Shakespony: Merchant of Romane

by Even Evil Has Standards

Rating: everyone
Tags: Other, Romance, Crossover, Alternate Universe, Main 6, Drama, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 6370

Thomas wants to meet the princess, but needs 3000 bits to do so. His merchant friend can't help. But the merchant's enemy might...for a price.

Thomas is visiting Romane to woo the Princess Twilight Sparkle, but 3000 bits is required to gain entrance. He only has 700 bits, but is able to get the rest from a merchant friend's devious enemy on one condition: if he isn't paid back in 3 months, the merchant will pay with a pound of flesh. Inspired by Shakespony: Twelfth Night by DisneyFanatic23.

Published 2016-06-26 20:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-07-06 01:19:27 UTC

Prologue

ENGLISH HARBOR

It was a bright red dawn. Five men were preparing their ships for a long journey. One of them, a thuggish yet kindhearted yellow earth pony, looked out at the horizon and inhaled some good old sea air. "It looks like it's going to be a great day," he boomed.

Another earth pony of the same color and build came up. He was older than the first one as he had stubble on his chin. Even though the two came from different parts of Britain, they worked together so much so that they were considered brothers. "I doubt it Warrior, ye know what we say?"

"Always respect fire?"

"No-"

"Never swim alone?"

"We sail, not swim. But that's not it either." The Glaswegian took off his cap and made a respectable pose.

"Red sky at night, sailors' delight.
Red sky at morning, sailors' warning."

"Does that mean bad weather is coming?" asked Warrior. The Glaswegian started to speak, but was interrupted by a snort.

"Oh don't tell me you believe such fiddle faddle." This came from a yellow smartly dressed unicorn, called Top Hat because... He wore one.

"I heard of it from O.J when he was reading Venus and Adonis," growled the Glaswegian. "And ye better heed it Top Hat, we shouldn't be starting this early."

"I agree Big Mac," said Top Hat, "though I say it is to early to lose some beauty sleep."

"Get a move on you three," rasped a Welsh unicorn with a straw hat and bifocals, "there may be a storm breaking out."

"We know O.J," said Warrior, "we was just-"

"Well, get on with it," interrupted O.J, "Hercules has already got his ship loaded." Sure enough, the Clark Gable alicorn was preparing to board his ship, but was saying goodbye to his wife Lillie. Then, he boarded the Rhett Butler.

"Well, I don't see why-" started Top Hat.

"Get on with it!" growled Big Mac.

"Oh well, here it goes," sighed Top Hat as he boarded his ship Railway Tug, though he mumbled, "this is literally getting tiresome" as he passed his dragon crew, Frank and Eddie.

Warrior boarded his ship, Municipal, with a dragon named Stinker and donkey named Jack.

O.J boarded his ship, the Paddle boat, with an elderly stallion named Rusty and a donkey named Scuttlebutt.

Big Mac boarded his ship, the Diesel Tug, with 2 donkeys named Big Mickey and Mighty Mo.

As for Hercules, he was an alicorn, making the Rhett Butler like the Queen Anne's Revenge. It was powered by magic.

At last, the ships were ready. "Come on, m'dears," said Hercules, "let us cast off. It's a long way to Romane and Ten Cents needs us there, post haste." The 5 ships sailed off into the dawn, not knowing whether or not they were heading for disaster.

MEANWHILE

Romane was a beautiful place. The weather was serene. The streets were filled with shops as far as the eye could see. The streets were also crowded with ponies browsing the places, wondering what to buy, and sometimes getting in an argument with the keepers, some of which actually resulted in hoofcuffs.

But this time there wasn't going to be any fights (supposedly). Every pony was racing about to make sure they got everything on time. They were breathlessly cleaning the rooms of their houses. Decorations were being put up. Streets were being swept. Windows were being washed. There was great excitement in town.

Princess Twilight Sparkle was paying a visit.

Everyone was excited. But none more than the Duke Spike and his wife Applejack. They were her closest friends, close enough to be considered her brother and sister. That was saying something, considering that Spike was her adopted brother. At any rate, he was working the servants to the bone, trying to spruce up the place for Twilight's arrival.

"Ya know Spike," drawled Applejack, "yer kinda overdoing it here."

"I know," sighed Spike, "but 'tis Twilight we are talking about. You recall how much of a perfectionist she was?"

"Ah remember," sighed Applejack. "She tried to get us to remember every single detail of the bonding we had with Discord."

"And she got up early for the Winter Wrap Up," said Spike. He rubbed his eyes, "REAL early."

Applejack laughed. "It seems only yesterday that we met and saved Equestria from Nightmare Moon."

BLAM!

They jumped, but it was only the servants having trouble with a certain party cannon. They sighed. "Tis a pity she won't be coming," said Spike wistfully.

"Yeah," said Applejack. "Colgate!"

Colgate was one of the servants. Her real name was Minutte, but she knew so much about dentistry that she started her own office, earning her the name Colgate. "Yes milady?"

"When is the princess arriving?"

Colgate looked at her calendar and then her superiors. "Two weeks ago."

"WHAT?!?"

"Oh no, sorry. That was an appointment I had. She's arriving today."

"Double WHAAAAAT?!?" They trampled her in their haste and almost broke her hourglass.

MEETING SPOT

Everyone was waiting. The sky was empty except for the clouds. Suddenly, a strange shape appeared. It got closer and closer until it was distinguishable. It was a chariot drawn by four white Pegasai. And in the chariot was Princess Twilight Sparkle and her maid Rarity, dressed in dresses made by the latter.

They were welcomed by a thunderous applause from ponies banging their hooves on the ground, followed by a group hug with Fluttershy, Applejack, and Spike. "Oh it's so nice to see you all again," said Twilight.

"We haven't seen you in a long time," said Fluttershy.

"Y'all look like princesses," remarked Applejack.

"That's because she IS one darling," retorted Rarity. "Thanks to the dresses I had made."

"It's been so long," mused Twilight, "how is everyone and where are the other 2?"

"Rainbow Dash is helping the Wonderbolts prepare a welcome ceremony for you," said Fluttershy.

"Sounds exciting," remarked Twilight. The atmosphere took a dark turn when Rarity asked, "And how is Pinkie Pie coping?"

"She's gotten worse," said Applejack, "she's been... adopted by a zebra."

"Isn't that a good thing?" asked Twilight, "Zecora is the friendliest zebra we know."

"Who said it was Zecora?" asked Spike.

"Five more came," said Fluttershy, "one of them took her in and- eek! Here comes 2 of them now!"

Sure enough, heading their way were 2 zebras sporting black fedoras. One had a thuggish body with lips like Edward G. Robinson. The other was somewhat smaller, about Snails' size and was as strong as him too, as he was helping his partner carry an extremely heavy load of wood. They regarded the group with cold eyes, then continued on.

Rarity shivered. "They were an unpleasant pair."

"They don't say much," said Spike, "just try to ignore them when they start."

"Enough chit chat about here," said Applejack. "What all happened with y'all?"

"Well," smiled Rarity, "Twilight here has been thinking of acquiring a husband."

They all looked at the princess who also smiled. "We're heading to Bellmare where where we are staying. In it are 3 caskets. Whoever chooses the right one will have my hoof in marriage."

"How will he know if he's chosen the right one?" asked Fluttershy.

"The right one contains this photo," said Twilight. She held up a picture of the 6 of them together. That brought as much nostalgia as a theme tune did on a certain episode about a calliope.

"Look at us'" mused Applejack.

"So young," sighed Rarity.

"Pinkie Pie was so much happier back then," sighed Fluttershy.

Rarity must've known the heavy atmosphere was back because she said a little too quickly, "Well, Twilight darling, we best be on our way."

"Yes, we should," agreed Twilight. "Bye everyone."

Everyone said goodbye as the 2 departed.

LATER

A blue stallion was talking to his 2 friends,can green stallion and a red Pegasus. "I hear that the princess is here on matrimonial purposes. If I can pass her test..."

"You'll need 3000 bits to enter Thomas," said the red one.

"I'll ask Ten Cents if he can lend his 2300 to my 700," retorted Thomas. "He is a wealthy merchant."

"At least Percy has a job," James fired back.

"It doesn't really pay much," admitted Percy.

"Then why do you still work for him?"

"It's his adopted daughter. She's more depressed than Alan Rickman's answering machine." This earned him some queer looks. "What? She is. She needs someone to cheer up."

"And how, pray tell, do you plan to do that?"

Percy smirked. "I have my own sssssssubtle little ways."

Author's Note

Well, here is my parody of The Merchant of Venice.
The original didn't have any prologue at all so... Here's one... You can probably guess who plays Shylock, Jessica, and Antonio.

Special thanks to DisneyFanatic2364 for the inspiration, done by her take on Twelfth Night.

Speaking of that, I'm not of a AppleSpike fan (I confess I have a crush on her), but I prefer it above all the other Spike shipping, although I do bounce from ship to ship with him like I do with Thomas. Well, it would explain his OOC clumsiness in "Spike At Your Service".

A "bloody" deal

Two yellow stallions-one wearing a blue cap, the smaller one wearing a red cap-and a gray stallion were walking along the quayside. The blue capped earth pony was looking across the sea with a worried look.

The red capped earth pony noticed that his friend seemed a trifle upset. "Well Ten Cents, it's a beautiful day, eh?" He spoke with a whistle on every other S.

Ten Cents sighed. "I know it is, but it won't help."

"What's bothering ya, Ten Cents?"

"Our friends," said Ten Cents, "I'm worried about them. They are a long ways across the sea. They're far enough away to the point we're anything can happen. They could get caught in a storm or be raided or get lost or-"

"Just a minute," interrupted Grampus, "they know the sea. The prospect of them getting lost is extremely unlikely. As for being raided, they're the Stars; they're tough. They'll see it through."

"What about the storm?"

"Oh I don't know. That does seem the most likely. But they are Stars; they'll pull through."

"Oi, look who's heading our way," said Sunshine. The others turned and saw Thomas coming towards them. Ten Cents couldn't help but brighten up when he made it to them. The 2 went way back. Ten Cents was always there to help Thomas out of a jam. Thomas always paid back, sometimes on time, sometimes late. But the 2 were always there for each other. They were almost inseparable.

"Hello Thomas. What's up?"

"I'm in a bit of trouble-"

"No surprise," muttered Sunshine.

Thomas ruffled the lad's mane before continuing, "I'm going to Bellmare."

This earned a lot of "oohs" from the other 3. "Thinking of wooing the princess, are you?" asked Sunshine cheekily. Thomas blushed.

"Just a minute," said Grampus again, "don't you need 3000 bits?"

Thomas sighed, "I know, but I only got 700."

Ten Cents hung his head. "I'm sorry Thomas. My money is invested in my ships, which are all at sea. I won't have any bits until they come in."

"Godspeed to them then."

Sunshine looked thoughtful then he took off his cap. An excessive amount of bits fell out of the tiny head wear. Thomas and Ten Cents were absolutely positively stunned. 0_0

"Methinks he hath gained antics from your green friend," whispered Ten Cents.

"My green friend hath gained those antics from the princess' pink friend," Thomas whispered back.

Sunshine counted out 500 bits, then handed them to Thomas. "Here ya go Thomas. Five hundred to your 700, making it 1200."

Thomas was even more stunned. "But... That's half your savings."

Sunshine shook his head. "You do love her, don't you?"

Thomas was still stunned. Then he pulled Sunshine into a tight hug. "I don't know what to say."

"I know what I won't say if ya keep on squeezing," gasped Sunshine.

Thomas released him, "Sorry. But where am I going to get the remaining 1800 bits?"

Ten Cents' frown deepened. "I know some pony who might help. But he doesn't like me."

Thomas was shocked. "Why would I ask for a loan from someone like that?"

Grampus grinned, "it proves how much you love Twilight."

Thomas pondered this. Then his face was set. "Let's see this moneylender."

BELLMARE: A ROOM IN TWILIGHT'S CASTLE

Twilight had seen to it that 3 caskets were set in the throne room: one gold, one silver, and one lead. "Are you sure these are essential?" asked Derpy, "Why do you need these anyway?"

Twilight smiled and nodded to her servant Time Turner who presented a briefcase and pulled out a will that read:

Here in the last will and testament of the late Night Light Sparkle be the matrimonial conditions of his daughter Twilight Sparkle. She shall choose her husband by a simple test of having to choose between 3 caskets. The number of caskets shall be 3 and 3 shall be 3, no more, no less. There shalt not be four caskets nor two, the latter except when adding a third casket. Five is right out. Once the 3 caskets have been chosen, Twilight shall place in one a portrait of her liking. Whomsoever chooses that casket shall have her hoof in marriage.

"Wow," said Derpy, " what a deal. Night Light must've been real smart."

"Hold," said Time Turner, "there be more."

May Cadance help whomever chooses poorly, for he must never court a maiden ever again.

Both Derpy and Rarity shuddered at the thought, privately agreeing the last part sounded extreme.

"Father was a little... Overbearing," Twilight laughed nervously. Then she held up the picture she planned to use. It was of her and her six friends, before she became a princess. Even Rarity was touched. "Now off with you lovebirds," she dismissed the other 2.

Derpy blushed. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Time Turner was equally embarrassed. "Nor do I."

Twilight sniggered, "Don't think I don't know the looks you to give each other. And right now, you look like a cute couple. So go on, just as long as you don't do anything public."

The two servants rushed off. Rarity shook her head. "That was easy." Then she noticed Twilight placing the portrait in the lead casket. "Why lead, my dear? I would've chosen one of the other 2 if I were you."

"But I'm not you. I just want to show that I'm not as rich or spoiled or pompous or stuck up as some ponies believe me to be."

"You mean like these ponies?" Rarity unrolled an extremely long scroll that rolled over half of the floor.

"Yes, those ponies," groaned Twilight as she flopped onto her bed. "They're all probably going to this for monetary or personal gain. Without any true affection. But I can't choose who I like nor can I refuse who I dislike. What if the wrong one chooses the right one." She sounded like she was on the verge of tears until-

"Do you not remember, lady, a blue stallion from your youth, dazzling blue eyes, a number for a cutie mark?"

"Yes yes, it was Thomas," sniffled Twilight, "as I think he was called. Why?"

Rarity showed her his name on the list. "True madam: he, of all stallions I've ever laid mine eyes upon, was the best deserving of a mare."

"Yes, I remember him well," croaked Twilight, sounding happier, "and I remember him worthy of thy praise."

ONE HOUR EARLIER

CLANG!

A sword fight was going on at the back of the Zero Dock. Zorran, the owner and proprietor (as well as the skinniest of the 5) was in a fencing match with Thomas. "You know," he panted, "for a rookie who's friends with one of the Stars, you're not bad."

"Thanks," panted Thomas, "but we both know that I didn't come for a match with you."

"Aye, every pony always comes to me for a loan. How much and how long?"

"Eighteen hundred bits for 3 months."

"Eighteen hundred bits, 3 months; well. And who shall be bound?"

"Ten Cents."

Now Zorran was one of the best fencers in Romane. It took very little to set him off. However, he and Ten Cents also went way back, but in the way of rivals. The mere mention of his name caused Zorran to break form, leading Thomas to knock the sword out of his hooves. "Ten Cents bound?"

"Your answer?"

"Ten Cents is a good stallion."

"Have you heard anything contradictory?"

"Oh no: I mean he is sufficient. Yet his means' reliability vary: he hath argosy bound to places a respectable distant from here. But ships are but boards, sailors but stallions; there's land-rats and water-rats, land thieves and water thieves_pirates, you know; then there's the perils of wind, water, and rock. I think I may take his bound."

"Ah, here he comes now," said Thomas. Sure enough, Ten Cents was heading their way.

"Look at him," hissed Zorran to his companions, "I hate him for he is a Star. But it's more than that, he loans out money and brings down the rate here in Romane. But if I can counter him, I could settle our grudge. Come on, Zug." He, Thomas, and the smallest zebra went up to meet Ten Cents.

"Hello Thomas," said Ten Cents, "Zorran. Zug. So, let's get down to business shall we?"

"Let's," agreed Zug.

"Eighteen hundred bits for 3 months." said Zorran.

"Too woo a certain princess," sniggered Zug.

"My ships should arrive in time to pay the debt," said Ten Cents.

"And if they don't," asked Zug.

"I've thought of that," answered Zorran. He produced a piece of parchment and an open bottle of ink. The zebra then dipped his hoof in the bottle and touched the parchment, leaving a small blot. It spread all over the parchment, forming into a lot of words. Zug looked it over and then showed it to the ponies.

"It says," he rasped, "that unless the payment of 1800 bits is met on the expected date 3 months from now, Ten Cents will have to relinquish unto Zorran a pound of his own flesh."

Thomas started. "Uh, I don't think-"

"I'll sign."

Thomas stared at Ten Cents. "You can't. I don't want you to take the risk."

Ten Cents gave him a determined look. "That's what friends do, Thomas. They help each other. Besides, this is another way I can help."

Zorran shoved the bottle over to Ten Cents, who copied what Zorran did. This blot spread all over until his name appeared. Zorran and Zug signed too. "Now it's down to you, lover-boy," sneered Zorran.

Thomas considered singing. He wanted to be Twilight's mate, but how badly? He didn't want Ten Cents to agree to a grotesque deal on his behalf. Then again, Thomas did want to see Twilight again and Zorran was offering a way to her. On the other hoof, his price was unbearably high; Ten Cents might die. But at last, Thomas gave in.

"Zak! Twelve hundred bits, right now!" called Zorran. The bulkiest zebra came up, toting a full money bag. "I can guarantee that the bag contains 1800 bits," said Zorran. He passed it to Thomas and smirked. "Now go get her, tiger."

"There's kindness in the Zero," murmured Ten Cents as he and Thomas walked away. Thomas wasn't so sure.

Author's Note

I think Rarity is wearing her Villefort clothes.

The dialogue in this version is somewhat more modernized, in case you haven't noticed.

Argosy=what they called a fleet of ships in Shakespeare's day

There's a another fic on this site that has said portrait of the Mane 6 with a wingless Twilight. I forgot what it's called, other than the fact that it may contain a SpikeBelle shipping.

Cadance is the Princess of Love. That's why her name is in place of Celestia.

First Suitor, Reminiscence, and Another Companion

BELLMARE-THRONE ROOM

It was a day for Twilight to allow a suitor to try his hoof at the caskets. According to Night Light's will (in case you wanted to read this chapter first for some reason), Twilight had to pick a husband by placing in one of three caskets: one gold, one silver, and one lead. Whoever selected one that contained a portrait of Twilight and her 5 friends would marry her. The good thing for her was that any pony could try so long as they had 3000 bits.

That was also a bad thing. Most suitors with that kind of money were bound to be spoiled rotten princes trying to further their so-called fame, or snobbish nobles trying to fix her up with their sons, or sleazy con's after her wealth. Some were more good-hearted, but refused to run the risk of the caskets. The first suitor happened to be the first of the 3.

Derpy flew up and announced, "Prince Bluebood of Canterlot!"

Rarity groaned inwardly. She remembered this prince and couldn't believe that she herself had been attracted to him. He was one of Canterlot's biggest snobs, always thinking that he was above everything, making others pay for things he could pay for himself, taking advantage of mares, the like. She never liked him after that.

At any rate, he entered the room. "Hello Princess," he drawled, not bothering to bow. "It is an honor to meet you."

"And me you," lied Twilight, "but as you should know by now that who ever wins me does so by selecting the correct casket. But you, O Renowned Prince, should have a good chance at this, given what I've heard about you."

"Thank you Princess," said Blueblood, "I will not lie when I say that I'm not surprised that my reputation proceeds me. The battles I've won. The prizes I've received. The praise I was given. I could go on."

"I'm sure you could," hissed Rarity.

"Before you try the caskets, heed this," warned Twilight, "choose poorly and never-I mean NEVER-go courting mares again."

"That won't happen," snorted Blueblood, "now give me a chance."

"Before that happens," said Twilight, "why don't you dine with us?"

Rarity looked appalled, but the Prince looked pleased... Not in the usual sense of the word. "Good fortune, then." Twilight put on a fake smile while Rarity wasn't so successful.

A STREET IN ROMANE

Percy was trotting around the street, doing some thinking. "I know that I shouldn't be Zorran's underpaid valet. He hates the Stars and those who are friends of them. My conscience will tell me to leave him. But I can't. He also mistreats his daughter Pinkie Pie. She could use a bit of cheering up. Every pony tells me to leave the Zeros. But of Pinkie Pie. It breaks my heart to see someone who was so full of cheer to now be so out of it. I stay for her."

Just then, an elderly green earth pony carrying a basket wobbled up. She was using a walker, not because she wasn't as young as she use to be, but because her orange eyes (Aren't they orange?) had a milky white tinge to them so that it looked like she was staring out. "Beg pardon, young man, but would you mind directing me to the Zero's dock house?"

"Well I'll be ding dong danged," thought Percy, "Tis Granny Smith! She be the one who took me in. But lo! She is blind. I best play straight with her. The Zero's dock house is a left and a right and straight on. Then you take a right to it."

"Thank you kindly. Could you guide me there? Mine eyes ain't what they use to be."

Percy brightened. "But of course."

"And while we're going, you can tell me of the young lad, Percy."

"Tell of the young man, Percy? She must be real blind or she's putting me on".

"Yes. He is a good stallion. I took him in after he lost his father. It was like he was my own. He was so helpful and kind. He was always cheering us up with his cuteness and his naivety."

Percy had mixed feelings about that. He felt like blushing when she described him as cute, but felt indignant at being called naive. "Do you know me?"

"Alas no. Not with mine eyes. But I wish to know if he's dead or alive."

"Do you not know me, Granny?"

"I'm afraid not. I be blind as a bat in the daytime."

"I am Percy."

Granny snorted. "Do you expect me to believe that?"

Percy shook his head. "Not exactly. But I am indeed he."

"I cannot think you are the pony I took in."

"What of Applejack, Apple Bloom, and Big Macintosh, your children? They are my step siblings."

"Every pony knows they're my children. That don't make you my stepson."

"PERCY!!!"

The green earth pony was suddenly tackled by blurs of banana yellow, orange, and bright white. Applejack's younger sister Apple Bloom was with her 2 friends Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle when they spotted Granny and Percy. Apple Bloom recalled the days he had spent with her family. He'd play with her and her friends and would sometimes help with their Cutie Mark Crusade. They also developed a small crush on him.

"Hello... Girls," coughed Percy, "Can't breathe." Giggling the 3 girls released him.

"Apple Bloom! What in tarnation are you and yer friends a doin' here?"

"Sorry Granny. We were out looking fer jobs when we found you and Percy here."

"So you are Percy? My apologies."

Percy smiled. "Tis kay, Granny. You are blind."

"What does he look like, Apple Bloom?"

"He's grown," said Apple Bloom.

"He's gained some muscle," said Scootaloo.

"And just as handsome," gushed Sweetie Belle.

Percy coughed, his face as red as James. "If you 3 don't mind, we're heading to Zorran's."

The others were shocked. "Why would you want to go to that scary place?" demanded Scootaloo.

"I'm his valet," answered Percy.

"Ah need to talk to Zorran," answered Granny, "Percy is helping me there."

"Why would you want to be his valet?" asked Sweetie Belle, "You should run and leave."

Percy smiled sadly. "My friends tell me that. And I tells them that it is his adopted daughter. I hear she's not as happy as they say she is."

The fillies nodded somberly. "Poor Pinkie."

"Once she's free, I'll quit and find a new master; particularly him."

Thomas was heading their way, toting the bag that contained 3000 bits. "Ah, good morrow, you 3 and to you too Granny. Hello Percy."

"Here boy," said Granny, "Percy is helping me to Zorran's. We are of haste."

"I figured. I just came from there."

"Is that where you got the remaining bits?" asked Percy.

"No, I got 500 more from Ten Cents' friend Sunshine. Ten Cents persuaded Zorran to lend me 1800 more."

"Wowee," said Scootaloo, "how'd he do that?"

"They made a little deal."

"Ah don't like the sound of that," remarked Granny, "any pony who makes a deal with Zorran pays one way or another. He's got friends on the other side." That left a chill in the air.

"Welp I am off to Bellmare," announced Thomas. The others wished him luck and farewell, then they all went there separate ways.

LATER

Thomas was walking along to Bellmare when he heard his name being called. He looked behind him and saw James flying as though he was trying to rival Rainbow Dash. "Thomas...," he panted.

"What is it James? I am in haste."

"I want to go with you to Bellmare."

Thomas sighed. Talking James out of going with him was easier said than done. "Alright James, you can come. But hear this: thou art a great speaker with too bold a voice. You must tone down a little. Or else I'll send thee back."

"Hear me," said James, "I may be what you say, but I can try. After all, we are friends. But at least I speak with respect."

"Aye," agreed Thomas. "We leave tonight. But first I have some business."

"Right," said James, "I'll call the others. We shall feast with them before leaving."

Author's Note

As you probably know, Percy is both Launcelot and Lorenzo.

James is Gratiano, due to the fact that they both got big mouths.

Shout out to the Deviant art series "TAFA in MLP", what with the CMC having a crush on Percy.

Depression, Confession, and Escape

THE SAME-A ROOM IN ZORRAN'S HOUSE

Pinkie Pie was showing Percy around and came to a stop in her chambers. It was in terrible shape. Cobwebs were in every nook and cranny of the room. The floor had holes and was made of rotten boards full of holes. It was also rather cramped, but that was to be expected as it was the attic.

But it looked like a mansion room compared to Pinkie Pie. She looked worse than Berry Punch on her drunkest night. Her eyes were saggy and the eyelids drooped so that they were almost closed. Her body seemed gray and her fur was stiff. Her mane and tail weren't exactly flat, but they had lost A LOT of their bounciness.

"Sorry about this," she croaked, "but Zorran said that this was the best he could salvage since the other rooms were taken. It's been like Tartarus here."

"You know Miss Pie, you should try and leave. This isn't good for your health."

"The thought has crossed my mind, but I can't. He took me in."

Percy sighed. "Sure, and in a few months you'll look and sound like this."

He took a tip of her mane in his hooves and blew on it until it was restored. Then he reached in and pulled out an antique phone (then the mane deflated after he let go). He knocked the receiver off its cradle and blew up Pinkie Pie's tail the same way. Percy then used the tip like a finger and fumbled with the dialer. After her tail deflated, a cold voice was heard.

"Hello. You've reached Alan Rickman at 555-0122. Leave a message after the beep.".

While this happened, Percy had his back to Pinkie Pie. He turned around to show himself smoking a hoof made tobacco roll. "Relax," he hacked, "listen to this." He stomped the tobacco roll to ashes, then picked up the receiver and said in a cold, hard voice:

"Hello, Alan Rickman. This is Alan Rickman. Don't forget to take the frozen turkeys out of the freezer and put them in the fridge so they can thaw. Do not disappoint me." He turned to Pinkie. "See, that's what you sound like."

The pink pony hung her head. If she started to sound like a cold stallion, then she would be done for. She threw her hooves around Percy. "I want to leave so bad," she sobbed.

"There there, Pinkie. A special some pony will come along and set you free."

"How will I know?" she sniffled.

"All in good time. Now I'm sorry to leave you like this," he said as they broke apart, "but James tells me that our friends are dining before he and Thomas leave for Bellmare."

"Farewell, good Percy." As the green pony left the room, Pinkie Pie felt hope flare up inside her and her mane and her tail inflated somewhat. She had so many questions to ask Percy like... "Are you writing this, Hiatt Gray?"

THE SAME-A STREET

Percy met up with James who was with Edward and Toby. "Ahoy," he called, "what's the plan?"

"Well, just one of our usual banquet with our friends before Thomas and I part," said James.

Percy nervously scraped the ground. "I might be a bit late."

"Why?" asked Toby.

"I...am going to help a little friend."

"Who is it?" asked Edward.

Percy coughed. "I...rather not say. But I must go and write a note. I must make haste." Again.

"Now who and what could possibly be more important than a farewell dinner for your best friend?" wondered Toby.

Percy wasn't saying anything on the matter so the two of them left. James, on the other hoof, stayed behind to talk to Percy. "Percy, you wouldn't be this for Zorran's daughter, now would you?"

Percy nearly went into a frenzy. "Wha-wha-what-t? Why would I do that?"

James snorted, "Please Percy, earlier you talked about cheering her up. We all know what Zorran is like to his own allies. Is she really in that much trouble?"

Percy sighed. "I have to confess that I am doing it for her. She is starting look like that one lookalike that one sergeant made up." He shuddered. "I couldn't sleep for a week."

James' eyes narrowed. "Now I know what happened that gave you insomnia. Good thing that so-called sarge was put away."

"That's beside the point," Percy whined, Joe Besser like. "The point is that she ain't what she use to be. Her mane and tail don't have that bounce they had. She's going to be the grayest pony around, emotionally."

"Alright Percy," said James, "I can understand wanting to help her, but why her of all ponies?" He smirked. "Has she caught your eye?"

Whatever red was on Percy's face grew redder still. "Oh alright, I admit it. I am doing this for her because I... Because I... Love her."

"I knew it. But why?"

"Ask the readers. I must hurry." With that, he rushed off, leaving a very confused James behind.

"Now where do you suppose he gets those random tidbits from?"

ZORRAN'S HOUSE-HALLWAY UNDER PINKIE'S ROOM

Zorran was about to head out for the night on business (and pleasure), and was giving instructions to Zak and Zebedee. But it wasn't easy. "Make sure she doesn't come out until I come back."

The 2 brothers were a bit dim, so they often repeated their orders. Then again, "dim" was a bit of an understatement. "Not to come out, even if you come back." Zak coughed.

"No, until I come back."

"Right. Until you come back, we're not to enter her room."

"No, you stay here and make sure she doesn't leave her room."

"Until you come back." Zak coughed.

"We're not to let her do anything apart from entering her room."

"Leaving her room."

"Oh yeah."

"Alright?" Zak coughed. Zorran started to leave, but heard Zebedee calling for him.

"If she had to leave and we were with her-"

Zorran smacked hoof smacked his head. "It's very simple. Just make sure she doesn't leave."

"Until you or another pony-"

"No, just me."

"Just you."

"Get back."

"Get back." Zak coughed.

"Right, we'll stay here until you get back."

"And make sure she doesn't leave."

"What?"

"Make sure she doesn't come out."

"Oh her. I thought you meant him." Zebedee pointed at Zak who coughed.

"Alright? Be fine?"

"Yeah we'll be fine. No problems."

Zorran started to leave again, but noticed he was being followed. "Where are you going?" he demanded.

"We're going with you."

Zorran grit his teeth. "No, you stay here and make sure that Pinkie Pie doesn't leave her room." And he stormed off.

THE ROOF

The moneylender was in such a mood that he didn't notice a green earth pony on the roof with 2 bags of laundry. "This is the oldest trick in the book." With difficulty, he stuffed the bags through the window. Pinkie Pie was startled, but she put on the clothes that were in one bag.

A DIFFERENT STREET

Waiting for them, disguised as sailors, were Edward (viz: Carl Ballantine as Gonzorgo) and Toby (viz: Jerry Colonna as Gonzales). "Where could they be?" asked Toby.

"I don't know," said Edward, "he said to meet us here dressed like this. I wonder what he's up to."

Just then, they heard panting. They turned and saw Percy (viz: Joe Besser as Rodrigo in red) and Pinkie Pie (viz: Elijah Wood as the Artful Dodger). There was something different about the latter. Her fur seemed brighter; her tail and the part of her mane that wasn't stuffed into the hat seemed bouncier.

"Percy, what-"

"No time to explain! We have to be off!"

LATER

They made it very far out of the town until Percy had them stop. "This is goodbye."

"What? Why?" asked the other two.

"It's not good for me here," said Pinkie. "I wanted to leave Zorran, but I was too afraid. But now I have the courage to do it. And it's all thanks to Percy-wercy." She wrapped Percy in a bear hug. He blushed.

Edward and Toby smirked. It seems their green friend found someone special.

OUT TO SEA

The five ships were in a terrible predicament. Normally, it would be difficult to communicate, but Hercules had casted a spell that would enable the captains to talk to each other. The voyage started out fair. But now high winds mixed with cross currents were making extremely difficult. Hercules was having a hard time with the Rhett Butler. "Come on Stars! Do what you can!"

Big Mac struggled with the Diesel Tug. "She's not responding Hercules! The winds too strong!"

"I can't hold the Railway Tug much longer!" yelled Top Hat.

"We're giving the Municipal all we got, no more!" roared Warrior.

As they progressed, the storm was getting worse. "How's things on the Paddle Boat O.J?" called Hercules. No response. He tried calling the others, but the responses were ixnay. He could only hope that they were alright.

Author's Note

The subplot of Jessica and Lorenzo was probably used to fuel Shylock's rage against Antonio. Percy is a friend of Sunshine's who is a Star, someone who Zorran hates.

This may sound selfish, but I'm actually hoping Disney Fanatic reads this. After all, it was her take on Twelfth Night what inspired this story.

Pinkie Pie's question is a little nod to Hiatt Gray, because that was a Family Guy joke.