Secrets

Secrets Part 3

Truths be told.

Written by: ~SadisticFluttershy~

I woke up the next morning to an annoying sound coming from my alarm clock. Slamming the snooze button with my palm, I groaned as I sat up in my bed yawning.

‘Today’s the day’ I said to myself. I really hope that I can do this.

With a quick stretch I got up from my bed and out into the living room. I went to go grab my pack of smokes from my purse and stepped outside and sat down on one of the chairs that sat next to the table.

I looked at the box that held the things I enjoy the most. ‘Is this even worth it anymore?’ I wasn’t sure. I’m still having a hard time figuring out why I enjoy smoking these damned things! To me, it comes from a pleasure sense. Just taking in that long satisfying drag from the cigarette and inhaling its contents deep into my lungs and then exhaling it out in front of me as it relaxes my body. Does that even make sense?

With a sigh, I took out one of the cigarettes, put it into my mouth and lit it up taking in that first drag of the day. With my first satisfied exhale later I closed my eyes. ‘How in the world am I going to break it to the others? Applejack already knows but… she said that I’m on my own with this one. To be honest, I’m still ashamed for hiding this habit from them. I did promise myself that today would be the day I come clean. I can’t hide this from them forever. It would kill me for them to find out from the grapevine and then they’d feel like I betrayed them. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself then.’

I took another drag from my cigarette. Ya know, I still kind of hate the smell from these things. Oh well, I learned to live with it. It’s pretty ironic how I say that because while I was growing up, I never liked the smell of cigarette smoke. It always bothered me. My parents always smoked outside though, and never in the house. Hence why I don’t smoke in the house either. But like I’ve said before, they don’t know I smoke. That I may never tell them until I’m older; that is if I’m still smoking by then. We’ll see.

I spent the next five minutes or so enjoying my smoke and think about what I’m going to do. Once I was done with my smoke I went inside the house to take a shower to of course take the smell off. Once I did that I went about doing my chores and making sure that the house was clean and fed Angel his breakfast.

I look at the time. It was just after eleven in the morning. This time is when I usually go to the shelter and work for a few hours and take care of the animals. I grabbed my purse and keys, got in my car and went to work.

Once I got there, I saw my boss Sunny Skies waiting for me with a smile as she normally does every time I come into work.

“Good morning Fluttershy. How you doing?” She asked.

I shrugged. “Nothing much Sunny Skies, thanks for asking.” I wasn’t really giving her eye contact when I replied to her. Normally I do with a smile but with this whole slumber party tonight is wreaking havoc on my mind.

Sunny Skies laid her hand on my shoulder. “Is there something wrong dear?” she asked with pure concern in her voice.

I knew I couldn’t keep anything from her. She’d find out eventually.

I sighed. “Yeah. There is actually.” I said as I sat down in my chair that sat behind my work desk.

Sunny Skies took a seat that sat on the side of the desk.

“Tell me what’s wrong. Maybe I could help?

‘Where do I begin?’

“Um, well.. It’s tough to say and quite frankly, I’m embarrassed about it. You see. Every year at the beginning of summer my friends and I have a slumber party at my friend Pinkie Pie’s house since she’s got the biggest house out of all of us. But it’s a secrets reveal kind of thing where we tell each other what we’ve been hiding from each other.”

Sunny Skies nodded along in understanding on what I was saying. She rolled her hand in telling me to continue talking.

“Basically, I have a secret that I don’t think I’ve told you about. I’m not proud of it at all.”

Sunny cocked her head to the side. “What’s that?”

I stared into her big blue eyes. “Sunny, I smoke.”

Sunny blinked a few times. Trying to process the simple words I said to her.

“Fluttershy… you smoke? Since when?”

I sighed, looking away from her, unable to keep looking my boss in the eyes anymore as I was too ashamed.

“Yes Sunny Skies, I smoke. Like I said, I’m not proud of it and I’m quite ashamed actually telling you this. The fact that I’m not even eighteen yet makes this just as bad.”

“I started a year ago before the midterm and final exams of my sophomore year at CHS. Basically I guess going onto two years now since I’m a senior now at CHS. I’ve tried quitting before because I only wanted it to be a temporary thing but it stuck with me.”

Sunny Skies didn’t say anything for a moment. She was clearly lost and very likely shocked to hear the news of me being a smoker.

Finally after a few moments of silence she took in a deep breath and exhaled slowly. “Well. I guess I can understand where you’re coming from Fluttershy. Infact, I fully understand because I was there too. And, I haven’t been clear with you either. I smoke too hun. Not often though, I only smoke when days at work or at home with the kids are rough.”

Now I was a bit shocked to hear that she smoked too but, she’s a grown woman.

I didn’t say anything after her response. I just sat quietly in my chair waiting for her to talk again.

“So you say that you have this slumber party that you and your friends have every year when summer vacation begins?”

I nodded

“Well, I suggest that you tell them. They will find out one way or another. It’s never good to hide anything from your friends or family, even me. I can’t do anything about your smoking habit even though you’re underage. It’s always the quiet ones huh?”

I squeaked at that as I hid behind my bangs nodding.

“That’s what I plan on doing actually… but my parents can never know. They’d be devastated.”

Sunny nodded at that. “Good on telling your friends about it but if you really want my honest opinion sweetie is that you should tell your parents. Sure they would be disappointed in you but it’s a life lesson to learn. If you want to tell them go ahead. But if you don’t, just remember this. They will find out eventually. So it’s best to come clean.”

“I’ll think about it.” I said as I nodded in understanding.

“Good. I’ll see you later Fluttershy” Sunny Skies said with a smile as she got up and left to do her work.

‘If I tell my parents about this, they’re going to kill me. Even if my mom is a hypocrite about it.’

******

A few hours later it was about to be three in the afternoon. It was time to get off work and head home to get ready for tonight with the girls.

As I was getting my stuff from my locker from the back and ready to clock off and go home, my boss Sunny Skies stopped me.

“Oh hey Sunny, what’s going on?”

“I do hope you take my advice considerably. It’s still up to you but I do suggest you tell your friends. Like I said hun, they’ll find out eventually just like anyone else would.”

“Don’t worry Sunny, I’ve been planning on telling them for a long time now. I just hope they won’t judge or be mad at me.”

Sunny Skies held my hand in her own, a sign that she had something to say when it was important.

“Oh honey, I’m sure they won’t judge you. For them being a little bit upset at you for being involved with a secret such as smoking is possible. But they won’t hate you for it. They will be shocked for sure. It was hard for me to tell my friends and even my parents. I’ve been smoking for fifteen years. It’s not worth sticking with. It’s likely too late for me but not too late for you. Please Fluttershy, try your best to quit those things… okay?”

Sunny Skies was always good with words, and hearing her words of concern and reassurance always makes me feel better. She’s the best boss a girl could ask for at any job.

I nodded as Sunny gave me a hug which I happily returned.

We broke apart and just before I left out the door I heard her say have fun with your friends tonight and that I should remember what she told me.

As I got into my car and turned the engine. I took out my pack of cigarettes from my purse. All I could do was stare at the box that I held in my hand. I probably should quit these damn things because they’re killing me from the inside. All the harm that it’s doing to me will leave its mark in the long run. Looking into my purse again I had another pack of the same kind unopened.

The other day my friend Tree Hugger came by after she went to the store to get herself some things but also got me another pack when I asked for it. She told me to slow down even though I’ve been doing good with these. Eventually I’ll be able to buy my own if I continue to smoke.

Each time I remember that tonight is the sleepover at Pinkie’s house I get more nervous. When I do reveal my secret to them, I’ll take everyone outside rather than smoke in her house. Mother and Father taught me proper manners. I just can’t get the imaginary look on each of their faces out of my head except for Applejack who knows now.

Remembering that I need to get home so that I can get ready for tonight, I put the pack back in my purse and headed home. Once I got home and got everything I needed for tonight it was about to be six in the evening when I got a phone call from Pinkie Pie.

“Hello Pinkie Pie. How you doing?”

As always I heard her happy chippy voice on the speaker.

“Great Fluttershy! Thanks for asking! You still coming to the slumber party tonight?” she asked

“Of course Pinkie, I wouldn’t miss it for anything.”

“Great! It starts in an hour! I’ll see you soon bye!” and with that, the line went dead.

Part of me was excited to go to the party tonight but another part of me was dreading that I’d have to reveal this secret to them. It hasn’t stopped bugging me since a month before the last day of school. I don’t have to tell them I smoke but since Applejack found out the other day I might as well tell the rest of the girls. I just wonder though if they know Rarity smokes too. I caught her last week in her work room. It’s not like I cared or anything it was just a shock to me.

Double checking in making sure I had everything ready for tonight, I grabbed my bag, purse, and keys and got into the car and drove over to Pinkie Pie’s for tonight. It took around fifteen minutes to get there due to her living near the downtown area of Canterlot as I live on the outer parts of the city. I killed the engine and grabbed my bag and purse as I got out. Not even at the door yet I smiled as I saw my energy crazy friend Pinkie Pie running towards me and gave me a bear hug squeezing the life out of me.

“Can’t…. Breathe…” I managed to say with very little oxygen in my body.

Pinkie Pie let go of me. “Heh, sorry Flutters. You know I just love giving my bestest friends hugs! It makes me happy!”

“I know Pinkie. It’s okay”

With a giggle, Pinkie took my hand and led me inside the house. I took off my shoes and put my stuff down next to the door so that I’d remember where my stuff was. I walked into the living room to find all my other friends there on the couch watching TV.

I shifted uneasily as I stood. “Oh um.. Sorry that I kept you all waiting.”

Rainbow Dash got up and threw her arm around my shoulder.

“Mah, it’s cool! You made it. That’s what counts!”

Everyone else agreed to that.

Rainbow Dash led me to the couch to sit with everyone else. I saw Applejack who was actually sitting in a recliner chair on the right side of the couch. She looked at me a few times before asking me to come see her in the kitchen, privately.

“So.. Fluttershy. Are you ready to tell them tonight? Ya’ can either go first or go last. It don’t matter to me. But remember what ah’ told you. Even though you feel ashamed, there’s nothing to be ashamed about. Everyone has their habits just like I have mine. Infact, my secret is that I’ve been eating more oranges than Apples.”

I giggled. “Oranges are pretty good though and healthy.”

Applejack shrugged. “Same as apples. But oranges are darn good too. But that’s not the real secret. Ah’ll tell ya’ll when it’s time.”

I nodded.

Applejack asked me if I had my packs of cigarettes with me. I nodded yes and she said that when it does come time to tell them that we all go outside. I told her I planned on that anyway cause I have manners.

About ten minutes past and Rarity came into the kitchen fetching a bottle of water from the refrigerator.

‘I wonder if she’s smoked at all today. She doesn’t look like she needs one at all either since she’s here with us.’

She came up to us and asked what we were doing. We both said just talking as all, talking about summer plans which was a lie but it wasn’t time to do our annual secret reveals. I do wonder though if she will tell about her smoking habit too, that is, if anyone else knows.

“I’m gonna head outside for some fresh air. Fluttershy dear, you want to come join me?”

‘I knew what she was going to do’

“Oh um… sure.”

Applejack shrugged and walked back into the living room. Rarity and I took a seat on the chairs that sat outside. I saw Rarity fish out her cigarettes. ‘Oh boy. I hope no one comes out here for the next ten or so minutes.’ I thought as I watched her take one out and light up.

“So.. Fluttershy dear, has your friend talked about his smoking thing that you talked to me about to his friends?” She said as she took another deep drag.

“Um no… he hasn’t. I told him what you told me but he’s still scared too.”

“I also see that you’re not using that black holder thing that you used the other day.”

Rarity shrugged. “I forgot it at home which is okay by me. It’s all the same either way darling.”

‘Watching Rarity smoke was just pure elegance. Watching her take those long five second drags from her cigarette was mind blowing to me. I could never do that. To me it’s too much’

Earlier I noticed that she’s smoking those Marlboro Lights. I’ve tried those before, too strong for me. I’m rambling again in my head.

“So Rarity… have you ever thought about quitting?” I asked her.

“Many times darling. After tonight I’m definitely going to cut down more and more.”

“I’ve been meaning to ask you Rarity. Does any of our other friends know you smoke?”

Rarity sighed. “I’m sorry they don’t other than you. I didn’t want to be caught but everyone get’s caught one way or another darling. It’s just how it is I guess. Don’t worry though I plan on telling them.”

I nodded. “That’s good.”

The next few minutes past in silence. I was simply watching my friend smoke, not bothered by it one bit. Rarity seemed to enjoy smoking but if she says that she wants to quit then I will support her. It was so hard not grabbing one of my smokes and just get it over with cause the temptation was up there.

It’ll be a few hours before our secrets reveal part of the slumber party.

I saw Rarity take one final drag from her cigarette before sticking it into the water bottle that was now almost empty. She put in some mint gum she had in her pocket into her mouth to freshen her breath and she doused herself in perfume to just get rid of the cigarette smell. I thought that was funny, she had to do the same for me though since I sat right next to her.

The perfume smelled good though. Rarity always had good tastes in womens perfume.

We headed back into the house and Rarity disposed the bottle into the trashcan hiding the evidence. Walking into the living room rejoining the others they were playing one of Pinkie’s board games.

Pinkie Pie noticed us walking in and waved at us to sit down. Looking closer they were playing candyland. Just as Pinkie moved her piece on the board, she told us that she was excited for all the secrets that we were going to tell each other. I on the other hand wasn’t excited, actually afraid. I looked over to see Rarity with a nervous look on her face.

“Yeah. I can’t wait.” I said just to acknowledge Pinkie that I was listening.

“Yeah me neither. Ah’ wonder what each of ya’ll are gonna tell us.” Applejack joined in.

Pinkie had a huge grin on her face. “Well, to be honest I don’t really have anything to say but I might have one thing to say! Oh! I’ll figure it out. I might just have something.”

I hope neither my or Rarity’s secret could be figured out by our friend. She said it was “just a hunch” when she said that Princess Twilight was from an alternate dimension of talking ponies. We thought she was crazy at first when Rainbow said “I doubt that” but Twilight actually said it was true and I lost my mind.

Rainbow looked nervous too. I wonder what she has hiding up her sleeve.

“Guys, can we just keep playing the game?” She asked

With that I watched them play the game for the next hour or so which of course Pinkie won all of them. It’s her game after all.

Several more hours flew by as we watched a movie, had pizza, gossiped and do what we girls do at a slumber party. When I looked at the clock… my heart stopped. It was time.

“Well, ah’ think it’s time girls.” Applejack announced.

I began to panic, but a silent panic where no one could tell except Applejack. She gave me a small smile in knowing that I can do this. All this nervousness is making me want a smoke.. Is that bad?

We walk into the living room and sat down in the center of the room in a circle formation. We decided to go counter-clockwise as I sat next to Rainbow Dash.

“Alright Rainbow, you first!” Pinkie Pie said.

That look in Rainbow’s eyes was one of fear. She definitely had something going on. I wanted to know so bad. If it’s that bad… why didn’t she tell me?

“Well….” She rubbed the back of her neck. “I may or may not have been accepted into that college I kept telling you guys about. I was turned down because of my grades not being good.”

The girls sighed. I grabbed a hold of my friends hand and squeezed it lightly. That seemed to calm her down a bit.

“Wow. I’m so sorry to hear that Dashie. But it’s nothing to be ashamed of.” I said to her.

She turned and smiled in appreciation. “Thanks Flutters, you’re the best.” She sighed again. “But I don’t know what to do now. I guess I’ll have to keep trying.”

“That’s the spirit!” Pinkie Pie chirped happily.

“Applejack, you’re next.” Rainbow Dash said.

“Alright ya’ll. Ah’m just gonna be straight to the point. Ah’m unable to have kids. Ah’ was tested when I got my yearly flu shots and all that stuff.”

I held my hand to my mouth. “Unable to have kids? That’s horrible!”

She nodded sadly. “Unfortunately so Flutters. And that Ah’ like oranges over apples now. Don’t tell Applebloom ah’ said that.”

“I’m sorry to hear that darling… really I am. And don’t worry, I won’t say a word” Rarity said.

“Alright Pinkie, you’re up” Applejack said, passing along the circle.

“I sleep naked at night!” Pinkie burst out.

No one spoke for a second.

“Um… moving on.” Rainbow Dash said.

Oh no… it was Rarity’s turn! I seriously hope she goes through with this. I know for a fact that she doesn’t want to go through with it. I don’t, but I told myself I was going to tell them. Applejack made me promise.

Rarity got up from her spot. “Everyone. Please follow me outside to the backyard. I know you girls aren’t going to like it but, you girls have to know.”

Confused, everyone got up and followed Rarity into the backyard where she sat down on the chair that she sat on earlier in the day. She had a few words to say before she would finally do it.

“Darlings, this isn’t going to be easy. Infact, this is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life.”

Applejack raised an eyebrow “What’s going on Rares? Why are we outside and why do you say hardest thing you’ve ever done?”

“Yeah Rarity, what gives?” Rainbow Dash asked.

Rarity took a deep breath and exhaled slowly as she took out her pack of cigarettes from her back pocket. She held it infront of her as she took out one of them holding it in her hand.

Everyone gasped except me.

The look on Applejack's, Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie’s face was disbelief.

“You mean to tell us Rare’s that you smoke?” Applejack asked.

“Okay, I never thought in a million years that you would say something like that Rarity. I mean maybe I should’ve seen it coming because of your dress making thingy but are you nuts?!” Rainbow Dash said.

Rarity put the cigarette in her mouth and lit up, taking in that first drag of relief blowing out in the opposite direction of them.

“Unfortunately so darling. I am nuts as you said. But, I promise that I will try to quit smoking. Not guaranteed to happen overnight but I will try.”

Applejack held her temples with her thumb and index finger. She had nothing else to say.

“Rarity, you know smoking is dangerous. Smoking is what killed my father Rarity! He got lung cancer when I was four years old and passed away when I was seven. I hate those damned things!” Rainbow said in frustration and even a few tears came down her face.

“Yeah Rarity smoking is bad!” Pinkie Pie said.

“Girls, I know it’s bad. I do it because it helps me relax. Sure I still don’t like the smell that much but I got used to it.”

Nothing else was said when she said that.

A few moments later, Rarity looked towards me. It was time. I nodded at her as I went back inside towards the front door to grab my own pack of smokes that I put into my back pocket. I sighed as I walked back outside where the girls were. Rarity was still smoking her cigarette as the other girls kept their distance away from her. I sat down in the chair next to her.

“Fluttershy, you’re seriously okay with this? You’re sitting next to her while she’s smoking. Doesn’t it bother you?” Rainbow Dash asked me.

I shrugged. “No… not really. It’s her decision. If she wants to smoke she can smoke. Not that I don’t agree with it, it’s just her choice.”

“But.. but..” Rainbow Dash started to protest what I just told her.

I held my hand up at her. “And you know what else Rainbow?”

“What?” She asked.

I took out my pack of smokes from my back pocket, holding it in front of me.

Rarity and Dash looked at me in shock. I opened the box, took out a cigarette and lit up taking in that relieving drag myself that Rarity took earlier. I blew out the smoke to the right of me as Rainbow Dash just stared at me. The look in her eyes were sad, disbelief and maybe a hint of anger.

“Fluttershy darling, but since when did you smoke? I’m absolutely shocked.” Rarity asked.

“I started almost two years ago. It was our sophomore year. Rarity you should remember AP Physics and Chemistry. Those were the hardest classes we ever took together.”

She nodded. “Oh yeah I do remember.”

“Yeah, the classes stressed me out to the point that I snuck one of my mom's cigarettes one night while she slept and I was hooked ever since. They really have helped me.”

Rarity pointed out that I smoke the long ones. I said it’s because they last longer. And the fact that Tree Hugger can’t get them all the time for me cause I don’t always have the money to give her. They cost almost five bucks a pack here.

Both me and Rarity took a drag from our cigarettes at the same time while thinking of what else to say. Watching Rainbow stare at us was breaking my heart. I know that I broke hers and I feel very bad. I actually wanted to cry.

Rainbow had the courage to walk up and sit down next to me even though I was still smoking. I knew she didn’t like the smell coming off of it because of how strong it was, she was being a champ.

Rainbow took my hand and looked at me in the eyes. Staring into her big beautiful magenta eyes was breaking me. They looked sad, hurt and betrayed.

“Why didn’t you tell me Fluttershy? Why didn’t you tell me you smoked?”

I could feel my eyes beginning to water when she asked me that question.

“Because… I didn’t want you to be disappointed in me for doing something this dangerous.” I said to her.

“But I am disappointed in you. And that’s because you didn’t tell me sooner shy. But I’m even more upset because of the fact that you smoke cigarettes.” Rainbow said.

I nodded in response. I honestly didn’t want to keep smoking after hearing what my childhood friend said to me.

“Shy, even though that smoking is your decision to make. I do want to ask you this favor. We’ve been friends for years and have always been there for eachother. I do feel like I’ve failed as a friend to prevent you to start smoking but I didn’t know at the time. But please shy, quit doing this. It breaks my heart that you’re doing this to yourself just because you think you need to even though you don’t need that cigarette to relieve your stress.”

I was crying at this point. “Dashie…. It’s not your fault that I started smoking. That was entirely my fault. I…. *sniff* I’ll try to quit these things for good. And you’re right. I don’t need to smoke to feel relief. I have you and the rest of our friends to help me get through difficult times.”

I turned to Rarity who’m already finished her smoke before me looked at me with sad eyes. “Rarity, can you do the same? You know.. Quit smoking?”

She came and hugged me. “Of course darling. I’ll try my best. For me… and for the rest of our friends.”

Pinkie Pie and Applejack came to as well and joined in on the hug as I cried. “I’m so happy that I have you girls to help me.”

“Of course sugarcube. Ah’ll always be here fer you.”

“Me too!” Pinkie Pie joined in.

“Goes for me as well Shy!” Rainbow said

“We love you Fluttershy darling. We’ll kick this habit together.” Rarity said confidently.

A couple more minutes went by in silence as we kept the group hug. Finally, we broke the hug. Rarity and I decided to give up smoking for good. We both handed whatever packs we had left and gave them to Applejack who properly disposed of them.

I looked at Rarity with determination.
“It’s not going to be easy… but as long as we have each other. We can do anything.”

She returned the smile. “Of course darling. That’s what friends are for afterall.”

“Of course with the help of our friends, we can continue on with our lives without smoking. Right girls?”

“Right!” Pinkie, Dash and Applejack said in unison.

And with that, we went back inside the house to finish out our slumber party and passed out for the night.