Twilight's Increased Education Decree

by totalsass

Rating: mature
Tags: Sex, Twilight Sparkle, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Cadance, Princess Luna, Comedy, Random, Princess Celestia
Length: 1236

Twilight's attempt to pass a new law regarding education ends up getting her more then she bargained for.

Twilight's attempt to pass a new law regarding education ends up getting her more then she bargained for.

No sex actually happens in the story, but it's mentioned so that's why the tag is there.

Published 2016-06-14 00:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-06-14 00:50:01 UTC

Chapter 1

“I don’t know Twilight..” Celestia said wearily, as she looked over her former student’s proposal. “Don’t you think you are over reacting just a tad?”

“OVER REACTING?” Twilight shrieked, a look of shock on her face. “Do you call worrying about the future of Equestrian Education over reacting?” Twilight pulled out a chart and slid it over to Celestia “You see this here?” she asked pointing to part of the pie chart. “This is the current highest GPA average in the Crystal Empire, and THIS” she pointed to the one next to it “Is the highest GPA in Prance, and THIS “She pointed to the third bar “Is the highest GPA in Equestria! Notice how our highest GPA is lower than the average GPA in both Prance and the Crystal Empire? How is that NOT a major problem???”

“Well yes, I see we are slightly underperforming in education compared to other countries, but I still don’t see how this is a problem. I mean it’s not like it’s affecting Equestrian society or our Economy or anything so…..”

“You don’t get it do you?” Twilight interrupted. “If this keeps up Equestria will become a first world country all over again!! The rest of the world will continues to advance while we spiral back into the Middle Ages!!!!”

“And what may we ask is so wrong with thy Middle Ages?” Princess Luna interrupted from the doorway. “We grew up in that era and thought it was rather pleasant. So much less mellow drama, noises, and air pollution. Not to mention every stallion thought we were smoking hot!”

“Luna that was me everyone thought was hot, you spent most your days locked up in the castle reading a book!” Celestia reminded her younger sister rolling her eyes. “The most action you got was straddling that painting of Star Swirl the Bearded you plastered onto a pillow!”

“Yes, and now full sized body pillows are being sold all across Equestria!!” Luna stated proudly “Name one contribution you two have made to Society recently!”

“I don’t consider sex pillows a contribution to society really!” Celestia stated rolling her eyes again.

“ACTUALLY” Twilight interrupted them “I’m in the midst of making a contribution to society right now!”

“If by contribution you mean turning Education into Cruel and Unusual Punishment!” Celestia shook her head.

“Isn’t it already?” Luna asked “Specially the way you teach it dear sister.” She picked up Twilight’s proposal with a flash of her magic aura and levitated it in front of her to read. “SWEET SHAKESPEARE’S MOST SHRIVLED FUN BAGS!!!! What kind of lunatic plan is this!!!?”

“Shakespeare’s most shriveled fun bags?” Celestia repeated quizzically.

“That’s my idea for advancing our Education system to the modern age!” Twilight stated proudly. “My research has shown our education system has been falling severely behind, we need to catch up IMMEDATLY!”

“Twilight here is worried our GPA average is not up to par!”

“GPA average?” Luna repeated. “When we were you we did not have a GPA average, and our education went smoothly.”

“Luna when WE were young we didn’t even have an education system!” Celestia reminded her. “Our parent’s and elders taught us everything, and we were supposed to follow in their hoofsteps.”

“Ah yes” Luna said reminiscing “Those were the days. Our Mother was a Royalty, and our Father was Equestrians favorite sex machine. We learned so much at his bed side, even more so once we were old enough to be in it!”

“Okay, see that’s exactly why we need to focus more on our education system, because that’s just totally fucked up!!” Twilight said facehoofing.

“What is this about fucking?” a voice interrupted as a young pink Alicorn poked her head through the doors.

“Ah, Cadence” Luna greeted her. “Sister and I were just reminiscing to Twilight about how our Father was the sexiest stallion to ever live! He taught us everything including how to have sex that can literally break the bed!”

“That’s nothing!” Cadence stated entering through the door and puffing her chest out proudly “Shinning Armor and I have been known to break not only the bed but also at least five stoned floors when having sex! Heck, he makes me cum so hard our janitor uses my orgasms to clean our floors!”

“Oooookay, I honestly could have lived the rest of my life without knowing that!” Twilight said burying her face in her hooves.”

“Oh pu-lease. Our father once made me orgasm so hard it created Rainbow Falls!!”

“Luna that was Ponyville Pond!” Celestia reminded her “It was MY orgasm after fucking Discord that made Rainbow Falls!”

“OKAY, CAN WE PUH-LEASE GET BACK ON TOPIC!!!” Twilight shouted her face flushed with embarrassment as she made a mental note to never visit Rainbow Falls or Ponyville Pond again.

“Good idea, why don’t you show Cadence here your insane plan to bring Equestria into the golden era of education!” Celestia stated sarcastically.

This time it was Twilight’s turn to roll her eyes as she hoofed over her proposal to Princess Cadence, who took it and proceeded to read over it with raised eyebrows. “May I ask what the hell where you on when you came up with this crazy proposal?”

“And while you are at it where can we get some ourselves?” Luna added “I’m running low on my stash of illegal meth and LCD.”

“Wait WHAT???” Twilight shrieked. “Ok if you don’t use this tougher version of education in the Crystal ‘Empire, then how the fuck do you have such higher GPA averages then Equestria?”

“OH, that’s easy. Everypony who gets a GPA of 9.8 or above gets a free blowjob or eaten out by Shining Armor or I depending on their Gender and Preference!”

Twilight just stared at her dumbfounded for what must have been at least ten minutes. “WHAT???!!!

“Yep, works like a charm!” Cadence said proudly. “Luckily both Shinny and I are Bi-sexual so we can cater to ever student. I believe they use a similar method in Prance except they hand out LCD and Marijuana to their highest ranking students instead of free sex.”

“Hey, maybe instead of this Increased Education BS, you can offer to strip dance for everypony who can match your ridiculous high expectations!” Luna suggested.

“Heck, I think offering to get in bed with them would be better” Celestia added.

“Good idea, you can have Spike join you and turn your castle into Twilight and Spikes house of Fucking!” Cadence pipped in.

“I AM NOT SELLING MY BODY OR SPIKES FOR HIGHER GPA AVERAGES OR ANYTHING ELSE!!!” Twilight shrieked.

“But what about preventing Equestrian Education from returning to the Stone Age?” Celestia asked with a smirk.

“Yes, isn’t Equestrians education more important to you then ANYTHING?” Cadence added.

“Well it IS important to me but…I don’t know if I….”

“Too late, it’s decided!” Celestia said.

“I’ll go start making flyers offering Twilight’s hot ass for High Grades!” Cadence said jubilantly exiting the room.

“And why don’t I take you too my room and show you a thing or two about Proper Sex Education!!” Celestia said licking her lips.

“And while you are all doing that, I am heading over to Prance to get stoned!!!” Luna added following Cadence out of the room.

The last thing Twilight thought as she was dragged by her tail into Celestia’s room was “Me and my biiiiiiiiig mouth.”

End.