The beginning and the end and everything else
"Now ponies, who would like to hear a story?" Discord said, stroking his recently manifested beard.
"Nopony wants to hear a story, Discord!" A salty pony said, spitting out the last word.
I bet you can guess who.
"Rainbow Dash!" Fluttershy scolded quietly from between her teeth while smiling lightly.
"Come on Shy. It's not like he's ever done anything that didn't seriously buck us up!" Rainbow said, full of venom. Magenta eyes dared the goat-demon-thing to contradict her statement.
"Just for that, I'll make your part extra interesting." Discord threatened. A greasy smile spreading across his discordant face, he thought of all the things he could do to the brash little smol pegasus.
But although many ponies were against Rainbow's colorful comment, one pony had major respect for her.
Besides even if Rainbow was a bit rude, it was the honesty embedded in the statement that made a certain green eyed pony speak up in her defense.
"Y'all leave her alone!" AJ shouted. Her mane was coming a but undone, a sure sign that the discordant Frankenstein was getting to her.
"Okay, fine!" Discord said with a faux frown on his face, as he floated away in the form of a cockatrice. But surely that wasn't all.
In between the nervousited whispers of the other equines, AJ found the courage to wink at RD. In return, RD smiled openly, ironically in secret, as she knew how hard it was for the earth mare to do such a thing. She simply wasn't used to it. But she had started to adapt, and it was adorable.
Meanwhile as they shared a moment assumedly dans privée, Twilight's mouth fell open. But while she saw the whole thing, such an analytical pony as herself picked one detail and focused on it. Since when did Rainbow Dash smile at any pony? It was always either a smirk, or a half smile. And although it may have seemed not a big deal to anypony else, Twilight's intuitiveness let her know that something was up.
"But I'm still telling my story," Discord said, popping out of nowhere in a way that was totally not suspicious in the slightest.
"Just do it if you must!" Rarity said, batting her diamond eyes in a dramatic fashion. "But please try to refrain from anything too immature!" And with that she threw a hoof over her forehead and collapsed onto the ground.
"Where is my couch?" emanated from the crumpled vanilla figure on the ground.
A simple "Okay." was heard from the eager mouth of the Chaos God.
"It was a beautiful day in Ponyville. Birds chirping, bees buzzing, some poor unsuspecting chump getting pranked by Rainbow Dash."
At this, there was a collective glare at the cyan pegasus, who managed a weak little laugh and a half hearted comeback.
"But it was made even more beautiful by the two ponies making out in the barn." The main six mouths fell open one by one with the precision and timing of AJ's best kitchen timer.
Well they did say mature.
"One was a pegasus, and one was a unicorn." Discord said, challenging them to a guessing game that nopony wanted to win. Rarity, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, and Twilight all looked at each other nervously. They all knew where this was going. And they would all happily jump off of the demented train. Unfortunately, as was always the case with Discord, they were strapped in until the very end.
"Well this is going to the dogs." Rainbow mumbled. And somewhere in a bush, a Diamond Dog whimpered in a highly offended way.
"Rainbow Dash!" Twilight scolded, giving the pegasus her don't-be-stupid-you-smol-winged-smurf look.
"Well it isn't immature." The cockatrice added smugly. "In fact if I had to label it, I would label it very mature." he ended, wiggling his eyebrows.
"Discord!" Rarity yelled from her deformed lump on the ground. "This had better be civil!" And it would have made a good threat had she not looked like a swan with a dislocated back.
"Now if there are no more interruptions, I'll continue." Discord said, ignoring the white unicorn, and scanning for any more anarchic remarks.
"Anyway," Discord said, sniffing like Snips n' Snails on the weekend. "These two ponies were well-known in town for their reputations.
One was a pegasus with an affinity for being reckless, and the other was a designer of sorts."
At that, Rarity mumbled something highly unflattering from the ground. But despite this quiet grievance that Discord no doubt heard, he continued his dastardly storyline.
"Of course she was burdened with a horrible disease of sorts."
An audible gasp sounded from inside the circle. Everypony turned to see, as it sounded like the pony was choking, but no matter, for it was just Pinkie. And you can say that it sounds horribly calloused, but Pinkie can survive anything.
"Was it Stirrup Throat?" The pink pony asked desperately, grasping her neck and twisting it exactly twenty times.
"Pinkie, I highly doubt that it was Stirrup Throat." Twilight said, and was about to apologize, then realized that the thing she was about to attempt to appease was a salty, flying, flankhole. So she just settled for a stern look at Pinkie and a raised eyebrow for the cockatrice. Emphasis on cock.
"Your prudish plum friend is right, I'm afraid." Discord said, worming a look of fake sympathy onto his slimy face.
Twilight devolved into an angry orthodox puddle of steam on the ground.
"Actually, it was a horrible affinity for making the occasional grammar correction." The puddle turned red, and Rarity stood up from the ground.
"Oh yes, everypony hated it."
Twilight somehow turned back into a breathing solid again, and everybody avoided eye contact.
"She became like that one parasprite everyone hated, but couldn't get rid themselves of."
Fluttershy pawed at the ground gently, averting her teal eyes, and Rarity stared off into the distance, even though the sun was slowly blinding her.
Discord fancied his story, and so he conjured up grotesque analogies to teach of the horrors of being a grammar warlock.
Had he continued on his creative path, Rarity would have lost all sight, and there was a chance that Fluttershy would have been permanently cross eyed. What fun.
But everypony tuned in when he mentioned "-and judging other ponies with words like 'uncouth', and 'ruffian'."
Rarity turned almost as red as Fluttershy that one time when Rainbow ripped off her sheets and-
"Oh no!" she cried dramatically, dabbing her eyes with a hoofkerchief that had somehow appeared out of nowhere.
"Oh yes." Rainbow said unenthusiastically. Eyes narrowed, she wondered if Fluttershy cold possibly lure Cerberus up here for Discord to walk. Or, more likely, to give Discord a walk. Horizontally. In his sharp jaws.
"Now Discord, I'm not sure I like this here storyline." AJ said, hesitantly as she took the look on Rainbow's face as fear for what Discord had in store for her. Of course, Rainbow wasn't scared of anything. But enough time with the pegasus, and A.J had realized the cyan pony wasn't as tough as originally thought.
Then again, neither was she. But what else could she be in the other mare's arms? Calloused and rough? No. It was gentle. They were gentle. And that was what had her worried.
Yet little did she know, what had Rainbow worried was not whether Discord would torture her further, but rather whether Fluttershy would find out about the torture she was imagining for the cockatrice. Emphasis on cock.
Of course the God in question was unaffected by their internal struggles, and focused only on his tale. So he did what any intelligent, mature, wise old being would do, and he stuffed a sock in AJ's mouth.
While Rainbow bit her silver tongue to keep herself from saying something sharp and worked on getting the makeshift gag out of the orange mare's mouth, Twilight spoke up.
Taking a deep breath and letting it out as Cadence had taught her, she dove into the conflict at hand with a new and improved attitude. "As interesting as this story is," she started. "I don't believe we're interested in hearing it." Okay, she may have backed down a little on that last part.
A gaping mouth answered her request. Then a defiant voice answered her own steady one. "Yes we are!", Pinkie said. Shock adorned the inside of her baby blue eyes. "I haven't had this good of a story since Maud threw a rock on-"
"Pinkie!", Rainbow growled. Eyes rolling up into her head, she glared at Pinkie as she had when they were pranking Spike. Her impatience rang through in her frustrated tone, and Pinkie could almost feel the daggers in her gaze.
"Dang Dashie." Pinkie whispered, in a weird trance. Rainbow only raised a salty eyebrow.
"Discord was right. You're hot when you're angry!" Rainbow just groaned.
Applejack mumbled something woth angry eyes that resembled "And just how would he know that you little pink furball?"
Disregarding Applejack's borderline manic state, the pink horse of doom continued.
"And," Pinkie continued, "I can't wait to hear more fluffy Raridash goodness!"
"Rari-what?", Rarity asked.
"You do know we're not edible right?" Rainbow asked, with a smirk.
Discord mumbled something that sounded like "Debatable."
"Yes, it's what the people beyond Equestria call Rainbow and Rarity, as a couple." Pinkie said. "It's a ship name." she explained graciously, turning her hooves into kitty heads.
A.J wanted to rip off those heads with her teeth.
"Wait, hold on, they think me and Rarity are a ship?" Rainbow asked cluelessly.
"Rarity and I-" the unicorn started to say but was cut off by a sassy kitten head.
"I wouldn't mind being a ship." Fluttershy added with a dopey smile on her face.
Rainbow just mumbled, "Of course you wouldn't."
Then Discord added his ten bits. "Oh I think you would. They get a little too wet."
Of course only Rainbow and Pinkie got the humor of it. And it was clear to anypony that wasn't blind and deaf that they found it hilarious. In fact, their raucous laughter got quite irritating to the other more 'mature ponies.' Then again, they were the only two ponies that got the mature joke. So who was really mature?
It made Pinkie's brain hurt. And once Pinkie stopped laughing, so did Dash.
"Okay then Darling would you rather be a ship or a tree?" Rarity asked, flipping her mane casually.
"You mean would she rather be chopped up, or made of chopped up wood?" Rainbow mumbled with a disgusted face, only to get an elbow from Twilight, and a note about managing her impulsivity.
"I think that was in season three!" Pinkie shouted, flapping like a demented chicken on stimulants.
"A tree." Fluttershy answered, smiling pleasantly and wrapped in ignorance when I came to what happened to trees that were used to make ships.
AJ mumbled something highly uncouth from behind the rag, and managed a sardonic hoof bump with Rainbow.
"All right Buck-Nugget," Rainbow said. "That's enough!" Eyes flashing, she got ready to give the cockatrice a piece of her mind when she was silenced as well.
"I don't like your attitude." Discord said, and with a smug smile, he stuffed a sock in Rainbow's mouth as well. Rainbow gagged, and a muffled comment about B.O testily manifested.
Pinkie also mentioned something about how that was mean, and she was gagged too. Soon enough, all the ponies were silenced against their wills. And all were mumbling uncouth words, even the grammar witch.
"Now, I think we shall continue." Discord said mischievously, his unguis tapping against a strangely colored cloud. A cacophony of defiance erupted from below him. He disregarded that.
"Anyway..." he continued happily. "The stuck up designer and the reckless flyer were very good at what they did. But they were even better at sticking their tongues in each other's mouths, and-"
"Stop it right now!" Twilight said, using her magic to pop out her gag. With an air of righteousness she called on the most powerful authority she knew of, in the most mature tone possible.
"Fluttershy, tell him to stop!" Twilight whined in a way dripping with authority, and popped out Fluttershy's gag.
"Ummm stop please." The yellow pony said meekly, blinking her gentle blue eyes from behind a beautiful rose colored mane.
"Ha. Weak little jaundice pony." Discord laughed.
"Leave her alone." Rainbow said, ripping out her gag fueled by her desperation to defend the one pony that never left.
"Oh what are you gonna do?" Discord said, ready to bust a gut, "You gonna blind me with rainbows?" More laughter. Undoubtedly more irrtating than Pinkie and Dash's earlier amusement.
"Yeah, I'm gonna blind you with this Rainbow!" the cyan pegasus said, and flew up and kicked him in his grey, pearly jaw.
"RAINBOW DASH!" Fluttershy and Twilight scolded her.
"Hey was asking for it!" Pinkie said, siding with the Dashinator.
"Oh no he wasn't!" Fluttershy said, staring lightly at Pinkie.
"Not Discord," Pinkie said matter of factly, "the person who's reading this."
"What!" Rarity tried to shriek while holding her hands dramatically over her mouth. Admittedly it wasn't the best idea. She sounded like a Timberwolf gagging on another Timberwolf that was choking on a baby Timberwolf that came out the wrong end.
With all the ponies but AJ no longer gagged, Applejack was annoyed to say the least. Dash flew over, and freed her with a gaze that was a little too long to be friendly. Discord bounced back up like everyponys' weight during the winter, and the pegasus gave him a glare.
"My little ponies!" Discord yelled. "At least allow me to give you one last image..." he trailed off, as he grinned maniacally.
"Fine!" Rainbow yelled. "Just give it to us already!"
Discord grinned.
"Not like that!"
"Rainbow no!" they all shouted as Discord popped a picture into their heads as easily as he had inserted the gags into their mouths.
"You son of a Griffon." Rainbow said, eyes blazing with a near unidentifiable fury as Discord showed her friends that image of her and Rarity.
"You! You- what she said." Rarity added, looking quite embarrassed to say the least. AJ's apples could learn a thing or two about redness just from her face.
"That never happened!" Rainbow said, stamping her hoof, and wishing Cerberus were there. The other main four looked at her and Rarity with various looks of pure unbridled emotion. Pinkie was aroused, of course. Twilight was disgusted, as every good little prude plum was at such a refined age.
Fluttershy was softly rocking back and forth, and AJ was mad. "Rainbow how could ya?" she yelled. For although the image wasn't real, the emotions crashing down were all too tangible to deny.
"Wait, AJ!" she yelled, trying to figure out how to explain that Discord was lying.
She settled for the basic truth. "Don't jump to conclusions! I did not kiss Rarity!" Eyes pleading with the earth pony, she looked to the unicorn for confirmation.
They all looked over to Rarity. She was looking surprised, and one could assume that it was merely just that, should they not notice other signs. And although it wasn't obvious, Rarity was aroused.
"RAINBOW!" AJ said, steam practically coming out of her ears.
Dash was losing it by the minute, and she was happy Discord was gone otherwise she would have summoned Cerberus herself and given the dog a new chew toy.
"Celestia damn it Apples listen to me!" Rainbow said, eyes alight with a frantic need to convey an emotion she hadn't felt in a long time.
"I love you! I don't love Rarity! I will always belong to you!" Rainbow practically yelled. How was this mare so bull headed? This couldn't possibly be authentic doubt. How could a sensible mare possibly believe what horse crap the goat creature spewed?
"Do you hear me?" Rainbow said, an intensity in her eyes that was the likes of which nopony had ever seen until this moment. Going over to AJ and shaking her with her hooves, she was prepared to scream it. She was so would stand on top of mountains and freaking yodel the damned phrase. But for right now, she would have to convince AJ. The world would come later.
"I'm in love with you."
And then to prove it, Rainbow took AJ by the muzzle, and kissed her. Full of passion, Dash hoped it was enough to erase any doubts that had been implanted in the farm pony's mind. And after a long minute, she detached, with a dopey smile on her face. It was probably the first time she was okay with looking not cool. If only she had AJ.
"I love you." Rainbow softly whispered in AJ's ear. Her breath tickled the other mare's ear and she giggled. She didn't have to be tough. She could be gentle.
AJ made a little sigh, completely lovestruck and in awe of the other pony's devotion.
"Besides," RD added on, stroking the farm pony's mane. "I am not going to let a cockatrice buck this up for us."
Resting her head on Rainbow's shoulder and closing her eyes, AJ added one more colorful comment. "Emphasis on cock."
"Oh come on!" Discord said, gnashing his disfigured teeth.
AJ and RD both made disappointed sounds, and pulled apart. AJ had her front hooves crossed bashfully. Rainbow was glaring in annoyance.
"Aw, lesbian pony love." Discord said sarcastically. "Get a room." He added as an afterthought.
"Get a life." AppleJack shot back, grinning at the effect she had on the chaos god.
"Yes, I suppose you're right!" Discord said, rubbing his jaw. "And that is exactly why-" Discord started, his eyes lighting up, "I'm getting out of here." he finished.
"'What?!' AppleDash shouted." Pinkie said, glancing back and forth in between Discord and the earth and pegasus pony.
"Pinkie, who in the hay is AppleDash!?" AJ shouted.
"It's your and Rainbow's ship." Pinkie answered.
"Wha!?" Rainbow stuttered.
"Tata," Discord said, vanishing in a plume of colorful smoke.
"'That meanie pants.' Pinkie said, as the main six watched the spot where Discord had been two seconds ago in astonishment.", Pinkie said.
"Pinkie stop narrating!" Twilight yelled.
"But I wanna be narrator!" Pinkie said.
"And then silence reigned..."
Author's Note
Hope you enjoyed! XD
