hot dog water

A little while after we were married Applejack was hungry. That day I learned a big lesson about marriage, and ate a lot of humble pie.

As I said, Applejack was hungry. I knew veggies were important so I opened a can of green beans and put it on the stove. I used a normal-sized pot.

However I got to looking at the can of green beans and I was struck with a sudden curiosity. Something came into my mind and I just had to try it.

I rinsed out the can in the kitchen sink so that it was clean on the inside but said "Green Beans" on the outside. Then I pretended like I was still a little kid and I climbed up onto the sink. I know it is bad for the sink but just once I thought I would try this.

Anyway, then I took my pants off, squatted down with my butt over the kitchen sink, and pooped into the can of green beans. I wanted to see how it would feel. The curiosity was maddening.

It turned out it felt good! I even wanted to do it again. I figured there would be no harm, so I opened another can of green beans, poured its contents into the pot with the first, and pooped into that can too. So now I had two cans full of poop.

Little did I know I had fallen right into the Devil's trap.

I kept going, because the sensations were really wild. I opened a third can, then a fourth and a fifth. Eventually I had seven cans filled with poop, and a very large pot of green beans heating up on the stove.

I looked at the pot of green beans, steaming, approaching a boil, and I was hit yet again with another frenzy of curiosity, this one the strongest yet. I just had to know how it would feel.

So I took the pot off the stove, set it on the floor, and pooped straight into the pot.

When I finished, there was a big piece of poop floating in the bubbling hot green beans. It was then that I realized my folly, and that God's ways are above man's ways.

There was no way I could eat these green beans now, because they had a big piece of poop floating in them. Worse still, I had failed assisting my beautiful bride in her quest to eat food.

I was ashamed, and I tried to hide my foolishness by pouring the green beans down the toilet. But this only made things worse, for the hot green bean water managed to crack the aging pipes. It was a big mess and Applejack and I had a big fight.

That was how I learned that restraining my curiosity and my sensuality is so necessary and important to live a happy married life. And that irrational sensuality comes from the Devil.