Within the confines of the Golden Oaks Library, located in Ponyville lived a unicorn scholar who has completed many feats that were thought to be completely impossible. Twilight as usual was in the middle of her favorite pastime of the day; besides reorganizing the bookshelfs. She was completely drawn in by a novel she was currently reading.
It was so good & entrancing that she couldn't stop reading it. Just before she could get to a potential good part of an extremely long (That's fucking sexist!) paragraph, there was a knocking on her front door. Taking her attention away from one of her favorite novels.
"I wonder who that could be..?" With nothing else to do for the day, she might as well answer who was knocking on her door. She trotted at a collected pace, seeing as she wasn't in a hurry. When she reached & opened her door, she was completely surprised about who her visitor is. It had on what appeared to be clothing covering its torso with the sleeves short & the fabric a black color, it had on shorts with a white stripe going down on each side, & it was wearing socks only for its feet.
Those weren't what surprised her. What really surprised her was that it was using three pieces of aluminum foil to form three ponytails for what she assumed was its long mane; two on each side of its head, & one on top.
Not to mention that it wore a fucking trash bag around its waist!
It then spoke to her in a really weird voice.
"Hi Twilight! Well you know-" he paused to lick his lips & chuckle a bit in a creepy manner, "-I'm just so excited to finally meet you in person," it said in a male voice that sounded like how you imagine a complete weirdo/pedophile to sound.
"Uhh...Who are you exactly?" Twilight asked, a bit weirded out by its appearance & the way it talked. Its lack of teeth made it even more awkward.
"Oh, how rude of me!" It pressed its hands against both sides of its face while looking a bit distraught. "You can call me Mr. Tinfoil my love," the now named Mr. Tinfoil introduced himself while revealing his love for the book-loving unicorn.
"W-what?!" She exclaimed in shock & surprised, obviously because of how this weird creature called her his love.
"Oh yes Twilight, from the moment I laid eyes on you I knew you were the one, the one-" He emphasized by raising his fists a little & shook them slightly. "-who could fit inside of my bosom of love~!" Mr. Tinfoil then wagged his tongue & wiggled his fingers. "I have met so many others whom I shared my love with-" *cough*leafyisqueer*cough*"-but none have come close to you!"
Twilight was now officially freaked out by this creatures behavior. She was thinking about closing the door on him & pretend he never existed. However, she was interrupted in the middle of her train of thought because he was talking to her again.
"Oh think of the children we'll have so soon~!" Mr. Tinfoil Man said dreamily.
"The what?!" That statement freaked out Twilight even more than she already was.
"We'll name them Twilight Jr.'s one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine and-" suddenly he started to spasm uncontrollably & was making this really weird sound that just can't be written in text form. This had frightened Twilight a lot; she would rather face Nightmare Moon without the Elements of Harmony than spend another second near this abomination. Mr. Tinfoil Man stopped his spasm fest & continued on where he left off.
"Oh just think of all the beautiful children we'll soon have!" He stared at Twilight lovingly. "Let's also not forget about our honeymoon~!" Mr. Tinfoil Man then proceeded to sing his mating call, scaring the literal violet out of Twilight.
After he finished his mating call, Mr. Tinfoil Man continued on with his proclamation of love. Which is a lot more like a hardcore obsession than actual love. Twilight then slammed the door in front of him. Mr. Tinfoil Man looked sad for a moment, but his mood soon perked up when he remembered there were others whom he could share his love with. With a creepy smile, he walked off towards his next destination.
With Twilight, she was having a mental breakdown. What she just encountered right now was something that she had no doubt was made by something beyond unholy & evil. She then had these over exaggerated scenarios flowing through her head, ranging from children losing their innocence just by being near this, this thing, to all of Equestria falling to ruin. He panic & assumptions getting the better of her, she bolted outside through her door, intending to warn everypony including her friends & the princesses about the abomination known as Mr. Tinfoil Man.
She had to hurry, otherwise Ponyville, Equestria & beyond will be doomed if she didn't make haste.
Although that's what she thought. In the end it's just a guy confessing his love to six individuals or more. He's not doing anything to anyone.
Unless he's a secret member of ISIS, then they're all having an actual problem.
Meanwhile back on Earth, a certain cyber bully & lizard king suddenly had the feeling to pity whatever was headed their way. He stopped editing his video for a moment, his mind wandering towards one of the most unpleasant memories burned into his mind. The memory of knowing one of the most obsessed people who have a thing for him.
Fucking Trashbag Man.
"I swear to fucking god if that motherfucker comes in here wearing a fucking wedding dress and says he's going to literally marry me, then I'm gonna commit suicide." Out of nowhere, a strange individual appears in his room. Their appearance was a dark purple lizards body, wearing a hat that says 'Obey', has two blunts in their nose, & has pink hair that looks like it's been made in MS Paint (which by the way actually is).
"Shut the fuck up Leafy! He's just proposing his love for you, there's nothing wrong with that! You fucking cyber bully! Why don't you just kill yourself you goddamn sexist?!" The individual known by the mass of the Reptilian Army as 'Femmy' ranted at Leafy.
"Oh my god... you're right. I'm just gonna end it here once and for all," Leafy said in a depressed tone. The word 'Sadness' appeared in front of him while sad music played in the background. He was in his lizard form, aiming a gun at his head. He then pulled the trigger, & then, darkness.
Calvin killed himself guys, that's how his story ends.
The End.
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Second chapter will come out sometime.
Author's Note
Yeah, I must've started this somewhere at the near end of June or the beginning of July. This idea popped into my head while watching one of Tinfoils' videos & thought to myself 'hey, that'd be an interesting scenario'. I haven't updated either Cr1TiKaL's Excellent Adventure or Angry German Kid gets sent to Equestria because I've been busy working on a crossover story at FanFiction.Net, involving One Punch Man & Rosario + Vampire. So you can expect a slow update from me, because I'm still working on the first chapter.
Alright that's it, see ya.
