The Literal Interpretation Of "Between A Rock And A Hard Place"

by ChamomileTea

Rating: mature
Tags: Main 6, Mrs. Cake, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Romance, Maud Pie, Sex, Princess Celestia, Human, Thunderlane
Length: 8548

Anonymous ends up in Equestria after a night of hard drinking. He develops relationships with some ponies. Most are platonic, but Maud seems to cling a bit.

Anonymous ends up in Equestria after a night of hard drinking. He develops relationships with some ponies. Most are platonic, but Maud seems to cling a bit.

Published 2016-06-10 01:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-06-12 03:55:06 UTC

Chapter 1: Warm Welcome

-Chapter One-

Jesus tap-dancing Christ, my head hurts. What a great night to compliment with it, as well. Nothing like once again sitting alone in my apartment, listening to depressing music, while trying to drink myself to death. Certainly a night to remember.

Time to see if I'm dead or not.

Nope. The legs and arms are still there, regretfully. Back to the drawing bo-

Wait. Grass? I don't remember planting a lawn in my home. Where the hell am I?

Opening my eyes was probably not the best idea. It's like the sun itself decided to give me a good morning kiss. Let's make all the other senses do the work first.

The air smells good. It reminds me of home. The birdsongs are a nice wake up, too. My breath fucking reeks, though.

Time to stretch. Man, I must've screwed myself up really bad last night to end up in a field.

And..... presenting..... sight!

....

That must be some good vodka.

Because how in the flaming hell did I end up in a different world? If anything, Ponyville? I used to only dream about this place when I was younger.

Ah, yes. The good ol' days. Before reality settled in.

Breathe, dude, breathe. This just a weird dream. Next time, I'm going to take some opiates with the it, and-

"Hello?" It said.

I turned to see what seemed like just a memory. I lost consciousness yet again.
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Hello again, reality. If you are even a thing at this point.

"I don't know, Spike! We should probably tell the Princess."

"But what if things go.... bad?"

Those voices sure sound familiar. Also, I'm in a tree. A pretty fucking big one, by the looks of it. And in this tree resides a bed, of which I'm laying on.

"I'm going to check on him again. Don't do anything until I come back."

I turn over onto my elbows in nervous excitement as I hear hoof steps come up the stairs. If this is a dream, I'm making it a good one.

The hoof steps paralleled my heartbeat as I waited to see the pony of my memories.

She stopped at the top of the stairs when she saw me waiting for her presence. The air felt almost electric.

"Hello." I said, smiling.

She looks at me with a puzzled, nonplussed expression. "Hello." She says in rebuttal.

She was pretty short. If I was standing, her head would hit my belly.

I don't whose dick I sucked to get here, but I swear that they're my new god now. I smiled even brighter.

"My name is Anon."

She didn't reply for a bit, and that's understandable. I was acting pretty open for someone that wasn't even of this world. I could've been anything to her.

"My name is Twilight." She said, finally breaking the silence like a fluorescent light bulb hitting pavement.

I took a deep breath of joy. "Twilight Sparkle." I said.

Twilight's eyes bugged out. "You know my name?"

"I know a fair amount of names from here. Equestria, that is. Nice to meet you, by the way."

She looked around in disbelief for a few moments, and then focused her gaze a little more tensely on me. "How do you know who I am? Who we are?"

I released my elated expression to be a bit more serious with her. "Do you really want to know?"

She nodded.

I exhaled audibly. This isn't going to be easy.

"You might want to sit down."

The purple horse corresponded with my suggestion.

I closed my eyes as I inhaled, once again.

"Most of what this world is, what it's made of..... Is a fictional world where I'm from."

I paused to see her face. She's trying to comprehend what I'm saying; like a student. This is Equestria, for sure.

"Things like me know everything about your existence. We know your friends: Pinkie, Fluttershy, Applejack, Rarity, and Rainbow."

She was surprised once again when I listed off her companions she has known for countless years in mere seconds. She looked up at me once more.

"You know... everything about us?" She asked meekly.

I smiled, yet again. "Not everything. Just a fair amount."

She looked at the floor in deep thought. I could understand that feeling. The feeling of futility. Knowing everything you are is just some other existence's form of entertainment. It's hollowing.

I got up and kneeled before her, holding her shoulders. She jumped at my touch.

"Hey," I said, catching her attention. "It's okay."

"How?" She says, meeting my stare with a pained look in her eyes.

"All you have to do is have fun while you can." I say, smiling at her.

She doesn't remove her stare, but I can tell she understood what I said. I mess up her hair, and she loses the "long face", as some would say. She took the revelation well. I walk next to the edge of the room and look into the house a bit more.

"Let's try to keep that between me and you, okay? For your friends' sakes." I ask.

Surprisingly enough, I find her hair in my hand once again, as she meets me by the edge. She rubs her head against my hand, and I return the gesture. Maybe she needs comfort. Weird. Her hair feels nice.

"Okay." She says, with a noticeable amount of reality in her voice. The voice that says "I'm fine with anything.".

We sit there for a brief moment, my hand in her hair. She's quickly found out about the magical items known as hands.

"What a nice greeting, huh?" I said, breaking the silence.

She chuckles lightly. "Yeah..."

Another pause.

"So, what should we do, Twilight? Just toss me out in the open for all to see?"

She stops rubbing into my hand to think. "I think we should talk to Princess Celestia first."

I pursed my lips. "Aw, that's no fun. Could I at least meet your friends?"

She shrugged. "Sure. With what I just learned, I guess it doesn't really matter."

"Ha! Now you're getting it! But seriously though, I wanna meet them."

"Spike!"

Just as she screamed that, the sounds of scampering could be heard coming up the stairs.

"What's up, Twi-" That's all Spike was able to get out before he saw the scene before him.

Twilight leans off of me to look at him. "Can you bring the other elements here, please?"

Spike, confused as he was, was still able to comprehend what she said, and headed back downstairs.

"Already acquainted, are we?" He says as he leaves to find the gang.

As the door shuts, Twilight asked me another question.

"What do you call this philosophy of yours?"

I smirked, and replied "Some call it nihilism, but I just call it dank memes."
______________________________________________________________________________________________________

"So he's uh.... what now?" Applejack said. The Mane Six, Spike, and I were all down at the entrance area of the Library. As expected, there were a few weird looks at me as the ponies talked to Twilight. Spike was standing further away, just spectating the scene.

"A human." Twilight replied.

"And where is he from, exactly?" Rarity questioned.

"Earth." I stated, "Not much different from here, except that humans are the only ones that can talk."

Fluttershy was hiding behind Rarity at the time, but when I said that, she popped her head out a little further, astounded.

"Animals don't talk on your planet? How do you get anything done?" She said with her dynamic burst of enthusiasm.

"Nope."

"Now I don't really understand something, so I gotta ask...." Rainbow Dash said as she leaned in from her stationary flight to look at me closely. "...How didyou get here?"

God this is really cute. I'm meeting all of the characters I used to look forward to seeing every Saturday. It almost makes me want to tear up. I find it really hard to keep my composure.

"I honestly don't know. Last thing I know, I was..."

Oh yeah. That. Bummer.

".... partying." I got out.

"Partying?!" The famed pink horse exclaimed.

Pinkie's voice brought a smile back to my face. "Yeah. Partying."

"You guys party too? That's perfect!" She exploded audibly once again.

I chuckled. "Yep."

"Now, how will we be able to show you to everypony else?" Twilight interjected.

They all thought pensively, but I was looking at Pinkie the whole time, waiting for the light bulb to appear. Once she met my gaze, I wiggled my eyebrows. She caught on instantly, with a huge gasp.

"We should throw a party!" She stated.

Everybody gasped as well. Multiple voices of agreement followed right after.

"Then it's set. A party it is!" Twilight said.

Pinkie was nowhere to be seen, but the sound of the door being closed hinted at where she was for certain.

Everybody laughed once they mutually realized. This should be fun.

"Explaining to everyone in Ponyville about who and what you are.... it's not going to be easy." Twilight said, catching my attention.

"It was easy enough with you, wasn't it?" I said. This evoked an incredulous expression from her. I smiled. "I'm just kidding. It'll be difficult yeah, but hey, it'll also provide a topic of conversation at the party."

She was aghast at how I was handling everything. "How are you not breaking down, or anything?" she asked.

I lost my smile. "When you've dealt with too much nonsense, everything starts to blur together. I just go with the flow."

She looked at me questioningly. I shrugged. Now's not the time to be bummy.

Everybody left for Sugarcube Corner.
________________________________________________________________________________________________________

15 minutes? Where does Pinkie get that energy?

On the walk over to the Corner, we all noticed that the decorations were already put up. I stopped in my tracks.

"You'll get used to it, Sugarcube." Applejack told me.

I guess I will. I never really thought about whether or not I'm going to go home. Honestly, I don't want to. I didn't have a good life there. This might be my chance to start with a clean slate.

The store, as I expected, smelled of pastries and sweets. It's a very welcoming smell. A selling smell. Streamers hung from the ceiling and a banner with the word "Welcome!" hung above the counter. Foods were laid out on every surface. Pinkie never fails to impress. What am I going to tell all these sentient horses?

Before I could answer that, Pinkie busted into the store.

"Hi everyone!" She screamed. "I brought my sis with me."

Then she walked in. That all too familiar shade of gray on her coat. Those cold eyes. Maud. Maud was the only one I could relate to. She hid her emotions; Not intentionally, but it became all too natural to her.

I might've had a little crush on her before.

"Anon, this is Maud. Maud, this is Anon." Pinkie introduced us both.

Maud's eyes met mine. Her blank face was refreshing, almost.

"Hello." she said blandly, as she always does.

I broke a tiny smile. "Hi." I replied.

We sat there, staring at each other for a second. I thought I was going to be the only one staring at her, but she returned my gaze. Is she reading me?

"Okay...." Rainbow Dash broke the silence. I'm grateful for that. "Is everybody coming this way, Pinkie?"

"Yep!" She replied bubbly.

"Then you should probably hide, Anon. It wouldn't be right unless we revealed you to everyone at once, I think." Rarity added.

"Will do." I replied. I walked into the kitchen, where the great Mrs. Cake was, preparing something.

"Well hello there!" She said as I entered the kitchen.

"Hi." I replied meekly.

"You must be the...'hooman' Pinkie was talking about." I decided not to correct her, to be polite.

"That's me." I said, pointing fingers to myself.

"You're fairly tall." She said, studying my build. "Could you help me grab the ingredients off the top shelf there, sweetie?" She pointed to the shelves above her. Why did they make shelves out of reach?

I nodded, and moved over to reach them.

Now, Mrs. Cake was working on the island behind me, and the kitchen is fairly tiny, which is why this happened, but as I turned around to give her the ingredients, my crotch hit her rear. It was an accident, I swear on my life.

Otherwise, this elicited a light "Ooh!" from her.

I quickly apologized but she looked at me for a few seconds.

I think I'm going to be sick. Half an hour into existing here, and I'm already offending somebody. I guess I shouldn't be surprised.

"If you're gonna do that, you better include my husband too, dear." She said.

I was flabbergasted. "W-what?"

She winked (with her eye) as she passed me to go into the lounge. "You know what I mean."

Now I sat there, alone in the kitchen, taken aback from what I heard. Did she seriously flirt with me? Is it just okay to have interspecies relationships here? And, secondly, I wonder how Mr. and Mrs. Cake's marriage is. She didn't even put up this cake she was making. She literally just walked out of the room to make that statement.

Not gonna lie, there's a reason she's called Mrs. Cake. When she walked out, she certainly flaunted her movement. That ass was fine as hell.

On that thought, Maud entered the kitchen.

"Hello again." I said.

She silently stood at the other side of the island, looking at me. I could only meet her stare for a few seconds before I had to look away. Her stare is intense. This is also getting weird.

"What is Earth like?" She finally said.

I look back at her in quick thought. "Well, it's not really much different from here, except a little bit dirtier."

"Dirt?" She asks.

"Well, yeah, but I meant, like, the air is a bit unhealthy. And things are a little more serious between people."

"Hm." She says.

Silence again.

"There are rocks there?" She says.

I smiled. "Yes, there's rocks."

"Hm." she utters again.

"I take it you like rocks?" I asked. I already knew, but I wanted to let her express herself. She then proceeded to tell me about the different types, where they can be found, basically everything about rocks.

Today should be a good day.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Author's Note

First chapter of my first story. I'm open to any criticism.

Chapter 2: Pensive Party

-Chapter Two-

When I was finally revealed to everyone, I got a lighter reaction than I expected. Honestly, with the way the previous ponies reacted with me, I shouldn't be shocked. One has already flirted with me. That's one more person here than back home, so I guess that's a plus.

"So, you guys go to the bathroom, right?" A drunk stallion by the name of Thunderlane asks me. I choke on my drink.

"Yeah?" I respond. He laughs.

"Cool."

That's kind of how everyone reacted to me. Odd questions about my species, but nothing more. One thing I have noticed is that Maud has been watching me from one of the tables all night. I haven't said anything to her about it yet, but I'm slowly gaining the courage to. And by gaining courage I mean drinking.

"How's the party, Nonny?" Pinkie interjected into my thoughts. That name sends chills up my spine for some reason.

"Pretty rad, Pinks." I respond. She smiles brightly. "Hey, can you tell me why Maud is staring at me?"

She looks over in her direction, and I look away as to not make it look suspicious.

"Hmm, she's never really done that before." She says.

"Really?" I ask. Maybe she's into me. Then again, maybe not. Maybe she's just looking at a weird space monkey.

"Yeah. But that's just Maud. She does things like that all the time." Pink Horse says.

"Hmm." I responded.

"Well, I'm gonna go do more hosting. Seeya!"

I decided to get up and go over to talk to her. She followed my movement as I walked towards the table she was sitting at. Even as I sat down.

"Heya." I said to her.

"Hi." she replied.

"How's your night?"

"It's ok."

"Cool."

She's looking away now. That fixes one thing.

"So, uh...... you mind telling me why you've been staring at me all night?" I ask.

She looks back towards me. Damn it.

"You're very interesting." She says bluntly. It seems blunt, anyways. She's not one for sharing her emotions. She does look away just as she utters the last word out, though. I sit there, still looking at her. She's a very pretty pony. Her makeup fits very well with her. If that is makeup. I've never seen her without it.

"Do you mean me as a species, or...?" I ask.

She doesn't answer for a bit. "Yeah."

"Oh. I guess I can take that as a compliment?" I say. The question hangs in the air, like that one weird piece of hair that seems almost if it's flying.

"Sure." She says.

Not much for talking, as per the usual. It's almost cute. She turns back to view the party scenery before her.

"You're fairly interesting yourself." I say in rebuttal. I notice that her scanning of the ponies before her stops dead in it's tracks, and then she looks at me once again. Her eyes almost hypnotize me. I'm not even worrying about anything else in the room. Her presence and the way she acts is almost intoxicating. In the good way.

"As a species?" She questions.

This is where I could make the all too common "move", as some say. She's been giving off various signs of interest, but I'm fairly certain she's into me. I need to find out more about her, before I start even thinking about that. I mean, I know basically everything about her, but maybe I'll find out something I don't know.

"I don't know." I answer.

She raises an eyebrow at me. That's the most emotion I've seen from her tonight.

"What's your favorite color?" I ask.

"Gray. That's my favorite color of rock." She answers. Well, she's consistent. Can't take that away from her.

"What's your favorite food?"

"Rock Candy."

I chuckle. "You really like your rocks."

"Yeah."

"Hm. Well, I bet I already know your favorite type of music, then."

"There's music for rocks?"

I guess there isn't any rock bands in Equestria yet. There's dubstep and hip hop, but not rock. Weird.

"There isn't any here, from what you told me. We have it back on Earth." I say. "What's your favorite type of music?"

"Classical."

Something off about this world.
__________________________________________________________________________________________________

I spent the rest of the party learning about her and answering any questions passerby ponies had. As the party was nearing its last minutes of life, ponies seeped out of the store. The only ponies left were the ones that first came here: The Mane Six, Maud, and the Cakes.

"Well, you two certainly got to know each other!" Applejack said.

I smiled. "Yep." Maud still sat there, emotionless. What a quirky pony. I just learned about her whole life story, and she still shows no affection whatsoever. A random thought hit my head.

"Where am I going to sleep?" I asked.

Everyone except for Maud looked as if they had just been slapped in the face. They haven't thought about it, either.

Pinkie was yet again the first to come to a conclusion. "I got it!" She screamed, "He can stay in the guest room here."

"But isn't Maud staying here, as well?" Twilight questioned.

"No, she'll be staying at the hote-"

"I can sleep on a couch." Maud interrupted.

Everyone looked at her suspiciously, except for Pinkie. Pinkie always thought her sister was normal. Pinkie is nice.

"Sure! The more the merrier!" Pinkie said.

I can only understand why she would do such a thing. She obviously had plans to stay at a hotel, but something changed her mind. That something was me. I could feel the silent romantic intensity. Everyone else was oblivious, but I saw through her motives. The Mane Six excluding Pinkie said their goodbyes and on that note Pinkie showed me to the guest room. Another random thought popped into my head: why were they making Maud stay in a hotel when they had this guest room open?

"Here's your room for the night. I'm sure you'll be able to find a house tomorrow." Pinkie interrupted my train of thought yet again.

"Thanks, Pinkie." I said.

"No problem. A friend of mine can spend some time!" she rhymed.

"Turning into Zecora now, are we?"

She giggled and nudged into me as she turned to walk away "Good night, Anon!"

"Good night, Pinks."

I closed the door to my room behind me. The room was fairly simple. The bed sat under the window overlooking Ponyville, and across the room sat a dresser. I flopped on the bed. Today was a fairly exciting day. Who knows what tomorrow holds for me? More importantly, who knows what tonight holds for me? I don't think I'll be able to sleep until I find out.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________

Chapter 3: Nervous Night

-Chapter Three-

So there I sat, in bed, still puzzled about why the Cakes were going to make Maud stay at a hotel. My mind can stick with some off-color thoughts. Another one would have to be how the hell this whole day isn't a dream. I should be dead right now, not talking to technicolored horses. Maybe I shouldn't complain.

Then the door creaked open. I could see a silhouette, of who I could only presume is the same lady who wanted to stay here for this.

"Hello." Her voice filled the room. It was like music to my ears.

"Hello." I quietly replied.

I could hear her hoof stomps approach the side of my bed.

"Nice to meet you, again." She said.

"Likewise." I whispered. This is almost funny.

There's that all too familiar silence.

"I noticed that you've taken an interest in me." She said.

"I've noticed the same from you."

She gasped, as if I had just found out about her plans this whole time. Which I did.

"How did you know?"

"I'm magical." I decided to play with her. Yeah, that magic is called human common sense.

The moonlight outside lit her face up as she leaned in closer to me.

"Then we have a mutual interest in each other." She whispered. Her voice was like velvet.

"I believe we do." I replied.

Another pause.

Then, within a split second, her lips met mine. Obviously, I was shocked at first, but it was a pleasant surprise. Her tongue quickly entered my mouth, and I met it with mine. I could tell by the way of her voracious technique that she was wanting this. She hungered for me, and I hungered for her. Our tongues tenderly wrestled against each other.

I didn't even think of the thought that I'm being romantic with a pony. I honestly was attracted to her past her species. Her personality is so unique, and interesting. With the way ponies reacted with me before, I guess interspecies relationships are okay here. I couldn't say the same for back home, but horses also couldn't talk back home.

An audible smack was generated when we finally separated. That fueled my already rising erection even further. Her presence is intimidating, but that's is one of my most favorite traits in people. We stayed there, breathing lightly for a while. She stared into my eyes. Her eyes are so pretty. I could get lost in them.

"If you're really interested in me...." She said. She then turned around. Her rump hit the moonlight just like her face did, and I saw it in all it's glory. She was already dripping in anticipation. "..... show me."

My heart dropped into my gut. Now, I've never even thought of pony anatomy, so I never knew what their genitalia looked like, but her gleaming vagina looked absolutely delicious. It winked at me, as if it was beckoning me to dig into it. Which I did. I enveloped my mouth in her pussy, grabbing each sides of her flank in big handfuls. She moaned, but stifled part of it with her hoof. We can't wake anyone up, obviously.

I lifted her rear in the air, lapping away at her walls. She was surprisingly light. I guess they are as weightless as they seem in the shows. She was breathing a little harder than before. I decided to lift the rest of her onto the bed, whilst still stimulating her orally. Her fore hooves landed on the other side of the bed. It might've been a little rude to place her right in front of my pitched tent so quickly, but I needed a better position to pleasure her in. She's now basically sitting on my face. Her backside is as delicious as it seemed. She faintly tasted of honey, for some odd reason. Not complaining, clearly.

I then began to feel movement on my only piece of clothing. She was teething my underwear off. God only knows why. My member flipped back into action after she slipped my pants further down my legs. I can only imagine her face when that happened. The fresh air felt amazing on my bed snake, and so did her heavy breathing. It twitched in impatience for her services. I was also breathing heavily, waiting for her next move.

Then I felt the electricity of her mouth on my cock. I grunted in pleasure. She sucked the tip of the member into her lips, licking intently on every inch. My legs twitched from the agonizing amount of satisfaction she was giving me. I don't remember the last time someone ever did this to me. She then bobbed deeper down my shaft. With each return to the top, she reached even deeper down my rod. I felt like I was in heaven. The combination of her ass in my face and her mouth is making me reach an almost godlike feeling of ecstasy. She finally reached the base of my cock, now lightly bumping her muzzle against my crotch with each trip. Jesus Christ, I'm not going to last long at this point. I decide to return the favor by spanking her infrequently and sucking on her clit as I pleased her.

After a while, I felt her legs tense up. She's reaching the point too. I decide to raise the frequency of licks, as to help her reach her climax. This was a good idea at the time, but looking back on it, I should've thought things through a little better. Because when I did that, she just paralleled my acts with an even more intense blowjob. We were both writhing in pleasure at this point, and our climaxes were just around the corner.

"I'm going to..." I warned.

"Mmm." She responded, her voice vibrating on my shaft, tickling me even further to the point.

I couldn't hold it any longer. I was surely going to die if I did. I shot off into her mouth, and she just rested her head at the base of my cock as I shot stream after stream into her. Her hind legs went stiff as she released her juices in and onto my mouth. We both reached the tip of the iceberg at the same time. How coincidental. We both were slowly releasing tension in our bodies as we reached the end of our orgasms. She exhaled as she slid her mouth off my member, leaving a final tickle to the tip. She licked what was left of my semen off of my cock, sending electricity through me once more.

She flopped onto the bed on my side, basking in the afterglow. That was fucking amazing. I'll never have an experience like that again. We both laid on the bed, out of breath. She adjusted onto the bed to where her head was laying in the crook between my head and the front of my shoulder. We both sat there in excited silence.

"That was... immaculate." I finally said.

"Yeah." She said, between breaths.

"Thank you."

"Thank you as well. No one has taken as much interest in me as you have, Anon."

"Likewise. Boy, I'm beat."

She turned to face me, even in the darkness.

"Did you think we were done?" She said in an almost playful tone.

Dear God, this horse is trying to kill me. She climbed onto my chest.

"You can't be serious." I said, silently asking for mercy.

"I'm the most serious pony in this town. I never joke." I could see her smile in the moonlight. Her smile is perfect.

Then I felt her rub against my semi-hard cock. This lady has no mercy. I stiffen once again, as I feel her wetness slip against the tip of my 21st digit. I make eye contact with her.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" I ask her.

"You ask that question now?" She says as she quickly slips her pussy around my dick.

The wind is knocked out of me once again. Her warmth enveloped my shaft intensely. She sat at the base of my dick, grinding her hips slightly. Meanwhile, I'm quite certain I lost eyesight for a good three seconds. Once I came back to reality, I noticed that Maud was looking at me emotions with a devilish grin.

"Are you...ungh! trying to take my soul, or something?" I asked rhetorically.

"That wouldn't be fun." Maud says.

Then she lifts up, and slams down on my baby maker. The feeling of it was pure bliss. Her vagina squeezed me with such a strong grip. Had I not already released myself before, I would've done it already. Time to take some focused breaths, Anon. I grab her rear in both of my hands once again to support her.

"You feel really fucking good." I was able to squeeze out.

"Thanks." She says with no emotion.

We both silently agreed to start making some friction. As Maud slowly slid back up my cock, I felt random squeezes from her on my member. It's as if she's teasing me. Then she started going back down again. Then up. Then the frequency of pumps started raising. Her pussy is like pure electricity to me. At this point, we were creating so much friction that it was audible. The wetness mixed with the hardness of the fucking created a very sloppy, erotic noise.

"This feels really good." She said, still with no noticeable enthusiasm.

I figured it was a good time to kiss her, so we did. Our tongues were trembling. There was so much stimulation going on between the two of us. I started thrusting back into her. Maud had to break our kiss so that she could breathe properly. My climax was building up yet again. Before I could release, I made a strategic change.

"H-how about we switch it up?" I said weakly.

She stopped slamming into me, and I slid out of her. My dick was absolutely covered in juices. I put my hands at both of her sides, and guided her to where she was laying on the bed.

"Like this?" She spread each leg to either side, hooves in the air. She smirked. Maud was teasing me. Correction, this is the most emotion I've seen from her.

Her marehood looked good enough for another taste, but I wanted to do something else. Another time, my juicy friend. I made eye contact with her once I prodded my cock against her lower lips. I leaned in to kiss her, passionately, as I slid into her once more. She sucked on my bottom lip when we broke our kiss, and that influenced me to start creating some friction. She licked at my mouth in an excited attempt to show her love as I pumped into her. I closed my eyes to focus on not exploding in her. I felt her hoof as she started to rub her clit parallel to my thrusts. I increased pace as I started to build up my climax.

"I'm.... going to...." I stated.

"Likewise." She said. Still to this day one of the weirdest things I've heard during sex, honestly.

I thrusted with all of my remaining might, and she squeezed around my cock with enough intensity to break an egg. At least, that's what it felt like. I bottomed out in her as I released my load. She covered my crotch in juices as we shared another cooperative moment of climax. I pulled out of her, and leaned back on my knees. Maud then responded to this action by rolling onto her belly facing me, so that she would clean my dick off orally.

"You're amazing." I say, shivering at the feeling of her mouth. "Do you want me to...uh... help you as well?"

She shook her head. What the girl she is. She lapped up what remained of our love juices, and laid on the bed. She beckoned to me with her hoof. I corresponded, laying next to her in the spooning position. I put one arm under her, and caressed her face with it. I used the other to rub her belly.

"Thank you, again." I said.

"Thank you, too. I needed that." She replied.

A thought popped into my head. "Not meaning to be out of nowhere when I say this, but what attracted you to me, a human?"

She thought for a second. "You seemed happy. Full of life. That's what I like to see in most people."

"Hmm."

"What did you see in me, a reclusive pony whose only interest is rocks?"

"Well, you don't only like rocks. You like classical music."

I could feel her smile in my hand. "You're a nice person, Anon."

"You're also a nice person, Maud."

I then I felt a tear touch my hand.

"Maud?" I turned her around. She had lost her smile.

"Maud, what's wrong?"

"I missed this. The snuggling. The love." She says.

I teared up. I know that feeling. "Well, the love is here now, so there's no need to cry."

She sniffled, but I could see that her smile returned. I kissed the tears off of her face.

"Did you want to hear what I saw in you?" I said softly.

"Yes." She choked out.

I took a deep breath as I recollected my thoughts. "Well, the first thing I saw on you that caught my eye was your eyes. I could get lost in them all day."

Her eyebrows raised as she smiled.

"Secondly, I love your presence in a room full of people. You give this silent feeling that you have full control of the situation, and I think it's very interesting."

She teared up again. This time in happiness, rather than the opposite.

"And, finally, I think it's cute the way you try to hide your emotions from me. It makes me want to chase you even mo-"

She interrupted my statement with a kiss. It shocked me, like the first time she kissed me. I met her kiss. Our tongues met; not to wrestle, but to feel each other. I brushed through her smooth hair with my hand. She's the girl I've been missing my whole life. Maud nuzzled into my neck after we broke our kiss.

"I love you." She told me.

"I love you too." I replied.

Acquaintances to lovers in mere hours. It's uncouth how this world works, but I love it. We fell asleep in each others arms.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Author's Note

I apologize in advance if you're not into sexual fanfiction.

Chapter 4: Eloquent End

-Chapter Four-

The following morning was perfect. The sunlight slid into the room at the right angle. Enough brightness to wake us, but not too much to where it was annoying. I woke up first. Maud looked so cute when she was sleeping. She looked almost like a cat. I kissed her on the forehead.

Our relationship escalated fairly quickly. I mean, how many relationships go from telling each other that you have a mutual interest, to having sex a minute later? Excluding American relationships, anyways. Maybe ponies perceive relationships differently. Who knows?

Then, the door opened.

"Good morning, sleepyhead!" Pinkie sang as she busted in the room. Then she saw Maud. "...Maud?"

Maud had woken up by this time, and lifted her head to see her sister. Pinkie then held a half-angry, half-sad face.

"Darnit, Maud! I wanted him!" she whined.

WHAT?

"What?" I exclaimed.

Pinkie sighed, and looked at me. "Everybody's been wanting you since we met you, Anon. You've got a nice butt."

I blushed. I honestly didn't know that. I guess I was putting all of my attention into Maud. Do I really have a nice butt?

"Why is everyone here so... sexual?" I complained, almost.

"What, does our TV show not tell you that?" She said slyly. She winked.

Gosh darn Pinkie. Breaking the rules of physics and all that jazz.

"Sorry, Pinkie. I didn't know." Maud said.

"Baloney you didn't know! I told you everything I wanted to do with him!" Pinkie said in rebuttal.

Maud smirked, and Pinkie blushed. I laughed a little bit.

"I didn't say you couldn't do anything with him." Maud said, almost erotically. Now I was the one who was blushing. They both looked at me seductively.

"How does that sound, Nonny?" Pinkie said. I shivered.

"I'll take a rain check for now." I answered meekly. I just fell in love with someone. I'll feel like a turd, even if Maud is fine with it.

Pinkie pouted. "Okay. Anyways, breakfast is ready." She pointed down the stairs.

"Cool." Maud said, hopping out of bed. I slowly followed behind her. Maud was already downstairs when I was passing Pinkie.

But Pinkie didn't let me pass. Instead, she slammed me against the wall, and jammed her muzzle in my clothed crotch. She was smelling me. I was too shocked too react instantly, but I let it happen. She lifted her head off my crotch with an audible "Mmmm..." following her. This was straight up sexual harassment.

"You two must've had a bunch of fun last night." She said.

"Pinkie...." I said.

"Come on. You want this." She said as she pulled at my waist band.

"Pinkie. No. I'm with Maud." I whispered hastily.

She sighed and pulled away from me. "Okay. I'm just saying, the opportunity is there, if you want it."

"I'll make sure to let you know when I do." I said, in a scrutinizing tone.

She walked down the stairs, making sure to let me get a good view of her backside. Not gonna lie, It was nice, but for right now, Maud is my thing. No one else needs to be involved yet. Also, Pinkemena Pie almost literally raped me! Well, probably. I don't know what rape is, half the time. Darn you, social justice workers! Are gender roles swapped here, or something? Not that I'm complaining, but it is kind've frightening to think that mares are the ones that are more aggressive in relationships. I guess I'll just have to get used to it.

I caught the smell of pancakes as I stepped down the stairs. I saw the blueberry pancakes as I met Maud at the counter.

"Have you ever had Pinkie's pancakes?"

"Nope. Just popped into existence yesterday, actually."

She smiled. "They're good."

Pinkie came out of the kitchen, carrying our plates on her back. "Rations for the hungry troops!" She said.

She whipped the plates onto the counter with amazing accuracy. It scared me at first, but then I remembered that I'm in a world where physics doesn't partially apply. Maud dug into hers instantly. I took a piece in a fork, which I still don't understand how ponies know how to hold, and raised it to my mouth. When I noticed Pinkie was intently watching me, I stopped.

"Something up, Pinkie?" I asked.

"Oh no, I'm just excited see you take a bite of one of my best dishes." She replied.

I eyed her suspiciously, and took a bite. It tasted fine at first, but I tasted another flavor that was recently too familiar to ignore. I frowned at her in disdain. She added her own little personal "ingredient" to my dish. I put the fork down, and wiped my mouth.

"Do you not like them?" Maud asked.

"Oh no, they're good. I'm just not hungry at the moment." I answered.

I pushed the plate to Pinkie. "Here, you can have them."

"Are you sure, Nonny?" She said. That's doesn't have the effect that it had before.

I cocked my head at her. She knows what she's doing. I took a deep breath.

"Yeah. I'm sure." I responded, trying to keep composure. I didn't want to start any drama on my first full day here.

When Maud finished her pancakes, we decided to head out.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

"So, where to?" I asked.

Maud put a hoof to her chin, and silently thought to herself.

"You've certainly put a little emotion into what you're doing now." I interrupted her thoughts.

She heard me, and blushed. "Yeah, something just changed. I don't know what it was"

I smirked. She was obviously joking. "How about we go to Twilight's? I might have something to do, legal-wise."

Maud nodded in affirmation.

"Then off we shall go." I said, picking her up onto my shoulders.

And we went walking through Ponyville. About a minute into the walk, I realized something.

"I have no idea where we're going." I said.

"You walked enough to the point where I don't, either." She replied.

I looked around. There was no pony to be spotted in each direction. Either they were in their houses, or they were somewhere else. This gave me a sinister idea. I walked down an alleyway.

"Where are we going?" Maud asked.

"I think the real question is..." I moved her around to where her crotch was in my face, leaning her against one of the walls. "... what are we going to do in the alleyway?"

"Wah!" Maud gasped. Perfect. "Are you sure you want to do that here?"

"Are you sure you want to do this, as well?" I countered her question.

She looked at me, blushing. "Yeah, I do."

I smiled. "If that's true," I lapped at her clit, making her jump. "Then we're in good company."

She pulled her frock over my head. She might've just meant to hide me, but it also doubled as a tool of pleasure for me. Her musk was caught under, so I could smell everything. This only made her more appetizing. I licked around the edges of her marehood, and felt her shudder at my touch. Touching heaven, once again.

At least at the moment.

"Hello there, you two." I heard a familiar voice, which could only hold claim to once certain pony. I froze. "Do you mind telling me what you both are doing here?"

I slowly placed Maud on the ground, and turned around stiffly. It was the one and only Princess Celestia.

"I-I...w-well... we were..." I stuttered.

"We were getting our rocks off, your highness." Maud answered. Princess Celestia looked sternly at her, but Maud never changed face. Part of me wanted to laugh, because that was a good pun, but part of me also didn't want to die.

"Breaking the law within the first day, Anon?" Princess Celestia said.

I looked down at the ground,

"How very.... naughty of you." She continued. At that time, I noticed a light wet stain on the ground between Princess Celestia's legs.

"Are you serious? Is anybody in this town pure?" I exclaimed.

She bites her lip. "Nope. I would know. Now, there's only one way you two are getting out of here scot-free."

"And how is that?" I asked, only expecting what comes next.

And what I expected, happened. She turned around, and lifted her tail. "Pleasure me." She ordered.

"Come on, Princess. Have some decency." I said.

"Oh, you don't have to worry about decency. I've put a decoy wall at each side." She said. "Now start licking."

-MEANWHILE-

Rainbow Dash was flying through the air at maximum speed. She also would fly through tight areas to test her agility. She dove into the town of Ponyville, zipping through alleyways haphazardly. As she turned a corner, she flew straight into Princess Celestia's decoy wall, full force. Thank god this is just a cartoon.

-BACK TO THE ACTION-

"And if I refuse?" I questioned.

"You'll be imprisoned forever, doing this for the rest of your life." Princess Celestia said coldly.

She makes a good point. I turned to Maud.

"Are you sure you're fine with this?" I asked.

"This is a life or metaphorical death situation, Anon. I'd choose life any day." Maud replied.

I took in another deep breath. "Just this once, right Princess?" I questioned for confirmation.

"Sure. Just get over here and eat me out. I haven't done anything like this in ages." She answered quickly, adjusting her hind legs. This made her ass wiggle dynamically. The ass was fat, so to speak.

I sighed, and moved to kneel before her posterior. Her marehood smelled nice, at least. She keeps it well maintained. I grasped both of her enormous cheeks in my hand. At the touch, Celestia jumps, and her marehood winks multiple times. She really hasn't done this in a while. I give her a teasing spank.

"Oh!" She moaned.

I finally give her vagina a long lick, up and down the outer walls. She coos. What a perv. I suck on her winking clit, trying to get this over with.

"Uh-uh-uh...." The Princess denied. Then, I feel an unearthly force pull my head back. This must be her magic. She then shoves my face straight into her pussy.

"Mmmm..." She hums. I lap at her inner walls. She tastes good. Her marehood has a citrus-like flavor. Taste the power of the sun, I guess. I spank her again, and I feel her wink on my bottom lip. I lap at it for the split second that it's shown. She shivers in delight, and I feel her pussy clenching.

"Already firing off?" I ask.

"Not yet." She says as she lifts me off my knees and stands me up. "Enter me."

I look back at Maud and mouth the words "I'm sorry.", only to find that she's been pleasuring herself the whole time. What the fuck is up with this world? At this moment, I thought I heard a light thunk on one of the invisible walls.

I drop my pants, and prod my three-quarters erect baby maker at the Princess's entrance. I couldn't even prepare myself, because she slammed down on my cock before I could react.

"Hng! Okay!" I say involuntarily.

She starts slamming herself on my member without any support from me, except for my hands on her ass. I decide to utilize those hands by spanking her. A day ago, I was trying to commit suicide. The next day, I am railing a horse of royalty in an alleyway. It's cool how fanfiction works. My climax was coming on fast. I had to act quick. I pushed Celestia's back down, so that I could get leverage.

"This will help." I tell her.

"I don't care! Just fuck me!" She said desperately.

This bitch is crazy. Anyways, I stand on my toes to angle myself better. It'll hurt later on, but it'll also get this over with quicker, hopefully. Once I'm set and I've regained my sexual stamina, I start slamming into her, making a discernable slap noise with every impact. Celestia moaned excitably. I knew this would work. Her winking was getting fairly frequent, and I felt more pressure around my cock, so I believe she's getting close. She started to pant almost like a dog. This only fuels the dong. I slam into her even faster, and I feel her legs start to tense up. I spank her ass intensely, and that sends her over the edge. She raised her ass so high, that she lifted me off the ground. That scared the shit, or, most accurately, the jizz out of me. I had to moan as I released into her tight pussy. Once I was done, I fell off of her onto the ground. Celestia was still cumming, the juices landing just inches away from me. Once she was done, she shivered all over.

"Woo! I needed that!" She exclaimed, standing up gallantly. She looked over at me, and then my member. "...Somebody's going to need to clean that."

Both Maud and Celestia walked next to my hips. They both looked at me.

"Or.... somebodies..." Maud said.

I raise my arms in defeat. They both laid down opposite of each other, and started cleaning off my dick the old fashioned way. My toes curled in agonizing ecstasy. Up and down they went, stimulating my member with their mouths. Some remaining love juice came out of me, and this prompted the Princess to suckle on my tip.

"Jesus, fuck...." I said as I laid back.

Once they finished off everything, they both met with their lips, as to swap juices. This Equestria is hella kinkier than the one Hasbro made it out to be.

Celestia stood up. "Thank you, Anon." she said.

"Don't mention it." I said sarcastically, "Especially since I barely had a choice."

"Oh, come off it, Anon! You know you liked it."

I shrugged in agreement. "You do have a bomb ass pussy." I said, "But not as good as my love's"

I patted Maud on the butt. Celestia let out a light chuckle.

"Well, I believe it's only fitting that I give you something in compensation." Princess Celestia declared.

"What?" I asked, confused.

She then poofed a key ring into life, and tossed them at my side. "There. That should cover it."

I picked them up. "What are these?" I asked.

"Keys to your new house." She said bluntly.

I blinked. Multiple times. "Are you taking a piss?"

She shook her head. "I know where the line is on public indecency, Anon."

"No, you don't!" Me and Maud exclaimed almost at the same time.

Celestia laughed. "You two seem perfect for each other. Which is why I want you to stay here, Anon. Do you want to stay with us, here in Equestria?"

It didn't take me long to think. "Hell yeah, I do!"

And so I did. I've never looked back and regretted making my decision. I'm with a bunch of people who love me, and I love them. I wouldn't have it any other way. I wouldn't trade this life for anything, ever.

Author's Note

And, the end. Did I do good, guys? You're free to let me know in the comments section. Any outside criticism is welcome.