A Wannabe Serial Killer Came Down to Equestria

by HiddenMaster

Rating: mature
Tags: Main 6, Princess Luna, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Spike, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Princess Celestia, Human
Length: 2169

A Wannabe Serial killer goes to Equestria for a jolly old time.

Jack.

Loving father. Mediocre Athlete. Talented programmer.

Aspiring serial killer.

With the help of a demon, he intends to make his mark and go down in legend in a pure, innocent, and unsuspecting realm: Equestria.

He fails miserably.

Published 2016-06-21 01:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-06-21 01:50:01 UTC

Prologue: The Deal

"So, Mr..."

"Anon, short for anonym-"

"Jack, as I was saying. Let me get this straight. You wish to sell your immortal soul in exchange for a one way trip to Equestria..."

"Uh, yes?"

"Whereupon you, and correct me if I'm wrong, wish to begin a rein of terror by brutally murdering as many innocents in numerous and creative ways as you can until you are eventually stopped, but not before making you're eternal mark upon an innocent world as a monster that would go down in legend for thousands of years to come, thereby securing you a sense of immortality. Oh, and you're going make a bad name for any and all future humans that may go there, but that's besides the point. That sound about right?"

"Is...is it beyond your power?"

"Oh, no. Inter-dimensional travel is well within my purview. I just wanted to make sure I had this right for the record. Bureaucracy, you understand."

"Oh, oh thank goodness. You had me worried for a moment-I've sacrificed quite a bit to get your services after all."

...

"Say..."

"How about a little wager?"

"Um, okay?"

"If you manage to kill anyone within, say, twenty-four hours of your arrival, then your trip will be on me. No eternal hell fire and all that pleasantry. I'll even let you keep trying so long as you have the will to continue, and, hell-pardon the pun-I'll throw in a kit with some essentials to get you started. So, what do you say?"

"Um, you're not trying to trick me, are you?"

"Me? A demon trick you? Please, I wouldn't sink that low. There's no catch. So, I'll ask again, do you accept the terms of the contract?"

"Hmm, well, you have been pretty upfront about things, and it does sound like a good deal. Sure, why not."

"Excellent."

"So, how is this going to-"

Poof.

"Hehe. This is gonna be good."

Author's Note

And so it begins.

I wonder, is this technically darker than the second chapter of my Chrysalis story?

Eh, whatever. Although, I am genuinely concerned with how much I am enjoying writing the demon.

As always any feedback and constructive criticism is welcome. They're the only way I'll ever learn from my own mistakes and grow as a writer, after all. Flames will be used to roast delicious marshmallows.

Chapter 1: A Friendly Arrival

Jack blinked.

And then, he blinked some more for good measure.

The change had been instantaneous. One second, he'd been...somewhere, and the next he was standing in the middle of a gently lit meadow surrounded by a thick canopy of trees he couldn't quite identify.

This was it. He'd long dreamed of it, fantasized about this moment for nearly five years, and now it was here.

His world-the human world-was corrupt, blackened, spoiled. People barely reacted to the works of art dreamers like himself put out for the world to see, and he freely admitted he wasn't the best of them. In fact, anything he could do, others could do better, and some of the best-the ones who will be remembered made his best attempts seem sad and feeble. Worse yet, his world was...adapted to artist such as himself. He doubted he'd get beyond one, maybe two works if he was lucky before he was locked away for good and forgotten by history, like a tiny smote of dust in the wind. He'd be lucky to get a single passage in a dusty old history book, if that. But, Equestria was different.

He'd come across the show years before at the recommendation of a friend, and he'd been instantly enraptured. Equestira was pure, innocent and unspoiled. It had never known the touch of someone like himself, and had not been desensitized to it. Here, he could shine, be like Leonardo da Vinci or Vincent van Gogh of the conventional arts. For all his self admitted...limited creativity, here he could go down in legend, far greater than he ever would in his own world. He just had to get started.

This was great, magnificent even. He felt exhilarated, happier than he had been in years. He felt like...

He sniffed the air and looked down.

He was standing on a piece of shit.

Jack sighed. It seemed the need to poop extended across the multiverse.

After he wiped his shoe on some nearby grass, he took a step forward and nearly tripped. Cursing, he looked down to find a canvas bag at his feet. Curios, he rolled the bag out.

Jack stared for a long moment with wide eyes until a tiny, almost imperceptible smirk made its way to his face.

The demon hadn't lied.

Within the rolled out bag, he found all sorts of useful and fun tools: a compass, a hammer, a bone saw, needles and vials of labeled fluids with such substances such as arsenic,chloroform, a rag and...rattle snake venom? Huh, fun. Other fun things he found included scalpels, a few switchblades, a chainsaw?-okay then, a hatchet, and...

His eyes lit up.

Hesitatingly, almost reverently he pulled out a long, pristine, and absolutely beautiful, fourteen inch Bowie knife. He marveled at the way way it seemed molded just for him, the way the blade caught the afternoon sunlight. He practiced a few quick slashes, and noted how incredibly...right, it felt. He could only imagine what it'd be like when it tasted an innocent. A small note, dislodged from his slashes, fell off the blade, but he snatched it mid air.

Hey Jack. Figured you'd like this one. Had it made just for you, with a custom polished wood handle and a supernaturally sharp blade capable of cutting through human bone like butter. With a weapon like this, well, let's just say you can't possibly loose our little bet. Enjoy.

p.s. Don't bother with the whole Anon alias B.S. I know your true name, and wove a fun little geass into your contract that forbids you from using that ridiculous title.

Jack scowled, but couldn't keep the smile off his face for long. Considering how infamous demons were for their deceit and trickery, he considered himself lucky for only coming out with one detrimental consequence, and a minor one at that. Hell, he was practically guaranteed to come out of this scott free and as a living legend, so he had no room to complain.

Although, he couldn't begin to hide how disappointing it was to realize he'd never get to be called "Anon the Unknown and Nameless Mysterious Pony Murderer". He'd just have to settle for "Jack the Ripper" or some nonsense like that.

How droll.

So, first order of business: figure out where he was. He was clearly in the Everfree Forest, so Ponyville was obviously nearby, but in wha-

"Oh dear, where could it be?"a slightly panicked voice called out.

Jack froze, and smiled.

It appeared his legend would begin even sooner than he thought.

As quietly as possible, he sneaked to the far side of the clearing, and peaked through the bushes.

What he saw made him smile even wider.

Beautiful, kind, and oh so deliciously innocent Fluttershy, all but...okay, fearfully sneaking through the woods, darting from one bush to the other as she jumped at practically every shadow before studying nearby plants. Her saddlebag bulged with what appeared to be a large number of exotic herbs. Maybe she was getting medicinal herbs for her animals? Jack let out a low chuckle at the thought.

"Fluttershy," he quietly said in an affectionate tone, palming his lovely knife, "never, ever change."

Now, he began his legend.

He moved to stand up. His blood froze froze as a low, powerful, and exceedingly close growl came from the right.

He looked just in time to see a pair of angry, glowing green eyes before something huge tackled him. Stunned, his eyes went wide and a whimper escaped him as teeth sunk in, and then through his neck, severing the jugular in a spray of crimson blood before they settled around his throat, crushing what little remained of his windpipe.

He gurgled for a moment, unable to comprehend what was happening as the world slowly faded away in a mass haze of pain far more horrific than anything he'd ever experienced in his life, before the life left his eyes altogether.

"Back so soon?"

"AHHH, AHH! AHHHH-wait, I'm alive?"

"No, not really. You blundered into a fully grown Timber wolf, and rather than eat the lovely pony, it ate you instead. Honestly, a bad decision if you ask me-you've got more fat than she's used to, so she's probably going to have indigestion for the next day or so."

"I-I died."

"That you did. Honestly, you broke even my wildest expectations and didn't even make it a full five minutes"

"I died."

"Are you getting fixated on that? You do remember I promised multiple tries, right?

"Oh. OH! That's right. But, how did I die?"

...

"Is that a trick question?"

"No, no. It's just, I don't remember the Timber Wolves from the show being so...dangerous."

"If I could fix you with a deadpan stare, I would. You saying you didn't think that huge, canine beings clearly reminiscent of your world's dire wolves that are effectively immune to being cut apart and combine for a power and size boost and were clearly shown to have a vicious taste for blood weren't dangerous?"

"Um, when you put it that way, I guess I misjudged them. It just seemed like they were dealt with so easily in the show..."

"Well, now that you've had a moment to catch your breath, I have a question for you: do you give up?"

"What? No, of course not. Now, I know to avoid those monsters at all cost. Send me back-"

Poof.

"I really wish I had a snap sound effect for that. But noooo, just a poof."

"Oh dear, where could it be?"

Jack blinked, disoriented as the world came back into focus.

He looked into the direction of Fluttershy's voice, calmly took out the Bowie knife from the canvas bag, and promptly did a 180 and took off in the opposite direction.

The underbrush was slightly thicker in this direction, but relatively manageable.

Now, if he remembered correctly, Ponyville was somewhere north of the Everfree...and he had no idea what direction that was in.

He tapped his foot thoughtfully for a moment before he remembered the bag had a compass!

Happy with his revelation, he turned around to head back.

He had the most vague sensation something was wrong as he stared into a pair of red eyes, but by that point it was far too late.

"Ouch, that was just under two minutes. Maybe if I count it in seconds it'll sound longer?"

"Wha-I died again?"

"Oh don't sound so outraged. Your noisy run through the forest caught the attention of a wandering cockatrice, and you made the unfortunate decision to stare directly into its eyes."

"A cockatrice? But-but they take a minute or two to turn you to stone, not one damn second!"

"For innately magical creatures like the ponies, yes. For a completely normal, average human like yourself with no evolutionary resistance whatsoever to hostile magical forces, not so much."

"Oh. "

...

"Well, the Everfree is a lot more dangerous than I thought."

"Oh? Monologuing to yourself now?"

"I know a blood thirsty timber wolf is in one direction, and I don't really know where the cockatrice was wandering but it found me quickly enough. At this rate, I'll probably find the manticore and hydra before I actually get to Ponyville. So, how do I avoid them?

"Sounds like quite the conundrum."

"Hmm, this would be so much simpler if you weren't limited to teleporting me to the Everfree..."

"Who's to say I can't? As long as it's in Equestria, I can send you just about anywhere."

...

"You could have just dropped me off in Ponyville this entire time."

"Yep. Aren't I the little stinker?"

"You...you son of a- wait, demon. I really shouldn't be surprised.

"No, you really shouldn't. So, do you give up yet?"

"Hell no."

"That's the spirit."

Poof.

Author's Note

And so it begins, properly of course.

Not sure how frequent I'm going to be updating this, but considering it's not the most thoughtful of works and I came up with all of this over about two days-so more like three or four hours of writing and editing, I'd say updates should be weekly to bi-weekly.

Also, I'm somewhat disturbed with Jack. I've created a character whose greatest desire in life is to brutally murder the characters I've grown to love, and the only thing stopping him from getting away with it is his own impatience, impulsiveness, stupidity and relative frailty in this world.

Haha. Don't worry, Mr Hidden. I've got you covered.

What? How did you get in-

[REDACTED]