“I wish you didn’t have to go mommy…”
The Pegasus filly called Ditzy stood alone in the garden, the last glowing embers of the setting sun reflected in her golden mane, which in turn was mirrored by the deep lustre of her eyes, eyes fixed on a single grey tablet, the latest in a neat row. Surprisingly, perhaps, she wasn’t crying. She had used up her tears before now, along with all the bargaining, prayer and hope that a filly’s heart was capable of sustaining. Nothing she could do would bring her back, she knew this cold fact, but still, what was life without a mothers love? Who would she go to when she was scared and lonely? Who would look after her? Who would make the hurt go away when those cruel colts made fun of her? She had to be strong alone now. It was so hard though.
“It’s ok though!” she chirped, forcing a smile. “The mayor said they have cconti-contingencies for this sort of thing, so I’m going to be ok!”
That’s what mommy would have wanted, she thought. I should be brave. Let your smile be the measure of your strength,, that had always been her dictum. Silver Stamp had been, so much to Ditzy, so much more, she felt, than ‘mother’ could encompass. Silver had, in truth, been the only other pony, the only one she had. Ditzy had never felt more alone than she had over the past few weeks.
“You always loved me, and only punished me when I deserved it. You didn’t care that I was different, even when they made fun of me. You were the best.” Ditzy sniffed, still fighting back the tears.
The sun was going down now, which meant her time here was running out. They wouldn’t be pleased if she was still here after dark. Slowly the Pegasus turned and walked away from the grave, heading back towards the town. As she made her what past the rows of headstones and trees, she realised she didn’t even do what she stayed to do. Say goodbye. Somehow she wasn’t yet ready to say those words. Not so long ago, a kind lady had said it was important, something about closure, which she said was like an ending. Ditzy hadn’t understood at the time. Maybe the mayor would explain when she got back. She was nice like that.
The walk gave her time to think, time to reflect over the last few weeks. The disease was appallingly quick in its onset, the suddenness with which it had brought her mother down making it all the more shocking. It seemed like one day she was the same mother she had always known, and the next….. Ditzy had promised herself that she wouldn’t remember her as the sickly, bedridden mare of the last few days, but as the caring mother and friend she recalled from better times. Ditzy kept telling herself that being strong was what she would have wanted her to do, but it was starting to feel impossible.
Slowly, the grey mare wove her way down the hill towards home. If she walked all the way; it was going to be dark by the time she got back. She flexed her wings, experimentally, before thinking better of it; she was clumsy ay the best of times, even without the impending darkness to consider. By the time she made it to the edge of town, the sun had vanished completely, with the amber glow of Ponyville’s streetlamps taking over. It didn’t take looking before she was walking up the same old familiar footpath to the front door- her front door. The lights were already on; someone was waiting for her inside.
The Home Ditzy had grown up in was typical, by the standards of an earth pony town, its only concession to grandeur being a now rusted weathervane atop the roof. The window frames could with painting, but other than that, her house was in good repair. As she walked in, she was met by the enticing scent of cooking. That was good.
“Ditzy, I wondered when you would be back. Are you feeling alright? Food? I cooked some hayfries, over there on the kitchen counter. Anything else you need?”
It was Mayor Mare. Ditzy was glad she had come herself. She and mother had been terribly close, and at times she seemed to miss her as much as Ditzy did. As she sat down and gratefully munched on the hayfries, she looked round to see the older pony looking at some papers spread out across the table. It beginning to look like this might not be just another social call.
“You didn’t come just to cook me hayfries did you miss Mare?”
The mayor was one of the few people Ditzy didn’t feel self-conscious talking to, after all, she had been in her life almost as long as she could remember. Even as a foal, she could remember her and mother talking, laughing together. It was nice to remember those times.
The older pony was looking up now, peering over her spectacles at the grey Pegasus. She wore the same knowing smile Ditzy remembered from before it happened, albeit now her eyes were tinged with a meaningful sadness. As she gazed back from across the table, she could sense she wasn’t going to be happy with what came next.
“Ditzy, it’s been almost a month now-“
“You think I don’t know that?” Snapped Ditzy.
“Look, I’m here as your friend more than anything. You’ve been… more withdrawn than usual lately, and well, I wanted to do something to well… help.”
Ditzy paused, not wanting to look the Mayor in the eye. She, and the whole of Ponyville for that matter, had done so much already, but with charity came something else, something that chafed Ditzy’s pride; pity. She knew that the assistance she was offered was genuine and the town were willing to give as much as she needed, but the young Pegasus had long ago vowed that she would never let herself become accustomed to such treatment. Yes she was clumsy, yes; her eyes were funny; she never let this stop her, she felt these problems where hurdles to overcome, nothing more. She felt herself struggling sometimes, but her only response was to try harder. Just because she was alone didn’t mean that this should change. Her mind was made up now.
“I’m not going to take anymore hand-outs, Miss Mare, if that’s alright. I-I want to work for my place in this community. I understand you still have an opening for a mailmare”
“Ditzy, I understand what you’re trying to do, but Silver Stamp left some big shoes to fill. If you will excuse me, I’m not sure a… ahem… differently abled pony, even like a Pegasus like yourself would be able to perform her duties to the required standard.”
“Please, just give me a chance. It been over a month, just like you said, and no one else seems to want the job. Why don’t I get a chance?”
“Ditzy, I’m not sure this is what Silver- what your mother would have wanted for you. Look, the state of Equestria is willing to offer support in a case like yours for as long as it takes. You don’t have to do this”
“I want to do this”
“Look, all I’m saying is perhaps you could better apply your talents… elsewhere.” The mayor had paused, almost imperceptibly, as she glanced down at Ditzys flank. Unlike her mother, who had been blessed with a stamp for a mark, she would find no clear endorsement there.
“Please, Miss Mare. Give me a chance. You won’t regret it”
“…fine. I will put in a word with the council, but I cannot guarantee anything. In the meantime, I want you to think long and hard about why you’re doing this Ditzy; you of all ponies should understand you don’t have to prove something.”
Ditzy’s little victory seemed hollow. She in truth had mixed feelings about taking on her mother’s old job, but she was serious about paying her own way.
“Anyway, its time I spoke about what I came here for. You mentioned a few days ago that you were feeling lonely out here all by yourself. I’ve taken the liberty of arranging for a potential lodger, one suitably vetted of course, to pay you a visit.”
“A lodger? As in another pony? Here?”
Mayor sighed “That is generally accepted as covering the definition of ‘Lodger’, as I understand it. I know it’s still quite soon, but it will bring you some extra bits, and frankly you would be doing me a favour. Ultimately it depends if you are comfortable with the pony in question, but please, Ditzy, give this a chance.”
Ditzy considered the proposition. It was no fun living alone. The house felt so empty and she missed having someone to share her space with. It wouldn’t be so bad would it? She had room to spare, and it would be nice to help someone else for a change, rather than have things the other way round.
“Fine, but they had better not be strange or anything”
“Ditzy, I assure you they will be fine. I have arranged for the mare in question to visit you tomorrow morning. Should you decide to take her on, just complete this paperwork and deliver it to my secretary, who will take care of the rest.” She separated several sheets from the pile on the table, pushing them towards Ditzy. “I’ll swing by later this week to see how it turns out. Oh, and if your serious about the job, I suggest you find time to visit the post office at some point this week”
“Thanks Miss Mare you can count on me!” replied Ditzy, being extra careful to smile this time.
Shortly after the exchange, Mayor Mare gathered up the rest of her paperwork and left, but not before reaffirming her support for Ditzy through these tough times. Alone now, Ditzy was left to her thoughts. She finished the now cold hay fries, before turning off the lights and heading to her room. Her mind was still buzzing from her exchange with the mayor. Ditzy didn’t like the feeling of an empty house. As she headed upstairs, she paused outside the room that had belonged to her mother, Silver Stamp. For the first time since the funeral, she opened the door with her hoof. It was, in many ways, just as she remembered, slightly larger than her own space down the hall, with a decidedly more grown up feel to it. The only decorations where a couple of framed pictures; one of Silver stamp and five others she only vaguely recognised, all in the uniform of the Equestrian mail service, and smiling. The second was of her and mother, positioned just next to the bed. As she looked down, she noticed a folded sheet of paper, set down beside it. It appeared to be of her mother’s hoof, but not written in her usual flowing script. Leaning in to make out the unusually tight scrawl, she gasped as she read the first line. She was meant to find it.
My dearest Ditzy,
As I write this, I understand I don’t have much time left. I had hoped that we would have more time left together, years and years, so I could watch you grow into the fine mare you will no doubt become. I feel a little cheated I won’t get to meet that mare someday.
I write this down because this is hard for me to say; I don’t want you to be alone Ditzy; you are such a wonderful , caring pony, and the rest of Equestria deserves to know, please give them a chance to!
I have made arrangements with Mayor Mare, my truest friend to watch over you when I am gone. Please listen to her. The house is yours now, to do with as you will; I wish I had more to leave you with.
All my love,
Silver Stamp.
Ditzy re-read the letter, before clutching it tightly to her chest. The words had been hard to make out, almost illegible. She must have written it when the end was in sight, when she had such difficulty holding a pen. One of her last acts. Something she clearly couldn't bring herself to say at the time, but was important enough to write down.
Ditzy spent the night curled up in her mother’s bed, clutching the letter tightly. Her last thought before sleep took her was that she would always be her mother’s daughter. Nothing would change that. She would be strong, and make new friends, and show them how strong she was.
