Pinkie's Pizza-Hut Propensity

by Prince Conjure

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Slice of Life, Comedy, Equestria Girls, Pinkie Pie, Sunset Shimmer
Length: 2793

Pinkie and Sunset have a little disagreement about pizza.

Pinkie and Sunset have a little disagreement about pizza.

Published 2016-06-12 02:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-06-12 02:10:01 UTC

Sunset's Sizzling Success

The grumbling in my stomach is the only thing to blame.

Sitting down on my couch for the first time since my house was re-done, it was Tuesday: Taco Tuesday. Apparently, the nearest Taco Bell had been ransacked by a teenage girl or something. So, I had to resort to Pizza Tuesday.

In any case, my stomach was calling for me to call for pizza. I muted my TV, and pulled out my phone and scrolled to my contacts, stopping at a number labeled “Caesar’s Pizza”. I pressed it and put the phone to my ear.

The buzzing started to play, and I patiently waited. In the middle of my waiting, I heard a slight whooshing. I thought it sounded like the wind, but there was no breeze. I shrugged it off and waited for them to pick up. The whooshing sound got louder, even more so the buzzing sound. I re-checked that my TV was on silent before the other side picked up the call.

“Caesar’s Pizza. May I take your order?”

“Yes, I—”

“Coming iiiiiiiin!” The wall in front of my TV crashed down on top of it, a large metal ball was in the process of swinging to and fro. A pink blur sat on top of it, and it didn’t take much thinking to figure out who it was.

“I’ll call back in a few minutes… a few hours,” I said, sighing as I hung up. “Let me guess. You—”

“No, no, wait!” she said, jumping off of the wrecking ball and landing in the rubble. “Let me guess! I love guessing games!”

“W-what?”

“Let me guess what I’m going to say,” she continued. “So, what I am going to say is… uh…” she looked at me with eyes of embarrassment. “Could I have a hint?”

“Pinkie!” I yelled. “What are you doing in my house!?”

“Oh, if that’s what you wanted to know, why not just say it?”

“If I could revert to being a pony for one day, the first thing I’d do is smite you,” I said.

“Aw. Thanks, Sunset.” I sighed, calming myself down. The only reason Pinkie would blow down my house and antagonize me so was about food. And, I’ve found that the only way to stop her actions was to comply with them. I lifted my head up to face hers. “I’m here to—”

“What’s your favorite pizza place, Pinkie Pie?” I asked, eager to get this over with.

“Ooh, so we’re alliterating now?” she responded. “Well, As a savant, I sagaciously salute sizzling success, Sunset Shimmer.”

“What is that suppose to mean?” I asked in confusion.

“So you can start the fight, but can’t finish, huh?” teased Pinkie. I had to stop myself from grabbing a bat and clocking her in the side of her head. “It means that I like the best pizza brand.”

“Which is?”

“I’m not telling you.”

“Why not!?”

“Foolish Sunset,” said Pinkie, shaking her head. “You think you can get out of this that easily.” I gulped. Did she know?

“Uh…” I fumbled to say something that would give away her favorite. “S-so, do you like stuffed crust or normal crust?”

“I know what you’re doing,” she said.

“Answer the question.”

“I like the Earth’s Crust,” she said, with a smirk.

“Okay,” I said, looking or another angle. “Well, what do you like on your pizza?”

“Hm…” she thought for a bit. “What do you like on your pizzas?”

“C’mon, I asked fir—”

“I’ll just check myself,” said Pinkie, snatching my phone from my loose grasp. My eyes dilated and my heart jumped into my throat. If she saw that I order from Caesars Pizza regularly, I’d be dead.

“W-wait Pinkie!” I yelled, reaching for my phone. “Don’t check my phone!”

“What’s that?” she said, guessing my password perfectly. My phone opened to its contacts. “Search through your contacts and find out that you eat at an inferior pizza place? With pleasure!”

I launched my entire body at Pinkie, tackling her to the ground. She dropped the phone and sent it skidding through the rubble of my former wall. By now, my neighbors had noticed.

“I see, Sunset,” said Pinkie struggling to free herself of my grasp. “If you want to get rough, then we can get rough!”

“I don’t want to get rough…” Pinkie wriggled out of my grasp before rising to her feet. I jumped up and gave chase. When Pinkie found my phone, I jumped onto her back, throwing l caution to the wind. I grabbed her chest and dug into her body, placing my face in her hair.

“Ahh!” yelled someone. When I opened my eyes, an entire civilization looked back up at me. I only had time to make a confused face before Pinkie twisted her body, throwing me out and onto the floor. After I shook the shock out of my eyes, I rolled over and found my phone laying there. I reached for it and cradled it in my hands, close to my chest.

“Give me the phone, Sunset,” said Pinkie, standing over my body. When I shook my head, she sighed. “Okay. Keep it.” She backed up a bit and pulled something from her back pocket.

My phone.

“B-b-but—” I opened my hands and found a rock. “How did you…”

“Magic!” I scrambled to my feet, but I knew it was too late. She gasped as I swiped it out of her hands. “Caesar’s Pizza?!”

“I-It’s not what you think,” I said, quickly thinking of a new pizza place. “I actually like… uh...Domino’s! Yeah, Domino’s!”

“As she should,” said another voice. Slowly, A figure emerged from the crowd. I recognized her almost immediately as Twilight, another maniac, and food fanatic. “Because we all know that Domino’s is superior to all pizza brands, right?”

“So we’re all in agreement?” I asked, relieved. “Great. Now I can have Pinkie arrested on several counts of vandalism and assault.”

“Domino’s, Twilight?” said Pinkie, darkly. Her voice sent chills rolling down my back. “Did you just say Domino’s?”

“Uh, yeah, I did,” said Twilight. “Because anything else is incorrect.”

“I’m just gonna go ahead and call in advance,”I said, dialing the number. Pinkie grabbed my phone and, before I could stop her, smashed it in between her hands. “What the—”

“What’s wrong, Sunset?”

“What the hell!?” I yelled. “Why would you smash my phone!?”

“Are you upset?” Pinkie’s face was contorted into a large smile, which freaked me out even more. “Are you upset, Sunset?”

“Uh…”

“Let’s put a smile on that face.” From basically nowhere, she grabbed two pizzas and threw them at me and Twilight. Mine hit me in the face, but Twilight caught hers by the crust. After I peeled the pizza from my face, and Twilight took a nice bite out of it.

“Hm..” she said as she chewed.”Nice texture, not too greasy…” she swallowed. “This taste, and this feel. This is Pizza Hut, isn’t it?”

“Nice,” said Pinkie, apparently back to her normal—As normal as she could get, anyway—self. “So, you see that this is better than your Domino’s filth, right?”

“Wrong,” said Twilight. “On multiple accounts. First of all, this is not better than my Domino’s filth. Secondly, Domino’s is not filth. In fact, Domino's could beat Pizza Hut in a taste test any day.”

“What have you been eating?” said Pinkie with a raised eyebrow. “Pizza Hut would demolish Domino’s in a matter of seconds if we were in a taste test.”

“Wanna put your pizza where your plate is?” asked Twilight.

“Is that a challenge?” responded Pinkie.

“Taste test,” said Twilight. “Right now.” They both looked in my direction, smiles on their faces.

“No,” I said simply.

“Yes,” said Pinkie, inching closer to me.

“I won’t do it.” I started inching back until I was pressed against my couch.

“Yes you will,” said Twilight. “What are you going to do to stop us?”

“Pull the brakes?”

“Silly Sunset,” said Pinkie with a chuckle. “There are no brakes on the Pie Train.”

“Oh no....”

“Could you guys loosen these?” I said, struggling against the rope they had tied around my hands. “It’s starting to chafe.”

“All in due time,” said Twilight, calling from my kitchen. “Also, where is your credit card?”

“What?” I asked. “Why?”

“Well, Pinkie and I realized we didn’t have any money to pay for the pizza, so…”

“So,not only are you going to get me to eat pizza against my will, in front of all of my neighbors,” I looked towards the hole in my wall and saw about 30 people eagerly awaiting my decision. “But you’re going to make me pay for it too?”

“That’s about the gist of it,” said Twilight.

“No!” I yelled.

“Found it,” said Pinkie from the kitchen. “She kept it in her fuzzy bunny slippers!”

“Aw, those are so cute!” said Twilight, rushing back into the kitchen.

“Damnit, Pinkie!” I yelled. I struggled some more as I tried to loosen the tie. For some reason, it only took a few minutes for two different pizza cars to show up in front of my house. They walked into my house, each in conversation with the other.

“What do you think Pinkie wanted?” asked Rainbow Dash, carrying a Pizza Hut box.

“I have no earthly idea, but I hope this will be over soon,” said Rarity, carrying a Domino’s box. “This food smells like greasy poison.”

“Don’t worry, Rares,” she said. “I’m not feeling it either.”

“You’ve got it easy,” said Rarity. “Your boss is the king of slack.”

“What are you—”

“Messed up the order?” said Rarity, in her best “I’m a boss of a Domino’s place” voice. “It’s okay. You won’t be fired, or even reprimanded. Just make sure you get it right next time!”

“Hey,” said Rainbow Dash. “At least we serve Honey Sriracha buttered crust,” said Rainbow.

“And is that on the pizza?”

“No…”

“Was it ordered?”

“Hey, guys!” I said, calling attention to myself. “Can you get me out of here!?”

“Oh my,” said Rarity. “What happened?”

“I was attacked by maniacs,” I said. “I’ll explain later, just get me out of this rope!” Rainbow walked over and began to work on the rope when Pinkie walked in.

“Ah!” she said. “Twilight! The pizza is here!”

“H-hurry up, Rainbow Dash,” I said.

“Oh, Rainbow Dash!” She paused to look in Pinkie’s direction. I could almost wiggle out if I really tried. “Wait a second!” Twilight walked out with two cloths.

“Oh, hey guys,” said Twilight walking to them. “You guys have been working at pizza places?”

“I’ve got no choice,” said Rainbow Dash. “The squirt wanted new wheels for her scooter, and I needed some more money anyway.”

“Me as well,” said Rarity. “It was either this or… other, more questionable means.”

“I bet you would’ve liked doing the ‘more questionable job’ more, right?”

“Don’t you have to be a phallic symbol somewhere else?” asked Rarity. Rainbow shrugged.

“Not until four.”

“Guys!” I yelled, struggling against my bonds. “Focus! Please!”

“Wait, I still have one question," said Twilight, now within reaching distance of Rarity and Rainbow.

“Uh...” said Rainbow, abandoning my ropes. “What?”

“Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?”

“Wha—”Twilight stuffed the rags into RD’s and Rarity’s faces, letting the smell fill their nostrils. They both collapsed to the ground, and Twilight caught the boxes.

“Sizzling success!” said Twilight.

“Sizzling success!” repeated Pinkie. Then they both retreated to the kitchen.

“No,” I said, bowing my head. “This was a feta failure…”

Finally, the moment came.I was sulking in my chair when Twilight and Pinkie came in, both with their respective plates. I looked up when the clanking of the plates hit the table. Two slices of pizza sat on the table, one with a flag of Twilight, and one of Pinkie stabbed in the pizza.

“All I have to do is eat, right?” I said, hopefully. “Then, this nightmare will be over?”

“Yep,” said Pinkie. “Let’s get you out of those binds.” Pinkie walked around and, in a matter of seconds, untied the rope. I rubbed my wrists and looked at the pizza.

“Now, you have to choose carefully,” she said. “If you choose the wrong pizza—”

“—you might regret it,” finished Pinkie.

“The wrong pizza?” I asked. “Isn’t this just a personal preference?”

“Yep, a predilection!” said Pinkie.

“Your propensity, if you would,” said Twilight.

“Okay…” I looked at the two pizza, trying my hardest to pick the right one. Which was looked better? Should I pick the opposite? As I evaluated the pizzas, I remember one very important detail.

It as Tuesday.

Taco Tuesday.

Taco Tuesday, who I had started with one particular individual. The only individual that could save me now.

That very person walked in holding a bag of Taco Bell.

“Um… I don’t mean to intrude,” said Fluttershy, walking to me. “But I’ll just leave this here.”

“What’s this?” said Twilight, picking up the bag. “Taco Bell?”

“Y-yeah,” said Fluttershy. “Sunset and I do this Taco Tuesday every other Tuesday…”

“So… I’m just gonna go.” I got up and grabbed the bag. Both Pinkie and Twilight sat me back down.

“After this, I promise,” said Twilight, giving Fluttershy a smile. “It will only be a moment.”

“B-but it’s already so late, and we have school tomorrow,” argued Fluttershy. “I’d rather get it over with now…” She was fighting for me. I had to help out in somehow.

“You know, I really don’t feel for pizza, anymore,” I said, getting up once more. Again, Pinkie and Twilight shut me down. “C-come on, guys…”

“Just pick your favorite pizza, Sunset,” said Pinkie in a soothing voice. “If you pick mine, I promise not to bother you at all anymore.”

A chill ran up my spine. Anymore? That’s almost as long as forever. That much peace could give me all the happiness I could ever wish for. I could eat and drink whatever I wanted.

“T-that’s not fair!” said Twilight, turning to Pinkie. “You’re using prizes to dissuade her from choosing the correct brand!”

“Think it over, Sunset,” said Pinkie, her voice piercing my strongest defenses. I stopped thinking about everything. Peace was all I wanted.

I reached for the Pizza Hut slice and was about to stuff it in my mouth when a hand stopped me.

“You can’t do it, Sunset,” said Fluttershy, who, despite her appearance, was strong enough to stop me. “We both know that Pinkie can’t help but cause trouble.”

“She…” I mumbled. “Can’t help it…?”

“I’m here to save you, Sunset,” said Fluttershy. “So please… help me help you.”

I crumbled. From Fluttershy, to peace, to most everything else. It was all too much to bear. It was just pizza, but it seemed like something much more.

It was freedom.

I took a breath of fresh air. And slammed the pizza down on the plate. Then, I stood tall, glancing over everyone in attendance.

“You know what?” I said, with a grin. “I don’t think I’m hungry anymore.”

Author's Note

(Read the Epilougue)

...

(Pls)

Epilouge

Grrrrrrrrrrr.

The sun was setting on Friday after the whole food incident at my house. Now, I adapted the hole in the wall as a large window. I laid down on the couch, groggily watching some more TV. With a yawn, I glanced towards the kitchen and sighed, realizing I'd have to get up if I wanted to fight the hunger.

After walking into the kitchen and turning on the lights, I saw a long platter on the counter. I slowly approached it, making sure to keep my exit clear. I looked at it and was amazed.

There was a full bucket of KFC chicken, a full Caesar's Pizza pie, and a big gulp full of Coke. I was in the process of being confused when a small note caught my attention, as it stuck out of the bottom of the tray. When I pulled it out, I couldn't help but smile.

It was a drawing of Pinkie and Twilight, both taking a bow in my direction. At the top of the note, in big letters, read "I'm sorry". I smiled and eventually laughed. I set the note down, pulled up a chair, and rubbed my hands together.

"Boy, am I hungry."

Author's Note

That, ladies and gentlemen, was the end of the P-Cubed series! It's been a long ride, but Pinkie's maniacal reign is over! If you found this funny, you might be happy to know that I plan for a spinoff story to happen sometime in the future. It will involve a certain teenage girl who really, really wants some Taco Bell.

Until next time!