Chapter 1: Calamity Hooves
Howdy, there! Wow, I can’t believe how well this doo-hicky works! Ahem, My name’s Calamity Hooves, and I am the Chosen One, and one of six ponies to have defeated General Kaine and her Army of the Goddess. How did that happen? Well, sit your little tushy there, and I’ll tell ya.
In order to properly describe what happened, I must start at the very beginning, where I was the one pony they chose to go out into the wastes and find the Elements of Harmony to help the crops flourish. Well, at least that’s what they told me.
You see, I’m a very clumsy mare. Really clumsy. I mean I one time accidentally destroyed my neighbor’s house just by lightly tapping on the door. It’s part of my cutie mark, you see. My special talent, as shown by my wrecked house cutie mark, is that I’m accident-prone, yet I’m lucky enough to survive all that happens to me. Must be the fact that I’m an Earth Pony, and I have a lot of good endurance.
I’m getting sidetracked, I apologize, I do that.
Anyway, that clumsiness is what got ponies to get me out of my hometown of Atrot.
It all started when I was helping my little brother, Apocalypse, fix my ma some dinner.
I lead my brother’s hooves along as I began to use my hooves to cut the bread into small slices. My little brother, being only five years old, really couldn’t be trusted to use sharp objects, you see. I smiled, before my hoof suddenly tipped the knife over and almost hit my paw in his mane as he listened to the radio.
My paw then proceeded to calmly take out the knife and walked over to give it back to me. He’s kinda used to my tricky hooves, thank gosh. I smiled as I tried to use the toaster to heat up the bread. Unfortunately, as I touched it, it promptly exploded.
“Aw, again?” Apocalypse said, his brown mane went over his striped body.
“It’s okay.” I said, pulling out a screwdriver and a wrench,”I can fix it!”
“No!” My mom, a pink coated, yellow maned earth pony, ran out and proceeded to grab the toaster,”I’ll fix it, honey!”
I pouted as she proceeded to take my tools away and began to work on the toaster. I heard my little brother speak,”Calamity? Why do things break around you?”
I shrugged,”I’m jinxed, I guess?”
Apocalypse cocked his head,”Why?”
“I don’t know. Want to listen to the Mysterious Mare Do-Well with Paw?” I asked.
“Okay!” Apocalypse grinned as I lead him into the living room, where we sat and waited for Homage to put on my favorite pulp superhero show. What I got instead was news and disappointment.
“Hello, children!” Homage’s soft voice echoed through the airwaves. Yeah, I know she is usually called by her stage name, but everypony already knew who she was at this point, so I basically just wanna call her Homage for simplicity’s sake,”Unfortunately, I must interrupt your regularly scheduled program for a special bulletin. Once again, the Army of Goddess as struck another town, and taken its stallions and colts, and perhaps even a few mares as recruits. The NCR has tried to reach out to their leader, but they got nothing but hostility from the General’s soldiers. People of the wasteland, if you are not part of any of the NCR’s states, I suggest you stay in your homes, and be wary of anypony in strange looking power armor that is not Enclave, Steel Ranger, or Applejack’s Ranger. These ponies are not to be reasoned with, for they only seem to want to take. I will try to give more information if and when I acquire it.
And this is from me personally: as an Element of Harmony, I will try my best to keep you safe, but I can only do so much. Please, be safe children.
If we ever needed another Stable Dweller, it’s now.”
My paw shrugged as he leaned back,”Shit, and I thought Red Eye was a pain in the ass. Wanna grab a pizza?” He asked us as he got up from his chair,”Your maw’s gonna be at that toaster for a while.”
Me and my bro smiled,”Sure!” and we followed him out the door.
Or we would’ve if there weren’t a large, burly earth pony stallion in a really nice blue suit. I must say it really went with his white coat and blue goatee. He had a square jawline, a big neck, and his ass was-
“Calamity, ma’am, stop staring at me.” The hunky stallion said, lowering his sunglasses,”I came to you for an important reason.”
“To go on a date?” I said with a wiggle of my eyebrows.
“No.” The stallion said, coming towards me,”I need to take you to the Elder.”
“Aw.” I said with a frown. I trotted lightly before Apocalypse went up in front of me.
“Is Sister in trouble?” He asked, his eyes watering,”Please don’t take her away! I love her!”
The stallion shook his head,”She’s not in trouble, The Elder just needs her for a... special mission.”
I smiled as I walked up to him,”Alright! A special mission, I have been waiting for this chance for years!” I pumped my hoof, accidentally knocking the poor guy’s shades off,”Oops.”
I found myself being taken to the the small wooden hut in the center of town. All I saw around me was wood, and various rugs decorating the floor. Sitting at a table in front of me was the Elder, a tall pegasus mare with a white mane and a blue coat. She wore a tattered stable outfit and her eyes were a bit droopy. She looked at me with a long frown, before it quickly turned into a smile,”Hello, Calamity!”
I waved,”Hi, Elder Cloudy!” I began to hop around, shaking the area around me as I did,”So, am I goin’ on an adventure? Huh, huh, huh?”
The elder chuckled as she raised a hoof,”Sort of. You are 20 years old now, I think it’s time you go out and see the world, and make sure no pesky bad guys destroy our little humble village.” She gave a smile,”I will provide you with supplies, so you can get started on your journey.”
I stopped for a moment,”But where do I go?”
The elder smiled,”Well, try the NCR. They might have adventures for you to go on. Hey, maybe they’ll teach you a thing about the world.”
“Okay!” I said, a grin came across my face as I ran through the door, making an imprint of myself, and I proceeded to hop down the busy streets, where I accidentally knocked some ponies over while shouting at the top of my lungs,”I’m going on an adventure, I’m going on an adventure!”
I sat on the hill, seeing the road ahead of me. My Maw was crying as she went over and hugged me,”Oh, my baby girl’s going away!” She cried,”Don’t forget about us when you’re gone, okay?” She pulled out a pair of saddlebags and gave them to me,”Here, for the trip.”
Paw went over and nodded,”Be careful kid. Don’t forget your training.” He gave me a small device with a screen and put it on my hoof,”Here, a Pip-Buck, don’t let it get destroyed.”
My little bro ran up and hugged my leg,”My sis’ gonna be a hero!” He jumped up and down,”She’s gonna save the world and stop the bad guys and-”
“Alright sweetie,”I began to cry myself,”If ya keep goin’ I ain’t ever gonna leave!” I gave him a big hug.;
The Elder went up to me and put a 10mm pistol into my bags along with some health potions,”Be careful out there, there be monsters, slavers, and possibly some insurance salesponies there.”
I blinked as I asked,”In the wasteland?”
“There’re always insurance salesponies.” The Elder said with a frown. She pointed a wrinkly hoof to the distance,”Now, go! Save ponies, defeat monsters, and please be careful, I rather not have my citizen destroy the NCR!”
“Can do!” I said, putting my hoof up to salute her, only to accidentally hit her in the face,”Oops.”
The Elder wiped her face,”Just leave,”She said in an exasperated tone.
I smiled at her,”Alrighty then!” I turned to the yellow sun covered dusty desert before me,”Bye everypony!” I shouted as I ran into the wastes beyond, hearing the cheers of the crowd.
An hour later, I realized a problem with me running out into the wastes,”I’m bored!” I shouted into the heavens as I slowed to a walk,”The wasteland is boring, when do I get to a town or somethin’?” I then heard a noise to my right. I looked, and I saw a brown unicorn stallion with a yellow mane and tail bound and gagged on the ground. Next to him were three ponies who wore black armor over their bodies. They were all laughing about something, and I aimed to find out what. So I trotted over there and I said,”Howdy!”
The three ponies turned to look at me, and saw my rags and smiled,”Another potential slave! Sweet!”
Slavers! I didn’t like slavers, well, I still don’t but that’s splitting hairs, so I made a move against one of them. Unfortunately, my hoof swing missed the first guy, causing me to trip and fall into him. I think the first guy was knocked unconscious when his head hit the rock, but I didn’t notice as I tried to get up, accidentally hitting my head against the second guy, who flew backwards into the third guy, knocking them both out. I rubbed my head,”Ow! Ya jerks might have given me a concussion!” I said to the two fellas. I looked to the bound pony and removed his gag, letting him breathe.
He laughed as he looked up at me,”That was amazing! Did you do that on purpose?”
I scratched the back of my head,”Naw, I’m kinda clumsy.”
He shook his head as he used his magic to undo the bindings,”Yeah, sure, you’re probably being modest.” He smiled as he began to remove the armor off of the slavers and then went to a bag near the camp and began to take it,”Well, I may have gotten captured, but at least I’ve got some vendor trash!” He turned to me,”Name’s Swiss, of the Absolutely Everything Caravan Company!”
I held my hoof out and shook his,”Calamity Hooves, of Atrot!”
“Atrot? That’s north of here.” He looked at me and my rags,”You’re kinda lacking in equipment.” He gave me one of the slaver armors,”Here, it’s not much, but I do have better stuff back at Appleloosa.” He motioned towards the west,”Come, I’ll take you there. Unlike my dad, I won’t shoot you.” He chuckled,”Sorry, old family joke. I never thought this would actually happen to me.”
I slowly began to put the armor on,”What do ya mean?”
He gave a sigh,”My Dad’s name was Monteray Jack. He was kind of a dick.” He gave a growl.
I frowned,”Ya shouldn’t say that about him.”
He turned to me and gave a sad smile,”You didn’t meet him, but you see, he held the Stable Dweller at gunpoint, and tried to rob her after she saved him. Afterwards, he let himself be executed. Now, I don’t even know if that was the first time he did it.” He shook his head,”He tried to do what was best for us, but what he did was wrong. He tried to rob a pony, got punished for it, and left us.” He looked up at me,”Sorry, that’s a bit of a sore spot.”
I dabbed my eye with my hoof,”That’s so sad.” I patted his shoulder,”I hope you and your sibling are doing fine.”
He chuckled,”We’re doing okay, actually. My sister’s actually in the same business as I am. You see, we were taken in by President Gawd and her talons. They were a little rough, but they treated us like their own kin. My sis says that they were better parents then Dad. Once we grew up, Ditzy offered us a job, and we took it.” He turned,”Come, let’s head to Appleloosa, maybe we’ll meet my sister, Cheddar, there.”
Footnote: Traits Picked
Klutz: Holy cow! You certainly aren’t the most graceful of ponies, are ya? You are more likely to get critical failures, but so do your enemies! You’ve also gained a -2 penalty to Agility, but a +2 to Luck
Wild Wasteland: What did you do to the world? Stranger things will happen when you are around.
Name: Calamity Hooves
Earth Pony: +1 to St and Ed
S: 7
P:5
E:7
C:5
I:6
A:4
L:8
Tagged skills:Unarmed, Speech, Barter
New Perk: Fourth Wall Awareness: You’re now more aware of the fact that this is a fan fic, not a video game. You will start asking questions about the world and start questioning everything you see. You might even try to ask how perks work in a literary format! Oh, and new dialogue options are available for you, I guess.
Author's Note
Behold, the first chapter of the fic, and already we have a continuity nod! I hope the backstory I put out made some sense, but if there's a problem, I'll try to improve it.
Again, I'm always ready to listen to advice, please let me know if I should add more to the town or the characters.
I hope the next chapter's longer, I hate making short ones!
PS: Yes, Stick was raised by ponies, so he doesn't have Zecora's accent.
