What is the heart?

by Skiddlez

Rating: teen
Tags: Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Human, Other, Lyra, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Adventure, Crossover
Length: 10830

Ulquiorra Schiffer in equestria

Ulquiorra Schiffer, Cuatro Espada of the Arrancar has awoken in a strange, unknown forest. After wandering around and talking to an unusually good looking sea serpent, he discovers this world is populated with talking, multi coloured ponies.

Another Bleach crossover fic

Character list will be updated when new chapters are written

Rated teen for adult themes and violence

Published 2012-06-20 11:44:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-02-09 14:48:43 UTC

Chapter 1

Light.
That was all he could perceive.

Ulquiorra Schiffer, Cuatro Espada of the Arrancar, had woken up. Sitting in a clearing in a forest somewhere, his first question should have been about his new, unfamiliar surroundings. But he was ignoring the surroundings. They were not as important as his revelation.

So… this is the heart. These feelings of humans… come from here.

He examined his hand, which he had reached out to the girl…

Wait. I’m alive. That should be impossible.

His arm was as it had been before his Resurrección- an extremely pale grey, similar to an old corpse. No sign of injury, or even an invasive spiritual pressure.
He was clad in his old clothing- a high collared, long-tailed jacket with a black zipper, a black sash into which was holstered his Zanpacto, Murciélago, white hakama, black tabi and white zōri. Exactly as he had been before his final battle with Ichigo Kurosaki.

He then chose this moment to look around, and examine his surroundings.
Right behind him was a cave, seemingly meant for him- or any other being that passed through. Outside the cave was a large forest, seemingly natural- but Ulquiorra felt that there was something wrong with the whole scene. For all his intelligence, he couldn’t figure out what was wrong with it- there was the noise of wild animals, the trees didn’t appear to be particularly misshapen or even that different in size or species from trees in the world of the living, the sunlight was bright- nothing wrong on first appearances- and then, he finally noticed what was annoying him.

I see. Everything is brighter here than in the world of the living. Orihime did mention that trees in the minds of children were coloured brown, despite the evidence to the contrary. So for this forest to be so bright, I must be in either the King’s dimension (not likely) or an entirely new world. Maybe I should find out more about this place- there have to be Hollows, and where a Hollow is, there is a pathway back to Hueco Mundo.
Strange. I have never thought like this before.
…Is this what humans call… Curiosity?

Working up enough motivation to step into this saccharine world and seeing it was an incredible task. Eventually, Ulquiorra, after much debate, ventured out into the forest.

Meanwhile, on the boundary of the Everfree Forest, three overactive, hyper fillies were attempting to make a decision.

“I don’t know if this is the best idea’ was Sweetie Belle’s opinion of their latest adventure.

“Aw, come on! It’ll be fun!” Scootaloo, whose idea was this in the first place, was not giving ground on this.

“Look, maybe we should not go in there. Remember the cockatrice? Fluttershy isn’t with us! What if we get stoned?”

”We’re not going to be stoned if we’re careful, are we?”

“Remember the tree sap?”

“DO NOT MENTION THE TREE SAP AGAIN.”

“Hey, Applebloom, what do you think?”

“Well, ah don’t think that going in with an unreliable map is a good idea, but we’re going to change that by mappin’ it!” was Appleblooms’, the unofficial leader of the Cutie Mark Crusaders, final verdict.

“Alright girls, time for the chant.”

Three extremely loud voices yelled at ear-splitting volumes:
“CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS FOREST CARTOGRAPHERS YAY!”

Well, this forest is huge. Colossal, even.

There was no discernable path, only a small trail made by the animals of this unfamiliar location. The brighter colours were hurting Ulquiorra’s eyes, but it was a small proof that he was definitely not in Soul Society. If he had been, then the Soul Reapers would have tracked him down long before now.

What was also a part of the proof was that every animal had been trying to kill him. And only a few of them looked anything like animals in the world of the living.

Strange, doglike creatures, standing on their hind legs and wearing filthy vests and spiked collars, were just the latest in a series of corpses left in his wake. Their burrowing abilities were the only thing that they had to escape- and a series of bala quickly demolished this slim chance of escape. Only three-, which he assumed were the leaders-, had eventually escaped. Complete trash, the lot of them.

The large creature made up of parts of a scorpion, lion and eagle provided more of a challenge than those creatures- he had needed to regenerate an arm from the encounter, and had had to send it off with a few warning bala.

Eventually, after many more encounters with more lion things, lizard-chickens and a really angry rabbit, which survived by learning to dodge bala and ran off further into the forest, he had finally arrived at a river. It looked clean, but there could be contaminants- there were no other animals around the water. Then again, this was the only source of water that he had seen through the forest, and an arrancar as powerful as he was could survive most conventional pollutants.

He was just about to drink from it when something sprung from the water.

It appeared to be bright purple, with a lighter shade on its front. At first, Ulquiorra thought it was shaped like a snake, but upon seeing its limbs, Ulquiorra amended that statement to a Chinese dragon. It even had an asymmetrical moustache- half of it was a bright, fiery orange, but the other half was elegantly coiled and a deeper shade of purple- maybe indigo. Its orange hair was arranged into- Ulquiorra couldn’t believe it- a mullet, Aizen’s favourite hairstyle. The only thing missing from it was that annoying lock of hair in front of his face. Large, intelligent eyes looked at him curiously. Finally, it spoke.

“Oh, my word! Full clothing!”

Immediately, Ulquiorra understood something. The reason why there were no animals was this creature. He was reminded of the Segunda Espada’s Fracción, Charlotte Cuulhorne. The trash had dressed so badly, and had made a number of comments, which Ulquiorra had been unable to understand, until the woman had translated them as, apparently, ‘hitting’ on him. He had never made those comments to any female arrancar, and was still unable to understand why, even with a new heart. Maybe it would come to him in time. Fortunately, he could paraprocess, which he had developed for people like Charlotte- he lost himself in his own thoughts and operated on automatic.

First, fresh water. He needed a drink of something- and after a whole century of drinking reishi-infused tea, you grew used to drinking, even if you would rather eat a whole soul. Unfortunately, in the human world, he had learned to never, EVER drink from a toilet, no matter how clean it looked.

No pollutants or preservatives, but certainly good enough to drink. He savoured the taste- no added reishi in the water, but it tasted so good and surprisingly sweet that it was no matter- there was sufficient reishi in the environment that he wouldn’t need added reishi in the water to strengthen him. Absently nodding, he used the water to make an acceptable cleaning job of his jacket, which had become quite bloodstained through his travels. Just as he was wondering where he could wash his hakama without being seen by the piece of trash called ‘Steven Magnet’, three unusual creatures burst through the overgrowth.

‘Alright, Scoots!”

“Yeah Applebloom?”

“Start drawing our last route into the forest!”

They seemed to have not noticed him. They seemed to be little horses- were they called ponies, or something twee like that? The only one who seemed to have noticed him was a white ‘pony’ with a horn on its head. Nice colour, unlike orange and yellow. Those weren’t natural horse colours.

Ponies can have dye jobs? Wait… they spoke. That’s not natural.

“Girls? There’s something… odd near the water!” Sweetie Belle pushed both of them. Applebloom casually looked in the direction where Sweetie Belle was pointing.

“Oh, that’s just Steven Magnet. He’s harm-“ Applebloom finally realized what Sweetie Belle was pointing at. Scootaloo was staring at in fascination.

It was so white- it even had a half helmet made of what looked like bone. Its green eyes were looking at them with no expression, and it wore slightly cleaner white clothing- what looked like pants, a white jacket, and weird looking black and white hoofs. It stared at them with those creepy eyes, then, with a small ‘BOOM’, it disappeared in a flash, as if it had teleported.

Ponies… talking ponies. Ponies, in my experience, do NOT talk.

Thanks for reading! Please leave a comment as to what you think, criticism helps!

Chapter 2

Ponies… talking ponies. Ponies, in my experience, do NOT talk. Whoever thought this was a brilliant idea for a dimension was evidently like Orihime in some ways.

Rubbing his tortured eyes (that purple and orange winged pony had burned his eyes with extreme brightness alone) he gathered his thoughts together. They were intelligent enough to talk and think, and didn’t do what animals would do. What was also disturbing was that they could see him, hinting that they had enough spiritual pressure to see spiritual beings. Ulquiorra briefly considered the fact that he had lost his powers, but he hadn’t lost any strength, as his bala and combat prowess attested. In that case, those ponies had spiritual awareness enough to see him. They had to have a civilisation somewhere.

Currently he was watching them searching for him, and failing.

“Forget it, girls, ah don’t think he’s here.”

“Aw, you sure Applebloom?”

“Ah don’ see him anywhere, so ah’d say he’s skedaddled.”

Still glancing around them, the little ponies walked back the way they came. Ulquiorra felt… something in his chest.
Must be indigestion.

Following them at a distance was easy- they were much easier to follow than a human soul to track. They had a unique spiritual energy that was like a whole soul hiding within a boot, or similar receptacle. Musings were interrupted when they met another pony. Using a quick Sonido to get in the trees, he watched them.

“Girls, you shouldn’t run off from the house, you know.” Fluttershy was really relieved when she saw the three fillies. They looked like they’d been through the forest with no guide but a rather unreliable map as their guide. As soon as they saw her they dashed up to her and tackled her down.

“OHMIGOSHFLUTTERSHYWESAWTHISAMAZINGLYAWESOMETHINGINTHEFORESTITLOOKEDCOOLANDITWASALLWHITEANDSTUFF-“

Fluttershy pushed the three fillies off of herself. “Wait, what do you mean you saw something? Could you speak, um, one at a time? Please?”

The Crusaders finally calmed down enough to speak clearly. “We saw this creature, like a really pale pony only taller! It had this weird bone half-helmet on its head, and it had a black mane!”

‘It had these weird clothes on, like these really baggy pants, and this REALLY cool jacket, and it had these weird hooves- they were black and white.”

Sweetie Belle was thinking about something. “It had these eyes, with green tear-tracks down them. Those eyes… looked so sad, as if they had seen happiness for the briefest instant… and then lost it.”

Scootaloo made a puking motion at the statement, but snapped out of it when she heard that ‘BOOM’ again.

Is that really what I look like?

He stared at the water, at his reflection. He hadn’t had a heart long enough to recognize emotion, but did his eyes shine a bit more than usual, or was that just the water’s reflection? That was a question he couldn’t answer- only the woman-Orihime- would know…

The memories.
Her abduction, the first time they’d met, her time in captivity, it all rushed through his eyes.

Go away. Just go away, now.

He punched the nearest mountain, while real tears fell down his face.

“Umm… are you alright?”

The strange creature jerked upright, and turned around. Those eyes, like a cat, were still red-rimmed from the huge sobs it had been doing. The Cutie Mark Crusaders were huddled together behind her.
Finally, it spoke.

“Go away… please, go away.”

Its voice had no emotion, none of the feeling a pony had in their voice. It was empty, hollow, and infinitely sad in its expressionlessness. It punched the rock again, and Fluttershy could see the cracks forming.

‘Okay. I can see that you’d rather be alone now. Please, if you ever feel like talking about it…” Fluttershy trailed off.

“… Thank you.”

He turned away.

Fluttershy dragged the Crusaders back with her. This creature was definitely dangerous, and upset animals were the most likely to lash out at anypony. Best to let it work off its emotions on inanimate objects. Even so, it would be best to leave it. Sweetie Belle seemed to understand that already, and at such a young age.

‘Girls? I think we should leave him alone. He’s obviously in need of some form of relief.” Applebloom and Scootaloo reluctantly nodded.

‘When he’s worked it off, can we see it again?”

Fluttershy hesitated. She would have ordinarily said no to that, but they looked like they wouldn’t harm him, and he didn’t look like he’d harm them either.

“Sure, girls. Just tell me next time.”

By the time he’d calmed down, he’d bored a cave into the mountain. Sleep was necessary- it was getting dark and he’d wasted a lot of spirit energy on boring the hole into the rock. Settling down, he closed his eyes…
And dreamed.

“Hey, Ulquiorra! How’d a WIMP like you get the rank of Cuatro? I can understand Nnoitora getting’ the position, as he’s strong, but you’re a weakling!” Grimmjow Jaegerjaques, the Sexta Espada, punched Ulquiorra in the face.

Well, tried to, anyway.

Ulquiorra calmly deflected the strike to the side, and counterattacking with a light blow of his own. Grimmjow blocked it easily, barely wavering. Ulquiorra finally spoke.

“Trash.”

He swatted Grimmjow’s hand away from him and continued walking to his new quarters. But Grimmjow didn’t get the message.

A quick burst of Sonido, and the Sexta Espada quickly attacked Ulquiorra, surprising him with his speed. Unable to react quickly enough, Grimmjow’s haymaker connected with his jaw, sending him into the wall.

‘You know my name, don’t you? Well, SAY IT then!” he said, with that grin on his face that Ulquiorra felt was unbecoming.

“This fight is pointless… Grimmjow Jaegerjaques.”

This only made him grin more. “Glad to hear you say my name, Ulquiorra.”

When Ulquiorra awoke, he discovered that something had removed his pants. He barely blinked, but merely searched for it with his eyes, eventually spotting them, neatly folded and cleaned, at the mouth of the cave. He smiled a little.
One minute later, newly dressed in clean clothing, Ulquiorra set out, on the trail that the little ponies had left for him to follow. By getting to a settlement, he could go about acquiring food sources. As he was leaving, Steven Magnet waved him goodbye.

Why is there so much trash in my life?

Thanks for reading! Please leave a comment as to what you think, criticism helps!

Chapter 3

Fluttershy woke up when she heard creaking outside. Angel looked out the window and quietly scampered over to her.
What he told her made her shoot right up out of bed and out the door.

Ulquiorra surveyed the little town before him. The human cities of the living world had been far, FAR larger than this. Then again, the creatures that inhabited it were only half the height of an adult human, so maybe their idea of scale was different. For all he knew, this might be the normal size of city for a pony. His keen eyesight detected something on the distance.
It looked like an orchard, where humans grew fruit for a well-balanced diet, so maybe ponies had similar dietary requirements. Calculating the distance and not being seen, he activated sonido and vanished with a small ‘BOOM’.

Fluttershy saw him disappear in a blur, leaving that loud noise behind him. His footprints were the only indication that he had ever been there.

“Please, be careful…”

Pinkie Pie suddenly started twitching. Spasms racked her whole body as she felt the greatest sensation that ‘Pinkie Sense’ could predict.

“OOH! This is a doozy! Feels like fun!” Pinkie Pie’s grin suddenly became a lot more disturbing.

Lyra was just sitting around on the park bench with her roommate, when suddenly…

“HUMAN SENSE TINGLING!”

Bon-Bon sighed. “As I have explained to you about EIGHT times- you do not have a human sense, as HUMANS DO NOT EXIST!”

“But Bon-Bon,” Lyra cajoled, “This time it’s real! Can I please take the human home with me?”

“NO! You can clean your half of the house for once!”

“Awww…” Lyra looked down for five seconds, and then got up.

“And where do you think you’re going, missy?”

“I’m cleaning my room so’s I can get my camera! And then, I’m gonna photograph it, so I’ll prove to you and Cheerilee that humans DO exist!”

Bon-Bon got up as well. ‘Wait, Lyra! I forbid you from cleaning your half of the house! You just come right back-“ Lyra had already galloped off to the house.

This farm wasn’t devoted to just growing apples. There were cornfields as well, and what looked like a pigsty. Ulquiorra had his own views on farming- it was completely pointless. The seasons changed, as regularly as clockwork. There was no fighting it. Food withered. People aged. Only despair remained.

Hmm, nice rhyme.

“HEY, MISTER!”

He turned, and saw a brief flash of orange, yellow and white, before he was buried in little ponies.

“So, are you okay, whitey? We haven’t seen you in two days! Fluttershy washed you pants for you. Did you like that?”

He pushed the little ones off of him.

“Well, that explains it.” Though he looked outwardly calm, his mind was reeling.

I slept for two days? Then again, I was always a heavy sleeper.

He carefully examined an apple tree.

Applebloom was watching him warily. He was looking at the apple tree with an intense fascination. He turned to her.

“How do you get the apples down from the branches?”

“Oh, ya jus’ get yah hooves in position, and buck the tree!”

Ulquiorra reached up and took an apple down. The loud whine of a camera and a bright flash filled the air.

Lyra grinned. The human had reached up to the tree, and had taken an apple with his hands. Hands were brilliant. They could do just as much as magic in that range. He seemed to be a bit pale, but she’d assumed that humans would have a large range of colours- maybe not as wide as ponies, but still large.

Ulquiorra immediately turned around to the camera flash, but was blinded by another picture. The pony taking it was a sea green horned pony, with a harp on its behind. It seemed to be grinning at him with an expression that reminded Ulquiorra of the Quinta Espada, Nnoitora Gilga. Something called a ‘rape face’, whatever Orihime had meant by that. It was levitating what looked like a camera in a gold aura, the same colour as its eyes. It was looking at his hand, for some reason. He moved his hand to the left. The ponies’ eyes followed the movement like Grimmjow sometimes did, with that ball of yarn he thought no one knew about. He took a bite out of the apple, and then…
‘BOOM.’

Lyra blinked. He’d vanished! Just into thin air, with a thunderclap. Maybe humans had mastered teleportation where they came from. The Cutie Mark Crusaders looked depressed.

“Hey, girls, what’s wrong?”

Applebloom glared at Lyra. “Ah think ya scared him off.” Lyra looked a bit guilty at that.

‘Sorry, it’s just that… I’ve ALWAYS wanted to see humans, as they influenced so much of our culture-“

“Did you ever read Daring Do as a filly? Because that sounds like one of the earlier books in the series- ‘Daring Do and the temple of humans.’ Did you read that?”

“Maaaaaaaaybe.”

Ulquiorra was standing in the shade behind some of these tiny houses. They weren’t so small that he wasn’t completely hidden. The winged ponies would probably see him, but they didn’t look down, just flew right overhead. A grey and yellow one had seemed to see him, but its eyes looked slightly wonky, so maybe she hadn’t focused on him. He could relax here. No new ponies to unnerve him.

“HEY! WHAT’S YOUR NAME?”

Pinkie Pie giggled when he stiffened then turned around slowly. She’d usually gotten a jump of terror when she said that. He looked at her, then disappeared with a ‘BOOM.’ This was going to be fun. She started to hop around, following in the general direction he’d gone in. Of course, she knew where he was- she’d read ahead of this part.

Ulquiorra was now hiding in a large tree, with what looked like windows. The pony couldn’t follow him at that speed-
He was standing on the pony’s head.
Another sonido took him to a two-storey flat on the clouds. The pony was drinking a glass of chocolate milk and sunbathing.

Impossible… how is it DOING this. This. Is. IMPOSSIBLE.

He finally decided to use Sonido to get the hell out and back to his home.

Pinkie Pie had enjoyed the game, but it was time to take a sojourn to another place for all her fun surprises. Grapping a bit of the sky with her teeth, she ripped a portal to the Party Dimension, where everything remotely connected to a party was kept in the whole multiverse. She stepped through, and closed the door behind her- she didn’t want other ponies discovering her secret, now did she?

Twilight Sparkle was just relaxing from a hard days work with her friends, when a familiar, sea green blur hit her full in the face.

“Lyra, what is it?” Lyra was grinning in an unsettling fashion, and she had a camera in her magical aura.

“Twilight, you and the other neigh-sayers are gonna eat your humble pie! For I have… THESE!”

She flourished the pictures in front of Twilight’s muzzle, inviting her to take them. Twilight looked at the pictures, first in curiosity, then in wonder, then finally in amazement.
The pale white creature in the photos was taller than an average pony, standing up to an alicorn in height. It seemed to be gripping an apple in its claw like appendage. Those eyes looked soulless, with a slit pupil, and that colour couldn’t be a healthy human shade. Nevertheless, it was conclusive proof that Lyra was right.

Humans existed.

Thanks for reading! Please leave a comment as to what you think, criticism helps!

Chapter 4

Ulquiorra was currently staring at the wall. It was beautiful in its emptiness. It was almost as beautiful as the white tree that he’d cracked his mask on. It had nothing like the pink demon that had been following him. Now, there were no ponies interfering with his thoughts. All was nothing.

“What do you mean, you won’t go?”

Twilight looked at her like it was obvious.

“I’ve just been around Ponyville solving friendship problems for the Princess!”

“You’re a real workaholic, aren’t you?”

“Ye-NO! Very funny, Lyra. But I’m really tired. I helped Pinkie Pie with party shopping for this ‘new pony.’”

“Ah. Say no more about it. I completely understand. But the Cutie Mark Crusaders are with me, and Fluttershy is apparently with them as well, so please?” Lyra was employing the Puppy-dog eyes, but Twilight was adamant.

“Sorry, Lyra. Get Applejack to help instead.”

“Well, Sugarcube, while ah wouldn’ do this normally, ah’ll help ya out, as mah sister is goin’ in there!”

“YAY! HUMANSHUMANSHUMANSHUMANSHUMANSHUMANS HUMANS!”

Eventually, the two Elements of Harmony, Lyra and the Cutie Mark Crusaders were ready to go.

“Lyra, why’ve you got that camera?” Lyra was also sparkling like mad.

‘So I can take pictures of his hands! Do you know how useful they are?” As Lyra launched into a lecture about why hands were useful, mainly about what she guessed hands were useful for, Fluttershy felt nervous.

I’m sorry… creature, about scaring you like this.

“Ah, welcome… Arrancar number four. I wonder, could you tell me what your name is?”

He had been without a mouth for so long. His Vasto Lorde form had possessed no mouth, although he could still consume reishi. But now… he had a mouth for the first time in his memory. It was a strange feeling.
He stood up, and looked at Aizen.

‘… Ulquiorra… Schiffer.”

“Well, that’s a good name. Assume your duties as soon as you’re dressed.”

“Of course… Aizen-Sama.”

Lyra looked bored.

“How much longer is this going to TAKE!”

‘We’ve been walking for five seconds. He ran off when you photographed him, so what did you expect? That he’d run towards us immediately?”

“Do you know his name?”

“No, but-“

“I bet it’s something cool, like ‘Joe’ or ‘Tom’!” Lyra was now squealing with excitement, and looked like she was happier.

Unfortunately, the Everfree forest was a dangerous place to be cheerful and loud in. A lone wolf howled in the distance, and was quickly followed by other howls through the air.

“Me and my big mouth…”

Ulquiorra’s presence had greatly decreased the wolf attacks in the area, but they were still there, and they were still a problem. Ulquiorra could see that the small group of ponies were coming here quickly.

These ponies can be such a bother.

By the time they’d reached the clearing, it was too late. The wolves were now circling the group of ponies, waiting for a moment of weakness in the small herd.

“How many can you take?”

Lyra grimaced.

“I can take a couple, but I don’t think that the fillies could.”

The Crusaders were huddled up, protected by the older ponies. Fluttershy was trying to communicate with the wolves, but wasn’t being understood- wolves hated ponies. One of the wolves attacked, unwisely. Lyra quickly levitated the wolf and threw it at the rest of the pack. Applejack had already bucked several wolves in the snout. The alpha male was hanging back, coordinating the strike. They could hold off the attack for a while, but eventually, they’d be eaten. Finally, the wolves got a lucky strike in against Applejack, causing her to stumble. The wolf charged the small fillies…

‘BOOM.’

Fluttershy opened her eyes. The white creature had pierced the wolf’s skull with his hand. He slid the corpse off his hand and said one word.

“Trash.”

Another wolf attacked him. He blocked the attack with his hand, and then flicked his hand at it, and most of the wolf’s torso disappeared in a spray of blood. Another wolf tried to attack him from behind, but he turned around, flicked his hand, and killed the wolf.
Applejack couldn’t believe it. This creature moved like he was in complete control of his body, like the Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000- every part working in perfect synchronisation, effortlessly killing these creatures.

The alpha male charged at him, building up speed. Ulquiorra flicked a few bala at him, but the wolf dodged. No matter. He wouldn’t miss this time. He lifted his hand up, and focused spiritual energy at the tip of his finger, and then releasing the cero at point blank range.

The green blast of energy was unlike anything Lyra had seen. Only really high-level offensive spells compared to it, and they weren’t as easy to fire as that- only a high level magical duellist could fire a blast like that. The Cutie Mark Crusaders spoke in unison.

‘Whoa, that was AWESOME!”

Fluttershy had turned away from the group. That creature had killed them with no remorse, no anger, and no laughter. He just killed them because they were in the way. He was coming over. She stiffened, expecting death.

Instead, she felt a gentle pressure on her head. She looked up at his face. There was something there- a slight change in his demeanour. He seemed to be sad about something.

‘Are you alright?”

“Y-yes, I’m fine.”

“Good.”

He turned to leave, but Fluttershy stopped him.

“Could you please escort us back, please?”

“I’m sorry, but I cannot do that.”

“Please?” she whispered.

He looked at the ground, then at the sky. Eventually he turned to Fluttershy.

“Alright.”

He was immediately glomped by Lyra.

“You are coming home with ME, right now.” With that, she zoomed off to Ponyville, with Ulquiorra just accepting his fate.

Thanks for reading! Please leave a comment as to what you think, criticism helps!

Chapter 5

“And this, children, is called a…”

Snails slowly raised his hoof.

“No, Snails, it’s not pudding.” Snails slowly lowered his hoof, and went back to staring at the walls. Snips raised his hoof.

“It’s called a manticore, miss!” He grinned at this.

‘Very good, Snips. Now, what is-“ Cheerilee was interrupted by an all to familiar green blur, dragging something in a shroud behind it.

“Lyra, what is it?”

“I’ve got conclusive proof that humans exist!”

Cheerilee sighed. “A copy of Daring Do and the temple of Humans is not conclusive proof, as I’ve told you the last twelve times you tried that.”

“No, I’ve got real proof this time- a REAL human!”

Cheerilee looked doubtful at this.

“Don’t believe me? BEHOLD, YE OF LITTLE FAITH!”

She whisked off the cloth to reveal what looked, to all purposes, a human as Lyra described them.

Ulquiorra was being stared at by a lot of small ponies. One of them, a light purple one with gold eyes and hair, said ‘Oh, you’re the one Mummy saw!”

Another one, a yellow horned pony, looked at him sleepily, then refocused on the wall. Two little ‘normal’ ponies stared at him as if they didn’t like him at all.

For once in his life, Ulquiorra felt nervous in front of a crowd.

Lyra ignored the stares and started a speech.

‘This creature is called a human, or Homo Superior Erectus. Any questions so far?”

Dinky raised her hoof.

“Yes Dinky?”

“What’re those things on the end of his hoofs?”

“Dinky, they’re not called hoofs. They’re called hands. Hands are what humans use to make up for lack of magical ability. They can hold things in their hands, if they can lift the weight of the object.” An appreciative ‘oooh’ went through the class.

“Now-“ the human nudged her.

“What is it?” The creature opened its mouth.

“I don’t feel comfortable here.”

Lyra looked despondently at what she’d done. She’d dragged him out of his comfort zone just to prove a point. She felt terrible at dragging this creature here.

“I know! I’ll take you to see Bon-Bon! Cheerilee, can we-“

“Y-yeah, I think you should go.” Cheerilee evidently understood his need to get out.

‘OKAY LETSGO!” He just let himself be dragged off by Lyra.

Cheerilee looked at her class.

‘It’s too much to ask that we can get back on track, isn’t it.” As one filly, the class nodded, except for Snails, who was lighting up his horn and watching the light.

“Lyra…” Lyra’s idea of cleaning up her side of the house was to cram it into a magically enhanced locker from her schooldays. Merely opening the locker had caused an avalanche of her stuff to nearly bury Bon-Bon. All that garbage to find a camera, which had been in the self-dubbed ‘human cave’, where Lyra kept her crazy paraphernalia relating to humans. It was an organized garbage dump of park benches, doorknobs, shovels, scythes and other things. Bon-Bon hadn’t seen the point- they could have been built for unicorns, but Lyra pointed out that they had handles and stuff, meant for what Lyra called ‘hands’ which humans used to grab things with. Thinking about it gave her a headache, so she had a whole section of her cabinet devoted to alcohol, painkillers and sugary sweets to deal with her crazy roommate and her government conspiracy theories.

Still, she paid her half of the rent on time, and was a damn good musician, so that was something to be thankful for.

“Bon-Bon! He followed me home! Can I keep him?”

Bon-Bon looked at the human, and the human looked back at her.
Communicating through a shared glance, she could emphasize with the human.

“LYRA! That is a sentient being! You can’t keep him as a pet! Now put him back right where you found him!”

“But Bon-Bon-“

“No buts, just put him back!”

Before they could argue any further, Fluttershy knocked timidly.

‘Umm… mr Human… could you come with me to Sugarcube Corner with me? Please?”

“Yes.”

I’m free. When she’s enthusiastic, she’s worse than Commander Tosen on Justice.
Wait… what is this I don’t even…

The building he was currently looking at offended his senses on multiple levels. It was made of what looked like the human food called ‘gingerbread’, despite the fact that it wasn’t bread or made of ginger.

“Is this building edible?”

Fluttershy looked at him with relief.

“Oh, everypony asks that when they first see Sugarcube Corner, so you’re normal! …That’s good to hear. So,” she suddenly changed subject, “what’s your name? Everypony has a name.”

The human looked at her for what felt like ages. Finally, he spoke.

“Ulquiorra… Schiffer.” It wasn’t a pony name, but it was pretty good. It seemed to be as dark and as foreboding as Ulquiorra was.

“That’s a nice name.”

“What’s yours?”

“Fluttershy.”

‘It suits you so well… as well as her name did for her…” Ulquiorra stopped for a second, then continued.

“SURPRISE!”

The ponies assembled saw this creature that opened the door, with a shocked expression on his face. Finally, he looked at Fluttershy, then tried to become unnoticeable. Unfortunately, he looked out of place in this place with his pale, ghostly appearance, bone half-helmet, and cat-like eyes. Ponies flocked to him, asking questions, but he evaded them with his strange teleportation ability.

“OHMIGOSHULQUIYOUREGOINGTOHAVETOTRYTHIS-“

Ulquiorra shoved his hand at the pink demon.

‘How do you know my name?”

The pony giggled. “Silly Ulqui, I read your previous exchange with Fluttershy!” Ulquiorra was about to ask, but he felt a hoof on his shoulder. A lavender pony with a horn just shook her head.

“Don’t ask, just roll with it. So, where are you from, anyway?”

“The realm of the Hollows, Hueco Mundo.”

“Okay…”

Ulquiorra was then pulled forwards to the snack table, where something awaited.
It looked… brown, with what looked like strawberries and white, liquid stuff on the top of the cake with it. Intricate designs down the side of the cake were in the shape of ponies down it. It was quite tall, at head height to Ulquiorra on a table made for ponies.

“Go on, Ulqui! Try it!”

A large slab was then unceremoniously thrust into his hand. Ulquiorra looked at it, then turned to Fluttershy.

“Oh, that’s cake. You eat it.”

Ulquiorra tore off a piece of the ‘cake’, examined it, and then put it into his mouth and chewed. His eyes bulged at the taste.

QWERTYUIOPSLUPPLEASDFGHJKLZXCVBNM.
SWEETMOTHEROFAIZENTHISISDELICIOUS!

The ‘cake’ was extremely moist, and also extremely sugary sweet, with an unusual taste there as well, only adding to the flavour. The strange sticky stuff between layers was sweet, but it tasted slightly more bitter, to contrast the almost sickly sweetness of the cake. The white, thick substance on the top of the cake was sweet, and at just the right consistency to be delicious. The lone strawberry there added a fruity acid to the taste, perfectly balancing the flavour. This… was perfection of the senses. His eye had been unable to ascertain what lay within.

Fluttershy and the ponies looked at the creature. As soon as it had eaten a small morsel of the extremely decadent cake known as ‘Celestia’s Delight’, he had fallen over. Not like Berry Punch, in a drunken stupor- he just went from upright to on the ground in one impressive motion, with not a single muscle bending at all. His eyes had rolled to the back of his head, and the cake was being chewed.

“Huh, what a weirdo.”

“The taste was too much for this one.” Pinkie Pie solemnly intoned, having acquired a false beard from somewhere.

“Pinkie Pie, was that part of my Star Swirl the Bearded costume?”

“Maybe we should remove the cake-“

‘Shink.’
The creature had drawn that strange looking object and was holding it at her throat. He hadn’t gotten up. He had barely moved. But the edge at Rainbow Dash’s throat was still there.

“On second thoughts, he’ll be fine.” The sword went away again. Finally, Ulquiorra got up. He looked at the cake, and reached a decision.

He picked up the cake and carried it outside. Pinkie Pie looked despondent, until Ulquiorra looked at her face. He drew his sword, cut off about half the cake, and handed it to Pinkie Pie.

“Here.”

He then exited with the remainder of the cake outside. Soon, the sound of contented munching followed.

“I think he likes cake.”

Thanks for reading! Please leave a comment as to what you think, criticism helps!

Also, here's something I made for shits and giggles:

Chapter 6

The next day, Ulquiorra opened his eyes, and felt… something.
This was indigestion, brought on by too much delicious cake. How much had he eaten last night?

Last night…

Did he really drink hot sauce? Did he really pin his sword on his own backside somehow? There was too much to remember, as he was currently in the tree house.

“Oh, hey! You’re awake!”

You are too bright for this morning.

“So, uh… Ulquiorra, what is that thing you’re holding?”

“This is my Zanpacto, Murciélago. It is not a toy.”

“Anyway, I think you need a change of clothes. They got pretty stained last night.”

Ulquiorra looked at his clothes. They’d been dyed brown by chocolate, with red splotches from the hot-sauce.

“I think that would be a good idea.”

“Carousel Boutique… This is where I can wash my clothes?”

“You’ll get your clothes washed here, alright.”

Entering the gaudy, glittery building, a white unicorn with an elegantly curled mane walked out to greet them.

“Oh, hello Twili- GASP!”

Ulquiorra looked on dispassionately as this ‘Rarity’ pulled a couch towards her, and collapsed on top of it.

“Such a NOVEL combination of colours! Even if messes create it, it is still so chic! Oh, THANK you, Mr Ulquiorra! Now,” she gathered and composed herself, “can I help you?”

By the time the… events of the measurements for new clothes were over, Ulquiorra felt unchanged. He was staring at Opalescence, Rarity’s pet cat.

“…She’s been getting ever so moody, Twilight! Fighting dogs, other cats- it’s a miracle she isn’t dead.”

Suddenly, Ulquiorra realized what was bothering him about the white cat. It looked at him with a certain look in its eye. One only possessed by one piece of trash.

This isn’t possible. But it is…

Ulquiorra walked over to Opalescence, and looked at the cat. Twilight could have sworn he was shaking. Rarity looked at him warily.

‘What are you doing?”

Ulquiorra touched the cat.

I’m free now, suckers!

What-

Opalescence was slowly floating in the air, with a cocky smirk on its face. Waves of yellow and blue magic rolled off the smirking cat, forming an orb around the pampered, aggressive cat. Opalescence slowly glowed a pure, blinding white.
With a flash, the light disappeared, revealing…

Opalescence, in the exact same position on the floor.

“Um, big sis? I think that Opalescence magically transformed into Opalescence. That’s lame.”

“AH-HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH! AH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH! I’m back! My power has returned!”

Turning in the direction of the voice, they saw another creature.

This one was even taller than Ulquiorra- at least a full head taller. It wore the same pants, had the same black and white hooves, and had the same sash, but everything else was different. Its jacket was much shorter, ending at halfway down its heavily muscled chest. It had long sleeves, but they were rolled up. The creature had, rather than a bone half-helmet on its head, a half-jawbone on the right side of the lower half of its face. Its mane was a wild, electric blue, and it stuck up in a very similar fashion to Opalescence’s tuft. Its bright blue eyes sparkled with sadism and a cruel laughter, and he had what looked like teal make-up around the far corners of his eyes. The most interesting feature of his body was the large hole in his stomach. It seemed to be wholly natural for him- he didn’t seem to be suffering, and it looked fully healed.

“Hey, Ulquiorra! I’ve got one thing to say to your ugly face!” He launched himself at Ulquiorra, who for his part looked bored. That huge smirk on his face had barely moved.

He hugged Ulquiorra in a tackle to the ground.

“THANK YOU! YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I’VE BEEN THROUGH! THAT WAS THE MOST HORRIBLE THREE DAYS OF MY LIFE!” He was bawling now, before he punched Ulquiorra in the face. “Now I’ve got a worthy oppo- hey, what’re you looking at me like that for?”

Ulquiorra was shaking.

“Too scared to fight, Emo-clown?”

“You have a bow in your hair.” As one, every pony, including the creature, looked up. He did indeed have the bow in his hair.

“BLOODY FUCK! GET IT OUT! I’M TOO MANLY FOR THIS!” He finally saw Rarity.

He exerted his spiritual pressure on her.

“TAKE THIS FUCKING BOW OUT OF. MY. HAIR. NOW.”

Tearily, Rarity did so.

“Heh.”

The creature swung around to Ulquiorra. That one small chuckle seemed to be it.

“YOU FUCKING LAUGHED! YOU NEVER LAUGH!” He felt a small tug on his hakama.

“Um, Mister Not Opalescence? What’s your name?” He grinned at her.

‘The name’s Grimmjow. Grimmjow Jaegerjaques. Remember the name!”

Peering at the little filly a bit closer, he recognized her.

‘HEY! You’re Sweetie Belle! You used to give me that burnt applesauce stuff! That is the greatest!” Sweetie Belle blushed at the praise.

“Actually… it was toast.”

“I don’t give a fuck, it was delicious!”

“Grimmjow, why were you a cat?”

Grimmjow looked at Ulquiorra strangely.

“None of your business, Emo-clown.”

“It kind of is. We’re all alone here, Grimmjow. Only you and me here in this world, as far as I know. So, again, what happened to you.”

“Man, what happened to you, Ulqui? You’ve changed a lot.”

“I… have discovered my own heart.” Grimmjow looked at him strangely

“You were always weird, but this takes the cake. If you really wanna know, fucking Princess Celery did this to me.”

Thanks for reading! Please read a comment as to what you think, criticism helps!

Chapter 7

So, Grimmjow is free of his enchantment.

“That extremely RUDE Grimmjow is free, sister? That should be impossible.”

“Luna, I know that.”

Oh, ME, I could use Discord’s chocolate rain. And some cake. Especially that ‘Captain Diabeetus’, that was the best cake EVER.

“If you’ll excuse me, Luna, I’ll be in Room 3B.”

“Good luck getting him to talk.”

Discord was still in the statue gardens- Celestia could afford it, what with the new seal. His look of abject terror wasn’t what he looked like on the inside.
Discord had allowed the three fillies to free him because he was bored of his facial expression- that made him look too much like a hero. He’d always liked the alicorns and ponies- he refused to take a life, as that would be too BORING. Celestia often talked to him, in his little, self-contained world within the statue.

Touching the statue with her horn, she entered Discord’s world.

He’d changed the laws of thermodynamics, physics and gravity around a bit, but otherwise it was identical to a large, chocolate donut.

“Ah, Celestia, what an honour it is to meet you again! It’s been, what, five days since we last talked-“

“Can it. Chocolate rain. NOW.”

Discord looked bored with the usual order, but snapped his fingers anyway.

“So you’ve changed your appearance to human now?” Were the last words before the chocolate rain of deliciousness fell and she had to focus on the deliciousness.

“Well, with two humans running rampant through Equestria, I felt it was appropriate.”

“Sho it wash another human”

“Mouth full. DID NOT WANT.”

“Shince when are you concherned about that?” Both of them had a laugh at that.
Then Discord turned serious.

“Celestia, do you want me to give you this news before or after you finish your milk?”

She waved a hoof at him dismissively.

“Shure, shure, hit me.”

Discord punched Celestia in the mouth, causing her precious chocolate milk bounty to be forcefully expelled.

‘I DIDN’T MEAN LITERALLY!”

Discord chuckled a bit.

“If you really want to know… the Changeling armies are starting to move. I thought that you might want to know that. Also… you have a changeling in Canterlot.”

Celestia saw no point in asking Discord who was the changeling. He’d give you the correct answer, in an annoyingly complicated riddle, but you’d only learn what the answer was when you’d already made your mistake.

“Thanks for the milk.”

Discord took a bit of her mane out, rolled it up, lit it on fire and stuck it into his mouth.

“Just have fun. Get chance and luck!”

Princess Celestia had finished Captain Diabeetus by herself, leaving an unsightly bulge in her stomach.

“Thank me for teleportation spells” she woozily said before staggering off to the Royal Bedroom to sleep off her own bodyweight in sugary confection. Levering the door open with her magic, she was greeted with the sight of her throne being sat in (rather awkwardly) by a humanoid being wearing her spare crown.

“ALL BOW BEFORE THE KING OF THIS WORLD!”

Princess Celestia just stared at him, before saying, “what.”

“You heard me.”

By now, Celestia was in half a mind to call the Elements of Harmony here to send this creature to the moon, but the cake was telling her to sleep. She tried, one time, to give this creature a chance to redeem himself.

“I am Princess Celestia, the ruler of Equestria. You have no claim to it.”

“I claim to be king because I have discovered TWO rare birds. Wanna see em?”

He flipped her off with both hands.

“I can see that you can’t take a message.”

She felt an appropriate punishment was in the Carousel Boutique. Of course, she could turn him into stone, but given how well that had turned out, this was probably better.
Teleporting them both there, she immediately found Opalescence.

“Get in the cat.”

“Listen I’m not THAT kind of guy-“

She transplanted his soul into the cat. She’d be a bit more vicious, but would anypony really notice?

“...And that’s the story of how I was a cat.”

Rarity had fainted three times, Sweetie Belle just nodded, Twilight Sparkle just twitched a little (still in shock over some of the words Grimmjow had used to describe ‘Princess Celery’) and Ulquiorra had facepalmed.

“You flipped off an immortal goddess.”

“Well, yeah.”

“WHY WOULD YOU DESCRIBE HER AS ‘BLOATED’?”

“She was kinda bloated. She was three feet wide!”

“Was I really?”

Grimmjow and Twilight Sparkle jumped a mile into the air.

“BLOODY FUCK, PRINCESS CELERY, DON’T DO THAT!”

“I kinda have to agree with you on that, Grimmjow. You scared us, Princess!”

“Grimmjow, is that your name? Now answer the question. Was I really three feet wide?”

“Yes.”

“At least you’re honest.”

“So you’re the ruler of this world.”

Celestia turned around to the other human, who for his part just stared at her with respect. He bowed down.

“Honoured to finally meet you.”

“Hey, what gives?”

“Do you want to have something worse happen to you?”

“NO.”

“Then shut up.” Grimmjow looked angry, but followed Ulquiorra’s request.

“You’re more sensible than Grimmjow is, that’s for sure.”

Ulquiorra decided to press his luck.

“Apart from me and Grimmjow, have any others like us shown up?”

“Yes. A tall and thin one did appear, shortly after Grimmjow in fact. However, he’s been dealt with. He’s currently enjoying a permanent tour of Tartaurus.”

“I see. Thank you. I assure you Grimmjow will NOT be any trouble.”

“How’s that, Emo-clown?” For answer, Ulquiorra nudged Twilight into giving an answer.

“You’re going to be kept in check by the Elements of Harmony.”

“Elements of harmony? What the fuck are they?”

“Only the most powerful magical artefacts in Equestria.” Was the smug answer of Twilight Sparkle.

Rarity jumped up like a bolt of lightning.

“Well, Ulquiorra, I have your new change of clothes ready.”

“Well, Twilight, I’ll see you later on, then.”

Ulquiorra examined the clothes. A dark green, short-sleeved top, a white scarf, pale green belt and black, skinny jeans were his new change of clothes.

“Well, what do you think?”

“They’re good.”

As he took off his jacket to put on his new shirt, every pony stared at his chest, for some reason.

Ulquiorra also had a hole- at the base of his throat, in the very centre of his chest. On the left side of his chest, a large 4 was tattooed in black on his pale chest.

“You’ve both got holes, so why are they in different places?”

“Aesthetics.”

“What.”

“The Hollow hole changes place for one’s sense of aesthetics.”

“Really?” Rarity looked curious about this revelation.

‘So, what is the ‘Hollow Hole’ for?”

“It shows the place where our chain of Fate was.”

Twilight looked perplexed. “Chain of Fate?”

“When a human, or any living creature dies, they gain a Chain of Fate, which slowly detoriates. When it is completely gone, you turn into a Hollow, a being with no heart. But if you eat enough souls-“

“You ate souls?” Rarity summoned her fainting couch and collapsed on it dramatically.

“Well, we don’t have to anymore. But if you get to the level of Gillian, and then Adhuchas… you can reacquire your emotions, if you really want to.”

“Well, Celestia? How did it go?”

“The Elements of Harmony will keep Grimmjow in check.”

“Say what you will about Grimmjow, at least he didn’t attempt to kill a Fillydelphia school tour because they got in his way. Not like that ‘Nnoitora’ creature. That grin…”

“Well, Ulquiorra will look after Grimmjow and the Elements. Now, Luna, for the bad news. A Changeling is in Canterlot, according to Discord. I don’t know who, I don’t know where, but Discord is never wrong about such things.”

Thanks for reading! Please leave a comment as to what you think, criticism helps!

Chapter 9

“I think we’re lost.”

Grimmjow and the other Cutie Mark Crusaders stared at Scootaloo incredulously.

“Well, I thought YOU had the map, so it’s your fault we’re lost!”

“HEY!”

“It’s a big castle in the distance, Scoots! How hard can it be to get lost here!”

“VERY HARD! There’s manticore’s, Ursa Minors, Timber wolves, and Angel bunny to go through!”

As one, all the ponies shuddered.

“How hard can this ‘Angel’ be?”

“Let’s just say that he went into a cage-match with twenty Timber wolves… and only Angel came out.”

Grimmjow grinned.
“Sounds cool. Anything else?”

“Well, he did face down some mean ponies in armour around a cave filled with treasure, but he got hit with a magical projectile. I think he got better.”

‘Right…” Grimmjow decided to just follow his instincts. “Alright, girls, ready to go FAST?”

“YAY!”

Ulquiorra was being introduced to art, along with Twilight Sparkle.
Large, intricate paintings hung on the walls of the treehouse, even though they shouldn’t be there.

“This is an illusion.”

“Well, yes,” Twilight had a small blush on her face when she said this. "It’s not as good as one pony I knew- I’ve never gotten the hang of illusions myself. It deceives the senses, it’s not real, not tangible! Illusions don’t even exist, yet we still see them! It’s like magnets-“ Pinkie Pie hit Twilight over the head with an oversized squeaky mallet.

‘Sorry, Twily, but we don’t want another ‘Twilight goes crazy episode’, now do we?”

‘What do you mean?”

“Well, Twilight occasionally has an ‘episode’ where she goes crazy! It’s really when the writers of the show want to feature Twilight in some way, but are a bit plugged for ideas, or they don’t have enough ideas and they’ve just shown the Cutie Mark Crusaders, so they can’t feature another episode with them!”

“Yeah… what she said.” Not for the first time, Ulquiorra wondered who was truly the more intelligent of the two.

“Well, anyway, this is Ponyville art. Like it?”

“It’s not my standard of beauty, but it’s good by your standards.” Twilight looked at him.

“Well, what’s your standard of beauty, then?”

Ulquiorra rummaged around, and pulled out a piece of white paper. He held it up.

“This is beauty for me. The emptiness of pure white. It’s soothing when there is nothing.”

Twilight tried to bridge the gap between them. “Why is that you standard of beauty?” Ulquiorra looked down, before speaking.

“When I was in my world, I represented an aspect of Death: Despair. My true form instills despair in all who witness it. I won’t show you, as despair shouldn’t be unleashed here.” Ulquiorra looked away, and didn’t seem to be opening up any more.

“Anything else?”

“No. That’s all I feel comfortable with.” Twilight opened her mouth, but closed it, after realizing that there was nothing more to be dragged out of him.

Grimmjow and the Cutie Mark Crusaders were speeding towards Canterlot when Sweetie Belle remembered another problem.

‘Girls, what about the barrier?”

“Barrier?”

“Yeah, I read a bit-“

“Wow, you’re an egghead!”

“Oh, shut up. Anyway, that barrier is put up to defend Canterlot from stuff.”

“Huh. That’s cool, but not really good for us at the moment. You say that the best donuts in Equestria are in here?”

“Yep!”

Grimmjow frowned in thought.

“I’VE GOT IT! We’ll need some stupid, stuck-up ponce, and a megaphone.”

“Celestia? It’s Grimmjow. He’s at Sector 2-0-1 of Canterlot.”

Celestia groaned. Bad enough that he was free now, but here he was, coming back. She sighed. "What is it? Can’t he see that the city is now on lockdown?”

Luna hesitated for an instant. “He’s captured Prince Blueblood.”

“Really? I thought that it was a bit less annoying around here. That’s good, right?”

“The thing is… he’s threatening to put him back into the city if he doesn’t get… donuts.” Luna looked away awkwardly.

Celestia put on her thinking face, and reached her decision in record time. She turned to the nearest guard.
“Go to Pony Joe’s and get as many donuts as fast as possible.” He saluted and ran off.

‘UNHOOF ME!” Grimmjow hit the pansy on the horn again, and he collapsed, and started to drool while singing a song about an alicorn’s horn.

“Who would’ve guessed that he’d just walk out of a forcefield that protects ponies from outside threats, without telling anypony about it?”

“You tell me.”

“Ah knew aristocrats were stupid, but that bucks tha apple, alright!”

“It’s the inbreeding. The inbreeding really does it.”

Grimmjow looked up at the guard who’d walked up, with a large box on his back.

“Well, thank you. As per our deal, we will not release Blueblood.”

“Princess Celestia-“
“CELERY!”
“-has asked you to kick Blueblood in the plot for her.” The guard smirked a little, then leaned forward, and said, in an unprofessional tone of voice, “Would you mind kicking him into the desert? It’ll take him at least a fortnight to get back to Canterlot, even with magic.”

Grimmjow grinned. “Alright, Blueblood, it’s time to go blasting off!” He picked up the prone unicorn, aimed him away from Ponyville, and dropped Blueblood on his foot.

As Blueblood soared over the horizon while screaming bloody murder, Grimmjow and the fillies opened the box of donuts. The sweet smell of tasty, sugary confectionary rose into their noses.

“We don’t tell Twilight and the others about Blueblood, right girls?” The Cutie mark Crusaders looked at him.

“Who?” They all grinned, and started to eat donuts.

By the time they came back to Ponyville, Ulquiorra was glaring at Grimmjow.

“Grimmjow, what were you doing?”

“Nothing, Ulqui, you’re not my mom!”

Twilight was about to retort, but stopped when she saw the look in Ulquiorra’s eye.

“Doubtless we’ll hear about it when the guard comes to arrest him for whatever he did.”

Author's Note

Hey guys, so sorry that it took so long for this chapter to come out. My friend, who's helping me write this fic, took a long time to email the chapter to me, since we don't see each other IRL anymore, and it's just a big hassle.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed! Don't forget to leave a comment and leave some constructive criticism!

Chapter 8

Ulquiorra was feeling… strange. Not bad strange, like ‘pod people’ strange, whatever that was, but ‘good’ strange. He couldn’t identify what this feeling was. Something to do with the heart, then. Ulquiorra hadn’t used his afterlife as well as other beings had- he’d never felt emotion before, and had denounced them. Now, he was feeling emotions in this world, and minimizing his power because he didn’t want to kill the ponies. Now, he didn’t know what to make of these strange new feelings. He decided to consult his one ‘expert’, Grimmjow.

“Well, Grimmjow, thank ya for doin’ the pickin’! It means less bruises in the fruit, and no pony likes bruised apples!”

“You do know that you can say ‘nobody’, right?”

Despite his ritual bickering, Grimmjow felt cheerful. He liked the apples, and Sweetie Belle, and the CMC. He especially loved these apples. When you mixed them with liquid toast, they tasted exactly like bananas. He didn’t know why, the combination just tasted like bananas, and he wasn’t going to argue. Then a familiar spiritual pressure came near.

Oh, it’s Emo-clown.

“Grimmjow, I need your help.”

“What the f-“ Applejack shook her head at him, indicating Applebloom nearby.

Grimmjow just sighed.

“What the… HELL do you want?”

‘I need to know what this feeling is. I feel… strange, like everything is alright, even thought logically, that is not the case.”

“That’s called contentment, you asshole.”

“Now I feel different again. I feel like I should be stabbing you. Violently. Do you know what that is?”

“It’s called anger. Hell, I’m angry all the time!”

Ulquiorra just stared at Grimmjow for a few seconds blankly.

“There, it’s fixed.”

“What is?”

“I’ve just shut off my feelings of anger.”

“You CAN’T just shut off an emotion like that?”

“I’ve already shut off sadness and regret.”

“That’s a heart you’ve got now, it shouldn’t work like that. Even if you shut it off, it’ll still work- your heart’s not some kind of switch you can just flick willy-nilly.”

“Really? Clearly that’s a design glitch.”

“Only you, Ulquiorra, would think of emotion objectively.”

Ulquiorra just sonido’d off. Grimmjow shook his head and turned to Applejack.

“Hey, I did my picking, so what do I do now?”

Applejack grinned at him nastily. Grimmjow felt like he should be a little more wary, but not swearing made a man incautious.

“Grimmjow, ya can look after the Cutie Mark Crusaders for this afternoon.”

“Cutie Mark Crusaders? Oh, those three? They’re cool.”

“YAY!”

Ulquiorra was calmly drinking tea when he felt the combined weight of three little fillies on his back.

“Please get off.”

‘Aw, you’re no fun Ulqui.”

“Yeah, lighten up, Emo-clown.”

Grimmjow was with the Cutie Mark Crusaders. He was also holding some Zap Apple jam in his stomach cavity.

“Grimmjow, what did you do.”

‘MAN, the Cutie Mark Crusaders wanna see your full power. I know you’ve been showing restraint with your powers, but it’s time you really went and blew up stuff.”

“I don’t want to hurt them.”

“Well, you’re forgetting that with my AWESOME power, that won’t be a problem.”

Ulquiorra sighed.

“No.”

“Please, Ulqui?”

“I said no.”

Grimmjow grabbed Ulquiorra.

“Come on, Emo-clown. I know you want to, really.”

“Twilight, the Cutie Mark Crusaders are here.” From the distance, Twilight simply cast a spell at the three fillies and their guardian.

“Well, girls, Ah’m hungry.”

“Yeah.”

“Maybe we should eat the jam.”

“What jam?”

“Or we could go for donuts.”

“Yeah! Donuts are delicious!”

“What’s a ‘donut’? Is it good?”

“Of COURSE it’s good! Its only rivals in deliciousness are cake and pie!”

Grimmjow looked thoughtful. Food almost as good as cake and pie? Seemed legitimate.

“Let’s go get some donuts then!”

As one, the three fillies and their caretaker shouted out,

“CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS DONUT GATHERERS YAY!”

Lyra bolted upright.

“Something wrong with you, Lyra?”

“HUMAN SENSE TINGLING!”

“Not this again.”

Grimmjow and the Cutie Mark Crusaders were quickly getting the attention of the villagers- then again, when a six-foot tall creature with a hole in its stomach and three hyperactive fillies charge through your town looking for donuts, you’d better pay attention.

“Applebloom let me get his straight. Y’all are goin’ ta Canterlot… fer donuts.”

Nod.

“An’ y’all don’t wanta give trouble ta Pinkie.”

Another nod.
Applejack sighed, but she knew that this was an uphill battle.

“Fine. As long as Grimmjow looks after y’all, ya hear me?”

“YAY!”

“So, Scoots… this your house?”

It was a fairly nice looking house in the clouds- an exclusive little flat with easy access to the ground.

“Yeah… I should tell you that my dad’s a little… eccentric.”

As Scootaloo opened the door, she dodged a hug from a pony that they could only assume was her father with a bored expression on her face.

Her dad had the same bright purple hair, sticking up in an almost conical spike over his head. His coat, however, was a surprisingly bright day glow yellow, and he even had the same purple eyes. He was wearing what looked like a corduroy jacket over a magenta shirt with lime palm trees. His Cutie Mark was a stethoscope over what looked like a quill pen.

“OH, MY DARLING DAUGHTER IS SAFE!”

“Dad, I’m always safe. Quit worrying.”

Her dad just sparkled.

“I get it, your dads just been so busy with work that he’s had no time for you, so you get into danger and don’t come home for a few days out of anger! Well, Scootaloo, I forgive you. Now how about a hug for your dear old dad?”

Scootaloo simply forehoofed him in the muzzle.

As he rolled on the ground trying to conceal his pain, Scootaloo turned to her friends.

“This is why I never take you home to meet my dad.”

Her dad finally noticed that she had friends over.

“Hey, hey, HEY! Look at that guy! He doesn’t look safe, but MAN! Where’d he get that shirt?”

He turned to the fillies.

“I’m a small medical practitioner for pegasi, called Doctor Tom-“

“Our last name is embarrassing, don’t say it!”

“What’s wrong with our family name? Be proud of it! Our family name is Swift! My full last name is Swift Diagnosis, because I got my Cutie Mark for my legendary medical intuition!”

“Yeah, whatever. That’s an old story dad, and it’s all mushy! Can we go to Canterlot for donuts?”

“Sure thing!”

“Your dad’s a bit… random.” Scootaloo just rolled her eyes.

“Yeah, he wasn’t so bad until Mom died.”

“Your mom died? How did that happen?”

Scootaloo just looked away.

“She died in a freak flying accident- a dragon burned her right out of the sky. After that, Dad started acting all goofy- maybe to make us forget about it or something. I’m over it now; it’s in the past. NOW WHO WANTS DONUTS?”

“YAY!”

Ulquiorra had noticed that Twilight had cast some sort of barrier around the house.

‘What’s the matter?” For answer, Pinkie Pie jumped out of his Hollow hole.

As he tried to fathom the impossibilities this presented, she started talking.

“Silly Ulqui, the ‘Cutie-Mark-Crusaders-are-doing-something’ sense is tingling!”

‘I don’t think that it could be that bad.”

Walking over to the window, he was treated to the sight of Grimmjow, with the CMC in tow, running through the air in the direction of the castle in the distance.

‘Well?”

Ulquiorra decided to ignore what was happening outside.

“Nothing,” he said, with an air of grave finality about him, “is happening.”

Thanks for reading! please leave a comment as to what you think, criticism helps!