“C’mon Apple Jackie Wackie! Or I’mma spankie your backie!” Pinkie Pie chuckled, as she hopped around the quiet town of Ponyville happily, heading for Sweet Apple Acres.
“Hehe, shush it gal, y’all know y’all prefer it the other way ‘round anyways…” Applejack retorted, slowly walking behind her, eyes fixated on her marefriend’s assets as they bounced and shook in front of her.
Pinkie, sporting a blush on her cheeks, started giggling hard and bouncing faster “You’re right! And that’s why we gotta hurry! If we don’t start the date, we can’t give it a happy ending!”
“Ah’m comin’, Ah’m comin’…”
“Hopefully not the last time you say that toni~ight!” Pinkie chimed.
Smirking, Applejack picked up the pace and followed her marefriend.
“UGH!” Rainbow Dash slammed her face against the table “I can’t take it! How can they go around saying all that stuff out loud!?”
Twilight Sparkle eyed her faceplanting friend and with a roll of her eyes she explained. “A happy-go-lucky mare that knows no shame or embarrassment, and an ever-honest pony that’s too focused on two twin bouncing buns to notice she’s in public, make for a very dangerous and powerful Public Demonstrations of Affection and Too Much Information combo.”
“It’s unbearable! They just won’t shut up about their sex life, and BOY do they have things to say!” Dash threw her hooves in the air exasperated, before sighing and looking at the friend sitting beside her “How did they convince Applebloom that their relationship was okay, anyway? She saw Pinkie as a cousin not long ago, didn’t she think it was weird? I know better than those fools that say the Apples ‘keep it in the family’, so don’t give me that…”
Twilight looked back at her and replied with a smirk “AJ told her they needed a reason to legally make her part of the Apple Family, since there was that smudge in the family tree.”
“Clever girl…”
“More than some give her credit for.”
“I HATE THIS!” Dash groaned, closing her eyes and raising her hooves to the sky once more, before letting them fall limp to her sides in frustration.
“Where are the others?” Asked Twilight, trying to change the subject and make Rainbow not think more on the subject.
“Date at Fluttershy’s…” she barked, not even opening her eyes.
“Suddenly, our ‘Mane Six weekly get-together’ got really… quiet, sad and lonely…” Twilight sighed, looking at their almost empty table.
“Don’t mention it. I hate losing! Even at getting a marefriend!” the Pegasus leaned forward and slumped over the table “It’s hard enough to lose to AJ but… Rarity? Even Fluttershy! All getting laid! And me… stuck here with you …” she stated, lazily pointing at the alicorn with an accusing hoof.
“Gee, thanks Rainbow, you really are a cheerleader.” Twilight said deadpan at her friend’s pseudo-insult.
“That’s it…That’s it!” Rainbow Dash said, suddenly smiling and looking up. “I’m stuck with you!”
“Yeah, yeah, rub it in, will you…”
“No, don’t you understand? There’s six of us, and four are already an item, which means we’re left!
“Huh?”
“Just think about it! If out of six, two pairs have been formed, wouldn’t it make sense if we two were supposed to be a thing too? We should get together!”
Twilight narrowed her eyes “Rainbow, one can’t get in a relationship ‘just cause’!”
“Oh c’mon! Pinkie did it because it sounded funny to say they were ‘Apple Pie’!”
Twilight raised her hoof to reply, but quickly closed it at a lack of words for a proper rebuttal to such point “… I guess you’re right…”
“And they’re more than okay. AND ALL OF PONYVILLE KNOWS IT!” Dash pointed towards the faraway couple before they were lost behind the apple trees.
“Well…” Twilight bit her lip, considering the idea.
“C’mon, Twilight… at least try it as a sort of… study project on relationships?”
“Well… if I’m honest with you, I always wanted to do that …”
“Then here’s your chance! Please?” Rainbow Dash said, giving Twilight an unusually cute pout.
“Okay, okay… we’ll give it a try.”
“Awesome!” Rainbow, hugging her friend “How hard could it be anyways? Am I right or am I right?”
Couple Prototype: A Report on a Romantic Relationship with Rainbow Dash
Day 1
Activity to Test: Lunch Together
Further Explanation: We tested ourselves in the most basic of couple activities.
To my surprise, Rainbow Dash presents rather decent table manners when the food served is not Apple Family’s, or if there’s no cider in sight. It really contrasted with my current rudeness and voracity during meals, due to the recent alicorn-induced cravings I have yet to control.
This contrast was also apparent in our menu: She decided to eat healthy, light food to enhance her flying performance, while I was savagely engulfing double cheese hayburgers with mayonnaise, extra pickles and mustard.
After a rather dull and fast conversation about Daring Do, we tried to go over our past, in order to know each other better, as its often advised for new couples to do. But regardless of my efforts, she was rather secretive of the parts we didn’t already know, which didn’t help our goal. And with mine being mostly reading book after book for years, the conversation died quite quickly. We had agreed at the beginning of our experiment not to talk about our friends, and focus solely on the things that bring us together for each other alone, not just for being part of a group. But sadly, most of her interesting and exciting stories always ended up involving either Applejack, in some sort of pointless competition, or pranking with Pinkie. And as clearly shown in her expression throughout my stories, they weren’t interesting at all.
I told her about the time I found a book with the pages 35 and 36 switched, which, until I noticed, made me seriously doubt the author’s intention with such sudden twist in the narrative, but that didn’t seem to surprise her in the slightest. Thinking back, I wonder if mentioning the time, back under Celestia’s tutelage when I accidentally summoned a flaming, flying rock golem sworn to carry my burdens, while I was reading one of Celestia’s forbidden books could’ve been a better topic and would’ve have interested her more. Alas, it’s too late now.
Soon after, it was made clear that the lunch had been a complete failure, but she still tried to make up for it and be nice by paying for both our meals like a gentle…mare? In what seems like a sick joke of fate, right after she so graciously announced ‘it was all on her’, she realized she had forgotten her bit bag, and only carried enough with her to pay for half her meal. Rainbow Dash was very embarrassed and ashamed when I had to take out my own money to pay for both. Most likely due to that humiliating moment, she refused to let me fly her home as a courteous goodbye and instead darted off in a flash.
As much as I respect and support Dash, and as much as I dislike refusing something without having completed the study, I don’t believe this relationship project will get anywhere. I see no reasons for this relationship to work in a more than friendly manner.
Date Success: 23%.
Chances of a Lasting Relationship: Poor.
Dear Diary:
Jeez! Celestia should stop giving Twi magic lessons, and teach her some “get-the-hintology” instead! How can I flirt with someone so oblivious to compliments and sweet talk? Like really!
Day two of our take at being a thing (or “Couple Prototype” as she calls it), was as bad as the first, if not worse. Lunch together was bad, but the picnic was an embarrassing complete failure I just want to forget. But first, I’ll write all about it here before I burn it or something.
Since going to a date and forgetting the money AGAIN would’ve been totally not cool, I had the best plan ever. Prepare everything at home, and have a picnic at the park with Twi. Three words: Worst. Plan. Ever.
We got there sorta early, even before lunch time. As anyone would do on a date, first thing I did was compliment Twilight. Something simple, straight out of the book of basic compliments. I just told her she looked pretty, and that I liked her mane that way.
Wanna know what she did?
She didn’t blush, acted grateful, shyly giggled or even said ‘thanks’ or ‘you look good too’. No, she said:
“Oh, well I have my brush over here in the saddlebags, if you wanna comb your mane that way, it’s easy!”
No, I’m not kidding, Miss Smarty Pants said that. Like… really? That’s how you take the most basics of compliments? On a date? Offering a friggin’ brush!? COME ON!
And that’s only the beginning…
I obviously denied her brush offer, and sat with her on the chequered tablecloth.
I will be the first to admit it, my cooking tastes fine but does not look that great visually… but to go all ‘What’s that?’ it’s downright rude… I don’t get since when is Twi so inconsiderate, but whatever…
Maybe she was actually asking out of pure innocent curiosity? But still. Rude.
Anyways, we ate and it was okay up to there, far better than last time. She even seemed to try and control herself while eating. But then…
Again, that weird, awful and ever so despised awkward silence. I spent almost five minutes thinking what to talk about, before giving up and attempting flirting, with results as terrible as you may imagine. I swear, she missed every flirty smile, lip biting, innuendo, teasy naughty joke I made. She even missed me rubbing her hoof with mine, or when I used my wingtips to gently caress her cutie mark. I guess she was too busy watching that colt’s ass, which was also very rude of her! Did she agree to this date thingy, not being into girls? If so, we’re doomed.
Interestingly enough, this is not the worse that happened today. Oh no, the juicy part comes now…
Now, you see, apparently, Pinkie and Jackie also had the awesome idea of going to the park for a romantic picnic. And as they walked right in front of us, AJ asked us what we were doing. Princess Sillyhead almost blew our cover, but I stopped her from saying it last second. I mean, I am honestly trying to be with her and all, but imagine if it all goes wrong (like I sense it will) and Applejack knows! I’ll be a laugh stock! Ok, maybe not, but still, don’t wanna embarrass myself!
Thing is, she didn’t say we were on a date, but instead invited them to sit down and share the picnic! I couldn’t believe my ears at first, she just went and blew our chance of getting close to each other AND, on top of that, it just had to be ‘ApplePie’…
Those two know no shame, and together, have no sense of discretion, nor concept of ‘TMI’. They talked long and detailed about all their awesome (and hay, they sounded awesome) nights in bed…
… or on the hay bales, or the bathtub, or the floor, the table, the window, the tree’s branches, Sugarcube Corner’s kitchen, the tables, the counter, AJ’s barn’s roof, and somehow, upside down in the ceiling. I didn’t even dare ask, or they’d have certainly given me a very graphic explanation, live performance and all. And even if my body was aching for that to happen, after all those stories, I was there to be with Twi, so I shushed and tried to think about fixing Tank’s propeller, Rarity’s cat after a shower, or anything that could get my mind off sex.
Luckily, they soon had to go bake pies or something. I guess the best out of all this, was to see Twilight’s face after they left. She looked like an old war veteran, eyes lost, off in the distance, a half open mouth slightly quivering, as if trying to say something but not finding the words. I bet she’s still trying to figure out how the ceiling one was even possible.
Anyways, after they left, being in such an… umm… inspired state, thanks to the girls, I tried some more advanced flirting, so we could have some… fun. But still, no response from Twi. Absolutely nothing. And I swear, if I was any more obvious I’d have to ask ‘Hey, wanna do it?’ I swear I just don’t get it. She’s so smart, and she’s not slow at getting jokes or stuff, but compliments? Looks like the girl’s wearing a flirt-proof vest!
It didn’t take long for us to know this was going nowhere, so we tidied all up, bid our goodbyes and left.
This was a terrible date, and if everything keeps going this way, this is doomed to fail. Now, if you excuse me, diary, I have to go and try to remember some of the stories the girls shared…
“So…” Twilight said as she let Dash into her home.
“Third time’s the charm, right?”
“I guess… are you sure you want to keep trying, Dash?”
“Yeah, this one is the one!”
“Okay… So, what have you planned for us today?”
“Activities together!” Dash exclaimed, happily “We’ll do things together, and see how well we get along”
“Things like…”
“Well.. what do you like to do in your free time?”
Twilight thought about it for a second, but there really was no other answer. “Umm… reading?”
“Then let’s read together!”
“Dash, you only like Daring Do, and we both already read all of them…”
“Then let’s discuss about it!” Dash said, smiling.
Twilight raised her eyebrow as she looked at her friend and experimental lover “Dash, we did that our first date and we both know how that went…”
“True… Well, what a better time than now for you to show me another epic book series I might get into?”
“Hmm… okay, here, follow me.” Twilight turned around and walked towards a bookshelf and takes four books. She divided them and showed them to Rainbow Dash. To her left, one single book showing a huge dragon, similar to the one Fluttershy scolded off the mountain on top of a very similar pile of gold. To the right, three books showing a golden horseshoes with strange, fire-like red letters engraved.
“Ooohh… seems cool already!” Dash said as she rubbed her hooves together.
“This first one is related to the other three. It’s a prequel. But it’s a story on its own, you can read either this one, or the trilogy first, and you’d still get it and enjoy it. Now, the writing style isn’t the greatest…” Twilight nodded slowly but then beamed at Rainbow “but the story, and specially the world the author created, with complex races, with their own culture and traits, and a whole new worldview… it’s remarkable, and I’m sure you won’t focus much on the writing style anyways, so I’m sure you’ll love these.”
“Awesome! We should read it now, together!”
“Are you sure? I’m a fast reader”
“I’m fast at anything! Don’t worry.”
“If you say so…”
A minute later, both ponies were sitting on Twilight’s bed with the book between them, reading the first page. Merely seconds after they had started, the alicorn started looking at Rainbow Dash. Minutes later, Rainbow started feeling uneasy so she decided to ask Twilight.
“Umm… What is it? Got something on my face?”
“No, just waiting for you to be done reading, so I can flip the page”
“Okay, I’m done now…”
Twilight nodded and magically flipped the page, but it wasn’t long until she was looking at Dash once again.
“Oh c’mon, already done!?”
“Have you ever noticed how I can read almost a page per second? That’s how I can check the books for clues so fast… But don’t worry; I can wait until you’re done. I’m in no rush, and I already read the book a couple times.”
Even if a bit reluctantly, Dash nodded and kept on reading. While Twilight promised she would not say anything against her slow reading, and was keeping it, she went back to awkwardly staring at Rainbow.
“S-stop that.”
“Stop what?”
“The staring! It kinda freaks me out…”
Twilight giggles lightly and explained. “Sorry, it’s just so interesting to see how your face changes and your eyes move while you’re reading, it’s fascinating to see you get into it so much…”
“Just…” Dash sighed “Just forget it. Lend me the books, I’ll read them at home. Let’s do something else we both can enjoy… Any ideas?”
Twilight thought about it long and hard for a couple of minutes before smirking and looking at her friend. “I think I have just the thing…remember when you told me you’d like to be turned into a griffon once?”
Dash immediately lightened up and her eyes sparkled as she looked at Twilight. “You’ll do it? You really can do it!?”
“I can… but what’s the fun there? No, Dash, I want you to do it yourself.”
“Huh?”
Another giggle escaped Twilight’s mouth “See, I’ve been working on a morphing potion, based on some new plants and chemicals I found out while training with Zecora, long ago.” Twilight got off the bed and started walking downstairs, as she continued her explanation “Now, I believe that with some slight modifications, it should be able to turn you into a griffon, at least for a couple of hours. I’ll tell you how to prepare it, and you’ll do it yourself!”
“Oh that sounds awe-some~!”
“…Now a drop of chimera’s venom… just a bit okay?”
Dash let a drop fall into the concoction. “Oh! Look at that!”
The purple boiling liquid turned bright green as the venom mixed with the rest of the chemicals.
“Okay, that’s great, now stop, more would be too unstable.”
“Just a bit more, it looks cool…” she said as she tilted the vase letting a considerable amount of venom into the mix.
“No, Rainbow, stop!”
A huge, fiery explosion engulfed half of the tree-house in flames, ashes and acidic goo created by the failed potion.
Twilight lowered the magic shield she put up to protect both ponies and angrily shouted “GOOD! GOOD! THIS IS WONDERFUL, RAINBOW!”
“Shut up and let’s put out the fire!”
Twilight used her magic to open the water tap, and magically carry the stream over the right side of the affected area, extinguishing the flames. Meanwhile, Rainbow Dash flew away to gather some clouds and pushed them inside the house, through the door. With a strong kick, the cloud was smashed against the wall, breaking into a million droplets of water, which put out the remaining fire, but it didn’t seem to stop the acidic goo.
“Dash, there’s a bucket of sand down in the basement, please go and get it, fast!”
“Why?”
“That thing you created won’t go down with water, in fact, it only makes it worse!”
“Oh, okay, got it!”
In a flash, she was back with the bucket, which was grasped by Twilight’s magic, and scattered it over the goop. Sighing heavily, both finished their job as library savers.
“You’re lucky I have a backup of every book back in Canterlot’s Royal Library…” Twilight barked.
“You know, I’m sor-”
“Shut up. Just… open the windows, we need to let the smoke and toxic fumes out of the library… I’ll go put a warning sign on the door.”
The usually brash pegasus lowered her ears in shame and regret but nodded before flying to open the windows of the second floor. After some minutes, both mares met back at the front door panting, exhausted and frustrated.
Dash gulped before smiling nervously and looking at Twilight “Hell of a date, huh?”
“Shut up, Rainbow, just shut up.”
“Surprisingly, not my worst.”
Twilight’s ears perked up and she looked at her friend quizzically “Are you serious?”
“Yeah… wanna come home, and I’ll tell you all ‘bout my terrible dates? It’s not like you have much to do here, since your house is…”
“Hmm…” the purple mare pondered but finally decided she had a point in the fact that she had nothing to do staying there. “I guess… let’s go.”
After a short flight, both ponies had arrived to the big cloud mansion that is Rainbow Dash’s house. Knowing she had done wrong, and needed to be as nice as possible, Dash hurried to open the door, and let Twilight in like a good host, but her friend either didn’t notice the gesture, or was too mad to bother. After a second, Rainbow got in as well, and walked towards the kitchen, not before gesturing for Twi to sit in one of the cloud couches.
“Can I get you an energy drink?”
“No, thanks.”
“Coffee?”
“No, it’s fine.”
“Tea, water, juices, soda?”
“It’s okay, really.”
Taking a deep breath and a glass of water, she walked back to the living room and sat in the armchair across Twilight. “So… sorry I almost burnt down your entire house…”
“It’s… fine. Let’s not talk about it.”
“Got it!”
“So… you said earlier this wasn’t your worst date?”
“Oh, right. I forgot that was why we’re here. So… want anything before I start talking or…”
“You can start now.”
“Okay, so there was this stallion…”
“Stallion? I umm…” Twilight gulped and looked at Rainbow dumbfounded “I thought you were a… filly-fooler?”
The pegasus chuckled lightly and gestured with her hoof for Twilight to calm down “I am, I am. I just wasn’t that way before…. Well, let’s say just ‘before’. Don’t wanna talk about it now.”
“Huh…”
“Anyways, this stallion. Total dumbass. He was so nice at the weather academy that I agreed to a date, you know? Worst mistake ever. The date was doomed from the start, ‘cause he greeted me like this:” Rainbow Dash leant her head a bit to the side, faced Twi and pulled the smuggest, cockiest grin she could manage, eyeing her with bedroom eyes and said, with a low, rough voice “Hey, hottie, your flank reminds me of Mt Rushmare, ‘cause it should have my face on it.”
“You’re kidding, right?”
“Wish I was.”
“Oh my Celestia.”
“Yeah, Mr Nice Guy started the date like that. But well… he was kinda cute, and good looking, so I let that pass and had dinner with him anyways. He was funny, considerate and all, it was really nice actually. He was a total gentlecolt until… ” Once again, Rainbow looked at her friend smugly grinning and leaning to the left “Wanna have some babies now?” Her face went back to normal as she leaned to the other side “Of course, I said no, but he replied:” leaning back to the left and grinning she said “Great, then let’s just practice for now”
Twilight looked at her wide-eyed before chuckling hard “Y-you can’t be serious! That sounds like straight out of a joke.”
“No, for real! He actually said that, the flankhole! I think his missing tooth will forever remind him of my short temper…”
“Did you…?”
“Clock him? Totally.”
“Normally, I’d scold you, but he sorta had it coming that time.”
“You?”
“What about me?”
“Ever had a bad date, Twi?”
Twilight blushed and looked down “Never had a real traditional date, to be honest. But… when I just became a princess, and I was walking through Canterlot Castle, this one guard told me something like ‘Hey, you already got pegasus and unicorn, but how about tonight I get some Earth Pony deep in you?’!”
“Whoa, very dirty pick-up lines to a princess? That dude has balls…”
“Not anymore. Celestia was nearby and heard, and made sure of that.”
Dash ears perked and she looked excitedly at Twilight “Oooh~ One hay of a scold? Dungeon? Death?”
“No, but he’s a Eunuch now.”
“A what now?”
“Gelding?”
Twilight opened her mouth to explain, but after noticing Rainbow’s even more confused expression, she decided instead to point down and then made a slicing movement with her hoof “SCHLING! No. More. Balls.”
“Ow, ow, ow ow! I think I’d stick to the dungeon.”
“You don’t mess with a princess… Just ‘cause I’m new doesn’t mean they can try anything funny.”
“Still, that’s harsh.”
“So…” Twilight looked around the place trying to take something out of her mind, but being unable to, she decided to go straight to it “Sorry, I can’t take it, I gotta know… how come you’re a filly fooler now?”
“I…” the blue mare tried to get a way to avoid the question, but couldn’t, so she decided to sigh, and explain the truth “Okay… I was a stallion’s girl. I never left out the possibility of a mare catching my eye, but it never happened. Stallions were just so hot and fun and nice… it was all I wanted. But well… this one night,” A blush spread across her cheeks as she continued “Well, we drank a bit too much with AJ and…”
“Oh? You girls… ehem?”
“Had the absolutely best night of my whole life, and only time I’ve ever fallen unconscious because of too much pleasure and exhaustion? Yes.”
“Oh…” Twilight started blushing as well.
“I’ve been with girls ever since, just to see if it was that the thing, and they are better than dudes to me, but… there’s no girl as good as her… It wasn’t even just… you know… ‘fun’. I also felt loved and cared for… it was amazing.”
“So THAT’S why you dislike Apple Pie’s PDA so much!” Twilight said, pointing an accusing hoof at her friend.
The blush deepened in Dash’s face as her ears fell and she looked away.
“Why didn’t you tell AJ anything? I mean, you’re telling me that for you it didn’t feel like just a one night thing… and you know AJ wouldn’t just… roll in the hay without feeling something…”
“I just… waited for the right moment far too long, and Pinkie was faster at it…”
Suddenly, it hit Twilight what her role was in this, and her competition. “Well… I’m sorry I’m not the farmpony you were looking for…”
“Heh, don’t worry. I’m not comparing.”
“Good to hear.” Twilight said, giving her a sympathetic smile “So… what now?”
“Well… talking about all this made me think… we’ve tried a lot of stuff, but we haven’t tried… well, that.” She explained, as she got up from the couch and leaned towards Twilight with bedroom eyes.
“Whoa there!” Twilight said, leaning backwards a bit and lifting her hoof against Dash.
“Just saying!” she said, suddenly blushing “Maybe we’ll bond after it, just like… well some couples!”
“I… I don’t think you’d like to do it anyways…”
“If it’s about what I said before about AJ… I’m not comparing, okay? So-”
“No, no, it’s not that.”
“And if it’s your inexperience don’t worry, I’ve met a good couple of virgins, so I won’t mind.”
“No, you don’t get it. I’m not like most-”
“Vinyl taught me all about unicorn pleasure points, and I’m a pegasus myself, so don’t worry, I got your alicorn part covered” Dash said, winking and puffing her chest proudly.
“No but-” With a deep sigh, Twilight gave up and decided to let it go, and let whatever happens, to happen. “Okay, I accept. I guess that now that I know you’ve been with mares and colts, and all races, it won’t be THAT much of a shock…”
Dash smiled at that and immediately assumed a crawling, predatory position and slowly crawled sensually towards her, and resting a hoof on Twi’s shoulder. “Just relax and enjoy…” Dash slowly started pushing her down on the couch they were sitting on, and lowered to kiss her neck, and gently nibble it.
“Oh… Mmm~ That actually feels good…” Twilight moaned while Dash smirked and crawled backwards, to lick on her collarbone and leaves a trail of kisses down her chest, as she goes further down on her friend.
“That’s nice…”
Soon, Rainbow Dash started feeling something poking her belly. Hehe… I knew she’d start getting ha-… wait, what?
Dash shot Twilight a quizzical look which made the alicorn sigh “Here we go…”
Rainbow lifted her body from her friend’s and looked down, noticing a big “AAAAAAAH!” Freaking out, she jumped off the couch and fell on the floor, on her back “What the hay!?”
“I warned you!”
“You didn’t say you were a stallion!”
“I’m not!”
“Well that’s no mare part!”
“Can you calm down?”
“It’s so weeeeird!” Dash lifted her hoof in the air to cover the newly discovered obstacle between her friend’s legs, to have a good look at Twilight’s face “S-sexy mare…” She lifts her other hoof and lowers the first one, to hide her face and her... what every mare has, which ends up revealing her new equipment “Hot stallion…” covering the ‘extra’ part again she looks down to Twilight’s marehood “Sexy mare… hot stallion… sexy mare… hot stall-”
“Dash, stop that!”
“Sorry, I just…” She lowers her hooves and look at the whole scene, but quickly looks away.
“I thought you said you liked both…”
“Well Twilight, I like hayburgers and zap apple jam. Doesn’t mean I like’em all together!”
Twilight gulped, rolled and turned around, so it would be hidden under her, and away from Dash’s sight “T-there, is this better for you?”
“Thanks, yes. It was… a bit unsettling…”
“Don’t say I didn’t try to warn you… I knew it’d end up this way.” She stated, a bit hurt by her reaction.
Rainbow Dash was barely listening to her friend, still baffled by what she just saw. “Wow… like… how come I NEVER noticed that? It’s not exactly small at all, and I’ve known you for years! You must’ve gotten at least a bit excited once. How did I miss it?”
“I wasn’t always like this…” Twilight explained, blushing a bit.
“You weren’t? Then what happened to ya?”
“Remember when I said that becoming a princess was… hard?”
“Oh…” Dash narrowed her eyes “If you have both… how do you go to the bathroom even…”
“Dash... I’m not telling you how I pee…”
After a full minute of awkward silence and apparent deep contemplation and meditation, on Rainbow’s side, she asked “Wait. If it’s a princess thing…”
“Means probably Celestia and Luna are like this too? Yes, I’d suppose so.”
“I was actually wondering if Shining had a give and receive thing going on with Cadence…”
“OH MY CELESTIA, DASH! I did not need that mental image stuck in my head! Ugh! Eww, no!”
“Well, you should hope he does, maybe he knows someone else like that for you to date.”
“RAINBOW!”
“I wonder if he dresses like a gal for ‘Caddie’ sometimes…”
“STOP! You destroyed my house, don’t you dare ruin my loving thoughts and respect for my brother!”
Suppressing a chuckle, Dash nodded “Okay, okay, I’ll stop, hehehe…”
“Eww…”
“So…” Dash started, trying to distract Twilight from the images in her head. “You’ve talked about this with the princesses, right?”
“What? No! How could I!?”
“Why not?”
“Would you talk to the goddesses of the sun and the moon about your… parts?” Twilight says, with a mix of anger and fear, imagining the scenario.
“Well, yeah! If they’re the only ones that know what it is and how to deal with it, yeah, I would!”
“What if I’m the only one like this of the princesses?”
“Then still, they’d know something, they’re like a billion years old! And if they don’t, they’d do their best to help. Celestia loves you, Twi!”
Twilight thought about the idea for a minute, but fixated on the last part of what Rainbow said. “I guess I am her favourite student...”
“No, no, she really loves you, Twi. Like, for real.” Not like I’m a master at the subject... but I’m sure of that one.
“What do you mean, Rainbow? She loves all the ponies in Equestria!”
“Just... you should ask her about your... problem. And be open to her. Explain your fear. I’m sure she’ll help.”
“Yeah... I guess I should...”
Rainbow started looking up, at the ceiling as a blush crept back to her cheeks for a bit “So... have you, you know... calmed down yet?”
“Yeah...”
Rainbow Dash sighs relieved “Good. It was kinda weird knowing you were all... up and about.”
It was Twilight’s turn to blush, as she looked down ashamed “I’m sorry...”
Noticing her friends’ change, Rainbow Dash quickly said “Well, to be fair, I decided and even insisted to get to it...”
“And I did warn you!” Twilight said, recovering part of her pride.
“Warnings are disguised challenges, and you know it!” Rainbow Dash said jokingly making the alicorn giggle.
After her laughter subsided, leaving only a smirk, Twilight looked at her friend and asked “So... worst sex attempt ever?”
“Not really.”
“Rainbow! Did you have every romantic fail ever or what? How can it get worse than this?”
“It can, check this out.” Finally leaving behind the awkwardness of moments ago, the pair of ponies sat down and looked eye to eye, as Rainbow continued with her story. “So this guy, long ago... date was fine, good enough for me to accept going to his house for... a ‘drink and chatting’. We did chat a bit, had a bit of wine... even some chocolate! He was really nervous, but I knew what he wanted... and I kinda wanted it too, to be honest.” She smiled and giggled at herself “So obviously, being as rushed as I am, I took the initiative and asked him to show me bedroom.”
“Bold.”
“Yeah, I know. Not very lady like, whatevs.”
Twilight shook her head a couple times and corrected her “No, no, it’s fine. If anything, I’m jealous of your confidence and courage!”
“Yeah well... he liked it too...” She said, sighing and looking to the side.
“So... what was the problem? Was he too bad at it? Not big enough?” Twilight thought of all that could make Rainbow say it was worse than what just happened “He had a really weird fetish!”
“He was gay.” Dash said, deadpan.
“Wait, what?”
“He wasn’t even into girls. But he was too embarrassed to admit it, so he tried to like me to... ‘be normal’ or something like that.” She said with a certain grudge in her voice.
“Huh? And why you?”
“Because I’m... ‘practically a stallion’, apparently.”
“Ouch...”
“Yep, try feeling pretty after that.”
“Well... I think you’re pretty, if that helps.”
Letting out a soft chuckle, Dash nodded thankful. “Thanks, I got over it a while ago anyways, but compliments are always nice.”
“Oh yeah?” Twi smirked “Even the Mt. Rushmare one?”
“Okay, okay, almost always.”
“So... what now?” asked Twilight after a minute of silence.
“Well... this is definitely not going to work, so you can go ahead and call the experiment a failure.” The rainbow maned mare said, chuckling.
“Guess we’re all alone again, then?”
“You gotta tell the princesses.”
“And you gotta tell AJ you love her!”
“What? No! I can’t do that!”
“Why not?” insisted Twilight.
“You’re asking me to go and ask my best friend, who’s already in a relationship with my OTHER best friend, out!”
“And you’re asking me to show my junk to the goddesses of the sun and moon!”
Never one to be outshone, or to back up from a challenge, Dash put on her game face and flared her wings. “I’ll do it, if you do it. Deal?”
Twilight Sparkle imitated her pose and smiled “Deal. I’m heading for Canterlot tomorrow morning!”
Suddenly, Dash’s resolve faltered “O-okay, I’ll go to the acres!”
“If by the time I’m back you two haven’t talked about it, I’ll tell her myself!”
“F-fine! It’s not like I’m afraid or anything! Totally not. A-and when you’re back I want a full explanation on what the Princesses said about your stuff!”
“O-kay!”
Both mares stared at each other, blushing fiercely for a couple more minutes, until Rainbow snapped “B-bet I can do it faster!”
“No, I would!”
Rainbow prepared to fly “I can get to the Acres in ten seconds flat.”
Twilight charged her horn with arcane magic “I can go to Canterlot instantly!”
“See you tomorrow with results, egghead!”
In less than a second, the cloud mansion was empty.
Couple Prototype: A Report on a Romantic Relationship with Rainbow Dash
Day 4
Activity to test: None
Further explanation: I talked to the Princesses. Reviewed by Rainbow Dash
Following Rainbow Dash’s awesome advice, I decide to have a meeting with the princesses. Princess Cadence also came to my aid, even with such short notice. It took a great deal of confidence and courage to express my doubt, but luckily, as suspected, they had to deal with it too. And all three of them understood my fears and insecurities. After a very helpful and informative chat, Princess Cadence was dismissed, which lead to the Two Sisters and I having a private meeting for further explanation and practice on the subject. They totally did it.
The princesses praised my performance and assured me I aced my impromptu test, even with my lack of experience. They even mentioned that they were considering testing me again soon.
Given the results, I should notify Rainbow Dash of the obvious success, and maybe totally get her a gift.
Success: 1020%. Extra 20% for the cool advice
Chances of a lasting relationship: High with the Princesses. None with Rainbow Dash.
Final result of the experiment: More than satisfying. While it didn’t work out with Rainbow Dash, in the end it had a good result. Serendipity is common in science after all.
Dear Diary:
Life is awesome, just like me. Next time I see Twi, I’m gonna kiss that egghead so bad! Confessing to Apples was the best idea ever. I wasn’t expecting anything of what happened, and I couldn’t be any happier, to be honest, ‘cause it was better than Heart Warming’s Eve, my Birthday, Cider Season, and all Daring Do books, all at once. I’m exhausted, but before I pass out, I gotta write down what I remember.
So, two days ago, Twi and I finally found out that we were not compatible, even if we tried our best to become a thing. But that’s cool, ‘cause I told her she should discuss her... ‘problem’ with the princess, and she said I’d have to tell AJ what I felt for her.
Her idea was great, and I’m sure mine went great too, so I can’t complain about us not working. Anyways, as soon as we parted ways, I flew to the Acers so fast, I couldn’t slow down in time when I was near Applejack, so I kinda tackled AJ and ‘accidentally’ kissed her as we rolled on the floor.
After an apology on my sudden tackle and kiss, I decided the best would be to just go ahead and do it. So I did. I confessed to the mare of my dreams before it was too late, even thought it was too late already cause, you know... she was already with Pinkie and all... Speak of the devil, Pinks was right behind me as I confessed to her marefriend that me, Pinkie’s ‘Bestest Friend Ever’, loved her madly.
When I noticed AJ looking over my shoulder, I froze and slowly turned around.
Anger, hate, disappointment, pain, disgust, surprise, disbelief... emotions expected when you find out your best friend is trying to take your girl away from you.
But Pinkie was never one for the expected. She just giggled madly, with a grin that threatened to reach her ears, and hugged me from behind, saying I was ‘so cute when I was in love’, and asked AJ if they could ‘keep me’.
At first, I was surprised and confused for her reaction. Later I felt insulted and was about to rant and tell Pinkie not to treat me like a dog, but finally, after thinking it twice, I pouted, looked at Applejack, and helped both Pinkie and myself with a ‘Yeah, can you keep me?’.
Applejack seemed unsure. She confessed she DID feel something for me, but that since she was with Pinkie... having both would be hard to share her love correctly, and blah, blah, blah. Silly sappy stuff. Pinkie, once again, came to my rescue (or hers, still not sure who had it better with what happened). Pinkie’s grin just grew larger, as her eyes practically glowed with excitement. ‘Can you even IMAGINE the threesomes!?’. Both AJ and I started blushing wildly at the thought, but Pinkie wasn’t done. ‘Besides, Pegasai have the funniest pleasure spots’. I never knew I had a sweet spot between the wings, until she nibbled it. I couldn’t even stop my wings from springing to life and a moan to escape my lips. Anyways, it seemed to work, ‘cause AJ accepted, with a smile on her face.
I gotta be honest, I never thought about being Pinkie’s girlfriend, but I don’t regret it at all. Both mares are awesome... Romantic, sweet, affectionate, sexy, wild, fun... as I said, life is awesome, ‘cause I have them.
Now, as I said, this happened two days ago, and I’m exhausted right now, ‘cause Pinkie, after the unconventional confession, had the idea of testing how much... fun we could stand non-stop.
Never thought thirty-six hours were even possible but... apparently it is. Can’t feel my anything, but I couldn’t care less, it was awe-some~
Now, I need to get some rest, before Pinkie has another great idea. Don’t expect me to write too often, though. I have a hunch I’ll be pretty busy from now on.
