-Chapter One-

Jesus tap-dancing Christ, my head hurts. What a great night to compliment with it, as well. Nothing like once again sitting alone in my apartment, listening to depressing music, while trying to drink myself to death. Certainly a night to remember.

Time to see if I'm dead or not.

Nope. The legs and arms are still there, regretfully. Back to the drawing bo-

Wait. Grass? I don't remember planting a lawn in my home. Where the hell am I?

Opening my eyes was probably not the best idea. It's like the sun itself decided to give me a good morning kiss. Let's make all the other senses do the work first.

The air smells good. It reminds me of home. The birdsongs are a nice wake up, too. My breath fucking reeks, though.

Time to stretch. Man, I must've screwed myself up really bad last night to end up in a field.

And..... presenting..... sight!

....

That must be some good vodka.

Because how in the flaming hell did I end up in a different world? If anything, Ponyville? I used to only dream about this place when I was younger.

Ah, yes. The good ol' days. Before reality settled in.

Breathe, dude, breathe. This just a weird dream. Next time, I'm going to take some opiates with the it, and-

"Hello?" It said.

I turned to see what seemed like just a memory. I lost consciousness yet again.
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Hello again, reality. If you are even a thing at this point.

"I don't know, Spike! We should probably tell the Princess."

"But what if things go.... bad?"

Those voices sure sound familiar. Also, I'm in a tree. A pretty fucking big one, by the looks of it. And in this tree resides a bed, of which I'm laying on.

"I'm going to check on him again. Don't do anything until I come back."

I turn over onto my elbows in nervous excitement as I hear hoof steps come up the stairs. If this is a dream, I'm making it a good one.

The hoof steps paralleled my heartbeat as I waited to see the pony of my memories.

She stopped at the top of the stairs when she saw me waiting for her presence. The air felt almost electric.

"Hello." I said, smiling.

She looks at me with a puzzled, nonplussed expression. "Hello." She says in rebuttal.

She was pretty short. If I was standing, her head would hit my belly.

I don't whose dick I sucked to get here, but I swear that they're my new god now. I smiled even brighter.

"My name is Anon."

She didn't reply for a bit, and that's understandable. I was acting pretty open for someone that wasn't even of this world. I could've been anything to her.

"My name is Twilight." She said, finally breaking the silence like a fluorescent light bulb hitting pavement.

I took a deep breath of joy. "Twilight Sparkle." I said.

Twilight's eyes bugged out. "You know my name?"

"I know a fair amount of names from here. Equestria, that is. Nice to meet you, by the way."

She looked around in disbelief for a few moments, and then focused her gaze a little more tensely on me. "How do you know who I am? Who we are?"

I released my elated expression to be a bit more serious with her. "Do you really want to know?"

She nodded.

I exhaled audibly. This isn't going to be easy.

"You might want to sit down."

The purple horse corresponded with my suggestion.

I closed my eyes as I inhaled, once again.

"Most of what this world is, what it's made of..... Is a fictional world where I'm from."

I paused to see her face. She's trying to comprehend what I'm saying; like a student. This is Equestria, for sure.

"Things like me know everything about your existence. We know your friends: Pinkie, Fluttershy, Applejack, Rarity, and Rainbow."

She was surprised once again when I listed off her companions she has known for countless years in mere seconds. She looked up at me once more.

"You know... everything about us?" She asked meekly.

I smiled, yet again. "Not everything. Just a fair amount."

She looked at the floor in deep thought. I could understand that feeling. The feeling of futility. Knowing everything you are is just some other existence's form of entertainment. It's hollowing.

I got up and kneeled before her, holding her shoulders. She jumped at my touch.

"Hey," I said, catching her attention. "It's okay."

"How?" She says, meeting my stare with a pained look in her eyes.

"All you have to do is have fun while you can." I say, smiling at her.

She doesn't remove her stare, but I can tell she understood what I said. I mess up her hair, and she loses the "long face", as some would say. She took the revelation well. I walk next to the edge of the room and look into the house a bit more.

"Let's try to keep that between me and you, okay? For your friends' sakes." I ask.

Surprisingly enough, I find her hair in my hand once again, as she meets me by the edge. She rubs her head against my hand, and I return the gesture. Maybe she needs comfort. Weird. Her hair feels nice.

"Okay." She says, with a noticeable amount of reality in her voice. The voice that says "I'm fine with anything.".

We sit there for a brief moment, my hand in her hair. She's quickly found out about the magical items known as hands.

"What a nice greeting, huh?" I said, breaking the silence.

She chuckles lightly. "Yeah..."

Another pause.

"So, what should we do, Twilight? Just toss me out in the open for all to see?"

She stops rubbing into my hand to think. "I think we should talk to Princess Celestia first."

I pursed my lips. "Aw, that's no fun. Could I at least meet your friends?"

She shrugged. "Sure. With what I just learned, I guess it doesn't really matter."

"Ha! Now you're getting it! But seriously though, I wanna meet them."

"Spike!"

Just as she screamed that, the sounds of scampering could be heard coming up the stairs.

"What's up, Twi-" That's all Spike was able to get out before he saw the scene before him.

Twilight leans off of me to look at him. "Can you bring the other elements here, please?"

Spike, confused as he was, was still able to comprehend what she said, and headed back downstairs.

"Already acquainted, are we?" He says as he leaves to find the gang.

As the door shuts, Twilight asked me another question.

"What do you call this philosophy of yours?"

I smirked, and replied "Some call it nihilism, but I just call it dank memes."
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"So he's uh.... what now?" Applejack said. The Mane Six, Spike, and I were all down at the entrance area of the Library. As expected, there were a few weird looks at me as the ponies talked to Twilight. Spike was standing further away, just spectating the scene.

"A human." Twilight replied.

"And where is he from, exactly?" Rarity questioned.

"Earth." I stated, "Not much different from here, except that humans are the only ones that can talk."

Fluttershy was hiding behind Rarity at the time, but when I said that, she popped her head out a little further, astounded.

"Animals don't talk on your planet? How do you get anything done?" She said with her dynamic burst of enthusiasm.

"Nope."

"Now I don't really understand something, so I gotta ask...." Rainbow Dash said as she leaned in from her stationary flight to look at me closely. "...How didyou get here?"

God this is really cute. I'm meeting all of the characters I used to look forward to seeing every Saturday. It almost makes me want to tear up. I find it really hard to keep my composure.

"I honestly don't know. Last thing I know, I was..."

Oh yeah. That. Bummer.

".... partying." I got out.

"Partying?!" The famed pink horse exclaimed.

Pinkie's voice brought a smile back to my face. "Yeah. Partying."

"You guys party too? That's perfect!" She exploded audibly once again.

I chuckled. "Yep."

"Now, how will we be able to show you to everypony else?" Twilight interjected.

They all thought pensively, but I was looking at Pinkie the whole time, waiting for the light bulb to appear. Once she met my gaze, I wiggled my eyebrows. She caught on instantly, with a huge gasp.

"We should throw a party!" She stated.

Everybody gasped as well. Multiple voices of agreement followed right after.

"Then it's set. A party it is!" Twilight said.

Pinkie was nowhere to be seen, but the sound of the door being closed hinted at where she was for certain.

Everybody laughed once they mutually realized. This should be fun.

"Explaining to everyone in Ponyville about who and what you are.... it's not going to be easy." Twilight said, catching my attention.

"It was easy enough with you, wasn't it?" I said. This evoked an incredulous expression from her. I smiled. "I'm just kidding. It'll be difficult yeah, but hey, it'll also provide a topic of conversation at the party."

She was aghast at how I was handling everything. "How are you not breaking down, or anything?" she asked.

I lost my smile. "When you've dealt with too much nonsense, everything starts to blur together. I just go with the flow."

She looked at me questioningly. I shrugged. Now's not the time to be bummy.

Everybody left for Sugarcube Corner.
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15 minutes? Where does Pinkie get that energy?

On the walk over to the Corner, we all noticed that the decorations were already put up. I stopped in my tracks.

"You'll get used to it, Sugarcube." Applejack told me.

I guess I will. I never really thought about whether or not I'm going to go home. Honestly, I don't want to. I didn't have a good life there. This might be my chance to start with a clean slate.

The store, as I expected, smelled of pastries and sweets. It's a very welcoming smell. A selling smell. Streamers hung from the ceiling and a banner with the word "Welcome!" hung above the counter. Foods were laid out on every surface. Pinkie never fails to impress. What am I going to tell all these sentient horses?

Before I could answer that, Pinkie busted into the store.

"Hi everyone!" She screamed. "I brought my sis with me."

Then she walked in. That all too familiar shade of gray on her coat. Those cold eyes. Maud. Maud was the only one I could relate to. She hid her emotions; Not intentionally, but it became all too natural to her.

I might've had a little crush on her before.

"Anon, this is Maud. Maud, this is Anon." Pinkie introduced us both.

Maud's eyes met mine. Her blank face was refreshing, almost.

"Hello." she said blandly, as she always does.

I broke a tiny smile. "Hi." I replied.

We sat there, staring at each other for a second. I thought I was going to be the only one staring at her, but she returned my gaze. Is she reading me?

"Okay...." Rainbow Dash broke the silence. I'm grateful for that. "Is everybody coming this way, Pinkie?"

"Yep!" She replied bubbly.

"Then you should probably hide, Anon. It wouldn't be right unless we revealed you to everyone at once, I think." Rarity added.

"Will do." I replied. I walked into the kitchen, where the great Mrs. Cake was, preparing something.

"Well hello there!" She said as I entered the kitchen.

"Hi." I replied meekly.

"You must be the...'hooman' Pinkie was talking about." I decided not to correct her, to be polite.

"That's me." I said, pointing fingers to myself.

"You're fairly tall." She said, studying my build. "Could you help me grab the ingredients off the top shelf there, sweetie?" She pointed to the shelves above her. Why did they make shelves out of reach?

I nodded, and moved over to reach them.

Now, Mrs. Cake was working on the island behind me, and the kitchen is fairly tiny, which is why this happened, but as I turned around to give her the ingredients, my crotch hit her rear. It was an accident, I swear on my life.

Otherwise, this elicited a light "Ooh!" from her.

I quickly apologized but she looked at me for a few seconds.

I think I'm going to be sick. Half an hour into existing here, and I'm already offending somebody. I guess I shouldn't be surprised.

"If you're gonna do that, you better include my husband too, dear." She said.

I was flabbergasted. "W-what?"

She winked (with her eye) as she passed me to go into the lounge. "You know what I mean."

Now I sat there, alone in the kitchen, taken aback from what I heard. Did she seriously flirt with me? Is it just okay to have interspecies relationships here? And, secondly, I wonder how Mr. and Mrs. Cake's marriage is. She didn't even put up this cake she was making. She literally just walked out of the room to make that statement.

Not gonna lie, there's a reason she's called Mrs. Cake. When she walked out, she certainly flaunted her movement. That ass was fine as hell.

On that thought, Maud entered the kitchen.

"Hello again." I said.

She silently stood at the other side of the island, looking at me. I could only meet her stare for a few seconds before I had to look away. Her stare is intense. This is also getting weird.

"What is Earth like?" She finally said.

I look back at her in quick thought. "Well, it's not really much different from here, except a little bit dirtier."

"Dirt?" She asks.

"Well, yeah, but I meant, like, the air is a bit unhealthy. And things are a little more serious between people."

"Hm." She says.

Silence again.

"There are rocks there?" She says.

I smiled. "Yes, there's rocks."

"Hm." she utters again.

"I take it you like rocks?" I asked. I already knew, but I wanted to let her express herself. She then proceeded to tell me about the different types, where they can be found, basically everything about rocks.

Today should be a good day.
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Author's Note

First chapter of my first story. I'm open to any criticism.