My Little Problem

by Sedentary Vagabond

Rating: teen
Tags: Derpy Hooves, Slice of Life, Human, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 31288

Life throws us curve balls, but what happens when that curve ball is a Pegasus?

Life throws us curve balls, but what happens when that curve ball is a Pegasus? This is something that I've had on Fanfiction.net for a while, and got off my lazy butt finally decided to post it here after polishing it up a bit and doing some reworking.

I'd like to thank the Infamous, Illustrious, and Canadious TJ Pones for the new Cover Art.

Published 2016-06-14 01:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-12-03 03:45:07 UTC

Debuts and Spirit Guides

They say you're supposed to live for the small things in life. For Donovan Lacson, this phrase took on a whole new meaning; one that would change his life for the better and worse.

Donovan was a somewhat average guy; he was twenty years old, a sophomore in college, and although he wasn't much of a conversationalist, or a student; he was able to look past a lot of people's peculiarities, which made him personable to the more colorful characters he met. In fact, it was this permissive quality that gravitated such characters to him. For an unsociable guy, he seemed to keep making friends and acquaintances whether he liked it or not.

He sat in one of the lounge areas of the college as he waited for his class time to start. Most days he would be on his computer surfing the net and reading various news articles or health warnings on what could give you cancer this week. Other days he would catch up on sleep or just sit in silence and meditate, which eventually led to catching up on sleep.

Today, his meditation was interrupted by voices excitedly chattering to each other. He tried his best to block them out and appear asleep, but one voice suddenly addressed him,

"Hey man..."

Don opened his eyes and saw his friend Lewis. Now, out of all the people he knew, he wasn't sure how he met Lewis. In fact, he couldn't even remember ever going up and introducing himself. It was as if he just appeared one day and took Don as a friendship hostage. Seriously, how in the world did he become friends with this guy?

"Uh, Hey Lewis, what's up?"

Lewis only grinned, "I was just talking with the guys on how the community made a character cannon this past weekend."

"Uh, Congratulations?" Don said confusedly.

He wasn't sure what exactly they were talking about, but as long as he could avoid another invitation to do something or sate whatever conversation hankering Lewis had, it would be an okay morning.

"You should join us man, come on over, have some pizza, binge watch a couple of seasons..."

Don shook his head, "No thanks man, as much as I love...TV... no."

"Alright, that's cool, we'll get you eventually though." Lewis said before turning around and heading back to the rambunctious group.

"I need to stop getting in these situations...wait, did he threaten me?" Don asked himself.

The day went on as normal for Don. He went to class, where he tried his best to pay attention, but eventually, that feeling of drowsiness came over him and within a few minutes, he was asleep at his desk for a better portion of his class.

This was just one source of his academic problems; missing information in class. The second was just having virtually no study habits to speak of. When it came to studying, everything else became a hundred times more interesting than the task at hand. Naturally, that's the case with most students, but in Don's case, it was a losing battle; one he wasn't willing to fight.

His days ended at around three, and from the college he headed home. His commutes were mundane and uneventful and a little bit lengthy since they were usually a half-hour drive. Despite this, he enjoyed them since he could just think to himself most of the time. However, there was one problem with his commute, they kind of lonely. Not for the sake of conversation but just for the sake of having someone else there to have as company.

When he finally reached his home after another day of dodging Lewis' invites to watch only God knew what, and sort of making it through class, he stepped in his house and sighed. Another long day over, and he was just ready to forget everything. He looked over to the counter and found a small pile of mail. He leafed through the assorted letters and bills before coming across one addressed to him.

He looked it over and noticed that it had fancy script on it before tearing it open and reading.

"Study abroad- oh its one of these things again." He said before continuing to read,

"Make new, lifelong friends. Learn about new and enchanting worlds?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah, that's the stuff they always put on these," He said as he tore up the brochure and threw it away.

"Plus, I doubt they would want a 'barely making it' student like me. Seriously, why do I even get these offers?"

He set his backpack down and headed towards his room. As he clicked on the light, there was a quick flash followed by an audible "pop".

"Great, the light bulb died. Time to change it again." He said to himself, before turning back towards the kitchen area.

He fished out a bulb from the cabinets and returned to his room before realizing he forgot to bring something to boost him to reach the dead bulb. He tried in vain to reach from where he stood, but it was just out of his grasp and it seemed to mock him in some sort of way. He looked around the room for anything to give him that extra boost, before finally settling on his computer chair.

"I really shouldn't be doing this with this chair, but I don't wanna go back to the kitchen for a better stool."

He climbed up and changed the bulb before stopping to look at his handiwork.

"All is well, that ends well, I guess."

He started his descent when he felt the chair roll out from under himself.

"OH, WHAT THE HE-"

There was a loud crash and a heavy thud when Don fell flat on his back. The discombobulating feeling of pain, adrenaline, and wondering what in the world just happened flooded Don's mind. He laid there momentarily with his eyes shut dealing with the entire ordeal before opening his eyes again.

"Well, at least the light works now," He thought to himself, "Also, it's good to know I'm not dead, that would be embarrassing, I can hear the local news now: 'College Student dies changing light bulb, deemed not very bright'".

Before he could address the fact that he had made a terrible pun, there was a voice calling out to him:

"Hey, are you okay?! Do you need any help?"

"Mister? Are you okay?" The voice reiterated.

"What the, who's saying that?" Don asked aloud while looking around the room.

"I am!" replied the voice when he felt something land on his chest.

He raised his head and looked. There stood before him was a small grey horse no more than three inches tall with a golden mane.

"I never had any horse figurines in my room, where the hell did I get this?" He asked while reaching for it.

"I'm not a toy, I'm Derpy!"

Don froze as everything that was in his head that was functioning suddenly came to screeching halt. "You... You just talked."

Derpy cocked her head to one side in confusion. "Of course I can talk, I can also sing songs, and dance, but I don't do that very often because I might crash and break things."

He gently put her off to one side before he got up and paced about his room. "Yep, I've died. It's all over, dead at twenty. Game over man. I could've done so many things and seen so many sights..." He continued to ramble on endlessly, "I could've gone to see The Great Wall of Berlin, or the Leaning Tower of China..."

Derpy took flight and looked on somewhat concerned for the poor... whatever this was but it was not having a good day. She tried to speak up every now and then to try and calm it down but to no avail.

"Hey!" She shouted while waving her hooves. No response. "Helloooo?" Still no response nor giving her any sort of acknowledgement that she was there. Deciding that she had had enough she turned around and reared up her hind legs and kicked him in the face. Her efforts were rewarded with an "ow" and silence after that.

Don felt pain on his cheek and was brought back to reality. He turned to Derpy,

"Thanks, I needed that."

He thought everything was okay until he noticed something else. The small horse was flying in front of his face now via a pair of wings.

"And, now you're flying. Well, this proves it, I've died and gone insane."

Before he could go into another mental spiral a thought hit him,

"Wait, if I'm dead, that means I can see my body on the floor. People can see their body when they're a spirit right?" he asked. "I don't see my body, maybe I take it with me to the afterlife then?" He asked while looking around the room.

He stopped his search and looked at Derpy, "Does this mean I'm a spirit now? Are you my Spirit Guide to the afterlife or some sort of agent of Charon to take me to the River Styx? I hope Charon takes debit..."

"I don't know, but a River of Sticks sure does sound weird." The pegasus said while rubbing her chin with a hoof.

Don sighed and sat down at his desk and began to think about this whole situation.

"I still haven't confirmed if I'm dead or not. I'm just going to assume I'm still alive, just having a massive hallucination from when I fell."

He ran a hand over his face and sighed again before noticing the small Pegasus had landed in front of him on his desk.

"Oh hey, you're still here which means I'm still nuts"

The two stared at each other for an awkward ten seconds before Don spoke up,

"What are you staring at?"

She squinted a bit, "I'm trying to figure out just what kind of pony... or dragon you are. I've seen plenty, and you don't look like anything I've ever seen."

"Pony? Dragon? I'm not a pony, or a dragon. I'm a person, well, a human being to be exact." Don said.

"Hmm, hooman... never heard of a hooman before." Derpy said.

Don let out a huff of laughter, "Right, and you're a pegasus. A very small one at that." He stretched out his hand to her, "I mean, look, you can fit in the palm of my hand."

Derpy climbed onto his hand. She was just big enough to fit in the center of his palm with her tail barely reaching the base of his fingers.

"Funny, you're not real yet I can feel your weight on my hand and the throbbing pain from when you kicked me earlier. Man, I must have really hit my head or something."

There was another moment of silence before he spoke up again,

"So, do you have a name or something or do I have to name you?" he asked.

"Like I said, my name is Derpy Hooves, and I'm the best mail-mare in Equestria!" She said standing proudly.

"The best huh? Well, as long as you don't destroy a building or something it's okay I guess." Don said absent mindedly. He then noticed that she had a crestfallen look about her.

"It wasn't my fault that Town Hall sort of fell apart, I was just trying to help." she said while giving a small sniffle.

"Oh no, now you've gone and made her upset, way to go douche-bag. Fix this." His inner conscience said.

"Okay okay, no need to get upset," Don said, "I'm sure you're a great mail....mare.... and a good helper. In fact, I bet you're such a good helper that you could help me somehow."

Derpy looked up, "Really? I could help you?" She asked with hopeful eyes.

"Sure, why not? You're tiny, how much harm could you do?"

Produce and Cold Packs

"So when can I start helping you?" Derpy asked while excitedly rocking on her hooves.

"I don't know, soon I guess. I'll tell you when you can." Don said while placing the pegasus back on the desk.

"Okay, Mister...uh..." Derpy struggled.

"Oh, right. I know your name but you don't know mine. I'm Donovan, Donovan Lacson, the most lackluster student here this side of the galaxy." He said giving a slight bow.

"Don...O...Ven..." Derpy said, trying to pronounce his name right. She repeated it a couple of times with different phonetic pronunciations before Don intervened.

"Okay, don't hurt yourself trying to say my name. Just... call me Don." He said.

"Okay, Mister Don!" She said.

Don smiled, "Just Don, there's no need to be formal. It's not like I call you Miss Derpy or something do I?"

Derpy let out a sheepish smile, "Okay Mist- uh, I mean, Don."

"So now that that's out of the way, the next question is what do you eat? I know you're something like a horse so I'm guessing hay is a big part of your diet, but since I don't exactly have access to that...well, not unless I go out into the country and pillage a farm..." He said while getting up and into a pondering pose.

He quickly shook his head and came back to the conversation at hand.

"Please tell me you eat things other than hay." He said.

"Of course I do!" she said, "I eat fruits, vegetables, cupcakes, cake, but my most favorite thing to eat," she said while staring off into space, "are muffins..." she finished losing herself into a daydream.

Don was relieved that he didn't have to pull a heist on a farm. The very notion of assembling a crack team of people to commandeer hay was absurd. Although he'd bet that somehow Lewis would totally go along with it as well as assemble the people necessary for it. He quickly dismissed his thoughts and was brought back to another problem; getting this small pegasus out of her daydream stupor.

He brought himself to her eye level.

"Uh, hello?" he said while poking Derpy.

She snapped back into reality, "Huh? What happened?" she asked looking around.

Don shook his head, "I don't know, you said 'Muffins' then went-" he was cut short.

"Muffins..." Derpy said dreamily and went right back into her daydream.

"...why me...?"

When Derpy came to she found herself standing on a table. She looked around and noticed a huge room with some furniture to her right and connected to that room was the one she was currently in which she deduced as the kitchen beings that there was a stove and a refrigerator in front of her.

"Wow, you've got a really big kitchen Don." she said.

She then took flight and landed on the counter top and started walking, taking in the whole look of the room.

"This is really-WHOAH!" she screamed as she fell.

Don turned around, "Derpy, what are you doing?" he asked.

The pegasus hovered into view, "Heh, I... might have fallen into the sink." she said while giving a sheepish smile and rubbing the back of her head.

"Well, please be careful, the next thing you know you'll be crashing into-"

There was a loud clatter of pans falling to the floor.

"...Dishes..." Don finished while face-palming.

With a sigh, he went over and began picking up the fallen pans.

"Oops," Derpy said, "Let me help!"

She quickly flew over and began to grab one of the pans with her hooves.

"I don't think that's necessary-"

A loud clang was heard.

"OW WHAT THE HELL?!" Don yelled as a pan hit his head.

Derpy put on a guilty grin, "Sorry, the pan was heavier than I thought."

She was about to say something else when an idea came to her. She had a huge smile on her face when she realized it.

"Does this mean I get to help you now?!"

Before Don knew what was going on, Derpy tore into the freezer and pulled out a single ice cube, flew back to Don and shoved it in his face.

"THAT'S COLD! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" He yelled before falling over.

"Hold still! This is supposed to make the swelling go down!" Derpy said.

"I got hit in the back of my head, not my face!"

"I told you to hold still didn't I?!"

The Two sat in silence at the kitchen table as they both snacked on fruit. The ambiance was broken when Derpy decided to speak up.

"Wow, these are the biggest grapes I've ever seen!" she said as she gripped a single grape with both of her hooves.

Don sighed, "If someone would've told me I'd be having Fruit Snack Time with a pegasus last week, I would've thought they were on drugs or crazy. Maybe both."

He looked at Derpy who had a content smile or her face as she bit into the grape.

"I still don't know if you're real or not, even though you just shoved an ice cube in my face-" he stopped for a moment,

"Wait, how DID you know where the ice cubes were?" He asked.

Derpy looked up at Don with grape juice smeared all over her face. She thought for a minute before shrugging and going back to digging into her snack.

"Thanks for the in-depth explanation," Don said, "How's the fruit?"

Derpy set the grape down, "It's good, but it's not as good as the fruit where I'm from."

Don raised an eyebrow, "Oh really? Why's that?"

"I don't know, I guess it just doesn't taste as sweet. Like it hasn't been left to fully mature or something." she said.

"Well, I don't think it gets any better than that I'm afraid, so you're gonna have to make do with that. At least until I can get some other vegetables or something like baby carrots." Don said.

He was about to say something else when he noticed that she was starting to make a mess of herself.

"Here," he said while tearing a napkin, "Wipe your face, for being such a tiny thing, you sure do make a mess."

"So when do I get a muffin?" she asked

"What? Who said you were getting one, and when did I agree to that?" Don asked.

"You did, that one time when you were rambling about stuff." she said, "You were talking and then you went, 'Now I have to get this pegasus a muffin because she's the best!'"

Don stared at her with a deadpan look while in turn she just gave the biggest smile.

"Yeah, I don't think I ever said that." He said.

"Yes you did. You did and you promised forever." She quickly interjected.

There was another pause.

"You're not gonna take 'no' for an answer are you...?" He asked.

"Not when it comes to muffins!" she said while beaming.

"Fine, I'll get you your damn muffin..." he said under his breath.

"What was that?"

"I said, fine, I'll get you one, just not now." He reiterated. "Little extortionist..."

"Yay! Muffin!" Derpy yelled.

She began flying in circles chanting "I'm getting a muffin" in a sing-song voice.

"Okay okay, don't get too excited. Although I don't need to go the store any time soon." He said.

"Oh..." she replied looking a little down trodden.

"Oh don't worry, it's not like it's gonna take forever for me to go somewhere. I'm pretty sure we're bound to need something soon." He said quickly.

Before Derpy could reply the door opened.

"Hey Donny, I'm home early from work!"

Don quickly stood and panicked.

"Mom?! What are you doing home so early?!"

Nosy Moms and Coverups

Nosy Moms and Cover Ups

"I just told you I got home from work early." His mother said while walking through the door.

Don got up quickly and stood in front of where Derpy was sitting at the table. The pegasus looked up at Don confused as to what was happening at the moment.

"Don what's going on?" Derpy asked.

The only thing Derpy saw was Don motioning something with his hands. She wasn’t sure what he was trying to tell her, so she decided to fly up to his shoulder and look. She peeked and only saw another human at the door.

"Who's that Don?" Derpy asked.

Don visibly flinched a little at Derpy's voice being so close to his ear.

"Uh..." he stammered. He quickly turned around and faced Derpy. "Stay hidden and keep quiet." he whispered.

"Okay Don!" she said somewhat loudly while giving a small salute.

"What was that Don?" His mother asked while stepping further into the house.

He turned around again to face her, "N-NOTHING, Nothing!" I was just uh... having a snack...and...I…wasn't expecting you home this early." He stammered giving an uneasy laugh.

"If I didn't know any better I'd say you were trying to hide something from me." his mom said while raising an eyebrow at him.

Don felt a bead of sweat develop on his head, "Me? No, of course not. Why would I?"

She started for the kitchen, "Well, if you say so."

As she moved passed him he mirrored her movements to cover Derpy.

"Well, I'd love to stay and chat mom, but I got homework to do and what not, you know all that college stuff and all that jazz." He said as he grabbed Derpy with one hand.

Derpy gave out a small yelp which Don immediately tried to cover with a fit of self-induced coughing. He nervously laughed and excused himself to his room and shut the door. He sighed in relief and released Derpy from his grasp.

"Sorry about that, I'm not sure how other people would react to a real live pegasus." He said.

“Who was that Don?” Derpy asked again.

He sat down at his desk, “That was my mom. She wouldn’t react well seeing you either. Especially one that talks like you.”

“Why not? I think you took it rather well.” She said.

“Rather well? I went babbling on for three minutes and then you kicked me in the face to bring me back to reality… or at least what I think is reality.” He said.

“Don you left your fruit-what are you doing?” His mom asked coming into the room suddenly.

Currently, Don was with his elbow on the desk while facing the doorway to his room giving a stupid smile.

“Just… sitting here… doing nothing…” he said while giving a nervous laugh.

His mom gave him a raised eyebrow again, “Are you looking at adult-“

“WHAT? NO! WHY WOULD YOU ASSUME SOMETHING LIKE THAT? THE COMPUTER ISN’T EVEN ON!” He shouted.

His mom laughed, “I’m only kidding, I came to bring you your fruit, which you didn’t even finish, are you sure you’re feeling okay?”

“Yeah totally fine, why?” he asked.

“Because it looks like this grape was only nibbled on. Since when does somebody nibble grapes?” She asked while inspecting a grape up close.

He began to feel sweat bead on the back of his head again.

“It’s because… uh, I already ate a whole bunch earlier when I got home.” He said.

“So you’re finished eating then?” She asked.

Don nodded, his agreement was interrupted when he felt poking on his arm and remembered Derpy.

“Uh, I mean no! I’m not done.” He said quickly and reached for the plate. “Can’t let food go to waste you know?”

His mom stared at him for a good ten seconds before reluctantly letting go of the plate.

“Okay… if you say so…” she said and turned to leave while shaking her head.

“Thank God…” He said while he buried his face in his hands.

Derpy walked over to him and sat down looking at him. She noticed that whatever he just went through was a rough experience and he needed some kind of way to be brought down from all that tension. She reached back and pulled out a tiny muffin.

“Muffin?” she asked looking up to the mentally haggard human.

He opened his fingers to see through them, “What? Muffin?”

He looked down and saw the tiny pastry somehow grasped by her hoof.

“What? Where did you get that? And how you are you gripping it for that matter?” He asked.

Derpy only shrugged and re-extended her foreleg insisting that he take the muffin. He sighed and grasped the pastry with his thumb and index finger. If he had to estimate the size of it was about the size of an “A” button on an Xbox Control.

“Thanks, I guess.” Was all he said before popping the muffin in his mouth.

“Wow, this thing is sweeter than I thought it would be given its size. Just what is in this thing???” He asked.

Derpy started jumping up and down, “Isn’t it great? My friend Pinkie Pie makes the best muffins!”

He felt like he should know that name somehow, but quickly dismissed it. He doubted that anything like that could hold any relevance to his situation at hand. His gaze returned to Derpy who had returned to eating the grape from before.

“In the meantime, Fruit Snack Time continues.”

A sudden problem dawned upon him; who would watch Derpy while he went to school? He couldn’t take her with him beings that everyone would see her. The last thing he needed was a mob of curious people, Lewis, or the government to pester him about Derpy. He thought about this for a good while trying to come up with some sort of solution.

Maybe he could wear a shirt with a pocket and she could ride around in it? Then again, people would see her and think she’s some sort of toy or plush and would want to touch and handle her. Then the aforementioned forces would come barreling in. Hide her in a hat? That wouldn’t work either since she’d probably get hot, and the last thing he needed to worry about was a dehydrated pegasus.

Don ran through every possible solution with no clear cut idea that stood out as a success. He exhaled through his nose and finally decided one thing:

Derpy would have to stay home alone tomorrow.

Remodeling and Boredom

Remodeling and Boredom

As Don woke up the next morning the first thing to go through his head was about how 6 AM was a mistake and whoever thought it was a good idea to wake up at that time should rethink how the world works. His mini mental rant was interrupted when he remembered the odd events of yesterday.

“Man, what a weird dream… a talking pegasus, fruit snack time…muffins… I really need to-“ his train of thought was interrupted when he heard something shift and groan in his bed.

He carefully turned over and saw Derpy sleeping soundly on her stomach under a corner of his blanket. He laid back down again.

“Nope, wasn’t a dream, still crazy…” he thought.

He was suddenly reminded of how she even started sleeping on his bed in the first place.

-

“So, where am I supposed to sleep?” Derpy asked.

“What? I thought horses slept standing up.” He replied.

“No, we sleep in beds! Standing up is just silly. Whoever heard of such a thing, sleeping standing up…” she said laughing to herself.

He sighed in frustration and mumbled. “The one time I needed her to do something a horse normally does…”

“Well, I guess you can sleep here,” he said while pointing to a corner of the bed. “You’re small, I’m sure you’ll fit, I mean, I do have a full sized bed here.”

She looked unsurely for a moment and glanced back at Don.

“And if you’re worried that I’ll squish you, relax, I’ll put my phone near you so I know not to shift too much.” He said.

This seemed to ease her up a bit, though he wasn’t sure that he had convinced her. There was a moment of silence before she spoke up again.

“So, then it’ll be like a sleep over?” She asked.

“Uh, yeah sure, a sleep over I guess.” He said.

She landed on her corner of the bed and began to jump up and down.

“Yay! Sleep over!”

-

He ran a hand over his face and carefully got up as to not disturb Derpy and began to get ready for the day. He quickly threw on some clothes, and then grabbed his phone to check the time.

“6:15… that’s better than most days…” he thought.

He turned around to leave his room when he tripped over his backpack. “SON OF A-“ he cried and instantly covered his mouth.

“Don, where are you going?” a sleepy voice called from his bed.

He looked and saw Derpy sitting on her hindquarters looking up at him. He was hoping to avoid this entire conversation all together by sneaking out of the house, but it seems he was about to handle this here and now.

“I have to go to school.” He replied while checking the contents of his bag.

“Can I go with you? She asked.

“No, I told you, I can’t afford anybody seeing you.” He said.

“Can’t I go please?” She asked again.

“No.” he reiterated while zipping up his bag.

“Pleeeeaaase??”

“No.”

“Pleeeeaaaaaaaase?”

He sighed, “NO!” As soon as he gave his final no, he began to here tiny little sobs.

“B-b-but you said…I…could help...”

He set his bag down again, “Sweet Jesus have mercy on my soul…”

He got down to Derpy’s level, “Listen, as soon as I think of a good way to hide you, you can’t go with me anywhere. I’ll try and think of ideas during my classes today okay? But until then, you need to stay here till and lay low.”

She only nodded.

“You should go back to sleep and I’ll be back this afternoon. I hope you can manage yourself until then.” He said while putting on his shoes.

“I guess I could try, though a great mailmare such as myself wakes up early everyday so I can deliver letters,” She said rather proudly, “…and It gives me time just in case I drop some letters and find them too…”

“EARLY RISERS...” he thought, the tone of his mental voice having venom in it.

“So, how can I help you if you’re not even gonna be here to be helped?” she asked.

“You’re a smart pegasus, I’m sure you’ll think of something.” He said while making his way towards the door.

“When are you supposed to be back?” she asked.

He thought for a moment, “Well, I should be back around either 2:30 or 3 this afternoon. If you need to see the time, the clock is on my desk.” He said while pointing.

She looked over towards the clock and the red numbers read “6:25”.

“Anyways, try and go back to sleep so there are less hours in the day, but if you’re up… you’re up I guess. I’ll try and get home as quickly as I can.” He said.

“I guess I can, it’s not every day I get to sleep in.” she said and got back under the blanket. “Bye, Don.” She said while yawning.

-

His drive to school was boring to say the least. He instantly regretted leaving Derpy behind.

“Maybe I should’ve let her come with me, at least it would’ve made the trip a little more bearable. I mean, sure, I like the peace and quiet, but I’ve doing this for a year now and let’s face it, the trips back and forth are kinda lonely.” He thought for a moment before suddenly realizing what he was doing. “Great, now I’m talking to myself out loud. This has to be me going crazy. Well… then again, it’s normal to talk to yourself. It’s when you reply to yourself is when you’re crazy right?”

“Right.”

-

When he arrived on campus, he went straight for a table in the Student Lounge and sighed.

“Another day, and more classes. I can’t wait for summer, then I won’t have to put up with this crap…”

His thought was interrupted by someone coming into his peripheral vision. When he turned to look he only saw Lewis and as soon as they made eye contact he made a bee-line for Don.

“Hey man, you ready to watch the most amazing thing you’ll ever see?”

“I knew I should’ve gone to the library…” he thought as he mentally face-palmed. “What do you mean start watching? I thought-“

Lewis interrupted him. “No man, we’re gonna start watching right now. We’ll start on the first episode and-“

“Look, as much as I would love to, I have class, right now, so… I’m gonna have to bow out for now.” Don said.

Lewis stared at him for a full second before answering, “Sure thing man, don’t worry, you’ll watch it eventually.”

“Was that a threat???”

-

Derpy woke up and stretched as she threw the small corner of blanket off her and looked around Don’s room. It wasn’t too big of a room, though from her point of view it was huge, but had a simple layout. There was a large black rectangle with wires coming out of it on side across from where Don’s head would be in bed, and in the far corner there was an even smaller black rectangle with a glowing red light on it on his desk. She noticed there were a lot more odds and ends on it as well.

She suddenly remembered what Don said earlier that he’d be home by three. She looked at the clock on his desk it read “9:30”. “Rats,” she sighed, “I really hope he comes home soon.” She said as she paced back and forth on his bed. “Hmm,” she mused, “How can I help Don if he’s not here?” She rubbed her chin with her hoof and looked at this desk when she got an idea.

“I know, I’ll organize things on his desk! That oughta help him!” she said.

She was about to start this task when she heard rumbling in her stomach. “But, first I guess I’ll eat. Can’t start the day on an empty stomach!”

She started to fly off towards Don’s kitchen, “I hope he still has grapes…”

-

Don sat in one of the desks in his classroom and rubbed his eyes. “Well, that was something, I didn’t know I could vault over that wall like that…” He opened his backpack, “I have to admit, Lewis is a pretty persistent guy. Though he is a bit on the…weird side….”

“To be honest, I have no idea how or when I actually met him. Seriously, it’s like he just kinda… appeared outta nowhere and insisted on being my friend. I’m starting to wonder if that one saying is true though, ‘The Freaks and the Screw Ups are the best company’. Okay, that’s not fair, Lewis isn’t exactly a freak, or a screw up, but it sorta fits the bill.” He opened his notebook and clicked his pen. “Then there’s-“ his thoughts were interrupted.

“Well, Good Morning, Class!” the professor said as he walked in. There was a monotonous “Good Morning” from other students and Don’s attention averted upwards. “Today we’ll be discussing the Spanish conquest of Mexico and the beginnings of Spanish Colonies…”

Don sighed, “And here we go, a note taking writeapalooza. ‘Alas poor writing hand, I had known it well’.”

“Remember though, ‘There is nothing good or bad, but thinking makes it so.’”

“I hate you, Shakespeare…”

-

Derpy sat on her hind-quarters and rubbed her slightly protruding stomach. “That was such a great meal. I’ve never seen grapes this big before, and I’m surprised I ate three of them!” She stood up and took flight, “Alright, now to organize Don’s desk and help him!”

She flew into his room and landed on his desk, “Wow, Don sure has a lot of stuff.” She said while looking around. There were all sorts of papers and small boxes on his desk along with lots of pens, coins, old receipts, scissors, and lots of cards with peculiar drawings on them.

“First things first, we organize!” She began to push all the cards together into one pile and not noticing the ones on the edge starting to fall to the floor. She then moved on to paper, stacking them on his bed by picking up each individual one with her hooves and laying them out.

Next, she went to the small boxes. She looked at them curiously and cocked her head to the side trying to read the label. “D…Dur…A…kell…Durakell….What’s a Durakell?” she looked at the package and only saw small black cylindrical sticks with golden tops on them. “I wonder what these are for?” she asked. With some effort, she lifted the packages and stacked them. “They sure are heavier than I thought.” She huffed.

“Don is going to be so surprised when he finds his desk neat.”

-

It was an hour later and Don sat in another classroom. “Hooray, Rhetoric and Comp Class…” he thought uncharasmatically. “A class designed on how to teach you how to research, and argue I suppose. At least it wasn’t like that class I took my freshman year that taught you how to survive and study in college, that class was a joke.”

His mind drifted a bit, “I wonder how Derpy’s doing?” I hope she’s not too bored at home. Well, it can’t be too bad, she’s a small horse…well, pegasus, so she can’t be doing much damage.”

His thinking was interrupted again. “Hello, Class!” The professor said as he walked in. “Are there any questions from last time?”

Don gave out a small puff from his nose. “Questions from last time? I barely remember what I did two days ago! How does he expect me to remember stuff from last class period…which…was two days ago.”

He clicked his pen. “Well, here we go again, more writing and hopefully no group exercise today.”

He shifted his attention back to the professor; “And today there will be a group exercise that involve these worksheets.”

“DAMMIT!”

-

Derpy had just finished “organizing” Don’s desk. She looked over her work and smiled; “Neat and finished!” she said.

Her “work” was just shoving everything into generic piles. As she stood there proudly admiring her work, she noticed his dresser off to the side.

“Wow, Don has a lot of stuff over there too. I better clean that up as well.” She said and flew upwards to assess her new project.

There was virtually no room to move things around here so she would have to place them on Don’s bed for the time being. She flew over and grabbed a piece of paper on his dresser and pulled; it didn’t budge. She tried again with the same result and paused a minute to think.

“Stubborn paper, come out!” She said as she pulled with all her might. The paper eventually gave way and she flew backwards with it in tow.

“Whoa!” she yelled and stopped herself in mid-air only to watch a couple of books fall to the floor. “Oops, my bad.” She was about to start picking them up when her stomach rumbled again.

She looked at the clock, it read “12:30”. “Well, time for lunch, I’ll come back to this after more food. I wonder what else Don has to eat.” She said as she flew off to the kitchen again.

-

Don sat down in the Student Lounge and began eating a sandwich. “Ugh, finally, lunchtime. One of the few times where I can unwind in the middle of my schedule.” He took a couple of more bites, “Stupid classes, college isn’t as hard as high school made it out to be.”

“High school doesn’t tell you that you can bargain with your professors for better grades, or the fact that if you show effort or steady improvement, they might cut you some slack and improve your grade.” He took another bite. “I think those scary college stories teachers use, are there to scare students into submission.”

He heard footsteps approach him; “Hey man,”

“I’ve made a huge mistake…”

“You ready to watch the most amazing thing now?”

“WHY DO I KEEP COMING BACK HERE?!”

-

Derpy lazily flew through the air while swaying a bit. “Those were the biggest strawberries ever.”

She entered Don’s room again and got back to work. She pulled a couple of more papers but only ended up knocking over a pencil holder making the assorted writing utensils scatter across the floor. “Oops.” She said as she started moving a book which in turn, caused a domino effect on a couple of other books making them crash to the floor as well. She tried moving other items on his dresser which only ended making a fan, a stereo and more books fall to the ground

“Well,” she said looking around at her mess. “at least I got these drawers cleared off.”

-

Don impatiently tapped his foot as he sat in his final class for the day. He looked at the over-head clock; it read “2:15”. He sighed and put his head on his hand. “Political Science; ‘Boy I sure do love studying this’ said no one ever. Actually, now that I think about it, this class is like low-key ‘How to be a lawyer 101’.” He thought as he scribbled aimlessly in his notes.

His mind drifted a bit and wondered about his future being a lawyer.

“Donovan Lacson, you just handled the trial of the century and came out victorious how does that make you feel?”

“It feels good Bob, it’s a great day for me and my client.”

His thoughts were interrupted by the professor’s voice; “Are there any more questions before I let you all go?”

“Don’t any of you dare ask any questions. So help me I will throw my text book at you and sacrifice your soul to Cthulhu.”

After a moment of silence, the professor continued, “Well then, you may all go. Have a good day!” He said.

Don packed his things and headed straight for his car. “Freedom! Sweet Lady Freedom I missed you!”

He meandered through buildings and passed through parking lots before he reached his car. “Derpy must be waiting for me to get home by now. My guess is that she’ll wanna have fruit snack time again and ask me all sorts of questions about school and stuff.”

The ride home was just as boring as it was, and before long he had pulled into his driveway. “Finally, home sweet home. Time to see how Derpy did staying by herself.”

As he entered the house he noticed that nothing was really out of place. “Well, it seems that everything is all right, though, there is a chill on the floor.” He walked into the kitchen. “WHAT THE-“ He looked at the open refrigerator as it worked to keep the entire kitchen and adjacent living room a constant temperature. He also found scattered grapes and an overturned container of strawberries.

“Derpy…” he sighed and closed the fridge. He went to his room and stopped cold at his doorway.

“WHAT HAPPENED HERE?!” he shouted looking at the assorted piles of his stuff. As if on cue Derpy emerged from a pile.

“Surprise!” She shouted, “I organized your room for you!”

“You…what?” He asked.

“I cleaned up your desk and your dresser drawers!” she said still half buried in the pile she emerged from.

“My room…” He said slowly. He was starting to lose it again.

“I know! Isn’t it neat?!” she said flying and landing on his head.

“My stuff…”

“All organized!”

“Derpy,” He began.

“Yes Don?”

He ran a hand over his face. “This isn’t how we organize things.” He said rather calmly.

“It’s not?” She asked.

“No, not even close.” He said while stepping into his room.

She had now landed on his bed post, “But doesn’t it look neat?” She asked.

“NEAT?!” he snapped, “THIS ISN’T NEAT! THIS ISN’T HOW I CLEAN MY ROOM AT ALL! DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG THIS WILL TAKE TO CLEAN UP?!”

She stepped back a bit. The tone she was hearing wasn’t approval at all.

“AND ALL MY STUFF IS OVER HERE AND HERE AND HERE! AND I’M NOT EVEN SURE HOW YOU GOT A SHOE ONTO THE CEILING… Okay, that one is more impressive, BUT ITS STILL WEIRD!”

Unsure of what to do, she hid to get away from the raging human. He continued on for another minute before he stopped. He looked around but couldn’t see the pegasus anywhere.

“Where’d she go?” He asked as he looked around before spotting a blonde tail sticking out from a portion of his blanket which connected to a small bump that was shaking in fear.

“Oh no... what have I done…?” he whispered to himself. “Listen, Derpy-“

“NO! GO AWAY, YOU’RE SCARY RIGHT NOW!” She yelled.

He stopped his advance. Her words seemed to cut him to his core, but she was right. Here was this huge human yelling and screaming while she being a three-inch-tall pegasus being exposed to pure anger with no knowledge of what he might do.

“Derpy, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have yelled at you like that. I know why you did it though.” He said, “It’s because you’re trying to help me isn’t it?”

There was no response.

He sighed and sat down at the edge of his bed. “I know I told you that you could help me, but I didn’t think you would do… this.” He said while waving his hand over her renovations, “But this isn’t exactly organized, or clean for that matter.”

“It’s not?” She asked while poking her head from under the covers.

“No, I’m afraid it’s not, and now I’m gonna have to clean up too.” He said looking at her.

“I’m sorry.” She said.

“I know you are, but man this is a huge mess,” He said while getting up. “In fact, I think I could use some help to clean it up.”

Her ears perked up at this.

“I mean, I can’t clean all this up on my own.” He said looking around. “This’ll take forever.”

He felt two pairs of hooves land on his head, “Can I help?”

“Alright, but we should handle the kitchen first. That seems like the worst place.” He said.

“Okay, but I might have spilled some grapes, and strawberries… some milk, and-“ She trailed off.

“Stop. Let’s just get through cleaning up.” He said while sighing.

Stowaways and Escapees

Stowaways and Escapees

Several days had gone by since Derpy’s “renovation” fiasco and by the end of Thursday, both she and Don had just about had it being bored; Don, being bored at school, and Derpy, being bored at home. To remedy this, he left some of his text books behind, although he wasn’t sure she would read them, but it was something to say the least.

Since most of Don’s books varied in size, the difficulty of page turning also varied. On smaller books, she didn’t have much trouble, just flicking the pages with little effort. On larger books however, she would lift a single page, and push with her fore-hooves and walk across until the page’s weight would take over and fall.

The contents of the books were interesting to say the least. Depictions of battles, diagrams, and portraits of other humans who wore fancy hats and clothes. Some of them reminded her of Rarity’s boutique. When he was around, she asked Don how old some of the pictures were and he told her they were at least a few hundred years old. If these pictures were that old, she figured she might not want to tell Rarity that her fashion sense was off by at least two centuries. If she heard that, she might go into a pit of despair she would never get out of.

-

“I told you, until I can figure out a way to hide you, you’re not going with me anywhere!” He said with frustration.

“But it’s so boring here, and I already looked at all the pictures in your books!”

“Haven’t you tried reading them? They’re chock full of information and stories.”

“But the letters are too big and sometimes it’s really hard to turn the pages.”

He sighed, “Sweet Jesus, give me patience…”

“I said the answer is no. And I’m sticking to that until I have an idea, plus, after tomorrow, I’ll be home for two days since it’s the weekend. We’ll think of something then, okay?”

She only folder her hooves together and turned away from Don. “Fine.” She said giving out a small huff.

“Good, now can we please go to sleep? I still have to wake up early whether I like it or not.”

Derpy laid there thinking about her predicament. All she wanted to do was help Don in whatever way she could, but he wasn’t letting her. Was there something he was trying to hide from her? He said that people just wouldn’t understand having a pegasus flying about his head, but would it really be that bad? She thought for a moment before finally deciding that she would go to school with him tomorrow. But how would she go without him noticing? This was something she would need to figure out in the morning.

-

Morning came all to quickly for Don again and he woke up feeling tired. “Please still be really early…” he pleaded with whatever deity was listening.

Her turned and looked at his clock, it read “5:59”. “All of my hate…” he whispered to the time piece. He laid there a couple of more seconds before finally summoning up the energy to get up. He was careful not to disturb or fall on Derpy as he went to go get ready for school.

Derpy however, was already awake and was deciding on where to hide. She thought about hiding in one of his side pockets on his pants, but the thought of him reaching in and finding out where she was put that idea down. She may be clumsy, but she wasn’t stupid. She kept pondering on where to hide when her eyes finally rested on his backpack.

His bag reminded her of the saddle-bags back home except much larger and appeared to be a little more spacious too. She figured she could hide away in there while still being relatively comfortable. She was about to make her move when Don came back into the room. He grabbed his wallet and keys along with this phone then moved over to his backpack and opened it up to switch out books for the day.

He stood up and pondered for a moment, thinking about what he was forgetting. He snapped his fingers and left the room again. Derpy took this opportunity and made her move. She carefully slid from under the blanket, keeping the little dome she made intact, and quickly flew towards his backpack. She looked it over taking note of the numerous pockets on it wondering which one to hide in when suddenly she heard his footsteps get closer and quickly flew into the main storage pocket.

He returned and slid his notebook into his backpack before zipping it up and heaving it over his shoulder. As he walked out, he stopped at the doorway and looked back at the bed.

“Bye Derpy, I’ll be home as soon as I can,” he paused and looked down, “I’m sorry I couldn’t take you with me.” He said quietly.

He opened the door to his parent’s room slightly. “Taking off mom, be back later this afternoon.”

There was a brief shuffle, “Okay, see you after I get home from work.” Came the reply.

He closed the door and headed out towards his car.

He sighed, sitting in the driver’s seat for a couple of seconds. “Another day, another boring time at school…” He thought before turning on the car.

Derpy felt the rumble of the engine coming to life and figured that Don was ready to start his journey to school. She heard something click and something else seemingly drop into place. She stood atop one of his books and looked through a small hole where he didn’t thoroughly close the zipper. She saw what appeared to be the interior of a carriage except a lot sleeker and sturdy looking, very futuristic according to Equestrian standards.

The sudden movements of the car made the books shift and made her roll around inside the bag. This continued on for a few minutes before the ride became smooth. In fact, the ride was so smooth that the sounds of the road began to make her feel drowsy. Soon enough, she let out a yawn and slowly curled into a ball and began to sleep.

After some time, there was a sudden jolt which made her wake up with a start. The rumbling stopped and she heard a door open. Don must have arrived to school by now. It was time to see what kind of world he had beyond his house walls.

-

He grabbed his bag and slung it over his shoulder and adjusted the straps and took note of the weight.

“I wonder why I keep buying these books for class. It’s not like we ever use them anyways.” He thought. “I swear, professors insist that we get them and what do we do? Not use them. Ever. Whoever invented college text books must have been one hell of a scam artist.”

He made one last check of his pockets to make sure he had everything. “Maybe I should have become famous, then I wouldn’t have to go to college. Oh, who am I kidding, the last thing I need is someone or groups of people following me around everywhere.”

“Yeah, that would be weird.”

-

She felt Don walking, and took this chance to take her first glimpse of the outside. Before her was a whole different world. There were many buildings like the big cities back in Equestria, however there was something different about them. It wasn’t their architecture but the sort of the ambiance they gave off. Whatever it was, it certainly made her curious. Of course, being only three inches tall, one would be amazed by such a sight anyway.

They passed through buildings and under canopies and eventually made their way through the Student Union. She had retreated back into the backpack and watched everything through the small window the bag provided. She really wanted to keep her head out, but Don’s warning on how people would react was still fresh in her mind.

She became distracted when he started walking past a small shop the union had, and noticed that there were muffins on one of the racks. She gave out a small gasp and looked harder, however, her view was quickly becoming obscured due to Don’s speed.

She reached out a hoof towards the pastries, “Muffins…” she said slightly saddened, “I’ll be back for you…”

-

He sat down in the lounge; he was the first one there, he always was. But there was something about the quiet time before the hustle and bustle of the day that was soothing to him. He set his bag down and sat on one of the sofas,

“Silence is golden.” He thought taking in the tranquility. He was about to doze off when a sudden thought hit him.
“Shoot, I should get outta here before- “

“Hey man, you ready to see awesome??” Came the all too familiar voice of Lewis.

“FFFFUUUUUUUUU-“ Don mentally screamed but then he had an idea. “Oh, Hey man, I got an exam to study for so-“

Lewis only waved a hand, “And nothing helps you study more than binge watching shows. Its scientifically proven you know.”

“I don’t think that’s how science works.” Don said flatly.

-

Derpy poked her head out of the backpack again. She noticed she was inside another room now and was surrounded by tables and other gigantic furniture. She scanned the area and came to the conclusion it was empty enough to venture a bit, but not too far from the safe confines of the backpack. She crawled through the hole she peered from and tumbled down into a sitting position. She sat there disoriented from the fall before shaking her head and dismissing the current discombobulation.

She spread out her wings letting out a small grunt as she felt her muscles stretch after being confined for a better portion of the morning. She then did some pre-flight stretches before exploring.

After her light calisthenics, she decided to take a better look around the room. There were large cushioned chairs, sofas off to one side, and tables presumably used for eating and whatever other multipurpose tasks. She began to question why Don didn’t let her come in the first place since there were all sorts of nooks and crannies to hide in.

Just then a door swung open which caused her to jump and quickly hide in the bag again. She peered out and saw two other humans walk by.

“On second thought, maybe I should stay near Don’s bag. I don’t feel like getting stepped on.” She said to herself. She supposed she could’ve just flown out of the way, but that alone could bring her unwanted attention.

She spent the next hour exploring the general area staying hidden within the shadows of the furniture all the while staying within a safe distance of the backpack. Each time someone would come in, she would quickly dart towards the bag and hide.

Eventually, she heard a familiar voice;

“Well, I gotta go man, it’s class time.” Don said.

“Oh hey, how about that, sorry man, and you needed to study for that test, but you know, once you get me going about IV’s and move sets, it’s hard to stop me.” Lewis said.

“Test? Oh, right, the test, yeah, about that, it got canceled.”

Lewis recoiled in confusion, “What? How would you know? You didn’t check anything while you were poorly defending Paras.”

There was a brief moment of awkward silence. “I still think Paras is a good-“

“No, it’s not. I’m killing this dream right now. But you never answered my question about-“

“Well, gotta go, that test isn’t gonna fill itself out y’know so I’ll be seeing you around.”

Derpy jumped back into Don’s bag just as he made his way over. She felt herself being lifted off the ground and onto his back again. She felt him travel for a couple of minutes before she peeked out again. She gasped when she saw hundreds of humans walking about and going to various places. This was a much different picture than it was an hour before with the campus quiet and dead, but now full of life and noise.

-

He entered one of the buildings again and rounded through the hallways to his designated classroom.

He set down his bag and sighed, “Hooray, History of Mexico, now I get to hear about more terrible things the Spanish did to the indigenous people of its land. I wonder what we’ll hear about this time? Forcefully taking property? Racial Oppression? Both? Find out this and more this week on History Channel!”

“Now that’s popcorn worthy.”

He put his head in his hand, “Could this day possibly get any worse?” Just then his professor walked in.

-

“Good Morning Class,” He said. There were a few uncharismatic good mornings in response. “Well, it seems as if no one got any sleep last night, what a shame, and here I thought I would have an exciting lecture.”

He opened his briefcase and brought out some notes, “Now, where we last left off, we were discussing the Enconmienda System and how the Spanish immediately cut off the head of the native governments and put on their own ‘head’ of government…”

Don made a small grimace at the colorful analogy the professor had used, but he didn’t expect anything less from the history professors around this college. They were a strange bunch; a little TOO excited about their own fields. Then again, that was the entire liberal arts college was like that.

He dismissed the thought and unzipped his backpack

“SURPRISE!” Derpy yelled while standing on her hind legs and waving her forehooves.

“WHAT THE FU-“ Don clasped his mouth and bag shut and looked around. The entire class and the professor were looking at him, and he could’ve sworn they were shooting daggers as well.

He sat there in awkward silence and gave a visible gulp trying to quickly think of something.

“Uh, Well… um… there’s a…you see… I… have… It’s kinda… theres…Spider… in bag…”

The whole class still only stared at him waiting for a coherent explanation.

“E-excuse me!” Don said while getting up and quickly exiting the classroom.

-

He ran towards a bathroom kicking open the door. He made a quick scan to see if anyone was there before opening the bag and Derpy flew out.

“DERPY WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?! I TOLD YOU TO STAY HOME!” Don yelled.

“I was bored and I wanted to see what you did during the day!” She replied.

“What if someone sees you?! Do you realize what kind of consequences there would be?!”

He froze immediately when her heard a toilet flush and a door open. He turned and looked only to see someone staring at him with a completely bewildered face at what he was seeing. The only thing that Don could think about were two words:

“Oh crap…”

Transparency and Magic Tricks

Transparency and Magic Tricks

Don stood frozen in place as the person in front of him gave him a quizzical look. Unsure of what to do, he visibly gulped and continued to stare at the other guy. It was a full minute before the silence was broken.

“Uh, are you okay? You were…talking to yourself.” They said.

“I DIDN’T KNOW THEY EXISTED-wait… talking to myself?” He looked over at Derpy, then back at the other man.

“You mean… you don’t… see anything HERE?” Don said while making circular motions with his arms around where Derpy hovered.

“No, there’s…nothing there.” They replied.

He stepped forward and pulled out a card from his shirt pocket. “I’m from student counseling and psych services. You should call me. Please.” He said handing the card over and then walking out.

Don blinked for a couple of seconds processing what just happened.

“He didn’t see Derpy, why couldn’t he see her? Did he just make a pass at me? Why didn’t he wash his hands?!” He thought while quickly dropping the card. He turned to Depry.

“You mean nobody could see you this entire time?!” He nearly shouted.

Derpy only responding by shrugging her shoulders.

He felt something snap in his head and the only thing he could do was let out a frustrated yell.

Outside the bathroom everyone just stopped and looked at the door to the men’s room. One student spoke up after Don’s scream;

“On second thought, let’s not eat at the cafeteria today…” he said to his friend while quickly walking away.

-

Don sat lazily at one of the tables outside of the Student Union with a soft drink in hand, clearly fed up with the day. At this point he was wondering what to do with the extra time since there was no going back to class unless he wanted to get murdered with stares. He took another sip, it was one of those days.

Derpy on the other hand was enthralled as she could fly without any restrictions. She hovered about looking at all the different people and how all them were doing things or going somewhere. She flew over to a nearby table and looked at someone on their laptop.

She looked curiously at the computer and marveled at it. It somehow reminded her of the typewriters back home, however there were a lot more keys to it and no paper. She climbed onto the device and got a closer look at the buttons, being careful as to not get in the way of the fingers that were furiously typing. She inched closer only to have her fore-hooves plant themselves on the shift key, thus making all the words currently being typed in caps.

The student continued forward in a cruise control sort of mode not seeing the capital letters on the screen as she typed straight from her notes. A couple of seconds later however, her attention was shifted back to the screen.

“What the…” she muttered. She looked at the keyboard and noticed the shift key was stuck in place and made a motion toward it.

Derpy saw the human make a move to where she was standing and quickly flew out of the way. She noticed the girl give a funny look before shaking her head.

“Weird…” was all the human said before going back to typing.

Derpy was still fascinated by the typing and the computer, she flew in from another angle so she could keep watching. She was entranced the way the typing cursor as it made its way from one side of the page to the other, and by how fast it was going. She moved in closer again and climbed up on the computer once more. This time however, one of her hooves stepped on the power button and held it there.

A couple of seconds later the computer screen went black and the sounds of typing abruptly stopped.

“MY PAPER!” the student screamed.

Derpy jumped back clearly startled.

“IT’S ALL GONE!”

Derpy took this time to quickly fly away again from the distraught girl and headed back to Don who was looking at the student panic and shaking his head.

“What did you do?” He asked.

“Nothing! All I did was stand there and watch her type!”

Their exchange was interrupted by the girl screaming again, “I didn’t even save!”

He face-palmed, “You need to be more careful when you’re around people. You never know what they’re going to do, c’mon, let’s get outta here before that girl starts getting violent.” He said as he got up.

Derpy landed on his shoulder, “Where are we going now?” She asked.

He thought for a moment, “Let’s go to the library, at least you’ll stay out of trouble there and we can find a place where you won’t destroy student careers.”

-

The two traveled in silence for a bit, till they entered another building.

“What’s this place Don?” She asked.

“It’s the Science Building. Where we learn…science….” He said plainly.

“What about magic? Do you have a Magic Building?”

For a brief moment Don thought about the Union again, and how there was always a small crowd of people playing Magic the Gathering, but then again, that’s probably not what she was talking about. He let out a small chuckle at the thought.

“No, magic doesn’t exist here. Though, there are some who claim to be, but in reality, they’re really good illusionists. It’s actually kind of impressive. But the short answer for you is, illusion yes, magic, no.”

She pondered over this. A world without magic? Twilight would definitely be interested in a place like this where the inhabitants of this world lived day to day without the need for magic.

She was about to ask another question but she was distracted as they passed another classroom that had an ajar door. She flew off his shoulder and peered into the room.

“What class is this?” she asked pointing.

“I don’t know,” Don whispered. “Best not to make too much noise or else we’ll disturb them.”

“You make it sound like a safari.”

He briefly imagined himself and Derpy with pith helmets looking through binoculars at the students in a wildlife setting from some distant bushes. His imagination was interrupted by a professor’s voice however.

“So, who can tell me what qualities these three elements share?” The professor asked pointing to the periodic table. He then made a motion to copper, gold, and silver.

One student raised their hand, “They’re all precious metals?”

The professor paused for a moment, taking in the students answer. “Well, yes, that’s correct, but what else?”

Silence

“Anybody at all?”

Derpy looked at the periodic table pondering over what was just asked before coming up with a conclusion.

“Oh, they all have a complete D electron shell and only have one valence electron on their outermost shell. Which makes them more reactive.” She said rubbing her chin with her hoof.

Don raised an eyebrow, “…what?”

“You at the door!” the professor called.

“The animals have spotted you! Quick! Paint eyes on your forehead! Be defensive and make yourself appear bigger and assert your dominance!”

Don looked around and pointed at himself with a quizzical look.

“Yes you! Do you know what they all have in common?”

Don shifted nervously, “Uh, they all have a complete D Electron shells and only have one valence electron on their outermost shell, making them more reactive?” He said completely taking Derpy’s answer.

“You plagiarizing Judas…”

“Wow, that’s...that’s actually correct. No doubt a fellow student of science! Tell me son, what field are you studying?” the professor asked.

Don gulped, “Uh, History…”

The professor shook his head and looked back at his class, “You all should be ashamed of yourselves by getting one-upped by a Primary-Source Loving student.”

Don felt the entire class give him death stares,

“I am so dead when I walk to my car later…”

He quickly left the area with Derpy in tow.

“How did you know that?!” he asked.

“Know what?”

“About copper, silver, and gold?”

She only shrugged, “I dunno, I just did.”

He sighed, “You know, sometimes I wish you would give me better answers, but I know that I’m probably better off not knowing in the first place. The last thing I need is the last of my sanity and/or my humanity to leave me.”

Conveniences and Stewing Brawls

Conveniences and Stewing Brawls

Don sat in English class slowly losing his concentration to the lecture. His eyelids grew heavy and was about to fall asleep when a whisper brought him back to reality.

“Don,” Derpy whispered, “I’m bored.”

“Try listening to the lecture, and then fill me in about it later.” He whispered back.

Another voice quickly interrupted their banter, “Is there something you would like to add to the discussion Mr. Lacson?”

Don visibly flinched at the question. “Um, no?”

“Then please refrain from making any more comments then. “

Don quickly brought up his book, and hunkered down in his seat a bit. He was thankful that he sat in the back corner of the class since it provided some sort of privacy combined with the fact that most of the other students sat away from his general vicinity which made conversation with Derpy less noticeable, save for the volume.

He pushed the pen into her hooves, “Draw.” He said.

“Draw what?” Derpy asked.

“I dunno, some…trees and some flowers from your world?”

“Mr. Lacson,” the professor called out again, “What was that you just said?”

He panicked for a brief moment before rallying his thoughts together, “Um, I said… On three, I’ve been stuck on number three for a few hours?” He said giving a sheepish grin.

“We haven’t gotten there yet, but apparently you’ve been reading ahead, good for you.” The professor said.

He gave a sigh of relief. “I can’t believe that worked, and it’s probably my only luck out for today, from here on out I’m on my own. Thanks fates, you really know how to stick it to me.”

He continued to listen on for the duration of the class and avoided eye contact with the professor whenever questions were asked. If there was one rule he was sure about, it’s never make eye contact with a teacher when a question was asked. It was like they could smell and sense the inability to answer and it was some kind of sick fun they like to have while asking the unsure.

“Mr. Lacson, could you tell us what’s wrong with number three then since you’ve been reading ahead?” the professor asked.

“Oh c’mon! I didn’t make eye contact! I followed the code! This is what I get for lucking out earlier.”

“What a twist…”

He looked up at the professor and looked back at his book. “Um, number three?” he stuttered.

“Yes.”

Don looked at the problem for a full fifteen seconds before deciding he had no idea what the answer was and now he felt as if he was put on center stage for all the world to see his ineptitude.

Derpy looked up from her drawing session and saw the human struggling. It was a full thirty seconds of silence before the professor spoke up again.

“Do you know the answer or not?”

She looked at Don and saw the defeat in his eyes before she heard him speak.

“No…” he said while sinking in his chair a bit.

Derpy set down the pen and looked around the classroom and saw the stares from other classmates, some sympathetic, most disapproving, and some not caring at all. She knew exactly how Don felt right now as she was suddenly reminded of all the times when other ponies would give her those same looks of disapproval when she couldn’t do something right.

She moved to where his hand rested and put her hoof on it. He looked down and was met with a reassuring smile. As odd as it was due to the way her eyes were, it still held a lot of value. In that gesture alone, he could see her saying “It’s okay, you tried your best.” He gave a small smile and a very soft “Thanks.”

There was a sudden feeling of guilt for Don considering that he knew full and well he didn’t try at all. He knew it was his fault for not paying attention, but the way Derpy had just leveled with him said a lot about who she was. Sure, she was clumsy, but she was very sympathetic and supportive. Maybe he could give more effort, if not for his own sake but for hers too.

Class trudged on without any incidents before being dismissed. Don quickly put away his things and motioned to Derpy to follow him with his head. She obeyed and flew after him and landed on his unburdened shoulder and proceeded to let him do the traveling for her.Eventually they reached the parking lot and looked over the large area fill with rows upon rows of odd looking vehicles.

“What are these?” Derpy asked, flying over to a car.

He raised an eyebrow, “You’ve never seen a car before? Just how exactly do you get around where you’re from?”

She landed on the trunk of a car they were nearest to, “A pegasus like myself will usually fly if it’s not too far where we’re going, and unicorns and earth ponies usually walk or take carriages.If it’s somewhere really really far away, we’ll take a train.”

He mulled the information over, “Horses riding horse-drawn carriages, redundancy at it’s finest.”

His thoughts were interrupted by his phone ringing, “Hello? Hey Mom…yeah….okay….Sure, I can get that on my way home. Alright… see you later, bye.”

“What was that?” Derpy asked while eyeing a curious little black box he put back in his pocket.

“What was what?”

“That!” She said pointing at his pocket.

“Oh this?” He asked bringing out his phone again, “It’s my cellphone. You know, the thing I put near you every night so I don’t roll over and squash you?”

She only looked at it more intently. “Well, I know that, but you never explained WHAT it does.”

“Seriously? You don’t have anything like this back where you’re from?” He asked.

She thought for a moment, “No, I’ve never seen anything like that before.”

“Simply put, it lets me talk to others instantly over large distances. It’s a lot faster than waiting to meet somebody or for the mail.” He said.

She nodded thinking about what Don had just told her. “Huh, kinda sounds like when Spike sends a message with his fire-breath. So, what was that conversation about?”

“Oh, my mom wants me to pick up strawberries at the store since they keep disappearing somewhere.” He said in an accusing tone. “…wait, what do you mean fire-breath?”

“And they were delicious!” she said completely ignoring his question.

He sighed, “So yeah, we’ll be heading to the store…”he was cut off by a gasp from Derpy.

“A store?! Do they have muffins?! I hope they have muffins!” she said with a hopeful and excited smile.

He stood there with a slightly exasperated face, “Yes they have muffins but-“

“Oh my gosh! They have muffins! Can we get one? Can we? Can we?” She said while jumping up and down.

The pressure from her jumping was just enough to set off the car’s alarm. With a scream, she jumped and latched onto Don’s arm. He shook his head at the display.

“What did we learn today?” he asked.

“That cars are scary…”

-

The car ride home was more bearable now that Don had someone to talk to, in fact, he welcomed the change with open arms. He began to question why he didn’t just up and let her come with him the in the first place, consequences be damned. There was a moment of silence before he spoke up.

“You know, you don’t have to sit there on the passenger’s seat,” he said, “You wanted to see what my world was like, well, now you can.”

She flew up to the dashboard and stared in awe at the sight before her; there were hundreds of cards zooming about and buildings as far as she could see.

“Wow, I’ve never seen anything like this before.” She said.

He raised an eyebrow, “Really? You’ve never seen a giant city before?” he asked.

“Well, we have big cities like Manehatten, but not with all these…what do you call them…cars?” she finished still taking in the scenery.

“Yeah, that’s how people get around for the most part, not very many of us walk anymore, except for short distances, or rarely even that. As for long distances we take cars, or we fly and sometimes trains.”

This made Derpy more attentive and faced him. “Fly? How do you fly?” she asked.

“Well, I’ll have to answer that later, right now, we’re here.” He said.

She turned her gaze out the windshield again. It was another parking lot full of cars, however, there were people pushing carts and milling in and out like a beehive or an anthill. Before she realized it, they had already parked and heard the door open.

“Well, you coming or what?” he asked.

She flew up and perched herself on his shoulder again before going inside. As they entered there was a gust of wind that ruffled her mane. She was about to question where it came from when she noticed the numerous shelves lined with all sorts of food stuff, and various other items from one end of the building to the other.

“Wow,” she said, “there’s so much…stuff.” She said while looking around.

“Yeah, everything you need and more all in one location, and in this town, there’s two more stores just like it.” He said flatly.

“Two more?!” Where do you get all this stuff from?” She asked while taking flight to observe the area better.

“Everywhere really, food processing plants, farms, and dairy farms. Y’know, places like that.”

As the two walked towards the produce section, they stopped at the bakery to look at the various cakes that had been put on display along with all the other sweets set out to be purchased. Derpy, however, insisted that there was no better places to get sweets than Sugar Cube Corner. Wherever that was. After some time, they arrived at their destination.

“Hmm, no wonder…” She said to herself.

“No wonder what?” He asked.

“Oh, the reason the fruit here isn’t as sweet as back home.” she said still eyeing all the different produce.

“And what reason would that be?” He asked inspecting a box of strawberries.

“Oh well, its kind of simple really,” she said hovering in front of Don, “Since there’s so much demand from all these people, the farmers rush to grow their crops in anyway they can, and in turn this makes the quality of their products go down.”

He had a blank look on his face, “What?” he asked.

“So that’s why you should support your local farmers, and muffins!” she said.

He shook his head, “Donavan Lacson, you just got schooled by a three-inch tall pegasus, how does that make you feel?”

“It feels terrible Bob, I’m about ready to crawl under a rock right about now.”

Derpy’s attention shifted to a stack of cans not too far away and quickly zipped to the tower of aluminum. He noticed and headed over to where she was hovering.

“C’mon, you should know what soup is, tomato by the looks of it. Also, you should watch out or-“

His sentence was interrupted by the sound of aluminum cans falling to the floor. He could only wince at what was happening. He looked at Derpy who was holding onto one can where the center used to be.

“Oops, my bad.”

He face-palmed and suddenly looked around only to be met with the gazes of other shoppers. He stood there for a second wondering what to do. Another full three seconds passed before he bent down and picked up a can.

“What? Three for five dollars?!” he then scooped up an arm full and ran off with Derpy in tow. The other shoppers only looked on as they saw a young man run off with cans of soup before one of them spoke up;

“Three for five?! Shoot, I’m taking all I can get!” as they moved in on the scattered cans.

“Not before me lady!” someone else said. Before long there was a mad grab for soup which eventually turned into free for all.

Don sighed as he set the cans down in another aisle. “That was way to close.” He looked back as he heard footsteps running passed them only to see several security guards running towards where he came from. He quickly turned when he heard Derpy gasp,

“Derpy, what’s- oh no.”

Before him lay the snack aisle, with Derpy hovering where the muffins were. She had the most excited face at the sheer grandeur of all the different type and brands of muffins.

“It’s…beautiful…” she whispered to herself.

He could’ve sworn he heard a sniffle and saw a tear run down her face but he quickly dismissed that. “Derpy, c’mon, we gotta go.”

No response.

“Hello?” he said waving a hand in front of her face.

“Huh? Oh, hey Don, when did you get here?”

He shook his head, “I said we need to go.” He reiterated.

“What? Why?”

“We got what we came for so it’s time to go.”

She turned back at the muffins, “But…muffins…” she said sadly panning around at all the different flavors.

She was about to follow Don when she gasped again and flew towards one of the pastries. It was a giant blueberry muffin neatly wrapped in plastic that was much bigger than she was. Her eyes widened at the very sight of it and flew towards it as if in a trance.

“Derpy, please, we need to go!” he pleaded.

His voice snapped her out of her trance and flew in his face, “We have to get this muffin!” she said with a serious tone.

“What? Why?”

“Because it’s the biggest muffin I’ve ever seen!” she said. She went over and picked up the large pastry and held it above her head with both hooves, making her sway a bit in the air.

“I don’t even know if I have enough for both-“

“Please?”

“No.”

“Pleeeease?” she asked giving puppy eyes.

“No, not the puppy eyes… fffuuu…”

Visibly defeated, he caved in, “Fine well, take the muffin.”

Her eyes lit up again, “Oh thank you, thank you, thank you!”

He rolled his eyes and noticed three nuns giving him a shocked stare. He thought for a minute before realizing what they were seeing; a floating muffin in front of a guy who is apparently talking to himself. He quickly snatched the muffin from mid-air and made his way passed the three women who followed him with their gaze unmoving. He cleared his throat,

“Sisters.” He said giving them a curt nod.

They only looked on in horror.

“Uh, have a blessed day…and may God be praised.” He said as he did a quick cross over his chest before he left.

“And now you’re going to hell for making it look like you were making fun of them. Way to go, Don.”

“Does that make you a heretic…? Heathen.”

After paying the two made their way back towards his car. There wasn’t much conversation this time on the journey as Derpy was too enthralled on her newly acquired muffin. He made a quick glance towards her and found her laying on top of it, stroking the pastry gently with a content smile on her face.

“Muffin…” he heard her say in her daze.

He shook his head. He didn’t have any spending money for the rest of the weekend, not that he had plans or anything, but at least he could do something for Derpy, regardless of how clumsy she was. Now he had to think about what else to do this weekend, but he could figure that out tomorrow.

Early Risers and Wings

Early Risers and Wings

Don slept peacefully knowing that the comforting embrace of the weekend was here, which meant he didn’t have to wake up to any obligations. Or so he thought. He suddenly became aware of something in his slumber; he felt a rhythmic poking on his chest and soon enough, the rest of his senses were beginning to function. He faintly heard someone calling his name over and over again which only got louder as his mind was brought into focus.

“Don! Don! Wake up, Don!” Derpy called while jumping up and down on his chest.

She was only met with a groan and the human turned over. She hovered for a moment before landing on his upper arm.

“C’mon, Don! Wake up, it’s morning!”

Another groan, “It’s too early…” came a muffled reply.

“Early? It’s eight-thirty!”

“Too early.”

She thought for a moment on how to get him up before coming to an idea,

“But I’m hungry, and I already finished the muffin from yesterday!”

He instantly sat up, “What?! How is that even possible?!”

“I’m kidding, I didn’t finish it. I just wanted you to get up.”

“You’re losing your edge Don, you just got bested by a pegasus again. How does that make you feel?”

“It feels great Bob, just FANTASTIC. I’m going to Disney World after this too!”

“So, what are we gonna do today?” she asked.

He stared at her with a blank expression for a full minute before laying back down and turning over again. “Going to sleep, that’s what we’re doing.”

“You can’t sleep all day you know.” She said.

“Is that a challenge?”

She sighed, getting the human out of bed was going to be more difficult than she thought. She landed on his side again and began brainstorming for a new idea. She sat there rubbing her chin with her hoof before coming to a realization and flying off to the kitchen.

A moment later she returned and landed on his pillow. “Wakey wakey…” she said with a devious yet playful tone.

In one fell swoop she quickly slid a sizeable chunk of ice she had pilfered from the kitchen into Don’s shirt.

“OH WHAT THE FU-“ he screamed while flailing off his bed. “WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?!”

She only smiled, “Now that you’re up, what’s there to eat?”

He ran a hand over his face, “I hate my life, and it’s not even nine yet…”

-

Derpy sat on the table happily eating more fruit and small pieces of toast. Don, on the other hand, sat hunched over the table staring blankly into the designs of the table cloth gripping onto a coffee mug as if his life depended on it.

“I just wanted to sleep in, is that so much to ask? And why did I get coffee? I hate coffee.”

“Yeah, weird…”

He had just finished pouring the black liquid in the sink when he heard his cell-phone ring. He quickly made his way back to his room and picked it up.

“Hello?”

“Hey man, you gonna start watching the show with me today?” greeted the voice

He instantly recognized it, it was none other than Lewis.

“Lewis?! How did you get my phone number?!”

“Oh, I know a guy,” Lewis replied, “anyways, you should totally watch the show. Don’t miss out!” He said before hanging up.

“No, Lewis, wait-“ he sighed when he heard the call end tone.

“How did I end up knowing that guy?”

He was about to return to the kitchen when his phone rang again, “Hello?”

“Oh yeah, also a couple of us are meeting up later for Wing Night, you wanna come?” came Lewis’ voice again.

“Wing Night? Um, I dunno…” Don trailed.

“Relax man, you’ll fit right in, plus I already told the guys you’d be there.”

“What?! I haven’t even-“

“So anyways we’ll be meeting around seven. See you there.” Lewis said before ending the call.

“What….just happened?”

“Railroaded. What a negotiator.”

-

He shook his head and returned to the kitchen where he noticed Derpy staring up at the ceiling.

“What are you staring at-“ he stopped before noticing a piece of toast was stuck to the ceiling.

“How… Y’know, I’m pretty sure I don’t want know how.” He said rubbing his head.

“I just don’t know what happened.” She replied.

“Yeah, I’m sure you didn’t and we’re gonna keep it that way.”

-

The two sat on the living room sofa wondering what to do until evening.

“So, what are we gonna do today?” Derpy asked.

“I don’t know, I don’t have any money to go anywhere so, we’re just stuck here.”

At that moment Don’s dad came into the living room. “Oh good, you’re here, and since you’re not doing anything how’d you like to mow the lawn?”

Don kept a bored look on his face. “Seriously dad? Mow the lawn?”

His father sighed, “There’s a twenty in it for you if you do.”

“So, mowing the lawn huh? Sounds great.” Don said getting up.

“By way the way,” his dad called, “Who were you talking to?”

Don froze. “Um, talking to?” a bead of sweat began to run down his head.

“Yeah, I keep hearing you talk to someone but there’s nobody in your room and your phone is sitting away from you.”

Don scrambled for any excuse to give his dad. How would he describe that he was talking to a small flying horse that nobody but he could see? Next thing he knew he would be dragged away by people wearing white coats. No, that explanation wouldn’t end well, either that or his parents would assume he was on drugs, and he didn’t really want to spend some time in some kind of rehab.

“Oh, I was just trying out some…new thing…on the computer…” He stuttered.

“New thing?” his dad questioned.

“Yeah, talking over the internet and whatnot, just trying it out. Anyways gotta mow that grass.” Don finished and quickly left the room with Derpy in tow.

-

It wasn’t too warm outside, so mowing today wasn’t going to be as excruciating as he thought it was going to be. He rolled the push-mower out from a small shed and looked it over. It had certainly seen better days, but it still worked, at least he hoped it did.

Derpy on the other hand looked at the machine curiously, wondering what it would do. Don did say it was for cutting grass or something like that, but just how it would do that made her ever more inquisitive. She watched him screw open a cap and peer inside and nod to himself before screwing it back on. He then pushed a small button a couple of times before grabbing a rope and pulled on it with what appeared to be most of his strength.

The mower roared to life and caused her to cover her ears at the sheer volume of its engine. She quickly brought out a tiny pair of earmuffs and put them on. Satisfied that the noise was at a more tolerable level, she perched herself on his shoulder.

The task itself was rather mundane; as soon as he reached one end of the yard, he just turned around with the mower and went back in the opposite direction. She now understood why Don was a bit reluctant to do this.

Eventually the task was complete and the two sat on the patio outside.

“I forgot why I don’t really like mowing the lawn.” Don said.

“What?”

“I just said how I don’t like mowing the lawn.”

“What?”

He sighed, “I said-“ he stopped when he faced Derpy. He noticed the earmuffs she put on were still there, and gently pulled them off.

“There, is that better?”

She nodded.

He examined the earmuffs, “Wait, where did you get these- no, never mind. I don’t wanna know.” He said, handing them back to her.

“First things first though, I really could use a shower now.” He said while getting up. “And by the looks of it, so do you.”

She examined herself over and noticed she had pieces of grass sticking to her and her mane. “Yeah, I could use a bath too.”

-

As he finished his shower and was going to start getting Derpy’s bath ready, he wondered why she wouldn’t take a regular shower and insisted on a bubble bath, but then again, a shower at that size might be a bit painful he assumed. He chuckled a bit remembering the first time he had to get her bath.

-

“So where do I take a bath?” She asked.

“What? Bath?” He asked raising an eyebrow. “You take baths?”

She giggled, “Of course I do, I don’t want to go around being dirty.”

He sighed, and led her to the bathroom.

“Wow, you’ve got a huge washroom.” She said looking around.

“Yeah, I guess it is. Given your size.” He said eyeing the walls. “Well, here it is.” He motioned.

She looked at the humongous tub in front of her, “I don’t think this is safe for me, do you have anything smaller?” she asked.

“This is the only tub I have, not unless…” he trailed off and began to think. “Hold on, I might have an idea.”

He made his way into the kitchen and began going through the cupboards.

“C’mon, where is it…” he said to himself while pushing aside Tupperware, and other assorted dishes. After a few minutes of searching, he found what he was looking for; a large gravy boat.

“This ought to be big, well, small enough I hope.” He said as he made his way back to the bathroom.

A voice called out to him which made him stop dead in his tracks.

“Don, what are you doing with my gravy boat?” his mom called.

He went into panic mode and began to scramble for reasons.

“Um… I’m… making gravy?” he lamely finished.

“In the bathroom?” she asked, clearly not buying it.

“Okay, okay, I’m doing a project for class that involves hydrogen peroxide and…coins.”

She raised an eyebrow, “And you need a gravy boat…why?”

“For a controlled environment, duh, c’mon mom, get with the program.” He said.

“Controlled environment? Do you even know what you’re saying anymore?”

“Shut up, she’s buying it!”

“Well, I guess…”

He turned to head into the bathroom.

“Just be sure and clean it and put it back when you found it.”

He waved a hand, “Yeah, sure thing, got it mom.”

“I can’t believe that actually worked… good job team, high fives all around.”

-

Later that evening, Don was getting ready to head out with Lewis and whatever other crew was going to be there. He hoped it wasn’t going to be too crowded. He was a person of few words, and when there was a group, there were even less words to be said.

He walked into his room where Derpy called out to him. “Where are you going Don?”

“Oh, I’m gonna meet up with Lewis and some of the guys for Wing Night.” He said while putting his wallet in his pocket.

Her eyes lit up, “Wing Night?! I didn’t know you could fly!” she began to circle around him, “Where are your wings? How big are they? Are they the same color as your hair?”

He face-palmed, “No, you don’t understand, I don’t have wings, Wing Night means we’re going out to eat.”

She stopped flying, “What?”

“Wing Night. As in, we got to a restaurant and EAT wings.”

It was a full thirty seconds before she realized what he was saying.

“Y-you…eat…w-wings?” She asked while hugging herself and her wings.

“Yeah, that’s what Wing Night is.” He said casually as he put his phone in his pocket.

“MONSTER!” she yelled while grabbing a pen and throwing it at him.

“Oh, what the-“ he shouted dodging another pen.

“You’re a monster! How could you eat the wings off of a helpless…” she stopped midsentence and holding a battery, “What kind of wings do you all eat during Wing Night?” she asked.

“Buffalo Wings.” He said.

“Oh… How could you eat the wings off an innocent buffalo?!” she asked resuming her projectile assault.

“Hold on a minute!” he yelled. “we don’t eat buffalos! In fact, buffalos don’t even have wings. I don’t know why they call them that, but they just do, as for wings, they’re chicken wings, not anything else!”

Derpy still had an angry look about her, “You’re still a monster! Eating innocent animals like that, how could you?!”

He sighed, “Okay, how about this, I won’t eat anything animal related while we’re there.”

She looked at him dead in the eyes.

“Do you promise?”

“I promise.”

“Do you Pinkie Promise?”

He sighed again, “Yes, I pinkie promise.” He said while holding out his pinkie finger.

She only looked at him with confusion, “What are you doing?”

He raised an eyebrow, “A pinkie promise, what else?”

She shook her head, “No, no, no, that’s not a Pinkie Promise.”

“What? How is that not a pinkie promise?” He asked, now thoroughly confused.

She huffed in frustration, “A Pinkie Promise is like this: ‘Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye!” she said while doing the motions. “See?”

He only had a blank expression on his face. “You want me to do that…?” he deadpanned.

She nodded.

He shook his head, “I can’t believe I’m gonna do this… Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye…happy?” he asked monotonously.

“How graceful.”

“Yes!” she said clapping her hooves together.

He rolled his eyes and looked at the clock, it read “six-forty”.

“Well, it’s time to go.” He said grabbing his keys.

-

The two arrived at the restaurant, and wondered if he should go in and see if he was the first one there. As the two got out and headed towards the entrance a peculiar aroma filled Derpy’s nose.

“What’s that smell?” she asked.

“It’s the smell of fried matter. When you’re hungry, it smells really good, when you’re full, it’s really gross.”

As the two entered the building, he scanned the room and noticed Lewis and a couple of the other guys sitting at a table in the center.

“Great, I was hoping he would’ve chosen a place off to the side where we’re less noticeable.”

Derpy, however, was amazed at the interior. There were large screens playing all sorts of various things. From what she could deduce, it was all sports by the looks of it. She wondered why such a place would have a fast-paced environment, after all, it would certainly affect the whole dining experience in a negative way wouldn’t it? Before she realized it, she had lagged considerably behind Don before she flew up to him and perched herself on her usual spot.

“Don, you made it!” Lewis greeted.

“Yeah, I made it.” Don replied and sat down across from the others. “This is the first time I’ve been out on a Saturday night in a while, it’s a nice change of pace.” He continued.

“Well, we’re glad to make your life more interesting.” Lewis said.

“Oh, you have no idea…”

-

As she sat on Don’s shoulder, Derpy looked around the room again and noticed a large box full of toys at the other end of the room. She took off and flew towards it and pressed up against the glass that encompassed it.

“So many toys… “she said to herself.

One of the things in particular struck her fancy; embedded in the middle is what appeared to be a cupcake plush toy, which could be debated that also looked like a muffin.

“I have to have you…” she said.

She quickly flew back to Don and hovered near his ear.

“Don,” she whispered, “How much is it to play that claw game over there?”

He looked out of the corner of his eye, “Twenty-five cents.”

“Do you have that?” she asked.

He fished around in his pocket before setting a quarter on this thigh. “Here.”

“Hey man, were you just talking to yourself?” Lewis asked.

“Uh, no, I was just running a few things in my head making sure I didn’t forget anything…like money.”

Lewis raised an eyebrow, “Relax man, if you forgot some cash, I got you.”

Derpy flew back to the machine holding onto the coin, which was lighter than a bit was back home, she noted, but quickly dismissed the notion. She inserted the coin in the slot and flew up to the control stick. Moving the claw about she positioned it over her prize and looked over the lay about between the two before she was satisfied of its position and pushed the red button on the stick. She watched the claw drop into the cluster of toys.

It dropped and embedded itself and stopped before retreating back but only moved her target upwards before dropping.

She gasped as she saw she almost had her prize, pressing herself up to the glass again, but was quickly disappointed when the stuffed cupcake-muffin amalgam fell back into the small sea of toys. Not to be deterred, she flew back to Don.

“Don, do you have another quarter?” she asked.

“No.”

She groaned and flew back to the game. She looked it over and noticed the prize door and pushed it open. As she went inside, she looked up and noticed that she had free access to the toy pit. At this point, there was nothing stopping her from getting what she wanted.

From Don’s point of view, he only saw the pegasus fly into the claw machine.

“Derpy, what are you doi- oh no…”

He continued to watch her fly about inside the machine and pick up what appeared to be a stuffed cupcake and drop it into the prize bin. He face-palmed at what he just witnessed which caught the attention of Lewis.

“Hey man, what’s up?”

Don looked up, “Oh, nothing, I just remembered that I forgot…uh…”

“You forgot about the show didn’t you?” Lewis asked.

Don stared for a full second. “…yeah, I don’t think that’s it…” he replied.

“You’re lucky I keep tabs on things like this, otherwise you might forget your own head.” Lewis said completely ignoring Don.

Don got up from the table after excusing himself and walked over to the claw machine.

“I really need to stop getting myself into these predicaments. This can’t be good for my health; both mental and physical.”

“Probably.”

He bent down and pushed open the prize door.

“Derpy, what are you doing?”

“Muffin!” she exclaimed holding plush toy over her head.

“Your love for muffins amuses and concerns me…more so the latter.”

-

The rest o the evening went rather smoothly for the most part. Derpy kept herself occupied with the toy she had liberated from the claw machine, while Don attempted to assimilate into the small group he was in. Unfortunately, there wasn’t anything he had in common with the lot.

So, he did what he did best; listened and just nodded along as the group chatted away.Lewis would force his hand every now and then by including him in the conversation by asking him questions or piquing at his thoughts on something. To say the least, he was “in” with the group whether he liked it or not.

When the pair returned home later that night, he was greeted by his parents.

“So how was Wing Night?” His mom asked.

“It was alright, just hung out with the guys.” Don said as he made his way towards the hall.

“What’s that you got there?” his dad asked.

“Huh? Oh, this?” Don asked motioning at the plush toy, “It’s from the claw machine.”

“Wow, you won, lucky you.” His dad said.

“Yeah, won. Let’s go with that.”

His parents raised an eyebrow.

“Anyways, I’m heading to my room, I’m kinda beat.” He said quickly leaving.

“Yeah, lucky me…I’m just overloaded with luck. Why me? And it’s not even Sunday…”

Insomnia and Tech Solutions

Insomnia and Tech Solutions

“Don, Wake up, Don!” Derpy shouted while jumping on his head.

“No, I woke up early yesterday, go back to sleep.” he groaned while turning over and making a cocoon out of his blanket.

“But, I’m not sleepy anymore, plus I always wake up early since I’m a mail-mare!” she said.

“Of all the beings that I could’ve been stuck with, it had to be the one that would wake up early… I need a vacation.”

He felt her trying to roll him over, “Wake up, and I’m hungry too!”

He let out a growl, “Fine, I’ll get up. I never liked Sundays, so I might as well not like them even more!”

“That’s the spirit!”

-

He lazily went to the kitchen, where he noticed his parents were there eating.

“Well, aren’t you up early?” His mom said.

His dad looked up from the paper, “You’re up early? On a Sunday? Who are you and what have you done with our son?”

Don gave a glare, “Very funny, dad.” He said as he walked over to the fridge and took out assorted fruits.

His mom gave him a quizzical look, “And you’re having breakfast with fruit as the main course? Seriously, who are you?”

Don sighed, “Everyone’s a comedian…”

He retreated back to his room with the plate of fruit. “Here, eat up.” He said still somewhat asleep.

He dropped the plate unceremoniously on his desk which Derpy promptly began digging into. While she was preoccupied with eating, it was his chance to get back into bed.

He slowly crawled back under the covers and sealed himself under the blanket as some sort of shield from disturbance. He laid there for five minutes before sleep started to set in and was in the limbo of consciousness when he felt something near him. He opened his eyes and was face to face with Derpy.

“You can’t go to bed yet, it’s time to wake up!”

He flung himself out of the bed. “How did you get in there?! I was perfectly sealed- No, no, I don’t wanna know. The last thing I need in the morning is a complicated answer.”

He looked at her as was met with her hovering in the air while shrugging.

“Or an answer like that.” He said flatly while pinching the bridge of his nose.

-

“So, what are we doing today?” Derpy asked jumping up and down on his shoulder.

“I dunno, I don’t usually plan Sundays.” He said.

“Although taking a sedative doesn’t sound too bad right about now.”

The two stepped outside where they were greeted by one of the neighborhood dogs.

“Hey Jasper,” He said while kneeling down and petting the dog, “Did you break out of your yard again?”

The canine wagged its tail in response before looking up at the human only to cock its head and keep its attention on Don’s shoulder and letting out a bark.

“What are you barking at boy?” He asked while looking around. He couldn’t really see anything save for maybe a cat, but for the most part nothing. His attention finally set on Derpy before a thought came to him.

“Derpy, could you fly on top of my head for me?” He asked.

“Why, Don?” She asked a little bit confused.

“I’m just trying something out.” He said.

“Okay, then.”

Derpy took flight and perched herself on top of his head. All the while, he looked at the dog and noticed that he followed her every movement and watched her carefully. He had her do a couple of more fly-by’s just to confirm his suspicions.

“Interesting…” he mused.

“What? What’s so interesting?” She asked landing on her usual spot.

“It seems that Jasper can see you.” He looked around and noticed that the cat he had seen earlier was staring as well.

“Why’s that?” she asked.

“I don’t know, but it’s a little myth or legend that animals can see the unseen. Y’know, stuff like ghosts or death-“ He stopped.

“Are you SURE that I’m not dead? Because this is starting to sound like the afterlife’s slowest crossover ever.” He said while turning to Derpy.

“Don!” his mom called from the door, “Can you go into town for me and pick up a couple of things? No rush, just as long as you get the things I need?”

He mulled over the request for a moment, “Perhaps, but-“

“I’ll thrown in some cash too for your trip.”

Not needing anymore persuasion, he got up. “Okay, just tell me where to go and what to get.”

-

The two pulled into the parking lot and began to get out.

“Where are we Don?” Derpy asked flying a little higher than normal to get a better view of the area.

“We’re at the mall, or to make it sound more rustic, an indoor bazaar.” He replied.

They headed inside and were greeted with a low level of noise.

“I thought there would be more humans here.” She said looking around.

“Well, that’s because SOMEBODY woke me up early today,” He said.

“I’m not a ‘somebody’, I’m a ‘somepony’.” She argued back.

“Somepony? I’m not arguing over vernacular-“ he started saying before he noticed a couple of people were staring at him.

“Mommy, what’s wrong with that man?” a child asked.

“Don’t stare dear, it’s impolite, plus it’s very obvious that he is challenged in some way.”

Don quickly left the scene and headed down one avenue of the mall.

“Okay, this crazy stuff ends today, I need to find a way to talk to you without making it look like I’m insane.” He said while sitting down on a bench.

They sat idly watching people walk by, while he brainstormed on how to remedy his current situation. He was just about to give up when someone passed by that was talking on their phone.

“Huh… cell phone. I could make it look like I’m talking on a cell phone. But how…”

He turned the gears in his head for a while before coming up with an idea.

“I got it!” He said while standing up.

“Got what, Don?” she asked.

“Let’s go, I’m about to make myself a little less crazy.”

“I Doubt it…”

-

“Here we are.” He said while in front of a store.

“What kind of place is this?” She asked.

“An electronics store. Where people buy gizmos they don’t need or parts used to blow up stuff probably, I dunno.”

They walked inside and began to browse the ear pieces for cell phones.

“Oh yeah,” he said in a whisper, “feel free to look around the store, just don’t break anything.”

She gave a small salute and flew off to view the different devices in the store.

He browsed around a bit before his reconnaissance was interrupted.

“Do you need any help, Sir?”

He looked up, “We meet again Salesman…”

“Uh, yeah, I was actually looking for a blue-tooth headset, one that’s pretty good quality, but on the cheaper side.” Don said.

The salesman nodded and started with an explanation on the different brands and the qualities of each.

“Oh my gosh, stop pushing all the products and give me a satisfactory headset, its not like I’m REALLY gonna use it… oh he’s asking me something, back to the talking…”

“So, what kind of phone do you have?” the employee asked.

“Huh? Oh, uh, this one.” Don said while holding out his phone.

“Uh, can you even get blue-tooth on that thing?”

Don looked at his phone, it wasn’t exactly old, but it wasn’t new either. Considering it was a bar phone and not a flip phone or one of those phones with the keyboard build into it, he could only give a guess.

“Uh, I think so?”

-

Derpy flew around looking at all the different devices in the store. She watched a couple tv’s as they played sports clips. She found it interesting the way humans played sports, most of it being rough and contact. She couldn’t help but notice that one sport they played reminded her of Hoofball. Without another thought, she moved onto the other devices and eventually came to the laptops. She looked one over, and found all sorts of different icons, buttons, and colors displayed all over the screen just like the one she saw when she was at Don’s school. She crawled onto the computer and pushed a button; nothing. She continued to press buttons until the computer let out a “beep”. Thinking that she did something, she continued to press on to make the confounded machine work.

-

Don continued to listen to the employee drabble on and on about the different ear pieces trying to find an opportunity to end the conversation so he could make his own decision.

“Geez, this guy has been talking for what, ten minutes now? Somebody’s working for a raise, or to move up the corporate ladder.”

It was about a minute later when he found his opportunity to interject.

“Well, they all sound good, I’ll just keep browsing then.” He said.

“Alright then, if you have anymore questions just feel free to ask.”

“Sure, thanks” Don said while breathing out a sigh of relief.

-

Derpy decided to give up on trying to make the machines work. She had thought she got one to work when the screen suddenly changed to a blue one, but there were all sorts of words and numbers on there, and on top of that, the buttons weren’t responding anymore.

This happened with computer after computer till all of them had the same blue screen. With nothing else to do she flew back to where Don was.

“Have you decided what you’re gonna get?” she asked.

“Yeah, I think I’ve found something. All I need to do is pay.” He said while looking up.

Afterword, as the two sat on one of the benches, he began opening the plastic to the ear piece.

“Stupid boxes, it’s like they’re trying to keep me out or something.” He mumbled.

After about a minute he had freed the piece from its prison and put it on.

“Well, how does it look?” he asked looking at Derpy.

She rubbed her chin with her hoof for a few seconds before answering.

“You look stupid.”

“Thanks for the bit of confidence.” He said monotonously.

He was about to speak again when he heard voices from the store they were just in.

“WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO THE COMPUTERS?!” someone shouted.

“What. Did. You. Do?!” he asked looking at her.

“I was just trying to use them, I just don’t know what went wrong.” She said while shrugging.

“I thought I told you not to break anything.” He said while running a hand over his face.

“I didn’t break them, they were still whole when I left!” she said.

“That’s not what I meant by break-never mind, at least now I have a viable way of talking to you without looking like I’m losing my mind.” He said as he got up to finish his errands for the day.

“At least look it anyway…”

Author's Note

I can't say I'm too enthusiastic about this chapter, I feel as if it was too...boring. But every story has to have that sort of exposition I suppose. I feel like I covered a couple of important plot points or filled a couple of plot holes to say the least, but I understand if this isn't exactly the most interesting chapter by far.

Don't worry though, the next chapter should be better and have shenanigans.

Monotony and Playful Antics

Monotony and Playful Antics

Monday came and it was like every other Monday for Don, wake up, and head to school. He yawned as he walked into the Student Lounge with Derpy in tow.

“I just want a good night’s sleep, is that so much to ask?”

He felt Derpy land in her usual spot and made a quick glance at her. She was looking around taking in the sights and the size of the room. He smirked; her inquisitive nature and blissful ignorance of all the things going on in the world was amusing. In fact, he was a bit jealous in some way.

He came up to one of the cushioned seats and sat down, letting out a sigh as he leaned back.

“You’re free to explore just don’t go too far.” He said, bringing his gaze back to her.

“Okay.” She said and began to fly off.

“And don’t break anything!”

-

He sat for about five minutes in the silence of the union and closed his eyes and relaxed.

“A nap sounds good right about now.”

He was about to nod off when a voice cut into his head,

“Hey man,”

“Sink me…”

“Whoa, look at you with the blue-tooth headset.” Lewis said while sitting down.

“Uh, thanks?” Don said.

“Way to upgrade, but you look like a tool.” Lewis said.

“Gee thanks, that’s just the kind of thing I wanted to hear in the morning.” Don said with stoic face.

“Glad to help.” Lewis said with an amused smile.

-

The rest of the day went by without incident more or less. Don tried his best to stay awake in class, and Derpy either scribbled on paper or listened to what the professors had to say. He wondered at times if she understood at all at what they were talking about since this was higher education, but then again, he knew she was intelligent despite her…short comings.

The ride home was uneventful as well, no random calls from home to send him on errands this time, so there was just a straight drive. He looked over to the passenger seat and saw Derpy laying down on her back and was sound asleep. He smirked again; exploring must have worn her out. It must be interesting to her though, from what he could gather, her world was completely different than his, and seeing how other beings live and operate on a day to day basis must be one hell of an experience.

As the drive came to the end, he came to one conclusion though; for the first time in a long time, he felt content. Sure, there were many crazy moments with Derpy around, but she seemed to liven things up for him and it certainly changed up his routine.

-

“Hey, wake up, we’re home.” Don said giving her a small nudge.

“Huh, what was that?” She asked still addled from her sleep.

“I said we’re home.” He said while grabbing his backpack.

She stretched her wings and took flight to her spot and laid down on her stomach.

“Aren’t you the lethargic one today.” He said.

“I’m still waking up, give me a minute.” She said.

The two went inside and he unceremoniously threw his backpack in a corner. He sat down at his computer and sighed. The day was long and boring, and Lewis talked his ear off about something he couldn’t remember, which he should probably start paying attention more. Over all, he wished he could disappear to an island or someplace else to relax.

As he stared at the black screen, he turned and looked at Derpy who was staring intently at his phone. She approached it and touched one of the buttons. It gave a “beep” that made her recoil with a small yelp. He shook his head and went back to stare at the screen.

“I really wonder why she’s here. I mean, this has to be some kind of mistake or cruel joke the universe is pulling on me.”

His thoughts were interrupted when a voice called out to him,

“Don,” his mom called.

He turned,

“Yeah? What are you doing here so earl-“

“What is THIS?” his mom asked bringing up a small silver package that was no bigger than one and a half inches and thin.

“I pulled this out of your pants pocket when I did the laundry.”

“Nice.”

“NOT NICE. PANIC MODE. WHAT THE HELL IS THAT! IS THAT WHAT I THINK IT IS?! WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING WITH ONE OF THOSE?! WHY WOULD I HAVE ONE OF THOSE?!”

He stared at the silver packet as his mind scrambled for answers.

“I don’t know.” He said.

“Did one of the guys give this to you?” his mom asked.

“One of the guys?? DID one of the guys give it to me? Was it Lewis? WHERE DID I GET THAT?!”

He swallowed hard and began his response,

“I have no idea where I got that I swear.” Don said.He noticed his voice held as much shock as his mom’s did.

“I am so dead, and I still don’t know how I got that.”

“Didn’t even get to use it either.”

“SHUT. UP.”

His mom eyed him suspiciously then looked at the item in question again; deciding that enough was enough and she ripped it open.

“For my eulogy…” he started in his head.

When it was opened, Don went through the five stages of death within the span of three seconds, and it was a full minute before both of them realized she had just opened a moist-towellete packet. He let out a huge sigh of relief and put his head on his desk, while his mom only started laughing at the whole situation.

“Don’t scare me like that!” He nearly shouted.

“How was I supposed to know this was a moist-towellete? It had no logo or anything on it since I had washed it with your pants.” His mom said.

“Now I know where I got that,” he said as he ran a hand over his face.

“It must’ve been when I went to Wing Night with the guys. I probably put that in my pocket and forgot about it.”

“Well, at least we know what this is. I had my suspicions at first considering that I have no idea who you’re talking to all the time and I know you’ve had a girl in here.” His mom said.

“What I’ve never had a girl-“

“Oh please, don’t lie to me, you’re always talking to someone and you scramble every time we ask questions. You know the rules around here.” She said.

“But I don’t-“

“Never mind, and if you insist on breaking our rules, at least give us grandkids with that girl.” She said while waving a hand dismissively and turning to leave.

“That’s not likely considering that it’s biologically impossible to-WAIT WHAT?!” He shouted rounding the doorframe.

“WHAT KIND OF HORRIBLE THINGS ARE YOU TELLING ME TO DO?!”

He only heard his mother’s laughter from the kitchen.

He looked over to Derpy who was on his bed, her gaze met his and she innocently waved. Several awkward and borderline lewd thoughts crossed his mind.

“Wow.”

“WHAT THE HELL?! NO! I’M STOPPING YOU RIGHT THERE BRAIN, NOT ONE STEP FURTHER. THAT’S JUST… WHO THINKS ABOUT THESE THINGS?!”

He stopped and looked at Derpy again and cringed

“I feel like I need an acid bath to feel clean again…”

Truth and Reality

Truth and Reality

Several days had passed since the moist-towelette incident and Don tried his best to forget about it, but it would haunt him for the rest of his life. As he sat in class, he tried his best to stay awake and take notes only to find himself dozing off only to be awaked by the sudden jerk of gravity on his head.

“I really need to stay awake but it’s so BORING.”

He looked over at Derpy who was looking around the class as well as keeping her ears forward towards the professor.

He continued to painstakingly listen to the lecture. It wasn’t that the professor himself was boring, but more that the content of the lesson was. He was lucky that the professor didn’t have a monotone voice like some others did.

Actually, if he could describe the professor’s voice, it would be in a “as a matter-of-factly staccato voice”. Which in turn played into Don’s belief that this particular person was a little TOO into their field, much like some of the other college professors. He noticed that most of them were either crazy, or monotonous, there was no in-between.

He still hadn’t decided which was better.

“The Spanish sought to expand their colonies by seeking out the boundaries of the new world.” The professor said.

Don glanced down at Derpy again and noticed she was fully engrossed in the lecture. This was probably the first time another being would learn about human history and expansion into other lands; this had to be special moment or something to somebody somewhere.

“However, they didn’t account for how large the continent was nor did they count on getting lost along the way as well,”

Don scribbled something into his notes vaguely reiterating what the professor just said.

“Subsequently, their supplies dwindled and one of the first things to be consumed in desperation, unfortunately, was their faithful steeds.”

“WHAT?!”

Don froze at Derpy’s sudden outburst. He looked down at her and found she was standing and had a scowl on her face.

“Sweet Baby Jesus have mercy, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!” he mentally shouted at the professor.

She was dumbfounded by what she just heard.

“How could they do such a thing?! And to such innocent ponies?!” She said as she stared into Don’s face, her rage plain as day.

“HOW COULD THEY?!”

He sat there unsure of what to do. He shifted his eyes around the room as if looking for somebody to help him with the current dilemma.

“Can we please discuss this later?” He asked in a low gritted tone.

“NO! THEY WERE HARDWORKING AND LOYAL AND THEN WHAT HAPPENS?! THEY GET EATEN!” She yelled.

He sank into his seat as Derpy continued to assault him by demanding answers. It was then the professor looked up and noticed Don’s uncomfortable look.

“Oh my, is everything alright over there?” He asked.

“Not…exactly?” Don replied while tugging at the collar of his shirt.

“What seems to be the problem Señor Lacson? Is the eating of equines not sitting well with you?”

“Um, you could say that…” Don said while Derpy was still in his face yelling.

“Oh my, well this isn’t the first time something like this happened in history, in fact, in some cultures-“

“NOT HELPING!” Don yelled and quickly grabbed Derpy from midair.

“Um, I need to excuse myself for a moment.” He continued before getting out of his seat and quickly leaving the room.

“Well, that was certainly interesting,” The professor said, “I’ve never had a student be that disturbed before by this particular bit of information. Perhaps I should direct him to Student Psychological and Counseling Services…”

-

Don burst into the restroom again and made a quick sweep of the room to make sure no one was in there before releasing Derpy.

“Okay, listen,” he said while pinching the bridge of his nose, “I understand that humans eating horses is a huge shock to you, but I want you to know that I find that completely disgusting and I don’t support such a thing.”

He was greeted with silence. He looked around slightly confused.

“Where’d you go?” he asked.

He continued visually searching the room before resting his eyes behind the water faucet. He saw Derpy trying to hide from him, albeit vainly, behind the metal fixture where she clutched it and eyed him with fear and anger. He also noticed that she was shaking too.

“You’re not going to eat me are you?”

“Come on out, I wouldn’t dream of eating you nor would I allow anyone else to eat you. I promise.” He said while sighing.

“Pinkie Promise?” she asked a bit apprehensively.

“Please don’t make me do that oath.” He said.

“Then I’m not moving.”

The two stood there for a full minute staring each other down.

“Don, you’re in a Mexican Standoff with a three-inch tall pegasus in the men’s room, I don’t think you can go any lower from here on out.”

He let out a frustrated growl.

“Alright fine…Cross my heart, hope to fly, and stick a cupcake in my eye.” He said while doing the motions.

There was a sudden flush and a stall door swung open. A student came into a view and washed his hands and noticed the shocked Don holding his hand over his right eye.

“Nice, a Pinkie Promise. Brohoof.” Was all the student said and fist bumped Don and left.

“What...just happened?”

-

The rest of the day progressed as it usually did and before long the two were on their way back to Don’s house. They sat in silence for a while before Derpy decided to speak up.

“Don, I notice that you sleep a lot in your classes, why is that?” She asked.

He thought for a moment, while keeping his gaze on the road.

“I guess it’s because I’m tired. I do wake up at six every morning.”

She pondered this for a moment and nodded,

“Yeah, but you also don’t take very good notes either, what happens you take a test?”

This particular question hit home a bit for him, as he quickly had a flashback of every test he took throughout his entire school career.

“I…usually either barely passed or failed.” He said after a few seconds of silence.

“Why?”

“I… don’t know, I guess it’s because I don’t have very good study habits, I never really developed them.”

She continued to press further,

“And why is that?”

He continued to think further into his earlier years before speaking.

“Can we not talk about this? That’s something I’d rather not discuss.”

She only pressed on,

“C’mon there has to be a reason for that, I mean, everybody loves to learn. Back home, all the little fillies and colts run towards the school and can’t wait for the day to start-“

“BECAUSE I DIDN’T CARE ALRIGHT?!” He yelled.

Derpy was shocked at the sudden outburst.

“Do you have any idea what it’s like to constantly be badgered to do better when all I wanted to do was just be a kid?!” He said staring straight ahead before continuing,

“You have great potential Don, why are you wasting a bright mind like yours on games and comics?” He said in a semi-mocking tone.

He let out a frustrated sigh and continued,

“My parents didn’t realize that forcing me to do such things would only drive me further away from my education.”

“And you didn’t tell them anything?” She asked.

“They wouldn’t have listened to me otherwise. I’m just a kid, what would I know?” He said.

There was a full minute of silence.

“But you know what hurt the most…?” he said in a low tone.

She looked up at him and noticed all the frustration in his eyes.

“What?” she asked.

“That I wasn’t good enough.”

“That’s not true…”

“Then what else is it then? I come home with a C on an assignment, and I thought I did alright, and you know what I’m told? ‘Why don’t you get a B next time?’… I guess that wasn’t good enough. Which was fair. It was a C.”

“Well…”

“And then I’d come home with a B and then I’d get told ‘Why don’t you shoot for an A?’…I guess my B wasn’t good enough.”

“I don’t-“

“And then I’d finally come home with an A. DAMN. A. AND YOU KNOW WHAT I GET TOLD?!‘WHY DON’T YOU GO FOR A PERFECT SCORE?!’ I GUESS MY ‘A’ WASN’T GOOD ENOUGH.”

Silence from Derpy.

“At that point, I got in my head that if I wasn’t going to be good enough…why would I bother trying….” He said defeated.

More silence.

“Then the punishments came in for not doing well. They took everything from me. TV, games, pretty much everything you could think of.”

“I’m…sorry…”

“There was one thing they couldn’t take from me though…”

“What was that…?”

“They couldn’t take my imagination. I learned how to use it during that time. How to dream, cultivate ideas, think differently.”

She listened intently.

“But…” he stopped.

“But what?”

“I couldn’t bring my ideas to life.”

She understood now. Even though he had made it to college and was doing well enough to stay afloat, it was this very regret along with all the weight from what happened to him before that was holding him back.

“I had no skills Derpy. I couldn’t draw, write stories. I didn’t have any of those talents. Which is probably why I chose a field that does a lot of research papers. Just quote somebody else, give them credit and you do just fine.”

There was a moment of silence between the two as she processed all that was just said while he relived some painful memories.

“I’m going to help you Don.” She said quietly.

“Hmm?”

He looked at her out of the corner of his eye.

“You may not have skills to do any of the things you like, but I’m going to help you be the best student you can!” she said triumphantly.“I’ll help you by improving your study habits and keeping awake in class.”

“I don’t think that’s necessary-“

“Of course it’s necessary! I promised I would help you and I will!”

“What have I got myself into?”

Delicatessens and Bruisers

Delicatessens and Bruisers

After dealing with Derpy unloading her stomach contents in his pocket, Don hurried towards his history class, noting that the he was going to be late. As he walked in he noticed everyone staring at him, and judging by their stares, he was late, or so he thought.

“Ah, Señor Lacson, good of you to join us. I was just about to get started, please, have a seat.” The professor said.

Don scanned the classroom and found that his seat near the back had been taken. He mentally swore and made his way to a desk that was nearer to the front but the middle of class.

“Oh my,” the professor said, “Do I detect a hint of bile in the air?”

Don mentally slapped himself, he was sure he had cleaned out his pocket the best he could. Why did bile have to so potent? He flinched as he felt the cold dampness of his pocket touch his leg. Today was already one of those days.

“Now,” the professor said while looking at a computer, “If we could muster some patience, we can begin lecture as soon as I’ve downloaded my notes.”

It was a full minute while he typed in his login information. There was a brief moment of loading before a message popped up saying that the computer could not reach the network. Completely oblivious to what the message told him, the professor disregarded the prompt and clicked the icon for the internet, only to be met with another “Could not reach the server” message.

“Well, it seems as if I can’t reach my materials.” He said looking at the computer screen. “If only my intern were here, he would know what to do, until then, I’ll just blame all this on demons attacking the school network.”

“Does this mean we don’t have class?” a student asked in a hopeful tone.

The professor laughed, thoroughly amused. “Oh my, of course not! Luckily for you all, I remembered most of what I wanted to talk about today.”

There was a collective sigh from the rest of the students, as the professor began.

“Oh, just so you all know, there will be a test next week, so be sure to review your notes.” He said.

More groans.

“Now, when the Spanish began to push further and further into what is now Texas…”

-

As the lecture continued on, Don felt the inevitable feeling of fatigue slowly begin to take over him as he took notes. His eyelids grew heavy and just like that, he was asleep.

Derpy on the other hand, noticed that Don’s pen wasn’t moving anymore and looked up at him. Her brow furrowed when she saw him asleep at the proverbial wheel and took flight.

“Hey!” She called, “Wake up!”

Nothing.

“Hellooo?”

She continued to try several other audibles trying to wake him up.

“HEY!”

“LOOK!”

“LISTEN!”

“WATCH OUT!”

Her attempts to wake the human were unsuccessful. She rubbed her chin with her hoof as she thought of more ideas before she decided on a last resort.

She flew up to his face before turning around.

“Sorry Don…” she said before putting all of her strength into kicking him in the face.

“Ow! What the fu-“ He nearly yelled before stopping.

Everyone in class stopped and looked at him again.

“Uh, sorry…” He said while looking down at Derpy with a cross face.

She only responded with a smile before sitting down and listening to the lecture again. The rest of the class continued this way; whenever Don fell asleep she responded by kicking him in the face.

Rather than make a scene in the middle of class for the second or third time, he waited till after words to confront her of her method.

-

“What was THAT all about back there?!” He nearly yelled. “I fall asleep and you kick me IN THE FACE?!”

“You said you wanted my help! Plus, I tried to wake you up, but you couldn’t hear me!” She said.

“There has got to be a better way to do this.” He said while sighing in frustration.

“I don’t think so.” She said while landing on her usual spot.

“You have so much confidence in me…” he said sarcastically.

“One of us has too.”

He was about to retort when somebody called out to him,

“Hey man-whoa, what’s with your face? You have a whole bunch of little horseshoe marks on it.” Lewis said as he approached the two.

“Well, uh, I…” Don mumbled

“Oh, I get it, you’re an Indianapolis Colts fan. That’s a good team.” Lewis said.

Don cocked his head in confusion.

“What? You know what? Yeah, let’s go with that, I’m a Colts fan. Yup. Love ‘em.”

Lewis only raised an eyebrow before continuing on,

“Anyways, so how about starting-“

“Yeah, that’s great, but I got another test I gotta study for.” Don said

“Another test? In what class?” Lewis asked.

“Um, History.” Don said after a small pause.

“But didn’t you have a test like that already in that class?” You know, when you had a test, then it got cancelled, but you went to go do it anyways?” asked Lewis.

“Curse you and your good memory”

“Oh, he’s good…”

“Oh, well, yeah, but, that was a…practice…test…” Don said unsuredly.

“A practice test?”

“Yeah, a practice test, and it would…give us some participation points for class...”

“You’re a terrible liar.”

“Hey, I don’t see you giving me ideas, plus he’s totally buying it.”

“I’m not buying it.”

“DAMMIT!”

“Either way, I need to go; gotta go to another class and what not, I’ll see you later.”

Don turned to leave and he could’ve sworn he heard Lewis say “But you don’t have class right now.” But he wasn’t about to look back.

-

The rest of the day mirrored his morning of being repeatedly kicked in the face every time he fell asleep. By the time school was out, Don’s face was littered with tiny horseshoe prints and a massive headache to boot. He was at home when he decided to address her method of keeping him awake again.

“Seriously, this kicking me in the face thing is not helping me at all, at least not my physical health anyways.” He said.

“Well, it’s the only effective thing so far, so unless you have any other ideas, I’m going to keep this up.” She said.

“And completely disregard my well-being?” He asked.

“Well, Marie Curie worked with radioactive materials and she had no idea what they were doing to her, but she did it anyways.”

There was blank expression on Don’s face.

“That has no bearing or justification on you kicking me in the face! You know what, no more books for you!”

-

“So, aren’t you gonna study?” Derpy asked.

Don raised an eyebrow and looked from a magazine he was reading while lying down.

“Study? For what?” He asked.

“For the test next week, didn’t you hear the professor?”

“Oh, that’s not till next week though, it can wait.” He said while waving a hand dismissively.

She flew over and landed on his chest with an angry look.

“I think you should study.”

He looked up at her.

“Or I could study, sure. That sounds like a fantastic idea.” He said while getting up.

-

The two studied for a while; Derpy would have Don read aloud to her and then she’d ask him question about the people and places he read about. This went on for about an hour before she stopped him.

“I think we can take a break now.” She said while getting up from her place on the desk.

“Thank God…” he said while looking at the ceiling.

“Plus, I’m getting hungry.” She said.

“Sure, what do you want? More fruit?” He asked while getting up and heading to the kitchen.

“I want a BLT.” She said after a moment of thought.

“I’m sorry, you want a what? I think I just had something crazy in my ear.” He asked while shaking his head.

“A BLT.” She reiterated, “You do know what a BLT is right?”

“Um, yeah, of course I do, but…you sure you want that?” He asked.

“Yes, I want a BLT.” She said in a huff of frustration.

“Well, okay I guess…if that’s what you really want…” he said while shaking his head and leaving the room.

-

“BLT, why the hell does she want me to make that?! I thought they ate hay, fruit, and stuff; y’know, a standard vegetarian diet.” He thought as he rooted around in his fridge while bringing out a package of bacon.

“I still can’t believe she wants one of these things, but okay, if she says so…”

He went on making the sandwich, still questioning the logic in all of this. Eventually he finished and returned to the room.

“It’s ready.” Don called as he walked down the hallway.

“Oh boy,” Derpy said from the room, “I really love a good Bread, Lettuce and Tomato Sandwich!”

Without missing a beat, he tossed the sandwich off the plate where it landed in a trash can in the bathroom.

“Where’s my sandwich?” She asked when she flew into the hallway.

“Um…it was ruined.” He said.

“What? How?”

“Uh, this guy…named…Hamilton. Something about money and a central bank and a two-party system, I dunno, whatever his deal was, it wasn’t pretty. Ruined everything.” He said.

“Is that even the way that played out?”

“Hush.”

“Well, that wasn’t very nice of him.” She said furrowing her brow.

“Yeah, totally caught me off guard, and trust me, it would’ve been a good sandwich too, no meat whatsoever.”

“What?”

“Anyways, c’mon, I’ll make you another one.” He said while motioning for her to go to the kitchen.

When she was out of sight, he let out a long sight and slid down to the floor.

“Bread, Lettuce, and Tomato…BLT… just…wont somebody just end me already??”

-

The two sat in silence for a while as Derpy ate. While she was munching on one of the world’s smallest sandwiches, Don however, was thinking about something else before he decided to bring it up.

“Can I ask you a question?” He asked.

“Sure, what about?”

He thought for a moment trying to think of a tactful way to bring about the subject, but no ideas coming to mind. Deciding to just out with he moved forward.

“Your eyes, have they always been like that?” He asked.

“Not necessarily.” She said. “I remember being in the hospital for a while back home. I can barely remember what happened since it’s been so long.”

“Do you see any different than a normal…pony would?” He pressed.

“No, I see just fine, it’s just…” she trailed off.

“What?”

“I sometimes have trouble with depth perception, and I tend to… be clumsy because of that.” She said.

“Uhhuh, that’s interesting.” He said.

“But, I also know that I’m treated a little bit differently by the others.” She said looking down.

“Different? What do you mean?”

“They think that just because my eyes are like this, and that I’m clumsy that I’m some sort of…” she stopped while trying to think of a word.

“Invalid?”

“Yeah that.”

The two stared at each other in silence before she spoke up.

“You…you don’t think I’m-“

“What? Handicapped? Of course not! Clumsy yes, but, does that mean I would treat you differently? Of course not. You seem pretty normal to me.”

“Whatever normal is for a three-inch-tall pegasus would be.”

“I know you’re intelligent and that you try your best. You may destroy a couple of things in the process, but at least you try.” He finished.

She looked up at him and smiled.

“Thanks, that’s…the first time that I’ve heard that said in earnest.” She said.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, it’s just that, I know the other ponies don’t exactly…like me.” She said.

“What? C’mon, of course they do.” He argued, “I mean, they include you in things and invite you to stuff don’t they?”

“They do, but, I know deep down they do it just to be nice.” She said.

“Wow, that’s surprisingly…astute. Even for her. And the fact that she can see right through them. Who knew?”

There was another lull in the conversation.

“Are you finished?” He asked pointing to her plate.

“Yep, all done.” She beamed.

He grabbed the plate and set them on the counter while making a mental note to take care of that later.

“Don,” She called.

“Hmm?”

“Thanks for accepting a clumsy pony like me.”

There was something in those words that struck him. Sure, he’d been railroaded into making all sorts of friends, but for the first time here was a being that was genuinely grateful for his acceptance. This was something completely new to him.

As the two walked back to the room a thought hit Derpy.

“What happened to your friend Hamilton?” She asked.

There was another awkward silence.

“Umm, he…I threw him out. For good. It’s on paper.”

Rides and Results

Rides and Results

Several days had passed since the sandwich mishap and before they both knew it; it was the day of the test. Normally, Don could remember facts, figures, dates, and other things in general, but when it came to applying them to a test, his mind seemed to shut down and he would draw a blank.

As he sat in the back of the classroom, he only stared at the desk wondering what will be on the exam. His mulling was interrupted when he heard a loud whisper;

“Hey, relax, you’ll do fine!”

He only gave a nervous smile and nodded. Their interaction was cut short when the professor walked in.

“Hello, I’m sure you all have studied for today’s exam. So, to make sure you have an appropriate amount of time to complete it, I’ll just hand out the test now.” The professor said.

“The test is short answer with three essay questions on the back; you are to only answer one essay. If you write two, I’ll take the better answered of the two.”

Don got the test and sighed,

“Okay, you can do this. You studied, so give it everything you’ve got.”

He read the first question:

“How did the Spanish assert their leadership on the newly founded colonies in Mexico?”

He mulled the question over for a while before he began to panic,

“Shoot, I can’t do this, I can’t even remember what I read about this.”

He stopped for a moment and looked at Derpy who had a hopeful look as she sent whatever good will she could towards him.

“At least try and do your best. If not for yourself, then for her. She is putting in effort helping you after all.”

He began to write his answer, and before long he was cruising at a steady pace through the test while she cheered him on. At one point, he looked up and saw she had a small flag in her hoof with the words “Go Don!” scribbled on it and had a small baseball hat with a “D” imprinted on the front.

He wasn’t sure if it was the stress getting to him or she was actually doing that. He quickly shook off the distraction and turned his gaze back to the exam. He needed a vacation. Badly.

-

“So how do you think you did on your test?” She asked.

“I have no idea.” He said letting out a sigh. “I answered as much as I could, I guess.”

“But did you try your best?” She asked while landing on his knee.

“I mean, I didn’t leave anything blank, so I guess I did.” He said while shrugging.

“Well, in that case, this calls for a victory muffin!” She said while pulling out two small muffins seemingly from nowhere.

She gave one to Don and began to scarf down on her own. He held the muffin on his finger tip and contemplated the probability of the muffin giving him diabetes. After all, this was probably made in some foreign land with only God knows how much sugar. He hoped whoever baked these had the decency to follow the recipe and not spike these to unreal level.

“Hey man…” called a familiar voice.

“I just… how, why?”

“Whoa, where’d you get such a small baked good?” Lewis asked.

“Uh, its um… a small…business venture for myself…yeah, Business Venture.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Shut up, I’m winging it. Let the man work here!”

“Winging it, or crashing?”

“I call them Micro-Muffins. All of the taste of a full-size muffin baked into a micro-size bite.”

There was a brief moment of silence while Don was begging whoever was listening out in the divines that Lewis bought what he just said.

“Cool, you go for that man, because that’s what we need in society; more bite-sized things.”

“HE SHOOTS, HE SCORES!”

“Anyways, so word around the office, is that you answered all your questions on that test of yours.”

“How could you possibly know that? Are you seriously spying on me?”

“I know a guy, but that’s besides the point, I came over here to tell you that the local fall festival is this weekend, you should go.”

“I dunno…”

“There’ll be food, fun, and I’ll be in the dunking booth.”

Don mulled over the prospect of making Lewis fall into a vat of water.

“Yeah, maybe, if I have time.”

Lewis laughed.

“IF you have time? You’re a funny guy, Don. Real funny. I’ll see you there.”

“You did this to yourself you know…”

“I’m ignoring you.”

-

Thursday rolled around and Don was back in his usual seat waiting to see the results on his test.

“Hello class, as you know, it’s taken me a while to grade these tests. Especially since demons have decided to possess and take out our campus servers. It took me some time to record the grades, normally it would’ve gone faster, but my assistant seems to have taken a leave of absence.” The professor explained after walking in.

There was a collective nod and some quietly mumbling to themselves on how they couldn’t connect to the network. Before long, the professor was calling out names to each person so they could pick up their test.

“Donovan Lacson.” He called out.

Don jumped a bit and slowly got out of his seat. As he walked, he took a quick glance around to his classmates. Most were looking over their exams and looked more or less satisfied with their grade, with maybe one or two confused with their result.

He took the test and went back to his seat. Meanwhile, Derpy sat there expectantly.

“So, what did you get?” She asked.

“I’m not sure I want to find out.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t know, it feels like this… looming feeling of doom that I’m just going to see the same ‘F’ I’ve seen on nearly everything else.”

Derpy got up and put a hoof on his hand.

“You tried your best. That’s all you can ask of yourself.”

He took a deep breath and flipped over the sheets of paper. He quickly rand down the page and was met with a red… C-plus? He shook his head and double-checked again. The C was still there.

“Did you pass?” Derpy asked.

“Yeah, I did. Even better than I thought. This is the first time I get higher than D in a long time.” He said with a small smile on his face.

-

The rest of the day continued on normally, though this time Don stayed awake in class mostly because of his renewed energy from passing, and the slight fear of getting kicked in the face. When the two returned home, he set his backpack down, and sat in his chair. He still couldn’t believe the turn of events today.

“So, are you excited about passing?” Derpy asked while landing on his desk.

“Yeah, it feels great, and I have you to thank for it.” He said while ruffling her mane a bit with his index finger.

“You know what these means right?”

“What?”

“You owe me a muffin for helping you!”

“OH, COME ON!”

-

The weekend rolled around, and Don’s phone began ringing. He groaned and haphazardly reached for it while cursing whoever it was for calling him early on a Saturday.

“H-…hello?”

“It’s time to wake up!” A cheery, feminine voice said.

There was an awkward pause.

“Derpy? Why are you on the-“

He stopped mid-question and looked at his hand. Somehow, he had picked up Derpy by mistake and was using her as a phone. There was another moment of silence as he processed what had just occurred.

“Can you call back later? It’s really early.”

He then folded her up in a sitting position and set her down before turning over and attempting to go back to sleep.

“C’mon, it’s time to get up! Plus, I think you have a message!”

“What makes you say that?”

“The fact that there’s an envelope on your phone’s screen.”

She then grasped the phone in her hooves and hovered it over to him.

He peeked out from his blanket and noticed that whoever had called left a voice-mail. He sighed, and grabbed the device.

“Hey man, I just wanted to remind you the Fall Festival is today. Be there. It starts at four.”

He quickly deleted the message and hung up.

“So, what was the message about?”

“It was Lewis, reminding me of the Fall Festival today.” He said dismissively.

“Fall Festival?! I love Festivals!” She said going wide-eyed with excitement.

“Yeah, I don’t think I’m gonna go.”

“What?! Why not?!”

I don’t know, I just don’t feel-“

“We have to go! You still owe me my muffin for helping you pass! THIS will be my muffin!”

There was another brief moment of silence as the two stared at each other.

“Fine…”

-

The two were looking for a parking spot later that day, Derpy was buzzing about his head asking question after question.

“Will there be food?”

“Yes.”

“And games?”

“Yes.”

“Music?”

“Yes.”

“What about-“

“Most likely.”

“You didn’t even hear that one.”

“Well, we’ll find out when we get there won’t we?”

It took some time, but they eventually found themselves a place to park. After getting out of the car, the two took time to quickly survey their surroundings.

There were a lot of people already making their way from the general area to the where all the activities for the day would be taking place, and judging the size of the crowd, this festival was going to be a success.

As they made their way towards the grounds, Don noticed there was a setup of several booths ahead along with a stage where they were currently doing a sound check.

“Well, it looks pretty decent.” He thought to himself.

-

After getting in line and buying some tickets, they proceeded to plan what to do for the afternoon.

“So, what do you want to do first?” He asked. “There’s always food, and some games, though they’re more tailored to younger kids…”

“Let’s get something to snack on, in fact, we should get muffins!” She said.

“You know, I’m not sure they’d have muffins here. I mean, sure, they have cakes and cupcakes, but I don’t know about-“

“Then let’s check.” She said rather forcefully.

“Sure, let’s check.”

-

The pair went from booth to booth looking at all the different desserts and items for sale. To Derpy, this was an amazing sight to see; all the different colors, smells, and people. The atmosphere was certainly different from the one she was used to from the college. Before long they had stumbled upon what they were seeking.

“Muffins! I want them!” She said while pointing.

“Alright, fine. Which one do you want?”

“All of them…” She said in a trance-like state.

“Okay, I don’t have enough for all of them. Just pick one or two.”

“Fine…” She pouted.

She took a full minute looking at all the pastries as if to examine them with extreme scrutiny before deciding.

“This one and… this one!” She said while pointing.

He faced the attendants,

“Hi, I’d like the-“

He noticed that he was face to face with the three nuns he had met in the grocery store from before. He took note of the sign above the booth:

“St. Francis’ Vestibule of Baked Goods”

He cleared his throat nervously,

“Sisters.” He said giving them a curt nod. “I’ll take this one…and this one…”

He grabbed the two muffins and placed the tickets on the counter; the nuns only stared on. During this entire exchange, he wasn’t sure if any of them blinked and was met with awkward silence.

“Uh…Thanks…and May God be praised…” He said doing a quick Sign of the Cross.

His gesture went unnoticed as the nuns stared on in horror. He quickly looked at his left hand where Derpy was already unraveling the plastic that covered the muffin, well, more tearing into it than unraveling.

He quickly turned and left.

“Welp, now they think I’m some kind of demon… or a witch.”

“Warlock in your case.”

“Whatever, maybe if I’m lucky, they’ll try and exorcise me or burn me at the stake.”

As Derpy ate, Don, on the other hand, began to do one of his personal past-times; people watch. He didn’t make assumptions to what people did or how they lived. No judgement, just watching humans in their natural habitat as they milled about in their lives. He normally reserved this activity for malls, parks, or large gatherings of people, but this was just one of those days where it was an opportune moment.

His pseudo safari was interrupted when Derpy spoke again,

“So, what do we want to do next?” She asked.

“Huh? Oh, well, what do you-wait,”

“Did you finish TWO whole muffins?!”

-

They continued on and surveyed the different booths, some which he assumed were like a rummage sale, and others where they sold food, and off to one side he saw people playing bingo for prizes. As they meandered about, they happened upon one game where they heard a familiar voice.

“You call that a throw?! I’ve seen better throws in a game of t-ball!” The voice yelled.

“HA! C’mon, buddy, the object of the game is to actually HIT the target!”

Don however, instantly recognized the voice,

“Lewis…” he muttered to himself.

“Hey! Hey you!” Lewis called.

No response.

“YOU! With the stupid earpiece!” he called again.

“Always with the earpiece….” Don muttered.

Hee turned and faced Lewis and gave a small sigh and headed over.

“You look like you’ve got good aim, why don’t you try your luck?”

“You have no idea how much my luck gets tried….”

He tried his best to bow-out, but Lewis only egged him on,

“Come on, why not? Are you afraid to lose anymore of your dignity or something?”

At this point, Derpy flew up to Don’s face,

“You’ve gotta do it now, he’s calling you out!”

There was a brief moment of deliberation before he finally gave in.

“Alright fine,” he said and walked over to the attendant.

As soon as he started walking his imagination was flooded with a textured and an extremely masculine visual of himself and Lewis in a showdown.

“…What the hell was that?!”

“…I have no idea, but what a cliffhanger.”

“You need to stop.”

Don stood there with a softball in his hand, judging the distance to the target.

“Hopefully you’re better than most of the people here.” Lewis said from the cage.

-

“What a horrible day at the office for our star pitcher today. There was a lot of effort, but nothing could come to fruition in today’s game. Such a shame. There were certainly high hopes for this guy.”

Four tries. Three throws each. None of them were able to land a successful hit on the bullseye. Don stood there slightly defeated, while Lewis on the other hand, was laughing at the unsuccessful attempts.

“Oh man, I thought I had seen everything on bad throws, but that took the cake. I will admit though, getting the ball stuck in the glass like that was kind of cool.”

Don began walking away while ignoring Lewis’ calls to try again.

“Well, that wasn’t very nice of him.” Derpy said while looking back.

“That’s just part of the game though. Egg you on to get you to make mistakes so-hey where are you- there she goes…” he said shaking his head.

He watched the small Pegasus maneuver her way through the crowd before zeroing in on her target; the bulls-eye of the dunking booth. “There was an audible “ding” as the bulls-eye was hit and Lewis plummeted into the water. He resurfaced confused as to what just happened and began to question the booth’s integrity to the attendant.

“Feel better?” He asked when she returned.

“Yes.”

-

They walked around the grounds more, but there wasn’t much else until Derpy spotted another sign.

“Hey what’ this?” she asked.

“Huh? Oh that, it’s only Pony Rides…you know, let’s just skip-“

“Pony Rides?! You mean rides specifically for ponies?!”

“Umm, not exactly…” he said trailing off. “You know what? How about we just forget about this-“

“I wanna know what a pony ride is!”

He stood there weighing his options, before deciding to treat this like a band-aide and just rip it off and get the information out there in the open.

“Okay, promise me you won’t flip out.”

“Cross my heart, hope to fly, and stick a cupcake in my eye.”

“Okay, well, ponies… or rather, horses from here aren’t like where you’re from. I feel like we’ve covered this before… anyways, and human beings used to use them for transportation and hauling things a long time ago.” He said reluctantly.

“And?”

“…And that’s it. We used horses for riding around. Not so much anymore, but once in a while, people get that opportunity.”

“You forgot about combat.”

“You need to forget combat.”

“Oh, is that all?”

There was a moment of shocked silence.

“You mean you’re okay with that?”

“Yes, most earth ponies are used to that sort of work back home in Equestria. I’ve also seen Twilight’s assistant Spike ride on her back all the time. To be honest, that sort of thing looks like fun.”

He let out a sigh of relief. “For a second there, I thought you were gonna fly off the handle and throw things at me again.”

“No, of course not. If you mistreated them though, that would have been a different story.”

“Noted.”

-

They reached a large open area and noticed a line of horses.

“Wow, those are some big ponies…” Derpy said.

As they got closer she flew up to one of them

“Hi, What’s your name?”

“I told you, they’re not like from where you are, in fact, I don’t think they have cognitive…”

“Her name is Sweetums, and I can hear her just fine.”

“I…what?”

“Also, she says that thing in your ear makes you looks stupid.”

“Donovan Lacson, you just insulted by a horse which you thought had no cognitive abilities. How does that make you feel?”

“It…it feels terrible Bob. Nature wont even let me have a break.”

His inner conversation was interrupted by an unfamiliar voice,

“Hey there, do you wanna ride?”

Don looked up and his gaze was met by the handlers.

“Umm, no, I don’t have anymore tickets or anything. I was just coming out here to look at the horses.”

“I see, well, everyone should ride a horse at least once. Have you ridden a horse before son?”

Don shook his head, “No, I haven’t.”

“Tell you what, the ride is on me. As I said before, everyone should try it at least once, plus, I can tell you have a small bond with Sweetums here.”

“Yeah. Small bond. Sure, lets go with that.” Don said flatly.

-

After some explanation, and with some effort, he had finally got himself saddled up on the horse.

“You comfortable up there?” the handler asked.

“It’s um, kind of high, but yeah, I think I’m okay.”

After a brief moment Don spoke up again,

“I feel a little big for the horse, is that okay?”

The handler smiled, “Nah, you’re not. She’s a lot more sturdy than you think she is.”

Derpy flew up to Don,

“It’s true, she says that you’re lighter than some people she’s had to carry before. Not that she had a hard time with them either.”

“Thanks? I think?”

Before long, Sweetums started moving and was moving at a good pace. It was a little unnerving at first, but after a while, it really was kind of liberating. There was a certain freedom he felt that a car couldn’t exactly replicate. He looked down and noticed Derpy was in conversation with Sweetums. He wondered what in the world they could converse about but he quickly abandoned the thought and went back to enjoying the ride.

Even though the ride was the circumference of the entire open area, it was short-lived and before he realized the ride was over. After dismounting the handler spoke up,

“So, what do you think?”

“Pretty fun, that was quite the experience.”

“Glad to hear it. Don’t forget to thank your ride too.”

Don looked at Sweetums and gave her a light pat on the head,

“Thanks, Sweetums.”

The horse let out a grunt.

“She says ‘You’re welcome’.”

-

“Well, did you have fun today?” Don asked.

“I did, your festivals are really fun.”

“I’m glad you enjoyed it but did you really have to buy more muffins?”

In the backseat there was a small pile of wrapped baked goods.

“Yes, and I would’ve got more if you hadn’t run out of money. You need to carry more of that stuff on you.”

“Okay, no. The last time you had more than enough muffins, I ended up with you hurling in my pocket.”

“That was then, this is now.”

“I don’t think you can even finish that many muffins.”

She landed on his steering wheel and gave him a serious look.

“Is that a challenge?”

“…No. No, it’s not.”

“So, how come Pony Rides are so rare for humans now?”

He thought for a moment, it wasn’t exactly a hard question, but then again, it wasn’t simple either.

“Well, I guess it’s kind of seen as obsolete now, now that humans have cars and other technology to get them around faster than a horse can. No offense.”

“None taken.”

“Also, it’s like with all this technology we have, we’ve kind of… disconnected with nature and we forget that it exists in a weird sort of way.”

She nodded mulling over his answer.

“I can kind of see how that would be the case.”

Don nodded

“Because seriously, you look really dumb with…”

“Don’t you EVEN start with me on that again…”

Throw-Ups and Meltdowns

Throw-Ups and Meltdowns

Don woke up and looked over at his clock, it read “6:02”.

“No, I don’t wanna go to school…the team sucks and the bathrooms smell like pee…” he mentally complained.

He fought with himself for a brief moment before his sense of responsibility overcame his will to stay in bed and carefully got up. He walked into his bathroom and turned on the light.

He stared into the mirror noting his reflection,

“Man, look at you, you’re falling apart in your twenties.”

He moved closer to the mirror and continued his self-examination. His hair was somewhat grown out but still short and black, he was about to move on with the morning when he noticed something,

“What the…is that…?”

He reached and gave a quick yank on single strand of hair and held it up.

“Oh no, I’m already getting grey hairs. Great, at this rate, I’ll be complaining about the temperature of my soup and where my pills are by the time I’m thirty.”

“And yelling at kids to get off your lawn.”

“Right, that too.”

He ran a hand over his face,

“Seriously though, I’m wearing down, my normally brown skin is…well, it hasn’t changed much, but my eyes, they look and feel tired, not to mention the dark brown in my iris makes them look…dead. Maybe I need to cut back on classes next semester and lighten up a bit.”

“Maybe study abroad…”

He shook his head and slapped his face with both hands,

“Alright, time to get ready for school.”

-

“So, are you ready for your first day of becoming the best history student?” Derpy asked from the passenger seat.

“What? You mean we’re actually going through with this?” He asked, making a quick glance at her.

“Of course we are,” she replied, “I said I would help you and I will.”

“Couldn’t we leave my study habits out of this, and I graduate with mediocre grades and get a job I hate, and then I die a poor, stressed out man, with no legacy or mark on the world?”

She frowned at Don’s sudden mini rant and took flight to land on his steering wheel,

“Care to run that by me again?” she said, her voice slightly threatening.

“Uh, I said, I’m totally psyched about it, and that I can’t wait!” He said rather nervously.

“Glad to hear it!” She said returning to her normal self while smiling.

“Donovan Lacson, you almost got killed by a three-inch-tall pegasus, how do you feel?”

“It feels terrifying Bob. My life flashed before my eyes, got a few instant replays, almost soiled myself, it really moved me Bob.”

-

The two were walking towards the Union when Don her a voice behind him,

“Hey man, guess what?”

Don stopped and began to turn around,

“Whoever is listening out there in the divines, please stop the world so I can get off.”

“Lewis, what are you doing here this early, and how’d you know I was over here…? For that matter, how’d you know I even parked in this direction?” Don asked slightly confused.

“Oh, I know a guy, anyways, I just wanted to tell you there’s free breakfast nomables* over at the IT building.” Lewis said, completely disregarding Don.

“Free breakfast? Why are they doing that?” Don asked.

“Something about getting to know the people behind the network or something, I dunno, but who’s gonna argue with free food?”

Derpy tugged on the sleeve of Don’s shirt,

“Ask him what they have.” She said.

“So… what are they giving out over there?” He asked.

“Oh, you know, just some basic stuff for light eaters like apples, bananas, fruit juice, cereal bars, pre-packed muffins.”

Derpy’s ears perked up and began pushing Don,

“No more talking, more walking!” she said.

“Son of a-, listen, I gotta go, can’t let that food disappear on me and all that jazz. I’ll catch you later.”

-

“C’mon, hurry!” Derpy yelled, “Or else they’ll run out!”

“I highly doubt they’re gonna run out” Don said.

She turned around and gave him a look that suggested that he was crazy.

“Are you kidding me? Who can resist the call of a muffin?”

He raised an eyebrow, “Obviously, not you.”

They continued to walk till they saw a table with a couple of people standing around it. There was a sign that read “Free snacks and meet your IT people all this week!” He made his way to where the snacks were and lo and behold, assorted muffins were among the many options.

“Hey, I’ll take that muffin right there.” Don said while pointing.

“Sure thing, but first you gotta take this survey.” An attendant said while handing him a paper.

“I knew there was a catch…”

“Hurry and write! That muffin is calling to me!” Derpy yelled.

He wrote a half-hearted and generic response on how the network was great and to keep up the good work. He may have just lied through his teeth, but to be honest, he didn’t think anyone really cared about the network. Most of the time he heard everyone, including faculty, do nothing but complain about it. The very thought only solidified the idea that everyone here was here for the snacks.

Putting those thoughts aside, he handed the survey back and grabbed a muffin and shoved it into one of the pockets of his pants. Derpy quickly flew down and inside his pocket where she began to tear at the plastic that imprisoned her prize.

He shuffled uneasily as he felt the movements and was about to turn and leave before a voice called out to him,

“Hey, don’t I know you from somewhere?”

Don turned his gaze and was met with another person he didn’t recognize.

“No, I don’t think so…” Don replied, raising his eyebrow again.

“Hold on, let me try and remember…” they said as they thought for a moment. There was a slight pause before he snapped his fingers.

“That’s it, you’re the guy that did the Pinkie Promise in the bathroom!”

Don felt his blood run cold, “Uh, what?” he managed to stutter out.

“Yeah, I remember you now, who were you talking to by the way, I noticed that you had a blue-tooth on; so, who was on the phone with you, I mean, it’s not every day someone has to do a pinkie promise, let alone in the bathroom.”

Don was taken back a bit,

“How the hell does he even remem- why does he even wanna know? How nosey is this guy?”

He thought for a moment trying to come up with an excuse of some sort.

“Oh, I uh, was just talking to one of my friends, and she made me promise to…go to the…museum.” He finished lamely.

The helper raised an eyebrow.

“Museum? You mean the Museum of Art in town?” he asked.

“Uh, yeah, totally.” Don said quickly.

There was a brief pause before the other guy had a smug look on his face,

“So, taking a lady friend, nice man, how fortunate for you to go out with a girl who likes the show.” He said nodding in approval.

Don was visibly confused, “What? No I-“

“Relax man, it’s alright, I understand, I mean, here I am, a stranger asking you about your personal life and stuff, sorry to step out of bounds like that. Anyways, my name’s Gerard, but you can call me Jerry for short.” He said extending his hand.

“Donovan. You can uh, call me Don for short.” Don said reciprocating the handshake

There was a small moment of awkward silence.

“So, you work here at the IT Building huh?” Don asked trying to make conversation.

“Yeah, that I do,” said Jerry, “Actually, I work with the servers. Make sure they run smoothly and keep them maintained. That sort of thing.”

“Sounds like you’ve got your hands full most of the time.” Don said.

“Not as much as you think, though, it does get hectic every now and then. Not only do we upkeep the servers and network, we also handle troubleshooting and whatever other technical problems staff and students would have.”

“I dunno, still sounds rather busy to me.”

There was a brief silence before Jerry spoke again.

“So, do you want to see the servers?” He asked.

“Is that even allowed?”

“Yeah, its fine,” Jerry reassured, “It’s not like you can do anything anyways, you seem harmless enough.”

“Famous last words.”

-

Don followed Jerry into he building and through some halls before coming to an elevator. The two stepped inside where the tech hit a button labeled “B1”. There was a brief shift in gravity and they descended before finally coming to stop and a “ding” before the doors slid open.

“Well, this is it, the entire brain of the school network.” Jerry said.

Before the two, were large shelf like towers with hundreds of wires neatly bundled together and lots of flickering lights. Don also noticed that while the room was at a comfortable temperature, there was a noticeable amount of heat coursing through the room as well.

“Odd, I expected something more…spectacular.” Don said

“What were you expecting, an AI to greet you? Though, that’d be really cool though.”

The two continued to walk in between server towers as Jerry explained the inner workings and technicalities; not that Don understood any of it, but he did what he would normally do in any given situation, just smile, nod, and hope they don’t find out you don’t know beans about what they’re talking about.

-

At this time Derpy finally poked her head out of Don’s pocket, covered in crumbs of what used to be a muffin. She looked around and noticed they were inside, but, looking at what appeared to be several bookshelves with wires coming out of them. Deciding enough was enough, she flew up and landed herself in her usual spot.

“Where are we, Don?” She asked.

“School server room.” Don quietly replied.

“Did you say something?” Jerry asked.

“No, no, just musing to myself about all this, go on.”

The tour lasted for a few more minutes before they returned to the ground floor.

“Well, that was interesting, thanks for giving me a tour of the place.” Don said.

“No problem, it was my pleasure, but between you and me, I have a feeling not a lot of people like the network we have going.” Jerry said.

“What? No, who says stuff like that?” Don said trying to hide the obvious.

“You’re kidding right..? C’mon, everybody talks about it. It’s like a secret to everyone.” Jerry said.

“Well-“ Don stopped trying to find words, he was trying to think of something to say before he noticed Derpy on his shoulder absolutely covered in crumbs.

“Uh, do you have a restroom I could use?” He asked.

“Huh? Oh, yeah, just go down this hall and it’s gonna be on the right.” Jerry replied slightly confused at the sudden question.

“Thanks!” was all Don said as he walked off in the direction he was pointed.

-

As Don walked down the halls, he hated to admit it, but he was lost.

“Okay, he said follow this hall and it should be on the right… you think I would’ve seen a sign by now.” he said to himself.

Before long, he finally found a sign and headed inside. He clicked on the lights and noticed something off about the bathroom. While it was properly lit, it seemed like nobody had used this particular restroom for a long time.

“So, why’d we come in here?” Derpy asked.

“Because look at you, you’re covered in crumbs.” Don said presenting her to the mirror.

She took one look and lo and behold, it was true to what Don was saying. She was covered head to hoof in crumbs. She quickly rectified that situation by shaking herself off.

“Could you not?” he asked while shielding himself from flying derbris.

“Better?” She asked turning around and looking at Don.

“Sort of? You’ve still got…” he trailed off and began picking bits and pieces off of her with his index finger and thumb.

He looked at the somewhat ancient towel dispenser and noticed that there was a fine layer of dust on it. Just how long had this place been unused? He quickly dismissed the thought and grabbed one before dousing it with water. He also noted a groan coming from the pipes when he turned the faucet on, hopefully that was nothing to be worried about.

“Here, wipe yourself down, I wouldn’t doubt that you’re in some way of sticky from the muffin.” He said.

Derpy ripped off a piece and gave he face a quick wipe down as well as her legs and forelegs. She was definitely going to need a bath when she got home.

“I think that’s about as good as it’s gonna get for now.” He said.

“Probably. Thanks for the help.” She replied.

The two left without another word after turning off the lights. Unbeknown to them however, the groaning of the pipes from earlier was the straw that broke the camels back on them and the old copper pipes gave out, unleashing torrents of water within the walls.

While this was a major problem in of itself, this particular bathroom stood right above where the servers were, and the leaking water would find its way down and completely drenching and destroying the underground system.

-

The two continued down the path heading to where Don’s classes were to take place for the day. He reached into his pocket and was greeted with even more crumbs and the plastic wrapper of the once intact muffin.

“What the-what did you do in there?” He asked bringing out his hand and wiping it off.

“I was really hungry, and that muffin hit the spot.” She said.

He sighed and found a bench where he cleaned out his pocket the best he could before looking at his phone for the time.

“Still got half an hour…” he mumbled to himself. “So, you said you’re full right?”

“I couldn’t eat another bite.” She replied, rubbing her stomach.

“You sure?”

“Positive.”

“Okay, that means I get to eat now.” He said as he brought out another muffin from his other pocket.

Derpy gasped and looked longingly at the new pastry he brought forth. He quickly noticed the look she was giving and pulled away.

“Oh no, you said you were full.”

“But…but…”

“I think you’ve had enough”

“Could you…just… tell me what kind it is…?” She pleaded.

He sighed and looked at the package.

“It says,” he paused, “Banana nut-“

He was interrupted as the muffin flew out of his hands.

“Derpy, I don’t think you should eat that.” He warned.

“No, Banana nut muffin.” She said using her body as a shield from Don.

-

Derpy groaned and held her stomach.

“I tried to warn you…” Don said while shaking his head. “And now you’ve got a stomach ache. C’mon, I think I know something that’ll help with that.”

He walked over to the little convenience store inside the Union and began to browse around the drinks before coming upon what he was looking for. After purchasing it, he walked back and sat down again.

“Here, drink this.” He said while pouring a small amount into the bottle cap.

“What is it?” She asked.

“Ginger ale. I heard somewhere that it helps soothe an aching stomach.” He said.

After she drank it down she sat there motionless.

“So, how do you feel?” He asked.

“Not much better…” she groaned.

“Well, just give it time and-“

He was interrupted by Derpy making a hiccup noise and covering her mouth with a hoof.

“Uh, does that mean it’s working?” He asked.

“I think…” she began before her eyes went wide, “That I’m gonna be sick!” she finished before holding her hoof to mouth again.

“Okay, okay, don’t panic, and I can find a place to-WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” He nearly yelled as Derpy flew into one of his pockets.

The next thing he heard was her retching and heaving as she emptied her stomach contents in his pockets.

“Donovan Lacson…you just had a three-inch-tall pegasus throw up in your pocket…how…how does that make you feel?”

“It feels terrible Bob. Warm, wet, and terrible. Word’s cant even begin to describe my feelings right now.”

Derpy crawled out of his pocket seemingly better.

“Um, do you have anything to eat on you? I’m feeling a bit hungry again…”

“I hate my life…”

Author's Note

* Can be replaced with "Eatables"