Chaos Talk

by The Bricklayer

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Other, Random, Discord, Slice of Life, Crossover, Berry Punch
Length: 2308

So, gods of Chaos and tricksters galore all gathered in one bar? How many possible ways can this go wrong? Well... a lot really.

So, Discord's gotten the grandest idea. He's gathered all manner of chaos entities in one bar in some far off realm to discuss their problems with heroes. This can only end one way: badly, as said chaos entities are the Trickster from Supernatural, the Enterprise's very own Q, Loki from the MCU, and of course Discord himself. I myself pity those unlucky bartenders, Cthulhu and Berry Punch, who have to put up with all of this...

Inspired by the Batman the Animated Series episode "Almost got 'im."

Contains spoilers from "Changing Channels" of Supernatural, Thor the Dark World and Star Trek Deep Space Nine's "Q-Less".

I own none of the franchises featured here and make no money off of them. They belong to their respective owners.

Now given a reading by Wolf Newman:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mgIW7Dq4fpM&feature=youtu.be

Published 2016-06-23 03:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-06-23 03:20:01 UTC

Discord's really Horrible (With a capital "H") idea...

Somewhere in time and space, there sat a bar. Now this bar, it wasn't a normal one. It was only accessible by certain types of entities. These entities were the kind skilled in the works of chaos, like Anansi from Africa and Inari from Japan. Tonight, it was to be filled with a group of some of the most powerful of these members of this select group, plus one mortal which was a rare treat indeed.

With a pop, the first arrived. He was some creature who resembled a draconic chimera, with body parts that were no two alike. This was Discord, Equestrian King of Chaos. (He was soon to be prince to something else, but we'll get to that later.) He had a purpose, and that was to see if anyone else in his pantheon had it as bad as he did.

With a similar white flash, another appeared at the table. He looked human, with black hair and a mostly red jumpsuit but the aura of power said otherwise. This was the being known only as "Q".

A third soon appeared, wearing green robes and a golden horned helmet with long black hair underneath that. This was Loki, brother to Thor and currently King of Asgard.

Behind the bar's countertop, the mortal appeared, a purple colored mare named Berry Punch of Equestria and was soon stunned to see another creature appear. He could only be described as a monster, what with his bat wings and squid like face. Anyone who read H.P Lovecraft would know his call.

The fifth and final member appeared even as Berry began serving drinks of varying description. The fifth again looked human and had brown hair and a nice suit, but if you looked closely you could make out a pair of black feathery wings on his back that seemed to vanish very quickly, as if it's owner didn't want them to be seen.

"Okay, what is this?" The fifth Chaos God asked, and everyone looked at him in confusion.

"What, the reason we're all here?" Q asked sarcastically. "Because I received a letter in advance, I think we all did."

"No, I meant the drinks stupid." The Trickster retorted, gesturing to a tall glass of something green that was at the table, and that smelled of alcohol. Q took a long inquiring look at it and studied it for a few moments before he shrugged. Some things were beyond even him, hard as it was to believe.

"I... I don't know. It... It is green." Q said and everyone stared.

"What?" Q asked. "I don't know everything hard it as it is to believe."

"But I thought YOU did know everything." Loki put in a sarcastic mocking tone. Q snapped his fingers and the sound of a raspberry being blown was heard. Everyone just groaned and facepalmed or facehoofed in Discord's case.

"Oh, real mature." The Trickster mocked.

"Who says I'm mature?" Q retorted. "Besides, you are one to talk, with you and your sweet tooth that could match a certain pink pony Discord over there knows."

Discord sighed and rubbed his temples.

"...Can we just begin with this? I need to know if anyone has it worse off then I do." He muttered, and Q was the first to speak up with his tale of woe, if not reluctantly.

"Ugh, fine. So, there I was on this old hunk of junk of a space station that was going haywire, about to fall into a wormhole and be ripped to shreds and the damn captain, don't care enough to remember his name had the nerve to blame ME for all of it!" Q ranted as he threw his hands up in the air in frustration before taking a swig of the "Green" drink. Everybody else there nodded in sympathy.

...Well I should say almost everybody actually as Loki just burst out laughing. One by one, everybody's heads turned to stare at him from across the table.

"Well, to be fair you DO have a track record." Loki mused, and now everyone was nodding at his well reasoned point. Q now looked extremely offended.

"Oh, so now you're taking HIS side!?!" He exclaimed in fury, before whirling around to face Discord. He was shocked to see he too was laughing.

"Oh come on!" Q roared before with a snapping of his fingers he turned Discord into a cockroach, which was exactly what he thought of him of that moment. Discord was soon back in his original form however and chuckling at Q's rage and offence.

"Please do stop with that "Oh come on!" It makes you sound like a whiny child... Or Rainbow Dash now that I think of it. Actually, on second thought go on with your whinging. It's hilarious." Discord commented offhandidly as he waved a paw in dismissal, looking extremely unashamed of himself as Q's face went Big Mac levels of red and he looked as if he would explode like a volcano on the spot right then and there. Which him being a chaos entity was entirely possible if one thought about it.

In the background, Cthulhu used one of his tentacles to give the equivalent of a facepalm while Berry just sighed and took another drink as she watched the whole thing like a tennis match with a amused expression on her face.

"Please tell me you got SOME satisfaction out of the whole Godforsaken thing." The Trickster inquired as he leaned back in his chair and put his hands behind his back. Q now had a smile come to his face, the kind that would make any sane being run and hide if they saw it.

"Well... I did get the before mentioned captain to punch me to the floor in a boxing match." Q mused, and everyone was gaping at him.

"How is THAT good for you?" Loki gaped, and Q grinned at him, now having a chance to get some well deserved comeuppance for Loki's earlier remark.

"Because Picard never punched me, he wasn't quite so easy to provoke." Q said in a triumphant tone of voice thinking he'd defeated Loki in the argument. He'd forgotten about Loki's relationship with his brother Thor however.

"You want to talk about easy to be provoked, you should see my brother. He just charges into battle with that hammer and his ever flowing blond hair and rough looks, which seems to attract a lot of fangirls for whatever the Helheim reason." Loki replied with a smirk, before it was quickly knocked off his face by Discord's next remark.

"You want to talk about fangirls, what about yours? They seriously still think you can be redeemed even if you now rule Asgard and kidnapped your dear old daddy? Pah! As if I've ever heard such nonsense." Discord scoffed and was greeted with laughter at his comment, all directed at Loki before the tide of the laughter was quickly turned right back at him.

"Last I checked, YOU are reformed and have legions of fanboys, so you have no room to talk." The Trickster put in, and everyone nodded as Discord growled at them and muttered a few none too nice curses under his breath as the Trickster continued.

"And if you are talking about easy to provoke brothers with legions of fangirls, what about the Winchesters? You know, I nearly turned them on each other and made them drive each other nuts by making them think the other was pranking them!" The demigod chimed in before he burst out laughing as a thought came to him.

"Oh, you should have seen my many other tricks that day. I even made a frat boy get "Abducted" and probed many times over before... Wait for it... have to slow dance under a disco ball with a little grey man!" The Trickster laughed in reminiscence of the memories before Q spoke up.

"And they get got wise to you and staked you. The Trickster got tricked." Q put in, and set off a legion of laughter.

"IT WAS ONE TIME!" The Trickster roared. "And it was a stunt double anyway so it didn't matter in the end." The Trickster then stated with a smirk before he smiled sadly. It was a good stunt double, though.

"Oh yes, stunt doubles are always good." Loki agreed, and flashed back to when he as well used a body double to make his brother think him dead and was able to shock Odin enough to defeat him and take his throne.

"Yeah, that they are aren't they?" The Trickster agreed. "Make you be able to come back for more, like when I was able to return and put those Winchesters in a Groundhog Day style loop and make poor old Sammy watch his brother die over and over again..." The Trickster sneered in a evil manner, but instead of the laughter he was hoping for he was greeted with only groans.

"Seriously man? That?" Loki shouted in disbelief. "That's just overdone."

"Too right." Discord agreed.

"Even getting turned into a alien salamander and forced to have sex with another would be better then THAT!" Q exclaimed before he snapped a fingers and a clip of "Picard's Double Facepalm" appeared.

"They're right you know." Cthulhu said in his deep voice, getting into his fellow chaos entities' debate/bragging rights for the first time. Everyone, in unison took a long stare at him and Cthulhu rolled his eyes.

"What?" He asked sarcastically. "I can have a opinion on matters. I AM a deity of chaos after all."

"That he is." Berry slurred, now fully drunk as a skunk. The Trickster, now quite embarrassed and furious at his humiliation changed the subject as fast as he could.

"...So, Discord..." He began, turning to the Equestrian version of chaos. "You have a theme song do you?"

Discord sighed, he hated when people brought that up. As if a puny human could capture the glory that was him! But seeing everyone looking at him and mentally begging at him to show it off, he snapped his fingers and "Discord (Living Tombstone Mix)" played from somewhere unknown.

Everyone took the song in, and after a brief moment Discord got the mockery he knew would come.

"I think mariachi is better. MUCH better." Q commented, and as if to show his point with a snap of his fingers a brief burst of mariachi played.

"I prefer classic rock myself." The Trickster added, and brought out a guitar and played the opening chords to Kansas's "Carry On My Wayward Son".

"I think Asgardian opera music is the best of all." Loki put in, before a absolutely evil Trickster God worthy thought struck him. "Say Discord, didn't you mention to me a while you were getting..." He waited long enough for everyone else to lean in before he continued.

"...Married to a princess? Oh, what was her name? Something starting with a "C", I can't remember." Loki lied, he did know perfectly well who Discord was getting married to. All the other entities glared at Discord, Q harshest of all. This was news to them, and they didn't like it one bit. Q summed up why with his statement, he was most furious of all, with him and Discord being old frat buddies at Chaos College. They'd made a promise to stay single forever, and now one of them had broken it.

"DISCORD! You know perfectly well we can't get married, it's against the Chaos Creed!" Q exclaimed before bringing out a big and heavy book titled exactly that in big bold black letters.

"I am happy with my life choices." Discord said as his final words, he'd had enough of being insulted by his fellow gods and so with a finger snap, a popping noise and a white flash he and Berry vanished leaving only a wedding invite behind saying "Discord and Celestia, come to the Wedding of the Century!", just to spite his fellow entities. Everyone looked at it for a few brief moments before shrugging.

"...So, who wants to have a belching contest?" The Trickster asked at last, and everyone groaned in disgust.

Fluttershy's Cottage

Discord appeared at his best friend's home groaning and feeling a headache coming on. A certain butter yellow pegasus with a pink mane greeted him as he arrived.

"You alright Discord?" Fluttershy asked as the chaos entity literally melted into a pile of goop with only a pair of eyes still solid on one of her chairs making Angel jump off it in disgust and he glared at the goop pile that was once Discord.

"No..." Discord moaned. "I just had a really bad day... Let's just say it involves a bar fight, I don't even want to talk about it." He muttered, and Fluttershy decided it best not to ask. She also really didn't want to know why Berry was lying down on her rug smelling of very strong Asgardian whisky.

END

Author's Note

Okay, this just came to me one day out of the blue. Let's face it, we've all wanted to see Discord and a bunch of other chaos gods taking potshots at each other and generally mocking each other's failures over drinks haven't we?:twilightsmile: I did my best to put in some hilarious jokes, and little references and in-jokes to each entity's respective show here and there for their fans. See if you can catch them all!:raritywink:

Now, I was reluctant to include a hint towards the Trickster's true nature and identity as I know how much religion is disliked on here, but I had to do it anyways as it is such a important part of his character.

(Credit to Living Tombstone for his mix of "Discord".)