid of the emptiness I had started feeling. It seemed like the vomiting in the woods had made me lose more than what was in my stomach. I stopped feeling like a pony that night. I stopped feeling anything. Looking back, it really surprises me how quickly I went from optimistically looking for answers to looking for a reason not to lie down and never wake up.

I managed to get myself going again, and I made my way out of the city and into the next. I barely looked at anything. Once I knew it wasn’t the one I was looking for, I stopped caring about it. During my walk, my mind started racing, no matter how much I tried to stop it. It kept going back to the word September. I could still see it the way I did in my dream, and I knew that if I could figure out what it meant, I would be that much closer to finding out the truth.

Yet I had no clue what the word was trying to tell me. Was September the month that everything happened? That seemed likely to me. If I could find a calendar in the next town, I might be able to start making some connections. I tucked that thought away as night began to fall. I had to spend the night outdoors again, but that didn’t bother me so much anymore. I didn’t even try to find somewhere sheltered, instead electing to lie down on the edge of the road before dozing off.

Why can’t I stop the screaming?

I got up the next morning and fixed a tomato sandwich for breakfast. I don’t remember what it tasted like, but I guess it was good enough for me to make another. After finishing off the water I had remaining in my saddlebags, I got back to walking.

I couldn’t stop thinking that day. I kept trying to focus on the road ahead, but my mind drifted all over the place. I finally started to wonder about the one thing I’d been trying to ignore since the first night I could remember:

Did I really do this?

I didn’t feel like I did, but how could I really be sure? The dream was becoming more real every time I had it. Last night I hadn’t even tried to fight what was happening; I let myself press the button. And for the matter, what was the button for? My mind kept darting around, and I was in no position to get it under control. I started accusing myself. What other possibility was there? If I didn’t get rid of all of the ponies, then who did, and why did I survive?

The sun’s heat had been oppressive. I hadn’t reached another town or city by the time night was on, so I had to sleep on the road again.

Save me from this nightmare.

The days were all running together now. I was starting to get delirious because I hadn’t had any water in over twenty-four hours, or at least that was the reason I gave myself. Sometimes I heard the screaming during the day. I knew it wasn’t real, but that didn’t make it any easier to listen to.

The next town I reached was tiny. There were only a few houses, and what looked to be a single general store. I went inside and was relieved to find an ample supply of water along with some dried food. I also spied a calendar on the wall, and I went to check the date to see if my suspicions had been correct.

They were wrong. The calendar was on the month of May; not even close to September. That broke me. The only clue I had to go on, the only shred of my past that my mind had held on to… it didn’t mean anything. Why September? What did that even mean? The emptiness grew inside of me. I didn’t have a purpose. I could spend the rest of my life walking around and never find anything, and then what?

I started crying again. I tried to ward of the tears with a mental image of the city with the princesses and the Pegasi all doing their jobs as if nothing had changed. I still sort of believed that they were all out there, somehow controlling the world and yet never revealing themselves to me. I didn’t know what else to think. I needed something to hold onto before everything else slipped away.

I slept in one of the houses in the town that night. The bed a nice change from the dirt road.

Get out of my head.

I went on like this for a long time. Sometimes I’d stay in the same town for a few days before convincing myself that I’d be better off moving on. I was able to survive on dried foods and things of that nature, the other types of food having spoiled or gone stale by now. It got tiring. I felt like I was living the same day over and over again, and each night I did relive the same scene.

I eventually came to realize that the dream was a memory and not just a fabrication of my subconscious. I could feel it after a while. My “real” life during the day never felt as real as what I experienced every night.

What now bothered me was the simple question of motivation. I couldn’t fathom what would have driven me to do this. I didn’t care what had happened anymore, as I had at first. The only thing I wanted to know now was

Why?

It must not have bothered me enough, because I never did try to figure out why. I gave up after the sixth town. I couldn’t have gone on like that; losing my grip on reality more and more every day and becoming angrier at myself more and more every night. I guess I started hating myself enough to actually consider suicide. I didn’t see any other options.

It actually seemed relieving, not having to worry about the dreams anymore, and not having to wander aimlessly looking for imaginary answers. I think I smiled when the thought crossed my mind, but I honestly can’t remember. I do recall going to sleep at peace for the first time in a while the night before I planned to end it. I knew that all I had to do the next day was get up, walk to the cliff, and be free. I felt like I might be able to sleep soundly for the first time.

If it wasn’t for that damn screaming.

And now I’m looking over the edge of the cliff. I can barely see the bottom from up here, and I don’t see any way I’ll make it down there safely. I guess this is the moment of truth. No more screaming; no more button-pressing; no more sleeping on the side of the road; no more anything.

I’m looking forward to all of that, and yet I’m finding it really hard to take the last few steps forward. It seemed really easy in my head last night, but the actual act is a lot harder in practice. I swallow and close my eyes, believing that It’ll be easier if I don’t have to see anything. I raise one of my front hooves and place it in front of the other, extremely glad to feel ground underneath it. I open my eyes again and see that I’ve run out of rock; all that’s left is the chasm.

I raise my eyes to get one last look at the world I’m leaving behind; my solitary prison. It doesn’t seem so bad, right here. All of the second thoughts I’m having tear me up inside even more. I thought that this is what I wanted last night, but I just can’t tell. I start to wonder what happens when I reach the bottom of the cliff. Am I going to feel anything? If I land head-first I think I’ll be fine in that regard, but what happens after the impact?

The same thing that happened to all of the ponies you killed.

My mind is split. I can feel the last dregs of my sanity trying to pull me away; trying to focus on how lovely the day is, or how great the world looks around me. Then the thoughts come racing back. I start to hear the screaming again, at first distant and echoing, but quickly reaching a din in my ears. I know that it will be a lot easier if I give in to the voices than to the logic, but I have no idea what to trust. I look over to the other side of the gorge and realize that the clouds above it are releasing rain. It comes down pretty heavily, and I see the image of the city with the princesses and the Pegasi, all still working to ensure that the world continues on as normal.

I don’t see any ponies kicking the clouds, though. It’s as if the clouds are so laden with water that they give up on trying to hold it in. Seeing the uncontrolled rain has me fixated. I’ve never heard of clouds raining on their own, and the oddity is enough to make me forget where I am, or what I’ve been planning. I watch as the mist descends from the blanket of nimbostratus across from me. The sun’s rays behind me hit the water perfectly, and slowly I begin to perceive a rainbow forming.

That’s when I really start to be astonished. I definitely can’t see any weather ponies creating the polychrome picture before me. I feel like the world itself is trying to speak to me. If not, then what’s creating this light show? I look down at my hooves and remember what had drawn me out to the cliff, slowly becoming ashamed as the plan runs through my head again. The voices telling me to jump have silenced themselves, and the entirety of my mind is consumed with hope again. If there’s one thing more cliché than throwing yourself off of a cliff, it’s being saved by a rainbow. My eyes start to mimic the clouds, releasing their own precipitation. It isn’t like all of the times before, though. I remember the hope I felt on that first day, thinking that I could be a hero to the world. Maybe it’s not too late.

I slowly step backwards, trying to inch away from the cliff as slowly as possible. After I’m a few feet from the edge, I turn and begin to trot back to the city I had stayed in the night before. I move quickly, not wanting to get caught in the rain. After a short trot I’m back inside the same building I was in last night. I don’t have anything to do but sit around and think as the storm begins to pound the roof, and I look for something to keep me warm as the air inside the room chills. There is a fireplace, and the wood inside of it looks dry. I see some matches on top of the mantle, and I manage to get a small blaze going after a few minutes of effort.

I start to recognize that my mind still isn’t the same as it was at first. I don’t think that a pony can be alone for as long as I have without their psychology changing in some way or another. I don’t have any desire to go back to the cliff, however. I can feel clarity around the edges of my perception, and I believe that I’ve probably hit rock bottom. My situation hopefully won’t get any worse.

I would start looking for answers again the next morning. I don’t feel the apathy that had amassed inside of me during the last few weeks. I could spend the rest of my days searching futilely, and even if I never learned anything, at least it wouldn’t be for lack of trying.

At first I thought that the rainbow had changed me in some sort of fundamental way, but now, pondering it more deeply, it hadn’t really put any new ideas inside of me, or done anything truly miraculous. What it had done was call me out of the trance that the dreams had put me in. It made me feel like I was back in the real world for the first time in many days. I know that if I can differentiate between the dreams and my life, I’ll be able to survive. I hold onto that notion as I begin to nod off in front of the warmth of the fire.

I try to focus when the dream starts up tonight. I’ve been dreading it in the back of my mind all day, and now it’s finally time to use my memory to my advantage. The lucidity is, as always, intense. I tune out my own voice as I shout the same few lines from my perch. I look for anything that could lead me to know where I am, but the best I can do is make a mental catalogue of the town spread out beneath me. I’ve seen it enough during the nights that I think I would recognize it if I ever encountered it in reality. To my right, the word SEPTEMBER still glows brightly.

As I reveal the device in my hoof to the ponies below me in the same way I have so many times before, I try to study every detail of it. It still only has the lone blue button on its face, but there is an inscription on the side that is almost imperceptible. I try to read it, but the panicked noise of the ponies snaps me out of my fixation with it. My dream grows blaring red before fizzling out.

I know I’m awake now, but I don’t open my eyes. I try to hold on to the image of the box in my hand, desperately attempting to remember what the inscription looked like, though the more I try to recall the detail, the further it gets from my memory. I give up and remain lying down, my eyes still closed. The sound of rain is fainter on the roof now. I’ll probably be able to leave in the morning without any trouble. I turn onto my side and try to rest for a few more minutes before I get up for the day. The rain stops altogether, and I’m happy that the house will now be silent. I feel like the room should be noiseless, yet I can still hear something. It’s soft and rhythmic, almost like breathing.

My eyes shoot open and I get to my hooves in an instant. In front of me there’s nothing but ash left in the fireplace. I turn around and try to discover the source of the sound. My gaze falls on a figure by the door. The dim light of dawn spills in through a window and falls on the creature, which I immediately recognize as another pony.

All of my legs lock up. I hardly breathe as I stare at what might be another remnant of the past. At first I think that I must still be asleep, but I haven’t had any dreams besides the recurring one, so I brush that notion off. My next guess is that I’ve finally lost what was left of my mind, but I wouldn’t be thinking that if I truly had gone insane, so I let that thought go too. I’m left with no other choice but to accept that another pony just appeared overnight, but that really does sound crazy. I have to find out. I force my legs to bring me closer to the new pony, making sure to make as little noise as possible.

As I get closer, I see that the pony is a full-grown earth pony, and a mare. She’s sleeping soundly, her tongue lolling out of her mouth slightly. Her coat and mane are wet, and there’s a small puddle of water around where she’s laying. I also notice that she’s shivering slightly. I need to know if she’s real or not, but I don’t feel that startling her awake would be the best thing for her given her condition. I quietly step away and look for a blanket or something to cover the mare with. I find a quilt in a cabinet, and I take it over to her. I make sure to spread it out over the pony lightly so as not to wake her up and it seems like she doesn’t notice. I back away from her and sit down, content to simply watch the mare sleep.

Waking up to find another pony after all that I’ve been through is a surreal experience. I’m still not entirely convinced that she’s actually there, but I think I’ll find out in due time. I start to wonder how she got here. She must have seen the light from the fire I lit the night before, but how did she know it was safe to come in here? On that note, I don’t know what her purpose in coming here is either. Maybe she’s from a city of survivors or something like that. I can’t wait for her to wake up so I can find out.

I study what I can about her as she sleeps. Her brown mane is straight and long, but not altogether untidy. She has a tan coat, and I remember seeing her cutie mark, but not understanding what it symbolized. I’d have to ask her eventually. Thinking about her mark reminds me that I too must have one. I hadn’t thought to look at it, not remembering that it meant anything until now. I crane my neck around, but all I can make out is a weird series of lines. Fantastic. I don’t even know what my cutie mark means.

The mare starts to stir and I immediately turn to focus on her. Her eyelids flick open, and I’m staring directly at her large brown eyes. They dilate when she realizes I’m watching, and she tries to get to her hooves. She throws off the blanket, and I get up to stop her.

“Wait, don’t go!” I yell out, my voice harsh and abrasive from disuse. I run to block the doorway before she can escape. She looks fearful, and I wonder if she recognizes who I am. “I’m not going to hurt you,” I assure, my words coming out more evenly this time. She doesn’t say anything; she just pants and looks around the room hastily.

I can see that she’s exhausted. The chill from the night before had taken a lot out of her, I guess. She sits back on her haunches and looks up at me. Her eyes bore into mine, and I’m frozen in time. I’ve been dying to find another pony, but now that there’s one here, I have no idea how to proceed. She takes care of that for me.

“Who are you?” she asks, softly. Her fearful look is disappearing, being replaced with curiosity. I don’t really know how to answer her.

“Your guess is as good as mine,” I say, trying to lighten the mood a little. I have a good feeling around the mare; I’m not worried about talking to her. “I don’t really know who I am,” I explain. She giggles a bit, and I feel my heart speed up at the sound. It’s so refreshing to hear something other than cries of help. She smiles at me before speaking again.

“Me neither,” she replies. It’s my turn to laugh now, and I feel so happy to actually be engaged in some kind of conversation.

“You, don’t remember anything either?” I ask her, cutting directly to the point. I feel like I already know the answer before she opens her mouth.

“Not a thing,” she answers simply. She tries to get back on her hooves, but one of her legs buckles beneath her as she stands. She lets out a small sigh and lies down. “I’m sorry to intrude and all, but last night was freezing, and,” she pauses for a moment, “it looked really warm in here.”

“I’m not mad that you’re here!” I say quickly. I try to form a reassuring smile before continuing. “You have no idea what a relief it is to find another pony, I’ve been alone for too long,” I explain. She grins at me knowingly. I feel warm inside for the first time since that first day. I walk beside her and sit down.

“This is a weird question, but do you mind if I touch you? Just to know that you’re there?” I ask the mare. She laughs slightly.

“Go ahead,” she says. I nervously reach out a hoof and place it on her side. Her coat is soft, and I can feel her breathing. My heart is racing again. She’s really there. I don’t have to be alone anymore. I run my hoof over her side, fully engrossed in how she feels, until a slight cough brings me back to reality.

“So, what’s your verdict, Mr.?” the mare asks. I pull my hoof away immediately, but she speaks up. “No it’s ok, that felt really nice. I’m definitely convinced that you’re real,” she says. I put my hoof back on her and smile.

“And I, you,” I reply. I sit there stroking her side for a long while. Every now and then the mare coughs, but she mostly just lays there with her eyes closed, still shivering slightly. The physical contact with her softens me. I would give anything to just sit there with her forever. After what feels like hours, she eventually speaks up.

“Do you want to talk about anything?” she asks. Her voice startles me at first, but not to the point it had before. I think about her question for a good minute before responding.

“Not really,” I answer truthfully. I don’t care about anything at the moment except that she is there with me. I welcome the silence. “Is there anything you want to talk about?”

“Well,” she begins, “what’s your story? I mean, how did you get here, if you don’t mind me asking?” I don’t mind, but I’m not sure how to explain what I’ve been through.

“Do you want the long story or the short one?” I ask.

“The long one, silly. It’s not like we have anywhere to go,” she says, looking at me and beaming broadly. My heart is melting.

I retell her my past from when I woke up in the woods to now, leaving out selective details. I talk about the loneliness I’ve been experiencing, but I don’t mention the dreams, or the drag on my sanity, and I definitely don’t mention the suicide attempt. The story is really quite boring without those aspects of it. I finish up after a good while and look at her.

“So that’s what I’ve been doing. Do you want to tell me about what’s happened to you?” I ask as politely as possible.

“Sure,” she begins, rolling over so she’s sitting on her hooves as opposed to lying down. She starts to give a detailed account that’s very similar to mine. She woke up without any memories and has been wandering as itinerantly as I had been, looking for some sort of sign as to what has happened. It sounds like she had been to a number of different cities, none of which seem familiar to me. She doesn't mention any dreams or suicidal thoughts either, but that doesn’t mean anything. She too expresses her feelings of isolation.

Then she gets to the night before. She had been trotting all day trying to get to the next city, having run out of food the night before. She was caught in the rain, and had to hoof it as fast as she could into the city, where she desperately looked for somewhere to stay. The downpour was blinding, and she couldn’t make anything out except for a light in the distance. She galloped towards it, eventually coming to the house we were both in now. She had seen me, but she didn’t care about what might come of her in the morning. She collapsed inside the room and fell asleep.

“And that’s a brief history of me,” she says cheerfully. She’s not shaking anymore, and I’m glad to see her get to her hooves and stretch for a moment. She doesn’t stand for long, but seeing her get up is reassuring. The mare sits down next to me, our sides touching. I can feel each of her breaths against my side. I offer her some food that I have packed up, and she gladly accepts. We both eat in silence for a few minutes, and when we finish, I decide to speak up.

“How are you feeling?” I ask simply. She startles me by nuzzling my neck. I try to hide my blushing, but she notices and smiles slyly.

“Happy,” she answers my question. “I hope you don’t think I’m weird or anything; I’ve just been waiting for something like this for a long time.” I respond by nuzzling her myself, which makes her laugh. She falls asleep before I do, and I put a hoof around her, not out of love or anything of that nature, but because I’m afraid she won’t be there when I wake up.

The dream wasn’t so bad that night.

The Things We Need to Forget

PART II - The Things We Need To Forget

When I get up the next morning the mare is still snoring under my arm. I’m so happy that she’s there that I just lie next to her and feel as her sides rise and fall. She wakes up shortly after I do, and immediately yawns and looks around.

“So, any ideas about what we should do now?” she asks sleepily. I have a few ideas but I don’t think now is the time to share them. Instead I think more realistically.

“It would make sense for us to head in a new direction and start looking in towns neither of us have been to,” I suggest. “There’s no use in either of us backtracking.” The mare nods in agreement. We both get up, but she still looks a little weak on her hooves.

“Wait a sec’,” I say. I help her take off her saddlebags and put them on over my own. She grins at me.

“You’re the best, you know.” I blush again, and before a few minutes have passed, we’re outside and walking back to the center of town. We pick up an assortment of dried foods from the shops around the city before heading to the major crossroads.

“I came from over there,” I say, pointing to the left of us.

“And I was coming from that direction,” she adds, pointing forward. That left the road to our right as the one we hadn’t yet explored, as the one behind us lead to a dead end. We begin to walk out of town at a good pace. I look to make sure that the mare isn’t struggling, as I still remember how weak she was a day ago. A few meals and some good nights of rest seem to have helped her out, because she is keeping up with me easily. I don’t mind carrying both of our saddlebags. I’m happy to help. We don’t say anything until we’ve walked for at least an hour.

“I’ve been wondering,” the mare begins, “since neither of us can remember our names, why don’t we make some up?” I look at her, puzzled. “I mean,” she continues “it doesn’t make much sense for us to trot around nameless, does it?”

“I guess not,” I answer, though I hadn’t really given the matter much thought. Names are arbitrary; they don’t serve any real purpose. Then I look at the mare’s eyes for a minute. “I think it might be sort of nice to have a name to associate with you.” She gives a little hop at my response that puts a genuine smile on my face.

“Ok, ok,” she says, her voice growing excited, “let’s pick each other’s names, alright?” she asks rhetorically, not giving me a chance to reply. “Let’s see, how about…” she starts, her brow furrowing in thought, “how about… Sun Spot?” she asks expectantly, obviously pleased with her choice. I’m a bit surprised, but I’m guessing she’s making a reference to the orange of my mane and my yellow coat. I shrug as best as I can while wearing the saddlebags. She frowns a little at this, and I can tell that was not the response she was hoping for.

“I like the name!” I say exuberantly. “I think it’ll be nice.” I can’t tell if she believes me, but her frown fades and that’s enough for me. Now it’s my turn to decide what she should be called. I want the name to be something that shows her how much she means to me, but I don’t want it to sound sappy. “For you,” I start “I’m thinking April Bloom.” I look to try to gauge her reaction, but the mare appears to be deep in thought.

“I guess that’ll do,” she says. I hang my head and sullenly look down at my hooves, fearing that she hates her name, but I start to hear her laughing loudly. I look up and she’s practically beside herself in mirth.

“You have no idea how silly you looked right then!” she shouts in between spurts of laughter. “Don’t let it get to you; I’m sure both of our names will grow on us after a while. It doesn’t matter that much anyway, does it?” I try to pick my head up and I laugh with her a bit.

“No, I guess it’s not anything to get worked up about.” April and I walk on, both of us now with a name. My mind flashes back to just a few days ago when I was looking over the edge of a cliff and wondering how long it would take me to hit the bottom. Then I look at April and realize what I could have missed out on. I thank whoever or whatever made that rainbow, though I’m not sure I would have jumped even if it hadn’t appeared.

We don’t reach another town by nightfall, so we have to stay outside for the night. Both of us huddle close together as the nighttime breeze blows in, and I promise to grab us some blankets next time we reach a city. I don’t really mind being this close to her, but I think it would be the proper thing to do. We doze off quickly, worn out from the day of overland travel.

It’s becoming easier to tell my dream and my real life apart now. For one thing, April isn’t in the dream, so that helps me remember that I’m only asleep. My nighttime vision has also become less intense since I met her, and I’m thankful that I’m not as affected by the screams or the looks on the faces of all of the ponies.

But I don’t want to become too comfortable with them either.

We wake up and continue on in the same manner as yesterday; silent at first, but with April speaking up after a while.

“Sunny, there’s something I’ve been wondering about since the day I woke up,” the mare begins cryptically. I turn to look at her and try to put on my friendliest look.

“And what would that be?” I ask. Her demeanor is different fro the day before. She isn’t giggling or bouncing around. Instead she’s walking along with me gazing straight ahead at nothing in particular.

“What do you think happened to all of the other ponies?” she asks evenly. The question catches me off guard, and I actually stop in my tracks. She stops a few hoofsteps ahead of me and turns around to look at me. She looks troubled, as if this question had been nagging her for a long time. I wouldn’t doubt that fact. I can’t formulate a good answer for her though. I want to tell her about my dreams, but if I do, I risk losing her as a companion. I couldn’t bear to do something like that.

“I have no idea, April,” I answer. She looks at me more intently, her brown eyes shining in the sunlight.

“Well, I’ve been thinking about it for a long time, and I guess I might as well tell you about it now,” she explains. I’m trying to read her emotions, but I can’t get anything, just blankness. “I’ve been having these dreams,” she starts. The last word of the sentence makes my heart nearly stop. I have to make a conscious effort not to let my jaw hang open. “It’s recurring, like it happens every night. I…” she trails off, looking down at her hooves. I notice a tear roll to the end of her nose, and watch it fall to the ground beneath her. I move to step closer to her, but she holds a hoof up to stop me. “I see myself standing over these ponies, and I don’t know any of them, but they fear me. Then, I…” she trails off again, her voice quavering.

“Press the blue button?” I ask flatly. I’m having an out of body experience. The words I’m hearing don’t come from me, yet I know that I said them. She looks up at me, her eyes heavy with the weight of tears. Her appearance is one of rapt astonishment. I don’t like seeing April like this. I don’t want her to be sad. I don’t want her to feel how I felt. I take a few steps closer to her, but my legs are moving on their own. I’m not thinking, just acting. I get close to her, and she puts her head under mine. Her mane is soft underneath my chin, but her sobs shake me to my core. I fight as hard as I can to hold back any tears of my own.

“How did you…” she shakily starts to ask before I pull her in tighter to me.

“It wasn’t you,” I whisper. She’s still shaking under me and my eyelids are losing a battle with my tears. “It wasn’t you.”

“But how can you…” she sputters until I put my hoof up to her mouth to silence her gently. For the first time since I met her, I want April to shut up and let me think. My entire concept of what has happened is falling down around me. I’ve had suspicions about whether or not the dream was a memory, and this only confirms what I’ve been thinking for the past few days. It isn’t real. It’s never been real. Maybe the only real thing about it is

“September?”

April pulls away from me and runs to the side of the road before falling to her knees. She starts retching and I recognize what had happened to me over a month ago. I walk beside her and run my hoof across her back, telling her everything was going to be ok and not to worry because that was only going to make it worse. She stops after a few seconds and I help her back to her hooves and lead her away from her vomit. I sit her down and she looks at me. I give her some water from one of the bottles in the saddlebags, and she uses it to rinse out her mouth.

We sit there, once again silent. Half an hour passes. I try not to touch her out of fear that she might not want to be reassured right then, but she leans against me and I feel a little better emotionally.

I can’t think very clearly. I can’t believe that April and I have both been experiencing the same dream, but I don’t know what other answer there is. We both know about ‘September.’ We both think we caused all of this. We both blame ourselves. But this makes me feel better, if anything. If we both have the same identical ‘memory’ of pressing the button, than that means that neither of us could have done it. I say this, and April smiles a little.

“I was just thinking the same thing.”

“Ready to get back on the trail?” I ask. She smiles and gets back up. She still looks a little green, but I think she’ll be able to make it. We start heading forward on the road again, and soon the outskirts of a large city come into view. I know we’ll make it there after a half-day of travel tomorrow, and I suggest that we settle down here for the night. We both get to the side of the road and sit, facing each other. April looks at the ground and starts to speak.

“I’m sorry,” she says quietly.

“What for?” I ask.

“I ruined today for both of us,” she mumbles. “I don’t ever want to think about it again.” I smile at her and raise her chin with my hoof so that I can look at her eyes. I love her eyes. I feel like I can see everything about her in them.

“You didn’t ruin anything,” I say. “If anything you’ve made things a lot better for me. Now I know that I didn’t cause all of this.” I motion to the vast empty space around us. “And I think you should be feeling a little better too, right?” She nods at me as an answer. “That’s great,” I comment. “We don’t have to talk bout this again unless you want to,” I reassure. “Do you think tomorrow you can get back to bouncing around and asking silly questions?” I ask, blushing with impunity in the half-light of dusk. “I missed that today.”

“I think that can be arranged,” April says in a more characteristic tone. In a second she’s leaning forward and her lips are on mine. They remain there only for a brief moment in time before she sits back on her hooves. “But who really knows?” She’s too good at catching me off guard. I try to regain an ounce of composure, and I feel like she can sense the heat radiating off of my cheeks.

“Well then, uh,” I say stupidly, “shall we call it night?” April giggles and then nods before lying down from her sitting position. I do the same, and soon we’re both asleep.

The dream can’t hurt me anymore. I’m not afraid of myself. I look at the word SEPTEMBER again and commit it to heart, knowing that it’s the only thing that matters in this nightmare. I don’t know why I have to relive it, but like any horror movie, it loses its power when you’ve seen it enough times.

In the morning we both get up and finish out trek into town. We waste no time before we start talking, though we don’t talk about anything in particular. We comment on the scenery around us, and April tells a few jokes, but we have no conversations of any substance. We make it to the edge of town around midday as I had expected. This is definitely the largest city I’ve been in yet, and April seems pretty taken aback by it as well. We first focus on restocking our food and water supplies. April says she’s strong enough to carry her saddlebags, and that she has been for a few days, so I give them back to her and help her put them on. We split up and agree to meet back in the same spot in an hour.

I stumble around the city and find a few stores carrying non-perishable foods. I’ve gotten a bit tired of dried nuts and candied fruits, but I’m happy to not be starving. I finish off the hour by refilling my water bottles before heading back to meet up with April. She’s waiting for me, and she starts hopping a little when I’m within earshot. The sight makes my stomach do a little flip.

“I found a sur-prise,” April yells to me, accenting the syllables of the last word. I’m curious to find out what she’s talking about, so I speed up to get to her quicker. She’s perfectly pleased with herself, grinning from ear to ear.

“What kind of surprise is it?” I ask when I’m close. She puts on a sly smile,

“Oh, you’ll have to wait until tonight to find out,” she says with an aura of mystery. I sigh and say alright. We make our way around, looking at all of the buildings for anything that looked like it could be a help to us. We find an old newspaper office, but the papers don’t give any clue as to what has occurred. They do stop on the 14th of May, however, so at least we know when the ‘event’ happened.

The sun begins it descent and we soon take shelter inside of a bedding store. I can’t wait to fall asleep on an actual mattress, but April reminds me that I still don’t know what the surprise is.

“Well then, what is it?” I ask, excited to know what she had found but more interested in sleeping. She gives me a look and the only thing I can think is here comes trouble. She reaches into her saddlebags and pulls out a candle, which she proceeds to light with a match that she also had in the pack.

“This isn’t the surprise, it’s just so we can see better,” she illuminates. Her tan coat looks stunning in the candlelight, and her brown eyes reflect the light beautifully. She turns around and pulls out a pair of crystal glasses that she puts on either side of the candle, followed by a large bottle. I’m sure that my jaw is hanging open at this point, and April definitely notices. She beckons for me to come and sit across from her, and I silently oblige. She undoes the cap on the bottle, and the sweet smell of apples assails my nostrils.

“Vintage cider, my dear Sunny. I’ve got two more bottles of the stuff in the bag for when we finish off this one.” She picks up the open bottle between her front hooves and pours both of us a glass of the amber liquid. My mouth is watering, and I can’t wait to taste the stuff, having drunk nothing but water for as long as I can remember. She puts the bottle down, and invites me to pick up my glass.

“How about a toast, then?” I ask. April agrees and starts it.

“Here’s to the future,” she says loudly.

“Because after what we’ve been through, only better days can lie ahead,” I add at an equal volume. We clink our glasses together and down their contents in unison. The sweetness of the apples mixed with the sting of the alcohol refreshes me immensely. We repeat the process twice before the bottle is finished. I can feel the drink clouding the edges of my perception, but I’m still alright. April looks a little more affected as she reaches behind her and grabs the next bottle. I volunteer to pour the drinks, and she laughs and hands me the cider. We finish another round of drinks, and I stop before immediately pouring the next two.

April is sweating a bit, and her mane is matted down over one of her eyes. She keeps trying to push it away with a hoof, but she just can’t do it without the hair falling right back into place. The scene is adorable. She realizes that I’m staring at her.

“Hey Sunny?” she asks slowly. “I don’t wanna’ say anything I’m gonna’ regret later,” she slurs. “But I wanna’ letcha know that I love you.” She giggles at the end of the sentence and leans forward on her hooves. “And thass not the cider talkin’. Iss true.” I don’t know if it’s the truth, not being plastered enough to believe her outright or sober enough to throw it out altogether. I decide to fix that by pouring myself another drink.

“Hey, gimme’ some,” April says, reaching for the bottle. I push it out of her reach.

“You’ve had enough, I’m just trying to catch up.” I think she understands, because she stops grabbing for the cider, but she doesn’t look too happy. I down my glass in one gulp, no longer able to taste the sweetness of the apples. I put the crystal glass down and focus on the mare in front of me, who looks like she’s fighting very hard to remain upright.

“April, I love you too,” I say, not feeling drunk in the slightest. “I don’t know what would have happened to me if you hadn’t come into my life.” She smiles and tries to get her hair out of her eye again. I lean forward and do it for her, but she pulls on me and I fall forward, knocking over the glasses and putting out the candle in the process. I’m on top of her, and she pulls my face into hers. I can smell the cider all over her mouth. A moment passes and were kissing again, but differently than last night. It’s more primal now. April keeps laughing and soon she rolls over so she’s on top of me. Her breath is warm and I’m in love. I don’t know how long we stay like that but we both fall asleep soon.

I don’t have the dream.

Waking up is awkward. We never did get off of the floor, and April is hugging me from behind, still asleep. I find it ironic that we ended up sleeping on the floor in a store filled with beds. I start to recall everything that happened the night before, including both of our admissions. I hope that nothing changes when she wakes up, but I’m not sure. April is a serious lightweight. She begins to stir, yawning and stretching her hooves.

“G’mornin’ Sunny,” she says, still half asleep. She nuzzles the back of my neck and my heart starts to race. I shimmy out of her embrace and begin to gather up our gear. I take the remaining bottle of cider out of April’s saddlebags and hide it under one of the display beds. Last night had been fun, but I don’t want another one like it for a while.

I take out some trail mix for breakfast and some water that I’m sure we’ll both be needing. April gets up shortly after I do, and she looks exhausted. Regardless, she’s smiling, and she happily eats the food I’ve laid out. I’m chewing when she starts to talk to me.

“I meant what I said last night, Sunny.” I start coughing at the out-of-the-blue statement and have to take a sip of water before I can respond.

“I did too, April. You mean a lot to me.” She smiles and I smile and we sit there smiling until I suggest we get on with our day. By the time we actually step outside, it’s almost noon. We walk to the center of the city, which by now we’ve identified as Hoofington from the various signs. Unfortunately the name means nothing when you have nothing to reference it with. I say this, and April hops a little.

“Wait, that was the other part of the surprise, Sunny! I found this hanging in a little café yesterday, and I thought it might be of some use to us,” April says hurriedly as she opens her saddlebags and roots around for something. She emerges with a carefully folded paper in her teeth. “Ish a mah,” she says.

“A what?” I ask, unable to make out what she had meant. She spits out the paper and begins to unfold it.

“I said it’s a map! We can use it to plan out where we want to go from now on,” she answers. The paper is huge when it is unfolded all of the way, and I’m surprised any establishment would devote enough wall space to hanging it up. We scour it, and I spot Hoofington relatively quickly.

“Ok,” I begin, “It looks like there’s a few ways we can go; north to Trottenham, East to Salt Lick City, or West to Seaddle. What do you think, April?” She’s focused intently on the route between here and Trottenham.

“What’s this little dot right here?” she asks, pointing at a nearly invisible mark slightly off of the road to Trottenham. I lean in close and try to read the faded print next to the mark.

“It looks like it’s a little village or something. I can’t really make out the name; it sort of looks like, hmm, maybe ‘Something Falls?’ ‘Seven Falls?’ ‘Surrender Falls?’”

“Look closer,” she commands.

“What? Oh, maybe it’s ‘September Falls.’ Ok, so there’s a village we can stop by on the way there. Sounds good to me.” I’m ready to put the map away, but April puts a hoof heavily on my shoulder.

“Sunny, what if the ‘September’ in our dream isn’t talking about a month?” The question hangs in the air like its tangible. I wonder if she can hear the gears literally turning in my head as I try to process what she had asked.

“You don’t think…” I begin.

“There’s only one way to find out,” she says, quickly.

The Things We Need to Remember

PART III - The Things We Need To Remember

We’re both at full gallop, trying to get as far as we can before nightfall. I don’t know if we’re going to stop after the sun sets, but I don’t think it would be wise to run so fast without an idea of where we were supposed to be going. I estimated that we could make it in two days, and I am going to make that happen. April is keeping up with me very well, even with her saddlebag on. She’s a lot stronger than she lets on.

I regret the cider from last night after an hour at our breakneck pace. I’m feeling sick and lightheaded, but that is likely due to more than just the night of drinking. We don’t stop for lunch; we both eat out of our saddlebags while running. When the sun does finally reach the end of its journey through the sky, I feel like we’ve both covered more than enough ground for the day. We collapse on the grassy side of the trail and try to catch out breath. We take turns sipping from water bottles and soon we’re lying down apart from each other for the first time since we met.

“What do you think we’re going to find there?” April asks after she finishes drinking.

“How could we know?” is my only answer. Despite the excitement of everything, exhaustion causes me to fall asleep quickly.

“This is your redemption day, everypony!” I scream in a voice that doesn’t sound anything like my own. The mass of ponies below is irate. They call for my blood. I go on with my theatrics; the process of revealing the button to the crown below and announcing my plan. I look to my right again and glowing as bright as ever is SEPTEMBER. It’s the last thing I see before the scope of my perception glows bright red.

It’s morning now and April is still asleep. Her tongue is hanging out of her mouth the same way it was when I first saw her, and I almost don’t want to wake her up. I get over myself and shake her so that she begins to open her eyes.

“Whozzat?” she asks dreamily.

“April, let’s go, this is it, remember?” I ask, trying to waste as little time as possible. I want to finish this. If September Falls turns out to be a bust I have no clue how I’m going to react. The mare gets up and shakes her head a few times before she’s ready to gallop. Once we take off, the day passes in a blur much in the same manner as the one that preceded it. We eat on the run again, and before I can even realize it the sun is going down again.

“We’ve got to be close. Let’s keep going,” I call behind me to April.

“Alright,” she calls forward, and I can hear how tired she is in her voice. I know she wants to stop, but we can make it if we just push on a little longer. Right as the sun is setting we make it to the fork in the path that leads to September Falls. I tilt my head in the direction we have to go, and we gallop on. It’ll only be another minute or so.

The path is flanked by trees on either side and I tell April to watch out for roots. Soon the path opens up, and I can see a small village within a few hundred yards.

“Look!” April yells, and I turn to see what she’s pointing at. Towering over the city is a sign. It glows bright green, and I don’t have to read it to know what it says.

WELCOME TO

SEPTEMBER

FALLS

It’s unmistakably the sign I’ve been seeing every single night. I slow down unintentionally, and April catches up to me.

“I can’t believe it,” she says. I can hardly trust my eyes either. My dreams are leeching into my reality. For a moment, staring at the sign makes me question whether I’m awake or asleep, but April calls me back to real life.

“C’mon Sunny, don’t slow down now,” she says to me. She starts to pull me along the path with her, and soon we’re both galloping again, this time with renewed vigor. We make it to the village entry in a few minutes, and we’re looking around in awe. The mental map I’ve created of this place it perfect. I recognize the houses and shops, and ahead, I recognize the one building I’ve never seen.

It’s a looming structure, at least three stories tall. It rises above the other small abodes, and it is actually level with the large sign welcoming visitors. I know the house, even though I’ve never seen it before. On the first floor of the building there are two windows visible from the street, and there is light visible through both of them.

I look at April, who has already turned to look at me. Her eyes look even brighter in the moonlight, and I can tell that she’s nervous by her face. I try to smile, but it comes out as more of a grimace, which she mimics. We begin to trod, one hoof at a time, towards the building. Why are we walking so slowly now that we’re here? Didn’t we gallop for two days straight for this moment? I try to move a little faster, and April follows my lead. We take ages, but soon we’re within a few feet of the house. The windows have curtains drawn over them, so neither of us knows what lies inside.

I nervously step forward to the home’s door, less sure of myself than I’ve ever been. I raise a front hoof and force myself to knock, though my muscles fight the motion every inch of the way. As with all of the other doors we’ve both encountered, this one swings in, unlocked. I can feel April standing behind me, waiting for me to take the last step forward to enter the house. I hold my breath, count to three, and put my hoof over the threshold. Another hoof follows, and another, and another, until I’m fully inside of the building. I step in a few feet more, and April is right behind me. The room we are in is furnished lavishly. The floor has an expensive-looking rug on it, and finely crafted furniture sits everywhere. This room is dark, but to our left there is an open doorway from which light spills into this sitting room. I take a few silent hoofsteps, and then I quickly transfer myself from this room to the next.

These quarters are smaller than the entryway. Two candles flicker on the walls, and the only furniture is a bed in which an elderly Unicorn lies. His eyes are open, and he definitely notices both April and I. I’ve hardly breathed since I stepped in, but the Unicorn smiles at us.

“Be at ease, friends, your journey is nearly at an end now,” he says, cryptically. His voice is sandpaper, and I shudder to think about how much pain it must cause him to speak. April steps to my side and addresses the bedridden pony.

“Sir, if I may ask, who are you?” She speaks softly, as if afraid being too loud will harm the Unicorn.

“I will tell you both in good time, but there are more important,” the Unicorn pauses and coughs deeply, “there are more important matters which we must discuss first. Let me speak and then I will answer your questions.”

“There is a reason why the ponies in this room are the only three left on the entirety of the planet, and it is all a result of my actions,” the Unicorn reveals. My front legs tense up at that revelation. “Three months ago, I was not the pony you see lying before you. I was a healthy, young Unicorn with a happy wife who lived here with me. She was my world. Then, fate decided that it was her time to go. She was in the prime of her life, still so beautiful and vibrant, yet she was no match for the disease.” The Unicorn pauses and the room is totally silent.

“I was more than upset. I was missing a part of myself. Imagine trying to live life with no hooves. This is how I felt every single day that I was cursed to walk this planet. I grew cold to the world. Ponies stopped talking to me, and I stopped caring about anything. I was done with it all, and to me, my life had already ended.

“This was when a peculiar vision struck me. I had stopped leaving my house, and few ponies ever came to see me. When I saw a trio of stallions and a tall mare standing in front me as I awoke one morning, I was frightened out of my mind. They immediately calmed me when they began to speak however. They knew who I was, what I felt, and everything I had ever thought or done. They claimed to be powers higher than the princesses themselves, even. They were those ponies who had created the world.

“They knew that I had lost my will to live, and they had come to me with a proposal. They were tired of this world; it had grown cold to them. Ponies worshipped the princesses, when those two had done nothing but inherit the throne. After millennia, all ponies had forgotten about the Four Horses of the Apocalypse. They told me that there was a spell I could use to rid the earth of ponies, but at a great cost to myself. I would survive as I do now, and then, once my final task was done, I would be cursed to neither be alive nor dead, my soul would be erased as if it had never existed. I was so bitter then that I felt the only logical thing to do was to get back at the world however I could.

“The spell was unbelievably simple, but it had a number of ritualistic elements to it. The Four Horses explained to me that I would not really be destroying the ponies, or the world, but rather that I would be restoring both to the way things were before. As such, two ponies had to be chosen to survive on; a mare and a colt. They would be protected from the spell and then released back onto the planet to live as the first ponies did. They gave me the opportunity to choose, and I did not make me decision heedlessly.

“My friends were few in number, and I hardly regarded anypony as a real ‘friend.’ There was a couple, however, who never let me seal myself off from the world. That is where both you come in.” The Unicorn smiles and inhales deeply, his lungs rattling. “You two were always there for me, even after my wife passed on. You two helped me survive, no matter how badly I treated you in return. You genuinely cared, and in that moment, I recognized it. I gave the Horses your names, and they agreed to protect you from the effects of the spell.

“They made me create an inscription on an artifact, and when I was ready they told me that all that was necessary was for me to wish for the end, and it would come. This is how things came to be as they are now.”

I’m standing, speechless. The Unicorn looks at both of us, smiling, and I try to formulate some sort of question.

“Sir, we ended up in the middle of nowhere with only selective memory. Why was that?” The Unicorn chuckles at my question, which surprises me.

“That was of my own doing. The Four Horses rule the vastness of space and time, so when I asked them to put you back in this town with me, they might have missed by a bit. It’s a minute distance to them, but it sounds like you two have been through a lot.” April isn’t satisfied with that response.

“That doesn’t explain why we could only remember certain parts of anything. We’ve both had an extremely vivid dream every night, where we are the ones killing everypony. It was as if we had to live that event over and over again. What does that have to do with anything?” she asks, her voice rising.

“Once again, it was a request of mine for the Four Horses to leave you with enough memory to find your way back here, and it appears they did that in their own way. That scene you describe sounds like a facsimile of my memory of the night I cast the spell. At least that’s one thing I won’t have to explain to you,” he chuckles as he finishes speaking.

“But what about the button? How did that tie into the ritual?” I yell, though I’m immediately afraid that the aging Unicorn is going to shatter if I raise my voice too much.

“The button was the object onto which I carved the necessary inscription. It was arbitrary. I wanted to use my last days to inspire fear in the hearts of the ponies around the town. I told them exactly what would happen if I cast the spell, only I attributed it to the button. They didn’t ignore me after that. They worshiped me. You two had already been whisked away by the Horses, or I’m sure you would have done something to stop me. I could only keep the façade up for so long, however, and eventually I felt it was time for me to hold up my end of the bargain.”

“You have no idea what kind of hell you’ve put us through,” I say, hardly believing what the Unicorn has said. “YOU SHOULD HAVE DIED ALONG WITH THE OTHERS,” I scream, and April has to throw her hooves over me to keep me from taking another step forward. “What gives you the right to decide the fate of every other pony? How twisted are you?” I ask, still yelling. The Unicorn looks at me, not angry, but understanding.

“I’ve asked myself the same thing over and over as I’ve been lying here. I told you, I’m not the same pony I was back then. I can see where I went wrong, and I think I’ve got a much better grip on reality now. I’m not asking you to forgive me. I could never be so pig-headed as that. I will ask, however that you let me do the one thing that I’ve wanted to do since that spell was cast.” April speaks before I can.

“And what is that?”

“I want to thank you. Both of you have taught me as much during my life as you have during my dying days. I’ll never know the result of my actions, but I think I picked the right pair of ponies to survive.”

“But, sir,” April continues, “What about everypony else? Are they gone forever now?” That’s about the farthest from any question I want to ask, but I keep silent.

“My dear, let us just say that no cutie mark will be gone forever. This isn’t the first time that The Horses have done this, and I’m sure that in a great number of years it will be time to repeat the process. The world is cyclical, and those who leave find there way back in one way or another. It’ll just take a little time.”

“So will the world just run itself? April and I can’t control the weather, or raise the sun or the moon, we don’t even know what our talents are!” I spit. He looks at both of our flanks and then looks at me.

“You’ve got a family tree as a mark. I’m guessing that’s a symbol of lineage. As for you, April, I recognize the simple of fertility on your flank,” he then turns and looks out of the room’s window, even though its curtain is drawn. “In regards to the world, I think it’s been doing a pretty good job of sustaining itself, don’t you?” he asks, attempting to laugh but only wheezing. “It has had a few thousand years where it has just let the ponies do its work for it. It could use a little exercise.” I go to open my mouth to ask him something else, I’ve cooled off after his explanation, and now I’m filled with questions instead of rage. He holds up a hoof as far as he can to stop me, however.

“This is as far as I go, next stop, who knows?” he says, laughing again. “Once I do make my exit, I believe things are going to be very different. You probably won’t remember anything, and I wouldn’t count on there being any cities or roads around. If you have anything to say to each other, I’d do it now.” I turn to face April, and she’s already looking up at me. I’m overcome with emotion as the last few days with her play through my mind. I remember her jumping, and the way her tongue doesn’t stay in her mouth when she sleeps. I remember the cider and how much she giggled when I kissed her. I don’t want to forget that.

“I… I don’t know what to say, April. The time I’ve spent with you has been the greatest in my life.” I pause, not sure what to say next. “You’re the most beautiful mare who’s ever lived, both inside and out. I don’t want to say goodbye. I know we’ll see each other on the other side of this mess, and I know we’ll still feel the same way, even if we don’t know it. I love you, and I always will.” I say, spilling all of my emotions in this one final outpouring. I’m tearing up uncontrollably, and soon I’m crying outright. She’s crying too, but she manages to get out her own words.

“I love you too, Sunny. I was so alone before you were in my life. You complete me, and I know that fact will never change, come hell or high water. Even if you never remember this, I want you to know right that you make me the pony I am. Nothing could make me forget you.” We lean forward and lock in a kiss, not caring about the Unicorn watching us in our moment of unguarded emotion. He smiles at us.

“You two remind me of some ponies I used to know,” he says as he closes his eyes for the last time. He takes in one final breath.

“Thank you.”

The Things We Need to Continue

Part IV - The Things We Need To Continue

In a field somewhere two ponies locked eyes for the first time.