Everypony is happy in Ponyville. Spending time with their friends, doing work, or just walking around with a smile on their face.
Until you come walking through.
At least it feels like it. You can feel everyone sneer at you as you walk by with your head down. You don’t want give them the satisfaction of seeing your somber face. You walk slowly through town. Your heart feels like a brick of steel weighing you down. Tears are pooling up in your eyes, but you hold them back through sheer willpower. You can’t stand the thought of anyone seeing you cry. The last thing you need is a group of ponies laughing at you.
Why are you so sad? You have no right to feel this way. You have a decent life. You have a job. You have enough money to support yourself. You’re well fed. Do you have any right to complain?
You arrive at the only place in Ponyville that gives you solace other than your home. Sugarcube Corner. Along with having some of the tastiest treats in Equestria, there’s somepony who’s always here. Somepony who works here that you can always talk to no matter what.
You walk inside, and there she is. The pink mare herself standing behind the counter with that signature smile on her face.
“Jake!” she exclaims upon seeing you.
“Hi, Pinkie,” you say.
Your face remains down as silence fills the room. You slowly approach the counter, carrying a small sack, about the size of your hoof.
“What do you have there?” Pinkie asks.
You place the sack on the counter, making a metallic sound on impact.
“This is for the shop,” you say.
Pinkie wastes no time, and opens the sack. She pours the contents, and out comes tons of bits, at least one hundred.
“Wow!” Pinkie exclaims. “This is for the shop? You have all this money?!”
“Um… actually… it’s all my money,” you say. “After today… I won’t be needing it.”
Pinkie’s expression suddenly turned somber.
“What do you mean?” Pinkie asks. “Are you moving away?”
You shake your head.
“Get a big new job?”
You shake your head again.
Pinkie remains silent for a moment. Her expression morphs from one of sorrow to one of horror.
“Jake… what’s happening today?” she beckons.
You sigh. Your heart feels heavier as you try harder and harder to hold your tears back.
“Pinkie… have you ever felt… worthless?” you ask.
Pinkie’s expression turns more horrified.
“Jake… why are you asking me this?” she asks.
“Do you ever feel like nopony likes you? Do you ever feel invisible? Do you ever feel hated by everypony? Like nopony could ever… love you?”
Pinkie comes from around the corner of the counter to meet you face to face. She places her hoof on your shoulder, and looks straight at you.
“Did something happen to you, Jake?” Pinkie asks. “Why are you being like this?”
You look down. “It’s nothing. You have your own problems to worry about. I don’t want to burden you with my petty issues.”
“Your problems can’t be petty if you’re acting like this,” Pinkie says. “What’s going on?”
“Pinkie, I really don’t want to talk about it. Please, just take the bits. I don’t need them anymore,” you say.
Pinkie shakes her head. “I can’t let anypony leave Sugarcube Corner with a frown on their face.”
“You won’t have to see me anymore after today, Pinkie,” you say. “Nopony will.”
“Jake, please, tell me what’s wrong,” Pinkie says. “You’ve opened up to me plenty of times before. Why is this different?”
“Because I won’t be alive after today, okay?!” you bark suddenly, right in Pinkie’s face.
Pinkie’s eyes go wide. You watch in shame as her mane goes from full and thriving to limp and lifeless. Her pink coat seems to go a little gray, and her eyes are filled with horror.
Your heart grows heavier at the sight. Now you’ve passed your pain onto somepony else.
“Jake… all I want to do is help you,” Pinkie said. “What happened to make you want to do something like… that?”
You’re surprised at her tone. It’s not the bubbly, bouncy Pinkie Pie voice everyone’s used to hearing. It was somber and gloomy. But at the same time… sensitive. Was this really Pinkie Pie you were talking to? Was this really the party pony everyone knew?
You look into her eyes, and there’s no signs of ire. Her eyes are soft and compassionate, like she actually cares.
You let out a deep sigh. “I lost a friend today.”
“Oh no!” Pinkie says. “Did they die?”
“No,” you say, “I… scared them off.”
“What?” Pinkie asks.
“It was a mare I liked. Really liked. And… I came on too strong,” you say. “Now she won’t even talk to me. I try to apologize, but she won’t give me the time of day.”
“Well, there’s plenty of other mares in Ponyville,” Pinkie says.
“No. No there’s not,” you say.
“What?” Pinkie coos.
“She’s not the first mare I’ve scared off. In fact, the first mare I did that to told all her friends about me. And her friends told their friends, and so on. Now… I’m the most unwanted colt in Ponyville. I’m a creep.”
“Jake, you’re being ridiculous,” Pinkie says.
“Am I? Am I being ridiculous when I walk through Ponyville, and every mare is looking at me with disgust? Sneering at me when I look at them?”
“That happens to you?” Pinkie asks.
You nod your head, staring down at the ground. “But she’s not the only friend I lost.”
You feel Pinkie’s hoof on your shoulder once more. “I’m listening.”
“I wanted some comfort from being rejected again. I went to one of my friends to talk to them about this. Or at least… I thought he was my friend. I went up to him, and he stopped me before I even had time to speak. He flat out told me that he’s done listening to me whine about my problems. He said he has his own problems to deal with, and much better and less pathetic friends to hang out with.”
“What?” Pinkie coos.
“He said I was his lamest friend. He said he’s embarrassed to be seen with me. He doesn’t want my reputation as the Ponyville creep to rub off on him. He said he would much rather hang out with his other friends so he can actually have a decent time… instead of listening to me cry about not having someone to love.” You can’t hold your tears back any longer. You feel a warm drop run down your cheek, followed by many others. “I just played it cool, not wanting to annoy him any further. But once he walked away… I broke down. I acted like I was fine, but his words cut through me like a knife. He… he said I was… pathetic…”
“Jake, don’t say that,” Pinkie said.
“But he’s right! I’m pathetic!” you shout. “I’m the Ponyville creep. I’m a crybaby. I can’t do anything right! What do I have to offer? Buckets of tears? Whining? Baggage? Complaining?” You take a moment to compose yourself, wiping your raw cheeks dry. “And what do I have to complain about? I have a decent life. I have food. A job. Money. A roof over my head. There are ponies in Equestria that are way worse off than I am. Do I have any right to complain?” Everything is silent for a moment as you let your emotions simmer down once again. “I’m sorry. I’ve been rambling. I’m sorry for bothering you with my problems. They’re mine, and I shouldn’t burden you with them. Why am I so selfish?”
“Jake, please stop bullying yourself,” Pinkie says. “Come here.”
You gasp as Pinkie suddenly pulls you into a big hug, squeezing you tight in her hooves. You’re unsure about how to react, except by awkwardly wrapping your own hooves around the pink mare in return.
“You’re not a bad pony, Jake,” Pinkie says. “Please don’t say such mean things about yourself.”
“Pinkie…” you say, pulling back from her hug. “Would a good pony scare every mare he ever knew away with his feelings? Would a good pony be so selfish as to make other ponies feel sad about problems that aren’t even theirs?”
“Jake, everypony has problems. Nopony’s perfect. And you’re not selfish for talking about your problems. I think you just came on too strong with those mares. You’re an amazing pony.”
“No, I’m not,” you say.
“Yes, you are,” Pinkie says. “Every time I talk to you, you’re just so sweet and kind. There’s no problem with being sensitive. Depression is a very real thing, Jake. I know it hurts, but I also know you never meant to hurt anypony, right?”
You’re silent for a moment before somberly nodding your head. “I just want to know what it’s like to have a mare to love. A mare all to myself, y’know? Give her gifts… cuddle with her… tell her how beautiful she is… shower her with affection for no other reason but to let her know how much I love her… there’s just this void inside me that can’t be filled in any other way, y’know? But nopony will ever want me. Nopony will ever want such a reject. Y’know, I actually cuddle with a pillow at night, and pretend it’s a mare I care about… and who cares about me. Sometimes… I even kiss it, like it’s her forehead. Am… am I insane?”
You spot a tear on Pinkie’s cheek, making your heart feel heavier. She wasn’t sad until you showed up.
“Maybe I should just go before I made you even sadder,” you say. But before you can even look in the direction of the door, Pinkie lunges at you, hugging you once again.
“You’re not insane, Jake. You just need to move past your mistakes. If your friend just told you off like that, then he wasn’t really your friend. And those mares missed out on one of the sweetest colts I know.”
“You’re just saying that,” you coo.
“No, I’m not,” Pinkie says, pulling back from her hug. “You’ll meet your mare someday. I’m sure of it. And from what you just told me… you’ll make her very happy.”
You sigh, looking down at the ground. You know Pinkie means well, but part of you just can’t come to terms with believing her.
“Jake, can you do me a favor?” Pinkie asks.
“Sure,” you say.
“Take back your bits, and come back tomorrow morning. Let me know how you’re feeling. Don’t say nopony cares about you, because you want to know something?”
“What?” you coo.
Pinkie places her hoof on your shoulder.
“I care about you. You’re my friend, Jake, and I will never leave you,” Pinkie says. “Please come back tomorrow.”
Friend. That word resonates in your head like a mantra. Did you really have a friend? A true friend?
For the first time today, you manage a small smile.
“O-Okay. I will,” you say.
Pinkie smiles, and pulls you into yet another hug. “Jake, if there’s one thing you take away from this… it’s that you’re special to me.”
You smile, reciprocating her embrace. “Thanks, Pinkie.”
A few more minutes pass before you leave the store, heading home with all your bits. The last thing you see before you exit the store is the image of Pinkie Pie with her flat, lifeless hair.
She was perfectly fine before you came along. Now she’s sad. But… friend. As you walk home, your heart feels slightly lighter. A true friend. Someone to talk to. Someone to vent to. Maybe that’s all you really needed.
You’ll find your mare one day. It’ll just take patience.
Author's Note
Just another depression story. Something pent up emotions that won't go away, no matter how hard I try. I'm sorry if this was terrible.
This was dedicated to Harmony Pie, a writer that has become very close to me, and has been extremely helpful to me, in spite of my constant, selfish whining about my personal life. Go check her out, and give her a follow if you haven't already. She deserves it.
Harmony, if you're reading this, I'm sorry if this story was terrible. I will get a better story out for you if you want.
