I slammed the door of my room. My summer so far had been awful. I had one friend commit suicide and another die of liver failure caused by cancer. I had been looking forward to a trip to Estes Park, Colorado for three years now. I had packed up and planned around the trip and was ready to have my last trip there with the group of friends I had bonded with by chance, but it wasn't meant to be. My parents felt it best for me to suffer from the stress and depression and made me stay home. This news caused even more ensuing depression and stress as well as intense anger.
I was glad that within a few months, I would be able to make my own decisions, and I had vowed to never treat my children as poorly as my parents had treated me. My parents had caused me hardship such as this before, and I was fed up with it. I wanted no part of their strict punishment for my involuntary shortcomings. I walked up to my bed and punched it, driving my fist hard into the mattress. I had no idea how I deserved this much punishment. Maybe it was that the very god I grew up being taught to believe in hated me. Or perhaps this whole life had been a cruel joke.
Breaking my train of thought, a Skype message sounded on my laptop. Cameron was a friend of mine, who like me, as transgender male to female. Her opening messages were short and to the point, only being one word. "Hey" the message read.
I sighed and began to type my short reply, "Hi.."
"How are you?" She asked.
I wiped a tear away as I slowly typed, "Awful"
"What happened?" She inquired.
I explained, "Well, there's the two deaths I already explained about that I'm still dealing with. And you know that trip I've been really excited about and was talking about?"
"Let me guess, you can't go?" She guessed
I tursely replied, "bingo."
"I'm so sorry. I'm here if you want to talk" she messaged.
Indeed, she was always there to talk, but I wasn't sure if I wanted to talk. I kind of felt like just curling up into a ball on my bed and crying. I remembered the things Cam was willing to do for me. She would've been glad to do dramatic readings of my FiMFiction stories or make art of our OC's, all just to make me happy. This made me feel awful. She was willing to do so much for me, but I hadn't done so much as listen to her problems. I burried my face in my hands, feeling tears streaming down my face. I was carrying five knives on me, as each one was useful for a different task, but each blade was sharp enough to be very desirable at the moment. It could be easily finished very quickly, and I knew how to do it as to not make a mess. I looked in the mirror at myself and saw my shirt. It had an anime inspired graphic of Derpy Hooves with a mail bag and letters blowing away.
I whispered out loud to myself, "Derpy wouldn't want blood on her, so don't get her messy."
I looked down and quietly chuckled at the absurdity of my statement I had just made. I literally described the graphic on my t-shirt experiencing distress at my potential suicide. I really must have lost it, but hey, at least I had some reason not to end my life, even if it was a stupid one. I looked up at my shelf full of MLP merchandise. I had collected five Funko vinyl figures. Fluttershy was my first, followed by Octavia, Princess Twilight Sparkle, Spike, and my most prized bit of pony merch, a Comic Con exclusive Spitfire. I had three Pop figures: Derpy, Vinyl Scratch, and Fluttershy. I had a 1/2 inch model of Prism Glider, and two ty Fluttershy plushies to accent the collection.
I thought about how much this fandom had changed my life and I began to cry again. I remembered my boyfriend, and I didn't want to remove myself from his life. I knew he would be devastated, as I would be if he left this world. I punched myself in the thigh. Why would I even think of hurting those I had a mutual emotional attachment to by removing myself from the equation? I did not know the answer. I messaged my boyfriend. Jack had always been loving and caring to me, hence why I was willing to get back with him.
"Jack, I really need snuggles right now" I typed.
He responded quickly, "*snuggles lovingly*"
"My parents aren't letting me go on a trip I've been looking forward to for three years now" I messaged.
He replied again, "What trip?"
"It was to the Colorado Rockies. I was going to spend some time with some friends, do some mountain hiking, and see some beautiful views. It was also going to take my mind off of my stress and depression. But now, my parents aren't letting me go" I wrote.
He responded, "That's unfortunate"
"I wish I could make my parents understand what they tend to put me through" I messaged.
He messaged back, "I know"
"Maybe then they'd let up a little, you know?" I asked.
"Yeah, I do, but you have to understand them too though, as unfair as that seems" he replied.
"I know, but it just feels like they're going overboard sometimes"
"I know exactly what you mean"
"When we have kids, let's not be as big of assholes as our parents were to us, alright?"
"That's what I'm hoping for"
With that, I shut my computer down and layed down on my bed, starring at the ceiling. I remembered an artwork I did of our OC's. His was an alicorn mare with blue fur, red hair, and red and green eyes, named Heart Container. Mine was a unicorn mare with grey fur, green eyes, brown hair, and two robotic legs, named Sprocket. The two had a filly named Sunshine Rose, an alicorn with white fur, pink hair, and golden orange eyes. The artwork I remembered was one of the three at a restaurant. Sprocket was drinking coffee and smiling at Heart Container, who was smiling back at Sprocket. Sunshine Rose was in between the two of them, cutely smiling.
I sighed and imagined I was in bed with Jack, holding him as he was holding me. I pulled the covers up to our shoulders and nuzzled up to his chest, closing my eyes, and falling asleep.