Amigo

by ROBCakeran53

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Tragedy, Random, Human, Main 6, Cheerilee, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other
Length: 20873

The streets of Ponyville are no longer safe. Can Twilight and her friends save the town from this new menace?

The streets of Ponyville are no longer safe. Constantly being bumped into, honked at, and yelled at by an elderly alien has driven the citizens into their homes. All he wants is Denny's, who or what that is no pony knows. Can Twilight and her friends stop this monster from destroying the quiet little town?

Not if his Korean war stories are to be believed...

Rated Teen for language. Proofread and Edited by FlutterPriest and Admiral Biscuit.

Published 2016-06-10 15:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-05-10 01:46:35 UTC

7 3/8

Author's Note

Apologies for such a long wait. Hope this helps.

7 3/8

By the time Twilight had caught up to Earl, he was already stepping into his red buggie.

“Earl! Wait up, I was going to help you down the stairs!”

“Bah, you’re too slow, kid. I’m in a hurry, can’t stay idle all day long while you hit on the waitress.”

“I wasn’t hitting Pinkie!”

Earl paused a moment, staring at Twilight. “You’re not that bright, are ya kid?”

Twilight flinched back. “I’m quite smart, thank you very much.”

Earl rolled his eyes, turning the key on his buggie. Rolling the handle on the side, it backed up, little white lights on the rear shining bright and the vehicle emitting a beeping. Then rolling the handle the other way, he began forward, leaving Sugarcube Corner. Twilight trotted to catch up to him, following along side.

They continued on in silence, save for the electric wirring of Earl’s buggy. Every once in awhile he’d slow down to look around, then randomly make a turn, all the while still honking his horn at ponies if they weren’t quick enough to get out of his way.

After nearly running over Roseluck, Twilight decided she should try to talk to him again. She coughed. “So, Earl-”

“Whazzat? Who’s there?” Earl looked around, then saw Twilight. “Oh, you again. What, haven’t anything better to do than follow me around?”

“Well, not really, no.”

“Then make yourself useful and tell me where the bus station is.”

“Bus station? Is that like a train station?”

“Bus, train, plane, I don’t care. Just something so I can keep going.”

“Going where?”

“West.”

“West?”

“Get that cotton out of your ears, kid. Yes, I’m heading West.”

“What’s so important about going West, if you don’t know where it is you’re going?”

“I know where I’m going.”

“Well, if you tell me then maybe I can help you.”

“Private business, kid. All you need to know is West.”

Twilight groaned, trotting ahead of Earl and blocking his way. He let the buggy come to a stop, glaring at her with a scowl.

“Earl, I don’t think you know where you are.”

“Of course I know where I am.”

Twilight raised a brow.

“All I’ve smelled since I got into this town is horse shit, so I must be in Kentucky.”

Twilight blinked. “Uhhhhh… what?”

“I was stationed at Camp Campbell for eight months before we went to Korea. Place always stunk like horse shit.”

“Do you mean that figuratively or literally?”

Earl grabbed his cane from the basket of his buggy, smacking Twilight on the head with it.

“OW! Hey!”

“No more stupid questions. What do they teach you kids in school these days? It’s all about fancy numbers and big words to try and impress big wigs. Bah!”

Earl began rolling forward again, leaving Twilight rubbing a bump on her head.

“Hey, kid, is there some sort of festival goin’ on?”

Twilight looked ahead, seeing Earl parked near a familiar building.

“No, that’s Carousel Boutique, my friend-”

“So it’s a clothing shoppe, eh? Good, I need a sun hat. Blasted heat is getting the better of me.” Earl drove up to the door, stopping.

Twilight trotted to catch up, and stood beside Earl, who was sitting there tapping his fingers on the handles of his buggy.

“Well?” Twilight asked.

“Waiting on you, kid. I can’t open the door myself.”

“Oh.” Twilight used her magic to open the door, jingling a little bell.

“Oh, it’s an automatic door. Shoulda figured, these fancy blasted electronics these days,” Earl rolled in, “I’ll have you know, back in my day, we didn’t have fancy things like automatic doors-”

“But, it wasn’t-” Twilight was cut off.

“-Or grocery carts, or even FM stereo!”

“What?”

“Welcome to Carousel Boutique! How may I- OH, Twilight, it’s you! And… uh…”

Rarity stepped through a curtain, a cloth draped over her back and her sewing glasses on her face. Upon seeing her friend she lowered the glasses down her muzzle.

“Uh, Rarity, this is Earl. He… just kinda showed up.”

“I gathered as much,” Rarity looked to the man, who had already begun to browse a clothing rack.

“Bah, what’s with these kids and their sense of fashion? What happened to normal dress shirts, or pinstripes? I had a pinstripe suit I wore before Korea, after that it was my dress uniform from then on out.”

“Uh, Twilight, what ever is he talking about?”

“Rarity, I have no clue.”

Suddenly, the buggy stopped between the mares. “I’m looking for a sun hat.”

“A… sun hat?” Rarity asked.

“Jesus, are all of you deaf around here? Yes, a sun hat! That blasted sun is beating on my bald head, I’m gonna shrivel up before I get to where I need to go. So I need a sun hat.”

“Well, I do have hats, yes, but I’m not sure I would have any that would fit your head.”

Earl frowned. “Are you calling my head fat?”

“What? No no no, I just mean, I’m not used to pon-er, people with such…”

“Okay okay, quit with the stalling. Can you make one then?”

Rarity blinked, gave Twilight a look, then looked back to Earl. “I suppose so?”

“How long?”

“Well, I need to take some measurements-”

“How long?” Earl asked again, less patient.

“An hour?”

“Perfect. I’m a seven and three eighths.”

“Seven and three eighths what?” Rarity asked.

“My head, for hat size.”

“They have a hat size where you’re from?”

“Jesus Christ, I must be further south than I thought.” Earl slapped his cheek.

“Just let me measure your head real quick, then it shouldn’t be too long.”

“Fine, fine. Make it snappy, I need to make the next bus if I’m to keep to my schedule.”

“What’s a bus?” Rarity asked Twilight in a whisper.

Twilight shrugged, mouthing “I don’t know.”

Rarity quickly measured around Earl’s head, taking a second measure to ensure she got it the right depth. Then she set to work, while Earl made himself comfy in his buggy, fishing through his suitcase for something. Twilight sat beside him, watching as he found a small black box with a wire. He took the end of the wire, with a small bud on it, and stuck it in his ear, and with a click he began moving dials on the box.

“Blasted, I’m getting no signal here.”

“Signal for what?”

“The radio.” Earl smacked the box with his hand. “I’m trying to find something to listen to that isn’t garbage.”

“Earl, would you like me to put on some music?” Rarity asked, turning from her sewing machine.

“You actually got anything worth listening to? None of that rap crap or boom box boogie?”

“I… don’t know what either of those are, but I do have my record player.”

“Huh, you actually got one? I thought kids anymore didn’t care about vinyl.”

“Vinyl? She’s quite the hit in Manehattan, but not so much in rural towns here. She’s all about techno.”

Earl turned to Twilight. “She got some screws loose, kid?”

Twilight tilted her head. “No? I think her sewing machine is working just fine.”

Earl placed his hand on his chest. “Lord, save me from these idiots.”

Rarity floated over her record player, taking a single record out of a sleeve and putting it on. She cranked it a few times, then placed the needle on, the distinctive crackles coming to life.

“A old Victrola, eh? I like your music style, lady. Fashion not so much, but music is alright.”

“Thank you… I think?” Rarity turned back to her sewing machine.

Soon enough, music began playing through the gramophone.

“Oh, this takes me back.” Earl put the little box back into his suitcase. “Reminds me of Gleason. He had a way with music, that just made you want to dance.”

“Do you dance, Mister Earl?” Rarity asked.

“Do I? Why, I have trophies.” Earl reached in his suitcase, grabbing a small gold figurine of a couple dancing. “First place for couples slow dance.”

Rarity nodded, then continued on her work. “I prefer this slower music. It’s much more intimate, and helps calm my nerves when I’m working on multiple projects.”

“Mhm.” Earl mumbled, lost in the music.

The record continued into another song, Earl rocking in his buggy in a melancholy mood. Twilight didn’t understand the big deal, sure this music was nice, but it wasn’t that old. Another song began to play on the machine.

“Do you dance, lady?”

Rarity, whom had finished with the machine work, and now was onto hoof stitches, turned to Earl.

“Of course.”

“To this kind of music?”

“Well, I can’t say just this, but at balls and garden events mostly yes.”

Earl creaked out of his seat, leaving his cane behind he made a slow walk towards the mare and held out his hand.

“Care to dance?”

Rarity was taken aback. What happened to the rude man who insulted her clothing? She looked to Twilight, who looked on equally as shocked. Rarity placed her hoof into Earl’s hand, and stood upright with the man. While taller than her by a couple heads, he still naturally took her into an embrace and began swaying, Rarity with him.

Earl squeezed Rarity’s hooves in his hands. “Boy, and I thought the calluses on my feet were bad.”

Rarity couldn’t help but let out a lady like snicker, but continued to dance along to the music. For the first time in what felt like ages, she was able to block out all her work orders, and just enjoy a quiet dance with another, resting her head on his lower chest.

“You really are quite the dancer, Earl.”

“You too, Darla,” Earl whispered.

“Who?” Rarity asked.

“Who what?” Earl parted with Rarity, the mare falling back down to her hooves, the record hitting it’s end and spun in constant circles at the center.

“I thought you called me Dar-” Rarity was cut off.

“Nothing, forget it.” It was like a switch was hit, Earl returned to his crouchy self and waddled back to his buggy. “Now I don’t have all day, I need a hat.”

Rarity watched as the man sat, then stared at the spinning gramophone. Rarity stared a little longer, then with her magic pulled the needle away, flipped the record and played the other side.

Twilight looked at Earl, his face going back to that melancholy expression. The only sounds being from the record player, and Rarity humming along as she sewed.

Quicker than she estimated, Rarity had a wicker sun hat made for Earl. With a fashionable black cotton bond, finished off with a burgundy bow to match his buggy.

“Well? What do you think?”

Earl flipped the hat around, inspecting it.

“Nice brim width, padded for when I sweat. Coarse enough so it breathes.”

Rarity held her breath.

“It’ll do.” Earl placed the hat on his head.

Rarity let out her breath, a raspberry trailing on the edge.

Earl pulled out his wallet. “What do I owe you?”

Rarity smiled. “For the dance? Free of charge.”

Earl looked at the mare, brow raised, but shrugged. “Suit yourself.”

As Earl began preparing his buggy once again, Twilight approached Rarity.

“Well, he’s rough around the edges, but sweet if you play slow music,” Rarity frowned, shaking her head.

“What’s wrong?” Twilight asked.

“The poor dear seems troubled, like that music, and the dance, took him back before something happened to upset him so.”

Twilight looked back to Earl, who was now driving towards the door. “Hurry up, kid! I need to get to the bus station.”

“I guess that’s your cue to go,” Rarity said.

“Rarity, I have no idea what he is looking for, or how to help him.”

“Honestly, dear? I don’t think he knows either.”

Twilight’s ears went flat. The buggy’s horn wouldn’t allow her to dwell on Rarity’s thought for long however.

“Come on kid! Hurry it up. I shouldn’t be faster than you.”

“I’m coming, Earl.” Twilight stepped away, but couldn’t help but look at Rarity once more.

Rarity waved her hoof. “Go on, darling.”

Twilight turned back towards Earl, opening the door with her magic.

“What is with these damn electric doors? They’re as slow to open as you are to keep up.”

Twilight sighed. Today was bound to only get more and more interesting.

It's Always the Quiet Ones

Author's Note

IT HASN'T BEEN TWO YEARS!

Pop's a party popper, only for it to just lazily fall to the ground.

Well shit...

It's Always the Quiet Ones

Twilight was at least a hundred percent confident that Earl had no idea where he was going.

Approaching Cheerilee for the third time, the mare had at least expected the elderly man to find her one way or another, and she was prepared and stood her ground, not letting her groceries fall victim yet again to the ground.

“Why the hell are there no adults around here? Move it, kid!” Earl honked his horn.

“Okay, mister, that’s enough,” Cheerilee set down her grocery bag, gently, and walked up to Earl. “You’ve bumped into me three times now, the second time literally. What is your problem?”

Twilight quickly grabbed Cheerilee in her magic, dragging her away. “Miss Cheerilee, please, let me explain.”

Cheerilee crossed her forelegs, waiting for Twilight to speak. After several quiet seconds, her brow tilted at an angle.

“Okay, actually I can’t explain. Just, try to ignore him. I’m doing my best to get to the bottom of this. In the meantime, Cheerilee, this is Earl. Earl, this is Cheerilee, she’s the town’s school teacher.”

Earl rose a brow at the mares. “She’s a teacher? Good lord they’re getting younger and younger. No wonder you kids are all dumb as rocks.”

“I beg your pardon! My children are not ‘dumb as rocks’, they happen to be learning all sorts of information and life lessons,” Cheerilee said.

“Oh yeah? You ever teach any of them not to walk in the road where they can get hit?”

“No, but I do teach them things like manners and respect. Two things you clearly were never taught,” she retorted, her posture defensive.

“Well excuse me, but once I could read and write I was needed on the farm. I didn’t have to learn all them fancy maths and poetry and whatever other garbage you’d try to stuff into our heads.”

“Garbage? Garbage! Why, how dare you insinuate that what we’re teaching our foals is not worth knowing, why I-”

“You said it yourself, fools. You’re teaching them to be fools.”

“I said foals!”

“Sounds like fools to me!”

Twilight’s mane was beginning to go out of control, her bangs splitting and curling. This situation was going out of control very fast, and she didn’t know how to handle it.

“Um, excuse me, Miss Cheerilee?”

The new voice silenced Cheerilee and Earl’s bickering, now all three figures looking to the shy, yellow pegasus that had inserted herself into the ring.

“Um, Applebloom was looking for you, something about germination and seed growth, and wanted me to send you to her clubhouse as soon as you could,” Fluttershy said.

“Yes, well as soon as I-” Cheerilee began.

Fluttershy got between the mare and elderly man. “As soon as possible please. It was really important, I’m sure.”

“But-”

Fluttershy’s eyes widened more. “Pretty please?”

Cheerilee huffed. “Fine, I’ll head right over. I just need to drop off my groceries.” Cheerilee walked away, grabbing her bag, and trotted off towards home.

“Oh, thank you Fluttershy. I just didn’t know what to do. Earl’s been honking and yelling at ponies all day, and I was nearing my breaking point and then-”

Fluttershy silenced Twilight with a smile. “It’s okay, Twilight. I could see you were having some trouble. Actually, Applebloom did ask me to send Cheerilee her way if I saw her. I happened to be on my way to pick up Winona from the vet and take her home for Applejack. They’re quite busy setting things up for the picnic tonight.”

Twilight’s right eye twitched.

“Oh dear, you forgot about the picnic, didn’t you?”

“How could I have forgotten so easily? I had so many things to do on my list today, but then Earl bumped into me and got me sidetracked, then we went to Dennies- I mean, Sugarcube Corner, then Carousel Boutique, then Cheerilee- Oh my gosh, what time is it? How far behind schedule am I? I need to-”

Fluttershy put both her hooves on Twilight’s shoulders, calming the mare down.

“It’s okay, Twilight. Breathe how Cadance taught you.”

Twilight took in a deep breath.

“Hey, quiet kid. You know where the nearest station is? This oompa loompa kid don’t know jack and has been leading me in circles.”

Twilight choked, coughing up spit as she tried and failed to compose herself.

Fluttershy tapped on Twilight's back. “Ponyville only has a train station, and it’s due West of here.”

Earl jammed a pinkie finger into his ear, pulled out some wax, and flung it to the ground. “Weird soundin’ town, but that’s to be expected from Kentucky. Thanks, kid, you’re actually helpful,” Earl said, then began to drive off.

Finally able to function, Twilight spoke. “Wait, Fluttershy, the train station isn’t-” she was shushed by a look from Fluttershy, and quickly followed the yellow pegasus as they followed behind Earl.

“So, what even is Earl?”

After a lengthy conversation, and Fluttershy directing Earl around half of Ponyville blindly, they’d made it to the train station. The walking gave Twilight ample time to explain all she knew, which wasn’t much.

“So he wants to take a train to… where?”

“He just keeps saying-”

“Westward, towards Califor-ni-yay.” Earl interjected.

Fluttershy gave the man a quizzed look. “Where’s that?”

Earl stopped his buggy. “Good lord, just when I thought you were the smart one… it’s on the other side of the States. I knew that teacher was rubbish.”

“Um, excuse me, Mister Earl?”

“It’s Mister Caster. Earl Caster.”

Twilight blinked, and Fluttershy smiled.

“Mister Caster then, um, I’m afraid to say this, but I don’t think you are where you think you are.”

“Well no shit, Sherlock.”

Twilight stopped. “Wait, you know?”

“Of course, ya dummy. I’m in Kentucky, when I should be in California.”

“But, you’re not in Kentucky,” Fluttershy said.

Earl looked at Fluttershy. “Okay, kid, humor me. Just where in the Hell am I?”

“Could you, um, please stop cursing so much?” Fluttershy politely asked.

“You get used to it, kid. We had foul mouths in Korea, and dirty minds a plenty.” Earl winked.

“Pretty please?”

Earl let out a huff. “Fine, only because you’ve actually been helpful, other than that other kid that kept hanging around.”

“I am still here, you know,” Twilight said evenly.

“Oh, right, I knew that.”

“Mister Caster, you’re in Ponyville, which is in Equestria.”

All was silent for the next several seconds.

“What the actual shi-er, crap, are you talking about?”

“That’s where we are. You’re not in Kentucky, or Californeigh.”

Again, silence. Then, Earl turned to Twilight.

“You put her up to this?” he said, pointing to Fluttershy.

“Earl, she’s saying the truth.”

“Hogwash! I should have known better than to trust a couple of dumb kids who can’t even find a God damned train station.”

“WHOOO WHOOOOOOOOO.”

All three turned around.

“Oh look, the train station,” Earl said, then drove away.

Twilight turned to Fluttershy. “I can’t let him leave! He can’t get on the train! What do I do?”

“Stop him?” Fluttershy asked.

“But, he’s clearly old enough to do what he wants… but he can’t go about harassing ponies and bumping into them…”

“So, stop him?”

“Oh Fluttershy, I just… I don’t know what I should do…”

Fluttershy draped a wing over Twilight’s back. “It’s okay, I don’t think he’s gonna leave yet.”

“What? Why?”

Fluttershy pointed to Earl, talking to one of the train ponies. After a few minutes, he came driving back.

“Figures, damn yokals.”

“What’s wrong, Earl?” Fluttershy asked.

“They got some think accent. Said this was the last train, and it was going to the capitol, which is the wrong way! Damn Amtrak.

“Oh dear, that sounds dreadful.” Fluttershy gave Twilight a wink.

“Yeah. Well, then I guess I only got one option.” Earl began rifling through the basket in front of him.

“What’s that?” Twilight asked.

“Find some lodging for the night, then take the next morning train out.”

Twilight bit her lower lip. “Um, well we only have one motel in Ponyville.”

“That’s fine by me.” Earl began driving away, looking again at his map.

“But it’s full.”

Earl stopped, turning to look at Twilight.

“And you know this because…?”

“Oh, that’s right!” Fluttershy startled the two, her voice raising higher than normal. “The Flower sisters are hosting this years floral stand show.”

Twilight nodded her head. “Yeah, and I know for a fact that the motel is full up, as well as Berry’s tavern. The ponies who couldn’t get a place are camping out in the park.”

“What, like a bunch of hobos? No thanks. I’ll find something else,” Earl put away his map.

Twilight pulled Fluttershy in close to whisper. “I could have him stay in the castle, but I’m scared he would get lost.”

“I agree. I think you should try Applejack’s home.”

Twilight, for her part, gave the mare a straight look. “That’s… not a bad idea.”

“If it’s okay with you, I’ll go pick up Winona and talk to Applejack about Earl while I’m there. Then I’ll come find you in town.”

“That… could work. I’ll just keep him distracted around town, try to not have him bump into any more ponies, then we can head over.”

Fluttershy smiled.

“Fluttershy, why do I feel like you’ve done this before?”

The pegasus blushed. “Oh, my grandmother in Fillydelphia was… focused, like Mister Caster. You just have to know how to keep them thinking they’re in control, and lead them around for a bit until they cool down.”

Suddenly, both mares jumped at Earl’s horn. “Come on, kids! I ain’t got all day, I need to find some lodging. Also some adults, I haven’t been around so many youngin’s since basic training.”

“Oh yes, Mister Caster. I’m going to go find you a place to stay, meanwhile Twilight will show you some other sights to see in Ponyville!”

Earl glared at Fluttershy a moment. “Alright kid, I trust ya. Just not so much that other one.”

“I’m still here, Earl!”

Fast Food

The more Twilight thought about it, the more she was thankful for Fluttershy’s quick thinking.

Sweet Apple Acres would be an ideal location to take Earl. It was open, peaceful and quiet, and not so many ponies around to gawk or be potentially run over. They had a guest bedroom on the ground floor, and with any luck Earl and Granny Smith would get along well.

That still left Twilight with the challenge of what to distract Earl with. If his constant complaining was anything to go by, he was cranky, tired, and probably needed a nap.

Come to think of it, he’s a lot like Spike when he doesn’t get his afternoon nap.

“Earl?”

“Yeah, kid?”

“How are you doing?”

“Just dandy. Why are you standing outside my stall?”

Twilight looked at herself in the public restroom mirror.

“Well, you needed help getting in here, so I thought I’d wait for you to finish up.”

“Were I a few years younger, I’d be bashful to admit needing the help. So long as I can wipe my own ass.”

Twilight began to sweat nervously, holding her breath.

“Which I can.”

She let it out, thankful.

Earl continued on. “These toilets are short. What’s with that?”

“Well, we are short.”

Both were quiet.

“That’s stupid. Makes sense, but still stupid.”

With a flush, Earl stepped out of the stall, and made his way over to the sink to wash his hands. He hadn’t yet put his suspenders over his shoulders, so his pants sagged.

“I suppose it could be worse. Back in Korea, we either went in a bucket or a hole in the ground.”

Twilight’s muzzle wrinkled from the thought.

After washing, Twilight hoofed over his cane, and Earl pulled his suspenders up and over his shoulders.

“Damn getting old. We turn into frogs, no ass to keep our pants up.”

“You could just not wear clothes.”

Earl hesitated, raising a brow at Twilight.

“I don’t think people would take kindly to a ninety year old mess of flab and low hanging body parts to look at.”

“Touche,” Twilight admitted.

“This some sort of nudist town?”

“Well, usually clothes are optional.”

Earl lifted his hat, dabbing the paper towel on his head. “Lord, were I forty years younger. I’d give anything just to have good eyesight again.”

“Well, you had glasses earlier.”

“Them were my reading glasses. Near sight, with bifocals so I can read.”

“Oh.”

“Broke my good ones just before I left the home.”

Twilight stood beside Earl, who using his cane-free hand grabbed onto her head, using her as added support.

“You got a lot of hair. This isn’t some weird hippy town, is it?”

“No, Earl, it’s a-”

“Good, because my son left home to join them hippies. Never saw him again.”

“Wait, what?” Twilight hesitated, although Earl caused her to continue.

“Bah, good riddance anyway. He was a little brat, worthless and lazy.”

Twilight’s wings flared out. “But he was your son! You can’t just ignore that.”

“Well I did.”

They stepped outside, Twilight leading Earl to his buggy. She was frowning, unhappy with Earl's attitude.

She couldn’t help but stare down the elderly man. “So what about his mother? Missus Caster?”

Earl sat into his buggy, putting his cane over top of the basket. He was silent, looking off into the distance, appearing more emotional than how he first talked about his son.

“It broke Darla’s heart. I tried to help, but she wanted her boy back. She passed on, never knowing what became of him.”

Earl looked down to Twilight. The mare’s ears were flat. No...

“And for that, I could care less about him.”

Twilight let out a squeak. She wanted to protest, argue, but the firmness of his words left her feeling like he was absolute with his decision, and a pit in her stomach.

“Now, enough of this hogwash. You’ve been taking me around town. What time is it?”

Twilight wiped her cheeks, calming herself down and closing her wings, then looked up to the clock tower.

“It’s one thirty.”

“Thirteen thirty? I missed lunch? No wonder I’m all rattled. I need to take my pills.”

“Well, we can go get some lunch? What would you like to eat?”

“I’d kill for a burger.”

Twilight fake laughed. “I hope that’s not literal.”

“Korea was a bad time, kid. The things we had to do to survive…” Earl’s eyes glazed over again. “Enough of that, war’s over. Come on, lets go to that burger place. My treat, for your help.”

Nearing the Hay Burger, Twilight saw a flash of rainbow trail up above. She stopped to look. Earl, not as perceptive, bumped into her back legs.

“Ow!”

“Well, don’t go stoppin’ in front of me like that. What’s that you see?” Earl looked up, shading his eyes with his hat.

“My friend, Rainbow Dash.”

“In the sky?”

“Well yeah, she’s a top flyer.”

Suddenly, a blue blur skidded to a halt in front of them.

“I heard somepony talking about how awesome I am. Heya Twi. Hi old dude.”

“Did she just parachute in? Holy Gods I remember the first time I dropped into Korea. Nearly broke my legs.”

“Hi Rainbow. This is Earl Caster. I was just telling him how I saw you up above.”

Earl gave the pegasus a salute. “Earl’s fine. Nice landing. I remember my first, ate shit.”

Rainbow puffed her chest out. “Thanks! Yeah, dirt’s not that great tasting.”

“No I ate literal shit. Landed into some cow patties.”

Both Rainbow and Twilight’s ears went flat, while their faces looked disgusted.

Earl just gave the two a shit-eating grin.

Rainbow blanched. “So, now that I’m a little less hungry, what are you two doing?”

“Oompa Loompa here is taking me to get some lunch.”

Rainbow let out a snicker.

“I would appreciate it if you’d stop calling me that, Earl,” Twilight huffed.

“I would appreciate it if you’d pull that pole out of your ass and laughed a little.”

Twilight’s cheeks puffed up, while Rainbow Dash fell to the ground in a fit of laughter.

“Oh man, I like this guy! I don’t even know what he is but he’s awesome.” Rainbow continued to roll on the ground.

Earl pointed to Rainbow. “At least she’s enjoying herself. Now come on, I need to eat.” Earl began driving away.

Once he was a little distance away, Twilight smacked Rainbow with her wing.

Rainbow shouted, “Hey, cut it out! What gives?”

Quieter, Twilight whispered, “Don’t enable him, Rainbow!”

“Sorry sorry, yeesh.”

“It’s fine. I’m sorry for getting upset, today’s just been… difficult.”

“Why? He seems like an okay sort to me.”

There was a honk.

“Watch where you’re going! Damn kids, there’s a sidewalk for a reason!”

Both mares watched as Bon Bon tucked and rolled away from the buggy with questioning grace.

“Okay, yeah, he seems like a hoof full. Hey, can I join you guys for lunch?”

Twilight let out a sigh. “I’d love you to, Rainbow. Maybe with you along, I can keep him busy until I hear from Fluttershy.”

“Oh yeah, that’s right. I bumped into her earlier, saying something about talking to Applejack about letting a guest stay over. Must be Earl then?”

Twilight started trotting after Earl, with Rainbow taking to the air with a short hover, keeping up.

“Yes. Rainbow, I think he’s confused and has no idea where he really is.”

“Well yeah, I sorta figured that. He’s also blind as a bat.”

Rainbow got a cane smack on her head.

“Ow! Hey!”

“That’s rude, even if it is true,” Earl then bopped Twilight on the head.

“Hey!”

“And that’s for keeping me waiting. At least this place doesn’t seem to have stairs to go up.”

Using his cane, Earl stepped out. He then stood there, looking at Twilight.

“Well?”

“Urg. Earl, you have your cane.”

Earl hunched over, shaking like he couldn’t control it. “Yes, and she’s just standing there and not helping this old, tired, decrepit man before he falls to the ground and breaks his hip.”

Rainbow snickered, as Twilight stepped over for Earl to place his hand on her head. He immediately stopped the shaking and stood up straighter.

Rainbow barked a laugh. “You know, for an old dude you’re not so bad.”

“For a kamikaze sky diver you’re not so bad either.”

“What’s a kamikaze?”

“Never mind. Don’t need to be giving you any ideas.”

“Uh, okay.” Rainbow shot ahead, opening the doors for Earl and Twilight.

“Good, this place must be sensible. None of them automatic doors. Makes people lazy,” Earl said.

“You’re using me as a cane,” Twilight grumbled.

“So did my grandpappy with me. He wasn't lazy. He was old and decrepit. Like I am now.”

Earl and Twilight stepped in, with a grinning Rainbow Dash close behind.

“Okay, where would you like to sit?” Twilight asked.

“No booths. They come from the factory already broken down. Plus a pain in the ass to get out of.”

Twilight and Rainbow lead Earl to one of the unoccupied tables, allowing the man to sit.

Earl removed his hat, placing it at the empty spot beside where he was sitting and hooked his cane on the back of the empty seat. Looking around the table, he asked, “What, no menus?”

“This is a fast food joint, you gotta go up and order.” Rainbow sat with Earl.

“Bah, fast food. I remember the first McDonalds, you know. Wasn’t like it is today.”

“Uh, no, I don’t know,” Rainbow said.

Twilight cleared her throat. “I’ll go up and order for us. Rainbow, you want your usual?”

“You betcha. Nix the hayfries though, I got some more practice ahead of me and don’t wanna eat too much.”

Twilight smiled. “Okay, Earl what would you like?”

“Hrm… what’s this place’s specialty?”

“Hayburgers,” Twilight said.

Earl looked at the mare, blinking. He stuck a finger in his ear, scratching.

“I think you just said hayburger, and I don’t even want to guess. Must be some of that weird non-meat eater thing.”

“Meat? Wait, Earl are you a omnivore?”

“Of course! I’m a steak and potatoes kinda guy.”

Twilight blanched. “They… won’t have that kinda thing here.”

“What? You said this was a hamburger joint.”

“Hayburger. You know, with hay, not with… ham.”

“It’s not ham, you dolt. It’s ground up meat that’s-”

“Okay okay! Earl, that’s enough.” Rainbow tapped on the table with her hoof. “They do have fish sandwiches here. How’s that?”

“Hrm… sure, I guess. I want lettuce, tomato, mayo and pickle.”

Both mares blinked. “Pickle?” Rainbow asked.

“I like pickles.”

“With fish?” Twilight asked.

“Yes! With fish! With hamburgers and on the side with my coneys! Now chop chop! I gotta take my pills!” Earl reached into his pocket, producing a orange bottle with a white top.

Twilight and Rainbow shared a glance, and with a shrug from Rainbow, Twilight went up and placed their order. A few moments later, she returned and took a seat.

“The pony at the counter said she’d bring out our food once it was done.”

“Oh, that’s nice of her.” Rainbow turned back to Earl. “So, you really fought in a war, huh?”

Earl nodded. “You’re damn right. Got shot, too. Belly wound, they thought I wasn’t going to survive. Thank God for the eight oh sixty three.”

Rainbow was sitting up with excitement. “So what was it like? Fighting other… whatever you are. Did you kill?”

“Of course I killed. It wasn’t glorious or within my nature, but we had to do what we had to do. If you didn’t kill them, they killed you.”

“You know,” Twilight began, “it’s interesting you’ve had combat experience. Equestria hasn’t had a major war in over a thousand years, and we’ve only had a minor skirmish about six hundred years ago.”

“Bullshit. Everyone fights. Everyone wants to kill each other over land or money. That’s just how it is.”

Twilight raised a brow. “What do you mean?”

“Kid, we just got through with the rag heads in the middle east. You’re blowing smoke up my ass saying you ain’t fought in over a hundred years.”

Twilight rolled her eyes. “Earl. Mister Caster. For the last time, you’re not in Californeigh.”

“Of course I’m not! I’m in Kentucky! I need to get to California.”

Twilight slammed her head on the table.

At that moment, a pony came by to drop off their food, along with glasses of water.

“What is it with you all being so short? Did I wind up in the Wonka factory?”

The mare serving gave him a look. Rainbow just shrugged. “Don’t mind him. He’s just cranky.”

“And old. Don’t you forget it.”

Twilight recovered, and dived into her hayburger. Having a early breakfast had left its toll on her stomach, which was moments away from grumbling in empty protest.

Eating was relatively calm. Between bites Rainbow would ask questions about fighting, and the war, or as he said it was officially called a police action, that Earl was in.

“Police action my ass. Any conflict you're shooting each other and dropping mortar strikes is a bloody damn war,” Earl grumbled, taking a bite of his fish sandwich.

Twilight listened in rapt attention. At first she didn’t entirely believe he’d done such things, but with how casually he discussed it and what topics he’d bring up, or not want to talk about…

“That’s horrible, Earl.”

“Hm?” Earl looked to Twilight.

“I mean, the very idea that you had to go to another country, and kill others. It’s… just wrong.”

Earl set down his toothpick, both ends used.

“Yeah, kid, it is. It was, and it still is. But that’s life. Peace comes at the price of blood.”

Both mares were silent, one out of sorrow, the other in fascination.

“So! What’s the damage on this here grub?” Earl asked, leaning forward to grab his wallet out of his back pocket.

“Oh don’t worry, Earl, I have it taken care of.” Twilight waved a hoof.

“Now now, I said I’d pay. Even for you, squirt.”

“Wait, did you just call me squirt?” Rainbow asked.

“Really, Earl, it’s fine,” Twilight reassured.

“Hogwash.” He pulled out some paper bills. “How much was it?”

“Uh, old man, that’s paper.”

Earl looked over to Rainbow. “Yeah? And?”

“I don’t know what freaky kinda place you come from, but we use bits.”

Earl looked confused. “Yeah? I got a double sawbuck, that’s more than a few bits.”

Now Twilight and Rainbow looked confused.

“Earl, trust me, it’s fine. I have the meals covered.”

The man looked at Twilight hesitantly. “Fine, but I’ll tip.”

“You don’t tip at fast food joints,” Rainbow said, then was nudged by Twilight.

“Okay, Earl, that’s fair,” Twilight smiled.

Earl replaced the single bill he had out, and withdrew several others, about four of them, and placed them on the table under his empty water cup.

As he stood, stretching, Earl reached for his hat, placing it on his head while he grabbed his cane. “Boy howdy, I could go for a nap after that. Good fish, tasted like it was freshly caught.”

“It probably was. They’re good on that here.” Rainbow stood as well.

Twilight, using her magic, pushed in the three used chairs. “I’ll be a moment, why don’t you two head outside? I’ll be right out.”

“Sure, sure. Hey, squirt, come here. I could use ya a moment.”

Rainbow shifted in place. Twilight nodded at her. “Ug, fine.”

Twilight couldn’t help but smile as she watched Rainbow and Earl exit, the later using the mare for extra support. When a pony came by to clean up, Twilight explained the situation, and left some bits as a proper tip while taking the four bills left by Earl.

They were all identical, with the number 1. She noticed there were some smaller, stamped numbers that didn’t match, but otherwise the style of the paper currency was the same throughout all four bills.

She’d study them later, and maybe get some clues on Earl’s origins.

The repeated honking from outside, however, needed to be addressed now, so she waved bye to the ponies inside and headed out.

Author's Note

I don't think I've ever updated a fic more than once in the span of six months. Two chapters in two days? Madness...

Also thanks again to Flutterpriest, who's valuable ~~shitposting~~ writing abilities helped make sure this is going along smoothly.

Blogpost about the last two chapters here!

Weak Battery

After their late lunch, Rainbow Dash left Twilight and Earl to finish up what she was doing previously, be it a nap or stunts was either of Twilight’s guesses.

The next couple hours were relatively peaceful. By now word had gotten around town for ponies to trot with caution around Earl, and explicitly told not to get in his way. Twilight would occasionally stop to tell the man about a particular building, business, or who’s home they were passing by.

Earl took it all in stride, giving a remark here and there, or questioning the sanity of the shopkeepers around town. Their last stop was to be the market square, where they would meet up with Applejack.

“It just don’t make a lick of sense, kid. Why would you sell quills and sofas together? Hell, who still even uses quills? I think my grandpappy did, only because his cock had some good feathers on his tail.”

“Well, it’s that or pencils, and you wouldn’t find somepony writing to the princess with that.”

“It wouldn’t take some phoney to use a ballpoint pen though.”

“Ballpoint… pen?” Twilight asked.

Earl stopped his buggy, and with a roll of his eyes reached into the breast pocket which held his glasses, and withdrew a thin tube. Giving a quick demonstration of pressing the one end in, making an audible click, he tossed it over to the mare.

Twilight’s magic came to life, catching it and drawing it up close to her face.

“Keep it, I got a few more rolling around in my suitcase somewhere.” Earl began driving away, leaving a mystified Twilight to experiment with the pen.

Earl rolled into what he’d guess to be a market of some kind. Passing by merchants at booths, tables, or even stalls like he’d make when he was a kid, trying to sell lemonade.

“Christ, no wonder all the stores around here are a mess. They sell everything important outside in stalls,” Earl mumbled to himself.

“Well howdy! You must be Earl I reckon?”

Earl stopped, looking to the right, where he was fairly sure someone spoke to him. There was a orange and blonde blur standing at one stand, and as Earl drove closer he swore he smelled apples.

“Yeah? Who’s askin’?” Earl stopped suddenly. “Wait, you from the home?”

The blonde let out a laugh. “No no, I’m a friend of Twilight’s. The name’s Applejack.” She reached out a arm to shake, which Earl accepted.

“What the hell’s wrong with all your hands around here? You all work in the saw mills or somethin’? Lose them to the grinders?”

“Uhhh…”

“Whatever. What’s it here you’re trying to peddle to and old fart?”

Applejack blinked. “Uh, I’m not peddlin’ anythin’ to ya. Just wanted to say hi, ‘nd to make sure you’re still plannin’ on stayin’ with us tonight.”

Earl lifted up his hat, wiping the sweat on his head. “Oh right, right. Yeah, Oompa Loompa said something about finding a place for me to crash.”

“I’d sure hope not! I don’t think we could fix that fancy buggy thing of yours there.”

Earl paused a moment.

“Jesus, you’re all pixelated.”

Applejack then paused.

“I think that’s a compliment?”

“If that’s what you’re going with, then by all means.” Earl grabbed one of the apples in the basket. “So, you sellin’ apples eh? How much? They feel good and firm, smell damn good too.”

“Oh, that’ll be four bits an apple!”

Twilight was frantically searching for Earl. So engrossed in his clicky pen she’d forgotten to keep track of the elderly man. Thankfully, her worries were for naught, as she spied him in the distance at Applejack’s stand.

However, the closer she got, she noticed ponies standing around, gawking, and by the near shouts coming from the pair she knew there was trouble.

“Ah said I’d go down to two bits!”

“And I said I’d pay you the full price! Here’s a dollar!”

“That’s just paper! What do I want with paper?”

“It’s money you twit!”

“Who you callin’ a twit, ya wrinkly old jackass!”

Earl stood from his buggy. “You want to try and say that to my face?”

By the time Applejack stepped around her stall, Twilight forced herself between the two.

“Enough!” the alicorn shouted.

“Stay out of this, kid. I need to teach this girl some manners when dealing with her elders.” Earl grabbed his cane.

“Yeah, Twi. I need to see if it’s true that old dogs can’t be taught new tricks.” Applejack cracked her neck.

“No! Earl, Applejack, I don’t know what caused all of this-”

“He was tryin’ ta pass of some lousy paper as money!”

“And I told ya, I ain't got enough change! We’ve been using paper money since the civil war for Christ’s sake!”

Twilight braced her hooves between the two. “No! Enough. It doesn’t matter, I want you both to apologize, right now.”

“But Twilight-”

“Kid, listen-”

Slowly, Twilight leaned directly into Applejack’s face, nearly touching muzzles. “Apologize.” Then she turned to Earl, who she pressed her hoof harder onto his gut. “Right now.” Twilight returned to all four hooves. “This instant.”

Both parties grumbled, but with another disapproving glare from Twilight, Earl extended his hand towards Applejack.

“Sorry.”

Applejack let out a sigh, and shook hand in hoof once more. “I’m rightfully sorry too. I shouldn’t have let my temper get the better of me.”

Twilight nodded. “There, that’s better. I can’t have you two fighting if you’re going to be under the same roof for the night.”

Earl sat into his buggy, lifting his hat to scratch his head. “Oh, that’s right, I forgot you were offering me a room. Now I feel plum dumb.”

Applejack couldn’t help but let out a chuckle. “It’s a’right, Earl. I can get a big heated at times, I can admit. Look, I’ll tell ya what. You help set up the table at dinner, you can have an apple free of charge.”

As Earl smiled, Twilight couldn’t help but share the expression. After the earlier confrontation with Cheerilee, she wasn’t quite sure if she could stand up to Earl if he went off with one of her closer friends. Proving she could just then was a huge boost, and with any luck…

“Everything’s going to be just fine,” Twilight said out loud.

The next hour was spent in the market square talking with Earl and Applejack. Twilight would try to point out inconsistencies to Earl, about them all being children, midgets, or even clown midgets, yet he was insistent. When she’d bring up magic, he’d wave it off with rambles about drones, digital media, and a series of tubes that connected the world and was all a ploy to make everyone lazy and fat.

The bell tower had struck five o’clock, which signalled many of the vending ponies to pack up for the day and return in the morning.

Earl sat back casually in his chair, occasionally watching AJ and Twilight put the cart away, or would wander to another vendor to try and get some last second deals on things.

His fourth trip around, he returned with a huff and crossed his arms over his chest.

Twilight stopped what she was doing to check in on the man. “You know, if you wanted something, I could have traded some bits for your paper.”

“Never you mind that. Still can’t fathom how a place would just ignore cash like that. I’d get a fuss over writing a check, and credit cards are the work of the devil, but cash? Cash is King is a borderline religion where I’m from.”

“Oh, well some places do accept checks. We have banks, after all.”

“You got a Chase bank around?”

Twilight and Applejack shared a glance, then shook their heads.

“Figures.”

The sun was beginning it’s faster decent by the time Applejack was packed up, and after hitching up, the three began the walk to Sweet Apple Acres.

As they began to leave the town proper behind them, Earl’s buggy began making a audible beep.

“What’s that?” Twilight asked.

“Damn,” Earl swore, looking around, “it’s getting dark, and my battery is weak.”

“Oh, for your buggy?”

“No, my hearing aid.”

“Oh… uh… do you have a-”

Twilight received a smack on her head with his cane. “No, I don’t. My hearing is fine. Yes my buggy’s getting weak. When we get to this place I’ll need to plug it in and charge it.”

“Uh, plug it in?” Applejack asked.

“Yeah, you know? Into an outlet?”

“What’s he talkin’ ‘bout, Twi?”

Twilight scrutinized the buggy some, when it finally clicked.

“Oh! Earl, this buggy runs on electricity, doesn’t it?”

“No, it runs on the hopes and dreams of every goddamn gook I shot. Of course it does!”

“Oooooooh. We ain’t got that.”

Earl stopped his buggy, glaring at Applejack. “What did you just say?”

Applejack unhitched herself in the middle of the dirt road, walking up to Earl. “We don’t got electricity. Only some parts of Ponyville do, but we opted out.”

Earl’s buggy began beeping again. “Well, fan-fucking-tastic.” He looked around, noticing the empty road. “How much farther we got?”

Applejack took stock of their surroundings. “I’d say another twenty or so minutes of walkin’.”

Earl’s frown was, at its worst, a testament to every old grouchy stallion Twilight had ever met in her life. The best result was that Twilight hadn’t spontaneously combusted from the radiated hate that Earl’s glare shot at her.

“This isn’t going to last that long. I’m going back to find some civilized folk.”

“Wait, Earl, hold on a moment!” Twilight rushed to block off the man.

“Move it, kid. I’m gonna go give it a shot at that motel of yours.”

“Don’t you fret none, Earl!” Applejack joined Twilight. “I’ll rush on home, drop off the stall, and head back with our wagon. I’ll be right quick!”

Before Earl could respond, Applejack was hitched up and running towards home.

“Well, that was nice of her!” Twilight said. “Although, I probably could have just teleported to the barn and brought back the wagon a lot faster.”

“Eh, don’t worry none kid. Lets just go until the battery runs out.”

That ended up being another five minutes, as Twilight could now out-walk Earl’s buggy.

As they approached the beginning of the white wooden fence, the buggy came to a halt.

“Welp, that’s it.”

Twilight returned to Earl’s side, and took a seat next to him. “Don’t worry, Applejack will be back soon.”

“I ain’t worried. I just need this thing charged for tomorrow, if I’m going to catch the train.”

Twilight bit her bottom lip. The two remained silent, watching the random birds flying around the apple trees, the setting sun behind them.

“Earl…”

“Yeah, kid?”

“Do… I mean…”

“Spit it out, kid.”

Twilight took a deep breath.

“I don’t think taking the train in the morning is the right thing to do.”

Earl raised an eyebrow. “Oh? You don’t, do you?”

“No.”

“Then where, pray tell, should I go from here?”

“Well… maybe until I can figure out how to get you home-”

“I ain’t goin’ back to the damn home!”

“Fine! Then Californeigh! I don’t think you should leave just yet. You’re… not adapting well. And you’re lost.”

“I ain’t lost, just misplaced.”

Twilight blinked. Suddenly, she began to chuckle, and by Earl’s confused expression she erupted into full blown laughter.

It took her several seconds to calm down.

“I’m… I’m sorry, it was just… that was the most accurate thing I think you’ve said since we met.”

Earl wore a small frown, but remained silent.

Twilight cleared her throat. “I want to help you, but I’m not sure how to do that just yet. So please, will you stay?”

Earl scratched behind his left ear, looking around, then focused back to Twilight.

“Well, I don’t know kid. I’d have to think on it.”

Twilight released the breath she was holding. “That’s… something, at least. If you’d like, after tonight I can make up a spare bedroom in my castle for you to stay.”

“Castle?” Earl asked.

“Sweet castle!”

Earl and Twilight looked up, watching as Rainbow Dash came in for a hot landing.

“Damn squirt, you just can’t keep your feet on the ground, can ya?”

“I don’t know what a feet is, but I’m sure if I had one then I’d still say nope! So, whatcha talkin’ about?”

Twilight smiled at her friend.

“Earl’s thinking about sticking around longer than a day.”

“Now hold it there, kid. I said I’d think about it.”

“Pfft. Yeah, right old man. If Twilight’s got you thinking about it, then you’re gonna do it. Trust me, it’s just how it works out.”

Earl crossed his arms, grumbling incoherently to himself.

At that moment, Applejack, along with Big Macintosh, came into view with a empty cart.

“Well howdy! Looks like y’all made it a little farther.”

Earl rolled his eyes. “Yes, we tried anyway.”

Applejack looked over to her pegasus friend, “Oh howdy R-D! What brings ya by?”

Rainbow Dash tilted her head. “Uh, since the pic-nick got canceled, Fluttershy said we were having dinner at your place.”

“She did?” Applejack asked, looking to her brother.

“Eeyup.”

“Well, it’s about damn time you kids brought an adult.” Earl stepped off his buggy, using Twilight’s head as support.

With a grumble, the mare stood and followed Earl over to the two apple farmers. Earl reached out his free hand, which Big Macintosh accepted with a firm shake.

“Earl. Earl Caster.”

“Big Macintosh Apple.”

“How the hell do you pick apples with no hands?”

“The hell even are you supposed ta be?”

Twilight and Rainbow stood slack jawed, while Applejack simply face hoofed.

Earl grinned, looking down to Twilight. “Hey, I like this one. He don’t got a pole up his ass like you, kid.”

Author's Note

Thanks again to the wonderful Flutterpriest, who didn't scream at me too much about any flaws.

Blog post here!

Spare Table

It turned out that Earl’s buggy was a lot heavier than Twilight first thought.

The idea they’d originally had was to carry both Earl and his buggy in the cart, but they quickly discovered that both would not fit in it side by side, or front to back.

Next they loaded the buggy, which took a large amount of Twilight’s magic, and had Earl ride his buggy in the cart. That ended with Earl nearly being thrown out once Big Macintosh started to pull forward.

Finally, they settled on having Earl ride in the cart, pulled by Applejack, while Big Macintosh and Rainbow Dash did their best to push his buggy. The struggle was the wheels did not want to rotate without any power driving them.

“Watch those holes, girlie!” Earl called from the wagon, Applejack just out of reach of his flailing cane.

“I’m tryin’, Earl,” Applejack grunted.

“Didn’t you have any sorta forethought to bring a cushion too?”

“I was in a hurry, ‘nd it slipped my mind.”

“Well if I slip a disk, you’ll wish I was only this cranky.”

Twilight rolled her eyes, and with a pop of magic, a purple pillow appeared. “Here, Earl. Try this.”

Earl took the pillow, completely ignoring the fact it was floating in front of his face, and lifted himself just enough to slid it under.

“That’s much better, thanks kid.”

WIth Earl’s needs satisfied, Twilight returned her focus to Rainbow Dash and Big Macintosh, aiding them in the movement of the buggy. The idea of teleporting it was brought up, but with the limited knowledge of Earl and his home, she ventured it was probably safest to hold off on magically interacting with too much of his stuff. The paper money hadn’t done anything crazy, but it was just paper.

The very idea that Earl’s buggy ran on a single battery, and was still that small was a marvel. By Equestrian standards, they’d needed either one massive, multiple cell battery, or several smaller ones tied in series, to generate enough voltage and current to complete such a task.

“And if I can convince him to stick around,” Twilight continued on, just quiet enough to keep Earl from hearing, “then I could do all kinds of research on this buggy, maybe reverse engineer it! It could change so much!”

“Yeah, yeah, okay Egghead, whatever. Let's just get this thing to the farm. It’s frickin’ heavy!”

“Gettin’ tired, Miss Dash?”

Rainbow glared at the stallion, who in turn showed a cocky grin.

“I know you’re going for a rise out of me. You’re just lucky that it works.” Rainbow began pushing harder, forcing Macintosh to compensate in order to keep up.

As Sweet Apple Acres came into view, Twilight couldn’t help but notice that all her other friends were waiting for them on the front porch.

Upon being spotted, they all rushed to help. Rarity and Fluttershy assisted Applejack with parking the cart near the porch, and then helped unload Earl. Pinkie Pie moved the buggy, although not without a quick ride which ended when Twilight magik’d the mare back to the ground.

“Oh great, more of you are here. Just when I thought two of you was enough,” Earl stood still, using his cane for support.

Applejack returned the cart to the barn, while Twilight, Rainbow, and Macintosh pushed Earl’s buggy near the porch.

“Don’t worry about your buggy, Earl. I’ll take it back into town tomorrow and see what I can do for charging it,” Twilight grabbed the suitcase out of the basket, bringing it to the man.

“I’d prefer if it was tonight… but, well, I guess you’ve been helping me out a lot today, kid, so sure.”

As they made their way up the porch, Applebloom shot out the door.

“Oh, what a good dog.” Earl patted Applebloom on the head, then continued up the porch.

The little filly stood there, confused. “Did he just call me a dog?”

Applejack shrugged at her little sister, rushing by to get inside before Earl.

“Now Earl, I’m not sure if Twilight told ya, but I live here with my little sister Applebloom, who you done just petted.”

Earl raised an eyebrow, but allowed the mare to continue.

“You’ve also met my big brother, Big Mac. We also live with our grandma, Granny Smith.”

“Like the apple?” Earl asked.

Everypony facehoofed.

“Uh, yeah, I guess so…” Applejack rubbed her front legs together, fighting the urge to join her friends. “We’re all named for apples. . . .” she whispered.

“Well hopefully she’s got a bit more sense than the lot of you.”

“Oh, well I’d imagine so,” came a elderly voice.

Earl, as well as the other ponies, looked to the entryway. Granny Smith stood there, smiling, using her walker for support.

Earl removed his hat in a flash and bowed a little.

“Well good evening, young lady. Your fine grandchildren offered me a room, so I hope I’m not intruding.”

Twilight’s jaw nearly hit the deck, while everypony else stood wide-eyed.

Granny Smith waved a hoof. “Oh pshaw, that ain’t no problem, young man.”

“Oh you’re too kind, ma’am.”

Big Macintosh gagged, nearly choking on his wheat stick.

“Oh he he he! You can just call me Smith.”

“Then you can just call me Earl.”

As Earl went to step forward, Twilight was quick to join his side; however the man ignored her, and at Granny Smith’s insistence instead joined her into the livingroom to sit on the couch.

Six mares, one filly, and one stallion all stood on the front porch, unwilling to move.

“Huh, so that’s Earl? He’s real funny lookin’.” Applebloom finally headed inside.

“What… just happened?” Rainbow asked.

Twilight shook her head. “I think Earl and Granny Smith just hit it off really well,”

“Well, uh, I reckon we should all head on in. Me ‘nd Mac gotta go dig up the spare table and chairs.”

“E-eyup.” Macintosh joined his sister, and the two went inside next.

The rest of the mares quickly followed.

Twilight levitated the last of the chairs up from the basement, while Applejack messed with inserting the mostly pristine center leaf in their worn, but lovingly used dining room table. While she and Mac had assured them that they shouldn’t need the extra leaf, it wasn’t a bad idea to put it in anyway.

“As it is, the leafs and extra table ‘nd chairs only come out when family’s over.”

“Eeyup,” Big Mac agreed with his sister.

“And honestly, ya’ll are family.”

“Eeyup!”

“Thank you, Applejack. It’s nice to hear that. Same with you Big Mac,” Twilight helped in righting the newly extended table onto its legs.

Rainbow Dash made her entrance from the living room, a grin on her face.

“What’s got you all smiles, RD?” Applejack asked.

“Oh man, Granny Smith’s got some of the old photo albums out, showing Earl. I gotta say, Mac, you were a real small colt.”

Big Macintosh couldn’t help but blush.

“So yeah, then Earl started talking about his family. Did you know he had a kid? Crazy stuff.”

Twilight frowned, but nodded all the same. “What are they doing now?”

Rainbow shrugged with her wings. “Oh, just reminiscing about the good old days or whatever.”

Suddenly, a commotion came from the living room. The four ponies stood in the archway, watching as Earl and Granny Smith, both sharing the couch, had begun to sing, little Applebloom between the two, half dancing, half bouncing along, a big grin on her face.

Earl had a genuine smile on his face as he sang, “Oh don’t sit under the apple tree, with anyone else but me, till I come marching home!”

It was Granny’s turn, and she let the room have it with her voice. “Don’t skip out on those lips of yours, to anyone else but me. Anyone else but me, anyone else but me oh no no, watch the girls on the foreign shores, you’ll have to report to me, when you come marching home.”

Rarity and Fluttershy sat in two arm chairs near the fireplace, enjoying themselves as they watched the two elders sing back and forth. Rarity was sitting at the edge of her seat, sipping daintily at a cup of tea with wide eyes. Fluttershy’s wings were part way open, which for the shy pegasus was the most excited her friends could see her.

Pinkie… was who knew where, although from the sounds coming from behind them Twilight ventured to guess she was already beginning on the cooking.

Once the two had finished the song, everypony clopped their hooves on the ground in applause.

“Oh my, it’s been a long time.” Granny slapped Earl’s knee. “You got some good vocals on you, young man.”

“I’d say the same for you, little lady. Used to be a quartet of us, during the war. When we went on leave, we were the terror of Tokyo.”

“Oh, you should hear my grandson sing. He’s in a quartet with Rarity and a couple others, you know. Erm… I forget their names now.”

“Really now?” Earl looked towards Big Mac. “Is that so, boy? Come here, I wanna hear how you sing.”

Before Big Mac had a chance to protest, Applejack pushed the stallion into the living room. “Now go on, ya big lug. I think Pinkie, Twilight ‘nd I can handle the kitchen prep.”

Twilight raised a brow. “Me?”

“Yeah, ya can set the table while me ‘nd Pinks cook.”

“Oh.”

Rainbow walked over and took Rarity’s spot, joining Granny and Earl at the couch.

Earl cleared his throat. “Alright, now what kind of music do you two know? I know she at least has good taste in music,” Earl pointed his thumb at Rarity. “What about you, boy?”

“Well-” Mac started, but was cut off by a laugh.

Rainbow stood from the chair, and walked over to Mac and slapped the stallion’s back with a wing. “This guy can out-sing most any other stallion I know. He’s a baritone after all.”

Rarity held back a snicker, looking at the two with a bemused look: Mac couldn’t help but blush at the wing contact.

Everypony let out a chorus of laughter as Twilight and Applejack retreated back into the kitchen to help Pinkie with the food.

Quickly, Twilight had all the plates, dated as they were, laid out along with silverware and napkins. Butter, salt, and pepper were placed, one on each table center, along with some candles on stands to brighten up the room. The added leaf, table, and chairs made working the kitchen tighter with three ponies, but they managed.

It wasn’t twenty minutes when singing started up again, this time with the addition of Rarity and Big Macintosh.

It wasn’t a song that Twilight recognized off the top of her head, although if she was honest with herself she’d been stuck with mostly the classics such as Beethooven and Bark. However, the lyrics struck a chord in her heart, and she could see its effects on both earth ponies. Applejack slowed down, and for a moment stopped, lost, staring out the kitchen window at nothing, while Pinkie swayed in place, humming along with the singing.

Earl had been the lead singer, and Twilight could tell he knew the song, and with the raw emotion he sang it it had a deep meaning.

As the singing came to an end, the three kitchen workers stomped their hooves once more.

Rainbow’s voice finally sounded after the several long seconds of silence. “Hey, you okay old man?”

Twilight’s ears perked up at the comment, and turned to face the archway.

“Yeah, just lost my breath for a moment there. Haven’t sang like that in decades.”

“Well you sang marvously, darling.”

Earl just laughed. “Well, you weren’t so bad yourself. Say, not to be rude, but uh, I’d like to rest a spell. Any chance someone could guide me to the room I’ll be stayin’ in?”

“Eeyup.”

Twilight could hear they were walking away, and then Rarity, Rainbow, and Fluttershy all stepped into the kitchen.

“What a lovely performance,” Fluttershy said with a kind smile.

“Yes, and what a lovely sad song,” Rarity said. “Earl has wonderful taste in music.”

Applejack and Pinkie were beginning to wrap up some of the many dishes being served, and so everypony stepped in to help place trivets, and the still hot food onto the table. Before long, Big Macintosh arrived, along with Granny Smith.

Twilight stepped up to the red stallion. “Hey Mac, was Earl okay?”

He nodded his head. “Eeyup. Jus’ a bit winded, but seemed okay.”

“He was sweating quite a bit.”

Twilight and Mac turned to Rainbow.

“What? He was. He carries that handkerchief around with him, and he was constantly wiping his face.”

“Oh, don’t you youngin’s fret none. When you get to be our age, you’ll have all sorts of weird problems too.” Granny took her seat at the head of the table. “Hey Jackie, how’s the bread coming along?”

“Just fine, Granny.”

“You made sure ta-”

“Yes, Granny, not too much salt on the butter dressing mix.”

“Good lass. At least some of my teachings made it into that thick skull of yers.”

Some of the ponies around laughed at their friend’s expense. Everyone began taking their seats, leaving Twilight, Applejack, and Pinkie to place the last of the prepared food out.

“Wow, this looks real good!” Applebloom said, leaning on the table so she could see over the mass of dishes.

“Applebloom! Hooves off the table, missy!”

“Yes Granny. Sorry Granny.”

Twilight looked at the archway, ears low.

“Somethin’ wrong, sugarcube?” Applejack asked.

“Earl. I should go check on him.”

The apple mare nodded. “Yeah, let him know soup’s on, too.”

Twilight nodded, and made her way to the guest bedroom.

The door looked just like any of the other doors in the house: solid wood, stained brown. The only real difference was this one was open just a tad, a small trace of light visible through the crack.

She went to knock, but the well-oiled door simply pushed open, revealing Earl sitting on the bed edge, facing away. His suitcase sat beside him, open, and a few objects had been removed.

Twilight licked her dry lips, her voice gone. Earl’s posture was slouched, and he didn’t move other than his breathing.

Finally, the she coughed and cleared her throat.

Earl didn’t even flinch.

“Earl?”

The man lifted his head, and turned slightly to look back. “Oh, hey kid. I can smell the food’s ready; I’ll be just a moment.”

Silence took over the conversation, and Earl turned more to look at Twilight.

“What?”

“I just…”.

“Use that thick head of yours, kid. Spit it out.”

Twilight huffed. “You just seem… down. I wanted to make sure you’re okay.”

“I’m as fine as a grouchy old bastard can be, kid.”

“Well, your singing earlier was very good. Everypony enjoyed it.”

“What’s with you kids and that word? Every phoney.”

“No, not phoney. Pony. That’s what we are, Earl.”

“Yeah, and I’m the captain of the Lollipop Guild.”

Twilight let out a sigh. She was about to turn around to leave, but noticed something in Earl’s hands.

“Is that a picture?”

Earl looked to Twilight, then back down to his photo, and nodded. “I haven’t sang like that in years. Darla loved it when we’d go out, and the guys and I would get together and sing. Heh, Jim always had his harmonica on him, and it wouldn’t be long before we’d have a place jumping. Of course, that was before the war, and Jim still had his left arm.”

Twilight cringed at the thought, but still took a couple tentative steps forward, and with a pat on the mattress from Earl, she continued all the way and stepped up onto the bed.

Before she focused on the photo, she couldn’t help but notice some of the random items already on the bed. A trophy of a couple bipeds dancing clad in gold. A simple wind-up alarm clock, which looked like had already been wound and ticking away, although the time wasn’t set. A couple of records in their brown paper sleeves, red labels with gold printing visible. She could make out the Columbia label, but the rest of the writing was to small and too distant for her to read..

Inside the suitcase were a couple sets of clothes; and anything else the case had was hidden under them.

Twilight turned her attention back to Earl and the silver-framed black and white image he held in his hands. The photograph depicted a couple posing with what looked like the trophy, although the stark difference being the two looked younger than Earl did now.

“We won the state championship, back in nineteen fifty eight. We tried a couple more years, but didn’t do as well as that one year.” Earl handed over the photo for Twilight to look at, using her hooves instead of magic to grasp the picture.

“Still got the record that we won with. Harry James was always her favorite.”

Twilight took closer look at the record, unfamiliar with the title or composer.

Hoofing over the photo, Earl took it stood it onto the nightstand’s surface, near the only lit oil lamp.

“Welp, come on kid, let's go eat. See if you young things can actually make edible food on your own.”

Twilight let out a huff, but smiled nonetheless, escorting Earl with his hand on her head back to the kitchen.

Helping him to the seat beside hers, Twilight sat, and waited for Granny to start. Once the matriarch took her first bite and hummed in approval, everypony, and Earl, dove in.

The next hour was full of the sounds of dishes clattering and ponies talking. Rarity and Fluttershy discussed Earl’s hat, and what other styles would suit him. At one point Earl made the comment of Rainbow Dash being sweet on Big Mac, which caused the two to blush and stutter against the notion. That in turn caused everypony else at the table to laugh, and Granny to go on about great grandchildren.

As the meals slowly disappeared, and plates cleared, Twilight would start talk with Earl, but the man seemed to keep going out of focus. She’d ask if he was okay, and he’d brush it off with reassurance that he was just tired.

“Well, gotta hand it to them mares, they can cook. Almost as good as me,” Granny said with a laugh.

“Wow, you hear that Applejack? We’re almost as good as your Granny Smith! What an honor.”

Applejack shook her head. “Sure, Pinkie, take it as a compliment while you can.”

Twilight laughed, and turned to Earl, but paused before she spoke. He was sweating again, profusely, and was dabbing his head with a napkin.

“Hey, old man, you sure you’re okay?” Rainbow voiced for Twilight.

“I… uh, I think I just… need to go lay down.”

“Would you like some help?” Twilight asked.

“No, no, I’ll manage. I’m sorry to be rude and leave the fun, but I think todays excitement got to me.”

Rainbow let out a laugh. “Sorry to be rude? Dude, you’ve been teasing us all day, like we care. Go rest up, old man.”

“Thanks, Squirt, I’ll be sure to give you shit next time you come in for a hot landing near me.”

Earl stood, and walked out of the kitchen at a slow pace, using the walls for support.

“Hey, uh, Twi, I think there’s something wrong with Earl,” Applejack said.

Fluttershy and Rarity nodded, the later speaking after dabbing her lips, “Yes, he seemed quite off during our dinner. As much as I enjoyed his quieter side and lack of expletives, he didn’t seem like himself.”

“Maybe somepony should go-” Fluttershy began, but was cut off by a loud crash, followed by a thud.

Everypony froze, then shot from their seats and headed for the living room.

“Earl? Earl, are you-” Twilight skidded to a stop. Earl was laying on the ground, the end table tipped over beside him..

Twilight rushed over, with Fluttershy by her side. Everypony else stood back.

“Oh my word…” Rarity held a hoof to her mouth in shock.

“Earl? Speak to me, Earl?” Twilight was frantic, but a gentle shove pushed her away from his prone form.

Fluttershy gingerly rolled the man onto his back, and placed her ear to his chest. “Oh no…” she looked to Twilight with horror, and then to Rainbow Dash. “Dash! Get Nurse Redheart and Doctor Stable! I think he’s having a heart attack!”

Rainbow hesitated only a fraction of a second, and shot out the front door leaving a rainbow trail in her wake.

Twilight was frantic. “What? How can you be so sure?”

“He’s not breathing,” Fluttershy placed her hoof in front of his face. “No… no no no.” Fluttershy frantically began massaging his chest, and then pumping her hooves to compress his lungs.

“You know CPR?” Twilight asked.

Fluttershy didn’t answer, instead pressing her lips to his mouth, and gave him her breath.

Twilight ran over some spells in her mind. “Fluttershy, what if I try to massage his heart?”

The pegasus paused a moment. “Do you know how?”

Twilight bit her lip.

“Twilight. Do. You. Know. How?”

The mare shook her head, tears streaming down her face.

“Let me try.”

Both mares looked to Rarity, who’s horn began to glow. “I may not be a doctor, nurse, or veterinarian, but I do know a thing or two about delicate magic manipulation.”

The next several minutes were shared in silence. Fluttershy continued CPR, Rarity’s horn was aglow and her face scrunched in concentration. Twilight lay on the floor weeping, her head touching Earl’s.

Big Mac had ushered Applebloom out of the house, while Granny Smith had rushed to the closet to retrieve a quilt to rest Earl’s head on. Pinkie Pie had dashed into the room and pressed herself against Twilight’s side for support.

“I think it’s working!”

Twilight and Fluttershy looked to Rarity. Fluttershy leaned over Earl’s face, and her mane moved from a labored breath.

“W-we did it?” Fluttershy asked, shocked.

There came a crash at the front door, as Rainbow Dash dropped a groggy white mare with pink mane and tail on the floor. She trotted over, quickly checking Earl and asking the three mares question after question. All mundane questions, like his age, gender, species, although Twilight couldn’t be for sure on that one.

A thought clicked in her mind. “Do you think I can try to teleport him?”

Nurse Redheart shook her head. “No, it might cause complications to his heart, if it’s weak. Doctor Stable is preparing a room at the hospital. We need to transport him carefully, but quickly.”

Big Mac nodded, and ran out the door with Rainbow Dash trailing behind him.

“They’re gonna get the wagon,” Applejack said, wiping her face of the dried tears that matted her cheeks.

Suddenly, Earl began to stir, his mouth moving.

“Earl? Can you hear me?” Twilight pleaded.

“Princess Twilight, please stand back, I need to check on him.”

“But-”

“Back, now.”

Twilight’s ears fell as she slowly stepped back to give Nurse Redheart ample room to work. Pinkie nuzzled her friend on her neck, which Twilight returned.

“Earl? Can you hear me? Please nod your head if you can.”

Earl didn’t respond: his lips still moved like he was talking, but no words came out.

“There could be some lingering trauma, possible stroke.” Redheart continued to check him over.

Rainbow rushed back in. “Hey, Mac’s got the wagon and is hitched up and ready to go.”

Redheart nodded. “Okay. We need a mattress or something to line the cart with, the more we can cushion him the better.”

“I’ll grab the couch cushions. Best things to fit in the cart.”

“We also need a bed sheet to transport him.”

“I got it,” Twilight rushed into the guest bedroom, carefully removed Earl’s things from the bed, and pulled off the bed sheet.

With the help of Rarity and Fluttershy, Redheart and Twilight lifted the man onto the sheet, and each took a corner and moved him out.

“Redheart, how did you know-” Twilight began.

Redheart spoke through the sheet corner in her mouth, “Rarity told me she tried to massage his heart. Risky move, but she’d noticed lots of magical resistance, so I just assumed that was why you didn’t try lifting him up.”

Twilight nodded her head. “I noticed earlier some form of magic nullification with him.” And his buggy...

“Very odd, but we can work with it. We’re mostly earth ponies working the hospital, after all. Okay, lets go.”

Rainbow flew ahead to the hospital to let them know they were on their way. Twilight stayed at Earl’s side, walking with the wagon. Nurse Redheart took the other wagon side continuously checking his vitals manually, and everypony else followed with somber expressions.

Author's Note

I'm surprised no one has questioned the Tragedy tag yet...

Blog post thingie?

Blog post thingie.

End of the Road

The walk to the hospital took way too long for Twilight’s liking. The supposed half hours time it took felt like one of her extreme study sessions, hours of time passing in the blink of an eye.

Doctor Stable met them halfway, and after a quick examination deemed they were safe to pick up the pace to a brisk trot. Ever the gentle stallion, Macintosh took extra precaution to miss the well known dips and holes along the road, with Rainbow scouting ahead to alert of anything that could cause grief.

Once out front, the hospital staff took over in transporting Earl, and asked that everypony wait in the lobby until Doctor Stable had any information for them.

The following two hours of waiting for word on Earl’s condition were nerve wracking for everypony involved, especially Twilight. Redheart was a blessing in disguise, offering words of comfort to everypony; and making sure the coffee pot was kept full and warm for Twilight herself and Rarity, some pillows so that Fluttershy and Applejack could rest. She even shared the breakroom’s day old donuts that were left over, Pinkie ensuring that there was nothing wrong with a stale pastry, especially when it was free. Big Mac silently agreed.

As the night wore on, however, Twilight’s friends began to depart. A part of Twilight knew they had their own lives to attend to, as did she, but she herself couldn’t leave. She was his charge. Self-appointed, nonetheless, and wanted to make sure she was there if he woke up.

When… when he wakes up.

Big Macintosh and Rainbow were the last ones to leave, simply because Dash had fallen asleep. Mac had Twilight place the pegasus on his back and carried her back to the farm. She couldn’t help but smile at the pair, and Earl’s words from earlier ringing ever true.

Thinking of Earl brought her down. She couldn’t explain it, the man had been a pain in her flanks all day… and yet, there were times where he shined. Dancing with Rarity, his stories with Rainbow, although grim, the pegasus enjoyed them. Even the singing at the Apple family farm. He was a troubled sort, and she’d only hoped when he opened up to her it was helping.

Now she wasn’t so sure.

The gentle patter of hooves brought Twilight out of her trance. She glanced up and noticed Redheart walking towards her. Twilight sat up straight, ears flat, awaiting the news.

Redheart gestured for her to follow. The lobby was empty, save for the two of them. It left a uneasy feeling in Twilight’s gut, but followed regardless.

The walk was silent, and Redheart stopped at a door. Twilight noticed two of the small flags were folded out: red and blue. She didn’t know what they meant--medical research wasn’t at the top of her studies--and only hoped they weren’t too serious.

Redheart licked her lips. “Princess-”

“Just Twilight, Redheart. You know that,” Twilight snapped.

Redheart’s ears went flat. “Right, sorry. Twilight.”

Twilight let out a sigh. “No, I’m sorry. I’m just, I’m not all here right now.”

Redheart laid a comforting hoof on the alicorn’s shoulder.

Twilight swallowed. “Can I see him?”

The nurse paused. “Yes, but I’d like to explain the situation first.”

Twilight broke her eye contact with the nurse to stare at the closed door. Through the small, narrow window she could see Earl laying on two hospital beds which had been pushed together.

“Is it bad?”

Redheart paused. She looked away from Twilight, and the seasoned nurse found herself at a loss for words. She opened her mouth to speak, but choked on air.

"Well?" Twilight insisted.

“We did every test we could think of, even sent magical probes through the bloodstream. Magical ultrasounds had no effect, so we’re mostly blind to the cause, but…”

“But?”

“We know his heart is failing. We’re almost certain it’s a vascular problem.”

Twilight continued to stare at the door, only the swivel of her right ear letting Nurse Redheart know she was paying any attention.

“I’m sorry, Twilight. He could have days, or hours, but we’re unsure. We’ve got no knowledge of his species, his genetics, his baselines--any real knowledge of him period. We inspected the bottle of pills you gave us, but we’re not really sure what they are. He’s on pain medication right now, to make him more comfortable. We can’t risk any types of surgery; we’d be flying blind, and Doctor Stable is worried that at his age there’s unlikely to be a recovery.”

Tears freely rolled down Twilight’s cheeks. “Has he woken up yet?”

Redheart finally took her eyes away from the floor to look at Twilight. “No, not since you left his side at the cart.”

Twilight finally looked Redheart directly in the eye. Feeling Twilight’s determination, the nurse moved aside meekly.“You can see him, Twilight. Just don’t expect… I mean, don’t…”

“He doesn’t have much time left.”

Both mares looked to Doctor Stable, who looked disheveled. It didn’t change his friendly smile to the alicorn.

“He’s mostly unresponsive. I’m sorry, Twilight, but he’s in the Faust Mare’s hooves now.” The stallion opened the door, allowing Twilight into the room. “I’m sorry to be so forward and blunt, but I’d suggest saying your goodbyes while you can. I’ve already sent a messenger to let your friends know, so they could come.”

Twilight nodded her head, and approached Earl’s bed like she was heading for the gallows. Dread. She was feeling dread. She hated this. She could barely remember when her grandparents passed away; it had happened when she was very young. Shining had taken their loss a lot harder than she had.

Is this what he’d felt then?

What was she thinking? She barely knew Earl. How could she possibly-

“Hey, kid.”

Twilight’s ears shot up, and she trotted to the bed, standing at his left side. Her muzzle found his hand, and gently, forced the appendage on top of her head. His support. Her support.

“I’m sorry, kid.”

Twilight remained silent.

“I failed you. I failed him.”

Realization dawned on Twilight. He wasn’t talking to her. Then who…?

“I knew, kid, for a while. The letters, the address. I knew you’d found him. I was just… too stubborn to comfort you. To make plans. For you to see him before…”

Twilight saw the tears running down Earl’s face. Using her magic, she wiped them away with a tissue. His eyes remained closed, and he didn’t move or acknowledge the gesture.

“I tried to… take you to him. I know you’d want that. But I… the home said I couldn’t leave. The doctors… they said I wasn’t long for the world. What do they know? Stole Harvey’s amigo when he was out golfing. Dumb prude shouldn’t have left the key in it.”

Twilight couldn’t help let out a giggle. Even on his deathbed… he still was sassy.

“I just hope those kids I met find the letters, and finish what I couldn’t.”

Twilight’s memory shot to the suitcase.

“Not the brightest in the world,” Twilight huffed at Earl’s words, tears still streaming down her cheeks, “but they’re good folk. You’d have loved them. Reminded me of that town we stopped in, on our way to the Grand Canyon. Our last road trip as a family.”

Earl was silent, and Twilight rubbed her head against the palm of his hand.

“I sang for the first time since before you passed, Darla. They are a fine bunch of kids. I was so glad to know, that even in Kentucky, there were humble sorts like them.”

Twilight continued to weep, but some struggled humming made her ears perk up.

“Kiss me once… then kiss me twice…” Earl’s grip on Twilight’s head loosened, “it’s been a long… long…”

Princess Celestia walked into Ponyville Hospital with a neutral expression on her face.

She’d received Spike’s letter hours ago, but she hadn’t gotten a chance to read it until moments ago. An alien creature had appeared in Ponyville the previous day, quickly befriended the Elements of Harmony, and now laid in a hospital bed, dying.

And Spike had had no clue until this morning about it. He was beside himself with worry over Twilight, and could only think of one pony that could really help her.

As Celestia walked through the halls, she couldn’t help but notice the downcast looks on the hospital ponies faces.

It didn’t take her long to find a mass of ponies sitting outside of a single room.

Applejack and Rarity were the first to notice the tapping of shoes on tile, and looked up from the floor, cheeks stained with tears, and in Rarity’s case, mascara.

The other elements soon took notice, but didn’t even move to bow as they watched her approach. There were a few others there as well: Applejack’s brother, who comforted a trembling Rainbow Dash. Granny Smith, who held her youngest granddaughter, and even the schoolhouse teacher, Miss Cheerilee.

Celestia knew the situation was grim, but somepony needed to be cheerful, even if Pinkie was indisposed, laying on the ground next to Fluttershy, hooves covering her face. “Good morning, my little ponies.”

Most everypony said simple greetings, while others remained silent. There was one missing, though, who she needed to see.

“She’s still in there with ‘im,” Applejack said, pointing to the half open door.

Her ears perked as, music began to come from the room, the tell tale signs of a record player.

“She’s…” Rarity sneezed, then continued, “she’s been playing that song on and off for the last several hours.”

Celestia nodded and turned to the door. With a gentle push of her hoof, it opened with ease and she entered the room.

The medical equipment all sat mute and useless. A chair off to the side held a gramophone, playing a song the princess couldn’t recall ever having heard. A nearly-empty suitcase rested against the legs of the chair, its contents neatly arranged on the bedside table and across the floor.

Celestia finally turned to the bed’s occupant, and the pony whose back was to her.

He lay motionless, mouth slightly open, not unlike a fish out of water. Beside him, on a table, sat a decorative hat, a black and white photograph in a silver frame, and a small blue and white urn.

“He died two hours, thirty five minutes ago.”

Those were not the first words she expected out of her favorite student’s mouth.

“I… this song, was important to him. I wanted him to feel comfortable. Applejack brought his things when they came earlier. I couldn’t teleport them, my magic, it didn’t…” Twilight swallowed. “Never mind.”

Celestia stepped closer, and sat down next to the young alicorn. Studying Earl, in all her thousand plus years, she’d never seen anything like him.

“I found the letters. He wanted to talk to his son, one last time… and now…” Twilight broke down in tears once more.

Celestia knew well off that this was not the end of such things, and wrapped a wing around in comfort, pulling her close to her side.

“He was… such an asshole…” she said through coughs.

Celestia nearly choked on her own breath. “What?”

“He… he was rude, and mean, and insensitive… kept calling me a Oompa Loompa. I don’t even know what that is, but he thought I was one.” Twilight continued to cry. “And yet…”

“He was my friend. Our friend. The girls and I. Even Cheerilee came, and he was rudest to her.” She let out a pained laugh. “There’s a friendship lesson there I’m sure, but I just don’t have the energy to research it.”

Celestia rested her head on top of Twilight’s, tightening her grip with her wing.

Celestia was quiet, while Twilight simply cried until she could no more. The mare pushed her mentor’s wing aside, and pointed to a urn on the table.

“I was able to scan the contents… they’re ashes, organic in nature. I think they’re a pony-er, person’s. I’m guessing his wife, Darla.”

Celestia noticed the white noise of the record spinning absentmindedly. Twilight used her magic to lift the arm off and place the brake on the disk.

Strewn around Earl’s body were a mass of photographs, all black and white, of a couple and a child posing around many different cliff edges. Some of a single male, holding a fancy wood stick in a sort of uniform, along with others where he stood along side similarly dressed others.

Celestia recognized a war zone when she saw one. The others, their significance lost on Celestia, although Twilight surely knew what they were.

“I want him cremated, too.”

Celestia nodded her head.

“And I’m going to fulfill his last wish, even if it takes me forever.”

“How can we help?”

Both Celestia and Twilight look behind them. Her group of friends all stood in the doorway, with Rainbow at the lead. She was still shaking, but a fierce, determined look upon her face.

For the first time that morning, Twilight smiled. “I have some ideas.”

Author's Note

Shit, already so soon? Oh well, have a post of blogging.

Epilogue: Ashes

Keith hated driving.

He didn’t mind traveling— going on vacation to get away from his day to day—but that usually consisted of flying to some island in the south, or Mexico, and sitting on a beach with a drink in each hand.

Dealing with traffic was bad enough, but when he had to drive almost three hundred miles to go somewhere he had no business going then it bothered him.

Under normal circumstances, he wouldn’t have even considered such a long drive with only an overnight bag, a few hundred bucks for gas, and the empty back seats in his ten year old Forester.

The seats folded down, thankfully, and wasn’t all too uncomfortable to rest on for a night cap.

Sitting in a gas station lot after filling up, he once again studied the letters he’d received in the mail. The stamp wasn’t one he recognized, and was postmarked with something he couldn’t quite make out instead of a US flag. It resembled two horses, vaguely, the art style unfamiliar to him. There was also no return address.

Whatever the stamp was, the contents of the envelope had been more curious.

The first thing—a letter from his mother. After nearly forty years of silence between the two, a letter came from her, and they’d began to write one another. However, the renewed silence as of a couple years ago wasn’t something he enjoyed, but to face his father after what he’d done?

He’d rather have his father think he was still out with those crazy hippies he’d joined, either stoned or worse.

The letter held no important information, although strangely the date was wrong, roughly two years off, lining up with when he’d last sent her a missive. The mysteries didn’t stop there.

His mother talked about seeing him, about finding a place to meet. The logical thing that came to his mind was to go most of the way back to Florida and find a location there. Nothing too close to his father, but near enough that his mother could still make it by bus or car.

At the time he wasn’t entirely sure if she could still drive, but worse case he’d pick her up from the grocers, where his father wouldn’t be none the wiser.

The next piece of paper held the next mystery. In it were a series of numbers he quickly realized were coordinates. After some nearly lost practice with the local library’s atlas, 35°59'54.3"N 111°59'15.9"W turned out to be near the Grand Canyon. Specifically, a observation location off of state route sixty-four.

The final surprise was the photo taped to the page. While it was small by current standards in photography—and black and white—the three people were easily recognized. His father, his mother, and a very much younger him.

Keith still hadn’t decided which was more surprising: that she’d sent the picture, or that his father hadn’t burned every image of him after he ran off.

After sending a return letter to his childhood home, he received the letter back with a yellow return to sender sticker. After speaking with a local realtor on the phone, he found out the house had been sold a little over a year ago.

It took Keith several days of contemplation, but after a week of the mystery letter sitting on his desk, the geographical coordinates standing out like a flare, flickering and blinding his judgement, he told work that he was taking some personal days.

They weren’t all that happy, but neither was he. Screw them. An hour later he’d packed an overnight bag, emptied out the trash in his small SUV, and left his driveway with more questions than answers.

The whole drive, he constantly questioned himself over this decision. There’d been no other communication, save for her letter. Nothing to hint at what this was all about. Not to mention, the writing of the coordinates didn’t look anything like his mother’s—or if he could remember it—his father's.

Curiosity was a strange thing, but he had to know. Was this his mother’s doing? Was it some sort of scheme to trick him and his father into reconciliation? Or was this blackmail? His ex-wife was a real pain in the ass, but he’d not known her to get this down and dirty before.

Well, after they’d divorced that is. His son was a testament to that, although only getting to spend every other weekend with him while he grew up had proved to be a real dent on their relationship.

His son was an adult now, living his own life in California. Ironically, he used his son’s address when writing his mother, because he didn’t know if she should know he lived in Las Vegas or not.

And yet, this letter had found him, at his home.

Something was not adding up, and it left his stomach uneasy. Skipping lunch didn’t help, but munching on some Lays potato chips would do the trick.

More time passed, more miles ticked away at the odometer. Trees, signs, abandoned cars, everything was there one second, and gone the next.

The radio was useless, and he’d forgotten to bring any of his audio book cassettes with him.

Desert View Drive was quite lovely. Beautiful. He could barely remember coming here as a small child; he was more interested in reading his Popular Mechanics or Science books. It was a shame he’d grown out of them; maybe he’d have made something out of himself pursuing such things.

Instead it was drugs, free love and peace. When his number had come up, he’d become what his father hated most.

A coward.

Of course, if the old bastard knew what had happened after a couple months out, then maybe things could have been different between the two.

Even after forty plus years, it still terrified him to think about it.

Driving slowly, he passed a small circle of grass with benches, and parked in a spot overlooking the canyon. The clock said quarter after six. For a weekday, Keith still thought it seemed rather strange how empty it was. “Wasn’t this a tourist attraction anymore?”

He shut off the vehicle and stepped out, giving his back a good long stretch. Leaning on the door to look around, the unease of the situation crept up in his mind. He pulled out the black and white photo from his breast pocket, and studied it. Other than the addition of a small building and some more brush, the canyon looked identical.

Keith examined his surroundings, idly drumming his fingers along the door. This was stupid. Dumb. A waste of time and money. Hell, there wasn’t even any sort of date in the letter or following the coordinates. What was he going to find out here, with no plan? Hidden treasure? And if he found nothing, then what? Come back tomorrow?

The realtor said they’d gone into a old folks home. He’d called around, and found out that his mother was dead, and his father AWOL.

This was all a waste of time. He knew the answers already, but he refused to recognize them.

“Stupid. I was stupid back then, and I’m still as stupid now.”

Walking towards the edge, he crumpled up the letter, tossing it over the edge. The wind grabbed it, stopping it from going very far. In spite, he crumpled the coordinates, and tried again. They didn’t go any further.

Ignoring the No Littering sign, he was about to tear the photo in half when he felt the breeze pick up.

Oddly, despite feeling like a light gust to him, his Subaru was rocking back and forth as if in a windstorm.

The suspension squeaked in protest, and it got so bad that the drivers mirror, barely held on with prodigious amounts of duct tape, fell off with a clatter.

Then all was silent. His Forester stopped rocking and settled back on its tires.

“What in the fu-”

The mirror on the ground began to vibrate and glow. Keith watched it in fascination until he was forced to cover his eyes from the blinding light. Multiple things clattered as they landed on the asphalt, and something slammed into his shins, causing him to lose balance and fall onto his butt.

Once the spots faded from his eyes, he looked down at his feet to see a small brown suitcase. Even though it was impossible, he swore he recognized it. Dated, that was for sure, but the color was something that stood out. Ugly, light brown, like the one he’d used when he packed up and—

“Oh wow, that was rougher than I thought.”

The feminine voice was not familiar, and when Keith turned her direction, he was speechless.

A relatively small purple pony stood there, using a hoof to brush off the dirt from her coat and wings.

“Wow, what a rush. It amazes me how mirrors are often tied to trans-dimensional travel like that. Oh wow,” she looked down at the fallen of car mirror, “I came through that? Fascinating, I can’t believe I wasn’t shrunken down, or crushed to death. Could you imagine being squeezed out like a tube of toothpaste?” She gave off a manic laugh.

Keith nodded his head, confused, his scream stuck in the back of his throat. The only thing he managed was a small croak.

The pony looked at his hand, pointing a… foot? A hoof, at the photo still gripped tightly. “Oh good, I was worried. It’s been weeks since I sent that letter. I placed a locator spell on the picture, but it had to find its way here in order to alert me. It had taken so long I was worried it had gotten damaged, lost, or destroyed. Any of those could have prevented it from alerting me.”

Keith looked down at the photo in his hand, realizing he had only been seconds away from ripping it in two.

“You see, the photo had magical energy in relation to this location, which I presume was its origin. Funny how art, such as books, photos, and paintings can hold such vivid imagery, memories, and emotional ties to the place where they were created.”

Keith continued to look on, stupefied.

She let out a nervous laugh. “And I just realized I’ve been rambling, and you don’t even know who I am, what I am, or why we’re both here.”

Keith nodded his head, not trusting his words.

“Hello, my name is Twilight Sparkle. Are…you must be Keith? Keith Castor?”

Again he nodded, nervously licked his dry lips, and let out a cough to clear the dust and dirt he’d inhaled. “Y-yeah, how did…?”

“And your father was Earl Castor? Darla was your mother?”

Senses were returning to Keith, and he shook his head to clear the cobwebs and loosened his death grip on the photograph in his shaking hand. She was asking him questions, specific questions about his parents. His mind was clearing, and his need to scream out was fading as his voice came out from its hiding place. “Yes, yes, how do you know them?”

The once excited face of the pony changed. Her ears sagged a little, her wings drooped, and her eyes drifted to the suitcase at his feet.

“I… didn’t know your mother, but I met your father Earl for a short time.”

That caught him off guard.

“You… met my father? And lived?”

Twilight couldn’t help but chuckle at that. “Yes, although barely. He was very happy to bop me in the head with his cane.”

A small laugh escaped Keith as well. “Yeah, I grew up with him using a cane. He’d been shot up bad in Korea.”

Twilight’s horn glowed, and the same light surrounded a white box which which lifted off the ground. She walked closer to Keith, the box following, and sat down in the dirt a couple of feet from him. Keith sad up straighter, crossing his legs with much protest from his hips and knees.

Both sat silently, looking between each other, and in the pony’s case, at her surroundings. Keith resisted an urge to reach over and touch the pony, only to make sure the coffee he’d picked up a few miles back didn’t, in fact, have traces of LSD in it.

“It’s quite lovely out here.”

Keith swallowed. This was too clear. Maybe some pot in the burger he got for lunch? “Yeah. Sure is.”

Twilight focused back on Keith. “Earl told me a few things about you.”

“Oh, did he now?” he rolled his eyes. “All bad, I’m sure. He was—”

“He loved you, greatly.”

Keith closed his mouth with a click of his teeth.

“He was upset with you, but loved you. He… tried to find you, after Darla passed away.”

The mention of his parents pushed his mental struggle to the back of his mind, “Is that so?” Keith crossed his arms. “And just where is the wrinkly old bastard? Too pissed off with me to—”

Twilight reverently pushed the white box forward with her hooves.

Silence reigned once again, and hesitantly Keith opened the box, revealing two small urns. One blue and black, with an assortment of burgundy tulips decorating it—his mother's favorite flower.

The other one was black and burgundy, decorated with little music notes.

When Keith looked back up at the pony, he could tell she was holding back tears.

“I only knew him for the better part of a day.”

He wanted to ask more questions, but even he wasn’t dumb enough to not notice she had more to say.

“He talked about going to California a lot, but he wasn’t always making sense. Kept thinking he was in Kentucky.”

Keith glanced to his side, the crumpled up papers still stuck in a weed bush. “That’s where I signed the letters, the return address, to my mother.”

“I figured something wasn’t right, because the locator spell I used wouldn’t bind with what I’d expected from what Earl had told me. I figured something was up, so I used one of the photos he had to find this place.”

“One of the photos?”

Twilight pointed at the suitcase.

Cautiously, Keith snapped both latches to the sides and opened the lid. The inside was jammed full with clothes, a couple of records, and a torn envelope crammed with photos.

“W-when he was in the hospital in Ponyville—that’s where I’m from—he told me some of the stories behind the pictures, mostly the happy ones.”

Keith picked up a large stack of photos, and began to flip through them.

“He… wasn’t fully there by that time, it was only a few hours away from…”

Keith looked up to the mare, noting the wet stains running down the fur on her cheeks.

She let out a laugh. “Your father was someone else.”

“Yeah, he was.”

“I’m sorry if I’m being pushy, I don’t have a lot of time, but I have to ask you, why?”

“Why what?”

“Why did you just leave them?”

Keith scratched at the stubble forming on his chin.

With a defeated sigh, he began talking, although his eyes remained on the photographs.

“Because . . . because I was young and dumb. Because I was hopped up on all kinds of drugs and thought I was doing what was right, dodging and running away. Sticking it to the Man.”

“So what happened?”

Still sifting through the photos, Keith continued, “After a few months traveling, I sobered up enough to realize what I’d done, and that no matter what… I couldn’t show my face to my father ever again.

“I turned myself in, and they were… harsh, but lenient with me. I served,” at this he lifted up his long sleeve shirt, showing a scar on his side, “fell into a Viet-cong trap, got a wood pike through my side. While on medical leave, we bailed out of there and I came home.”

“That was it?”

Keith looked up to the pony, straight faced with lips pressed firmly together.

“Sorry, Earl was just very… forward about his stories.”

“He was proud to fight. Then, it was an honor to do so. When I went… it was like the rest of the world was against you. No one smiled, or patted you on the back for a job well done. Well, maybe the brass, but they just saw us as warm bodies to do their fighting.”

Both fell back into silence, which allowed Keith to study some more of the photographs. Suddenly, he hit some that were much larger, and although they looked older, they featured ponies. He held one up, and Twilight’s ears went up.

“Oh, right. We… held a service for him.”

“We?”

“My friends, whom he’d met, as well as other citizens of Ponyville that he’d… bumped into.”

“His cane get confiscated during any of those bumpings?”

Twilight laughed. “No, but I had it bronzed and have it in my ca-er, home. Would you want it back?”

Keith smiled, and shook his head. “Naw, I’m sure it left a better impression on your scalp than it ever did on mine.”

Twilight let out a giggle.

“He’d mentioned how Darla loved tulips, so that’s what we used for flowers. We didn’t know what your customs were—I hope that was okay.”

“He didn’t really have a favorite flower, so that was a good choice, and he only went to church on Sundays because mom told him to.”

“Lots of ponies came and gave their respects.”

One photo caught his eye, showing a whole building full of ponies, and a blown up image of his father, much younger.

“You chose his military portrait as the photo?”

“I thought it suited him.”

“Yeah, probably what he would have wanted.”

“I… he didn’t leave any sort of will, so I didn’t know exactly what he wanted.”

“Even if you had, I know I didn’t get anything.”

“Yes, you did.”

Keith looked up from the photo, then to the suitcase Twilight pointed a hoof at.

“This was all he had when I met him. Well, when he met me. He was traveling to find you. There’s a letter in there, from your mother to you. Even though it wasn’t my place, I read it. I’m sorry, but I was looking for anything to help with… this.”

“You’re fine.”

“Earl read it too.”

Keith raised a brow.

“He was also trying to find you.”

“That’s hard for me to believe.”

“He told me. He was willing to forgive and forget, just to see you, because he…” Twilight began to cry again.

Keith scooted himself on the dirt towards her, and allowed her to lean into him and weep.

“Y-your mother didn’t get to say goodbye. He was bringing her last letter to you, and he also wanted to-to…”

Keith offered her his shirt sleeve, which the pony blew generously into.

Twilight pulled away, looking apologetic.

“Sorry.”

“It’s alright.”

“No, it’s just…”

“Go ahead, Twilight, ask away.”

Twilight pulled fully out of his embrace and looked him directly in the eyes.

“I’d like to hear some stories, of you, Earl, of your mother, but…” Twilight turned to look at the sun, “I’m running out of time.”

Keith focused on the box holding the two urns once more.

“Maybe we could meet up one day again, and share our experiences with him.”

Twilight smiled, “I’d like that, if I can get this portal to cooperate better.”

“Yeah, and I’d bug you about that, but for now, I have a request of my own, before you leave.”

Twilight looked on, curiously.

Fighting to stand up, Twilight got to all fours and offered her head, which Keith used to push himself up.

“Thanks.”

Twilight couldn't help but smile, “Of course.”

Taking the urns, Keith had Twilight follow him to the furthest-most edge where he could safely stand, and gave her Earl’s urn.

Once again, her horn lit up and she held it in an almost invisible glow. He swore it was a shade of red, maybe even burgundy. He didn’t want to call it magic, but he had a distinctive feeling purple pony beside him would say just that word, so he didn't ask. Plausible deniability at its best.

Keith sucked in a deep breath, and released it, gripping his mother’s urn tightly.

“Mom, Dad, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for leaving, for not coming home, for not telling Dad the truth and giving Mom empty hopes of seeing each other again. I… honestly don’t know what else is worth saying, but, yeah, I hope you’re both at peace.” He removed the top, and poured the contents into the canyon, the gentle breeze picking up to spread her ashes below.

Twilight’s first instinct was to protest, but these were Keith’s parents, this was his choice.

This was his service to them.

“Okay, go ahead.”

Twilight looked up, confused.

“You were the last positive person in his life. Go ahead and say something.”

“But, I already had a service for him. I had pages, I didn’t bring any of my notes, or—”

He pressed a finger to her lips.

“You knew my father. Maybe for only a day—”

“Barely a day.”

“—and you got to see him. Because let me assure you one thing, how he talked to you, laughed at you—all his interactions—that was him. You probably even got a song or two out of him, didn’t you?”

Twilight nodded. “Yes, I made copies of those few records in his case, I hope the label company won’t be mad.”

Keith smiled. “There you go, so just speak from the heart. Say what’s on your mind, what you feel right now, remembering, thinking back to him.”

Twilight looked up to the man, conflict in her mind.

At Keith’s knowing smirk, she drew in a deep breath, released it, and opened the lid on the urn.

“Earl, I hope it smells better wherever you are. You were an asshole, and I loved you all the same.”

Author's Note

Blog post thing-a-ding-a.

This Isn't Denny's

Author's Note

I realized the other day that I've never seen a HiE where the human is an elderly, grumpy old bastard. So here you go!

This Isn't Denny's

Ponyville was the kind of town that strange occurrences and odd behaviours were the norm. It was home to a wide variety of ponies of both races and mental capacities. At one time Twilight Sparkle had tried to make a study on the inhabitants of her newly crowned home town, but after her third therapy visit she decided it just wasn’t worth it.

Also, because she was pretty sure her therapist was hitting on her, which was kinda awkward.

Nonetheless, a quiet morning stroll was always a comforting thing to do. Evening strolls were better, but that would have to be later. Anypony with any common sense didn’t go on afternoon strolls, unless they wanted to be haggled to death by Pinkie Pie literally dragging in customers.

Yes, a peaceful walk through the center of town. Already a few merchants were setting up their stalls to sell wares. Other shops were just opening up, a line already formed at the local Starbucks.

Twilight let out a content sigh, the only sound being the morning birds, her hooves clopping along the cobblestone, and a quiet.. whirring sound?

Her ears twitched, trying to locate the odd sound. It reminded her of an electric motor spinning up, but that couldn’t be it. She was outside, nothing electrical could be out here running up. And yet, as she trotted along, the sound got slightly louder, as though it was getting closer to her.

Suddenly something bumped into her back hooves, causing the alicorn to jump forward in surprise.

“Hey! Outta the way ya damn kid!”

Twilight looked back, and while she shouldn’t be shocked about anything anymore… okay yeah, she was shocked.

A large red buggie of some kind was facing her, the basket on the front had a suitcase in it. On each side of the front post was a little flag, the red and white stripes, and blue box with at least fifty white stars, that she didn’t recognize.

The most alarming thing however was the being riding the machine. If the wrinkles and balding scalp were to be believed, it was some sort of elderly biped. If the scowl told her anything, it was that he wasn’t happy.

“Uh… what?” Twilight asked.

“Ya heard me ya damn kid! You’re blockin’ the sidewalk! Some of us folk here need room.”

Twilight looked to her left, then to her right, noticing the thirty feet of empty street around her.

“Uhhh….”

The buggie lurched forward, causing Twilight to jump out of the way.

“Damn kids, where are their manners anymore?” he grumbled, cruising by.

Twilight, still in shock, could only follow her gaze as she saw Cheerilee happily walking across the street with a bag of groceries. A horn sounding off scared the mare, causing her to jump back in shock and drop her bags, allowing the buggie to pass right in front of her, still on its straight forward course.

“Watch where you’re going!” he shouted at the startled mare.

Mesmerized, Twilight couldn’t help but follow the buggie, at a safe distance of course. He kept on his straight path, not letting anypony stand in his way. He’d honk, yell, or sometimes just bump into a pony, making it clear that this was his path and nopony would stop him.

At some point, the man stopped in the middle of the street, then pulled out a map, looked to his left, then to the map again. He folded the map back up and turned his buggie to the left, now heading towards… Sugarcube Corner?

He parked beside the steps, then grabbing a cane began to step off. He was hunched over, his jeans barely staying up with only the aid of a worn pair of black suspenders holding them.

Twilight felt now was the time to approach, since his vehicle was now off and himself stepping off.

“Um, excuse me, sir?”

“Whazzat?” he mumbled, turning to her, then looking down, “Oh, it’s you again, kid. What’s the big idea following’ me? You gonna jump me? Take my money?”

“What? No, I-”

“Nice try. I saw you following me the whole time. It takes more than being a young, stupid kid to get the best of me.”

“That’s not what-”

“Some gooks tried jumping me once back in Korea! I showed them who’s boss. Of course, I also had my forty five. That was a real gun, unlike this plastic crap they got now a days.”

“But I don’t-”

Twilight suddenly found her head being tapped by his cane. “You just gonna stand there, or you gonna help me up these damn stairs? I don’t remember Denny’s having stairs.”

“Denny’s?”

“Are ya deaf? It’s past zero nine hundred, I’m hungry. I can’t climb stairs good.”

The man began a slow waddle, with assist of his cane, to the stairs. Twilight hesitated at first, but after another shout from the man, she ran to his side. She went to lend a hoof, but he just placed his free hand on her head and used her as leverage.

“The least they could do was have a hand rail. These people today don’t ever think ahead for us old folk. Some people would complain about not even having a ramp! Bah, bunch of pansies if you ask me. If you can’t walk then you have no right going out to eat.”

Reaching the top step, Twilight opened the door for him.

“Hiya Twilight! Hiya… uh… whatever you are!” Pinkie shouted from behind the counter.

“This isn’t Denny’s!” he said.

“I was trying to tell you-” Twilight received another cane smack for her trouble.

“Why didn’t you tell me? Damn kids, tricking me. What is this place? They at least got good breakfast?”

Pinkie walked over. “This is a bakery!”

The human placed his hand on his chest. “Oh Lord, I can’t eat a lot of bread, ‘les I don’t have a bowel movement for a week.”

“Well, I can make you breakfast! What would you like?” Pinkie jumped in place.

The man began walking to a vacant table. “Eggs, over easy, hash browns, and rye toast, just a smidgen burnt.”

“Pinkie, you don’t serve breakfast here,” Twilight stated.

“Eh, just because it’s a bakery doesn’t mean we can’t cook other things, yeesh Twilight,” Pinkie rolled her eyes.

Seated, the man clapped his hands. “Come on, chop chop! I ain’t got all day! I have to take my pills! I need a coffee, black. Darker than the bottom of a well.”

“You got it mister!” Pinkie saluted, then bounced off.

“Hey, kid, while you’re up bring me a paper too.”

Pinkie brought his coffee, along with a paper, setting both down on his table.

Without a thanks, he opened it and began reading. “Jesus, have my eyes gone that bad, or does this paper just have shitty ink?” from his left breast pocket he pulled out a pair of glasses, putting them on. “That’s better.”

Twilight cautiously took a seat in the opposite chair of him.

“Would you like something too, Twilight?”

“Um, just a water is fine. I already had breakfast,” Twilight said.

“Okie dokie lokie!”

The man put the paper down a minute, looking over the rims of his glasses at Twilight.

“Jesus Christ you’re uglier than I thought. Get into a fight with an oompa loompa?”

Twilight blinked. “I’m not ugly!”

“You’re purple! Anything purple is ugly.”

“That’s not true!” Twilight shouted.

“Kid, I’ve been on this Earth for ninety years. Trust me, purple’s ugly.”

Twilight rubbed her leg, staring at her purple coat. “What? No, that’s just my natural color.”

Pinkie returned with a glass of water and breakfast for the man. Without a word he took a piece of toast and munched on it, never taking his eyes off the paper.

“At least this one has the keen sense to be a good color. Pink is a peaceful color, bright to cheer you up, and it’s not red.”

“What’s wrong with red?” Twilight asked.

“I hate red. Saw too much of it in Korea.”

“Your buggie thing is red.”

“No, it’s burgundy. There’s a difference.” He took a sip of his coffee.

“Still, it’s not like we have a choice on what color we are.”

The man lowered the paper and looked at her. “For once, kid, you’re actually right about something.” Then went back to reading. “Genetics can be a bitch.”

“Are we talking about Winona?” Pinkie took a seat beside Twilight, now entering the discussion.

“No.” Both Twilight and the man said.

“Oh, okay!” Pinkie said happily.

Silence fell upon the table for a few short moments, all the while the elderly man ate.

“SO!” Pinkie chirped. “What’s your name?”

“Earl.”

“Nice to meet you Earl! My name’s Pinkie Pie!”

“You kids these days, with your crazy names,” Earl began, setting the paper aside and placing his glasses back into his pocket, “back in my day, we didn’t have all these crazy names. People had common sense to just go with Bill, or Smith, or Joe. Now we got Moon Beam, and Wave, and Pinkie, and on and on and on…”

Earl stopped, taking another fork full of egg into his mouth.

“So! How do you like your breakfast?” Pinkie beamed.

“Eh.”

“...”

“...”

“Is… that it?” Pinkie asked.

“Is what it?” Earl asked.

“Eh?”

“Eh?”

“Eh!”

Earl shrugged, “Eh.”

“Okie dokie!” Pinkie bounced from her seat, setting down the bill. “I have other customers to take care of, let me know if you need anything else, Earl!”

“Yeah, yeah,” Earl waved his hand, returning to his meal.

As Pinkie bounced away, Twilight got up to follow her friend.

“Well, that was rude!”

“What do you mean, Twilight?”

“He didn’t even compliment your cooking! You were hoping he liked it; at best he just didn’t care.”

Pinkie giggled. “Oh Twilight, in the food business you always have two kinds of customers. The ones who criticize everything, and the ones who just shut up and enjoy.”

Twilight blinked, looking back to Earl as he mixed more of his eggs into his hash browns.

“He isn’t saying it, but he likes it. Bet’cha more than Denny’s breakfast.”

Twilight turned back to her friend. “Who’s Denny?”

Pinkie shrugged. “I dunno, but he was looking for breakfast from him.”

“Breakfast at Denny’s?”

Pinkie nodded. “I think I remember there being a film like that.”

Twilight raised a brow, Pinkie shrugged. “As I recalled, I kinda liked it.”

Twilight shook her head. “Anyway, I’m gonna see if I can get any info out of him. We know who he is, but I don’t know what. On top of that, why is he even here? Where did he come from?”

Pinkie tapped her chin. “I dunno, but if you’re gonna ask him, you better hurry up.”

“Why?”

“Because he’s leaving.”

Twilight turned around, and sure enough Earl was already at the door, pushing it open to leave.

“Wait, Earl!” Twilight sped off, leaving a giggling Pinkie Pie behind.

The bubbly mare went over to collect Earl’s bill, when she noticed the strange paper and coins left behind.

“Huh, that’s weird,” Pinkie said, seeing two more paper pieces under his empty coffee mug which gave her a smile, “at least he tipped!”