A Tricky Way to Earn Money

by LukeTheMercenary

Rating: teen
Tags: Human, Comedy, Adventure, Random
Length: 4333

A thief that makes a living by stealing from crooked buisness owners gets a surprise, an adventure follows.

Meet James, a common thief who barely makes a living by stealing from gas stations and grocery stores. He only does this because everyone else in the neighborhood he lives in are complete jerks. One day, he gets a package from an unknown individual. He opens it, and cannot believe what it is. All there is to say, is that a great and powerful friendship ensues.

[ALERT]: Story has unfortunately been cancelled on 6/26/2016

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2016-06-17 03:56:22 UTC

My "Job"

At a fast food restaurant...

"For god's sake, James! Why do you keep giving them their change?!" asked my boss.

"Well, aren't you supposed to give the correct amount of change if someone pays too much?" I asked in response.

"Shhhh! Don't say that out loud! Our unofficial "No Change" policy is what keeps this place running and you people paid!"

"To be honest, you hardly pay us at all."

"Watch that tongue of yours, James. I don't want to have to dock your pay again."

"You give me nothing more than minimum wage! I gotta have a roof over my head! Have some ding-dong-damn consideration for the people who keep your pockets heavy!"

"To be honest, I could care less about where and how you live! Speaking of which, your new home will be the pavement! You're fired!"

"Fine! Good riddance you cheapskate!"

I stormed out of the restaurant, holding in every urge I had to storm back in and knock my old boss onto his good for nothing butt. I ended up stomping back to my small house at the near edge of my neighborhood. It was nighttime at that moment, and I was pretty tired. It was that moment why I realized that I greatly disliked other people. You see, in my neighborhood, almost everybody there was a complete jerk. If you wanted to make friends, it would only be fitting to play the theme song of "Mission Impossible", because today's generation of friend making is about the clothes you wear and the phone you have. Even if you are good with both of those things, it would not matter. The reason why I mention this is because that lead me to the real way I make a...somewhat living.

Ever since I was a kid, I thought that if I wanted something, I could just take it. I suppose what I did as a child was not so bad. Sometimes I would steal a sandwich or a packet of fruit snacks from my classmates. When I got into middle school, I went to the next level by pickpocketing the people I disliked. I would take as many coins or bills as my pockets could carry, but never phones or wallets. High school was when I really got into it. I started taking wallets from my enemies, taking their coins and bills, and sliding the wallet back in. I even got away with taking jewelry from jerks when they did not notice. When I got the jewelry, I wondered how I could make a profit from it. That's when I met Ivan. Ivan was a senior in high school who worked with his father at a pawn shop. I remember him catching me take some slutty girl's silver ring, and he offered to buy it from me. So, we made a bit of business: I take jewels, he buys it and I make profit.

However, once I got out of high school, I could not afford college. I had to make money fast. I only had my small house and $800 to pay rent and bills for maybe two or three months. I was getting desperate, I knew that I had to make some cash somehow. So, one night, I committed my first actual crime. I remember my heart rate that night. It was pounding so hard, my chest was hurting. I approached the local liquor store that had only 2 cameras. I pulled a large sock with holes for eyes over my head and prepared myself for the break in. I first went out of sight of the camera, and then smacked it with a hammer. It broke with a loud crunching noise. I then turned my attention to the front area, wondering how I was going to get in. I used the back of the hammer like a crowbar and pried the door open. I slowly creaked the door open wider and carefully entered. I clicked on my flashlight and scanned the store. The interior camera was pointed straight down, so I did not have to worry about that.

I turned my light off to hide myself and I went behind the counter. The cash register was right there, as if it were calling for me to take its contents. I tried to open it, but it refused to budge. I brought out my trusty hammer and used the claw to pry open the register's drawer. I heard it snap, so I set the hammer down and pulled open the register's drawer. I gasped to myself. There were bills from 1 to 50. Not to mention the amount of coins there were. I hastily stuffed the money and coins inside a plastic bag and hid it in my pocket. I closed the door behind me and ran off. When I got home, I felt a thrill run through my body. I poured the contents of the bag onto my bed and counted it. I had stolen a total of $3,023.62 from that store.

The next day, I did feel a little bit guilty about my robbery, but I was just happy that I could pay my rent for a long period of time. It was at that point where I turned over to a life of crime. There were times where I tried to get a normal job, but they were all the same: greedy and rude, just like everyone else in town. Trying to live off of stolen goods is not easy, but at least there was a roof over my head and food on the table.

When I'm not stealing from those crooked jackasses, my life is pretty boring. I don't have any friends to talk to, and my family is far away from where I live. I was not too bothered by this, as I was used to being alone at home. Thief life may seem like an easy life, but really, it's not. Your heart races, blood pumps in your ears, and you could be caught at any time. Not to mention that it can get harder every time if you do it too much. I barely made enough money for the essential things in life.

Anyways, nighttime approached, and all I was looking forward to was my lumpy pull-out couch. I entered my house, locked the door, collapsed on the couch and turned on the TV. I settled on some news channel talking about an increase of taxes. "Damn it," I said with a groan.

I started to fall asleep until I got a knock on my door. I got up and asked who it was. When nobody responded, I pulled out my pocket knife and carefully opened the door. When I did, all I saw was a four foot tall cardboard box with an envelope on it. I hesitated for a moment, until I tried to pull it through the door. It was HEAVY. I got outside to go behind the box and pushed it inside. After observing the box, I saw that it had no stamps, no return address, and no logos. The only thing that stuck out was an envelope. I opened it and found a letter. I pulled out the letter and started to read it. "For James. From, D-s-ord" The letter read, the name of the sender partially smudged.

"Should I open it?" I asked in my mind, groggily.

I decided to open it. I picked up my pocket knife and cut the tape. I put the knife back on the shelf and slowly pulled up the flaps. I was not prepared for what I saw.

An Unusual Visitor

"Who are you and where is Trixie?!" a female voice yelled from inside the box.

The sudden noise made me jump backwards and I fell onto my hardwood floor. The box started to shake while the voice repeated, "Where is Trixie?!". I was unsure what to say, as I was disturbed with the fact that there was someone inside a box in my house. After a few seconds, I got up and, without looking into the box, I responded.

"Who's Trixie?" I asked

"You are speaking to her!" she said in third person.

"Who sent you here?"

"Who are you?"

"Answer my question first."

"Trixie will answer you if you help her out from this box."

"Alright..."

I mustered enough courage to look into the box. When I looked inside, I was not sure if I was dreaming or hallucinating. I gasped out loud at the sight. She looked like something I would find in a children's cartoon! What I saw was what looked like a blue pony with a magician's hat and cape, silver mane with a bluish tint, and blue eyes. I must've been standing there staring at her for two minutes until I held my arms out to help her up. I grabbed her from under her front legs and pulled her up. She was actually a little bit heavy. When I set her down, she took off her hat and tried to fix the wrinkles on it. I looked at her head and noticed...a horn? She was a unicorn! I used to think unicorns were only in fairy tales. However, I decided not to question this, considering the fact that I have an animated talking pony inside my house.

"Trixie thanks you for your assistance," she said.

"Uhh, you're welcome?" I said, awkwardly.

"Now, before you ask again, Trixie does not know who sent her here and how."

"Huh? O-oh, right. Well then, how did you get in the box?"

"How should Trixie know?"

"Well, I mean, if you got put into a box, you should know who did, right?"

"All Trixie knows is one moment she is sitting on a bench, it suddenly becomes dark, and now she is here."

"Hmm...strange..."

I thought about this for a moment. I was mainly just trying to comprehend this whole situation. You know when you pour a carbonated beverage into a cup fast, but the bubbles overflow from the cup? Well, that was how my mind was feeling. I put this whole thing in order: A box arrives, an animated pony is inside, and she does not know how she got here. Putting the situation in order did not help at all, it only made me think even harder. I decided to try to get some answers, then try to be casual with her, and hopefully, this will be alright in the end.

"So, where did you come from?" I asked.

"From Equestria, where else?" she responded, quite rudely I might add.

"Uhh...what's Equestria?"

"What?! What do you mean by that question?"

"It's just a question. Nothing more, nothing less."

"Equestria is the country Trixie comes from."

"Ok, and what's with the horn?"

"Trixie is a unicorn, obviously."

"I know that, what I mean is, does it mean anything?"

"Well, if you must know, it means I can use my magic."

"Magic? There's no such thing. Magic does not exist. Demonstrate."

She smirks at me and looks around the room. She spots a pencil and her horn starts to glow. The pencil starts to glow as well and then, without warning, the pencil starts to levitate. I watched the pencil float around the room for a bit until it was placed into my shirt pocket. I had my mouth agape, obviously amazed.

"Woah, that was...incredible." I said.

"Thank you, thank you." Trixie said, bowing her head down.

"I am impressed."

"Of course you are, unlike some...others"

"What do you mean?"

She hesitated, before explaining this interesting story. Apparently, back in her world, she liked to host magic shows for other ponies to watch. One day, another pony caught her little lie about defeating a giant monster and Trixie became a laughing stock. Even though I could clearly tell that Trixie was the bad guy in that situation, I still felt pretty bad for her. She claimed that magic was her destiny, which was what her cutie mark (a little picture on a pony's flank that shows their purpose in life) showed. I knew how it felt to not have your dreams fulfilled, and I feel bad for those who suffered the same things I did.

"That actually makes me kind of upset," I said.

"What? What do you mean by that? Are you trying to be sarcastic with Trixie?" she said, defensively.

"No, I mean it. I can relate to your little story, and it makes me feel bad for you."

When I said that, Trixie's eyes widened. She seemed surprised that I said something like that. I was never good at relating to people, but I seemed to relate to her well. So after that conversation, I realized something: she does not know where she is. What should I do next? She has nowhere to go. I then got an idea.

"Do you know how you can go back to Equestria?" I asked.

"Unfortunately, no. Judging from this land that is unknown to Trixie, she is sure that she is nowhere near her home," she said in response.

"Well, how about this: you can spend the night here, and tomorrow I can see what I can do about your little...situation."

"Well, seeing that there is no other option, Trixie will accept your offer."

After that conversation, I tried to look for something for her to sleep on. I searched my house for suitable sleeping supplies. I found my incredibly soft sleeping bag and headed back into the living room. When I arrived, I saw Trixie sleeping on my pull-out couch, with the blanket on her. She was fast asleep, and she was snoring a little. I was about to move her, until I realized how soundly she was sleeping.

"Oh, what the hell." I said, crawling into the sleeping bag and laying on the floor.

The Search for Answers and Money

The next day when I woke up, it was very cold in the room. I was shivering there on the floor. Which was odd for two reasons: one, I was in a sleeping bag with a flannel interior. Second, it was the middle of summer. I decided not to think too much about this, as I do with just about everything else that confuses me. Anyways, I got up from the floor and saw that Trixie was still sleeping.

"I should start researching, but, I'm kinda hungry. Maybe I should eat something first." I said, sleepily.

I got up from the floor and stumbled my way into my messy, unorganized kitchen. I searched my refrigerator for something I wanted. I remembered the recipe for pancakes that my mother made, so I looked around for the ingredients. When I found them, I started up the stove and put the frying pan down onto the flame. I poured the ingredients into a mixing bowl and stirred with a spoon. (A spoon got better results with this recipe) When I finished, I put some in a measuring cup and poured it into the pan. When it went in, it made a satisfying sizzling noise as it bubbled slightly. The warmth of the stove and the steam felt nice against my stone cold arms. After about a minute, I flipped the pancake over, and a sweet smell came up from the pan. After the other side was finished, I got started on making another pancake. I heard what sounded like a clopping noise from outside the kitchen. Trixie was standing in the doorway, looking at me.

"Hey, sleepyhead. Did you enjoy my spot on the couch?" I asked.

"Yes, it was quite comfortable for a couch...bed...thing." she responded.

"Yeah, yeah. By the way, the name is James. I forgot to tell you."

" Ok...what are you doing?"

"Just makin' some pancakes. Want some?"

"Trixie doesn't see why not."

"Alright."

After I finished making the first three pancakes, I stacked them, poured syrup on top, and handed them to Trixie. She grabbed them with her magic, (I may never get used to that) and carried them into the living room. I continued making three more pancakes and took them into the living room to eat them. Trixie was already halfway done with her pancakes. I sat down onto the couch, next to her and started to eat my breakfast.

"I see that you are enjoying the pancakes," I said, pouring extra syrup onto my breakfast.

"Trixie will admit, they are quite tasty," Trixie responded, spearing another piece of pancake with her fork.

"Maybe now is a good time for me to explain where you are. You see, you are in the U.S.A., and you are in the town appropriately nicknamed "Greedville". Almost everyone here in this place is a complete jerk. Remember your story about you being called ou-, I mean, humiliated for following your dreams? Well, that happens to me every day, except I have not even found my own destiny! I have been looking for a decent job for years."

"Wait, so how do you make money then?"

Uh oh, I should not have said that last part. What the hell should I tell her? That I am a thief and I make money from others? I needed to think of something fast.

"Well, I will just say I have a job now, and I am my own boss," I said,

"Seems reasonable," Trixie said, without another word.

After I finished my breakfast, I got up and went to my laptop and looked for possible answers to why Trixie was on Earth. I typed in some key words from what she told me to see if I could get anything. I got zero information about Equestria or her pony type. So that was disappointing. Anyways, Trixie was exploring the interior of my little house, so I decided to start researching for the next place to rob. I found a pretty interesting grocery store that had a total of twelve cash registers. It was just a few miles away, and it was near a quiet neighborhood. I grinned at the thought of all of that money. Anyways, I started to hear Trixie's hoof steps so I closed the laptop and acted normal.

"Your home is very messy," Trixie stated.

"Gee, thanks," I said.

"What is that device?"

"It is called a laptop. It can do cool things like viewing recorded moments from around the planet. For example, look at this."

I showed her a video about a guy pretending to be a grandpa getting angry on valentines day. It was only about a minute and a half long, but it was still hilarious. When the video was over, I was trying to hold in my laughter.

"So...what do you think?" I asked.

"Well, the 'video' was not all that funny, but the technology here is far more advanced than the technology in Equestria," Trixie responded.

"Well, that's interesting to know."

"So, now what?"

"Well, I gotta go to work tonight, so I'm gonna leave you here when I go."

"Why can't The Great and Powerful Trixie come along?"

"Because my job can be...difficult if I do not concentrate."

"You really work hard, don't you?"

"You could say that..."

So after that, I turned on the TV and watched the news. I saw a few interesting stories, but one story made me pay attention: the world's largest natural golden nugget was found. I smiled at the thought of having that nugget. I could improve my entire LIFE with the money I could make from it. Anyways, I flipped through channels until I got to a magician in a mask doing magic tricks. This got Trixie's attention, so I let her watch it. While she was preoccupied on that, I pulled out my laptop yet again to learn more about the grocery store. It had relatively low security for a store, and it was the number one source for food for the neighborhood. I got to look at many pictures of the inside and outside of the store. The lit entrance in the front and the dark entrance in the back were the only ways to go in. There were many cameras, so once I got in, I would have to be very quick. It was a big risk compared to my other robberies, but the reward would be great.

Trixie seemed to really enjoy the show, so I went into the kitchen to draw a plan for what I will do. I decided that it would be better to take the front door, considering the doors there were weaker than the one in the back. I would have to pry them open to get inside. Once in, head straight for the cash registers. There are change machines that automatically give change to people during business hours, so there's a possibility for some extra money. I would need a duffel bag for this, since there is a possibility of a huge reward after this. Finally, it was decided that nighttime was the only option for this to work. I gathered mu disguise for the robbery: black shoes, black sweater, black gloves, and a black ski mask.

After a lunch of grilled cheese sandwiches, followed by a 3 hour movie and then dinner, nighttime arrived. It was time. I got my outfit on and prepared to leave, but before I could leave, Trixie stopped me before I left out the door.

"Where are you going?" Trixie asked.

"Just going to work," I replied, casually.

"In that outfit?"

"Well, yeah..."

"Is that like your uniform?"

"Sorta..."

I left out the door and headed for the store, hiding in the shadows. I was in for one hell of a night.

Cleanup at...all Registers!

After an hour of sneaking, I reached the store. It was quiet that night. Cars would pass by frequently, so I had to be careful. The lights were on inside the building , like they normally do. (Wasteful jerks.) I pulled out my trusty hammer and tried to pry open the doors. They did not even budge.  After 10 minutes of trying to open the doors, I noticed a sticker on the window that had a security company's logo on it. "Damn." I said to myself. I did not know what to do. I already got this far, I was not going to bust open the windows and sound the alarm, and I was not willing to go back home empty handed.

"So, this is your job?" a voice from behind me said.

"Trixie?! What the hell are you doing here? You have to go back before someone sees you!" I shouted, not realizing how loud I was being.

"So you make money like this? By stealing from these 'jerks' you talk about?"

"Trixie...I can expl-"

"Trixie wants in."

"What?"

"Trixie says she wants to help you. After hearing what you told her, she wants to help you get revenge on those who crush your feelings."

"..."

"Let Trixie help."

"Well, I can't even go through the front doors without setting off the alarm. Unless I unlock it, but I have no lock pick, or a key."

"Please, let Trixie work her magic. Step aside, James."

I step to the side and watch her. She spots the lock and her horn starts to glow. The lock began to glow as well. I heard a few clicking noises, until her horn and the lock stops glowing and she turns to face me. "Done," she said. I stepped towards the double doors and they automatically open up like they would during business hours. Once again, Trixie stunned me with her abilities.

"What do you think?" Trixie asks me.

"..." was my response.

"James?"

"Welcome to the 'night shift', Trix," I joked.

She, for the first time, smiled from joy and followed me inside towards the registers. I was getting ready to pry them open, until I realized something: the cameras! I started to speed up, until I looked at the televisions from the ceiling that displayed the video feed. All they said was the words, "SIGNAL LOST,". I was about to question that, but I decided not to and started to calm down again. Since we were in a store, I decided to do some "shopping". I went through the aisles and picked up things that I normally do: bread, cheese, canned goods, baked goods in packages, etc.. After placing that in my duffel bag, I went back to the registers, to spot Trixie trying to work her magic on the change machines. The glass was glowing, as well as her horn. I was about to ask what she was doing, until the glass broke into dust. I ran towards her, and handed her the duffel bag. She used her magic to levitate large amounts of the change into the bag, while I threw in as much loose change and bills as I could grab. After that, we continued to the next, and did the same thing. This process continued for all 12 registers, and I will admit, the bag was getting pretty damn heavy. Especially with all of that metal. We checked to make sure that every register was clear of any and all money, and without thinking, we ran out of the store and into the shadows. I had to stop running from time to time because it weighed at least one hundred  pounds. When we returned back home, I set the bag on my couch and collapsed onto the floor out of sheer exhaustion. It was done.

"Hah...hah...we did it. Thanks for your help." I said, panting on the floor.

"Trixie thanks you too for letting her come along." Trixie said.

"I...never did...a robbery...like that...before."

"Shall we count our stolen prize and see how much it is worth?"

"Sure...in...the...morning...zzzzzzz."

That was the last thing I remember saying before I fell asleep. But, it safe to say that that night was the first time we committed theft together.